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The Miniature Wife S01E01-2 [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
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00:00:05this is a love story love it's supposed to be patient and kind but let's be honest it's
00:00:16irrational it can make us crazy and sometimes downright insane I should know my husband made
00:00:25me small no it's not a metaphor he made me six inches tall I'm literally the size of a dry
00:00:42martini shaken stirred and nursing the burn of every sip even at our ugliest I still believe
00:00:53our loves worth fighting for but fair warning it's going to get worse before it gets better
00:01:04to us to us
00:01:13to recapturing magic to the journey not the destination it's a dr. Carmichael couples
00:01:20therapist extraordinaire to her words of wisdom it's speaking of the journey it was so bumpy
00:01:29yeah a few potholes yeah yeah checked into separate rooms um but I am working through my narcissistic
00:01:37tendencies and I am working on my accountability issues and here we are we made it got to the next
00:01:45stop dr. Carmichael's new year new us colon a grand gesture I'd like to go first okay great
00:02:01I've arranged to get the vermont gang back together at the gray house on new year's eve for our
00:02:06anniversary so we can renew our vows new year new us I'm speechless we were so happy there
00:02:20really really are Gary and Meg gonna be there they're giving up Cabo Lulu our daughter has
00:02:26not returned my call oh she's 18 she will they don't do phones always send a text okay okay my
00:02:31turn
00:02:31okay this will be the last Christmas that we spend in St. Louis because I have listed our house
00:02:40with the contingency to run it back from the bio through next December I am going to land this big
00:02:45fish and tomorrow I'm going to get Elvis Smith to bankroll the final stage of my life's work so
00:02:50that in one year Lindy we can move back to the gray house permanently like I promised years ago
00:02:57clean slate and a fresh start I supported you and you got your prize and all I ask is that
00:03:06for one
00:03:06more year you support me so I can get mine are you serious the listing went up today
00:03:19is this real very
00:03:25less
00:03:29I love you
00:03:42thank you thank you for inviting me back into our bed
00:04:09how does one solve the problem
00:04:11of feeding the world only less little John knows now what if we could take say an ear of corn
00:04:20and shrink it to a fraction of its original size just imagine a farmer could grow 10 a hundred a
00:04:28thousand ears of corn in the space it takes to grow one but how does cellular reduction work
00:04:36my revolutionary molecular transformation process fundamentally changes the distance between
00:04:41atoms oh the real question is can you restore the corn cob to regular size after it's been
00:04:47miniaturized not only can we do it we will do it together Hilton Smith we can make more with less
00:04:55and that's l e s I'll take it from here less okay
00:05:05now it's time to blow your minds
00:05:12call this the mini barn card no one calls it that okay it's just me see I grew up on
00:05:18a farm
00:05:19you sure I
00:05:19I
00:05:20I
00:05:20I
00:05:20I
00:05:20I
00:05:20I
00:05:27I
00:05:27I
00:05:28I
00:05:46We call this the future.
00:06:03I am fucking amazed.
00:06:08It's a corn in the truck.
00:06:10Look how tiny it is.
00:06:11It's being tiny.
00:06:12It's incredible.
00:06:13I got you.
00:06:14You did.
00:06:14You really did.
00:06:15You really did.
00:06:16That's crazy.
00:06:17Well, it amazed me again.
00:06:19Make it big.
00:06:20I want to taste it.
00:06:23Oh, a big corn takes a big investment.
00:06:25Oh, there he is.
00:06:26Money man chiming in.
00:06:27Well, go on.
00:06:29You know, Flavor Saver was a huge step forward.
00:06:33It was the first and the best GMO tomato on the market.
00:06:37But it was a failure.
00:06:38Well, no, it wasn't.
00:06:41It was a breakthrough, but it tasted like old band-aids.
00:06:44Admit it.
00:06:45No, I don't think I will.
00:06:48Admit it or I walk.
00:06:50No.
00:06:55Fuck yeah!
00:06:56You should never admit failure.
00:06:58I got you.
00:06:59I got you.
00:07:00Yes, you did, Hilton.
00:07:01But this agrotech is going to change the world.
00:07:05Jinx?
00:07:06And just think, this is only the beginning.
00:07:08Sorry, who are you?
00:07:09Vivian.
00:07:10Hilton's chief scientist.
00:07:11I'm the guts.
00:07:12I just write the checks.
00:07:13Jeez.
00:07:14The brains.
00:07:14And my guts never make mistakes.
00:07:17I mean, I would write you a check right now.
00:07:21But for some reason, I'm just not feeling yummy in my tummy.
00:07:29You.
00:07:30Me.
00:07:31Who are you?
00:07:33Is this a trick question?
00:07:34I don't know.
00:07:35Is it?
00:07:36Well, who are you?
00:07:38I'm awesome.
00:07:39I'm Hilton.
00:07:40Well, I'm awesome.
00:07:41I'm less.
00:07:44Yeah.
00:07:45I'm gonna need more.
00:07:52You like it?
00:07:54Yeah, I'm gonna lose my house.
00:08:13Hey.
00:08:14Hey.
00:08:16Uh.
00:08:17Something quietly revealed itself to me.
00:08:20Oh?
00:08:21What's that?
00:08:21Maria's staff pick.
00:08:23My rainbow starts with black.
00:08:25It's a-
00:08:26Yes.
00:08:26Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by the one, the only, Lindy McMichael Littlejohn.
00:08:32That's a lifetime ago.
00:08:34Uh-uh.
00:08:35Eighteen years and still a fan fave?
00:08:37Listen, Richie.
00:08:39Um, we need to talk.
00:08:42Uh-oh.
00:08:43No.
00:08:44Yeah.
00:08:45No, we've just begun.
00:08:47Richie.
00:08:47Hold on.
00:08:48This is just the first act.
00:08:50Do not turn this into a tragedy.
00:08:52Tragedy's a better story.
00:08:54Oh, I wish they had a section on how to repair an emotional affair.
00:08:59Listen, you really saw me when I needed it the most.
00:09:03I did.
00:09:04Yeah, and you really gave me that emotional intimacy that I craved, you know?
00:09:10Mm-hmm.
00:09:11You were a great shoulder, an ear.
00:09:14Mm-hmm.
00:09:14You're so handsome, young, smart.
00:09:18Don't stop it.
00:09:19And maybe in another life, but...
00:09:21But I fell in love.
00:09:24And you?
00:09:25I fell in Les.
00:09:27Hell yes.
00:09:28Yeah.
00:09:28Why?
00:09:29Les knows the real me.
00:09:32The worst of me.
00:09:33And he...
00:09:34He still loves me.
00:09:35I could love the worst of you.
00:09:37No.
00:09:38Yeah.
00:09:38He has 20 years on you, and you've known me, like, a few months.
00:09:41Six and a half.
00:09:44Les...
00:09:45He made a grand gesture, and he promised me a fresh start, and I believe him.
00:09:50But why?
00:09:52No, no, no, no.
00:09:53Actually, don't say.
00:09:54Love should remain a mystery.
00:09:57My mom told me that.
00:09:59Okay.
00:10:01I'm gonna go.
00:10:01Just...
00:10:02Wait, wait, wait.
00:10:03This...
00:10:03Oh, God, no, no.
00:10:04I got you this Christmas present.
00:10:06Absolutely cannot accept this.
00:10:07You must.
00:10:08No, I am not.
00:10:08It means our love was in vain.
00:10:10Shh, shh, not love.
00:10:10Okay, okay.
00:10:11Okay.
00:10:11Okay.
00:10:11Just open the card first.
00:10:13There is no need to thank me.
00:10:16Okay?
00:10:31Merry Christmas, my love!
00:10:33In anticipation of the new year, new you, and new us, I thought this would be a great start.
00:10:39Open the present.
00:10:41I'll wait.
00:10:52I hate this rag.
00:10:53I know you hate this rag, but I knew you'd never send it in yourself.
00:10:58Give it a quick read.
00:10:59See if you recognize it.
00:11:02Oh, Richie.
00:11:04No, no, no, no.
00:11:05What have you done?
00:11:06I presented to be your book agent.
00:11:08Your story is gonna be in the New Yorker.
00:11:12No?
00:11:13No?
00:11:13I didn't write this?
00:11:15I'm fucked?
00:11:16I know it's overwhelming, and I'm sure you don't.
00:11:19Oh, fuck!
00:11:20Richie!
00:11:22No, no, no!
00:11:23Oh, my fuck.
00:11:25Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.
00:11:26Oh, bitch, pick up.
00:11:28Pick up.
00:11:28Hi, this is Terry.
00:11:29Leave a message.
00:11:30Terry?
00:11:31Oh, fuck.
00:11:32Okay.
00:11:32There is a story.
00:11:34There's a story in New Yorker with my name on it, and I need you to call me back.
00:11:38This is an emergency.
00:11:39For Sirius this time, call me back.
00:11:42Fuck.
00:11:44Fuck!
00:11:53Hmm?
00:11:53Shut the door.
00:11:55Why?
00:11:55Because I want to raise my voice.
00:11:58Jesus jumping crackers.
00:12:00Why would you invite Hilton to your charity event at your home tonight?
00:12:05Because he wants to know who I am.
00:12:06But Lindy will be there.
00:12:08And?
00:12:08I'm sorry, am I the only one that remembers last year, the silent auction, the pool incident,
00:12:14and you're still serving alcohol this year, right?
00:12:16Count me out.
00:12:17I'm sorry.
00:12:18I cannot watch.
00:12:21I don't think that my heart or my stomach can tolerate another interaction with him.
00:12:27But we are broke.
00:12:29And here's all we have.
00:12:31There are no more interested investors less with Hilton's kind of cash.
00:12:36You know what?
00:12:36Lindy and I are fine now.
00:12:38We're good, even.
00:12:40And we're renewing our vows.
00:12:41New year, new...
00:12:42New us!
00:12:42Yes, you said that last year.
00:12:44This year it's going to stick.
00:12:45You sleeping in the same bed?
00:12:46Yes.
00:12:47Just sleeping?
00:12:48Sleeping plus.
00:12:50Big plus?
00:12:51Small plus.
00:12:52It felt so much better if it was big.
00:12:54We're on the road to big.
00:12:55I promise you.
00:12:56Um, okay.
00:12:58Lindy, it's me.
00:12:59It's me calling you.
00:13:01I'm not panicking, but just call me back before the party, okay?
00:13:03It's not an emergency, but it's an emergency.
00:13:05See, I'm so sorry, sir.
00:13:08My polyp is gone.
00:13:10Yeah, but there's a hole in my heart now.
00:13:12Sounds like a case for the Bard's Guard.
00:13:14So I'll be unable to attend your party this evening.
00:13:17Our loss.
00:13:17Good luck, Richard.
00:13:41You're not Jackie.
00:13:43I'm hell.
00:13:44Don't make me raise it.
00:13:45Who are you?
00:13:46I'm Professor Littlejohn.
00:13:47Jackie's professor.
00:13:48Did she leave for break already?
00:13:49Have I missed her?
00:13:50I hope not, because I'm her fucking ride.
00:13:52Jackie!
00:13:54Professor Littlejohn.
00:13:55Yeah, Lindy.
00:13:55You should call me Lindy.
00:13:57Oh, uh, hell, uh, Professor Littlejohn is the reason that I'm here.
00:14:02Oh, you wrote that book she loves.
00:14:04I didn't read it.
00:14:05No offense.
00:14:06None taken.
00:14:07Jackie, I'm so glad I caught you.
00:14:09Can we talk?
00:14:10Yeah.
00:14:11Just real quick.
00:14:12Oh, you mean without me?
00:14:13I do.
00:14:14Oh.
00:14:14Is it okay?
00:14:15Oh, yeah.
00:14:15A bit rude.
00:14:16No offense.
00:14:17But sure.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:19Have I done something wrong, Professor Littlejohn?
00:14:25Oh, no, no.
00:14:26Gosh, no.
00:14:27No, I have.
00:14:28I have.
00:14:30I, um, I need to tell you something.
00:14:33Uh.
00:14:37I loved your short story.
00:14:41Untitled on purpose.
00:14:42Yeah, that's the one.
00:14:43Yeah, I loved it.
00:14:44It was brilliant.
00:14:45The prose was incisive.
00:14:47Oh, just the voice.
00:14:48Fresh.
00:14:49Distinguished.
00:14:50Rare.
00:14:51One that deserves the attention of the New York literati.
00:14:55Wow.
00:14:57I mean, that means the world to me, Professor Littlejohn.
00:15:01It's almost Christmas and you're at my door complimenting my work.
00:15:03I, oh my gosh, I couldn't ask for a better guess.
00:15:05Okay, listen to me.
00:15:06Listen to me.
00:15:07Yes?
00:15:07You need to turn it into a novel right now.
00:15:11Now?
00:15:13Really?
00:15:14Really now.
00:15:15Mm-hmm.
00:15:15Um, I guess I could get started over the break.
00:15:19No, you need to take next semester off and just write.
00:15:21The whole semester.
00:15:24The whole semester.
00:15:24You just want to isolate and write.
00:15:27While it's fresh, while it's here, while Untitled on Purpose is coursing through you, right?
00:15:32Yes, I feel it.
00:15:33Okay, so you need to isolate and write.
00:15:35Uh, no distractions, no internet, no novels, no magazines, no, uh, nothing.
00:15:41Right?
00:15:41Nothing.
00:15:42And just all winter long, a very room of one's own.
00:15:45Right.
00:15:45Wolf it.
00:15:46Right, wolf it.
00:15:47Could you do that?
00:15:47Yes, well, uh, well, how's dad?
00:15:49My Uncle Flip, he has a cabin back in Montana that's super isolated.
00:15:54Ah!
00:15:54Walden Pond isolated.
00:15:55That's perfect.
00:15:56Right?
00:15:56Yes.
00:15:57Jackie.
00:15:57Yeah.
00:15:59This has the potential to be your...
00:16:02My rainbow starts with black?
00:16:04No.
00:16:05Professor Little John, it, it couldn't.
00:16:07Jackie?
00:16:08I should know.
00:16:09My goal in life is to just write one, one great novel like you.
00:16:16That's okay.
00:16:17So we're agreed.
00:16:18You're gonna isolate and write.
00:16:20Yes.
00:16:20All semester?
00:16:21All semester.
00:16:22You're going to Montana.
00:16:23Yes!
00:16:24Remember, no magazines, right?
00:16:25No, you don't want any?
00:16:26Uh-uh.
00:16:27Just turn off the internet, okay?
00:16:29I will unplug completely.
00:16:31Yes!
00:16:32Okay, hey, Merry Christmas.
00:16:34Merry Christmas to you too.
00:16:40Okay, thanks for that.
00:16:43Ah, thanks for that.
00:16:48Oh, my God.
00:16:51Oh, my God.
00:16:54Oh, my God.
00:16:55Oh, my God.
00:16:58Oh, my God.
00:16:59Oh, my God.
00:16:59Oh, my God.
00:17:00Oh, my God.
00:17:00Oh, my God.
00:17:00Terry, thank Christ.
00:17:02Okay, listen, I...
00:17:03Video 10 minutes.
00:17:05Blindsiding me with one short story published in the New Yorker over the last two decades gets you
00:17:09one, the fact that we've been friends for more than 20 years, gets you another.
00:17:12And the other eight belong to Gillian Flynn.
00:17:14He continues to publish bestsellers, which bought me a classic six off the park.
00:17:19I didn't write the story.
00:17:20It's my student's work.
00:17:24My ex-emotional lover, long story.
00:17:27Found the fucking story in my bag and thought it was mine.
00:17:30And I...
00:17:31Why would I correct him, you know?
00:17:33He sent it in without my knowledge on my behalf because he, long story, adored me and
00:17:40thought I was capable of writing something great again.
00:17:42I'm taking a sabbatical from Wash U.
00:17:44I'm headed to the gray house.
00:17:46Les and I are going to renew our vows.
00:17:48Long story, you're invited.
00:17:50I know you hate him.
00:17:51I did, too.
00:17:52But he has a good dad.
00:17:54And I'm committed to committing to my marriage.
00:17:57So, I cannot handle this shitstorm right now, which is sure, by the way, to tarnish your
00:18:04reputation as well.
00:18:05So if you want to keep that classic six, then can you please, please fix this fucking mess
00:18:11so I can focus on my vows and my marriage like I promised?
00:18:15I hate you.
00:18:17I know.
00:18:18I hate me, too.
00:18:21No, you're not allowed to thank me.
00:18:28Oliver!
00:18:47Les has been calling.
00:18:48I've been texting.
00:18:49And I have been busy.
00:18:50Les needs you on best behavior tonight.
00:18:53Hilton Smith is attending.
00:18:55Condescending as always, Starla.
00:18:57And who?
00:18:58Necessary, and he is a big investor.
00:19:00You know.
00:19:01I thought the cover was on the pool last year.
00:19:03Right?
00:19:03You know that.
00:19:04Great!
00:19:05You already picked up the first frame to me.
00:19:06I did.
00:19:06Yep.
00:19:07It's locked.
00:19:08I know.
00:19:10Is this another party protest?
00:19:11No.
00:19:12Hilton is here in five.
00:19:13Starla.
00:19:14Your dress is upstairs.
00:19:14I need you inside.
00:19:15Now.
00:19:16What dress?
00:19:17Les had me assess your wardrobe situation, and we both agreed that the only option was to
00:19:20outsource an upgrade.
00:19:22Insulting.
00:19:24And what if I hate it?
00:19:25Your futures are on the line.
00:19:27He said to me, quote, no new year, new us without new money.
00:19:31Unquote.
00:19:32So please, just move.
00:19:34Get out of the car.
00:19:36Now.
00:19:37Goodbye, Starla.
00:19:39I will have the valet physically remove you.
00:19:43I need a minute!
00:19:46One minute!
00:19:49You need a Hulk out front?
00:19:51Stat.
00:20:19Come on.
00:20:20Tell me what Les is working on.
00:20:21This is the cover of Scientific American.
00:20:24He tells me nothing else.
00:20:26Mm-hmm.
00:20:27Mm-hmm.
00:20:27And you never ask.
00:20:28Bullshit, Les.
00:20:29I've printed that same quote from you ten times over the years.
00:20:32All I'll say is First World Fight Club.
00:20:35Blame.
00:20:36And outdated.
00:20:37Just like Scientific American.
00:20:39I've been.
00:20:49Vodka dry.
00:20:56Oh, thank you.
00:21:07big red has landed where's lindy i need eyes on lady tornado help me give me a 20 on deep
00:21:14pockets
00:21:16double negative big red is not happy i know amazing style when i see it
00:21:21oh this is a facade oh well the facade is working i'm teetering on the precipice of being outed as
00:21:30a
00:21:30fraud which i probably deserve i'm supposed to be the supportive wife but uh my career going up in
00:21:40flames is banging around my brain that's all i can hear what does your husband think about that
00:21:45oh he has no clue he's a fraud too is that so welcome everyone uh every year um i say
00:21:57i'm
00:21:57going to keep it short and that this night is not about me it's about the children and tonight i'm
00:22:03actually going to keep that promise but you know let's be honest um it has to be about me first
00:22:08because you're all here to bid on my stuff well he's just playing the role of a charitable
00:22:16philanthropist but all he really cares about is his life's work first himself second our daughter third
00:22:23me last which i probably deserve well just curious what do you think about his life's work
00:22:30and a very personal little ditty about jack and diane
00:22:34my john cougar melancamp velcro wallet with my high school id still inside huh where else are you
00:22:41gonna get one of those i can't tell you that it's so top secret i actually have no idea what
00:22:48it is
00:22:49oh hold on a second my my top elf is really trying to tell me something
00:22:53maybe tomato on the brand of deep pockets two drinks and third on deck
00:22:56you're fucking joking or you're fucking fired i'll turn to my headset
00:23:02but i can tell you
00:23:06he's brilliant don't tell him i said that yeah i mean i'm already last you know what's after last
00:23:15how much so yeah merry christmas and happy holidays and uh hopefully that covers it all okay
00:23:26plus five minutes no two one later maybe done oh everybody was up no no i'm just explaining to
00:23:33this gentleman why there's no outdoor access this holiday season so as a joke last year i put into
00:23:39the silent auction as a joke watch almighty less walk on water i thought the cover was on the pool
00:23:46oh i'm so sorry i just want to say i'm so sorry well i pay right now to see that
00:23:53awesome bliss
00:23:54if you can walk on water you got my money are you being serious no no oh oh great so
00:24:02i can still
00:24:02get the money after the conversation with your wife uh i don't know how you hurt hilton i didn't know
00:24:10okay why don't you just not say anything and maybe go and get us a lot of drinks
00:24:16okay so um hilton i don't know what she said well she said that you put work first family third
00:24:21and
00:24:21her dead last that's out of context what kind of man are you i know i just i can't explain
00:24:31you never explained anything i got you again again you suck it i do i do i do so just
00:24:39to be
00:24:39clear lindy didn't tank the deal she closed it now she's awesome workaholics they changed the world
00:24:46i'm a workaholic i should know thank you thank you so much thank you so much i want to go
00:24:51to work
00:24:52right away like fuck the holidays yeah put on my christmas card every year yeah you really see me
00:24:56we both do oh it's you again hilton's chief scientist oh the brains and the boots the boots
00:25:03the boots on the ground what do the boots do the boots ensure that my guts are never wrong
00:25:09the boots are part of the deal i'm all in are you awesome less
00:25:21fine just just tell me i'm melting down because i fucked the deal
00:25:26no i closed the deal i closed the deal fantastic no what do you mean no that's so great oh
00:25:32my god i
00:25:32was so worried no i am saddled with one of hilton's network of bio spies his chief scientist is going
00:25:40to
00:25:40come in and she's going to take credit for my work and all of this will have been for nothing
00:25:43i will be nothing my legacy will be nothing i shall go to the grave without a nobel you know
00:25:49this was
00:25:50my last chance at greatness god hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey come on you remember joan ryan
00:26:03huh yeah my nemesis at mit that's right you were convinced that the phd board was gonna
00:26:11pick her over you and you were gonna be relegated to just a footnote in the science community or some
00:26:16other science bad thing right but what actually happened to less they chose me they chose you
00:26:25and where's joan ryan teaching at berkeley
00:26:30and where are you in st louis but why oh uh to give the finger those ungrateful pricks at monsanto
00:26:39and
00:26:40to build the menlo park of the midwest and how how because i am i am a partner in my
00:26:45own company
00:26:45creating the bio agro tech that will change the world that's right yeah you're gonna change the
00:26:49world and you are i've always believed that even when you hated me oh especially when i hated you
00:27:02so what do i do you do what you always do you get back in the workshop and you figure
00:27:10it out
00:27:11that's what less little john does yeah right yeah right that's it that's it thank you thank you for
00:27:24being so understanding oh god so now i gotta get back in the workshop and let's move our renewing
00:27:33our vows to next year that's a fantastic idea less no i didn't what that's what you said right
00:27:40huh did i yeah gary and meg oh gary and meg would much prefer to go to cabo let's send
00:27:45them something
00:27:46sign my name no no no that will be so humiliating don't worry don't worry i'll tell lulu that she
00:27:50can just go skiing with her friends like she wanted so i'll see you when i see you i'll be
00:27:53back when i'm
00:27:53back and um um i love you and i can't wait for new year new us next year
00:28:04yeah
00:28:08is he
00:28:09fucking kidding me
00:28:28Lindy?
00:28:30Richie, um, I made a mistake and I'm leaving less.
00:28:36Tonight.
00:28:37I hear the emotion in your voice and it's beautiful.
00:28:40I've been hoping for a Christmas miracle.
00:28:42Yeah, I'm going to go to Vermont.
00:28:43I'm going to go to the Grey House and I, um, could you, could you come with me?
00:28:48Where you finished your masterpiece.
00:28:50I'd be honored to be invited.
00:28:52A gift beyond measure.
00:28:53I have ten vacation days and one personal day bagged.
00:28:57Heart emoji.
00:28:59Uh, let's meet at Mandy's Diner at midnight.
00:29:02Heart emoji bag.
00:29:03I'll arrive with joy in my step and a light in my heart.
00:29:06Did you love my present?
00:29:08The fuck?
00:29:09Pardon?
00:29:10Yeah, I, I didn't have the heart to open it.
00:29:15So, um, I'll just bring it with me, okay?
00:29:18New year, new you, new us.
00:29:20Oh, is Vermont cold?
00:29:22I get...
00:29:43Everybody out in 30 minutes or Hulk is going to see me smash.
00:29:49Iceberg ahead, 30 clicks.
00:29:51Abandoned ship.
00:29:52Lady Tomato about to burst.
00:29:53Hey, hey, hey.
00:29:55Les promised me a minute.
00:29:59I'll give you 20.
00:30:17Excuse me?
00:30:19I thought the boots up my ass might start after the holidays.
00:30:23Martin signed the LOI ASAP and Hilton turned on the money hose in good faith.
00:30:27I didn't sign.
00:30:28I'm a partner.
00:30:29Apparently not the important one.
00:30:32Oh, well, now I'm inspired, and I would like you to leave.
00:30:37A genius needs his space.
00:30:39Exactly.
00:30:41And I plan on being inspired throughout the holidays.
00:30:44I know this is a difficult transition period.
00:30:46I'll give you tonight.
00:30:48But I will be back tomorrow.
00:30:52Boots on the ground, Dr. Littlejohn.
00:30:58Fuck me.
00:30:59Fuck me.
00:31:35Bills, I don't have time.
00:31:39She what?
00:31:42What?
00:32:02You're old.
00:32:03Text me.
00:32:06You're old.
00:32:06Text me.
00:32:09Fuck you, too.
00:32:14Starla?
00:32:22Starla?
00:32:25Les?
00:32:25Freezers, off limits.
00:32:26From now on, until I say, I need to regroup.
00:32:29Where are you going?
00:32:31I'm leaving you.
00:32:33Anyone should be leaving anyone.
00:32:34I should be leaving you.
00:32:35How's that?
00:32:36For trying to sabotage my career?
00:32:38Think I don't know?
00:32:38Oh, you don't think Nils would call me for comment?
00:32:40Lindy?
00:32:41Scientific American, not TMZ.
00:32:43I'm a hoax.
00:32:45I'm threatened by a female scientist taking credit for my work.
00:32:48You mentioned Joan.
00:32:50I'm not a misogynist.
00:32:52I'm not intentionally.
00:32:53Oh?
00:32:53If anything, I'm an accidental misogynist, and I too blame the patriarchy for that.
00:32:57I never said misogynist.
00:32:59Why would you do this?
00:32:59Why?
00:33:00You don't know why.
00:33:02Is it about Gary and Meg?
00:33:04This is about you and our marriage and breaking the promise of step three colon, a grand gesture,
00:33:11and our daughter who hates me, sucking the life out of me and my promising writing career.
00:33:17Career?
00:33:18Stop!
00:33:19It was one book in the early aughts.
00:33:22This is what you did.
00:33:22You basically, you turned in a book report on your fucked up family, you changed the names,
00:33:27you added a little bit of wry sarcasm, and then you called it fiction, and you got lucky.
00:33:32My rainbow starts with black.
00:33:34No shit.
00:33:34My book report and the subsequent Oscar-nominated film it's based on bought and paid for this
00:33:43extravagantly sad McMansion in this podunk red state town you forced us to move to so
00:33:49that you could try to be something other than Mr. Fucking Tomato Head.
00:33:53This is the last thing I need right now.
00:33:55Oh my God.
00:33:56I'm so sorry.
00:33:57What is it you need right now?
00:33:59I need you.
00:34:00Yeah.
00:34:00I need your support.
00:34:02This is my last chance.
00:34:03You already got your prize.
00:34:06And, in case you forgot, I was by your side for every fucking sentence.
00:34:12Every book signing, every interview, I held your purse, I held my tongue, you know, I was
00:34:18there for the ride.
00:34:18And it wasn't always pleasant.
00:34:20You know, the rollercoaster of insecurity and emotion was frankly fucking exhausting.
00:34:24I have paid that debt.
00:34:26I have been by your side for 15 years.
00:34:29You had Flavor Saver.
00:34:32And it was insufferable.
00:34:36Still is.
00:34:37But I didn't get my moment in the spotlight like you did.
00:34:40I didn't get my prize.
00:34:42Swing and a miss.
00:34:43How is it my fault?
00:34:46How?
00:34:47My apologies.
00:34:48Forgive me for being ambitious.
00:34:50Coasting by on a one-hit wonder isn't enough for me.
00:34:54Maybe you don't have another hit in you.
00:34:56Huh?
00:34:56Maybe you're one and done.
00:34:58Maybe your ego just won't let you read the room.
00:35:00I would rather be blinded by my ego than paralyzed by fear.
00:35:04That's me?
00:35:04That's what you think of me?
00:35:05Yeah, because you haven't produced one goddamn sentence in 15 years.
00:35:09What kind of magic do you think you're suddenly going to find in your beloved gray house?
00:35:12Huh?
00:35:13With me by your side, like an emotional support animal, encouraging you, keeping you calm,
00:35:18because, quote, I promise we'd return there one day, unquote.
00:35:21I mean, I am through being held emotionally hostage for your creative paralysis.
00:35:28And there it is, everyone.
00:35:30That's our show.
00:35:32Same line every time.
00:35:40This is the top-secret thing you've been working on?
00:35:44Give me that.
00:35:45Give me that.
00:35:45A Tonka truck is not going to change the world, let alone agriculture as we know it.
00:35:51You have no idea what you're talking about.
00:35:52This is what you said to every female scientist that's ever had a better idea.
00:35:55You know, most men overcompensate with a big truck.
00:35:59It's nice to see yours to scale.
00:36:02Ah!
00:36:03Ah!
00:36:05Ah!
00:36:06Jesus!
00:36:07What a gentleman!
00:36:08Oh, fuck.
00:36:10What?
00:36:11Oh, no, Lindy.
00:36:12What the?
00:36:15What'd you do?
00:36:31Oh God, is she dead?
00:36:40Lindy, say something.
00:36:42Are you alive?
00:36:44Oh, you're alive!
00:36:46Oh, you're alive!
00:36:48Fuck you, fuck you!
00:37:06Merry Christmas, I don't wanna bow tonight.
00:37:27Last...
00:37:28Oh, fuck.
00:37:32Oh.
00:37:36What's inside of me, is that...
00:37:40Oh, shit.
00:37:45Oh, boy, oh, bro.
00:37:59How much did I drink last night?
00:38:02Less?
00:38:07Why would she put the plaid back up?
00:38:11God, that's my eyes.
00:38:13And my head.
00:38:19I'll try January starts today.
00:38:24Oh, wow, that really cleaned up.
00:38:34Less...
00:38:39Who's at the door?
00:38:51No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:38:51What is this nonsense?
00:38:57No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:39:02Lindy?
00:39:04No!
00:39:05Everything is fine.
00:39:06Don't freak out.
00:39:16Lindy?
00:39:17No!
00:39:20Okay, I'm opening up the dollhouse.
00:39:23Stop screaming at me!
00:39:45There you are!
00:39:49You're okay!
00:39:53I am not...
00:39:56Okay!
00:39:57Can you hear me?
00:39:58I am not okay!
00:40:05I am not okay!
00:40:08It works!
00:40:08I can hear you!
00:40:10You're too loud!
00:40:12Sorry.
00:40:13Well, now I can't hear you.
00:40:15How about now?
00:40:16No!
00:40:16No!
00:40:17Too loud!
00:40:17No!
00:40:19Softer!
00:40:20No!
00:40:21Better!
00:40:22I hate this fucking thing!
00:40:27Can you hear me now?
00:40:29Say again?
00:40:30Can you hear me now?
00:40:31Yes!
00:40:32Sorry, sorry.
00:40:34I'm so sorry.
00:40:35Are you okay?
00:40:36I'm fine!
00:40:38I heard that.
00:40:38God, I think we got it.
00:40:41Hi.
00:40:43What the fuck, Les?
00:40:44I heard that too.
00:40:46Loud and clear.
00:40:47Okay?
00:40:48Wendy, I'm so sorry.
00:40:49It was an accident.
00:40:50And, uh...
00:40:51I can't believe it even happened.
00:40:53I...
00:40:54But you're incredible!
00:40:55I mean...
00:40:56You're beautiful!
00:41:01Are you smiling right now?
00:41:04No!
00:41:05No, no, no.
00:41:05No, of course not.
00:41:06I...
00:41:06I just...
00:41:07I...
00:41:09Just like...
00:41:10Wow.
00:41:11Wow.
00:41:12Wow?
00:41:13Wow!
00:41:14No, I apologize.
00:41:16You're my wife.
00:41:16You're not...
00:41:17Experimentally.
00:41:18I should hope so!
00:41:20Jesus!
00:41:21Oh my god!
00:41:22This is your job?!
00:41:24This how you're gonna solve world hunger?!
00:41:26You're gonna make everybody tiny so...
00:41:29So they don't what?
00:41:29Eat more?
00:41:30I don't...
00:41:31Uh...
00:41:31Do...
00:41:31Do you want me to answer that?
00:41:33Or...
00:41:35Explain it to me!
00:41:36Well, um...
00:41:37It's called cellular reduction.
00:41:40And, um...
00:41:41It's the process of miniaturization and restoration of organic fruit and vegetables.
00:41:46And that's how I plan to solve world hunger.
00:41:50Explain how you're gonna make me big again!
00:41:52Jesus!
00:41:53I don't give a shit how it works!
00:41:55Oh, right.
00:41:55Well, I just reversed the process.
00:41:57That's the restoration part.
00:41:59Great!
00:42:01Restore me!
00:42:03Now, please!
00:42:04I can do that.
00:42:06Um...
00:42:06Uh...
00:42:06But first, uh...
00:42:07A surprise!
00:42:08Ha!
00:42:09Meet me in the dining room.
00:42:14Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:42:16Les, do I look merry or hungry?
00:42:19Well, it's kinda hard to tell from this distance.
00:42:22Um...
00:42:22I'm not!
00:42:23Make me big again, now!
00:42:25Heard that?
00:42:26Loud and clear?
00:42:27Um...
00:42:28The thing is...
00:42:29Tell me!
00:42:30You can make me big again, Les!
00:42:32I can.
00:42:32And I will.
00:42:33Um...
00:42:33The thing is that it's just...
00:42:35I think it's just gonna take a day, uh...
00:42:38Or two.
00:42:39Tops.
00:42:39But...
00:42:40You'll be fine.
00:42:40Everything's gonna be okay.
00:42:42You're healthy.
00:42:42I checked your vitals.
00:42:44Wait!
00:42:44I could die?
00:42:45Tiny?
00:42:46No!
00:42:47You're not gonna die, Tiny.
00:42:50You'll be safe in the dollhouse.
00:42:52Because it's almost exactly the same as our house-house.
00:42:56Um...
00:42:57The stove works.
00:42:58The refrigerator works.
00:42:59There's food.
00:43:00The water runs.
00:43:02And...
00:43:02I shrunk a few of your favorite things to really make you feel at home-home.
00:43:06Your clothes.
00:43:08From your closet.
00:43:11Um...
00:43:11And, uh...
00:43:12This curling thing.
00:43:17And...
00:43:17Your hairbrush.
00:43:19Uh...
00:43:19Cold cream.
00:43:21Looked important.
00:43:22Oh, and I remembered your coffee.
00:43:24And the coffee maker.
00:43:25Worked perfectly, right?
00:43:26Oh!
00:43:27One crucial thing.
00:43:28Um...
00:43:28The toilet.
00:43:29Uh...
00:43:30It works.
00:43:30I figured it out.
00:43:31Just don't ever look in the hall closet.
00:43:33Downstairs.
00:43:34Ever.
00:43:35You will be restored to regular size.
00:43:37I...
00:43:37I promise it.
00:43:38This is just temporary, Lindy.
00:43:39I am so close.
00:43:41Truly.
00:43:42Now it's so close?!
00:43:45Not a day or two?
00:43:48Tops?!
00:43:48Less?!
00:43:49You motherfucker!
00:43:52Hey.
00:43:54Calm.
00:43:54Calm down.
00:43:57Calm fucking down.
00:44:14Calm fucking down.
00:44:18Hey, Lindy.
00:44:21I'm gonna need a minute!
00:44:25I don't mind if you let off.
00:44:30He's been away.
00:44:42You can refilm the Lady's Cup, too.
00:44:47She's on her way, boy.
00:44:49She's gone back to her husband.
00:44:50No.
00:44:51They always do.
00:44:52Not this time.
00:44:53No, no, no.
00:44:53Because we've got plans.
00:44:55Yep.
00:44:56We've got concrete plans.
00:45:01How about a 10-day getaway to Vermont for two?
00:45:07Uber romantic.
00:45:15There are multiple reasons she could be late.
00:45:17No, I know Lindy's coming.
00:45:19Why, you may ask?
00:45:20Because our love story is woven into the fabric of time, destined to be written, immortalized for generations to come.
00:45:32Quiet, everybody, please.
00:45:34Quiet, please!
00:45:36Sorry.
00:45:37Oh.
00:45:39It's work.
00:45:42Hey, Martin.
00:45:44Well, I was going to head out of town, so...
00:45:48No, no, no, no, no.
00:45:49Of course, of course.
00:45:50I'll just head into the lab.
00:45:55No, I've not heard from us.
00:45:58Wait, what do you mean you can't get a hold of them?
00:46:01Yeah, okay, bye.
00:46:03Does this mean your romantic getaway is canceled?
00:46:07Barb, can I be honest?
00:46:08I love your service, but I don't love the negative energy.
00:46:13Oh.
00:46:15He's suffering?
00:46:21Take those off.
00:46:22I feel like a specimen.
00:46:24And come closer.
00:46:25I don't want to keep yelling.
00:46:30Jesus, the 96?
00:46:32If there was ever a time.
00:46:34I know why you didn't tell me about your work.
00:46:37Well, I couldn't.
00:46:38It was top secret.
00:46:39I signed an ironclad NDA.
00:46:41That's bullshit.
00:46:43You didn't trust me.
00:46:45Which makes me so...
00:46:47sad.
00:46:49Makes me so sad.
00:46:52Fuck you.
00:46:54But...
00:46:54Yeah.
00:46:59Well, I didn't exactly hide it from you, either.
00:47:02What?
00:47:04Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:07They are so cute!
00:47:11Wait.
00:47:12And legible?
00:47:14Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:16They're so cute.
00:47:19Oh, and functional.
00:47:21Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:24How cute.
00:47:26And accurate.
00:47:28The dent from when I sideswiped the mailbox.
00:47:33Never put it together.
00:47:35You also said you didn't want to know.
00:47:39Well, you're not leaving me.
00:47:41Well, I have to go so I can fix you.
00:47:43No, no, no.
00:47:43No, Les.
00:47:45Take me with you.
00:47:46I'm portable.
00:47:46You will be safer here in the dollhouse.
00:47:48I feel very not safe.
00:47:50I feel very small.
00:47:51And like, something bad could happen.
00:47:53I won't let something happen.
00:47:55Something did.
00:47:56Something else.
00:47:57Beyond the accident.
00:47:59But I have to go to the lab so I can fix you.
00:48:01Please, Les.
00:48:02I do not want to be alone.
00:48:03Please.
00:48:03I'm scared.
00:48:04Well, what if I can show you that, um, being small isn't scary?
00:48:09Oh, God.
00:48:10I've always wondered what the world would look like if I were six inches tall.
00:48:13Not me.
00:48:15I can show you.
00:48:16No, I, I don't.
00:48:18Aren't you just a little bit curious?
00:48:20I will be restored to regular size soon.
00:48:23I promise.
00:48:25Trust me.
00:48:29Okay.
00:48:31This is crazy.
00:48:33Oh, my.
00:49:09I mean, everything's really big.
00:49:13Really.
00:49:28Wow.
00:49:28I can only imagine how different everything looks, right?
00:49:33You see this dust ball?
00:49:37Do you think I could choke on this?
00:49:39Oh.
00:49:40Yeah, put that down.
00:49:44Hello, Dolores.
00:49:45Look who it is.
00:49:47See?
00:49:48She's not that scary.
00:49:49Why is she looking at me like that?
00:49:51Oh, oh, it's puffing.
00:49:53Do you see what it's doing?
00:49:55No, no, no.
00:49:56It's trying to eat me.
00:49:57No, this is not interesting to me.
00:49:59Can you put me down, please?
00:50:01Put me down.
00:50:02Oh, and the dream will you spin?
00:50:06In the legs of the men.
00:50:10A beautiful side where the night.
00:50:15Fun, right?
00:50:16We all love a train ride.
00:50:17Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:20Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:28Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:31Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:38Merry Christmas to me.
00:50:46Merry Christmas, Wendy!
00:50:49Maybe too many times around?
00:50:51I want to get up!
00:50:53I don't like it.
00:50:55Oh, I'm going to be sick.
00:50:59Oh, God.
00:51:01Oh.
00:51:03Oh, my God.
00:51:05Hey.
00:51:07It's going to be okay.
00:51:08Hey, I'm so sorry this happened.
00:51:12So incredibly sorry.
00:51:24Water truck ran out of shrinking gas.
00:51:26I'm going to go to the lab to refuel.
00:51:28What am I supposed to do with this?
00:51:29I thought I could crush it up and you could maybe snort it, but I don't know.
00:51:34Um, Scarface?
00:51:35I'll just gnaw on it or something.
00:51:40How are you feeling?
00:51:43Really?
00:51:44I mean...
00:51:45I know what you mean.
00:51:47Better.
00:51:50I did always love this couch.
00:52:05When you're ready.
00:52:07Uh, pour away.
00:52:13Don't be shy.
00:52:15So, this is my, uh, tiny little life now?
00:52:21Temporary tiny life.
00:52:23How long again?
00:52:24A day.
00:52:25Two at the most.
00:52:26I'm so close.
00:52:27So close.
00:52:28Yeah.
00:52:29Yeah.
00:52:34Did you microwave this off the floor?
00:52:36Floor is clean.
00:52:37You're the first person to ever walk on it.
00:52:40Six inch tall Neil fucking Armstrong?
00:52:42Kind of.
00:52:51Less, you put parmesan in the potatoes.
00:52:54Potatoes a la Diane.
00:52:57With a twist.
00:52:59Who?
00:53:00Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde.
00:53:02She's gonna play me in the movie.
00:53:04She's gonna play the sister character.
00:53:06I still don't know who that is.
00:53:07Walt?
00:53:08Uh, she's blonde, wears pink, goes to Harvard.
00:53:11That's a stretch.
00:53:12What?
00:53:13I am blonde.
00:53:14Less said that we could be twins.
00:53:16I'm sure he's just being kind.
00:53:18No, no, I think with the right hair and makeup, you know Hollywood, I mean.
00:53:21It's beyond me why they're even adapting a book into a film.
00:53:24Because it sold a million copies, because it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:28Hollywood must be out of ideas.
00:53:31You're not excited?
00:53:32Uh, Laura Dern is playing the mother.
00:53:34I adore Laura Dern, but I question her judgment.
00:53:38The book wasn't well received.
00:53:39I repeated one Pulitzer.
00:53:41The Guardian dubbed it literary popcorn and added,
00:53:44That does not a Pulitzer make.
00:53:45Their words.
00:53:46Which she memorized and repeat constantly.
00:53:49I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesday
00:53:52without Carol turning her nose up at me as if I were the devil incarnate.
00:53:56Walt?
00:53:57Your mother needs your Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:53:59That's not a stretch.
00:54:01Mom.
00:54:02It's fiction.
00:54:03Carol didn't see a character.
00:54:05Carol saw me, and the me in your book is a monster.
00:54:09It's a comedy.
00:54:10It's a dark comedy.
00:54:11A coming-of-age story about a woman who felt abandoned and silenced by a monster-of-a-mother character.
00:54:20You try being a single mother of two young girls whose husband walked out one day without a word.
00:54:27Walked out or was driven away?
00:54:29Jim abandoned me.
00:54:31No, he stopped being married to you.
00:54:33He abandoned me.
00:54:36Me too.
00:54:37And he's still the hero.
00:54:39I tried my best.
00:54:42Walt?
00:54:42If I may, Walt?
00:54:44Diane, have you tried the potatoes?
00:54:46I call them potatoes a la Diane, with a twist.
00:54:50Is the twist a turn of the knife?
00:54:52It's parmesan cheese.
00:54:53Try it.
00:55:00It's too rich, but absolutely divine.
00:55:03Just like you.
00:55:09Walt.
00:55:10I'm sorry.
00:55:11I think we should visit the arch tomorrow.
00:55:13I hear it's dreadful.
00:55:16Yes.
00:55:17Yes.
00:55:17No, I don't get the arch.
00:55:19It's like an arch for what?
00:55:21It's the gateway to the west.
00:55:24I think it's great.
00:55:25I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:55:30Hollywood has run out of ideas.
00:55:32I think Laura Dern is a very generous cast.
00:55:34I have to say hello.
00:55:40What's going on?
00:55:41Do you want to have sex?
00:55:42Oh, yes.
00:55:43Yes, we're here.
00:55:45We'll be quiet.
00:55:46We'll be fine.
00:55:46Oh, you're set to high volume.
00:55:50Watch.
00:55:51Watch, watch.
00:55:51Watch.
00:55:52Watch.
00:55:54Okay.
00:55:54All right.
00:55:55Okay.
00:55:55Good.
00:55:56Come on.
00:56:08Thank you for defending me.
00:56:11The worst.
00:56:12The worst.
00:56:13The worst.
00:56:13The worst.
00:56:14The worst.
00:56:14The worst.
00:56:14The worst.
00:56:16Oh.
00:56:18Oh, no.
00:56:21Oh, no, no.
00:56:21Okay.
00:56:23Oh, fuck!
00:56:25Jesus, waltz!
00:56:27Can I help you?
00:56:29Obviously this isn't the washroom.
00:56:31It's down the hall with the light on.
00:56:32The one with the toilet!
00:56:34I can see the light.
00:56:40He's trying to escape.
00:56:45We're to the arch.
00:56:48Oh my God.
00:56:51Fuck.
00:56:51Okay, okay.
00:56:52Fuck.
00:56:53Maybe I can't be quiet.
00:56:55I don't think you can.
00:56:58Hey.
00:57:03I'm not really like her though, right?
00:57:05My mother, I'm not like Diane, am I?
00:57:09Does that make me waltz?
00:57:12Seriously?
00:57:12Seriously?
00:57:14Seriously?
00:57:14Seriously?
00:57:15Seriously?
00:57:16No.
00:57:17Fuck no.
00:57:18Because she's-
00:57:19No, she's unbelievable.
00:57:20And not in a good way.
00:57:24It's gonna be okay.
00:57:26It's only a few days.
00:57:31Only a few days.
00:57:38It's only a few days.
00:57:40she wins this world.
00:57:43She wins this world.
00:57:43She wins her.
00:57:43She wins this world.
00:57:44She wins the life, half-feet.
00:57:54Let her reunite in the world.
00:58:09I marqueeicated.
00:58:10What?
00:58:11What?
00:58:12What?
00:58:14It can't be right.
00:58:18Okay, I'm coming in.
00:58:19Now.
00:58:21Now-ish.
00:58:45Muguu.
00:58:49Stay.
00:58:50Stay.
00:58:53Muguu.
00:58:54No, no, no, no, no!
00:59:00Muguu.
00:59:02Come here.
00:59:05Ow! Fuck!
00:59:07You fuzzy fucker.
00:59:08Muguu!
00:59:09Muguu.
00:59:17Muguu.
00:59:18Muguu.
00:59:19Muguu.
00:59:20Stop.
00:59:21Muguu.
00:59:22Stop it, you're fine.
00:59:24You feel bad enough already.
00:59:29I mean, she's safe, right?
00:59:31Muguu.
00:59:36Muguu.
00:59:42Muguu.
00:59:43Muguu.
00:59:44Muguu.
00:59:45Muguu.
00:59:47Muguu.
00:59:47Muguu.
00:59:47Yes, Richard?
00:59:48What is it?
00:59:49Oh.
00:59:50You seem upset.
00:59:51No, Richard, I'm fine.
00:59:52I'm fine.
00:59:53You know, I sometimes come in my car to cry too when I need a release, so...
00:59:58I get where you're at.
01:00:00Okay, right?
01:00:00Is that all?
01:00:01Now you've got me worried.
01:00:03Is everything alright at home?
01:00:04You know, with your wife, Lindy.
01:00:06Lindy's her name, right?
01:00:07Everything okay?
01:00:08Good, good.
01:00:09Yeah.
01:00:10She's just keeping busy over the holidays.
01:00:13Yes, Richard, she's at home writing.
01:00:15She's keeping busy.
01:00:16She's writing, writing.
01:00:18That's wonderful.
01:00:19That's wonderful.
01:00:20Richard!
01:00:20Get your butt inside!
01:00:22I'm sorry to use profanity.
01:00:24I'm upset.
01:00:28I'll see you later.
01:00:36I love you.
01:00:39It's been a long day.
01:00:41Less?!
01:00:42Less?!
01:00:42Oh!
01:00:47That's a toy.
01:00:51Oh. He left me? Right. Why, I have to trust him. I cannot spiral. Huh? Oh. Yeah. Why not?
01:01:11Okay, that's it. That's good space colon. Colon?
01:01:17Colonial. Colonel. Space colonel. Next stop, Uranus. Fuck, I'm already spiraling.
01:01:27You made me believe you were so close, so I believed you.
01:01:32Yes, and you should believe me. That's our deal. There is mathematical truth in stating I am so close.
01:01:36So what does so close mean to you in this context today?
01:01:42I can't put an actual number on it. I don't know.
01:01:46What?
01:01:47Oh. What have you done?
01:01:49What have I done? Martin, I didn't want to say you have one job.
01:01:53Contract is for 30 days.
01:01:56That's insane!
01:01:57Well, you said that you were close!
01:01:5930 days?
01:02:02Well, it will work. I mean, the math says it will and math is never wrong, so...
01:02:07Now you have 30 days!
01:02:08No, no, no. We have 30 days.
01:02:10Oh, now it's we.
01:02:11What does it say, exactly? What does the small print say, exactly?
01:02:14It says that we have 30 days to prove that the restoration formula works, or the patent on our tech...
01:02:22On my tech, thank you.
01:02:23...reverts to Hilton, and Hilton sues you.
01:02:26Sues us.
01:02:28For fraud.
01:02:29And you go to jail.
01:02:31To jail?
01:02:32Well, can he do that?
01:02:33He can.
01:02:34And after 30 days, it goes. The tech, the lab, the bobs, gone.
01:02:41But, but...
01:02:42Okay, so how do I make...
01:02:45How do I...
01:02:48How do I make things big again? Because I have to make things big again.
01:02:51Well, after 30 days, you can't.
01:02:58I mean, can he actually do this?
01:03:01Yes, he can.
01:03:02It says it right here.
01:03:06Les.
01:03:08How bad is this?
01:03:12Okay.
01:03:17I'm not even going to ask about the cap.
01:03:36I got you something for Christmas.
01:03:40I didn't get you anything.
01:03:43Oh, that's...
01:03:44It's okay.
01:03:46I didn't want you.
01:03:48Like what Shakespeare used to write with.
01:03:50You know I like Shakespeare?
01:03:52Well, everybody knows you like Shakespeare.
01:03:54Bar's card.
01:03:56Well, you talk about it a lot.
01:03:59Um...
01:04:00You seem a little bit down.
01:04:02No, I'm just tired.
01:04:05I was waiting up last night for someone.
01:04:09Someone special.
01:04:10You know, and it's just...
01:04:13You know...
01:04:14Well, Merry Christmas, Richard.
01:04:16Thank you, Janet.
01:04:17This is a very thoughtful gift.
01:04:24Thy returneth to thine grind.
01:04:36Okay.
01:04:37Buddy?
01:04:40Thank you for moving here.
01:04:53Oh, that's good.
01:04:57Okay.
01:05:02Oh, come on.
01:05:07Okay.
01:05:08Oh, my God.
01:05:14Oh, there we go.
01:05:17Guide.
01:05:22Oh!
01:05:23A classic.
01:05:25Come on!
01:05:29Volume.
01:05:32We're never turning this off.
01:05:35Okay, Zach.
01:05:38So...
01:05:39We've got popcorn.
01:05:42But no candy.
01:05:46Oh, less.
01:05:49That's just for me.
01:05:59Richard, I need everyone at the top of their game today.
01:06:01It's a big day.
01:06:02It could be the day.
01:06:03Needs to be the day.
01:06:04Or two.
01:06:06At the most.
01:06:11Here are my thoughts.
01:06:15Adjust the last line on the Maxwell stress tensor to B sub J.
01:06:19Minus one-half times the quantity of epsilon naught.
01:06:23Times E squared plus B squared over mu naught.
01:06:27Thoughts complete.
01:06:28Bob.
01:06:30Implement his thoughts.
01:06:36B sub J minus one-half times the quantity of epsilon naught.
01:06:41Times E squared plus B squared over mu naught.
01:06:45Complete.
01:06:46Carl, implement his thoughts.
01:06:49Okay.
01:07:14Come on.
01:07:28Let's make history.
01:08:17A great attempt in the name of science.
01:08:19Richard.
01:08:20Bob, the explainer.
01:08:23Nominal success.
01:08:24Subject expanded to regular size for 2.1 seconds.
01:08:28Same as previous attempt.
01:08:30Result.
01:08:30Molecular disequilibrium.
01:08:33Eraser Bob.
01:08:33See medic.
01:08:34Bring in Fred.
01:08:35Clean up an aisle everywhere.
01:08:38Richard.
01:08:39Waiting on analysis to proceed.
01:08:41We'll adjust based on your thoughts.
01:08:43We'll go again.
01:08:45No, you won't.
01:08:46If this is your definition of close, we have a big problem.
01:08:50You working in a bubble with your staff and your secrets ends today.
01:08:54Moving forward, everything that happens in this lab will be authorized by me.
01:08:59No, no, no, no, no.
01:09:01Um, this is not how we work here.
01:09:05We are making history.
01:09:06Okay?
01:09:07That corn was regular size.
01:09:10It's incredible.
01:09:11As a scientist, how can you not see that?
01:09:13Reports, equipment, results.
01:09:15Any spending whatsoever.
01:09:16Everything you use must be logged up to and including packets of instant oatmeal in the break room.
01:09:22Can I explain my fiber deficiencies?
01:09:24Okay, everybody, everybody.
01:09:25This is Virginia.
01:09:26Vivian.
01:09:27Vivian.
01:09:27I don't know her last name, but she's new here, and she doesn't know how things work.
01:09:31And, Bob, you don't need to worry about your oatmeal.
01:09:33Okay?
01:09:33Can we just talk about this?
01:09:36Martin, you know exactly how much money this science circus is hemorrhaging.
01:09:40I don't care about the money.
01:09:41Of course you don't.
01:09:42You spent seven years and several hundred thousand dollars designing your logo.
01:09:48I had to open the books.
01:09:49Well, it had to be perfect.
01:09:51What?
01:09:52Irresponsible and deeply sad.
01:09:54Dr. Littlejohn, it's no longer your money.
01:09:56It's Hilton Smith's money.
01:09:57This is his lab now, and I run Hilton's lab.
01:10:00Ergo, I run this lab.
01:10:02This is unacceptable, and it's ridiculous.
01:10:04And do something.
01:10:08Okay, no we, no we, just me.
01:10:10I want to talk to Hilton right now.
01:10:13Well, good luck reaching him.
01:10:15He's spending the holidays piloting an experimental submersible off the coast of Guam.
01:10:20Guam?
01:10:21Guam?
01:10:22What?
01:10:23Shut it down.
01:10:24We'll try again tomorrow.
01:10:26Together.
01:10:27These ladders are an OSHA violation.
01:10:30You're an OSHA violation!
01:10:33Dear Harry Jesus!
01:10:35I hope Hilton gets crushed into ketchup by 400 atmospheres of pressure!
01:10:4029 days.
01:10:41Not helpful.
01:10:42Not the point!
01:10:50What have I done?
01:10:59Midnight for the stars and you.
01:11:06Midnight and a rendezvous.
01:11:12Your eyes held a message tender, saying I surrender all my life.
01:11:22Oh, it's my phone.
01:11:25Oh, my phone!
01:11:26Oh, oh!
01:11:30Come here, come here, come here!
01:11:32What?
01:11:43No!
01:11:45No!
01:11:47No!
01:11:49No!
01:11:53No!
01:11:55No!
01:12:04Fuck, did you just say something?
01:12:12Am I losing my mind?
01:12:19I can see me in you.
01:12:26What do you mean?
01:12:27What?
01:12:28Ah, what is that?
01:12:30Oh, fuck.
01:12:37I gotta get out of here!
01:12:45Ow! Fuck!
01:12:52Jesus.
01:12:53Fuck!
01:12:54God damn it!
01:12:58For fuck's sake.
01:13:03God dang it!
01:13:05Fuck
01:13:11Aah!
01:13:18Ahh!
01:13:19Ahh!
01:13:22Ahh!
01:13:22Ah!
01:13:38Oh, oh, oh.
01:13:41Oh, oh, oh.
01:14:02Oh
01:14:17What the?
01:14:22Oh
01:14:35I'll save you
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