- 9 hours ago
Holidays with the Twins [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
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00:01:06I mean, sometimes change the tune.
00:01:10I've got so much to tell you, but I think I love you, Niles.
00:01:18Sometimes I feel that, and then, I don't know, other times, not so much.
00:01:26Over the last week, I've had a lot of time to think about my life, my future work, you
00:01:31know, what I'm doing, who am I spending it with?
00:01:34Yeah.
00:01:35And, I don't know, like, the last week, we've connected, you know, better than ever before,
00:01:42but...
00:01:42I need to tell you something.
00:01:44Oh, no, just let me finish.
00:01:45I don't know what it is.
00:01:46Like, something feels different.
00:01:49I mean, it's like the spark in our relationship is back, and it's never been any better.
00:01:54Like, I don't know, maybe it's just me.
00:01:57Maybe I've had a lot of time to think, you know.
00:02:01Don't know.
00:02:08Maybe it's...
00:02:09Isn't it wrong?
00:02:13The one thing I'm sure about...
00:02:18is...
00:02:19I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
00:02:27Miles, wait.
00:02:31Gemma.
00:02:33Were you married then?
00:02:39I know it's just a band, but I promise you when I get the money, you know, I'll get you
00:02:43a diamond.
00:02:44What do you say?
00:02:51I've got something to come first.
00:02:54What?
00:02:55I'm not Gemma.
00:02:58You are?
00:03:01I'm not Gemma.
00:03:08You are joking, right?
00:03:21Not.
00:03:25I met Gemma just under a week and a half ago.
00:03:29And...
00:03:30It was half a year to be more related, and that we were twins.
00:03:34And...
00:03:34I mean...
00:03:36You were even surprised with the piano play.
00:03:50Myles, please.
00:03:51Can you explain?
00:03:52John, I...
00:03:53You could have just said no, all right?
00:03:55Instead of making that ridiculous story.
00:04:00Look, it's...
00:04:01Myles, please.
00:04:03Miles...
00:04:04Can you help me?
00:04:31Myles, please...
00:04:31Barrel problem?
00:04:34You're so subtle.
00:05:01Don't blow this rubbish too long, I don't want the electric to go on through my roof.
00:05:07Come on, Trace, have a dance, yeah, come on, Trace.
00:05:13Some of us have work to do.
00:05:17Work?
00:05:18You've not had a job since nineteen ninety seven.
00:05:22Trace, I'm working, alright.
00:05:26You're working, yeah.
00:05:29Definitely a scam.
00:05:45Linda's a tenner mum.
00:05:47Not me of the money.
00:05:48Don't be so stingy I don't get paid for another two weeks.
00:05:52I'm sure I can work somewhere out.
00:05:54You want a job, cash in hand?
00:05:56Sounds good.
00:05:57Want you scheming?
00:05:58Me?
00:05:59Scheming?
00:06:07Trace's luxury getaway isn't this about?
00:06:09No you, ma.
00:06:10More, ma.
00:06:12Okay.
00:06:13You remember that holiday letter scheme I had?
00:06:17Well, you're going to have to be more specific than that.
00:06:19The cockroaches.
00:06:21Oh, gross, yeah.
00:06:22What about it?
00:06:22Yeah.
00:06:22Well, those cheap places, they don't give refunds, do they?
00:06:26They give vouchers.
00:06:27But I ran that scheme five times before they worked it out.
00:06:31Now I've got good credit.
00:06:34Okay.
00:06:35So, I now rent a place, sublet it on my website.
00:06:43I've put a few targeted adverts in posh areas.
00:06:47Surely this can't work?
00:06:49It has.
00:06:51I've just rented an art deco cottage.
00:06:54I've rented it a couple of days either side, so you can go in, sort the place out,
00:06:59then clean up before the real owners get in and check it out.
00:07:04How much then?
00:07:06Fifty quid.
00:07:11Deal.
00:07:17Oh, God, it's me, Ed.
00:07:18What's the E1?
00:07:24Hello.
00:07:26Yes, this is she.
00:07:29Yes.
00:07:30I've just got your booking.
00:07:33Oh, erm, I'm just wondering how private and secure your listing is.
00:07:37Yes, the family does need security in a private environment.
00:07:41Don't worry.
00:07:42It's a lovely, quiet area.
00:07:45Perfect for walks.
00:07:47Oh, excellent.
00:07:49One of our parties will be arriving on the Saturday and the rest of the parties will be arriving
00:07:56the following day.
00:07:57Perfect.
00:07:59And you're happy to pay for the security in advance?
00:08:04Oh, yes.
00:08:05Of course.
00:08:05That's not a problem.
00:08:07Ah, wonderful.
00:08:09You will, of course, get it back when we've checked over the property after your client
00:08:14leaves.
00:08:15Oh, wonderful.
00:08:17If I have any more questions, I'll give you another ring.
00:08:20I'm happy to have served you, madam.
00:08:23OK, goodbye.
00:08:24Bye-bye.
00:08:26Is everything gone fact?
00:08:28Oh, yes, Princess, your getaway makes.
00:08:31Would you like me to tell this in Her Majesty?
00:08:34No, no.
00:08:35I'll tell the mother, won't you?
00:08:37Is anything wrong, Princess?
00:08:39You do look as though you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders.
00:08:44I have something to tell them when we're on holiday.
00:08:46And you don't think they're going to be very happy with me?
00:08:50I'm happy to listen.
00:08:53Perhaps I'm just being silly.
00:08:56Anyway, we need to look at next week's schedule.
00:09:01Of course.
00:09:03Is she a child?
00:09:05Mmm.
00:09:16Mmm.
00:09:17Mmm.
00:09:17Oh, now we're falling.
00:09:19James, what are you doing?
00:09:20Are you going to choke?
00:09:22Oh, yes.
00:09:36I told you.
00:09:37Shut up.
00:09:43Do you think there should be more to life than there?
00:09:45What do you mean?
00:09:47I feel stuck, you know.
00:09:49Same old job, same old friends, same old...
00:09:51Ever of a friend, you know.
00:09:53Until I win lottery or marry a prince, this is all we've got.
00:09:59And what about us?
00:10:00What do you mean?
00:10:01Well, where do you see us heading?
00:10:02I'm not having kids if that's what you mean.
00:10:04No, I don't mean...
00:10:04My mum will kill me if I make her a grandmother.
00:10:08I'm being silly.
00:10:09She's got a knife in the garage.
00:10:10Bigger and Rambos.
00:10:13You said you had something to tell me.
00:10:15Is that it?
00:10:16No, it's my mum.
00:10:26What is it?
00:10:27Which one is it?
00:10:40It's gorgeous.
00:10:42A little Bohemian.
00:10:43What do you know about Bohemia?
00:10:45You're a Pontings girl.
00:10:46Watch it, trappy.
00:10:49Besides, I wish I could stay here.
00:10:52It's already spotless.
00:10:53What do we do then?
00:10:54Well, we've got to clean up half of ourselves.
00:10:56And then we've got to swap the brochures and the guest books to me mum so they think it's hers.
00:11:00Oh, easy.
00:11:02Besides, we wouldn't make that much mess, will we?
00:11:11You know what?
00:11:12Huh?
00:11:13Mine's don't excite me anymore.
00:11:16What about that fella that tried chatting us up in the club last week?
00:11:20He was fit.
00:11:21Oh, no.
00:11:22I don't.
00:11:22Yeah.
00:11:23Yeah.
00:11:24Well, it miles you time.
00:11:25Hm.
00:11:27He used to babble.
00:11:29Hm.
00:11:29That beats my ass.
00:11:31Hm.
00:11:32Hm.
00:11:42Hm.
00:11:43Hm.
00:11:46Hm.
00:11:49Hm.
00:11:50Hm.
00:11:50Hm.
00:11:50Hm.
00:11:52Hm.
00:11:52Hm.
00:11:57Hm.
00:12:03Hm.
00:12:08Hm.
00:12:09Hm.
00:12:21It's okay.
00:12:22Mum. Oh yeah, we're fine. Just doing final checks and that. Yeah, yeah, when the first
00:12:29person arrives. Yeah, yeah, fine, fine. Yeah, later. Clean up now. Okay.
00:13:16Oh, great, we're here. Oh, finally.
00:13:22It'd be so good to just relax and not have to think about my duties. And I've just got
00:13:26one last email to send. Oh, okay. I'll go and grab the keys.
00:13:49Oh, excuse me. Morning. Sorry a bit. No problem. We're just finished. I've got the keys here
00:13:57for you. Oh, thank you. I'll give these to my boss. Great. I'll just go grab my colleague.
00:14:30Okay. Okay. I'm just doing these last little beds, beds, beds. I'm going to make a dash
00:14:34the train all right me auntie wants her nails doing and she's always generous
00:14:40I'll see you later sweet
00:14:48I'm shooting up have a lovely step oh thank you
00:15:00I think I'll go crashing down she's meant to realize the right and he had it over here
00:15:04oh are you sure you'll be okay you might just oh yes there's a little shop just down the road
00:15:12a corner shop have you ever been in a shop before is it like handrains
00:15:25yeah
00:15:35yeah
00:15:36yeah
00:15:36yeah
00:15:37yeah
00:15:41yeah
00:16:01Oh, wow, you really are letting it all hang out, aren't you, Princess?
00:16:07Oh, you should put a cardigan on in case of the paparazzi.
00:16:11Oh, and to keep you warm.
00:16:13What?
00:16:15I'll have to run now, Princess.
00:16:17Excuse me.
00:16:18Oh, I've got to go and do a shift at the teabag factory and have a hot pot.
00:16:26Oh, you do amuse me, Princess.
00:16:29Call me Princess again and I'll show you how amusing I can be.
00:16:34There are, love.
00:16:49Sorry, love.
00:16:50I mean, madam, I've just left my phone.
00:16:53I'll just grab it.
00:17:03No, don't mind me.
00:17:18Listen, I've had the place redecorated.
00:17:21Now, I've already put in some scratches so they'll knock 10% off, but you'll have to pay for the
00:17:26rest.
00:17:30Maybe it's time your constituencies and your wife found out what it is you get up to.
00:17:40Don't get funny with me, buddy boy.
00:17:42I've still got the photos.
00:17:44You've got plenty of money.
00:17:49Good.
00:17:50That's better.
00:17:52Now, I'll want it in my account by the end of the day.
00:17:58Who was that?
00:17:59Mayor.
00:18:00What?
00:18:01I used to date him about 10 years back.
00:18:05You wouldn't believe the dirt I've got on him.
00:18:10Oh, my gosh.
00:18:12That's a girl I feel sorry for.
00:18:15Anyway, what can I do for you, lover boy?
00:18:19I've come to see Gemma.
00:18:21Oh, she's not here.
00:18:22She's at our holiday cottage.
00:18:25You've got a holiday cottage?
00:18:26Yes.
00:18:27Well, kind of.
00:18:29Anyway, she'll be back in a few hours.
00:18:35This is well bizarre.
00:18:39Maybe we're ducks, Gainless.
00:18:41I think they're a bit more than lookalikes, Flower.
00:18:44So what are they?
00:18:46Who's your dad?
00:18:48Well, my father is king of a small island and a British rule.
00:18:54That's good.
00:18:55Because my mum's the queen of Sheba, love.
00:18:57Is she broken?
00:19:00Well, he was born in this country.
00:19:03They had to reside here during the coup.
00:19:06The Isle of Marlond is prone to it, unfortunately.
00:19:09We did try to move back.
00:19:11But ended up right here.
00:19:13So technically, my father is nothing more than a lord.
00:19:20Well, that sucks.
00:19:22Was your dad a bit of a Lothario?
00:19:24I beg your pardon?
00:19:26I never met me dad.
00:19:28My mum says they were like ships passing at nine.
00:19:31It might have done everything more than a knight, would they?
00:19:33I mean, 33 years ago.
00:19:36What's your birthday?
00:19:38April 1st.
00:19:39Mine too.
00:19:44But I'm 39.
00:19:47Fine, all right.
00:19:49I'm 39.
00:19:51We're always little twins.
00:19:53Everything matches.
00:19:54Well, how are we going to find out?
00:19:56Hang on.
00:20:01Where are you?
00:20:02I've got a question for you, Mum.
00:20:04All right, let's be out.
00:20:06Was my old man a king or a lord?
00:20:09What are you talking about?
00:20:11Are you taking the mick?
00:20:13No, do you reckon he was?
00:20:15He were barely a court, just a love.
00:20:18Well, I don't suppose you had two kids and gave one away.
00:20:24Have you been drinking again?
00:20:37I mean, it's impossible.
00:20:39My mother gave birth to me.
00:20:41Well, it's a mystery.
00:20:45Hold on.
00:20:48You're kidding me.
00:20:50What?
00:20:50I'm just dreaming.
00:20:52Wait.
00:20:54What the hell, like?
00:20:57You're not dreaming.
00:20:59It's real.
00:21:00Look, I'm going to have to go soon.
00:21:03Why?
00:21:04Yeah, I've got to get back on the grind.
00:21:06I can't sit here with you all day being a princess.
00:21:11Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
00:21:13I can assure you.
00:21:15Yeah, well, try being me.
00:21:17Trying to scrape by with a boring boyfriend who I'm pretty sure can't stand me right now.
00:21:23Let alone me mother.
00:21:25Christ!
00:21:26She's not nice.
00:21:30I wouldn't say that, but she's just complicated.
00:21:34She must be doing all right, though.
00:21:37She has a second property.
00:21:39So what's so bad about your life, princess?
00:21:42Well, I'm expected to act a certain way, inject a certain image, and, well, I just don't feel true to
00:21:54myself.
00:21:55I have to have dinners with nords, ladies, politicians, kings, and queens sometimes.
00:22:03I mean, I even used to date William before we met Kate.
00:22:07Seriously?
00:22:09Yes.
00:22:11It's just such an effort having to dress up all the time and be so demure.
00:22:20Well, he, what is it?
00:22:28Well, we went to a gala a few weeks ago, and there was a lady playing the piano.
00:22:35I've been learning the piano for years, and I stopped to listen to her.
00:22:44But my mother wouldn't let me.
00:22:48She said she was nearly the hired help.
00:22:50I just didn't understand why they made me learn to play if I wasn't ever able to.
00:23:01I felt so trapped.
00:23:05And she just looked so free.
00:23:08Well, I can tell you being the hired help ain't what it's cracked up to be.
00:23:14I'd love to feel in part and, you know, be the senator of attention.
00:23:21I have an idea.
00:23:24What?
00:23:27Why don't we swap places for a week?
00:23:30You're having a laugh, aren't you?
00:23:33No.
00:23:34I'm being serious.
00:23:35A week?
00:23:39Why not?
00:23:40We're identical.
00:23:42We just need to go over everything that we need to know.
00:23:50Bugger it.
00:23:51Mine up.
00:23:52Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:23:55Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:23:56Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:23:57Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:23:58Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:06Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:07Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:07Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:09Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:09Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:11Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:12Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:13Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:15Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:15Well, you're serious, that is true.
00:24:38Sorry. I know it's late. How are you getting on?
00:24:43Getting there.
00:24:46I have an idea.
00:24:48Keep me with it.
00:24:50Well, I know a photographer and I can get access to his studio in the morning so he could go
00:24:57through the physical side of it all.
00:24:58What do you mean?
00:25:02Well, you walk like a member of Oasis. No offence.
00:25:07None taken.
00:25:09I need to teach you how to walk, talk and eat like a princess.
00:25:12What next? Poop like a princess?
00:25:16How vulgar.
00:25:17Yeah. I've got my work cut out for me. Sorry.
00:25:22You get some sleep now. You've got to start early before my family arrives.
00:25:29I want to talk like a princess.
00:25:36I want to walk like a princess.
00:25:42I want to dress to impress like a princess.
00:25:52But I'm not going to be your princess.
00:25:57I'm going to be my own princess.
00:26:00My own princess.
00:26:02Be my own princess.
00:26:10I am going to talk like a princess.
00:26:17I am going to walk like a princess.
00:26:24I am going to dress like a princess.
00:26:31I am going to be, I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:41I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:48I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:48I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:50I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:57If anyone want to know where I am.
00:27:03Yeah, me mum and me boyfriend want to know where I am.
00:27:07You want to do this?
00:27:10Sure.
00:27:12You?
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:15I'll get Connie to pick you up from here.
00:27:17And I'll get a new Uber to take to New Duff.
00:27:24Well, don't...
00:27:25I don't know if there's anything where I'm just...
00:27:27No, I don't get that.
00:27:30We're going to have to swap clothes, too.
00:27:34Oh, this is really comfy.
00:27:38Well, you need to do something.
00:27:40Staying up, shoulders back.
00:27:45You know, good luck.
00:27:47I'll get a taxi to pick you up and drop you off at mine.
00:27:49It's just opposite the flower shop.
00:27:54I'm nervous.
00:27:55Well, I'd say it don't, but my mum can be a bit scarier sometimes.
00:28:12Good morning.
00:28:13You all right?
00:28:16Nice.
00:28:17Your family's waiting for the holiday cocktail.
00:28:21Spiffing.
00:28:22One's high tea.
00:28:24High tea?
00:28:25Yeah, like cucumber sandwiches and all that.
00:28:30All that?
00:28:33Are you playing with me?
00:28:35What?
00:28:37Yeah, you got me.
00:28:41After you, Your Own Highness.
00:28:44Yes.
00:29:03I do...
00:29:04I do...
00:29:06I do...
00:29:07I...
00:29:07I...
00:29:07I...
00:29:08I...
00:29:09I...
00:29:10I...
00:29:10I have a bum.
00:29:14What about you, Ed?
00:29:16Dear old Gemma.
00:29:18I only saw you yesterday.
00:29:21You'd been on the extra-end signers last night.
00:29:36Well, well, well, well, the princess returns, Her Majesty of Dane, to share her presence.
00:29:44Excuse me?
00:29:47I don't know what you're talking about.
00:29:49So, look.
00:29:51Was Gemma with you last night?
00:29:53No, I thought she was back here.
00:29:59Well, um, I just fancied a night out.
00:30:04I mean, is that a try?
00:30:06Do what you like.
00:30:08I had to entertain your dopey boyfriend.
00:30:14Oh, Miles, for God's sake.
00:30:16Bloody hell, lad.
00:30:17It's like looking in a butcher's window.
00:30:18Cover yourself up.
00:30:20James, can we, uh, can we have a chat later?
00:30:48Do what you like.
00:30:53Oh, come in.
00:30:55Oh, thank God.
00:30:56We've been stuck here without any help for an hour.
00:30:59It's been frightful.
00:31:01We're dying for a cup of tea.
00:31:02I've no idea how the contraption works.
00:31:05The thing.
00:31:07You mean the kettle.
00:31:09Or that.
00:31:10Don't worry, Your Majesty.
00:31:12I'll make the tea.
00:31:14Is Diana here yet?
00:31:16She's, uh, outside in the courtyard.
00:31:19Oh, God.
00:31:21You're right.
00:31:23Oh, what's the matter, Your Majesty?
00:31:25Since when do you call Father now, Your Majesty and Lady?
00:31:29I'm sorry, Mother.
00:31:32Did Nancy do your make-up?
00:31:35It's too much.
00:31:36You look like one of those American princesses.
00:31:39I did my make-up.
00:31:41Well, it looks like you've used a spray can, darling.
00:31:44Have your sister do it.
00:31:46Nancy has the week off.
00:31:48Diana?
00:31:49Yes, Diana.
00:31:51Go on.
00:31:52Shoo, shoo.
00:31:57Hey, sis.
00:32:01You've never called me sis before.
00:32:04Um, heavens, who did your make-up?
00:32:07A mortician?
00:32:09Um, Mother's asked you to help me.
00:32:13Fine.
00:32:26Oh, it's great.
00:32:28Don't make habit of it.
00:32:31Thank you, Diana.
00:32:33I don't think you've thanked me for anything.
00:32:36Oh.
00:32:39Sorry.
00:32:41And you've never apologised, either.
00:32:43Did you get a visit from three ghosts last night?
00:32:46Did they know they're too late for Christmas?
00:32:51So, what do you think about the holiday cottage?
00:32:54I don't know what possessed you to book this
00:32:56when we could have gone to Uncle Giles' chateau in Monaco.
00:33:01I think it's nice to switch things up a little.
00:33:04You're odd today, Carinthia.
00:33:06Very, very odd.
00:33:08I'm just happy to see you.
00:33:10Ew.
00:33:11Look, just pick out a nice dress.
00:33:14Daddy's been invited to Lord Withnail's latest gathering.
00:33:16Where to make our token appearances.
00:33:20Is it going to be part?
00:33:23Lords, dignitaries, royalty.
00:33:26Not much at all, darling.
00:33:29Did you bang your head?
00:33:51All right, love.
00:33:52Horse pie better, will you?
00:34:00All right, love.
00:34:22This is an open bar, is it not?
00:34:28The bar is paid for, yes.
00:34:33Drink Connie?
00:34:36I can't, I'm working.
00:34:39I think you just need to relax.
00:34:42You've got to pick a little uptight.
00:34:50Come on, let's go out.
00:34:58Better get off soon, clubbering someone's shift.
00:35:03I really want to go clubbing tonight instead.
00:35:05Oh, I don't, yeah.
00:35:08Because if I don't work, I don't get paid.
00:35:10Don't get paid, can't pay me bill.
00:35:12Well, on and on it goes.
00:35:13Right?
00:35:14You can't just ask for some money off your parents.
00:35:17My tail burn, Daddy.
00:35:19If you had a loob buried somewhere,
00:35:21I wouldn't tell me where it was.
00:35:23Mum's more broke than me.
00:35:28How long have we known each other now?
00:35:32Blimey.
00:35:33What were we?
00:35:35Ball, pies, back in primary school.
00:35:38And a lifetime of shenanigans ever since.
00:35:45Did I ever tell you about me, Dad?
00:35:47Only that your mum didn't know who it was.
00:35:50She thinks she's lying about that.
00:35:54Honestly, I never know where you're, Ma.
00:35:56What, she's a lover.
00:36:00Should we get ready for Miles?
00:36:03Yeah.
00:36:04Look, if you're going to dump him,
00:36:07let him down gently, all right?
00:36:10He's a nice guy.
00:36:12Why was she, I mean, why would I dump him?
00:36:14How about Armie Grant?
00:36:15Do you remember her?
00:36:16Or Daphne Breen?
00:36:18Eh?
00:36:18Oh, never mind.
00:36:20Go easy on him, all right?
00:36:24Yeah, OK.
00:36:26Do you know the way to Nashall?
00:36:28That's where I've got a meeting.
00:36:30You don't remember?
00:36:31Well, not exactly, no.
00:36:32Throw her cab with me.
00:36:33We'll dump you off on the way, sweet.
00:36:35Mm.
00:36:56Honestly, Carinthia,
00:36:58I've never seen you act like that before.
00:37:10What were you drinking?
00:37:13Not beer, was it?
00:37:15It was bitter, Papa.
00:37:18A princess does not drink bitter beer, lager.
00:37:24I mean, this is you might find in a public house.
00:37:28Unless it's high-cast spirits.
00:37:31Like champagne.
00:37:33And good champagne at that.
00:37:35Can I not drink cider?
00:37:38What?
00:37:39It was a genuine question.
00:37:41Listen, Carinthia,
00:37:42you need to start to improve your behaviour.
00:37:46We have our reputation to uphold.
00:37:50Show some decorum.
00:37:52Not that, OK.
00:37:59Well, that went surprisingly well.
00:38:06Anyway, what's the decor?
00:38:09It's like etiquette.
00:38:12You took classes in it.
00:38:24You've upset your father, you m'lady.
00:38:27I'm 39, you're mad.
00:38:29Mother.
00:38:31Well, perhaps you should act like it.
00:38:33Now, we have something important for you to do next week.
00:38:36Father has some friends in Switzerland.
00:38:38Very upper crust.
00:38:40He's told them you spent two years at RADA
00:38:42and performed plays across Europe.
00:38:45Why'd you tell them that?
00:38:48Because you did, Carinthia.
00:38:51So, we'd like you to do a short performance for them.
00:38:55We've booked a rehearsal space in two days.
00:38:58We'll let you know what play it is when we decide.
00:39:01But you know them all off by heart anyway.
00:39:05Gee.
00:39:07Thanks.
00:39:09Stick to her leg glue.
00:39:11Make sure she's focused.
00:39:12And no more foolishness.
00:39:15OK, Connie?
00:39:16Yes, Your Majesty.
00:39:32Myles?
00:39:35Myles?
00:39:37Are you here?
00:39:42Myles?
00:39:45Myles?
00:39:49Myles?
00:39:52Myles?
00:40:05Myles?
00:41:43Gemma, that was amazing.
00:41:45Like, I'm genuinely stunned.
00:41:48It was nothing.
00:41:50Why didn't you say you could play music?
00:41:52I mean, I know you went to acting school, but music?
00:41:56You should have said.
00:41:59Well, people like me don't get to show off, really.
00:42:03Besides, one cares.
00:42:06I care.
00:42:07You know, I love music.
00:42:10You do?
00:42:12You know, I do.
00:42:13I used to play when I was younger.
00:42:16No one here is good as hell.
00:42:18That was brilliant.
00:42:26This place is lovely.
00:42:29Yeah.
00:42:29It's, um...
00:42:32It's not a bad place to work, is it?
00:42:34What do you do?
00:42:37James, I told you about this last time I was here.
00:42:41Like, you're in your own pub sometimes, I sort of.
00:42:44I'm the maintenance guy, so I make sure the stage mechanics and the sound are ticked up.
00:42:52How marvellous.
00:42:59Um, I need to lock up now, okay?
00:43:01So, why don't we go for a walk and go to the pub?
00:43:06Have a game of darts?
00:43:08Yeah, let's have a game of darts and a few drinks.
00:43:12Um...
00:43:14Why don't we go on a walk?
00:43:17I mean, it's a lovely day out and, uh...
00:43:20Do you know any good viewpoints?
00:43:25Sure, yeah.
00:43:26And maybe we can have a chat about things.
00:43:36You sure it's not dodgy?
00:43:38Would I do anything dodgy?
00:43:41Well, where'd you get in?
00:43:43The random line at, uh...
00:43:45Uh, jewelers I do some cleaning at.
00:43:47They were just going to throw it out, don't we?
00:43:50How?
00:43:50It's not a cabbage, Trace.
00:43:52It's a story.
00:43:56Hey.
00:43:57Good stuff, innit?
00:43:59Even some diamonds.
00:44:01Of course, I'll give them a coat once we've sold it.
00:44:05But what I need you to do is to pass it off on a couple of pawn shops in town.
00:44:09Why can't you do it?
00:44:11You know I would.
00:44:12But I've heard many.
00:44:13And technically, I'm on disability benefits,
00:44:17so, uh, they can't sit me rushing up and downtown.
00:44:20You know, between pawn shops.
00:44:23Hmm.
00:44:24Think about it.
00:44:24I don't think too long, love.
00:44:36Oh, careful.
00:44:39You're right.
00:44:43You know?
00:44:45So beautiful out here.
00:44:48Just so peaceful.
00:44:50Yeah, I know.
00:44:51It's...
00:44:52It's...
00:44:53Well, I come up here quite a lot, you know, to clear my head and...
00:44:57Yeah, I can see why.
00:45:00Really?
00:45:01Well, this...
00:45:02This isn't your cup of tea jams, right?
00:45:05You...
00:45:05You never really wanted to do this, right?
00:45:07Well, more for me, innit?
00:45:11Yeah, I suppose.
00:45:16Are you cold?
00:45:18Yeah, it's chillier than I thought.
00:45:22Come here.
00:45:27Hey, this isn't normal.
00:45:28Really?
00:45:29Yeah.
00:45:31But right now, normally it's a Huggins woke and whack your ass off.
00:45:41What did you need to tell me?
00:45:50Do you think we're good together?
00:45:51What do you mean?
00:45:53I don't know.
00:45:54Sometimes I feel like you're not really that into me.
00:45:58No, I'm sorry.
00:46:00Sometimes I just get caught up in myself.
00:46:03Look.
00:46:05You're really warm-hearted and you're wonderful.
00:46:08I mean, is that...
00:46:09That's a bit forward of me to say.
00:46:12Not really, Jen.
00:46:13It's like we have been going out for a year now.
00:46:22Come on.
00:46:24Shall I get you home?
00:46:50Something will hurt her.
00:46:52You won't care, sister.
00:46:54You never do.
00:46:55Of course I do.
00:46:57Shouldn't you be offering a grovelling apology to Mumsy and Dadsy?
00:47:01Dadsy already gave me a rollicking.
00:47:05Rollicking?
00:47:05Yeah, you know what I mean.
00:47:09You must say, I found it rather amusing.
00:47:17Okay, sis.
00:47:19What's his name?
00:47:20What's he doing?
00:47:22How on earth do you know?
00:47:25Hmm.
00:47:26I knew that, Mark.
00:47:28Come on then, Maradie Bomb.
00:47:32It's Nathaniel.
00:47:35He's up to his old tricks again.
00:47:37Father is insistent that he's going to make an excellent husband.
00:47:41But he's only considering Nathaniel's family and their standing.
00:47:46As for Nathaniel himself.
00:47:49So he's a moron, then?
00:47:52Yes.
00:47:54I suppose so.
00:47:58He might have been born with wealth, but not so much of a brain.
00:48:05And that is nothing you've done.
00:48:09Oh, he can't keep his hands off the maids.
00:48:13His father set a fire at several of the house staff for fraternising with Nathaniel after dark.
00:48:19Oh.
00:48:20So he can't be trusted?
00:48:22God, it's ridiculous.
00:48:24These men in high society are almost expected to behave like this and suffer no consequences.
00:48:31You should suffer consequences, like a swift knee to the family jewels.
00:48:35Sister.
00:48:38Perhaps you're right.
00:48:42Besides, those 12 months studying judo under Grandmaster Takashi that father paid for,
00:48:48I suppose I could put them to good use.
00:49:18I suppose I should get ready to face him.
00:49:21I'm going to Nathaniel's family manor tonight with Mumsy and Dadsy.
00:49:29Forget the bit about the knee to the spuds.
00:49:31We did.
00:49:35Just be firm and honest.
00:49:43Mm.
00:50:02A cup of tea?
00:50:06I'm sure.
00:50:09You're not so surprised.
00:50:12You've never made a cup of tea before.
00:50:15You usually ask me.
00:50:18Well, I can assure you that I make a grape.
00:50:21So sit down.
00:50:23Relax.
00:50:23Take away off.
00:50:27You seem very different.
00:50:48I'm impressed.
00:50:52It's only a cup of tea, Connie.
00:50:56Anyway, I've been an agony aunt all day.
00:50:59So if you want to chat, go away.
00:51:02Me?
00:51:04Chat?
00:51:06About what?
00:51:10Your love life?
00:51:13My love life?
00:51:15Good God.
00:51:17If you want to talk about disasters, let's talk about, I don't know, Pompeii or Titanic.
00:51:25So there's no man in your life?
00:51:28No.
00:51:29No man?
00:51:31No woman, either.
00:51:36Well, the truth is, working for a family of royals takes all my time.
00:51:41Don't get me wrong.
00:51:42I do love it, but it takes all my time.
00:51:47And I am on call 24-7.
00:51:50Well, we need to set some boundaries and some times.
00:51:54What?
00:51:54You know, workers' rights and all that.
00:51:56Yeah.
00:52:00You, of all people, are saying that?
00:52:08Anyway, this tea looks like it needs biscuits.
00:52:13And I know you work with the royals and probably love a rich tea.
00:52:18But I prefer custard cream.
00:52:21Me too.
00:52:23Do you know what?
00:52:25I've got some upstairs in my suitcase.
00:52:29My guilty pleasure.
00:52:31Go grab him then.
00:52:33No.
00:52:43Yeah.
00:52:43I've got my daughter's mate to do it.
00:52:46She's going to do the ones for me.
00:52:48It's a bit silly, but I reckon there's a fair few grand there.
00:52:53How do you think I've got it?
00:52:56Five-finger discount, mate.
00:52:59Oh, yeah.
00:53:00You'd be surprised at what I've stolen.
00:53:16Whatever she's told you to do, don't do it.
00:53:18Why not?
00:53:19Well, I think she's doing something unlawful.
00:53:21So, Gora.
00:53:23So what?
00:53:24You can't take the risk for someone else.
00:53:27Lighten up, gems.
00:53:29You've been well uptight lately.
00:53:32Come on.
00:53:33Let's have a rave.
00:53:44Come on.
00:53:45You're not meaning the way.
00:53:49Oh, Christ.
00:53:50Look at my neck.
00:53:51I'm half-extriced cock.
00:54:00That's my life kit.
00:54:02Face beat.
00:54:03Woo!
00:54:43This is, this is much nicer.
00:54:51It is, actually.
00:55:21Why say? What are you two girls doing?
00:55:27We were just dancing, Your Majesty.
00:55:30Dancing? Why?
00:55:31That... I was teaching her how to dance.
00:55:36If I had a reason for Carina to dance,
00:55:38we would have hired a teacher,
00:55:41from the Royal London School of Ballet, to teach her.
00:55:46We've tried that once, Ralph. She has no rhythm.
00:55:49Like Bambi on Ice.
00:55:51Oh, yes, yes. Of course.
00:55:55A word, Connie.
00:56:05We are coming to see you.
00:56:08Right, come in to you, my gentlemen.
00:56:12I think you need to start to focus a bit.
00:56:15We've got a busy year ahead.
00:56:18It's very important that everybody is on the ball.
00:56:22We have a reputation, too.
00:56:24Right you are, Kingy.
00:56:26Kingy. Kingy.
00:56:28Sorry for...
00:56:30Prepare for a performance to the theatre.
00:56:34I want to see your midsummer night's dream.
00:56:38All my best.
00:56:40Perhaps, Hamlet.
00:56:43What?
00:56:46Prepare yourself.
00:56:48You'll do a pre-run the day after tomorrow.
00:56:52And then next week, you'll perform in Switzerland.
00:56:58This is bad.
00:57:00I mean, I haven't acted in years in Shakespeare.
00:57:04It's so old.
00:57:07He's dead in me.
00:57:10I should hope so.
00:57:19To be or not to be.
00:57:27It's just too much for me.
00:57:31I'm not what you want me to be.
00:57:34To be or not to be.
00:58:02To be or not to be.
00:58:08To be or not to be.
00:58:16To be.
00:58:19It's just too much for me.
00:58:23I'm not what you want me to be.
00:58:42You all right?
00:58:44Um...
00:58:44You finished for a day?
00:58:46Yeah, yeah.
00:58:46No.
00:58:47We need to get off now because...
00:58:48There's a booking, but I need to meet at PA.
00:58:52Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll stay out, you're right.
00:58:57And then we can go to the park.
00:59:15I...
00:59:16Oh, and it's Miss Frinton.
00:59:18Is it? I think it's OK.
00:59:21Yeah, the lights are on, the theatre's yours.
00:59:24The caretaker will be back later to lock up when you're done.
00:59:26And I just need to go back inside to pack some stuff away and then I'll be gone.
00:59:34This is King Ralph, Queen Christine and their daughter, Princess Diana, of the Isle of Marwood.
00:59:43It's... it's a real honour to meet you.
00:59:45Yeah. I'm so sorry for my squirtly parents.
00:59:49Oh, not at all. You've covered them working very hard.
00:59:51I do my best.
00:59:54Can you show us to the theatre?
00:59:57Miss Corinthians here. Doing warm-up exercise, apparently.
01:00:03Ah, this way.
01:00:09Right. You get ready and then head over to the maze stage.
01:00:14Do you want me to tell you where it is?
01:00:16I know where it is.
01:00:17Oh.
01:00:20Well, good luck then.
01:00:26Oh.
01:00:28Sorry, I... I thought...
01:00:34Honey!
01:00:37Honey!
01:00:39Honey!
01:00:40Honey!
01:00:41Honey!
01:00:42Honey!
01:00:45Honey!
01:00:46Honey!
01:00:48Honey!
01:00:49Honey!
01:00:51Honey!
01:00:52Honey!
01:01:01What's going on?
01:01:03Come on, darling. We haven't got all day.
01:01:14what's the matter with you
01:01:17you've been through
01:01:18summer night's dream a hundred times
01:01:21I'm so stressed
01:01:22I've got so much going on
01:01:24I just can't remember anything
01:01:27can you remember anything
01:01:32the passage from
01:01:35Romeo
01:01:35I need you to be my
01:01:39wrong hand
01:01:40time
01:01:42time
01:01:54Romeo
01:01:57Romeo
01:02:01Romeo
01:02:02Romeo
01:02:03Romeo
01:02:04Romeo
01:02:05Romeo
01:02:07Can I
01:02:09Thou
01:02:11Will not
01:02:14But be sworn
01:02:15By love
01:02:19Can I no longer be a happy night
01:02:22I love you
01:02:28I love you
01:02:28I love you
01:02:33What did I do?
01:02:47Are you okay, Your Majesty?
01:02:50It's silly, really.
01:02:53I just talk bittersweet memories of that play.
01:02:56I was watching a performance of Romeo and Juliet when my water broke.
01:03:01Well, not very legal behaviour on my part.
01:03:04I'll be back out in a second.
01:03:11Is she okay?
01:03:14Yes.
01:03:15She'll be back soon.
01:03:17I think we'll call it a dance performance.
01:03:20It was okay, I liked it, Quincy.
01:03:24But I think we were doing better off with one of the other plays.
01:03:29Mother wasn't a fan.
01:03:31Well, I think it was a play she was watching while she was in labour.
01:03:38Oh, dear.
01:03:41Oh, dear.
01:03:43Oh, my darling child.
01:03:46My little Juliet.
01:03:48I do wonder where you are.
01:03:59Mother, are you okay?
01:04:02I'm sorry, my darling.
01:04:04I was being silly.
01:04:07Did you change already?
01:04:10I'm...
01:04:11Just briefly.
01:04:15Who's Juliet with her?
01:04:18I'll wake up once.
01:04:19We can join you there.
01:04:33You.
01:04:34You.
01:04:35You.
01:04:49Well, that's what Stacy said.
01:04:52Your mother's old cellmate.
01:04:54That's impossible.
01:04:55Is it, Jenna?
01:04:58We're twins.
01:04:59I mean, I know she messed up.
01:05:02But I just can't imagine her stealing a baby.
01:05:13Only me.
01:05:15Sorry.
01:05:16His Majesty wants his golf cardigan.
01:05:19We simply can't play without it, apparently.
01:05:22Who'd have thought such young people would have been so important, eh?
01:05:35Oh, my.
01:05:39Look.
01:06:03Oh!
01:06:08Are you okay, Connie?
01:06:10Carincia?
01:06:12Yeah.
01:06:14It's me.
01:06:20Gemma.
01:06:26Ah.
01:06:28So it was you this past week.
01:06:31I knew something was different.
01:06:37You're the bitter drinker.
01:06:39Bitter?
01:06:41That's not important.
01:06:50I'll let Gemma explain.
01:06:52It's all got rather complicated.
01:06:55This had better be good.
01:07:00Your devious mother sublet of this place.
01:07:02We don't even know on it.
01:07:04And I met Carincia when you checked in.
01:07:07I mean, it was obvious we were related.
01:07:09And we just wanted to know the truth.
01:07:12But you swapped places.
01:07:15Kill me, I'll say.
01:07:17She was tired of her life and...
01:07:21Well, I just wanted to know what it felt like to be a princess for a while.
01:07:26I mean, we knew deep down it had something to do with my mum, if I can even call her
01:07:32that.
01:07:34But...
01:07:35What did she do?
01:07:37Well, it turns out...
01:07:39She stole her baby when she was in prison.
01:07:42On the basis of the mother didn't need to.
01:07:45That's awful.
01:07:47Yeah, and the King and Queen kept it quiet.
01:07:51Well, I never heard anything about it.
01:07:54I can assure you.
01:07:55Yeah, but we need proof.
01:07:59We need to get evidence off my mum.
01:08:02You have to tell the King and Queen.
01:08:05We need to sort my mum...
01:08:06Tracy out for this.
01:08:09And then we'll tell the King.
01:08:10I kept wondering why your voice was different.
01:08:14And the accent kept slipping.
01:08:19Look.
01:08:21This is the real me.
01:08:23I'm just a gobby Yorkshire lass.
01:08:27Yeah.
01:08:29I quite like it.
01:08:34I don't know what...
01:08:36this means between us, dog.
01:08:41Us.
01:08:44I like you.
01:08:46I really like you.
01:08:50Oh.
01:08:52Well.
01:09:15This will take some explaining to do.
01:09:18To my employers.
01:09:22Oh.
01:09:41Julia.
01:09:42What are you doing in my room?
01:09:45How could you?
01:09:47What?
01:09:48That's nothing.
01:09:49Why did you lie to me, Tracy?
01:09:52How did you find out?
01:09:55Well, it turns out...
01:09:57I met my twin sister, the bona fide princess,
01:10:00when my real family checked into the holiday cottage.
01:10:03Royals.
01:10:04I knew they were rich but royals.
01:10:07I knew they were rich but royals.
01:10:08I've got an idea.
01:10:09You're coming with me to the cottage.
01:10:11I'm not.
01:10:12We're going to the police.
01:10:13Oh, don't test me.
01:10:16After all, you're not my daughter, are you?
01:10:20Now, come on!
01:10:22Good ass living!
01:10:27Pussed creams.
01:10:29Are you sure?
01:10:33Live a little.
01:10:38There's no other way to say it no more than a daddy.
01:10:41You've not brought Shane on the family, have you?
01:10:45No.
01:10:47But...
01:10:49I have a confession to make.
01:10:52Over the past week, it hasn't been me.
01:10:56Say, girl.
01:10:57You were here this one, weren't you?
01:10:59It wasn't me.
01:11:01She might have started her experimental phase, darling.
01:11:06What have you taken, Carinthia?
01:11:10I'm not high.
01:11:14Let me shed some light.
01:11:17It couldn't be.
01:11:19My Juliet, it must be you.
01:11:22Not so fast, Queenie.
01:11:24Stay there.
01:11:26Who are you?
01:11:27I'm her mother.
01:11:28You're not!
01:11:30I raise you, you ungrateful cow!
01:11:34Oi!
01:11:34You!
01:11:35Here!
01:11:36You arm, Princess.
01:11:38Sit down.
01:11:40What in heaven is happening, Mummy?
01:11:53Get me the police!
01:11:55Now!
01:11:57You're taking this terrible archaise!
01:12:00It's done with my funeral aid!
01:12:01I ain't going anywhere without some royal treasure.
01:12:04Oh, sure.
01:12:05We've got the crown jewels in our suitcase.
01:12:07Don't try and fool me, King Moron.
01:12:10You wouldn't go anywhere without thousands of quid's worth of valuables on you.
01:12:14I bet Queenie doesn't leave the house without some diamonds on her person.
01:12:18So hand it over, this family reunion is going to be short-lived.
01:12:23I've got time!
01:12:25Treasure!
01:12:26Jewels!
01:12:27Valuables!
01:12:27Now!
01:12:29I have nothing!
01:12:30Oh, come on!
01:12:32Otherwise Gemma or Juliet or whatever her bleeding name is, now she's going to get it!
01:12:37What about a bank transfer?
01:12:40Good idea!
01:12:42I like you, Princess.
01:12:43I want a million quid.
01:12:45Now!
01:12:49For God's sake, Daddy, just let me!
01:12:52Hey!
01:12:52It'll be quicker if I do it.
01:12:54Fine.
01:12:55Get on with it.
01:12:58What's your account number?
01:13:12Hey!
01:13:13Come on, Mummy!
01:13:18Good thing we had that year learning from Grandmaster Takashi, hey?
01:13:30We're arresting you on suspicion of theft, handling and distribution of stolen goods, blackmail,
01:13:35kidnapping, attempted assault, attempted murder, and let's see what else.
01:13:41Fraud.
01:13:42Yeah, fraud.
01:13:43You didn't have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you fail to mention one question
01:13:47and you think that you'll later alarm in court.
01:13:50I treated you all right, didn't I?
01:13:52We had some good times, didn't we?
01:13:58What possessed you to switch places with your sister?
01:14:03I just needed a break, Daddy.
01:14:06We can't keep living by all these rules and restrictions.
01:14:09It's almost like you don't trust us to live the lives we've always wished,
01:14:13without being able to hold the family name.
01:14:16I'm sorry, Cointia.
01:14:19I'm sorry it puts so much pressure on you and I.
01:14:23My father did the same with us.
01:14:27It's heavy weight of the crown.
01:14:31But we have to evolve with the times.
01:14:34I mean, some of the traditions are just so archaic.
01:14:37I have to fly to Switzerland next week and perform Shakespeare.
01:14:41Listen, Cointia, really.
01:14:43You don't have to go.
01:14:46No, Daddy, I'll go.
01:14:47But...
01:14:50I have a better idea.
01:14:52His lordship.
01:14:54He loves Chopin, right?
01:14:56Yes.
01:14:59Well, maybe...
01:15:01I could play the piano for him instead.
01:15:06Okay, okay.
01:15:10I knew something didn't make sense this last week.
01:15:13Winfrey was rarely that nice to me.
01:15:15I think perhaps this family all need to be a bit more open and respectful with each other.
01:15:20So, what should we call you now, sis?
01:15:23Gemma or Juliet?
01:15:25Well, I'll make us all a brew and then I'll just decide.
01:15:28I mean, I like Gemma, but I really like Juliet.
01:15:32And I guess...
01:15:34I know why not.
01:15:35I know why not.
01:15:36I know why not.
01:15:39Come on in.
01:15:44We've got something to tell you all.
01:16:00We've got something to tell you all.
01:16:29As far as you have, I'm sad.
01:16:31I can.
01:16:32I can.
01:16:35I told you
01:16:37I'm not Jen
01:16:41Not this again
01:16:48She's telling true of me, Ed
01:16:54What?
01:16:56I...
01:16:59Wiles
01:17:00For the past week
01:17:03I feel your head over here is in love with you
01:17:07Gems
01:17:08I didn't know anything about this
01:17:10I'm sorry
01:17:11Yeah, I know
01:17:14But go on, big boy
01:17:15You haven't been blessing
01:17:21The question is
01:17:24Does your previous officer stand?
01:17:36Well
01:17:38Funnily enough
01:17:40I kept it on me just in case
01:17:44You haven't been blessing me
01:17:48You haven't been blessing me
01:17:52You haven't been blessing me
01:17:54You haven't been blessing me
01:17:59You haven't been blessing me
01:18:00You haven't been blessing me
01:18:01You haven't been blessing me
01:18:01You haven't been blessing me
01:18:01You haven't been blessing me
01:18:02You haven't been blessing me
01:18:02You haven't been blessing me
01:18:02You haven't been blessing me
01:18:02You haven't been blessing me
01:18:05You haven't been blessing me
01:18:06You haven't been blessing me
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