#video #Trevor Noah Joy In The Trenches 2026
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00:00:08What an interesting time it's been.
00:00:12Mm-hmm.
00:00:15I'm gonna be honest with all of you.
00:00:17I had a very different show planned.
00:00:21Yeah, very, very different show.
00:00:23In fact, when I planned this show in Washington, D.C.,
00:00:27I had a very different relationship with the White House at that time.
00:00:33I had a whole different set planned.
00:00:35I was gonna tell you some jokes about me playing pickleball.
00:00:38And, uh, yeah, life happened.
00:00:43For those who don't know how it came to be,
00:00:46uh, I'll try and tell you how it unfolded.
00:00:49I was hosting the Grammy Awards.
00:00:59It was a good time.
00:01:01Really good time.
00:01:02And then it wasn't.
00:01:05I hosted the show.
00:01:07Had to catch a flight back to the East Coast
00:01:09to come and do shows, right?
00:01:13And I don't connect to the Wi-Fi whenever I'm traveling.
00:01:16I just like to relax.
00:01:18And landed in Boston.
00:01:20And the first time I knew my life had changed
00:01:25was when someone walked past me on the plane
00:01:28as I was packing my-my laptop bag.
00:01:31And he just held me on the shoulder, and he's like,
00:01:33Trevor, you fight.
00:01:36You got this. Fight. Come on. You got this.
00:01:40He's like, did I look like I was struggling that much?
00:01:46Walking through the airport,
00:01:47people were giving me random thumbs-ups of support.
00:01:50Like, yeah. Come on. You got this.
00:01:52Yeah. Hey, yeah.
00:01:55Except black people. Black people were like, hey, man.
00:02:01And then I turned on my phone.
00:02:03And honestly, I thought the thing was- was- was malfunctioning.
00:02:07Because it started vibrating even before the icons popped up.
00:02:10It was the Apple logo, and my phone was just like-
00:02:14Like, what the hell?
00:02:15And then when I turned it on, it was just notifications everywhere.
00:02:17I was like, oh, man. Did Michael Jackson die again?
00:02:19What happened?
00:02:20What is going on?
00:02:21Because every app- every app was going crazy.
00:02:24It was like, iMessage, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling.
00:02:26WhatsApp, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:02:27Twitter, blah, blah, Instagram, blah, blah, blah.
00:02:29Even Uber Eats was like, yo, you got some hot shit coming in, man.
00:02:35And I went to my messages, and everyone I've ever known in my life
00:02:39had texted me. Every- from kindergarten teachers onwards.
00:02:42Trevor, oh, my God. Are you okay?
00:02:44Trevor, where are you? What's happening?
00:02:45Did you see? Did you see?
00:02:46Trevor, call me. Call me. Call me. Call me.
00:02:47Yo, don't call me. Call me.
00:02:49Trevor, what's happening? Trevor, did you see?
00:02:51And then one person was like, oh, my God.
00:02:52Did you see what Trump said?
00:02:54And I was like, what- what did Trump say?
00:02:56What did Trump say this time?
00:02:59Oh, boy. Let me check. What did Trump say?
00:03:01Me?
00:03:05Yeah, it hits different when you're in the crosshairs. I'm not gonna lie.
00:03:13It's pretty crazy. I, uh, I hosted The Daily Show for seven years.
00:03:17And for seven years, we covered news and politics in America, right?
00:03:25Because that's what the show is.
00:03:27And in that time, Donald Trump was in the news and politics all the time,
00:03:31and so I assumed at some point maybe he would say something about me
00:03:33or come after me. He didn't, which I was happy about.
00:03:35I was like, great.
00:03:36You know, and then I left The Daily Show,
00:03:39and I relaxed like an idiot in a horror movie.
00:03:44And I went off and started hosting the Grammys.
00:03:46And I was like, this is delightful. It's a music show.
00:03:49So much more chill.
00:03:51Turns out the president watches the Grammys.
00:03:54Yeah, and he was not happy.
00:03:56He was not happy at all.
00:03:58No, uh, he had written a post, a lengthy post,
00:04:03giving me a Google review of my performance.
00:04:10And it wasn't, it wasn't like a, like a flyby.
00:04:12It was like a full-on, I'll read the full thing to you,
00:04:16because I don't want to misquote anything.
00:04:17I'll read you, this is, this is what I saw
00:04:22when I, when I searched my name and his.
00:04:25Um, it was a post on Truth Social
00:04:29from at Real Donald Trump.
00:04:32Fun aside, Donald Trump owns Truth Social.
00:04:35So it's a little weird that he doesn't have at Donald Trump.
00:04:39It's weird that somebody else got it, and then he was like,
00:04:41fine, real Donald Trump.
00:04:44Anyway, uh, this is, this is what the message read.
00:04:47Um, the Grammy Awards are the WORST!
00:04:53Every time I shout, it's because the word is in all caps.
00:04:55I'm trying to give you a feeling of what I was experiencing.
00:04:57Right?
00:05:00Virtually unwatchable.
00:05:01So some parts were good.
00:05:02CBS is lucky not to have this garbage litter there airwaves any longer.
00:05:06The host, Trevor Noah, whoever he may be.
00:05:14That's a bit bitchy.
00:05:19Like, I know what he was trying to do,
00:05:23but I don't think he did it correctly.
00:05:24You can't say, the host, Trevor Noah, whoever he may be.
00:05:32Because that is exactly who I may be.
00:05:37I understand he was trying to dismiss me,
00:05:39but you've said my full name and my job title on the night.
00:05:44You can't be dismissive and be vague and specific at the same time.
00:05:48That's not how that works.
00:05:52Whoever he may be, I be nobody else.
00:05:57There is no may in this equation.
00:05:59That is exactly who I be.
00:06:01Trevor Noah, the host, social security number 457-6728-135.
00:06:05Whoever he may be.
00:06:07No, that is me.
00:06:09It's weird.
00:06:10Like, you don't use that phrase when you know the person.
00:06:12Whoever he may be.
00:06:13You use that phrase when a stranger has ridden through your town
00:06:17and deflowered your daughter.
00:06:18That's when you use the phrase.
00:06:19I'm going to kill that man, whoever he may be.
00:06:25It's also funny to switch to feudal English in the middle of a message.
00:06:30Right?
00:06:30It's like, whoever he may be, fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of a South African.
00:06:43It's random.
00:06:45So he says, yeah, the host, Trevor Noah, whoever he may be, is almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel.
00:06:55Yo, poor Jimmy, I like Jimmy Kimmel.
00:06:57And now, because of me, he's catching strays.
00:07:00Like, he was at home, minding his own business.
00:07:04Doesn't even work on Sundays.
00:07:06All of a sudden, his phone is like...
00:07:10This is almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel at the Low Ratings Academy Awards.
00:07:15Then he goes on.
00:07:16Noah said, incorrectly, about me, that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island.
00:07:26Wrong!
00:07:29Now, just so we're on the same page, I did not say Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on
00:07:35Epstein Island.
00:07:35I did not say that.
00:07:36I made a joke at the Grammys.
00:07:38One of many random jokes that I made.
00:07:41This one came after Billie Eilish had just won Song of the Year.
00:07:45And I said, congratulations, Billie Eilish, Song of the Year.
00:07:49That is an award that every artist wants almost as much as Donald Trump wants Greenland.
00:07:57Because, now that Jeffrey Epstein is gone, he needs a new island where he can go hang out with Bill
00:08:02Clinton.
00:08:04Okay?
00:08:05That's what I said.
00:08:05That's what I said.
00:08:08I did not say he was on the island.
00:08:11I said that he would like his own island.
00:08:13Clearly a joke as well, because he wouldn't go with Bill Clinton, right?
00:08:17And Greenland is a terrible substitute for Epstein Island.
00:08:20Completely different climate, completely different vibe.
00:08:22Alright?
00:08:24And Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island.
00:08:27WRONG!
00:08:29I can't speak for Bill.
00:08:35I love how in the midst of him, like, calling me the ultimate liar, he's like, this guy's a liar!
00:08:39Except about the Bill part, we gotta check that out, I mean...
00:08:42I mean, you know how this guy is.
00:08:45But I have never been to Epstein Island, nor anywhere close.
00:08:50That's unnecessary.
00:08:51The proximity to Epstein Island is not what people are litigating.
00:08:54Right?
00:08:55It's your proximity to the man who owned Epstein Island.
00:08:58It's not the land that's an issue.
00:09:00You know? It's not like, where were you in the Caribbean? Epstein Island?
00:09:03No, Jamaica. Busted!
00:09:05No.
00:09:07Nor anywhere close.
00:09:08And until tonight's false and defamatory statement, have never been accused of being there.
00:09:14Really?
00:09:16I was the first?
00:09:18Before me, no one had ever mentioned Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein.
00:09:22I was the first.
00:09:24I am the reason his name is mentioned 5,000 times in those files.
00:09:28I set those dominoes into place, and I tipped them over.
00:09:36Yeah, not even by the fake news media.
00:09:39Noah, a total loser, better get his fat straight, and get them straight fast.
00:09:44It looks like I'll be sending my lawyers to sue this poor, pathetic, talentless dope of an MC.
00:09:51And suing him for plenty. Cha-ching!
00:09:54He put a dollar sign. I don't know what sound that is.
00:09:56Ask little George Slopadopoulos and others how that all worked out.
00:10:00Also, ask CBS.
00:10:02Get ready, Noah.
00:10:04I'm going to have some fun with you.
00:10:09President DJT.
00:10:28You know, if-if you're not trying to sound like a sexual deviant...
00:10:39This is not the line I would recommend.
00:10:43Yeah, I'm gonna have some fun with you.
00:10:46Is what someone says right after they've strapped on the head dildo.
00:11:00So yeah, that was my Monday.
00:11:04And I'll be honest, I wasn't-I wasn't too worried.
00:11:08You know, Donald Trump watches TV regularly, gets angry about what he sees, posts about it, and often times he
00:11:13moves on.
00:11:15I thought something else would come along, right?
00:11:17Because in many ways, he's like a-he's like a squirrel that watches TV.
00:11:21You know, he'll be fully...
00:11:25Yeah, same size hands.
00:11:29Um...
00:11:29So, I was like, it'll move. It'll change.
00:11:33And it did, it did.
00:11:34The next day, the big topic in the White House was the government shutdown.
00:11:39It was a looming government shutdown.
00:11:41Because you know America's government is always on the edge of shutting down.
00:11:45I mean, at this point, I think you guys should switch to a family plan, right?
00:11:48Well, month-to-month thing is not working out.
00:11:51But they were-they were interviewing the president about this.
00:11:54This is a serious topic.
00:11:56And in the middle of a conversation about the government shutdown,
00:12:00some journalist from the back of the room shouts out,
00:12:04Mr. President, are you gonna sue Trevor Noah for what he said at the Grammys?
00:12:11Oh my dick!
00:12:15I was gone!
00:12:18Yeah, I always wondered what happened to that kid who was like,
00:12:20Oh, teacher, he forgot to give us the homework!
00:12:26Then Trump went back in.
00:12:28Oh yeah, Trevor Noah said I was on Epstein.
00:12:30Gonna sue him. Total lightweight. Loser.
00:12:32Yeah.
00:12:33And so now, I might be getting sued by the President of the United States.
00:12:39Yeah.
00:12:43I-I don't know. I don't know if it's a woo. I don't know if it's a ooh. I don't...
00:12:47No, I'll be honest with you.
00:12:48I don't know how to feel.
00:12:51Because I don't know how this will play out.
00:12:55If it was a normal time, I'd be pretty confident.
00:12:58Donald Trump would sue me.
00:13:00A judge would throw it out for a multitude of reasons.
00:13:03Well, you know, First Amendment protections, free expression, jokes, satire.
00:13:07All of these things are covered in a regular time.
00:13:11And it would be Donald Trump suing me. Whatever.
00:13:13But now it's not Donald Trump.
00:13:14Now I'm being sued by the President of the United States.
00:13:19Donald Trump.
00:13:20And I don't know what that means.
00:13:22Do I appeal? Do I appeal?
00:13:24We get to the Supreme Court.
00:13:26I walk in, he's waiting there for me.
00:13:29He's like, say hello to my little friends.
00:13:37Yes.
00:13:38I don't know.
00:13:41Nobody knows.
00:13:43Yeah, with him, there is no knowing.
00:13:49Just ask Nicolas Maduro.
00:13:53Former President of Venezuela and current inmate of New York City.
00:14:00Yeah.
00:14:01He was President of Venezuela.
00:14:04And then all of a sudden, he wasn't.
00:14:06The story is even crazier.
00:14:09What happened was, and you can go check this yourself.
00:14:11What happened was, Nicolas Maduro was on TV giving an interview.
00:14:16And then he joked about how people are threatening him alluding to Donald Trump.
00:14:20And he was like, man, I'll be fine. We'll be good.
00:14:22And then he played a song, No War, Just Peace.
00:14:25And then he started mocking Trump by doing Donald Trump's dance move.
00:14:31Like the move, singular.
00:14:34Right? Yeah, he did the move.
00:14:35So he came on and then he did the...
00:14:39You know the move, the double jerk off.
00:14:55And Trump saw that and he was like, go get that man.
00:15:00Go get that man.
00:15:03Military went, got Maduro, brought him in.
00:15:05Put him in a jail. Not just any prison, by the way.
00:15:07They put him in a prison in Brooklyn.
00:15:09The same prison where they are housing Diddy.
00:15:14Imagine that.
00:15:16I thought I had problems.
00:15:19Nicolas Maduro, that, I mean, he's having...
00:15:21Whoo.
00:15:23Imagine the irony of his situation.
00:15:26He was witnessing America.
00:15:28Rolling out the most brutal deportation campaign ever.
00:15:34And in the midst of that, you're the one immigrant they import.
00:15:47Maduro's probably the only immigrant who supports us.
00:15:50Yeah, he used his one phone call for them.
00:15:52He's like, hello ice, come get me man, come get me.
00:15:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:15:56No, no, come on, I'll fly myself.
00:15:57Let's work together.
00:15:58Come on, we can do this guys.
00:15:59We can do this.
00:16:04That's why I say, you don't know how it's gonna go.
00:16:06Nobody knows anymore.
00:16:08What a crazy twist of fate.
00:16:10Can you imagine?
00:16:11For decades, you ruled your empire with an iron fist.
00:16:17You terrorized people around you.
00:16:18You were violent, never held accountable.
00:16:22And now, they've taken away all your oil,
00:16:24and you're in the same prison as Nicolas Maduro.
00:16:39Ain't that a bitch.
00:16:50Ain't that a bitch?
00:16:55is that now would be the perfect time for an alien invasion.
00:17:03There's no good time. I think we can all agree on that.
00:17:07But if I had to pick a time, I would say this is the best time.
00:17:11Yeah.
00:17:14Because if aliens invade, it's not going to be good for us.
00:17:18We know. We don't stand a chance.
00:17:19They can travel through space-time. Our weapons mean nothing.
00:17:23We're probably just going to annoy them with our guns.
00:17:24Pew, pew, pew, pew.
00:17:27They're going to get here. We've seen how it turns out.
00:17:30They fly in. They're going to blow everything up.
00:17:33We've watched Independence Day. We know how this happens.
00:17:35Yeah, and even if Will Smith helps, he can only slap like one at a time.
00:17:45So what do we do?
00:17:48I think about it all the time.
00:17:50Genuinely, I think about alien invasions all the time.
00:17:53It is my Roman Empire.
00:17:57Like, what are we going to do? What are we going to do?
00:17:59I never used to think about this.
00:18:01When I lived in South Africa, this was nowhere in my mind.
00:18:04But in America, it's a real thing.
00:18:06Yeah, because when aliens come, this is where they're going to come.
00:18:12Yeah, they're going to fly here. They come straight to Washington, D.C.
00:18:15Blow up the White House.
00:18:18And they go to other countries. You know, they go to London, blow up Big Ben.
00:18:23You know what time it is.
00:18:27And they fly to other landmarks, blow everything up.
00:18:30I know, it's an issue. America first. I get it. Yeah.
00:18:36When I was in South Africa, this is something I never thought about. Ever.
00:18:40Because I knew when aliens invade, they're going to go.
00:18:42They're going to blow up the world.
00:18:44But the one place they don't go is Africa.
00:18:48Yeah, you've seen the movies.
00:18:51They never invade Africa.
00:18:53I used to watch those movies all the time.
00:18:55And I'd wait.
00:18:56In the movie, the president would come and be like,
00:18:57Citizens of Earth.
00:18:59Aliens are invading our planet.
00:19:01Then you'd see the aliens invade.
00:19:03And then you'd be like,
00:19:03Wait, I guess Africa's not on the planet?
00:19:05What is happening?
00:19:08They never invaded.
00:19:09Can you think of a single movie where they invaded Africa?
00:19:11District 9.
00:19:12No. What?
00:19:13District 9.
00:19:14District 9.
00:19:17No.
00:19:20Screw you for trying to mess up my special.
00:19:23Sitting up there in the balcony like a king.
00:19:26District 9, I tell you.
00:19:28Off with his head.
00:19:32No.
00:19:33District 9, it's a good attempt, but no.
00:19:36If you remember the plot of District 9,
00:19:39the aliens didn't invade Africa.
00:19:41The aliens crash-landed in Africa.
00:19:46And then they spent the rest of the movie trying to escape.
00:19:50Because we don't mess around.
00:20:03Hollywood is so messed up.
00:20:05Yeah, it's just like,
00:20:06What's the worst thing that could happen to aliens?
00:20:08What if they were trapped in Africa?
00:20:15Aliens never invade, man, they don't invade Africa.
00:20:17They just never did.
00:20:20I used to think it was because they felt bad for us.
00:20:23Yeah, because as a kid, I used to love watching those movies.
00:20:26I still love watching them now.
00:20:27But as a kid, I loved those movies.
00:20:31Anything with aliens, I was there.
00:20:34And my mom, she would make me like a big bowl of popcorn at home.
00:20:39And we would sit on the couch together.
00:20:40And she'd watch all of those movies with me.
00:20:42She hated them.
00:20:43But it said parental guidance.
00:20:46And she took that very seriously.
00:20:49Like, one day she was walking past.
00:20:51And then it was like,
00:20:51We recommend parental guidance for this film.
00:20:53And she was like,
00:20:54Ah, gotta watch this.
00:20:54And then she did every movie going forward.
00:20:57I would have to run and call her sometimes.
00:20:59A show would just start randomly on TV.
00:21:01And they'd be like,
00:21:01And I'd be like,
00:21:02Mom!
00:21:04Mom!
00:21:04And then she'd come in and be like,
00:21:06Everyone needs you to guide me!
00:21:10Yeah, but then like five minutes in,
00:21:11And I feel like I was guiding my parental.
00:21:13Because she would sit there.
00:21:14And then the whole movie, she'd be like,
00:21:15What's happening Trevor?
00:21:16Who are they?
00:21:17Who are these people?
00:21:17Why are they doing this?
00:21:18What's going on here?
00:21:19I'd be like, Mom, I'm with you.
00:21:20I'm with you.
00:21:21I started this movie with you.
00:21:25So she would make me like a big bowl of popcorn.
00:21:28And we'd sit there.
00:21:29And then the movie would start.
00:21:30And the alien invasion, they'd be like,
00:21:32Aliens are invading Earth.
00:21:34And the aliens would fly and fly.
00:21:35And you'd see them blowing everything up.
00:21:36And I'd be there with my popcorn like,
00:21:38First world problems.
00:21:39Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
00:21:47I probably, I genuinely thought,
00:21:48I was a little kid.
00:21:50If you asked me, like,
00:21:51How come you never see them in Africa?
00:21:52I was like, oh, because they feel bad.
00:21:54I thought the aliens felt bad for Africa.
00:21:57You know, they'd be the ship
00:21:58That would fly over each continent to blow it up.
00:22:02And then there'd be one over the African continent.
00:22:05Two aliens in the cockpit.
00:22:06Like, brr brr brr.
00:22:07Prepare to launch photon lasers.
00:22:10You'll get ready on your command.
00:22:13Three, two, one.
00:22:15Wait, wait, wait.
00:22:15Hold on.
00:22:16I think we already did this continent.
00:22:20I think we've been here.
00:22:21Negative.
00:22:22We've never been here before.
00:22:23Blow it up.
00:22:24What am I blowing up?
00:22:25Look at this shit.
00:22:26Something already happened.
00:22:27What the hell's going on here, dude?
00:22:29What am I supposed to blow up?
00:22:30Who did this?
00:22:30I don't know.
00:22:31Checking now.
00:22:32Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
00:22:32It says it was the British.
00:22:40Yeah!
00:22:43Take that, Great Britain.
00:22:45Hashtag never forget.
00:22:51You know, those alien movies, man.
00:22:54They made my day, but they terrified me.
00:22:57Because every time it didn't go well.
00:22:59The aliens fly in.
00:23:01They conquer the Earth.
00:23:02We win by luck, because it's a movie, but in real life, I don't know.
00:23:07It's not good.
00:23:08We have no chance.
00:23:10If aliens invade, we have no hope.
00:23:14Or at least we had no hope.
00:23:18Now there is.
00:23:21And it goes by the name Donald J. Trump.
00:23:27Whoever he may be.
00:23:36I don't like it, but I think it's the only way.
00:23:40Yeah.
00:23:42As soon as the alien invasion begins, we know how it starts.
00:23:46It's gonna be that giant mothership that flies into our orbit.
00:23:50That massive thing that blocks out the sun.
00:23:57They have a giant speaker under the ship that plays the music.
00:24:01It creates the ambiance.
00:24:02Yeah.
00:24:03There's one alien on the inside playing a little organ.
00:24:05He's just like, they're not ready for this one, B!
00:24:08Ha ha, yeah!
00:24:12And then they park the ship outside.
00:24:14And they send a little scout ship down to give us the bad news.
00:24:17The one that lands like, and they come out.
00:24:19Take me.
00:24:19Two-yard leader.
00:24:21All right.
00:24:22And they meet the leader, kill the leader, and then it's done.
00:24:24Yeah.
00:24:24They normally pick the most annoying alien for that job.
00:24:27All right.
00:24:27You gotta be a specific type of entitled to just believe you can speak to the leader.
00:24:31Like, who are you?
00:24:31So on the alien ship, they'll normally pick the Karen alien.
00:24:34They'll be like, all right.
00:24:36Chatting to each other like,
00:24:37Who are we gonna send down to this planet?
00:24:39Listen, Karen.
00:24:40She's the best for this.
00:24:42Karen, you're going down.
00:24:43Oh my God, why's it always me?
00:24:45I hate this so much.
00:24:46You guys are always sending me.
00:24:47I can't believe this.
00:24:48I wanna speak to the manager.
00:24:49She's perfect.
00:24:52I'm gonna send that alien down and give us the bad news.
00:24:58With Trump, we have hope.
00:24:59But we have to act quick, people.
00:25:01Real quick.
00:25:03As soon as they tell us, aliens are here.
00:25:05NASA tells us they've reached our orbit.
00:25:07We act together as a planet.
00:25:11And what we need to do is we make Donald Trump king of the world.
00:25:17I see some of you are confused.
00:25:18The good news is he won't ask any questions.
00:25:21All right?
00:25:22We just go to the White House.
00:25:23We're like, Mr. Trump, you are now king of the world.
00:25:25And he'd be like, I knew it.
00:25:26I knew it.
00:25:27Yeah.
00:25:27And then we give him a little burger king crown.
00:25:29And then we go and wait for the aliens outside.
00:25:32Aliens land.
00:25:32They come out.
00:25:33That one is just like, take me to your leader.
00:25:36And we're like, yes, welcome to Earth.
00:25:38Come on.
00:25:38Come meet the leader.
00:25:39Come meet the leader.
00:25:40Come meet the leader.
00:25:41Take me now.
00:25:41Yeah, yeah, of course.
00:25:42We're gonna take you there.
00:25:43How are you doing, by the way?
00:25:44You're looking good.
00:25:44You're on a Zempick.
00:25:45What's going on there?
00:25:45You're looking great.
00:25:46Come on.
00:25:46Come on.
00:25:47Come meet the leader.
00:25:47We get to the White House.
00:25:49And we're like, King Trump.
00:25:52This is the alien.
00:25:53Alien!
00:25:55This is King Trump.
00:25:58Are you the ruler of this planet?
00:26:02And we're like, that's right.
00:26:04I'm the ruler of this planet.
00:26:08Planet Earth, or as I call her, Big Blue.
00:26:12Beautiful, beautiful blue.
00:26:14Floating up in space.
00:26:16She's up there spinning around.
00:26:19Spinning around.
00:26:20Spinning so fast.
00:26:22You know they say we're spinning.
00:26:23I never felt it.
00:26:24I never felt it.
00:26:25But they say we're spinning.
00:26:27We're spinning around, folks.
00:26:29Spinning so fast.
00:26:31We're up there in space.
00:26:32We got a beautiful axis right through the middle of the planet.
00:26:36A big, beautiful, long axis.
00:26:39They don't make axis like that anymore.
00:26:40They really don't.
00:26:42They really don't.
00:26:42And we got that axis.
00:26:44And it's tilted, you know.
00:26:45It's tilted.
00:26:46If I was in charge, I would have straightened it right up.
00:26:50Right out.
00:26:51But that's okay.
00:26:52That's okay.
00:26:53Thanks, Obama.
00:26:56And it's up there floating up in space.
00:26:58A beautiful planet.
00:27:00Beautiful blue.
00:27:00We got a tiny moon.
00:27:01Did you see the moon?
00:27:02Beautiful moon.
00:27:04Beautiful moon.
00:27:05Looks like a nipple on a boob.
00:27:06That's what it looks like.
00:27:07Like one boob floating in space.
00:27:09Should be two.
00:27:10I always say two boobs.
00:27:11Better than one.
00:27:13Better than one, but one better than none.
00:27:15Can I say boobs?
00:27:15I said it, folks.
00:27:16I said boobs.
00:27:17And I'm the ruler of this planet.
00:27:20What do you want?
00:27:20What do you need?
00:27:21What can I do for you?
00:27:23They'd be like brr-ba-peep.
00:27:24Sorry.
00:27:25We didn't know it was already invaded.
00:27:27Poo-poo-peep-peep.
00:27:29Pee-doo-pree-peep.
00:27:40And that's how we survive.
00:27:47Be honest.
00:27:48We wouldn't be shocked if we found out he was an alien.
00:27:51I actually think we'd be relieved.
00:27:54People are like,
00:27:54Oh my God.
00:27:55That explains it.
00:27:58Yeah.
00:27:58If two aliens that looked exactly like him.
00:28:00Like a mom and dad version of him came down.
00:28:03And they land on the planet.
00:28:04They're like,
00:28:04Alright, help us.
00:28:05We left our son here many decades ago.
00:28:08Where's that baby?
00:28:09Where's that baby?
00:28:10We'll be like,
00:28:10Come on.
00:28:11Come on.
00:28:11Come on.
00:28:12Can't get your baby.
00:28:17Cause he is, man.
00:28:18He's out of this world.
00:28:24And now,
00:28:27We are living through history.
00:28:30Do you ever think about that?
00:28:33Like we,
00:28:34Are all living through history.
00:28:39And not like history like,
00:28:41Just time that passed.
00:28:43You know like,
00:28:43Cause there's that boring history like,
00:28:44And then the people settled here.
00:28:46Yeah.
00:28:46Yeah.
00:28:47Whatever.
00:28:48I'm talking about like,
00:28:49History, history.
00:28:49Where some shit happened.
00:28:50You know when you read the books and you're like,
00:28:51Yo, what was it like back then?
00:28:53Yeah.
00:28:53We're in the back then.
00:28:56That's all of us.
00:28:57My history is terrible now.
00:28:58I've realized.
00:29:00Because they record everything that is said at the White House.
00:29:03It is kept for posterity.
00:29:06Alright.
00:29:06So that means in like,
00:29:07300 years.
00:29:08There'll be scholars.
00:29:10Studying old presidents and the White House.
00:29:12And they'll be like,
00:29:13What was it like 300 years ago?
00:29:14You're like,
00:29:15I don't know,
00:29:16But the Grammys host was terrible.
00:29:19Yes.
00:29:20A total loser apparently.
00:29:27And a bunny was performing at the Super Bowl.
00:29:30Also terrible.
00:29:32Absolutely terrible.
00:29:33What a time.
00:29:40You know the w-
00:29:41The weird thing about living through history is,
00:29:45It's so much less predictable when you are the one doing it.
00:29:49Like, when you read history or when we're taught history,
00:29:52It is often presented as if it was inevitable.
00:29:57You read the stories,
00:29:58You assume that is how they would have always ended,
00:30:00Because that's how they ended.
00:30:02Like if I asked most people,
00:30:03Do you think the Nazis will always lose the war?
00:30:06They'd be like,
00:30:06Yeah, of course the Nazis would always lose the war.
00:30:08And yet at the time,
00:30:09The people who were fighting the war,
00:30:11Thought that the Nazis were going to win.
00:30:12There was a moment when it seemed like it was in their favor.
00:30:17When you're in history,
00:30:18It's a completely different gambit.
00:30:23Like whenever,
00:30:24Whenever I'm in Washington DC,
00:30:26I like to go and visit the National Museum of African American History and Culture.
00:30:31And,
00:30:34If you've never been,
00:30:35Let me tell you,
00:30:36It is one of the most profound experiences you will ever have in your life.
00:30:41It is a museum unlike any other I've ever been to.
00:30:45For a few reasons.
00:30:47One is,
00:30:48It is as complete a telling as is possible of black history in America.
00:30:55Which is history.
00:30:56But it's a history that's often not told.
00:30:58Right?
00:30:58And you go to this building,
00:31:00And unlike other museums,
00:31:01You can't just choose your own adventure.
00:31:03You know normally you walk in a museum and then it's like,
00:31:04What do you want to do?
00:31:05Dinosaurs or space?
00:31:06You pick.
00:31:07There they curate your moving through time.
00:31:10And so when you get to the museum,
00:31:12You start at the very beginning of black people in America,
00:31:14And then it moves all the way through to the present day.
00:31:17Right?
00:31:18And so it starts underground.
00:31:20Literally you go underground.
00:31:21And then it starts with slavery.
00:31:22Spoiler alert.
00:31:24And then they move you, move you, move you through time.
00:31:26And then you get to the end.
00:31:27And then there's Oprah.
00:31:35That museum truly, like it'll make you ask every question of yourself.
00:31:40I was there on my most recent trip.
00:31:42And I was walking through the beginning level.
00:31:47And it's underground.
00:31:49And it's chattel slavery.
00:31:51The transatlantic slave trade.
00:31:53And then the underground railroad.
00:31:55And so it's an emotional ride as well.
00:31:58You know, it's painful.
00:31:59It's oppression.
00:32:00And then there's this moment where you can see people rising up
00:32:04And fighting for what they believe in.
00:32:06Overcoming.
00:32:08And because it's so engaging, you see people experiencing it in a different way.
00:32:13There were these two kids next to me.
00:32:15Maybe 14 years old.
00:32:17And they were having a conversation that I was eavesdropping on.
00:32:20And the one turns to the other one.
00:32:21He's like,
00:32:21He's like,
00:32:22Yo, man.
00:32:23He's like,
00:32:23What would you have done if you was around back there, man?
00:32:25He's like,
00:32:25Would you have been a slave?
00:32:26He's like,
00:32:26Yeah, well, yo, what?
00:32:27He's like,
00:32:28Nah, they would have had the wrong one, man.
00:32:29They would have had the wrong one.
00:32:31Yo, I would have cooked ass.
00:32:33Man, you try and make me a slave.
00:32:33I would have cooked ass.
00:32:34He's like,
00:32:35Nah, you can't be.
00:32:35You can't be.
00:32:35He's like,
00:32:36Nah, for real?
00:32:36I would have cooked ass.
00:32:37I would have cooked ass.
00:32:38And they're laughing and they're engaging.
00:32:39And I was like,
00:32:40Either this is the delusion of youth,
00:32:42Which is necessary for a revolution.
00:32:43Or that's who they would be.
00:32:45Either way, it didn't matter.
00:32:47What I loved is that they were asking the question.
00:32:51Who will you be when history calls?
00:32:57Because of them,
00:32:57I found myself asking the question.
00:33:00And honestly,
00:33:03I think I need to work on my self-esteem.
00:33:05Because I came up with nothing as heroic.
00:33:10Like if you asked me,
00:33:11Trevor, what would you do during slavery?
00:33:13I'd be like,
00:33:14I would have worked really hard.
00:33:18And seen what happened.
00:33:20I don't think I would have been a hero.
00:33:22I don't have it.
00:33:23I'm impressed by people who say those things.
00:33:25If I was around,
00:33:25If I was around back then.
00:33:26Oh, if I was in the store when they robbed it.
00:33:28I would have done.
00:33:29I don't have that in me.
00:33:31I don't.
00:33:31Like,
00:33:31I would be in the field.
00:33:32And I'd just be working hard.
00:33:34And I'd be minding my own business.
00:33:35You know,
00:33:35And the guy on the horse would come.
00:33:36He'd be like,
00:33:37You better work hard, boy.
00:33:38You better pick that goddamn cotton.
00:33:39I'd be like,
00:33:39Yes, master.
00:33:40I was picking this cotton, master.
00:33:41I was picking away, master.
00:33:43Oh, but as soon as he rides away.
00:33:44Oh, I'd light his ass up.
00:33:45Oh, I would.
00:33:46I would roast him to bits.
00:33:48I'd be like,
00:33:48That dumb ass owner.
00:33:51Is he back?
00:33:56But I don't think I would have been a hero.
00:34:00Yeah, like a real hero would have showed up.
00:34:02Like Harriet Tubman would show up.
00:34:03She'd be like,
00:34:04Psst.
00:34:05Yo, Trev.
00:34:06I'd be like,
00:34:07Oh.
00:34:08Hi, Harriet.
00:34:09How you doing?
00:34:11I'm doing shit.
00:34:14I don't know what happened.
00:34:16Slavery happened.
00:34:17What you mean what happened, boy?
00:34:19You stupid or something?
00:34:20Oh, yeah, of course.
00:34:21I shouldn't have...
00:34:21Anyway, what's going on, Harriet?
00:34:23I just came to let you know
00:34:25that we're leaving tonight.
00:34:30Who's we?
00:34:33All of us, Trev.
00:34:35We're getting out of here.
00:34:37We're going, baby.
00:34:39Oh, yeah, Harriet.
00:34:40The guy on the horse says we shouldn't leave.
00:34:43He really doesn't like it when we leave.
00:34:45I think he has like separation anxiety or something.
00:34:48He should see someone about that.
00:34:49But he said,
00:34:50I don't give a shit what he said.
00:34:52We're getting out of here.
00:34:54What are you saying?
00:34:54You going to stay?
00:34:55Yeah, I think I'll stay and just, you know.
00:34:58See, see how it goes.
00:34:59See how it goes?
00:35:00What's wrong with you?
00:35:01You're not coming?
00:35:02No, I'm not going to come.
00:35:03I can't believe you.
00:35:05You light skins is all the same.
00:35:09What?
00:35:10Yeah.
00:35:11You scared, ain't you?
00:35:13You a scared little bitch.
00:35:16I am a bitch, Harriet.
00:35:17I cannot lie.
00:35:18I'm a scared little bitch.
00:35:20Look at you, scared little bitch.
00:35:23You almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel.
00:35:43Sorry, sometimes I do jokes just for me.
00:35:45I'm sorry.
00:35:48Oh, man.
00:35:53Everyone was asking themselves the question.
00:35:55Everyone.
00:35:57One of the most unique encounters I experienced happened
00:36:00when there was a group of white people
00:36:03who were standing at the exhibit
00:36:05and they were very, very liberal white people.
00:36:10Right?
00:36:10Like very liberal.
00:36:13Like very, very liberal white people.
00:36:18Like they were feeling it more than the black people there.
00:36:22They were.
00:36:25Yeah, to show how much they were feeling it,
00:36:27there was a moment where some of the black people
00:36:29who were walking around the exhibit, right?
00:36:32Because there's black people walking around the exhibit
00:36:34and there's white people there,
00:36:35because everyone can go, right?
00:36:36And so...
00:36:40The black people who were there
00:36:42were living what I would consider
00:36:43the full black experience,
00:36:45which is being a human being.
00:36:46So some people were crying
00:36:47and then a moment later,
00:36:48they were talking to their friends,
00:36:49sharing stories,
00:36:50recounting, laughing, etc.
00:36:52And one person laughed,
00:36:53was like telling their friends,
00:36:54like, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah.
00:36:56And then the woman,
00:36:58there was a white woman here,
00:36:58who was like the leader of the crew,
00:36:59she turned at that laugh,
00:37:01was like, ha, ha,
00:37:01and she was like, shh.
00:37:03Shhh.
00:37:04Kuh.
00:37:15That's how liberal they were.
00:37:19And just when I thought she couldn't top that,
00:37:21she was looking at a photograph,
00:37:23one of the first pictures that's ever really been taken,
00:37:26and it was a picture of a white man on a plantation,
00:37:31standing there, smiling, standing in a field,
00:37:34just like smiling in the picture.
00:37:36And this woman is standing,
00:37:37looking at the picture,
00:37:38and she's like...
00:37:43If I was there when that was happening,
00:37:48I swear to God,
00:37:49if I was there when that was happening,
00:37:55I would have never smiled.
00:38:04You know what a sentence has the exact conclusion
00:38:07you did not predict?
00:38:08Like, this was...
00:38:09I thought she was...
00:38:10If I was there, I would have fought,
00:38:12I would have freed,
00:38:13I would have...
00:38:14No, no, no.
00:38:14She's like,
00:38:15I would have had slaves,
00:38:16but I wouldn't have enjoyed it.
00:38:19Just be crying.
00:38:20I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
00:38:22I'm so sorry.
00:38:23Yeah, dust behind the couch as well,
00:38:25but I'm so sorry.
00:38:26I can't.
00:38:31It was really, really something.
00:38:33You know, you move through that level,
00:38:35therefore more than an hour.
00:38:37At the end of it,
00:38:38I was so taken by the question that I was asking myself,
00:38:41who will you be when history calls,
00:38:44that I texted one of my best friends,
00:38:47David Meyer.
00:38:47He's actually the first American I ever became friends with.
00:38:50He came to South Africa by chance 20 years ago,
00:38:53was on, like, a school project.
00:38:55We met by chance,
00:38:56became friends by chance,
00:38:57and then he convinced me to come to America and do comedy,
00:39:00which I had never planned to do.
00:39:00The rest is history.
00:39:01So we've been friends since that day.
00:39:03Right?
00:39:04And, yeah, it's a beautiful story.
00:39:06And also, our lives are so different.
00:39:09He's this six-foot-five,
00:39:11lanky white boy from North Carolina.
00:39:14Sweetest guy ever, super sincere.
00:39:16And because of that,
00:39:17I love playing pranks on him.
00:39:20And as we left that exhibit,
00:39:22I texted him,
00:39:22and I was like,
00:39:23yo, Dave, I need to ask you a favor.
00:39:26And he responded, he's like,
00:39:27yo, dude, what's up?
00:39:29And I said,
00:39:30if slavery comes back,
00:39:33do you promise to have me as one of your slaves
00:39:36and treat me really well?
00:39:39And then he responded,
00:39:41he was like, dude, what?
00:39:46And I said,
00:39:46do you promise to have me as your slave
00:39:48and treat me very well?
00:39:50And he was like,
00:39:51what are you talking about?
00:39:52And I said, yes or no?
00:39:55And then,
00:39:56I just saw the little dots,
00:39:57and it was like typing,
00:39:59typing,
00:40:01typing,
00:40:02typing,
00:40:04typing,
00:40:06typing,
00:40:07typing,
00:40:09and then he called me.
00:40:12I was like,
00:40:13yo, what's up?
00:40:14He's like, dude,
00:40:14what are you even talking about?
00:40:16What is happening?
00:40:17What do you mean slavery?
00:40:18I was like,
00:40:19I just want to know from you, Dave.
00:40:20If slavery comes back,
00:40:22do you promise to have me as one of your slaves
00:40:24and treat me really well?
00:40:24He's like, dude, no.
00:40:25What do you mean?
00:40:26Slavery is not coming back?
00:40:28Slavery is not coming back?
00:40:29I was like,
00:40:29that's what they said about Ghostbusters.
00:40:30Just answer the question.
00:40:32Will you or will you not have me as one of you?
00:40:34He's like, no, dude, no, no, no.
00:40:36I would never have you as one of my slaves.
00:40:39I would never,
00:40:39dude, I would never own slaves,
00:40:41like enslaved people, actually.
00:40:43I would never have enslaved people.
00:40:45I don't think that's right.
00:40:46I was like,
00:40:46yo, save your sanctimony is bullshit right now, Dave.
00:40:48I just want to know if you would have me as one of your slaves or not
00:40:50and treat me well.
00:40:51He's like, no,
00:40:51I would never do that.
00:40:52I was like, oh, okay.
00:40:53I see.
00:40:54So you're just going to let me be somebody else's slave.
00:40:56That's what you're saying.
00:40:57Huh?
00:40:58Slavery comes back,
00:40:58and now they catch me,
00:41:00and now they're busy whipping me.
00:41:01Now I'm jango out in these streets.
00:41:02Huh?
00:41:03Yeah?
00:41:03I'm getting whipped because my best friend
00:41:05wouldn't use his white privilege to help me
00:41:07by making me one of his slaves
00:41:09so that we could hang out.
00:41:10Huh?
00:41:11I'm in a field.
00:41:11I could be with you in the house playing PlayStation, Dave.
00:41:13Huh?
00:41:14Yeah.
00:41:14We could be back in Call of Duty in Verdansk
00:41:16like the good old days.
00:41:17But no.
00:41:18You want to be so woke
00:41:19that I get whipped by another white person
00:41:21who wants to keep slaves.
00:41:22He's like, no, dude.
00:41:22Dude.
00:41:23I was like, you want me to be a slave?
00:41:24He's like, no, dude.
00:41:24I was like, you want me to be whipped, don't you?
00:41:25He's like, no, dude.
00:41:26Okay, okay, okay.
00:41:27He's like, okay.
00:41:27All right, fine, dude.
00:41:28If slavery came back,
00:41:29then yeah, I'd have you as one of my slaves
00:41:31and I'll treat you well.
00:41:32I was like, aha.
00:41:33So you would have slaves.
00:41:39I was like, all right, I got to go.
00:41:41And he's like, no!
00:41:45He still hasn't forgiven me.
00:41:54Who will you be when history calls?
00:41:58It's so much easier when it's hypothetical.
00:42:04As you move from one exhibit to the next,
00:42:09move through Reconstruction, Jim Crow,
00:42:12you get to the Civil Rights Movement,
00:42:17and it's impressive on its own,
00:42:19but because it has now been 60 years
00:42:21since the I Have a Dream speech,
00:42:25they've expanded the part of the exhibit
00:42:27that looks at Dr. Martin Luther King's life.
00:42:33And you get to see his writings, his thoughts,
00:42:37his journals, his letters to other people,
00:42:40his letters to the public,
00:42:41his correspondences with his friends,
00:42:44interviews, you name it.
00:42:45Like, you see his life in a detail
00:42:47that I think very few of us ever have.
00:42:52And I don't want to speak for everyone,
00:42:54but I feel like when we're taught about MLK,
00:42:58it's a really sanitized, flat version of his life.
00:43:03Do you know what I mean?
00:43:04It seems really simple and inevitable.
00:43:07You know, whenever you're taught the story,
00:43:09it's just like, there was a man named MLK,
00:43:11he didn't like what was happening,
00:43:13and he marched on the bridge,
00:43:14he had a dream,
00:43:16and he lived happily ever after.
00:43:17Happy MLK Day, 50% off your mattress.
00:43:22But...
00:43:24But when you see his life,
00:43:26it's not like that.
00:43:26Because that, like, genuinely,
00:43:27when people talk about it,
00:43:28you know, there'll be like,
00:43:29Happy MLK Day,
00:43:30and then it's a...
00:43:31It almost sounds like a Disney movie.
00:43:33It has like the same plot as a Disney movie,
00:43:34you know, it's just like,
00:43:35this summer, you know,
00:43:37one man,
00:43:38one dream,
00:43:39changed the world.
00:43:40I have a dream.
00:43:42Timothee Chalamet is Martin Luther King,
00:43:45only on Disney+.
00:43:49That's how it feels.
00:43:56But when you see his life laid out,
00:43:59I mean the minutiae of his days.
00:44:02The things that he and the people around him were experiencing.
00:44:07He was arrested somewhere around, like, 29 times
00:44:11over the course of, like, four years.
00:44:14Trumped up charges.
00:44:15Sometimes he was left in a jail cell by himself,
00:44:17wasn't given food, wasn't given a phone call, nothing.
00:44:21Sometimes he was beaten,
00:44:23sometimes they just...
00:44:23Like, you see this man's life in detail.
00:44:26They chased him out of towns.
00:44:29The federal government came after him.
00:44:32J. Edgar Hoover himself,
00:44:33the head of the FBI,
00:44:35designated Martin Luther King
00:44:36as the most dangerous man in America.
00:44:40And then the FBI ran a concerted campaign
00:44:43to destroy him.
00:44:44They try and break up his friendships
00:44:46and his working relationships.
00:44:47And the most sinister thing they did was
00:44:49they tapped his phones,
00:44:50and they found out that he was having an affair.
00:44:53And they phoned his wife, Coretta Scott King,
00:44:56and they snitched on him,
00:44:57because they thought that they would destroy his marriage
00:45:00and destroy the movement.
00:45:02Yeah.
00:45:03The FBI tried to dish gossip on Martin Luther King.
00:45:08Totally changes how you see the organization.
00:45:11Alright?
00:45:12The FBI seemed so serious.
00:45:14Now you get the real picture.
00:45:16They're in that J. Edgar Hoover building
00:45:18in the morning.
00:45:20What are you working on, Kowalski?
00:45:21Drug enforcement, sir!
00:45:22What about you?
00:45:24Uh, sir, criminal crimes,
00:45:26specifically financial.
00:45:27And you?
00:45:27Drama!
00:45:34You see everything that happened to MLK.
00:45:37Everything.
00:45:37Some of it internal,
00:45:39because he writes about it.
00:45:39Some of it external,
00:45:40because people are observing.
00:45:44One of the sections that really lays out
00:45:45what it was like is a four-year stretch
00:45:48where Dr. King and other black people
00:45:51would try to go and get served in restaurants
00:45:56that were segregating black people
00:45:58and weren't allowing them to get food.
00:46:00They would walk into the restaurants,
00:46:01they would sit down,
00:46:03dressed to the nines,
00:46:03and they would get denied service.
00:46:05They would get kicked out,
00:46:06they would get cursed at,
00:46:07spat on.
00:46:09Often times they were beaten.
00:46:11Leave with concussions,
00:46:13bleeding.
00:46:13They'd go home,
00:46:14they'd wash up,
00:46:15they'd come back,
00:46:15they'd do it again.
00:46:16Go home, wash up, do it again.
00:46:17Go home, wash up, and do it again.
00:46:18And now, when we talk about it,
00:46:20we go, well, they did the right thing
00:46:21because look how it turned out.
00:46:22Yes, but when you read his life,
00:46:24you go, it wasn't inevitable.
00:46:27There was no guarantee that it was going to work.
00:46:29There was no sign that it was working.
00:46:32And yet, they persevered.
00:46:35And when I was looking through his life
00:46:37and when I was reading his works
00:46:38and I was looking,
00:46:39I was like,
00:46:40was there ever a moment when he regretted?
00:46:44Was there ever a moment when he regretted
00:46:46what he had gone through,
00:46:47what he was doing?
00:46:49Like when he tasted white people's food
00:46:51for the first time?
00:47:00No, because you realize,
00:47:01until that point it was theoretical, right?
00:47:04Black people had never been served
00:47:05in these establishments.
00:47:06They only wished to be served
00:47:07in these establishments.
00:47:10But they had never eaten there.
00:47:12Right?
00:47:13They would just sit down at the counter.
00:47:14And the owner would come and be like,
00:47:15God damn it!
00:47:16I told you,
00:47:16I don't want your kind around here!
00:47:18Get out of here, boy!
00:47:19And he'd be like,
00:47:19Oh, my brother, I have a dream.
00:47:21I have a dream that one day,
00:47:23regardless of the color of our skin,
00:47:25all people will be allowed to sit here,
00:47:27our brothers and sisters,
00:47:29black and white alike,
00:47:30and America will come good
00:47:31on its promise that all men are created equal.
00:47:34I have a dream that one day...
00:47:36Oh, shut up!
00:47:37You've won.
00:47:38They changed the laws.
00:47:39Look at the TV.
00:47:41Here's your food.
00:47:44Thank you very much.
00:47:57Oh, shit.
00:48:03Now I have a new dream.
00:48:08I have a new dream that one day
00:48:10white people will discover seasoning.
00:48:14And I have a dream that they will no longer
00:48:17consider black pepper to be a spice.
00:48:21I have a dream that we will all come together
00:48:24to defeat the real white devil,
00:48:26mayonnaise.
00:48:35Can you imagine how awkward it must have been?
00:48:39That first walk after that first meal?
00:48:43Martin and his boys walking into the parking lot.
00:48:47Dead quiet.
00:48:58For this shit, Martin.
00:49:03For this shit, Martin.
00:49:05I'm so sorry, fellas.
00:49:07I didn't know.
00:49:07God damn it, Martin.
00:49:08You had them whipping our ass for this shit?
00:49:10Did you taste that food?
00:49:12I thought it was delicious.
00:49:13That's why I thought they were blocking us.
00:49:15I apologize, fellas.
00:49:16I'm so sorry, fellas.
00:49:18My bad.
00:49:18God damn it, Martin.
00:49:19That shit tastes like depression, man.
00:49:21Is this the shit we've been fighting for?
00:49:22I'm so sorry, everybody.
00:49:24I'll make it up to y'all.
00:49:25I'll buy everybody Popeyes on the way home.
00:49:37Who will you be when history calls?
00:50:00You know, the conundrum of life is that just because the big is happening
00:50:11doesn't mean that the small stops.
00:50:16Just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops.
00:50:25It's one of the conundrums of life.
00:50:28How much of the big do you focus on?
00:50:31And how much of the small do you pay any heed?
00:50:37It was captured perfect for me.
00:50:38There was an exchange that I saw online between two people.
00:50:41Someone posted, just graduated, really excited, got straight A's,
00:50:46party at my house, everyone's invited.
00:50:48It was a joke, obviously.
00:50:50Not everyone, because of the internet.
00:50:51Not everyone's invited.
00:50:52And then people started posting.
00:50:54And then someone jumped in the comments and was like,
00:50:56really?
00:50:57Throwing a party at a time like this?
00:50:59Read the room.
00:51:00Look around you.
00:51:01Is now the time to be celebrating?
00:51:03This is not the time to throw parties when we're at it.
00:51:05And it was this whole thing, and then it devolved into a huge fight.
00:51:07And I'll be honest with you,
00:51:08I could actually see where both people were coming from.
00:51:11Emotionally, I got it.
00:51:13On the one hand, someone was saying,
00:51:14how can you throw a celebration at a time when it feels like
00:51:18the world as we know it has fallen apart?
00:51:21How can you be joyous when it looks like every norm and institution
00:51:25we have understood that makes up the fabric of society is falling apart?
00:51:29Our public trust is falling apart.
00:51:31Our trust in each other is falling apart.
00:51:32How can you throw a party?
00:51:33But the other person was saying, how can I not?
00:51:37I have lived and worked my entire life to get to this place.
00:51:40I have finally achieved it against all odds.
00:51:44And so for this moment, I wish to enjoy.
00:51:47And both are right.
00:51:49Right?
00:51:50Both are right.
00:51:55In every hospital around the world, there's a ward where a baby has just been born,
00:51:58and another where somebody has just died.
00:52:03Jubilation at the start of a new life.
00:52:06Despair at the loss of someone you've always loved.
00:52:09Neither ward, incorrect.
00:52:12But then which one do you focus on?
00:52:19I got an answer for myself in one of the most random places.
00:52:22I was reading a book that was accounts from soldiers who served during World War I.
00:52:31And they're talking to veterans who had been there at the time.
00:52:34And this book goes through their experiences.
00:52:39And a lot of them talk about the trench warfare,
00:52:41which was some of the worst warfare man has ever invented.
00:52:45It went on for years and years and years.
00:52:47And these soldiers would cycle in and cycle out.
00:52:49Every day could have been their last.
00:52:52And in the midst of all of this despair,
00:52:55there's one common thread that you see with every single soldier that they speak to.
00:52:58Almost every single one.
00:53:00And that is that they found their joy in the trenches.
00:53:05They have these moments where they host card games.
00:53:09And they play around.
00:53:10They had a satirical newspaper that they started.
00:53:13And they'd make jokes about their commanding officers
00:53:16and what was happening in the war and each other.
00:53:18And one of the wildest things I read was there was a day when a cow walked into the battlefield.
00:53:25So it was in no man's land.
00:53:26It was perfectly between the Allies and the Axis.
00:53:29And it was like...
00:53:29So it was like both sides wanted the cow.
00:53:33And then they shouted across to the Germans.
00:53:36And they said, we want the cow.
00:53:37And then the Germans were like, no, we want a cow.
00:53:40And then they agreed.
00:53:41They said, okay, let's play a game.
00:53:42We'll throw up coins in the air and we'll try to shoot them.
00:53:46Whoever hits the coin gets to keep the cow.
00:53:49And then the English soldiers shot the coin.
00:53:52And then the Germans were like, okay, you win the cow, but we'd like our coins back.
00:53:58And then the English soldier went, got the coins and was like, oh, they're going to kill me.
00:54:02And then got the coins and then gave them to the Germans and then ran back and got in the
00:54:04trenches.
00:54:05And then everyone was like, fun game.
00:54:09You think it's littered with story.
00:54:10There were stories of soldiers singing to each other on evenings randomly.
00:54:14They would sing across enemy lines at the other soldiers.
00:54:20And the other soldiers would sing back.
00:54:23Can you imagine that?
00:54:24You're in a trench.
00:54:25Your feet are rotting.
00:54:27Everyone's tired, scared.
00:54:29In the midst of that, all of a sudden someone's just like, say you.
00:54:41They found their joy in the trenches.
00:54:46And it hit me because it made me realize they remembered what they were fighting for.
00:54:50They were fighting to live.
00:54:51They weren't fighting to fight.
00:54:53If you forget what you're fighting for, then there's no point in fighting.
00:54:57You're fighting to be joyous.
00:54:59You're fighting to explore yourself.
00:55:00You're fighting to have adventures.
00:55:02You're fighting to laugh.
00:55:03You're fighting.
00:55:03You don't just fight to fight.
00:55:06You're fighting to live.
00:55:08Just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops.
00:55:23My therapist told me that I am undateable.
00:55:32Yeah.
00:55:35In a session, and she just turned to me and she said, Trevor, I think it is because you
00:55:39are undateable.
00:55:41And I was like, huh, I guess you also didn't like the Grammys.
00:55:48She told me this at the end of a session, which I feel like should be legal.
00:55:53Right?
00:55:53Well, like therapists will drop a bomb on you at the end of a session and then just expect
00:55:58you to wait.
00:55:58It'll just be like, yeah, and that's why your father could never love you.
00:56:01And you're like, what?
00:56:02Oh yeah, we've run out of time.
00:56:03I'll see you next.
00:56:03No!
00:56:04No!
00:56:05Next video!
00:56:05Next video!
00:56:06I don't want to wait a week.
00:56:07I want Netflix therapy, not HBO!
00:56:13And I had to wait two weeks and then in my next session, I was like, wait, wait, let's
00:56:16go into it.
00:56:17And I was like, yeah, skip recap, skip recap.
00:56:18Let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:56:19And she was like, well, you know, Trevor, I was thinking about, you know, you and relationships
00:56:23and what we're talking about.
00:56:24We're talking about my inability to be in a long-term relationship and I was trying to understand
00:56:28why and we're delving into it and she said, I think it's because you are undateable.
00:56:32And then she broke it down for me.
00:56:34She said, there are a few reasons.
00:56:36I think you work too much.
00:56:38I know you love your work, but you work too much and that doesn't create a good balance
00:56:41in your life.
00:56:42She said, also, you travel too much and being in the same place is crucial for building
00:56:49a solid relationship.
00:56:51But I'll be honest with you, those things are really just the side dish.
00:56:56The main course and the real issue I have is, as my therapist put it, I have an inability
00:57:05to not say what is in my head.
00:57:13And she taught me that one of the keys to a long successful relationship is knowing when
00:57:21to think and when to speak.
00:57:25Yeah.
00:57:27And I was like, ah, I don't have that problem.
00:57:29I'm a good communicator.
00:57:30She's like, no, Trevor, you, often times, you have thoughts and you immediately say them.
00:57:35You just have the thought and it comes out your mouth.
00:57:37And Trump was like, tell him, girl.
00:57:48I was like, I don't know, I don't think I have that as a problem.
00:57:51I think it's probably something I was like, no, no, no, I've got notes.
00:57:53Hold on, I've got some notes.
00:57:55And she pulled out the notes and she's like, let's go through some examples.
00:57:57And there was one example that really, yeah, it's, she was right.
00:58:01Um, it happened with a, with an ex-girlfriend of mine.
00:58:05It was the fracture that led to the end of the relationship, really.
00:58:09It wasn't the moment, but that fracture caused the outcome.
00:58:14We were, we were getting ready for bed.
00:58:18It was an innocuous night, brushing our teeth, getting into the covers.
00:58:23And then before we turned off the lights, we started talking to each other and we got really cozy.
00:58:28You know those moments where you're with the person you love and you, you just find yourself in the rabbit
00:58:32hole of stories you've never told and feelings you've never shared and you're laughing and you can feel you're falling
00:58:37more in love.
00:58:39And we're lying there on the pillows, you know, looking at each other and she's there staring at me.
00:58:45And all of a sudden she's like, hey, um, can I ask you a question?
00:58:51I was like, yeah.
00:58:53Yeah, of course.
00:58:55She's like, if you could change one thing about me, what would you change?
00:59:07Now I have since learned that there is a correct answer to this question.
00:59:16Uh, and yes, one correct answer.
00:59:19Regardless of how unique your relationship is, if you want to win this game show question, the answer you give,
00:59:27if she says to you, if there's a woman in your life and she says, if there's one thing you
00:59:31could change about me, what would you change?
00:59:33The correct answer is nothing.
00:59:36Aha.
00:59:37Yes.
00:59:38I wish you were all there with me that night.
00:59:40Yes.
00:59:42Correct answer is nothing.
00:59:45You say nothing, babe.
00:59:47I would change nothing about you because everything you are makes you perfect for me.
00:59:57If anything, can I be honest?
01:00:00I would change myself.
01:00:04I would change myself so that I would be better able to receive the love that you so freely give.
01:00:12That is what I would change.
01:00:16That's the unabridged answer, should you wish to use it.
01:00:20Yeah.
01:00:22That is not the answer I gave.
01:00:25Nope.
01:00:26I said what was in my head.
01:00:29She looked at me, she said, if you could change one thing about me, what would you change?
01:00:36And I was like, oh, one thing.
01:00:43Ooh, one thing.
01:00:46Oh, one thing, one thing.
01:00:48Wow, that's a tough one.
01:00:49One thing.
01:00:51Only one.
01:00:52I went, oh, okay.
01:00:53Let me think.
01:00:53Hold on.
01:00:54Let me think.
01:00:54Let me think.
01:00:55It was only one thing.
01:00:56What would I change?
01:00:57What would I change?
01:00:59Okay.
01:00:59Okay.
01:00:59Um, I think I got it.
01:01:01If I could change only one thing about you, I would change how you communicate.
01:01:08During sex.
01:01:10And she was like, what?
01:01:15Yeah.
01:01:16And then it snowballed.
01:01:19I know I was wrong, so please don't judge me.
01:01:22I know I was wrong and I'm working on it.
01:01:24I'll explain to you what was going through my head.
01:01:26All right.
01:01:26What happened that night is, first of all, I thought it was a real question.
01:01:31Okay.
01:01:32Secondly, secondly, I was trying to express a feeling that I had.
01:01:38And that feeling was a confusion that I would often have and sometimes a frustration.
01:01:41When my girlfriend and I would be getting intimate, right?
01:01:44We'd be in an intimate setting and she would say, and I'm not trying to be lewd or anything,
01:01:48right?
01:01:48She would be like, oh, I'm going to come.
01:01:50I'm going to come.
01:01:50I'm going to come.
01:01:51Right?
01:01:52Which, by the way, ladies, is the greatest phrase you can ever say to a man.
01:01:55Like ever, ever, ever.
01:01:56There is nothing a man wants to hear more in his life than that sentence.
01:02:00You say that sentence, we have reached the pinnacle of manhood.
01:02:03We have achieved.
01:02:04We have arrived.
01:02:05Yes.
01:02:06You say that and we're like, me, Tarzan.
01:02:08It's done.
01:02:10It's done.
01:02:10And it is so powerful on us ladies that we will reach a level of our masculinity that
01:02:16we didn't even know we possessed.
01:02:18Yeah, you say that to us and we will become stronger.
01:02:20We will overcome things that we couldn't.
01:02:22Our fatigue goes out the window.
01:02:24Yeah.
01:02:25Yeah.
01:02:25We forget about that cramp.
01:02:26We, like, any situation.
01:02:29Like, sometimes, sometimes we can't breathe.
01:02:31You know?
01:02:31Sometimes we can't breathe.
01:02:33Sometimes our nose is blocked.
01:02:35And, and what we're doing at that time is we're moving from breath to breath.
01:02:40Right?
01:02:41So we're doing our thing.
01:02:42We're doing our thing.
01:02:42We're doing our thing.
01:02:43And then when we run out of air, we, like a whale breaching, we'll pop up.
01:02:50And then we'll dive back into the depths of your pleasure.
01:02:54Right?
01:02:55And, and this is fine.
01:02:56It's a rhythm that every man has figured out for themselves.
01:02:58Right?
01:02:59But, but, but ladies understand, we are going from breath to breath.
01:03:02And when you say, I'm going to come, we then go, this is not the time to breathe.
01:03:10This is my calling.
01:03:11I have but one breath and I shall use it well.
01:03:16And so we hold it and we keep going.
01:03:20We keep going.
01:03:21We keep going.
01:03:22And we try to get you there.
01:03:24Now the thing I didn't know at the time was when my ex would say the phrase, I'm going
01:03:29to come, what she actually meant was, the action you're performing on me is quite pleasurable.
01:03:37And I would like you to continue.
01:03:40Please continue exactly what you are doing right now, at the same cadence and preferably
01:03:46same pressure.
01:03:48Don't get excited because I said that phrase.
01:03:50Don't switch things up.
01:03:52Just do exactly what you are doing now.
01:03:55Cause you're on the right track.
01:03:58You got this champ.
01:04:00Keep going.
01:04:01Before you were all over the place.
01:04:03But this is it.
01:04:05If you do this, there's a good chance that I am going to reach my climax.
01:04:10So you keep going buddy.
01:04:11You got this.
01:04:12I believe in you.
01:04:13You're getting warmer.
01:04:16That's what she meant.
01:04:19Right?
01:04:20But you got to understand that's confusing.
01:04:22That's confusing ladies.
01:04:23Right?
01:04:24Because you're saying this thing.
01:04:25I'm going to come.
01:04:27And I understand now.
01:04:27Like fellas, when women say like, I'm going to come.
01:04:30In many ways they're saying it the same way a person at a bus stop would say.
01:04:32The bus is going to come.
01:04:34Right?
01:04:36They mean you are at the correct location for a bus to coincide with yourself.
01:04:42This is where the bus will come to.
01:04:45But the when is the issue.
01:04:48The when is where we are not connecting.
01:04:51Because ladies, men, we are quite literal about this.
01:04:54You see when women are saying it, it's theoretical.
01:04:56When women are like, I'm going to come.
01:04:57It just means that this is the right direction.
01:05:00Going could be three minutes.
01:05:03She could come in 15 minutes.
01:05:07It could be her next relationship.
01:05:11Nobody knows.
01:05:14But you've got to understand ladies, we're not breathing.
01:05:18We're not breathing.
01:05:19We're holding our breath.
01:05:20We are at our limits.
01:05:21You need breath to live.
01:05:23This is probably why men live on average 10 years younger than women.
01:05:26Because of all the breaths we've missed waiting for this to happen.
01:05:29And it does not happen.
01:05:30There's nothing wrong with it not happening.
01:05:31It's just that we didn't know.
01:05:32We didn't know.
01:05:33Because we're a lot more literal when we communicate.
01:05:34We're simple creatures, men.
01:05:35It is what it is.
01:05:37Like a dog.
01:05:37Where's the ball?
01:05:37There's the ball.
01:05:38Where's the ball?
01:05:38There's the ball.
01:05:39When men say, I'm going to come.
01:05:41It means that the come is going.
01:05:47The moment is imminently upon you ladies.
01:05:50That is what I mean.
01:05:51When a man says, I'm going to come.
01:05:53This is the time.
01:05:55There is no other.
01:05:56There is no ad break you can take.
01:05:58There is no pause you can make.
01:05:59The come is happening in this moment.
01:06:03You cannot blink.
01:06:04You step in the road, the bus will hit you.
01:06:05That's what I'm saying.
01:06:06The bus is there now.
01:06:07The bus is there right now.
01:06:09You'll be like, where's the bus?
01:06:10There's the bus.
01:06:10There's the bus.
01:06:11When he says, I'm going to come.
01:06:13That is it.
01:06:14Like sometimes we already have.
01:06:16I'm not going to lie.
01:06:17Sometimes it's already happened.
01:06:19I'm just going to be honest with you.
01:06:20Sometimes it's already happened.
01:06:21And we were trying to not make it happen.
01:06:23And then we're like a little kid snitching on ourselves.
01:06:25We just mess up the tents.
01:06:26You know, we're like,
01:06:27Mommy, I'm going to break something in the kitchen.
01:06:29It's already broken.
01:06:31It's already broken.
01:06:32And so that's why the worst thing you can say at that moment ladies is,
01:06:35Oh, not yet.
01:06:36No, yet has already occurred.
01:06:38Yet has concluded.
01:06:40And now our manhood has been crushed with this tiny little phrase.
01:06:43You say, not yet.
01:06:44And then we're like, oh, yet.
01:06:45And then we try, but you cannot.
01:06:46It's finished.
01:06:47It's fading away.
01:06:48We know it is.
01:06:49And so then we just were like, I'm going to do it anyway.
01:06:51What do you mean you're doing it?
01:06:52I'm doing it anyway.
01:06:53Oh my God.
01:06:53I can't believe you wouldn't wait for me.
01:06:55I'm a man.
01:06:55I do whatever I want.
01:06:56You can't tell me when I should or shouldn't.
01:06:58So you don't care about me.
01:07:00And that's why I'm still single.
01:07:04Yo, DC.
01:07:05You guys have been amazing, man.
01:07:06Thank you so much for coming out tonight.
01:07:11Thank you for coming.
01:07:13Have a wonderful evening.
01:07:15Good night.
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