- 11 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:06Mom, if you're going to order it like that, I'm not going to take you to my favorite bagel
00:10place anymore.
00:11Oh, what's the big deal?
00:13I don't want both sides toasted, so I order a nice cool bottom with a piping hot top.
00:20Speaking of a hot top, that's mine.
00:23What?
00:24No, I've had this thing forever.
00:26No, look, look, there is a mustard stain on the elbow, and the tag is still on it, in
00:32case I could return it without them noticing the elbows.
00:35Well, that's what's been sticking me.
00:38Yeah, that's better.
00:42Mom, you cannot just wear my clothes whenever you want.
00:46Well, you can't blame me.
00:47If your apartment was bigger, we wouldn't have to share a closet.
00:51You're right.
00:52It's my fault.
00:53Well, how can I expect you to recognize your own clothing in such a small space?
00:58I forgive you, my dear.
01:01But the good news is, I think it looks best on me, don't you?
01:05I'm just the accountant.
01:07Hey, hey.
01:08My eyes are up here.
01:12And if you'll excuse me, I have a stain to get out.
01:20Oh, my God.
01:22Hand me that lemon.
01:23Hand me the lemon.
01:31That's better.
01:35You know, if I knew Val when I was studying narcissism, I could have brought her in for extra credit.
01:41Ironically, the first thing you think of is how a narcissist could have helped you.
01:47Hey, can you take care of this for me?
01:49The property taxes on Daddy's house are due to you.
01:52Bobby, as your accountant, I have to say, you either have to sell that house,
01:56or don't tell me I'm burning it down for the insurance money.
02:00I can't believe you haven't sold that yet.
02:02We cleaned it out over a month ago.
02:04Remember?
02:05I move stuff while you look through stuff.
02:08It's on the market.
02:09I'm just waiting on the right person to make an offer.
02:12You know who's the right person?
02:13The one who makes an offer.
02:17Just take care of that, please.
02:20Looks like someone could use some help dealing with their feelings.
02:23No, thanks.
02:24I'll talk about it with a real therapist.
02:27Hey, my eyes are up here.
02:34Sometimes it feels like a big old fight
02:38To get through the day and sleep on through the night
02:42But here you'll find a place that'll surely lift your spirits
02:48You belong in Hat Beats Place
02:53Ooh, that's a nice gift basket.
02:56I didn't know we knew any classy people.
03:00From a family who wants the house
03:02Like I'm some good-time Sally
03:04They can just buy with popcorn.
03:07Uh, I think they meant it as a nice gesture.
03:09Oh, really?
03:10Well, it just so happens that popcorn gives me gas.
03:13What do you think about that now, huh?
03:16I think that you're having a hard time
03:18Picturing someone else living in Happy's house.
03:20That they'll replace all your memories
03:23With ones of their own.
03:25Oh, my gosh, you've solved the problem.
03:29I'm cured.
03:30You can go now.
03:32I'm just saying I know this is hard.
03:35Yeah, it is.
03:37I think I could let the house go
03:38If I knew that the people living there
03:40Were gonna fill it with love and happiness.
03:44Hey
03:47Steve told me that you haven't sold Happy's house yet
03:49Well, congratulations
03:51I have your buyer
03:53I don't like where this is going
03:56My mom
03:57It just got worse
04:00She's got money
04:01She said she screwed dad in the divorce
04:05Which normally would bother me
04:07But I have got to get her out of my apartment
04:10I thought she was staying with you
04:11So the two of you could work on your relationship
04:13Yeah, well, we can't work on our mother-daughter issues
04:15If we're working on roommate issues
04:18Like how I hate the sound of her chewing
04:19Which is even worse
04:21When she's eating
04:23I mean, who can chew milk?
04:29I don't think this is a good idea, Gabby
04:31No, please, Bobby
04:32Please, I am desperate
04:34We just need a little space between us
04:36I think she'd be easier to take
04:38If she was half a city away
04:39And not attached to me
04:40Like a barnacle with chardonnay breath
04:44Barnacles actually try to support
04:45The ecosystems they're attached to
04:47You know, like coral reefs
04:51I'll be quiet now
04:54Okay, I'll let her look at the house
04:57But I can't promise anything
04:58Okay, thank you
04:59Thank you, thank you, thank you
05:01Freedom!
05:06Uh, Val doesn't sound like the buyer you were looking for
05:10What was I supposed to do?
05:12You saw how important that is to Gabby
05:14Maybe Val won't like it
05:15Are you kidding?
05:17The house is quaint, charming, and homey
05:20She'll hate it!
05:22So you're going to let Val be the villain?
05:24You mean am I gonna let Val be Val?
05:26Yup
05:30Dakota, can you cover the kitchen tomorrow night at dinner?
05:32I've got a, uh, thing
05:35No problem, appreciate it
05:38Not a thing?
05:39Emma doesn't have things
05:43I bet this is his date with Monica
05:45Oh, I don't know if we're ready
05:49We?
05:51This is your date with Monica
05:52Isn't it?
05:53Isn't it?
05:55What about it?
05:56Okay
05:57I wish we had more time
05:58But I guess we'll have to work fast
06:01I'll bring you back a doggy bag
06:02But you can't come
06:04Okay, there's a men's store in Kingston Pike
06:07Where we can get almost everything
06:08But we'll have to make the alterations overnight
06:11So expect to pay extra for that
06:14So while I'm there
06:15You can go to Italy
06:15And buy me some custom-made shoes
06:17It's a long flight
06:18So you should leave now
06:21Emmett, what you wear tomorrow is important
06:23Haven't you heard the expression
06:25Clothes make the man?
06:27Yeah, and I'm pretty sure it was invented by a man who make clothes
06:32I'm trying to help you
06:33So tell me, what are you planning on wearing?
06:35Uh, this
06:38And I might take the apron off
06:41I forbid it
06:43You forbid it?
06:45Let me take you shopping
06:46Let's at least get you a decent top
06:48Steve, I have lived my entire life without buying a top
06:51So
06:53Don't worry about me
06:55All right
06:57Nobody pays attention to clothes
07:03Don't listen to the Batman
07:09Well, come on in
07:13Well, are you sure we're okay to leave the car parked out here?
07:18Of course, Mom
07:19It's an adorable little street
07:21Next to a community garden
07:22I think we all know what that means
07:26Willie Nelson's bus will be pulling up twice a week
07:31Well, I hope you like the house more than you like the neighborhood
07:34I hope so too, Bobby
07:36Thank you
07:39Well, let's get this tour started
07:41This is the living room
07:43Wow, Mom
07:45Look at all of this space
07:47It is quite big
07:50The tip of the tongue, lips and teeth
07:54The tip of the tongue, lips and teeth
07:58What are you doing?
07:59I'm checking the room's resonance
08:01And?
08:02It's very bad
08:05Yeah, most of the rooms don't resonate right
08:07That's why we've had trouble selling the place
08:10Plus, it's drafty
08:12You know, which is something you can easily fix
08:14Right, Bobby?
08:15Oh, absolutely
08:16We used to just roll up a towel and stick it underneath the front door
08:20Well, if it's good enough for a frat house
08:23Very good
08:23Mom
08:24Mom, look at this beautiful built-in bookshelf
08:28It'd be perfect to display your decorative bowls
08:31And my bleak vases would look lovely here as well
08:34Hmm
08:35Well, there used to be more shells
08:36But the termites decided we didn't need that top
08:41Termites?
08:41Well, we'll get to put up one of those big fun tents
08:46Hey, Mom, why don't you go check out the kitchen, okay?
08:49I hope at the very least there's decent natural light
08:52Be prepared to be disappointed
08:56Bobby, why are you being so honest about everything that is wrong with the house?
09:00Well, I'm sorry, but as a responsible seller
09:03I need to give her all the information
09:05It's my mother
09:06If she's not bound by the truth, why should you be?
09:11Bobby, is this cutting board built right into the counter?
09:15Yes, it is
09:16Super convenient
09:17And impossible to clean
09:35Hello, everyone
09:38What the hell is this?
09:40I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about
09:43Why are you dressed like me?
09:45How could you notice how I'm dressed when nobody pays attention to clothes?
09:53You know, if you put him on your lap, you two could do a ventriloquist act
09:59Emmett, people do notice clothes
10:01Monica definitely will
10:04Knock it off
10:05I'm already nervous enough about this date
10:07You didn't seem nervous before
10:09I was lying
10:12Monica, I thought you were ready to put yourself out there
10:15Well, I'm not
10:17I mean, I know who I am here
10:19And I know who I am at the fishing shack
10:21At a football game
10:24Problem is, I don't know who I am out there
10:28You be yourself
10:30Emmett, to me
10:32Clothes are a shield I get to put on before I face the world
10:35The right turtleneck sweater
10:37Can change my mood from life
10:39It's a hellish carnival to
10:40Maybe being human isn't so bad
10:45That's one hell of a sweater
10:48It's not the sweater
10:49It's the confidence it gives me
10:52And that's what I was trying to give you
10:54But the most important thing, Emmett
10:55Is that you feel like yourself
10:57Because you are magnificent
11:02Hey Emmett
11:03Dakota
11:05Emmett
11:13Oh, and you're welcome to keep the rug
11:15We only bought it to hide the water damage
11:18Should have bought something to hide the rug
11:22Well, I could tell you just to buy another one, Mom
11:24But I'm sure there's a reason that's stupid
11:27People will still know that what's underneath is flawed
11:32Wearing a pretty dress didn't get you invited to prom, did it?
11:36There it is
11:39Okay, well, have you seen all you need to see?
11:41I think I have
11:42Okay, don't feel like you need to spare my feelings
11:44These older homes aren't right for everyone
11:46An old home
11:49I should have put her in an old home
11:53Come on, Mom, back to hell
11:54Wait, wait, wait
11:56With my follow-through and attention for detail
12:00This is the perfect home for me
12:03Congratulations, I'd like to buy it
12:06Hallelujah
12:08Well, wait a minute
12:09Did I tell you we have rats?
12:11You can't even get a cat because the rats will kill it
12:14I never met a rat I couldn't drive away
12:18It's true
12:19All animals, really
12:21What about the flooring and all the water stains
12:24And all the other things that made you go, yeah?
12:28I love a project
12:29And this house has great bones
12:32All I have to do is get rid of the old skin and the organs
12:37Organs?
12:38You mean like the heart?
12:39Speaking of hearts, mine is bursting with joy
12:43And I'll start with the backyard
12:45It's a complete do-over
12:47I mean, that ramshackle shed
12:50Has to go
12:52That shed is where my mama made her pottery
12:54My bleak vases are pottery
12:57I'm pretty sure your mother was just playing with clay
13:03Oh, Mom, you are hilarious
13:05Look at her
13:06Already filled this place with laughter
13:09That shed is where my mama made things out of love
13:12And I'll be go to thunder
13:13If I'm going to let a cold, heartless woman tear it down
13:17Excuse me?
13:19Bobby, please
13:22I'm sorry, Gabby
13:23Sale is off
13:28Well, you know how I hate to criticize anyone
13:33But your friend is an awful person
13:45I thought you said popcorn gives you gas
13:48It does
13:51I'm punishing myself
13:55Okay
13:56Except in a way you'll be punishing me, too
14:01I feel terrible
14:02You should have seen Gabby's face when I told her
14:04I wasn't going to sell Daddy's house to her mother
14:07I'm sure she understands
14:08She knows how hard it is for you to let go of Happy's house
14:12It's not just Daddy's house
14:14If anything, it's more Mama's house
14:17Oh
14:18So this is about your mother
14:21Everyone forgets about her
14:24Like she didn't matter, but she did
14:25She mattered a lot
14:28Do you want to tell me about her?
14:31What was she like?
14:34Well, Daddy had the personality
14:36But Mama was the gloom
14:37And she filled our house with love
14:40And made it a home
14:45That's why you haven't been able to sell
14:47Now you have the tavern to keep Happy alive for you
14:50But the house is where you remember your mother
14:55Well, never thought about it like that, but yeah
14:59And you want it to be filled with love and happiness
15:02The way she always did
15:04Now don't get me wrong
15:05We had our share of fights
15:07Some of them were doozies
15:10I mean, you've met me
15:11Imagine me as a teenager
15:14Yeah, Red Thunder on steroids
15:18I don't like that
15:21Great, sorry
15:22The point is, Mama never let anybody leave the house until they talked it out
15:26She always said that you can't fix a problem unless you're in the same room with it
15:32Well, let me ask you this
15:34Who would your mom want to have the house?
15:36The perfect family or family that needed a place to fix their problems?
15:42Perfect family
15:46I know that's not right, but I wanted to give it a shot
15:53You heard anything from Emmett about the date?
15:55No
15:56And I'm sick about it
15:57Sick and nervous
15:59Sick, nervous and worried
16:00And filled with regret
16:02Sick, nervous, worried
16:03Filled with regret
16:04And sad
16:04Steve
16:07So the answer's no
16:20Emmett
16:20You are beautiful
16:24You clean sharp, my brother
16:26Yeah, yeah
16:27Laugh it up
16:28Nobody's laughing
16:30You look fantastic
16:32So how did it go?
16:34Well, I'll be honest
16:35I felt silly at first
16:36I kept waiting for her to ask
16:38But why the hell are you dressed like that?
16:42If she had asked that
16:43I would have fought her for you
16:45But
16:47I felt good
16:49Might even say
16:50I felt handsome
16:52So
16:53Are you two going to go out again?
16:55Yeah, well
16:55That didn't come up
16:56So
16:57Maybe
16:58Didn't go so well on her side
17:00How could it not?
17:01You're a
17:03Goateed fox
17:06Is it for Monica?
17:08Tell us
17:09Tell us
17:11Most fun I've had
17:12In a long time
17:13Can't wait for my next date
17:15With the best dressed man
17:18In Knoxville
17:20The goateed fox
17:22Scores
17:24And as a dear friend of mine
17:26Once said
17:27Clothes make the man
17:45Well, I have to say something
17:48When you drive fast
17:50It reflects poorly on me
17:53Yes
17:53But the ride ends much sooner
17:57Someday
17:58You'll be speeding
17:59Have a horrible car crash
18:01End up under a truck
18:03And then
18:03What man will want you?
18:07Don't I think I swallowed a crown?
18:11Hey Bobby
18:12Gabby
18:14Val
18:17Hello
18:18Hello
18:20Well, I was thinking about what I said yesterday
18:23And
18:24Val
18:26If I was rude
18:27I'm sorry
18:28No, that's all right
18:30And you were
18:32But I'm not the one who has to live with your guilt
18:37Listen
18:38I might be willing to sell you the house
18:40Really?
18:41Done
18:41Get the papers
18:43On one condition
18:44Oh, Bobby
18:44I have to stop you right there
18:46I can't agree not to change a lot of things
18:49And I know your parents meant well
18:51But I can't let people think
18:53I did this
18:56This house
18:57Held our family together
18:59And I think Mama would want to pass that along
19:02Great
19:02All right
19:03Should I get a lawyer
19:04Or will a handshake do?
19:06What exactly are you saying, Bobby?
19:08Okay
19:08I'm willing to sell the house to you
19:10If you agree that you and Gabby live here together
19:17Like with cameras
19:21For a reality TV show
19:24You know she doesn't show up on film
19:29Gabby, you wanted to deal with your issues with your mother
19:32Issues?
19:34What is she talking about?
19:38I'll tell you later
19:40You two don't need to be in a place
19:43Where you're away from each other
19:44You need space, yes
19:46But you can't fix a problem
19:48If you're not in the same room with it
19:49I'm sorry
19:50I should be taking notes
19:51I didn't realize this was going to be a lecture
19:55That's the deal
19:56Take it or leave it
20:00Well
20:01What do you think, Mom?
20:04It is a big place
20:06Three bedrooms
20:07Two bathrooms
20:08You won't have to wait to use one
20:10While I finish quietly screaming
20:14Well, God knows
20:15I could never say no to my daughter
20:19You never said no to me
20:21Even when it hurt me
20:23A mother's pain begins with labor
20:26And it never really ends
20:30Please
20:31You said you had an epidural for conception
20:36I don't like that
20:41Bobby
20:43It's a yes
20:47Well then
20:48Welcome to your new home
20:49And Bobby
20:50I want you to know
20:52That I will do everything in my power
20:53To finally make this a home
20:55To be proud of
20:59Okay
21:00Excuse me
21:01I need to go quietly scream in the bathroom
21:05Also
21:06Should we hug?
21:07No, we did that last week
21:18The end of the interview
21:19I'm trying to go
21:19I'm trying to come
21:19And get back to the back
21:19Now
21:19This one
21:21I'm trying to go
21:21I'm trying to go
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