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00:00Do you want to come and see my bed, Simon?
00:02It's new.
00:03Oh, it's like satin, isn't it?
00:05Isn't it? Cute.
00:07It's very nice.
00:08I'm just going to have a little lay down. Is that all right?
00:09Well, you'll be the first man on my bed.
00:12And I expect to be the last.
00:14I don't want to hear any more. Oh, my God.
00:16Oh, my God. This is nice, isn't it?
00:19Is it?
00:19Yeah, night-night. Night-night, Jane.
00:25No!
00:27What an entrance.
00:28I'm living for this.
00:30Taser him.
00:30Oh!
00:31We are going to talk like this all.
00:33I don't think so.
00:34Yay!
00:34Oh, here we go.
00:36What is that?
00:37Oh, shut up.
00:38This doesn't look real.
00:39I don't think it is.
00:40A framboisier. What's a framboisier?
00:44Oh, I knew it.
00:45No!
00:45This looks dodgy, doesn't it?
00:47Does? Why is it dodgy?
00:48This is going to go down so badly.
00:50None of us learn, do we?
00:53Wow!
00:54I hate you!
00:56Must remember that, Bella.
00:58This is what everyone came for.
01:00The lamp bells were ringing with me, Mary.
01:03At least the nipples are covered.
01:04Yeah.
01:05It's half the battle.
01:05In the week the Brit Awards went to Manchester, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:13Alexander Armstrong was on the loose in India.
01:16Extreme poverty, spectacular wealth, all jostle alongside each other in a full-on riot of colourful chaos.
01:24I do feel like I'd like to explore the world a little bit more, because there's so much to see.
01:30But I get scared of going somewhere I've not been before.
01:32I'm very, like, I like to stay at the same places.
01:35I just think there's so much to see in Durham and Newcastle.
01:38I'm happy where I am.
01:40People were getting uncomfortably close on Channel 4.
01:43Can I just have my arm up here?
01:45Yeah.
01:46Yeah.
01:51You know what?
01:51I do kind of get what it's like to be handcuffed to somebody difficult, you know,
01:55because every time I come round here and sit with you, it's the same kind of vibe.
02:00Nobody's got a gun to your head.
02:03You're round my house, you've come round.
02:06See what I mean?
02:07Being difficult already.
02:09And famous faces were feeling flummoxed on Channel 5.
02:14Pink wafer and milk chocolate digestive.
02:17Oh!
02:18You can steal Matt and Sally.
02:21It's a nice game, this Mary.
02:23Very relaxed.
02:24And it doesn't have any of the stupid background noise that the others have.
02:29Yeah.
02:30See?
02:33Very good, Mary.
02:35Do you want to do that again?
02:36No.
02:45In Leeds...
02:46Toby's texted me, he said he's left me a present upstairs.
02:49Let me go and see what it is.
02:52Aww.
02:54Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
02:57He's such a wet wipe.
02:59He's not.
03:00Why has he got you then?
03:02I don't know if he's put a card in.
03:03What has he...
03:04Oh, the smell nice.
03:05The smell lovely.
03:07Nothing.
03:07For Frig's sake.
03:11For Frig's sake.
03:12That's what you get for gloating with your flowers.
03:16Spill juice on me own carpet!
03:19This week, the love blind hopefuls of Netflix had stepped out of the pods and into the next phase of
03:25the dating game.
03:26You're just coming onto the motorway of love, really, aren't you?
03:29You think about it, you know, with the getting engaged and getting married.
03:33You know, me and Paige, you've got a couple of miles under our belt on the love motorway now.
03:36Yeah, I'd say I'm probably off the slipway gaining speed.
03:39Yeah, yeah, whereas we are, we're cruising at 70, you know, holding on for dear life.
03:46When everyone says wash your type, I mean, I don't think I have a type.
03:50Well, I do, but I'm trying to change my type.
03:55There's quite a lot in there, let's unpack that.
04:01The couples have just met about a week ago and now they've moved in together.
04:06Yes.
04:07They haven't got the ick yet.
04:09This is where it all starts, though, Jenny, because they've moved out the pods now.
04:12Oh, right.
04:14This is it.
04:14Look face to face.
04:16I'm so excited.
04:18See what Chewie's doing.
04:20You ready?
04:20Now, for Jessica and Chris, everything's been going unbelievably well, but it is a homestead, so that could change.
04:25You don't know anybody until you've seen their living environments.
04:29Yeah, it's just crazy, like, you're here.
04:31I know.
04:31I can't wait to see your place, too.
04:33I know, I'm so excited.
04:34I think you look at me like that, but normally after a few glasses of Prosecco.
04:40I don't know why he doesn't take his hat off in the house.
04:42I know I've said this repeatedly, but I'm so excited to come home to you.
04:46Oh.
04:47This is over the moon, yeah?
04:53Oh.
04:54Kiss me quick.
04:54You get kisses, too, boy.
04:55Well, there's a sick bucket.
04:57Do you know why?
04:58Because we're not used to seeing it on here.
04:59No, no.
05:00This is it, you see.
05:01I think so much coming, though, Lee.
05:03No, I just think it's fucking jealousy.
05:04Yeah.
05:11Hello?
05:12Well, there's a sigh coming in, wasn't it?
05:14So much off now.
05:16Mmm.
05:17There's been a switch up in the body language.
05:19How's your day?
05:23It's productive.
05:25Yeah, how so?
05:26He just gave a cold shoulder.
05:28Energy's well off me.
05:29Not even giving her a kiss hello.
05:31Where'd she go last night?
05:32Where'd I go last night?
05:34He's trying to think of where he went last night, so what he's saying isn't actually where he was.
05:38If you had called for two minutes and been like, hey, like, I just really feel like I need to,
05:42like, see my friend and, like, fucking decompress and talk, and I'm...
05:45Oh, this isn't good.
05:48He's not thinking about you, love.
05:50If Josh didn't call me one night, I'd have been fuming.
05:54Hmm.
05:55I would have enjoyed the peace.
05:57Instead, getting a text being like, I'm getting a drink with your friend, I'm staying down here.
06:01Oh, he ditched her last night.
06:02Yeah, Chris went out.
06:03Chris went out last night.
06:04No phone call, nothing.
06:05And, like, that was it.
06:06Like, I don't need to be in constant communication.
06:08It's not constant communication, it's just basic manners.
06:12I sent you one text today saying that and saying that I love you and you didn't say anything back.
06:17Something going on here, girl.
06:19And he didn't say anything back.
06:21That'd be it.
06:22If Toby did that to me while he's in Windsor and I'm in Leeds, I'd be straight on that M1.
06:27Very vast difference from being in constant communication with someone.
06:31He wants to try going out with us.
06:32It'd be 66 risk calls later for me.
06:36I feel like a lot of my life, I wasn't as direct as I need to be.
06:39Oh, no.
06:40Oh, here we go.
06:41Do you think we have a good physical connection?
06:43Oh.
06:45Uh.
06:46Uh.
06:48He wants out.
06:49You do not say something like that to a woman.
06:50Hell no.
06:51I do.
06:52Do you not?
06:52I feel like it's super important.
06:54Oh, my God.
06:55He doesn't fancy her.
06:56I'm trying to, like, pick my words carefully.
06:58Mm-hmm.
06:58Yeah, you better.
06:59You better.
07:00And that's one thing as a man, you know, you've got to pick your words carefully, you know,
07:03because I said some shit, you know.
07:05Yeah.
07:06Like, for me, like, just to be totally honest.
07:09Please.
07:10And, like, without sounding like a fucking dickhead.
07:12Yeah.
07:12You're going to sound like one.
07:14So just go ahead.
07:14He's not even giving her eye contact so we know what's coming.
07:17Go for it.
07:17I date people who, like, fucking do, like, fucking CrossFit and shit.
07:20Mm-hmm.
07:21Oh, whoa!
07:22So he's basically saying that she doesn't look like he thought she looked like and he's not into it.
07:27What a wanker.
07:29It's he blind.
07:30I wouldn't...
07:30She's gorgeous.
07:32Somebody who, like, works there all the time and, like, has, like, a different type of...
07:37He's still at it.
07:38Oh, no, you do know.
07:40Come on, spit it out.
07:41A different type of, like, body.
07:43Oh!
07:44Red flag.
07:45Knob.
07:46Get rid of.
07:47Yep.
07:47You're, like, five foot three.
07:49Who are you to talk about her physique?
07:52Sorry.
07:55I wouldn't expect to that.
07:58Can you stand up for me so I can have a second look?
08:01It's just, like, somebody who does fucking, like, Pilates every day or, like, someone who's, like, working out every day.
08:07She's a doctor.
08:08She ain't got time.
08:09This is what I mean.
08:09She's busy.
08:10Saving lives and shit.
08:11What are you doing?
08:12He's hardly brown painting himself.
08:14Brown shit more like.
08:15I feel really stupid.
08:17Why?
08:18Because you're fat shamed and that's why.
08:20You're a tosser.
08:21Me not working out every day is even a sentence that came up in this conversation.
08:25It's blowing my mind.
08:26Oh, my gosh.
08:27I just don't even...
08:28What am I about that?
08:28That is exactly what you've just said.
08:31You want somebody who does Pilates every day.
08:34You pipe.
08:36My body isn't good enough for you.
08:38Like, I'm never going to be like, oh, please still love me.
08:40That's not what I'm here for.
08:42Well done.
08:43Good for you, girl.
08:44Amen.
08:44I'm not at the gym like a little bunny or a little hamster going round in a wheel.
08:51I'm saving fucking lives, you tosser.
08:56Go on, girl.
08:58Go see your mates.
08:59Down bottles of Prosecco.
09:01Screech to Westlife and call him a bastard.
09:06In Blackpool.
09:08Guess what I made this week?
09:09I don't know.
09:11Banana bread with chocolate chips in.
09:13Oh, yeah?
09:14Well, nice.
09:15Pete and his little sister, Sophie.
09:17What's come over you?
09:18Why have you decided to do that?
09:19Just woke up and I thought, I'm making a banana bread today.
09:23Got all the ingredients delivered.
09:25Knocked the shit out of it.
09:26Me and Ben tried it.
09:27It was lovely.
09:28This is what I love about your life.
09:29Completely different to mine.
09:31Pace-wise.
09:32Yeah.
09:33I'm woken up and I'm making banana bread.
09:35Yeah, you're constantly fire-fighting.
09:38I'm getting a load of shit at work.
09:39You, I'm going to make banana bread today.
09:44On Saturday night, more show-offs were giving it their all on ITV.
09:49Do you know, quicker do I leave my seat, he's in his straightaway and he...
09:53Oh!
09:54Your talent could be making me cocktails because I feel like you've really upped your game on them.
09:59I'm going to leave out the Glaced Cherries next time.
10:03Do you remember the time when we was rehearsing for the local talent show?
10:07Ha-ha-ha!
10:08Ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:09We'd done rehearsing for about two hours and then, um...
10:12Then realised we're not shit.
10:14Yeah.
10:15Ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:15None of us can sing.
10:17Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:20I'm scared.
10:21I'm scared.
10:22Oh, no!
10:23Oh, it's going to be so scary.
10:24I'm not in the mood.
10:26I love it when they do all the dark, weird, eerie stuff.
10:32Oh, no!
10:35Oh, chains, Tracer, chains.
10:41What in the S&M is going on here?
10:44He's got a ring there around his neck.
10:46It's not dominatrix, is it?
10:48Jesus Christ.
10:49Who knows you can't have sex on you, you dick?
10:52Here we are now.
10:57What's he got there, a white?
10:59Oh, where's that going?
11:02And it's you.
11:04Oh, my God.
11:05Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
11:06Oh, my God, I don't know if I can watch this.
11:09Oh!
11:11Oh, no, no!
11:15Oh, look at his ears have stretched.
11:21Oh, no, this isn't entertainment, this is it.
11:23It's not entertaining me, is it, you?
11:25Oh, I feel sick.
11:26I suppose it's original.
11:28I haven't seen that before.
11:32Original?
11:33Yeah.
11:39Oh, no!
11:40Oh, no!
11:41Oh, no!
11:41Oh, no, it's on the nips.
11:41Oh, no, it's on the nips.
11:43Can't stand it on the nips.
11:49Oh, my God!
11:50Oh!
11:52Is it?
11:53No, I can't cope with this now.
11:55Tell me when it's stopped.
11:58That is wild, that.
12:00What did that?
12:01He was...
12:02Oh, hey!
12:04This is all a bit weird for Britain's Got Talent.
12:06I'm sorry, this is on the wrong bloody channel.
12:08This needs to be on after Watershed.
12:11Well, he still has one more appendage, Nutty, that he could hang things from.
12:16No, he wouldn't be allowed to do that on a family show.
12:21What's going on here?
12:23No, no, we're still going again.
12:24No more.
12:27Oh!
12:28Well, it's both of them at the same time.
12:30Ears and nipples.
12:32Oh, God.
12:34Go.
12:35Go?
12:36Go where?
12:37Where's he going?
12:41Is it her weight?
12:42Is he going to have her weight?
12:44Yes, yes, yes.
12:44Oh, my God.
12:46Oh, don't.
12:47No, no, no.
12:53I can't watch.
12:54Is he what if they just tear off?
13:00I love how she's giving it all that.
13:02Yeah.
13:03We're not looking at you, love.
13:04We're looking at his neck.
13:11Is that it?
13:12Thank God for that.
13:13You can't unsee that, can you?
13:15No.
13:15You really can't.
13:17Do we clap?
13:17Yeah.
13:27In all...
13:28Hey, Jenny, do you know this morning I went out shopping?
13:31Yeah.
13:31Somebody opened the door for me and went, oh, thank you very much.
13:33Didn't say a thank you.
13:35Nothing.
13:35No.
13:35You know, just didn't say a word to me and out.
13:38Best friends, Jenny and Lee.
13:40And then I give this woman the trolley as I was going out.
13:44Yeah.
13:45You know, I said, oh, you can have mine.
13:47She just took the trolley and went off.
13:49She didn't say nothing to me at all.
13:51She didn't, thank you or nothing.
13:53No, no.
13:54Just like you did when I gave you a cup of tea.
13:58You'll never say thank you.
14:01On Monday night, Jonathan Ross had a daring new show up his sleeve on Channel 4.
14:07How would you like to be handcuffed to me, Mary?
14:09Well, effectively, I'm handcuffed to you.
14:12You're never more than a few yards away.
14:15Have you ever been handcuffed?
14:16And I don't mean by police, because then we all have.
14:20No, we haven't.
14:22Could you survive being handcuffed to a total stranger?
14:25No, absolutely not.
14:27Not a chance.
14:2718 people have agreed to do just that.
14:31For a big guy, I'm getting a little nervous.
14:33Oh, I've seen him on something before him.
14:35From a posh baronet with a former prison officer.
14:38Well, I think it's a bit chalk and cheese.
14:39I don't know what you think.
14:41This is to their total opposites, isn't it?
14:44Yeah.
14:44To a self-confessed prude with a porn star.
14:47This gets even better.
14:48Oh, he's a porn star.
14:50Is that where you...
14:51Is that where you said, where have I seen him before?
14:55Oh, no.
14:56The last pair standing...
14:58Come on.
14:59We don't do that round here.
15:01..will win ÂŁ100,000.
15:04Oh, my goodness.
15:06There's a huge incentive.
15:08I don't think there's anything that I wouldn't tolerate
15:10for that kind of money.
15:15Oh, it must be awful.
15:16Oh, they're going to have a life of hell with each other.
15:18At the just.
15:19In the programme, we saw prison officer George,
15:23paired with Baronet Sir Benjamin Slade,
15:26who was taking him on a tour of his gaff.
15:28So when was this house first built?
15:30The room you were in was there in 878.
15:34878?
15:34Yeah.
15:35That's fucking Alfred the Great, isn't it?
15:36So he switched on then, George.
15:39Fucking 878?
15:41Fucking Alfred the Great!
15:42He knows his history, doesn't he, Mary?
15:44That was a painting done by a famous artist,
15:49the German chappie.
15:51Arnold Hitler.
15:52Ooh!
15:53Hitler!
15:54Hitler.
15:55Oh?
15:55Huh?
15:56A German chappie?
15:59I wouldn't want his painting in my house
16:02because of what he did to humanity.
16:04That is the horror of a human being.
16:06Tell him, George.
16:07Tell him again.
16:08It's pretty dark that somebody would want to work by Hitler
16:11in their house, isn't it?
16:12It's very typical of the upper classes, Mary.
16:15They love to provoke.
16:17Oh, no, no, no.
16:19Nigel, come here.
16:20Nigel!
16:20Nigel the Dark.
16:22Please tell me he's not named after Farage.
16:24Yes, he's Nigel.
16:26You're lying.
16:27Oh, my God.
16:28Nigel Farage.
16:30The other one's Boris Johnson.
16:31Go!
16:32Nigel and Boris.
16:34Where's Margaret Thatcher?
16:35She's got to be knocking around somewhere, hasn't she?
16:37Quasi, come here.
16:39Quasi.
16:40Quasi's a good dog.
16:41Quasi!
16:42Quasi!
16:43Quasi!
16:44What?
16:45Quasi!
16:46Quasi!
16:46Quasi!
16:47Quasi!
16:47Well, it looks black, isn't it?
16:50What's wrong with it?
16:51It looks black, huh?
16:53These lovely, politically incorrect statues.
16:58These racist statues, aren't they?
16:59They're racist.
17:00These people were princes.
17:02Oh, hold on.
17:03They're black, African slaves.
17:05They look like they're in servitude.
17:07How do you know they're black slaves?
17:08Well, look, they've got loincloths on in submission.
17:13Oh, what do you mean they're in submission?
17:14Of course they're in submission.
17:15Do you know why they're like that?
17:16Because they've got their hands up.
17:17Please, please help me.
17:18No, no you do that.
17:18It's because the glass table goes on top.
17:20Oh, my dear.
17:24You're missing the fucking point here, Ben, lad.
17:27A bit later, Sir Ben invited some of his mates round for a dinner party.
17:37Oh, what's that?
17:39Christ, he hasn't just got a plum in his mouth.
17:41He's going up his arse and all.
17:43He's like a Harry Enfield character.
17:47Nigel Farage.
17:48Oh, here we go.
17:50He is the most dynamic politician that has been in this country for 20 years.
17:55Oh, my God.
17:57I'm just embarrassed to be watching this.
18:00She's taking to vote for him.
18:02Oh, in the same way it was exciting to vote for Mussolini and Hitler and Trump.
18:08Oh, he's lifting all the fucking dictators now.
18:10Come on, come on, come on, come on.
18:11This is also what I love.
18:13He's way more educated than any of them at the table.
18:16He has way, way more general knowledge.
18:17None of them thinks that as well.
18:19With dinner over, Sir Ben is far from satisfied.
18:25Why would you do that?
18:26About to talk down to me.
18:27Oh, my God.
18:29The bickering now, them two.
18:30Sir Ben's raging at George here.
18:33They're going for a pow-wow in the garage.
18:34I want my phone.
18:37There's the rules.
18:38He's not allowed his phone, is he?
18:39No.
18:40Are you going to get it or not?
18:41I'm not, no.
18:42Get my phone.
18:43Oh, he's so rude.
18:45Ben is not used to people saying no to him.
18:47No.
18:47I don't think they'll fucking tell me what I'll fucking do in my own fucking house.
18:51I'll fucking tell them.
18:52They'll fuck with me.
18:53Oh, he's pissed off now.
18:55Oh, my mouth, innit?
18:56It's all coming out now.
18:57Don't it sound good when it's boss.
18:59Fucking, fucking, fucking.
19:01Fucking do my fucking house.
19:03Are you sure you want to do this?
19:05Yeah, I don't know.
19:05Are you sure you...
19:06I've got no choice.
19:07He's going to go and take off.
19:09Don't treat me like that in my own house.
19:12I can tell them.
19:12Right.
19:13I don't want to be part of a wrist cutter.
19:15What?
19:15He's cutting it.
19:17He's cutting it.
19:17No way!
19:19Oh!
19:20100 grand down the pan.
19:22Done.
19:22George will be fuming.
19:24He could have put up with his bollocks for 100 grand.
19:26George could have done it.
19:30Incafilly...
19:31Dave, what did you think of that meal in a week?
19:33Well, I don't know.
19:35Well, my bloody burger was like cardboard.
19:37I'm not a lover of burgers.
19:39Dave and his wife, Shirley.
19:41Oh, I did like the dessert.
19:43Creme caramel.
19:45No.
19:45You kind of stuck it.
19:46You thought you was going to have a...
19:47Creme brulee.
19:49Brulee.
19:49Is there no?
19:50Brulee.
19:51Brulee.
19:52Creme brulee.
19:54No, well, I said to her, are the three mini desserts on the offer?
20:00She said, yeah.
20:01And she comes back with one.
20:03I thought, frigging hell.
20:05You want a shot?
20:06Are you on Sun England?
20:08Well, I come back to the trunk.
20:09Let's see where I go.
20:11I'm having the three mini ones.
20:13When they came up and put that in front, you were like that.
20:16Well, that's it, isn't it?
20:17On Monday night, there was something puzzling about Jeremy Vine on Channel 5.
20:23We always watch these quiz shows, won't we?
20:25Oh, no, but we're bloody useless.
20:27It doesn't take a lot to puzzle you, does it?
20:29No, darling, it doesn't take a lot to puzzle me.
20:32And as I get older, it gets easier and easier by the day.
20:38I like it.
20:40Hello, welcome to Celebrity Puzzling Valued Viewer.
20:43Scribble?
20:44No.
20:47Nuts and crosses.
20:48It's time to make some serious shapes as we take on Shapeshifters.
20:53Oh, heavens.
20:55Oh, let's cut some shapes.
20:56The shape on the right-hand side is what's on the board,
20:59and you've just got to be clever enough to transfer that shape onto that board.
21:04Yes.
21:05Adjectives in D-I-S-C-O by Ottawa.
21:08Remember the song?
21:09Yeah.
21:09D-I-S-C-O.
21:11Right.
21:15Desirable, Irresistible, and Super Sexy?
21:17Oh, it's Desirable, Irresistible, Super Sexy.
21:19It definitely says Super Sexy in D-I-S-C-O, so it's Irresistible.
21:24Desirable.
21:25Let's have a look.
21:26Desirable, Irresistible, or Super Sexy?
21:28Yeah!
21:29Yeah!
21:30Julie, I got that one!
21:31UK place names.
21:32Love you next.
21:33Wonderful.
21:34Fanny Barks.
21:36What?
21:36Christ, Cockup and Itchy Bottom.
21:39Well, they've red earrings, they need a lot of them.
21:42Oh, they? Oh, right.
21:43It's a kind of a reverse L. Look at that, on a corner.
21:46Wet Wang.
21:47It's not far from here, is it, Wet Wang?
21:49There's a lovely chip shop at Wet Wang.
21:51I think...
21:53Lower Swell is a place.
21:55Lower Swell is definitely a place.
21:56Where did you see Lower Swell?
21:57Top left.
21:58Top left.
21:59Below Bulge.
21:59Lower Swell is definitely a place.
22:01Great Cockup.
22:02I think Wet Wang might also be one as well.
22:04Did I see Wet Wang?
22:06You've gone for Wet Wang.
22:07Great Cockup and Lower Swell.
22:10I've gone for Fanny Barks, Magnum Sheath and Prats Button.
22:13Fanny Barks, Magnum Sheath and Prats Button.
22:16Oh!
22:17Oh!
22:18No!
22:19No!
22:19Let's see if that's right.
22:21So I could be right there, yeah?
22:23I'm going Wet Wang.
22:24Are you doing...
22:25Wet Wang, Great Cockup, Lower Swell.
22:27Yeah.
22:27Now then.
22:28Now then!
22:29Wet Wang, Great Cockup and Lower Swell.
22:32Yes!
22:33Wait, you don't know yet?
22:35Let's see if that's right.
22:37I'm right.
22:38Am I right?
22:39Well done, like...
22:41Oh, I'm good at this.
22:42I want to be Lord of Wet Wang.
22:44I'm surprised those place names haven't been cancelled by...
22:50People might be triggered by it.
22:52Young people feeling triggered.
22:53Oh!
22:56Join the dots.
22:57Yeah, you can do this one, Julie.
22:58Join the dots.
22:59Here we go.
23:00Soap.
23:01Oh.
23:02One word.
23:03Here come the lines.
23:04Palm olive.
23:06Redox.
23:07That was a guess.
23:10Is it soap opera?
23:12Or...
23:12Yeah.
23:13Crossroads.
23:14Coronation Street.
23:14No, it's one word.
23:17Oh, what is it?
23:19Crossroads.
23:20Crossroads.
23:22Crossroads.
23:23Do you remember Crossroads?
23:24I do.
23:26No way!
23:28Da-da-da!
23:29Oh, soap!
23:30I'm never thinking soap fucking like actual bar soap.
23:35Called Crossroads.
23:36I'm thinking like...
23:37Imperial Leather.
23:38Dub.
23:39Yeah.
23:40The Rock.
23:41Like Dwayne The Rock, or what?
23:46That's the G-I-P...
23:48What?
23:50G-I-P-
23:51What?
23:51G-I-P-
23:53The Rock.
23:54One word.
23:54Gibraltar?
23:56Gibraltar?
23:56G-I-P-
24:00Oh!
24:01Oh!
24:02What do you mean?
24:03Oh, my God!
24:05American singer.
24:06Oh, gosh.
24:07It could be anyone.
24:07Two words.
24:09Diana Ross.
24:11What is that?
24:12Bon Jovi.
24:13No.
24:14Is B.
24:17Br-B-Brian.
24:19Brian.
24:20F-Bri-Bri-Bru.
24:22B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B
24:24-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B!
24:24Oh, Britney Spears!
24:25No, no, no.
24:29Ben...
24:30Benson!
24:30What's his name?
24:30B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Z-B-B-B-B-B
24:32-B-B-B!
24:32Benson Boone!
24:34Benson Boone!
24:35he says is that right difficult that one see i don't know i don't know who benson boone is
24:42do you know who benson boone is i've no idea who is he
24:55in bristol chum i left this little bit for you thank you i respect that you that i would have
25:02left you what listen i would have left at least a cup but i'm saying you know i know what
25:06trem's
25:07like trem just only wants like a quarter or half a cup brothers jermaine twain and tristan truth be
25:13told that's perfect for me thank you yeah you might just want a little just a just a taste yeah
25:18what
25:19would the word be like a planet uh planet palette cleanser that's it yeah not a planet cleanser
25:25palate cleanser that's the word i couldn't get my words up but yeah you might want to cleanse your
25:30pilot with that all right vladimir put it on friday itv was full of surprises i managed to get
25:38hold of these daffodils mary which were lying horizontal on the ground because they'd been
25:43dashed down by the winter rain and now it's spring how beautiful how come you didn't want a tea ellie
25:50i've had about three coffees i'm absolutely off me tits worst thing i did was buy that bean to coffee
26:01machine what the fucker knows that you can give it to me when i need to come along it's a
26:07robot
26:07would it be a good win man for you jake no just embarrass me and show me up
26:14university of uddersfield lovely come on university of uddersfield come on hello everyone and welcome to
26:22fridays this morning i am harold the robot oh don't tell me they've got a robot doing this morning
26:27now oh well might be more interesting and i am delighted to be in the studio with allison and
26:35dermott today oh it's over oh it's small isn't it harold the robot harold the robot's very small
26:42childlike our next guest professor john murray uh says that pretty soon robots will to make a cup of
26:48tea clean our homes and make life a little bit easier yeah how soon and the great thing is you
26:52wouldn't have to make a cuppa for them no you wouldn't you don't have to feed them no so harold's
26:58a commercial product that we got at the university about six months ago um and we've been using it for
27:02research in assisted living assisted living this is you your mom struggles to use an iphone i know
27:07exactly we've got no chance her control in a harold so seriously anyone could buy a version of harold
27:14yes then you take it into the into the workshop or the lab and then tinker with it and see
27:18what
27:18you can do with it right that's it yeah how much are they oh do you think you can't afford
27:25one i can
27:26tell you that right now he can do martial arts as well can you can can we see that we
27:30can
27:31martial art chop chop i suppose if you can do martial arts it'd be good if you had an intruder
27:36coming
27:36your home just set the robot onto him what's a martial art so i'll just put them on you go
27:42connecting blue see that's always the way isn't it never work with uh triple i oh no
27:52his legs are buckled was that martial art is he okay he's totally fine so
27:59it's a controller error i think is part of the problem i know this would drive me mad i think
28:03i've changed my mind i don't want a robot oh it's a very capoeira oh yeah i love that they've
28:09spent
28:10all their time teaching harold martial arts and dancing it's like guys can we stick to the plan
28:19assisted living care in the home oh yes whoa oh roundhouse kick but i mean that's not actually
28:27helping anyone no i'd rather see him whip up a curry than do martial arts why do you like helping
28:33people harold i love helping people it makes me feel incredibly happy oh my god that's creepy one
28:40day i hope me and my siblings can live in homes across the uk to help make life easier for
28:46those
28:46who need it your siblings there's more of you oh he's already into breeding then ain't he no
28:53unless his brothers and sisters i know but he is someone's breeding them what's the time frame do you
28:59think like what like in 10 15 years could you could could people have like have like a an automated
29:04helper so i hope it'll be around that when you two get old that's a long time that's a long
29:09time i don't
29:09need to bother looking after you i'm just gonna buy one of these that's a long time she shove it
29:14in the
29:14house and get get you one of those is that or a care home pick
29:21in the cups walls darling i've got something quite funny to tell you what i was walking down the high
29:27street yesterday yeah and um something you've gifted to someone what locally is it a charity shop
29:35don't be ridiculous what it's a it's a jacket that jacket that you actually made andrew and his
29:42husband alfie somebody's taken a present we've given them and taken it to the charity shop
29:50was it the eyes on you one yeah yeah which is really obvious yeah oh my god how ungrateful
29:58of people oh how the mighty have fallen well they never sold very many anyway we weren't mighty to
30:04begin with to be fair exactly wasn't exactly a best seller was it on saturday there was only one
30:11story dominating the headlines on itv you can make the next cup oh thank you i will it's the beginning
30:18of meteorological spring mary i know but the time's going so fast we may as well dig ourselves graves and
30:26get into them no mary this is on tv news with romilly weeks romilly weeks mary look at her isn't
30:36she
30:37charming good afternoon iran has retaliated today with multiple missile strikes across the middle east
30:43oh god this is scary isn't it they're lashing out at american bases in the middle east as they said
30:51they
30:51would oh i see the american bases yes after the us and israel launched a major attack on the country
30:58i thought iran had been um neutralized by trump few months ago so trump would hope you'd think that
31:04mary the pentagon named it operation epic fury epic fury honest to god everything is a boxer with
31:11donald trump pledging to obliterate iran's missiles and annihilate its navy oh dear well that's got to
31:19calm things down nicely isn't it oh donald opened up a can of worms here i don't think he always
31:24thinks through things properly does he qatar bahrain and saudi arabia were all hit in the iranian response
31:31and there's been an explosion at the palm hotel in dubai oh lucy stevens is supposed to be moving
31:37there ain't she yeah she is i wonder if she'll still go you're not safe anyway are you have you
31:44checked
31:44on steve no i haven't actually you need to check on him i know but he's in cyprus they'll be
31:49a bit
31:49safe there won't they this is an air assault by the united states and israel with the overt aim of
31:55regime change in iran the sense of deja vu when i hear that word regime change nothing it reminds me
32:02of wmd david kelly the dodgy dossiers the united states military began major combat operations in iran
32:12what's he got that on his head for why would he do it now well he needs to do it
32:16now not because
32:17of his poll ratings going very badly partly i feel like this is because trump wants to get people
32:21off the epstein files and like look at this war our objective is to defend the american people by
32:28eliminating imminent threats from the iranian regime what is the imminent threat from the iranian
32:35regime this is the first time hearing about it they must know something that we don't
32:40a vicious group of very hard terrible people yeah but you can't tie them all with the same brush i'm
32:48sure there's some very nice people as well i think it's about the leadership regime not everybody not
32:53people that are just like in a shop for many years you have asked for america's help but you never
32:58got
32:58it no president was willing to do what i am willing to do tonight well there's there's a reason why
33:05past
33:05presidents haven't done this before it's a big threat to the worldwide peace iran so i reckon if
33:10you do get the regime out of the way make nice peace there a lot better for everyone now is
33:15the time
33:15to seize control of your destiny and to unleash the prosperous and glorious future that is close
33:22within your reach so the unarmed civilian population of iran please rise up against the really well-armed
33:27bloodthirsty leaders of iran who killed thousands of people a few months ago who tried to protest yeah our
33:34forces are active and british planes are in the sky today god it's worrying isn't it really as part
33:42of coordinated regional defensive operations well you're saying that for now so in layman's turns the
33:51dog's still on the lead but it's following at the mouth ready to go this has the potential to come
33:55back
33:55and stingers in the veil of pusey if they they've closed the straits for muth okay for muth and that
34:05means um petrol prices will go up next week we'll all be buying bulk buying again i can't because i
34:12ain't
34:12got many cupboards in our house i can't pull by
34:23in surrey back in the day your dad used to have an apex yeah now it's a six you went
34:30to the gym
34:31yesterday and all you did was a tour no it was a day pass but you didn't but you didn't
34:36use it
34:36a day pass and you just walked around the gym sarah the husband andre and their daughter shay
34:42don't worry i'll be there but you were gone for two hours yeah because i had to go to the
34:46shop to buy
34:47all the ingredients what you thought i was in the gym for two hours yes that's what you said you're
34:52going to the gym no i went to look at the gym yeah dad was thinking about food the whole
34:57time he was
34:57there that's why he left to go and pick up the groceries to cook i was thinking about cooking dinner
35:02outside the guy said oh we can show you around and then you can stay and i was like listen
35:05just let me walk around quickly i was there for about 10 minutes probably seven
35:13on first day another chap was off on a long haul holiday and wanted to tell us all about it
35:19on channel
35:19five india's on my bucket list simon my bucket list too is it yeah yeah i've not been no no
35:25have i
35:26i feel it could be quite hard with a mobility scooter it might be your term would not be
35:32geared up for india you see you underestimate my ibs you know as long as it's managed correctly
35:38and i took at least a hand luggage amount of emodium 10kg allowance yeah i think i'd be all right
35:46welcome to india i've never been to india before i think you know if i've been to india in this
35:53series
35:53i'm going on a journey it's the closest i'll ever get to being in the hell's angels one would come
35:58into her own and somewhere like this oh yeah and they'll be never off the horn and to experience
36:04how old india is was that the great oh no i'm thinking the great wall of india alexander armstrong
36:14did he stay at your house in france once he did indeed he didn't do a program on that that
36:19is for sure
36:25oh look at that monsoon weather oh you did have to get the monsoon there you know oh hi this
36:31was
36:31the day i'd planned to spend with the legendary double wallace why double wallace these are double
36:36wallace double wallace son yeah yeah legendary this 5 000 strong army has delivered home-cooked lunches
36:44nearly every day since 1890 oh that's a fair old shift hey do you know the other night we ordered
36:50a
36:50garlic bread and chips yeah it took two hours to come i am joking the bins was dab now i'm
36:57wearing the
36:58famous double wallace uniform i feel i was born for this what's the uniform just a hat yeah all you've
37:03done
37:04these all your own clothes with a heart hole a dabber refers specifically to the metal lunchbox oh oh
37:12oh yeah i've seen them they look so cool and a wallah is the person who carries it dabba wallah
37:18dabba wallah dabba wallah the pucker wallahs used to be the ones with the fans didn't they
37:23right over 200 000 containers of home-cooked food are delivered across mumbai every day that's amazing
37:31a day yeah that's extraordinary way my colleague santosh and i are picking up mr kakani's lunch
37:37just recently made for him by mrs kakani here i like this idea good luck i say dad you work
37:44upstairs
37:45from home and i still don't get lunch cooked for me so i guess i'm a bit peckish and i
37:51could phone
37:52out and say can you get to jane's my sister's get her to knock me up a quick lasagna would
37:57you be
37:58all right with that as noon strikes legions of dabber wallahs arrive with lunch oh they've got
38:07some dinner look at them lot i won't trust myself with all them lunches i could be a dabber roller
38:12i hope that lunch is worth all this i don't understand why the husbands can't just take it
38:17to work with them in the morning lazy sods this is one of the central sorting areas our post office
38:23can't sort like this can they and this is where their clever code of colors numbers and symbols
38:29comes into its own i'm getting a bit confused you could so easily pick up a pilau instead of
38:35mushroom rice couldn't you yeah i need somehow to work out where i'm going well i guess the clue is
38:40here i will look for street 21 i'm looking for a building that begins with r oh god it's just
38:46wandering around india aimlessly i feel sorry for whoever's lung she's got
38:55well here we are raymond house ah yes we're here that is the r in the code here uh four
39:03four score
39:04so simple as that simple as that good now hello mr kakarni uh no he's off today
39:19ah mr kakarni he found him sweaty englishman has turned up there you are thank you i hope it's still
39:26warm of course i have my own dabber wallah she's called angela and she's my mom i've just thought
39:33what i think what we have learned from that is that what a good wife does is i'd be very
39:38careful
39:38where you go with this now so in other words he he loves his wife's cooking so he's happy to
39:44eat
39:44it every day yeah well there we are yeah that's why yeah christmas will be working like
39:52in blackpool do you know what i found with paige right any like remotest bit of stress or pressure
39:58she just buckles and starts being a sausage with me i just love it because she turns into like a
40:04full-on sonya for extenders pete and his little sister sophie we had one the other day she went
40:12we've got to leave by 10 past we've got to leave by 10 past and i was sat in the
40:18car
40:19at 10 past i was sat in the car for 10 past and paige going you've fucking made us late
40:24now i'm like
40:25it's funny we're all sat in the car and you've come out at 12 minutes past you absolutely are the
40:30world's worst for that i knew you'd have a fucking side whatever on thursday night the brightest brains
40:38in business were back on the bbc i wonder what disaster is going to happen this week you're fired
40:51i was an apprentice for ages i was an apprentice hairdresser an apprentice business adminner
40:58oh yeah was i an apprentice credit controller i've been an apprentice for flipping years
41:06actually i think i've already just come out of the apprentice stage in the episode large sugar
41:11had sent everyone off to egypt with the task of organizing a corporate away day so i would really
41:18love to put myself forward project manager for this god they must all be sweating the tits off
41:22suited and booted up like that i've done a lot of events in the uk i literally had 25 events
41:27last year
41:27okay megan sounding good so she's got experience experience they need to utilize that i do want to go
41:33down the luxury route because they are a luxury client so i do want to mention the word luxury and
41:38i'd like to go with like a mid-range for like catering for drinks caviar you want a bit of
41:43caviar there
41:44on crackers caviar on crack look at this we've got caviar on crackers yeah hoping to drive through
41:51a deal with high-end car brand ds auto ds auto weren't they on astronaut road in clayton where we
41:58used to live there was a ds though wasn't it yeah yeah doesn't look like the man we used to
42:02deal with
42:03though so we're looking for an experience focusing on style luxury yeah yeah style luxury got it got it
42:11yeah um now in terms of pricing we have worked out a price of ten thousand dollars here we go
42:17watch
42:17you fall off the couch yeah right for ten thousand dollars we'd expect a private jet to go and see
42:28the pyramids yeah yeah i would know love i'd want alan sugar's fucking rolls rice coming up to pick me
42:34up
42:35unfortunately our absolute maximum would be three thousand two hundred dollars meet me in the middle
42:41nine grand okay thank you lovely to meet you thank you very much thank you oh you drives an
42:48hard bargain i can't bear to watch actually it's gonna be a muppet show this isn't it yeah the mid
42:54-range
42:55option here we have the the local sea bus it's one of like very traditional dish yeah that's proper
43:01matching a menu to megan's luxury brief was served with childhood potatoes basically triple fried
43:08it's a very popular dish it's chips it's thick chips i'd want more than that what's in there
43:13potato wedges that is it actually is it guys i know we don't have a lot of time but i
43:19think we can get
43:19this all done with teamwork okay oh they gotta cook it oh wow well that looks half decent hello so
43:27we've
43:27finally got your food out for you here's your wedges guys you've worked up a sweat for these enjoy
43:32it's potato wedges right they're not just any old potato wedges these some use your eyes
43:40triple cooked okay they're hard she can't cut through it oh it's not actually cooked oh no what do
43:50they say it's not cooked thing is i'd be that hungry i'd just be eating the cooked bits like
43:55solid oh he's gonna go and complain the potatoes aren't actually cooked they're still slightly raw
44:03on the inside it's actually called al dente nipshit how hard is it to go wrong with a bloody wedge
44:10potato wedge yeah come on it's potato for megan's team hope's pinned on a perfect mane
44:17oh that's the fish that's the sea bass simon oh it looks like it's been put together with a base
44:23format it's gonna be difficult to serve that and make it look creamier because it's all broken apart
44:27oh that's terrible one flake or two it's taken crisp to a different level i mean that looks really good
44:34good save i've never seen an apprentice challenge go this bad i feel like they're going to be happy with
44:41what they've got oh no megan the fish is quite quite plain okay are you guys still happy to
44:50eat and enjoy the meal or no they're not happy megan they're pissed off look at the faces oh that's
44:57awful jenny at the end eating anything now here comes the recriminations nutty but it's a confederacy
45:04of dancers they're all stupid oh where's alan where is alan biggie he's gonna dish it up now
45:13isn't he you took on this task megan um on the basis that you are experienced and done corporate
45:21events and for that reason i've got to tell you megan you are fired fired fired absolutely okay thank
45:30you can sit down i'm not finished yet oh i'm not finished yet spicy lord sugar let's go is he
45:37doing
45:37a double firing because carrington i'm not satisfied with your explanations you're also fired
45:45and you no is he going to do a triple cooked wedge i don't like people who are negative so
45:52you're fired
45:53also oh three hattie hattie he's done the hattie is that the first time ever i don't know
46:00that you're fired oh my god you know the producers are probably sat in the back pulling their hair out
46:07you know alan's gone bloody rogue he was only supposed to sack one and he's got rid of three
46:11i was supposed to magic another two back up excuse me alan it was just one firing this week can
46:17you just
46:17pick one alan please well we got a taste earlier who's gonna last a little bit longer than ben and
46:26george jonathan ross is back with handcuffed streaming now and continuing monday at nine
46:31and here for the drama wednesday night at nine going to the top whatever it takes
46:36in a woman of substance stay with us the last leg is next
46:47you
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