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00:04before father left to join the army he made a promise if i die on the battlefield you can find
00:13another man to marry like the hunter on the edge of the village but that huntsman vance had a
00:18crippled leg and a scar that split his face in two one punch they said could drop a full-grown
00:24tiger they also said he'd already beaten his first wife to death marrying mama to him was the
00:31same as sending her to die three years later word came that father was dead grandma and the village
00:39elders collected 20 silver coins from vance they sold mama off the news arrived on the day mama was
00:45washing clothes by the river deep winter the water was thick with floating ice cold enough to cut
00:51bone grandma wouldn't allow her to use hot water she said firewood was precious not for a worthless
00:58brat who couldn't produce sons i'd haul extra firewood down from the mountain but it always
01:06went straight to uncle dale's fire pit if mama or i used so much as one extra stick grandma beat
01:13us
01:13cursed us for three days straight i tried to help with the washing mama waved me off the river's cold
01:22little one go play over there where the sun hits it's warmer in the dead of winter midday sun was
01:29the
01:29only warmth we ever had when the laundry was done when we walked home grandma and the village elders were
01:36already waiting they'd been in such a rush but not enough to walk down to the river and find us
01:41you take
01:42this long wandering off who knows where worthless brat roy's barely gone and already your hearts
01:49drifting
01:55the soldiers sent word roy's dead you killed him every bit of bad luck he had started when he
02:01married you he's gone now so hurry up and remarry don't stay here dragging our family down the bundle
02:06was small two of mama's worn out dresses grandma didn't look like she was grieving her get out she
02:13looked the same as always like someone had told me the village dog had died mama said nothing she just
02:19held my hand tighter grandma can i bring my daughter with me mama wasn't crying much she was only worried
02:28about me see if the huntsman's willing to pay for her a girl this size sell her to a broker
02:37and you'd get
02:37ten silver easy mama's grip went tighter around my hand we both knew the moment she left grandma would
02:44sell me she wouldn't keep me a single day longer than she had to mama shouldered her bundle and held
02:52my
02:52hand grandma and the village elders herded us to vance's house he was inside sharpening a blade the
02:58scraping sound never stopped his bad leg jutted stiffly to one side it couldn't bend a scar ran from
03:04below his left eye all the way to the right corner of his mouth like something had tried to split
03:09his face
03:11i stepped behind mama vance looked us over you people forced this woman on me twenty silver is
03:18already too much don't push it further he clearly hadn't wanted to take mama let alone me dead weight
03:25she dragged along my roy saved your life once now he's dead and we're delivering this woman straight
03:31to your door you should be on your knees thanking us she wants to bring the girl along as your
03:35daughter
03:36you get a wife and a child all at once i'm not asking for much another ten silver and we're
03:41done
03:41most families earned two or three silver in a year ten silver could buy a full acre of good farmland
03:48i was not worth that much
03:52people in the village said he was a silent man but when he opened his eyes and looked at you
03:57really looked it could stop your heart cold grandma shoved mama hard mama's thin frame nearly went down
04:04mr heart my daughter eats very little she can work please could you give us somewhere to go
04:12vance finally looked at me a long unreadable frown mama tugged at my hand i dropped to my knees beside
04:19her with a call call him something i stared up at vance at the scar my lips shook papa vance
04:28went still
04:29the scar looked even more ferocious when his face froze like that grandma's foot came with my back
04:36your real father's barely cold and you're already calling some stranger papa worthless brat just like
04:43your harlot mother heart already belongs to someone else she kept kicking i lay flat and didn't move
04:50didn't make a sound that was how it worked stay still let her finish and she'd stop mama tried to
04:57crawl to me one of the village elders kicked her back it was always like this in roy's household
05:02mama couldn't save me she couldn't save herself enough vance stood he went inside he came back and
05:11threw 10 silver coins onto the ground this girl is my child now i looked up at vance mama hadn't
05:20caught
05:20what he said i had grandma grabbed the silver and turned to leave vance blocked her he demanded a
05:27written contract grandma refused vance snatched the silver right back no contract no silver in the end
05:36with the village elders and the village head as witnesses the contract was signed both mama and i
05:42became part of vance's household mama put down her bundle and started working immediately if she stayed
05:49busy enough maybe vance would let me eat more maybe he wouldn't hit me vance's house was plain
05:55three main rooms a hall in the center a bedroom on each side only one bedroom had a bed the
06:02other was
06:02empty mama led me to the woodshed the firewood was stacked clean the floor was tidy mama shifted some
06:10wood and found a board she built me a rough bed out of it don't be afraid little one
06:21mama i'm not afraid at roy's house it had always been the same when father was home he'd say i
06:28was in
06:29the way always getting between him and mama when they were trying for a son he'd chase me to the
06:34woodshed roy's woodshed was filthier than this rats snakes frozen solid in winter a furnace in summer
06:42i'd survived all of it mama held me against her chest maybe once i give him a son things will
06:49ease up
06:49i said nothing i'd long suspected father's cruelty toward mama had nothing to do with sons
06:57mama why did father want you to remarry vance before he left father had kept mama on a tight leash
07:04wouldn't let her leave the village wouldn't let her look up when she passed a man grandma would curse
07:10her for it too said she was out there tempting people mama's bitter laugh stayed locked in her throat
07:18because vance was the only one who could pay that much
07:23she didn't finish she didn't need to father had sent mama here to die
07:30father had been planning to sell mama even before he left he knew he wasn't coming back he made sure
07:36mama would have nowhere left to go i'd worked this out some time ago not because i was clever
07:42they'd been obvious about it the whole village talked not long after we arrived vance came back
07:48carrying armfuls of thick wooden boards he disappeared into the empty west bedroom steady
07:53hammering rang out one blow after another mama stood outside the door she wanted to ask where the
08:00food stores were so she could start dinner but she didn't dare after a while vance came back out
08:06he saw us both still standing there he frowned something you need his voice was rough i flinched
08:13and nearly stepped back but we were alone here mama and me if i stepped back she'd be standing by
08:19herself i held my ground i took mama's hand and stood beside her vance noticed something shifted in
08:26his brow mama asked carefully i i want to ask it's nearly dinner time if you get the grain out
08:34i can
08:34cook you've worked hard all day you should eat vance frowned harder he looked us up and down like we'd
08:40said something strange then he pointed at the kitchen the key vance's frown deepened he walked over and
08:52kicked the kitchen door open he looked back at us i had the feeling he was asking with his eyes
08:58whether we were simple no lock no key roy's kitchen was always locked the grain the oil the salt the
09:06eggs
09:07everything in locked cabinets grandma would measure out exactly what was needed for each meal set it on
09:13the counter then stand there watching mama cook drop a single grain of rice get a lecture that lasted half
09:19a
09:19day she called us starving ghosts said we never worked only ate she was afraid we'd steal food mama
09:26and i stepped into the kitchen grain oil salt all of it just sitting out in the open mama stood
09:33there
09:33for a long moment she glanced toward vance he'd already gone back out she was almost afraid to touch
09:40anything she was afraid she'd cook it wrong and he'd come back angry beat her like grandma she was afraid
09:46of
09:46being accused of stealing eventually mama cooked the food sat on the table the two of us stood in the
09:54courtyard neither of us moved toward it vance came back carrying two large wicker baskets he saw the food
10:01on the table he saw us standing there his frown deepened he washed his hands sat down saw us still
10:07standing he told us roughly to sit he scooped himself less than half a bowl of rice not enough food
10:15cook more
10:15tomorrow he ate fast loud and efficient finished in minutes but barely ate half of what was there
10:24done he sat sharpening his wood cutting knife watching us eat mama hesitantly filled my bowl we
10:30ate both keeping our eyes on him i noticed it quickly when i ate fast he looked away when i
10:36slowed down
10:36and tried to set my chopsticks down he frowned he was telling me to keep eating mama and i finished
10:42every
10:42last bite then we sat waiting to be scolded or hit vance put the knife down wash up and get
10:49some sleep
10:50you've worked enough today mama hurried to heat the water she waited for vance to finish washing then
10:58after a moment washed her own face and hands and feet it's the first day if i'm clean he'll find
11:06less
11:07to resent she muttered it while she scrubbed eyes dim i used her leftover warm water the heat spread up
11:14through my hands and feet all at once so this was what it felt like to wash with hot water
11:19no wonder
11:20grandma and uncle dale always demanded extra buckets in winter i went to the woodshed for the night mama
11:26stopped me at the door cover your ears no matter what you hear tonight don't come out pretend you heard
11:33nothing you understand i nodded hard i knew once when father was hurting mama i'd run in crying and
11:41begged him to stop he'd kicked me so hard i ached for half a year this time i wouldn't make
11:46a sound we
11:47both had to survive stay alive and there was still hope even if i didn't yet know what that hope
11:53looked
11:53like then the woodshed door was kicked open vance stood in the doorway holding a lantern staring at
12:01me where i lay in the straw i shrank back cold sweat poured down my neck once father had come
12:08home
12:08half drunk in the middle of the night and walked into the woodshed he beat me nearly to death he
12:14said
12:14i was a burden my fault he had no son my fault he lost money gambling that night mama grabbed
12:20the
12:20woodcutting knife and told him she'd take his life that was the only thing that saved me vance was
12:26stronger could he put me down in three kicks but he wasn't drunk he wasn't angry he reached down and
12:33grabbed me under the arms like he was picking up a stray chick he carried me into the west bedroom
12:38mama was already standing there quietly the empty room wasn't empty anymore a wide wooden bed stood
12:44against the wall worn but tidy vance set me down he turned and walked back to his own east bedroom
12:51the door closed within minutes his snoring came through the wall mama and i stared at each other
12:59that night we slept restlessly but we slept warm i burrowed into the quilt and said quietly mama
13:06it's so warm i had never been this warm in winter not once and i'd eaten dinner my stomach was
13:12full
13:12this i thought was what being alive was actually supposed to feel like mama stroked my hair little
13:18one you called him papa today do it again tomorrow keep calling him that okay vance was already a better
13:28father than roy had ever been the meals got bigger after that and slowly mama didn't dare increase the
13:34amount all at once she added a little each day until she finally understood his appetite
13:39he ate a great deal roughly as much as mama and i put together but he never once stopped us
13:45from
13:45eating if we ate too little he'd frown he hunted large catches he sold sometimes he'd bring back a
13:52rabbit or a wild chicken and he'd have mama stew it he ate half the rest went to us i
13:58had eaten meat
13:59three times in my life before that this was the fourth it was so good no wonder grandma and uncle
14:05dale had always been so desperate for it mama saved the extra pieces for me i ate without thinking too
14:11happy to pace myself that night i woke in the dark with my stomach seizing up and cramps i rolled
14:17across
14:17the bed in pain mama rubbed my belly it didn't help she ran outside and scraped ash from the bottom
14:24of the
14:25cooking cup stirred it into water and brought it to me i took one sip and vomited everything up
14:32vance burst through the door one look at me he wrapped me in the quilt hoisted me onto his shoulder
14:37and ran mama stumbled after him she didn't say a word he ran all the way to the village doctor's
14:42house at the edge of the road and kicked the door in the whole household lurched awake they started to
14:47complain then they saw his face and went quiet the doctor checked my pulse then asked what i'd been
14:53eating what did she eat over aid indigestion nell's been underfed all her life eat this much meat at
14:59once and her stomach can't manage it she'll be fine i'll give her something to bring it up keep her
15:04warm
15:05light food for a few days she'll recover she gave me something i vomited loudly and at length the smell
15:11filled the whole room the doctor's husband muttered from the corner never had good food her whole life
15:16body can't handle it when she finally does vance looked at him one hard stare he retreated
15:22to the back room i was humiliated getting sick from eating too much meat just like grandma had always
15:29said i was a bottomless pit with no sense vance carried me home over his shoulder on the way back
15:37he said gruffly you've really never had meat before i thought he was scolding me this was only the fourth
15:45time before we only ever got a piece or two grandma had never let us have even the broth he
15:52made a low
15:53sound eat more often enough and this stops happening i was wrapped too tight in the quilt and didn't
15:59quite catch it the next few days i could only drink porridge vance brought back millet he brought back brown
16:06sugar millet and brown sugar were things only new mothers got after childbirth a bowl or two a little
16:13sweetness stirred in i was getting a full bowl at every single meal i was eating better than mama
16:20had after giving birth to me vance watched me eat every morning until the color came back to my face
16:26when it did something in his own expression finally loosened
16:32he fixed the village doctor's front gate as payment for the house call then he pulled the doctor back to
16:37check my pulse again only when she said i was fully recovered did he walk her out he said he
16:43was
16:43going up the mountain to track a big animal might be gone several days he told mama to bake a
16:49stack of
16:49flatbreads for the road mama kneaded the dough with lard and mixed in brown sugar the flatbreads came out
16:55golden and fragrant she pressed into his hands the thick insoles and padded cap she'd sewn over the past few
17:02days
17:02vance took the flatbreads he looked at the insoles and the cap he looked up at mama something in his
17:08eyes went soft new year's coming when i sell what i catch we'll go buy supplies think about what you
17:14want mama held my hand as we stood at the door to see him off his figure moved away from
17:20us uneven but
17:21steady i couldn't help shouting after him papa come home soon vance stopped he didn't look back he
17:30lifted a hand in our direction go inside it's cold we waited five days he didn't come back the cold
17:39deepened
17:39on the fifth day snow began to fall mama watched the sky go dark she looked at me she pointed
17:46to the
17:46food stores and told me to mind myself cook my own meals if i got hungry mama's going to find
17:52him i'll
17:53be back soon take care of yourself she changed her clothes and strapped the wood cutting knife to her
18:00body she found the oil lamp i tucked a small sickle under my clothes and followed her out wherever you
18:07go
18:07i go we'll bring papa home together vance was my papa now he was a better papa than roy had
18:14ever been
18:14i was never going to have a different one mama let out a long breath if something goes wrong out
18:20there you standing alone in this house isn't any safer all right together we held hands and went up
18:28the mountain we'd only ever been to the edges gathering firewood we almost never went deeper
18:33in wolves in there wild boars tigers but with mama beside me and the thought of papa waiting somewhere
18:40in that cold i wasn't afraid the snow came down harder it was barely past midday but the sky had
18:48gone dark moving through the forest was difficult every step was uncertain you'd break through a soft
18:54patch and sink to the knee mama pulled me out each time and prodded the ground ahead with a stick
18:59we hadn't gone far when we heard heavy footsteps in the trees mama raised the wood cutting knife i raised
19:05the sickle we stared into the dark ahead both terrified if we were going to die out here at
19:11least we'd die together the footsteps came closer a large figure emerged from between the trees a tall
19:17man with a stiff lopsided gate dragging something massive behind him a tiger we stared he stared back
19:24i let go of mama's hand and ran i threw my arms around his leg and looked up the tiger
19:31dropped from his
19:32grip and hit the snow he looked down at me then up at mama what are the two of you
19:37doing up here
19:37he reached down and grabbed me under the arms trying to lift me his hands had nothing left he couldn't
19:44manage it i held onto his leg he came to find you been gone five days the snow started i
19:51was afraid
19:54the last time she'd gone out searching for a man who hadn't come home
19:58she'd told roy she was worried he'd been hurt he'd slapped her across the place said she was cursing
20:03him said her worrying was the reason all his bad luck found him after that she stopped saying she
20:09worried about roy she stopped worrying about roy at all vance looked at her the corner of his mouth
20:14moved he wanted to smile years of not smiling seemed to have made him forget how but he explained this
20:20one
20:21was big it took longer than i thought get the fire going start dinner a tiger that size he must
20:29have
20:29been dragging it for hours he was running on empty but he didn't ask for help he would get it
20:34home
20:34himself mama stood watching him torn she didn't dare disobey but she wanted to help i ran forward and
20:41grabbed one of the tiger's hind legs papa we'll all go back together i wasn't very strong and touching that
20:50leg even a dead leg sent a chill through me that had nothing to do with the snow the tiger
20:56was
20:56enormous dead as it was it still looked vicious mama hesitated then she stepped up together vance's
21:05mouth twitched he agreed the three of us dragged the tiger back home by the time we reached the village
21:14the snow lay thick on the ground the whole village was dark the lanes empty we made it inside at
21:21last
21:21the tiger lay in the yard half buried in white still looking dangerous i wasn't afraid of it anymore
21:28i circled it a few times just to prove it then ran back and pressed myself against papa's leg
21:34papa's so strong he killed a tiger all by himself vance was too exhausted to move but he reached down
21:42and
21:42rested his hand on top of my head his hand was huge and rough and heavy but when it rested
21:49on my head
21:50it was light it was warm roy had large hands too they'd never been rough he rarely did anything that
21:57required effort he wasn't very strong either every time he'd pick to fight and come out worse he'd curled
22:04up on the ground and hadn't even tried to fight back but when he hit mama and me he hit
22:09hard in this village
22:11most men were like that hands that fell hard on their wives and children i had always thought
22:16all fathers were the same turns out some of them were different
22:23the next morning before dawn vance fetched an ox cart he woke us up and we rode into town together
22:30to
22:30sell the tiger in the county seat he went straight to a large estate he clearly knew well he called
22:35someone out fletcher fletcher came to the door his face lit up when he saw vance the two men grabbed
22:42each other by the shoulders talking like old friends so papa could be like this animated warm
22:48full of words mama and i hung back staring at the tall heavy doors the high threshold the stone lions
22:55flanking the gate we didn't dare step forward vance looked back at us and said something to fletcher
23:01fletcher studied us then reached into his coat and pulled out a small cloth pouch here child
23:08take it i didn't dare he pressed it into my hands papa nodded i took it
23:16thank you uncle fletcher inside the pouch was a small piece of silver i walked it over to papa
23:22papa and tucked it into his hands for you fletcher blinked then he laughed loud and warm
23:28well old vance you've got yourself a devoted little girl you're a lucky man that one's for your papa
23:36this one's yours keep it fletcher bought the tiger and invited vance to stay for drinks
23:41vance shook his head nothing at home need to stock up for new year next time then and you'd better
23:47actually show up the tiger had sold for a good sum vance walked us through the market first a wonton
23:55stall for breakfast a big bowl each thin wrappers fat filling floating in rich broth that steamed in
24:02the cold air mama was afraid to eat but vance had already paid wasting it was worse she tried to
24:08give
24:08me her bowl vance stopped her children who overeat end up with stomachaches mama thought of my illness
24:14immediately she stopped after the wontons her face had some color in it vance took us to buy pork grain
24:21flour oil dried spices for cooking then to the cloth shop new quilts and padded coats mama waved her hands
24:28the ones we have are perfectly fine i said the same when we'd first arrived the quilts and padded
24:35clothes vance gave us had been second hand but they were clean and warm that was already more than i'd
24:40ever
24:40had before i had no silver i bought used now i have silver we buy new in the end they
24:50didn't buy ready
24:51made they bought fabric and cotton batting mama still didn't want to spend too freely i can sew my
24:57hands are fast done before new year i promise she found a length of dark blue cloth and held it
25:02up
25:02beside vance this one suits you it was the closest they'd ever stood i was almost sure i saw vance's
25:09face go
25:10red his face went red and he looked happier he lifted me up and set me on his shoulders so
25:18i could see
25:19all the way down the market road i laughed so hard i could barely breathe it was the highest i'd
25:24ever
25:24been i could see everything mama walked carefully beside us glancing again and again at his leg afraid
25:31he'd tire himself out further along vance bought sesame candy and sugar figurines he bought hair ribbons and
25:39flowers for mama and me both the stall woman smiled at them your wife and daughter are lovely these
25:45flowers suit them perfectly city made you know vance and mama both went red at exactly the same moment
25:51on the way home i sat in the ox cart holding my sugar figurine and refused to eat it it
25:56was a general
25:57in full armor fierce looking just like papa we passed roy's old house on the road through the village
26:03grandma was in the yard washing clothes in hot water so she'd always known about hot water uncle
26:09dale sat slumped under the eaves doing nothing they'd sold mom and me for 30 silver dale still hadn't
26:16found himself a wife with that money he just sat around and called it waiting for a good match
26:21grandma looked up uncle dale looked up they stared at us slack jawed and their faces turned ugly worthless
26:29rat harrel it the curse had barely left grandma's mouth when a rock hit uncle dale square on the head
26:39who threw vance threw a second rock it landed straight in grandma's washtub and sent water
26:43splashing in all directions these are my wife and daughter open your mouths against them again and
26:48you've got me to answer to he stood at the gate in the fading light even with the bad leg
26:53he was a wall
26:54grandma and uncle dale bullies who ran at the first sign of real resistance went completely silent mama's
27:00hand found mine her eyes had gone red we rode on when i looked back i could still see the
27:06venom in
27:07their faces then i found my nerve i raised my sugar figurine at them and made the ugliest face i
27:13could
27:13manage i had a real papa now they couldn't touch us anymore
27:20i lost my sugar figurine and my new hair ribbon i was too ashamed to go home i hovered near
27:27our gate
27:28going back and forth not able to make myself walk in papa came down from the mountain he saw me
27:35coat
27:36torn face bleeding covered in mud he dropped his firewood dropped the wild chickens he'd been carrying who
27:44did this i'd never seen him this frightened it scared me more than the beating i started shaking i'm
27:50sorry i'm sorry he crouched down he wiped the mud off my face with his rough hands his hands weren't
27:57steady tell papa who did it his voice steadied me i told him everything halting stumbling over the words
28:06with every sentence his expression darkened he took me inside and handed me to mama then he picked up his
28:13walking stick and walked back out mama grabbed his arm she shook her head papa thought about it he
28:19picked up the thick wooden post that braced the door shut that afternoon the fathers of every boy who'd
28:26hit me got beaten i won't hit a child i'll hit you one more incident and i'll break your legs
28:34every one of them was a grown able-bodied man papa had one good leg he chased them through the
28:40village
28:41anyway one methodical blow at a time then papa went to roy's old house and beat uncle dale in
28:47front of the whole street you people forced ivy and this girl on me i painted the silver i signed
28:52the
28:52contract they're mine if i hear any more talk from your side of the village dale should stop walking
28:56alone after dark uncle dale howled and promised over and over that it would never happen again anyone with
29:04something to say say it to me directly not one person stepped forward several hurried to point
29:10out that grandma's family had always treated ivy and me badly it's true ivy and little nell are well
29:17off with you old vanch you know how to take care of people those two are lucky they ended up
29:21with you
29:22papa walked home carrying the door post he stopped in front of me and rested his hand on my head
29:27he held my hand and walked me inside in the lane he said quietly who gave you that name anyway
29:35nell it was grandma's choice half the girls in the village had names like it nell for invite a brother
29:41hope for wish for a son bless for pray he comes papa didn't like it how about clara from now
29:47on bright
29:48as the sun and moon that's what clara means a name for someone with a future ahead of her
29:52i was six years old and had my first real name clara clara heart
30:01a heart now i told mama grinning she laughed through red eyes pressing the tears back
30:06papa said it twice softly to himself clara heart clara heart that night mama finished sewing the new
30:13quilts she came to me with them folded in her arms clara you're a big girl now time to sleep
30:21in your
30:22own room all right her own room if i moved out where would mama sleep i thought about it for
30:27one
30:28second yes mama you and papa should hurry up and have a little brother or sister for me
30:34i'll take care of them i meant it a little brother or sister who had papa they'd be wonderful i
30:40already
30:40wanted to meet them the next morning papa woke me at dawn clara yesterday was papa impressive very
30:47impressive you can't rely on me your whole life you need to protect yourself do you want to be as
30:51strong as papa yes i wanted to be strong enough to protect papa and mama the future little ones to
30:59hunt on the mountain and earn enough silver to take care of all of them papa was pleased he pointed
31:05at
31:05the yard run 50 laps to start 50 laps by the end i could barely stand he didn't let me
31:12stop mama
31:13watched with pained eyes she said nothing after running came stances and lifting the stone block
31:20papa had brought back from the mountain it was just heavy enough that i could manage it on a good
31:25day
31:25by evening my hands and feet were covered in blisters train hard your papa means it for your good
31:32i know mama i understood what papa's care looked like that night mama carried her new quilt into papa's
31:39bedroom they talked quietly for a while the lamp went out the night was noisy for a bit i slept
31:46soundly in my new quilts anyway the next day papa woke up late i'd already run 30 laps around the
31:52yard
31:52by the time he appeared at the door all day he and mama kept catching each other's eyes and looking
31:57away
31:58fast both of them red-faced both of them smiling at nothing if you want to look just look why
32:05the sneaking
32:05adults were very strange after new year papa bought several acres of good farmland with the tiger money
32:15he farmed in the busy seasons and hunted in the quiet ones teaching me how to track animals how to
32:22read
32:22droppings and prints which sounds meant danger taught me the knife and the bow how to put a person down
32:28using as little force as possible my strength was still limited progress was slow the village gossiped
32:35most of it came from roy's old household that cripple got a wife and a daughter handed to him for
32:40nothing it doesn't matter how smug ivy acts she still ended up with a cripple roy was twice as handsome
32:47roy had been handsome much good it had done anyone he couldn't carry a load or plant a field he
32:53was
32:53a farmer who refused to farm his greatest skill was hitting the people who lived in his house
33:00i glanced at papa's leg he noticed he adjusted his gait and walked more carefully than before
33:07mama caught me looking she smacked the back of my head the moment we were alone
33:11your papa has been nothing but good to us clara don't you dare look at him the way this village
33:15does don't you dare mama i want to study medicine if i'm good enough someday maybe i can fix papa's
33:22leg
33:22i didn't care about the limp i didn't care about the scar i just didn't want him to hurt on
33:27rainy
33:28days i didn't want him working through the pain and never saying a word about it mama's expression
33:32shifted she worried female apprentices were hard to place most healers wouldn't take them but papa had
33:39been standing just outside the door he went quiet for two days then he took me back into town to
33:45fletcher
33:46at the large estate fletcher looked me over for a long moment medicine is hard work clara an
33:52apprentice life is harder can you take it i can and when i've learned enough i'll fix papa's leg
33:57then i'll earn enough silver to take care of all of them papa and mama and my little brothers and
34:01sisters brothers and sisters is there news already papa went scarlet and said it was far too early for
34:07that far too early i moved into the county seat and began my apprenticeship at the clinic
34:14i only asked to bring one thing from home my stone lifting block for training mama couldn't make
34:21herself leave she stood at the clinic door and wouldn't move i waved her off mama come back when
34:29i've made something of myself she laughed despite herself all right mama's waiting the clinic's doctor
34:37was warm and patient with patience with her apprentices she was merciless too slow to learn she scolded you
34:44made an error she scolded you sometimes she hit some of the younger apprentices cried and went home
34:51within weeks i wasn't troubled by any of it she only ever struck the padded parts of the body the
34:57force
34:57was calibrated sharp on impact no lasting harm compared to roy's household this was nothing and when the
35:03doctor scolded us i recognized that look it wasn't hatred it was impatience born from caring she also made
35:10sure we ate every meal every day without exception she never once stinted on food or clothing
35:18i could tell the difference between people who meant you harm and people who were hard on you for
35:24a reason i kept lifting my stone block i kept practicing the fighting forms papa had taught me
35:30my grip got stronger when i started learning massage and manipulation from the doctor i was already ahead
35:36of the others i could feel exactly where the tension sat under the skin i worked on her shoulders when
35:42she'd had a long day she started looking less grim every two weeks i went home first thing papa's bad
35:49leg he refused at first twisted around in his seat like i'd suggested something embarrassing a few minutes
35:55in his eyes went red when he stood up afterward he walked without catching himself on the doorframe clara's
36:02gotten good learning fast mama asked me to teach her when you're in the city i can work on it
36:07for him
36:07he pushes himself too hard i walk them both through it side by side when i'm not here you can
36:13do it for
36:14each other they both turned red at exactly the same time adults truly inexplicable
36:46so
36:56so
36:57so
36:57so
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