- 3 hours ago
Malcolm In The Middle S01E04 [Full Movie] [English Subs]Full EP - Full
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00:02No, Wayne, you cannot have it yet.
00:05Something came up.
00:07Can we move this along here, please?
00:09You're not wrapping a Christmas present.
00:10I've got a party to go to.
00:11Lady, your leg is broken.
00:13You're not going to do anything except go home and rest.
00:16Less yapping, more wrapping.
00:18Lois, I am so much less high now.
00:21Sir, please, their earlobes are gushy.
00:23Gushy, gushy.
00:24Stop it.
00:26I want my little hammer back.
00:31Okay, we'll print your post-treatment orders and get you some painkillers.
00:35Yeah, I don't need them.
00:36What are you doing?
00:36Sit down.
00:38Your past is still setting.
00:39You don't even have crutches yet.
00:40You're going to injure yourself even worse.
00:42Then I'll come back after the party tonight and you can fix that.
00:45Come on, Hal.
00:47Hal?
00:48Oh, squishy.
00:50Oh, squishy.
00:52Okay, come on, let's go.
00:54Mom and Dad are already there waiting.
00:56Kelly, breathe.
00:57It doesn't start till 8.
00:58You want to look sharp or not?
00:59Mom, just, I wish I knew what revenge Reese had planned for me.
01:02Don't worry about Reese, because there's nothing you can do about it.
01:05It's like a tornado, except there's no alert.
01:08It's just something you've got to accept.
01:10What the hell?
01:10My underwear's already too tight.
01:12Francis, get me a pair of your mom's granny panties.
01:15Right away, honey.
01:20Lane, you need to adjust these speakers.
01:22I'm not talking about the volume.
01:23I'm talking about the mix.
01:24That speaker is too quiet and these three are too loud.
01:26And did you remember the backup cables I asked for?
01:28I know you don't mean it, but I'm getting a vibe of impatience bordering on menace,
01:32and it's pushing my agitation levels past the point of productive conversation.
01:35So, we'll continue this after I've run cold water over my hands.
01:38Honey?
01:39Hal, please, I don't need any help.
01:41Just back off and let me do everything.
01:43Honey, I'm so sorry.
01:44I should have realized that my natural enthusiasm was just adding to your stress.
01:50You've got this.
01:51Everything is already perfect.
01:53Are you still high?
01:54No.
01:55I'm just more perceptive because of the ego death that I experienced from my expanded consciousness.
02:01This is so yummy.
02:04Let me know if you want a break.
02:06I juggle the sound pizzas every Wednesday at Shadyside Assisted Living.
02:10Yodeling, barbershop, yodeling, barbershop.
02:12People go nuts.
02:19Surprisingly nervous.
02:20What's surprising about it?
02:22Yeah, it goes to these people for years, and now you have to face them and explain why.
02:25Hey, hey, here's how I see it.
02:27We both want to avoid mom and dad as long as we can, so we hide until the spotlight dance
02:30and come out when I'm the happiest.
02:32Before then, it's every man for himself.
02:36Nice.
02:37Give me your business card later.
02:40Malcolm?
02:41Malcolm!
02:43Were those your friends?
02:45I wouldn't call them my friends.
02:47Malcolm, it's us!
02:48Your friends!
02:51Hey, guys.
02:52How we've missed our fourth musketeer.
02:57Lloyd, Dabney, Kevin, this is Tristan and my daughter Leah.
03:01You procreated!
03:02What a relief.
03:04The three of us have also created a child.
03:06Like, with a surrogate?
03:10Sure.
03:11That's our Hubert.
03:15There's an aunt!
03:16Don't worry, I have confused them.
03:19So, what have you guys been up to?
03:21Genetic Tech Resources.
03:23Incorporated in college and started getting contracts before we even graduated.
03:26Department of Defense.
03:28We're doing so much weird shit.
03:33There's your mom.
03:40Stevie!
03:41Oh my goodness!
03:43It is so great to see all of you.
03:45Hi there.
03:47This is Tristan and Leah.
03:49Hi.
03:50How are you?
03:50I was wonderful.
03:52Up until the moment I caught my ex-husband wallowing in his usual vortex of resentment,
03:57based on nothing other than his own self-loathing.
03:59But thanks for asking.
04:02Tell your mother.
04:03I do resent her showing up here,
04:05wearing the necklace I gave her 29 years ago,
04:08to be my forever love.
04:10It is a slap in the face across space and time.
04:13Tell her!
04:19Dad
04:22says
04:25he does
04:32resent
04:33rat cowards.
04:38All I'm saying is Dewey is stupid to be here on a laptop.
04:41Eat my balls, Jamie.
04:43I'm being considerate.
04:44Excuse me.
04:45Hey.
04:46I'm sorry.
04:47We'll have to get back to you.
04:48We're all just so busy.
04:50Yeah, we're completely swamped.
04:51I'm sorry.
04:52I don't have any excuses.
04:54I just want to clear the air and make it right.
04:57Please.
05:00Well,
05:01it's not like this is the first horrible thing you've ever done.
05:04Hey, Leah,
05:05do you want to hear all the horrible things he's ever done?
05:07Yes.
05:08Kids,
05:09I need some help.
05:10They put the Javari chairs and high tables in front of the low tables,
05:12and it's blocking the eyelines of the stage.
05:14Hi, Grandma.
05:16Well, I was somebody who actually likes to hug.
05:18I said I would try it for your birthday.
05:20Malcolm, I'm so happy.
05:22He was dropped and crawled.
05:25What the heck is wrong with him?
05:26He showed up.
05:27Give him a break.
05:28No, Jamie's not ashamed of his family.
05:30You know how hard it was for him to get permission to leave the base and come here?
05:33Oh, they don't know that I'm gone.
05:35I'm on guard duty right now.
05:38Then,
05:40the face
05:42across space
05:45and
05:48time.
05:50Okay, who wants another one?
05:51Well, you can tell your father to find a dictionary and look up the meaning of the word gift,
05:55unless it's like every other thing in our relationship.
05:57that came with secret conditions that he would only reveal when he needs to attack me when I'm at my
06:03most vulnerable.
06:10She loves you.
06:21That's what military still did to us, baby.
06:23You'll never say again.
06:25Boys?
06:26Wow, you started early.
06:27I think 10 is a respectable age.
06:29We're just raising a toast to our dear old Commandant Spadler.
06:34Run to hell, you want our bastard?
06:38Uh, you want to tell me what's in the sack?
06:40Are you my parole officer?
06:43No, seriously, are you?
06:44Okay.
06:45We decided to do one last paper for old time's sake.
06:49Nice statue head.
06:51I came.
06:53I sawed.
06:54I sawed.
06:55Ah!
06:57That's good.
06:58We're putting that on the Instagram.
07:00Wait, wait, wait, wait.
07:02It was the most beautiful transcendent experience.
07:05Abe said you were rolling around naked on filthy linoleum choking yourself.
07:09Transcendently?
07:12Psst.
07:13Ellie.
07:13Before you try anything, just remember, revenge for an unjustified revenge is justified,
07:17but revenge for a justified revenge is unjustified revenge.
07:21Yeah.
07:22Relax, we're in a ceasefire until the party's over.
07:25Could you, uh, sneak me a couple dinner rolls?
07:35It's so nice to have someone I can share my deepest feelings with.
07:46Crap.
07:47Yah, sounds like I'm seven.
07:49Quick, change the subject.
07:55Perfect setup.
07:57I look great.
08:13I made him nervous.
08:19Cute.
08:20Pretty.
08:21Hot.
08:35Ew.
08:36Ew!
08:39Wait!
08:40Where the hell did you get that mac and cheese?
08:42I brought her from home.
08:46When I get back, I'm expecting a new full-side plate handed over without any looks.
08:52There you are, Piyama!
08:54Oh, my juicy jelly bean!
08:58Oh!
08:59Gretchen, so great to see you!
09:01We were so sorry to hear about Otto.
09:05He didn't suffer.
09:07The puma is very quick and efficient.
09:09What are you doing now?
09:11I am a doula!
09:12For cattle!
09:13I go from town to town, cow to cow, helping them give birth.
09:18It's very spiritual.
09:20Well, not the clean-up.
09:22That's nasty.
09:28Oh, my goodness!
09:30You have a calf inside you!
09:33How did-
09:33Oh, it's my gift!
09:35For your girl!
09:36We don't know yet.
09:39Do you want to?
09:42What the hell?
09:43The video of us beheading the statue got 3,000 dislikes.
09:46Who doesn't love a classic prank?
09:48Let me see.
09:51Uh, where was this statue?
09:54A front of the bar.
09:55It had a creepy five sweeping you in.
09:57And did this bar have a name?
09:59That was weird, too.
10:00It was called Stagnus.
10:03What is that?
10:04Like how much you're like a stag.
10:07Idiots, it's not Stagnus.
10:09It's Saint Agnes.
10:13It's a church.
10:14Whose statue do they put in front of churches?
10:22Looks like...
10:24Burger King!
10:25Well, no wonder they're mad.
10:27People love that guy.
10:36Can't wait!
10:41Can't wait!
10:41Hubert!
10:42Come dance with DaddaDada!
10:49Maybe I'm overreacting.
10:51Maybe he was teasing.
10:59What a creep!
11:01My first crush is a creep.
11:09It's been 20 minutes. I still don't have a better idea.
11:13Now come!
11:16Occupied!
11:17You think I wouldn't crawl under and pull you out of there?
11:26Can we do this outside the men's room?
11:28Nope! It's gone on long enough.
11:30We're going to straighten everything out right here, right now.
11:32We're going to go back to the party as a family.
11:33The shrimp is bad. The shrimp is bad.
11:36We're not serving shrimp.
11:38I ate something with a tail on it.
11:42Oh, sweet Mother Mercy, friends!
11:45Now let's go.
11:47You can't be serious.
11:48If you want to get out of here, you are going to tell me why you have been doing this.
11:53Come on! Out with it!
11:57Sorry, I know you didn't mean me.
11:59How do you think one conversation in a toilet is going to fix everything?
12:02I don't, but at least it's a start.
12:04What do you want to do? Wait for my funeral?
12:06There's nothing to say.
12:08It's just the way we are.
12:10We all just swirl around each other fighting and taking turns creating disasters.
12:14So we drive each other nuts?
12:15So what?
12:15That's what families do.
12:18It's more than that.
12:20I like myself better when I'm not around you.
12:22So you have said.
12:24And I feel bad for who I am when I am around you.
12:30What?
12:30You yelling?
12:32Spit balls to a battleship.
12:33No.
12:34I mean, I know I'm disappointing you.
12:40What?
12:41He said he knows he's disappointing you.
12:45Sorry.
12:46I'll be quiet.
12:48Now I'll be quiet.
12:50Mom, you've always had these gigantic expectations of me.
12:54Like I'm some sort of superhuman brain that can fix all the world's problems.
12:59I'm sorry.
12:59I can't.
13:00And I can't deal with that pressure.
13:02When did I ever pressure you?
13:03You said I had to become president of the United States.
13:06President?
13:08Is that what this is about?
13:10Malcolm, that was just a plan.
13:14Plans aren't contracts.
13:15They're just plans.
13:17Your father and I have made hundreds of them.
13:18And look at us.
13:19Barely ever work out.
13:20So we just make some new ones.
13:22Yeah, you can't take it that seriously.
13:28That was you lying?
13:32You've been lying to me all this time?
13:36Do you know the kind of trauma you caused me for a lie?
13:40Making you suffer under your lie for 18 years?
13:44What kind of satanic monster are you?
13:49Aw, they found each other.
13:52We tried to give you very specific, positive goals to help you get through college.
13:56So you wouldn't just party and drop out and end up in a homeless shelter.
13:59That was called good parenting.
14:01You don't even care about the constant stress and anxiety of trying to live up to that?
14:06Do you realize that my degrees, my charity, the awards, my beautiful, perfect daughter,
14:13finding a woman who loves me for me and makes my life complete?
14:16All of that was based on your lie.
14:18How could you do that to me?
14:23Wait.
14:26Malcolm, you've accomplished so much.
14:28And all of it is you.
14:31It's just you.
14:34You're a good father.
14:35You're a good man.
14:37Better than we ever hoped.
14:39And I wish we didn't upset you so much.
14:41And I can't say it's ever going to get better.
14:44I just miss you.
14:48I miss you too.
14:52I'm trying so hard to hold it in.
14:54It just makes the pitch go higher.
14:56Please, let's just get out of here.
14:59Oh, by the way, I love my granddaughter.
15:02Yeah, it's pretty easy.
15:03And I approve of Tristan.
15:05Thanks.
15:05I mean, I don't actually need your approval.
15:08I know.
15:08But I approve anyway.
15:11Thanks.
15:12I really love her.
15:14I think I love her like you and Dad.
15:23We are no longer friends.
15:25We'll discuss it after dessert.
15:29Hey, Dad.
15:30Looking good.
15:31All better now?
15:32Glad we're past that.
15:33We're not past it yet, Rhys.
15:36Did we miss anything?
15:37Hold me higher.
15:38I can't see space.
15:39You are in for it now.
15:40All right, all right.
15:40You're right.
15:41It's your moment.
15:42We'll pile on later.
15:44Dad, there's no point in me saying I'm sorry.
15:47I'm always sorry.
15:49But this is different.
15:51I not only took advantage of you,
15:53I did it by pretending to have a closer,
15:56more loving relationship.
16:00I know how horrible I made you feel.
16:02And the horrible thing for me
16:06is I was faking the relationship I always wanted with you.
16:11Way to take all the fun out of it.
16:13Yeah, nice man.
16:14That is the most honest apology I have ever heard.
16:18Wow.
16:19But it is completely meaningless.
16:22But wait, let's get it again.
16:23You have always counted on the fact that no matter what you do,
16:27I will always love you.
16:28And that is just true.
16:30It is for all of you.
16:32I assumed the love was just there in every cell of my body,
16:37and I was helpless to prevent it.
16:40But then I realized that that was just for your mother.
16:42You guys are completely different.
16:44You're so unfailingly destructive and self-absorbed and oblivious that you make it so damn difficult.
16:53That my genuine, deep love is an actual act of heroism.
16:59Well, do you realize how good that makes me feel about myself?
17:05Thank you for that gift.
17:09Especially you.
17:16Are you sure everything's ready?
17:17Don't worry.
17:18Don't worry everything's ready or just don't worry?
17:21Whatever answer makes you stop glaring at me, I don't like it.
17:24That's too late now anyway.
17:28Can I have your attention please?
17:31Everyone?
17:34This is such an important day for me.
17:37After 40 years of frustration,
17:40Hal has finally let me celebrate our relationship my way.
17:46My way.
17:49Today is happening exactly the way I always wanted it to.
17:53Because honey,
17:54for once,
17:56for once,
17:59it's not about me.
18:01It's about you.
18:03Oh.
18:11Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
18:13This has taken so many online tutorials and equipment rentals and crazy expensive laptop I've been hiding from you.
18:20And I hope you like it.
18:23What would you like people to know about your father?
18:25That is a complicated man.
18:30No, he's not.
18:31He's the least complex man of all time, which I love.
18:34I spend so much time touring in different cities.
18:37Sometimes I don't know where I am.
18:40And then dad calls.
18:41He doesn't understand time zones.
18:42And it's always like four in the morning.
18:46But it's still very thoughtful.
18:49Two minutes talking to him, I feel like I'm home.
18:53Anyway,
18:54he caught me thinking.
18:55And I wrote this.
19:02For me, the most singular thing about dad is his stamina.
19:06The sheer amount of grief he could stomach.
19:09I got in trouble.
19:10Got in fights.
19:11Got suspended.
19:12Got expelled.
19:13Twice.
19:15Dad was always unfailingly patient with me.
19:19The first time I met Hal.
19:21Oh, got married to you without telling them?
19:23That was a big one.
19:24Anyway, I was dreading it.
19:26As far as I knew, all dads were drunk and mean.
19:28But he was always so steady and reliable.
19:31Now he feels like my real dad.
19:34Got arrested three times?
19:35No, arrested twice, expelled three times.
19:40We were all pretty wild.
19:43But my brothers, they were so far ahead of me that I needed to find my own thing.
19:50So, I chose noise.
19:52I especially like the sound of crashing.
19:55Dishes, lamps, big windows, little windows.
19:59If you know what you're doing, I mean, you can create these frequencies that rip right through your brain.
20:04And when dad stopped me, he was always so gentle about it.
20:10I mean, it really made me want to be peaceful.
20:14Well, I really appreciated his tenderness.
20:18Even though I'm kind of a tough guy.
20:20I mean, look at these beasts!
20:23Can the love of your life be a man?
20:26Another heterosexual man?
20:28I say yes.
20:28A thousand times yes.
20:30When someone is that loving and giving and honest and true, you can't stop it.
20:36You understand?
20:36He's not just my best friend.
20:39He's the best person.
20:40No one disagreed with me on this one.
20:47Hell is a great man.
20:52Everyone expects me to talk about how forgiving and accepting he is.
20:56And he totally is with me.
20:59I don't know why I do what I do.
21:01I actually asked a therapist about it, but he was all,
21:04I don't know you and I don't work for free.
21:06But what I'm really thankful for is the optimism he gave me.
21:11I still wake up every day thinking I'll be better.
21:14He's always cheerful.
21:15And honest.
21:16And helpful.
21:16And wise.
21:17And honest.
21:18You're right.
21:20You already said that.
21:20Yes, I admire his enthusiasm and his courage.
21:23I mean, he'll try anything and make us do it too.
21:25Our vocal group, Firewall.
21:28Firewall.
21:29And don't forget Insightful.
21:31Nobody else recognized that my bluster was just a cover to hide my shame
21:35at ruining Secret Santa.
21:36And he's incredibly generous.
21:38Especially when they play in poker.
21:41Hey, Doug.
21:42I'm sorry this is so rushed.
21:43I'm just a holy swamp.
21:44Look, I want to say I love you.
21:46I admire your decency and your honesty and your hair.
21:51So happy birthday.
21:52Anniversary.
21:53Hey, Linda, can you bring me that report?
21:56I was, like, five when I started feeling wrong.
22:02I thought I was great at hiding it because you guys never said anything.
22:07But then I had this one really shitty day in the fifth grade.
22:15The other kids and even my teacher.
22:22When I had little kid problems, I'd just go to Dad and he'd clown around and make me feel better.
22:31And I wanted to do that.
22:32But instead I just blurted out, Dad, am I wrong?
22:40And he was looking at me and I knew that he knew and had always known.
22:50And I could tell he was thinking, like, really hard.
22:56And I was terrified.
23:01And then, then he finally said, could be nicer to your mom sometimes.
23:09So, yeah, I like him.
23:16Sincere.
23:17Loyal.
23:17Tenderness.
23:18Brave.
23:19Faith.
23:20Remarkable.
23:21Striving.
23:23Terrible.
23:24Fearless.
23:24Fittery.
23:25Sparkling.
23:25Sexually.
23:26Self.
23:27Elk.
23:27Amazing.
23:28Freakable.
23:30Love.
23:36We did it!
23:38Woohoo!
23:39All eyes are beautiful, boys!
23:43Hal.
23:45When we first met, I knew I'd been looking for you my entire life.
23:54You're my wish come true.
24:22No one's ever done anything like that for me.
24:26No one ever led us.
24:28Excuse me?
24:32It feels weird to insert myself into this moment, but if I don't do it now, I'm afraid I never
24:38will.
24:40Dad.
24:42I'm sorry for how crappy my part in that was.
24:46I didn't realize how much this meant, I didn't realize how much this meant, how much you meant.
24:53I'm sorry.
24:56I'm sorry.
24:56I'm sorry.
25:03I'm sorry.
25:04I'm sorry.
25:09I'm sorry.
25:16I'm sorry for this.
25:18I wouldn't say it.
25:20I'm sorry for this.
25:20I know where you got that one, but it's still good.
25:23so
25:25love is brave
25:30Tristan
25:32I am so flawed
25:33there are so many parts of my personality
25:36that don't work right
25:37but I love you
25:39so much
25:42will you marry me
25:46no
25:58that doesn't work for everything Stevie
26:01Malcolm
26:02I love you
26:04so much
26:06but we both just found out we've been keeping
26:09gigantic awful
26:10secrets from each other
26:12we have to figure that out before we do anything
26:18except sex
26:18we'll definitely have sex later
26:39sweetie get off your phone
26:41it's a party
26:42go talk to that little weirdo
26:44he looks lonely
26:51hi
26:53I'm Lita
26:53Hubert
26:55who ordered you to approach me
26:57my grandma
26:58she could tell I was lonely
26:59just as I could tell you're lonely
27:01it's probably because you're odd
27:04I am
27:05well then
27:07we're match made in heaven
27:08don't do eyebrows
27:09and you're already giving me good advice
27:12we're blossoming
27:15hi
27:15would you like to join
27:17what may become a super cool friend group
27:23yeah okay
27:24thanks
27:26can I ask you guys about something really embarrassing
27:29if you knew me better you wouldn't
27:31but go ahead
27:33ladies and gentlemen
27:34we present the anniversary dance
27:36under the spotlight
27:37please remember
27:38they chose the music
27:42what have you done
27:43what have you done
27:44what are you talking about
27:45well it's just a silly little romantic thing
27:48it's no big deal
27:49do you feel my heart beating
27:51do you understand
27:54do you feel the same
27:57am I only dreaming
28:18oh my goodness I've been in a dream
28:20you are a dream
28:41is this burning
28:45Oh, it's our love.
28:49Oh, it's our love.
28:51Oh, it's our love.
28:54Do you feel like I'm bleeding?
28:59Do you understand?
29:02Do you feel the same?
29:04Am I only dreaming?
29:09Oh, it's our love.
29:16Oh, it's our love.
29:18Do you feel like I'm sorry.
29:28I'm sorry that I wasn't supposed to.
29:30I didn't mean to.
29:32Do you like it?
29:46This is the most incontestable forfeit of a security deposit of all time.
29:52And well worth it.
29:55Ow.
29:56What?
29:56What the hell?
29:58My leg is killing me.
30:03When the hell did I get a cast?
30:06Having friends is awesome.
30:08I had no idea.
30:10We talked everything out and they gave me a whole new perspective.
30:13So I am going to send a picture.
30:16Well, a screenshot.
30:18To his parents.
30:19And every girl in school.
30:24Teachable moment.
30:27Just so you know, Grandma actually helped me solve a problem.
30:30Really?
30:30How?
30:31Well, by bossing me around about something completely different.
30:35That's the MO.
30:37It just occurred to me.
30:38My next poo is going to be amazing.
30:42Nice job ruining the anniversary.
30:45Me?
30:45Everything would have been fine if those rafters were spaced properly.
30:48Oh, cool.
30:48Those rafters are exactly the code.
30:50They absolutely are not.
30:52God's sake, Reese.
30:53Building codes specify different rafter spacing for 4x6s and 4x8s.
30:56And there's no way you can tell the dimensions from down here.
30:58And when a zipper sticks, you don't keep yanking on it.
31:00All right?
31:01You pull gently and wiggle it side to side.
31:03That's another thing.
31:04That cheap zipper.
31:05There's tons of things to blame.
31:07Well, I guess this is my life again.
31:10I just have to do everything I can to make it work.
31:13Mostly because I can't think of any way out of it.
31:16Hopefully, Leah's going to be okay with this family.
31:19I like this family.
31:20I feel so much less weird by comparison.
31:23I hope Dad's going to be able to handle it.
31:26I'm sure he'll be fine.
31:31Free designs.
31:32I don't know where you guys are.
31:32I like that.
31:32I like this girl.
31:32I like that.
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