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Ted - Season 2 - Episode 06: Roe v. Weed
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00:12My words are lazy, my thoughts are hazy, but this is one thing I'm sure of, everybody needs a best
00:22friend, I'm happy I'm yours.
00:31God, Maddie, you are defending a completely barbaric and outdated practice!
00:35Fuck you, the death penalty fucking works!
00:37You cannot have an absolute irreversible form of punishment with a legal system that is anything less than perfect.
00:43Big deal! So one idiot gets caught in the gears, justice is blind, you don't think Stevie Wonder puts the
00:48mail in the toaster once in a while?
00:50Plus, it's unequal, especially if he's black or an immigrant.
00:53That's bullshit! You come to the United States of America, you get the same chance as anybody to get the
00:58chair.
00:58Okay, what if you were on death row for a crime you didn't commit?
01:01Oh, like that'd fucking happen.
01:03What if it did?
01:04Nobody gets the death penalty for shit they didn't do.
01:06Oh, what about the fugitive?
01:08What?
01:08Harrison Ford got convicted in that movie and he was innocent.
01:12He must have did something in another movie.
01:14Oh, he shot Greedo in the cantina.
01:15There you go, he shot an Italian in a nightclub that's called natural causes.
01:19Jesus Christ!
01:20You know what? You break the law, you pay the fucking price!
01:23Okay, and what if new DNA evidence is uncovered after-
01:28What the fuck?
01:30Oh my god, Blair, are you alright?
01:33This is a brand new Hanes. I just opened the pack!
01:37Oh, wait till we get our Hanes on you. It's like hands. I just got that.
01:48Blair?
01:52Honey?
01:56You alright?
01:58Blair?
01:59Honey?
02:07Oh my god.
02:09Is that what I think it is?
02:12It has to be a false positive.
02:14Blair?
02:15You're pregnant?
02:18That's...
02:18What it says.
02:20Wait.
02:21This must mean you're dating men again.
02:24Well, I did tell you I'm fluid.
02:27Oh, I am so happy you're going out with men.
02:30Now we can be in heaven together.
02:32I can brush your wings.
02:34Oh, we'll get to meet all the old stars.
02:37You are gonna love Desi Arnaz.
02:39This has to be a mistake.
02:40Oh no, I'm pretty sure he's up there.
02:42And Lucy too.
02:44And in heaven, the conveyor belt moves at just the right speed so she can wrap all the chocolates.
02:51Oh, I can't believe this is happening right now.
02:53I only slept with one guy, one time.
02:56You know, when I saw that episode for the first time, I was so sad for Lucy, I cried.
03:08Remember to sleep on your side so you don't crush the baby.
03:14Oh, I feel like I'm living in a soap opera.
03:22Man, they'll make a cereal out of any hit movie.
03:25Turns your milk red with adventure.
03:27Yeah, I really want my breakfast to feel like I'm losing a bloody underwater conflict
03:31with a rival nuclear superpower.
03:34What the hell is this?
03:35Are they out of ham and eggs at the store or something?
03:38I didn't want to cook anything fragrant
03:39since Blair's a little sensitive to smells right now.
03:44What?
03:45Not permanently.
03:47Just for a little while.
03:49Aunt Suze.
03:49What the fuck are you talking about?
03:51Well, it's not my news to share,
03:53but I think Blair has something she wants to tell the family.
03:59Jesus Christ.
04:00Okay, fine.
04:02I'm pregnant.
04:04Holy shit!
04:05How can you be pregnant?
04:06You're not married.
04:07Wait, you're dating guys again?
04:09It was a one night stand.
04:10I had to blow off some steam after things ended with Sarah.
04:13Yeah, I don't think that happens from blowing.
04:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on.
04:16You're actually pregnant?
04:17Yes.
04:18Who's the father?
04:19Doesn't matter.
04:20How the hell could you get yourself pregnant?
04:22Was anyone in this family born intentionally?
04:24Just you.
04:25Who?
04:26Oh, yeah, right.
04:27I was made with wishes.
04:29You were all made with jizz.
04:31Fuck.
04:31I'm more elegant.
04:33Yeah.
04:33You know, he should have just wished on your back.
04:35I have to get to class.
04:38Oh, what if she names it Ted?
04:44You know, I've been thinking.
04:45We've got to make sure this baby's first word is fuck.
04:48Oh, yeah.
04:49Every time Blair's out of the room.
04:51Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
04:51Yeah, and we've got to make sure she stands near the microwave a lot so the baby comes out
04:55with powers.
04:56Holy shit, Johnny.
04:57Look!
05:00A vending machine.
05:01A vending machine at our school.
05:04It's...
05:05It's beautiful.
05:06Now that's the miracle of birth.
05:08Look, Johnny.
05:09It's a score bar.
05:14Oh, crap.
05:15I need another quarter if I want a Snickers.
05:18Hey.
05:21Wow, thanks.
05:25Jesus?
05:38Hey, thanks again for picking us up, Claire.
05:41I can't believe you two actually paid to see while you were sleeping.
05:45Yeah, well, Bad Boys was sold out.
05:47Plus, we had already gotten super high.
05:49It was good.
05:50I know.
05:50I saw it.
05:51I like to pretend it's in the same universe as Sleepless in Seattle,
05:54so Bill Pullman has a happy ending after Meg Ryan leaves him for Tom Hanks.
06:00Neat.
06:03There she is, the mother-to-be.
06:06Lovely.
06:09Aunt Suze, what the hell is all this?
06:12It's your baby shower.
06:14When I thought about you being a single mother, it made me so sad.
06:19So I wanted to show you that you're not all alone.
06:22You got a whole community supporting you.
06:26Aunt Suze, I don't want a baby shower.
06:29Oh, but a baby shower's the most fun party there is.
06:33Look, I melted some candy into diapers so it looks like caca.
06:37That baby either needs way more or way less fiber.
06:41Look, Blake. I got you these cute little baby clothes.
06:43Hey, these are kind of perfect.
06:45Hey, what do you think, Johnny?
06:46Should I be a fireman or a ball player?
06:48Fuck me. I'm glad I got high.
06:50This is awesome.
06:51Oh, Jesus, Johnny.
06:52Stop that before one of us develops a fetish we can't come back from.
06:55Since we don't know if it's a boy or a girl, I made you a purple cake.
07:00Aunt Suze.
07:00I wasn't sure if I could find one, but Duncan Hines always has surprises up their sleeve.
07:05Aunt Suze!
07:07I'm not keeping the baby.
07:18Hey, can I have this?
07:30Hello?
07:31Hey, Emily. It's Blair.
07:33Hey, Blair.
07:34Hey, um, listen, I had a medical question for you, if it's not too personal.
07:40Um, where did you get your abortion last year?
07:46Oh, there's a clinic on Emerson Ave. It was 400 bucks.
07:50400? Just to, like, loop it out or whatever?
07:53I know. Also, there was a mob of protesters in front who were so scary.
07:57My dad almost punched a guy who called me a slut.
08:00And not in, like, a fun, empowering way like you, slut.
08:04Wait, do you have to get an abortion?
08:06No.
08:07I was just, um, going to counter-protest the anti-abortion protestors.
08:13So, this is really great info.
08:16Thanks.
08:17Oh, cool.
08:19Yeah, go stick it to those motherfuckers.
08:21I will.
08:23Talk to you later.
08:27An abortion?
08:28Yes.
08:28Abso-fucking-lutely not!
08:30Sorry you don't approve, but luckily it's not your fucking choice.
08:33Listen to me, Blair. You are not aborting that baby!
08:36What if we all voted on it?
08:37Also, can I have this too?
08:38Oh, that's a wonderful idea. We could all vote.
08:41No, my uterus is not a democracy. It's my body and my choice.
08:45It's his body too! He's a human being!
08:48Wow, didn't realize it was a boy.
08:49And second of all, this is not yet a viable human being that can live on its own.
08:54Well, neither are you!
08:55According to medical science and Roe vs. Wade, which is-
08:58Fuck Roe and fuck Wade!
09:00Yeah, Wade was on your side, genius.
09:02You're not killing that kid!
09:03I'm not ready to be a mom, okay?
09:05Last week, I had a beer in the shower.
09:07And this isn't a kid we're talking about.
09:09It's a fertilized egg. It's the size of a sesame seed.
09:11Hey, that's like three of your dicks, Johnny.
09:14Hey, shut up!
09:15I'm sorry, he's got a normal-sized dick.
09:17Blair, we just don't want you to do something you'll regret.
09:20If I had to leave school and give up a career, that's what I would regret.
09:24What about the baby's career, huh?
09:26He's gonna flush that down the toilet?
09:28Literally.
09:28And then it grows up in the sewer, becomes a chud?
09:31What's a chud?
09:32Cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller.
09:35Oh.
09:35Matty, since you care so much about potential life, what about sperm?
09:39Every time you masturbate, millions of them die.
09:41So, is it wrong to kill sperm too?
09:43Yes. No more masturbation in this house.
09:47John, don't cry because it's over.
09:49Smile because it happened.
09:51Blair, you're having that baby.
09:52What if we put it up for adoption?
09:54I'm sure there's someone we know who would love to adopt your baby.
09:58I'll make some phone calls.
10:00No, no, Aunt Sue, I don't want to go through pregnancy.
10:03Oh, it's no trouble.
10:04Most of my hair grew back eventually.
10:06I already made the appointment for Saturday.
10:08It's $400, I have half in my savings, I just need to borrow the other $200.
10:11$400 bucks? Just to, like, shloop it out?
10:15You ain't getting 200 cents from me and you ain't going to that appointment.
10:19Didn't your platoon kill people in Vietnam?
10:21That was different.
10:22Why? Why do you get a medal but I'm going to hell?
10:25Because that was war and most of them weren't babies.
10:27You're such a fucking hypocrite.
10:29You're the fucking hypocrite, huh?
10:31Sleeping with women, sleeping with men, having it both ways.
10:34That's called having your pussy and eating it too.
10:37Right?
10:38It's a play on words.
10:39Anderson, Applebee.
10:42Oh, Aunt, that might be nice.
10:44Blair, do you mind if your baby becomes Jewish?
10:47What? No.
10:48I mean, yes, yes, because I'm not having the baby.
10:51It's kind of anti-Semitic to abort a potentially Jewish baby.
10:54Hi, this is Susan Bennett.
10:56Do you have any interest in a baby?
10:59And you're so fucking against this country giving murderers the chair,
11:02yet you have no problem murdering innocent kids.
11:05What?
11:05I guess you only want to have the baby if it grows up to be
11:08Charles Manson or Jeffrey Dahmer or Jane Fonda.
11:11They're asking if we weren't a baby.
11:13What? No! Get off the phone!
11:16Dad, what if the baby's a Yankees fan?
11:17Still wrong.
11:18What if I raised the baby to become an abortion doctor,
11:20so you'd be saving all those babies' lives by killing this one?
11:23Still wrong.
11:24What if the baby grows up to be double Hitler?
11:26Not my problem. Still wrong.
11:28Well, I guess double Hitler will have to be stopped by time travelers.
11:31As usual.
11:32Blair, if you do this, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.
11:35Mr. Appleby wants to know if we can bring the baby by tomorrow to meet their dogs.
11:40Jesus Christ, Susan! Get off the goddamn phone!
11:42And they also want to know if they take the baby,
11:44will the father pay for their lawn furniture?
11:47Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. Who is the father? Huh?
11:50He gets a say in this, too.
11:52He's nobody. I went to a party at Rubens Hall, hooked up with the RA, that's it.
11:56And it doesn't fucking matter, because it's not his choice, it's mine.
11:59What's his name?
12:00Why?
12:01Because I don't want to talk to him!
12:02No! Fuck you!
12:03Alright, clearly I'm alone in all this, so I'll just figure out how to get the fucking money without your
12:08fucking help.
12:09Fuck!
12:18Sorry, sorry. I've been wanting to honk the horn, but there wasn't a window, and I now see that it
12:24was still inappropriate.
12:42Hey, Blair, are you okay?
12:45Oh, yeah. Never better.
12:47Hey, listen. Me and Johnny wanted to help you out if we can.
12:51Thanks, but I don't really know what you could...
12:54What the fuck?
12:55Yeah, I think this is me now.
12:57Look, we hate seeing you so upset, so we're gonna try and help you find the money you need.
13:02How?
13:03We don't know, but we're gonna try and find a way.
13:06Well, thanks.
13:09Also, we heard that when you get pregnant, you get sort of like a heightened sense of smell.
13:15Yeah, it's true.
13:16Would you mind using your powers to help us find our stash?
13:19When Susan was cleaning our room, we hid it somewhere in the house, and now we can't remember where.
13:24This is what the weed smells like.
13:40It's in the hamper.
13:40Oh, that's fucking awesome. Thank you so much.
13:42Thank you so much. Thank you.
13:43Thank you, Unwanted baby.
13:54Hey, where's the RA?
13:56Um, last door down on the left.
14:01What?
14:02Fuckin' Christ.
14:09Fuck me.
14:12Okay.
14:15Come on.
14:17You in the meat?
14:18Uh, yeah.
14:20And you're the RA?
14:21Yeah.
14:22And you are?
14:24Listen, fucko.
14:25You're gonna raise your goddamn kid.
14:28What?
14:28You know Blair Bennett?
14:29I mean, not super well.
14:31Oh, well listen to this guy.
14:33Already trying to weasel his way out of it.
14:35All right.
14:35Come on.
14:36Let's fucking go.
14:37What the hell, dude?
14:46All right.
14:47Here we go.
14:48You realize we're breaking the law here.
14:50I mean, maybe we should find another way to get the money.
14:52We could sell all our weed.
14:53Never mind.
14:54Robbery is fine.
14:57Let's do it.
15:11Okay, I'm in.
15:12Okay, there's gotta be like a latch or something next to the button.
15:14Can you open it?
15:15You know, when some Mix-a-Lot said put them on the glass, I thought it was fun.
15:19But it's not, Johnny.
15:20It's not fun.
15:21Would you just hurry up?
15:23If we get caught, we're fucked.
15:24Hang on.
15:25Hang on.
15:26I think I got it.
15:39Now, how the fuck do I get out of here?
15:42Oh, shit.
15:45Wait, what are you doing?
15:46I want some Rolos.
15:48Oh, fuck.
15:48Not the Rolos.
15:49That's right in my ass.
15:50Ooh, that feels good.
15:58Take me to your leader.
16:03Come in.
16:06Hey, guys.
16:08Um, I just, I wanted to say thank you again.
16:10Ah, Blair, it was no problem.
16:12I still can't believe you made $200 collecting cans.
16:16It seems impossible.
16:18Uh, yeah.
16:19No, it's because we found one really big can and, uh, that put us over the top.
16:23You guys are really special.
16:25You know that, right?
16:26We love you, Blair.
16:27And we mean this from the bottom of our hearts.
16:30We think you'd make a really shitty mom.
16:33Oh, fuck you.
16:36I mean it.
16:37You guys are saving my life.
16:44All right.
16:45Give me a needle and thread and get them fucking Rolos out of there.
16:54Hey, Ma.
16:54What's for dinner?
16:56Oh, hey, Johnny.
16:57We're having spaghetti.
16:58Nice.
16:59I'm listening to a little rock and roll if you want to join.
17:03That sounds delightful, Susan.
17:08Hey, Aunt Suze.
17:10Um, can I talk to you for a minute?
17:12Well, sure, honey.
17:13What is it?
17:15Um, listen, so, I know you and Maddie don't approve of what I'm doing, but I finally got
17:23all the money I needed and, um, I could really use a woman there with me when I get
17:28the procedure.
17:29Would you drive me?
17:31Oh, you-you must have girlfriends you can ask for that sort of thing.
17:36Yeah, I-I don't want it getting back to Sarah, you know?
17:39I-I was really hoping you would come with me.
17:44Blair, you're family.
17:47I just can't be a part of this.
17:50You-you can't even drive me?
17:52Well, I don't think God would approve.
17:54Yeah, I don't know.
17:55He killed his kid.
17:56I still got one Rolo jammed up there.
17:58You think the abortion clinic could help with that?
18:00Listen, I know you have your convictions and I respect that, but Aunt Suze, you're-you're
18:05like a mother to me.
18:06There she is!
18:08There's your lover and the unborn child inside of her womb.
18:11Now do the right thing, asshole!
18:13Maddie, what the fuck?
18:14Maddie?
18:15Who's this?
18:16This is the father!
18:17No, it's not!
18:18Yes, it is!
18:19He-he's the RA in Rubens Hall!
18:21There's a different RA on every floor!
18:23Yeah, I'm the meat.
18:24You might have been looking for Brendan.
18:25He's kind of a player.
18:26Brendan, right?
18:28Yes.
18:28So wait, wait, wait, wait!
18:30You didn't, you know, with my niece?
18:33No, man.
18:34I'm saving myself for marriage.
18:36Now, mate, are you hungry?
18:37I could fix you a snake.
18:39I could eat.
18:40I'm so sorry about all this.
18:42Um, you're in my gothic literature seminar, right?
18:45Oh, yeah, that's where I've seen you before.
18:48By the way, I think you should keep the baby.
18:50Excuse me?
18:51Motherhood is a beautiful thing.
18:53It was a topic of discussion at the Young Republicans meeting last week.
18:56Blair, I think you should listen to Namit.
18:58You gotta be fucking kidding me.
19:01That language is very unbecoming of a lady.
19:03I keep fucking telling her that!
19:04Blair, Namit's a nice boy.
19:07Maybe you two could go out together and have a soda.
19:10And if it leads to marriage, you can keep the baby and raise it as a family.
19:16God sent him here for a reason, honey.
19:18No! No!
19:19He's here because Maddie's a fucking maniac!
19:21What do you say, Blair?
19:23Should we give it a shot?
19:24Namit's going for it, Johnny.
19:26I like this guy.
19:27Jesus Christ!
19:27I can't believe you two would literally rather listen to a random man's opinion
19:32about what I should do with my body than listen to me.
19:35This is a lost cause.
19:39This is what always happens under a Democratic administration.
19:42People feel like they have carte blanche to just shred the fabric of American integrity.
19:48Would you like to spend the night?
19:55What?
19:56Hey, it's just us.
19:58Sorry.
19:59Didn't mean to snap.
20:01No, I'm sorry my mom's not driving you to the abortion tomorrow.
20:04It's fine.
20:05I'll be fine.
20:06You know, we could take you.
20:08No.
20:09No, I'm just gonna call a cab.
20:11Oh, Blair, you can't take a taxi to an abortion.
20:14That's just sad.
20:15Yeah, we don't want this to be a sad day.
20:17There may be protesters outside the clinic.
20:19Well, all the more reason we should be there with you.
20:21What are you gonna do?
20:22Oh, we've been playing Mike Tyson's punch out all week.
20:25We got all the way up to bald bull.
20:27Yeah.
20:27We should be fine unless someone does exactly this.
20:32No, I don't want to put you guys in any danger.
20:35You know what?
20:36I got an idea.
20:47Mom, I'm getting it!
20:48John Bennett.
20:50Do my eyes deceive me?
20:53It ticks out, man.
20:54What?
20:54Oh, my God!
20:55Oh, it is!
20:57Get back in there!
20:58It's always getting out.
21:00Oh, yeah?
21:01I can wear three pairs of pants.
21:03It will not stop.
21:05It will find its way out.
21:07Anyway, thanks for letting me know, guys.
21:08Oh, wait, that's actually...
21:09That's not the only reason, uh, that we came.
21:11Oh, shit!
21:12My cup runneth over.
21:14Sup?
21:15Uh, this is my best friend Ted.
21:17It's not a contest who you're closer with, but okay.
21:20Uh, and we actually wanted to borrow your van.
21:23Uh, my cousin...
21:24I don't need to know a reason.
21:26That's why you own a van.
21:27To loan it out to your best friend.
21:30No questions asked.
21:31That's the van code.
21:33Thanks.
21:33Actually, Ted's gonna be the one driving.
21:34I don't need to know.
21:35Question, do you want it with or without the ferret?
21:39Uh, without?
21:40Well, he's gonna be in there.
21:42Okay.
21:43His name is also John Bennett.
21:44Not named after you.
21:45After a different guy I know.
21:48Named Bennett John.
21:50We'll keep an eye out for him.
21:51Ah, shit, he moved to Texas.
21:53You'll never meet him.
21:54Okay, well, uh, we will get this, uh, your van to...
21:56I don't need to know!
21:59Your dick's out again, man.
22:01Well...
22:02He probably smells your dick.
22:29Oh, man, they look angry.
22:31Okay, wait here.
22:32And as soon as those protestors move out of the way...
22:34You haul ass inside.
22:35How are you gonna get them to move?
22:37Watch this.
22:50Howdy, folks.
22:54All right, careful now.
22:56We better get this abortion machine unloaded.
22:58Ugh!
22:59Yeah, the clinic needs it for shlooping out all those fetuses.
23:02Yep, the old fetus deletus.
23:03The old zygote bigote.
23:05Better move fast.
23:05We got another 12 abortion machines we gotta deliver before the end of the day.
23:09Oh, you're telling me.
23:10Spring break was four to six weeks ago, which means now is the busy season.
23:14But boy, do I love this new Abort-O-Matic 5000.
23:16A miracle of modern abortion technology.
23:19Double the abortions in only half the time.
23:21It was smart of him to make the tubes wider so the eyeballs won't clog it up.
23:24Hey!
23:25Oh, yes, sir.
23:26You ordered the brand new abortion machine.
23:27No!
23:28And you're a murdering piece of shit!
23:30Well, say what you want, but my alive kids are gonna have a great Christmas this year on account of
23:35all these abortions.
23:36And ever since my wife's miscarriage, I don't want anyone to have living kids.
23:39I've always found your stance on this extreme, but as a Yankees fan, I support it.
23:43Get him!
23:44Get him!
23:45Get him!
23:46Get him!
23:48Get him!
23:48Get him!
23:48Get him!
23:51Get him!
23:57Get him!
23:59Hi. I'm here for my appointment.
24:01Name or fake name you only use to make the appointment?
24:05Penelope Davenport.
24:07You checked in, Miss Davenport.
24:09We just need the $400.
24:36Hello, Father.
24:37Hello, Susan.
24:38i don't have that much time i have a little thing at the courthouse in about half an hour
24:44i'm not here to confess i need guidance on what exactly well a member of my family
24:53might be committing a horrible sin and what sin is that my niece is having an abortion
25:01oh and i just don't know what to do oh i was really hoping this was gonna be you were
25:06tired
25:06of making dinner or something but okay i don't agree with her choice but i love her i could refer
25:14you to a clinic that just fakes the procedure can buy you like two or three months no no i
25:19i can't
25:20lie to her maybe you could talk to her i'm not gonna be around a heck of a lot longer
25:27i'm uh
25:28being shuttled to a new diocese in ohio really i have six days to grow a full beard and mustache
25:35and please start calling me david i need the practice david how can i forgive my niece
25:41well it's like my lawyer says not everyone's gonna love you i'm sure your niece knows what
25:47she's doing is wrong even if at the time it just seemed so right let love be your guide
25:56god knows i did that's my ride i'm sure you'll do the right thing
26:10and that's why the contract with america was so effective in the midterms gingrich knew that
26:15it would crystallize for conservative voters exactly what policies the representatives would fight for
26:20that's what i've been saying oh you know it's great to finally meet a mexican who agrees with
26:25me newt's out there fighting the patriotic fight for real americans while clinton's playing the
26:30goddamn saxophone yes fucking yes yes sir you you get it how'd you sleep last night great i hope
26:37susan wasn't uncomfortable on the couch no she's fine she's fine and my pajamas fit perfectly good
26:42good hey listen i gotta get back to campus but this has been just great absolutely absolutely the best
26:49hey come here bring it in let's keep in touch over the summer all right you know it you're one
26:55of
26:55the good ones you too get the fuck out of my house
27:08flair flair over here oh my god are you guys okay oh yeah i'm a loser in high school this
27:14is nothing
27:15hey more importantly are you okay yeah i will be and they for sure got him no barely he slipped
27:23out
27:23and ran around the room for a bit but the doctor got him with his giant mallet really no you
27:29dumb
27:29fuck well i think we've all learned a valuable lesson today no matter which side you're on we
27:35can all stand to be a little more careful with our jizz amen let's get out of here
27:50blair you awake uh just a second
27:56come in
28:02thought you might be hungry so it made you a little something to eat
28:09thanks thanks you uh you know what i did today right i know
28:19and i don't agree with it and i don't think i ever will
28:24but i love you anyway
28:27i love you too
28:31what's this
28:34they're baby shoes from the shower i thought you might want to keep them
28:38for when you are ready to be a mother
28:42thank you aunt suz
28:47and one day if i do decide i want to be a mom
28:50i really hope i'm as good as you
28:53oh you'd love it you get to take care of a whole house full of people you get a card
28:59once a year and it's such a great feeling when you solve a stain
29:04i'll be sure to keep all that in mind
29:07you are such a special special girl play
29:13and if i were you i'd go after that in the meat
29:17oh he's one hot tamale
29:25she's gone
29:27oh fuck that was close
29:29oh those pringles
29:31oh fuck yeah
29:32i'm so fucking glad this week is over
29:35hey next abortion can you ask for a baby business suit
29:38because that's something i could actually use
29:40hey
29:41thanks again you guys for coming with me
29:44hey one less red-faced piece of shit at the celtics games huh
29:48we may have gotten our asses beat
29:49but at least it all had a happy ending
29:51which is what you should have given to avoid all this
29:53oh fuck you
29:54i know right
29:55but really you should have just jerked them off
30:04oh you've got a head full of someone dreadful
30:09and yet alas that someone adores you
30:13everybody needs a best friend
30:17i'm happy i'm yours
30:20i'm just a clown
30:23and i'll bring you down
30:27but you just don't care
30:29cause you're
30:33best friend is me
30:45you
30:47you
30:48you
30:48you
30:48you
31:01you
31:02you
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