00:02Healer goddess, hear my plea.
00:06Please save my child.
00:24Rod of a sepulis.
00:43Rejuvenate.
00:52Praise! She is the healer goddess!
00:55No, please. Don't call me that.
00:58What?
00:59I'm just glad I could help.
01:05Here you go, miss.
01:10Why be weighed down by a throne when I can live amongst the common people and help those the most
01:14in need?
01:27You must be rushing off to go find your jewels, because only a sackless coward would hit a puppy and
01:32run!
01:35Aw, it's okay, little guy. I'll fix you right up.
01:44Right rewrites the wronged.
01:49We're juveniles.
01:54See? Good as the day you can kicking out of your mother's womb.
02:00Come on, Cleo! Let's go!
02:12Hey, hey, hey, hey!
02:17Please. My brother's been in a coma the last two years.
02:21We have no idea what the illness is. If anyone can help cure him, we will pay you handsomely.
02:26The Elisander Armstrong! His military family basically owns the entire global stock market!
02:32He's so hot!
02:34Does he come with the money?
02:36Yes. He'll even marry you if you can cure him. Money. Fame. Power. It's all yours.
02:46Are we still moving forward, Miss Trixie?
02:49Yes. Give the presidential contract to Marissa.
02:52Oh, I have another call coming in.
02:56Grandma!
02:57I'm dying! Save me, Trixie!
03:00Grandma?
03:02Grandma.
03:03When are you getting married? I'm already a hundred years old.
03:07I'm gonna keep you healthy forever, Grandma.
03:09And Butch is still on deployment, so that's why I haven't been married yet.
03:16Oh, but why marry a vegetable when I can bang a younger stud like you?
03:22We're talking about my brother's life. I don't have time for jokes.
03:27No!
03:36Please go feed your dog, Miss. Don't let it starve like you.
03:39Oh, kind stranger. Let me repay you by granting you a wish.
03:44Grant me a wish? That you can barely feed yourself.
03:47The downfall of humanity. It all starts with the loss of faith.
03:51What?
03:52Oh, geez, this is giving me a migraine.
03:55Are you telling me to pray to God because we've been doing that?
03:58I'm telling you to have some faith in me.
04:01Okay, uh, I wish for you to cure my brother's illness.
04:06Can you do that?
04:07I can topple mountains and make a king out of a frog if I wanted to.
04:11Cleo, stay right here for a second.
04:14Don't go too far, Cleo.
04:18Hold still.
04:25What? My migraine's gone.
04:28Okay, then let's go.
04:29If you can cure my brother, he'll even marry you.
04:32Come on. Come on.
04:33Oh!
04:46How is he?
04:48What is the diagnosis?
04:49Remember, you will not marry him unless you cure him.
04:52I'm sorry. I don't know what this is.
04:55Aren't you the queen of medicine?
04:56You're supposed to be one of the best.
04:58Don't worry, General.
04:59I'm the angel herbalist and I have mastered all healing methods of the East.
05:04I can detect what condition your son has with just one needle.
05:25I have no clue what this is.
05:29Oh, it looks like the angel herbalist doesn't live up to her name after all.
05:34That's why we saved the best for last.
05:37Me, the witch doctor.
05:39I'll save your son, Lysander.
05:51He's not budging. There's no movement.
05:53Truly, I have saved thousands of patients all over the world, but I don't know what this is.
06:00Lord, I've scoured the earth for the best doctors. They've tried all these methods and they've all failed.
06:06If we can't save him, there's only one person who can.
06:12Who?
06:15The goddess of healing.
06:19Wait a second. You're not talking about the legendary goddess you...
06:23That's correct. Her right rewrites the wrong and her left leaves the bereft. That's her motto.
06:30It's what makes her a sage amongst mortals. We are nothing compared to her.
06:35She is eccentric and elusive. No one has ever seen her before.
06:40If this legendary healer is the only one that can truly save my son, I don't care if I go
06:46bankrupt.
06:47I will find her. James, come put out a bounty to the entire world.
06:54Whoever finds the goddess healer will give her five million dollars.
06:58There's no need.
07:13I'll save your son.
07:15Who the hell is she?
07:17Dad, she says she can cure Lysander.
07:19She's gonna save your brother? Don't be ridiculous.
07:22How can this shit-stained hobo cure your brother?
07:26Exactly. God, the unemployed are getting crazier and crazier.
07:30She's trying to scam her way into marrying the rich.
07:33Ew! She even brought a filthy dog with her.
07:37I bet it has fleas.
07:38That flea-infested dirty thing is your companion.
07:43Don't try to steal Lysander Armstrong from us.
07:49Don't touch him.
07:53They say don't judge a book by its cover.
07:55But I can see from all your faces that you've failed.
07:58So step aside.
08:00I'll take it from here.
08:02Could you hold this?
08:03Ho, ho, ho, ho.
08:04You're not gonna touch my son.
08:06I'm the richest tycoon in this country and a former general.
08:10I know a gold-digging whore when I see one.
08:13I bet she's only here because giving blowjobs on the street corners wasn't paying enough cash.
08:19Who knows what an unskilled poor girl like her would do for some.
08:23A skinny-ass beggar trying to take advantage of Lysander Armstrong when he's unconscious?
08:29Ew!
08:31Disgusting.
08:32Go back to being a prostitute.
08:33Security!
08:34Get this STD-infested peasant out of here now.
08:38Let's go.
08:38If you throw me out, you're tossing away your son's last chance at life.
08:45Sir, we are at our wit's end trying to find a cure for Master Lysander into no avail.
08:51Maybe we should give her a try?
08:53You can always deal with her later if she turns out to be a fraud.
08:56Alright, I'll give you a shot.
08:59But I warn you, if you fail, I'll have your and your dog's head mounted on my wall.
09:05Is that any way to ask for help?
09:08You'd be blessed to have me.
09:10And I'm only here to repay your younger son's kindness.
09:13But since I'm not welcome here, I'll leave.
09:18Devon, come find me when you have a different wish.
09:20No, Miss Trixie. My brother is a hero to me. I can't lose him.
09:27Well, if he's a hero to you, then that means he must be a good person.
09:33My brother is a war hero who single-handedly saved this country from a terrorist attack.
09:37Also, he's great with puppies. He'd make a great husband.
09:42Who says I want to marry him?
09:44As if the number one hottest 30 under 30 would even dream of marrying a penniless bum like you.
09:51Only a lunatic would be crazy enough to marry her.
09:53I mean, look at her.
09:55Even if she cleaned herself up, you couldn't find an ounce of femininity on her.
10:00Only those cut from the lowest ranks were bigger over such trivial matters.
10:04Continue wasting your time.
10:06But I'm saving this patient.
10:18Oh, okay!
10:21What's happening?
10:22What are we doing?
10:25What are we doing?
10:33Oh!
10:35What the hell are you doing?
10:36I knew she was a perv!
10:38She's definitely trying to steal Lysander from us.
10:41Do you all not know that sweat can tell you everything that's medically wrong with a patient?
10:45Are you insane?
10:46Security, smash her face in for licking my son!
10:50He's born with congenital heart disease, has a peanut allergy, and the condition he has is called endogenic cryomorphy.
10:57Yeah, right!
10:58I mean, no way you got all that just from licking him!
11:01Oh, okay.
11:02I've studied every disease known to man, right?
11:05I even have the badge of universal medicine right here.
11:08And I've never heard of endo-cryo-what-what?
11:14Huh.
11:16This?
11:22Is worth nothing when I have the real thing right here.
11:25What?
11:27What?
11:27So you think that this crummy walking stick of yours is what, THE rod of a sepulius?
11:33Why don't you go back to the homeless asylum where you came from if you're going to be this delusional?
11:38I agree.
11:39I mean, even if she does solve this medical mystery, what is the point of doctors who have studied for
11:46years?
11:46We are all certified.
11:48But Lysander does have congenital heart disease.
11:52She's right about everything.
11:55Yeah, but if she just throws out a bunch of fake diagnoses, one of them is bound to be right.
12:00And again, there is no such thing as endo-cryo-what-what!
12:04Endogenic cryomorphy.
12:05Oh.
12:05And of course none of you have heard of it.
12:07Because I just discovered it.
12:10This condition only affects those with both CHD and a peanut allergy.
12:14The chances are a billion to one.
12:16A hundred times rarer than winning the lottery.
12:19But lucky for you all, you've hit the jackpot by finding me.
12:24What a bunch of baloney.
12:25I mean, you wouldn't be homeless if you were actually any good.
12:30Precisely.
12:30You are just a scamming prostitute.
12:33You don't compare to meet us who actually studied real medicine.
12:38I bet you were too poor to go to real medical school.
12:42Oh, so she went to the super circus instead.
12:46And now she's here putting on this clown show coming up with fake diseases,
12:50which mean nothing if you can't wake him up.
12:54Is that supposed to be a challenge?
12:56Oh, yeah.
12:58If you three incompetent doormats want to show me up,
13:01I think you all should grow parts of your brain back.
13:04Which, by the way, that condition is called an encephaly.
13:08What is that supposed to mean?
13:10It means you're being schooled by me.
13:12And I'm about to walk all over your medical licensees.
13:16Then let's have a bet.
13:17If you can't heal him, we'll break your hands.
13:23And then you can't pretend to have healing hands anymore.
13:29These hands have saved more lives than all three of you combined.
13:34You're that desperate to get rid of your competition, huh?
13:37Miss Trixie, don't risk your hands for them.
13:40There's too many lives at stake.
13:44Don't worry. I got this.
13:49It's a deal.
13:50I'll save Lysander Armstrong.
13:53No one is dying on my watch.
14:00Lysander Armstrong has been in a vegetative state for two years.
14:08Are you stopping me because you're scared I'd actually succeed?
14:11Homeless or not, if you save my son, I'll give you everything.
14:23I'll even have Lysander, my heir, marry you.
14:26I'm not doing this for the money or for a wealthy husband.
14:29I just believe in helping good people and doing the right thing.
14:34Prepare a Jacuzzi set at exactly 113 degrees Fahrenheit.
14:37Wait, wait, wait, wait. What for?
14:39Don't listen to her.
14:41She probably stinks so bad that she just wants a bath to wash the homeless stench off of her.
14:47Firstly, this is called greatness.
14:50Secondly, even if you drown yourself in plastic surgery, you couldn't get rid of your own ugly moral character.
14:57What? Did you just call me?
15:01There's a man's life at stake here, and you're standing in my way.
15:06Don't don the mantle of doctor when you're only capable of harm.
15:10Now stop getting in my way, or I promise you, you will be bubbling at the mouth very soon.
15:16Oh yeah?
15:17Yeah, you wanna see real pain?
15:18Where's the dog?
15:19Well put down the dog!
15:21With pleasure.
15:37Left leaves the wrong breath.
15:44You don't deserve to call yourself a doctor.
15:49She's been poisoned!
15:51It was her!
15:53Do you see any poison on me?
15:55Medicine in the right hands can save lives, but in the wrong hands, it becomes nothing but poison.
16:01This bitch isn't good enough to take down the queen of medicine!
16:05Do you have one of your antidotes on you?
16:06Of course!
16:08I've saved entire civilizations with my antidotes.
16:11If I wanna save someone, even the Grim Reaper can't stop me.
16:31Why is she spitting blood?
16:33This wasn't supposed to happen!
16:34I thought you said even the Grim Reaper can't get in your way.
16:37Angel herbalist.
16:39This is what I call malpractice.
16:43This isn't fatal, she'll live.
16:45But she deserves a little punishment.
16:47Well, where's the jacuzzi I asked for?
16:50Jacuzzi is ready?
16:51Right this way.
16:52Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
16:53What the hell is going on?
16:55You say you want your son to live on to give you tons of grandchildren, don't you?
16:59Then stop getting in my way.
17:01Every second counts.
17:03Let's go for our dip, shall we?
17:09General Armstrong, your family is the richest and most powerful in the nation.
17:14Are you really gonna let this hobo slut touch your son?
17:18Hold on, you two are going in there alone?
17:22If you don't want these drooling vultures to see your son naked, then sure, invite everyone in.
17:28All right, but I warn you.
17:31No funny business.
17:47Were you in the middle of the house.
17:54Get back.
17:54I don't know.
18:50I don't know.
18:54You can't seriously be listening to that.
18:57We have to have faith.
18:59Where did you actually find this little life?
19:03On the streets.
19:05Are you shitting me?
19:07You found this bum on the streets?
19:09Are you nuts?
19:10You don't know her.
19:11You don't know her background.
19:12She could be a psychotic murderer.
19:14That is it, General.
19:15You have to go in and stop this now.
19:17You're right.
19:18That's it.
19:18I'm shutting down this clown show right now.
19:20James, let's go.
19:21Yes, sir.
19:25Oh, my...
19:26Oh, my God.
19:30Oh, my God.
19:31Oh, my God.
19:33Oh, my God.
19:34Oh, my God.
19:34Oh, my God.
19:34Oh, my God.
19:35Oh, my God.
19:35Oh, my God.
19:36Oh, my God.
19:37You
