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00:04before father left to join the army he made a promise if i die on the battlefield you can find
00:13another man to marry like the hunter on the edge of the village but that huntsman vance had a
00:18crippled leg and a scar that split his face in two one punch they said could drop a full-grown
00:24tiger they also said he'd already beaten his first wife to death marrying mama to him was the
00:31same as sending her to die three years later word came that father was dead grandma and the village
00:39elders collected 20 silver coins from vance they sold mama off the news arrived on the day mama was
00:45washing clothes by the river deep winter the water was thick with floating ice cold enough to cut
00:51bone grandma wouldn't allow her to use hot water she said firewood was precious not for a worthless
00:58brat who couldn't produce sons i'd haul extra firewood down from the mountain but it always went
01:06straight to uncle dale's fire pit if mama or i used so much as one extra stick grandma beat us
01:13and cursed
01:14us for three days straight i tried to help with the washing mama waved me off the river's cold little
01:23one go play over there where the sun hits it's warmer in the dead of winter midday sun was the
01:29only
01:30warmth we ever had when the laundry was done when we walked home grandma and the village elders were
01:36already waiting they'd been in such a rush but not enough to walk down to the river and find us
01:41you take this long wandering off who knows where worthless brat roy's barely gone and already your
01:49heart's drifting
01:55the soldiers sent word roy's dead you killed him every bit of bad luck he had started when he married
02:01you
02:02he's gone now so hurry up and remarry don't stay here dragging our family down the bundle was small
02:07two of mama's worn out dresses grandma didn't look like she was grieving her own son she looked the
02:13same as always like someone had told her the village dog had died mama said nothing she just held my
02:19hand tighter grandma can i bring my daughter with me mama wasn't crying much she was only worried about
02:28me see if the huntsman's willing to pay for her a girl this size sell her to a broker and
02:37you'd get
02:37ten silver easy mama's grip went tighter around my hand we both knew the moment she left grandma would
02:44sell me she wouldn't keep me a single day longer than she had to mama shouldered her bundle and held
02:52my
02:52hand grandma and the village elders herded us to vance's house he was inside sharpening a blade the
02:58scraping sound never stopped his bad leg jutted stiffly to one side it couldn't bend a scar ran from
03:04below his left eye all the way to the right corner of his mouth like something had tried to split
03:09his face
03:11i stepped behind mama vance looked us over you people forced this woman on me 20 silver is already
03:18too much don't push it further he clearly hadn't wanted to take mama let alone me dead weight she dragged
03:26along my roy saved your life once now he's dead and we're delivering this woman straight to your door
03:31you should be on your knees thanking us she wants to bring the girl along as your daughter you get
03:36a wife
03:36and a child all at once i'm not asking for much another 10 silver and we're done most families
03:42earned two or three silver in a year 10 silver could buy a full acre of good farmland i was
03:49not worth that
03:50much people in the village said he was a silent man but when he opened his eyes and looked at
03:57you
03:57really looked it could stop your heart cold grandma shoved mama hard mama's thin frame nearly went down
04:04mr heart my daughter eats very little she can work please could you give us somewhere to go vance
04:13finally looked at me a long unreadable frown mama tugged at my hand i dropped to my knees beside her
04:19with a
04:20call him something i stared up at vance at the scar my lips shook papa vance went still the scar
04:30looked
04:31even more ferocious when his face froze like that grandma's foot complete with my back your real
04:37father's barely cold and you're already calling some stranger papa worthless brat just like your
04:43harlot mother heart already belongs to someone else she kept kicking i lay flat and didn't move didn't
04:51make a sound that was how it worked stay still let her finish and she'd stop mama tried to crawl
04:57to me
04:58one of the village elders kicked her back it was always like this in roy's household mama couldn't
05:04save me she couldn't save herself enough vance stood he went inside he came back and threw 10 silver
05:12coins onto the ground this girl is my child now i looked up at vance mama hadn't caught what he
05:21said
05:21i had grandma grabbed the silver and turned to leave vance blocked her he demanded a written
05:28contract grandma refused vance snatched the silver right back no contract no silver in the end with the
05:36village elders and the village head as witnesses the contract was signed both mama and i became part of
05:43vance's household mama put down her bundle and started working immediately if she stayed busy enough
05:49maybe vance would let me eat more maybe he wouldn't hit me vance's house was plain three main rooms
05:56a hall in the center a bedroom on each side only one bedroom had a bed the other was empty
06:03mama led me
06:04to the woodshed the firewood was stacked clean the floor was tidy mama shifted some wood and found a board
06:11she built me a rough bed she built me a rough bed out of it don't be afraid little one
06:21mama i'm not afraid at roy's house it had always been the same when father was home he'd say i
06:28was
06:29in the way always getting between him and mama when they were trying for a son he'd chase me to
06:34the
06:34woodshed roy's woodshed roy's woodshed was filthier than this rats snakes frozen solid in winter a furnace
06:41in summer i'd survived all of it mama held me against her chest maybe once i give him a son
06:48things
06:49will ease up i said nothing i'd long suspected father's cruelty toward mama had nothing to do with
06:55sons mama why did father want you to remarry vance before he left father had kept mama on a tight
07:03leash
07:04wouldn't let her leave the village wouldn't let her look up when she passed a man grandma would curse
07:10her for it too said she was out there tempting people mama's bitter laugh stayed locked in her throat
07:18because vance was the only one who could pay that much
07:23she didn't finish she didn't need to father had sent mama here to die
07:30father had been planning to sell mama even before he left he knew he wasn't coming back he made sure
07:36mama would have nowhere left to go i'd worked this out some time ago not because i was clever they'd
07:42been obvious about it the whole village talked not long after we arrived vance came back carrying
07:48armfuls of thick wooden boards he disappeared into the empty west bedroom steady hammering rang out
07:55one blow after another mama stood outside the door she wanted to ask where the food stores were so
08:01she could start dinner but she didn't dare after a while vance came back out he saw us both still
08:07standing there he frowned something you need his voice was rough i flinched and nearly stepped back
08:14but we were alone here mama and me if i stepped back she'd be standing by herself i held my
08:21ground
08:21i took mama's hand and stood beside her vance noticed something shifted in his brow mama asked
08:28carefully i i want to ask it's nearly dinner time if you get the grain out i can cook you've
08:35worked hard
08:36all day you should eat vance frowned harder he looked us up and down like we'd said something strange
08:41then he pointed at the kitchen in there the key vance's frown deepened he walked over and kicked the
08:53kitchen door open he looked back at us i had the feeling he was asking with his eyes whether we
08:59were
08:59simple no lock no key roy's kitchen was always locked the grain the oil the salt the eggs everything in
09:08locked cabinets grandma would measure out exactly what was needed for each meal set it on the counter
09:13then stand there watching mama cook drop a single grain of rice get a lecture that lasted half a day
09:19she called us starving ghosts said we never worked only ate she was afraid we'd steal food mama and i
09:27stepped into the kitchen grain oil salt all of it just sitting out in the open mama stood there for
09:33a
09:34long moment she glanced toward vance he'd already gone back out she was almost afraid to touch anything
09:40she was afraid she'd cook it wrong and he'd come back angry beat her like grandma she was afraid of
09:46being accused of stealing eventually mama cooked the food sat on the table the two of us stood in the
09:54courtyard neither of us moved toward it vance came back carrying two large wicker baskets he saw the food on
10:01the table he saw us standing there his frown deepened he washed his hands sat down saw us still standing
10:08he told us gruffly to sit he scooped himself less than half a bowl of rice not enough food cook
10:15more
10:15tomorrow he ate fast loud and efficient finished in minutes but barely ate half of what was there
10:24done he sat sharpening his wood cutting knife watching us eat mama hesitantly filled my bowl
10:29we ate both keeping our eyes on him i noticed it quickly when i ate fast he looked away when
10:35i slowed
10:36down and tried to set my chopsticks down he frowned he was telling me to keep eating mama and i
10:41finished
10:42every last bite then we sat waiting to be scolded or hit vance put the knife down wash up and
10:49get some
10:49sleep you've worked enough today mama hurried to heat the water she waited for vance to finish washing
10:58then after a moment washed her own face and hands and feet it's the first day if i'm clean he'll
11:06find
11:06less to resent she muttered it while she scrubbed eyes dim i used her leftover warm water the heat spread
11:14up through my hands and feet all at once so this was what it felt like to wash with hot
11:18water no wonder
11:20grandma and uncle dale always demanded extra buckets in winter i went to the woodshed for the night mama
11:26stopped me at the door cover your ears no matter what you hear tonight don't come out pretend you
11:33heard nothing you understand i nodded hard i knew once when father was hurting mama i'd run in crying
11:41and begged him to stop he'd kicked me so hard i ached for half a year this time i wouldn't
11:46make a sound
11:47we both had to survive stay alive and there was still hope even if i didn't yet know what that
11:53hope
11:53looked like then the woodshed door was kicked open vance stood in the doorway holding a lantern staring
12:01at me where i lay in the straw i shrank back cold sweat poured down my neck once father had
12:08come home
12:08half drunk in the middle of the night and walked into the woodshed he beat me nearly to death he
12:14said i was
12:14a burden my fault he had no son my fault he lost money gambling that night mama grabbed the woodcutting
12:21knife and told him she'd take his life that was the only thing that saved me vance was stronger could
12:27he put me down in three kicks but he wasn't drunk he wasn't angry he reached down and grabbed me
12:33under
12:33the arms like he was picking up a stray chick he carried me into the west bedroom mama was already
12:39standing standing there quietly the empty room wasn't empty anymore a wide wooden bed stood against
12:44the wall worn but tidy vance set me down he turned and walked back to his own east bedroom
12:51the door closed within minutes his snoring came through the wall mama and i stared at each other
12:59that night we slept restlessly but we slept warm i burrowed into the quilt and said quietly mama
13:06it's so warm i had never been this warm in winter not once and i'd eaten dinner my stomach was
13:12full
13:12this i thought was what being alive was actually supposed to feel like mama stroked my hair little
13:18one you called him papa today do it again tomorrow keep calling him that okay vance was already a better
13:28father than roy had ever been the meals got bigger after that and slowly mama didn't dare increase the
13:34amount all at once she added a little each day until she finally understood his appetite
13:39he ate a great deal roughly as much as mama and i put together but he never once stopped us
13:45from eating
13:45if we ate too little he'd frown he hunted large catches he sold sometimes he'd bring back a rabbit
13:52or a wild chicken and he'd have mama stew it he ate half the rest went to us i had
13:58eaten meat three
13:59times in my life before that this was the fourth it was so good no wonder grandma and uncle dale
14:05had
14:05always been so desperate for it mama saved the extra pieces for me i ate without thinking too happy to
14:11pace myself that night i woke in the dark with my stomach seizing up in cramps i rolled across the
14:18bed
14:18in pain mama rubbed my belly it didn't help she ran outside and scraped ash from the bottom of the
14:25cooking cup stirred it into water and brought it to me i took one sip and vomited everything up
14:32vance burst through the door one look at me he wrapped me in the quilt hoisted me onto his shoulder
14:37and ran mama stumbled after him she didn't say a word he ran all the way to the village doctor's
14:42house at the edge of the road and kicked the door in the whole household lurched awake they started
14:47to complain then they saw his face and went quiet the doctor checked my pulse then asked what i'd been
14:53eating what did she eat over aid indigestion nell's been underfed all her life eat this much meat at
14:59once and her stomach can't manage it she'll be fine i'll give her something to bring it up keep her
15:04warm
15:05light food for a few days she'll recover she gave me something i vomited loudly and at length the smell
15:11filled the whole room the doctor's husband muttered from the corner never had good food her whole
15:16life body can't handle it when she finally does vance looked at him one hard stare he retreated to
15:23the back room i was humiliated getting sick from eating too much meat just like grandma had always
15:29said i was a bottomless pit with no sense vance carried me home over his shoulder on the way back
15:37he
15:37said gruffly you've really never had meat before i thought he was scolding me this was only the fourth
15:45time before we only ever got a piece or two grandma had never let us have even the broth he
15:52made a low
15:53sound eat more often enough and this stops happening i was wrapped too tight in the quilt and didn't
15:59quite catch it the next few days i could only drink porridge vance brought back millet he brought back
16:06brown sugar millet and brown sugar were things only new mothers got after childbirth a bowl or two a
16:13little sweetness stirred in i was getting a full bowl at every single meal i was eating better than
16:20mama had after giving birth to me vance watched me eat every morning until the color came back to my
16:25face
16:26when it did something in his own expression finally loosened he fixed the village doctor's front gate
16:34as payment for the house call then he pulled the doctor back to check my pulse again only when she
16:40said i was fully recovered did he walk her out he said he was going up the mountain to track
16:45a big animal
16:46might be gone several days he told mama to bake a stack of flatbreads for the road mama kneaded the
16:52dough
16:52with lard and mixed in brown sugar the flatbreads came out golden and fragrant she pressed into his
16:58hands the thick insoles and padded cap she'd sewn over the past few days vance took the flatbreads he
17:04looked at the insoles and the cap he looked up at mama something in his eyes went soft new year's
17:10coming
17:10when i sell what i catch we'll go buy supplies think about what you want mama held my hand as
17:16we stood at
17:17the door to see him off his figure moved away from us uneven but steady i couldn't help shouting after
17:24him papa come home soon vance stopped he didn't look back he lifted a hand in our direction go inside
17:32it's cold we waited five days he didn't come back the cold deepened on the fifth day snow began to
17:42fall
17:42mama watched the sky go dark she looked at me she pointed to the food stores and told me to
17:48mind
17:48myself cook my own meals if i got hungry mama's going to find him i'll be back soon take care
17:56of yourself
17:57she changed her clothes and strapped the wood cutting knife to her body she found the oil lamp i tucked
18:03a
18:03small sickle under my clothes and followed her out wherever you go i go we'll bring papa home together
18:11vance was my papa now he was a better papa than roy had ever been i was never going to
18:16have a
18:16different one mama let out a long breath if something goes wrong out there you standing
18:21alone in this house isn't any safer all right together we held hands and went up the mountain
18:28we'd only ever been to the edges gathering firewood we almost never went deeper in wolves in there wild
18:35boars tigers but with mama beside me and the thought of papa waiting somewhere in that cold i wasn't
18:41afraid the snow came down harder it was barely past midday but the sky had gone dark moving through
18:49the forest was difficult every step was uncertain you'd break through a soft patch and sink to the knee
18:55mama pulled me out each time and prodded the ground ahead with a stick we hadn't gone far when we
19:01heard heavy
19:01footsteps in the trees mama raised the wood cutting knife i raised the sickle we stared into the dark
19:07ahead both terrified if we were going to die out here at least we'd die together the footsteps came
19:13closer a large figure emerged from between the trees a tall man with a stiff lopsided gate dragging
19:19something massive behind him a tiger we stared he stared back i let go of mama's hand and ran
19:28i threw my arms around his leg and looked up the tiger dropped from his grip and hit the snow
19:33he
19:34looked down at me then up at mama what are the two of you doing up here he reached down
19:39and grabbed me
19:39under the arms trying to lift me his hands had nothing left he couldn't manage it i held onto his
19:46leg
19:46he came to find you i've been gone five days the snow started i was afraid
19:54the last time she'd gone out searching for a man who hadn't come home she'd told roy she was worried
20:00he'd been hurt he'd slapped her across the place said she was cursing him said her worrying was the
20:05reason all his bad luck found him after that she stopped saying she worried about roy she stopped
20:10worrying about roy at all vance looked at her the corner of his mouth moved he wanted to smile
20:16years of not smiling seemed to have made him forget how but he explained this one was big
20:22it took longer than i thought get the fire going start dinner a tiger that size he must have been
20:29dragging it for hours he was running on empty but he didn't ask for help he would get it home
20:34himself
20:35mama stood watching him torn she didn't dare disobey but she wanted to help i ran forward and
20:41grabbed one of the tigers hind legs papa we'll all go back together i wasn't very strong and touching
20:50that leg even a dead leg sent a chill through me that had nothing to do with the snow the
20:56tiger was
20:56enormous dead as it was it still looked vicious mama hesitated then she stepped up together vance's mouth
21:05twitched he agreed the three of us dragged the tiger back home by the time we reached the village the
21:14snow lay thick on the ground the whole village was dark the lanes empty we made it inside at last
21:21the
21:22tiger lay in the yard half buried in white still looking dangerous i wasn't afraid of it anymore
21:28i circled it a few times just to prove it then ran back and pressed myself against papa's leg papa's
21:34so
21:34strong he killed a tiger all by himself vance was too exhausted to move but he reached down and rested
21:42his hand on top of my head his hand was huge and rough and heavy but when it rested on
21:49my head it was
21:50light it was warm roy had large hands too they'd never been rough he rarely did anything that required
21:58effort he wasn't very strong either every time he'd picked a fight and come out worse he'd curled up
22:04on the ground and hadn't even tried to fight back but when he hit mama and me he hit hard
22:10in this village
22:11most men were like that hands that fell hard on their wives and children i had always thought all
22:16fathers were the same turns out some of them were different
22:23the next morning before dawn vance fetched an ox cart he woke us up and we rode into town together
22:29to sell the tiger in the county seat he went straight to a large estate he clearly knew well
22:35he called someone out fletcher fletcher came to the door his face lit up when he saw vance the two
22:41men
22:41grabbed each other by the shoulders talking like old friends so papa could be like this animated warm full of
22:48words mama and i hung back staring at the tall heavy doors the high threshold the stone lions flanking
22:56the gate we didn't dare step forward vance looked back at us and said something to fletcher fletcher
23:02studied us then reached into his coat and pulled out a small cloth pouch here child take it i didn't
23:09dare he pressed it into my hands papa nodded i took it
23:17thank you uncle fletcher inside the pouch was a small piece of silver i walked it over to papa
23:22papa and tucked it into his hands for you fletcher blinked then he laughed loud and warm
23:28well old vance you've got yourself a devoted little girl you're a lucky man that one's for your papa
23:36this one's yours keep it fletcher bought the tiger and invited vance to stay for drinks
23:41vance shook his head nothing at home need to stock up for new year next time then and you'd better
23:47actually show up the tiger had sold for a good sum vance walked us through the market first a wonton
23:55stall for breakfast a big bowl each thin wrappers fat filling floating in rich broth that steamed in
24:02the cold air mama was afraid to eat but vance had already paid wasting it was worse she tried to
24:08give
24:08me her bowl vance stopped her children who overeat end up with stomachaches mama thought of my illness
24:14immediately she stopped after the wontons her face had some color in it vance took us to buy pork grain
24:21flour oil dried spices for cooking then to the cloth shop new quilts and padded coats mama waved her hands
24:28the ones we have are perfectly fine i said the same when we'd first arrived the quilts and padded
24:35clothes vance gave us had been second hand but they were clean and warm that was already more than i'd
24:40ever
24:40had before i had no silver i bought used now i have silver we buy new in the end they
24:50didn't buy ready
24:51made they bought fabric and cotton batting mama still didn't want to spend too freely i can sew my
24:57hands are fast done before new year i promise she found a length of dark blue cloth and held it
25:02up
25:02beside vance this one suits you it was the closest they'd ever stood i was almost sure i saw vance's
25:09face go
25:10red his face went red and he looked happier he lifted me up and set me on his shoulders so
25:18i could see
25:19all the way down the market road i laughed so hard i could barely breathe it was the highest i'd
25:24ever
25:24been i could see everything mama walked carefully beside us glancing again and again at his leg afraid
25:31he'd tire himself out further along vance bought sesame candy and sugar figurines he bought hair ribbons
25:39and flowers for mama and me both the stall woman smiled at them your wife and daughter are lovely
25:44these flowers suit them perfectly city made you know vance and mama both went red at exactly the
25:50same moment on the way home i sat in the ox cart holding my sugar figurine and refused to eat
25:55it
25:56it was a general in full armor fierce looking just like papa we passed roy's old house on the road
26:02through the village grandma was in the yard washing clothes in hot water so she'd always known about
26:08hot water uncle dale sat slumped under the eaves doing nothing they'd sold mom and me for 30 silver
26:14dale still hadn't found himself a wife with that money he just sat around and called it waiting for a
26:20good
26:20match grandma looked up uncle dale looked up they stared at us slack jawed and their faces turned ugly
26:29worthless brat harrel it
26:33the curse had barely left grandma's mouth when a rock hit uncle dale square on the head
26:39who threw vance threw a second rock it landed straight in grandma's washtub and sent water
26:43splashing in all directions these are my wife and daughter open your mouths against them again and
26:48you've got me to answer to he stood at the gate in the fading light even with the bad leg
26:53he was a
26:54wall grandma and uncle dale bullies who ran at the first sign of real resistance went completely silent
27:00mama's hand found mine her eyes had gone red we rode on when i looked back i could still see
27:06the venom in
27:07their faces then i found my nerve i raised my sugar figurine at them and made the ugliest face i
27:13could
27:13manage i had a real papa now they couldn't touch us anymore i lost my sugar figurine and my new
27:23hair
27:23ribbon i was too ashamed to go home i hovered near our gate going back and forth not able to
27:30make myself
27:31walk in papa came down from the mountain he saw me coat torn face bleeding covered in mud he dropped
27:40his
27:40firewood dropped the wild chickens he'd been carrying who did this i'd never seen him this
27:46frightened it scared me more than the beating i started shaking i'm sorry i'm sorry he crouched down
27:53he wiped the mud off my face with his rough hands his hands weren't steady tell papa who did it
28:01his voice steadied me i told him everything halting stumbling over the words with every sentence his
28:08expression darkened he took me inside and handed me to mama then he picked up his walking stick and
28:14walked back out mama grabbed his arm she shook her head papa thought about it he picked up the thick
28:20wooden post that braced the door shut that afternoon the fathers of every boy who'd hit me got beaten i
28:27won't hit a child i'll hit you one more incident and i'll break your legs
28:34every one of them was a grown able-bodied man papa had one good leg he chased them through the
28:40village
28:41anyway one methodical blow at a time then papa went to roy's old house and beat uncle dale in front
28:48of the whole street you people forced ivy and this girl on me i painted the silver i signed the
28:52contract
28:52they're mine if i hear any more talk from your side of the village dale should stop walking alone after
28:56dark uncle dale howled and promised over and over that it would never happen again anyone with
29:04something to say say it to me directly not one person stepped forward several hurried to point
29:10out that grandma's family had always treated ivy and me badly it's true ivy and little nell are well
29:17off with you old vanch you know how to take care of people those two are lucky they ended up
29:21with you
29:22papa walked home carrying the door post he stopped in front of me and rested his hand on my head
29:28he held my hand and walked me inside in the lane he said quietly who gave you that name anyway
29:35nell it was grandma's choice half the girls in the village had names like it nell for invite a brother
29:41hope for wish for a son bless for pray he comes papa didn't like it how about clara from now
29:47on
29:48bright as the sun and moon that's what clara means a name for someone with a future ahead of her
29:54i was six years old and had my first real name clara clara heart
30:01a heart now i told mama grinning she laughed through red eyes pressing the tears back papa said it twice
30:08softly to himself clara heart clara heart that night mama finished sewing the new quilts she came to me with
30:15them folded in her arms clara you're a big girl now time to sleep in your own room all right
30:23her own
30:24room if i moved out where would mama sleep i thought about it for one second yes mama you and
30:30papa should
30:30hurry up and have a little brother or sister for me i'll take care of them i meant it a
30:37little brother
30:37or sister who had papa they'd be wonderful i already wanted to meet them the next morning papa woke me
30:43at
30:43dawn clara yesterday was papa impressive very impressive you can't rely on me your whole life
30:49you need to protect yourself do you want to be as strong as papa yes
30:55i wanted to be strong enough to protect papa and mama the future little ones to hunt on the mountain
31:00and earn enough silver to take care of all of them papa was pleased he pointed at the yard run
31:0550 laps to
31:06start 50 laps by the end i could barely stand he didn't let me stop mama watched with pained eyes
31:15she said nothing after running came stances and lifting the stone block papa had brought back from
31:21the mountain it was just heavy enough that i could manage it on a good day by evening my hands
31:27and feet
31:27were covered in blisters train hard your papa means it for your good i know mama i understood what papa's
31:35care
31:35looked like that night mama carried her new quilt into papa's bedroom they talked quietly for a while
31:41the lamp went out the night was noisy for a bit i slept soundly in my new quilts anyway the
31:48next day
31:49papa woke up late i'd already run 30 laps around the yard by the time he appeared at the door
31:54all day
31:55he and mama kept catching each other's eyes and looking away fast both of them red-faced both of them
32:01smiling at nothing if you want to look just look why the sneaking adults were very strange
32:11after new year papa bought several acres of good farmland with the tiger money he farmed in the busy
32:17seasons and hunted in the quiet ones he teaching me how to track animals how to read droppings and prints
32:23which sounds meant danger taught me the knife and the bow how to put a person down using as little
32:29force
32:29as possible my strength was still limited progress was slow the village gossiped most of it came from
32:36roy's old household that cripple got a wife and a daughter handed to him for nothing it doesn't matter
32:42how smug ivy acts she still ended up with a cripple roy was twice as handsome roy had been handsome
32:48much
32:49good it had done anyone he couldn't carry a load or plant a field he was a farmer who refused
32:54to farm
32:55his greatest skill was hitting the people who lived in his house i glanced at papa's leg he noticed he
33:04adjusted his gait and walked more carefully than before mama caught me looking she smacked the back
33:09of my head the moment we were alone your papa has been nothing but good to us clara don't you
33:14dare
33:14look at him the way this village does don't you dare mama i want to study medicine if i'm good
33:20enough
33:20someday maybe i can fix papa's leg i didn't care about the limp i didn't care about the scar i
33:26just
33:26didn't want him to hurt on rainy days i didn't want him working through the pain and never saying a
33:31word
33:31about it mama's expression shifted she worried female apprentices were hard to place most healers
33:37wouldn't take them but papa had been standing just outside the door he went quiet for two days
33:43then he took me back into town to fletcher at the large estate fletcher looked me over for a long
33:49long medicine is hard work clara an apprentice life is harder can you take it i can and when
33:55i've learned enough i'll fix papa's leg then i'll earn enough silver to take care of all of them papa
33:59and mama and my little brothers and sisters brothers and sisters is there news already
34:04papa went scarlet and said it was far too early for that far too early
34:10i moved into the county seat and began my apprenticeship at the clinic
34:15i only asked to bring one thing from home my stone lifting block for training mama couldn't make
34:21herself leave she stood at the clinic door and wouldn't move i waved her off mama come back when
34:29i've made something of myself she laughed despite herself all right mama's waiting the clinic's doctor
34:37was warm and patient with patience with her apprentices she was merciless too slow to learn
34:42she scolded you made an error she scolded you sometimes she hit some of the younger apprentices
34:50cried and went home within weeks i wasn't troubled by any of it she only ever struck the padded parts
34:56of the body the force was calibrated sharp on impact no lasting harm compared to roy's household
35:02this was nothing and when the doctor scolded us i recognized that look it wasn't hatred it was
35:08impatience born from carrying she also made sure we ate every meal every day without exception she
35:15never once stinted on food or clothing i could tell the difference between people who meant you harm
35:22and people who were hard on you for a reason i kept lifting my stone block i kept practicing the
35:28fighting forms papa had taught me my grip got stronger when i started learning massage and
35:33manipulation from the doctor i was already ahead of the others i could feel exactly where the tension
35:39sat under the skin i worked on her shoulders when she'd had a long day she started looking less grim
35:46every two weeks i went home first thing papa's bad leg he refused at first twisted around in his seat
35:52like i'd suggested something embarrassing a few minutes in his eyes went red when he stood up afterward
35:58he walked without catching himself on the door frame clara's gotten good learning fast mama asked me
36:05to teach her when you're in the city i can work on it for him he pushes himself too hard
36:09i walk them
36:10both through it side by side when i'm not here you can do it for each other they both turned
36:15red at
36:16exactly the same time adults truly inexplicable
36:20so
36:49so
36:57so
36:58so
36:59so
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