00:18and while I'm being so open with you there have been many times when I felt overwhelmed
00:24times when I felt lost betrayed or completely powerless times when the pressure externally and
00:31internally felt constant and times when despite everything going on I still had to show up
00:38pretending everything was okay so as not to let anyone down some of those experiences were unique
00:45but the feelings that came with them were not grief uncertainty pressure loss of identity
00:53the need to keep going even when you're not sure how and for a long time I dealt with those
01:00things
01:00the way many people do I carried on even when my nervous system was screaming at me I suppressed
01:07whatever feelings were there and relied on the distractions and busyness of life
01:14and for many years I was numb to it and perhaps that was easier then but I also didn't yet
01:19have the tools
01:20to deal with it
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