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Short filmTranscript
00:05before father left to join the army he made a promise if I die on the battlefield you can
00:13find another man to marry like the hunter on the edge of the village but that huntsman Vance had
00:18a crippled leg and a scar that split his face in two one punch they said could drop a full
00:24-grown
00:24tiger they also said he'd already beaten his first wife to death marrying mama to him was the same as
00:32sending her to die three years later word came that father was dead grandma and the village elders
00:39collected 20 silver coins from Vance they sold mama off the news arrived on the day mama was washing
00:46clothes by the river deep winter the water was thick with floating ice cold enough to cut bone
00:52grandma wouldn't allow her to use hot water she said firewood was precious not for a worthless brat
00:58who couldn't produce sons i'd haul extra firewood down from the mountain but it always went straight
01:07to uncle dale's fire pit if mama or i used so much as one extra stick grandma beat us and
01:14cursed us for
01:14three days straight i tried to help with the washing mama waved me off the river's cold little
01:23one go play over there where the sun hits it's warmer in the dead of winter midday sun was the
01:30only
01:30warmth we ever had when the laundry was done when we walked home grandma and the village elders were
01:36already waiting they'd been in such a rush but not enough to walk down to the river and find us
01:42you take this long wandering off who knows where worthless brat roy's barely gone and already your
01:49heart's drifting
01:55the soldiers sent word roy's dead you killed him every bit of bad luck he had started when he married
02:01you
02:02he's gone now so hurry up and remarry don't stay here dragging our family down the bundle was small
02:07two of mama's worn out dresses grandma didn't look like she was grieving her out she looked the same
02:13as always like someone had told her the village dog had died mama said nothing she just held my hand
02:20tighter grandma can i bring my daughter with me mama wasn't crying much she was only worried about me
02:29see if the huntsman's willing to pay for her a girl this size sell her to a broker and you'd
02:37get ten silver
02:38easy mama's grip went tighter around my hand we both knew the moment she left grandma would sell me
02:45she wouldn't keep me a single day longer than she had to
02:50mama shouldered her bundle and held my hand grandma and the village elders herded us to vance's house
02:55he was inside sharpening a blade the scraping sound never stopped his bad leg jutted stiffly to one
03:02side it couldn't bend a scar ran from below his left eye all the way to the right corner of
03:07his mouth
03:07like something had tried to split his face in half i stepped behind mama vance looked us over
03:14you people force this woman on me 20 silver is already too much don't push it further he clearly
03:22hadn't wanted to take mama let alone me dead weight she dragged along my roy saved your life once now
03:28he's dead and we're delivering this woman straight to your door you should be on your knees thanking us
03:33she wants to bring the girl along as your daughter you get a wife and a child all at once
03:38i'm not asking
03:39for much another 10 silver and we're done most families earned two or three silver in a year
03:4510 silver could buy a full acre of good farmland i was not worth that much
03:52people in the village said he was a silent man but when he opened his eyes and looked at you
03:57really looked it could stop your heart cold grandma shoved mama hard mama's thin frame nearly went down
04:04mr heart my daughter eats very little she can work please could you give us somewhere to go vance finally
04:13look at me a long unreadable frown mama tugged at my hand i dropped to my knees beside her with
04:20call him something i stared up at vance at the scar my lips shook papa vance went still the scar
04:30looked even more ferocious when his face froze like that grandma's foot came with my back your real
04:37father's barely cold and you're already calling some stranger papa worthless brat just like your
04:43harlot mother heart already belongs to someone else she kept kicking i lay flat and didn't move didn't
04:51make a sound that was how it worked stay still let her finish and she'd stop mama tried to crawl
04:57to me
04:58one of the village elders kicked her back it was always like this in roy's household mama couldn't save me
05:04she couldn't save herself enough vance stood he went inside he came back and threw 10 silver coins
05:12onto the ground this girl is my child now i looked up at vance mama hadn't caught what he said
05:21i had
05:22grandma grabbed the silver and turned to leave vance blocked her he demanded a written contract
05:28grandma refused vance snatched the silver right back no contract no silver in the end with the village
05:37elders and the village head as witnesses the contract was signed both mama and i became part of vance's
05:44household mama put down her bundle and started working immediately if she stayed busy enough maybe
05:50vance would let me eat more maybe he wouldn't hit me vance's house was plain three main rooms a hall
05:57in the
05:57center a bedroom on each side only one bedroom had a bed the other was empty mama led me to
06:04the wood
06:04shed the firewood was stacked clean the floor was tidy mama shifted some wood and found a board
06:11she built me a rough bed out of it don't be afraid little one
06:21mama i'm not afraid at roy's house it had always been the same when father was home he'd say i
06:28was in
06:28the way always getting between him and mama when they were trying for a son he'd chase me to the
06:34woodshed roy's woodshed was filthier than this rats snakes frozen solid in winter a furnace in summer i'd
06:42survived all of it mama held me against her chest maybe once i give him a son things will ease
06:49up i
06:49said nothing i'd long suspected father's cruelty toward mama had nothing to do with sons mama why
06:57did father want you to remarry vance before he left father had kept mama on a tight leash wouldn't let
07:04her leave the village wouldn't let her look up when she passed a man grandma would curse her for it
07:10too
07:10said she was out there tempting people mama's bitter laugh stayed locked in her throat because
07:19vance was the only one who could pay that much
07:23she didn't finish she didn't need to father had sent mama here to die
07:30father had been planning to sell mama even before he left he knew he wasn't coming back he made sure
07:36mama would have nowhere left to go i'd worked this out some time ago not because i was clever
07:41they'd been obvious about it the whole village talked not long after we arrived vance came back
07:48carrying armfuls of thick wooden boards he disappeared into the empty west bedroom steady
07:53hammering rang out one blow after another mama stood outside the door she wanted to ask where the food
08:00stores were so she could start dinner but she didn't dare after a while vance came back out he
08:06saw us both still standing there he frowned something you need his voice was rough i flinched and nearly
08:13stepped back but we were alone here mama and me if i stepped back she'd be standing by herself i
08:20held my
08:20ground i took mama's hand and stood beside her vance noticed something shifted in his brow mama asked
08:27carefully i i want to ask it's nearly dinner time if you get the grain out i can cook you've
08:35worked
08:35hard all day you should eat vance frowned harder he looked us up and down like we'd said something
08:40strange then he pointed at the kitchen the key vance's frown deepened he walked over and kicked the
08:52kitchen door open he looked back at us i had the feeling he was asking with his eyes whether we
08:58were simple no lock no key roy's kitchen was always locked the grain the oil the salt the eggs everything
09:07in locked cabinets grandma would measure out exactly what was needed for each meal set it on the counter
09:13then stand there watching mama cook drop a single grain of rice get a lecture that lasted half a day
09:19she called us starving ghosts said we never worked only ate she was afraid we'd steal food mama and i
09:26stepped into the kitchen grain oil salt all of it just sitting out in the open mama stood there for
09:33a
09:33long moment she glanced toward vance he'd already gone back out she was almost afraid to touch anything
09:40she was afraid she'd cook it long and he'd come back angry beat her like grandma she was afraid of
09:46being
09:46accused of stealing eventually mama cooked the food sat on the table the two of us stood in the courtyard
09:54neither of us moved toward it vance came back carrying two large wicker baskets he saw the food
10:00on the table he saw us standing there his frown deepened he washed his hands sat down saw us still
10:07standing he told us roughly to sit he scooped himself less than half a bowl of rice not enough food
10:14cook more
10:15tomorrow he ate fast loud and efficient finished in minutes but barely ate half of what was there
10:23done he sat sharpening his wood cutting knife watching us eat mama hesitantly filled my bowl
10:29we ate both keeping our eyes on him i noticed it quickly when i ate fast he looked away when
10:35i slowed
10:35down and tried to set my chopsticks down he frowned he was telling me to keep eating mama and i
10:41finished
10:41every last bite then we sat waiting to be scolded or hit vance put the knife down wash up and
10:48get some
10:49sleep you've worked enough today mama hurried to heat the water she waited for vance to finish washing
10:57then after a moment washed her own face and hands and feet it's the first day
11:04if i'm clean he'll find less to resent she muttered it while she scrubbed eyes dim i used her leftover
11:11warm water the heat spread up through my hands and feet all at once so this was what it felt
11:17like to
11:17wash with hot water no wonder grandma and uncle dale always demanded extra buckets in winter i went to the
11:24woodshed for the night mama stopped me at the door cover your ears no matter what you hear tonight
11:31don't come out pretend you heard nothing you understand i nodded hard i knew once when father
11:38was hurting mama i'd run in crying and begged him to stop he'd kicked me so hard i ached for
11:44half a year
11:45this time i wouldn't make a sound we both had to survive stay alive and there was still hope even
11:51if
11:51i didn't yet know what that hope looked like then the woodshed door was kicked open vance stood in the
11:58doorway holding a lantern staring at me where i lay in the straw i shrank back cold sweat poured
12:05down my neck once father had come home half drunk in the middle of the night and walked into the
12:10woodshed he beat me nearly to death he said i was a burden my fault he had no son my
12:16fault he lost money
12:17gambling that night mama grabbed the wood cutting knife and told him she'd take his life that was the
12:23only thing that saved me vance was stronger could he put me down in three kicks but he wasn't drunk
12:30he wasn't angry he reached down and grabbed me under the arms like he was picking up a stray chick
12:35he carried me into the west bedroom mama was already standing there quietly the empty room wasn't empty
12:41anymore a wide wooden bed stood against the wall worn but tidy vance set me down he turned and walked
12:49back to his own east bedroom the door closed within minutes his snoring came through the wall
12:54mama and i stared at each other that night we slept restlessly but we slept warm i burrowed into the
13:02quilt and said quietly mama it's so warm i had never been this warm in winter not once and i'd
13:10eaten
13:10dinner my stomach was full this i thought was what being alive was actually supposed to feel like
13:15mama stroked my hair little one you called him papa today do it again tomorrow keep calling him
13:23that okay vance was already a better father than roy had ever been the meals got bigger after that and
13:31slowly mama didn't dare increase the amount all at once she added a little each day until she finally
13:37understood his appetite he ate a great deal roughly as much as mama and i put together but he never
13:43once
13:43stopped us from eating if we ate too little he'd frown he hunted large catches he sold sometimes he'd
13:51bring back a rabbit or a wild chicken and he'd have mama stew it he ate half the rest went
13:56to us i had
13:58eaten meat three times in my life before that this was the fourth it was so good no wonder grandma
14:04and
14:04uncle dale had always been so desperate for it mama saved the extra pieces for me i ate without thinking
14:10too happy to pace myself that night i woke in the dark with my stomach seizing up and cramps i
14:16rolled
14:16across the bed in pain mama rubbed my belly it didn't help she ran outside and scraped ash from
14:23the bottom of the cooking pot stirred it into water and brought it to me i took one sip and
14:28vomited everything
14:29up vance burst through the door one look at me he wrapped me in the quilt hoisted me onto his
14:36shoulder and
14:37ran mama stumbled after him she didn't say a word he ran all the way to the village doctor's house
14:42at the edge of the road and kicked the door in the whole household lurched awake they started to
14:46complain then they saw his face and went quiet the doctor checked my pulse then asked what i'd been
14:52eating what did she eat over aid indigestion nell's been underfed all her life eat this much meat at once
14:59and her stomach can't manage it she'll be fine i'll give her something to bring it up keep her warm
15:04light food for a few days she'll recover she gave me something i vomited loudly and at length the
15:10smell filled the whole room the doctor's husband muttered from the corner never had good food her
15:15whole life body can't handle it when she finally does vance looked at him one hard stare he retreated
15:22to the back room i was humiliated getting sick from eating too much meat just like grandma had always
15:28said i was a bottomless pit with no sense vance carried me home over his shoulder on the way back
15:36he said gruffly you've really never had meat before i thought he was scolding me this was only the fourth
15:44time before we only ever got a piece or two grandma had never let us have even the broth he
15:52made a low
15:52sound eat more often enough and this stops happening i was wrapped too tight in the quilt
15:58and didn't quite catch it the next few days i could only drink porridge vance brought back millet he
16:04brought back brown sugar millet and brown sugar were things only new mothers got after childbirth
16:10a bowl or two a little sweetness stirred in i was getting a full bowl at every single meal
16:17i was eating better than mama had after giving birth to me vance watched me eat every morning until the
16:24color came back to my face when it did something in his own expression finally loosened he fixed the
16:32village doctor's front gate as payment for the house call then he pulled the doctor back to check
16:37my pulse again only when she said i was fully recovered did he walk her out he said he was
16:43going up the
16:43mountain to track a big animal might be gone several days he told mama to bake a stack of flatbreads
16:49for
16:49the road mama kneaded the dough with lard and mixed in brown sugar the flatbreads came out golden and
16:55fragrant she pressed into his hands the thick insoles and padded cap she'd sewn over the past few days
17:01vance took the flatbreads he looked at the insoles and the cap he looked up at mama something in his
17:07eyes
17:07went soft new year's coming when i sell what i catch we'll go buy supplies think about what you
17:13want mama held my hand as we stood at the door to see him off his figure moved away from
17:19us uneven but
17:21steady i couldn't help shouting after him papa come home soon vance stopped he didn't look back
17:28he lifted a hand in our direction go inside it's cold we waited five days he didn't come back the
17:37cold deepened on the fifth day snow began to fall mama watched the sky go dark she looked at me
17:45she
17:45pointed to the food stores and told me to mind myself cook my own meals if i got hungry mama's
17:51going
17:51to find him i'll be back soon take care of yourself she changed her clothes and strapped the wood cutting
17:59knife to her body she found the oil lamp i tucked a small sickle under my clothes and followed her
18:04out
18:05wherever you go i go we'll bring papa home together vance was my papa now he was a better papa
18:13than roy
18:13had ever been i was never going to have a different one mama let out a long breath if something
18:19goes
18:19wrong out there you standing alone in this house isn't any safer all right together we held hands
18:26and went up the mountain we'd only ever been to the edges gathering firewood we almost never went
18:32deeper in wolves in there wild boars tigers but with mama beside me and the thought of papa waiting
18:39somewhere in that cold i wasn't afraid the snow came down harder it was barely past midday but the
18:46sky had gone dark moving through the forest was difficult every step was uncertain we'd break
18:52through a soft patch and sink to the knee mama pulled me out each time and prodded the ground
18:57ahead with a stick we hadn't gone far when we heard heavy footsteps in the trees mama raised the wood
19:03cutting knife i raised the sickle we stared into the dark ahead both terrified if we were going to die
19:09out here at least we'd die together the footsteps came closer a large figure emerged from between the
19:15trees a tall man with a stiff lopsided gate dragging something massive behind him a tiger we stared he
19:23stared back i let go of mama's hand and ran i threw my arms around his leg and looked up
19:30the tiger dropped
19:31from his grip and hit the snow he looked down at me then up at mama what are the two
19:35of you doing up
19:36here he reached down and grabbed me under the arms trying to lift me his hands had nothing left he
19:43couldn't manage it i held onto his leg he came to find you been gone five days the snow started
19:49i was
19:51afraid the last time she'd gone out searching for a man who hadn't come home she told roy she was
19:58worried
19:59he'd been hurt he'd slapped her across the face said she was cursing him said her worrying was the
20:04reason all his bad luck found him after that she stopped saying she worried about roy she stopped
20:09worrying about roy at all vance looked at her the corner of his mouth moved he wanted to smile
20:15years of not smiling seemed to have made him forget how but he explained this one was big
20:20it took longer than i thought get the fire going start dinner a tiger that size he must have been
20:28dragging it for hours he was running on empty but he didn't ask for help he would get it home
20:33himself
20:34mama stood watching him torn she didn't dare disobey but she wanted to help i ran forward and grabbed
20:40one of the tiger's hind legs papa we'll all go back together i wasn't very strong and touching that leg
20:50even a dead leg sent a chill through me that had nothing to do with the snow the tiger was
20:55enormous
20:56dead as it was it still looked vicious mama hesitated then she stepped up together vance's mouth twitched
21:05he agreed the three of us dragged the tiger back home by the time we reached the village the snow
21:14lay
21:14thick on the ground the whole village was dark the lanes empty we made it inside at last the tiger
21:21lay
21:21in the yard half buried in white still looking dangerous i wasn't afraid of it anymore i circled it
21:28a few times just to prove it then ran back and pressed myself against papa's leg papa's so strong
21:34he killed a tiger all by himself vance was too exhausted to move but he reached down and rested
21:41his hand on top of my head his hand was huge and rough and heavy but when it rested on
21:48my head
21:49it was light it was warm roy had large hands too they'd never been rough he rarely did anything that
21:56required effort he wasn't very strong either every time he'd pick to fight and come out worse
22:02he'd curled up on the ground and hadn't even tried to fight back but when he hit mama and me
22:08he hit
22:08hard in this village most men were like that hands that fell hard on their wives and children i had
22:15always thought all fathers were the same turns out some of them were different
22:22the next morning before dawn vance fetched an ox cart he woke us up and we rode into town together
22:28to
22:29sell the tiger in the county seat he went straight to a large estate he clearly knew well he called
22:34someone out fletcher fletcher came to the door his face lit up when he saw vance the two men grabbed
22:40each other by the shoulders talking like old friends so papa could be like this animated warm full of
22:47words mama and i hung back staring at the tall heavy doors the high threshold the stone lions flanking the
22:55gate we didn't dare step forward vance looked back at us and said something to fletcher fletcher studied
23:01us then reached into his coat and pulled out a small cloth pouch here child take it i didn't dare
23:08he pressed it into my hands papa nodded i took it
23:15thank you uncle fletcher inside the pouch was a small piece of silver i walked it over to papa
23:21papa and tucked it into his hands for you fletcher blinked then he laughed loud and warm well old vance
23:28you've got yourself a devoted little girl you're a lucky man that one's for your papa
23:35this one's yours keep it fletcher bought the tiger and invited vance to stay for drinks
23:40vance shook his head nothing at home need to stock up for new year next time then and you'd better
23:46actually show up the tiger had sold for a good sum vance walked us through the market first a wonton
23:54stall for breakfast a big bowl each thin wrappers fat filling floating in rich broth that steamed in the
24:00cold air mama was afraid to eat but vance had already paid wasting it was worse she tried to
24:06give me her bowl vance stopped her children who overeat end up with stomachaches mama thought of
24:12my illness immediately she stopped after the wontons her face had some color in it vance took us to buy
24:18pork grain flour oil dried spices for cooking then to the cloth shop new quilts and padded coats mama waved
24:27her hands the ones we have are perfectly fine i said the same when we'd first arrived the quilts and
24:33padded clothes vance gave us had been second hand but they were clean and warm that was already more
24:38than i'd ever had before i had no silver i bought used now i have silver we buy new in
24:48the end they
24:49didn't buy ready-made they bought fabric and cotton batting mama still didn't want to spend too freely
24:54i can sew my hands are fast done before new year i promise she found a length of dark blue
25:00cloth and
25:01held it up beside vance this one suits you it was the closest they'd ever stood i was almost sure
25:07i saw
25:08vance's face go red his face went red and he looked happier he lifted me up and set me on
25:16his shoulders
25:16so i could see all the way down the market road i laughed so hard i could barely breathe it
25:21was the
25:22highest i'd ever been i could see everything mama walked carefully beside us glancing again and
25:28again at his leg afraid he'd tire himself out further along vance bought sesame candy and sugar
25:35figurines he bought hair ribbons and flowers for mama and me both the stall woman smiled at them
25:41your wife and daughter are lovely these flowers suit them perfectly city made you know vance and mama
25:47both went red at exactly the same moment on the way home i sat in the ox cart holding my
25:52sugar
25:52figurine and refused to eat it it was a general in full armor fierce looking just like papa we passed
26:00roy's old house on the road through the village grandma was in the yard washing clothes in hot water
26:05so she'd always known about hot water uncle dale sat slumped under the eaves doing nothing they'd sold
26:12mom and me for 30 silver dale still hadn't found himself a wife with that money he just sat around
26:17and called it waiting for a good match grandma looked up uncle dale looked up they stared at us
26:24slack jawed and their faces turned ugly worthless brat haralette
26:32the curse had barely left grandma's mouth when a rock hit uncle dale square on the head
26:37who threw vance threw a second rock it landed straight in grandma's wash tub and sent water
26:42splashing in all directions these are my wife and daughter open your mouths against them again and
26:47you've got me to answer to he stood at the gate in the fading light even with the bad leg
26:52he was a wall
26:53grandma and uncle dale bullies who ran at the first sign of real resistance went completely silent mama's
26:59hand found mine her eyes had gone red we rode on when i looked back i could still see the
27:05venom in their
27:06faces then i found my nerve i raised my sugar figurine at them and made the ugliest face i could
27:12manage
27:12i had a real papa now they couldn't touch us anymore
27:18i lost my sugar figurine and my new hair ribbon i was too ashamed to go home i hovered near
27:26our gate
27:26going back and forth not able to make myself walk in papa came down from the mountain he saw me
27:34coat torn face bleeding covered in mud he dropped his firewood dropped the wild chickens he'd been
27:41carrying who did this i'd never seen him this frightened it scared me more than the beating i started shaking
27:48i'm sorry i'm sorry he crouched down he wiped the mud off my face with his rough hands his hands
27:56weren't steady
27:56tell papa who did it his voice steadied me i told him everything halting stumbling over the words with
28:06every sentence his expression darkened he took me inside and handed me to mama then he picked up his
28:11walking stick and walked back out mama grabbed his arm she shook her head papa thought about it he picked
28:18up
28:18the thick wooden post that braced the door shut that afternoon the fathers of every boy who'd hit me
28:25got beaten i won't hit a child i'll hit you one more incident and i'll break your legs
28:32every one of them was a grown able-bodied man papa had one good leg he chased them through the
28:39village
28:39anyway one methodical blow at a time then papa went to roy's old house and beat uncle dale in front
28:46of
28:46the whole street you people forced ivy and this girl on me i painted the silver i signed the contract
28:51they're mine if i hear any more talk from your side of the village dale should stop walking alone
28:55after dark uncle dale howled and promised over and over that it would never happen again anyone with
29:02something to say say it to me directly not one person stepped forward several hurried to point out
29:09that grandma's family had always treated ivy and me badly it's true ivy and little nell are well
29:16off with you old vanch you know how to take care of people those two are lucky they ended up
29:20with
29:20you papa walked home carrying the door post he stopped in front of me and rested his hand on my
29:25head he held my hand and walked me inside in the lane he said quietly who gave you that name
29:32anyway
29:33nell it was grandma's choice half the girls in the village had names like it nell for invite a brother
29:39hope for wish for a son bless for pray he comes papa didn't like it how about clara from now
29:46on bright
29:47as the sun and moon that's what clara means a name for someone with a future ahead of her
29:51i was six years old and had my first real name clara clara heart a heart now i told mama
30:01grinning
30:02she laughed through red eyes pressing the tears back papa said it twice softly to himself clara
30:08heart clara heart that night mama finished sewing the new quilts she came to me with them folded in her
30:14arms clara you're a big girl now time to sleep in your own room all right her own room if
30:23i moved
30:23out where would mama sleep i thought about it for one second yes mama you and papa should hurry up
30:29and
30:30have a little brother or sister for me i'll take care of them i meant it a little brother or
30:36sister who
30:36had papa they'd be wonderful i already wanted to meet them the next morning papa woke me at dawn clara
30:43yesterday was papa impressive very impressive you can't rely on me your whole life you need to
30:48protect yourself do you want to be as strong as papa yes i wanted to be strong enough to protect
30:55papa and mama the future little ones to hunt on the mountain and earn enough silver to take care of
31:01all of them papa was pleased he pointed at the yard run 50 laps to start 50 laps by the
31:08end i could
31:08barely stand he didn't let me stop mama watched with pained eyes she said nothing after running
31:15came stances and lifting the stone block papa had brought back from the mountain it was just heavy
31:21enough that i could manage it on a good day by evening my hands and feet were covered in blisters
31:27train hard your papa means it for your good i know mama i understood what papa's care looked like
31:34that night mama carried her new quilt into papa's bedroom they talked quietly for a while the lamp
31:41went out the night was noisy for a bit i slept soundly in my new quilts anyway the next day
31:47papa
31:47woke up late i'd already run 30 laps around the yard by the time he appeared at the door all
31:53day he and
31:54mama kept catching each other's eyes and looking away fast both of them red-faced both of them smiling at
32:00nothing if you want to look just look why the sneaking adults were very strange
32:09after new year papa bought several acres of good farmland with the tiger money he farmed in the busy
32:15seasons and hunted in the quiet ones he teaching me how to track animals how to read droppings and prints
32:22which sounds meant danger taught me the knife and the bow how to put a person down using as little
32:27force
32:28as possible my strength was still limited progress was slow the village gossiped most of it came from
32:35roy's old household that cripple got a wife and a daughter handed to him for nothing doesn't matter
32:40how smug ivy acts she still ended up with a cripple roy was twice as handsome roy had been handsome
32:47much
32:48good it had done anyone he couldn't carry a load or plant a field he was a farmer who refused
32:53to farm
32:53his greatest skill was hitting the people who lived in his house i glanced at papa's leg he noticed he
33:02adjusted his gait and walked more carefully than before mama caught me looking she smacked the back
33:07of my head the moment we were alone your papa has been nothing but good to us clara don't you
33:12dare look
33:13at him the way this village does don't you dare mama i want to study medicine if i'm good enough
33:19someday
33:19maybe i can fix papa's leg i didn't care about the limp i didn't care about the scar i just
33:24didn't
33:25want him to hurt on rainy days i didn't want him working through the pain and never saying a word
33:29about it mama's expression shifted she worried female apprentices were hard to place most healers
33:36wouldn't take them but papa had been standing just outside the door he went quiet for two days
33:41then he took me back into town to fletcher at the large estate fletcher looked me over for a long
33:48medicine is hard work clara an apprentice life is harder can you take it i can and when i've learned
33:53enough i'll fix papa's leg then i'll earn enough silver to take care of all of them papa and mama
33:58and my little brothers and sisters brothers and sisters is there news already papa went scarlet and
34:04said it was far too early for that far too early i moved into the county seat and began my
34:11apprenticeship
34:11at the clinic i only asked to bring one thing from home my stone lifting block for training mama
34:18couldn't make herself leave she stood at the clinic door and wouldn't move i waved her off mama
34:26come back when i've made something of myself she laughed despite herself all right mama's waiting the
34:34clinic's doctor was warm and patient with patience with her apprentices she was merciless too slow to
34:40learn she scolded you made an error she scolded you sometimes she hit some of the younger apprentices
34:48cried and went home within weeks i wasn't troubled by any of it she only ever struck the padded parts
34:54of the body the force was calibrated sharp on impact no lasting harm compared to roy's household
35:00this was nothing and when the doctor scolded us i recognized that look it wasn't hatred it was
35:06impatience born from caring she also made sure we ate every meal every day without exception she never
35:13once stinted on food or clothing i could tell the difference between people who meant you harm and
35:20people who were hard on you for a reason i kept lifting my stone block i kept practicing the fighting
35:27forms papa had taught me my grip got stronger when i started learning massage and manipulation from the
35:33doctor i was already ahead of the others i could feel exactly where the tension sat under the skin
35:38i worked on her shoulders when she'd had a long day she started looking less grim every two weeks
35:45i went home first thing papa's bad leg he refused at first twisted around in his seat like i'd suggested
35:51something embarrassing a few minutes in his eyes went red when he stood up afterward he walked without
35:57catching himself on the doorframe clara's gotten good learning fast mama asked me to teach her when you're in
36:04the city i can work on it for him he pushes himself too hard i walked them both through it
36:08side by side
36:10when i'm not here you can do it for each other they both turned red at exactly the same time
36:15adults truly
37:01what do you think
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