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00:00:00You
00:00:08What an interesting time it's been
00:00:12Mm-hmm
00:00:15I'm gonna be honest with all of you. I had a very different show planned
00:00:21Yeah, very very different show in fact when I when I planned this show in Washington DC
00:00:27I had a very different relationship with the White House at that time
00:00:33I had a whole different set planned. I was gonna tell you some jokes about me playing pickleball and
00:00:40Yeah, life happened
00:00:43For those who don't know how it came to be
00:00:46I'll try and tell you how it unfolded. I was hosting the Grammy Awards
00:00:57Oh
00:00:59It was a good time really good time and then it wasn't I
00:01:05Hosted the show
00:01:07Had to catch a flight back to the East Coast to come and do shows all right, and
00:01:13I don't I don't connect to the Wi-Fi whenever I'm traveling. I just like to relax and
00:01:18Landed in Boston and the first time I knew my life had changed
00:01:25Was when someone walked past me on the plane as I was packing my my laptop bag and he just
00:01:32held me on the shoulder and he's like Trevor you fight
00:01:36You got this fight come on you got this
00:01:40I look like I was struggling that much
00:01:46Walking through the airport people are giving me random thumbs ups of support like yeah, come on. You got this.
00:01:52Yeah. Hey, yeah
00:01:54Except black people black people like hey, man
00:02:01And then I turned on my phone and honestly I thought the thing was was was malfunctioning
00:02:07Because it started vibrating even before the icons popped up was the Apple logo and my phone was like
00:02:14Like what the hell no when I turn it on with just notifications everyone's like oh man did Michael Jackson
00:02:18die again? What happened?
00:02:20What is going on because every app every app was going crazy was like I message
00:02:27Twitter Instagram even uber eats was like yo you got some hot shit coming in man
00:02:34I went to my messages and everyone I've ever known in my life
00:02:38Had texted me every from kindergarten teachers onwards
00:02:42Trevor oh my god. Are you okay Trevor? Where are you? What's happening? Did you see did you see Trevor
00:02:46call me call me call me? Call me? Call me?
00:02:47Call me yo don't call me call me call me Trevor. What's happening Trevor?
00:02:50Did you say and then one person was like oh my god?
00:02:52Did you see what Trump said and I was like what what did Trump say what did Trump say this
00:02:58time?
00:02:59Oh boy, let me check. What did Trump say me?
00:03:05Yeah, it hits different when you're in the crosshairs. I'm not gonna lie
00:03:12It's pretty crazy I uh I hosted the daily show for seven years and for seven years
00:03:21We covered news and politics in America right because that's what the show is and
00:03:27In that time Donald Trump was in the news and politics all the time and so I assumed at some
00:03:32point
00:03:32Maybe he would say something about me or come after me. He didn't which I was happy about. I was
00:03:35like great
00:03:36You know, and then I left the daily show and I relaxed like an idiot in a horror movie
00:03:44And I went off and started hosting the Grammys I was like this is delightful. It's a music show so
00:03:49much more chill
00:03:51Turns out the president watches the Grammys
00:03:54Yeah, and he was not happy was not happy at all. No, uh
00:03:59He had written a post a lengthy post
00:04:03giving me
00:04:04Google review
00:04:07Of my performance
00:04:10And it wasn't it wasn't like a like a flyby it was like a full-on
00:04:14Sit out. I'll read the full thing to you because I don't want I don't want to misquote anything. I'll
00:04:18read you
00:04:20This is this is what I saw when I when I searched my name and his
00:04:26It was a post on truth social
00:04:29From at real Donald Trump
00:04:32Fun aside Donald Trump owns true social so it's a little weird that he doesn't have at Donald Trump
00:04:39It's weird that somebody else got it and then he was like fine real Donald Trump
00:04:44Anyway, this is this is what the message read
00:04:48The Grammy Awards are the worst
00:04:53Every time I shout it's because the word is in all caps. I'm trying to give you a feeling of
00:04:56what I was experiencing, right?
00:05:00Virtually unwatchable so some parts were good
00:05:02CBS is lucky not to have this garbage litter their airwaves any longer the host Trevor Noah whoever he may
00:05:10be
00:05:19Like I know what he was trying to do
00:05:23But I don't think he did it correctly you can't say the host Trevor Noah whoever he may be
00:05:32Because that is exactly who I may be I
00:05:37Said I understand he was trying to dismiss me, but you said my full name and my job title on
00:05:43the night
00:05:43You can't be dismissive and be vague and specific at the same time
00:05:48That's not how that works
00:05:52Whoever he may be I'd be nobody else
00:05:57There is no may in this equation that is exactly who I be Trevor Noah the host social security number
00:06:03four five seven six seven two eight one three five
00:06:05Whoever he may be no that is me
00:06:09It's weird like you don't use that phrase when you know the person whoever he may you use that phrase
00:06:14when a stranger has ridden through your town and
00:06:17Deflowered your daughter. That's when you use the phrase
00:06:19I'm gonna kill that man whoever he may be
00:06:25It's also funny to switch to feudal English in the middle of a message
00:06:29No, it's like whoever he may be
00:06:34Fee-fi-fo-fum I smell the blood of a South African
00:06:40And
00:06:43It's random
00:06:45So he says yeah the host Trevor Noah whoever he may be is almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel
00:06:55Yo poor Jimmy, I like Jimmy Kimmel
00:06:57Right and now because of me he's catching strays like
00:07:01He was at home minding his own business
00:07:04Doesn't even work on Sundays
00:07:06All of a sudden his phone is like
00:07:10I
00:07:11Says almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel at the low ratings Academy Awards then he goes on Noah said
00:07:18incorrectly
00:07:20About me that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island
00:07:28Now just so we're on the same page I did not say
00:07:32Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island
00:07:35I did not say that I made a joke at the Grammys
00:07:38All right one of many random jokes that I made this one came after
00:07:42Billy Eilish had just won song of the year
00:07:45All right, and I said congratulations Billy Eilish song of the year. That is an award that every artist wants
00:07:53Almost as much as Donald Trump wants Greenland
00:07:57Because now that Jeffrey Epstein is gone
00:07:59He needs a new island where he can go hang out with Bill Clinton
00:08:04Okay, that's what I said
00:08:05Okay, that's what I said
00:08:06That's what I said
00:08:08I did not say he was on the island
00:08:11I said that he would like his own island
00:08:13Clearly a joke as well because he wouldn't go with Bill Clinton
00:08:16Right and Greenland is a terrible substitute for Epstein Island completely different climate completely different vibe, all right?
00:08:24Places and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island wrong. I can't speak for Bill
00:08:35I love how in the midst of him like calling me the ultimate lies like this guy's a liar except
00:08:39about the bill part
00:08:40We got to check that out. I mean, I mean, you know how this guy is
00:08:44But I have never been to Epstein Island nor anywhere close
00:08:50That's unnecessary the proximity to Epstein Island is not what people are litigating
00:08:54Right, it's your proximity to the man who owned Epstein Island. It's not the land. That's an issue
00:09:00You know, it's not like where were you in the Caribbean Epstein Island? No, Jamaica busted
00:09:05No
00:09:07Nor anywhere close and until tonight's false and defamatory statement have never been accused of being there
00:09:14really I
00:09:16was the first
00:09:18Before me no one had ever mentioned Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein. I was the first
00:09:24I am the reason his name is mentioned 5,000 times in those files. I
00:09:29Set those dominoes into place
00:09:32And I tip them over
00:09:36Yeah, not even by the fake news media Noah a total loser meow
00:09:40Better get his fat straight and get them straight fast
00:09:44It looks like I'll be sending my lawyers to sue this poor pathetic
00:09:49talentless dope of an MC and
00:09:51Suing him for plenty cha-ching. He put a dollar sign. I don't know what sound that is
00:09:56Ask little George slopodopoulos and others how that all worked out. Also ask CBS
00:10:02Get ready Noah
00:10:04I'm going to have some fun with you
00:10:09President DJT
00:10:13That that last line is something
00:10:16Yeah, that is uh
00:10:18Get ready Noah
00:10:21I'm going to have some fun with you
00:10:28You know if you're not trying to sound like a sexual deviant
00:10:39This is not the line I would recommend
00:10:43I'm gonna have some fun with you is what someone says right after they've strapped on the head dildo
00:10:59So yeah, that was my Monday
00:11:04And I'll be honest I I wasn't I wasn't too worried
00:11:07You know Donald Trump watches TV regularly gets angry about what he sees posts about it and oftentimes he moves
00:11:13on
00:11:15I thought something else would come along right because in many ways. He's like a he's like a squirrel that
00:11:20watches TV
00:11:20Yeah, same size hands
00:11:30So I was like a little move it'll change and it did it did the next day the big topic
00:11:36in the White House was the government shutdown
00:11:38There's a looming government shutdown because you know America's government is always always on the edge of
00:11:44Shutting down. I mean at this point. I think you guys should switch to a family plan, right?
00:11:48Month-to-month thing is not working out
00:11:51But they were they were interviewing the president about this. This is a serious topic
00:11:56And in the middle of a conversation about the government shutdown some journalist from the back of the room
00:12:03Shouts out. Mr. President are you gonna sue Trevor Noah for what he said at the Grammys?
00:12:10Oh my dick
00:12:15I was gone
00:12:18Yeah, I always wondered what happened to that kid who was like no teacher. He forgot to give us the
00:12:22homework
00:12:26Then Trump went back in oh, yeah Trevor Noah said I was on abstain gonna sue him total lightweight loser
00:12:32Yeah, and so now I might be getting sued by the president of the United States
00:12:39Yeah
00:12:43I don't know. I don't know if it's a woo. I don't know if it's a ooh. I don't
00:12:47No, I'll be honest with you. I don't know how to feel
00:12:51Because I don't know how this will play out
00:12:55If it was a normal time, I'd be pretty confident
00:12:58Donald trump would sue me
00:13:00A judge would throw it out
00:13:02For multitude of reasons where you know first amendment protections free expression jokes satire all of these things are covered
00:13:08in a regular time
00:13:11And it would be donald trump suing me whatever but now it's not donald trump now i'm being sued by
00:13:15the president of the united states
00:13:18Donald trump and I don't know what that means
00:13:22Do I appeal do I appeal we get to the supreme court?
00:13:26I walk in he's waiting there for me
00:13:29He's like say hello to my little friends
00:13:38I don't I don't know nobody knows
00:13:44Yeah with him there is no knowing
00:13:47You know
00:13:49Just ask nicholas maduro
00:13:53Former president of venezuela and current inmate of new york city
00:14:00Yeah, he was president of venezuela
00:14:03And then all of a sudden he wasn't the story is even crazier
00:14:08What happened was and you can go check this yourself what happened was
00:14:12Nicolas maduro was on tv
00:14:14Giving an interview
00:14:16And then he joked about how people are threatening him alluding to donald trump and he was like man i'll
00:14:21be fine
00:14:22We'll be good and then he played a song no war just peace
00:14:25And then he started mocking trump
00:14:27By doing donald trump's dance move
00:14:31Like the move singular
00:14:33Right yeah, he did the move so he came on then
00:14:39You know the move the double jerk-off
00:14:55And trump saw that and he was like go get that man
00:14:59Go get that man
00:15:03Military went got maduro brought him in put him in a jail not just any prison by the way
00:15:07They put him in a prison in brooklyn the same prison where they are housing diddy
00:15:14Imagine that i thought i had problems
00:15:19Nicolas maduro that i mean he's having whoo
00:15:23Imagine the irony of his situation he was witnessing america
00:15:28Rolling out the most brutal deportation campaign ever
00:15:35And in the midst of that
00:15:37You're the one immigrant they import
00:15:47Maduro's probably the only immigrant who supports ice
00:15:50Yeah, he used this one phone call for them he's like hello ice come get me man come get me
00:15:55Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Come on. I'll fly myself. Let's work together. Come on. We can do this guys.
00:15:59We can do this
00:16:04That's why I say you don't know how it's gonna go
00:16:06Nobody knows anymore
00:16:08What a crazy twist of fate can you imagine
00:16:11For decades you ruled your empire with an iron fist
00:16:16You terrorized people around you
00:16:19You were violent never held accountable and now they've taken away all your oil and you're in the same prison
00:16:25as nicolas maduro
00:16:39Ain't that a bitch
00:16:50The one silver lining of this whole situation
00:16:52Is that now would be
00:16:58The perfect time for an alien invasion
00:17:03There's no good time i think we can all agree on that
00:17:07But if i had to pick a time i would say this is the best time
00:17:11Yeah
00:17:14Because if aliens invade it it's it's not going to be good for us
00:17:17All right, we we know we don't stand a chance they can travel through space-time
00:17:21Our weapons mean nothing we're probably just going to annoy them with our guns pew pew pew pew
00:17:27They're going to get here and we've seen how it turns out right they fly in
00:17:31All right i'm going to blow everything up we've watched independence day we know how this happens
00:17:35Right yeah and even if will smith helps he can only slap like one at a time
00:17:38You know
00:17:45So what do we do
00:17:48I think about it all the time
00:17:50Genuinely i think about alien invasions all the time it is
00:17:54It is my roman empire
00:17:57Like what are we going to do what are we going to do well i never used to think about
00:18:00this
00:18:01When i lived in south africa this was nowhere in my mind but in america it's a real thing
00:18:06Yeah because when aliens come
00:18:08This is where they're going to come
00:18:12Yeah they're going to fly here they come straight to washington dc blow up the white house
00:18:18And they go to other countries you know go london blow up big ben
00:18:22You know what time it is
00:18:27And they fly to other landmarks blow everything up
00:18:30I know it's an issue america first i get it yeah
00:18:35When i was in south africa this is something i never thought about ever
00:18:40Because i knew when aliens invade they're going to go they're going to blow up the world but the one
00:18:44place they don't go
00:18:45Is africa
00:18:48Yeah you've seen the movies they never invade africa
00:18:53I used to watch those movies all the time and i'd wait in the movie the president would come
00:18:57Be like citizens of earth aliens are invading our planet then you'd see the aliens invade
00:19:02And then you'd be like wait i guess africa's not on the planet what is happening
00:19:07They never invaded can you think of a single movie where they invaded africa
00:19:11District nine no what district nine
00:19:17No
00:19:20Screw you for trying to mess up my special
00:19:23Sitting up there in the balcony like a king district nine i tell you off with his head
00:19:32No district nine it's a good attempt but no
00:19:36If you remember the plot of district nine the aliens didn't invade africa the aliens crash landed in africa
00:19:46And then they spent the rest of the movie trying to escape
00:19:50Because we don't mess around
00:20:01Oh
00:20:02That hollywood is so messed up
00:20:05It's just like what's the worst thing that could happen to aliens what if they were trapped in africa
00:20:15Aliens never invade man they don't invade africa they just never did
00:20:20I used to think it was because they felt bad for us
00:20:23Yeah because as a kid i used to love watching those movies i still love watching them now
00:20:27But as a kid i
00:20:30Loved those movies anything with aliens i was there
00:20:34And my mom she would she would give me like she'd make me like a big bowl of popcorn at
00:20:38home
00:20:38And we would sit on the couch together
00:20:41And she'd watch all of those movies with me not she hated them
00:20:43But it said parental guidance and she took that very seriously
00:20:49Like one day she was walking past and then it was like we recommend parental guidance for this film
00:20:53And she was like ah i gotta watch this and then she did every every every movie going forward
00:20:57I would have to run and call her sometimes a show would just start randomly on tv like parent and
00:21:01i'll be like mom
00:21:04And then she'd come in and be like what everyone needs you to guide me
00:21:10Yeah but then like five minutes in i feel like i was guiding my parental because she would sit there
00:21:14And then the whole movie she'd be like what's happening trevor who are they who are these people
00:21:17Why are they doing this what's going on here i'll be like mom i'm with you i'm with you i
00:21:21started this movie with you
00:21:25So she'd make me like a big bowl of popcorn and we'd sit there and then the movie would start
00:21:30And the alien invasion they'd be like aliens are invading earth and the aliens would fly and fly
00:21:35And you'd see them blowing everything up and i'd be there with my popcorn like first world problems
00:21:47I probably i genuinely thought i was a little kid
00:21:50If you asked me like how come you never see them in africa i was like oh because they feel
00:21:53bad
00:21:54I thought the aliens felt bad for africa
00:21:57You know they'd be the ship that would fly over each continent to blow it up
00:22:02And then there'd be one over the african continent two aliens in the cockpit like
00:22:07Prepare to launch photon lasers
00:22:10Get ready on your command
00:22:13Three two one wait wait wait hold on i think we already did this continent
00:22:20I think we've been here negative we've never been here before
00:22:23Blow it up what am i blowing up look at this shit something already happened
00:22:27What the hell's going on here dude what am i supposed to blow up who did this i don't know
00:22:31checking
00:22:31Now beep beep beep beep beep beep beep it says it was the british
00:22:39Yeah
00:22:42Take that great britain
00:22:45Hashtag never forget
00:22:51Those alien movies man
00:22:54They made my day but they terrified me
00:22:57Because every time it didn't go well the aliens fly in
00:23:01They conquer the earth we win by luck because it's a movie but in real life. I don't know
00:23:07It's not good. We have no chance
00:23:10If aliens invade we have no hope
00:23:14Or at least we had no hope
00:23:18Now there is
00:23:21And it goes by the name
00:23:23Donald j trump
00:23:27Whoever he may be
00:23:36I don't like it but i but i think it's the only way
00:23:40Yeah
00:23:42As soon as the alien invasion begins
00:23:44We know how it starts
00:23:46It's going to be that giant mothership
00:23:48That flies into our orbits
00:23:50And that massive thing that blocks out the sun
00:23:57They have a giant speaker under the ship that plays
00:24:00The music it creates the ambiance
00:24:02Yeah
00:24:03There's one alien on the inside playing a little organ
00:24:05He's just like they're not ready for this one b
00:24:12And then they park the ship outside
00:24:14And they send a little scout ship down to give us the bad news
00:24:17The one that lands like
00:24:17And they come out take me to your leader
00:24:21And then they meet the leader kill the leader and then it's done
00:24:24They normally pick the most annoying alien for that job
00:24:27All right, you've got to be a specific type of entitled to just believe you can speak to the leader
00:24:31Like who are you so on the alien ship they'll normally pick the karen alien
00:24:34They'll be like all right chatting to each other like
00:24:37Who are we gonna send down to this planet listen karen she's the best for this karen you're going down
00:24:43oh my god
00:24:44Why is it always me i hate this so much you guys are always sending me i can't believe this
00:24:48i want to speak to the manager she's perfect
00:24:52Send that alien down and give us the bad news
00:24:58With trump we have hope but we have to act quick people real quick
00:25:03As soon as they tell us
00:25:05Aliens are here nasa tells us they've reached our orbit we act together as a planet
00:25:11And what we need to do is we make donald trump king of the world
00:25:17See some of you are confused the good news is he won't ask any questions
00:25:21All right we just go to the white house we're like mr mr trump you are now king of the
00:25:25world and he'd be like i knew it
00:25:26I knew it yeah then we give him a little a little burger king crown and then we go and
00:25:29wait for the aliens outside
00:25:32Aliens land they come out that one is just like take me to your leader and we're like yes welcome
00:25:37to earth come on
00:25:38Come meet the leader come on come meet the leader come meet the leader take me now
00:25:41Yeah yeah of course we're gonna take you there how you doing by the way you're looking good you're on
00:25:44a zempick what's going on there
00:25:45You're looking great come on come on come meet the leader we get to the white house
00:25:48We're like king trump
00:25:51This is the alien alien this is king trump
00:25:58Are you the ruler of this planet be like that's right
00:26:04I'm the ruler of this planet planet earth or as I call her big blue
00:26:12beautiful beautiful blue floating up in space
00:26:16She's up there spinning around spinning around
00:26:20Spinning so fast, you know, they say we're spinning. I never felt it. I never felt it, but they say
00:26:25we're spinning
00:26:27We're spinning around folks spinning so fast
00:26:31We're up there in space. We got a beautiful axis right through the middle of the planet
00:26:36A big beautiful long axis. They don't make accesses like that anymore. They really know
00:26:41They really don't know we got that axis and it's tilted you know it's tilted if I was in charge.
00:26:47I would have straightened it right up
00:26:50Right out, but that's okay. That's okay. Thanks obama
00:26:56And it's up there floating up in space a beautiful planet beautiful blue we got a tiny moon
00:27:01Did you see the moon beautiful moon a beautiful moon?
00:27:04Looks like a nipple on a boob. That's what it looks like like one boob floating in space should be
00:27:09two
00:27:10I always say two boobs better than one
00:27:12Better than one but one better than none. Can I say boobs? I said it folks. I said boobs
00:27:18And I'm the ruler of this planet. What do you want? What do you need? What can I do for
00:27:22you?
00:27:23They'll be like brr-ba-peep. Sorry, we didn't know it was already invaded
00:27:27Poop-po-peep-peep
00:27:29Peep-do-preep-peep
00:27:40And that's how we survive
00:27:47Be honest we wouldn't be shocked if we found out he was an alien
00:27:51I actually think we'd be relieved
00:27:54Don't people like oh my god that explains it
00:27:58Yeah, if two aliens that looked exactly like him like a mom and dad version of him came down and
00:28:03they land on the planet
00:28:04They're like all right help us. We left our son here many decades ago. Where's that baby? Where's that baby?
00:28:10We'll be like come on. Come on. We come on
00:28:12Come get your baby
00:28:17Because he is man he's out of this world
00:28:24And now
00:28:26We are living through history
00:28:30Do you ever think about that?
00:28:32Like we
00:28:34are all living
00:28:36through
00:28:38history
00:28:39And not like history like just time that passed you know like this because there's that boring history like and
00:28:44then the people settled here
00:28:46Yeah, whatever
00:28:48I'm talking about like history history where some shit happened
00:28:50You know when you read the books and you're like yo, what was it like back then?
00:28:53Yeah, we're in the back then
00:28:56That's all of us my history is terrible now i've realized
00:29:00Because they record everything that is said at the white house it is kept for posterity
00:29:05All right, so that means in like 300 years will be scholars
00:29:10Studying old presidents and the white house and they'll be like what was it like 300 years ago?
00:29:14You're like I don't know but the grammys host was terrible
00:29:19A total loser apparently
00:29:27And a bunny was performing at the super bowl also terrible absolutely terrible what a time
00:29:40You know the weird thing about living through history is
00:29:44It's so much less predictable when you are the one doing it
00:29:49Like when you read history or when we're taught history it is often presented as if it was inevitable
00:29:57You read the stories you assume that is how they would have always ended because that's how they ended
00:30:02Like if I asked most people do you think the nazis will always lose the war?
00:30:06They'd be like of course the nazis would always lose the war and yet at the time
00:30:09The people who were fighting the war thought that the nazis were going to win there was a moment when
00:30:13it seemed like it was in their favor
00:30:17When you're in history, it's a completely different gambit
00:30:23Like whenever whenever I'm in washington dc
00:30:26I like to go and visit the national museum of african-american history and culture
00:30:31and
00:30:34If if you've never been let me tell you it is one of the most profound experiences you will ever
00:30:40have in your life
00:30:41It is it is a museum unlike any other i've ever been to for a few reasons, you know
00:30:47One is it is it is as complete a telling as is possible of black history in america
00:30:55Which is history but it's a history that's often not told right and you you go to this building and
00:31:00unlike other museums
00:31:01You can't just choose your own adventure. You know normally you walk in a museum
00:31:04And then it's like what do you want to do dinosaurs or space you pick
00:31:07There they curate your moving through time
00:31:10And so when you get to the museum you start at the very beginning of black people in america
00:31:14And then it moves all the way through to the present day
00:31:17Right and so it starts underground literally you go underground and then it starts with slavery spoiler alert
00:31:24And then they move you move you move you through time and then you get to the end and then
00:31:28there's oprah
00:31:35That that museum truly like it'll make you ask every question of yourself. I was there on my most recent
00:31:42trip and
00:31:44I was walking through the the beginning level
00:31:47And it's underground and it's chattel slavery the transatlantic slave trade and then the underground railroad
00:31:55And so it's an emotional right as well, you know, it's painful
00:31:59It's oppression and then there's there's there's this moment where you can see
00:32:03people rising up and fighting for what they believe in overcoming
00:32:08And because it's so engaging you see people
00:32:11Experiencing it in a different way there were these two
00:32:14kids next to me maybe 14 years old
00:32:17And they were having a conversation that i was eavesdropping on and the one turns to the other one
00:32:21He's like he's like yo, man. He's like what would you have done if you was around back there, man
00:32:25It's like would you have been a slave? He's like, yeah, well, you know what he's like
00:32:27Nah, they would have had the wrong one man. They would have had the wrong one
00:32:31Yo, yo, I would have cooked ass, man. You try to make me a slave. I would have cooked ass
00:32:34He's like nah you cap it you cap it. He's like nah for real. I would have cooked ass
00:32:38And they laughing and they engaging it and i was like either this is the delusion of youth which is
00:32:42necessary for a revolution
00:32:44Or that's who they would be either way it didn't matter
00:32:47What I loved is that they were asking the question
00:32:51Who will you be when history calls?
00:32:57Because of them I found myself asking the question and
00:33:02Honestly, I think I need to work on my self-esteem because
00:33:06I came up with nothing as heroic
00:33:10Like if you asked me trevor what would you do during slavery i'll be like i would have worked really
00:33:15hard
00:33:18And i'm seeing what happened
00:33:20I don't think i would have been a hero. I don't have it. I'm impressed by people who say those
00:33:25if i was around if i was around back
00:33:26Then oh if i was in the store when they rubbed it i would have i don't have that in
00:33:30me
00:33:30I don't like i would be in the field and i'll just be working hard and i'll be minding my
00:33:34own business
00:33:35You know and the guy on the horse would come and be like you better work hard boy
00:33:38You better pick that goddamn cotton
00:33:39I'll be like yes master how's the picking this a cotton master
00:33:41How's the picking away master oh but as soon as he rides away oh i'd light his ass up oh
00:33:45i would
00:33:46i would roast him to bits i'd be like that dumb ass
00:33:56But i don't think i would have been a hero
00:34:00Yeah like a real hero would have showed up like harriet tubman would show up she'd be like
00:34:04Psst yo trev
00:34:07Oh hi harriet
00:34:09How you doing i'm doing shit
00:34:12I don't know what happened
00:34:16Slavery happened what you mean what happened boy
00:34:18Just stupid or something oh yeah of course i shouldn't have
00:34:21Anyway what's what's going on harriet
00:34:23I just came to let you know that we're leaving tonight
00:34:30Who's we
00:34:33All of us trouble we're getting out of here we're going baby oh yeah harriet the guy on the horse
00:34:40says we shouldn't leave
00:34:43He really doesn't like it when we leave i
00:34:45Think he has like separation anxiety or something he should see someone about that but he said i don't give
00:34:50a shit what he said
00:34:52We're getting out of here what are you saying you're going to stay yeah i think i'll stay and just
00:34:57you know
00:34:58See see how it goes see how it goes what's wrong with you you're not coming no i'm not gonna
00:35:03come i can't believe you
00:35:05You light skins is all the same
00:35:09What yeah
00:35:11You scared ain't you you a scared little bitch
00:35:16I am a bitch harriet i cannot lie i'm a
00:35:19I'm a scared little bitch look at you scared little bitch
00:35:23You almost as bad as jimmy kimmel
00:35:43Sorry sometimes i do jokes just for me i'm sorry
00:35:47Oh man
00:35:53Everyone was asking themselves the question
00:35:56Everyone one of one of the most unique encounters i experienced happened
00:36:00When um there was a group of group of white people who were standing at the exhibits
00:36:05and
00:36:06uh they were very very liberal white people right like very liberal
00:36:13white like very
00:36:16very
00:36:17liberal white people like they were they were feeling it more than the black people there they were
00:36:25They had to show how much they were feeling it there was a moment where
00:36:28Some of the black people who were walking around the exhibit right because there's black people walking around the exhibit
00:36:34There's white people there because everyone can go right and and so
00:36:40the black people who were there were living what i would consider the full black experience which is being a
00:36:45human being
00:36:45so some people were crying and then a moment later they were talking to their friends sharing stories recounting laughing
00:36:51etc
00:36:52and one person laughed was like telling their friends like ha ha ha yeah and then
00:36:57the woman there was a white woman here was like the leader of the crew she turned
00:37:00at that love she was like ha ha and she was like shhh
00:37:15that's how liberal they were
00:37:19and just when i thought she couldn't top that
00:37:21she was looking at a photograph
00:37:23one of the first pictures ever really been taken and it was a picture of a white man
00:37:29on a plantation
00:37:31standing there smiling standing in a field just like smiling in the picture
00:37:36and this woman is standing looking at the picture and she's like
00:37:43if i was there
00:37:46when that was happening if i swear to god if i was there when that was happening
00:37:54i would have never smiled
00:38:04you know what a sentence has the exact conclusion you did not predict like this was
00:38:09i thought she was if i was there i would have fought i would have freed i would have no
00:38:14no no
00:38:14she's like i would have had slaves but i wouldn't have enjoyed it
00:38:19just be crying i'm so sorry this is happening to you i'm so sorry yeah dust behind the couch as
00:38:24well
00:38:24but i'm so sorry i can't
00:38:31it was it was really really something you know you move to that level there for more than an hour
00:38:37at the end of it i was so taken by the question that i that i was asking myself who
00:38:41will you be
00:38:42when history calls that i i texted one of my best friends david meyer he's actually the first american i
00:38:49ever became friends with he came to south africa by chance 20 years ago was on like a school project
00:38:55we met by chance became friends by chance and then he convinced me to come to america and do comedy
00:38:59which i had never planned to do the rest is history so we've been friends since that day right and
00:39:04yeah it's a beautiful story and also our our lives are so different he's this six foot five lanky white
00:39:11boy from north carolina all right sweetest guy ever super sincere and because of that i love i love
00:39:17playing pranks on him and as we left that exhibit i texted him and i was like yo dave i
00:39:24need to ask
00:39:25you a favor and he responded he's like yo dude what's up and i said if slavery comes back
00:39:33do you promise to have me as one of your slaves and treat me really well
00:39:39and he was like what are you talking about and i said yes or no and then i just saw
00:39:56the little dots
00:39:57and it was like typing typing typing typing typing typing typing and then he called me
00:40:12i was like yo what's up he's like dude what what are you even talking about what is what is
00:40:16happening
00:40:17what what do you mean slavery i was like i just want to know from you dave if slavery comes
00:40:21back
00:40:22do you promise to have me as one of your slaves and treat me really well he's like dude no
00:40:25what do
00:40:26you mean slavery is not coming back slavery is not coming back i was like that's what they said
00:40:29about ghostbusters just answer the question will you or will you not have me as one of you he's
00:40:34like no dude no no no i would never have you as one of my slaves i would never dude
00:40:39i would never own
00:40:40slaves like enslaved people actually i would never have enslaved people i i don't think that's right
00:40:46i was like yo save your sanctimonious bullshit right now dave i just want to know if you would have
00:40:49me as one of your slaves or not and treat me well he's like no i would never do that
00:40:52i was like oh okay
00:40:53i see so you're just gonna let me be somebody else's slave that's what you're saying huh slavery
00:40:58comes back and now they catch me and now they're busy whipping me now i'm jingo jango out in these
00:41:02streets huh yeah i'm getting whipped because my best friend wouldn't use his white privilege to help
00:41:06me by making me one of his slaves so that we could hang out huh i'm in a field i
00:41:12could be with you in
00:41:12the house playing playstation dave huh yeah we could be back in call of duty in verdansk like the good
00:41:17old
00:41:17days but no you want to be so woke that i get whipped by another white person who wants to
00:41:21keep slaves
00:41:21he's like no dude dude what i was like you want me to be a slave he's like no dude
00:41:24i was like you
00:41:25want me to be whipped don't you he's like no dude okay okay okay he's like okay all right fine
00:41:28dude
00:41:28if slavery came back then yeah i would have you as one of my slaves and i'll treat you well
00:41:32i was like
00:41:32aha so you would have slaves i was like all right i gotta go and he's like no
00:41:45he still hasn't forgiven me
00:41:53who will you be when history calls
00:41:58it's so much easier when it's hypothetical
00:42:04as you move from one exhibit to the next you move through reconstruction jim crow you get to
00:42:13the civil rights movement and it's impressive on its own but but because it has now been 60 years
00:42:22since the i have a dream speech they've expanded the part of the exhibit that looks at dr martin
00:42:29luther king's life
00:42:33and you get to see his writings his thoughts his journals his letters to other people his letters
00:42:40to the public his his correspondences with his friends interviews you name it like you see his life
00:42:46in a detail that i think very few of us ever have and i don't want to speak for everyone
00:42:54but but i
00:43:00flat version of his life
00:43:03do you know what i mean it seems really simple and inevitable you know whenever you're taught
00:43:08the story it's just like there was a man named mlk he didn't like what was happening and he marched
00:43:14on the bridge he had a dream and he lived happily ever after happy mlk day 50 off your mattress
00:43:23but but when you when you see his life it's not like that because that like genuinely when people
00:43:28talk about it you know there'll be the happy mlk day and then it's a it almost sounds like a
00:43:32disney
00:43:32movie it has like the same plot as a disney movie you know it's just like this summer you know
00:43:36one man
00:43:38one dream changed the world i have a dream timothy chalamet is martin luther king only on disney plus
00:43:49that's how it feels
00:43:55but when you see his life laid out i mean the minutia of his days
00:44:02the things that he and the people around him were experiencing
00:44:07he was arrested somewhere around like 29 times over the course of like four years trumped up charges
00:44:15sometimes he was left in a jail cell by himself wasn't given food wasn't given a phone call nothing
00:44:21sometimes he was beaten sometimes they just like you you see this man's life in detail
00:44:26they chased him out of towns the federal government came after him j edgar hoover himself the head of
00:44:33the fbi designated martin luther king as the most dangerous man in america and then the fbi
00:44:41ran a concerted campaign to destroy him they try and break up his friendships and his working
00:44:47relationships and the most sinister thing they did was they tapped his phones and they found out that he
00:44:51was having an affair and they phoned his wife coretta scott king and they snitched on him because
00:44:57they thought that that would destroy his marriage and destroy the movement yeah the fbi tried
00:45:05to dish gossip on martin luther king totally changes how you see the organization
00:45:11all right fbi seems so serious now you get the real picture they're in that j edgar hoover building
00:45:18in the morning what are you working on kowalski drug enforcement sir what about you uh sir uh criminal
00:45:25crimes i was specifically financial and you drama
00:45:34you see everything that happened to mlk everything some of it internal because he writes about it some
00:45:39of it external because people are observing
00:45:43one of the sections that really lays out what it was like is a four-year stretch
00:45:48where dr king and other black people would try to go and get served in restaurants
00:45:56that were segregating black people and weren't allowing them to get food
00:46:00they would walk into the restaurants they would sit down dressed to the nines and they would get
00:46:04denied service they were kicked out they were cursed at spat on oftentimes they were beaten
00:46:11right leave with concussions bleeding they'd go home they'd wash up they'd come back they'd do it
00:46:15again go home wash up do it again go home wash up and do it again and now when we
00:46:19talk about it we go
00:46:20well they did the right thing because look how it turned out yes but when you read his life you
00:46:24go it
00:46:24wasn't inevitable there was no guarantee that it was going to work there was no sign that it was working
00:46:32and yet they persevered and when i was looking through his life and when i was reading his works and
00:46:38i was
00:46:38looking i was like was there ever a moment when he regretted was there ever a moment when he when
00:46:45he regretted what he had gone through what he was doing like when he tasted white people's food for the
00:46:59first time
00:47:00no because you realize until that point it was theoretical right black people had never been
00:47:05served in these establishments they only wished to be served in these establishments but they
00:47:10they had never eaten there all right they would just sit down at the counter and the owner would come
00:47:15and be like god damn it i told you i don't want your kind around here get out of here
00:47:18boy and be
00:47:19like oh my brother i have a dream i have a dream that one day regardless of the color of
00:47:25our skin all
00:47:26people will be allowed to sit here our brothers and sisters black and white alike and america will come
00:47:31good on its promise that all men are created equal i have a dream that one day oh shut up
00:47:37you've won
00:47:38they changed the laws look at the tv here's your food thank you very much
00:48:03i have a dream
00:48:08i have a new dream that one day white people will discover seasoning
00:48:14and i have a dream that they will no longer consider black pepper to be a spice
00:48:21i have a dream that we will all come together to defeat the real white devil mayonnaise
00:48:35can you imagine how awkward it must have been
00:48:38i have a dream that first walk after that first meal martin and his boys walking into the parking lot
00:48:47dead quiet
00:48:58for this shit martin
00:49:05i'm so sorry fellas i didn't know god damn it martin you had them whipping our ass for this
00:49:10shit did you taste that food i thought it was delicious that's why i thought they were blocking
00:49:14us i apologize fellas i'm so sorry fellas my back god damn it martin that shit tastes like depression man
00:49:21is this the shit we've been fighting for i'm so sorry everybody i'll make it up to y'all i'll
00:49:25buy
00:49:26everybody popeyes on the way home
00:49:36who will you be when history calls
00:49:59you know the the conundrum of life is
00:50:05that just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops
00:50:16just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops
00:50:22you know
00:50:25it's one of the conundrums
00:50:27of life
00:50:28how much of the big do you focus on and how much of the small do you pay any heed
00:50:37it was it was captured perfect for me there was an exchange
00:50:39um that i saw online between two people someone posted just graduated really excited got straight
00:50:45a's party at my house everyone's invited right it was a joke obviously not everyone because the
00:50:51internet not everyone's invited and then people started posting and then someone jumped in the
00:50:55comments and was like really throwing a party at a time like this read the room look around you is
00:51:01now the time to be celebrating this is not the time to throw parties when we're at it and it
00:51:05was
00:51:06this whole thing and then devolved into a huge fight and i'll be honest with you i could actually
00:51:09see where both people were coming from emotionally i i got it on the one hand someone was saying
00:51:14how can you throw a celebration at a time when it feels like the world as we know it has
00:51:20fallen apart
00:51:20how can you be joyous when it looks like every norm and institution we have understood that makes
00:51:26up the fabric of society is falling apart our public trust is falling apart our trust in each
00:51:32other is for how can you throw a party but the other person was saying how can i not i
00:51:37have lived
00:51:37and worked my entire life to get to this place i have finally achieved it against all odds and so
00:51:44for
00:51:44this moment i wish to enjoy and both are right right both both are right
00:51:55in every hospital around the world there's a ward where a baby has just been born
00:51:58and another where somebody has just died
00:52:03jubilation at the start of a new life despair at the loss of someone you've always loved
00:52:09neither ward incorrect but then which one do you focus on
00:52:19i got i got an answer for myself in one of the most random places i i was reading a
00:52:24book
00:52:25there was accounts from soldiers who served during world war one and they're talking to veterans who had
00:52:33been there at the time and they were they were this book goes through their experiences
00:52:39and a lot of them talk about the trench warfare which was some of the worst warfare man has ever
00:52:44invented right when it went on for years and years and years and these soldiers would cycle in and cycle
00:52:49out every day could have been their last and in the midst of all of this despair there's one common
00:52:55thread that you see with every single soldier that they speak to almost every single one
00:53:00and that is that they found their joy in the trenches they have these moments where they host card games
00:53:09and they play around they they they had a satirical newspaper that they started and they'd make jokes
00:53:14about their commanding officers and and what was happening in the war and each other and and one of
00:53:19one of the wildest things i read was there was a there was a day when a cow walked into
00:53:24the battlefield so
00:53:25it was in no man's land it was perfectly between the allies and and and the axis and it was
00:53:29like
00:53:29so it was like both sides wanted the cow and then they shouted across to the germans and they said
00:53:36we want the cow and then the germans were like no we want a cow and then they agreed they
00:53:41said okay
00:53:41let's play a game we'll throw up coins in the air and we'll try to shoot them whoever hits the
00:53:46coin
00:53:47gets to keep the cow and then the the english soldiers shot the coin and then the germans were like
00:53:53okay you win the cow but we'd like our coins back and then the english soldier went got the coins
00:54:00was like oh they're gonna kill me and then got the coins and then gave them to the germans and
00:54:03then
00:54:03ran back and got in the trenches and then everyone was like fun game you think it's littered with
00:54:10story there were stories of soldiers singing to each other on evenings randomly they would sing across
00:54:16enemy lines at the other soldiers and the other soldiers would sing back
00:54:23can you imagine that you're in a trench your feet are rotting everyone's tired scared in the
00:54:29midst of that all of a sudden someone's just like say you
00:54:41they found their joy in the trenches
00:54:46and i it hit me because it made me realize they remembered what they were fighting for they
00:54:50were fighting to live they weren't fighting to fight if you forget what you're fighting for
00:54:55then there's no point in fighting you're fighting to be joyous you're fighting to explore yourself
00:55:00you're fighting to have adventures you're fighting to laugh you're fighting you don't just fight to
00:55:05fight you're fighting to live just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops
00:55:22folks who haven't been at work to develop you know you've got a Ziemi who haven't won what you want
00:55:23and says in my book
00:55:24that my therapist told me that i am undateable기자
00:55:32states organization and
00:55:35she said Trevor i think it is because you
00:55:39are undateable i
00:55:41was like huh i guess you also didn't like the grammys
00:55:47she told me this at the end of a session
00:55:50which i feel like should be legal
00:55:52right well like therapists will drop a bomb on you at the end of a session
00:55:57and then just expect you to wait
00:55:58it'll just be like yeah and that's why your father could never love you
00:56:01and you're like what oh yeah we've run out of time i'll see you next
00:56:03no no next video next video i don't want to wait a week
00:56:07i want netflix therapy not hbo
00:56:13and i had to wait two weeks and then in my next session
00:56:15i was like where were we let's go into it
00:56:17and i was like yeah skip recap skip recap let's go let's go
00:56:19and she was like well you know trevor i was thinking about you know you and relationships
00:56:22and what we're talking about we're talking about
00:56:24my inability to be in a long-term relationship and i was trying to understand why
00:56:28and we're delving into it and she said i think it's because you are undateable
00:56:32and then she broke it down for me she said there are a few reasons
00:56:36um i think you work too much i know you love your work
00:56:39but you work too much and that doesn't create a good balance in your life
00:56:41um she said also you uh travel too much
00:56:46and being in the same place is crucial for building a solid relationship
00:56:51uh but i'll be honest with you
00:56:53those things are really just the side dish
00:56:56all right the main course and the real issue i have
00:56:59is as my therapist put it i have an inability to
00:57:06not say what is in my head
00:57:13and she taught me that one of the keys to a long successful relationship
00:57:19is knowing when to think
00:57:22and when to speak
00:57:25yeah
00:57:27and i was like ah i don't have that problem i'm a good communicator
00:57:30she's like no trevor you
00:57:32oftentimes you have thoughts and you immediately say them
00:57:34you just have the thought and it comes out your mouth
00:57:37and trump was like tell him girl
00:57:48and i was like i don't know i don't think i have that as a problem i think it's probably
00:57:51something i was like no no i've got notes hold on i've got some notes
00:57:55and she pulled out the notes and she's like let's go through some examples
00:57:57and there was one example that really yeah it's
00:58:00she was right um
00:58:03it happened with a with an ex-girlfriend of mine it was the fracture that led
00:58:07to the end of the relationship really it wasn't the moment but that fracture caused
00:58:11the outcome
00:58:14we were we were getting ready for bed
00:58:18it was an innocuous night
00:58:20brushing our teeth getting into the covers
00:58:23and then before we turned off the lights we started talking to each other and we got really cozy
00:58:28you know those moments where you're with the person you love and you
00:58:30you just find yourself in the rabbit hole of stories you've never told and feelings you've
00:58:35never shared and you're laughing and you can feel you're falling more in love
00:58:39and we're lying there on the pillows you know looking at each other and she's there staring at me
00:58:45and all of a sudden she's like hey um can i ask you a question
00:58:51i was like yeah yeah of course
00:58:54she's like if you could change one thing about me
00:59:01what would you change
00:59:06now i have since learned
00:59:11that there is a correct answer to this question
00:59:16uh and yes one correct answer
00:59:19regardless of how unique your relationship is
00:59:21is if you want to win this game show question
00:59:26the answer you give if she says to you if there's a woman in your life and she says
00:59:30if there's one thing you could change about me what would you change
00:59:33the correct answer is nothing
00:59:37aha yes i wish you were all there with me that night
00:59:42yes correct answer is nothing
00:59:45you say nothing babe i would change nothing about you because everything you are makes you perfect for me
00:59:56if anything can i be honest
01:00:00i would change myself
01:00:04i would change myself
01:00:07so that i would be better able to receive the love that you so freely give
01:00:12that is what i would change
01:00:16that's the unabridged answer should you wish to use it
01:00:22yeah that is not the answer i gave
01:00:25nope i said what was in my head
01:00:29she looked at me she said if you could change
01:00:32one thing about me
01:00:34what would you change
01:00:36what would you change
01:00:37and i was like oh one thing
01:00:42ooh one thing
01:00:46oh one thing one thing wow that's a tough one one thing
01:00:51only one okay let me think hold on let me let me think let me think it was only one
01:00:55thing what would i change
01:00:57what would i change okay okay um i think i got it if i could change only one thing about
01:01:02you
01:01:03i would change how you communicate during sex
01:01:11and she was like what
01:01:15yeah and then it snowballed
01:01:19i i know i was wrong so please don't judge me i know i was wrong and i'm working on
01:01:23it
01:01:23i'll explain to you what was going through my head all right what happened that night uh is
01:01:29first of all i thought it was a real question okay
01:01:33secondly secondly i was trying to express a feeling that i had
01:01:38and that feeling was a confusion that i would often have and sometimes a frustration when my
01:01:42girlfriend and i would be getting intimate right we'd be in an intimate setting and um she would
01:01:46say and i'm not trying to be lewd or anything right she would be like oh i'm gonna come i'm
01:01:50gonna
01:01:50come i'm gonna come right which by the way ladies is the greatest phrase you can ever say to a
01:01:55man like
01:01:55ever ever ever there is nothing a man wants to hear more in his life than that sentence you say
01:02:00that sentence we have reached the pinnacle of manhood we have achieved we have arrived yes you say
01:02:06that and we're like me tarzan it's it's done it's done and it is so powerful on us ladies that
01:02:13we will
01:02:13we will reach a level of our masculinity that we didn't even knew we didn't even know we possessed yeah
01:02:18you say that to us and we will become stronger we will overcome things that we couldn't our fatigue
01:02:23goes out the window yeah yeah we forget about that cramp we like any situation like sometimes sometimes
01:02:30we can't breathe you know sometimes we can't breathe sometimes our nose is blocked and and what we're
01:02:37doing at that time is we're moving from breath to breath right so we're doing our thing we're doing
01:02:42our thing we're doing our thing and then when we run out of air we we like a whale breaching
01:02:46will will
01:02:48pop up and then we'll dive back into the depths of your pleasure right and and this is fine it's
01:02:56a
01:02:56rhythm that every man has figured out for themselves right but but ladies understand we are going from
01:03:02breath to breath and when you say i'm going to come we then go this is not the time to
01:03:07breathe
01:03:10this is my calling i have but one breath and i shall use it well
01:03:16and so we hold it and we keep going we keep going we keep going and we try to get
01:03:24you there now the
01:03:24thing i didn't know at the time was when my ex would say the phrase i'm going to come what
01:03:30she
01:03:31actually meant was the action you're performing on me is quite pleasurable
01:03:37and i would like you to continue please continue exactly what you are doing right now
01:03:44at the same cadence and preferably same pressure don't get excited because i said that phrase
01:03:50don't switch things up just do exactly what you are doing now because you're on the right track
01:03:58you got this champ keep going before you were all over the place but this is it
01:04:04if you do this there's a good chance that i am going to reach my climax so you keep going
01:04:11buddy you
01:04:11got this i believe in you you're getting warmer that's what she meant
01:04:19right but you gotta understand that's confusing that's confusing ladies right because you're saying
01:04:24this thing i'm going to come and i understand now like fellas when women say like i'm going to come
01:04:30in
01:04:30many ways they're saying it the same way a person at a bus stop would say the bus is going
01:04:33to come
01:04:35right they mean you are at the correct location for a bus to coincide with yourself
01:04:42this is where the bus will come to but the when is the issue the when is where we are
01:04:49not connecting
01:04:51because ladies men we are quite literal about this you see when women are saying it it's theoretical when
01:04:56like i'm going to come it just means that this is the right direction going could be three minutes
01:05:03she could she could come in in 15 minutes it could be her next relationship
01:05:11nobody knows
01:05:14but but you gotta understand ladies we're not breathing we're not breathing we're holding our
01:05:19breath we are at our limits you need breath to live this is probably why men live on average 10
01:05:25years
01:05:25younger than women because of all the breaths we've missed waiting for this to happen and it
01:05:29does not happen there's nothing wrong with it not happening it's just that we didn't know we didn't
01:05:32know because we're a lot more literal when we communicate we're simple creatures men it is what
01:05:36it is like a dog where's the ball there's the ball where's the ball there's the ball when men say
01:05:40i'm going to come it means that the come is going
01:05:47the moment is imminently upon you ladies that is what i mean when a man says i'm going to come
01:05:53this is the time there is no other there is no ad break you can take there is no pause
01:05:58you can make
01:05:59the come is happening in this moment you cannot blink you can you step in the road the bus will
01:06:05hit you that's what i'm saying the bus is there now the bus is there right now you'll be like
01:06:09where's
01:06:09the but there's the bus there's the bus but he says i'm going to come that that is it that
01:06:14like
01:06:14sometimes we already have i'm not gonna lie sometimes it's already happened i'm just gonna be honest
01:06:20with you sometimes it's already happened and we were trying to not make it happen and then then
01:06:23we're like a little kid snitching on ourselves we just mess up the tents you know we're like mommy
01:06:28i'm going to break something in the kitchen it's already broken it's already broken and so that's
01:06:33why the worst thing you can say at that moment ladies is oh not yet no yet has already occurred
01:06:38yet has concluded and now our manhood has been crushed with this tiny little phrase you say
01:06:43not yet and then we're like oh yet and then we try but you cannot it's finished it's fading away
01:06:48we
01:06:48know it is and so then we just want to do it anyway what do you mean you're doing it
01:06:52i'm doing it
01:06:52anyway oh my god i can't believe you wouldn't wait for me i'm a man i'll do whatever i want
01:06:56you can't
01:06:56tell me when i should i shouldn't so you don't care about me and that's why i'm still single
01:07:04yo dc you guys have been amazing man thank you so much for coming out tonight
01:07:11thank you thank you for coming have a wonderful evening good night
01:07:31i love that in the sun the side of the car if i go on a good one
01:07:46god
01:08:16college
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