- 14 hours ago
Crush Alert Love Request from My Enemy
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:02New intimacy level unlocked.
00:00:09New skin dangerously hot is equipped.
00:00:18You're staring. You like what you see?
00:00:21Maybe.
00:00:30When are you gonna tell me who you really are?
00:00:32You know who I really am. I'm Valleyqueen33.
00:00:35Such a dumb username.
00:00:37Oh, okay, guacamolewizard275. Don't talk to me about dumb usernames.
00:00:42You know, you're lucky you're cute.
00:00:43You don't even know what I look like.
00:00:45Well, I would if you agreed to meet me in person. Or at least a photo.
00:00:50Maybe someday.
00:00:56Pratt, I'm late.
00:00:57Good luck, Skylifterqueen.
00:01:01Who needs luck when I have my talisman to remind me of my knight?
00:01:09In the game of castle claimers, I might be a warrior princess in love with a dashing knight.
00:01:14But on my first day at Edmunds Academy, I feel like a peasant.
00:01:19Watch it! This isn't public school.
00:01:23Forget your training wheels.
00:01:27At least I have my knight's charm to help me get through the day.
00:01:40Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop the car!
00:01:44No!
00:01:47God, my knight's special talisman!
00:01:49It's ruined!
00:01:56He's so hot.
00:01:57Hey! I told you to stop the car!
00:02:04Oh my gosh, it's cold!
00:02:06He's so hot!
00:02:11Hey!
00:02:12What is wrong with you?
00:02:14Didn't you see me yelling and screaming for you to stop the car?
00:02:17Okay, I see you now, new girl.
00:02:19What are you with me, son?
00:02:21What are you talking about?
00:02:23Why?
00:02:24I thought you were one of my fans.
00:02:27No, I'm not one of your fans!
00:02:30You just broke something that's really important to me!
00:02:33Yeah, I break a lot of hours by a cop.
00:02:35Okay?
00:02:37You should know that.
00:02:39I don't know who you are, but you were a...
00:02:42You were a...
00:02:43Eh...
00:02:45Asshole!
00:02:51Alright.
00:02:52I broke something of yours.
00:02:54Sure, but...
00:02:56Hey!
00:02:57You got my attention.
00:03:00So, in that case, we're even...
00:03:07Don't do it, Hayley.
00:03:10Have a good day.
00:03:14Don't do it.
00:03:21Oh, fuck!
00:03:24Now we're even.
00:03:25My laptop better not be broken.
00:03:27I can't lose my connection to Valley Queen.
00:03:34You just made the wrong enemy.
00:03:38You just made the wrong enemy.
00:03:40I'm going to make every classroom, every hallway, and every rumor in this school your personal nightmare.
00:03:49I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
00:03:52What's going on?
00:03:53Close fighting the new girl.
00:03:55Close leaving the new girl.
00:03:56Yeah, idiot.
00:03:57I can see that.
00:04:00Just met an unhinged person.
00:04:02Good thing the universe balances it with you.
00:04:05Same.
00:04:06Ran into a certified asshole.
00:04:08Can't wait to see you in the game tonight.
00:04:13Cole, do you need help?
00:04:14I can help you.
00:04:17The new girl poured coffee on him.
00:04:19This bitch thinks that she can just roll up and piss off Michael.
00:04:22But he's not your Cole.
00:04:23Shut up, Lindsay.
00:04:25He's not yet.
00:04:27Come in.
00:04:29Hi.
00:04:31I'm Jen.
00:04:32And this is Lindsay.
00:04:34Hi.
00:04:35I'm Haley.
00:04:36So nice to meet you.
00:04:37You have first day jitters?
00:04:38It's totally understandable.
00:04:40We want to make sure you feel really welcome.
00:04:42And so we'll take you to your locker.
00:04:43Come in.
00:04:45Okay.
00:04:46Let's go.
00:04:50There you go.
00:04:51Thanks so much.
00:05:09Aw, you're welcome, new girl.
00:05:15Honestly, it's kind of an improvement on your face.
00:05:24Guacamole wizard.
00:05:25Wow.
00:05:26What are you, capturing some little lonely online gamer boy?
00:05:30Get it back.
00:05:31Hold on.
00:05:33Hey, if you go to Edmonds Academy, you should come to locker 83 right now.
00:05:38Send.
00:05:38Here.
00:05:39Now your little gamer friend can see your ugly little face.
00:05:43No.
00:05:44So when can I meet the hero who ruined your billionaire shirt?
00:05:47I'm your friend first, Max.
00:05:48At least check on me.
00:05:50Oh, is it the online level?
00:05:51Ah, chill.
00:05:52Please.
00:05:56No way.
00:05:57What is it?
00:05:58No.
00:05:59No way.
00:05:59That would clean it goes to the school.
00:06:05Cool.
00:06:06Please ignore that.
00:06:07Someone stole my phone and played a stupid prank.
00:06:10Send.
00:06:14What is wrong with you?
00:06:15You mess with Cole Edmonds and you're gonna mess with me.
00:06:18Edmonds?
00:06:19What?
00:06:20You don't know that his family owns the whole school?
00:06:23Wow.
00:06:24You really did crawl out of the gutter, didn't you?
00:06:28Stop recording me!
00:06:31Jen is a new girl.
00:06:32Wait.
00:06:34Is the new girl...
00:06:35Valley Queen?
00:06:38There's no way the new girl is Valley Queen.
00:06:40Could it be...
00:06:41Jen?
00:06:44Ew.
00:06:48Your enemy is our enemy, Cole.
00:06:50And I just made sure that the new girl knows that.
00:06:53No chance it's Jen.
00:06:54So is it.
00:06:56She does look kinda cute.
00:07:05Please ignore that.
00:07:06Someone stole my phone and played a stupid prank.
00:07:09What was I thinking?
00:07:10Of course she's not my online lover.
00:07:16Hey there, buttercup.
00:07:18Keep walking, Hayley.
00:07:19Just keep walking.
00:07:21You got a problem with shaving this morning, or...?
00:07:24My name's Hayley.
00:07:26Wow. Hayley.
00:07:27I think you, uh...
00:07:29You missed a spot on your upper lip right there.
00:07:31Yeah.
00:07:33What a coincidence!
00:07:35So did you!
00:07:36Oh, no!
00:07:40Oh, I'm sorry.
00:07:41I forgot you don't even need shaving cream.
00:07:43You're just a man-child with follicle issues.
00:07:49Whoever ends up with her must have failed an eye exam.
00:08:04I was so relieved to see you.
00:08:06Something happened and I lost the game.
00:08:08I thought I'd never see you again.
00:08:11I think it's time we call this what it is.
00:08:14And what is this?
00:08:15What I think it is, is...
00:08:18I wanna be with you, and you wanna be with me.
00:08:22As more than just friends.
00:08:24Oh, thank God.
00:08:26I honestly want that more than anything.
00:08:28You're a soulmate.
00:08:29Like, I like you so much.
00:08:30Okay, well, since we're dating now, um...
00:08:34I'm ready to send my photo.
00:08:37Wait, really?
00:08:38Yeah.
00:08:39Get ready.
00:08:46Okay.
00:08:47No face.
00:08:48Just the boobs.
00:08:51Don't look at me!
00:08:52We're trying not for volleyball, are we?
00:08:54I don't think that you're supposed to do it like that.
00:08:56Get out.
00:08:57Now!
00:08:58Fine.
00:08:59Ow!
00:09:00Damn it!
00:09:05Come on.
00:09:33You're helping me.
00:09:34Yeah, well, I didn't point on it, but here we are.
00:09:43Excuse you, these boobs are for someone else.
00:09:46We got a little boyfriend, do we?
00:09:47That is... shocking.
00:09:49Yeah, actually.
00:09:50And he'd probably kill you right now if you saw you were flirting with me.
00:09:53Flirting?
00:09:54Yeah, don't flatter yourself.
00:09:55I've got a girlfriend, too.
00:09:56My thoughts and prayers to her.
00:09:57Funny.
00:09:59Okay, well...
00:10:00Can we just pretend this didn't happen and go her separate ways?
00:10:03Fine by me.
00:10:06No.
00:10:07Oh, I know.
00:10:09I love the purple bra, by the way.
00:10:11I like it in a weird way.
00:10:13I mean, not in my type, but...
00:10:15You know, power theory.
00:10:16I don't know.
00:10:17Would you just get out of here?
00:10:27Hopefully, Quacamole Wizard will like it, too.
00:10:30Jen, red alert.
00:10:32Cole and the new girl are for sure flirting.
00:10:35I think it's time to take drastic action.
00:10:39Don't be a coward.
00:10:40Just send it.
00:10:41Jen.
00:10:45Oh, my God.
00:10:48Here goes nothing.
00:10:56Still no response?
00:10:58Don't freak out.
00:10:59He's probably just busy.
00:11:03Give it back.
00:11:04Why?
00:11:05You don't want me to see your slutty little nude?
00:11:08Oh, this is actually a really good photo.
00:11:10Honestly, it's so good that I think the whole school should see it.
00:11:13Hmm.
00:11:14Did you get it, Lindsay?
00:11:14Mm-hmm.
00:11:16Got it.
00:11:19What are you doing?
00:11:30Oh, my God.
00:11:33Oh, my God.
00:11:35Oh, my God.
00:11:36Oh, my God.
00:11:37Oh, my God.
00:11:39Oh, my God.
00:11:40Oh, my God, that was a nice day.
00:11:42We all count.
00:11:45Oh, my God, I'm so funny.
00:11:47Oh, my God.
00:11:48Hey, what's going on?
00:11:50Oh, my God.
00:11:50Dude, your enemies new just got put up on the big stream.
00:11:52What?
00:11:52Yeah.
00:11:55Oh, my God.
00:12:04Yeah.
00:12:26Oh my brave knight, I wish you were here with me right now.
00:12:35Oh my god.
00:12:36Oh cool, your anime's kinda hot.
00:12:40Since you're so into slutty photos, why don't we just go ahead and go full nude?
00:12:46Jen no.
00:12:47No no no no no no.
00:12:48Jen stop!
00:12:50Jen!
00:12:51Jen!
00:12:52Jen!
00:12:52Jen!
00:12:52Jen!
00:12:52Jen!
00:12:52Jen!
00:12:53Jen!
00:12:53Jen!
00:12:53Jen!
00:12:54Jen!
00:12:57Jen!
00:13:09Jen!
00:13:10Jen!
00:13:11Jen!
00:13:13Jen!
00:13:13Jen!
00:13:14Jen!
00:13:14Jen!
00:13:14Jen!
00:13:14Jen!
00:13:15Jen!
00:13:15Jen!
00:13:16Jen!
00:13:19Jen!
00:13:19Jen!
00:13:20Jen!
00:13:22Jen!
00:13:23Jen!
00:13:25Jen!
00:13:26Jen!
00:13:28Jen!
00:13:30Jen!
00:13:37Now give the phone back, Jen.
00:13:39What the hell, Cole?
00:13:40I thought you'd be happy.
00:13:46How does it feel being exposed to the whole school?
00:13:49Not good, huh?
00:13:50Now if you don't delete it off your phone, I'm exposed to what else is fake about you.
00:13:54And I know it's not just your purse.
00:13:56Why are you even defending her?
00:13:58She's the loser who has nude photos for random men.
00:14:01Here you go.
00:14:02Haley's got more personality than all of you combined.
00:14:04And if you mess with her, you mess with me.
00:14:07You hear me?
00:14:12Haley, are you?
00:14:13Cole is on my side now?
00:14:14Is he doing this to play with my feelings?
00:14:17I just need to be alone.
00:14:19Haley!
00:14:24Cole is a rich asshole.
00:14:26And he said we were enemies.
00:14:28But why did I get butterflies when he looked at me today?
00:14:34Don't stay up too late, honey.
00:14:36Love you, Mom.
00:14:38Wait, Mom.
00:14:44Do people change?
00:14:45Like, can a spoiled brat somehow become nice?
00:14:53Well, maybe just give them a second chance.
00:15:13What's up there, huh?
00:15:14Oh, there's no more mozzarella sticks in the cafeteria.
00:15:17They're my favorite.
00:15:19Noted.
00:15:19Is that all?
00:15:21The whole school treats me like I'm their punching bag.
00:15:23I'm just trying to bring a little hope to my family and keep my scholarship.
00:15:28Oh, I'm really proud of you.
00:15:30And then there's this guy.
00:15:32He has this vendetta against me.
00:15:33But at the same time, he's super contradictory.
00:15:36It's so confusing.
00:15:37Sounds like you're into this guy.
00:15:40Sounds like you're into this guy.
00:15:42No, I'm not into this guy.
00:15:44I like you.
00:15:44Only you.
00:15:51I really liked your photo, by the way.
00:15:53You did?
00:15:54Are you going to reciprocate?
00:15:55I was thinking it would be better if we met in person.
00:15:58That sounds amazing.
00:15:59When?
00:16:00When?
00:16:01After school.
00:16:02At the balcony.
00:16:03I'll bring followers.
00:16:04Deal?
00:16:13I'm about to meet my boyfriend.
00:16:25Stop thinking about Cole.
00:16:35Call me, father.
00:16:36I heard about you harassing Jen at school today.
00:16:39Defending that nobody.
00:16:40Haley girl.
00:16:41He's not a nobody, dad.
00:16:43Are those for her?
00:16:49What the fuck?
00:16:52What the fuck?
00:16:54I know what Haley is, Cole.
00:16:56Her mother works as a maid at my office.
00:16:59That whole family is trash.
00:17:01Stay away from her.
00:17:02And what if I say no?
00:17:03Stay away from Haley Cole.
00:17:06Or I'll fire her mother.
00:17:08What if she found out that you were the one making her life miserable?
00:17:11I'm almost 18.
00:17:13Soon I'll have my inheritance.
00:17:14I hate to make Haley wait, but she can't know who I am before I make sure her family is
00:17:19safe.
00:17:21You're sick.
00:17:24It's called watching out for your future.
00:17:31Oh, hi.
00:17:33I'm Haley.
00:17:34Yes.
00:17:36So nice to meet you.
00:17:38God, I'd give anything just to hear her say my name.
00:17:41But the moment she knows, I lose her forever.
00:17:46Thank you for the flowers.
00:17:48You're so nice.
00:17:53Guacamole wizard.
00:17:55Fail.
00:17:59Guacamole wizard.
00:18:00Ew.
00:18:02You're waiting for your stupid little secret boyfriend?
00:18:05Pathetic.
00:18:06Maybe he's married.
00:18:07Or maybe he's fat.
00:18:09And maybe he's sitting on his back video.
00:18:13I don't want any more trouble.
00:18:16Why is guacamole wizard still not here?
00:18:18Oh, no.
00:18:19We're not here to give you any trouble.
00:18:20We just noticed that you didn't have any lunch.
00:18:22And so we thought we would bring you a sandwich.
00:18:26Eat it.
00:18:39I called me.
00:18:41So you thought that you could just humiliate me in front of the entire school?
00:18:46You're a maid's daughter.
00:18:47So you can go ahead and eat trash.
00:18:50Guacamole wizard, where are you?
00:18:52Oh, and by the way, Cole's not going to come save you.
00:18:56Because after all, he's rich.
00:18:57Like me.
00:19:02I'm nothing like you.
00:19:07Yeah, I'm nothing like you.
00:19:11Cole again?
00:19:12Why is he always here when I need help?
00:19:15Pick it up.
00:19:16Cole, we were kidding.
00:19:18It's ketchup.
00:19:19Pick that bloody thing up.
00:19:24Take out your phone and record this.
00:19:33Didn't your dad tell you not to mess with Haley anymore?
00:19:36Don't think you have leverage here.
00:19:38Because I'll tell your mom how fucked up you are.
00:19:40You want to hold that thing next to your face and do what I say.
00:19:46I will leave Haley alone.
00:19:50I will leave Haley alone.
00:19:55Got it?
00:19:56Yeah.
00:19:57Let's go.
00:19:59What are you looking at?
00:20:03Got it?
00:20:04Let's go.
00:20:12Uh, thank you.
00:20:15Wow.
00:20:17Never thought I'd hear you say that.
00:20:21Why do you keep following me around?
00:20:23I just...
00:20:25I happen to see you.
00:20:27Were you waiting on someone?
00:20:29Yeah.
00:20:30My boyfriend, actually.
00:20:34Well, he...
00:20:35He kind of stood me up, so...
00:20:37Maybe you didn't do it on purpose.
00:20:41Maybe you gotta do it nice today.
00:20:43Cole, are you being nice to me?
00:20:47You thought we were enemies.
00:20:49I mean, I still find you incredibly annoying, though, so...
00:20:52Am I that annoying?
00:20:53Maybe you'll like me once you realize I have layers.
00:20:56Are you trying to play with my feelings, Cole Edna?
00:20:58Because it's not going to work.
00:20:59I'm like those stupid, spoiled heiresses.
00:21:07How'd that online boyfriend in your ears make you fall for her?
00:21:14He...
00:21:14He makes me feel safe.
00:21:17You wouldn't understand it, though.
00:21:23You understand better than you think.
00:21:26Cole understands me better than I think.
00:21:30I don't see how you touch him like this.
00:21:44If you keep staring, I'm going to think you like what you see.
00:21:47No, my...
00:21:49My boyfriend has way better abs than you do.
00:21:54In the game.
00:21:57Oh, in the game, huh?
00:22:04Why does he have to smell so good?
00:22:10Are you that slow in the game, too?
00:22:14I can see why he likes you.
00:22:25I can't do this.
00:22:28I love my boyfriend.
00:22:30And you will never understand that.
00:22:32He's smart, and he's kind, and...
00:22:35He loves me for who I am.
00:22:37That is so much more important to me than whatever this is between us.
00:22:42I wish I could just tell her right now.
00:22:52Wait.
00:22:52It couldn't be.
00:22:55Cole, what was that notification on your phone?
00:23:00There's nothing.
00:23:02Cole, who are you?
00:23:06What was that notification on your phone?
00:23:07It was my dad telling me my car got done getting waxed.
00:23:12Champagne problems, huh?
00:23:16You live such a tough life.
00:23:21What was I thinking?
00:23:23We are from two different worlds.
00:23:25He just wants to play with me.
00:23:27But why did I want to kiss him so badly?
00:23:34Why didn't you come to school today?
00:23:36I got into a car accident.
00:23:38Really?
00:23:38Are you okay?
00:23:40You have to keep me in the hospital till prom.
00:23:42He was right.
00:23:43Who?
00:23:44Nobody.
00:23:45Which hospital are you staying at?
00:23:46I want to come visit you.
00:23:47No, no, you can't.
00:23:49I look miserable now.
00:23:50You need to see me in style.
00:23:52Fine, if you say so.
00:23:55So, are we going to prom together?
00:23:57Hell yeah, we are.
00:24:03Why would anyone want to sit next to her?
00:24:06Whoever needs a charity case.
00:24:23Oh, you.
00:24:25Oh, me.
00:24:26Why is she so lucky?
00:24:28Cole's never been this way with any other girl.
00:24:31People think you're really lucky to be my lab partner.
00:24:34I'm sure you feel really lucky to be my lab partner.
00:24:36Because you don't do any homework.
00:24:43You finished it?
00:24:45It's okay.
00:24:46We'll get to know each other more.
00:24:48I'm not that curious about you, actually.
00:24:50I'm curious about you, though.
00:24:51Like, uh, how close are you with your mom?
00:24:55What is he trying to do?
00:24:57It's none of your business, but I'm very close with my mom.
00:25:00I'd kill anyone who hurts her.
00:25:15I'm not that curious about you.
00:25:18I don't know.
00:25:19I don't know.
00:25:26I don't know.
00:25:30I don't know.
00:25:31You're the only one who's secretly wanting me.
00:25:32You are so full of yourself.
00:25:34You can do this on your own.
00:25:36Yeah.
00:25:38No way.
00:25:40It's a self-locking door.
00:25:42Really?
00:25:43Miss Corma's going to be back in an hour.
00:25:44I'm sure she'll be fine.
00:25:45I'm stuck here with you for a full hour.
00:25:47I'm not sorry, not by that bad.
00:25:50I think maybe we can pick up where we left off.
00:25:53Don't worry.
00:25:54Maybe trust me and do.
00:25:55Mm-mm.
00:25:56We're keeping our distance this time, actually.
00:25:58Yeah.
00:26:09That was my first kiss.
00:26:13My first kiss was not supposed to go like that.
00:26:15It was supposed to be special at prom,
00:26:17and not just bumping lips.
00:26:30You're really good at this.
00:26:32Why didn't I want you to regret it?
00:26:34You know, we can do more if you want.
00:26:51Hey, I've been wanting back a lot more than you're back.
00:26:55So you want me?
00:26:59I think you know much I want you.
00:27:05Do you want me?
00:27:07I want you.
00:27:13Oh, shit.
00:27:17Anyone in here?
00:27:21Oh, my God.
00:27:22How long have you two been in here?
00:27:24I really need to change this lock.
00:27:25Are you two okay?
00:27:27Oh.
00:27:28Yeah.
00:27:28Yeah, we're good.
00:27:29We're all good.
00:27:30Great.
00:27:31Nice.
00:27:38You're just going to pretend like that didn't happen?
00:27:40What didn't happen?
00:27:41Hey, wait.
00:27:42It's just hormones.
00:27:44Hey, Jake.
00:27:46Can you still play after your accident?
00:27:48Relax, I'm not bad.
00:27:49Wait.
00:27:50Car accident?
00:27:51Guacamole wizard?
00:27:58I gotta go.
00:28:06Guacamole wizard?
00:28:07Huh?
00:28:10Are you all better after your car accident?
00:28:13Do I know you?
00:28:14Why is he being so standoffish?
00:28:16Is he trying to give me a surprise?
00:28:18Or he heard something about Cole?
00:28:21You're crushing your soda can.
00:28:24She thinks Guacamole wizard is Jake Myers.
00:28:27She was in a real car accident.
00:28:29And according to you, so is Guacamole wizard.
00:28:31I can't take this anymore.
00:28:32Cole, wait.
00:28:35Oh, shit.
00:28:40What's up, guys?
00:28:42Um, we were just chatting.
00:28:45Chatting about Jake's grand plans to kick balls?
00:28:48Was there something that you wanted, Cole?
00:28:51Hey!
00:28:52I just figured I'd bring you some mozzarella sticks.
00:28:55They're your favorite.
00:28:56Right?
00:28:58How did you know that?
00:29:00Tough day, huh?
00:29:01There's no more mozzarella sticks in the cafeteria.
00:29:04They're my favorite.
00:29:05He couldn't be Cole.
00:29:08Could he?
00:29:13The truth is, um...
00:29:15A dickhead?
00:29:18What do you honestly get out of here, bro?
00:29:19You came to my table, bro, and knocked my ball away.
00:29:29There it goes again.
00:29:30Cole is jealous.
00:29:32We got a problem here, Cole?
00:29:33We don't have a problem.
00:29:35We don't have a problem.
00:29:37Right?
00:29:38Tell Cole to get my ball, and we don't have a problem.
00:29:41Jake, it would take me forever to find one of your balls.
00:29:45I have the ball now.
00:29:47Can we stop measuring each other's dicks?
00:29:51Cole and Jake are fighting over Haley?
00:29:54Maybe I can use that.
00:29:58Jake!
00:29:59Hey!
00:30:00What if I told you that I have an internship opportunity for you with my dad?
00:30:04Wait, seriously?
00:30:05Yeah.
00:30:05Just one little catch.
00:30:07You have to pretend to like Hallie Roth.
00:30:11All right, you have the rest of the period to work on your lab reports.
00:30:15If you have any questions, I'll be at my desk.
00:30:18I thought Guacamole Wizard would feel more like Cole.
00:30:22But if he's really Jake, then maybe this was always going to end.
00:30:26You've literally been sorry for five minutes.
00:30:28I'm thinking.
00:30:29About the report or about him?
00:30:30Why are you making it so weird about Jake?
00:30:32We literally made out of a sore dream.
00:30:35Maybe you've known Jake longer.
00:30:37No, you don't.
00:30:38How do you know that?
00:30:39You're going to prom with someone else.
00:30:41Stop acting like you're serious about me.
00:30:43You have no idea.
00:30:49Oh my god.
00:30:51Is Jake asking me to prom?
00:31:05Are you asking me to prom?
00:31:21Too cheesy?
00:31:23No, it's cute.
00:31:25The accident?
00:31:27The mozzarella sticks?
00:31:28He is Guacamole Wizard.
00:31:30So, um...
00:31:31What do you think?
00:31:32You want to go to prom with me?
00:31:35I...
00:31:35I should feel happy.
00:31:37But why does this feel so wrong?
00:31:41Hey, can we not?
00:31:45Hey, can we not?
00:31:48Dude, seriously, what is your problem?
00:31:49My problem here, dude, is that me and my lab partner have work to do.
00:31:52And you're out here to strike me with bad puns.
00:31:55Wow.
00:31:56That is some weak shit, man.
00:31:59Oh, that's weak shit?
00:32:00Is this weak shit?
00:32:04Oh, my god.
00:32:12Wow.
00:32:13He's got really pretty eyes.
00:32:30New couple alert.
00:32:32Fuck off, Jen.
00:32:34Why do you hate me so much, Cole?
00:32:35You and I, we're not that different.
00:32:37And if you'd realize and give me a chance,
00:32:40I think that we would make a great match.
00:32:42Like, say, if you asked me to prom.
00:32:45I might say yes.
00:32:48Jen, you want to go to prom with me?
00:32:52Jen, you want to go to prom with me?
00:32:55We're both hot and we're both rich.
00:32:58And our dads have been in business, like, forever, so...
00:33:01How romantic.
00:33:02I think I'll pass.
00:33:05You're going to regret this, Cole Edmonds.
00:33:10Oh, here they come.
00:33:13If I message Corkamole Wizard,
00:33:15I wonder if Jake's phone were dinged.
00:33:18What should we wear to prom?
00:33:21And the Dean's List.
00:33:31I'll talk to you later.
00:33:32I'll see you around school, okay?
00:33:33Okay, yeah, I'll see you later.
00:33:34Bye.
00:33:35He's so different.
00:33:37Maybe he's still recovering from the accident?
00:33:41Haley?
00:33:51Jeez.
00:33:52God.
00:33:58Here, I'll get it.
00:33:59Yeah, I know.
00:34:05Oh, you're scared of me seeing all the girls in your phone?
00:34:08I don't care.
00:34:09I do care.
00:34:11Here we are.
00:34:28I don't put a problem with Jake.
00:34:30I mean, he only knows you like mozzarella sticks because of me.
00:34:33He doesn't even know you.
00:34:34And you do?
00:34:35How do you know I like mozzarella sticks?
00:34:38That's something I've only ever talked about.
00:34:39Because I pay attention to what you like.
00:34:43I noticed it at lunch.
00:34:45The first day.
00:34:47You were watching me?
00:34:50Just don't go to prom and shake.
00:34:52I don't know if I'm going to do it.
00:35:06Move!
00:35:08Colt is talking to Haley.
00:35:09Again.
00:35:10Your job is to keep them away from each other, Jake.
00:35:13Unless you don't want that internship that my dad got you.
00:35:16Obviously I do.
00:35:17Okay, then break them up, idiot.
00:35:20Um, what do I do?
00:35:23I've got a few ideas.
00:35:29Hey, look.
00:35:31Someone would take you to prom.
00:35:33All right, I promise.
00:35:34Yeah?
00:35:35Really, like who?
00:35:36I mean, the whole school hates me, except for Jake.
00:35:40And you.
00:35:40But you're not asking me.
00:35:43Hey.
00:35:45Oh, hey, Jake.
00:35:47Hey, Hal.
00:35:47Um, I just wanted to thank you again for the other night.
00:35:53The other night?
00:35:54Yeah, it was so sexy.
00:35:59You're so sexy.
00:36:01Jake, what are you talking about?
00:36:04I hate to break it to you, asshole, but she's my prom date.
00:36:12And she's a real tiger in the bedroom.
00:36:16Oh!
00:36:17Oh, shit!
00:36:18Oh, shit!
00:36:30Oh, my God!
00:36:35Stop, guys! Stop it! Stop! Stop!
00:36:39What the hell is going on over there?
00:36:43Shit, it's Principal Stevens. I've got to save Cole. I mean, Jake. I've got to save Jake.
00:36:53Oh!
00:36:54Oh my god! Principal Stevens, I'm so sorry!
00:36:58Hailey! Hailey Rock! That's detention. After school, don't be late.
00:37:19Cole, what are you doing here?
00:37:21Can we keep you company?
00:37:24It's the least I could do after you saved my ass today.
00:37:28The locker thing, that was an accident.
00:37:31Oh, sure.
00:37:33So, uh, you and Jake, huh?
00:37:38No.
00:37:39He lied about that. I don't know why, though.
00:37:42Good.
00:37:45Father the asshole, every time he looks at you makes me sick to my stomach.
00:37:49Thinking about him touching you, kissing you.
00:37:53I could kill him.
00:37:56Promise me you won't go to prom with it.
00:38:01Okay, fine. I won't.
00:38:06Because I want to go to prom with you.
00:38:10Okay, everyone, let's start off by mixing our sodium bicarbonate.
00:38:21Oh my god, I am so fed up with this.
00:38:24No.
00:38:42Sorry!
00:38:43I tripped.
00:38:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:38:46Jet!
00:38:46What? It always has to be about her, doesn't it?
00:38:52They're dead. They're both dead.
00:38:55Oh.
00:38:57How am I going to be able to talk to Guacamole Wizard?
00:39:02Oh.
00:39:03What are you? Are you almost crying?
00:39:06It's probably because you can't afford a new one.
00:39:10Jen, what's going on over there?
00:39:22What's going on is Jen is getting a taste of her own medicine.
00:39:26This is burning. Mr. Edmonds.
00:39:28Oh, please. It's baking soda and water. You're fine.
00:39:31Detention. Today, after school.
00:39:34Shit.
00:39:46Jake, hey.
00:39:48Oh, sorry. Got to get to student council.
00:39:53Hey, you didn't even try the rice trick.
00:39:56The rice trick?
00:39:59Yeah.
00:40:01You don't know about the...
00:40:04Come on.
00:40:17Hey, um, Ella.
00:40:20It's Emma.
00:40:22Yeah, that's what I said.
00:40:23Can you hack a broken laptop?
00:40:27Amazing.
00:40:34Hey, it's going to be okay.
00:40:36We'll pour out in a few more minutes and it'll be like the whole thing never happened.
00:40:40No, it's not just the phone or the laptop.
00:40:42It means...
00:40:43It means I can't...
00:40:45Can't what?
00:40:49I talked to a friend online.
00:40:52He's really important to me.
00:40:56And I'm sure...
00:40:58You're really important to him.
00:41:08You know, Cole, if you look past all that hair gel and...
00:41:14Big ol' ego and...
00:41:16Rich kid for bravo.
00:41:17Okay, okay. I get it.
00:41:21You're kind of sweet.
00:41:27Hey, look at that.
00:41:29Oh my god.
00:41:33Oh my god.
00:41:35You're a miracle worker.
00:41:41Oh, what is taking so long?
00:41:43You doused this thing in sodium bicarbonate.
00:41:46Shut up, Ella.
00:41:47It's Emma.
00:41:48Whatever.
00:41:55Oh my god.
00:42:03Oh, morning, valley whore.
00:42:06How are things in the castle?
00:42:12Valley whore?
00:42:14What are they talking about?
00:42:30Guacamole wizard, when can we be together in person?
00:42:34Guacamole wizard, I want you so badly, I dream about you touching me.
00:42:37Oh my god, someone hacked my castle claimer's messages.
00:42:41Touch me, guacamole wizard.
00:42:44Yeah.
00:42:45Hey, valley whore.
00:42:46Show him what you really like.
00:43:05Here you go.
00:43:07Here, this is for you.
00:43:12Oh, do you like what I've done with the place?
00:43:14You hacked my laptop?
00:43:17Oh no, it wasn't me.
00:43:18It was that kid, Ella.
00:43:20But I definitely got to reap the benefits.
00:43:22What kind of insult is sex over a video game, Hayley?
00:43:25What are you, catfishing this guy?
00:43:27No, I'm not trying to catfish him.
00:43:29Hey, everyone, I think valley whore is a catfing.
00:43:33Because who in their right mind would spend their time thirsting over you?
00:44:02Stop it, stop, stop!
00:44:06I thought I'd send the janitor some time.
00:44:11Jane!
00:44:13Hey!
00:44:15Now's the time.
00:44:17Tell them.
00:44:18Tell them what?
00:44:19That you're a guacamole wizard.
00:44:22Who's guacamole wizard?
00:44:25Here you go.
00:44:28Oh, my God.
00:44:30Did you think that Jake was your secret little online boyfriend?
00:44:32Oh, sweetie, I've been bribing him this whole time to pretend to like you.
00:44:37What?
00:44:37Why would you do that?
00:44:39Oh, I don't know, Cole.
00:44:40Why do you think I would do that?
00:44:43Jake, is this true?
00:44:45Have you been pretending to like me this whole time?
00:44:49Sorry.
00:44:50It was nothing personal.
00:44:53Oh, my God.
00:44:57Yeah, nothing personal.
00:44:59Oh!
00:45:00Oh!
00:45:02Oh!
00:45:04Oh!
00:45:05All right, all right, all right.
00:45:07Enough!
00:45:07What in the world is going on here?
00:45:10Is that a leaf blower?
00:45:11That's all him.
00:45:12Okay, well, you both have detention, so...
00:45:20Let me get this straight.
00:45:21You stole a leaf blower and defaced school property?
00:45:25It wasn't school property, Dad.
00:45:26It was Jen's cyber boy's spreadsheets.
00:45:28Jesus Christ, how does she always get away with this shit?
00:45:32Could it be because her father's running for Senate, Cole?
00:45:34Do you think that's what it could be?
00:45:36Who cares?
00:45:37I care.
00:45:38And I hear she's got an eye for you.
00:45:41So you're taking her to prom.
00:45:43What?
00:45:44Not over my dead body.
00:45:46Oh, because you're like that Haley girl?
00:45:48I'm firing her mother right now.
00:45:50No, no, please don't.
00:45:52Please.
00:45:53Then you're taking Jen to prom.
00:45:55Max's dad called.
00:45:56He said he's having a party tomorrow.
00:45:58You're going to go, and you're going to ask Jen to prom.
00:46:01End of discussion.
00:46:08Come on, you big coward.
00:46:10Message him.
00:46:11Just do it, just do it.
00:46:15You must think I'm the biggest idiot.
00:46:24I could never think that.
00:46:31But I thought you were Jake.
00:46:32Please, can't you just tell me now?
00:46:34I think I've had enough public humiliation for one lifetime.
00:46:41I heard that guy, Max, is throwing a party tomorrow.
00:46:43If you want, I'll meet you there.
00:46:58You got this, Haley.
00:46:59Just take a deep breath.
00:47:01You got this.
00:47:02You got this.
00:47:06You look beautiful.
00:47:09Thank you, Mom.
00:47:14Thank you, Mom.
00:47:27Hi.
00:47:29Hey, Haley.
00:47:31I'm glad you came.
00:47:32You look so pretty.
00:47:33Hi.
00:47:34Hey, Max.
00:47:35Your house is gorgeous.
00:47:37I mean...
00:47:38Nah, it's just my parents' blood, honey.
00:47:39You know they're upstairs watching The Last of Us right now?
00:47:41They don't care about shit.
00:47:43Get drunk, girl.
00:47:44Woo!
00:47:58What are you doing here, Valley Whore?
00:48:02Looks like the catfish came out of the pond.
00:48:05Hey, everyone.
00:48:05Let's give it up for Valley Whore.
00:48:07Valley Whore!
00:48:12Jen, why are you doing this?
00:48:14What have I even done to you?
00:48:15To me?
00:48:15Oh, I'm actually concerned about our whole community
00:48:18because those little cringy messages on your castle game,
00:48:21those are concerning.
00:48:23Actually, I kind of feel a bit of a perv.
00:48:25Did you know that, Haley?
00:48:27She's a little pervy princess.
00:48:29Pervy princess!
00:48:32Pervy princess!
00:48:34Pervy princess!
00:48:35Pervy princess!
00:48:38Hey, let's get pervy tonight.
00:48:40Leave me alone.
00:48:42Is there a fire?
00:48:44Okay, we set off the alarm.
00:48:59Paul?
00:49:16Please, at least take my jacket.
00:49:20You know, if you really wanted to humiliate me,
00:49:22you didn't have to go to the extra effort.
00:49:23Jen was doing just fine.
00:49:25I wasn't trying to humiliate you.
00:49:26Then what were you trying to do?
00:49:28I guess you.
00:49:29Obviously, the what clothes were just an added bonus.
00:49:32I knew I shouldn't have trusted you.
00:49:35Now, what about guacamole, wizard?
00:49:38What are you...
00:49:47Who is that?
00:49:48I don't know.
00:49:49Just the devil.
00:49:52Get in the car.
00:49:55I'm not going to ask you again, Cole.
00:49:58Get in the car!
00:49:59Dad, can you just act normal for once and please introduce yourself to...
00:50:02Haley!
00:50:03I already assumed that's who this was.
00:50:06I'm a servant.
00:50:07So, you're the scholarship trash that's hell-bent on ruining Cole's life?
00:50:12Well, I've got news for you, young lady.
00:50:14My son is going to marry a good girl from a respectable family.
00:50:19And that's not you.
00:50:21You will be forgotten.
00:50:22You're a maid's daughter.
00:50:24And your mom works for me.
00:50:27Stay away from him.
00:50:28Or I swear to God, your mother is fired.
00:50:32Dad, stop!
00:50:34Don't you touch my family.
00:50:36I'll stay away.
00:50:38Haley, come on.
00:50:39You don't mean that.
00:50:42I hate everything you stand for.
00:50:44I hate your greed and your callousness and your elitist ideas of what you think a good person looks like.
00:50:51I hate everything about you.
00:50:53I hate all of it.
00:50:54I don't want any part of it.
00:50:57So, Cole, go with your dad.
00:51:01Haley!
00:51:05Fuck this.
00:51:07Fuck this.
00:51:10No laptop and no phone for a week.
00:51:13Ever since mom died, you've turned into this co-patriarch.
00:51:16Haley, not that's real love.
00:51:17Why do you have to make me so miserable?
00:51:19I promised your mother I would make you a success, son.
00:51:23Even if it meant saving you from yourself.
00:51:33Hi, Haley.
00:51:34I'm Emma.
00:51:35I know who you are.
00:51:36Right.
00:51:37I just felt kind of bad that I accidentally helped Jen ruin your life.
00:51:42So, I wanted to return your laptop to you.
00:51:45Good as new.
00:51:50Oh, wow.
00:51:52Thanks, Emma.
00:51:53Okay, bye.
00:51:59One down, one to go.
00:52:01You're so cool.
00:52:03I know, Emma.
00:52:04Want to go to prom?
00:52:05Why not?
00:52:08Let's get these lovers together.
00:52:14Hi, Mr. Edmundsonson.
00:52:16Hi, Max.
00:52:17And Max's friend.
00:52:19Sorry, we weren't expecting you.
00:52:21Cole's grounded.
00:52:22Oh, he is?
00:52:24But it was his 18th birthday today.
00:52:26What can I say, Max?
00:52:28Actions have consequences.
00:52:30Birthday or no, Cole is grounded.
00:52:33Well, that really sucks because he's also the president of the prom committee.
00:52:39We were supposed to review budgets today.
00:52:41Cole?
00:52:42My son, Cole?
00:52:44Reviewing budgets.
00:52:45He's never reviewed a budget a day in his life.
00:52:48Well, Mr. Edmunds, today could be that day.
00:52:50We just have to give him back this school-sanctioned laptop so we can get back to his very important
00:52:54and very respectable budgetary work.
00:53:06Go away!
00:53:10Max, what are you guys doing here?
00:53:13Happy birthday, Cole.
00:53:14I brought you my laptop and logged into your Castle Claimers account.
00:53:17Just get it back to me by tomorrow.
00:53:19What? What's going on?
00:53:21Dude, it's your 18th birthday.
00:53:23You can tell Haley who you are now.
00:53:25You can be together.
00:53:26Just log into this stupid game and tell the girl who you love who you really are.
00:53:31No.
00:53:32I'll tell her myself.
00:53:33Stick me in your car.
00:53:41I'm a lizard.
00:53:45Mom, I'm fine.
00:53:46I just need some time alone.
00:53:55Open the door.
00:53:57Wait, what?
00:53:59He's here?
00:54:08It's you.
00:54:10I should have given you this to your mom's camera.
00:54:14Haley, I wanted to tell you who I was from the very beginning.
00:54:17My dad threatened to follow your mom and I had a really long time to tell you who I was.
00:54:22I got my hair in this.
00:54:24I can protect you and your family and so you don't have to choose.
00:54:39Haley, I understand if this changes things.
00:54:43If you don't love me the way you love guacamole wizard, but I...
00:54:50I need you to know I love you.
00:55:03Nicole, I love you.
00:55:05You do?
00:55:07Yes, you idiot.
00:55:09I've loved you for months.
00:55:10I mean, this whole guacamole wizard thing was so confusing though, because I had to be loyal to him and...
00:55:17But you're him.
00:55:19You didn't expect her.
00:55:21I...
00:55:21I mean, I...
00:55:23I always hoped it was you.
00:55:26Until you hoped.
00:55:28Yes.
00:55:29I hoped it was you.
00:55:31You were always there for me.
00:55:35You're hot and...
00:55:36You're really fucking hot.
00:55:38You're hot and...
00:55:42Hey, yo.
00:55:44I got those things I said we could do.
00:55:47You ever go?
00:55:49Yeah.
00:55:51I'll take my clothes off.
00:55:53Yeah, no, don't worry.
00:55:57I'm so real, you.
00:55:59Just feel me.
00:56:03I'm so real, you.
00:56:05I'm so real, you.
00:56:08I'm so real.
00:56:09I'm so real.
00:56:17Okay, so...
00:56:18What do you think?
00:56:20Ten out of ten.
00:56:21Yeah.
00:56:22We'll do again.
00:56:23Okay, sex with sex with me specifically.
00:56:26I've only ever had sex with you specifically.
00:56:29Alright.
00:56:30Alright, that's fair.
00:56:31I'll, uh...
00:56:32I'll take that as a one.
00:56:38What is my life now?
00:56:40Am I being nice to Cole Edmonds?
00:56:42Hmm.
00:56:43Oh, God, no.
00:56:44I fully expect you to continue to berate me endlessly.
00:56:48No, I'll just...
00:56:49I'll just lust behind it.
00:56:51There's always been lust behind it.
00:56:53I'll see you in a minute now.
00:56:54Stop it.
00:56:57Um, same.
00:57:00Isn't Promenade?
00:57:02I think you know if it's Promenade.
00:57:05Okay.
00:57:07But the real question is, do you got a date?
00:57:11Cole, are you asking me to prom?
00:57:14Oh, I would have asked you earlier, but Jake kind of gave me to the gym.
00:57:18Oh, God, please don't mention his name again.
00:57:19I don't want to hear it.
00:57:21Yeah, you don't have to ask me twice.
00:57:23I don't even have a dress.
00:57:26Later.
00:57:30I just slept with Cole Edmonds, and I'm in love with Cole Edmonds.
00:57:34Who would have guessed?
00:57:40I thought...
00:57:41I'm only the best for my princess.
00:57:43Where did you get that?
00:57:45I might have gotten you a dress on the off chance that you...
00:57:50might have wanted to go to prom with me, and maybe had nothing to wear.
00:57:56Of course I'll go to prom with you.
00:58:02Mr. Edmonds, I didn't expect you to be here.
00:58:06Cole, are you here?
00:58:08Cole, are you here?
00:58:11Mr. Edmonds, do you...
00:58:13You can't just park into my house like this.
00:58:14I see you, Cole.
00:58:15Cole, you are a big pro.
00:58:34Hey, uh...
00:58:35You almost done in there?
00:58:36You try changing into an evening gown in a bunch of thorny bushes.
00:58:41Okay, I'm ready.
00:58:54What do you think?
00:58:59My god, Haley, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
00:59:06I just hunched over in a car mirror to do this lipstick.
00:59:08You're not messing it up for at least 20 minutes.
00:59:1120 more minutes.
00:59:13We're in.
00:59:14I do.
00:59:17Thank you all for using the prom voting site to cast your votes.
00:59:22I hear we have a winner.
00:59:25And your 2026 prom queen is...
00:59:30Jen Longfellow.
00:59:31Jen Longfellow.
00:59:34Oh my god.
00:59:37Thank you guys so much.
00:59:39Seriously, this means the world to me.
00:59:41I mean, like, who else would win, right?
00:59:44Oh, this is just the perfect moment.
00:59:50Oh my god, that's Haley and Cole.
00:59:54it was fine
00:59:55it was very so bad
00:59:58hey, uh, are those 10 minutes up?
01:00:03no, but who cares
01:00:07hell yeah
01:00:08ew, literally, what the fuck
01:00:13hell yeah
01:00:15I am the queen, okay?
01:00:17she's just a little pervy princess
01:00:18come on, everyone say it with me
01:00:21pervy princess, pervy princess, pervy princess
01:00:30wait, wait, wait, wait, what are those?
01:00:33those are texts between me and my dad
01:00:34make Cole Edmonds fall in love with you
01:00:37his dad's month is essential to funding my campaign
01:00:41don't worry, daddy
01:00:43if I can't have him, no one can
01:00:46I'm gonna destroy Hayley Roth's life
01:00:49is this real?
01:00:50Jen's crazy
01:00:53who did this?
01:00:55who did this?
01:00:58what?
01:00:59you exploited me for a hacking job
01:01:01and didn't think I was gonna hack your phone?
01:01:03you little skit
01:01:05you know, Jen
01:01:06as the principal
01:01:07I'm supposed to remain impartial
01:01:10and above all of this petty drama
01:01:13but quite frankly
01:01:15you are the worst
01:01:17and I think it's time
01:01:19that you are expelled
01:01:21from Edmonds Academy
01:01:22you can't do that
01:01:23I'm the principal
01:01:24so, uh, yes I can
01:01:34there was no internship
01:01:37you lied to me
01:01:45Haley, catch
01:01:51my princess finally has her crown
01:02:22now all I need is my handsome prince
01:02:24I'm not a boy, dad
01:02:26you talk all the time
01:02:27about wanting a man
01:02:29that's worthy of the family last name
01:02:30yet
01:02:31you can't see I've already become that man
01:02:34and it's because of Hayley
01:02:36and you can accept that
01:02:37or I'll make my own path
01:02:39and best believe me I can
01:02:41I'll say this
01:02:43it's the most backbone
01:02:44I've ever seen in you, Cole
01:02:48joy prime
01:02:56I am so proud of you
01:03:00I kind of done with all you
01:03:01being by my side
01:03:03that was terrifying
01:03:04it's not like we haven't
01:03:06slayed a dragon before
01:03:07well, so
01:03:09I love you
01:03:09I love you, guacamole wizard
01:03:12oh my god
01:03:13I gotta change that user
01:03:14yeah, you do
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