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Adults.2025.S01E08 [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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00:00You
00:09Okay guys, it's time
00:18No, no, I can't I can't
00:28God, Neil is so fucked up
00:30Like don't they know we have lives and families
00:32Oh, my parents are in Jackson Hole
00:34Who's Jackson?
00:35They both fit inside his hole
00:36Uh-huh, yeah, it's not a sex trip
00:38It's not not a sex trip
00:40Wait, oh, it's the Bayside Stabber
00:42Forgot I'm his prison pen pal
00:44Kind of jealous
00:45God, I'm gonna have to read his novella
00:47What?
00:47It's like a graphic novel
00:49Wow
00:49He has such an eye
00:51Oh, he said I love you
00:51Three times
00:52Aw
00:52Wait, wait, wait, wait
00:53Is that from the hospital?
00:54Show us
00:55Your outstanding hospital bill
00:56$15,004
00:57Boo sucks
00:58Boo
00:59Your reduced bill
01:00$2,200
01:01Medium boo
01:02Your current balance
01:05$0.00
01:06And zero cents
01:07Thank God
01:09Well, I'd like to thank Anton
01:10For helping me sell my jewelry
01:11And Issa for buying it
01:13My pleasure
01:14Okay, I'm gonna go get the last of the mail
01:16Congrats, Bills
01:17We should frame this
01:18Yeah, we can put it next to the wanted
01:19Poster
01:20Oh, Paul Baker has one
01:22Paul Baker, do your call back
01:23Call back
01:24Call back
01:25What?
01:26Because my visa's expiring
01:27Wait, what?
01:30I have to leave the country
01:33Okay, my parents are in Beaver Creek now
01:36I don't want to hear it
01:42They're eating pussy
01:45What?
02:03Oh, of course
02:04Con Edison
02:05Yeah, that makes sense
02:06Con Edison
02:09What does Con Edison stand for?
02:10Conrad Edison?
02:11Okay, thank you so much
02:13Bye-bye
02:14So that was my buddy's immigration lawyer
02:16It's not looking good
02:17What?
02:18He said the best chance
02:19I have at getting another visa
02:21Would be to leave the country
02:23As soon as possible
02:23No
02:24How does this happen
02:25To even our most well-hung countrymen?
02:28Thank you
02:28So what are you gonna do?
02:29You're just gonna go back to Canada?
02:31I mean, I think I just have to
02:33Well, I mean, you don't have to
02:36You could just
02:37What?
02:39Get married
02:40Oh, shit
02:41Well, yeah, we could
02:42But that would be visa fraud
02:44That's illegal
02:45Sure, but it's not against the law
02:46What?
02:47I think that's exactly what that means
02:48Okay, but people do it all the time
02:50Yeah, I mean, that's true
02:51My aunt married, like, three desperate Greek men
02:53She's a human Mamma Mia
02:54Okay, guys
02:55Look, it's super sweet
02:56That you care this much about me
02:58And want me to stay
02:59But marriage means something to me
03:01I'm not just, you know
03:03Oh, my God
03:04Holy shit
03:05Paul Baker
03:06You and I have a beautiful
03:09Spiritual connection
03:10And you obviously worship my holes
03:12Oop, nope, bad
03:13Also, guys
03:14Marriage is just a construct
03:15So if that's what it takes to keep you here
03:18Well, then, Paul Baker
03:21He's
03:21Come here, Ray
03:22Give it
03:26Will you marry me?
03:30Oh
03:31Oh, my God
03:36Paul Baker
03:37Come on
03:38Okay, yes
03:43Yay!
03:45Oh, my God, you're staying
03:47You're getting married
03:49I know
03:49You're getting married
03:50I know
03:51You'll have to fuck for the both of us now
03:55I'm gonna go call the attorney
03:56Okay
03:56Yay!
03:57Oh!
04:00So you guys will talk to Zach Carlos?
04:03Oh, shit
04:04Oh, my God
04:05Zach Carlos?
04:06Why does that name sound familiar?
04:11Zach Carlos!
04:12Hi, Zach Carlos
04:14So, we are gonna need you to divorce Issa
04:21Oh, babe, thanks for doing this
04:23Duh!
04:24Paul Baker
04:24We are getting married
04:26That means something to you
04:27I am giving you the full wedding experience
04:29Oh, nice
04:30Besides, religion has become very important to me
04:32Ever since I realized it was just talking
04:34Hello!
04:35Hi!
04:36Hi
04:36Hello
04:37Sorry about that
04:38Oh, no, no, no
04:39Some church business
04:40Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice
04:42Of course
04:42As you know, it is a miracle to be married under the eyes of God
04:46Oh, those eyes
04:48Nothing to see here, God
04:49Just a totally normal marriage
04:51But we are on a very tight timeline
04:53Because both of our moms are dying
04:55No
04:56Hmm?
04:57Mm-mm
04:57Shh, shut up
04:57Shh
04:58No, ease
04:58No, that's not true
05:00So sad
05:00Father, we're getting married so that I can stay in the country
05:02Paul Baker
05:03What?
05:04But be honest with him, he's a priest
05:05I was an altar boy
05:06Oh, my God, are you okay?
05:08What?
05:09What?
05:10No, no, no
05:10I appreciate the honesty
05:12It's the bedrock of any marriage
05:14I always say that
05:15I agree
05:15Hmm
05:16Now, and I think we should
05:19Be honest
05:20Be honest, yeah
05:21No more secrets
05:22Good
05:23Now, have you consummated the marriage yet?
05:26No
05:26No, never
05:27Asa
05:28Never once
05:29Asa
05:29Well, really, where is the question
05:31Because we have consummated it in my mouth
05:32No
05:33But very rarely in my bottom two
05:36Asa
05:36The bottom two
05:38Mm-hmm
05:39So, are you living chastely?
05:41Yes, super chastely
05:43Chasty, chasty, chaste the rainbow
05:45No, that's
05:46What's going on with you?
05:47No, that's not true, Father
05:48We have sex
05:50All the time
05:50Well, that is true
05:52Thank you
05:53To conceive
05:54No
05:54Yes, we are trying to start a family
05:57In my mouth
06:00In my mouth
06:27Jesus Christ
06:27In our defense, though
06:28Spring break
06:57Like, we were on one
07:27Well, that's interesting
07:29What matters is that you sign these divorce papers
07:32Oh
07:32The bit was funny
07:33But now let's just
07:35End it
07:36You know, I'm gonna have to think about it
07:40What?
07:41Just cause
07:42I've got a lot going on right now
07:44You know, I'm currently living with Beth
07:47Do you remember Beth from Move-In?
07:50Yeah, isn't she your
07:51Mother
07:52In a way
07:53Yeah
07:53But we're about to part as friends
07:55So, like, I can't even, like, think about any of this right now
08:00Until I figure out where I'm living
08:04Like
08:05What do we do?
08:07Okay
08:07What do we do?
08:12Woo!
08:14Oh!
08:15Woo!
08:16Holy shit
08:18Woo!
08:19You are incredible
08:20And that's what I learned from the hospital's trailer
08:22Very nice, she's
08:24Thank you
08:24Does this make up for the priest thing?
08:26It really does, babe
08:27Yay
08:28Thank you
08:28Wait, is Billy still flirting with that couple?
08:30Don't look, but look
08:32Oh, my God
08:33I remember when my first friend got engaged
08:34Really?
08:35Me too
08:36Yeah
08:36Ooh, it was bad
08:37I plucked out every single one of my eyebrows
08:40I looked like a ping pong ball
08:42I'm really happy for you
08:44Oh, my God
08:45It's funny, but it was honestly scary
08:47Yeah, it was bad
08:48I'm so proud I could cry
08:50So, what'd you boys get up to today?
08:52Oh, yeah
08:52What did you boys get up to today?
08:55Oh, um
08:56We made soup
08:59Fun!
08:59Soup without me?
09:00What kind?
09:03Minestrone
09:04Oh, you guys are being weird
09:07No
09:07Are you, like, hiding something, or what?
09:11We burnt the soup
09:13Oh, so good
09:14Okay
09:14Um, Paul Baker
09:15I need to get to sit down
09:16Can you guys go stand in Billy's eyeline
09:17In case that couple gets weird in human trafficking?
09:19Yeah, of course
09:20Thank you
09:20You guys are such good allies
09:22Not you
09:23What did Zach Carlos say?
09:24So, yeah
09:24It's not looking good
09:26He won't sign the papers
09:27What?
09:27Yeah
09:28And he's trying to, like, move in with us now
09:29Can you just please be honest with Paul Baker?
09:32No, no
09:32Absolutely not
09:34If I tell him I've been married this whole time
09:35He will move back to Canada
09:37Issa
09:37He's not gonna move back to Canada
09:39If you're just honest with him
09:40No, no
09:40He loves honesty
09:41He's obsessed with it
09:42Which is why we have to lie
09:43I'm telling you
09:45I know him
09:45Okay, okay, okay
09:46I'll talk to Zach Carlos tomorrow
09:49Thank you
09:49You're a good man
09:51Now get on that table
09:52And make it bounce for Mama
09:53Make what bounce?
09:56No
09:57It's on the house
10:00Wow
10:02He's cute
10:03No
10:04No?
10:04No
10:05Anton
10:05You don't want to make that dry martini a little dirty?
10:09Huh?
10:10Honestly, I probably should
10:11It's getting really bad
10:12The dry spell?
10:13Yeah, the other day I almost bit a mannequin at Bloomingdale's
10:16Fuck off
10:16Yeah
10:17Where?
10:18Oh, in the lump
10:19Ew
10:19But yeah, weirdly I'm like not spiraling
10:22Yay
10:23My friends are where they're supposed to be
10:24I'm where I'm supposed to be
10:26And where is that?
10:30Oh, um, I don't know
10:32Just at a bar with a really hot couple
10:35Who I think is open
10:37Or I'm totally misreading the vibe
10:41Um, okay
10:42She's hot
10:43Yes
10:43She's fucking hot
10:44Stop
10:45Oh, this role
10:45She's so hot
10:46How are you though?
10:48Marriage-wise?
10:49Awesome
10:49Yeah
10:50Cool
10:51I mean, sure
10:52I always picture my wedding
10:53A certain way
10:55And what's that?
10:56Outdoor venue
10:57Private vows
10:58Glow sticks at the after party
11:00Got it
11:00Glow sticks
11:01Needed always
11:02Yeah
11:02But I mean, this is
11:03This is great
11:04Too
11:05This is awesome
11:06Like, it is
11:07So sweet
11:08What he's doing
11:09Marrying me
11:10What all you guys are doing
11:11To keep me here
11:13But
11:15Mind wipe
11:16Yeah, of course
11:19I, um
11:21You're not ready to get married
11:23But you want to stay in the house
11:24And you really don't want to disappoint us
11:32You know what?
11:33I think I'm gonna, um
11:34Get one of those free martinis
11:35Yeah, definitely
11:36Hi
11:37I would like another
11:39Because this has spilled
11:40You got it
11:41Okay, I have to go to the bathroom
11:43Just pee
11:44You guys can hold hands
11:45But no first kiss until I get back
11:47Promise
11:48Promise
11:49Alright
11:50Oh my god
11:50You guys are cute
11:52Um
11:52So
11:53You're an orthopedist
11:56I don't want this
11:58I don't
11:59I don't want this
12:00It's just
12:01My wife
12:01She wanted to open the marriage
12:03She wanted to go out
12:04And she wanted to explore
12:05But I wanted to have kids by now
12:07I'm sorry, what?
12:08But no, my wife
12:09She wants to go around town
12:10She wants to fuck young sluts together
12:12I can't keep having
12:15This amount of sex
12:16With
12:17Random people
12:18I mean, you're incredible
12:20And I'm not even attracted to you at all
12:22And I mean, look at you
12:23You're so
12:26Pretty?
12:27Gen Z
12:28Oh, okay
12:29Yeah
12:29I love Gen Z
12:31And
12:31Yeah
12:34You know what, Brian?
12:35You know what?
12:36No
12:36No, actually
12:37No
12:37Because, hey, look at me
12:38Look me in the eye
12:39I have had a very tough year
12:41Sounds like maybe you have too
12:42But guess what?
12:43Tonight's not about you
12:45Brian
12:46Okay?
12:46Not about your wife
12:48There are three of us here
12:49And only one of us shaved their asshole for this
12:51Was it you, Brian?
12:53Was it you, Brian?
12:54No
12:55So here's what's gonna happen
12:57Okay?
12:57Your wife's gonna come back
12:58And then you're gonna man up
12:59And you're gonna fuck me
13:01Then your wife
13:02In that order
13:03Because I get UTIs
13:03Like a grandmother
13:04Brian, do you understand me?
13:05Yeah
13:06Yeah?
13:06Yeah
13:06Great
13:07That sounds awesome
13:09Hi
13:09Sweetie
13:10Remember me?
13:13Welcome back
13:14Okay
13:14What were you talking about?
13:16Just, we were
13:17What did you say?
13:18What did you say?
13:19Hey, hey
13:20Don't forget to do that thing I taught you
13:23Ooh
13:25What, uh
13:26What thing did she teach you?
13:28It's just anal
13:30We're doing anal tonight
13:38Stop!
13:39Stop!
13:39You guys!
13:41And then what happened?
13:42So, Carlos
13:43We told you this already
13:44It turns out it was a bayside stabber
13:46And he was on our couch
13:47And then the police came
13:48And it was a whole ordeal
13:49Yeah
13:50You guys are crazy
13:52The antics
13:54You know what?
13:57I have decided
13:58Yeah?
13:59Great
13:59Great, so you can sign right here
14:01Thank you so much
14:02I will move in
14:07Oh, bro
14:08No
14:08No
14:09Zach Carlos
14:10You're not
14:11No, you're not moving in, okay?
14:13I'm just gonna be straight up with you
14:14Alright
14:14Classic Samir
14:15No, no
14:16I'm being serious, okay?
14:18You are not moving in
14:20And it's not because there's no room
14:21It was never about that
14:22Mm-hmm
14:23It's because you're so crazy
14:24Okay?
14:26And-and where's Beth?
14:27Where's your mom?
14:28Is she alive?
14:29I don't wanna go back and forth with you
14:30Can you just sign the divorce papers?
14:34No!
14:39Why?
14:40Because you guys left me
14:41We used to hang out all of the time
14:44Then after college
14:45You replaced me
14:47With Billy
14:49And now
14:50With Paul Baker
14:53Bisexual queer
14:54Proud
14:55Wait, how do you know that?
14:57Instagram story, bitch!
14:59While we're doing it
15:00Let's just call him like he is
15:02He's an illegal alien
15:03Oh, okay
15:04No, you can't say that, Zach Carlos
15:06He's an alien
15:07No
15:07What?
15:08Zach Carlos, no
15:09No
15:09Hey, do not
15:10He's an illegal alien
15:11Who is sleeping
15:12With my wife
15:14So no
15:15I'm not divorcing Issa
15:16Because that's
15:18How I'm involved
15:22Okay
15:23Okay
15:24Okay
15:25You're right
15:25You're right, Zach Carlos
15:27He's right
15:28He's right, Samir
15:29He's right
15:31It's just a shame, though
15:32Because you would have really hit it off
15:34With Paul Baker
15:34He loves meeting new people
15:36What are you doing?
15:37He's kind
15:38He's a great listener
15:40He's like funny over text
15:42You know those people that are like funny over text?
15:44Samir?
15:45You know those people?
15:45Hmm?
15:47He's funny over text
15:48So funny
15:50I'm funny over text
15:52Yes!
15:53Yes!
15:54Wait
15:54You were funny over text, too
15:56They would have such good bits
15:57Right?
15:58Whatta, couldta, shouldta
15:59Yep
16:02Too bad he's going back to Canada
16:04Bye, Zach Carlos
16:05Wait
16:08Does he watch The Masked Singer?
16:12Yeah
16:14Could he explain it to me?
16:18Of course
16:19Of course
16:23Yay, congratulations
16:28You're doing a really good thing
16:29Thanks
16:30I know
16:31Ugh
16:32Oh, wait
16:33How was that date
16:33With that couple last night?
16:34It was actually really good
16:36Oh, really?
16:37Yeah
16:37Wow
16:40You have VTi?
16:41My vagina is on fire
16:42Ah!
16:42Look at you, you little asshopper
16:43Threesomes
16:44Itchy vaginas
16:45You're like
16:46Doing it
16:47I know
16:47And meanwhile
16:48You're the responsible one
16:49About to get married
16:50I know
16:51Next thing you know
16:51You're going to stop
16:52Flushing your tampons
16:53Down the toilet
16:53I know
16:54It's like
16:55You're the Billy
16:55And I'm the Issa
16:56Oh, God
16:59Yeah
16:59Yeah, that's
17:01True
17:01Wow
17:02Hi
17:03Hi
17:04Hi
17:04Issa, you look so beautiful
17:06Thanks
17:06It's vintage Samira's mom
17:08In that it is her wedding dress
17:09Aw
17:10Excuse me?
17:11Mm-hmm
17:11Issa, we got those papers signed
17:12Yeah
17:13We handled it
17:14Good, great
17:15Super great
17:16Oh, shh, shh, shh
17:17Hey
17:17Okay
17:18I know I'm not supposed to see you yet
17:20My beautiful bride
17:21Are you ready, Issa?
17:22Yes, super ready
17:23Okay, let's do it
17:24Super
17:25She's ready
17:25Let's go
17:27Let's go
17:27Yes
17:28Yes
17:28Yes
17:28Yes
17:30Come on, Carly
17:32Carly, I am stealing you from Samir
17:34You're tiny
17:37I hope it's a UTI
17:51Hello
17:54Oh, take me in
17:55What?
17:56Take me in
17:57Take me in
18:02Just left me
18:04And
18:04Okay
18:05I will see you in there
18:06Wait, wait, wait
18:07Please, please, please, please
18:08What?
18:10I can't do this
18:12Oh my god, Issa
18:14I can't
18:15I'm not supposed to get married at 24
18:17If anything, I'm supposed to get married at 60
18:18To a 24-year-old
18:20Hey, Issa, but remember
18:21Remember
18:22You've been married before
18:23As a bitch
18:24This isn't a bitch
18:26I live with this guy
18:33Hey, sorry
18:34Who is this guy?
18:36It's Zach Carlos
18:37He's your best man
18:40Okay
18:43He's gonna get deported
18:43Oh, Baker's gonna get deported
18:45This is horrible
18:46Do you know how many marches I've been to for that?
18:48He's not gonna get deported, okay?
18:50Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up
18:51No
18:51No, no, no
18:51I'm gonna throw up, I'm gonna ralph
18:52Issa, don't ralph
18:53Oh god
18:53I'm gonna ralph on Samir's mom's dress
18:55Don't throw up
18:56Don't throw up
18:56Oh god
18:57If you puke, it'll make me puke
18:58Oh god
18:59Don't
19:14I'm a bad person
19:16I'm a bad person
19:17Hey, look at me
19:18Stop crying
19:19Oh god
19:20What do we do?
19:21We are gonna figure this out
19:23How?
19:34What the fuck?
19:46Jesus Christ
19:47Okay
19:48That's not the bride
19:51Billy, what's happening?
19:53Issa is really, really sorry
19:54But she can't actually marry you right now
19:58Totally, yeah
19:59Okay, but it's gonna be okay
20:00Because we're not gonna lose you
20:01Because
20:03I am gonna marry you
20:04Billy, what?
20:05Billy, no
20:06Oh, that's crazy
20:07That's crazy
20:07Who cares, okay?
20:08Last night I went down on a woman while her husband sobbed beside me, okay?
20:11I can do anything
20:13Billy, no, okay
20:13Hey, Billy, hey
20:14No, I'll just marry him
20:16What the fuck?
20:17Samir
20:18He's my guy, okay?
20:19I, he cooks my meals
20:20He, he remembers my passwords
20:22He lives in my house, okay?
20:23Let's just do this
20:24Hey, guys
20:25Samir, well you're not even gay
20:26So
20:27I've seen it
20:28I can get there
20:28Hey, guys
20:30No
20:31Super sweet that you want to do this
20:32But if Issa can't marry me
20:33Then that's that
20:34I'm leaving the country
20:35Well, she totally can, though
20:36Oh
20:37No, no
20:38I divorced her this morning
20:41Fuck
20:42What?
20:45Oh, oh, and that is the bride
20:47Oh
20:47You have four minutes
20:48Hi, Paul Baker
20:49Thank you
20:50Hi
20:51Hi
20:51Uh, okay
20:52So
20:52I actually lied
20:54About, like
20:55A lot, actually
20:57Issa
20:57I was married
20:58When I proposed to you
20:59To a nightmare twink
21:00Named Zach Carlos
21:01Hi, Zach Carlos
21:02And
21:03You were married?
21:05Yeah
21:05The whole time?
21:06Mm-hmm
21:08And all of you guys knew?
21:09Yeah, we knew
21:10Yeah
21:10What his name?
21:11Yeah
21:12Yeah, they knew
21:13Going back, you know
21:14We probably wouldn't have lied as much
21:15But it was just because
21:16We thought we could pull it off
21:17Pull it off?
21:18Pull it off?
21:19This is my life
21:20This is life
21:21You know, you could have just talked to me
21:23Just talk
21:24Look, we all love you
21:25We just want you to stay
21:26So literally any of us would marry you
21:29Yeah, we would
21:29Yeah, and I love you, Paul Barker
21:31Zach Carlos
21:32I swear to God
21:33Paul Baker
21:34You choose
21:35What do you want?
21:36Yeah
21:51Okay, wait
21:51Can I have some cake?
21:52No, I want this one
21:53I'll trade you
21:54Okay
21:55Oh, you watching a movie?
21:57Mm, that suit
21:58I may not be a bride
22:00But I'm gonna fuck a groom tonight
22:02Okay
22:02Wait, wait, wait
22:03You have to sit next to your literal spouse
22:05Oh, yeah
22:06Oh, yeah
22:06Okay
22:07Come on
22:08Okay, okay
22:08Don't get rude
22:20Thank you for marrying me
22:21Of course
22:21It was nothing
22:22It's marriage
22:24It was something
22:26Wait, you guys never had your kiss
22:27Oh my god
22:28You have to
22:30Guys
22:30Guys, come on
22:31Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss
22:32You don't need to do that
22:33Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss
22:37Come on
22:38Come on
22:38Bigger than that
22:39You're not gonna get cooties
22:41Kiss
22:41Fine
22:42Okay
22:43Kiss, for real
22:45Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss
22:57Kiss
22:59Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss
23:05Should we watch a movie?
23:06Yes!
23:07We need to watch a movie right now.
23:09Let's do it.
23:09100%.
23:14Okay, someone throw out a movie.
23:18Oh, um...
23:22Oh, Conrad Edison.
23:25I could go off the deep end.
23:28I could kill all my best friends.
23:31I could follow those stylish trends.
23:33And God knows I could make amends.
23:36But I've got an angry heart
23:38filled with cancers and poppy tarts.
23:42If this is how you folks make art,
23:44it's fucking depressing.
23:47And it's sad to know
23:49that we are not alone.
23:52And it's sad to know
23:54there's no honest way out.
23:57I'm afraid to leave the house.
23:59I'm as timid as a house.
24:03I'm afraid if I go out,
24:05I'll outwear my welcome.
24:07Ha ha.
24:08Good a business.
24:13All right.
24:14I'm afraid of all.
24:20Let's say a little bit.
24:21You
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