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00:04before father left to join the army he made a promise if I die on the battlefield you can find
00:13another man to marry like the hunter on the edge of the village but that huntsman Vance had a
00:18crippled leg and a scar that split his face in two one punch they said could drop a full-grown
00:24tiger they also said he'd already beaten his first wife to death marrying mama to him was the
00:31same as sending her to die three years later word came that father was dead grandma and the village
00:39elders collected 20 silver coins from Vance they sold mama off the news arrived on the day mama was
00:45washing clothes by the river deep winter the water was thick with floating ice cold enough to cut
00:51bone grandma wouldn't allow her to use hot water she said firewood was precious not for a worthless
00:58brat who couldn't produce sons I'd haul extra firewood down from the mountain but it always
01:06went straight to uncle Dale's fire pit if mama or I used so much as one extra stick grandma beat
01:13us
01:13and cursed us for three days straight I tried to help with the washing mama waved me off the river's
01:22cold little one go play over there where the sun hits it's warmer in the dead of winter midday sun
01:29was the only warmth we ever had when the laundry was done when we walked home grandma and the village
01:35elders were already waiting they'd been in such a rush but not enough to walk down to the river and
01:41find us
01:41you take this long wandering off who knows where worthless brat Roy's barely gone and already your
01:49heart's drifting
01:55the soldier sent word Roy's dead you killed him every bit of bad luck he had started when he married
02:01you
02:01he's gone now so hurry up and remarry don't stay here dragging our family down the bundle was small
02:07two of mama's worn out dresses grandma didn't look like she was grieving her own son she looked the
02:13same as always like someone had told her the village dog had died mama said nothing she just held my
02:19hand
02:19tighter grandma can I bring my daughter with me mama wasn't crying much she was only worried about me
02:29see if the huntsman's willing to pay for her a girl this size sell her to a broker and you'd
02:37get 10
02:37silver easy mama's grip went tighter around my hand we both knew the moment she left grandma would
02:44sell me she wouldn't keep me a single day longer than she had to mama shouldered her bundle and held
02:51my
02:52hand grandma and the village elders herded us to vance's house he was inside sharpening a blade the
02:58scraping sound never stopped his bad leg jutted stiffly to one side it couldn't bend a scar ran from
03:04below his left eye all the way to the right corner of his mouth like something had tried to split
03:09his
03:09face in half i stepped behind mama vance looked us over you people forced this woman on me 20 silver
03:18is already too much don't push it further he clearly hadn't wanted to take mama let alone me dead weight
03:25she dragged my roy saved your life once now he's dead and we're delivering this woman straight to
03:31your door you should be on your knees thanking us she wants to bring the girl along as your daughter
03:35you get a wife and a child all at once i'm not asking for much another 10 silver and we're
03:41done
03:41most families earned two or three silver in a year 10 silver could buy a full acre of good farmland
03:48i was not worth that much people in the village said he was a silent man but when he opened
03:55his
03:56eyes and looked at you really looked it could stop your heart cold grandma shoved mama hard mama's thin
04:03frame nearly went down mr heart my daughter eats very little she can work please could you give us
04:11somewhere to go vance finally looked at me a long unreadable frown mama tugged at my hand i dropped to
04:18my knees beside her with a thumb call him something i stared up at vance at the scar my lips
04:26shook papa
04:28vance went still the scar looked even more ferocious when his face froze like that grandma's foot
04:34complete with my back your real father's barely cold and you're already calling some stranger papa
04:41worthless brat just like your harlot mother heart already belongs to someone else she kept kicking i lay
04:48flat and didn't move didn't make a sound that was how it worked stay still let her finish and she'd
04:55stop
04:56mama tried to crawl to me one of the village elders kicked her back it was always like this in
05:01roy's
05:02household mama couldn't save me she couldn't save herself enough vance stood he went inside he came
05:10back and threw 10 silver coins onto the ground this girl is my child now i looked up at vance
05:19mama hadn't
05:19caught what he said i had grandma grabbed the silver and turned to leave vance blocked her he demanded a
05:27written contract grandma refused vance snatched the silver right back no contract no silver in the end
05:35with the village elders and the village head as witnesses the contract was signed both mama and i
05:42became part of vance's household mama put down her bundle and started working immediately if she stayed
05:48busy enough maybe vance would let me eat more maybe he wouldn't hit me vance's house was plain three main
05:56rooms a hall in the center a bedroom on each side only one bedroom had a bed the other was
06:02empty mama
06:03led me to the woodshed the firewood was stacked clean the floor was tidy mama shifted some wood and
06:10found a board she built me a rough bed out of it don't be afraid little one
06:21mama i'm not afraid at roy's house it had always been the same when father was home he'd say i
06:28was in
06:28the way always getting between him and mama when they were trying for a son he'd chase me to the
06:34woodshed roy's woodshed was filthier than this rats snakes frozen solid in winter a furnace in summer i'd
06:42survived all of it mama held me against her chest maybe once i give him a son things will ease
06:49up i
06:49said nothing i'd long suspected father's cruelty toward mama had nothing to do with sons mama why
06:57did father want you to remarry vance before he left father had kept mama on a tight leash wouldn't let
07:04her leave the village wouldn't let her look up when she passed a man grandma would curse her for it
07:10too
07:10said she was out there tempting people mama's bitter laugh stayed locked in her throat
07:18because vance was the only one who could pay that much
07:23she didn't finish she didn't need to father had sent mama here to die
07:30father had been planning to sell mama even before he left he knew he wasn't coming back he made sure
07:36mama would have nowhere left to go i'd worked this out some time ago not because i was clever they'd
07:42been obvious about it the whole village talked not long after we arrived vance came back carrying
07:48armfuls of thick wooden boards he disappeared into the empty west bedroom steady hammering rang out one
07:55blow after another mama stood outside the door she wanted to ask where the food stores were so she could
08:01start dinner but she didn't dare after a while vance came back out he saw us both still standing there
08:07he frowned something you need his voice was rough i flinched and nearly stepped back but we were alone
08:15here mama and me if i stepped back she'd be standing by herself i held my ground i took mama's
08:22hand and
08:22stood beside her vance noticed something shifted in his brow mama asked carefully i i want to ask
08:30it's nearly dinner time if you get the grain out i can cook you've worked hard all day you should
08:36eat
08:36vance frowned harder he looked us up and down like we'd said something strange then he pointed at the
08:42kitchen in there the key vance's frown deepened he walked over and kicked the kitchen door open he
08:54looked back at us i had the feeling he was asking with his eyes whether we were simple no lock
09:00no key
09:02roy's kitchen was always locked the grain the oil the salt the eggs everything in locked cabinets
09:08grandma would measure out exactly what was needed for each meal set it on the counter then stand
09:13there watching mama cook drop a single grain of rice get a lecture that lasted half a day she called
09:20us starving ghosts said we never worked only ate she was afraid we'd steal food mama and i stepped into
09:26the kitchen grain oil salt all of it just sitting out in the open mama stood there for a long
09:33moment
09:34she glanced toward vance he'd already gone back out she was almost afraid to touch anything she was
09:40afraid she'd cook it wrong and he'd come back angry beat her like grandma she was afraid of being accused
09:46of stealing eventually mama cooked the food sat on the table the two of us stood in the courtyard
09:54neither of us moved toward it vance came back carrying two large wicker baskets he saw the food on
10:00the table he saw us standing there his frown deepened he washed his hands sat down saw us still standing
10:07he told us gruffly to sit he scooped himself less than half a bowl of rice not enough food cook
10:14more
10:15tomorrow he ate fast loud and efficient finished in minutes but barely ate half of what was there
10:23done he sat sharpening his wood cutting knife watching us eat mama hesitantly filled my bowl we ate
10:29both keeping our eyes on him i noticed it quickly when i ate fast he looked away when i slowed
10:35down
10:35and tried to set my chopsticks down he frowned he was telling me to keep eating mama and i finished
10:41every last bite then we sat waiting to be scolded or hit vance put the knife down wash up and
10:48get some
10:49sleep you've worked enough today mama hurried to heat the water she waited for vance to finish washing then
10:57after a moment washed her own face and hands and feet it's the first day if i'm clean he'll find
11:06less
11:06to resent she muttered it while she scrubbed eyes dim i used her leftover warm water the heat spread up
11:13through my hands and feet all at once so this was what it felt like to wash with hot water
11:18no wonder
11:19grandma and uncle dale always demanded extra buckets in winter i went to the woodshed for the night mama
11:25stopped me at the door cover your ears no matter what you hear tonight don't come out pretend you
11:32heard nothing you understand i nodded hard i knew once when father was hurting mama i'd run in crying
11:40and begged him to stop he'd kicked me so hard i ached for half a year this time i wouldn't
11:45make a sound
11:46we both had to survive stay alive and there was still hope even if i didn't yet know what that
11:52hope looked
11:52like then the woodshed door was kicked open vance stood in the doorway holding a lantern staring at
12:00me where i lay in the straw i shrank back cold sweat poured down my neck once father had come
12:07home half
12:08drunk in the middle of the night and walked into the woodshed he beat me nearly to death he said
12:13i was a
12:13burden my fault he had no son my fault he lost money gambling that night mama grabbed the woodcutting
12:20knife and told him she'd take his life that was the only thing that saved me vance was stronger could
12:26he put me down in three kicks but he wasn't drunk he wasn't angry he reached down and grabbed me
12:32under
12:32the arms like he was picking up a stray chick he carried me into the west bedroom mama was already
12:38standing there quietly the empty room wasn't empty anymore a wide wooden bed stood against the wall
12:44worn but tidy vance set me down he turned and walked back to his own east bedroom the door closed
12:51within minutes his snoring came through the wall mama and i stared at each other
12:58that night we slept restlessly but we slept warm i burrowed into the quilt and said quietly mama
13:05it's so warm i had never been this warm in winter not once and i'd eaten dinner my stomach was
13:11full
13:11this i thought was what being alive was actually supposed to feel like mama stroked my hair little
13:17one you called him papa today do it again tomorrow keep calling him that okay vance was already a better
13:27father than roy had ever been the meals got bigger after that and slowly mama didn't dare increase the
13:33amount all at once she added a little each day until she finally understood his appetite
13:38he ate a great deal roughly as much as mama and i put together but he never once stopped us
13:44from
13:44eating if we ate too little he'd frown he hunted large catches he sold sometimes he'd bring back a
13:51rabbit or a wild chicken and he'd have mama stew it he ate half the rest went to us i
13:57had eaten meat
13:58three times in my life before that this was the fourth it was so good no wonder grandma and uncle
14:04dale had always been so desperate for it mama saved the extra pieces for me i ate without thinking too
14:10happy to pace myself that night i woke in the dark with my stomach seizing up in cramps i rolled
14:16across
14:17the bed in pain mama rubbed my belly it didn't help she ran outside and scraped ash from the bottom
14:23of
14:24the cooking pot stirred it into water and brought it to me i took one sip and vomited everything up
14:32vance burst through the door one look at me he wrapped me in the quilt hoisted me onto his shoulder
14:36and ran mama stumbled after him she didn't say a word he ran all the way to the village doctor's
14:42house at the edge of the road and kicked the door in the whole household lurched awake they started to
14:46complain then they saw his face and went quiet the doctor checked my pulse then asked what i'd been
14:52eating what did she eat over aid indigestion nell's been underfed all her life eat this much meat at
14:58once and her stomach can't manage it she'll be fine i'll give her something to bring it up keep her
15:03warm
15:04light food for a few days she'll recover she gave me something i vomited loudly and at length the smell
15:10filled the whole room the doctor's husband muttered from the corner never had good food her whole life
15:15body can't handle it when she finally does vance looked at him one hard stare he retreated to the
15:22back room i was humiliated getting sick from eating too much meat just like grandma had always said i was
15:29a bottomless pit with no sense vance carried me home over his shoulder on the way back he said gruffly
15:37you've really never had meat before i thought he was scolding me this was only the fourth time
15:44before we only ever got a piece or two grandma had never let us have even the broth he made
15:52a low
15:52sound eat more often enough and this stops happening i was wrapped too tight in the quilt and didn't
15:58quite catch it the next few days i could only drink porridge vance brought back millet he brought back brown
16:05sugar millet and brown sugar were things only new mothers got after childbirth a bowl or two a little
16:12sweetness stirred in i was getting a full bowl at every single meal i was eating better than mama had
16:19after giving birth to me vance watched me eat every morning until the color came back to my face
16:25when it did something in his own expression finally loosened
16:31he fixed the village doctor's front gate as payment for the house call then he pulled the
16:35doctor back to check my pulse again only when she said i was fully recovered did he walk her out
16:41he said he was going up the mountain to track a big animal might be gone several days he told
16:47mama to
16:48bake a stack of flatbreads for the road mama kneaded the dough with lard and mixed in brown sugar the
16:54flatbreads
16:54came out golden and fragrant she pressed into his hands the thick insoles and padded cap she'd sewn
17:00over the past few days vance took the flatbreads he looked at the insoles and the cap he looked up
17:05at
17:05mama something in his eyes went soft new year's coming when i sell what i catch we'll go buy supplies
17:12think about what you want mama held my hand as we stood at the door to see him off his
17:18figure moved
17:18away from us uneven but steady i couldn't help shouting after him papa come home soon vance stopped
17:27he didn't look back he lifted a hand in our direction go inside it's cold we waited five days he
17:36didn't
17:36come back the cold deepened on the fifth day snow began to fall mama watched the sky go dark she
17:44looked
17:44at me she pointed to the food stores and told me to mind myself cook my own meals if i
17:49got hungry mama's
17:51going to find him i'll be back soon take care of yourself she changed her clothes and strapped the
17:58wood cutting knife to her body she found the oil lamp i tucked a small sickle under my clothes and
18:04followed
18:04her out wherever you go i go we'll bring papa home together vance was my papa now he was a
18:12better
18:12papa than roy had ever been i was never going to have a different mama let out a long breath
18:18if
18:18something goes wrong out there you standing alone in this house isn't any safer all right together we
18:25held hands and went up the mountain we'd only ever been to the edges gathering firewood we almost never
18:32went deeper in wolves in there wild boars tigers though with mama beside me and the thought of papa
18:38waiting somewhere in that cold i wasn't afraid the snow came down harder it was barely past midday
18:46but the sky had gone dark moving through the forest was difficult every step was uncertain you'd break
18:52through a soft patch and sink to the knee mama pulled me out each time and prodded the ground
18:57ahead with a stick we hadn't gone far when we heard heavy footsteps in the trees mama raised the wood
19:03cutting
19:03knife i raised the sickle we stared into the dark ahead both terrified if we were going to die out
19:09here at least we'd die together the footsteps came closer a large figure emerged from between the trees
19:15a tall man with a stiff lopsided gate dragging something massive behind him a tiger we stared
19:22he stared back i let go of mama's hand and ran i threw my arms around his leg and looked
19:29up the tiger
19:30dropped from his grip and hit the snow he looked down at me then up at mama what are the
19:35two of
19:35you doing up here he reached down and grabbed me under the arms trying to lift me his hands had
19:42nothing left he couldn't manage it i held onto his leg he came to find you been gone five days
19:47the snow
19:49started i was afraid the last time she'd gone out searching for a man who hadn't come home
19:57she'd told roy she was worried he'd been hurt he'd slapped her across the face said she was cursing
20:02him said her worrying was the reason all his bad luck found him after that she stopped saying she
20:07worried about roy she stopped worrying about roy at all vance looked at her the corner of his mouth
20:13moved he wanted to smile years of not smiling seemed to have made him forget how but he explained this
20:19one
20:19was big it took longer than i thought get the fire going start dinner a tiger that size he must
20:27have
20:28been dragging it for hours he was running on empty but he didn't ask for help he would get it
20:33home
20:33himself mama stood watching him torn she didn't dare disobey but she wanted to help i ran forward and
20:40grabbed one of the tiger's hind legs papa we'll all go back together i wasn't very strong and touching that
20:49leg even a dead leg sent a chill through me that had nothing to do with the snow the tiger
20:55was
20:55enormous dead as it was it still looked vicious mama hesitated then she stepped up together vance's
21:04mouth twitched he agreed the three of us dragged the tiger back home by the time we reached the village
21:13the snow lay thick on the ground the whole village was dark the lanes empty we made it inside at
21:19last
21:20the tiger lay in the yard half buried in white still looking dangerous i wasn't afraid of it anymore
21:26i circled it a few times just to prove it then ran back and pressed myself against papa's leg
21:32papa's so strong he killed a tiger all by himself vance was too exhausted to move but he reached down
21:40and rested his hand on top of my head his hand was huge and rough and heavy but when it
21:47rested on my
21:48head it was light it was warm roy had large hands too they'd never been rough he rarely did anything
21:56that required effort he wasn't very strong either every time he'd picked a fight and come out worse
22:02he'd curled up on the ground and hadn't even tried to fight back but when he hit mama and me
22:07he hit hard
22:09in this village most men were like that hands that fell hard on their wives and children
22:14i had always thought all fathers were the same turns out some of them were different
22:21the next morning before dawn vance fetched an ox cart he woke us up and we rode into town together
22:28to sell the tiger in the county seat he went straight to a large estate he clearly knew well
22:33he called someone out fletcher fletcher came to the door his face lit up when he saw vance
22:39the two men grabbed each other by the shoulders talking like old friends so papa could be like this
22:45animated warm full of words mama and i hung back staring at the tall heavy doors the high threshold
22:53the stone lions flanking the gate we didn't dare step forward vance looked back at us and said something
22:59to fletcher fletcher studied us then reached into his coat and pulled out a small cloth pouch
23:04here child take it i didn't dare he pressed it into my hands papa nodded i took it
23:15thank you uncle fletcher inside the pouch was a small piece of silver i walked it over to papa
23:21papa and tucked it into his hands for you fletcher blinked then he laughed loud and warm
23:27well old vance you've got yourself a devoted little girl you're a lucky man that one's for your papa
23:35this one's yours keep it fletcher bought the tiger and invited vance to stay for drinks
23:40vance shook his head nothing at home need to stock up for new year next time then and you'd better
23:46actually show up the tiger had sold for a good sum vance walked us through the market first a wanton
23:54stall for breakfast a big bowl each thin wrappers fat filling floating in rich broth that steamed in
24:00the cold air mama was afraid to eat but vance had already paid wasting it was worse she tried to
24:06give
24:06me her bowl vance stopped her children who overeat end up with stomachaches mama thought of my illness
24:12immediately she stopped after the wontons her face had some color in it vance took us to buy pork grain
24:19flour oil dried spices for cooking then to the cloth shop new quilts and padded coats mama waved her hands
24:27the ones we have are perfectly fine i said the same when we'd first arrived the quilts and padded clothes
24:34vance gave us had been second hand but they were clean and warm that was already more than i'd ever
24:39had
24:41before i had no silver i bought used now i have silver we buy new in the end they didn't
24:49buy
24:49ready-made they bought fabric and cotton batting mama still didn't want to spend too freely i can
24:54sew my hands are fast done before new year i promise she found a length of dark blue cloth and
25:01held it up
25:01beside vance this one suits you it was the closest they'd ever stood i was almost sure i saw vance's
25:08face
25:08go red his face went red and he looked happier he lifted me up and set me on his shoulders
25:16so i could
25:17see all the way down the market road i laughed so hard i could barely breathe it was the highest
25:22i'd
25:22ever been i could see everything mama walked carefully beside us glancing again and again at his leg
25:29afraid he'd tire himself out further along vance bought sesame candy and sugar figurines
25:36he bought hair ribbons and flowers for mama and me both the stall woman smiled at them your wife and
25:42daughter are lovely these flowers suit them perfectly city made you know vance and mama both went red at
25:48exactly the same moment on the way home i sat in the ox cart holding my sugar figurine and refused
25:53to eat
25:54it it was a general in full armor fierce looking just like papa we passed roy's old house on the
26:00road
26:01through the village grandma was in the yard washing clothes in hot water so she'd always known about hot water
26:07uncle dale sat slumped under the eaves doing nothing they'd sold mom and me for 30 silver dale still
26:14hadn't found himself a wife with that money he just sat around and called it waiting for a good match
26:19grandma looked up uncle dale looked up they stared at us slack jawed then their faces turned ugly worthless
26:28brat harrel it
26:32the curse had barely left grandma's mouth when a rock hit uncle dale square on the head
26:37who threw vance threw a second rock it landed straight in grandma's washtub and sent water
26:42splashing in all directions these are my wife and daughter open your mouths against them again and
26:47you've got me to answer to he stood at the gate in the fading light even with the bad leg
26:51he was a wall
26:52grandma and uncle dale bullies who ran at the first sign of real resistance went completely silent
26:58mama's hand found mine her eyes had gone red we rode on when i looked back i could still see
27:05the venom in
27:05their faces then i found my nerve i raised my sugar figurine at them and made the ugliest face i
27:12could
27:12manage i had a real papa now they couldn't touch us anymore i lost my sugar figurine and my new
27:21hair ribbon
27:22i was too ashamed to go home i hovered near our gate going back and forth not able to make
27:29myself
27:29walk in papa came down from the mountain he saw me coat torn face bleeding covered in mud he dropped
27:38his firewood dropped the wild chickens he'd been carrying who did this i'd never seen him this
27:44frightened it scared me more than the beating i started shaking i'm sorry i'm sorry he crouched down
27:52he wiped the mud off my face with his rough hands his hands weren't steady tell papa who did it
28:00his voice steadied me i told him everything halting stumbling over the words with every sentence his
28:07expression darkened he took me inside and handed me to mama then he picked up his walking stick and walked
28:12back out mama grabbed his arm she shook her head papa thought about it he picked up the thick wooden
28:19post that braced the door shut that afternoon the fathers of every boy who'd hit me got beat i won't
28:25hit a child i'll hit you one more incident and i'll break your legs
28:32every one of them was a grown able-bodied man papa had one good leg he chased them through the
28:39village
28:39anyway one methodical blow at a time then papa went to roy's old house and beat uncle dale in
28:46front of the whole street you people forced ivy and this girl on me i painted the silver i signed
28:50the
28:50contract they're mine if i hear any more talk from your side of the village dale should stop walking
28:54alone after dark uncle dale howled and promised over and over that it would never happen again anyone with
29:02something to say say it to me directly not one person stepped forward several hurried to point
29:09out that grandma's family had always treated ivy and me badly it's true ivy and little nell are well
29:15off with you old vanch you know how to take care of people those two are lucky they ended up
29:20with you
29:20papa walked home carrying the door post he stopped in front of me and rested his hand on my head
29:26he held my hand and walked me inside in the lane he said quietly who gave you that name anyway
29:33nell it was grandma's choice half the girls in the village had names like it nell for invite a brother
29:39hope for wish for a son bless for pray he comes papa didn't like it how about clara from now
29:46on
29:46bright as the sun and moon that's what clara means a name for someone with a future ahead of her
29:51i was six years old and had my first real name clara clara heart a heart now i told mama
30:01grinning
30:02she laughed through red eyes pressing the tears back papa said it twice softly to himself clara
30:08heart clara heart that night mama finished sewing the new quilts she came to me with them folded in her
30:14arms clara you're a big girl now time to sleep in your own room all right her own room if
30:23i moved
30:23out where would mama sleep i thought about it for one second yes mama you and papa should hurry up
30:29and
30:29have a little brother or sister for me i'll take care of them i meant it a little brother or
30:36sister who
30:36had papa they'd be wonderful i already wanted to meet them the next morning papa woke me at dawn clara
30:42yesterday was papa impressive very impressive you can't rely on me your whole life you need to
30:48protect yourself do you want to be as strong as papa yes i wanted to be strong enough to protect
30:55papa and mama the future little ones to hunt on the mountain and earn enough silver to take care of
31:00all of them papa was pleased he pointed at the yard on 50 laps to start 50 laps by the
31:08end i could barely
31:08stand he didn't let me stop mama watched with pained eyes she said nothing after running came stances
31:16and lifting the stone block papa had brought back from the mountain it was just heavy enough that i
31:22could manage it on a good day by evening my hands and feet were covered in blisters train hard your
31:29papa
31:29means it for your good i know mama i understood what papa's care looked like that night mama carried her
31:36new quilt into papa's bedroom they talked quietly for a while the lamp went out the night was noisy
31:42for a bit i slept soundly in my new quilts anyway the next day papa woke up late i'd already
31:49run 30
31:49laps around the yard by the time he appeared at the door all day he and mama kept catching each
31:55other's
31:55eyes and looking away fast both of them red-faced both of them smiling at nothing if you want to
32:01look
32:02just look why the sneaking adults were very strange
32:09after new year papa bought several acres of good farmland with the tiger money he farmed in the busy
32:15seasons and hunted in the quiet ones he teaching me how to track animals how to read droppings and
32:21prints which sounds meant danger taught me the knife and the bow how to put a person down using as
32:27little
32:27force as possible my strength was still limited progress was slow the village gossiped most of it
32:34came from roy's old household that cripple got a wife and a daughter handed to him for nothing it
32:39doesn't matter how smug ivy acts she still ended up with a cripple roy was twice as handsome roy had
32:46been
32:46handsome much good it had done anyone he couldn't carry a load or plant a field he was a farmer
32:52who refused
32:53to farm his greatest skill was hitting the people who lived in his house i glanced at papa's leg he
33:01noticed he adjusted his gait and walked more carefully than before mama caught me looking she
33:06smacked the back of my head the moment we were alone your papa has been nothing but good to us
33:11clara
33:11don't you dare look at him the way this village does don't you dare mama i want to study medicine
33:17if
33:18i'm good enough someday maybe i can fix papa's leg i didn't care about the limp i didn't care
33:23about the scar i just didn't want him to hurt on rainy days i didn't want him working through the
33:28pain and never saying a word about it mama's expression shifted she worried female apprentices
33:33were hard to place most healers wouldn't take them but papa had been standing just outside the door
33:39he went quiet for two days then he took me back into town to fletcher at the large estate
33:45fletcher looked me over for a long moment medicine is hard work clara an apprentice life is harder can
33:51you take it i can and when i've learned enough i'll fix papa's leg then i'll earn enough silver to
33:56take
33:56care of all of them papa and mama and my little brothers and sisters brothers and sisters is there
34:02news already papa went scarlet and said it was far too early for that far too early i moved into
34:09the
34:09county seat and began my apprenticeship at the clinic i only asked to bring one thing from home
34:15my stone lifting block for training mama couldn't make herself leave she stood at the clinic door and
34:21wouldn't move i waved her off mama come back when i've made something of myself she laughed despite
34:30herself all right mama's waiting the clinic's doctor was warm and patient with patience with her
34:37apprentices she was merciless too slow to learn she scolded you made an error she scolded you
34:45sometimes she hit some of the younger apprentices cried and went home within weeks i wasn't troubled
34:51by any of it she only ever struck the padded parts of the body the force was calibrated sharp on
34:57impact
34:57no lasting harm compared to roy's household this was nothing and when the doctor scolded us i recognized
35:03that look it wasn't hatred it was impatience born from caring she also made sure we ate every meal
35:10every day without exception she never once stinted on food or clothing
35:16i could tell the difference between people who meant you harm and people who were hard on you for
35:22a reason i kept lifting my stone block i kept practicing the fighting forms papa had taught me
35:28my grip got stronger when i started learning massage and manipulation from the doctor i was already
35:34ahead of the others i could feel exactly where the tension sat under the skin i worked on her shoulders
35:40when she'd had a long day she started looking less grim every two weeks i went home first thing papa's
35:47bad leg he refused at first twisted around in his seat like i'd suggested something embarrassing a few
35:52minutes in his eyes went red when he stood up afterward he walked without catching himself on the door
35:58frame clara's gotten good learning fast mama asked me to teach her when you're in the city i can work
36:05on it for him he pushes himself too hard i walked them both through it side by side when i'm
36:10not here
36:11you can do it for each other they both turned red at exactly the same time adults truly inexplicable
36:41i want to use more detail to make the difference in the patient and his language
36:41you can do it for each other my time i got a lot of my friends i got a lot
36:41of myself
36:44and you are right now and you can tell him to be enough to be comfortable
36:44in reality i can see him as he's only five weeks in a minute
36:44you'll be minimum every two weeks in the next year
40:57Get the priest.
40:58The baby is coming.
41:00Please.
41:02The wolfbane will last another three hours.
41:05Vivian has already been taken to the birthing altar.
41:08You'll stay here and wait.
41:10If she starts howling, gag her.
41:13Don't let the noise reach upstairs.
41:15Don't scare Viviana.
41:22I looked down.
41:24My dress was soaked in blood.
41:25All I could see was Dominic's face.
41:27When he turned away, his eyes held no guilt.
41:29Just cold calculation.
41:31I dragged myself to the cell door.
41:32Then I punched the cell door hard.
41:34Again and again.
41:35Until my skin split open.
41:37Somebody help.
41:39I'm in labor.
41:40I'm in labor.
41:40Save my baby.
41:41Shut up.
41:41If it dies, that's its fate.
41:43A girl with no inheritance rights.
41:45Her death won't affect the pack.
41:48My blood-stained hands slid off the cell door.
41:51I collapsed into a pool of my own blood.
41:54This wasn't fate.
41:55Someone was murdering my child.
41:57Just as my vision began to blur, the heavy door crashed open.
42:01Dr. Holden, the pack doctor.
42:03The moment he saw me, all the colors drained from his face.
42:06Luna?
42:07What are you doing here?
42:09Dominic said you were resting in the Moonstone Lounge.
42:12Fully dilated.
42:13Water broke.
42:14You're losing too much blood.
42:15The wolf of Spain is still suppressing your healing.
42:19Guards!
42:20The Luna is hemorrhaging!
42:22Only echoes answered.
42:23No one came.
42:24He tried his comm stone.
42:26Nothing.
42:26The dungeon's warding runes blocked all signals.
42:29Gritting his teeth, he scooped me up and ran.
42:32An aging beta carrying a bleeding woman up three flights of stone stairs.
42:36Every jolt sending agony through my pelvis.
42:38He burst onto the ground floor.
42:40Ran for the medical wing.
42:42Kicked open the door.
42:43And froze.
42:45He kicked open the door and froze.
42:47Everything was gone.
42:48Stripped bare.
42:49Every Moonstone crystal, runestone, potion, gone.
42:52How?
42:54I checked inventory this afternoon.
42:56Cassandra strolled down the hall.
42:58Two Omega attendants followed behind her.
43:00We move to the third floor.
43:02Vivian's C-section is high risk.
43:04She needs the best resources.
43:06Her gaze drifted to me, drenched in blood, half dead in Dr. Holden's arms.
43:10She smiled.
43:11I knew that smile.
43:13Six months ago, she'd worn it downtown, linking her arm through mine.
43:16Selina, you're the best Luna I've ever met.
43:19You're more like a real sister to me.
43:21The antique Moonstone necklace I gave her still rested against her collarbone.
43:25It glowed softly in the dim hallway and made her smile look monstrous.
43:29Dr. Holden laid me on a bare stone cot.
43:32He tore open every cabinet and drawer.
43:35Empty.
43:35Not a single herb.
43:36I'm sorry, Luna.
43:38I have nothing.
43:40Relax.
43:41Once Vivian is done, the supplies will be returned.
43:44What's the rush?
43:45Her gaze dropped to my belly.
43:47Besides, you were nothing but a breeding machine from the beginning.
43:52And you couldn't even produce the right product.
43:54Dr. Holden stepped in front of me.
43:56This is murder, Cassandra.
43:58Two lives.
43:59Her smile vanished.
44:01Mothers and pups die in childbirth every day.
44:03Dystedia.
44:04Hemorrhage.
44:05Healing failure.
44:06Perfectly natural causes of death.
44:08No one will say a damn thing.
44:10And this is Blackwood family business!
44:12You're a contract beta doctor.
44:14Know your place!
44:15She snapped at the guards.
44:16Drag him to the third floor.
44:18Vivian needs him.
44:19I'll handle her.
44:20Two guards grabbed Dr. Holden.
44:22He thrashed against them, screaming over his shoulder.
44:24Luna!
44:25Press your stomach!
44:27Shard the wolf hard!
44:28Fight the wolf bond!
44:29The baby still has a heartbeat!
44:31You can still save her!
44:33Cassandra slammed the door, then pulled out a comm.
44:36Stone, Dominic's face appeared in the holographic screen.
44:39Behind him, the birthing altar blazed with light.
44:41Priests moved in and out.
44:43Nurses swarmed around Vivian.
44:45Dominic?
44:46Selina looks like she's about to deliver.
44:49Want to see?
44:50Dominic's eyes shifted to me.
44:51One glance.
44:52Like I was trashed by the roadside.
44:54Stop messing around, Savina.
44:56Vivian isn't doing well.
44:58The baby's heart rate dropped twice.
45:00Cassandra moved the stone closer, making sure the screen clearly showed my dying form.
45:04But look, she's bleeding a lot.
45:06Doesn't she look like she's dying?
45:08Tell her to wait.
45:09Once Vivian is done, I'll send a priest down.
45:11Cassandra pocketed the stone.
45:12You heard him?
45:13Vivian is the priority.
45:15Marcus' son is the priority.
45:17You were nothing.
45:18I closed my eyes, stopped looking at her.
45:21My hand crept behind my back, fingers finding the tiny raised bump on my left hip.
45:25It looked like a mole.
45:26It wasn't.
45:27A blood seal rune.
45:28My father had carved it into my skin on my wedding day with his own alpha blood.
45:32His voice echoed in my head.
45:34Selina, the waters in the Blackwood family may run deeper than you know.
45:37If the day ever comes when you need help, bite your finger and let one drop of blood fall on
45:42this rune.
45:43No matter where you are, someone will reach you within 30 minutes.
45:45I had laughed and pushed his hand away.
45:48Dad, you're being dramatic.
45:50Dominic treats me so well.
45:52I'm his mate.
45:53The moon goddess chose him for me.
45:55How could he ever hurt me?
45:57My father had been silent for a long time.
45:59Then he only said one thing.
46:01The moon goddess binds the souls, Selina.
46:03But she doesn't bind the heart.
46:05I was such a fool.
46:06Blood welled on my fingertip.
46:08I let it fall on the rune.
46:1230 minutes.
46:13I looked at the blood pooling beneath me.
46:15My baby's heartbeat was still there.
46:17Hold on.
46:18Please hold on.
46:18The wolf's bane suppression broke.
46:20Every contraction that had been held back for hours hit at once.
46:23Like a damn collapsing wave.
46:25After wave.
46:26Faster.
46:26Harder.
46:27I screamed.
46:28The sound ricocheted off stone walls.
46:30An omega attendant rushed in, checked me, and went white.
46:34Fully dilated.
46:35The head's crowning.
46:36Hemorrhage.
46:36We need moonstone crystals.
46:37Healing rooms.
46:38Anything.
46:38Cassandra didn't even step into the room.
46:40Then let them die.
46:41It's just a girl.
46:44Completely useless.
46:46Alive.
46:47She's a waste of space.
46:49Dead.
46:50Changes nothing.
46:51She turned and walked away.
46:53The attendant tried.
46:54But I had no blood left.
46:55No strength.
46:56No wolf.
46:56My muscles wouldn't obey me.
46:58The baby was stuck in the birth canal.
47:00I could feel her heartbeat getting weaker.
47:02Slower fading.
47:03My vision went black.
47:04I am sorry, baby.
47:05Mommy tried.
47:06A deafening wolf howl tore through the night.
47:09The entire Blackwood territory shook.
47:11The protective wards flared violently across the walls.
47:14Then shattered.
47:15A booming blast rocked the building.
47:17Centuries of Blackwood enchantments.
47:19Destroyed in seconds.
47:21Moonlight flooded the room.
47:23In that silver light stood a massive man in tactical combat gear.
47:28He ripped off his helmet.
47:30Battle scarred face.
47:32Cold silver eyes.
47:33Eyes that had witnessed countless massacres and never flinched.
47:36But the moment they found me, they turned bloodshot.
47:39Garrett.
47:40My father's head better.
47:41The man who caught me every time I fell learning to walk.
47:44Who shifted into wolf form and slept beside my bed when I was afraid of the dark.
47:48Who stood at the very back of my wedding, silent, jaw locked, eyes red.
47:52Because he already knew.
47:54He crossed the room in one stride and dropped to one knee.
47:57The stone floor cracked under the impact.
47:59Princess.
48:01I am late.
48:03Behind him stood 12 heavily armored warriors.
48:05Silver eyes.
48:06Weapons drawn.
48:07The elite shadow fanguard.
48:09Blackwood guards lay unconscious in the hall.
48:11The Omega attendants screamed.
48:13This is Blackwood territory!
48:15Who are you?
48:16How did you get in?
48:16Garrett didn't look at her.
48:17He was already lifting me off the cot, one arm beneath my knees.
48:21The other cradling my head, as gently as if I were made of glass.
48:24Blackwood?
48:26Soon, there won't be a Blackwood.
48:29The shadow fang warriors moved with terrifying efficiency.
48:32From the moment the captain picked me up to the second,
48:34I was loaded into an armored pack ambulance waiting just outside the borders.
48:38Barely four minutes had passed.
48:40Four minutes I had bled in that dungeon for hours, begging for help and no one came.
48:44Shadow fang shattered the territory's defenses
48:46and extracted me in four minutes.
48:48Inside the medical transport, emergency moonstone arrays flared to life, bathing my body in pure silver light.
48:55Blood pressure critically low.
48:56Blood loss exceeds the lethal threshold by three times.
48:59Fetal distress is severe.
49:00Heart rate is under 60 and dropping.
49:03We must perform an emergency C-section right now, but her vitals can't handle surgery.
49:07Do it!
49:08The captain's roar rattled the walls of the ambulance.
49:11Every medic flinched.
49:12He gripped my hand, his knuckles white, veins bulging up his forearms.
49:16I'll take full responsibility.
49:18Cut her open!
49:19I squeezed his fingers back, using the absolute last shred of my strength.
49:24Garrett.
49:26Garrett.
49:27Save the baby.
49:28Save the baby first.
49:30Garrett, my father's headbeater.
49:32The man who had guarded me since the day I was born.
49:34When I was learning to walk and fell, he was the one who picked me up.
49:37When I was terrified of the dark, he shifted into his wolf form and slept beside my bed the entire
49:42night.
49:42On the day I got married, he stood at the very back of the crowd.
49:45Completely silent, his eyes red.
49:47Now he was kneeling beside my stretcher, his combat armor stained with blackwood blood,
49:52his silver eyes completely bloodshot.
49:54Princess, don't speak.
49:56Save your strength.
49:57His voice trembled, but he gritted out every word like a blood oath.
50:00The Alpha is on his way.
50:02He'll be here soon.
50:03You and the pup will be fine.
50:05I swear it on my life.
50:06Before he could finish, the moonstone array above the operating table violently flickered.
50:11The vital sign monitors erupted into a shrill, piercing, uninterrupted,
50:15scream.
50:17Cardiac arrest.
50:19The Luna's heart has stopped.
50:21Push the moonlight essence.
50:22Start the recitation Ronins.
50:24Fetal heart rate is plummeting.
50:2670, 50, 30.
50:28Scalpel now.
50:29The medics shoved Garrett out of the way.
50:31He stumbled back into the corner of the ambulance, clenching his fists so hard his claws tore through
50:36his own palms, blood dripping onto the metal floor.
50:39The surgeon sliced open my abdomen with a rune-carved scalpel.
50:42Silver energy flooded the incision, forcibly cauterizing the bleeding.
50:46They were draining the absolute limits of their healing stones just to keep my soul tethered
50:50to my body.
50:51Essence injected.
50:52Heartbeat is faint but back.
50:54Where's the pup?
50:55Found her!
50:56Extract!
50:57Pull her out!
50:58The umbilical cape is wrapped around her neck.
51:00Damn it!
51:01The wolfsbane choked off her oxygen in the womb for too long.
51:03She's out!
51:04She's out!
51:05They pulled a baby from my womb, but she didn't cry.
51:08In the final second, before the darkness swallowed me entirely, I forced my eyes open.
51:13My vision was a massive blur of blinding silver light.
51:16But I saw it.
51:17Through the haze, the doctor held a tiny blood-covered infant in his hands.
51:22She wasn't moving.
51:23She wasn't breathing.
51:24She didn't cry.
51:25The voices faded.
51:26Faded into an abyss of static.
51:28The last thing I heard was Garrett, a battle-hardened warrior in his forties, covered in 37 scars.
51:33A man who had ripped the throats out of hundreds of rogues, collapsing into the corner of the
51:37ambulance, and silently weeping.
51:39I woke up to the harsh smell of medical bleach, mixed with the crisp, ozone scent of moonstone
51:44crystals.
51:45The princess is awake!
51:47Someone shouted in relief.
51:49Several faces crowded my vision.
51:51Familiar faces.
51:53My father's personal elite guards.
51:55Uncles who had watched me grow up.
51:57Garrett stood closest to the bed.
51:58His jaw was clenched so tight a muscle ticked in his cheek.
52:02His eyes rimmed with red.
52:03Seeing me open my eyes, his lips parted, but no words came out.
52:07He just gave me one stiff, trembling nod.
52:10Where is she?
52:12A figure standing at the foot of my bed slowly turned around.
52:15My father.
52:16My father.
52:16The current alpha of the Shadowfang Pack.
52:18The absolute ruler of the oldest, most lethal werewolf bloodline on the North American continent.
52:23In the entire werewolf world.
52:25His name alone made other alphas bow their heads in submission.
52:28He was 54.
52:30His posture as straight as a spear.
52:32I had never seen him slouch.
52:34But right now, his hair was completely white.
52:36Overnight, he had gone totally gray.
52:38He walked over and sat on the edge of my bed.
52:41He took my hand in his.
52:42His hands were massive, calloused, scarred from decades of war.
52:45These hands had snapped the necks of his enemies and signed treaties that dictated the fates of millions of wolves.
52:51Right now, they were shaking.
52:53Selina.
52:53He choked on my name.
52:54He bowed his head.
52:55In my entire life, I had never seen this man bow his head.
52:59Not when facing the interrogations of the Seven Alpha Council.
53:02Not when executing traitors with his bare hands.
53:05Not even when he stood before my mother's grave for an entire night.
53:09But now, looking at me, he bowed his head.
53:12She's gone, isn't she?
53:15I looked at him, and I knew the answer.
53:17My father nodded.
53:19A single, scalding tear fell from his face onto the back of my hand.
53:23The hemorrhage, placental abtruction, the wolf bait in her bloodstream.
53:28She was deprived of oxygen for too long.
53:30The doctors did everything.
53:32The moonlight essence, the healing stones, the ancient bloodline resurrection rituals.
53:37We couldn't bring her back.
53:38The room fell dead silent.
53:40The only sound was the low, steady hum of the medical crystals.
53:43I closed my eyes.
53:45That tiny life that had lived inside me for nine months.
53:48The pup that kicked my ribs.
53:49The pup that made me run to the bathroom three times a night.
53:52The little wolf who would instantly calm down the second I rubbed my belly and whispered,
53:57Mommy's here, gone.
53:59Where is Dominic?
54:00My father lifted his head and wiped his face.
54:02Who?
54:03At the Blackwood Pack.
54:04By Vivian's side.
54:05She gave birth.
54:06A boy.
54:07Pure blood alpha lineage.
54:09The entire Blackwood Pack is throwing a massive celebration for their new heir.
54:13They held the moonlight recognition ceremony.
54:15The old alpha hosted it himself, right before he died.
54:18Not a single person thought of you.
54:20Not a single person asked if you were dead or alive.
54:23I laughed.
54:24My chest heaved as a broken hysterical laugh tore out of my throat.
54:28The mate bond was still pulsing faintly in my chest.
54:31I could feel Dominic's heartbeat.
54:33Steady.
54:34Joyful.
54:35Untroubled.
54:36He was smiling.
54:37He was celebrating.
54:38His fated mate had nearly bled to death in a dungeon and his daughter was a corpse.
54:43And he was celebrating.
54:45Good.
54:46That's good.
54:47My father tightened his grip on my hand.
54:49Selena.
54:50Come home with me.
54:51Blackwood Pack doesn't deserve you.
54:56Dad.
54:57I need you to do something for me.
55:00Anything.
55:01Perform a soul-severing ritual on me.
55:03My father froze.
55:05The soul-severing ritual.
55:06One of the darkest, most ancient forbidden arts of the Shadowfang bloodline.
55:10It artificially severed a mate bond.
55:12Forcing the other party to experience the exact physical sensation of their mate dying.
55:17The stopping of the heart.
55:18The shredding of the soul.
55:19The permanent snapping of the bond.
55:21To the person on the receiving end.
55:23It felt exactly like their mate had perished.
55:25You want him to think you're dead?
55:27Yes.
55:28The soul-severing ritual took place on the obsidian altar.
55:31Deep within the Shadowfang's ancestral lands.
55:33Midnight.
55:34A new moon.
55:35Pitch black.
55:36It was the only time we could deceive the moon goddess's gaze.
55:40I lay on the cold stone.
55:41Surrounded by four of our oldest priests.
55:44Their chanting was deep, guttural.
55:46Vibrating with the ancient, lost tongue of the first wolves.
55:49My chest pounded violently.
55:51It was done with the heart beat, eating inside me.
55:53Clear across a thousand miles.
55:55The high priest pressed his palm against my sternum.
55:58The runes flared blinding white.
56:00And then.
56:01An invisible silver spike was viciously ripped out of my heart.
56:04The mate bond is a tether woven into the soul.
56:07Severing it felt like two deeply intertwined trees being violently ripped apart by their roots.
56:12I clamped my teeth together, refusing to scream.
56:14In my mind's eye, I saw glowing golden threads.
56:17The physical manifestation of our bonds snapping one by one, turning into ash.
56:21When the final thread broke, my chest went completely hollow.
56:25A terrifying, absent emptiness.
56:27Like someone had reached into my ribcage and carved out my heart.
56:30Leaving nothing but a gaping void.
56:32The ritual was complete.
56:34From this second onward, in Dominic's mind and soul, I was dead.
56:37Meanwhile, a thousand miles away, in the heart of Blackwood Territory, Dominic stood proudly at the main altar, accepting the
56:44congratulatory toasts from his pack members.
56:46Without warning, it felt as if an invisible claw had just plunged into his chest and ripped it open.
56:52The bond snapped.
56:53He crashed to his knees.
56:55His hands desperately clawed at his own chest, his nails digging so deep into his own flesh that blood poured
57:00out over his shirt.
57:01A primal, guttural roar of pure agony exploded from his throat.
57:06Cassandra shoved through the panicked crowd.
57:09Brother! What's wrong?
57:12Dominic convulsed on the marble floor, his claws scraping sickeningly against the stone.
57:16Selina. She's dead.
57:19The bond just broke.
57:21She's dead.
57:22Cassandra's face drained of color for a split second, but only a second.
57:26Brother! Calm down!
57:27She was always going to-
57:29Get the fuck away from me!
57:30Dominic backhanded her so hard she went backward, crashing violently into the altar pillars.
57:35He scrambled to his feet, stumbling and sprinting wildly out of the temple.
57:40The dungeon was empty.
57:41There was nothing left but a massive coagulated pool of blood and a soaked pile of straw,
57:46and the rapidly fading scent of Selene lingering in the damp air.
57:49Dominic stood frozen in the center of the blood pool.
57:52He stood there for a very, very long time.
57:55Long enough for Cassandra to finally creep into the room and gingerly touch his arm.
58:02You locked her in here?
58:06I just told her to wait.
58:09Wait for what?
58:11Wait to die?
58:12Those were two lives!
58:14My mate!
58:15My pup!
58:16Cassandra took a step back.
58:18But she was having a girl!
58:19She was useless to the pack!
58:22The sharp crack of flesh meeting flesh echoed through the dungeon.
58:26Cassandra's head whipped to the side, a bright red handprint instantly welling up on her cheek.
58:31She clutched her face, staring at Dominic in total disbelief.
58:34Dominic glared at her.
58:35If I had been by her side, she wouldn't have died!
58:38If you hadn't taken all the medical supplies, she wouldn't have died!
58:43If I hadn't ordered them to inject her with Wolf Bay...
58:46He couldn't finish the sentence.
58:48Because the subject of that sentence was pre-syndrome, from start to finish, he made every single decision.
58:54Cassandra was just the executioner.
58:56The person who murdered Selene and their child was him.
58:58I spent the next few weeks recovering in the Shadowfang estate.
59:01My body healed agonizingly slowly.
59:03The Wolf's Bay residue severely crippled my cellular regeneration,
59:06and the pack doctor estimated it would take three months to completely purge it from my system.
59:11But I wasn't in a hurry.
59:12I had all the time in the world.
59:14My father ate with me and walked with me every day,
59:16treating me exactly like he did when I was a little girl.
59:19He never brought up the Blackwoods,
59:21but I knew his intelligence network never stopped spinning.
59:25Shadowfang's eyes and ears were buried in every major pack in North America.
59:28That was the terrifying power of an ancient bloodline.
59:32Every meeting, every decision.
59:33Every hushed conversation the Blackwoods had was transcribed and placed on my desk.
59:38Dominic had brought my corpse, a flawlessly forged illusion created by the soul-severing ritual back to the Blackwood Manor.
59:45He didn't place the casket in the main hall.
59:47It was shoved into a side morning room.
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