- 6 weeks ago
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00:00I feel like I've always been the joker in the family, the loud one, playing in the garden, playing football.
00:13This is Oscar's and Kasper's room, here's the naughty boy, here's the naughty boy.
00:19Life was much simpler when you're a child. You've got nothing to really worry about.
00:24A bag of money. When you start to grow older, your life is more, I guess, stressful.
00:32Take your hard work, Josh.
00:34Over the past 12 months, we've been making a special film with Josh Radford.
00:38Can you just sit up and talk to me?
00:40I never would have guessed I'd have, like, the problems I have now.
00:44It's hard to say, like, oh, I'm struggling.
00:47Throughout a very dramatic year...
00:50Josh's had a funny turn, absolutely fine one minute. Next we know, he says he can't breathe.
00:55It was just a straight up panic attack.
00:57Full of ups, downs, joys and fears.
01:00I don't know if I can do this.
01:02We've been with Josh every step of the way.
01:05I do wonder how come I'm having this.
01:09I'm really worried about him, so if I don't hear anything soon, I think I'm just going to drive up there myself.
01:14I guess I'm doing this to try and help other people.
01:17I do hope that me doing this does give people courage to also open up and ask someone for help, I guess.
01:26Are you okay, Josh?
01:29Yeah.
01:31Josh's film begins on a very special day.
01:46What's happening today, Phoebe?
01:48A birthday party.
01:50Yeah, whose birthday is it?
01:51Josh's.
01:52Yes.
01:53How old is it?
01:5418.
01:55Yeah, a big milestone.
01:56So, we're going to go get some...
01:58Parties.
01:59Two.
02:00As the last Radford to turn 18...
02:02One.
02:03Yeah.
02:04And then where's the number eight?
02:05Amy knows what it's all about.
02:06He's an adult now.
02:07Like, he's responsible for himself now.
02:09He can make his own choices.
02:11I want to get him to be at the first.
02:13He doesn't need his mum and dad.
02:15He can go out and just, like, do his own thing.
02:1818 is the age when anything seems possible.
02:21So, what would you like for your 18th, Phoebe?
02:23I would like to move to Paris.
02:25I'd like to read the newspaper.
02:27And I would like to get a new hairstyle.
02:30For the family, this birthday is significant in another way.
02:34Josh turning 18 means we've got more adults than children.
02:38Which is quite sad, isn't it?
02:40One, it feels like we're getting old.
02:42But two, like, where are our little children going?
02:45What are the balloons for?
02:48What does it say, eight and one?
02:5081.
02:51Who's 81?
02:52Thankfully, I'm not 81 yet.
02:55How old's Josh Archie?
02:5718.
02:58Well done.
02:59You get it?
03:00I wouldn't really say I feel like I've become an adult yet.
03:02I guess it takes more time for some people.
03:04I guess I just see 18 as, like, another birthday.
03:07I just don't feel like I've grown up yet.
03:09For his present, Noel and Sue are giving Josh what every 18-year-old boy craves most.
03:14It's a symbolic present, isn't it?
03:18You can learn to drive.
03:19You can vote.
03:20You can drink.
03:21You can do all these different things.
03:2218 is like a rite of passage, isn't it?
03:24We've got your ten lessons starting next week.
03:27Start driving?
03:28What, now?
03:29Yeah.
03:30How do I do that?
03:33I don't know if I can.
03:35I'd probably have to feel confident in actually being able to do it.
03:39It's just like a waste of money knowing that you're just going to fail.
03:42I'd rather wait a while.
03:44All of the other kids have been really, really desperate to learn to drive,
03:48but it was quite a shock when Josh said that that really wasn't what he wanted to do.
03:52What about the rest of your day, then?
03:54He doesn't want to drive.
03:56I'm not really too fussed about doing anything, to be honest.
03:59Or much else for that matter.
04:01Where is Josh?
04:02He didn't seem like he was in the mood for a party.
04:05Yeah.
04:06I don't think we actually have any plans today.
04:09Sue's concerned.
04:11Josh has always been the life and soul of the party, so to speak.
04:15He's always bright, bubbly, laugh-a-joker.
04:19That's just Josh.
04:20That's what he's like.
04:21So, him, not really wanting to socialise.
04:24That, for me, it's not Josh, really.
04:28That's definitely not what he's like.
04:30Noel has a different take on it.
04:32I think he's just a bit grumpy.
04:34My guess is he's been up half the night playing on his computer
04:37and he just doesn't want to go out.
04:41Myself and Josh are completely different people.
04:43He was a lot more lazy than what I was.
04:45I'm going out to work.
04:47He's just going to bed.
04:48And I'm thinking, this isn't right.
04:50You should be doing something with your life.
04:52You have three, five.
04:54Which one are you after?
04:55I've got four.
04:56Noel's not impressed with Josh's work ethic
04:59since he left school two years ago.
05:01I love Josh to bits, but I do get a little bit frustrated with Josh.
05:05He just needs, like, a kick up the backside.
05:08He's got no ambition.
05:09He doesn't know what he wants in life yet.
05:11Can you list things he's done since school?
05:14Well, there's an out.
05:16My routine's get up in the morning, come to work,
05:19go home, do the school run, come back to work,
05:22go home, do the school run.
05:24I knew what I wanted to do way before I left school,
05:28so I don't get it.
05:30Why does Josh not know?
05:32You do get a bit paid.
05:33You think, well, you know, get up and get a job and work.
05:36What, make an effort.
05:38You've got to do something.
05:40I just have a different work ethic to some people, I guess.
05:43What?
05:50It's 8am.
05:52And on most days, Josh Radford will still be in the land of nod.
05:56Should I go get my shoes on?
05:58Yeah.
05:59But not this morning.
06:00I'm taking Josh for an eye test because he's worried that his eyes are not alright.
06:06He just says that they go funny.
06:08I don't know.
06:09I don't know.
06:10I'm not really sure how to describe it.
06:12I don't see out of them as well as I used to, it feels like.
06:17The only explanation I had was, like, I'm in a dream.
06:22Hiya, Josh Radford for an eye test.
06:23Sue has done dozens of eye tests with the kids.
06:24Yeah.
06:25But none like the one today.
06:26Is there anything that's brought you in today specifically?
06:27I feel like my eyesight's changed from before.
06:28Do you get any other problems at all?
06:29Yeah, I've been having some headaches towards the back of my head.
06:31Josh's issues have been troubling him for a number of days.
06:36When he first came to us with his eyesight, he was stood in the bedroom nearly crying because
06:54he just, his eyesight was gone all funny and he just really felt like something serious
06:59he wasn't right.
07:00Are you struggling with a particular part of your vision?
07:02I'm not really sure what's actually wrong with them.
07:05It's like, like I'm going blind.
07:09When Josh said that he felt like he was actually going blind, that obviously as a parent really
07:14does worry him.
07:15Never ever seen him like that.
07:17He's not the sort of person that's ever been worried about his health in any way, shape or form.
07:22Can you still make all that bottom line?
07:25Nope.
07:26Josh is struggling to read anything.
07:30Nothing at all?
07:32No.
07:34Everything blacking out.
07:36Thought he got something really wrong with his, in his head.
07:40He was really, really, really scared.
07:44One more time.
07:45Josh's fears of going blind.
07:48So that's how your vision looks like with glasses on.
07:50Have a simple explanation.
07:52Is that a lot clearer?
07:54Yeah, I'd say it's the same.
07:56She basically said that he's got a stigmatism, which does make the eyesight seem a little bit different.
08:04So he's now got glasses.
08:06Front and back of the eyes look nice.
08:08But Josh is still not satisfied.
08:12I did need glasses in the end, but it was for something else, not for what I was, like, thinking.
08:22Just pop your head back for me, that plaid soldier.
08:26Okay.
08:28It's definitely not, not gone yet.
08:30It's, um, worse.
08:34To be honest.
08:36Tilly, you ready?
08:46Two weeks after he turned 18...
08:50I'm ready whenever you are.
08:52The family's finally gearing up to celebrate Josh's birthday.
08:56You ready, Amy?
08:58Why are you going?
09:00Go, Carty.
09:01It's what he wanted to do for his birthday.
09:02That's what he wanted.
09:04You two ready then, yeah?
09:06Right, good.
09:07This won't be the first time Josh has hit the racetrack.
09:10We were on holiday, didn't we?
09:11Yeah.
09:12And he absolutely loved it.
09:13And he got the bug for it.
09:14So he says, oh, I wouldn't mind doing this for my 18th.
09:17So we've booked it.
09:18And there's, there's the five, six of us going.
09:21As well as Josh and Dad, Ellie, Amy, James, Max and Tilly will all be competing for pole position.
09:27Well, we've got ten minutes and we need to go.
09:30Everyone's ready.
09:32Let's go.
09:33With one notable exception.
09:35Come on, Joshua.
09:37Come on.
09:38Put your spectacles on so you can see us.
09:41It's Amy, by the way.
09:42I know you can't see me.
09:43No way.
09:44Oh.
09:45Come on, Josh.
09:46Josh, you're going to get up?
09:51Hey?
09:52Come on, Josh.
09:53It'd be a good laugh.
09:54No.
09:55No.
09:56Why?
09:57I can't be bothered.
09:59Tired.
10:00It was for your birthday.
10:02It's what you wanted to do.
10:03Everyone's all ready to go.
10:04Why do you not want to go?
10:06I feel sick.
10:07I feel sick.
10:08You're saying you're tired and feel sick?
10:10Is that where it is?
10:12But can you just sit up and talk to me?
10:16Take your hard work, Josh.
10:18Last chance.
10:19He ain't coming, is he?
10:20He won't go.
10:21You know why he won't go?
10:22Because he wants to sleep in.
10:23Yeah, I know.
10:24It's epic, isn't it?
10:25Well, Josh is now saying that he doesn't want to go.
10:26He's not going to get out and talk to us, I don't think.
10:27I think what the most we're going to get out of him is, er, I don't want to go.
10:30And that'll be about it, really.
10:31Well, we're still going, even if he doesn't come.
10:36He's not booked and paid for.
10:38I know he would.
10:40Mum, I can do it, one hand.
10:41I'm getting a little bit angry, you know and hurt with Josh, because he sort of distanced himself from the family.
10:57He doesn't mingle with us, he doesn't do anything.
11:00He just sort of like plays on his game during the night and that's it.
11:08The go-karting treat goes ahead without the birthday boy.
11:12Everyone behind match.
11:14But Josh's absence has shocked his siblings.
11:17Definitely surprised me that Josh didn't end up going to his go-karting.
11:24You know, it's something he definitely enjoys.
11:27I think he's done it before and he talked so much about how much he loved it.
11:31Josh used to be like the kind of person that would go everywhere
11:35and just have a bunch of energy with him and he would light up the room.
11:39It's like he's become some whole other new person that's just not him at all.
11:45I do miss how outgoing Josh was because I used to try being outgoing to be like him
11:52but then he stopped and I kind of stopped with him.
11:55Because now he didn't really have friends over and he didn't really go outside much.
11:58So it just doesn't feel right to see him just not being that way
12:01because it's just not him.
12:03Josh has missed a great family day out.
12:06I crashed five seconds into it.
12:08He banged into me twice.
12:10No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.
12:12It's a shame he's not here, actually.
12:14I don't know about you, but it frustrates me.
12:17Nolan Sue are concerned.
12:19He's just a teenager that can't be bothered.
12:23Got into an unhealthy rut.
12:25I mean, I know that you think he's been a bit lazy and everything, Nolan.
12:28I get where you're coming from but I just feel like there's a bit more to it than that there.
12:32I mean, him having to go to the opticians and all because he thought he was going blind,
12:37it is quite extreme, that, isn't it?
12:40Not Josh at all.
12:42And I just feel like he didn't want to celebrate his birthday.
12:46He doesn't want to do anything, does he?
12:48He doesn't even want to go out with his mates anymore,
12:50which is definitely something that Josh was never like that.
12:54Why is that all that off? Why has he changed like that?
12:56It's definitely not like him, is it, really?
12:58No, not at all.
13:02No sooner are they home, then it's straight out again.
13:06Helps on!
13:07This time dragging along a reluctant Josh.
13:10What are we doing?
13:11Going to an outlet and then whatever you want to do.
13:16Can you remember the last time Josh came out with us as a family?
13:19Before that shopping trip?
13:20No, I can't.
13:21I love shopping, it's my second favourite thing to do in the world.
13:29Yeah, we know what your first favourite thing is.
13:32I know, holidays.
13:34Not everyone's as keen as Sue.
13:36I absolutely despise shopping.
13:38Where would you rather be right now?
13:40Playing football or in bed.
13:42I don't know what stuff I'd rather do, John.
13:46He's got to be able to stuff that bad.
13:49Still, at least Noel's got you away from your bedroom.
13:53I remember thinking how nice it was to be out with Josh.
13:56It seemed like an eternity since we've been out together.
13:59What are we doing?
14:00I don't know, I think we're going somewhere else.
14:02I'm tired.
14:03Tired?
14:04He hasn't done anything today.
14:05I don't know if he's had any chill day.
14:07I get stressed going primarily.
14:09It was obviously very, very busy.
14:13You know, we were in a very busy area.
14:16I'm not fully sure what happened.
14:19It was kind of just all the noise that was happening
14:22because obviously it's a shopping centre
14:24and there's loads of people talking, music out of nowhere.
14:30I just randomly felt it coming.
14:33It's just hit me.
14:34Josh came up to me and he just sort of said,
14:37Dad?
14:38Dad?
14:39Dad?
14:40And he said then his vision was old.
14:41He said, my vision's gone a bit weird.
14:43Dad?
14:44I couldn't really see.
14:46Tight chest.
14:47Feeling of not getting enough oxygen.
14:51My body was just telling me
14:53that it's probably best to just sit down.
15:00Bloody hell.
15:02We just sat him down, give him a drink.
15:09Josh really doesn't feel well.
15:11He's had a funny turn.
15:12Absolutely fine one minute.
15:13Next we know he says he can't breathe.
15:16I mean, it was just a straight up panic attack.
15:23You want him not out?
15:26Well, we're leaving the shopping centre,
15:27so we're just going to get out.
15:28We have just done if it's just a bit too much room.
15:30It's quite noisy in here.
15:31He felt really overwhelmed and he just wanted to just get out.
15:32It was a bit like fight or flight, isn't it?
15:33And he just wanted to just get out.
15:34A few minutes later, they've taken Josh outside.
15:35How are you feeling now, Josh?
15:36Has it passed, do you think?
15:37A little bit.
15:38I think I've gone.
15:39You feel like you're short of breath, don't you?
15:40Yep.
15:41Definitely say it's a fear I've never experienced before.
15:42Just got to say, I can breathe.
15:43You definitely can breathe, Josh.
15:44Soon as we got out of the shopping centre, I did want to take him to the doctors, but
15:45he said, no, they're not going to be able to breathe.
15:46I can breathe.
15:47I can breathe.
15:48You definitely can breathe, Josh.
15:49Soon as we got out of the shopping centre, I did want to take him to the doctors, but
15:50he said, no, they don't have to breathe.
15:51It's a bit like fight or flight.
15:52It's a bit like fight or flight, isn't it?
15:53And he just wanted to just get out.
15:54A few minutes later, they'd taken Josh outside.
15:55How are you feeling now, Josh?
15:56How are you feeling now, Josh?
15:57Has it passed, do you think?
15:58A little bit.
15:59It's a fear I've never experienced before.
16:01Just got to say to say, I can breathe.
16:04You definitely can breathe, Josh.
16:06Soon as we got out of the shopping centre, I did want to take him to the doctors, but
16:10he said no, that he was feeling absolutely fine and that he was all right.
16:15I was hoping that the meltdown was a one-off and the end of it.
16:20But unfortunately, it was just the beginning.
16:23I am knackered.
16:28A week later, I've been awake all night.
16:32Roommate James has witnessed it happening again.
16:35I was just sleeping.
16:37I ended up waking up at 3am, Josh walking around the room.
16:42He sat by the window for about 10 minutes and he's eventually come up to me just saying
16:52that he doesn't feel very right.
16:55He said he started to feel dizzy, faint.
16:58So I got mum.
16:59I could see the panic on his face.
17:01I just said, right, come on.
17:02Got dressed, got him in the car and took him up to hospital.
17:06I'm a little bit worried for him.
17:15Josh is still up at the hospital with Sue.
17:18The latest incident has particularly upset Noel.
17:21I've been in there all night.
17:22I've not heard anything.
17:23There's probably no phone signal up at the hospital.
17:26So, yeah, just waiting to hear back.
17:29Any update, really?
17:30I need to know what's going on.
17:36So, if I don't hear anything soon, I think I'm just going to drive up there myself and find Sue and find out what's going on with Josh.
17:45Because I'm really worried about him.
17:49Seven hours after being taken to hospital, Josh is home.
18:02Josh is absolutely fine.
18:03Everything's fine.
18:04All of his tests came back normal.
18:06So, nothing to worry about.
18:08The doctors are not worried about that at all.
18:10Last night's incident has left Josh shaken.
18:14It was just constantly really bad breathing.
18:18I didn't feel like I once had a breath.
18:23If James wasn't actually here when I had my panic attack, I don't even know where I'd be right now because I was definitely scared.
18:33You're just clinging on.
18:35You feel like you're dying, basically.
18:39Like, you don't know what to do.
18:42To show Noel what Josh was telling us, we asked him to watch our footage.
18:46It's upsetting to see Josh saying what he's saying.
18:49He's never said anything like this to us, how frightened he was.
18:53It has definitely impacted me.
18:56Thinking every day about my health, if it is okay.
19:00That was obviously very scary for him.
19:03And he thinks he's really ill.
19:05You know, there's something physically wrong with him.
19:08Which, you know, it's really scary, isn't it?
19:11You know?
19:12Constantly thinking about the future.
19:13I can't see me without this anymore.
19:16Or if you'll even be here in the future.
19:20So, I mean, you're just constantly thinking about those thoughts.
19:23So, it's not nice to see one of your children like that.
19:28I can't leave him on his own.
19:30But he needs to now understand how he's got to deal with it.
19:34Are you okay, Josh?
19:35Yeah.
19:36I still don't really know what is going on.
19:52I'm not really sure what it actually is.
19:55It's been a few months and Josh finally wants answers.
19:59I'd definitely say it would help to be told.
20:04He's finally agreed to visit his GP, but he's nervous about what he might find out.
20:09Me always worrying, like, every day if it is something, like, serious or anything like that.
20:18I am just hoping that I can get a diagnosis today.
20:22Today, Josh doesn't want to go alone.
20:26I definitely would prefer having my mum come with me.
20:30I feel like it would be a lot easier to go that way.
20:39Are you ready, Josh?
20:42When we were getting ready to go to the doctors,
20:44I could sense that he was getting himself a bit worked up
20:47and just feeling a bit agitated.
20:51He'll be okay.
20:55I'm with you.
21:04I had to do a lot of reassuring with Josh just to even get him out of the house,
21:08get him out of the door.
21:09I could tell that he was really struggling.
21:12How are you feeling now?
21:14It's definitely, say, a lot worse right now.
21:17I'm going.
21:18You are absolutely fine.
21:19There is nothing physically wrong.
21:21You don't believe it, do you?
21:22No.
21:23Your mind overtakes it, doesn't it?
21:25Yeah, I'm definitely worried.
21:27It being something about my house.
21:29I thought of, like, if it is something serious.
21:34On the way to the doctors, you know, I was just trying to keep him talking
21:37so that he wasn't, kind of, too thinking ahead of what could the problem be.
21:42So just trying to keep him chatting to take his mind off it.
21:53After 50 minutes, the appointment is over.
21:55How do you feel that that went, Josh?
21:58Do you feel better in yourself?
22:00Now there isn't anything physically wrong.
22:04But Josh still can't accept it.
22:07She never said it wasn't physical, but she said basically...
22:11She did, she did.
22:12She said there's nothing physically wrong and you've got to try and get that into your mind.
22:19Even though he'd had blood, everything, and it was all normal, Josh just would not have it.
22:25Keep telling yourself, no, I'm absolutely fine.
22:27When any of these thoughts come into your mind, you need to keep telling yourself,
22:30no, I'm absolutely fine.
22:32She explained it like your normal mind is here, but your overactive mind is up there.
22:37When he had that funny episode where he couldn't...
22:39where he thought he was going to go blind because his eyesight was a bit funny,
22:43she said, so that's classic overthinking, which is making him feel really anxious.
22:50Yeah.
22:52You know, you've got a long life ahead of you
22:54and you can't let that anxiety taking over your life,
22:59which at the minute is kind of what it's doing, isn't it?
23:02It definitely has taken over my life.
23:05There's just not really anything I can really do anymore.
23:12The anxiety I didn't expect to have,
23:15because I didn't even know what it was, really, or that it even existed.
23:21She did say that it's not something that you're going to recover from overnight.
23:26It might feel better after seeing her for, like, a few days,
23:28and then it might suddenly be like, oh, actually,
23:31I need more reassurance that there isn't anything wrong.
23:34Four weeks on, and Josh's situation has worsened.
23:48Josh, he's not really been doing very well.
23:50He's had a few minor ones here and there, but he's definitely started to change a little bit.
23:55He's getting more quiet, and he's not going out.
23:59Josh's anxiety is now stopping him from leaving the house.
24:04No, I've not been out.
24:07It's, like, hard to go out at all.
24:12When I go out, my anxiety does get a lot worse.
24:16The breathing becomes a lot worse.
24:20The feeling of you're going to have, like, a panic attack.
24:25I know that people say it's best to try and get yourself outside,
24:29but it's, like, out of my comfort zone now.
24:34My routine's mainly just sit inside and play my game.
24:38I can't really do anything I want to, to be honest.
24:44I do wonder sometimes why, like, kind of, like,
24:48how come I'm having this,
24:52and why I'm not, like, just do what, like, everybody else is doing.
24:59But, yeah, it's really frustrating.
25:02Spring turns into summer.
25:13But still, Josh is unable to leave his home.
25:23That was so sudden, that.
25:27I'll leave this world
25:29It's very controlling.
25:36It basically controlled my life.
25:44Being unable to leave the house
25:46has meant Josh missing out on everyday life.
25:50Family things, birthday parties, births,
25:54and he's just not been able to do anything.
25:56It's so frustrating.
25:57And as a mother, it really does break your heart.
26:00Solitude.
26:04Noel has been taking Josh's illness hard.
26:07Me, yeah, I do feel like I've let him down.
26:09You know, as his dad, as his parent,
26:12should I have been picking up on these things earlier?
26:15I should have been realising that something wasn't quite right,
26:18and it wasn't just Josh.
26:19It was something else that was, you know, in his head, perhaps,
26:22and I should have been able to detect these things.
26:25To try and understand what Josh is going through,
26:29a friend has recommended Noel travel to Carlisle.
26:32I've not been here for ages.
26:34To speak with Chris.
26:36Hey, Chris. How are you doing all right?
26:37Yeah, it's Noel. How are you doing Noel?
26:38Nice to meet you.
26:40Chris works at a men's mental health charity.
26:43Not spotting mental health is common, particularly for us oldies.
26:47Thinking back, it's quite weird, isn't it?
26:48We never thought about mental health.
26:51When I was younger, it was someone that was in a straitjacket,
26:54in that way it was perceived to be.
26:56Growing up, didn't even know there was such a thing.
26:57No.
26:58If anyone said that, you'd just, oh, shut up, get a grip and get on with it.
27:02And I think that's probably the same attitude I've had until recently.
27:05The way we were brought up and the way it was then.
27:07It wasn't something that was ever discussed.
27:08No.
27:09That's an attitude that we need to change.
27:11But really, there's a lot of people that have probably suffered with it years.
27:15And it wasn't reckoned out.
27:16Because there's nothing physical to see.
27:17No.
27:18I think my first thought with Josh was he's just...
27:20I don't know, I think he's just, he couldn't be bothered to go out.
27:22I always used to say, well, you're married to your computer more than anything than your mates.
27:25You know, you'd rather do that than go out and socialise and be with your mates.
27:29I just didn't realise there was more to it and there was something seriously wrong.
27:33I feel guilty of that, I just didn't see it coming.
27:35It's hard because young guys don't talk about that kind of thing.
27:39They don't like to show their emotions.
27:41And if you show that you're struggling with things, it's a weakness.
27:44And guys don't like to show weakness.
27:46It's important that guys do open up and get stuff off the chest
27:49because balling it up, that's when things get too much.
27:54Before Chris worked for his charity...
27:57That's Nicky on the wall.
27:59..he was a parent just like Noel.
28:01He takes after his dad, Nicky the Bricky.
28:03Is that where he was?
28:04Yeah.
28:05Was he a Bricky, yeah?
28:06Right?
28:07Love football.
28:08Exactly the same with Josh.
28:09I got involved because my son took his life at the age of 20.
28:13Nicky was struggling with his mental health.
28:16Just as he got into adult age, he found it hard to fit in.
28:20Sort of masked it.
28:21He didn't talk about his feelings to other people.
28:23You can only see what you can see and what we could see on my son
28:26was only what he wanted to show us.
28:28Do you find that helps people when they talk about it?
28:31Ah, yeah, 100%. It makes me feel better.
28:33Right.
28:34We always say, though, we never worry about the time we haven't had.
28:37We always enjoy the times we had, the 20 years.
28:40I think my main learning thing there is you never know how somebody's feeling.
28:46No matter what age they are, you know, teenagers, adults or whatever.
28:49It's hidden away from other people, but sometimes they're trying to hide it from themselves as well.
28:54It's something that's really difficult to pick up on unless they speak about it.
28:59You need to be told by that person that they're not feeling okay.
29:03And it's difficult to spot that otherwise.
29:06And Josh, maybe just at the minute, he's finding it a bit hard.
29:10I mean, when Noel first told me about Chris and his son Nicky, my first thought wasn't, I didn't think that Josh would ever do anything like that.
29:19But at the end of the day, with mental health, you just, you never know.
29:24So you're never going to take that chance. So Josh definitely does just need the help.
29:29To get Josh the help he needs, Sue has contacted Sarah, a clinical psychologist, who will try to help Josh overcome his issues.
29:37I see a range of clients with mental health difficulties, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, and that's quite common with young adults.
29:53Sarah's right. In fact, studies show that almost half of young adults experience similar feelings to Josh.
29:59Being overwhelmed, anxious or uncertain about the future is a normal part of becoming an adult.
30:05But I think young men in particular don't want to admit that they're struggling with their mental health.
30:13So are less likely to then seek help and more likely to bottle it up and pretend that nothing's wrong and just try and carry on regardless until it gets to a point where that's not doable anymore.
30:24And they become like Josh and it becomes really obvious how much they're struggling.
30:28For Josh, that struggle has got to breaking point.
30:31Josh!
30:32He's not been out of the house for over two months.
30:35I don't think a day has actually gone past where I haven't thought that you're never going to stop having panic attacks or like you're never going to stop having like serious anxiety problems.
30:46And I guess me thinking that way is kind of, I guess it makes it worse.
30:51Hi.
30:52Hi Sue.
30:53Hello.
30:54Lovely to meet you.
30:55I'm you.
30:56I'm Sarah.
30:58It's definitely frustrating dealing with these problems that come with it.
31:02It's kind of like something's always like out of my reach, I guess.
31:05And I'm always trying to get to it but it's always like just out of my reach.
31:12Hi Josh.
31:13Hi.
31:14Lovely to meet you.
31:15I've been asked to come along and see how I can help you because I believe you're struggling with leaving the house.
31:20Yeah.
31:21And with anxiety.
31:22So we can't get rid of anxiety completely.
31:24Okay.
31:25I'll say that right now.
31:26Okay.
31:27We need anxiety.
31:28It helps protect us.
31:29But right now it's controlling you.
31:31Yeah.
31:32So we want to change that.
31:33Therapy involves firstly getting to know exactly why you're struggling.
31:38Okay.
31:39Because I can offer you loads of new coping strategies.
31:42But often unless we understand why the difficulties have come about in the first place, those coping strategies, they might work for a bit.
31:50But then another year down the line the problems might come back again.
31:54Getting to the root cause of the problem is absolutely a priority.
31:57We need to understand the root cause so that someone can fully understand themselves and why the problems occurred in the first place.
32:03It's something that we absolutely have to do.
32:05And there might be lots of different things that have contributed to his difficulties.
32:09Sarah's first big challenge will be getting Josh to open up to her.
32:13Who do you want here with us?
32:16I don't know.
32:17It's whatever you feel comfortable with.
32:19You can keep going in and out.
32:21That might be better, mightn't it?
32:22Yeah.
32:23Okay.
32:24Awesome.
32:25I'll just be in the kitchen.
32:26Thank you very much.
32:27Cheers.
32:28How's it going with Josh?
32:30He's just talking to her in the living room.
32:32Oh, well, let's hope it goes okay.
32:38Sarah's consultations with Josh will be private and confidential.
32:42I would say that this is definitely over our heads because it's not something that we've ever dealt with in the past.
32:53I think part of being a parent is definitely knowing when you've done all that you can, you know, accepting that you definitely need outside help.
33:01Sarah believes that Josh's problems have been a long time in the making.
33:05He's stopped accessing life outside of the home.
33:09So he's not accessing any social life, any hobbies.
33:13He used to play football.
33:14He's not doing that anymore.
33:15He's not been able to access college like he wants to or any form of career.
33:20So, yeah, it's been massive.
33:22You all right?
33:23Yep, you all right.
33:24It's time to talk through with mum and dad.
33:27But in the past, I've been absolutely fine.
33:29What caused the change?
33:30So it might be like things have all bottled up and then something's triggered it to then feel overwhelming.
33:36And that might be subconscious.
33:38So it can be anything that causes that trigger.
33:40Getting to the root cause of Josh's anxiety and agoraphobia is going to take time.
33:47Josh is going to have to work really hard in therapy, working on all the strategies that he's got
33:52and with figuring out what the root causes are so that he can do well in the future.
33:58Do you feel like there's a positive future ahead?
34:01Well, I mean, I hope that there's a positive future ahead, but I'm not really sure, to be honest.
34:07You take care.
34:08OK.
34:10See you again soon.
34:11Cheers.
34:12Bye.
34:13I'm stuck in this hole and I guess it's kind of separating you from the actual real world.
34:20It stops me from being who I want to be or like doing stuff I want to do and the stuff outside the hole that you want to get to.
34:28It's all the stuff that you've never done before and you can't really get there because you're just trapped.
34:35I feel there's no way out of this.
34:38I feel like this isn't that hard.
34:39It can't be that hard.
34:40It's all the stuff that I need to do.
34:41I'm not actually trying to make sure.
34:42It's hard.
34:43I'm not actually trying to do all that.
34:44I'm not sure if I'm still trying to do it.
34:45It's hard for me to take.
34:46I'm not sure if I can't even stop.
34:47It's hard for me to have to be.
34:48Over many weeks, Josh has been working with clinical psychologist Sarah.
34:56Transition between school and the next stage of your life.
34:59What was that like?
35:00To try and uncover the root cause of his anxiety.
35:03Definitely stressful, yeah.
35:05I guess I didn't really know what to do.
35:08It takes a lot of detective work to get to the bottom of the root cause of the problems.
35:14Hi, Josh.
35:15And it's rarely one thing that's caused the difficulties.
35:19It's lots of contributing factors.
35:22Lots of pieces of the puzzle that we have to kind of join together to help figure out what's causing the difficulties.
35:27What triggers you to feel anxious?
35:29I'm in a car and somebody's driving.
35:31Yep.
35:31What don't you have in a car that you have when you're walking?
35:34You're not in as much control.
35:36Oh, yeah.
35:37Yeah?
35:37Especially if somebody else is driving in the car.
35:40Does that make sense?
35:41Yeah.
35:41It can be really hard for people to know what's caused the difficulties.
35:48A lot of it sometimes is in someone's subconscious, so they're not even aware of it.
35:53Unpeeling a problem takes time.
35:56How is that contributing to your anxiety, do you think?
35:59And it's inside the glory of one of my options in the future.
36:03And that then worries you?
36:05And you're about to be next?
36:06Yeah.
36:07Yeah.
36:07Okay.
36:08One particular issue has been spotted by Sarah.
36:12So I'm intrigued about this beard and this hair then, that we need to get you to the barber's.
36:16Would you go on your own?
36:17No.
36:18It's sitting there for like half an hour having my hair cut.
36:21It's because of the feeling trapped and like you can't escape.
36:24Well, maybe that's something we can add it to our list of things to work on.
36:28Yep.
36:29Josh's current appearance is symbolic of his difficulties of not being able to leave the house.
36:35He's not being able to access a barber's or a hairdresser's because that in itself, or even going in the car, is making him feel anxious.
36:43So as part of anxiety, what people often do is then avoid anything that makes them anxious.
36:51After many sessions, Sarah has made progress.
36:54I do think I know the contributing factors to the root cause of Josh's anxiety and agoraphobia.
37:00We still need to do some more work on that.
37:03And any of that that we do needs to stay between Josh and I for confidentiality reasons.
37:07Talking to the psychologist was probably the only time I really talked, like, in depth of how I'm feeling.
37:17It definitely is a relief.
37:19It's a load off my shoulders to just talk about my problems and get it out there, really.
37:27To measure Josh's progress...
37:29Is there anything that you want to ask?
37:33Sarah wants to see if he's ready for his biggest test yet.
37:36Like, what are we going to do when it's, like, too bad?
37:42We'll pause completely, do something different, whatever's going to keep you calm, and then we'll try again.
37:49It's something that we've worked towards, and we've had to do some steps before that.
37:54If it's completely undoable, then we can leave it.
37:58So, when we go outside, I'll get you to rate how anxious you're feeling out of ten.
38:06I'd definitely say I'm anxious on it.
38:09And I need you to remember to notice your breathing, your heart rate, if you start getting sweaty.
38:14Let me know.
38:16Can I just reassure you, you're in control of this.
38:19OK, so if at any point you want us to stop, you just, you tell me.
38:25The plan is to attempt to make it to the hairdressers, two miles away.
38:30Each time he does something that's anxiety-provoking and uses his strategies,
38:34his brain and his body are learning that he is safe,
38:38that he can do these things, that he can tolerate anxiety.
38:42But I think it's going to be tough.
38:46I am very nervous for him.
38:48The last time he came out with me in the car was a long time ago,
38:51and he didn't like it and went to turn around and come home.
38:54Even if he just gets there today, it's a massive step.
38:59I'm proud of you, Josh.
39:00Leaving the house, that would be a huge achievement.
39:06Josh is about to face his fears head-on.
39:12Are you OK?
39:14Yeah, I'm all right.
39:15We're going to do it, aren't we?
39:17Mm-hmm.
39:20Are we still feeling OK?
39:22Mm-hmm.
39:24They're telling me what's going on in your body.
39:27My head feels a little bit weird.
39:29Where do we think might trigger feeling like a little bit higher?
39:34The car happens more quicker.
39:37Even just the thought of travelling by car has been a problem for Josh.
39:44OK, so now that we're in the car, how are you feeling?
39:47I'd still say a three.
39:49Yeah?
39:49OK.
39:50Probably because I can see the house, but...
39:52OK.
39:56It was kind of bad last night.
39:57Probably didn't get to sleep till about four in the morning.
39:59So I'd definitely say I was very anxious last night.
40:05Are we nearly there?
40:11How are you feeling right now, that one stood outside?
40:14Like, I mean, as soon as I stood out of the car,
40:16it definitely went up probably like a four or five.
40:19OK, so we'll get walking
40:22and I want you to remember to focus on saying things like,
40:27I'm safe.
40:29Having made it through the car journey...
40:31Is that it?
40:32..the next hurdle is entering the barbers.
40:35Noticing you're starting to tap.
40:37Yeah, fidgeting.
40:38Fidgeting.
40:38OK.
40:40I don't know if I can do this.
40:42You're in control.
40:43Tell me if it starts to creep up too fast too quickly.
40:46And we'll pause, OK?
40:47OK, let's go in.
40:54His hands are sweaty.
40:55I'm definitely always worried
40:57about having anxiety and panic attacks all the time.
41:02I guess, in a way, it makes my anxiety worse.
41:11It can make my anxiety last longer.
41:14Are you doing amazing?
41:16Yeah.
41:18I guess the main thing that I'm thinking is, like,
41:21when am I going to go back?
41:22Yeah.
41:22Kind of thing.
41:23We want you to know that you are in control.
41:24Yeah.
41:25Yeah.
41:26Just me.
41:27He had a bit of a wobble outside, and this is often the case, though.
41:36Our brains tell us that things are going to be way more scary than they actually are.
41:40It just gets bigger and bigger and bigger in our heads, whereas, actually, just the action of doing it immediately teaches us that we're OK.
41:48See you.
41:48See you.
41:49Bye.
41:49Bye.
41:55You're doing amazing.
41:56Just hoping he gives you a good haircut now.
41:59No pressure.
42:00I'm pleasantly surprised at how calm he is. I was expecting him having to help control his anxiety a lot more than we're having to.
42:11Oh, my gosh. Look how long it is, Josh.
42:13It's not long.
42:14So, Josh, so far, is this as bad as you imagine it would be?
42:19It was outside because I didn't know what it was going to be like in here.
42:23Yeah.
42:23And I guess when I got in here, then I realised it was fine.
42:27Yeah.
42:27You think we're scary, aren't we?
42:30No.
42:31I definitely didn't expect it to go this well.
42:34He's doing awesome.
42:42It's going to look like a new man.
42:44Well, this has been an eye-opener for me, I must say.
42:48I never knew so much went into a man's.
42:51It's been months since his last haircut.
42:53Yeah, it's good.
42:54Perfect.
42:55But Josh has done it.
42:59You did it.
43:00How are you feeling?
43:02I'm feeling good.
43:03Yeah?
43:04Yeah.
43:04Well, I'm proud of you.
43:05I think you've done absolutely amazing.
43:07Cool as a cucumber.
43:09All that's left now is to see if the family recognise a Josh they haven't seen.
43:14for a long time.
43:15Hello.
43:16Oh, my God.
43:19We've got a new...
43:20Who are you?
43:20That's great.
43:21That's awesome.
43:22Long overdue, isn't it?
43:23Yeah, it was.
43:24It did awesome, yeah.
43:25It was awesome.
43:27You feel proud that you've been able to do it?
43:28Go on, get your hair cut and be all right?
43:31Yeah, definitely.
43:31Good.
43:32Well done, Josh.
43:33Josh's makeover has got everyone's approval.
43:36Now we can see his nose because his nose worked over.
43:43Josh knows this is just the beginning.
43:45There's still a long road ahead, but I do hope that this will be like a time in the future
43:51that I can just look back into and see, like, this is when I turn my life around, I guess.
43:59What do you think of it then?
44:01It's really good.
44:02It's definitely the first step, getting him back now.
44:04I do feel really good after doing that.
44:05I guess it's kind of shown me, like, what you're thinking.
44:08Your mind isn't actually always how it's going to play out.
44:12Talking about my problems definitely helps because thinking about it and talking, like,
44:16two different things because when you speak it, you kind of start to actually understand
44:21in a better way.
44:23Definitely, like, help realise that you're not just dealing with all of it on your own.
44:28If any of you out there are struggling, I encourage you seek out help because it can
44:33really make a difference.
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