- 4 weeks ago
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00:00Michael! Michael!
00:30Were they barbecuing last night? Who? Him! Next door, his girlfriend. His name's Michael and she's not his girlfriend.
00:51Right, well, whoever she is. Anyway, how do you know? I bumped into her at the shop. Kase says she's nice.
00:58Whatever. Right, they were barbecuing because I've smelled it. It was just a bonfire.
01:05There are calls on our drive. Right, they're chucking barbecue calls on our drive.
01:11What? Why? I've no idea why. Why would someone chuck barbecue calls?
01:18I've no idea what goes through that man's head, okay? It's some sort of game he's playing with me.
01:23He thinks he can get to me. You know, he thinks he can get under my skin.
01:28Who are you phoning? The council. Anti-social behaviour.
01:34It's only eight o'clock. There'll be no-one there.
01:38Right. I've got to go. Go and knock on for him and tell him to clean it up and take photos first, all right, for evidence.
01:46And then phone the council and report it. Anti-social behaviour. Yes, sir.
01:52I know we're older now and lost again. Down at the cul-de-sac you left, my friend. Will you come back, come back again?
02:20Will you come back, come back again? I put the kettle on the wise man song for you.
02:40Hi, Hilary. Okay, I'll come over.
02:44I took a needle and thread to make amends with you.
02:55Oh, hello, love. Thanks for ringing. Is he okay?
02:58I don't know, love. He's stressing about something, but I can't figure it out. I don't think he really knows. He's in his room.
03:04Cheers.
03:23Oh. Oh, it's you. They better not have called you. Did they call you?
03:28I've just come to see you like I always do. I told them not to disturb you.
03:35What's up, Dad? Hilary says you're getting stressed. Are you worried about something?
03:39It's all this tut, you know, crowning me in. I have to sort it out. I can't find anything.
03:45Okay, I can help you with that. Is there something that you're looking for?
03:48Yeah, well, what was it he said was lost? Something hidden.
03:52Sorry, who's this?
03:53Him. Him who came looking for something. A book. A bird book.
03:59Dad, you're getting in a state now. You're getting right confused.
04:02They're constantly getting at me. Asking me to find things.
04:05Okay, I'll tell you what. I can take some away today.
04:08Let's fill a box with stuff that you don't think you'll need and I'll keep it at my house till you need it again.
04:12No, you can throw it all away. I don't want any of it. It's all junk.
04:15Come on, Dad. Let's sort through some and we can take it from there.
04:21What you got there?
04:22It's my old pal Vic Whiffen. Passed away. Not many of us left now.
04:29Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. That's your friend from Canada.
04:32Yeah, yeah. I got a letter from him only a week ago.
04:36I was always going to go and visit him, but too late now.
04:42Did you just find this?
04:44Huh?
04:46Nothing.
04:48You say you had a letter from him last week?
04:50A couple of days ago.
04:52It's on the side there.
04:56He asked about you.
04:59Always asked about you.
05:02To his side there.
05:03Thank you, Valentine.
05:04Bye.
05:05Bye.
05:06Bye.
05:08Bye.
05:10Bye.
05:12Bye.
05:14I'm not a good friend.
05:16Bye.
05:17Bye.
05:18Bye.
05:19Let's go.
05:49Let's go.
06:19Let's go.
06:20Legend.
06:21Excuse me.
06:38Hello, love.
06:39Do you sell tit boxes?
06:42Tit boxes?
06:44Yes.
06:46Boxes for?
06:48Tits.
06:50Hmm.
06:54Blue tits?
06:56Like a nesting box?
06:58Yes.
06:59They'll be in the garden section if we have them.
07:05I'm sorry, it doesn't look like we do.
07:09Oh well.
07:10I tell you what, I might be able to help.
07:19Might it?
07:20Yeah, I think so.
07:22Can you come back in like an hour?
07:26Yeah, alright.
07:28I'll go do the rest of my shopping.
07:30Smashing?
07:31I'll see you back here.
07:33In an hour?
07:34That's it.
07:35All the nine pound hammer is a little too heavy.
07:45Maybe for my son, honey for my son.
07:49So roll on buddy, don't you roll so slow.
07:53How can I roll when the wheels won't go?
08:21Michael, what the hell?
08:28What the hell?
08:35What are you doing?
08:37Tit box.
08:38Customer wanted one.
08:40Michael, what's wrong with you?
08:42This is not...
08:43We don't...
08:45We don't sell something.
08:46We don't think...
08:47Oh here she comes.
08:48Hello madam.
08:49There you go.
08:50Oh that's lovely, thank you.
08:53Hello Gordon.
08:54Hello Mrs Stewart.
08:55How's your mum?
08:56Is she alright?
08:57She's well, thank you Mrs Stewart.
08:59How much is this?
09:05Um, it's on us Mrs Stewart, with our compliments.
09:10Thanks.
09:11Give my love to your mum.
09:12Bye love.
09:13Why didn't we come back to work yesterday?
09:14We?
09:15You.
09:16You said don't bother coming back?
09:17As a threat?
09:18As in, if you leave don't bother coming back because you're fired.
09:20An employer is not allowed to refuse an employee reasonable time off in order to deal with an unexpected event involving a dependent.
09:27Well...
09:28Because that would be unfair dismissal.
09:30And you would be guilty of unfair dismissal.
09:31And I would take you to court for unfair dismissal.
09:33Get this cleaned up.
09:34Get this cleaned up.
09:55Get this cleaned up.
09:56You're welcome here.
09:57You're welcome here.
09:58You're welcome.
09:59You look good.
10:00All right, yeah.
10:30Hey, listen to this.
10:31My dad got this letter from his friend in Canada.
10:33Right.
10:35Dear Brian, thank you for your last letter.
10:37All's well here across the pond,
10:39although the winter still goes on a bit.
10:44And then, how's your boy Michael?
10:48I'm always interested to hear what he's up to.
10:51Is he well?
10:52Did he ever find a new partner and settle down?
10:55Is he happy these days?
10:57I hope so.
10:58Blah, blah, blah.
11:00Your dear friend, Vic.
11:03So?
11:04Well, number one, I don't think I've ever met the bloke,
11:06so I don't know why he's so interested in what I'm up to.
11:08He's just being friendly.
11:10And number two, he died over a decade ago.
11:14Died?
11:15Passed away, dead, in 2009.
11:19And how old's the letter?
11:20Written two weeks ago.
11:25Canada?
11:26Yeah.
11:26And you're sure he's dead?
11:31I've seen the order of service from the funeral.
11:34I googled him, found his obituary.
11:36He's dead, all right.
11:37Weird.
11:39Can ghosts write letters?
11:40I know they can't lick stamps.
11:51All right, Michael?
11:53Hello, Brigham.
11:55Casey?
11:56Brigham.
11:58You were slagging her off yesterday, Gordon.
12:00Oh, yeah.
12:01And you didn't come back to work.
12:02Said he was going to fire you.
12:03Yeah?
12:05Not that bothered.
12:05What are they bothered about, getting fired?
12:09Not really.
12:10If I'm honest.
12:13No.
12:15You don't want to...
12:16Are you OK?
12:22You're so fired, mate.
12:24Why not?
12:27She's going to make me laugh.
12:29She's going to come to work on a long bike.
12:31I'm shit without you, eh, mate?
12:41Right.
12:42Erm, cheers, Brigham.
12:45Whatever.
12:45Go, Chef.
12:46Leave.
12:50Move.
12:53Ha.
12:57Let's go.
13:03Come on.
13:09Come on.
13:11Bye.
13:12Bye.
13:13Bye.
13:14Bye.
13:15Bye.
13:15It's Roy. Can you speak?
13:29Not really.
13:30I need to come over to the house with a surveyor.
13:34Why? When?
13:36You know why.
13:37When?
13:39When's convenient?
13:40None. No time.
13:41OK, well, I'm going to come now.
13:42Look, it's not...
13:44Hey. How do you do, Michael?
14:04Yeah, not bad.
14:05I was just wondering if you had an update on the hedge situation.
14:09Yeah. No. I'm sorry. I don't know.
14:13Well, I think the chaffinches might be gone by now, so...
14:16You had a bird book the other day.
14:20Yeah, the chaffinches.
14:21Where did you get it from?
14:24The book?
14:24Yes.
14:27Erm, I think it was my dad's.
14:29My dad's?
14:30No, my dad's.
14:31Did you go and see my dad?
14:34Your dad?
14:35Yes.
14:35At the nursing home.
14:38Your dad.
14:39And ask him for a bird book.
14:41You what?
14:42Sorry, I don't think I understand this conversation.
14:44Yes.
14:45It's confusing.
14:46Old enough.
14:58You are old enough.
15:06To know the way this is going.
15:22Walk me home the long way home.
15:34And go away.
15:39You're not going.
15:46I am looking in the evening.
15:53The hour of the earth.
15:56You're not going to live in the morning,
15:58you're not going to live in the morning.
16:01And the morning cry.
16:04It is pro.
16:07Or the steps over.
16:11Hello, Michael.
16:37I'm sorry, I'm not doing this to be a shit,
16:39but I'm desperate, mate.
16:42I'm bankrupt.
16:44It's been a long time coming
16:45and this house, it belongs to me.
16:48Sorry, who's that?
16:50She's a surveyor.
16:51I just wanted her to come and have a look around
16:53so we can figure out what needs to be done
16:56before people can start viewing the property.
17:01Nice to meet you, Michael.
17:04So, can we come in, please?
17:07Well, I've set some chairs up in the garden, actually.
17:09We've come to see the house, mate, not the garden.
17:11Well, you need to give me more time to tidy up and stuff.
17:14Hey, I need some more time to tidy up, Roy!
17:17Jesus Christ, what is all this shit?
17:20What, you stop piling?
17:21It's this way. Come through.
17:28Come through. It's this way.
17:29Oh, my God, look at this.
17:42It's Christmas, 1979.
17:44It's me, Mum, Claire.
17:47Yeah, would you like to come through?
17:48The Action Man helicopter.
17:51Mum thought it came with an Action Man.
17:53But it didn't.
18:02I never did get an Action Man.
18:05It's this way.
18:11What's that?
18:13Manure.
18:14Stinks.
18:19The house is going on the market in three weeks' time, Michael.
18:22Three weeks?
18:23Sorry, Michael.
18:25You've got no choice.
18:27It's going to happen.
18:28I'm sorry, I thought you were a surveyor.
18:30Solicitor.
18:31You said that she was a surveyor.
18:33Did I?
18:33I meant solicitor.
18:36Well, I'll need to talk to my solicitor.
18:38You don't have a solicitor.
18:39Then I shall get a solicitor.
18:41You should get one.
18:42I'm going to get a solicitor.
18:44It would be much easier if I had a lawyer to deal with.
18:47Easier?
18:48For who?
18:49For everyone, Michael.
18:50Christ, do not make this more difficult than it needs to be, please.
18:54And the house obviously needs to be cleared.
18:58What's in the boxes?
18:59I don't know.
19:00What do you mean, you don't know?
19:01I mean, I don't know.
19:02I don't know what's in the boxes.
19:04They're not mine.
19:04Well, whose are they, then?
19:05They're your sisters.
19:07They're clears.
19:08It's stock that she left behind in lock-ups when she went.
19:14Second-hand books, I think, mainly.
19:18Right, well, we can help you to get rid of them.
19:22Oh, get rid of them.
19:23To figure out what to do with them.
19:25So what else do you need to know?
19:41So much, mate.
19:44So much.
19:44Hiya, it's me.
19:55Do you want to come round?
19:58It's time.
19:59I think we should probably wear these two just to be on the safe side.
20:15No, mate.
20:16Look, whatever's supposed to have happened to them in their little shit pit
20:19has either happened or it hasn't, right?
20:21Me wearing a Dunelm dressing gown isn't going to change anything.
20:24Fair enough.
20:24Yeah.
20:30Right.
20:31I'm going in.
20:36Okay.
20:42Hello, Casey.
20:44Hiya, Bev.
20:44This is Clive, my husband.
20:46Clive, this is Casey.
20:47Oh, cool.
20:49How you doing, Casey?
20:50Has he got you slaving, has he?
20:51Slaving?
20:52No, mate.
20:53I'm just helping out.
20:54Oh, God.
20:55Probably can't say that nowadays.
20:57No, you can't.
20:58Oh, it's a minefield, isn't it?
21:00No, not really.
21:02What are you wearing that for?
21:03I don't want to get dirty, do I, Bev?
21:05You walleye.
21:06Right, I'll see you later, love.
21:07See ya.
21:08See you later, Casey.
21:11Why do you always do that?
21:13Do what?
21:14Pretend to be nice.
21:15What the hell is that supposed to mean?
21:17Well, I know you're going to say something fucking horrible about her now.
21:19Oh, I can't find them.
21:28What?
21:29They must have sunk into the ground.
21:31They should be right here.
21:32Oh, Casey, I nearly went under.
21:43Oh.
21:44Oh.
21:45What?
21:46What's going on?
21:47Where are they?
21:47I don't know.
21:48Just wait.
21:49Wait.
21:49Wait.
21:50Hold me arm.
21:51Yeah, I am.
21:54OK.
21:55OK, I've got them.
21:57Yeah, they've gone right under.
22:00Pull us out.
22:00We're going to have to rethink this.
22:16I can feel it.
22:17Is it the right way up?
22:20Yeah, I've got it by its neck.
22:22Right, give it a gentle pull.
22:26Here it comes.
22:28Gently.
22:30You got it?
22:43Yeah.
22:44OK, take her inside.
22:45I've got it.
22:58Oh, yeah, she comes.
23:06I've got it.
23:07OK.
23:08Hurry up!
23:24Alright!
23:25Now!
23:30Come on.
23:38I'll do that.
24:08They've grown.
24:14Have they reached the stage of whatever?
24:17The state of divination?
24:20I don't know.
24:22How do you find out?
24:24I have to ask them a question.
24:33Go on then.
24:35I don't know what to ask.
24:36Mate, you told me what you wanted to ask.
24:38Yeah, but we should ask them a test question first.
24:41You know, see if it works.
24:46So what can they answer questions on?
24:47Anything.
24:48The future, the past, anything.
24:53Okay.
24:55Okay, yeah.
24:58We'll use these, yeah?
24:59Pick a card and get it to tell us what it is.
25:02Okay.
25:03How will it tell us?
25:04Mate, I don't know.
25:05Go on.
25:06Ask it.
25:07Talk to it.
25:15Do you want to play cards?
25:18Yeah?
25:19Cards?
25:20Your Majesty.
25:21Oh, yeah.
25:22Sorry.
25:23Would you like to play cards, Your Majesty?
25:25Okay.
25:26Okay.
25:27Okay.
25:28Your Majesty, what card will I take from the top of the deck?
25:42Whoa!
25:43Oh, my God.
25:44The Four of Hearts?
25:45Oh, wait.
25:46Shuffle them again.
25:47Why?
25:48He's chosen.
25:49Yeah, but if he's predicting the future, you can shuffle them again.
25:53You can shuffle them as many times as you like.
25:55It won't make a difference.
26:03Once more.
26:14Holy shit!
26:15Okay.
26:16All right, Your Majesty.
26:18Again.
26:24Seven of diamonds?
26:32Well, I guess it works.
26:35Okay.
26:36Okay.
26:37So, we know that they can predict the future.
26:39What else can they do?
26:40Can they solve a crime?
26:41Tell you your deepest secret?
26:43I suppose so.
26:44What about someone else's secret?
26:45Yeah, I suppose.
26:47Your Majesty, I would like you to tell me when was the last time Michael cried?
26:52Whoa!
26:53Whoa!
26:54Hang on!
26:55Do you cry at Brokeback Mountain?
27:05Well, I mean, you know, it's a sad film.
27:08Brilliant.
27:09Okay, what else?
27:10What else can we ask?
27:11Are there any sports happening now?
27:13There must be somewhere in the world, right?
27:17Yes.
27:18Here.
27:19Copenhagen versus Skanderborg.
27:21Danish women's handball.
27:23There's like ten minutes left.
27:24Ten minutes left.
27:25Okay, okay.
27:26So, what do we ask?
27:27Your Majesty.
27:29Right now, Ajax, Copenhagen...
27:33It's Ajax.
27:35...are playing Skanderborg at home in Denmark.
27:39Can you tell me, will Copenhagen win?
27:45Okay.
27:46So, the other team, Skanderborg, are going to win.
27:50And what will the final score be?
27:5431-29.
27:57Okay, what's the score now?
27:5928 all.
28:00Cool.
28:01Cool.
28:03Vendt.
28:04Black, the two are Lungan.
28:06Yeah.
28:07To the other team ...
28:08The other team...
28:09You can target the home.
28:10Hey!
28:12Hello.
28:14And hereよろしく...
28:17Come here!
28:20Come here!
28:21Come here!
28:47Come here!
28:50Come here!
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