- 5 weeks ago
ob and Terry find their lifelong friendship beginning to change as Terry becomes involved with a new woman. Bob is dismayed, but his wife sees the opportunity to get Terry married off and put a wedge between the friends.
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00:00:23England 1943 the tide of war had turned
00:00:26The Axis forces fell in North Africa were defeated in Stalingrad and gave way in Italy
00:00:31While somewhere in war-torn Britain Mrs. Edith Collier capitulated to the advances of her husband
00:00:37Corporal Cyril Collier who flushed with the news from Tunis and Newcastle Brown Ale
00:00:42Wouldn't take no for an answer
00:00:44Cyril, at least wait till they're all clear
00:00:47What if we had to be rescued?
00:00:49I mean you could be so indignified
00:00:51Yes, Edith
00:00:54Go on, Edith
00:01:05The Blitz is playing havoc with our ceiling
00:01:11Meanwhile, not many miles away, Lance Bombardier Leslie Ferris of an anti-aircraft coastal command unit
00:01:17Was bidding a fond farewell
00:01:20Les!
00:01:21Come on, Alice, we are engaged
00:01:23Only since this morning
00:01:24But this is war
00:01:25I'm leaving tomorrow
00:01:26Only for cataract
00:01:28The bus might crash
00:01:30Well
00:01:32In war, I'm dearest, we must cling to every precious moment
00:01:35Like what the pigeon said at the regal last Friday
00:01:37Couldn't we at least turn the searchlight out?
00:01:41I wrote to war, Cyril, I said that's what we get for being drunk and careless and trying to take
00:01:46my mind off an air raid
00:01:47He was so close, it must have been the same air raid
00:01:51Bye, that Hitler's got a lot to answer for
00:01:54Oh, remember when we thought we had forever
00:01:58Didn't make you feel secure
00:02:00We used to think that we had forever
00:02:04Now I'm not so sure
00:02:07Dead-night dreamers, midnight skierers
00:02:11Pinstos on the road
00:02:15City of cowboys live for now
00:02:18Or I was gonna call him home
00:02:27Last bus call, Saturday night
00:02:30I'll walk you to your door
00:02:33Tell me your name, I'll never see you again
00:02:37But I'll love you forever more
00:02:41Cherubins, panty arcades
00:02:44Sad to be alone
00:02:47Isn't it grand?
00:02:49Holding hands in the backseat right home
00:02:54Oh, remember when you thought we had forever
00:02:57Didn't it make you feel secure?
00:03:01We used to think that we had forever
00:03:04Now we're not so much alone
00:03:07Daylight dreamers, midnight sleepers
00:03:11Winstrels on the run
00:03:14Seek how it was, live for now
00:03:17Tomorrow's never gonna come
00:03:26Tomorrow's never gonna come
00:03:28Tomorrow's never gonna come
00:03:32Tomorrow's never gonna come
00:03:35Tomorrow's never gonna come
00:03:58Now there's autograph on it
00:04:00You kicked it up there
00:04:01On purpose?
00:04:02It's only making a strong clearance
00:04:06Oh, look, one of us will have to go and fetch it
00:04:08Up that drainpipe?
00:04:10We did it often enough at their age
00:04:11Let one of them go then
00:04:12Tell me brother
00:04:13Shut up
00:04:14His brother's bigger than you
00:04:18I'll tell you what
00:04:19Fair's fair
00:04:23Which answer him?
00:04:25That one
00:04:27Rats
00:04:36Hello?
00:04:38Hello?
00:04:39Oh, hello Terry
00:04:40What?
00:04:43Sorry?
00:04:45Why?
00:04:47What roof?
00:05:13I've got to call me dinner's ready
00:05:15Oh, that's right
00:05:16You just piss off
00:05:17Don't give a second thought to him up there
00:05:18See you next Sunday
00:05:19Don't back on it
00:05:28Suicide, was it?
00:05:29Might be later
00:05:30When he gets home to the wife
00:05:49We've got better things to do with the main piers money, lad
00:05:52I'm sorry, I just lost my nerve
00:05:53Keeps your hands in, doesn't it?
00:05:54Better than spending all afternoon polishing your bell
00:05:57Never grow up some people
00:05:59Oh, well
00:06:25Move yourself, Ferris
00:06:27The hour of doom is at hand
00:06:41If Mrs Ferris called, Wendy
00:06:42Tell her I've gone to the North Road site
00:06:45All right, Bob
00:06:46Where in fact are you going?
00:06:48I'm going to the Fat Ox
00:06:50Middle of the day?
00:06:51Not just any day, Wendy
00:06:52Today's a very special day
00:06:54Tinge with poignancy and regret for things past
00:06:57How?
00:06:59They're pulling the Fat Ox down
00:07:01Funeral, you see?
00:07:02Yes, sir
00:07:02Old friend
00:07:03I'd just like to pay me last respects
00:07:05Well, I could have done with a bit of nudist
00:07:07I've only just heard, sir
00:07:08I'll just be adding a bit of me lunch, Apple
00:07:11Go on, then
00:07:12Thank you, Mr Chipchips
00:07:16Hey, dear, who's died?
00:07:17Pardon me, he's died
00:07:43What's the matter with you?
00:07:44I know how you feel, kiddo
00:07:45Oh, yes
00:07:47Worse for you than for me
00:07:48I only spent my childhood here
00:07:50You've lived here all your life
00:07:51It's taken that long to pull the bugger down
00:07:53It was condemned the year I was born
00:07:56My dad used to say
00:07:57We'll not be in here long
00:07:58Only temporary, he said
00:08:00That's why we never repaid for the front room
00:08:02You must feel some nostalgia, though
00:08:05These streets are ugly, but
00:08:07They have a kind of duty
00:08:08Working-class sentiment
00:08:10Is an indulgence of working-class people
00:08:12Who have cracked it through football or rock'n'roll
00:08:14Or people like you
00:08:16Who have moved out to the Elm Lodge housing estate
00:08:18At the earliest opportunity
00:08:19Well, I didn't want my kids brought up in these streets
00:08:31Joe
00:08:32Terry, Bob
00:08:33Joe
00:08:35Usual?
00:08:36Yes, please, the usual
00:08:37All right
00:08:38Is there anything left?
00:08:40There's one keg
00:08:41Well, it has to be drunk
00:08:43All right
00:08:44No, no, son
00:08:45It's on the house
00:08:45Oh, that's nice
00:08:46Isn't that nice?
00:08:47What a nice gesture
00:08:48The first time in 14 years
00:08:50I will
00:08:57Almost kept a good drop to Joe
00:08:59Here you are, lads
00:09:01There's a present for the two of you
00:09:02What is it?
00:09:03A dartboard
00:09:05Oh, Joe
00:09:07I know it's going to a good home
00:09:09It is
00:09:10When do these lads do the deed?
00:09:12When we're dry
00:09:26That's it, then
00:09:28Rest in peace
00:09:36I'll have the glasses back, lads
00:09:38Certainly, Joe
00:09:38You'll come and see us in the new one, won't you?
00:09:41Of course you will
00:09:42What's it like?
00:09:43Bloody sight better than this one
00:09:50Nobody cares
00:09:51Nobody really cares
00:09:53Nobody's moved by the occasion
00:09:54Russ residents are
00:09:55Moved to a high-rise
00:09:56Soulless concrete blocks
00:09:58What do you mean?
00:09:59It's got a modern kitchen, a lovely view and an inside lavatory
00:10:02These streets have poetry
00:10:03Oh, well, there's not much poetry at four in the morning
00:10:05Padding down the yard to a freezing outside bomb
00:10:07You missed my point, Terry
00:10:09You missed my point
00:10:10Where are you going?
00:10:11I'm going to get a memento from my old house
00:10:13A souvenir or something
00:10:15Hey, lad, keep away from there
00:10:17It's not safe
00:10:18Not safe?
00:10:20I was a baby when this street was bombed by the Germans
00:10:22It didn't worry me then
00:10:23And he's having to worry me now
00:10:34You told me you were a promotional and merchandising executive with a leading manufacturer
00:10:39So I am
00:10:39No, you're not
00:10:40You just drive this thing
00:10:41Well, it draws up at the library
00:10:43I've got a pick-down room
00:10:44You're in no fit state
00:10:45She'll know you've been with me and I'll get the blame
00:10:48Terry, she's expecting me
00:11:04Nobody cares, darling, nobody cares
00:11:06Shh, don't you shush me
00:11:08I've just seen my past bulldozed away
00:11:10Do you see this brick?
00:11:11Bob
00:11:11It's my house, darling
00:11:12It survived the blitz, but not the march of time
00:11:14You know what it means
00:11:16You understand, my love, don't you tell me?
00:11:18Oh, please
00:11:19It wasn't my fault, Thelma
00:11:21It wasn't my fault
00:11:23It wasn't my fault
00:11:24It wasn't my fault
00:11:48Terry?
00:11:49Oh, no, kidder
00:11:50I thought you played badminton Sunday
00:11:52Not this Sunday, Thelma's got bruised toes
00:11:54Oh, dear
00:11:54I dropped a brick
00:11:56You're always dropping bricks, you
00:11:57This one was on her foot in the library
00:12:01Want some coffee?
00:12:03I'll offer you a beer, but I've only got six cans
00:12:06No, thanks
00:12:10I had some news this week
00:12:12A divorce came through
00:12:14Really?
00:12:15How do you feel about it?
00:12:17Same as I felt about the street coming down
00:12:19There goes yesterday
00:12:22That street coming down really upset me
00:12:24Because it just reminded me how much of the past is gone
00:12:29It's different for you with your divorce, your new job, your flat
00:12:32Your changes are happening now
00:12:35My future's all bogged down
00:12:40Go on, you can have a beer if you like
00:12:43In the chocolate box of life, the top layer's already gone
00:12:48And someone's pinched the orange cream from the bottom
00:12:52Bloody hell
00:13:22Hey, get away!
00:13:23Get away from there
00:13:26Leave them wing mirrors alone
00:13:34Oh, God, the north face of the Iger again
00:13:37Does this lift never work?
00:13:38What else do you want to do on the top floor when it's broken down?
00:13:41Christine?
00:13:47Woo!
00:13:53How long will you folks be in Canada?
00:13:55I don't know
00:13:56Your dad's thinking of retiring there altogether
00:13:58He'll be back, he'll miss the pub and the match and the lads
00:14:00Not necessarily
00:14:02In his letter he said Canada would have been an eye-opener
00:14:05He said if he'd known he was going to live so long
00:14:06It had taken steps to get out of this place years ago
00:14:09It's a new era, kidder
00:14:11Obviously it's for you
00:14:13What'd you say?
00:14:15I've said it obviously is for you
00:14:19Your bathroom is full of female underwear
00:14:21And deodorant
00:14:23Is there something you want to tell me?
00:14:25Do you want me to loan you the fare to Denmark?
00:14:27The articles in question happen to belong to a certain young lady
00:14:30Oh, I see
00:14:32Are you, um...
00:14:33Certainly, no bother
00:14:35Of course, you always had an irresistible sexual magnetism
00:14:37True, but it's not just that
00:14:39What is it then? I'm dying to know
00:14:41Well, once I've got them up here
00:14:42Yes
00:14:43They're not going to risk leaving this dodgy area after dark, are they?
00:14:46And knowing you, there's no way you're going to escort them home
00:14:48Of course not
00:14:50Looking back, you know
00:14:51This is one stage in life I missed
00:14:53A flat on me own or with a mate
00:14:55I went straight from living with me mum to living with me wife
00:14:59I bypassed that period of sexual excess
00:15:01Which you're so happily indulging in now
00:15:03But you're a happily married man, Bob
00:15:05Oh, don't get me wrong
00:15:06That's one thing I don't regret
00:15:08I wouldn't swap that for your lifestyle for a minute
00:15:10I know you wouldn't
00:15:12Because what you've got is more than what I've got
00:15:15And I envy you for it
00:15:18You're lying
00:15:18So are you
00:15:19I know
00:15:30Bob?
00:15:36Bob, where are our wing mirrors?
00:15:38Oh, God, not again
00:15:39That's the last time I'm going round to Terry Colliers
00:15:42I just wish you meant that
00:15:44I don't see that much of him, Thelma
00:15:46Those days are over
00:15:48Lots of things are over
00:15:49What is the matter with you, Bob?
00:15:51You've been moping all week
00:15:53I'm sorry
00:15:53I'm going through a very depressed state recently
00:15:56I think maybe we should talk it through
00:15:58Oh, Pat, we've got so much to get done
00:16:00Look, let's talk about it later over a cup of tea
00:16:02It'll keep, won't it?
00:16:05Oh, it's not important, Thelma
00:16:07I'm only questioning the entire validity of my life
00:16:11I think I'm going through what the psychiatrist called an identity crisis
00:16:15Was that what Alan Pooley had?
00:16:16No, I think Alan just liked dressing up in women's clothes
00:16:20But you know who you are, Bob
00:16:21And you know where you're going
00:16:24Watch where you're going, Bob
00:16:25Sorry
00:16:32We all have moments like this, you know
00:16:35When we were engaged the first time
00:16:38There was a moment when I wanted to go off and work for UNICEF in Morocco
00:16:41She passed
00:16:43You chose me over Morocco
00:16:44I came to my senses, Bob
00:16:47My gain was UNICEF's loss
00:16:49Well, I've got each other
00:16:51I know, I know
00:16:52We lead a full and exciting life, don't we?
00:16:55Of course we do, Pat
00:16:56Good
00:16:58Now, I need a new dress
00:17:00But first I think we should go to the car wash
00:17:02And then to the dryer cleaners, right?
00:17:28No, sir
00:17:29No, no, I'm with my wife
00:17:38No, no, no, no, I need a new dress
00:17:45We give the law
00:17:55I look forward to it
00:17:55I think we should go into the dress
00:17:57In the服
00:17:58Let's talk about that
00:18:21I think I need a tent.
00:18:23Oh, I look for one.
00:18:27Hello, kiddo.
00:18:30What on earth are you doing here?
00:18:31On my way to the match.
00:18:32Is this a regular port of call on the way to the match?
00:18:34I just called in to see Chris.
00:18:36Who?
00:18:37Christina.
00:18:38Girl I'm knocking around with.
00:18:40Which one's she?
00:18:42I can't see her, actually.
00:18:44No.
00:18:45Don't mind, Rush.
00:18:46I've been here 20 minutes.
00:18:48I don't think I can take much more.
00:18:50I want every girl in this room.
00:18:54Oh, look at that.
00:19:00She's not.
00:19:02She's never yours.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04But she's beautiful.
00:19:08Cut it, Bob.
00:19:12That underwear in your bathroom.
00:19:15That hurts.
00:19:16Most of it.
00:19:21I'm with a customer.
00:19:22Oh, no, pet.
00:19:22I just popped in to say I'll see you in the swallow at 6 o'clock.
00:19:25Miss?
00:19:26Could you?
00:19:27Oh, I must go.
00:19:29Oh, no, Terry.
00:19:32Hello, Thelma.
00:19:33Pet.
00:19:35She's foreign.
00:19:39Finish.
00:19:41Finish.
00:19:42See you, kiddo.
00:19:48Well, do you like it, pet?
00:19:50I think it's perfect for Malcolm and Judy's party.
00:19:53And it's practical, too, you know.
00:19:55I mean, I could even wear it for Ian's wedding.
00:19:57And it isn't really expensive.
00:19:58Not when you consider how well-made it is.
00:20:01What do you think, Bob?
00:20:03Bob?
00:20:04What do you think, darling?
00:20:06I couldn't give a shit.
00:20:09Why?
00:20:10Something smells good.
00:20:12It needs another 10 minutes.
00:20:14Why don't you open the wine?
00:20:16Wine?
00:20:16I get you screw cock.
00:20:18Pardon?
00:20:24Who the hell is that?
00:20:26Perhaps the witness of Jehovah.
00:20:28Not after what I told him last time.
00:20:33Hello, Bob.
00:20:35Hello, kiddo.
00:20:37What's the matter with you?
00:20:38Lift's broken, isn't it?
00:20:40Where were you?
00:20:41Where was I what?
00:20:42We were supposed to meet in the Black Horse at 6 o'clock.
00:20:44Oh, were we?
00:20:45We have done every Tuesday night for years.
00:20:47Ah, well, I'm sorry, kiddo.
00:20:48Ah, it's all right.
00:20:49Get your shoes on.
00:20:50I thought we'd go and see Joe's new pub.
00:20:51Then go down to the club later.
00:20:53Well, the thing is, I wasn't intending going out tonight.
00:20:55What do you mean?
00:20:56We always go out Tuesday nights.
00:20:58Ah, well, Chris has got this meal, you see, and, er...
00:21:01Right, you know.
00:21:01Oh, I see.
00:21:02I see.
00:21:03I see.
00:21:05I'll wait, then.
00:21:06Well, it's not just that.
00:21:07We're having a night in.
00:21:09Night in?
00:21:11Oh, hello.
00:21:13This is Bob.
00:21:14Chris, you met briefly.
00:21:15Yes, of course.
00:21:15I meet your wife.
00:21:16Yes.
00:21:17Does Bob stay for dinner?
00:21:19Oh, I don't wish to impose.
00:21:20No, of course you don't.
00:21:22Anyway, there's only enough for two.
00:21:23Yes, well, I don't like leaving the car unattended.
00:21:26When you've got to go, you've got to go.
00:21:28It was nice to meet you again.
00:21:29You will say hello to your wife when you see her?
00:21:32Yes.
00:21:34Which will be sooner than I expected.
00:21:55Hello, darling.
00:21:58Hello.
00:21:59Hello.
00:21:59What are you doing home so early?
00:22:01This is my house, where I live, where I return at the end of the day.
00:22:04Well, not on Tuesday, Bob.
00:22:06It's a boy's night out.
00:22:07Is it so wrong to want to come home to see one's wife?
00:22:09Oh, darling.
00:22:13You know I go to badminton on Tuesday and have a meal afterwards with the girls.
00:22:18Have you eaten?
00:22:20I found a frozen lasagna in the fridge.
00:22:22It should be defrosted soon.
00:22:24But you're never home before one after a night out with Terry.
00:22:28I mean, what time did you get home?
00:22:30About ten past seven.
00:22:32Is Terry ill?
00:22:34No.
00:22:34He just wanted a quiet night in.
00:22:36A candlelit dinner for two.
00:22:39Really?
00:22:40Really.
00:22:41Terry preferred to be without Chris to boy's night out?
00:22:45Apparently.
00:22:48Mind you, I thought she seemed a very nice girl.
00:22:52Very friendly for a foreigner.
00:22:54We've never missed a Tuesday night in years.
00:22:57Apart from our honeymoon.
00:22:59She must have quite a hold on Terry.
00:23:02Probably at this very moment.
00:23:04Oh, Bob.
00:23:09Perhaps we could ask Terry and Chris round to the badminton club one evening.
00:23:21Oh, Terry.
00:23:23Oh, hello, Bob.
00:23:24Uh, Chris is working late, you see, so I was just, um...
00:23:28Yeah, me too.
00:23:29Quite enjoy shopping.
00:23:31I've never done it before.
00:23:32Hey.
00:23:33Do you know where I can find tarragon vinegar?
00:23:36Sauces and condiments.
00:23:37R13.
00:23:38Oh.
00:23:39Cheers.
00:23:40That's for tonight.
00:23:41Another candlelit supper for two.
00:23:43Oh, I'm sorry about that, kidder.
00:23:45She'd gone to a lot of trouble.
00:23:46Please.
00:23:46I don't mind.
00:23:48Give me good getting an early night.
00:23:49Me and old.
00:23:50Yes, you'll just know which side your bread's buttered.
00:23:52Butter.
00:23:53R9.
00:23:55Did you find the rip and wrap, Bob?
00:23:57Oh.
00:23:58Hello, Terry.
00:23:59Hello, Thelma.
00:24:00Pet.
00:24:01How are you?
00:24:02Very well.
00:24:03Thank you very much.
00:24:04How's Chris?
00:24:05Are you two...
00:24:06I mean, are things...
00:24:07Fine, thank you.
00:24:08She seems a very nice girl.
00:24:09I was just saying, wasn't I, Bob?
00:24:11What a nice girl she seems.
00:24:13Very friendly.
00:24:14Oh, well, she might not be so friendly if I don't get this lot back.
00:24:16It's nice to see you.
00:24:17So long, Bob.
00:24:22Well.
00:24:23Well what?
00:24:24What a transformation.
00:24:26It's quite obvious who's got the whip hand in that relationship.
00:24:29How do you mean?
00:24:30Oh, and you see the man spending his evening doing the shopping.
00:24:33Now, come along, Bob.
00:24:34Where's mango chutney?
00:24:35R7.
00:24:36Pickles and relishes.
00:24:39Have you seen much of the area, Chris?
00:24:41Has Terry been showing you around?
00:24:43I've shown you the brewery and the football ground.
00:24:48I've seen very little of England since I arrived.
00:24:51Well, people in the South don't realise how lucky we are up here.
00:24:55I mean, I know the city itself is a bit grimy,
00:24:57but outside we're surrounded by breathtaking grandeur, aren't we, Bob?
00:25:01What?
00:25:02Oh, breathtaking, yes.
00:25:04And for a young couple?
00:25:06Well, there's so many amenities.
00:25:09Bob and I are always saying what a full and exciting life will lead, aren't we, darling?
00:25:14Yes, we're always saying that.
00:25:16Hmm.
00:25:18Well, shall we have some coffee?
00:25:19Would you like me to give you a hand?
00:25:20No, no, no, no, no.
00:25:21You boys stay here.
00:25:23Chris and I will manage.
00:25:26Excuse us.
00:25:34She's a very nice girl, Chris.
00:25:37What?
00:25:37Oh, yeah.
00:25:38Curious that she's foreign, like your wife was.
00:25:42My wife was German.
00:25:44Chris is Finnish.
00:25:46There is a world of difference.
00:25:49Only the Baltic.
00:25:53Can't even though, bud.
00:25:54Can't you see what Thelma's up to?
00:25:55This is all part of a new strategy.
00:25:56What do you mean?
00:25:57Well, you're still a threat, aren't you?
00:25:59A link with my past and freedom.
00:26:01I'm very unsettled these days,
00:26:03so the best solution all around is to get you involved.
00:26:05Hitched up.
00:26:06Pigeon-holed like the rest of us.
00:26:07Filed at the end for marriage.
00:26:08Case closed.
00:26:09Look, mate, I've just come out of one tragic marriage.
00:26:12I'm not going to get hitched up again.
00:26:13But you're involved, aren't you?
00:26:15You behave very out of character.
00:26:17Normally, your attitude to women is very clear-cut.
00:26:19You're selfish, thoughtless,
00:26:21and a typical northern male chauvinist pig.
00:26:23That's what I do well.
00:26:25Well, you're losing your touch.
00:26:26I'm just trying to warn you.
00:26:28In the ensuing weeks,
00:26:29there'll be a succession of suggested activities
00:26:31involving the four of us.
00:26:32Bob, Bob, there's no need for you to get upset.
00:26:35There's nothing here that I can't handle.
00:26:38Promise?
00:26:39Honest.
00:26:40Good luck.
00:26:43We've just had the most wonderful idea.
00:26:46Why don't the four of us go away together
00:26:48for a long weekend?
00:26:50We could take my father's caravan.
00:26:53Teddy?
00:26:56Yes, well, it's a lovely thought, Thelma,
00:26:57but, you know, I've never been at home in the country.
00:27:00I've always had a deep mistrust of nature.
00:27:03But it would be so good for me
00:27:04to see something of England at last.
00:27:06We'll talk it over later, shall we?
00:27:19Here you are, pet.
00:27:21Where shall I...
00:27:21Now you go in the back, Christina.
00:27:23Now I'll go in the front.
00:27:24The weather forecast says scattered showers.
00:27:27My horoscope is ominous, as is yours.
00:27:29Ah, might not be too bad.
00:27:31I was relying on you to get us out of this.
00:27:33She can be very persuasive, that Chris.
00:27:35What did she use?
00:27:35Birch twigs?
00:27:37Listen, Bob.
00:27:38Sometimes in the chocolate box of life,
00:27:40it is necessary to give up the marzipan
00:27:42in order to keep the peppermint cream for yourself.
00:27:44Flirty hell.
00:28:01Anyone want a chico toffee?
00:28:03Not only, thanks.
00:28:04I must watch my figures.
00:28:05Oh.
00:28:05It's a figure worth watching, pet.
00:28:34Where do you want me to stop?
00:28:36Oh, er, somewhere scenic.
00:28:39Hmm?
00:28:47Not much for Chris, is it?
00:28:50I wanted to show her the glories of the English countryside.
00:28:53All you can see is other caravans.
00:28:56I can see a telegraph pull through here.
00:28:58And the bumper of a black Ford Zephyr.
00:29:00Look, it's not my fault.
00:29:01You've got to stop at the official sites or a lay-by.
00:29:03And there's nothing very scenic about a lay-by.
00:29:05Do you know, I'm sure the cutlery must be in this drawer,
00:29:07but I can't seem to get this one.
00:29:07Here, let me see.
00:29:09Oh!
00:29:09Sorry, Chris.
00:29:10Was that your fault?
00:29:11Careful, Bob.
00:29:12Bob, why don't we just get out of the girls' way, eh?
00:29:14Where are the crockeries?
00:29:18Why do not these two just get out of the way, I suppose,
00:29:20so then we can get on with a meal?
00:29:21Yes, we'll just go down to the local and, er...
00:29:23Bring back some wine.
00:29:25Oh, don't be too long.
00:29:26This veal princess only has to be heated up.
00:29:28Where are the crockeries?
00:29:29All right, then we'll get out of their way.
00:29:37There are the cutlery.
00:29:48Could have had another swift half.
00:29:49I'll better get back.
00:29:51You don't want your Thelma's veal Watson to get cold, do we?
00:29:53My God, you sound like me.
00:29:55Do I?
00:29:55Well, you're certainly not yourself.
00:29:56Well, I might as well get the weekend off on the right foot.
00:29:59Well, it'll be tough to see us back so soon.
00:30:06Hmm.
00:30:07It's perfect.
00:30:13Hey, Bob.
00:30:14What?
00:30:15Can you remember where our caravan was?
00:30:19I think I recognised that Volvo.
00:30:21We were near a Black Zephyr.
00:30:26There was a dog, an air down,
00:30:27standing outside the caravan next to ours.
00:30:29Do you think you'll still be there, rooted to the spot?
00:30:33Look, don't get gnarled with me, mate,
00:30:34just because you've lost our way.
00:30:35Listen, you're the ex-bloody boy scout.
00:30:38Can't you take a baron from the moon
00:30:39or find a spoo or something?
00:30:41Oh, I seem to have left my compass at home.
00:30:43How careless of me.
00:30:50Well, it's ruined.
00:30:52Well, it's completely ruined.
00:30:59Selma!
00:31:03Selma!
00:31:06Bob!
00:31:07Yes, darling?
00:31:08Where are you?
00:31:10I'm here!
00:31:22I would have liked so much to see the Holy Island.
00:31:26I'd like you to have seen it, Chris.
00:31:28Look, you can only get to it when the tide's out.
00:31:31Bob and I can't control the tide.
00:31:32If you and Bob had got up a little earlier,
00:31:34we'd have caught the tide.
00:31:35But then we'd have been cut off, marooned.
00:31:40I did so want you to see Holy Island.
00:31:43Oh, I didn't know you wanted to be marooned.
00:31:46I mean, if you said,
00:31:46let's go away and get marooned for the weekend,
00:31:48we could have made plans.
00:31:49Oh, don't be so childish, Bob.
00:31:51And why are we in this lane?
00:31:53It's not easy with a caravan behind you
00:31:55and no wing mirrors.
00:31:56They haven't gone again.
00:31:58When?
00:31:58When we picked up Terry and Chris.
00:32:00I said we shouldn't go out for coffee.
00:32:11What the hell?
00:32:18Here.
00:32:19You will need these.
00:32:20What for?
00:32:21We hike.
00:32:23We what?
00:32:25To see Roman Wall.
00:32:27I must see Roman Wall.
00:32:29Well, it's just a wall, woman.
00:32:31An old wall.
00:32:32There's no point in hiking across miles of desolate moor
00:32:34just for a glimpse of an old wall.
00:32:36Terry, so far I see nothing.
00:32:38We miss Holy Island because
00:32:40last night you two come home drunk as the skunks.
00:32:43We simply drank that wine
00:32:44to keep the chill out of our bones.
00:32:46Best way to keep chill out of bones
00:32:48is to hike.
00:33:00Hey, fancy being a Roman soldier
00:33:02and getting posted here.
00:33:03Must have been the worst posting
00:33:04in the Roman army.
00:33:07It's some poor centurion.
00:33:09Thinks he might get Carthage
00:33:10or sunny Sparta.
00:33:12He ends up with Northumbria.
00:33:15Nothing to do but rape and pillage.
00:33:18Though I don't suppose there's much rape up here.
00:33:20Too cold to drop your trousers.
00:33:22Bob.
00:33:22Only joke, only joke.
00:33:27Oh, where have they got to?
00:33:29We've got better things to do
00:33:31than sit here in this scruffy little cafe.
00:33:34Have we?
00:33:35I thought we might go see Hermiston Castle.
00:33:37Oh, God, not another draughty castle.
00:33:40You do realise Mary Queen of Scots stayed there?
00:33:43Must have frozen her knackers off.
00:33:49Hello.
00:33:50Oh, we were getting worried about you.
00:33:52Oh, it was so wonderful.
00:33:54We walked for miles.
00:33:55The air is so good for the complexion.
00:33:57You should see Terry.
00:33:58He has such colour in his cheeks.
00:34:02Yes.
00:34:30You do realise that was the master's spade, partner.
00:34:33So?
00:34:34It was a daft card, mate.
00:34:35You should have trumped in.
00:34:37I'll trump you in a minute.
00:34:38Don't get annoyed, Terry, if you want to learn.
00:34:40I don't want to learn.
00:34:42Not bridge.
00:34:42Why can't we play three-card brag or pontoon?
00:34:45It can be a great social asset, bridge.
00:34:59I've always had this fear of being on a slow boat to somewhere.
00:35:02One of those tramp steamers in the Indian Ocean.
00:35:05There's Ava Gardner, Wilfred Eyed White, me and a man in dark glasses with one arm who got on at
00:35:10Tangier.
00:35:12Four strangers thrown together by a whim of fate.
00:35:15And I was the only one who couldn't play bridge.
00:35:17I'd be an outcast.
00:35:19Spend my nights pacing the poop deck.
00:35:21Their laughter and jollity taunting me through the porthole.
00:35:25By the time we reach Madagascar, Ava would belong to the one-armed stranger.
00:35:32Bit of a blow, that.
00:35:34Finding the one you love in the arm of another.
00:35:45How did he shuffle?
00:35:47Pardon?
00:35:48How did he shuffle with only one arm?
00:35:51Well, I don't know, do I?
00:35:52Not being in the cabin with the others.
00:35:54So, two overticks doubled.
00:35:56That's 400 points to us.
00:35:59Sure deal, Bob.
00:36:00Yes, well, I have to pace the poop deck.
00:36:09I can hear that jollity through the porthole.
00:36:27I apologize.
00:36:29I'm so embarrassed.
00:36:30Please, it's the first time all night I've known what he's got in his hand.
00:36:55Help!
00:36:56Help!
00:36:59Help!
00:37:01Help!
00:37:02Help!
00:37:02Help!
00:37:02Help!
00:37:03Bob!
00:37:03Bob!
00:37:03Bob!
00:37:03I come here, man!
00:37:04Quickly!
00:37:05Easy now, Terry.
00:37:06If they sense you fear, they go for the throat.
00:37:09Get them off, big man!
00:37:10Go on!
00:37:11Hoi hoi!
00:37:12Move them on!
00:37:13Move them out!
00:37:13This is how Clint Eastwood started.
00:37:16Hoi hoi!
00:37:17Hoi!
00:37:19Hoi!
00:37:20I've almost had a deep mistrust of cows.
00:37:23Cows and snakes and grasshoppers.
00:37:25What are you doing anyhow in a field at dawn?
00:37:28Well, what do you think I'm doing?
00:37:29Picking mushrooms?
00:37:31Well, you wanted to come.
00:37:32You wanted to sample the delights of domestic bliss.
00:37:34In the chocolate box of life, you can't have your marzipan and eat it.
00:37:40Have you ever seen anybody change as much as that Chris?
00:37:44Aye, well, she does seem to be a bit the outdoor type.
00:37:46A bit?
00:37:47I come away with a sexy girl from a boutique and what do I end up with?
00:37:50She have a bloody tensing.
00:37:53She does exercises first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
00:37:57Oh, I thought that was you and her.
00:37:58No, no chance, mate.
00:38:00That was her doing her push-ups.
00:38:02It's gonna be another terrible day.
00:38:05I can barely walk.
00:38:06Just to go home and get into a hot bath.
00:38:09Why don't we?
00:38:10What?
00:38:11Go home.
00:38:12The girls are still asleep.
00:38:13Well, that's the point.
00:38:14We can just hitch up and head home.
00:38:16We can't do that.
00:38:18Can we?
00:38:39Don't slam the door.
00:38:40Don't slam the door.
00:38:59Oh, and I'll get some stick when they find out.
00:39:02When they get stick, at least we'll be in the warm for your garage.
00:39:13We'll be back in time for a drink.
00:39:15Watch the box this afternoon.
00:39:17Early to bed.
00:39:18That's what a weekend should be.
00:39:20Sports sleep, slippers and sex.
00:39:23Not necessarily in that order.
00:39:31Hey, look at that.
00:39:35Isn't that typical?
00:39:37The law of sod.
00:39:38You only see girly chikers when you've got a wife with you.
00:39:42Not bad either.
00:39:44Not bad at all.
00:39:49Mind you, my wife isn't really with me, is she?
00:39:53In tow, though.
00:39:55Still, out of sight, out of mind.
00:39:59Good thinking, Robert.
00:40:14Can we be of assistance, girls?
00:40:20Treat the toffee, girls.
00:40:21Oh, thank you.
00:40:25Where have you been?
00:40:26Edinburgh.
00:40:27Sandy's got an arm there.
00:40:28She's Sandy.
00:40:28I'm Glenys.
00:40:29I'm Bob.
00:40:30This is Terry.
00:40:31Terry.
00:40:32I envy you.
00:40:32It's what I'd like to do.
00:40:33On the road, just a blanket roll and a harmonica.
00:40:36Thumbing me way around the world.
00:40:38Me and all.
00:40:39You?
00:40:40Wouldn't you miss your sex and slippers?
00:40:44You're taking a bit of a chance, aren't you?
00:40:46How do you think?
00:40:47Hitchhiking.
00:40:48Letting a couple of fellas pick you up.
00:40:49I mean, we could be anybody.
00:40:51When you've been hitting as long as we have, you get to know the danger signals.
00:40:55Oh, don't we have any danger signals then?
00:40:58Not when you're telling a caravan.
00:41:00You don't know what we've got in the back of that caravan.
00:41:05For God's sake, don't tell them.
00:41:32For God's sake, don't tell them.
00:41:32Hello.
00:41:33I was up early.
00:41:35That's unusual.
00:41:36I must spend a penny.
00:41:40All I know is I've got to go.
00:41:42You've got to go.
00:41:53Bob!
00:41:56Bob!
00:42:10Well, I would if you wouldn't.
00:42:11Oh, I would, I would.
00:42:13Which one?
00:42:14Not fussy.
00:42:15Go on, go on.
00:42:16All right, then.
00:42:17Glenys.
00:42:18Fine.
00:42:21Which one's Glenys?
00:42:22The one behind you.
00:42:23Oh, I fancied her.
00:42:24All right, then.
00:42:25You have her.
00:42:25You have her.
00:42:26It's all academic, though, isn't it?
00:42:28Sorting out who's going to have Sandy and Glenys, and we've got the two girls asleep
00:42:30in the back.
00:42:32You'd better see how they are.
00:42:33Yeah.
00:42:34I want the stamps, mind.
00:42:35And the tropical tumbler.
00:42:41Thelma?
00:42:43Thelma, dearest?
00:42:44Terry?
00:42:45Terry, they've gone.
00:42:46Who's gone?
00:42:47Thelma and Chris.
00:42:48They've disappeared.
00:42:49Don't be daft.
00:42:51Can't disappear.
00:42:53The door's open.
00:42:53They've fallen out.
00:42:54They've fallen out.
00:42:56Ah, well, don't be greedy, lads.
00:42:57You've still got Sandy and Glenys.
00:43:11I got it.
00:43:12Where are you going?
00:43:13I got it.
00:43:14I got it.
00:43:15He ran up in the middle.
00:43:16He's in the zone.
00:43:18Are you going south?
00:43:19Yeah, I was.
00:43:20I wonder if you could help me.
00:43:22You see, I've got two young ladies here in trouble.
00:43:29you don't care do you
00:43:34it's a judgment on us for you picking up them hitchhikers me it was your idea
00:43:39i'll never forgive myself law will fall back i won't forgive him for this i've never been
00:43:45so embarrassed in all my life in front of all those people and the boys brigade
00:43:50that's thicker you'd never believe it to look at him would you
00:44:00it must have been that steep hill remember miles back i can't see how they could have slithered
00:44:04out of bed then out the door not both of them they could have rolled down that steep hill
00:44:09they'll be lying there bleeding and bruised on the hard shoulder there they are
00:44:31so
00:44:59go on
00:45:25alva that's everything darling i said that's everything
00:45:34oh don't unpack darling i'll take care of that
00:45:39then i want to do all those jobs i've been putting off for the last two years
00:45:43there's that window frame and the garden needs some attention
00:45:47oh look i know it's your father's caravan but you don't have to go on and on about it
00:45:51my insurance will cover that
00:45:55look i'm the one who's suffering i'm the one who'll go to court i'm the one who got the lump
00:45:59on the head remember who hasn't complained about blinding headaches and nausea and dizzy
00:46:04spells who might collapse in a couple of days with delayed shock and loss of vision
00:46:10oh
00:46:11oh shut up
00:46:23look there's no need for you to get upset it was my head that hit the windscreen i'm the one
00:46:27with the
00:46:28lump i learned much this weekend terry it has been how you say in english an eyesore for me
00:46:35opener what eye opener oh if you say so
00:46:42oh come on man it's not that drastic
00:46:45i think i understand you terry if it is better i'm not here
00:46:49you can call me
00:46:51chris i can't stand saying goodbye like this
00:46:55you really mean that
00:46:56yeah you finish packed and i'm going around the pub
00:47:17hey watch it
00:47:48oh
00:48:02i must go soon
00:48:04i don't want to be here when terry gets back
00:48:06it's good of you to talk to me chris
00:48:09i appreciate that
00:48:10and the wine
00:48:11and the ham sandwich
00:48:14what about selma
00:48:15do you not go home to her
00:48:16no i'm not getting breathalyzed on top of anything else
00:48:21oh
00:48:22oh you're so tired
00:48:23i put you up
00:48:26you've put up with me long enough
00:48:27no i not mean with
00:48:29i mean i up put you
00:48:32no no i don't want to put you out
00:48:34i'm not put out
00:48:35you are a nice person
00:48:36you come to bed and i put you up
00:48:41chris please
00:48:42is this wise
00:48:44two lonely people
00:48:45ships that pass in the night
00:48:46don't be silly
00:48:47i mean you sleep here
00:48:51oh
00:48:52should i ring selma
00:48:53yes yes perhaps you'd better
00:48:54what should i tell her
00:48:56tell her i left the money for the cleaning lady in my coronation mug
00:49:00oh
00:49:01is that all
00:49:02no
00:49:04tell her i tried
00:49:05god knows i tried
00:49:23oh i'm sorry
00:49:23hello mr collier
00:49:25this young marsha isn't it
00:49:27shouldn't you be in bed
00:49:28we'd rather be
00:49:29but me dad's in
00:49:30that's why we're in the lift
00:49:31yes well if you don't mind
00:49:33i just
00:49:33it's out of order
00:49:35to that
00:49:37yes well uh
00:49:38i need the exercise
00:50:04oh
00:50:05pet
00:50:06you stayed after all did you
00:50:09well
00:50:10i didn't make you
00:50:12just you remember that
00:50:13it was your decision
00:50:17still
00:50:19now you're here eh
00:50:25saw that young marsha from 14 billion in the lift
00:50:29ah she has now shut up
00:50:40ah she's a cold
00:50:46still
00:50:48you've got nice warm feet though but
00:50:53oh come on chris
00:50:56best part of having a row is making it up
00:51:04chris
00:51:07i want you
00:51:11i need you
00:51:16and i need you
00:51:18and i need you selma
00:51:18hey selma
00:51:19oh god
00:51:21oh my god
00:51:22oh
00:51:30hey get away from there you little buggers
00:51:32go on
00:51:40morning tommy
00:51:40morning tommy
00:51:41morning terry
00:51:41cancel the yoghurt
00:51:42oh dear
00:51:43madam's gone has she
00:51:44great so
00:51:44do you need both pints
00:51:46will you
00:51:46i got another house guest now
00:51:47where's the e-nose
00:51:49she's not as pretty as that last one is she
00:51:55you sleep all right
00:51:56no i didn't sleep a wink
00:51:58i had a very restless night
00:51:59did selma call
00:52:00no
00:52:01are you sure
00:52:02positive
00:52:03we haven't got a phone
00:52:16same sort of thing happened to me when i was married
00:52:18weekend away
00:52:19not in a caravan mind
00:52:20in a barge up the rhine
00:52:22down the rhine i can't remember which
00:52:24the same sort of problems came to light
00:52:26with the proximity you know
00:52:28habits of a lifetime being questioned by somebody else
00:52:31little things like smoking in bed or gargling the happy wanderer
00:52:36used to get on her nerves
00:52:37no more than i got on my nerves mind
00:52:40seeing her in her carmen rollers whistling the horse vessel
00:52:43i knew then it couldn't last
00:52:45how long had you been married when this happened
00:52:47two days we were on our honeymoon
00:52:50well perhaps you're just not meant to be a couple
00:52:52ah maybe it's a good job i found out at last
00:52:55hmm pity you had to find out the expense of my marriage
00:52:57oh well that's just one of life's bitter ironies bob
00:53:00i suffer a lot from those
00:53:08will you be back tonight
00:53:09i suppose so just depends
00:53:11sometime today i'll drive over and see selma
00:53:13i doubt it
00:53:14why
00:53:34hello terry hello um iris right chris is out to lunch
00:53:39oh she uh left a few things um
00:53:41would you give them to her
00:53:42oh of course
00:53:45i'm sorry like
00:53:46but you know what they say
00:53:48time's a great era
00:53:49aye so i've heard
00:53:52what are you doing tonight iris
00:54:13sorry marcia
00:54:34jerry
00:54:35jerry you in
00:54:38i brought some food in
00:54:44is there any beer in the house
00:54:47oh good
00:54:55i brought you a treat
00:55:01i'll put it in the oven
00:55:05morning kid
00:55:06extra pint
00:55:07no
00:55:18oh
00:55:18good morning
00:55:19morning
00:55:20any tea going isn't it
00:55:22sir if you want it
00:55:23look kid i'm sorry about that night
00:55:25so much for bouncing back
00:55:27who was she
00:55:29iris
00:55:29canny looking girl
00:55:31i didn't see her face
00:55:34i saw precious little over after you barged in
00:55:37did you have to take her home then
00:55:39well i put me slippers on and walked her to the bus stop
00:55:41hey my god
00:55:43what
00:55:43well as far as women are concerned you're hardly omar sharif are you
00:55:47if omar sharif lived in gateshead i doubt if he'd be omar sharif
00:56:01harris
00:56:02say it with flowers is it
00:56:15well have you spoken to bob no audrey well he came round when i was at work
00:56:20he left some money and no regretting life's bitter ironies and some mangled flower stalks
00:56:26oh well perhaps he was trying to be symbolic i mean i have no idea
00:56:29well the only thing that worries me thomas is that he's staying with my brother
00:56:32now that can't help
00:56:34in all fairness order it's not entirely terry's fault not this time
00:56:38bob's been a very strange lady
00:56:40i think he's going through a change of life
00:56:46well perhaps it's just something he has to get out of his system
00:56:49what
00:56:51look at the cost of mandarin oranges
00:56:55they've gone up three peas since last week
00:56:57well everything has
00:56:57i'm paying almost double what i used to for bob's yogurt
00:57:00well you won't have to this week love
00:57:02no
00:57:04oh i'm sorry selva
00:57:06oh it's it's all right i'm i'm just being silly
00:57:13i don't know what's the matter with you bob
00:57:15you're one of nature's married men
00:57:18marriage isn't like those commercials on television is it or
00:57:21why can't selma and i run hand in hand in slow motion
00:57:24through the long grass on the way to the gas showrooms
00:57:27ads aren't life bob they're make-believe
00:57:34oh marriage
00:57:35is it just too much to hope that one could have some magic in one's marriage
00:57:39some what
00:57:39magic
00:57:40well if it's magic or after we'll go around to selma's now
00:57:43lay her on the kitchen table and you can saw her in half
00:57:45oh terry
00:57:47there's nothing wrong with bob's marriage that your immigration wouldn't put right
00:57:50it's not me it's him
00:57:53mind you i know how he feels
00:57:55one day a little voice inside says
00:57:57maybe there's more to life than this
00:57:58and something snaps
00:57:59that's what's happened to bob it happened to the reverend jeffcock look at
00:58:03him
00:58:03years of devoted service and suddenly he runs off with a petrol pump attendant
00:58:07took all that green shield stamps and bought a catamaran
00:58:10well we all feel restless at times but we just have to accept our
00:58:14responsibilities
00:58:18cogan didn't he was in his 40s when he just jacked it in and went off to some island to
00:58:22paint primitive
00:58:22nudes oh well he was off his rocker wasn't he i mean he cut his ear off that was van
00:58:27gogh
00:58:28well there you are there's another one
00:58:36thalma audrey
00:58:39thalma i've just had bob round here
00:58:42abject pet
00:58:46look thalma i know it's none of my business but one of you's got to make a move
00:58:51despite what they say a marriage is worth fighting for
00:58:55i'll clear up love don't worry
00:58:57oh go back to sleep you drunken pig
00:59:05we're ever so near the house let's go and see thalma
00:59:08if you think it'll do any good
00:59:09i do
00:59:11i think i'm learning about myself
00:59:13i don't know what i want
00:59:15but i want her to be part of it
00:59:18i think
00:59:21mind you what the house is going to take going off to some primitive island while you paint nudes
00:59:51ah
00:59:53what's up
00:59:57well
00:59:59ah
01:00:01what's up
01:00:09i saw
01:00:15what's up
01:00:16what's up
01:00:44Terry! Terry!
01:00:46What?
01:00:47Thelma's been out all night.
01:00:48What?
01:00:49She's been out all night.
01:00:50Who?
01:00:51Thelma, you fool.
01:00:51She's not here.
01:00:52Don't you realize what that means?
01:00:55Yes.
01:00:56She's been out all night.
01:01:08Resume yogurt.
01:01:09On a day like today, all my troubles seem to float away.
01:01:16On a lovely day like today, I'm so happy to be in love.
01:01:29On a lovely day like today...
01:01:31Not funny.
01:01:32What?
01:01:33Your choice of music, not funny at all.
01:01:35It's not for your benefit, mate.
01:01:36It's for the ladies of the Elm Lodge housing estate.
01:01:39One of which is my wife.
01:01:41Only she's proved that she's no lady.
01:01:43Maybe it's perfect, Niels.
01:01:45Maybe she was playing in a tournament at the Badminton Club.
01:01:49Till seven in the morning?
01:01:52Could have been a tiebreaker.
01:01:55Nobody cares.
01:02:09Well.
01:02:10Well.
01:02:10Don't you well me.
01:02:11I'll well you as much as I like.
01:02:13It's quite obvious where you two were last night.
01:02:15Never mind about that.
01:02:16Where were you last night?
01:02:17I know now what all your restlessness is about.
01:02:19I can say it in three letters.
01:02:21S-E-X.
01:02:22You must think I was born yesterday, Bob.
01:02:24The makers of Extra Light invite you to a demonstration showing the powerful prowess of their new improved washing powder.
01:02:33Into the hot.
01:02:34Into the cold.
01:02:36Into the light.
01:02:36Shining bright.
01:02:38Up to your nose.
01:02:39Fresh as a rose.
01:02:40Do you mind, Terry?
01:02:41We'd just like to be alone for a few moments.
01:02:42Things have to be said.
01:02:43Certainly.
01:02:43Be my guest.
01:02:44Hello, Thelma.
01:02:45Pet.
01:02:47I don't know why you brought me in here.
01:02:49What I have to say to you won't take long.
01:02:51I merely think we should discuss things in private.
01:02:52Let's not exhibit our domestic tantrums to the entire Elm Lodge housing estate.
01:02:56I'm not having a tantrum.
01:02:57I'm perfectly calm.
01:02:59You often are when in shock.
01:03:00It's me the one's in shock.
01:03:01Where were you all last night?
01:03:03And don't tell me at your mother's because I know they're in London for the building installation.
01:03:06Uh, Bob.
01:03:06Get out.
01:03:07But, um...
01:03:07Get out!
01:03:08Answer it yourself.
01:03:10You haven't answered my question.
01:03:12But you haven't answered my question.
01:03:13What was your question?
01:03:15Where were you last night?
01:03:16That was my question.
01:03:17You were not home last night.
01:03:19You were out all night.
01:03:21As were you.
01:03:23It's so easy for you.
01:03:24It's the answer to all your problems.
01:03:26Look up the lads and go on the pull.
01:03:28Isn't that the expression?
01:03:29Well, a woman can't do that.
01:03:31Just go out and pick out something she fancies for a casual night of shame.
01:03:34Well, not this woman, anyway.
01:03:35This woman's foolish enough to want to keep her love for us, but...
01:03:39Oh, bollocks!
01:03:41Hey!
01:03:43Get this...
01:03:46Go back and joke it back!
01:03:48You don't deserve a...
01:03:49Oh shit!
01:03:53Go back and joke it back!
01:03:55You don't deserve a...
01:04:21I know it's slightly academic now but that was the biggest
01:04:26turnout we ever had is that the only aspect of this ghastly affair you can think about your
01:04:30bloody extra light sales I lost my job you know thanks to radio free ferris oh yes I'm sorry
01:04:36you lost your job I lost my direction in life so have I it's not so bad for you though
01:04:42oh yes it is
01:04:43why do you always assume the exclusive right to be miserable you're so selfish you anything I'm
01:04:50entitled to wallow in self-pity for a change I'm sorry I was thoughtless of them well I don't know
01:04:58if this is the answer running away maybe I should take our Audrey's advice and emigrate in the meantime
01:05:03at least you can console yourself with a succession of irises in your high-rise haven those days are
01:05:08over kid why folks are back next Tuesday well where am I gonna go I can't go back to Thelma's
01:05:15not now well go to your mother's oh she's let my room to that Zambian dentist if she kicks him
01:05:21out
01:05:21he'll have her in front of the race relations board
01:05:29I have the feeling that we're the last two men on earth
01:05:33shall we go on the beach it's too cold
01:05:37have you got the pictures cinemas closed it's winning it
01:05:43how about the ice rink it doesn't open till Easter
01:05:48well there's a church hall back there senior citizens are having to bring him by
01:05:53something to keep up on the sleeve
01:06:05we used to have great times here when we were kids
01:06:09aye standing on the waltzer
01:06:10iron up all the talent from the coach trips
01:06:12we had no bother did we
01:06:13not much
01:06:15didn't have to take them out to dinner either to get our evil way
01:06:18candy floss was enough
01:06:20you don't offer them much more now
01:06:24oh there must be some spare here even in the winter
01:06:29I know let's go to boots the chemists
01:06:31why lots of girls work there
01:06:33no point it's only closing day
01:06:53how about that one
01:06:55doesn't look too bad
01:07:04this'll do
01:07:04why don't we just go home
01:07:06we're on holiday man
01:07:07don't worry we'll have a bath and then get out tonight
01:07:10where will we go
01:07:11we've seen enough of this place to know this ought all to do
01:07:13let's go home
01:07:14what possible attraction could this place offer us
01:07:16can I help you
01:07:18we're just wondering have you any vacancies
01:07:22my god you steamed in fast enough
01:07:25have you got a room
01:07:26my name's Bob
01:07:27what time do you finish
01:07:28would you like to show a lonely stranger around the town
01:07:31I still know how to do it
01:07:33all those years of training on the waltzer
01:07:35and what am I supposed to do
01:07:37sit here till you get back
01:07:38all shagged out and guilt ridden
01:07:40cause you will be
01:07:41I know you
01:07:45god you're a bad loser
01:07:46it's not that
01:07:47you're a married man Bob
01:07:49adultery won't suit you
01:07:50you won't be able to sleep
01:07:52and your hay fever will come back
01:07:53Thelma has assumed that I'm having illicit nookie
01:07:55so I may as well have it
01:07:58you might at least have asked if she had a friend
01:08:00don't wait up pet
01:08:01you dirty rotten filthy
01:08:06lucky swine
01:08:14what's the matter you've forgotten your packet of
01:08:16thread
01:08:18I beg your pardon
01:08:19I'm sorry I thought you were
01:08:22I brought you some towels
01:08:29I'm Laura Windsor
01:08:30I believe you've met my daughter Dawn
01:08:33oh I see
01:08:34yes
01:08:35Terry Collier
01:08:39shall I turn down your bed
01:08:41feel free
01:08:49I can't get it off
01:08:50pardon
01:08:51I can't get it off
01:08:53will you do it for me
01:08:54sure
01:08:57alright
01:08:59they do save lives
01:09:00seatbelts
01:09:06perhaps I should have kept the safety belt on
01:09:08you're quite safe in my hands
01:09:11I'll bet
01:09:17let's go inside
01:09:18what about you ma'am
01:09:19we mustn't make a noise
01:09:21must we
01:09:32up
01:09:33yes
01:09:33I
01:09:34I
01:09:34I
01:09:35I
01:09:35I
01:09:35I
01:09:51I
01:09:51I
01:09:51II
01:09:51Do you want me? Yes. Yes.
01:10:13What's the matter? Oh, have you got a coat hanger?
01:10:33I'm not going to be a coat hanger.
01:10:38You can't stay all night because if my mother finds you she'll kill me.
01:10:39I'm not going to be a coat hanger.
01:10:46You can't stay all night because if my mother finds you she'll kill me.
01:10:54Are you nearly ready?
01:10:55I'm not going to be a coat hanger.
01:11:22I'm not going to be a coat hanger.
01:11:23I'm not going to be a coat hanger.
01:11:24I'm not going to be a coat hanger.
01:11:26You opened this door at once.
01:11:29Oh!
01:11:30Be ashamed of yourself at your age.
01:11:32Oh!
01:11:45Oh!
01:11:47I'm sorry, Pet.
01:11:48But ever since that business with the cosmetics, Rhett, I...
01:11:51What sort of a girl do you think I have, mother?
01:11:53I've said I'm sorry, Pett. I worry. At your age. Night-night.
01:12:12Oh, it's such a worry when they're that age. And in these permissive days.
01:12:17And I'm the one that has to worry about her moral welfare.
01:12:21Can't be easy. I thought she had that friend of yours in her room.
01:12:24She didn't? No, no.
01:12:27You didn't then? Pardon?
01:12:28No, no, no. I was just saying, you've got no worries with him.
01:12:31You, on the other hand. Jumping Jack Flash.
01:12:35You can trust me with your daughter.
01:12:37Don't be daft. You're only here so I can keep an eye on you.
01:12:44Romeo. Romeo. Where are you now, Romeo?
01:12:47I'm here. In the bloody flower bed.
01:12:50I'll let you in the front in a minute.
01:12:53I'm here.
01:13:14Mum?
01:13:19Mother, who's in there?
01:13:20Don't be silly, Dawn.
01:13:22Go to bed.
01:13:23Why is this door locked then?
01:13:24You've got someone in there.
01:13:26Dawn, go to your room.
01:13:28An uncle's only been back at sea two days.
01:13:32You've no right to talk to your mother like that.
01:13:34Wouldn't be the first time.
01:13:36What about that man that came to convert us to natural gas?
01:13:39See it yourself.
01:14:00I'm sorry.
01:14:01I'm sorry too, love.
01:14:02Good night, then.
01:14:03Good night.
01:14:05You do trust me really, don't you, Mum?
01:14:07Of course.
01:14:33You might have told me there's a rose bush on your window.
01:14:36You.
01:14:37How dare you.
01:14:39You molester of defenceless teenage girls.
01:14:43Get out of my house.
01:14:44Of course, I just...
01:14:45Out, out, before I call the police.
01:14:47Madam, please, Daddy, I have my trousers.
01:14:48Out.
01:14:50Ray Fitz.
01:14:53It's done on my car, Sandra.
01:14:54I haven't gone down.
01:14:56Ray Fitz.
01:14:58What's going on down there?
01:15:11The keys?
01:15:12I haven't got the keys.
01:15:14Well, haven't you got a spare in the glove, was it?
01:15:16The door's locked.
01:15:16They smash the window.
01:15:18Smash the...
01:15:18I've just had to re-spare and put on your wheels.
01:15:28You know what they do around here to trouserless rapists, don't you?
01:15:38Go on, man, go on!
01:15:44Oh, this one wasn't locked.
01:15:46You want to be more careful.
01:15:54Well, the bed's not been slept in.
01:15:56I don't know where they are.
01:15:57Perhaps they've gone away somewhere.
01:15:59I know Bob wants to find himself.
01:16:01Oh, where's though?
01:16:02Now, I'm not jumping to any more conclusions.
01:16:05If only I'd given Bob the benefit of the doubt.
01:16:10Why don't we have a nice cup of tea?
01:16:12I'll put the kettle on.
01:16:13And I'll clear this place up a bit.
01:16:38Oh.
01:16:40Sorry, Marsha.
01:16:43Hey, he didn't see you, did he?
01:16:44He's not bothered.
01:16:45He hasn't got his own.
01:16:59It's them.
01:17:00We made it.
01:17:13Now, Thelma, hold your horses.
01:17:15Don't jump to conclusions.
01:17:16Don't assume things on the flimsiest of evidence.
01:17:18We can explain, can't we?
01:17:21Not really, Bob.
01:17:46You have.
01:17:47I have.
01:17:48You've signed on.
01:17:50Aye.
01:17:50She sails at the end of the week.
01:17:51Where to?
01:17:52Doesn't matter.
01:17:53How do you mean it doesn't matter?
01:17:55Well, it's going somewhere, isn't it?
01:17:57I'm going nowhere here.
01:17:59My life adds up to nothing.
01:18:01I've achieved nothing and I've learned nothing.
01:18:03If I died in a morrow, do you know what I'd have carved on me tombstone?
01:18:07None the bloody wiser.
01:18:09At least this will give me a chance to sort meself out.
01:18:13See a bit of the world at the same time.
01:18:18You know, I've always liked the docks.
01:18:22My granddad used to bring me here when I was a kid.
01:18:25Everybody around here has got the sea in his blood.
01:18:28I know that, mate.
01:18:30You're such a rotten sailor.
01:18:32Oh, yes.
01:18:33You, you get sick on the municipal boating lake.
01:18:35I think it's a wonderful gesture.
01:18:37Thoma, please, I'm not making any gestures.
01:18:39It just seems like a good idea.
01:18:41You'll be here facing another terrible northeast winter with rail strikes and power cuts.
01:18:46And I'll be in exotic places like Valparaiso and Bombay.
01:18:49Well, of course, we've all got a bit of wanderlust in us.
01:18:53Not many people know this, but I once very nearly went to Morocco.
01:18:58Really?
01:18:59With UNICEF, yes.
01:19:01It's a good job you didn't.
01:19:04I mean, for Bob's sake.
01:19:05Oh.
01:19:07Well.
01:19:09Well, good luck, Terry.
01:19:16Ready, then?
01:19:16Yes, yes, just saying our fond farewells.
01:19:19Are we, then?
01:19:20I'll run you down there.
01:19:24I won't wait, her pet.
01:19:43This time tomorrow, England will be a blur on the horizon.
01:19:48This time tomorrow, everything will be a blur.
01:19:52I hope you find wherever it is you're looking for, Bob.
01:19:56At the moment, I'm looking for the other bottle.
01:19:59It's under there, behind you.
01:20:02Oh, yeah.
01:20:03Lovely.
01:20:05I meant in life.
01:20:09I used to think I had forever, Terry.
01:20:11But now I'm not so sure.
01:20:13I know what you mean.
01:20:16Someone said that, not me.
01:20:20I could have sworn you said it.
01:20:22When?
01:20:24Just now.
01:20:25I did.
01:20:27Now I mean it's a quotation.
01:20:28Oh, yeah.
01:20:31It's very apt, though, but...
01:20:37Dirty British coaster with a salt cake smokestack.
01:20:40Pardon?
01:20:42It's a poem.
01:20:42This ship reminded me of it.
01:20:44She's not British, she's Liberian.
01:20:46Oh, sailing under a flag of convenience.
01:20:49It's appropriate.
01:20:50She smells like a convenience.
01:20:53Butting through the channel in the Mad March days.
01:20:55Another poem?
01:20:56Same one.
01:20:58Do you remember recitation at school with Miss Hindmarsh?
01:21:00I can't stand poetry.
01:21:02I was put off at an early age.
01:21:05The only poem I ever wrote, I was given a good hiding for.
01:21:08You shouldn't have written it on the lavatory wall.
01:21:10That's all it was fit for.
01:21:13God, we go all the way back to Miss Hindmarsh.
01:21:16And beyond.
01:21:19Do you remember our gang?
01:21:21Building a bonfire on your dad's allotment.
01:21:23And we were all lads.
01:21:26Except for little Dirty Birchwood.
01:21:28Who so wanted to play with us.
01:21:30And you said, all right.
01:21:32You can be Joan of Arc.
01:21:35Aye.
01:21:36Happy days.
01:21:38Then when we were Robin Hood and his merry men.
01:21:40She was made Marian.
01:21:43Who was Robin?
01:21:45We all took turns.
01:21:46Except you.
01:21:47You were always the Sheriff of Nottingham.
01:21:50What's that?
01:21:51Why?
01:21:52So you could torture maid Marian.
01:21:55Aye.
01:21:56She was always a glutton for punishment, that Dirty.
01:22:00I envy you.
01:22:01I should have done this years ago.
01:22:03Made the move.
01:22:05Seen something of the world.
01:22:07Now I never will.
01:22:09Aye.
01:22:09You might.
01:22:10You never can tell.
01:22:11It can happen any time.
01:22:13Like you said about Gauguin and Van Thing.
01:22:16And the Reverend Jeffcock.
01:22:19I'll keep me eye out for him when he's catamaran.
01:22:22I miss you, kid.
01:22:23What?
01:22:25I said I'll miss you.
01:22:26I'll miss you and all.
01:22:29Without you, my life would probably slip into a steady routine of contentment and happiness.
01:22:35Don't worry, kiddo.
01:22:36I'll be back to cook it up for you.
01:22:39Good lad.
01:22:52Can you see him?
01:22:53Can you see your Uncle Terry?
01:22:55I can.
01:22:56Yeah?
01:22:57Over there, ma'am.
01:23:00What are you doing?
01:23:02Isn't that your boat?
01:23:04It was.
01:23:05I couldn't go through with it.
01:23:08I felt homesick even before I left home.
01:23:10And seasick even before I left the quay.
01:23:12Well, you might have told me I've been up since the crack of dawn.
01:23:15And the kids are so looking forward to seeing you off.
01:23:17Oh, I'm sorry I disappointed them.
01:23:28Oh.
01:23:29Back from the sea.
01:23:31Two hours before the mast.
01:23:33But where's Bob?
01:23:34He hasn't been home all night.
01:23:53Mama!
01:23:57Bob!
01:23:58Bob, come back!
01:23:59I don't believe it.
01:24:05Thelma!
01:24:14Thelma!
01:24:28Thelma!
01:24:29Bahrain!
01:24:36We thought we had forever
01:24:40Didn't make you feel secure
01:24:42We used to think that we had forever
01:24:47Now we're not so sure
01:24:50Deadly happens to be safe
01:24:51Deadly dreamers
01:24:52Daylight dreamers
01:24:52Midnight schemers
01:24:54Midnight schemers
01:24:54Pinstrel's on the road
01:24:56Well, there's a ball
01:24:58I was, lived for now was, tomorrow's never gonna come
01:25:09Last bus home, Saturday night, I'll walk you to your door
01:25:16Tell me your name, I'll never see you again, but I'll love you forevermore
01:25:23Chair of bags, penny arcades, it's sad to be alone
01:25:29Isn't it grand, holding hands in the backseat riding home
01:25:36Oh, remember when we thought we had forever, didn't it make you feel secure?
01:25:43We used to believe that we had forever, now we're not so sure
01:25:49We're daylight dreamers, midnight schemers, minstrels on the run
01:25:57Seek outwards, live for now was, tomorrow's never gonna come
01:26:04Oh, oh!
01:26:06Oh, oh!
01:26:07Oh, oh!
01:26:08Oh, oh!
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