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Malcolm In The Middle Lifes Still Unfair S01E02 [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
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00:28The End
00:40Hello? Stevie, it's Malcolm. Malcolm? Who? Yeah, it's been a few months. Look, I was just thinking about you. I
00:50figured I'd give you a call. How's little Max? How's Glenn? Cute. Needy. Great. Great.
00:58I love the pictures you sent. Yeah, you know, Max's. What's wrong? Everything. Mom and Dad and Leah and Tristan
01:04all found out at the same time in person. You have to help me come up with a smart enough
01:08lie to cover up the years of lies I already told them. I mean, it's got to be brilliant.
01:14I told you this would happen. You did. You did. What do I do now? Do you mind? Seriously, what
01:27do I do?
01:27Confess. Apologize. Make it right. Stevie, quit clowning around. They already know there's nothing to confess. It's Mom. She sees
01:37apologies as permission to become more enraged. I've misled them for over a decade. How do I make that right?
01:43Hey, Malcolm. Can he call you back? It's his turn for story time, and we need to finish before midnight.
01:50Okay. Thanks anyway. Sorry, man.
01:56You're in a wheelchair, and I'm needy.
02:07It's just not fair. Oh, my God. What happened? What did I do? What did we do? We have just
02:14had the worst 24 hours of our life. We just found out. Guess who's gonna be a grandma? Isn't it
02:21amazing? We've been trying for so long. Years and years of constant sex and all these weird mommy blog positions.
02:28And it finally happened. Get your pee stick out of my face. Seriously? You can't even be happy for me
02:34about this?
02:35What are you trying? Who's ready for re-talking day? I put this on your credit card. What?
02:43We just found out that Malcolm has been intentionally hiding himself from this family for years and covering it up
02:49with lies. He has a teenage daughter. A secret teenage daughter.
02:55I still think my thing's pretty important.
02:58Dad, I am so sorry. I think we all knew Malcolm would eventually betray us. That's what Harvard does to
03:06people. Or any college, really.
03:08Oh, that reminds me. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. What are you doing? Dad is out there emotionally destroyed. I
03:18have to trash Malcolm as much as I can before he snaps out of it.
03:20How stupid are you? You mean, like, professionally measured?
03:24Just because Mom and Dad aren't on social media, you thought nobody else would find it?
03:27What? eBay? They already know I sell my underwear to pervs.
03:31What about Professor Dum-Dum?
03:36Shall we peruse Greatest Hits?
03:43Ow!
03:44Ow!
03:55These new ones aren't just more efficient. They are so much quieter.
04:02What are you doing?
04:04What are you doing?
04:09Grace!
04:10Just unplug it!
04:12Just...
04:13Unplug it!
04:15Grace!
04:17Grace!
04:2468 videos.
04:26Millions of views. How much money have you
04:28made publicly humiliating Dad?
04:30Including merch? Merch?
04:32Are you gonna snitch? Hell yes,
04:34I'm gonna snitch. Okay, what do you
04:36want? To snitch. No,
04:38what do you want from me? To be there when
04:40I snitch. Kelly, you don't want to do that.
04:42Dad is too upset. He couldn't take it. I know
04:44that! God, this is so
04:46frustrating. It felt so good
04:48ratting Malcolm out. It was like,
04:49I found my calling.
04:51I'm an informer. It's like
04:54being a whistleblower but mean.
04:56turning you in was going
04:58to be...
05:00Now I have to wait to spill my guts.
05:03But it's coming.
05:10What did you see?
05:13Everything!
05:18Oh my God! What happened?
05:20He just fell down for no reason.
05:22Old people do that all the time.
05:23Help! Help!
05:26Help me, help me get him into bed.
05:28He won't!
05:30Roll him!
05:32Oh, he's terrible, he's terrible.
05:34Oh my God!
05:36Okay, come on, watch, come on.
05:38Watch.
05:40What do we do? Just roll him.
05:41This way. Roll him!
05:52Hey.
05:53How far did you run?
05:54Six miles past the interstate.
05:56I'm in much better shape than I thought.
05:59I met a horse.
06:01I named him Cookie.
06:03Dad, seriously?
06:05I can take Mom being crazy,
06:07but that's only because you're not.
06:10I'm so sorry.
06:11I promise I'll never do anything like that again.
06:14And don't call your Mom crazy.
06:16She just has a lot of problems.
06:19Primarily being crazy.
06:21So, anything else you've been, I don't know,
06:24lying to me about since I was born?
06:25Leah?
06:26No!
06:26My self-image is already screwed up.
06:28And now, I'm part of a family I know nothing about.
06:32I mean, are they murderers?
06:33Or geologists?
06:34Or have Tay-Sachs?
06:35Or Kleinfelter syndrome?
06:37Or enjoy reading?
06:38Or have characteristic body language?
06:39Or they're athletic?
06:40Or super tasters?
06:41I should know all of that.
06:44There's no geologists.
06:49I think Tristan is amazing.
06:51She is.
06:53Oh, my God.
06:54She must be so mad at me.
06:55Yeah.
06:56She told Grandma and Grandpa.
06:58I was not ready to hear you call them that.
07:00They really seemed okay.
07:02I don't understand why you can't be around them.
07:04I think yesterday you saw a pretty convincing demonstration.
07:08I have hay in my crack.
07:09I cannot go back to how I was before,
07:11and I'm not gonna risk you.
07:13You are perfect.
07:15I want you to stay perfect.
07:19Okay, that's just fighting dirty.
07:22You have to think of it like they're the full moon and we're werewolves.
07:26It doesn't matter.
07:27Your cover is blown,
07:27and Grandma doesn't seem the type to just let things go.
07:31Look, I need time to figure this out.
07:32You need to promise me that if she contacts you,
07:35you will not respond until you talk to me first, okay?
07:37Okay.
07:38No, you need to promise.
07:39Calm down.
07:40I promise.
07:42I need to get some sleep.
07:44I'm still mad at you.
07:46You'll still be mad when I wake up.
07:47I believe in you.
08:11How could Malcolm abuse my trust this way?
08:14I'm so mad at him for betraying me.
08:18You know, by comparison,
08:20Reese looks pretty good.
08:22Sure, he's impetuous.
08:24But that rascal has a heart of gold.
08:27He's still my favorite.
08:32What's that?
08:33It's the 33rd of 40 love letters your father wrote me for our anniversary.
08:38Two pages each, front and back.
08:41Not a single repeat.
08:42Listen, I have to talk to you.
08:46I was so excited to tell you about the baby.
08:49We tried so hard for so long,
08:52and when it finally happened,
08:53all I wanted to do was tell you.
08:55You didn't even say congratulations.
08:58You're right.
09:00I'm sorry.
09:02Congratulations.
09:04Never said I was perfect.
09:06Yes, you have.
09:06Well, I didn't mean it.
09:09Look, I will admit,
09:11there is a part of me,
09:12a part I do not like,
09:13that feels like you intentionally waited
09:15until this exact moment to get pregnant
09:17just to make it harder for me
09:18to deal with all these other problems.
09:20That is crazy.
09:22Honestly, your whole life
09:23has been like you purposely planned every moment,
09:25good or bad,
09:26to happen at the worst possible time.
09:28That's not fair.
09:29It's always totally random.
09:30I know.
09:31I hurt your feelings,
09:32and I feel bad about it.
09:34And I promise,
09:35I am going to be happy about this very soon.
09:37I'm going to be overjoyed.
09:38Just not right now.
09:41I have too many other priorities right now.
09:43You and the baby are number eight.
09:44That is so insulting.
09:47Wait.
09:47You have a list?
09:49With numbers?
09:51Yes.
09:52How do you think I manage?
09:55I have to rank everything
09:57according to how bad and how soon.
10:00Anniversary party is number one.
10:02Number two is our brand new, already born granddaughter.
10:06I mean, she has been thrown into this circus with no preparation.
10:09We have to make it as comfortable as we can for that child.
10:11Your father is a close number three.
10:13Leah has the edge because she's younger.
10:15But he is in a complete meltdown.
10:17Number four is making Reese pay for what he did.
10:21Number five is figuring out a way to get Malcolm back into this family.
10:25Number six is making him pay for what he did.
10:28Number seven is trying to keep myself from draining our life savings to pay for this party.
10:34So you are number eight.
10:39When she puts it that way, I really can't argue with her.
10:41Are you kidding me?
10:42We're one slot above try oat milk.
10:44I know.
10:46Sucks to feel like you don't matter.
10:48I promise I'll never do that to our kid.
10:51As long as they don't piss me off too much.
10:54You are an incredibly smart, sexy mama.
11:13Do you care?
11:16I like the breeze.
11:24Hey, Leah.
11:26Hi, Allison. See you at pizza.
11:28What pizza?
11:30Oh, oh my God. I'm so sorry.
11:33Forget I said that.
11:34I don't know what you're talking about.
11:36Johnny's doing pizza after the social studies final.
11:41I thought everyone was invited.
11:44You really didn't.
11:46And why do you take such delight in humiliating someone who shouldn't even be on your radar?
11:52Wow.
11:54You really are cool.
11:56Oh.
12:06Morning.
12:08Is it morning?
12:10Oh, hi.
12:13Sweetie.
12:14Did you know that there's a South American slug that, after mating, the eggs are deposited in the father?
12:25And over the next three months, the children slowly eat their way out of their loving father.
12:33Until he's an empty husk that blows away in the wind.
12:38I'm just waiting for the wind, Lois.
12:43You know, we, we could just, I don't know, let it go.
12:48For a little while.
12:56I'm sorry, Mr. Plomer.
13:01I don't have enough money to pay your great big bill.
13:08There must be some way I can satisfy you.
13:13And the office can put you on a payment plan.
13:19Did you just turn down sex?
13:22I guess I did.
13:24Hal.
13:25Hal, we, we, we, we don't turn down sex.
13:28No.
13:29We've done it in weddings and funerals and, and, and petting zoos.
13:34Hal, sex is our love language.
13:36I know, I know.
13:37I'm sorry, honey, but...
13:39Can I at least give you a hug?
13:44Not physically.
13:55Hey, it's Tristan. Let her rip.
13:57Hey, Tristan, it's me again.
13:59Look, I realized that you haven't returned my calls the last couple of days
14:03because my messages were apologies without an explanation,
14:06which I also apologize for.
14:09So here it is.
14:11I've been seeing a therapist the last month or so.
14:13She put me on this antidepressant vanalpramine.
14:17I didn't realize the side effects that it caused on my moods, behaviors, and decision-making.
14:24But I am not gonna use a medication that altered everything about me as an excuse.
14:29No.
14:30And, uh, I'm not gonna bring Leah into this either, okay?
14:33Even though she already feels so connected to you,
14:36she knows that not seeing you again isn't anything like when her mother abandoned her.
14:41But please do not do this to her.
14:42She's just a kid.
14:46I'll be ashamed of myself after I get her back.
14:50Oh, you're just so glad you called, Leah.
14:53Dad insisted I get to know the family right away.
14:56If Dad can keep secrets, I can bring promises.
15:00This is Francis and Puyama.
15:01Kelly, Jamie, and Dewey.
15:05And this is your Uncle Reese,
15:07who is going to explain himself and apologize to me this very second.
15:10Word of warning.
15:11They get mad about anything around here.
15:16We are just so excited about all of this.
15:18We've just missed so much.
15:20We have a thousand questions we'd like to ask you.
15:28Hal, don't you have a question that you'd like to ask Leah?
15:30Yeah, yeah, what do you want to do when you grow up?
15:36Crush your father's soul and make him question his own identity?
15:41Excuse us a minute.
15:44Welcome to the family, Leah.
15:45Gosh, I wish he was able to be there to welcome you properly.
15:47Really?
16:02Sorry, they're, um...
16:04You're documenting the hotel.
16:06You're up, right?
16:07Yeah, hey, I gotta go, too.
16:09I gotta sneak in a cigarette while the lieutenant's still taking a dump.
16:12Don't tell Mom I smoke.
16:15Is it me?
16:16Because this feels like when they make us choose lab partners.
16:20No friends, huh?
16:21Yeah, you give off that vibe.
16:23Kids can be mean.
16:25Parents, too.
16:27So the social thing is tough, huh?
16:30No, it's great.
16:31I'm on the waiting list to move up from outcast to pariah.
16:35Leah, it really is fine.
16:37I mean, I'm used to it.
16:38Because, like, what choice do I have?
16:40I mean, there's way worse problems.
16:47Leah, have you ever tried being kind?
16:51Probably not.
16:53I am nice all the time, and I get treated like crap anyway.
16:56Nice is different than kind.
16:59Kindness requires empathy, and empathy requires putting yourself in someone else's place so you understand how they feel.
17:07Do you remember ever doing that?
17:11Right.
17:12That's a tough one for your dad, too.
17:14You guys have brains that are so different from other people's, it's impossible to feel like you have anything in
17:19common with them.
17:20So what am I supposed to do?
17:22Just make an arbitrary rule.
17:24If you're not getting along with someone, imagine you have empathy for them and act accordingly.
17:29Like how I imagine I'm not always on the brink of violence.
17:33Try it.
17:34See what happens.
17:36Something you want to add?
17:39I bet if I crash the car I'd move up two spaces.
17:47Oh, honey, Leah needs her warm and loving grandpa.
17:52I'm so sorry, Lois, but I don't think I can.
17:55I look at her, and instead of a sweet kid, I just see one more person who will hurt me.
18:09Chinhunter!
18:10Lois, your orders are to stay just as sweet, loving, and beautiful as the day.
18:15Hal, first, late, his loving eyes are on you.
18:18Open fire!
18:28Reload!
18:33I must be allergic to... something.
18:44She fake sneezed a booger onto her chin.
18:47There's a giant chunk of snot on her chin.
18:51There's a million ways that I could nail her.
18:54Do I go funny? Do I go brutal?
18:55Do I connect it to her character flaws so it stings with some staying power?
19:00My mind is reeling.
19:06Hey, you have a thing on your chin.
19:08It happens to me all the time.
19:16Wait, wait, wait.
19:18I saw what you did back there, that giant Jabba the Hutt on her face.
19:21Oh, my God.
19:22I was just...
19:23Oh, I hate Allison. I had the perfect idea.
19:25I was going to go,
19:26Would you care for some crackers with that oyster?
19:29And then seeing what you did, I mean, I feel kind of sorry.
19:35That was, like, noble.
19:37I'm not noble.
19:39Well, something.
19:40Leah, right?
19:41Yes, Jason.
19:42I said excellent English and world history.
19:46Oh, right.
19:47I'm dumb.
19:50Was this a meet-cute?
19:52This was a meet-cute, right?
19:58Tristan's on her way over.
19:59I'm going to take responsibility and acknowledge the impact that my actions had on her.
20:03Or I'm going to justify it.
20:05And I'm going to frame things in a way that she thinks that it's partially her fault.
20:08Which one's gaslighting?
20:13Hi.
20:14Hey.
20:15Thank you so much for talking to me.
20:17I know how upset you are.
20:19I know how bad I screwed up.
20:20And I...
20:22I don't need to talk.
20:24I need to listen.
20:26Go ahead.
20:29I love your kid.
20:32That's all I have for positives.
20:35Good start.
20:36You totally sandbagged me.
20:38Anytime I asked you about your family, you said it was complicated.
20:41What I saw was not complicated.
20:43It was just wrong.
20:44Yes, but I have a solution for that.
20:46All those angry, vicious things I screamed at him, imagine I didn't.
20:51You have to make peace with your family, okay?
20:54For your own sake, and sure as hell for Leah's sake.
20:57You don't understand.
20:58I can't.
20:59It's not just mom and dad.
21:01It's so much worse with my brothers.
21:03I mean, all we ever do is fight, except for when we team up to fight then.
21:09You have brothers.
21:15Four.
21:16And one, non-binary.
21:17Dude.
21:19Come on.
21:20This is so much to unpack.
21:21Don't unpack.
21:22Just burn.
21:22We don't need to know...
21:23I should go.
21:24No.
21:24I...
21:25I...
21:30I...
21:30I...
21:30I...
21:31I help the poor!
21:33What?
21:33I care so much about social justice!
21:36Malcolm, what are you...
21:37I'm not bad.
21:38I'm good.
21:38I'm not bad.
21:39I'm really good.
21:40And I'm smart.
21:42Which I remember that you don't care about, because I listen.
21:44And I know how to tie shoelaces away so they never come untied.
21:47And I love you!
21:48Oh, I should have led with that, but I'm panicking.
21:51I'll start over.
21:51I can't be around you right now.
21:53I understand.
21:55I'll...
21:56I'll be here whenever you're ready.
21:59That won't be until I can trust you again.
22:04If ever.
22:13All night long.
22:15We should have called the cops.
22:16I didn't get any sleep at all.
22:18Dad's always been a loud crier.
22:21Guys, what are you doing still in your PJs?
22:24Party's in 32 hours.
22:26We still have a lot to do.
22:27According to your 20 bullet point schedule for today, I have more than enough time to finish my store brand
22:32cereal.
22:33That was before I realized that my dress only looks right with open-toed shoes.
22:36I had to add an emergency pedicure.
22:38My toes look like twisted walnuts.
22:42Solve that one.
22:43Is Dad finally asleep?
22:45No.
22:45He got up over an hour ago to help run errands.
22:48Come on, you guys.
22:50Let's go.
22:51Get the lead out.
22:53Get the lead out.
22:54See?
22:55Completely normal.
22:56Don't be nervous.
22:57I'm not nervous.
22:58I'm desperate.
22:59I only have one day to shake off all this depression and anger so I don't ruin the party for
23:04Lois.
23:04Well, this will help.
23:06Microdosing is the best thing I ever did.
23:08It's how I lost all that weight and got a handle on my gambling addiction.
23:12I replaced it with porn.
23:15Greetings, Voyagers.
23:17Namaste.
23:19Richie?
23:21Hal!
23:22Great to see you.
23:23How's Francis?
23:24How's the family?
23:25I don't care.
23:26I need help.
23:27Worry not.
23:28I have many weeks' experience as a hallucinogenic scientist shaman concierge.
23:33We see your pain, truth seeker.
23:36We have incredible shit to deal with it.
23:39Let me give you a tour of our tripatorium.
23:40I don't need a tour.
23:42Indulge me.
23:44Hal, please, please.
23:48Couch.
23:49Cot.
23:49Water, bathroom.
23:51We recommend starting in our central chair.
23:54Some people call it a dream platform.
23:56Others, a launch pad to enlightenment.
23:59Either way, there's a puke bucket next to it.
24:02Oh, uh, we already paid.
24:03I used my coupon.
24:04Don't forget, that doesn't include tip.
24:06Right.
24:10This is the medicine.
24:13Air quotes are for the lawyers.
24:15Since you're new to this, we'll start you out with a 1.5.
24:19I'm...
24:20Where'd they go?
24:22He swallowed them.
24:23All of them?
24:24I have to divvy them out.
24:26You ate 60 milligrams.
24:28Is that too much?
24:29Well, not if you're, like, 15 elephants.
24:33Okay, we gotta get your stomach pumped.
24:35No!
24:37It's the only chance I have left.
24:39I'm going in.
24:40I'm going to need a bigger bucket.
25:17It's the only chance I have left.
25:17I'm going in.
25:19I'm going in.
25:21You
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