- 5 hours ago
7 Days 2009 Season 18 Episode 8
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:21I'm your host Jeremy Corbett, I'm a Leo who likes long walks on the beach and a good cuddle.
00:27Big Spoon. But enough about me, I've got six hungry newshounds here in the studio ready to dissect the events
00:33of the week and poke fun at their squidgy insides.
00:36Let's meet the team, shall we? And we'll start with the leader of Team One.
00:39Some people say he hasn't aged a day since this show started. Those people are watching reruns.
00:44It's Paul Ego! Hi, everyone. Thank you, Jeremy. Hi, Paul Ego.
00:49Thank you very much. Lovely to be here. Great team tonight, first of all.
00:52She's delivered two babies and thousands of jokes, and he's pushed out thousands of jokes and has a face like
00:59a really old baby.
01:00It's Lana Walters and Jeremy Elwood on my team.
01:07Leading Team Two is a man so tough, he ram-raided a car that was doing a ram-raid. It's
01:12Chopper!
01:16Thank you very much, Jeremy. And my team tonight is a lovely bunch of C-words. I've got Courtney and
01:22Corey.
01:23Courtney and Corey. The three chiefs, three Cs. Chopper, Courtney and Corey.
01:28All right, let's kick things off with newsmakers, where I'll give the team some sneaky hints at a headlining news
01:33story from the week.
01:34Tonight, teams, I'm going to give you an answer from a news story.
01:37You give me the question to match, and we'll start with you, Team One.
01:40Your answer from the last seven days, about ten days.
01:44Um, there's probably heaps, but I reckon we've got enough petrol for what?
01:51How long does one of Donald Trump's hard 24-hour deadlines last?
01:58Uh, what's the Russian bootleg version of this show?
02:03About ten days?
02:04About ten days.
02:05Comrade Corbett?
02:07I think if it's a days-length-of-time-based thing, the only news story this week is about the
02:14rocket going round the moon.
02:15Is that how long it's been up there, or how long it's been going round?
02:18Correct, Paul. Well done. It is about Artemis II. It's how long does a round trip to the moon take?
02:23NASA's Artemis II is currently doing one.
02:25The astronauts becoming the first people to see the dark side since 1972,
02:29breaking the record for the greatest distance humans have travelled from Earth.
02:32Even though the trip is only ten days, you just know a few of them are coming back with an
02:35accent, right?
02:37Or just being a moon, ain't I?
02:40Just being up there on the moon, yeah.
02:42So where is the moon?
02:43Yes, just...
02:45It's not part of the UK, but it's in that area, yeah.
02:48It's where they shot East Enders, is it?
02:49That's right, yeah.
02:51But imagine spending your whole life training to be an astronaut, just to go to space,
02:57and then Katy Perry beats you by two years.
03:01And of course, they were completely out of contact with Earth for about 40 minutes
03:05when they went round the moon, back of the moon.
03:07Were they?
03:08Yeah.
03:08They could be like, oh, amazing guys, we'll talk to you in 40 minutes,
03:11and then they go round and it goes off and they're like,
03:13God, I hate space!
03:15This is so boring!
03:20They will eventually land, right?
03:22And then when they have a woman who's there,
03:24she'll probably find the aliens straight away.
03:26She'll be like, you guys were so busy playing golf and planting flags,
03:29there's a colony.
03:31There's an entire civilisation, you guys just didn't look.
03:34I reckon when they do come back to Earth,
03:36after all the news we've had this last week or so,
03:38we should just have, someone should like half-bury
03:40a fake version of the Statue of Liberty in the sand,
03:42and someone's just there in a monkey costume, just to greet them.
03:45Oh, it'll be so good.
03:48Do you know who I reckon is loving this?
03:51Michael Collins.
03:52Do you know who Michael Collins is, Jeremy?
03:53Yeah, he was the guy that stayed in the lunar module
03:55while the eagle went down to the moon back in 69.
03:58Yeah, first space landing, he has to sit up in the module, right?
04:02The original space cuck.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:06Neil and Buzz are down there touching his moon,
04:09jamming flags in it, and he's just up in the capsule going,
04:14Probably the fact that he makes noises like that
04:16is why they didn't get him to be the guy who stepped on the moon.
04:19OK, and the first words now...
04:24We chose the wrong guy.
04:28One of the first things that went wrong is the toilet broke.
04:30That's right, the lunar moon, they're calling it.
04:32Yeah, so you can do number ones, but number twos aren't going anywhere.
04:36You know, there's just one dude on there who's like,
04:38well, I only ever do it when I get home anyway.
04:41It's actually quite interesting,
04:43cos Artemis, which the mission's named after,
04:46is the Greek god of pooing in a bag.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:50I don't have the knowledge to challenge you, Chopper,
04:53so I'll take you at your word.
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist
04:58and I don't reckon that they've circumnavigated the moon,
05:01cos I say that I'm circumnavigating the car park
05:04when I can't parallel park.
05:05I reckon that's what they're doing.
05:06Have you noticed, since they started sending the photos back
05:09of the earth, you know, the big round earth,
05:11that the flat earthers have been real quiet?
05:15No, we haven't.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:19All right, team two, your turn now.
05:21From the last seven days,
05:23little experiment is the answer.
05:25What's the question?
05:26What do you call having an open relationship with Peter Dinklage?
05:31LAUGHTER
05:37What led to Corbett hosting the show for nearly 20 years?
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41They don't always work out.
05:44Any ideas what the story might be, Chopper?
05:46I mean, these days, it could be anything.
05:49It could be.
05:50It's not a great clue, I'll give you that.
05:52Why don't you help us out, Corby?
05:52We're here swimming round debris that used to be our minds.
05:55Yeah, Boston University have set up a bright yellow
05:58call-a-boomer payphone.
06:00As a what?
06:01It's a little experiment.
06:02Let students chat with seniors
06:03in a retirement community in Reno, Nevada.
06:06It's all in an attempt to bridge the generational divide.
06:09And it's a little bit weird
06:10because the students call the seniors on a landline,
06:13but somehow the boomers still manage
06:15to have their phone torch on.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:18We actually already have a boomer hotline in New Zealand.
06:21It's called Newstalk ZB.
06:23LAUGHTER
06:26And it's only called a boomer hotline if you call them.
06:29If they ring you, it's called a boomerang.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:34The weird thing is...
06:35So this was set up so that young people can feel connected,
06:38you know, have some connection with someone who's willing to listen.
06:40But it doesn't quite work
06:41because I bet five minutes into every call,
06:43they're like, OK, so you go to the Netflix site...
06:47LAUGHTER
06:48Is it just going to be one boomer
06:51they talk to?
06:51Cos I like the idea of them being different boomers there
06:54for different sort of advice.
06:55So you're calling up, maybe you want some advice on cancer,
06:58you talk to the tumour boomer.
07:00You want some advice on having a baby,
07:02you talk to the woomer boomer.
07:03Yeah.
07:04Then you've got just the generic, you know,
07:06the world isn't very good, that's the doom and gloomer boomer.
07:09And what about the gossip, the roomer boomer?
07:12Yeah.
07:12Oh, that's very good.
07:14Oh, or the gossip specifically about...
07:16Ms Thurman, the ooma roomer...
07:18LAUGHTER
07:21..the astrology boomer, the luna boomer.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24How do I cook a fun meal for my in-laws?
07:28LAUGHTER
07:28The shroomer boomer.
07:30The shroomer boomer.
07:31Beef Wellington's a specialty.
07:33What about the guy who's into fishing, the tuna boomer?
07:36LAUGHTER
07:36Oh, that's close.
07:38All right, feel like I need to interrupt.
07:39LAUGHTER
07:40That's a good round, good opening round.
07:42Newsmakers enjoyed that.
07:43Points.
07:44T1 can have ten.
07:45That's the number of points scored by Kiwi,
07:47Charlize Ledger-Walker for the University of California
07:50as they beat South Carolina
07:52to win the Women's Division I College Champs Basketball,
07:55making her the first Kiwi woman to be an NCAA champion.
07:58Great stuff.
07:59Team two.
08:00You can have two.
08:00That's the number of Emmy nominations
08:02for the Jacinda Ardern documentary Prime Minister.
08:05Ten, however, beats two.
08:06The star goes to team one.
08:08Well done.
08:09APPLAUSE
08:12Oh, I'm excited about this.
08:14This is good.
08:15Stars aren't just what you see
08:16when you get a cartoon bonk on the head.
08:17They're also how we keep track of who's winning tonight.
08:20The team with the most stars at the end of the episode
08:22will win an incredible prize.
08:24Very excited about this week's one.
08:26Please look and ooh at it right now.
08:28That is a chunk of no-gravity cheese.
08:30Whoa!
08:31Fresh from the Artemis II mission to the moon,
08:33perfect for catching space mice,
08:35or maybe use it to make a space pie
08:37by combining it with the mints from the cow
08:39who jumped over the moon.
08:40What a wonderful prize.
08:42All right, New Zealand,
08:43I hope you're on your best behaviour.
08:44We're about to be joined by a real-life politician
08:46who, if he doesn't like you,
08:48could presumably have you deported somewhere horrible
08:50like Australia.
08:51This week, we have the National Party MP
08:53for Rangatata in the South Island.
08:55Please welcome James Meagher.
08:57CHEERING
08:59James, welcome to Seven Days.
09:01Thank you for joining us.
09:02Sit yourself down.
09:04Your job to answer these guys' questions
09:06without saying yes or no.
09:07Sound doable?
09:09I hope so.
09:09I hope so.
09:10Good stuff.
09:10All right, we're underway.
09:11Teams, away you go.
09:13James, hello.
09:15Chopper.
09:16How are you?
09:17Afraid.
09:20All right, that's good.
09:21I feel good about that.
09:23That feels right.
09:24Now, you're the Minister for Youth
09:26and the Minister for Hunting and Fishing.
09:28How long until I can hunt young people?
09:30LAUGHTER
09:33It's funny you mention Minister for Youth.
09:35It's actually where I met Jeremy's wife.
09:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:42Wow.
09:44James, no, I'll play that.
09:46Well done.
09:48Looks like we've got two creeps in the room.
09:52LAUGHTER
09:54James, you grew up in Tamaru.
09:56Right.
09:57Is that as amazing as it sounds?
09:59It's even better.
10:00It's the Riviera of the South.
10:02Oh.
10:03Your career's been quite varied.
10:06You were a press secretary to Paula Bennett,
10:08staffer for Chris Bishop
10:09and an advisor to both Billy English and Simon Bridges.
10:12Do you suffer from PTSD?
10:15LAUGHTER
10:17You are the Minister for the South Island.
10:19Is part of that job hating the Minister for Auckland?
10:22LAUGHTER
10:22And was that easier last week before the reshuffle
10:24when it was Simeon Brown?
10:27LAUGHTER
10:28LAUGHTER
10:30Look, things change,
10:32and I love all my colleagues equally,
10:34some more equally than others.
10:35Oh, you are a politician.
10:37LAUGHTER
10:37Um, James, you're pretty young.
10:39Like, is it alarming that your age
10:41and National's current approval rating is the same number?
10:44LAUGHTER
10:46Well, I'm in my late 30s, so let's hope.
10:49Oh, whatever, man.
10:52Oh, James.
10:53Kia ora.
10:54Um, I read on Wikipedia
10:55that on the National list, you're number 69.
10:59Um, is that crack up to you or are you dry?
11:03LAUGHTER
11:04LAUGHTER
11:05I think it's nice.
11:06I think it's nice.
11:08That might be crack up to you,
11:09cos you're a bit of a troublemaker in university, right?
11:12You've confessed to all of this.
11:14I think I would...
11:15What did I describe myself as?
11:17Obnoxious?
11:18Obnoxious, yeah.
11:19That was Otago, so everyone was obnoxious.
11:21LAUGHTER
11:22Well, I was going to ask, actually,
11:23you're from Timaru, you went to Otago University,
11:25and you're right, you're self-described as obnoxious.
11:27Are you just Josh Thompson in a mask?
11:30LAUGHTER
11:31I was hoping he was here tonight,
11:32cos I was going to say,
11:33I'm not even the best thing
11:34that's come out of Timaru in this room.
11:36Are you referring to Sukatai,
11:39the Thai restaurant in Timaru?
11:40On Stafford Street?
11:42Yeah.
11:43I might be.
11:44Their money bags are too dieful.
11:47LAUGHTER
11:47So are James's.
11:48You should see him come out of the shower.
11:49Oh.
11:52Him, all right?
11:53Oh!
11:54I don't know why...
11:56LAUGHTER
11:56So you're the Minister for Hunting and Fishing.
12:00Does your government hate living fish
12:02as much as they hate poor people, or...?
12:07LAUGHTER
12:08LAUGHTER
12:10LAUGHTER
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12LAUGHTER
12:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:15Just say no!
12:17Just say no, Joe!
12:19No, no, it's like the old saying goes,
12:21give a man a fish,
12:22then you can eat the man and his fish.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:26As Minister for Hunting and Fishing,
12:28can you say,
12:29I love country hunting five times really quickly?
12:32LAUGHTER
12:34I love country hunting five times really quickly.
12:38LAUGHTER
12:38LAUGHTER
12:38Very good.
12:39Very good.
12:40Very good.
12:42And you were head boy and ducks of Timaru High School.
12:44I was.
12:45Ooh, fantastic.
12:46In Timaru, if you get ducks,
12:48do they just give you a duck?
12:50I think that's why I'm hunting and fishing, right?
12:52Yeah, that's the whole thing.
12:54If you cover Marathon,
12:55does your portfolio include the Chatham Islands?
12:58I've claimed it as the South Island, yeah.
13:00Right, yeah, yeah.
13:01It makes a ton of...
13:02Yeah, yeah.
13:03Give it up for National MP James Meagher!
13:05Great work.
13:06Good work.
13:08And keep the applause going for Team One.
13:10Congratulations, Team One, you get a start.
13:12I don't know how we got there.
13:14LAUGHTER
13:14All right, you need to move on from those celebrations, Team One.
13:17It's time for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
13:18We find historical news and we test whether the comedians
13:21have any recollection of it.
13:23This week, we're heading back to the distant year of 1986.
13:27Oh!
13:27Yes, Team One, what is going on here?
13:30They're making a great go of it, aren't they?
13:32They're keeping their balance very, very well indeed, is Alexandra.
13:35Some of those boys are very, very heavy,
13:37and if they come off, they'll hit that paddock with a heck of a whack.
13:40I was going to say, American Gladiators,
13:41my memory of it is far more spectacular than that.
13:44Yeah, this is sort of...
13:45I think this is Squid Games on a New Zealand budget.
13:48Yeah, this is why no-one respects the Commonwealth Games.
13:52That is Top Town, though, isn't it?
13:54Of course it is, Paulie.
13:56That was a clip from Top Town, classic Kiwi TV show,
13:58where teams from towns across New Zealand
14:00competed in physical challenges and obstacle courses, as you saw,
14:03all for local pride and bragging rights.
14:05Top Town famous, being the last and only time
14:07anyone's ever cheered for Huntley.
14:10Right, join us back here after the break,
14:13because we're heading on down to Club Topicana,
14:15right after this. See you soon.
14:27Aloha.
14:28Welcome back to Seven Days.
14:30Well, the clocks may have changed,
14:31but even the pitch blackness of night
14:33won't stop us from grabbing the budgie
14:35and smuggling it down to the beach of Club Topicana.
14:37Play the steel drums.
14:49Club Topicana is brought to you by Dole Pineapples.
14:52Pineapples, spiky on the outside and sweet on the inside.
14:55Like a hedgehog, you've injected with jam.
14:57Inside this spiky little juice factory
14:59lies some news stories.
15:01Got me all tingly inside,
15:02and I wanted to know more about,
15:03and that's just what our comedians will provide for us.
15:06Let's crack into it.
15:07Ah, yes, West Auckland.
15:08Hollywood stars Takawa Ititi, Jason Momoa and Cliff Curtis
15:11banded together to purchase production house studio West
15:15in West Auckland.
15:16It's been a while since I saw a proper Westie flick,
15:19so I'd like to see some scenes
15:20from West Auckland movies, please.
15:25You had me at, want to root?
15:36I'm flying, Jack.
15:39I'm flying.
15:45Okay, cut, cut.
15:46No, audio issue.
15:48We've got a police helicopter.
15:51Oh, that goes the whole time?
15:57Hunt for the sober people.
16:07I see stoned people.
16:14Baby, I'm just calling to say,
16:15I don't know if I'm going to get out of here.
16:17I came to Costco for just a hot chicken.
16:20And now the crowds are crazy.
16:22I bought a kayak.
16:25I bought two air fryers.
16:27They wouldn't let me buy one.
16:32The hills are alive
16:34with the sound of V8.
16:41Now it's time for the kids' classic,
16:43Harry and Henderson.
16:44Get away, Harry.
16:46They've got knives.
16:55Luke, I, or one of many other men
16:59on the New Lynn Rugby League team,
17:04am your father.
17:09Let's go on to the pineapple for our next story.
17:12A new podcast has been launched
17:14about a Kiwi who joined the CIA
17:15as a spy in 1979.
17:17It's called The Agency.
17:19It must have been good
17:20because I didn't find out about them
17:21until just now.
17:23But what about the bad spies?
17:24Give me some examples
17:25of the world's worst spies, please, team.
17:29Hello, Mr. Trump.
17:31My name is Melania.
17:32I am not a spy.
17:42Hey, babe, have you seen my cyanide suicide pill?
17:47Yeah, it's just your mum's blood pressure tablet here.
17:57Nah, bro, I'm Russia Nez.
17:59Now let's switch cases
18:00and I'll get out of here.
18:06Martini, thanks.
18:10Oh, that's straight alcohol.
18:12Yuck.
18:12Can I have a lemonade?
18:19Hello.
18:20My name is Ana Hira.
18:22I am the third National Party Maori MP.
18:30Yes, OK, passport and arrival card.
18:33Travelling for business.
18:35Yes, it says there,
18:35I am a spy.
18:37First time.
18:39I think it's going to go good, though.
18:45Um, if the mission's impossible,
18:48why even bother?
18:53All right, let's go to our pineapple
18:54for our next story.
18:56Um, school holes.
18:57Yes, parents were left reeling this week
18:59when they realised it was the school holidays again.
19:01But we're here at Seven Days.
19:02We're here to help.
19:03So let's make the parents at home
19:04feel better about themselves
19:06by giving them some examples
19:07of terrible school holiday activities.
19:12OK, so we're going to go
19:13and sponge bath the old people
19:15and today the first person is Mr. Corbett.
19:20Get in there.
19:23All right, kids, I know Easter's over,
19:25but we've got another fun hunt
19:27because Daddy can't remember
19:28where he put his weed.
19:33All right, Jimmy, remember the other day
19:35you asked me where sneakers come from?
19:37Let's play a game called sweatshops.
19:44OK, so here's your gun
19:45and you ship off to the Middle East tomorrow.
19:49All right, back for our next story.
19:51With daylight saving ending,
19:53we appreciate having Shihad's song
19:55home again to tell us
19:56to put our clocks back for the winter.
19:58Surely it can't be the only song
20:00with useful advice in it.
20:01So I would like to see some more examples
20:03of helpful song lyrics, please.
20:06Helpful song lyrics.
20:08Knives, don't go in toasters.
20:11Toasters, don't go in the back.
20:18And I, I always blow on the pie
20:23because the feeling's thermonuclear
20:26and I know I could die.
20:34Don't you want your baby?
20:42Stop, conjugate and listen.
20:44Don't start a sentence with a preposition.
20:52I'm on my way
20:53to go and get
20:54a prostate check today.
20:57Uh-uh.
20:58Uh-uh.
21:04In the jungle,
21:06the mighty jungle,
21:07the lion doesn't actually sleep tonight.
21:09It's more of a Savannah creature.
21:10It's similar to temperature,
21:11but it's more of an arid zone.
21:18All right, that is it.
21:19There's too much sand in the Speedos.
21:21Head back to your desks.
21:22Play the steel drums.
21:33All right, had everything.
21:35Yep, great movie ideas,
21:36great songs, enjoyed it.
21:37Team One, you can have eight.
21:39That is the number of years
21:40since Flight of the Conchords
21:41performed together.
21:42It's set to change next week
21:43when Jermaine and Brett
21:44will do four warm-up shows
21:45at Wellington's Miao Nui.
21:46It'd be a great show to be at.
21:48And you can have
21:49$8.5 million, Team Two.
21:50That's the amount per day
21:51New Zealand is spending
21:52on jet fuel.
21:53Six weeks ago,
21:54it was less than half of that,
21:55just $4 million.
21:56Either way,
21:57it means a star
21:57for Team Two.
21:59Congratulations.
22:03Team Two,
22:04you don't have time
22:05to celebrate.
22:05I'm staying with you.
22:06I need you back
22:07in your game
22:08for your burger fuel
22:09brain grill.
22:10It's from 1986.
22:12This one's a picture.
22:13What do you think
22:13is going on here?
22:14Have a look.
22:17Welcome back to
22:18Talkin' Slaw,
22:19the world's only
22:19cabbage podcast.
22:23That's almost on the topic.
22:25That was a farmer
22:26testing his crop
22:27for radiation
22:27following the
22:28catastrophic explosion
22:29of the Chernobyl
22:30nuclear reactor
22:31in Ukraine
22:32in 1986.
22:34And horrific event.
22:35But we all did get
22:36to watch an incredible
22:37eight-part TV series
22:38out of it,
22:38so I guess
22:39every mushroom cloud
22:40has a silver lining,
22:41doesn't it?
22:42All right,
22:42we'll take a break,
22:43then we'll be playing
22:43a special game
22:44I like to call
22:45Jeremy's Special Game.
22:46What have I concocted
22:47for you this week?
22:48Find out after these ads.
23:01You are back
23:02with seven days
23:03just in time
23:04for JSG.
23:06Yes,
23:06Jeremy's Special Game,
23:07the not-to-miss moment
23:08for most people's 2026.
23:09This week,
23:10we're exploring
23:11the art of mime
23:12in a game
23:13of Charade the News.
23:14Fast becoming
23:15one of my favourites.
23:16All right,
23:17Team One,
23:17you're up first.
23:18Now,
23:18the story is,
23:19according to Vogue,
23:20skinny jeans are back.
23:21Supermodels,
23:21including Cindy Crawford,
23:23Kate Moss
23:24and Angelina Jolie
23:25have been photographed,
23:26which is reviving
23:27the trend from the 90s
23:28and reviving them
23:29as well,
23:29I'd imagine.
23:30Made me think about
23:31what else from the 90s
23:32I would like to see.
23:33So your category
23:34is things from the 90s.
23:36Lana,
23:37you will be doing
23:38the charading.
23:39Come and grab your cards.
23:40There you go.
23:41Move on over
23:42to the screen, Lana.
23:43Ego and Elwood,
23:44you'll be guessing
23:44what Lana is acting out
23:47and I'll get my little
23:48dinger here.
23:49So things from the 90s
23:51is the category
23:51and your time starts now.
23:54Okay.
23:58Grunge music.
23:59Yeah.
24:00Guitar.
24:01Alanis Morissette.
24:02Creed.
24:03Oh,
24:04Creed.
24:04Shooting Nevada.
24:05Yes,
24:05well done.
24:06Yeah,
24:06well done.
24:07Cucur Bane.
24:07Cucur Bane.
24:08Cucur Bane.
24:09Okay.
24:12Ah,
24:13Steve Austin.
24:13Ah,
24:14Tom Cruise.
24:15Ah,
24:15the running.
24:15Ah,
24:16falling.
24:16Forrest Gump.
24:18fat man running.
24:19Big,
24:20droopy titties.
24:22Oh,
24:22um,
24:23bodysuit.
24:24Ah,
24:25Borat.
24:25Man,
24:26heady.
24:27Baywatch.
24:28Baywatch.
24:28Baywatch.
24:30Oh my gosh.
24:32Ah,
24:33whoo.
24:35Oh,
24:36the all-backs.
24:37Rugby World Cup.
24:37John Alamu.
24:38Yeah,
24:38well done.
24:40Ah,
24:41boop boop.
24:41Pages.
24:42Colossum.
24:43Yes,
24:43well done.
24:44Oh.
24:45Ah,
24:46microwave.
24:47The microwave.
24:47The VHS players.
24:49We'll pay that.
24:51Oh,
24:51ah,
24:52ah,
24:53ah,
24:54ah,
24:55ah,
24:55ah,
24:55ah,
24:56voguing.
24:57Vogue.
24:57The Macarena.
24:58Um,
24:59Madonna.
25:01oh,
25:01the Spice Girls.
25:02The Spice Girls.
25:03Well done.
25:03Wow.
25:04I don't know.
25:06Oh,
25:07uh,
25:08Walkman.
25:08Sonny Walkman.
25:09Oh,
25:09leggings.
25:10Leggings.
25:10And he goes,
25:11zip pants.
25:13hip bone.
25:13Hip pockets.
25:14Skinny jeans.
25:15Uh,
25:16cargo pants.
25:17Yes,
25:17well done cargo pants.
25:22Hi,
25:23I'm Jeremy Corbett.
25:26This is one of my many television shows.
25:28Um,
25:29Seinfeld.
25:31Ah,
25:31you arrived the first time.
25:32Oh,
25:33it is Jeremy Corbett.
25:33It was Jeremy Corbett.
25:34Is it Jeremy?
25:35No,
25:35what?
25:36Oh,
25:36Jeremy Corbett doing,
25:37um,
25:38stand-up.
25:38Oh,
25:39deal or no deal?
25:39No,
25:40no.
25:40Um,
25:41not TV.
25:42Not,
25:42what?
25:43What?
25:43It's radio.
25:44Jeremy Corbett on radio.
25:45Kevin Corbett,
25:45more if I'm ready for sure.
25:47No,
25:47no.
25:53Very kind,
25:54uh,
25:54Lana.
25:54Could have been far worse than last one.
25:55What have I done?
25:56I don't know.
25:57Okay,
25:57well done,
25:58team one.
25:59Lana,
25:59great stuff.
26:00And Paul and Jeremy,
26:00you contributed as well,
26:01I guess.
26:02Uh,
26:03Eight.
26:03I got you for eight.
26:04That's a,
26:04that's a hard score to beat.
26:05I didn't want to do the right thing.
26:07Yeah,
26:07yeah.
26:08I think it's like bad days.
26:10Team two,
26:10over to you.
26:11Your turn.
26:11Uh,
26:12as mentioned,
26:12Kiwi Eco shoe company,
26:13Allbirds,
26:14sold recently for a fraction of its one-time billion dollar valuation.
26:18Uh,
26:18your category is companies that have animals in their names,
26:21like Allbirds.
26:22Chopper,
26:23you will be doing our charading.
26:25Oh,
26:27Courtney and Corey,
26:28it is your turn to guess,
26:29and you have got eight to beat.
26:31All right,
26:32Chopper,
26:32if you'd like to move over to the screen,
26:34please.
26:34Good luck,
26:34mate.
26:34I don't want to play Jeremy's special game.
26:38It's not the first time I've heard that.
26:42It's not the one you're thinking of.
26:44Companies that have animals in their names.
26:47Your time starts now.
26:50Uh,
26:51whoa.
26:52You can't talk.
26:53Shoe.
26:54Big.
26:54Lacoste.
26:55Junkman.
26:57Uh.
26:57Lacoste.
26:58Big sh-
26:59Big,
26:59croc.
27:01Crocs.
27:02Crocs is correct.
27:03Well done.
27:08Drink.
27:09Party.
27:10Uh.
27:11Rave.
27:13Red Bull.
27:14Yes,
27:14well done.
27:15Yes.
27:19Joint.
27:21Smart.
27:23Uh,
27:24horn.
27:24Camel back.
27:25Uh.
27:26Camel sm-
27:27Camel cigarettes.
27:28Yes,
27:28well done.
27:31Beer.
27:34Uh,
27:36bird.
27:36Tui.
27:37Tui.
27:37Nice.
27:39Good stuff.
27:40Nailing it.
27:43Penguin books.
27:44Oh, wow.
27:45Yeah.
27:46So good.
27:46What a team.
27:48Uh,
27:49elephant publishing.
27:51Elephant publicity.
27:56Elephant.
27:57Uh,
27:58go to the next one.
27:59Anita.
28:00Oh, what?
28:01Uh.
28:02T-Rex.
28:05No!
28:10String.
28:11Earthful.
28:16Pedophile.
28:16Pedophile.
28:18No, go.
28:19Another one.
28:20Cam, move on if you like.
28:21Another one.
28:21Moving on.
28:21Oh,
28:22Mrr.
28:24LAUGHTER
28:30LAUGHTER
28:32LAUGHTER
28:33LAUGHTER
28:35LAUGHTER
28:35Oh, no!
28:37LAUGHTER
28:37Chew, chew train.
28:38Chew?
28:40Uh, Thomas, no.
28:42Train?
28:43Train?
28:43Train?
28:44Train your dragon.
28:45How to train your dragon?
28:47BEEP BEEP BEEP
28:48Wine?
28:49Cocaine.
28:50Cocaine's great.
28:51All right, yeah, cool.
28:52Drug.
28:53Oh.
28:54Moving on, next one.
28:57Driving drunk.
28:58No, all right.
28:59Horn.
29:00Tiger.
29:02Hungry, hungry hippos.
29:05Drive.
29:06Truck.
29:07Two, two, uh, dragon.
29:09Uh...
29:10Brands of stuff!
29:13Oh, uh, it's a car.
29:15Bronco.
29:16Companies that have animals in their names.
29:18Bobcat.
29:19Puma.
29:23We'll be playing.
29:24Horn.
29:25Horn.
29:26Uh...
29:28Oh, just the next one, man.
29:32That's time!
29:33That is time!
29:34Oh, wow.
29:42I have to tell us what that...
29:44I was going to tell you, but I thought Chopper might like to share it.
29:48Okay.
29:48Do you want to tell them what they couldn't guess, your wonderful mime?
29:51It was a kiwi.
29:52It was kiwi bank and then kiwi rail.
29:55That's right.
29:56I was like bumping rails with a kiwi.
30:00And last one was jaguar.
30:02Jaguar.
30:03Oh, I said a puma.
30:04That's f***ing the same thing.
30:05It's not the same.
30:07Different cats.
30:08Come on.
30:09They're both leopards.
30:10They're both from the leopard family.
30:11Oh, is it a house cat?
30:13No, it's a brand!
30:14Oh.
30:15Very impressive start, team two, but slowed up at the end, unfortunately, which means
30:19it's 8-5.
30:20Team one gets the start.
30:24Oh, wow.
30:26Great stuff and well done, Chopper and Lana.
30:28Time for a break, but staple yourself to your couch because we're going to have a special
30:32secret Mystery Guest 2 right here when we get back.
30:35See you soon.
30:35Seven days.
30:46No mai.
30:47Hukibai.
30:48Welcome back to Seven Days.
30:49Our next game is called Guest 2 where a mystery person from the week of news takes time out
30:54of their newsworthy week to join us in the studio and hide their face inside a clean-ish sack.
30:59Please welcome our Guest 2 guest.
31:03Right.
31:04Honestly, I'll jump behind you and guide you in.
31:08Three, two, one.
31:10Right there.
31:11You stand there, Guest 2 guest.
31:12You say yes or no.
31:13Teams, you ask yes or no question.
31:15You get a no, it goes to the other team.
31:17Team one, you get first pop at it.
31:18Are you National MP James Meeker?
31:22That's a no.
31:23That's a no.
31:24Team two.
31:24I don't know too many New Zealand sort of newsworthy people, but I'm going to guess
31:32you're not Lord.
31:35Yes.
31:37That's a yes.
31:38He's not Lord.
31:40You look strong.
31:42Are you famous for doing something strong?
31:45Famous for doing something strong.
31:48Um...
31:49Ish.
31:49Can you rephrase?
31:50I'll give you another chance.
31:51When he did that, my eyebrows flooded.
31:53That's a...
31:55Very strong.
31:56Is it sport related?
31:57Yes.
31:58Yes.
31:58That's a yes.
31:59Does your sport have running in it?
32:01No.
32:01No.
32:02Team one.
32:03Did you just negotiate a peace deal in Iran?
32:08That's a no.
32:09Ah, sorry guys.
32:10Well that's not a very good game.
32:11I know.
32:11Sorry.
32:12Are you into water?
32:14Oh, yes.
32:15Yes.
32:15Yes.
32:16Alright, um...
32:17Are your arms tired?
32:19Sorry, are they tired?
32:20I mean, like in the last week, have they been tired at some stage?
32:24They've been tired for a wee while, yeah.
32:27That's a yes, yep.
32:28We're into a full conversation now.
32:30The game's fallen apart.
32:31How was everything?
32:33That's not a yes, no question.
32:36Ask a yes, no question.
32:37Yeah, when people ask me how I'm doing, I'll say yes.
32:41That's why not many people ask.
32:43No.
32:44Courtney.
32:45Water stuff.
32:45Can you hold your breath longer than two minutes?
32:48Yes.
32:49Wow.
32:50So, is it underwater sport?
32:55Oh.
32:56It's no.
32:56Oh, what the hell is it?
32:57It's not.
32:58It's not underwater.
33:00It's not.
33:00It's on the water.
33:01Are you the guy who's just swum like the length of New Zealand?
33:04Oh!
33:05Sort of, around New Zealand, down the side of New Zealand.
33:09Swam somewhere.
33:09Yes.
33:10Yes!
33:11That is Jono Ridler.
33:12Oh!
33:14What a privilege.
33:16Oh!
33:16Oh!
33:17Oh!
33:18World record ocean swimmer, Jono.
33:21Congratulations.
33:22Amazing, Jono.
33:23And it was from North Cape to Wellington, right?
33:25North Island.
33:25Yes, it was.
33:25It wasn't quite the country, but...
33:27Oh!
33:27And that is nearly 1,400 kilometres?
33:321,400, just shy of, and 90 days, 468 hours of swimming.
33:37Just over 1.4 million strokes.
33:39Have you ever thought about getting a boat?
33:44That would be no fun.
33:45Did you ever cop a good current and just flap your arms around a bit?
33:50Sometimes.
33:51So, 90 days, can you talk us through sort of a standard day?
33:55What happened?
33:56I mean, fast forward a bit.
33:58Day one.
34:00So, what, 6am alarm?
34:01What happens?
34:02Yeah, sometimes it would be starting in the dark.
34:05A normal day would be about nine hours of swimming,
34:08doing four hours and then five hours,
34:11and having that block in the morning,
34:13having maybe a three-, four-hour break,
34:14and then going back in the evening.
34:16There's all of the team preparation around that.
34:19So, we'd have some big days and, you know,
34:21do these five-day blocks, have a rest, and then go again.
34:24Incredible.
34:24Like, how good was it swimming into Wellington
34:25and so many people there?
34:27Were you expecting that many?
34:28Yeah, not as many people as we had.
34:30It was just an unreal scene in Wellington
34:33with people, like, lining along the boardwalk
34:36and coming into Wharepo Lagoon.
34:38There were just thousands of people.
34:39It was just, yeah, unreal.
34:41It completely blew our expectations out.
34:42It looks like you actually got it on the one good day.
34:47Well, you got out of the water in Wellington
34:49and the reason you were there was to go to Parliament, right?
34:51Because you got a serious kind of message
34:52behind what you were doing.
34:53Yeah, why did you do it, you nutter?
34:57We finished at Wharepo Lagoon
34:59and then walked up to the steps of Parliament.
35:02It was symbolic.
35:03We do have a petition that's open
35:04for asking for a phased into bottom trawling,
35:07starting with seamounts.
35:09And so we had hundreds of people walking with us
35:11and we presented, symbolically, representation of our cause.
35:16We will be presenting the petition later.
35:18Which is already up to, like, 80,000?
35:20Yeah, it was past 80,000.
35:22Yeah.
35:23That was great.
35:25That was incredible, man.
35:26Yeah.
35:27I have a real love-hate, like, I love the ocean, I love swimming,
35:31but at the same time I have a kind of pathological fear of sharks.
35:34Was there a moment in the swim where anything,
35:37just you had a moment of going, why am I doing this?
35:39Yeah, there were certainly moments like that.
35:42Yeah.
35:42Within the first 90 minutes of starting, leaving Waikuku Beach,
35:45I had a fly-by from a big shark right next to me.
35:48We had a number of shark sightings up in the far north
35:51and, yeah, that plays on your mind for sure.
35:54Oh, you think?
35:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:57Didn't I read that you said somewhere your sort of attitude
35:59changed as you swam down with the sharks?
36:02You realised they weren't after you for food?
36:04Yeah, you know, you try to have that mentality.
36:08LAUGHTER
36:09My saying was you're not on the menu.
36:12But, yeah, you know, they're big predators
36:15and you've got to respect them when you're in their environment.
36:17So, if we were going down to the local pool
36:19and we want to match the kind of pace that you were setting,
36:21how fast, say, would you swim like 100 metres when you're doing this?
36:25Oh, the pace that I was doing out there
36:27was maybe two minutes per 100 metres, which is pretty slow.
36:31Yeah, it's slow.
36:33LAUGHTER
36:35Did you know Jeremy Corbett used to be a swimmer?
36:38Yeah, he used to swim competitively.
36:40I mean, he's got a swimmer's frame, you know.
36:43Thanks, mate, thanks.
36:45It's good to have someone that actually cares about my swimming career.
36:48So, how long after the swim did it take until you felt recovered?
36:52Because it was a lot of pain, right?
36:54Yeah, every single day was really, really tough,
36:57like paddling, muscular fatigue and jellyfish stings
37:00and the cold and everything else.
37:02But right now I feel pretty good.
37:04So, yeah, long may that last.
37:05That was great.
37:06Give it up for Jono Ridler, world record ocean swimmer.
37:11Great stuff, mate.
37:12Very, very cool.
37:15And I believe team won.
37:16You get the style.
37:17Well done.
37:21Nearly time for a break, but first, you at home
37:23need to get your very own burger-fueled brain grill assignment.
37:27Here is your picture.
37:28Have a look at that.
37:29Memorise that.
37:30Head to the 7 Days Instagram or Facebook pages.
37:32Let us know your caption.
37:33You could win 100 burger-fueled bucks for your troubles.
37:36Do that, but don't do anything else,
37:38because after the break we're playing Caption That
37:39and crowning a glorious winner on 7 Days.
37:52Welcome to the fifth and final part of our show's evening's entertainment.
37:57We've got just enough time for a round of Caption That.
37:59I provide the pictures.
38:00The teams provide the captions.
38:01You know how it works.
38:02Team one, you do too.
38:03You're up first.
38:04Here's your first picture.
38:04What's the caption?
38:05Is this just all the little men in my brain when my wife says,
38:09what do you think?
38:13Chaos erupts at Starbucks when five guys named Steve
38:16all order the same thing.
38:19Years later they'll say these men's heart attacks came out of nowhere.
38:23Man in the front wearing blue
38:25really regrets choosing this library for his quiet time.
38:30This is how I think the stock exchange reacts
38:33when I put $20 on shizies.
38:38Kiwi man on a phone says,
38:39I love you to wife,
38:40and his colleagues question his sexuality.
38:46Is it taking a phone call in the 90s
38:49when the rest of your family was on the internet?
38:52As that chopper's teammates go,
38:55how the f*** does this mean a kiwi?
39:00Is it the guy on the iPad looking at a picture of a kiwi
39:03being like, actually that's exactly what a kiwi is?
39:08That is traders signalling offers
39:09in the S&P options trading pit
39:11at the Global Markets Exchange in Chicago, Illinois.
39:14Alright, team one, back to you.
39:16Here's your photo.
39:16What's the caption?
39:17How Corby wishes guessed who was run.
39:23Is this just married at first sight men's prison edition?
39:29Is this when you get a gigolo but you ask to be gif-rat?
39:34Whenever you're in a rush for a plane,
39:36there's always one guy in front of you at airport security.
39:42Weird way to remember your mate who died,
39:44the photo at the back.
39:51I think he's gonna come back.
39:53It's always...
39:54Is it, of course I'm chaining him up.
39:56Last time I left my gimp outside of the shop,
39:57someone stole him.
40:00That's a man preparing for the Inglados,
40:02or Shackled Ones, procession
40:04where hundreds of shackled men walk in search of divine forgiveness
40:07through the streets of Altexco in Mexico.
40:10Wow. How do you see where they're going?
40:12I don't know.
40:14I don't explain, I just give you the caption.
40:16Alright, team two.
40:17Over to you now.
40:18What is the caption for this picture, please,
40:20from the last seven days?
40:21Oh, wow.
40:22Is it the crazy new game show,
40:24gas bomb cat or nothing?
40:32Is this how I pick my toddler up from daycare
40:35without catching anything?
40:36Is this Catholic school has demonstration
40:39on how to perform safe sex?
40:43Is that what brown people experience
40:45when flying internationally?
40:47Is this how gingers have to go to the beach
40:50without getting burnt?
40:52Everyone prepares differently
40:53when they're about to chop onions.
41:00That is bomb disposal experts.
41:03Inspect and neutralise suspected explosive devices
41:05to ensure public safety in van in Turkey.
41:09Team two.
41:10What is the caption for this picture?
41:12Oh my God.
41:13Is it waiting for your kid to just unpack the dishwasher
41:15like a normal person?
41:17Is it not what I expected when you said,
41:19let's go bowling?
41:21Is that beautiful moment captured of Tupperware
41:23leaving their nest?
41:28Is it waitress loses bowls but finds eggbeater?
41:43The caption is Red Panda performs during half-time
41:46at the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament
41:48in Phoenix, Arizona.
41:50Great round.
41:51Great captions.
41:52Great game.
41:53Let me do some quick maths.
41:54Oh my gosh.
41:55The winner of the entire episode is
41:59Team One!
42:03There you go.
42:04You can have the rods.
42:08Enjoy your moon cheese.
42:10Watch out for the moon hook and the moon fishing line.
42:12You might find it.
42:13Thank you all at home for watching.
42:14We do appreciate it.
42:15And please help me to thank our contestants.
42:17Paul, Lana, Jeremy, Chopper, Courtney and Corey.
42:20Thank you all at home for watching.
42:22Thank you all at home for watching.
42:28And please help me to thank our contestants.
42:28Thank you New Zealand a lot.
42:29Sorry I'm just calling me.
42:29the boomer hotline.
42:32I'll call but your phone's buzzing.
42:33I'm getting a call.
42:39Hello?
42:40Hang on, hang on, hang on.
42:42I'm not quite ready yet.
42:43Just give me a second.
42:44There we go.
42:49Hello?
42:50Hello?
Comments