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Short filmTranscript
00:05So here's the first thing you should know about me.
00:08I never stole from just anyone.
00:10I had rules.
00:12Rule number one, they had to be rich.
00:14Like, they could spare a few quid.
00:17Rule number two, they had to be alone.
00:20No witnesses.
00:22Oh, definitely no one with kids.
00:26Normally I wouldn't have picked an old man, to be honest,
00:28but what can I say?
00:30We were hungry.
00:32And he was the perfect mark.
00:35Posh.
00:37Alone.
00:38Distracted.
00:41Oh, sorry sir.
00:42Just look where I'm going.
00:43Let me help you.
00:45I think not.
00:48My bad.
00:52It was too easy.
00:58I guess I should have known.
01:01Look.
01:02I know coppers have a dodgy rep these days,
01:04but they seem like one of the good ones.
01:06So I was thinking we could just all call this an honest mistake?
01:10I'm arresting you for theft.
01:11You do not have to say-
01:12Wait!
01:14There's actually one tiny little thing that I would like to say.
01:21Wait!
01:22Wait!
01:23Get back there!
01:26Wait, get back here!
01:29Wait, get back here!
01:30Stop right there!
01:55Oh, my God.
02:12I can't believe you're 140 this time, honestly.
02:15You and Scratch guys, what's your secret?
02:17I guess I was just born lucky.
02:22Someday soon, we're going to eat like this every night.
02:25Not every night.
02:26Look at me here.
02:27We're going to live in a caravan by the sea.
02:29You're going to have to clean for those.
02:31Stupid mercies.
02:33I'm going to give you the life you deserve.
02:37I swear.
02:40What are you all up to?
02:43It's against the world, right, Grandma?
02:45Always.
02:50What is it, woman?
02:51It's my coin.
02:52My lucky coin.
03:17We can retrace our stout.
03:22No, I'll turn up.
03:44Where am I?
04:07Look around, bro.
04:08Literally nothing here.
04:10Just like woods.
04:11Don't blame me.
04:12They said get off of Wuhan.
04:15Look, this is Wuhan.
04:17Nice job, bro. Now I'm stranded in an actual wasteland.
04:20I'm not giving the tactical choice between this and police custody.
04:23I just thought...
04:24What?
04:28Who are you?
04:29Could ask you the exact same question.
04:33Where are you going? We're in the middle of a conversation here?
04:36Rude.
04:41Just out of interest, you aren't told to, like, board a train by, say, a cryptic message on your computer.
04:47Words to the wise.
04:48When you got that message, you aren't hypothetically maybe engaged in something ethically challenging.
04:54What if I was?
04:56Look, man, it sounds like we're both brung here by the same evil genius.
05:00So don't it kind of make sense to share what we know?
05:02All I know is, whoever this is, I need to take back what they stole.
05:07Didn't stole nothing from us.
05:09And do whatever it takes to stop them grassing me up.
05:12Otherwise, my life is basically over.
05:37This was a bad idea.
05:39A bunch of kids walk through the woods.
05:41That's literally the plot of every horror movie ever made.
05:44Hey, mystery man.
05:46How do you even know you're going the right way?
05:48He doesn't.
05:49He's about 45 degrees off course.
05:51Look, I saw a glitch from the GPS.
05:53It's like the whole area just deleted from the map.
05:57That's where we're heading, no?
05:59You're hackers.
06:00What makes you say that?
06:02Jigs up, bro.
06:03Mazzle fest.
06:05Yeah.
06:06We are actually the brothers' crim.
06:07Am I de?
06:08We de de.
06:11The brothers' crim?
06:13B-hacking legends?
06:15No?
06:17And you are?
06:19The signal's just gone.
06:22Someone blocked it.
06:23Look, the screen's just died.
06:33This whole thing's a trap.
06:34That phone is not going to be the only thing that's dead to you.
06:37We're lost.
06:39In the middle of a wood.
06:40No way of calling help.
06:41No one even knows we're here.
06:44Except...
06:45Them.
06:47Whoever them even is.
07:00It's a maze.
07:02This whole wood's a maze.
07:03Yeah, right.
07:04It's a maze.
07:06It's not a trap.
07:08It's a test.
07:10Come on.
07:11I know where to go.
07:12Let's go.
07:24Whoo.
07:25Level one complete.
07:27Power up.
07:29Sorry, how exactly did you do that?
07:31You're lucky.
07:31Yes.
07:38Where's the poor statue?
07:41Ezekiel Lockett.
07:421781 to 1857.
07:45What's up with Ezekiel?
07:48We have help here.
08:03Wanna hear a joke?
08:04How many kids does it take to open a door?
08:07One to pick the lock.
08:09And the other three to stand around like morons.
08:11You will not brought us here.
08:13Clearly not, dude.
08:14I'm in the same kayak as you.
08:15Word to the wise.
08:21Followed your sense of station.
08:2412.3 miles.
08:26We were being followed.
08:27Knew it.
08:29Why not show your face till now?
08:30I assumed this was a trap and you would all die horribly.
08:39Nope.
08:42It's a decoy.
08:43Where a lock must be hidden.
08:52Metal God.
08:54Why is he pointing at the wall?
08:56Not as dumb as you look.
09:04Oh, duh.
09:05Totally different color.
09:11Watch and learn, suckers.
09:35Hey!
09:36I'm awake!
09:37I'm awake!
09:37I'm o...
09:38Oh!
09:40Head rush.
09:43Hang on.
09:4640s?
09:47To get there already?
09:48I wasn't expecting you for hours.
09:50Right then.
09:51Give me a hand, would you?
09:53Yeah, right.
09:54We'll just get on some random boat.
09:55Weird looking stranger.
09:58Maybe start with who you are.
10:00And why we're here.
10:02First one's easy.
10:03I'm Mickey.
10:04But I'm not at liberty to tell you the rest.
10:07Just supposed to ferry folk to the island.
10:10What's on the island?
10:12Your future.
10:19But where we were going wasn't just our future.
10:25We were heading for a whole new world.
10:27A million miles from the one we knew.
10:30A world I'd never have believed even existed.
10:35Until I saw it with my own two eyes.
10:42Welcome to Crookhaven!
10:55Right, you lot kindly surrender all electric devices.
10:59You'd be like cutting my arm off.
11:00Really?
11:00That can be a ransom.
11:06Give me eight.
11:07Dude, it's a camera.
11:10I'm not going to make any calls on it.
11:12Right, look lively.
11:13Come along.
11:13Keep it moving.
11:15Let's go!
11:35Is that some kind of swanky mansion?
11:37But why did both guys say it's our future?
11:40Guessing it's not a luxury hotel.
11:42No one else getting major prison vibes?
11:45Oops.
11:46Now I am.
11:57Right, Al.
11:58Horace.
12:00Get this on charge.
12:01Yes, sir.
12:01Let the gaffer know we have all four of you guests.
12:04We'll have to stay warm.
12:05We'll have to stay warm.
12:06We'll have to stay warm.
12:06We'll be.
12:12I understand about catching flies.
12:14Come on.
12:15In your trot.
12:16Maybe.
12:30Don't touch her.
12:33You look just crawled in.
12:35Mary, it's got to be.
12:37I'll reek of it.
12:39We should make him feel at home.
12:47the motive governs the meat yeah that's our uh it's our credo sorry this this must all seem
12:54very confusing uh overwhelming but come we'll explain everything so this is a school
13:02crook haven's not just a school it's the world's oldest academy for crooks and the most exclusive
13:08in theory all crooklings must register within five minutes or will assume you're a hostile
13:14interlabel how does this make sense i mean they get us here by threatening to grasp us to the cops
13:19and i want to teach us to be criminals not criminals crooks that's the whole point we only use our
13:26skills to do right how do i put this in a way that even a merit can understand um criminals
13:30baddies
13:31us goodies what's a merit thank you edgar
13:37we'll take it from here my pleasure whisper at miss jericho always happy to help see you later
13:44all deception classes are cancelled with me this way hold on wait a second what's he called whisper
13:51whisper whisper we got hacked by a whisper ain't no other for my sins i teach cyber intrusion
13:58i teach infiltration sorry just to be clear so you use your skills to do right does that mean you
14:06work for like the government it's a complex symbiosis officially we don't exist unofficially
14:13we've been vital to global security for almost 200 years
14:24and we just entered the fifth dimension for twins to all topless bro like quintillion birds
14:29bad enough seeing you guys in one mirror this is my own personal hell
14:34what is this we call it the specularium it's a shortcut and an escape route and a vital training course
14:46to hone your spatial orientation an elite crook needs all six senses to be on point
14:54why do you need an escape room why wouldn't we i still don't get why we're here
14:58why us the crooked complex keeps constant lookout for fresh blood
15:04the four of you were handpicked out of thousands for your skills crucially you guys only ever steal
15:13for the right reasons this way time to meet the big guy
15:25my apologies i had hoped to welcome you in person but you completed your tasks far sooner
15:31than expected caspian locket your new headmaster and of course i know fine well who you are
15:37ade and eddie coro geo and gabriel avery may i introduce mr car a head of deception
15:53it was you a posh bloke
15:58and you you weren't even a copper that was quite the getaway
16:01the past 24 hours has been a test happily you passed
16:07here you all are
16:10whisper and miss jericho to the armory please
16:13you let me think i was going to jail
16:15that was the idea you stole from me you stole from me sir
16:20you set all that up
16:23disguise the fake cop
16:25for me we'd have done whatever it took
16:27just one thing mr locket sir we sincerely appreciate the offer but
16:32our parents aren't exactly going to be down with the idea of us coming to a school for
16:36crims
16:37crims gentlemen crooks naturally you will stay undercover for the rest of your lives
16:42you can't ask us to do that for them to learn the truth could be lethal
16:47we have some very dangerous enemies
16:55you're concerned about your grandmother
16:58don't be we've spoken you've done what same goes for all of you
17:02what did you tell her as far as they're concerned you're sitting an exam for
17:05saint jude's academy right now
17:07should you accept you'll tell them you've been offered a full scholarship starting at once
17:11take tonight
17:13consider
17:15carefully
17:23i don't need time to consider
17:25there's no way i can leave my grandma
17:28that's not gonna happen
17:30i'll just take my coin and go
17:33thanks for the same
17:35you disappoint me mr ravery
17:38but i'm afraid you can't leave now
17:39the woods are far from safe after dark
17:42first thing tomorrow
17:43unless you change your mind
17:45i won't
17:49i can't
17:50sir
17:57remind you to students in the mess
17:59please recycle all packaging
18:01and return the stolen cutlery to the kitchen
18:04silverware is not for skullduggest
18:09i know that luke
18:11i was you once
18:12but trust me it's mad how soon it feels like home
18:16thanks but
18:17i have a home
18:20that's penelope
18:21the ultimate legacy
18:23legacy
18:25yeah you and i and mig we're merits
18:27we're here for one reason and one reason only
18:29because we're fire
18:31keep telling yourself that leon
18:33but most crooks like isabella here
18:36are legacies
18:37our parents or our grandparents are here
18:39some of us go back generations
18:41seven
18:42in my case
18:44we met earlier
18:46edgar de la combe
18:47this is dorian
18:49macartha
18:50only third gen
18:52and uh you are
18:54gabriel avery
18:55and merit
18:57good for you
18:58look forward to seeing what you can do in class
19:00well i hate to disappoint you edgar
19:03i won't be sticking around
19:04sorry but you've been offered a place at crookhaven
19:07and you're gonna turn it down so you can
19:08what
19:09go back to shoplifting
19:11stealing bikes
19:15all right dorian
19:16it wasn't a joke
19:18thanks
19:20now i met you
19:21i know i've made the right decision
19:32so you don't just walk straight in
19:34hand into them on a stolen platter
19:37big bunch of nubble babies
19:38that's fundamentally inequitable
19:40bro
19:41we're still a part of this
19:42we get to study cyber intrusion
19:44and deception
19:44and scorduggery
19:46and at the end of it
19:46we get to be a part of a secret network
19:48that's going to make us rich
19:49you mean help defeat criminals
19:51and restore justice
19:52yeah that's in most
19:54none of you guys bothered by the whole
19:55lying to your families forever thing
19:58your grandma know you're still
19:59yeah you're joking
20:00so what's the difference
20:02that's a little white lion this
20:06i mean this would be a whole secret life
20:12no way i'm taking top bunk
20:15you know i hate your heights
20:16not like i do
20:17which one of us fainted on the eiffel tower bro
20:19only because you haven't eaten in like an hour
20:21that doesn't count
20:23gabriel
20:24it's not all this for you
20:27fine
20:29there's the cells
20:35locket stole it again
20:37what is it
20:37my coin
20:38why am i the only one who keeps robbing
20:40hold the phone
20:43you're saying
20:44the thing you came all this way for
20:47risked your life for
20:50was a coin
20:51not just any coin
20:53not just any coin
21:04you're saying
21:06you're saying
21:17whoops
21:18and everybody
21:18it's a lot of
21:18thank you
21:19i do
21:19you
21:19you
21:34Why are you spying on me, Avery?
21:36I wasn't spying, I was looking for...
21:38Who?
21:40Locket.
21:44Why?
21:47Because he's a thieving con-eye.
21:49Show some respect, that's your headmaster.
21:51No, actually, because I'm not staying.
21:54So, to me, he's just some stuck-up guy in an itchy suit.
21:57He likes playing mind games with kids.
22:00It's pretty messed up, when you think about it.
22:03You're talking about the greatest crook of his generation.
22:06Big whoop.
22:07Happy for him.
22:08Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be here?
22:13And you're just going to throw it away?
22:16So ungrateful.
22:19So ignorant.
22:21What they even see in you.
22:24Not bad, to be fair.
22:30But there's something off.
22:32I just can't quite put my...
22:34Thanks, but I need a critique from someone like you.
22:39Word of warning, don't go marching up to locket office.
22:41Yes, won't end well for you.
22:44Thanks, but I don't need advice from someone like you.
22:55It's the eyes that are greener than that one.
23:20I think that's my memory and I like if I keep going up and I don't, let me just fall
23:23in there.
23:23This is a pause.NAWUSEN
23:23It's time to
23:24open to the house. Super DACA It's
23:28time to open,
23:31Evening, Mr. Avery.
23:37What do you want with me?
23:40The first time was to get you here, the second time to keep you here.
23:43I already told you, I can't.
23:46How is stealing my coin going to change it?
23:47By showing how much you have to learn.
23:52I don't know when I need to.
23:53You're a blunt instrument.
23:55You didn't pause to consider why I had taken your coin,
23:57or the smartest way to retrieve it.
23:59You just went stomping blindly through the school like a man possessed,
24:02telegraphing your weakness.
24:03What weakness?
24:04You see everyone as a threat.
24:08You're a dodgy, posh bloke.
24:10He likes blackmailing kids.
24:12You are a threat.
24:17Coin, please, sir.
24:19I'm not here to threaten you, Gabriel.
24:22I'm here to save you.
24:24Save me from what?
24:26I can't bear to see talent go to waste.
24:29It would be a tragedy for you to spend the rest of your life as a petty criminal.
24:33When I could come here and be a professional criminal.
24:37I'm not a criminal, Avery.
24:38A crook.
24:39They steal, we restore.
24:40They destroy, we repair.
24:41We'll give you the skills to beat criminals at their own game.
24:44Right now, you're good.
24:45With our help, you could be great.
24:48Or you could go back to being a nobody.
24:52You don't know what my life is.
24:53On the contrary, I know everything about you, right down to how much vinegar you like on your chips.
24:59Far too much, in my opinion.
25:01I know you have a deep sense of right and wrong.
25:03And I know that you long to save your grandmother from those despicable Merciers.
25:08But tell me this.
25:09How many pockets would you have to pick to buy that caravan by the sea?
25:12How much help would you be in a young offenders' institute?
25:14Because the next time you're arrested, it won't be Mr. Khan.
25:22My coin.
25:24Now.
25:28Please.
25:34Well, I see I'm not going to change your mind.
25:39Perhaps you should call her.
25:41She'll be worried.
26:01Goodbye, sir.
26:08Why didn't you mention this St. Jude's place?
26:12What happened so fast?
26:14I didn't have time to explain.
26:15Well, no, you don't have to.
26:17Mr. Lockett came to see me.
26:20Told me everything.
26:22How he persuaded the police not to press charges.
26:24How he runs a school that turns kids' lives around.
26:27No, that's not true.
26:29Enough, Gabriel.
26:31No more lies.
26:33You found the box in your cupboard.
26:35Eight hundred quid.
26:37A stolen money.
26:38And to think that I fell for all that stuff about scratch cards.
26:41You must think I'm a little stupid.
26:42No.
26:43No, I just wanted to help.
26:44Help?
26:45This could ruin everything.
26:47Grandma, listen.
26:48No.
26:48You listen.
26:50You're the one good thing that's happened to me.
26:53The last thing I want is to see you going to some boarding school.
26:56But if they offer you a place, then you take it.
26:59For your future's sake.
27:00Now, what about your future?
27:06Today's crooked value is cheating.
27:09Remember, cheat.
27:10But never cheat your friends.
27:11Gabriel, wait up.
27:15You were serious, then, about leaving?
27:17I thought maybe it was a bluff for Edgar's benefit.
27:23I promised my grandmother I'd never steal again.
27:27She begged me to stay here.
27:29But staying here means learning to steal.
27:32Lying to her.
27:33This is Crookhaven, amigo.
27:36Nothing's as simple as right or wrong.
27:39Here you go, see?
27:43There you go, Amir.
27:45That gone solid, bro.
27:48Best of luck now.
27:49You keep that chin up.
27:51Come on.
27:52It's time to watch the baby crooklings embarrass themselves.
27:54What's she mean?
27:55Oh, the Crooked Oak.
27:57Trust me, you don't want to miss this.
27:59You can get the boat later if you still want to leave.
28:09What you want is looking around?
28:12I made up my mind.
28:13Well, you'd better decide soon.
28:14Because once your arrow hits the oak, there's no going back.
28:19For what it's worth, I really hope you stay.
28:24You've got psychology, right?
28:31Look, isn't that?
28:32Amiru D'Wan.
28:33When did she arrive?
28:36Never thought she had the nerve to show her face.
28:38Her brother is a traitor.
28:40Shock him.
28:41Crooklings, my name is Mr. Velázquez.
28:45It's my honor to teach skullduggery.
28:47You stand where I once stood.
28:50At the start of a long and crooked path.
28:54Once you become crooklings, you will be bound by our sacred values.
28:59Steal, but not from those in need.
29:03Cheat, but never cheat your friends.
29:06Lie, but never to yourself.
29:10Well, from this moment, you are all in competition for this.
29:15The Crooked Cup.
29:17A chance to have your name engraved beside the greatest crooks in history.
29:24For a young crook, there is no higher honor.
29:26No greater way to announce yourself as a talent.
29:29Every Delacoon's one of since 1910.
29:32Dad's had me practicing five years for this.
29:34I won't let him down.
29:35It's yours to lose, Edgar.
29:36Last holidays, I helped put some bad people away.
29:39I've never known a feeling like it.
29:42To this day, each new crookling accepts their place by firing a silver-tipped arrow with your name inscribed upon
29:55it.
29:56How are we supposed to bust out some mad archery skills?
29:58Perhaps the motive governs the means, Gabriel.
30:02It's not about what you do.
30:06It's about why.
30:07And whoever comes closest to hitting Ezekiel's original arrowhead will win themselves five fucking points.
30:16But, because we are a soft touch, we will allow you the best of two.
30:21So, crooklings, step forward and collect your arrow.
30:28Good luck.
30:29May your aim be true.
30:36I want you to know your name is poison and your presence is an insult.
30:41Guessing your Edgar Delacoon, they warned me about you.
30:46They were right to.
30:48Made a decision yet?
30:50Guess.
30:57Oh, dear.
30:58Wrong tree, Mr. Okoro.
31:02After that shockingly poor start, let's hope the next two crooklings fare better.
31:09Hey, at least we hit a tree.
31:11Our next two crooklings are Penelope Lockett.
31:17Lockett, as in, as in, the headmaster's daughter.
31:21And, Gabriel Avery.
31:25So, we have a merit versus a legacy.
31:27I thought we agreed.
31:28Raw talent needs nurturing, Diego.
31:31This is the best place for him.
31:33Let's be honest.
31:34It's you against me.
31:35Merit doesn't stand a chance.
31:37Neither do you, Edgar.
31:38Please, step forward.
31:45Ever held a bow before?
31:46How hard can it be?
31:51Make me proud.
31:52When have I not?
32:08Penelope, please retrieve your arrow.
32:13She's good.
32:14I'm better.
32:18I'm better.
32:37I'm better.
33:06How hard can it be?
33:10Our next two crooklings are Edgar Delecoux and Gia Wu.
33:28Should I show you how to hold it?
33:29No, I'll figure it out.
33:42I'm Chinese doofus archers in my DNA.
33:45Bravo, Gia.
33:47A remarkable first shot.
33:49Especially for a merit.
33:51Little wide.
33:52That's a breeze.
33:54I'll recalibrate.
33:55You can't get beat by a medic.
34:14You can't get beat by a medic.
34:31What the hell, Duan?
34:33You were aiming right at her.
34:34I was lining up the target.
34:35You made me shoot when you barged into me.
34:37You never shoot someone on purpose.
34:39I guess the rumours about you are true.
34:41You're no legacy.
34:42Arrow!
34:43Bring me Gia's arrow!
34:45Stay where you are.
34:49Move!
34:50Move!
34:55Okay, look at me.
34:56Look at me.
34:57You okay?
34:59You okay?
35:00You sure?
35:00We'll go.
35:00Okay.
35:04I'm afraid after that unedifying spectacle, Amira has forfeited her term.
35:10Interfering with another crockling shot is strictly forbidden.
35:12I mean, you can't be serious.
35:15Delacoon's the one who should be disqualified.
35:17He tried to shoot Gia.
35:19Amira's the one who saved her.
35:20Hey, don't be a bad sport, Gabriel.
35:22Just because your arrow barely hit the tree.
35:25It was an accident.
35:27Duan knocked into me.
35:37I believe our winner is Edgar Delacoon.
35:40Yes!
35:42Yes!
35:44I've got a great shot, Edgar.
35:51I believe our winner is Edgar Delacoon.
35:53I wouldn't be so sure.
35:56What do you think?
35:58Did you check the name on the arrow before you fired it?
36:06Mr. Lockett, sir, you can't.
36:21The name on the arrow is Gabriel Avery.
36:28I want you to know your name is poison, and your presence is an insult.
36:34Guessing you're Edgar Delacoon, they warned me about you.
36:43The rules state the arrow closest to the mark wins.
36:48This arrow has Gabriel Avery's name on it.
36:58Don't be a bad sport, Edgar, just because your arrow barely hit the tree.
37:02That's not fair.
37:03He's making a mockery out of the crooked oak.
37:04How can you let him do this?
37:06He beat you.
37:07Deal with it.
37:13Oh, I'll deal with it.
37:17So you're staying?
37:20Looks that way.
37:23All it took was me almost getting shot.
37:30Good night, Brookhaven.
37:32Sweet dreams.
37:34Sweet dreams.
37:35Sweet dreams.
37:37Sweet dreams.
37:39I don't know.
38:14Another year begins, Caspian. Another class of eager young crooklings to brainwash. But, a word to the wise. There's a
38:26storm coming. A storm you can't escape. And you only have yourself to blame.
38:35So that's how it all began. I picked his pocket, he picked mine. I went to get my lucky coin
38:42back and, next thing I knew, I was a crookling. New tie, new jacket, new life.
38:53It felt like, maybe my lucky coin had finally brought me some real luck. Except of course it wasn't luck
39:01that brought me here, was it? It was Caspian Lockett.
39:06And when your headmaster and everyone in your school is a crook, the first lesson you learn, trust no one.
39:20What has Caspian started?
39:22You're not one of us. You don't belong here.
39:25I have to utterly humiliate him.
39:27I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to win. Game on.
39:30There's a storm coming.
39:34The Nameless.
39:36What's the Nameless?
39:37An enemy that hates everything crookhave it stands for. You'll put the entire crooked network in danger.
39:43They will get out.
39:45They already have our blood on their hands and they'll burn this place to the ground.
39:49Listen up, Lutzer, we need your help.
39:51Who cleans, assemble.
39:53Leaving so soon.
39:56I thought I was here because I was good.
39:59This is Crookhaven.
40:00Everyone's hiding something.
40:07We're crooks.
40:09Honesty's overrated.
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