00:05You know, you're back in Cork now.
00:07You know, you're back in Cork now with the energy like, you know?
00:11All right.
00:12Chinese parents don't actually care what you look like.
00:14They don't care how tall you are.
00:16They care about three simple criteria, okay?
00:19One, where'd you go to college and what's your degree?
00:22Oh, I went to University College Cork.
00:24I have a degree in history.
00:26What are you going to do with a degree in history?
00:27We can't even talk about history in China,
00:29so that's pretty useless.
00:31Two, what's your job?
00:32Oh, I'm a stand-up comedian.
00:34Stand-up comedy hardly exists in China.
00:37And third and most important,
00:38do you have a house or an apartment?
00:41Bingo!
00:42I have two of them.
00:45Two of them, and for a half a minute I was super popular
00:48until one of them finally asked,
00:49what part of Beijing are your apartments in?
00:51I said, no, no, no, I have two houses in Dublin.
00:54They were like, Dublin, negative equity,
00:58negative equity!
01:00I am alpha!
01:01I am alpha!
01:04That's right, ladies.
01:06Just in case you were thinking,
01:07oh, this is a catch.
01:10You're taking on me, you're taking on some debt.
01:13I don't need Seamus to find me a wife.
01:14I need Nama.
01:15I don't know.
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