#video #short #film #movie
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:03all right the happy couple is three minutes out this is so romantic this lady has no idea she's
00:09about to adopt a kid and get proposed to on the same day couple goals yeah wow it's what every
00:14woman wants to take care of two living things until they die what a great way to start a marriage
00:19through deception i hid maya's ring in a cupcake and then i forgot about it and i ate it
00:27and then i went to the hospital okay places people okay you're coming you're coming or we're going
00:32good good good good they're here they're here glad we didn't over complicate this
00:42jessica broke up with me in the parking lot
00:47congratulations
01:21i'm just bath crayons you know you're soaking you're drawing
01:25you make a mistake you scrub it off the tub you fall asleep you drown in two inches of water
01:30sorry i finished that story the way i wanted it to end dispatched to truck 12 there's an emotional
01:35support donkey loose in seattle grace hospital truck 12 responding creature known only for kicking as a
01:41support animal at least they're already near the er when i was a boy i had a hermit cramp with
01:46the
01:46patience of an angel turns out it was just a shell nothing inside but that shell got me through some
01:53really hard times hey guys i've gotten a few calls about a deceased raccoon in the middle of
01:59boylston abner olive road can you pick him up starting the morning with a splat we're on it you
02:05want to scoop the splatter do you want to be a bag duty if it's a flat splat i'll scoop
02:08they're
02:09actually kind of fun it's like peeling off nail polish okay you guys realize you're still on the
02:13radio right uh no we're not i still got my finger on the button yeah it's just a little too
02:20soon guys
02:20the raccoon had a family it's just sharp talk you can't take the heat you get out of the kitchen
02:25well
02:26i'm trying to but you keep pulling down the button you your thumb is on it so a volunteer said
02:32the
02:32donkey got spooked when a patient rang the done with chemo bell
02:36um
02:43hope this isn't contagious
02:46hello there you rough draft of a horse there you go
02:52nice
02:53this place stick nothing good on the tv and what the hell keeps beeping it can't be
03:01it's definitely him yeah what happened dad nothing i just love hanging around in hospitals
03:07i had a heart attack you boob papa shaw no are you okay i'm gonna be fine shoot maybe we
03:15get a
03:15second opinion you can ask your new girlfriend here where's that classic shaw family love language
03:20hey i'm gonna call patrick i assume you were too proud to notify any of your other children i'm not
03:26proud of anything involving my children you know it's weird that someone with a charcoal porquette for
03:30a heart could even have a heart attack yeah a lot of love being hurled around in here can you
03:35get
03:35that ass out of my room you're gonna have to be more specific did you see the look on that
03:42dead
03:42raccoon's face he was like no he was more like like scared yeah hey patel i have some bad news
03:50uh somehow all of the food that was donated for your community outreach event caught on fire
03:55what how does that even happen yeah well we think it might have been a spark from an electrical
03:59wire i mean roman's contractors really cut a lot of corners putting this place together so
04:03also his crew had the worst catcalling game a lot of repeats yeah i do agree with that um
04:09luckily the fire was contained but yeah all the food is obviously ruined i need all that kibble we
04:15open up the kennel on wednesdays to give away free food to the public what am i supposed to do
04:18just
04:19like sit there and take in the frowns and the disappointment like i'm at home well i would
04:23just restock i mean you still have money in the outreach budget right yeah that's a good point
04:26i don't have any of the money i blew through all of it for the sip and snip i shouldn't
04:30have got
04:30those swag bags again still holding down the button oh yeah you just have to get creative
04:38i'll help you thanks
04:42did you start the fire accidentally yeah i did i started the fire but i was smoking weed in there
04:47so let me get this straight you were getting high by the dry goods at the place where you work
04:51i wasn't
04:52getting high it was one joint would it kill you to get me a cheeseburger pat are you okay i
05:01brought
05:01you a canna lilies mom's favorite i said you get those at the same drugstore you buy your tampons
05:05thanks for coming he needed a fresh target good news mr shaw your numbers have stabilized so we're
05:12gonna discharge you oh hey let the healing begin you sure you don't need to keep them for like a
05:17month
05:17or two yeah we'll sign off on any unnecessary exams and probes the nurses have made it very clear if
05:23we don't discharge them as soon as possible they will strike wow been from a denny's a church and
05:27now a hospital kind of on a hot street whatever i'm going home little miss you get my trousers and
05:32look away he should make a full recovery but it'll need to be monitored i suggest you stay with one
05:40of
05:40you for the week not it no it goes rock paper scissors that's not a five rock paper scissors shoot
05:47rock paper scissors shoot rock paper scissors shoot smart guy would do paper right now then do it smart
05:52guy rock paper scissors shoot ow come on this is our father that we're talking about you're right this
06:00isn't a game first one to the medical waste bin around the corner wins okay i don't agree with
06:05anything that brought us here but i love a competition on your marks and go
06:16eat that
06:18ow
06:29i hope you enjoy
06:38i don't know how to work this crap yeah that's the idea keep you distracted for a couple hours i
06:59almost
06:59forgot if you need anything anything at all whistle for frank here we go mr shaw
07:08keep this kid from messing around back there are you trying to take my wallet i took your wallet and
07:13keys and as fun as it would be to watch doc says you can't drive so i'm stuck in this
07:18freaking dump
07:19okay well as the owner of this house dump feels like a strong word i mean have you seen the
07:23new
07:23backsplash scooter munchkin here is your landlord how are you still renting at your age well you could
07:29stay at my place dad but remember the condo board deemed you as undesirable hey one of you
07:35knuckleheads go and get my sweater back at the house the blue one i cannot do it i'm still at
07:42work
07:42i got an active dui checkpoint going right now dad goodbye frank turning off my phone shred the
07:50backslash is amazing
07:53i need my sweater i'm not driving to your house to get your sweater you can borrow one of mine
07:57oh just give me a second to find the itchiest one
08:04fine i'll pick it up during lunch unless you want to have an even bigger heart attack right now and
08:09just be done with it
08:09now all right yep i'll leave that with you and mr shaw these lights are on a dimmer if that
08:18helps you relax
08:23maybe we can still give this away if we just say it's been slow roasted yeah yeah these casinogens probably
08:29taste great
08:31hi hi hi sorry the donation center is temporarily closed we are out of inventory right now i'd actually
08:38like to make a donation i don't need this food anymore my cat passed away oh well let me just
08:46take this
08:46moment to say your cat has amazing timing thank you sorry for your loss we need pet food but you
08:58know who
08:58doesn't dead pets wait i hope you're not suggesting that we kill pets no but i think i have a
09:04plan
09:07yeah now i gotta check in with my dumb dad every couple of hours because of a major cardiac event
09:12he
09:12experienced he's gonna outlive us all he told me that on my tenth birthday and now he's at my
09:16house probably rifling through all my stuff hey worried he's gonna find your diary it's a captain's
09:21log and he's never gonna find it i have it hidden behind oh nice try what's that what's that rustling
09:30sound is that potato chips no that would be crinklier no no frank is stress-eating sugar-free gummy worms
09:36right now look i've been grinding my teeth lately it's a dissolvable bite guard okay eat all the sweet
09:42treats you need buddy it's it's tough taking care of an agent parent it really is your
09:46mom's like 45 whatever uh actually my mom just turned 50 and i can't wait to take care of her
09:51because she's gonna be such a fun roommate she really is yeah aging parents can be tough not for
09:57me personally i got all these siblings and cousins i'm never gonna have to worry about it yeah my sister's
10:01on the hook for our parents because she's a hospice nurse so she's like really sweet about gross old
10:06people yeah they're gross both lucky hi emily hey frank your um your dad is here what oh look he
10:16senses heat like the predator my best advice is to cover yourself in mud and don't move he's been
10:20strongly requesting his sweater i offered him my office cardigan and he said he does not like balloon
10:25sleeves you have my permission to put him down i want to watch the mariner game okay yeah we can
10:30set
10:30you up on the ipad until frank gets back and bring me my sweater dipstick yeah bring the sweater
10:36dipstick sorry frank don't look at me no pine tar players who aren't fat baseball is not the same game
10:54oh sorry um i can change that if you want to watch something else no this is a good one
10:58pedro and
10:59jemma get into a fight wait wait are you telling me that you watch hot pursuit well at first i
11:04thought
11:04it was a cop show and then it got its hooks at me it's literally my favorite dating show of
11:09all time
11:09we have to turn the volume up throw the subtitles on too definitely i can never understand what jemma is
11:16saying a donation like this would be a wonderful way to honor the memory of rusty yeah now that he's
11:22crossed over the rainbow bridge his earthly positions can be put to good use i think rusty would have
11:29liked that absolutely yeah now come here you i know this is a difficult time but may i ask did
11:38you buy in
11:39bulk hey there's another service starting and you look at the size of the gravestone you just know
11:45they spoiled their dog please don't night before 5 pm thank you watch out oh god
11:59another great up though i don't know how they can legally call any of those things bathing sits but
12:05well it's good that you have the show yeah wait what do you mean nothing it fills a void for
12:11you
12:11it's good okay well you don't actually know that much about me so well i was a detective for 30
12:17years
12:17i can draw a few conclusions please don't you have a small bald spot in an irregular location on your
12:24scalp you're a worrier and you're a workaholic and clearly you're not married based on that withering ring
12:30finger excuse me um i am actually very happy with my life and i am not in a rush for
12:38any of that stuff
12:39well part of the issue is how you dress what's with the blazer you into masters
12:48the homeowner said she's been hearing a scuttling sound coming from up there for the past two weeks
12:52and she said it's less of a and more of a annoying and unhelpful as usual thanks
13:03hey emily putting you on speaker hi frank yeah your father's a nightmare so his condition hasn't
13:09changed sounds like you 86ed him darn right i put him in the parking lot isn't it about to rain
13:14yes so
13:15please come pick him up i am gonna go journal bye
13:29what i'm sending a cab to take you to my house i'm not getting into some driverless robot car
13:34no i said a cab probably driven by another half-blind old man like you
13:38it's going to start raining i do just fine in the rain it's the viet kong
13:51yeah are you all right yeah i'm fine no i'm not he's probably gonna catch pneumonia and then
13:57i'll be stuck with him indefinitely him slowly fusing to the fabric in the couch me explaining
14:02what happened to the old host of jeopardy that's my life forever
14:10stop hey you okay all right you scared me a little bit visions going blurry just gonna
14:18take a closer look at the floor wait frank frank i only know how to do cpr on a dog
14:24i need you to get
14:27haven't you done enough
14:34omg look who's here you remember patel victoria emily dude i didn't hit my head we came as
14:42soon as we heard well as soon as we could make out what shreed was saying in between sobs okay
14:46guys
14:46i'm fine unless i'm not of course well we're here for you buddy you got a plan for the sherbert
14:51oh
14:51and don't worry frank your dad is okay i didn't ask he's down in the car and can i just
14:55say i am
14:56surprised this is your first heart episode mr shaw good news your ekg results are normal yes
15:02i knew it my heart is awesome yours all suck it seems this incident was simply caused by excessive
15:07flatulence well thank you doctor for waiting until all my co-workers were present to give me that
15:14diagnosis could we get that report in writing we'd love to frame it have you had any sugar-free foods
15:19recently yes my man was mainlining sugar-free gummy worms all day well that would do it we found high
15:25amounts of sorbitol in your blood which can contribute to chest pain and high levels of gas
15:29yeah i was here when the nurse released it and uh i will never forget what i heard stop stop
15:36listen
15:36i don't usually eat this way i track all my macros across three different apps i just wound a little
15:42tight today well today was a false alarm but with your family history of heart disease it's important that
15:48you manage your stress you know i still have a lot to process so i'm gonna have to ask all
15:55of you
15:55to leave the room absolutely of course immediately yeah no we gotta go we gotta go right now we gotta
16:03go right now okay i just got a message from that family who buried their poodle two bags of food
16:09and
16:10a gently used dog bed at this rate i'm gonna need a second shed hey guys i just got a
16:15pretty weird call
16:16a man said that you were soliciting him during his cat's funeral no we didn't mean to interrupt
16:21the service it was just a super long moment of silence what actually we brought them closure and
16:26scored a bunch of free stuff up top look your job is very hard but it has turned you into
16:31and i say
16:32this with love soulless monsters uh soulless monsters with a kennel full of new dog food yeah okay um look
16:40i'm a cool boss i am everyone knows it everyone's talking about it and i know that you guys use
16:45gallows humor to get through the day but this has gone too far i really think you need to talk
16:49to
16:49somebody about it you mean like an open mic because i've been working on this joke about the headless
16:53rabbits we found you've heard of a hairless head but have you heard of i don't want to hear the
16:58end of
16:58that um no i i meant that there's a more healthy way to process the sad things that you see
17:03on the job
17:03than making jokes like therapy we don't need that we don't need that it's not good to bottle stuff up
17:09look at frank and how should we be what like you yeah yelling at old guys leaving them out in
17:14a
17:14monsoon okay fine be miserable i don't really care just don't let it affect your jobs anymore okay
17:19that's a good plan
17:26i've heard of undressing people with your eyes but hugging people with your eyes it's disturbing
17:31hmm you really scared me today everything scares you i can't say bloody mary three times without
17:36you don't it's twice this year don't do it and i'm serious man okay your dad turns you into a
17:42stress
17:42machine and it's only gonna get worse as he gets older so i've brought somebody here that knows a
17:47thing or two about that i'll give you two a second alone
18:02someday they'll track a disease spreading to this very moment
18:11that is really cute adorable see we feel stuff yeah we're not monsters we just don't dwell on the
18:17negatives right if we were we would look at that puppy over there and we might remember some things
18:24yeah like what happened on route 12 route 12 i don't i don't think i remember that one route 12
18:30was the labradoodle puppy no i know of course i remember i'm just pushing it down
18:37what was his name
18:41splat no seriously i want to remember it wasn't splat it was burrito burrito that's right i knew it was
18:47something pretty stop i can feel you getting upset i don't want to get upset so just
18:51stop crying i'm not i'm not you remember the kittens in the well alistair pepper buttons and
18:59cross me i think about them every night and i don't want to think about them anymore i'm so
19:04sick of thinking about you guys are scaring that child what's going on you love in the floodgates
19:09everything's gonna die everything is okay all right i'm pulling you both from the field let's go
19:13cherish this time because before you know when that dog's gonna be gone no no no no no no no
19:19no
19:19he's gonna be there therapy now i don't know bucky doesn't he realize that you're supposed to
19:27mellow out with age and somehow think he's getting even worse and because my family sucks i'm gonna be
19:34the one that has to take care of him and i just don't know if i can do that i
19:40mean who's gonna
19:40take care of me when i get old because i'm all alone and i don't know if that's ever gonna
19:51change
19:54you are surprisingly helpful to talk to
20:03i can't believe i'm gonna say this but uh i'd like to talk to you we need to try and
20:11find a way
20:12to make this work we need to gal last or maybe even listen i'm just saying what i
20:22like i understand that you've been through a lot these past few days so here
20:34it's the wrong sweater numbnuts i said the blue one that is blue the one i like
20:40not the cheap one you gave me for christmas colorblind and stupid
20:51you can't leave him here i won the race i have no honor
21:01my wife vetoed all my baby names huckleberry patel would have been a major league pitcher
21:08so what have i got to say to get you to prescribe me the good stuff i think i let
21:11us down a weird path
21:12i'm not actually going to kill anyone you know i was just asking if you would have to report it
21:17out of curiosity and you do have to report which is good and why i asked i understand that giving
21:25a patient a letter grade completely misses the point of therapy but if you were to give me a score
21:29out of
21:29a hundred on how good i'm doing there's a couple of areas i don't want to unravel love life family
21:35fear of mortality oh nothing about body or food let's do it
Comments