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The Miniature Wife S01E01 2 (2026) | Marriage Turns Into Unexpected Chaos 💔😂 Full Episode
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00:00:06this is a love story love it's supposed to be patient and kind but let's be honest it's
00:00:16irrational it can make us crazy and sometimes downright insane I should know my husband made
00:00:25me small no it's not a metaphor he made me six inches tall I'm literally the size of a dry
00:00:42martini shaken stirred and nursing the burn of every sip even at our ugliest I still believe
00:00:53our love's worth fighting for a fair warning it's going to get worse before it gets better
00:01:05to us to us to recapturing magic to the journey not the destination it's a dr. Carmichael couples
00:01:20therapist extraordinaire to her words of wisdom it's speaking of the journey it was so bumpy
00:01:28yeah a few potholes yeah yeah checked into separate rooms um but I am working through my narcissistic
00:01:37tendencies and I am working on my accountability issues and here we are we made it got to the next
00:01:45stop dr. Carmichael's new year new us colon a grand gesture I'd like to go first okay great
00:02:02I've arranged to get the vermont gang back together at the gray house on new year's eve for our
00:02:06anniversary so we can renew our vows new year new us I'm speechless we were so happy there
00:02:20really really are Gary and Matt going to be there they're giving up Cabo Lulu our daughter
00:02:26has not returned my call oh she's 18 she will they don't do phones always send a text okay okay
00:02:31my turn
00:02:32okay this will be but the last Christmas that we spend in St. Louis because I have listed our house
00:02:40with the contingency to run it back from the bio through next December I am going to land this big
00:02:45fish and tomorrow I'm going to get Elder Smith to bankroll the final stage of my life's work so
00:02:50that in one year Lindy we can move back to the gray house permanently like I promised years ago
00:02:58clean slate and a fresh start I supported you and you got your prize and all I ask is that
00:03:06for one
00:03:06more year you support me so I can get mine are you serious the listing went up today
00:03:19is this real very
00:03:29less I love you
00:03:31I love you
00:03:32I love you too
00:03:42thank you thank you for inviting me back into our bed
00:04:09how does one solve the problem
00:04:12of feeding the world only less little John knows now what if we could take say an ear of corn
00:04:20and shrink it to a fraction of its original size just imagine a farmer could grow 10
00:04:27a hundred a thousand ears of corn in the space it takes to grow one but how does cellular reduction
00:04:34work my revolutionary molecular transformation process fundamentally changes the distance between
00:04:41atoms oh the real question is can you restore the corn cob to regular size after it's been
00:04:47miniaturized not only can we do it we will do it together Hilton Smith we can make more with less
00:04:55that's L E S I'll take it from here less okay now it's time to blow your minds
00:05:12you call this the mini barn card no one calls it that it's just me see I grew up on
00:05:18a farm
00:05:19rich her I'm sorry sorry I get excited
00:05:47I'm going to call this the future.
00:06:03I am fucking amazed.
00:06:08It's a corner.
00:06:09Look how tiny it is.
00:06:11It's being tiny.
00:06:12It's incredible.
00:06:13I got you.
00:06:14You did.
00:06:15You really did.
00:06:15You really did.
00:06:16That's crazy.
00:06:17Oh, it amazed me again.
00:06:19Make it big.
00:06:20I want to taste it.
00:06:23Oh, a big corn takes a big investment.
00:06:25Oh, there he is.
00:06:26Money man chiming in.
00:06:28Go on.
00:06:29You know, Flavor Saver was a huge step forward.
00:06:33It was the first and the best GMO tomato on the market.
00:06:37But it was a failure.
00:06:38Well, no, it wasn't.
00:06:41It was a breakthrough, but it tasted like old Band-Aids.
00:06:44Admit it.
00:06:44No, I don't think I'm loyal.
00:06:48Admit it or walk.
00:06:50No.
00:06:55Fuck yeah.
00:06:56You should never admit failure.
00:06:58I got you.
00:07:00Yes, you did, Hilton.
00:07:01But this agrotech is going to change the world.
00:07:05Jinx?
00:07:06And just think, this is only the beginning.
00:07:08Sorry, who are you?
00:07:09Vivian, Hilton's chief scientist.
00:07:11I'm the guts.
00:07:12I just write the checks.
00:07:13She's the brains.
00:07:14And my guts never make mistakes.
00:07:17I mean, I would write you a check right now.
00:07:21But for some reason, I'm just not feeling yummy in my tummy.
00:07:29You.
00:07:30Me.
00:07:31Who are you?
00:07:33Is this a trick question?
00:07:34I don't know.
00:07:35Is it?
00:07:36Well, who are you?
00:07:38I'm awesome.
00:07:39I'm Hilton.
00:07:40Well, I'm awesome.
00:07:41I'm less.
00:07:44Yeah.
00:07:45I'm going to need more.
00:07:52You liked it.
00:07:54Yeah, I'm going to lose my house.
00:07:56I'm going to lose my house.
00:08:26Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by the one, the only, Lindy McMichael Littlejohn.
00:08:32That's a lifetime ago.
00:08:3518 years and still a fan fave?
00:08:37Listen, Richie, we need to talk.
00:08:42Uh-oh.
00:08:43No.
00:08:44Yeah.
00:08:45No, we've just begun.
00:08:47Richie.
00:08:48Hold on, this is just the first act, and not turn this into a tragedy.
00:08:52Tragedy's a better story.
00:08:54Oh, I wish they had a section on how to repair an emotional affair.
00:08:59Listen, you really saw me when I needed it the most.
00:09:03I do.
00:09:04Yeah, and you really gave me that emotional intimacy that I craved, you know?
00:09:10Mm-hmm.
00:09:11You were a great shoulder, an ear.
00:09:14Mm-hmm.
00:09:14You're so handsome, young, smart.
00:09:18Don't stop it.
00:09:19And maybe in another life, but...
00:09:21But I fell in love.
00:09:24And you?
00:09:26I fell in Les.
00:09:27Hell yes.
00:09:28Yeah.
00:09:28Why?
00:09:30Les knows the real me, the worst of me, and he still loves me.
00:09:36I could love the worst of you.
00:09:37No.
00:09:38Yeah.
00:09:38He has 20 years on you, and you've known me, like, a few months.
00:09:41Six and a half.
00:09:44Les...
00:09:45He made a grand gesture, and he promised me a fresh start, and I believe him.
00:09:51Why?
00:09:52No, no, no.
00:09:53Actually, don't say.
00:09:54Love should remain a mystery.
00:09:57My mom told me that.
00:10:00Okay.
00:10:01I'm gonna go.
00:10:01Just...
00:10:02Wait, wait, wait.
00:10:03This...
00:10:03Oh, God, no, no.
00:10:04I got you this Christmas present.
00:10:06Absolutely cannot accept this.
00:10:08You must.
00:10:08No, I am not.
00:10:08It means our love was in vain.
00:10:10Shh, shh, shh.
00:10:10Not love.
00:10:11Okay, okay, okay.
00:10:11Okay, okay.
00:10:12Just open the card first.
00:10:14There is no need to thank me.
00:10:16Okay.
00:10:17Okay.
00:10:31Merry Christmas, my love.
00:10:33In anticipation of the new year, new you, and new us, I thought this would be a great start.
00:10:39Open the present.
00:10:41I'll wait.
00:10:52I hate this rag.
00:10:53I know you hate this rag, but I knew you'd never send it in yourself.
00:10:58Give it a quick read.
00:10:59See if you recognize it.
00:11:02Oh, Richie.
00:11:04No, no, no, no.
00:11:05What have you done?
00:11:06I pretend it to be your book agent.
00:11:08Your story is gonna be in the New Yorker.
00:11:12No.
00:11:13I didn't write this.
00:11:15I'm fucked.
00:11:16I know it's overwhelming, and I'm sure you don't.
00:11:19Holy fuck, Richie!
00:11:22No, no, no!
00:11:23Oh, my fuck.
00:11:25Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.
00:11:26Oh, bitch, pick up, pick up.
00:11:28Hi, this is Terry.
00:11:29Leave a message.
00:11:30Terry!
00:11:31Oh, fuck.
00:11:32Okay.
00:11:32There is a story.
00:11:34There's a story in the New Yorker with my name on it, and I need you to call me back.
00:11:38This is an emergency.
00:11:39For serious this time, call me back.
00:11:42Fuck.
00:11:44Fuck!
00:11:53Shut the door.
00:11:55Why?
00:11:55Because I want to raise my voice.
00:11:58Jesus, jumping crackers.
00:12:00Why would you invite Hilton to your charity event at your home tonight?
00:12:05Because he wants to know who I am.
00:12:06But Lindy will be there.
00:12:08And?
00:12:08Oh, I'm sorry.
00:12:09Am I the only one that remembers last year, the silent auction, the pool incident, and
00:12:14you're still serving alcohol this year, right?
00:12:16Count me out.
00:12:17I'm sorry.
00:12:18I cannot watch.
00:12:21I don't think that my heart or my stomach can tolerate another interaction with him, but
00:12:27we are broke.
00:12:29And here's all we have.
00:12:31There are no more interested investors less with Hilton's kind of cash.
00:12:36You know what?
00:12:37Lindy and I are fine now.
00:12:38We're good, even.
00:12:40And we're renewing our vows.
00:12:41New year.
00:12:42New us.
00:12:42Yes.
00:12:43You said that last year.
00:12:44This year it's going to stick.
00:12:45You sleeping in the same bed?
00:12:46Yes.
00:12:47Just sleeping?
00:12:48Sleeping plus.
00:12:50Big plus?
00:12:51Small plus.
00:12:52It'd feel so much better if it was Big.
00:12:54We're on the road to Big.
00:12:55I promise you.
00:12:56Um, okay.
00:12:58Lindy, it's me.
00:12:59It's me calling you.
00:13:01Um, I'm not panicking, but just call me back before the party, okay?
00:13:04It's not an emergency, but it's an emergency.
00:13:06Oh, so sorry, sir.
00:13:07Um, my, uh, my polyp is gone.
00:13:10Yeah, but there's a hole in my heart now.
00:13:12Sounds like a case for the Bard's Guard.
00:13:14So I'll be unable to attend your party this evening.
00:13:17Our loss.
00:13:17Good luck, Richard.
00:13:42You're not Jackie.
00:13:43I'm Hill.
00:13:44Don't make me raise it.
00:13:45Who are you?
00:13:46I'm Professor Little John.
00:13:47Jackie's professor.
00:13:48Did she leave for break already?
00:13:49Have I missed her?
00:13:50I hope not, because I'm her fucking ride.
00:13:52Jackie!
00:13:54Professor Little John.
00:13:55Yeah, Lindy.
00:13:56You should call me Lindy.
00:13:57Oh, uh, hell, uh, Professor Little John is the reason that I'm here.
00:14:02Oh, you wrote that book she loves.
00:14:04I didn't read it.
00:14:05No offense.
00:14:06None taken.
00:14:07Jackie, I'm so glad I caught you.
00:14:09Can we talk?
00:14:10Yeah.
00:14:11Just real quick.
00:14:12Oh, you mean without me?
00:14:13I do.
00:14:14Oh.
00:14:14Is it okay?
00:14:15Oh, yeah.
00:14:15A bit rude.
00:14:16No offense, but sure.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:18Let's just have it.
00:14:19Okay.
00:14:21Um.
00:14:23Have I done something wrong, Professor Little John?
00:14:25Oh, no, no.
00:14:26Gosh, no.
00:14:27No, I have.
00:14:28I have.
00:14:30I, um, I need to tell you something.
00:14:33Uh.
00:14:37I loved your short story.
00:14:41Untitled on Purpose.
00:14:42Yeah, that's the one.
00:14:43Yeah, I loved it.
00:14:44It was brilliant.
00:14:45Uh, the prose was incisive.
00:14:47Oh, just the voice.
00:14:49Fresh.
00:14:49Distinguished.
00:14:50Rare.
00:14:51One that deserves the attention of the New York literati.
00:14:57I mean, that, that means the world to me.
00:15:00Professor Little John, it's almost, it's almost Christmas and you're at my door complimenting
00:15:03my work.
00:15:03I, oh my gosh, I couldn't ask for a better case.
00:15:05Okay, listen to me.
00:15:06Listen to me.
00:15:07Yes?
00:15:07You need to turn it into a novel right now.
00:15:12Now.
00:15:13Really?
00:15:14Really now.
00:15:15Mm-hmm.
00:15:15Um, I guess I could get started over the break.
00:15:19No, you need to take next semester off and just write.
00:15:21The whole semester.
00:15:24The whole semester.
00:15:24You just want to isolate and write.
00:15:27While it's fresh, while it's here, while Untitled on Purpose is coursing through you,
00:15:32right?
00:15:33Yes, yes, I feel it.
00:15:33Okay, so you need to isolate and write, uh, no distractions, no internet, no novels, no
00:15:38magazines, no, uh, nothing, right?
00:15:41Nothing.
00:15:42And just all winter long, a very, a room of one's own.
00:15:45Right.
00:15:45Wolf it.
00:15:46Right, wolf it.
00:15:47Could you do that?
00:15:48Yes, well, uh, well, how's dad?
00:15:50My Uncle Flip, he has a cabin back in Montana that's super isolated, like Walden Pond isolated.
00:15:55That's perfect.
00:15:56Right?
00:15:56Yes, Jackie.
00:15:57Yeah.
00:15:59This has the potential to be your...
00:16:02My rainbow starts with black?
00:16:04No, Professor Littlejohn, it, it couldn't.
00:16:07Jackie, I should know.
00:16:10My goal in life is to just write one, one great novel like you.
00:16:16That's okay.
00:16:17So we're agreed.
00:16:19You're going to isolate and write.
00:16:20Yes.
00:16:20All semester.
00:16:21All semester.
00:16:22You're going to Montana.
00:16:23Yes.
00:16:24Remember, no magazines, right?
00:16:25None.
00:16:26You don't want any?
00:16:27Uh-uh.
00:16:27Just turn off the internet.
00:16:29Okay?
00:16:30I will unplug completely.
00:16:32Yes!
00:16:32Okay, hey, Merry Christmas!
00:16:34Merry Christmas!
00:16:35To you too!
00:16:40Merry Christmas!
00:16:57Merry Christmas!
00:17:00Terry!
00:17:01Thank Christ!
00:17:02Okay, listen, I...
00:17:03You've got ten minutes.
00:17:05Blindsiding me with one short story published in the New Yorker over the last two decades gets
00:17:09The fact that we've been friends for more than 20 years gets you another.
00:17:12And the other eight belongs to Gillian Flynn.
00:17:14He continues to publish bestsellers, which bought me a classic six off the park.
00:17:19I didn't write the story. It's my students' work.
00:17:24My ex-emotional lover. Long story.
00:17:28He found the fucking story in my bag and thought it was mine.
00:17:30And why would I correct him, you know?
00:17:33He sent it in without my knowledge on my behalf.
00:17:37Because he, long story, adored me and thought I was capable of writing something great again.
00:17:42I'm taking a sabbatical from Wash U.
00:17:45I'm headed to the Grey House. Les and I are going to renew our vows.
00:17:48Long story. You're invited. I know you hate him.
00:17:51I did too. But he is a good dad. And I'm committed to committing to my marriage.
00:17:57So, I cannot handle this shitstorm right now.
00:18:02Which is sure, by the way, to tarnish your reputation as well.
00:18:05So, if you want to keep that classic six, then can you please, please,
00:18:10fix this fucking mess so I can focus on my vows and my marriage like I promised?
00:18:15I hate you.
00:18:17I know.
00:18:18I hate me too!
00:18:21No, you're not allowed to thank me.
00:18:28vulnerable.
00:18:34shores
00:18:44hooray
00:18:46Audemar.
00:18:47Audemar!
00:18:47Alyssa's been calling. I've been texting.
00:18:49And I have been busy.
00:18:50Les needs you on best behavior tonight.
00:18:53Hilton Smith is attending.
00:18:55Condescending as always, Starla.
00:18:57And who?
00:18:58Necessary, and he is a big investor.
00:19:01You know, I thought the cover was on the pool last year, right?
00:19:03You know that.
00:19:04Great!
00:19:05You already picked up the first frame to me.
00:19:06I did.
00:19:06Yep.
00:19:07It's locked.
00:19:08I know.
00:19:10Is this another party protest?
00:19:11No.
00:19:12Hilton is here in five.
00:19:13Starla.
00:19:14Your dress is upstairs.
00:19:15I need you inside.
00:19:15Now.
00:19:16What dress?
00:19:17Les, let me assess your wardrobe situation.
00:19:19And we both agreed that the only option was to outsource an upgrade.
00:19:22Insulting?
00:19:24And what if I hate it?
00:19:25Your futures are on the line.
00:19:27He said to me, quote,
00:19:29No new year knew us without new money.
00:19:31Unquote.
00:19:32So please, just move.
00:19:34Get out of the car.
00:19:36Now!
00:19:37Goodbye, Starla.
00:19:39I will have the valet physically remove you.
00:19:43I need a minute!
00:19:46One minute!
00:19:49You need Hulk out front?
00:19:51Stat!
00:20:19Come on, tell me what Les is working on.
00:20:22This is the cover of Scientific American.
00:20:24He tells me nothing else.
00:20:27And you never ask.
00:20:29Bullshit, Les.
00:20:29I have printed that same quote from you ten times over the years.
00:20:33All I'll say is First Rule of Fight Club.
00:20:35Lean.
00:20:36And outdated.
00:20:37Just like Scientific American.
00:20:49Vodka dry.
00:20:58Oh, thank you.
00:21:07Big Red has landed.
00:21:10Where's Lindy?
00:21:11I need eyes on Lady Tomato.
00:21:13Helton?
00:21:13Give me a 20 on Deep Pockets.
00:21:16Double negative.
00:21:17Big Red is not happy.
00:21:18See, I know amazing style when I see it.
00:21:21Oh, this is a facade.
00:21:24Oh, well, the facade is working.
00:21:27I'm teetering on the precipice of being outed as a fraud.
00:21:32Which I probably deserve.
00:21:34I'm supposed to be the supportive wife.
00:21:38But my career going up in flames is banging around my brain.
00:21:42That's all I can hear.
00:21:43What does your husband think about that?
00:21:45Oh, he has no clue.
00:21:47He's a fraud, too.
00:21:49Is that so?
00:21:50Oh, welcome, everyone.
00:21:56Every year, I say I'm going to keep it short and that this night is not about me.
00:22:00It's about the children.
00:22:02And tonight, I'm actually going to keep that promise.
00:22:04But, you know, let's be honest.
00:22:06It has to be about me first because you're all here to bid on my stuff.
00:22:11Well, he's just playing the role of a charitable philanthropist.
00:22:17But all he really cares about is his life's work.
00:22:20First, himself second, our daughter third, and me last.
00:22:24Which I probably deserve.
00:22:26Well, just curious.
00:22:27What do you think about his life's work?
00:22:30And a very personal little ditty about Jack and Diane.
00:22:34My John Cougar Mellencamp Velcro wallet.
00:22:37With my high school ID still inside.
00:22:40Huh?
00:22:41Where else are you going to get one of those?
00:22:43I can't tell you that.
00:22:46It's so top secret, actually.
00:22:48I have no idea what it is.
00:22:50Hold on a second.
00:22:50My top elf is really trying to tell me something.
00:22:54Lady Tomato and the Brando at Deepak.
00:22:55His two drinks in third on deck.
00:22:57You're fucking joking, aren't you fucking fired?
00:22:59I'll turn to my headset.
00:23:03But I can tell you.
00:23:06He's brilliant.
00:23:08Don't tell him I said that.
00:23:10Yeah.
00:23:11I mean, I'm already last.
00:23:13You know, what's after last?
00:23:16Not much.
00:23:17So, yeah.
00:23:18Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
00:23:21And hopefully that covers it all.
00:23:24Okay.
00:23:26Last?
00:23:27Five minutes.
00:23:27No.
00:23:28Two.
00:23:28One.
00:23:28Later.
00:23:29Maybe.
00:23:29Done.
00:23:29Oh, everybody was up.
00:23:31Baby, stop, stop, stop.
00:23:32No, no.
00:23:32I'm just explaining to this gentleman why there's no outdoor access this holiday season.
00:23:36So, as a joke, last year I put into the silent auction.
00:23:40As a joke, watch Almighty Les walk on water.
00:23:44I thought the cover was on the pool.
00:23:46Oh.
00:23:46It was out.
00:23:47I'm so sorry.
00:23:48You get it.
00:23:49Hilton, I'm so sorry.
00:23:50I just want to say I'm so sorry.
00:23:51Well, I pay right now to see that.
00:23:53Awesome.
00:23:54Les.
00:23:55If you can walk on water, you got my money.
00:23:58Are you being serious?
00:24:00No.
00:24:00No.
00:24:01Oh, great.
00:24:02So, I can still get the money?
00:24:04After the conversation with your wife, I don't know.
00:24:09Hi, Hilton.
00:24:10I didn't know.
00:24:10Okay, Lindy, why don't you just not say anything and maybe go and get us a lot of drinks?
00:24:16Okay, so, Hilton, I don't know what she said.
00:24:18Well, she said that you put work first, family third, and her did last.
00:24:23That's out of context.
00:24:24What kind of man are you?
00:24:25I know.
00:24:26I just, I can explain.
00:24:27I can explain.
00:24:31You never explain anything.
00:24:33I got you.
00:24:34Again.
00:24:35Again.
00:24:36You suck at it.
00:24:37I do, I do, I do.
00:24:38So, just to be clear, Lindy didn't tank the deal.
00:24:41She closed it.
00:24:42Now she's awesome.
00:24:44Workaholics, they changed the world.
00:24:46I'm a workaholic.
00:24:47I should know.
00:24:49Thank you so much.
00:24:50Thank you so much.
00:24:51I want to go to work right away.
00:24:52Like, fuck the holidays.
00:24:53Yeah.
00:24:54Put it on my Christmas card every year.
00:24:55Yeah, you really see me.
00:24:57We both do.
00:24:58Oh, it's you again.
00:24:59Hilton's chief scientist.
00:25:01Oh, the brains.
00:25:02And the boots.
00:25:03The boots?
00:25:03The boots on the ground.
00:25:04What do the boots do?
00:25:05The boots ensure that my guts are never wrong.
00:25:09The boots are part of the deal.
00:25:12I'm all in.
00:25:13Are you?
00:25:14Awesome.
00:25:14Bless.
00:25:21Fine, just tell me.
00:25:23I'm melting down.
00:25:25Because I fucked the deal.
00:25:26No, I closed the deal.
00:25:27I closed the deal.
00:25:28Fantastic.
00:25:29No.
00:25:30What do you mean no?
00:25:30That's so great.
00:25:32Oh my God, I was so worried.
00:25:33No, now I am saddled with one of Hilton's network of bio spies.
00:25:38His chief scientist is going to come in and she's going to take credit for my work.
00:25:42And all of this will have been for nothing.
00:25:44I will be nothing.
00:25:45My legacy will be nothing.
00:25:47I shall go to the grave without a Nobel.
00:25:49You know, this was my last chance at greatness.
00:25:53God.
00:25:54Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:25:59Hey, come on, you remember Joan Ryan?
00:26:03Huh?
00:26:05Yeah, my nemesis at MIT.
00:26:06That's right.
00:26:07You were convinced that the PhD board was going to pick her over you and you were going to
00:26:13be relegated to just a footnote in the science community or some other science bad thing,
00:26:17right?
00:26:18But what actually happened, Les?
00:26:21They chose me.
00:26:23They chose you.
00:26:25And where's Joan Ryan?
00:26:27Teaching at Berkeley.
00:26:31And where are you?
00:26:32In St. Louis.
00:26:34But why?
00:26:34Oh, uh, to give the finger to those ungrateful pricks at Monsanto and to build the Menlo Park
00:26:41of the Midwest.
00:26:42And how?
00:26:43How?
00:26:43Because I am a partner in my own company creating the bio-agrotech that will change the world.
00:26:48That's right.
00:26:48Yeah.
00:26:49You're going to change the world.
00:26:50Yeah.
00:26:52And you are.
00:26:54I've always believed that.
00:26:56Even when you hated me?
00:26:57Oh.
00:27:00Especially when I hated you.
00:27:02So what do I do?
00:27:04You do what you always do.
00:27:06You get back in the workshop and you figure it out.
00:27:11That's what Les Littlejohn does.
00:27:14Yeah.
00:27:14Right?
00:27:15Yeah.
00:27:16Right.
00:27:17Okay.
00:27:18Okay.
00:27:20That's it.
00:27:24Thank you for being so understanding.
00:27:27Oh, God.
00:27:29So now I've got to get back in the workshop.
00:27:31And let's move our renewing our vows to next year.
00:27:34That's a fantastic idea.
00:27:35Les?
00:27:36No, I didn't.
00:27:36What?
00:27:37Huh?
00:27:37That's what you said, right?
00:27:39Huh?
00:27:40Did I?
00:27:41Yeah.
00:27:42Gary and Meg.
00:27:43Oh, Gary and Meg would much prefer to go to Cabo.
00:27:45Let's send them something.
00:27:46Sign my name.
00:27:46No, no, no.
00:27:47That will be so humiliating.
00:27:49Don't worry.
00:27:49Don't worry.
00:27:49I'll tell Lulu that she can just go skiing with her friends like she wanted.
00:27:51So I'll see you when I see you.
00:27:53I'll be back when I'm back.
00:27:54And I love you.
00:27:55And I can't wait for New Year.
00:27:57New us next year.
00:27:58Whoa.
00:28:07Is he fucking kidding me?
00:28:28Lendie?
00:28:29Hi, Richie.
00:28:31Um, I made a mistake and I'm leaving Les.
00:28:36Tonight.
00:28:37I heard the emotion in your voice and it's beautiful.
00:28:40I've been hoping for a Christmas miracle.
00:28:42Yeah, I'm going to go to Vermont.
00:28:43I'm going to go to the Grey House.
00:28:45And I, um, could you, could you come with me?
00:28:48Where you finished your masterpiece.
00:28:50I'd be honored to be invited.
00:28:52A gift beyond measure.
00:28:53I have ten vacation days and one personal day bagged.
00:28:57Heart emoji.
00:28:59Let's meet at Mandy's Diner at midnight.
00:29:02Heart emoji bag.
00:29:03I'll arrive with joy in my step and a light in my heart.
00:29:07Did you love my present?
00:29:08Fuck.
00:29:09Pardon?
00:29:10Yeah, I didn't have the heart to open it.
00:29:15So, um, I'll just bring it with me, okay?
00:29:18New year, new you, new us.
00:29:21Oh, is Vermont cold?
00:29:22I can...
00:29:43Everybody out in 30 minutes or Hulk is going to see me smash.
00:29:49Iceberg ahead, 30 clicks.
00:29:51Abandon ship.
00:29:52Lady Tomato about to burst.
00:29:53Hey, hey, hey.
00:29:55Les promised me a minute.
00:29:59I'll give you 20.
00:30:17Excuse me.
00:30:19I thought the boots up my ass might start after the holidays.
00:30:23Martin signed the LOI ASAP and Hilton turned on the money hose in good faith.
00:30:28I didn't sign.
00:30:28I'm a partner.
00:30:29Apparently not the important one.
00:30:32Oh.
00:30:33Well, now I'm inspired and I would like you to leave.
00:30:37A genius needs his space.
00:30:40Exactly.
00:30:41And I plan on being inspired throughout the holidays.
00:30:44I know this is a difficult transition period.
00:30:46I'll give you tonight.
00:30:48But I will be back tomorrow.
00:30:52Boots on the ground, Dr. Littlejohn.
00:30:59Boots on the ground, Dr. Littlejohn.
00:31:25Hi.
00:31:35Mills, I don't have time.
00:31:39Shoot what?
00:31:42I don't have time.
00:31:48Here we go.
00:31:53What?
00:32:02you're old text me
00:32:09fuck you too
00:32:14Starla
00:32:25freezers off limits from now on until I say I need to regroup where are you going I'm leaving you
00:32:33anyone should be leaving anyone I should be leaving you how's that for trying to sabotage
00:32:37my career think I don't know oh you don't think Nils will call me for comment Lindy scientific
00:32:42American not TMZ I'm a hoax all right I'm threatened by a female scientist taking credit
00:32:48for my work you mentioned Joan I'm not a misogynist I'm not I'm not intentionally
00:32:53anything I'm an accidental misogynist and I too blame the patriarchy for that I never said
00:32:58misogynist why would you do this why you know why is it about Gary and Meg this is about you
00:33:06and our marriage and breaking the promise of step three colon a grand gesture and our daughter who
00:33:13hates me sucking the life out of me and my promising writing career career stop it was one book in
00:33:20the
00:33:20early aughts this is what you did you basically you turned in a book report on your fucked up family
00:33:26you changed the names you added a little bit of wry sarcasm and then you called it fiction and you
00:33:31got
00:33:31lucky my rainbow starts with black no shit my book report and the subsequent oscar nominated film it's
00:33:39based on bought and paid for this extravagantly sad mcmansion in this podunk red state town you forced us
00:33:48to move to so that you could try to be something other than mr fucking tomato head
00:33:53it's the last thing i need right now oh my god i'm so sorry what is it you need right
00:33:59now i need you
00:34:00yeah i need your support this is my last chance you already got your prize and in case you forgot
00:34:08i was by your side for every fucking sentence every book signing every interview i held your purse i
00:34:16held my tongue you know i was there for the ride and it wasn't always pleasant you know the roller
00:34:20coaster
00:34:21of insecurity and emotion was frankly fucking exhausting i have paid that debt i have been by your side for
00:34:2815 years you had flavor saver and it was insufferable still is but i didn't get my moment
00:34:38in the spotlight like you did i didn't get my prize swing and a miss how is it my fault
00:34:45how my apologies
00:34:48forgive me for being ambitious um coasting by on a one hit wonder isn't enough for me maybe you don't
00:34:54have another hit in you huh maybe you're one and done maybe your ego just won't let you read the
00:35:00room i would rather be blinded by my ego than paralyzed by fear that's me that's what you think
00:35:05of me yeah because you haven't produced one goddamn sentence in 15 years what kind of magic do you think
00:35:10you're suddenly going to find in your beloved gray house huh with me by your side like an emotional
00:35:15support animal encouraging you keeping you calm because quote i promise we'd return there one day
00:35:21unquote i mean i am through being held emotionally hostage for your creative paralysis and there it is
00:35:29everyone that's our show same line every time
00:35:40this is the top secret thing you've been working on give me a tonka truck is not going to change
00:35:48the
00:35:48world let alone agriculture as we know it you have no idea what you're talking about this is what you
00:35:52said to every female scientist that's never had a better idea you know most men overcompensate with
00:35:58a big truck it's nice to see yours to scale what a gentleman oh fuck what oh no lindy
00:36:39say something
00:36:42are you alive
00:36:43oh you're alive
00:36:48fuck you
00:36:49fuck you
00:36:50fuck you
00:37:07Merry Christmas, I don't want to bow tonight.
00:37:27Last.
00:37:30Oh, fuck.
00:37:36What time is that?
00:37:40Oh, shit.
00:37:45Oh, my God.
00:37:59How much did I drink last night?
00:38:02Less.
00:38:07Why would you put the plaid back up?
00:38:11It's my eyes.
00:38:14My head.
00:38:18Oh, I'll try January starts today.
00:38:26Oh, wow, that really cleaned up.
00:38:32Less.
00:38:38Who's at the door?
00:38:51What is this nonsense?
00:39:00No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:39:03Lindy, everything is fine.
00:39:06Don't freak out.
00:39:16Lindy.
00:39:18No.
00:39:20Okay, I'm opening up the draw house.
00:39:23Stop screaming at me.
00:39:40Oh, shoes, oh!
00:39:47there you are you're okay
00:39:53i am not okay
00:39:56i am not okay
00:40:08it works i can hear you
00:40:09you're too loud
00:40:12sorry
00:40:13well now i can't hear you
00:40:15how about now
00:40:16no too loud
00:40:17now
00:40:19softer
00:40:20no
00:40:20better
00:40:22i hate this fucking thing
00:40:27can you hear me now
00:40:28say again
00:40:29can you hear me now
00:40:31yes
00:40:32sorry sorry i'm so sorry
00:40:34are you okay
00:40:35i'm fine
00:40:37i heard that
00:40:38i think we got it
00:40:41hi
00:40:42what the fuck
00:40:43less
00:40:44i heard that too
00:40:45loud and clear
00:40:46okay
00:40:47lindy i'm so sorry
00:40:49it was an accident
00:40:50and uh i can't believe it even happened
00:40:52i don't know
00:40:54but you're incredible
00:40:54incredible i mean
00:40:55i mean you're beautiful
00:41:01are you smiling right now
00:41:03no no no no of course not
00:41:06i just i just like wow
00:41:12wow wow wow wow
00:41:14no i apologize you're my wife and you're not experimentally
00:41:18i should hope so
00:41:20jesus oh my god
00:41:22this is your job
00:41:23this how you're gonna solve world hunger
00:41:26you're gonna make everybody tiny so
00:41:28so they don't what eat more
00:41:30i don't
00:41:31do you want me to answer that or
00:41:34explain it to me
00:41:36well um
00:41:37it's called
00:41:38cellular reduction
00:41:40and um it's the process of miniaturization and restoration of organic fruit and vegetables
00:41:46and that's how i plan to solve world hunger
00:41:49explain how you're gonna make me big again jesus i don't give a shit how it works
00:41:55oh right well i just reversed the process that's the restoration part
00:41:59great
00:42:01restore me
00:42:03now please
00:42:04i can do that
00:42:05um uh but first uh a surprise
00:42:08meet me in the dining room
00:42:14merry christmas lindy
00:42:16less do i look merry or hungry
00:42:19well it's kind of hard to tell from this distance
00:42:22i'm not
00:42:23make me big again now
00:42:25heard that loud and clear
00:42:27um the thing is
00:42:29tell me you can make me big again less
00:42:31i can and i will
00:42:33um the thing is that it's just
00:42:35i think it's just gonna take a day uh or two tops
00:42:39but you'll be fine everything's gonna be okay
00:42:41you're healthy
00:42:42i checked your vitals
00:42:44wait i could die
00:42:45tiny
00:42:46no you're not gonna die tiny
00:42:50you'll be safe in the dollhouse
00:42:52because it's almost exactly the same as our house house
00:42:55um the stove works the refrigerator works there's food the water runs and i shrunk a few of your favorite
00:43:04things to really make you feel at home home your clothes from your closet um and uh this curling thing
00:43:16and your hairbrush uh cold cream looked important oh and i remembered your coffee and the coffee maker worked perfectly
00:43:26right oh one crucial thing um the toilet uh it works i figured it out just don't ever look in
00:43:32the hall closet downstairs ever you will be restored to regular size i promise it this is just temporary lindy
00:43:39i am so close truly
00:43:41now it's so close
00:43:44now it's so close
00:43:46not a day or two tops
00:43:48less
00:43:49you motherfuckers
00:43:51hey calm down
00:43:57calm fucking down
00:43:59calm down
00:44:13why
00:44:16honey
00:44:21i'm gonna need a minute
00:44:25i don't want to feel it
00:44:27Oh, he's been away.
00:44:43You can refilm the lady's cup, too.
00:44:47She's on her way, boy.
00:44:49She's gone back to her husband.
00:44:50No.
00:44:51They always do.
00:44:52Not this time.
00:44:53Because we've got plans.
00:44:55Yep.
00:44:56We've got concrete plans.
00:45:01How about a 10-day getaway to Vermont for two?
00:45:07Uber romantic.
00:45:15There are multiple reasons you could be late.
00:45:18No, I know Lindy's coming.
00:45:19Why, you may ask?
00:45:21Because our love story is woven into the fabric of time, destined to be written.
00:45:28Immortalized for generations to come.
00:45:33Quiet, everybody, please.
00:45:34Quiet, please!
00:45:36Sorry.
00:45:37Oh.
00:45:39It's work.
00:45:40It's work.
00:45:42Hey, Martin.
00:45:44Well, I was going to head out of town, so...
00:45:48No, no, no, no, no.
00:45:49Of course, of course.
00:45:50I'll just head into the lab.
00:45:55No, I've not heard from us.
00:45:58Wait, what do you mean you can't get a hold of them?
00:46:02Yeah, okay, bye.
00:46:03Does this mean your romantic getaway is canceled?
00:46:07Bart, can I be honest?
00:46:08I love your service, but I don't love the negative energy.
00:46:15He's suffering.
00:46:21Take those off.
00:46:22I feel like a specimen.
00:46:24And come closer.
00:46:25I don't want to keep yelling.
00:46:30Jesus, the 96?
00:46:32If there was ever a time.
00:46:34I know why you didn't tell me about your work.
00:46:37Well, I couldn't.
00:46:38It was top secret.
00:46:39I signed an ironclad NDA.
00:46:41That's bullshit.
00:46:43You didn't trust me.
00:46:44Which makes me so sad.
00:46:49Makes me so sad.
00:46:51Fuck you.
00:46:53But, yeah.
00:46:59Well, I didn't exactly hide it from you either.
00:47:02What?
00:47:04Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:07They are so cute!
00:47:11Wait.
00:47:12And legible?
00:47:13Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:17They're so cute.
00:47:19Oh, and functional.
00:47:21Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:24How cute.
00:47:26And accurate.
00:47:28The dent from when I sideswiped the mailbox.
00:47:33Never put it together.
00:47:34You also said you didn't want to know.
00:47:40Well, you're not leaving me.
00:47:41Well, I have to go so I can fix you.
00:47:43No, no, no.
00:47:44No, Les.
00:47:45Take me with you.
00:47:46I'm portable.
00:47:47You will be safer here in the dollhouse.
00:47:48I feel very not safe.
00:47:50I feel very small.
00:47:51And like something bad could happen.
00:47:53I won't let something happen.
00:47:55Something did.
00:47:57Something else.
00:47:57Beyond the accident.
00:47:59But I have to go to the lab so I can fix you.
00:48:01Please, Les.
00:48:02I do not want to be alone.
00:48:03Please, I'm scared.
00:48:04Well, what if I can show you that, um, being small isn't scary?
00:48:09Oh, God.
00:48:10I've always wondered what the world would look like if I were six inches tall.
00:48:13Not me.
00:48:15I can show you.
00:48:16No, I, I don't.
00:48:18Aren't you just a little bit curious?
00:48:20I will be restored to regular size soon.
00:48:24I promise.
00:48:25Trust me.
00:48:29Okay.
00:48:32This is crazy.
00:48:34Oh, my.
00:48:44Oh, my.
00:49:10I mean, everything's really big.
00:49:14Really.
00:49:28Wow.
00:49:29I can only imagine how different everything looks, right?
00:49:33You see this dust ball?
00:49:36Do you think I could choke on this?
00:49:40Oh, yeah, put that down.
00:49:44Hello, Dolores.
00:49:45Look who it is.
00:49:47See?
00:49:48She's not that scary.
00:49:49Why is she looking at me like that?
00:49:51Oh, oh, it's puffing up.
00:49:53Do you see what it's doing?
00:49:55No, no, no.
00:49:56It's trying to eat me.
00:49:57No, this is not interesting to me.
00:49:59Can you put me down, please?
00:50:01Put me down.
00:50:01What?
00:50:03Do you seem to have a dream.
00:50:05Will you just be in the lake?
00:50:08Because there's been a beautiful sight
00:50:12A beautiful sight
00:50:14Fun, right?
00:50:16We all love a train ride.
00:50:18Merry Christmas, lady.
00:50:21Merry Christmas, Wendy.
00:50:28Merry Christmas.
00:50:32Merry Christmas, Wendy.
00:50:39Merry Christmas, Wendy.
00:50:46Merry Christmas, Wendy.
00:50:49Maybe too many times around?
00:50:51I want to get off.
00:50:53I don't like it.
00:50:55Oh, I'm going to be sick.
00:50:59Oh, God.
00:51:01Oh.
00:51:03Oh, my God.
00:51:05Hey.
00:51:07It's going to be okay.
00:51:09I'm so sorry this happened.
00:51:12So incredibly sorry.
00:51:24Water truck ran out of shrinking gas.
00:51:26I'm going to go to the lab to refuel.
00:51:28What am I supposed to do with this?
00:51:30I thought I could crush it up
00:51:31and you could maybe snort it, but I don't know.
00:51:33Um, Scarface?
00:51:35I'll just gnaw on it or something.
00:51:41How are you feeling?
00:51:43Really?
00:51:44I mean...
00:51:45I know what you mean.
00:51:47Better.
00:51:50I did always love this couch.
00:52:05When you're ready.
00:52:07Uh, pour away.
00:52:13Don't be shy.
00:52:16So, this is my, uh...
00:52:20Tiny little life now?
00:52:22Temporary tiny life.
00:52:23How long again?
00:52:24A day.
00:52:26Two at the most.
00:52:26I'm so close.
00:52:27So close.
00:52:28Yeah.
00:52:29Yeah.
00:52:34Did you microwave this off the floor?
00:52:36Floor is clean.
00:52:37You're the first person to ever walk on it.
00:52:40Six inch tall Neil fucking Armstrong?
00:52:42Kind of.
00:52:51Unless you put parmesan in the potatoes.
00:52:54Potatoes a la Diane.
00:52:57With a twist.
00:52:59Who?
00:53:00Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde.
00:53:02She's gonna play me in the movie.
00:53:04She's gonna play the sister character.
00:53:06I still don't know who that is.
00:53:07Walt?
00:53:08She's blonde, wears pink, goes to Harvard.
00:53:11That's a stretch.
00:53:12What?
00:53:13I am blonde.
00:53:14Les said that we could be twins.
00:53:16I'm sure he's just being kind.
00:53:18No, no, I think with the right hair and makeup, you know Hollywood?
00:53:21I mean...
00:53:21It's beyond me why they're even adapting a book into a film.
00:53:23Because it sold a million copies?
00:53:26Because it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:28Hollywood must be out of ideas.
00:53:31You're not excited?
00:53:32Laura Dern is playing the mother.
00:53:34I adore Laura Dern.
00:53:36But I question her judgment.
00:53:38The book wasn't well received.
00:53:39I repeat, it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:41The Guardian dupted literary popcorn and added,
00:53:44that does not a Pulitzer make their words.
00:53:46Which she memorized and repeat constantly.
00:53:49I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesday
00:53:52without Carol turning her nose up at me
00:53:55as if I were the devil incarnate.
00:53:57Walt?
00:53:57Your mother needs your Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:54:00That's not a stretch.
00:54:01Mom, it's fiction.
00:54:03Carol didn't see a character.
00:54:06Carol saw me,
00:54:07and the me in your book is a monster.
00:54:09It's a comedy.
00:54:10It's a dark comedy.
00:54:11A coming-of-age story
00:54:13about a woman who felt abandoned
00:54:16and silenced by a monster-of-a-mother character.
00:54:20You try being a single mother of two young girls
00:54:25whose husband walked out one day without a word.
00:54:28Walked out or was driven away?
00:54:29Jim abandoned me.
00:54:31No, he stopped being married to you.
00:54:34He abandoned me.
00:54:36Me too.
00:54:37And he's still the hero.
00:54:39I tried my best.
00:54:42Walt, if I may.
00:54:43Walt, Diane, have you tried the potatoes?
00:54:46I call them potatoes a la Diane,
00:54:49with a twist.
00:54:50Is the twist a turn of the knife?
00:54:52It's Parmesan cheese.
00:54:53Try it.
00:55:00It's too rich,
00:55:01but absolutely divine.
00:55:03Just like you.
00:55:09Walt.
00:55:11I think we should visit the arch tomorrow.
00:55:13I hear it's dreadful.
00:55:16Yes.
00:55:17Yes.
00:55:17No, I don't get the arch.
00:55:19It's like an arch for what?
00:55:21It's the gateway to the West.
00:55:24I think it's great.
00:55:25I can barely show my face
00:55:27on Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:55:30Hollywood has run out of ideas.
00:55:32I think Laura Dern is a very generous casting.
00:55:34I have to say hello.
00:55:40What's going on?
00:55:41Do you want to have sex?
00:55:42Oh, yes.
00:55:43Yes, we're here.
00:55:45Yeah, we'll be quiet.
00:55:46We'll be fine.
00:55:47Oh, right.
00:55:47You're set to high volume.
00:55:50Watch.
00:55:51Watch, watch, watch.
00:55:51Watch, watch.
00:55:54Okay.
00:55:55Okay.
00:55:56Goodbye.
00:55:57Goodbye.
00:56:11Oh, my God.
00:56:20Oh, my God.
00:56:21All right, I'm going to go.
00:56:24Oh, fuck!
00:56:26Jesus, waltz!
00:56:27Can I help you?
00:56:29Obviously this isn't the washroom.
00:56:31It's down the hall with the light on.
00:56:33The one with the toilet!
00:56:34I can see the light.
00:56:41He's trying to escape.
00:56:45We're to the arch.
00:56:48Oh, my God.
00:56:51Oh, fuck.
00:56:51Okay, okay.
00:56:53Maybe I can't be quiet.
00:56:55I don't think you can.
00:56:58Hey.
00:57:03I'm not really like her though, right?
00:57:05My mother, I'm not like Diane, am I?
00:57:09Does that make me waltz?
00:57:12Seriously?
00:57:13Seriously?
00:57:14Seriously?
00:57:16No.
00:57:17Fuck no.
00:57:18Because she's...
00:57:19She's unbelievable.
00:57:20And not in a good way.
00:57:24It's going to be okay.
00:57:26It's only a few days.
00:57:31Only a few days.
00:57:37It's only a few days.
00:57:39It's only a few days.
00:58:00It's only a few days.
00:58:08No.
00:58:10What?
00:58:11What?
00:58:12What?
00:58:14What?
00:58:14It can't be right.
00:58:18Okay, I'm coming in.
00:58:19But now.
00:58:21Now-ish.
00:58:51It's only a few days.
00:58:54Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:59:01Get him.
00:59:05Ow, fuck, you fuzzy fucker.
00:59:20Stop.
00:59:20Stop stop it. You're fine. You're bad enough already. I
00:59:30Mean she's safe, right
00:59:45Hey, oh
00:59:47Yes, Richard. What is it? Oh, you seem upset. No Richard. I'm fine. I'm fine
00:59:53You know, I sometimes come in my car to cry to when I need a release, so I
00:59:58Get where you're at
01:00:00Okay, right. Is that all?
01:00:02Now you've got me worried. Is everything all right at home? You know with your wife, Lindy, Lindy's her name,
01:00:06right?
01:00:07Everything okay? Good, good. Yeah
01:00:10She's just uh, keeping busy over the holidays. Yes, Richard. She's at home writing. She's
01:00:15Keeping busy. She's writing, writing. That's wonderful. That's wonderful. Richard, get your butt inside
01:00:22I'm sorry you used profanity. I'm upset
01:00:28I'll see you later
01:00:29Oh, yeah
01:00:29No
01:00:39Les?
01:00:41Les?
01:00:47That is a toy
01:00:52Oh
01:00:53You left me?
01:00:56Right
01:00:59I have to trust him I cannot spiral
01:01:06oh yeah why not okay that's good space colon colon colonel colonel colonel space colonel
01:01:22next stop uranus fuck I'm already spiraling you made me believe you were so close so I believed
01:01:31you yes and you should believe me that's our deal there is mathematical truth in stating I am so
01:01:36close so what does so close mean to you in this context today I can't put an actual number on
01:01:44it
01:01:44I don't know what what have you done what have I done Martin I didn't want to say you have
01:01:52one job
01:01:53contract is for 30 days that's insane well you said that you were close 30 days
01:02:02well it will work I mean the math says it will and math is never wrong so now you have
01:02:0830 days no no
01:02:09no we have 30 days oh now it's we what does it say exactly what does it was the small
01:02:13print say
01:02:13exactly says that we have 30 days to prove that the restoration formula works or the patent on our
01:02:21tech on my tech thank you reverts to Hilton and Hilton sues you sues us for fraud and you go
01:02:30to jail
01:02:31to jail well can he do that he can and after 30 days it goes the the tech the lab
01:02:38the bobs gone
01:02:40but but okay so how do I make uh how do I how do I make things big again because
01:02:49I I have to make
01:02:50things big again well after 30 days you can't
01:02:58I mean can he actually do this yes he can it says it right here
01:03:08Les how bad is this
01:03:17I'm not even gonna ask about the cat
01:03:36hey I I I got you something for Christmas
01:03:40oh I I I didn't get you anything
01:03:43oh it's okay
01:03:48like what Shakespeare used to write with you know like Shakespeare oh everybody knows you like
01:03:53Shakespeare bar's card well you talk about it a lot um you seem a little bit down no I'm just
01:04:04tired
01:04:04yeah I was waiting up last night for someone someone special you know and it's just
01:04:12you know
01:04:14oh Merry Merry Christmas Richard
01:04:16oh thank you Janet this is a very thoughtful gift
01:04:19so thank you
01:04:25thy returneth to thine grind
01:04:35okay
01:04:36buddy
01:04:38thank you for moving here
01:04:48oh
01:04:49right okay
01:04:53oh that's good
01:05:21oh
01:05:23a classic
01:05:24Come!
01:05:29Volume.
01:05:32We're never turning this off.
01:05:35Okay, Zachs.
01:05:38So...
01:05:39We've got popcorn.
01:05:42But no candy.
01:05:46Oh, less.
01:05:49That's just for me.
01:05:59Richard, I need everyone at the top of their game today.
01:06:01It's a big day.
01:06:02It could be the day.
01:06:03Needs to be the day.
01:06:04Or two.
01:06:06At the most.
01:06:11Here are my thoughts.
01:06:15Adjust the last line on the Maxwell stress tensor to B sub J.
01:06:19Minus one half times the quantity epsilon naught.
01:06:23Times E squared plus B squared over mu naught.
01:06:27Thoughts complete.
01:06:28Bob, implement his thoughts.
01:06:36B sub J minus one half times the quantity of epsilon naught times E squared plus B squared over mu
01:06:44naught.
01:06:45Complete.
01:06:45Carl, implement his thoughts.
01:06:49B sub J minus one half times E squared plus B squared over mu naught times E squared plus B
01:07:11squared over mu naught times E squared plus B squared over mu naught times E squared.
01:07:29Let's make history.
01:07:32Let's see.
01:07:32P big.
01:07:48Let's get started.
01:08:17A great attempt in the name of science.
01:08:19Richard, Bob the Explainer.
01:08:23Nominal success. Subject expanded to regular size for 2.1 seconds, same as previous attempt.
01:08:30Result, molecular disequilibrium.
01:08:33Eraser Bob, see medic. Bring in Fred. Clean up an aisle everywhere.
01:08:38Richard.
01:08:39We're waiting on analysis to proceed. We'll adjust based on your thoughts. We'll go again.
01:08:44No, you won't. If this is your definition of close, we have a big problem.
01:08:50You working in a bubble with your staff and your secrets ends today.
01:08:55Moving forward, everything that happens in this lab will be authorized by me.
01:08:59No. No, no, no, no. Um, this is not how we work here.
01:09:04We are making history. Okay? That corn was regular size. It's incredible.
01:09:11As a scientist, how can you not see that?
01:09:13Reports, equipment, results, any spending whatsoever.
01:09:16Everything you use must be logged up to and including packets of instant oatmeal in the break room.
01:09:22Can I explain my fiber deficiencies?
01:09:24Okay, everybody. Everybody. This is Virginia.
01:09:26Vivian.
01:09:27Vivian. I don't know her last name, but she's new here and she doesn't know how things work.
01:09:31And Bob, you don't need to worry about your oatmeal. Okay?
01:09:33Can we just talk about this?
01:09:36Martin, you know exactly how much money this science circus is hemorrhaging.
01:09:40I don't care about the money.
01:09:42Of course you don't. You spent seven years and several hundred thousand dollars designing your logo.
01:09:48I had to open the books.
01:09:50Well, it had to be perfect. What?
01:09:52Irresponsible. And deeply sad.
01:09:54Dr. Littlejohn, it's no longer your money. It's Hilton Smith's money.
01:09:57This is his lab now, and I run Hilton's lab. Ergo, I run this lab.
01:10:02This is unacceptable. And it's ridiculous. And do something.
01:10:08Okay. No we. No we. Just me. I want to talk to Hilton right now.
01:10:12Well, good luck reaching him. He's spending the holidays piloting an experimental submersible off the coast of Guam.
01:10:20Guam.
01:10:21Guam?
01:10:22What?
01:10:23Shut it down. We'll try again tomorrow.
01:10:26Together. These ladders are an OSHA violation.
01:10:30You're an OSHA violation!
01:10:33Dear hairy Jesus!
01:10:35And I hope Hilton gets crushed into ketchup by 400 atmospheres of pressure!
01:10:4029 days.
01:10:41It's not helpful.
01:10:42Not the point!
01:10:51Who have I done?
01:11:00Midnight for the stars and you.
01:11:06Midnight and a rendezvous.
01:11:12Your eyes held a message tender.
01:11:18Saying I surrender.
01:11:21All my love will be.
01:11:22It's my phone.
01:11:25My phone!
01:11:26Oh!
01:11:27Oh!
01:11:30Coming! Coming! Coming!
01:11:32What?
01:11:33What?
01:11:44No!
01:11:45No!
01:11:49No!
01:11:53No!
01:11:54No!
01:11:55No!
01:11:55No!
01:11:57No!
01:12:01No!
01:12:04No!
01:12:04Fuck! Did you just say something?
01:12:12Am I losing my mind?
01:12:19I can see me in you.
01:12:26Do you know?
01:12:27What?
01:12:28Ah!
01:12:29What is that?
01:12:30Help!
01:12:31Help!
01:12:32Oh, fuck.
01:12:38I gotta get out of here!
01:12:45Ow!
01:12:46Fuck!
01:12:52Jesus.
01:12:56Goddammit, let's...
01:12:58For fuck's sake.
01:13:01Ah!
01:13:03God!
01:13:04Dang it!
01:13:13Ah!
01:13:17Ah!
01:13:20Ah!
01:13:21Ah!
01:13:21Ah!
01:13:22Ah!
01:13:22Ah!
01:13:24Ah!
01:13:26Ah!
01:13:28Ah!
01:13:48Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:05Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:14Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:17What the?
01:14:19Oh, oh, oh.
01:14:22Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:34Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:35Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:37Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:41Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:44Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
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