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00:00I think there's a bit of a stare-off happening there, so to me you just stare at Tilly and
00:03see what happens. Don't say a word, though. Ready?
00:26Oh, yeah, I don't like that.
00:28Well, I ain't telling you what they had.
00:32Oh, Barcelona.
00:35No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me I'll treat my dinner.
00:39A what?
00:40Fetish!
00:41I had no idea that was a thing.
00:42Remove my britches, expose your loins. I like that.
00:46Oh!
00:48Oh, Ronnie!
00:50This is weird.
00:51Jeez, he's a mercenary bugger, isn't he?
00:53This is why I don't date.
00:54That is dancing with the devil.
00:56Oh, no.
00:57He suffers for his art, doesn't he?
00:59A Bentley Continental!
01:01I think I'd rather call it a day, not to, wouldn't you?
01:04Who's been arrested now and for what?
01:07In the week we were battered by Storm Dave and basting the hottest day of the year, we enjoyed lots
01:15of great telly.
01:17Sugar's shortlist were feeling the pressure on BBC One.
01:21No, I wrote this so I was having a conversation with the AI to help it improve my work and
01:25my ideas and I have all of the logs.
01:27Just last week I was doing reviews for my stuff and my other manager goes, why is it taking me
01:32so long? Why don't you just use AI? I used AI, just do that.
01:35And I said, sorry, no, no, no, because my reports will not be written by some little AI.
01:42You're his best friend's AI, shut up! I used it for advice not to write my work for me.
01:48David Attenborough was poking around closer to home.
01:51From the wilds of Scotland to a metropolitan oasis.
01:58Metropolitan oasis, aka London back garden.
02:01Yes.
02:02Or as people like to call it, yard.
02:04Yeah.
02:05Or as one of our relatives called it, a knife-wielding metropolis.
02:11And NASA's big rocket took us further than we've ever been before.
02:15It will take about four days to get to the moon.
02:18Then they'll fly around its far side, the side we never see from Earth.
02:21Oh, I can think of so many better things I could do in a week.
02:24I could get the blinds cleaned.
02:27I could do a nice spring clear out.
02:29I could do all sorts in a week. I'd just class that as waste of time, mate.
02:32It's such a waste of time.
02:33To go and look at the stupid, silly, fat moon.
02:44In Blackpool...
02:45It's that time.
02:46Oh, God.
02:48My Easter egg smash. My annual smash.
02:52Chuck it here there. What are you going to do?
02:54Well, I've been thinking, what's the hardest bit of my body?
02:58Ow!
03:00Pete and his little sister Sophie.
03:02So I'm thinking, if you hold it there like that...
03:05Right.
03:05Right.
03:05Right.
03:06And I'm gonna...
03:07I'm gonna...
03:09Go like that...
03:10Right.
03:11Straight down.
03:12Right.
03:12But...
03:14I'll do it...
03:15Precisely so that it doesn't hit your fingers.
03:17Right.
03:19Honestly, I've tried this with Paige.
03:21It was easy.
03:22You ready?
03:24Three...
03:26Two...
03:27One...
03:27Oh!
03:28Shit!
03:29Idiot!
03:31Oh!
03:32On Thursday night, more city slickers were feeling the strain on the BBC.
03:38Shay, could you handle Alan Sugar as a boss?
03:40We've already got you as a boss.
03:41No.
03:41You're just as bad, Andre.
03:42Me?
03:43Yeah, you are.
03:43I have fired you quite a few times.
03:46And I keep coming back.
03:48When I was a child, I actually wanted to be a baker.
03:51And that's what I am now.
03:52So my dream actually came true.
03:55And I've never had a dream.
03:59I'll just let life take me where it wants to.
04:08You're fired.
04:11I love this week.
04:12This is the best week, Lee.
04:13Interview week.
04:15Sometimes, you know, I don't even show up for the interviews.
04:17I just...
04:18No, honestly, I don't show up for them.
04:21In the programme, PR man Lawrence was facing the hot seat.
04:25Pleasure to meet you.
04:28Oh, straight in with Claude.
04:30Claude.
04:31He's not even looked up at him.
04:32Claude's brutal.
04:33So, obviously, Illicum is no surprise to you that I've read your business plan.
04:37Yes.
04:38And I get a bit of a shock, really.
04:40Oh, no.
04:41You are asking for a funding requirement, which is 5.5 million.
04:46What?
04:495.5 million.
04:51Really?
04:51You're not on Dragon's Den.
04:52You're saying 500,000.
04:54Before we even start, you've excluded yourself from this whole process.
04:59It's not funny.
05:00I'm not laughing.
05:00It's very serious.
05:01You are laughing.
05:02It's not funny.
05:05I laugh when I'm nervous, innit?
05:07I wouldn't smoke it.
05:08God.
05:08OK, show me where you've got a profit and loss account, which shows £250,000 start.
05:15Show me.
05:16First of all, I can't see a profit and loss account anywhere.
05:18There.
05:18Let's have a look.
05:19There's the financial model.
05:20Are you joking?
05:20Are you joking?
05:21You want me to look at that?
05:23Oh, he's getting cross.
05:25Ah!
05:25He didn't even print it properly.
05:27Oh, my God, where's the ink?
05:29The investment is £250,000.
05:30I don't know how we get past that, to be honest with you.
05:32I mean, you want to argue with Lord Sugar, you can.
05:35OK.
05:35OK.
05:36I'll do all that.
05:37OK.
05:37Oh, that didn't go well.
05:39Didn't go well at all, Lawrence.
05:40No.
05:41It's lovely to get a handshake.
05:44Aha!
05:44This might go a bit better.
05:46Oh, it's Claudine.
05:47God does Claudine Claudine.
05:49This lady's name is Claudine.
05:51No.
05:52I was convinced she was just Claudine with a wig.
05:55Yeah.
05:56That would have been wicked.
05:57It might be.
05:59I've looked at your business plan, and nobody doesn't say £250,000.
06:03Yeah.
06:04Get out!
06:06The business plan is 75 pages long, full of jargon,
06:11and acronyms.
06:1275 pages long?
06:14That's crazy.
06:15Who's reading 75 pages?
06:17I've read shorter novels, Steve.
06:19Did you actually write this, or was this written by AI?
06:23Oh, no.
06:24No.
06:25Which is also called Claude.
06:29No, I wrote this, so I was having a conversation with the AI
06:32to help it improve my work and my ideas, and I have all of the logs.
06:35Oh, God.
06:37You map it.
06:38I mean, PR mainly.
06:40It's about who you know at various publications and media.
06:43Mm.
06:43So, do you have contacts at, like, the Financial Times yourself?
06:46Of course.
06:47Yeah, of course.
06:47Yeah, so who's your most senior contact at the FT?
06:50At the FT, erm...
06:51Oh, go on.
06:52Tell them.
06:53I'm just trying to think through the FT.
06:55I do know people.
06:57Uh-oh.
06:57Who's trying to think?
06:58Your reception's quite nice today.
07:00Er, there's Dave.
07:02I bumped into Dave once in the lobby.
07:04To exit the canteen.
07:06Margaret.
07:07She gives me a real good advice.
07:09I'm trying to remember that name.
07:10So, you...
07:10Laura, erm...
07:12You know Laura?
07:13She's got two legs.
07:14Yeah.
07:16Two Leg Laura.
07:17Two Leg Laura.
07:18You know Laura.
07:19Two Leg Laura.
07:21On your business plan, the 250,000 that Lord Sugar's gonna give you,
07:26it's gonna be immediately consumed.
07:28Linda's gonna rip him apart now.
07:30Oh, she looks the most brutal out the lot.
07:33Yeah, it's the fringe.
07:34With them diamond earrings.
07:36Do you think he's gonna be happy with that,
07:38that the 250,000's just immediately gone?
07:40Would Lord Sugar rather have 50% of a business worth 250,000...
07:43Or 5% of a business worth 50 million.
07:46This isn't about his ego.
07:47Oh!
07:48He's having a go at air, isn't he?
07:50I like it.
07:51Lawrence is out the traps.
07:52Well, I think it's about yours,
07:53if you think this business is gonna be worth 50 million.
07:57Oh!
07:58Linda!
07:59Linda's gonna put final nail and cough in here.
08:01So, let's talk about the time frame.
08:03Yes.
08:03Because all these AI features can take a considerable amount of time to develop.
08:08Mm.
08:08What if they don't work?
08:09Oh, Linda being a smart.
08:11What if they don't work?
08:12I was gonna answer this one now, eh?
08:15I mean, what if I walk out of here and I get hit by the car...
08:18Look, don't, you know...
08:19Oh, no, you don't say that.
08:21No.
08:21No.
08:22Oh, he's being a smart-ass.
08:23That is not the way to get somebody onside.
08:26No.
08:26Look, I am interviewing you for 250,000 pounds.
08:30Do not give me cocky answers.
08:32Oh!
08:33I'm dead!
08:34Lawrence, shut up!
08:36I apologise.
08:37Yes, thank you.
08:38Lawrence.
08:39He's gone into child mode now.
08:41Yes, Linda.
08:42Sorry, Nan.
08:43Sorry, Linda.
08:43I believe that there's...
08:45The interview is over.
08:46Thank you very much.
08:47I really appreciate the time, so thank you very much.
08:51Linda has absolutely ate him up there and spat him out.
08:55This is why you don't lie on your CV, Marnie.
08:58Don't be writing your friends as your references.
09:02I always do that.
09:03I know you do.
09:04I've seen you do it.
09:05Someone put me down for a reference before and never told me,
09:08so when I got the phone call and they were like,
09:10oh, yeah, this person put you down as a reference.
09:12I said, what?
09:14Not me.
09:15Yeah, couldn't be.
09:17They obviously didn't get the drunk under me,
09:19but that taught them a lesson.
09:20Don't lie.
09:21And if you're going to lie, put...
09:22Add me and part the lie.
09:28Margaret came round to mine yesterday and she rang me up,
09:31said, was I going out with the dogs?
09:32I said, no, we've already been.
09:34I said, but I'm doing me dinner and it'll probably be ready
09:36in about an hour.
09:37Well, she went, right, well, I'll whip back park for a walk.
09:40Then I'll come to yours.
09:41Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
09:43Next thing, Bobby's having to sit on sofa
09:45and watch telly eating his dinner.
09:46Margaret's tucking into a full roast dinner.
09:48Well, he wouldn't have been complaining about that, will he?
09:51Well, exactly, he won't.
09:51He loves a TV dinner, does Bobby?
09:53Loves a TV dinner, but I thought, bloody hell,
09:56she knew what she were doing coming round to my house
09:58for dish-up time, didn't she?
10:00She's always just in right place at right time,
10:02isn't she, Margaret, for her dinner?
10:03You could smell that roast chicken from over at road.
10:07On Wednesday night, everyone's favourite outspoken interviewers
10:11were back on ITV1.
10:13Oh, Lee, ho-ho!
10:15One of my favourites.
10:17Oh, I love this.
10:18Oh, I love this.
10:19Yeah, they've cracked something with the assembly, haven't they?
10:22It's almost a fresh way of looking at people
10:25that we think we know a lot about.
10:32Oh, Stephen Fry!
10:34Oh, my God!
10:35Oh, this is going to be fun.
10:36Oh, he's famous for being an atheist as well, isn't he?
10:39I've seen him speak about that on some sort.
10:41Is there?
10:42Your uncle Dave's an atheist?
10:43I heard you went to Buckingham Palace and do drugs,
10:49sneaking drugs and cocaine.
10:51Whoa!
10:52He said he sat down 20 seconds ago.
10:58The programme's not even started yet.
11:00They're just settling in.
11:02Caroline's like, are you on drugs now?
11:03It's a pleasure to watch because they ask the questions
11:06we want to ask, isn't it?
11:08That's the joy of it.
11:10It's absolute joy.
11:11We are delighted to have you today.
11:14Our rules are no subject is out of bounds.
11:17We've gathered that.
11:18My first question is...
11:20He's looking a bit nervous.
11:22Yeah.
11:22I think it is because he's already been hit
11:24with the coke in Buckingham Palace question.
11:26Can you help me meet my idol and icon and legend,
11:31the amazing human being, the Queen of Pop,
11:35Dame Céline Marie Claudette Dion?
11:38Oh, yes!
11:41Yes, yes, yes!
11:43Well, Tristan will be right beside you then, mate.
11:47I wish I could help you there.
11:49I'm afraid I don't know Céline Dion.
11:52Oh, what a disappointment.
11:54I think I was once in the same room as her,
11:56but I didn't speak to her.
11:58Oh!
11:59How could you be in the same room and not speak to Céline Dion?
12:02Well, maybe!
12:03He decided to let her have a little bit of personal space, love.
12:07No!
12:08I'm London.
12:10That means I'm gay, it's right, LGBT.
12:12What is your advice on finding a husband, question mark?
12:16He's got a younger man, hasn't he?
12:17He's half his bloody age.
12:19Well, I mean, it's a different world now
12:21because so many spouses are found online.
12:26Yeah?
12:26Yeah, see?
12:28That's how we met, isn't it?
12:29Yeah, online.
12:30My last question, final question is,
12:32are you a top or a bottom?
12:36What's that mean?
12:38What's a top or a bottom?
12:39Oh, Jenny, shut up.
12:41I don't know, what is it?
12:43A top or a bottom?
12:44Are you a top or a bottom?
12:46She!
12:50Oh, Jesus, is he going to answer that?
12:53Wow!
12:54That is as direct as it gets.
12:57Come on, Stephen, I want to know the answer.
12:59So do I.
13:00I want to know the question.
13:02I'm going to leave that a mystery for people to guess.
13:04Yeah.
13:05Oh!
13:06Oh!
13:08Boring!
13:09There is V in the middle, of course, versatile, is there not?
13:12Bit of both, I like that.
13:14He has his curry with chips and rice.
13:16He's half and half.
13:17Hey, every day's a school day, George.
13:19Wicked.
13:19I think you'd be a bottom, George.
13:23What would I be?
13:24Top.
13:28Nicola will be next.
13:31Hello, Stephen.
13:33Hello, Nicola.
13:34I mean, where'd you go from there?
13:36Where?
13:37What order do you wash your body parts?
13:42You've got Stephen Frey here to ask him questions.
13:44I see what he washes first.
13:47So I think you're downstairs and then upstairs.
13:50What?
13:50Downstairs then upstairs?
13:52You don't wipe your arse and wash your face, Stephen.
13:55Oh, that's a weird orderly, innit?
13:58I always worked top to bottom.
14:00They had all the same when I'm cleaning the house.
14:02Always worked from top to bottom.
14:04How much have you spent on cocaine?
14:08Oh!
14:08How much have you spent on cocaine?
14:10I probably wasted thousands.
14:14Where'd he get the cocaine from? Where?
14:16What's his dealer?
14:17Have you got his phone number?
14:18You get a dealer.
14:19A dealer?
14:20A dealer, yeah.
14:21Wow!
14:21Where'd he get the dealer from? Where?
14:26Oh, look at them!
14:27They're all on him!
14:28Have you got any contacts for Celine Dion and a drug dealer that can get us cocaine?
14:33This sounds like a brilliant night that's about to unfold.
14:35Well, you've been drinking on crack cocaine and beating it up your nose.
14:40Yeah, up your nose.
14:41Yeah, not crack cocaine.
14:42That's your smoke, I think.
14:43I've never had that.
14:44He's on crack now.
14:46He's a crack addict.
14:47Crack cocaine and cocaine is a different thing, right?
14:50Isn't it, Sarah?
14:51What are you asking me for?
14:52I don't know!
14:55I'll just have to find out what the top and bottom is.
14:58I thought it was cheats.
15:00That's the only top and bottom I know.
15:02Cheats.
15:03Yeah, we'll go with that.
15:04Yeah.
15:05I wonder what Ray is.
15:07He's never mentioned it.
15:17I'm sorry.
15:19You know, my chest infections and throat and stuff.
15:23Yes.
15:24I have got, something's happened and I've kind of, I've looked it up, I've checked GPT
15:29and they call it dog jaw.
15:31Simon and his sister Jane.
15:33You feel that.
15:34Oh, for God's sake!
15:38You absolute arse!
15:40Simon!
15:41It's all the crazy on the socials Jane.
15:43You really scared me!
15:45On Sunday night, we got to see some nature that was close to home on BBC One.
15:51I found one toad, Mary, which was, um, which I was going to show to the sewage emptying man.
16:00And when I lifted the pot up, I said, I want to introduce you to the toad.
16:03This is the cottage toad.
16:05And he said, oh no, he must have escaped.
16:08He said, probably to Westminster, where he belongs.
16:11Ha ha!
16:12That was funny of him.
16:13And sharp, wasn't it?
16:14Sharp Wiltshire wit.
16:15Across the British Isles, there are magical places.
16:19Our pride and joy.
16:22Our gardens.
16:23Oh, I don't know about that.
16:24Fucking the gardens round here.
16:25There's mattresses in them.
16:26The fucking beds.
16:27There's all sorts.
16:33I am obsessed with David Attenborough full stop.
16:37But David Attenborough, in the UK, in gardens, just slaps.
16:43I mean, your secret garden, Jenny, is your bedroom.
16:46You're growing some eyes, innit?
16:48Yeah, I am.
16:48A mill house has been standing here since the doomsday book.
16:54I mean, that's not your average back garden though, is it?
16:57No.
16:58Sarah and Henry are the latest in a long line of owners.
17:03Do you know what?
17:04It really warms the cockles of my heart that two boomers have got a load of lovely wildlife living in
17:10the back garden of their weekend boathole.
17:14Henry and Sarah have an affectionate name for one regular visitor.
17:19Oh, they've got ducks.
17:22Doris.
17:22Doris.
17:23Doris the duck.
17:25One of my chickens is called Doris.
17:27She needs a place to nest.
17:29Oh, she wants a house now straight away, doesn't she?
17:31I'd be interested to see the sort of places they nest.
17:37Oh, they've got a danger, Mary.
17:39Oh, what is that?
17:40Is that a crocodile?
17:42Oh, sorry.
17:44In a garden?
17:45Oh, yeah, sorry.
17:46Not easy to find in this garden.
17:51Oh, otter.
17:52Otters are shits, aren't they?
17:54Oh, my days.
17:55I'm gonna cry.
17:57Oh, my God, love otters.
17:59Why are you so emotional?
18:00Oh, my God.
18:01As the days get longer, the otter's diet shifts to larger, plumper prey.
18:09Oh, no.
18:10Oh.
18:11Please tell me the otter's not gonna eat a dog.
18:14Mallards usually nest on the ground.
18:20But here, Doris has a safer choice.
18:24What are you gonna do, Doris?
18:27On a tree?
18:29Yes, Doris.
18:29That is so smart.
18:31Let's go.
18:35Nine new lives begin to appear.
18:39Oh, are they sweet?
18:41Lee, look.
18:42Oh, at the bonnie.
18:44The mother must lead her flightless babies down from the nest.
18:49How's she gonna do that?
18:50Imagine trying to get nine kids out of the house.
18:53I'd just never go anywhere.
18:54There we go.
18:59Right, come on.
19:01This is what you've gotta do.
19:02Just jump.
19:07All he's doing is going.
19:08There's the first one.
19:09Oh, that's a brave one.
19:10That wouldn't be you, Shay.
19:12No.
19:12That would not be you.
19:13I would be the last one.
19:14Their downy feathers cushion their fall.
19:19Ooh.
19:20Ooh.
19:21Straight on the floor.
19:22Fucking hell.
19:30Oh, blimey Simon.
19:33It's like watching Mission Impossible with ducks.
19:38They're now six weeks old.
19:41Bloody hell, they're shot up, aren't they?
19:45Oh, here we go.
19:47Oh, that's sick.
19:47Bloody otter.
19:48Oh, please don't spoil a story.
19:51It's Easter.
19:53She's leading her family into harm's way.
19:58Oh, no, no, no, Doris, Doris.
20:00Please don't.
20:01Might as well cover herself in spring onions now.
20:05That's all he said.
20:09Oh, you heard he comes.
20:11And he's a slimy bastard, isn't he?
20:15So, Doris puts her own life on the line.
20:19You see, that's what a mother does.
20:21Mm-hm.
20:21Protect all her babies.
20:23Yeah.
20:23She's putting herself on the line...
20:25Oh, right.
20:26..for the kids.
20:27Ah, well, she should...
20:28You would have just taken flight.
20:31Acting as a decoy.
20:35Oh!
20:35Oh!
20:36Oh, my God.
20:37It's a risky game.
20:45Oh!
20:45Oh!
20:46Oh!
20:51Go on, Doris.
20:53Oh, there we are.
20:54She's too quick for him.
20:58Remarkably, it works.
20:59Yes!
21:03Ha!
21:04She's a clever bird.
21:06Outsmarted by a duck.
21:07I was going to have duck for Chinese tonight.
21:09I don't think I can eat it.
21:10No, don't eat it.
21:11No, it'll put you off.
21:12It'll put me off.
21:13Have an otter sandwich.
21:16Have otter and chips.
21:20In the room.
21:22So, I've had the same dentist since I was born, literally,
21:24and I still go now, and I'm still petrified of the dentist.
21:28He was like, right, Abby, we're going to do a scale and polish.
21:31I was like, mm...
21:32I don't like how cold that feels.
21:34Is that mandatory?
21:35Best friends, Abby and Georgia.
21:38But the whole process was awful.
21:40Have you had one before?
21:42Yeah.
21:42I didn't mind it.
21:43To be honest, I just had a tooth out, so I wasn't really that bothered.
21:47You had a tooth out then, the scale and polish?
21:49Yes.
21:49No, you didn't.
21:50Yes, I fucking did.
21:52Well, you wouldn't have felt it then, because your mouth would have been numb.
21:55I didn't.
21:55I had a scale and polish with no numbing.
21:57It was just...
21:58I don't think you need to be numbed for scale and polish.
22:01It's not really a procedure.
22:03It is.
22:04It's just a scale and a polish.
22:05It's just a...
22:07No, it's...
22:12What do you need numbing for that for?
22:14On Saturday night, it was more of the same on ITV.
22:17Do you know what I like about Britain's Got Talent?
22:19What?
22:20It's probably how they felt in the olden days.
22:22You know, like going to the theatre on a Saturday night.
22:24Yeah.
22:24Yeah.
22:25It does feel very much like we are in the third hall.
22:27Yeah.
22:28Might have a chock-ass in the ad rights.
22:29Why, have you got some in?
22:30No.
22:31It's good I'm out of hospital in time for Britain's Got Talent.
22:36Oh, Sean, I forgot to tell you, you've got to get well soon.
22:38Shit card from the kebab shop.
22:46You know, what we got here?
22:48What's your name?
22:49My name is Alessandro.
22:51Alessandro.
22:51Alessandro.
22:52Alessandro.
22:52I am Pedro.
22:55Everybody calls me Asco.
22:57I'm from Italy.
22:58Fantastic.
23:00You get a big clap for coming from Italy.
23:02Yeah.
23:03Well, it's nice, isn't it?
23:04I will show you something that I'm sure you've never seen before.
23:07Really?
23:08Oh, I won't say that.
23:09Oh.
23:10I won't say that.
23:10I've never heard that line before.
23:11I'm from an Italian.
23:13Yeah.
23:14There's a lot of them.
23:15He's brought his own orchestra, this guy.
23:17He's brought everyone.
23:22Isn't that lovely?
23:26So far so good?
23:27Oh, I love it already.
23:30It's a bit boring, isn't it?
23:32Yes.
23:36Is it Mozart's Requiem?
23:38I know this music.
23:39Ah.
23:40It's from an advert.
23:43Ooh.
23:44Ooh.
23:45Oh, I'm getting good pimples.
23:47It's not British Airways, is it?
23:49No.
23:54I'm liking it.
23:56Oh, it's very good.
23:57It's very powerful.
23:58It's very moving.
24:01This reminds me of Harry Potter.
24:05I don't know if it's because he's got a wand.
24:06I'm not sure.
24:08I don't know.
24:09It's going down.
24:10He's saying bit of shushy now.
24:14What's he going to do?
24:15He's going to do something now.
24:17I was enjoying it up until now.
24:21Oh, no.
24:22Oh, no.
24:22Come on!
24:24Now we're talking!
24:25Leave me!
24:26My fridge makes that noise on a night.
24:28A toilet used to do it.
24:30Why does that happen?
24:31We're ready!
24:33Are you ready?
24:34No.
24:36I'm not ready.
24:38We're ready!
24:39We're ready!
24:43We're ready!
24:44What a score!
24:46I'm ready!
24:48Bump!
24:49Bump!
24:49Bump!
24:52What is going on?
24:54This is insane!
25:00Oh, here we go.
25:02Now we're thrilling.
25:03You'll be cool.
25:08Oh, yes, Alessandro!
25:18Here we go.
25:19We've got a right pump on now.
25:21Oh, you'll be cool.
25:22Here we go.
25:23Here we go.
25:24I'm feeling it!
25:29He wants us up, isn't it?
25:30Come on!
25:35Is that feeling it, Sean?
25:37Uh, yeah.
25:38Yeah, I'm feeling it, too.
25:43Come on, everyone's loving it!
25:45Another old grinning and yelling approval in a savage way.
25:56Lickshot, golden buzzer, come on!
25:58That was incredible!
26:00I think that was confusing.
26:02So do I.
26:02That will go down well in Ibiza.
26:05Right, right in Ibiza.
26:06Oh, yeah!
26:07When were you last in Ibiza?
26:09Can you imagine?
26:09Phone party, Ibiza, me and George.
26:12Hi.
26:22In Wiltshire...
26:23I just heard a funny tapping noise at the window, Mary.
26:26From which window?
26:27This noise.
26:28Well, and what happened when you looked out?
26:29Well, I don't know.
26:30I'm wondering...
26:31Oh, my goodness.
26:32It's back, Mary.
26:33What is?
26:33Jeremy.
26:34Jeremy Cricket.
26:35Giles and his wife, Mary.
26:38Oh, don't be so silly, Giles.
26:40What?
26:40It's...
26:41Oh, don't be so silly.
26:43It's...
26:43Sorry, Mary.
26:44It's...
26:44That isn't a real thing.
26:45It's Jeremy Cricket.
26:46It comes back every year.
26:48It goes in and out of hibernation.
26:50It's gone back into hibernation now, obviously.
26:54I don't want to disturb it.
26:56What, Giles?
26:57I can tell that's not a living thing.
26:59Look, the dog thinks it's living.
27:01Look, it's the first time he's ever shown any sort of animation, Mary.
27:05What is it?
27:06What is it?
27:08What's this creature?
27:09I can tell it's some plastic replica of a cricket.
27:13April Fool.
27:15On Tuesday night, the celebs were settling into their new camp on ITV.
27:20This is the celebrity, I'm a celebrity, isn't it?
27:24There's too many celebrities in there.
27:26I'm a celebrity celebrity.
27:27Let's just glance at what celebrities are being tortured this time.
27:34I'm a celebrity.
27:35Get me out of it.
27:36South Africa.
27:38Hello and welcome to South Africa, where the big news is that two new arrivals are about
27:44to make their entrance.
27:45Two new arrivals.
27:47Oh, it's Gemma.
27:48Gemma, here she comes.
27:50This is a far cry away from Essex.
27:53The GC!
27:55Get in!
27:57At least I've bought the glam.
27:58There she is, like, full of vigor and figure.
28:03Yeah.
28:03Yeah.
28:04Vigor and figure!
28:05Yeah!
28:06Having to walk out the jungle has haunted me for years.
28:10She wants to come back and almost, like, have a second chance.
28:13Yeah.
28:13Do it properly this time.
28:14She's maybe feeling stronger or she's needing the money.
28:17Oh!
28:17Who said that?
28:18Oh!
28:20This is my chance now.
28:22I'm going in this jungle with Gemma Collins, not the GC.
28:25What's the difference?
28:26They're literally the same thing, aren't they?
28:28I think the GC's a bit more of a dick.
28:31So she's not going to be a diva this time?
28:33She's not going to be the GC.
28:34You ain't going to get this candy.
28:37They didn't hang about this time
28:38as they cracked on with a classic trial for the new campmates.
28:42The trial is called Gut Instincts.
28:45Oh!
28:47Right, I've heard gut.
28:48That's straight away, I'm thinking,
28:49fucking shite they're eating.
28:50In each round, you will both select a number of portions
28:54that you think you can eat.
28:56Ah, so what are they going to do?
28:57They're going to, like, outbid each other.
28:59So if you can do two, I'll say I can do three.
29:01Oh, no.
29:03Neither of you will know
29:04how many the other person has on their plate.
29:06The divide will then lower
29:08and the person with the most has to eat those portions.
29:11Oh, no!
29:12So it's a blind pick!
29:14I'm a hungry girl, so I'll have it all.
29:16Whatever it is.
29:17Well, you're breastfeeding.
29:18You need those extra calories.
29:20It's just protein.
29:21I'm just seeing everything as protein.
29:22So this is...
29:24Brain freeze.
29:26What brain freeze?
29:28I can do that.
29:29Brain?
29:29No.
29:30Like plain ice cream.
29:31No.
29:33Which is...
29:34Springbok brain.
29:36What's that?
29:37What's a springbok brain?
29:39It sounds made up.
29:40But you should eat brain.
29:42We did join the war, yes.
29:43Mum used to cook brain.
29:44But didn't cook it like this.
29:46Didn't look like that.
29:47Springbok brain.
29:48Let's reveal the meals.
29:51One each.
29:53I could eat two of that.
29:54There we are.
29:55Who's gonna go for two?
29:57Gemma's going two!
29:59Oh, Gemma's going three!
30:02Yes, Gemma.
30:03Well done.
30:04Right, don't psych me out.
30:05Two springbok brains.
30:07Oh, she's gripped in.
30:10Oh, my God.
30:11She's so brave.
30:12Come on.
30:13That's it.
30:14That's it.
30:15I gotta be disgusting.
30:17How many loves?
30:17She's doing it.
30:19Oh!
30:20Straight in.
30:21Oh, imagine the texture right now.
30:24A brain.
30:24You've got it.
30:25You've done it.
30:25You've done it.
30:27Oh!
30:28That was not gold.
30:30Why was it that colour?
30:32It looked like pink marshmallow.
30:34Oh, sorry.
30:35I can't.
30:35I'm gonna be hospitalised.
30:37Hospitised?
30:40Best believe that would be me.
30:42In her gown, literally.
30:44Oh, my God.
30:44It's still anybody's game.
30:46There's only two points in it.
30:47God, what's this?
30:48Why is it so big?
30:49I know.
30:50Like a tagine.
30:51This is...
30:54Oh, it's gonna be horrible shots.
30:56Bloody Moory shots.
30:58Bloody Moory.
30:59Okay.
31:00Which is blended Bull's heart and Bull's blood.
31:04Oh, my God.
31:06Gemma can do a fair few shots of this, I'm sure.
31:09You can imagine them as a Bloody Mary, I guess, with a bit of celery salt and a bit of
31:13vodka.
31:14You might get away with it, but...
31:15Let's reveal the meals.
31:18You've both gone for ten portions.
31:23Oh!
31:24Oh, man, that is a lot.
31:27I'm gonna bang the old tray.
31:29Oh, fucking hell.
31:31Oh, Gemma.
31:31She's after redemption, Ellie.
31:33This is what she's going for.
31:3530?
31:35Yeah.
31:36I'll go 30 as well, then.
31:38Oh!
31:40No!
31:42Oggy's did it, too.
31:43This is like a standoff.
31:46So, if you're both going for the full tray, it's a straight race.
31:52This is the best thing ever!
31:54It's a race!
31:56You both ready?
31:57I'm doing my best to get you bloody foes.
31:59Come on, let's do this.
32:00Come on, Gemma.
32:01Doing my best to get you bloody foes.
32:03Okay.
32:04Three.
32:06Two.
32:08One.
32:09Go!
32:11Oh!
32:12Oh, no!
32:13They can't do that!
32:15That's evil!
32:16Oh, you cheeky buggers.
32:19Crying out loud.
32:20That was deaf or anew, Gemma Collins.
32:22She's refurbished.
32:25We all refurbish as we get older.
32:28She's deaf or done that, because I've never seen that sight of Gemma.
32:32I've refurbished from 11 years ago, too.
32:35What do you mean?
32:37What have you done, like?
32:40Refurbished.
32:41To what?
32:42To a new abbey.
32:46In Bristol.
32:47Brothers.
32:48I've been playing this game all weekend.
32:50The aim of the game is, basically, you've got to push your drink through this mat.
32:55Brothers Tremaine, Twain and Tristan.
32:58So, is there any other rules?
33:01No, there's no rules.
33:02You've just got to not break the mat.
33:04Like what people have done.
33:06I've got it as well.
33:06I've got it as well.
33:07I've got it as well.
33:07Go on, let me see.
33:08We've got it.
33:08Yeah, I've got it.
33:09You've got it?
33:11Yeah.
33:12No, no, no.
33:14You've got to push your drink through the mat.
33:17That's not pushing, that's drinking.
33:19Do you lot give up?
33:21Yeah.
33:21You give up?
33:22Yeah.
33:23Right.
33:24Pigs.
33:32On Sunday, ITV brought us more bleak news from the rest of the world.
33:37Stop that.
33:39They're really tapping your...
33:41Is that a heel?
33:42Yeah.
33:42Uncle?
33:43Yeah.
33:45Where have you found that?
33:46I don't know if it's outside in the kitchen.
33:48Get lost!
33:49That's mine!
33:51I'm not sharing that with you!
33:53Get off it!
33:54Good evening.
33:55President Trump has issued his most direct, expletive-filled threat to Iran yet...
34:00Expletive?
34:01Jeez, they've been let loose with this phone again, haven't they?
34:03Warning they'll be living in hell if they refuse to open the Strait of Hormuz.
34:08Oh, your cage is rattled.
34:10Play it kill, Donald.
34:11We're already living in hell with Trump as the US president.
34:15Insisting a peace deal is still possible, but so too is an attack on Iran's infrastructure,
34:20which would constitute a war crime.
34:23So what he's basically saying is, if you don't do what I'm telling you to do,
34:26then I'm going to fucking blow you to bits.
34:29In a nutshell.
34:30Not so long ago, he was saying to other people there,
34:32rise up and get against the ruling regime out there,
34:35and now he's saying they're going to make it like hell out there.
34:37I mean, you've both been making things better for the people out there.
34:39In one of the most brazen and offensive posts of his presidency, he wrote,
34:43Tuesday will be power plant day and bridge day all wrapped up in one in Iran.
34:49I'm surprised Donald Trump gets out done,
34:50because he's never off fucking social media.
34:53Hello!
34:54It's like a teenager.
34:55There will be nothing like it.
34:57Open the expletive straight.
34:59Oh!
34:59You crazy expletives.
35:01I don't think it's fucking, it's fucking...
35:04So he's...
35:05He's missed the J off, keeping it street.
35:08Keeping it real.
35:09Open the effing straight, you crazy bees, Mary.
35:16Bastards?
35:17Yes.
35:18Trump's shifting deadlines look increasingly erratic.
35:21The Straits of Hormuz has really put Trump on the back foot, hasn't it?
35:25It really has.
35:26He just didn't think bigger picture.
35:28The trouble is, it's a massive miscalculation, this Iranian war, Natty.
35:32He thought it could be just like Venezuela, he'd go in there, take over,
35:37it'd just be a walk in the park.
35:40And it's turned out to be nothing like that, because Iran has been planning for this event
35:45for 40 years.
35:46On March the 21st, he said he would hit and obliterate Iran's power plants within 48 hours.
35:52That never happened.
35:53The only thing that's getting obliterated here is his credibility.
35:57Two days later, he said the strikes had been postponed after productive conversations.
36:02That didn't happen either.
36:03That happened either.
36:04And just yesterday, he said Iran had until Monday before he'd unleash all hell.
36:10Now, he says strikes will happen on Tuesday.
36:13I really mean it this time.
36:15Yeah.
36:16I know I've said it before, but I really...
36:18Look, I'm swearing in my tweets now.
36:21He's like seeing your enemy and go, when I see you, not today.
36:24When I see you in five days or if I see you next, we're going to be on...
36:28Do you see him again?
36:29He's like, yo, nah, not today.
36:31No, we'll delay it.
36:33I bet Melania's lad in bed next to him.
36:35He's fucking, he's putting on truth again.
36:37Yeah, he's just trying eating again.
36:39How do you smell, fucking?
36:50In home...
36:51Have you changed the hand washing that toilet?
36:54What do you mean?
36:55Because it was a real nice fancy one when I first started using it.
36:59Now it's just plain drab.
37:01Best friends Jenny and Lee.
37:03What are you doing buying cheap stuff and putting it in a fancy bottle?
37:08You are, aren't you?
37:09I know, I can tell.
37:10There's no smell on it at all.
37:13You're a skimflint.
37:15That's what you do.
37:16You buy these real nice things and then buy the cheap crap and put it in.
37:20I know, I can tell.
37:22It was real nice when it first started.
37:26On Monday night, pet lovers were being paired up with pooches on Channel 4.
37:31You see, my favourite thing about Colin is that when everybody else is fed up with me,
37:38he's still at the front door wagging his tail happy to see me.
37:40He's never fell out with me once.
37:43Oh!
37:44You alright?
37:44Bless you Tilly!
37:50Oh, nutty.
37:51I'm always in the dog house just lately.
37:53I am.
37:54I can't do it outright for wrong.
37:56In the programme, we met Jan and her snaws across Teddy, who was looking for her pal.
38:02Step one.
38:04Step two.
38:05Good girl.
38:06She's counting the steps for the dog.
38:07Oh, I love the fact that she gives the dog a running commentary about what's going to happen.
38:13Come say hello, picture face.
38:16Where are you going?
38:17She can't see and she's blind.
38:19Oh, she's blind, Ronnie.
38:21That's why she was telling her her steps there.
38:23Yeah.
38:24You found yourself a seat, Teddy.
38:26Very comfortable.
38:28And we did come up with one dog.
38:30One dog.
38:31We've got a match.
38:32She's a girl.
38:33And she's called Fizz.
38:35Fizz, Jane.
38:36Oh!
38:37They're shifting Fizz.
38:39Don't say that!
38:41Shifting Fizz.
38:42So we think that Fizz really needs a big sister.
38:45And we think that Teddy will really benefit from having her as a friend.
38:49Oh, wonderful.
38:49It sounds perfect.
38:51Oh, I hope the match lay.
38:52Oh, let's hope.
38:53Keep your fingers crossed, love.
38:57Oh, you're so brave.
38:59Well done.
38:59Aw, little Fizz with a tail between her legs.
39:03She's very worried.
39:05Oh.
39:06She doesn't want to come through the door.
39:08Aw, she won't even go in.
39:10Come on, Fizz, you can do it.
39:11Wow, what a nice doggy.
39:15Oh, if she sees the other dog, she might come in.
39:17I like it that they don't drag her in some and they just do let her come in at her
39:21own pace, don't they?
39:22Yeah, it's not forced marriage, Jane.
39:29Oh, well done.
39:31Oh, hello.
39:33OK, we're in.
39:34We're in.
39:39Oh, hello.
39:40Oh, hello.
39:41Oh, hello.
39:42Oh, hello.
39:42Oh, I'm saying hello.
39:50Oh, look at her.
39:52Oh, Parfee.
39:53She just looks so sad.
39:55She just finds it a lot, bless her.
39:58Aw.
40:01Aw.
40:02Oh, come on.
40:02She just needs time.
40:03Time, time.
40:04I can't believe that's really upsetting me.
40:06I know, isn't it?
40:13Oh, hang on.
40:14Fizz, come on, Fizz.
40:15She's looking for Teddy.
40:17Oh, she's so brave.
40:20Oh, we are a bit moving over.
40:22Here we go.
40:23That's it.
40:24She's comfortable to approach Teddy now.
40:28Oh.
40:29Look.
40:30Oh.
40:31Sniff, sniff.
40:32Oh, that's cute.
40:33Oh, that's so sweet.
40:36I think they've clicked, you know.
40:38I do.
40:38Yeah, I've seen them now.
40:39I'll put them together.
40:41Off you go.
40:42Have a happy life.
40:44Job done, Ted.
40:45I don't want to see anything go wrong.
40:49That's nice.
40:52Look, Teddy's saying, come on.
40:54She's nice.
40:56Yay.
40:56That's my mummy.
40:57Come and say hi.
41:01Oh, hello.
41:02She's coming, she's coming, she's coming.
41:04Oh, look, look.
41:04Come on, go on, Fizz.
41:06Two more steps.
41:08Look.
41:09Oh, that's so funny.
41:10Darling.
41:12Yes.
41:12No way.
41:13Yes.
41:14There you go.
41:15Sniff the hand.
41:16She's coming to see us, Ted.
41:18Oh, it's like fucking bland it.
41:21Oh.
41:22Bland it for dogs.
41:23Oh, no.
41:23Oh, no.
41:24Oh, no.
41:24That's it.
41:28Some time later, hopefully Fizz has been adopted and now she's looking like Shirley Bassey.
41:33So, Teddy and I discussed it.
41:36And now we've got a new little girl in our house called Fizz Pop.
41:41Yay.
41:43And look at her bloody coat.
41:45She just needed somebody to tart her up.
41:48Haven't we Fizz Pop?
41:50Look at her tail wagging.
41:53Oh.
41:54Oh.
41:55Oh.
41:55What a difference in a dog.
41:56Bloody hell.
41:58Oh, that's really funny.
42:01Oh, look at her.
42:02I couldn't be happier for both of them because they've both found in each other something
42:08that they truly needed.
42:10Their future looks fantastic together.
42:14Fucking hell.
42:15You can over anything you don't you?
42:17Oh.
42:18That's a happy ending that one.
42:19That dog found a norm.
42:20That's just like us Jenny.
42:21When we first met we come friends straight away.
42:24I don't think so.
42:28I just shook you out the bloody pub.
42:30You wouldn't leave.
42:36Enough London.
42:37I'm going to make you one of my health drinks Amani so you can see how serious I am about
42:42my health journey this month.
42:44Oh my God.
42:45Ignore the bits.
42:46Sisters Amira and Amani.
42:49You know how you keep having digestion problems, yeah?
42:52This is going to sort that out for you.
42:56No, that's disgusting.
42:57It's really not that bad.
42:59That's disgusting.
43:00This whole right now.
43:01Drink it then.
43:03Bismillah.
43:05There's no way you drink this every day.
43:07You're not convincing me.
43:08Mm-hmm.
43:10Yeah, I do it every day.
43:11Oh yeah, and it's nice, yeah?
43:13Yeah, it's actually really good.
43:16On Friday there was something out of this world on BBC News.
43:20Is it?
43:20Look at the size of this egg that my chicken's laid.
43:23Shall we crack it and see if it's a double yoker?
43:25God, that's a big bugger, isn't it?
43:26It is.
43:27Can you imagine laying that?
43:28It's huge.
43:29Please, can I have my rabbit?
43:31I want to bite its head off, Mary.
43:33Yeah, okay.
43:33You can have it, let's say, after the news.
43:35Okay.
43:36The four astronauts on the Artemis 2 mission are now on their final push towards the moon.
43:41Oh, yeah.
43:43There's a woman in there.
43:45Who the hell would want to go on a mission to the moon?
43:48My sister probably would.
43:49Yeah, I would put her in there, defil.
43:51Their Orion spacecraft will take them around the far side of the moon and back again.
43:56Far side padders, so they're going to go round the back.
43:59Who is that, the far side of the moon?
44:01Is that ELO?
44:02No, it's Pink Floyd, dark side of the moon, not far.
44:05Oh, that's it.
44:06That could be your cover band, Mum.
44:09Earlier today, the crew activated an engine burn lasting precisely 5 minutes and 55 seconds.
44:14It's known as the Translunar Injection.
44:17Oh, a Translunar Injection.
44:19It increased its speed from 17,500 miles an hour to 24,500 miles an hour.
44:27Ooh, that's fast.
44:29Bloody hell, was Mum driving it?
44:32So it goes on there first and then around the moon.
44:34Is it to pick up momentum?
44:35Oh, I swear.
44:36Yeah.
44:37The craft will move through lunar space over the weekend before reaching the far side of the moon on Monday.
44:42I'm all for this.
44:43Like, I don't want to know what the other side looks like.
44:45Is it better?
44:46Is it worse?
44:46And some 4,700 miles past it.
44:50This is all too mind blowing.
44:52That's like if you get a flight going to somewhere and you stop off at another airport.
44:57It don't mean you've been to that place proper.
44:59This is the first time since 1972 that humans have travelled outside the Earth's orbit.
45:05Really?
45:06Since 1972?
45:08Why is that all of this wastage of petrol?
45:11They're talking about global warming.
45:12They're making figures of eight in the rocket.
45:14The astronauts are due to return to Earth next Friday.
45:17They're not gone for long.
45:18It's like a short holiday, innit?
45:19Easy.
45:20I mean, we'd spend a week in an all-inclusive, not the fucking moon.
45:24Getting used to life in space.
45:26Look, she's making the most of her time there, Mary.
45:29I can be an astronaut now.
45:31You can be an astronaut now because they've got to have the appendix removed, don't they, to go into space?
45:35For one of them, Canadian Jeremy Hansen, it's his first time away from the Earth.
45:39Oh, I thought they were safe.
45:42First time away from home.
45:43Home?
45:43Yeah.
45:44His mother's in the pack lunch.
45:46You be careful, Jeremy.
45:47I just kept saying to them yesterday, like, I really like it up here.
45:52I wish I could have got here sooner.
45:54You literally sandwiched in between the roof and the bags.
45:58It looks so comfy.
45:59RS-25 engines lit.
46:02Four, three, two, one.
46:05Booster ignition.
46:07And lift off.
46:09It's just like thunderbirds are gold.
46:11That's right.
46:12It's just very much like that.
46:15Don't.
46:15I feel sick thinking about me being in a rocket right now.
46:19I'd pay to see you in a rocket.
46:25Ordinary folk take to the stage and show how music can spark connection
46:29and unite us in the most unexpected ways.
46:32Brand new, your song starts Sunday at 9.
46:34Up next, yoga instructor meets mindfulness coach.
46:38And her celeb crush is Paul Meskel.
46:41See what you can do, Fred.
46:43Meet you at the First Dates restaurant in a few minutes for a brand new series.
46:47Yes.
46:47.
46:51.
46:52.
46:52You
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