- 22 hours ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:08:45We can sign up right now.
00:08:46We can get a guarantee check for $2,500.
00:08:48A few times that times too.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey, this is for our store.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:07Jacks and bones and spills.
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:10The Atlas of Stareos did too much.
00:09:13Alright, alright, alright.
00:09:14Let's do it.
00:09:15Oh.
00:09:16Yes.
00:09:46Alright.
00:09:47Um.
00:09:49See.
00:09:50Okay.
00:09:51Everybody knows me for my hair.
00:09:55Okay.
00:09:55What I need you to do is just...
00:09:57Just a little bit on the side.
00:09:58Not a whole bunch.
00:09:59And kind of keep like it so still.
00:10:01I'd like to see you in something short but sassy.
00:10:04A real 90s look.
00:10:05Something that works as well on the rifle range as it does in the disco.
00:10:08Okay.
00:10:09That's perfect.
00:10:12Get a haircut and get a real shot.
00:10:16Alright.
00:10:17Ah.
00:10:25Ah!
00:10:25Ah!
00:10:26Ah!
00:10:26Ah!
00:10:29It's my head.
00:10:31I mean, look at it.
00:10:32I don't know.
00:10:33Does it look bigger than it...
00:10:35I mean, do I look like a big potato?
00:10:38Honestly?
00:10:38yeah honestly it looks great it really does really really it looks macho all right look at these man
00:10:48look at this army issue see i think those are unique idiotic no those are unique see you're
00:10:56distinctive no one has them really you're king all right one of a kind they broke them all when
00:11:02they made you jack
00:11:22mom's i can't i can't do it this is just like your childhood remember
00:11:32yeah yeah you're right you're right that guy is exactly like my dad see come on wait a minute
00:11:38though my childhood sucked no i can't do it man i can't i can't handle being yelled at by some
00:11:44muscle-bound drill sergeant no man i can't do it get the hell off the truck
00:11:52oh whoa she can drill me anytime on the double right now come on move it move it hello sweet
00:12:01pants get down here get down
00:12:05rough stuff okay and take those glasses off what do you think you want some beat yourself
00:12:10what's your name private bones car we're reporting for duty sir all right
00:12:15i mean man sergeant whatever you will address me as drill sergeant don't you understand
00:12:25yes but you don't need to yell because look i'm standing right here i'm not yelling at your
00:12:29private drill sergeants do not yell we simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear
00:12:34that way we all learn from each other's mistakes oh okay thanks for explaining it
00:12:39from here on out your butt is mine you will obey every order without question grunt
00:12:52oh you're a funny boy huh cutie pie right well i don't know you but i don't even like you
00:12:57and i
00:12:58make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier for the next eight weeks i'll be all over
00:13:03your butt like white old rice is that a promise
00:13:09give me 20. i want my wallet drop and give me 20. hold this boy you better get on that
00:13:16ground and give me
00:13:56get your butt off that rack
00:14:07i'm out
00:14:08i'm out
00:14:12next hand to the lamp
00:14:14next hand to the lamp
00:14:16all right
00:14:17all right
00:14:39Jack yeah where'd the sun go there is no sun anymore boys the sun is gone we died and this
00:14:52is hell okay thanks for splitting
00:15:00private he's got that weapon around backwards
00:15:14see the picture on the front of this weapon
00:15:20let's put this for privates like you
00:15:25it's idiot proof
00:15:32the gig line runs down the seam of your shirt through the edge of your belt buckle down the
00:15:38seam of your zipper this is a straight gig line see it learn it do it
00:15:52from here on out anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me
00:16:03Conway what the hell is this just sergeant I guess my gig line needs straightening huh
00:16:18thank you just sergeant don't thank me thank you recruiter
00:16:29come on boy come on you can't do it I know you can't do it
00:16:35there are two types of bayonet fighters the quick and the dead
00:16:37what are you what are they what are you what are they what are you what are they they need
00:16:45volunteers
00:16:45yeah are you crazy I sure am I'm a crazy boy hello Conway yes ma'am come here I'm on
00:16:58my way
00:17:02whoo hi hit let's not fight come here hit me or you'll be sorry I can't hit you you're a
00:17:11girl and I love you
00:17:15you got two seconds to hit me okay but this is good oh shit I'm sorry I was just gonna
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson
00:17:39you got it can I please throw up now
00:17:55now listen to me very carefully private this is exactly the same as practice this is a real
00:18:00live grenade I want you to do exactly as you've been trained yes just sergeant
00:18:04when I give the command to execute I want you to drop the pin throw the grenade
00:18:09yes Joe sergeant drop the pin throw the grenade yes Joe sergeant
00:18:14execute
00:18:18move it
00:18:19move it
00:18:24oh
00:18:24ah
00:18:25how
00:18:26oh
00:18:27oh
00:18:31thanks Joe sergeant you saved my life I owe you one
00:18:36No, you owe me 50!
00:18:4950!
00:18:50Mama, mama, can't you see?
00:18:53Mama, mama, can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:18:59Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:19:01And that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States!
00:19:06And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States!
00:19:10And the orders of the officers appointed over me!
00:19:13And the orders of the officers appointed over me!
00:19:16According to regulations!
00:19:18According to regulations!
00:19:20And the Uniform Code of Military Justice!
00:19:23And the Uniform Code of Military Justice!
00:19:26So help me God!
00:19:27So help me God!
00:19:34it's the uniforms man private conway never thought i'd say this but i think i've done
00:19:45the impossible i've turned you into soldiers thank you drill sergeant carry on
00:20:01uh is this uh unit 341 that's us soldier hey bones conway here this is my partner jack hi christine
00:20:09nice to meet you look like we'll be working together christine a la g i j right what brings
00:20:15pretty little lady like you to water pier i want it in between but until they ask that crap about
00:20:22women not being allowed in combat i'll just have to settle for kicking your little butt
00:20:25oh that would be nice heisty one huh like that shut up
00:20:38i'm gonna have to kill your friend hey bones conway hey uh fred ostrov good to meet you
00:20:46you okay fred oh man i'm fine yeah thanks thank you
00:20:52so uh what do you do when you don't purify water well i'm going into my uh final year of
00:20:57dental
00:20:58school wow and then now that is great no it's not why did you know that dentists are more feared
00:21:07and loathed than any other profession that's including lawyers no see i don't think people
00:21:11hate dentists it's just the sound of that drill yeah and then they stick that sucking thing in the back
00:21:17right like this and the nurse says i'll see you like that and then they jam those cardboard x-ray
00:21:24things and then they and you know when there's you have a cabinet and they do that little pointy
00:21:29thing and then right the nurse leaves and she goes to lunch and she jams it out there right meanwhile
00:21:38there is a lead apron right on the thing and you're sitting there like
00:21:48see see that's what i'm talking about if you don't want to talk about it it's okay oh no no
00:21:53no it's
00:21:53good we should talk about it because my therapist uh said that i need to get it out kind of
00:21:58like an
00:21:59emotional enema so we talked about it and uh said why not join the army reserve be all that you
00:22:05can be
00:22:05on the weekends yeah maybe it helped me to face those things in my life that i'm most afraid of
00:22:14and what are you afraid of uh well i'd have to say uh damn near everything floss hey keep it
00:22:29good morning purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military
00:22:35it is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out
00:22:40you know your equipment inside and out and out and out and out and out and out and out and
00:22:47out
00:22:47two soldiers must man the hose at all times this is for your own safety people okay never lose
00:22:55control of your home
00:23:05after careful training you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting swampy
00:23:11parasite infected diseased water guys look it's our first glass of purified water all right
00:23:22go for it man try it nah i'm not gonna try hey you try it i'm not gonna try it
00:23:30we should get christine yeah she'll taste anything
00:23:38i'm not gonna try it let's get freddy okay oh freddy no no thanks i'm allergic it'll make me break
00:23:46out
00:23:47i'm not gonna try it well then who's gonna try it
00:24:08who's the leader of this outfit he is
00:24:13son i've been doing this for a long time and i gotta say
00:24:17this is the best damn glass of purified water i ever had congratulations you keep this up and
00:24:24i'll be putting you in for private first class thank you sergeant but i could not have done it
00:24:29without the inspirational guidance of my brother the poor man
00:24:39right back honey excuse me gonna go freshen up
00:24:50you're not
00:25:11you're not
00:25:14you're not
00:25:27you're not
00:25:28you're not
00:25:28you're not
00:25:28you're not
00:25:48You
00:25:49Wait wait hold it here a second listen. Hey, we're in the middle of the party here
00:25:53You know your friends might come in that because I think it's very rude if we stay
00:25:57We're more than a couple of minutes two minutes. That's perfect love time to cuddle afterwards
00:26:06Hold that thought
00:26:09Somebody better be dead. Hello. This is an official message. I saw a flock of wild geese
00:26:17migrating south I
00:26:19Say again the geese are migrating south. Yeah, well, uh, my goose is about to lay a golden egg
00:26:26So you're gonna have to cruise the south solo. Okay. Have a nice flight
00:26:40Look you saw the goose. I'm the walrus and tall is dead and I'm trying to bury my beak here.
00:26:45So give it a rest
00:26:46All right, that's it
00:26:49Oh
00:27:01Jack get the phone. Who is it? Freak on about wild geese migrating
00:27:07phone
00:27:14Which way who cares north or south south?
00:27:21Yes
00:27:21Yes, yes, yes
00:27:24What?
00:27:26You guys don't you remember?
00:27:28About the cold
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty, then we would know that it was for real. It's
00:27:33gotta be a mistake
00:27:34It's gotta be Chad
00:27:35Hello mama
00:27:38It's Frederick
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:41Chad is in the african country
00:27:43The one that libby's about to invade
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music
00:27:49Do you remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war
00:28:07And there's a desert war
00:28:09And we're going
00:28:12That's it bones, I'm gonna kill you
00:28:14Well, go ahead and you gotta relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm gonna get us out of this one
00:28:19Trust me
00:28:30At ease
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad
00:28:35But there's something that you need to know about Jack and I before we go, sir
00:28:39Yes?
00:28:41Uh, uh, bones and I are very close, uh, friends
00:28:47Very
00:28:48Oh, I see
00:28:51In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad
00:28:58Sorry to disappoint you, sir
00:29:03Uh, just one thing
00:29:08Anything
00:29:10Kiss him
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend
00:29:15You don't have a problem with that now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no
00:29:21Uh-uh
00:29:21He kisses me every day
00:29:23Uh-uh
00:29:41Just do it
00:29:49Is it hot in Chad?
00:29:52As the Libyan raids against U.N. forces near the border continue, this U.S. force is being ready to
00:29:59deter the invasion threatened by the Libyan leader in his television broadcast last night. And as the buildup here continues,
00:30:06the first army reserve units arrived here today. These units will aid in the supply and logistical support of the
00:30:12U.S.
00:30:12The growing U.S. presence here. These troops are in high spirits, and the morale is high, and their hopes
00:30:18are high, and this mission will remain peaceful. Reporting live from Chad for World Wide News Report, this is Stu
00:30:27Krieger.
00:30:44I am 1st Sergeant Brandon T. Williams. It is my intention to run this company like a clock. If one
00:30:51gear slips in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time. If one spring is loose in my clock,
00:30:55my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:571st Sergeant William's license clock to tell the right time. Do you understand me?
00:31:02Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:04What did he just say?
00:31:05I don't know. Something about his clock being broken.
00:31:10Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
00:31:13Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:15I mean, no, Sergeant.
00:31:17Don't you know I'm your 1st Sergeant?
00:31:21Well, actually, I wish you were my 1st Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.
00:31:27Drop! And give me push-ups!
00:31:29You will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as 1st Sergeant! Is that clear?
00:31:34Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:36Call!
00:31:361, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:382, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:393, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:404, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:424, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:425, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:545, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:555, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:564, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:57100, 1st Sergeant!
00:32:005, 1st Sergeant!
00:32:0110, 1st Sergeant!
00:32:041st Sergeant!
00:32:045, 1st Sergeant!
00:32:05You've done Page.
00:32:05You've done a lot of push-ups when you were in basic training, didn't you?
00:32:07yes first sergeant well you just did your last push-up soldier i will never ask you to do another
00:32:12thank you first sergeant you just graduated the peeling potatoes
00:32:15six thousand five hundred and forty three first sergeant six thousand five hundred and forty four
00:32:22for sergeant for sergeant six thousand five hundred five six thousand one six hundred thousand fifty
00:32:32four hundred fifty two first sergeant okay shit i lost count but we got it we got it we got
00:32:39it look
00:32:56oh look hey it's the sunroof
00:33:21oh look gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag oh yeah dear bones by the time you
00:33:30read this i will already be what i will already be in milan with guido oh she dumped you sorry
00:33:42bones
00:33:43i must say though this guy sounds really nice he's got a villa right on the adriatic sea jack don't
00:33:48rub
00:33:48it in no no you're better off she's a horrible speller there's only one s and loser look at that
00:33:54and immatureish i don't even think that's a word gabriella she she broke my heart sorry well
00:34:02fortunately i'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long
00:34:09oh would you mind turn the light off please jack oh yeah fred you checked your your bag for scorpions
00:34:16right scorpions he's messing with you fred no i'm not chad is the scorpion capital of the
00:34:24world yep red they're big ones too about as big as my fist they outnumber people two to one
00:34:30and that margin grows with every sting so have a good sleep fred good night everybody
00:34:38nice to allen night john boy
00:34:42scorpions
00:34:53i got one
00:34:55i got one
00:34:57i got one
00:35:11very funny we're just trying to help you get over your fears fred really fred don't worry about it
00:35:17you come and sleep with me yeah well i i'd rather take my chances with the scorpion thank you
00:35:25god i hate this it's not that bad it's like camp
00:35:29john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:35that's my name too
00:35:38whenever we go
00:35:39whenever we go
00:35:41there goes john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:44john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:49come on
00:35:50that's my name too
00:36:15that's my name too
00:36:23Don't eat the chicken.
00:36:25And it tastes just like frog.
00:36:28Thanks.
00:36:30Enjoy.
00:36:36Ready.
00:36:38Go.
00:36:42Who are you, Zach?
00:36:44Special forces.
00:36:4914.11 seconds.
00:36:51Damn.
00:36:52Try it again.
00:36:55Go.
00:36:56He's incredible.
00:36:58Time me.
00:37:00All right.
00:37:03Go.
00:37:05Go.
00:37:06Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
00:37:16Well, that is not good.
00:37:18What happened?
00:37:18That is not good.
00:37:20Damn it.
00:37:20Damn it.
00:37:26Oh, great.
00:37:28He's coming over.
00:37:29Just don't look at him.
00:37:32You lose something?
00:37:35Yeah, thanks.
00:37:38Put it in my lasagna.
00:37:40You better call 911, get an ambulance, find a doctor, order a toe tag, because I'm going
00:37:44to tear off your head and spit down your neck.
00:37:46Do you understand me, boy?
00:37:48Ah!
00:37:49Hey, hey.
00:37:52You have to relax a little.
00:37:54Take it easy.
00:37:56We're in the middle of a war, and we're on the same side.
00:38:03Would America have won the Civil War if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt?
00:38:12Right on.
00:38:12A little knowledge.
00:38:14A little knowledge to partay.
00:38:17Go ahead, man.
00:38:18If our soldiers, our American soldiers, acted like this in Desert Storm, Sodom the Sane
00:38:27would still be running Iraq.
00:38:28Uh, what?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane, right?
00:38:38It's obvious.
00:38:40But you regular guys, you've been here so long that your brains are fried.
00:38:44Right.
00:38:45So I guess what I'm really trying to say is...
00:38:48Come on, genius.
00:38:49Sit down.
00:38:51That doesn't mean we all can't be friends.
00:38:55Please.
00:38:56It's only one problem with you newbies, O.
00:38:58We've got the truth, man.
00:39:00You don't eat enough.
00:39:02No, that's...
00:39:05Watch it, son!
00:39:20As you were.
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes.
00:39:33Yes, sir!
00:39:34Can I count on you?
00:39:35Yes, sir.
00:39:37Carry on.
00:39:40I happen to know on this base there's not one unpeeled potato.
00:39:58I heard the Libyans are already backing down and we're going to be out of here in two weeks.
00:40:02Yeah?
00:40:03Well, I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops and we're going to be here until Christmas.
00:40:07Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:40:09Where are you going?
00:40:13Not like I got bad breath.
00:40:20Help!
00:40:22And until they comply with you in resolution 991, I don't think anybody's going anywhere.
00:40:29Oh, you're amazing, Christine.
00:40:31How do you keep up with all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine?
00:40:38Christine?
00:40:42All right, quit screwing around.
00:40:46Chris!
00:40:48Send some water with this mud.
00:40:56Chris!
00:41:01Jack?
00:41:07Fred!
00:41:13How does it feel to be dead, motor boy?
00:41:18I don't know.
00:41:19How does it feel to be a dick, dick?
00:41:29Damn it!
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none delivered last night, first sergeant.
00:41:38Goddamn piece of shit, newbies.
00:41:39How am I going to run a decent HQ without my coffee?
00:41:47That is truly a pathetic sight.
00:41:51Who perpetrated this?
00:41:52Who perpetrated this?
00:42:00Ow!
00:42:06Who did this to you?
00:42:08I can't tell you for a sergeant.
00:42:10What?
00:42:10You have too much honor?
00:42:12Oh, I've been threatened with death.
00:42:16Oh, I've been threatened with death.
00:42:17Untie these clowns.
00:42:17And give me some water!
00:42:19Ow!
00:42:27I have an announcement.
00:42:29Do you guys want your water?
00:42:31Because you're looking a little bit crispy.
00:42:33You better what?
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know, I know.
00:42:35Tell me if this is right.
00:42:36I better call 976.
00:42:38Find a doctor and tag an ambulance,
00:42:40because you're going to tear off my toe
00:42:41and spit down my head, right?
00:42:43Do you guys want your water or not?
00:42:45Sergeant, report to Captain Roberts.
00:42:48You've got a mission.
00:42:50Water, boys.
00:42:53Report to 1st Sergeant Williams.
00:42:54You've got a mission, too.
00:42:56Listen up!
00:42:57Captain Denby says we're going to resupply
00:43:00the forward UN peacekeeping base.
00:43:02This is a very simple, routine mission.
00:43:06You will fall into line in a very large,
00:43:08very prepared convoy.
00:43:09All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you.
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water.
00:43:16Conway, you look confused.
00:43:18Are you sure you want to send us to a forward area?
00:43:20We're just water, boys.
00:43:21You are soldiers.
00:43:23You will get in that convoy,
00:43:24and you will be a credit to the United States Army.
00:43:27Is that clear?
00:43:27Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:43:29Then muscle your lollygagging bus for getting chicken.
00:43:31Move out!
00:43:31Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:44:01Damn it!
00:44:02Forget it.
00:44:03They're going to send a tow truck.
00:44:08Man, what I wouldn't do for a double meat chili cheeseburger right now.
00:44:13No.
00:44:14A margarita on the rocks.
00:44:18Or some fresh, buttery jiffy pop.
00:44:21That's not popcorn, boys.
00:44:24Hmm?
00:44:25That convoy's under attack.
00:44:29Really?
00:44:30I don't think so.
00:44:35Maniacs shooting at us!
00:44:37You're a maniac!
00:44:37It's the enemy!
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering!
00:44:40Don't shoot!
00:44:41Surrendering!
00:44:46Whoa!
00:44:52Still!
00:44:56Nice going, Christine.
00:44:58Did you have to shoot so close, huh?
00:45:00You scared the shit out of me.
00:45:01Well, excuse me for living.
00:45:03I was just trying to save your worthless little life.
00:45:05Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience,
00:45:09the answer's often a desire to have sex?
00:45:11Yeah, Jack.
00:45:12That's right.
00:45:13I feel it.
00:45:15All right.
00:45:17Just not with you.
00:45:19Ever.
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah.
00:45:22Got it.
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk.
00:45:25I didn't feel anything.
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here.
00:45:29The truck's on fire!
00:45:31Yeah!
00:45:33Yeah!
00:45:34Yeah!
00:45:35Yeah!
00:45:36Yeah!
00:45:37Yeah!
00:45:37Yeah!
00:45:47Stay long!
00:45:49It's gonna...
00:45:56Explode.
00:46:00We're found!
00:46:03Hello!
00:46:05Hello!
00:46:06Hello!
00:46:11Now, rickety-tick, you're mustering lollygaggin'
00:46:14Let's lollygaggin' out of here!
00:46:27Isn't the road that way?
00:46:29I'm taking the shortcut.
00:46:31Is there one?
00:46:31Uh-huh.
00:46:32The road curves around like this.
00:46:35All we gotta do is cut the desert here and catch up the convoy over there.
00:46:39Watch out!
00:46:40Come on!
00:46:40I think I know what I'm doing here.
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys I get very easily cars in.
00:46:46Uh-huh.
00:46:48Yeah!
00:46:49Yeah!
00:46:56Yeah!
00:47:02Bones, I don't see a road.
00:47:05I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know.
00:47:08The road's over there.
00:47:10Three miles.
00:47:11Maybe four.
00:47:12Oh, yeah.
00:47:13Maybe ten.
00:47:15Maybe twenty.
00:47:17Maybe our truck is sinking.
00:47:21No!
00:47:23No!
00:47:40Hey, forget it, okay?
00:47:44Just shut it down.
00:47:44We'll kick it out.
00:47:45No, stand back.
00:47:46Stand back!
00:47:47I'm gonna rock it!
00:47:54It's winning.
00:47:54It's not working.
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand into the air filter.
00:47:59I order you to shut it down now.
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class, okay?
00:48:06I'm ordering you.
00:48:07Come on.
00:48:08The only reason you made private first class is because your brother's a poor man.
00:48:20Huh?
00:48:21You happy?
00:48:22You're happy?
00:48:23Come on.
00:48:26Yeah, well, I hope you brought your triple A card.
00:48:29Let's see.
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block.
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me.
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it.
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:43Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do!
00:48:46Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class Bones, the one with the highest rank.
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack, was just listen to me, okay?
00:48:55I was trying to...
00:48:56All I've ever done is listen to you, and look where it's taken me.
00:48:58Look!
00:49:00We're in the middle of some African hellhole!
00:49:02Under a flesh-frying sun, with the sky filled with vultures, ready to pluck out my eyeballs.
00:49:09Vultures don't come around unless something's about to die.
00:49:29What are you... are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy.
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow, we have to walk away from this water truck.
00:49:40We have two canteens between us.
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water, and then we have more water.
00:49:45Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:55That's enough!
00:49:57There's not a scorpion on your back!
00:50:00Uh-uh.
00:50:02There is a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Frank, there's nothing on your back!
00:50:07You keep on imagining things!
00:50:13I needed that.
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped.
00:50:18Look, you don't have to apologize.
00:50:20You're right!
00:50:22I see things very clear now.
00:50:25All right, Fred!
00:50:26Look, guys, I want to apologize to everybody, okay?
00:50:29He's okay!
00:50:30I feel like a brand new man!
00:50:31All right.
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay.
00:50:34Okay.
00:50:35Okay.
00:50:35Stop our feelings.
00:50:36Thanks.
00:51:04Follow me.
00:51:05I know exactly where I'm going.
00:51:09Trust me.
00:51:35You guys, get down!
00:51:36I see something!
00:51:37Get down!
00:51:49It's a truck!
00:51:50There's the road!
00:51:51We are safe!
00:51:52I told you I had a flawless sense of direction!
00:51:56What a coincidence!
00:51:58That truck looks...
00:52:00It looks like our truck!
00:52:08Hey, listen, you guys.
00:52:10Hey.
00:52:11I figured out why we went in circles.
00:52:14Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:16We didn't follow the sun.
00:52:22Look, this stream is due west.
00:52:25All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning and towards the sun in the
00:52:30afternoon.
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall.
00:52:32Oh, so you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again just to follow another one of
00:52:38your half-baked plans.
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:42I mean, I'm pretty sure this is going to work.
00:52:43But since I let us down before, I say from here on in, we put everything to a vote.
00:52:49We can't vote.
00:52:51You order, we follow.
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That is not how the army goes.
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do.
00:53:00Well, what if I'm wrong?
00:53:04Then we die.
00:53:11I order us to do a sunbaked plan thing.
00:53:17We're dead.
00:53:21Hey, guys, just think of it as a very long day on a very big beach in a very dry
00:53:29year.
00:53:49Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
00:53:51It's the ocean.
00:53:53I don't see anything.
00:53:55What are you, blind?
00:53:56The waves.
00:53:57It's the ocean.
00:53:59It's a mirage.
00:54:01It is a mirage.
00:54:03And there's Caesars.
00:54:04And right across the street is the Barbary Coast.
00:54:07We can get a $3.99 buffet.
00:54:09And it's the ocean.
00:54:11Come on.
00:54:13Come on.
00:54:14Go.
00:54:16Come on.
00:54:18Come on.
00:54:20Come on.
00:54:23Come on.
00:54:25Come on.
00:54:34Here's the canteen.
00:54:35Go get your boy, because he's bugging.
00:54:51You okay, man?
00:54:53You okay?
00:54:54Here, take a sip.
00:54:55Come on.
00:54:55Come on.
00:54:57Come on.
00:54:57Listen.
00:54:59Look, Jack, we got two choices.
00:55:02One, we could put your clothes back on.
00:55:04We can get ourselves out of this mess.
00:55:05Go back to Glendale.
00:55:06Start up our own store.
00:55:07Become rich and famous.
00:55:09Or two, you can lie here butt naked and crushed away, leaving your skull to be found by a young
00:55:15Arabic prince that's going to use it for an ashtray.
00:55:21You don't want that in your head.
00:55:24You make the call.
00:55:25Come on.
00:55:25Let's get out of here.
00:55:27What do you say?
00:55:28Come on.
00:55:29Come on.
00:55:31Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:33Here.
00:55:34Here.
00:55:35Here.
00:55:35Come on.
00:55:36Come on.
00:55:37Here.
00:55:38Come on.
00:55:40Here.
00:55:41Hey.
00:55:43Oh.
00:55:43Oh, Jack.
00:55:44Look at that ass.
00:55:46Maybe you should stay naked.
00:55:47Get some sun on those cheeks.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man.
00:55:59Oh, man.
00:56:00Now, I'm seeing things.
00:56:01The palm tree's right on the horizon.
00:56:03Oh, it's another mirage.
00:56:05Oh, my God.
00:56:06I see it, too.
00:56:07It's not a mirage.
00:56:09Those are the palm trees.
00:56:11It's the oasis.
00:56:12Oh, man.
00:56:13You saved our life.
00:56:15Ha, ha, ha.
00:56:20Where's my kiss?
00:56:23Christine.
00:56:30The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand.
00:56:47Nobody move.
00:56:51There is a big snake right by your feet.
00:56:55No!
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack.
00:57:01Throw me the gun.
00:57:04If you don't attack it, it'll go away.
00:57:07I don't want it to go away.
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner.
00:57:10Throw me the gun.
00:57:17Ah!
00:57:18Ah!
00:57:20Ah!
00:57:22Ah!
00:57:23Ah!
00:57:23Ah!
00:57:24You want some of this, baby?
00:57:26Huh?
00:57:26There you go!
00:57:27Come on!
00:57:28Oh, oh.
00:57:30Oh, no.
00:57:31Ah!
00:57:32I'm still gonna get ya!
00:57:35Let die for me!
00:57:37I'll kill ya!
00:57:42Huh?
00:57:43Shoulda-ba-da-da-da-da-da!
00:57:50Huh?
00:57:52It's a win-win situation.
00:57:56Will you look at that?
00:57:59Water from the bullet hole!
00:58:04Water!
00:58:06Water!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Water!
00:58:10Water!
00:58:10Fresh water!
00:58:12I can't believe it!
00:58:13Water!
00:58:13Water!
00:58:14Water!
00:58:15Is it snake yet?
00:58:16Depends how you like it.
00:58:18Well done!
00:58:20Used to be afraid of scorpions.
00:58:22Now he's eating snake!
00:58:23That is impressive for him.
00:58:26Hm.
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die...
00:58:30But you pulled us through.
00:58:33I don't know how...
00:58:35but thank you.
00:58:47That was, uh, pretty exceptional.
00:58:53So what are you gonna do if I get us rescued?
00:58:59Um, I will take off all your clothes.
00:59:06Tie you to the bed, rub warm oil all over your body from the bottom of those feet to the
00:59:17top of that head and proceed to have the nastiest, freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined.
00:59:30Oh, that's it. Damn it! I saw her first. And look what happens. Same thing that happened with Gabriella. I
00:59:38saw her first.
00:59:39And, and, and Wanda Tushman in the third grade, I saw her first. And that girl in Palm Springs, it
00:59:44turned out to be the guy. I saw that thing first, too. You know why I'm not just strangling you
00:59:50right now?
00:59:51No. Because you can't cook a snake? No. Because no matter how long we've been friends, I never thought you'd
00:59:59be the kind of guy that would save our lives, let alone kill a snake. But you did.
01:00:06Oh, hey, man. Thanks. Yeah.
01:00:10I, I think it's the U.N. flag. We're safe!
01:00:15Guys, Christine and I are gonna need some time alone.
01:00:18Sure, man.
01:00:18Fine, Jacob.
01:00:20Come on, look at me!
01:00:23...in the situation room of the White House today, and the president is scheduled to address the nation tomorrow at
01:00:296 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
01:00:31We will, of course, bring that to you live on...
01:00:33You are the reservists from Glendale, California, correct?
01:00:36This all fuels...
01:00:37According to WNR, you are presumed dead in a truck explosion.
01:00:42Oh, where are we?
01:00:45you're on a military base well inside libya that is all you need to know oh i forgot to mention
01:00:53the war is starting tomorrow how'd you know that american tv your country is expected to start
01:01:01bombing our air bases tomorrow and when that happens we will unleash missiles with chemical
01:01:06warheads against your bases consider yourself lucky to be here sleep well you know this is fine it's
01:01:16like the time you got us arrested to you wanna except we're in libya and your dad's not gonna
01:01:22pick us up here brother yo it's you guys also american
01:01:32oh see i see i was wounded and i don't feel well please sing a song to comfort me sing
01:01:38a song
01:01:39any song oh okay rescue me sing uh-huh what i want to attend that sounds good
01:01:55my team was on strategic recon huh you know that's when you go behind enemy lines and you try to
01:02:02locate their assets like tanks and bunkers we were on our way to a resupply drop and we were ambushed
01:02:07the other guys were killed killed
01:02:09i took a bullet in the leg and they brought me here
01:02:16uh-huh i don't know any words to this song
01:02:20kiss me baby
01:02:21kiss me baby
01:02:22kiss me baby
01:02:23kiss me baby
01:02:24kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:26kiss me baby
01:02:26use this to dig around the base of the bars on the window i got one of them loose all
01:02:32they want to escape what are you crazy
01:02:38look it's the duty of every pow to try and escape we're in the middle of a desert what good
01:02:43is it
01:02:43gonna do for us to escape to complete the recon mission soldier a special operations cargo plane
01:02:48was instructed to make a supply drop at a rendezvous point about 15k north here if we can get off
01:02:54this space i can get us to the rendezvous one you're insane okay the libyans are gonna launch
01:02:58chemical weapons we're much safer here no i'm a soldier and i got a job to do so are you
01:03:04now get to work
01:03:07get to see that i'm lonely
01:03:10rescue me
01:03:12rescue me
01:03:13baby
01:03:27my heart
01:03:30you know what you didn't scare me i just fell like screaming don't worry about it most men
01:03:36think i'm scary
01:03:40so you can't sleep
01:03:42i'm too excited excited they might torture us tomorrow they might even even kill us
01:03:47i know it's just like the night before christmas yeah well at my house we got presents
01:03:53i'm talking about the anticipation we might die we we might escape it we don't know what's gonna
01:04:02happen that's the coolest thing in the whole world most girls are into horses and stuff you're weird
01:04:11most men say that too i like it
01:04:31so if i do get us out of here and i will is it true what you said about tying
01:04:37me up and all that
01:04:38wild sex stuff i'll have you kiss me again
01:04:44okay
01:04:50wait i think i got it
01:04:52wait
01:04:52i'm looking
01:04:53you got it
01:04:54yeah look
01:04:55look
01:04:55look
01:04:56look
01:04:56oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:58oh
01:04:58oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:01stern
01:05:02stern
01:05:03you gotta wake up i can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06it's not an alarm it's an air raid silence oh thank god
01:05:11i thought i was having another panic attack
01:05:18oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20no
01:05:20no
01:05:21no
01:05:32oh
01:05:33oh
01:05:34it's okay
01:05:34it's okay
01:05:35it's okay
01:05:36it's okay
01:05:43it's okay
01:05:44Ah!
01:05:54Yes.
01:05:58Almost.
01:06:00Try again.
01:06:02Okay, gosh.
01:06:08That was good. Just a little more to the left. We got him.
01:06:12Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog.
01:06:22Right?
01:06:23And then we can go... Why?
01:06:25Just try it again.
01:06:29Yeah!
01:06:37Oh!
01:06:41Oh!
01:06:46Oh!
01:06:48Oh!
01:06:50Oh!
01:06:52Oh!
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry. I don't get it. What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them, we break them, we smash them, we crash them, we run out of gas.
01:07:15I don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes, yes, I understand that.
01:07:18But we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadoosh right now, okay?
01:07:21No.
01:07:22No. Instead, we're lost in the desert.
01:07:24Again.
01:07:25Without food and water.
01:07:26Again.
01:07:27Stuck with this special forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot off.
01:07:32Fred!
01:07:32We're free!
01:07:33Damn, we're gonna die free!
01:07:36Or maybe not.
01:07:4455 American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it...
01:07:48See this, Chuck?
01:07:51Serious bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:57And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a Koi track.
01:08:00You could play abu-da-ba-da-ba-da stuff on it.
01:08:04Huh?
01:08:05And you asked me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys!
01:08:11We're giving it away!
01:08:21You like this watch?
01:08:23Is it interesting?
01:08:24Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25Come on, he likes it.
01:08:26No, he likes it.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:32This has a compass?
01:08:34Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days
01:08:37and you're telling me this watch has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack.
01:08:41Ooh, you're gonna get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm gonna just pound you like this.
01:08:45I forgot.
01:08:46Yeah, well, uh...
01:08:46About the compass.
01:08:47Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, Jack,
01:08:50because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys.
01:08:55In my life, I've seen a lot of camel's toes.
01:09:00But I never see one in a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:08Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:11Yeah?
01:09:12And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drop's on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:24What Libyan base?
01:09:25Pones, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're gonna have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm, I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:40Oh!
01:09:41You mean that Libyan base, the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio.
01:09:55Everything we need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:10:00Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Come on!
01:10:04Hey!
01:10:05Come on, you guys!
01:10:06What is it?
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:09Woo!
01:10:11Woo!
01:10:13Woo!
01:10:13Woo!
01:10:14Woo!
01:10:14Woo!
01:10:16Woo!
01:10:17Yeah!
01:10:19Yeah!
01:10:23Woo!
01:10:23Yeah!
01:10:23Yeah!
01:10:24Woo!
01:10:27Hot wheels!
01:10:30Hot wheels!
01:10:36Oh.
01:10:43Stern, these things are intense. No wonder people join the army.
01:10:47Be all that you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:54His leg looks pretty bad. I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58But look at his gums. They're fabulous, man. Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's the morphine. Absolutely. The morphine better.
01:11:12Hello? Somebody answer us, please. You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle.
01:11:17Please, just help us. Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you. Listen.
01:11:22Don't say my name. What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:28Uh, something about your clock being broken?
01:11:30Close enough. Okay, calm down, son. We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now listen carefully. Your call sign is now Glendale. Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:42Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those dune buggies. Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:49Good. This equipment was intended for the Special Forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:03Huh. Listen, let me explain something first of all, Sergeant. We're water boys.
01:12:08Okay, please.
01:12:09Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up. The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:19These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26You want us to find them? Well, what about Stern? Stern can find them. He'll be up pretty soon. Stern?
01:12:31Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class? Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:44Camouflage? Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning. Stern wrote down the coordinates, right, Stern?
01:12:52We'll tell you where it is. You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:56Come on, send the Air Force.
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us. You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it? Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base, point the laser at it, and call me back on
01:13:17the radio.
01:13:18The Air Force will do the rest. You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute. Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:29Bones, they can't make us do anything. We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:35Uh-uh, I know what's going on. You're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No. My laser was a little itty-bitty laser. This is a big laser. There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale! Glendale!
01:13:45No, no, no, no, no. Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies,
01:13:53pop the base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it.
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale.
01:13:57Please, hold yourself there. One second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends. Is that okay? Just have a cup of java. Please,
01:14:04chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here, you were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh? You're a regular G.I. Joe, a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry. Well, now's your chance. Let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you. You're still a screw-up.
01:14:34But if you did this and you survived, you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago, we were all a bunch of minimum-wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives. You know who we owe it to? The army.
01:14:51This is something we gotta do. Come on. Go with it.
01:14:54Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:59Fred, listen. If you can't handle it, I understand, man.
01:15:02I can handle it.
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:07Oh, I say, I say you're crazy. I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But you're the private first class. I'm the private. I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing. Kick it, man.
01:15:21Darren, you ready? Let's go, Bone.
01:15:25I know, I know. It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:32I, you're gonna have to go now. You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops! Let's go bust some scuds!
01:15:55Come on!
01:16:09We rind them!
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:51I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing, I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:12Good going, Glendale.
01:17:14The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:19It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long.
01:17:29I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good.
01:17:34Lay low and report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:09Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorry.
01:18:15Fuck off!
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale.
01:18:40And keep that laser on the target.
01:18:42On the target?
01:18:43We are the target!
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up!
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it.
01:18:53Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of here.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale Waterboys.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo-hoo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:43No, no, no!
01:19:50No, no, no, no!
01:19:52No, no, no, no, no, no!
01:20:17Oh!
01:20:20Shit!
01:20:21Missed.
01:20:21Yeah, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where are you going, soldiers? We know you can do it!
01:20:27Oh, perfect!
01:20:28Bang!
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad!
01:21:00Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet. The bomb's pissed.
01:21:02There's a scud!
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:18Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner. The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:24Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey! Hey! Where's he going?
01:21:39Hey! Hey!
01:21:40What the...
01:21:42What the...
01:21:43What the...
01:21:43What the...
01:21:45What the...
01:21:47All right!
01:21:48My man!
01:21:50You stay right here.
01:21:52I gotta go.
01:21:53What are you doing?
01:21:54What are you doing?
01:21:55What are you doing?
01:21:57What are you doing?
01:21:59What are you doing?
01:22:01What are you doing?
01:22:02What are you doing?
01:22:03You guys, move over.
01:22:05Move over.
01:22:06Whoa.
01:22:08Cock-firing mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:14Shut up.
01:22:28Aim, set range, if known or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time
01:22:35or I'm going to rip your spine out
01:22:36and use it for a putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up.
01:22:39I'm not good with directions.
01:22:43Push, safety, and hold down.
01:22:46Okay, now everybody back.
01:22:48Fire by pushing trigger.
01:22:55Suck on this a one time!
01:23:03Oh, sorry.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:50That's my signal.
01:23:52Everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:54Make them think we got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:56Okay.
01:23:57One and go!
01:24:14We scared him!
01:24:17I can't believe we scared him!
01:24:24Yeah!
01:24:25Don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Behind me!
01:24:30Two weeks a year!
01:24:32One week in a month!
01:24:33We're the few!
01:24:35We're the browns!
01:24:37We're the water boys!
01:24:41All stuck!
01:24:43Get down!
01:24:43No!
01:24:44No!
01:24:56No!
01:24:58No!
01:25:00No!
01:25:02No!
01:25:08No!
01:25:10No!
01:25:16No!
01:25:19No!
01:25:20No!
01:25:22No!
01:25:23No!
01:25:36No!
01:25:41No!
01:25:41No!
01:25:43No!
01:25:45No!
01:25:47No!
01:25:52No!
01:25:53You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves.
01:25:56Congratulations, you did an outstanding job.
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant, it was an adventure.
01:26:35You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:03You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:33You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
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