- 5 hours ago
The Miniature Wife S01E01-2 (2026)
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TVTranscript
00:00:05this is a love story love it's supposed to be patient and kind but let's be honest it's
00:00:16irrational it can make us crazy and sometimes downright insane i should know my husband made
00:00:25me small no it's not a metaphor he made me six inches tall i'm literally the size of a dry
00:00:42martini shaken stirred and nursing the burn of every sip even at our ugliest i still believe
00:00:53our love's worth fighting for but fair warning it's going to get worse before it gets better
00:01:05to us to us
00:01:13to recapturing magic to the journey not the destination
00:01:18and to dr carmichael couples therapist extraordinaire to her words of wisdom
00:01:24it's speaking of the journey it was bumpy
00:01:28yeah a few potholes yeah yeah checked into separate rooms um but i am working through my narcissistic
00:01:37tendencies and i am working on my accountability issues and here we are we made it got to the next
00:01:45stop dr carmichael's new year new us colon a grand gesture i'd like to go first okay great
00:02:01i've arranged to get the vermont gang back together at the gray house on new year's eve for our anniversary
00:02:07so we can renew our vows new year new us
00:02:14i'm speechless
00:02:16we were so happy there
00:02:20really really are gary and meg gonna be there they're giving up cabo
00:02:24lulu
00:02:25our daughter has not returned my call oh she's 18 she will they don't do phones always send a text
00:02:30okay
00:02:30okay my turn okay this will be but the last christmas that we spend in st louis because i
00:02:39have listed our house with the contingency to run it back from the bio through next december i'm going
00:02:44to land this big fish and tomorrow i'm going to get elvick smith to bankroll the final stage of my
00:02:50life's
00:02:50work so that in one year lindy we can move back to the gray house permanently like i promised years
00:02:57ago a clean slate and a fresh start i supported you and you got your prize and all i ask
00:03:05is that for
00:03:06one more year you support me so i can get mine are you serious the listing went up today
00:03:19is this real very
00:03:25less
00:03:29i love you lindy i love you too
00:03:42thank you thank you for inviting me back into our bed
00:04:09how does one solve the problem of feeding the world
00:04:14only less little john knows now what if we could take say an ear of corn and shrink it to
00:04:22a fraction
00:04:22of its original size just imagine a farmer could grow ten a hundred a thousand ears of corn in the
00:04:30space it takes to grow one but how does cellular reduction work my revolutionary molecular
00:04:37transformation process fundamentally changes the distance between atoms oh the real question is
00:04:44can you restore the corn cob to regular size after it's been miniaturized not only can we do it we
00:04:50will
00:04:50do it together helton smith we can make more with less that's l e s i'll take it from here
00:05:00less okay
00:05:05now it's time to blow your minds
00:05:12you call this the mini barn card no one calls it that it's just me see i grew up on
00:05:18a farm rich
00:05:45you call this the future
00:05:50you call this the future
00:06:02i am
00:06:05fucking amazed
00:06:08there's a corner there's a truck here look how tiny it is it's being tiny
00:06:12it's incredible i got you you did you really did it's crazy oh amazing again make it big i want
00:06:20to taste it
00:06:22oh a big coin takes a big investment oh there he is money man chiming in well go on uh
00:06:29you know uh
00:06:30flavor saver was a huge step forward it was the first and the best gmo tomato on the market but
00:06:37it was a
00:06:37failure well no it wasn't it was a breakthrough but it tasted like old band-aids admit it no i
00:06:46don't think
00:06:46i will admit it or i walk no
00:06:56i don't think it's going to be a failure i got you yes you did hilton but this agrotech
00:07:03is going to change the world jinx and just think this is only the beginning sorry who are you vivian
00:07:09hilton's chief scientist i'm the guts i just write the checks she's the brains and my guts never make
00:07:16mistakes i mean i would write you a check right now but for some reason i'm just not feeling yummy
00:07:26in my tummy
00:07:29you me who are you is this a true question i don't know is it well who are you i'm
00:07:38awesome i'm hilton
00:07:40well i'm awesome i'm less yeah i'm gonna need more
00:07:52you like it yeah i'm gonna lose my house
00:08:14hey hey uh something quietly revealed itself to me oh what's that maria's staff pick
00:08:24my rainbow starts with black it's a poet surprise winning novel by the one the only lindy mcmichael
00:08:30little john that's a lifetime ago 18 years and still a fan fave listen richie um we need to talk
00:08:42oh no yeah no we've just begun richie hold on this is just the first act not turn this into
00:08:50a tragedy
00:08:52tragedy is a better story oh i wish they had a section on how to repair an emotional affair
00:09:00you really saw me when i needed it the most yeah and and you really gave me that emotional intimacy
00:09:08that i craved you know you were a great shoulder an ear you're so handsome young smart and maybe in
00:09:19another life but but i fell in love and you i fell in less hell yes why less knows the
00:09:31real me the
00:09:32worst of me and he he still loves me i could love the worst to you no he has 20
00:09:38years on you and you've
00:09:40known me like a few months six and a half less he made a grand gesture and he promised me
00:09:48a fresh start
00:09:49and i believe him why no no no actually don't say love should remain a mystery my mom told me
00:09:59that okay
00:10:00i'm gonna go wait wait this oh god i got you this christmas present absolutely cannot accept this
00:10:07you must or it means our love was in vain okay okay just open the card first there is no
00:10:14need to thank me
00:10:16okay
00:10:31merry christmas my love in anticipation of the new year new you and new us i thought this would be
00:10:38a
00:10:38great start open the present i'll wait i hate this rag i know you hate this rag but i knew
00:10:56you'd never
00:10:56send it in yourself give it a quick read see if you recognize it
00:11:02oh richie no no no no what have you done i pretend it to be your book agent your story
00:11:09is gonna be in the
00:11:10new yorker no i didn't write this i'm fucked i know it's overwhelming and i'm sure you don't
00:11:19oh holy fuck oh my god oh my fuck oh shit oh
00:11:27bitch pickup pick up hi this is terry leave a message terry oh okay there is a story
00:11:34there's a story in new york with my name on it and i need you to call me back this
00:11:38is an emergency
00:11:38See, for serious this time, call me back.
00:11:42Fuck.
00:11:44Fuck!
00:11:53Shut the door.
00:11:55Why?
00:11:55Because I want to raise my voice.
00:11:58Jesus jumping crackers, why would you invite Hilton to your charity event at your home tonight?
00:12:05Because he wants to know who I am.
00:12:06But Lindy will be there.
00:12:08And?
00:12:08I'm sorry, am I the only one that remembers last year?
00:12:11The silent auction, the pool incident, and you're still serving alcohol this year, right?
00:12:16Count me out.
00:12:17I'm sorry.
00:12:18I cannot watch.
00:12:21I don't think that my heart or my stomach can tolerate another interaction with him.
00:12:27But we are broke.
00:12:29And here's all we have.
00:12:31There are no more interested investors less with Hilton's kind of cash.
00:12:36You know what?
00:12:37Lindy and I are fine now.
00:12:38We're good, even.
00:12:40And we're renewing our vows.
00:12:41New year, new us.
00:12:42New us!
00:12:42Yes, you said that last year.
00:12:44This year it's going to stick.
00:12:45You sleeping in the same bed?
00:12:46Yes.
00:12:47Just sleeping?
00:12:48Sleeping plus.
00:12:50Big plus?
00:12:51Small plus.
00:12:52It would feel so much better if it was big.
00:12:54We're on the road to big.
00:12:55I promise you.
00:12:56Um, okay.
00:12:58Lindy, it's me.
00:12:59It's me calling you.
00:13:01I'm not panicking, but just call me back before the party, okay?
00:13:04It's not an emergency, but it's an emergency.
00:13:06Oh, so sorry, sir.
00:13:07Um, my polyp is gone.
00:13:10Yeah, but there's a hole in my heart now.
00:13:12Sounds like a case for the Bard's Guard.
00:13:14So I'll be unable to attend your party this evening?
00:13:17Our loss.
00:13:17Good luck, Richard.
00:13:42You're not Jackie.
00:13:43I'm Hill.
00:13:44Don't make me raise it.
00:13:45Who are you?
00:13:46I'm Professor Little John.
00:13:47Jackie's professor.
00:13:48Did she leave for break already?
00:13:49Have I missed her?
00:13:50I hope not, because I'm her fucking ride.
00:13:52Jackie!
00:13:54Professor Little John.
00:13:55Yeah, Lindy.
00:13:56You should call me Lindy.
00:13:57Oh, uh, hell, uh, Professor Little John is the reason that I'm here.
00:14:02Oh, you wrote that book she loves.
00:14:04I didn't read it.
00:14:05No offense.
00:14:06None taken.
00:14:07Jackie, I'm so glad I caught you.
00:14:09Can we talk?
00:14:10Yeah.
00:14:11Just real quick.
00:14:12Oh, you mean without me?
00:14:13I do.
00:14:14Oh.
00:14:14Is it okay?
00:14:15Oh, yeah.
00:14:15A bit rude.
00:14:16No offense.
00:14:16But, sure.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:18Let's just have a...
00:14:19Okay.
00:14:20Um.
00:14:23Have I done something wrong, Professor Little John?
00:14:25Oh, no, no.
00:14:26Gosh, no.
00:14:27No, I have.
00:14:28I have.
00:14:30I, um...
00:14:32I need to tell you something.
00:14:34Uh...
00:14:37I loved your short story.
00:14:41Untitled on Purpose.
00:14:42Yeah, that's the one.
00:14:43Yeah, I loved it.
00:14:44It was brilliant.
00:14:45Uh, the prose was incisive.
00:14:47Oh, just the voice.
00:14:48Fresh.
00:14:49Distinguished.
00:14:50Rare.
00:14:50One that deserves the attention of the New York literati.
00:14:57I mean, that means the world to me, Professor Little John.
00:15:01It's almost Christmas and you're at my door complimenting my work.
00:15:03I...
00:15:04Oh, my gosh.
00:15:04I couldn't ask for a better guess.
00:15:05Okay, listen to me.
00:15:06Listen to me.
00:15:07Yes?
00:15:07You need to turn it into a novel right now.
00:15:12Now?
00:15:13Really?
00:15:14Really now.
00:15:14Mm-hmm.
00:15:15Um, I guess I could get started over the break.
00:15:19No, you need to take next semester off and just write.
00:15:21The whole semester.
00:15:24The whole semester.
00:15:24You just want to isolate and write.
00:15:27While it's fresh, while it's here, while Untitled on Purpose is coursing through you, right?
00:15:32Yes, I feel it.
00:15:33Okay, so you need to isolate and write.
00:15:35Uh, no distractions, no internet, no novels, no magazines, no, uh, nothing.
00:15:41No, nothing.
00:15:41Right?
00:15:41Nothing.
00:15:41And just all winter long, a very, a room of one's own.
00:15:45Right.
00:15:45Wolf it.
00:15:46Right, wolf it.
00:15:47Could you do that?
00:15:48Yes, well, uh, well, how's dad?
00:15:49My Uncle Flip, he has a cabin back in Montana that's super isolated.
00:15:54Ah!
00:15:54Walden Pond isolated.
00:15:55That's perfect.
00:15:56Right?
00:15:56Yes, Jackie.
00:15:57Yeah.
00:15:59This has the potential to be your...
00:16:02My rainbow starts with black?
00:16:05No, Professor Little John, it, it couldn't.
00:16:07Jackie?
00:16:08I should know.
00:16:09Oh, my goal in life is to just write one, one great novel like you.
00:16:16That's okay.
00:16:17So we're agreed.
00:16:19You're gonna isolate and write.
00:16:20Yes.
00:16:20All semester.
00:16:21All semester.
00:16:22You're going to Montana.
00:16:23Yes!
00:16:24Remember, no magazines, right?
00:16:25None.
00:16:26You don't want any?
00:16:27Uh-uh.
00:16:27Just turn off the internet, okay?
00:16:29I will unplug completely.
00:16:31Yes!
00:16:32Okay, hey, Merry Christmas.
00:16:34Merry Christmas to you too.
00:16:41Merry Christmas to you too.
00:16:46Merry Christmas to you too.
00:16:51Merry Christmas to you too.
00:16:59Merry Christmas to you too.
00:16:59Merry Christmas to you too.
00:16:59Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:00Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:00Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:01Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:01Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:01Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:02Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:02Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:02Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:03Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:03Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:05Merry Christmas to you too.
00:17:06A short story published in the New Yorker over the last two decades gets you one.
00:17:09The fact that we've been friends for more than 20 years gets you another.
00:17:12And the other eight belong to Gillian Flynn.
00:17:14He continues to publish bestsellers, which bought me a classic six off the park.
00:17:19I didn't write the story. It's my students' work.
00:17:24My ex-emotional lover. Long story.
00:17:27Found the fucking story in my bag and thought it was mine.
00:17:30And why would I correct him, you know?
00:17:33He sent it in.
00:17:35And without my knowledge on my behalf, because he, long story, adored me and
00:17:40thought I was capable of writing something great again.
00:17:42I'm taking a sabbatical from Wash U.
00:17:44I'm headed to the Grey House. Les and I are going to renew our vows.
00:17:48Long story. You're invited. I know you hate him.
00:17:51I did too. But he has a good dad.
00:17:54And I'm committed to committing to my marriage.
00:17:57So I cannot handle this shitstorm right now,
00:18:02which is sure, by the way, to tarnish your reputation as well.
00:18:05So if you want to keep that classic six,
00:18:07then can you please, please,
00:18:10fix this fucking mess so I can focus on my vows and my marriage like I promised?
00:18:15I hate you.
00:18:17I know.
00:18:18I hate me too.
00:18:21No, you're not allowed to thank me.
00:18:28Oliver!
00:18:29Oliver!
00:18:47Les has been calling. I've been texting.
00:18:49And I have been busy.
00:18:50Leslie, Les needs you on best behavior tonight.
00:18:53Hilton Smith is attending.
00:18:55Condescending as always, Starla.
00:18:57And who?
00:18:58Necessary. And he is a big investor.
00:19:00You know.
00:19:01I thought the cover was on the pool last year, right?
00:19:03You know that.
00:19:04Great!
00:19:05You already picked up the first frame to me and I did.
00:19:06Yep.
00:19:07It's locked.
00:19:08I know.
00:19:10Is this another party protest?
00:19:11No.
00:19:12Hilton is here in five.
00:19:13Starla?
00:19:14Your dress is upstairs. I need you inside.
00:19:15Now.
00:19:16What dress?
00:19:17Les had me assess your wardrobe situation.
00:19:18And we both agreed that the only option was to outsource an upgrade.
00:19:22Insulting?
00:19:24And what if I hate it?
00:19:25Your futures are on the line.
00:19:27He said to me, quote,
00:19:29No new year, new us without new money.
00:19:31Unquote.
00:19:32So please, just move.
00:19:34Get out of the car.
00:19:36Now!
00:19:37Goodbye, Starla.
00:19:39I will have the valet physically remove you.
00:19:43I need a minute!
00:19:46One minute!
00:19:49You need a Hulk out front?
00:19:51Stat.
00:20:19Come on!
00:20:20Tell me what Les is working on.
00:20:21This is the cover of Scientific American.
00:20:24He tells me nothing else.
00:20:26Mm-hmm.
00:20:27Mm-hmm.
00:20:27And you never ask.
00:20:28Bullshit, let me.
00:20:29I have printed that same quote from you ten times over the years.
00:20:32All I'll say is First Rule of Fight Club.
00:20:35Lynn.
00:20:36And outdated.
00:20:37Just like Scientific American.
00:20:48Vodka dry.
00:20:56Oh, thank you.
00:21:07Big Red has landed.
00:21:09Where's Lindy?
00:21:11I need eyes on Lady Tomato.
00:21:12Helton?
00:21:13Give me a 20 on Deep Pockets.
00:21:16Double negative.
00:21:17Big Red is not happy.
00:21:18I know amazing style when I see it.
00:21:21Oh, this is a facade.
00:21:23Oh, well, the facade is working.
00:21:27I'm teetering on the precipice of being outed as a fraud.
00:21:31Which I probably deserve.
00:21:34I'm supposed to be the supportive wife.
00:21:38But my career going up in flames is banging around my brain.
00:21:42That's all I can hear.
00:21:43What does your husband think about that?
00:21:45Oh, he has no clue.
00:21:47He's a fraud, too.
00:21:49Is that so?
00:21:52Welcome, everyone.
00:21:55Every year, I say I'm going to keep it short and that this night is not about me.
00:22:00It's about the children.
00:22:02And tonight, I'm actually going to keep that promise.
00:22:04But, you know, let's be honest.
00:22:06It has to be about me first because you're all here to bid on my stuff.
00:22:11Well, he's just playing the role of a charitable philanthropist.
00:22:17But all he really cares about is his life's work.
00:22:20First, himself second, our daughter third, me last.
00:22:24Which I probably deserve.
00:22:26Well, just curious, what do you think about his life's work?
00:22:30And a very personal little ditty about Jack and Diane.
00:22:34My John Cougar Mellencamp Velcro wallet.
00:22:37With my high school ID still inside.
00:22:40Huh?
00:22:41Where else are you going to get one of those?
00:22:43I can't tell you that.
00:22:46It's so top secret, actually.
00:22:48I have no idea what it is.
00:22:50Hold on a second.
00:22:50My top elf is really trying to tell me something.
00:22:53Lady Tomato and the Franda with Deepak.
00:22:55His two drinks and third on deck.
00:22:57You're fucking joking.
00:22:58You're fucking fired.
00:22:59I'll turn on my headset.
00:23:02But I can tell you...
00:23:06He's brilliant.
00:23:08Don't tell him I said that.
00:23:10Yeah.
00:23:11I mean, I'm already last.
00:23:12You know, what's after last?
00:23:16Not much.
00:23:17So, yeah.
00:23:18Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
00:23:21And hopefully that covers it all.
00:23:26Less?
00:23:27Five minutes.
00:23:27No.
00:23:28Two.
00:23:28One.
00:23:28Later.
00:23:29Maybe.
00:23:29Done.
00:23:30Oh, everybody was out.
00:23:31Mindy, stop, stop, stop.
00:23:32I'm just explaining to this gentleman why there's no outdoor access this holiday season.
00:23:36So, as a joke, last year I put into the silent auction.
00:23:40As a joke, watch Almighty Les walk on water.
00:23:44I thought the cover was on the pool.
00:23:46Oh.
00:23:46Hilton, I'm so sorry.
00:23:48You get it.
00:23:48Hilton, I'm so sorry.
00:23:50I just want to say I'm so sorry.
00:23:51Well, I pay right now to see that.
00:23:53Awesome.
00:23:54Les, if you can walk on water, you got my money.
00:23:58Are you being serious?
00:24:00No.
00:24:00No?
00:24:01Oh, great.
00:24:02So I can still get the money?
00:24:04After the conversation with your wife, I don't know.
00:24:09Hi, Hilton.
00:24:10I didn't know.
00:24:10Okay, Lindy, why don't you just not say anything and maybe go and get us a lot of drinks?
00:24:16Okay, so, um, Hilton, I don't know what she said.
00:24:18Well, she said that you put work first, family third, and her dead last.
00:24:22That's out of context.
00:24:24What kind of man are you?
00:24:25I know, I just, I can explain.
00:24:27I can explain.
00:24:31You never explain anything.
00:24:33I got you.
00:24:34Again.
00:24:35Again.
00:24:36You suck at it.
00:24:37I do, I do, I do.
00:24:38So just to be clear, Lindy didn't tank the deal.
00:24:40She closed it.
00:24:41Now she's awesome.
00:24:44Workaholics, they changed the world.
00:24:46I'm a workaholic.
00:24:47I should know.
00:24:49Thank you so much.
00:24:50Thank you so much.
00:24:51I want to go to work right away.
00:24:52Like, fuck the holidays.
00:24:53Yeah.
00:24:54Put it on my Christmas card every year.
00:24:55Yeah.
00:24:56You really see me.
00:24:57We both do.
00:24:58Oh, it's you again.
00:24:59Hilton's chief scientist.
00:25:01Oh, the brains.
00:25:02And the boots.
00:25:03The boots?
00:25:03The boots on the ground.
00:25:04What do the boots do?
00:25:05The boots ensure that my guts are never wrong.
00:25:09The boots are part of the deal.
00:25:11I'm all in.
00:25:13Are you?
00:25:13Awesome.
00:25:14Bless.
00:25:21Fine.
00:25:22Just tell me.
00:25:23I'm melting down.
00:25:24Because I fucked the deal.
00:25:26No.
00:25:26I closed the deal.
00:25:27I closed the deal.
00:25:28Fantastic.
00:25:29No.
00:25:30What do you mean no?
00:25:30That's so great.
00:25:31Oh, my God.
00:25:32I was so worried.
00:25:33No, now I am saddled with one of Hilton's network of bio spies.
00:25:38His chief scientist is going to come in, and she's going to take credit for my work,
00:25:42and all of this will have been for nothing.
00:25:44I will be nothing.
00:25:45My legacy will be nothing.
00:25:47I shall go to the grave without a Nobel.
00:25:49You know, this was my last chance at greatness.
00:25:53God.
00:25:54Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:25:57Hey.
00:26:00Come on.
00:26:00You remember Joan Ryan?
00:26:03Huh?
00:26:04Yeah.
00:26:05My nemesis at MIT.
00:26:06That's right.
00:26:07You were convinced that the PhD board was going to pick her over you, and you were going
00:26:13to be relegated to just a footnote in the science community or some other science bad thing,
00:26:17right?
00:26:17But what actually happened, Les?
00:26:21They chose me.
00:26:23They chose you.
00:26:25And where's Joan Ryan?
00:26:27Teaching at Berkeley.
00:26:31And where are you?
00:26:32In St. Louis.
00:26:33But why?
00:26:34Oh, uh, to give the finger to those ungrateful pricks at Monsanto and to build the Menlo Park
00:26:41of the Midwest.
00:26:42And how?
00:26:43How?
00:26:43Because I am a partner in my own company creating the bio-agrotech that will change the world.
00:26:48That's right.
00:26:48Yeah.
00:26:49You're going to change the world.
00:26:52And you are.
00:26:54I've always believed that.
00:26:56Even when you hated me?
00:26:57Oh.
00:27:00Especially when I hated you.
00:27:02So what do I do?
00:27:04You do what you always do.
00:27:06You get back in the workshop, and you figure it out.
00:27:11That's what Les Littlejohn does.
00:27:14Yeah.
00:27:14Right?
00:27:15Yeah.
00:27:16Right.
00:27:17Okay.
00:27:20That's it.
00:27:22Thank you, Lady.
00:27:24Thank you for being so understanding.
00:27:27Oh, God.
00:27:29So now I've got to get back in the workshop.
00:27:31And let's move our renewing our vows to next year.
00:27:34That's a fantastic idea.
00:27:35Les?
00:27:36No, I didn't.
00:27:36What?
00:27:37Huh?
00:27:37That's what you said, right?
00:27:39Huh?
00:27:40Did I?
00:27:41Yeah.
00:27:42Gary and Meg.
00:27:43Oh, Gary and Meg would much prefer to go to Cabo.
00:27:45Let's send them something.
00:27:46Sign my name.
00:27:46No, no, no.
00:27:47That will be so humiliating.
00:27:48Don't worry.
00:27:49Don't worry.
00:27:49I'll tell Lulu that she can just go skiing with her friends like she wanted.
00:27:51So I'll see you when I see you.
00:27:53I'll be back when I'm back.
00:27:53And I love you.
00:27:55And I can't wait for New Year.
00:27:57New us next year.
00:27:58Mwah.
00:28:05They're fucking out.
00:28:07Is he fucking kidding me?
00:28:28Wendy?
00:28:28Hi, Richie.
00:28:30Um, I made a mistake and I'm leaving less.
00:28:36Tonight.
00:28:37I hear the emotion in your voice and it's beautiful.
00:28:40I've been hoping for a Christmas miracle.
00:28:42Yeah, I'm going to go to Vermont.
00:28:43I'm going to go to the Grey House.
00:28:45And I, um, could you come with me?
00:28:48Where you finished your masterpiece.
00:28:50I'd be honored to be invited.
00:28:52A gift beyond measure.
00:28:53I have ten vacation days and one personal day bag.
00:28:57Heart emoji.
00:28:59Uh, let's meet at Mandy's Diner at midnight.
00:29:02Heart emoji bag.
00:29:03I'll arrive with joy in my step and a light in my heart.
00:29:06Did you love my present?
00:29:08The fuck?
00:29:09Pardon?
00:29:10Yeah, I...
00:29:11I didn't have the heart to open it.
00:29:15So, um, I'll just bring it with me, okay?
00:29:18New year, new you, new us.
00:29:20Oh, is Vermont cold?
00:29:22I can...
00:29:43Everybody out in 30 minutes or Hulk is going to see me smash.
00:29:49Iceberg ahead, 30 clicks.
00:29:51Abandoned ship.
00:29:52Lady Tomato about to burst.
00:29:53Hey, hey, hey!
00:29:55Les promised me a minute.
00:29:59I'll give you 20.
00:30:17Excuse me?
00:30:19I thought the boots up my ass might start after the holidays.
00:30:23Martin signed the LOI ASAP and Hilton turned on the money hose in good faith.
00:30:27I didn't sign.
00:30:28I'm a partner.
00:30:29Apparently not the important one.
00:30:32Oh.
00:30:33Well, now I'm inspired and I would like you to leave.
00:30:37A genius needs his space.
00:30:39Exactly.
00:30:41And I plan on being inspired throughout the holidays.
00:30:44I know this is a difficult transition period.
00:30:46I'll give you tonight.
00:30:48But I will be back tomorrow.
00:30:52Boots on the ground, Dr. Littlejohn.
00:30:58Fuck me.
00:31:00Fuck me.
00:31:01Fuck me.
00:31:35I don't have time.
00:31:39She what?
00:32:02You're old.
00:32:03Text me.
00:32:09Fuck you, too.
00:32:14Starla?
00:32:25Les?
00:32:25Freezers, off limits.
00:32:26From now on, until I say, I need to regroup.
00:32:29Where are you going?
00:32:31I'm leaving you.
00:32:33If anyone should be leaving anyone, I should be leaving you.
00:32:35How's that?
00:32:36For trying to sabotage my career?
00:32:38Think I don't know?
00:32:38You don't think Nils would call me for comment, Lindy?
00:32:41Scientific American, not TMZ.
00:32:44I'm a hoax.
00:32:45You know what?
00:32:45I'm threatened by a female scientist taking credit for my work.
00:32:48You mentioned Joan.
00:32:50I'm not a misogynist.
00:32:52I'm not intentionally.
00:32:53Oh.
00:32:54For anything, I'm an accidental misogynist.
00:32:55And I, too, blame the patriarchy for that.
00:32:57I never said misogynist.
00:32:59Why would you do this?
00:33:00Why?
00:33:00You don't know why.
00:33:02Is it about Gary and Meg?
00:33:04This is about you and our marriage and breaking the promise of step three, colon, a grand gesture,
00:33:11and our daughter who hates me sucking the life out of me and my promising writing career.
00:33:17Career?
00:33:18Stop!
00:33:19It was one book in the early aughts!
00:33:22This is what you did.
00:33:22You basically, you turned in a book report on your fucked up family,
00:33:26you changed the names, you added a little bit of wry sarcasm,
00:33:29and then you called it fiction, and you got lucky.
00:33:32My rainbow starts with black.
00:33:34No shit.
00:33:34My book report and the subsequent Oscar-nominated film it's based on
00:33:40bought and paid for this extravagantly sad McMansion
00:33:44in this podunk red state town you forced us to move to
00:33:49so that you could try to be something other than Mr. Fucking Tomato Head.
00:33:53This is the last thing I need right now.
00:33:55Oh, my God.
00:33:56I'm so sorry.
00:33:57What is it you need right now?
00:33:59I need you.
00:34:00Yeah.
00:34:00I need your support.
00:34:02This is my last chance.
00:34:04You already got your prize.
00:34:06And in case you forgot, I was by your side for every fucking sentence,
00:34:12every book signing, every interview, I held your purse, I held my tongue.
00:34:17You know, I was there for the ride.
00:34:18And it wasn't always pleasant.
00:34:20You know, the rollercoaster of insecurity and emotion was frankly fucking exhausting.
00:34:24I have paid that debt.
00:34:26I have been by your side for 15 years.
00:34:29You had Flavor Saver, and it was insufferable.
00:34:36Still is.
00:34:37But I didn't get my moment in the spotlight like you did.
00:34:40I didn't get my prize.
00:34:42Swing and a miss.
00:34:43How is it my fault?
00:34:46How?
00:34:47My apologies.
00:34:48Forgive me for being ambitious.
00:34:50Coasting by on a one-hit wonder isn't enough for me.
00:34:54Maybe you don't have another hit in you.
00:34:56Huh?
00:34:56Maybe you're one and done.
00:34:58Maybe your ego just won't let you read the room.
00:35:00I would rather be blinded by my ego than paralyzed by fear.
00:35:04That's me?
00:35:04That's what you think of me?
00:35:05Yeah, because you haven't produced one goddamn sentence in 15 years.
00:35:09What kind of magic do you think you're suddenly going to find in your beloved gray house?
00:35:12Huh?
00:35:13With me by your side, like an emotional support animal, encouraging you, keeping you calm,
00:35:18because, quote, I promise we'd return there one day, unquote.
00:35:21I mean, I am through being held emotionally hostage for your creative paralysis.
00:35:28And there it is, everyone.
00:35:30That's our show.
00:35:32Same line every time.
00:35:41This is the top-secret thing you've been working on?
00:35:44Give me that.
00:35:45Give me that.
00:35:45A Tonka truck is not going to change the world, let alone agriculture as we know it.
00:35:51You have no idea what you're talking about.
00:35:52Jesus, this is what you said to every female scientist that's ever had a better idea.
00:35:55You know, most men overcompensate with a big truck.
00:35:59It's nice to see yours to scale.
00:36:02Ah!
00:36:03Ah!
00:36:05Ah!
00:36:06Jesus!
00:36:07What a gentleman!
00:36:09Oh, fuck.
00:36:10What?
00:36:11Oh, no, Lindy.
00:36:12What the?
00:36:13What did you do?
00:36:15What did you do?
00:36:27Oh, God.
00:36:32Is she dead?
00:36:38Lindy.
00:36:41Say something.
00:36:42Are you alive?
00:36:44Oh, you're alive!
00:36:48Fuck no!
00:36:50Fuck you!
00:36:51Fuck you!
00:36:55Oh, you're alive!
00:37:01Oh, you're alive!
00:37:03Oh, you're alive!
00:37:06Oh!
00:37:06Oh!
00:37:07Merry Christmas, I don't wanna bad tonight!
00:37:16Oh!
00:37:17Oh!
00:37:20Oh!
00:37:22Oh!
00:37:23Oh my god.
00:37:28Last...
00:37:30Oh, fuck.
00:37:36I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:37:45Oh my god.
00:37:59How much did I drink last night?
00:38:02Less?
00:38:07Why would you put the plaid back up?
00:38:11God, that's my eyes.
00:38:14And my head.
00:38:18I'll try January 3rd today.
00:38:26Oh, wow, that really cleaned up.
00:38:32Less?
00:38:38Who's at the door?
00:38:51What is this nonsense?
00:38:59No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:39:03Lindy?
00:39:04Everything is fine.
00:39:06Don't freak out.
00:39:16Lindy?
00:39:20Okay, I'm opening up the dollhouse.
00:39:23What?
00:39:23Stop screaming at me!
00:39:29What?
00:39:29Whoa!
00:39:31Whoa, whoa!
00:39:33What?
00:39:34No!
00:39:35Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:39:37Whoa!
00:39:38Whoa!
00:39:39Ah!
00:39:40Oh, shoot!
00:39:42Ahh!
00:39:47There you are!
00:39:49You're okay!
00:39:53I am not okay!
00:39:57Can you hear me? I am not okay!
00:40:05I am not okay!
00:40:08It works! I can hear you!
00:40:10You're too loud!
00:40:11It's loud!
00:40:12Sorry!
00:40:13Well now I can't hear you!
00:40:15How about now?
00:40:16No, too loud!
00:40:18Now?
00:40:19Softer!
00:40:20Now?
00:40:21Better!
00:40:22I hate this fucking thing!
00:40:27Can you hear me now?
00:40:29Say again?
00:40:30Can you hear me now?
00:40:31Yes!
00:40:32Sorry, sorry! I'm so sorry!
00:40:35Are you okay?
00:40:36I'm fine!
00:40:38I heard that!
00:40:38I think we got it!
00:40:41Hi!
00:40:42What the fuck, Wes?!
00:40:44Heard that too!
00:40:46Loud and clear!
00:40:47Mindy, I'm so sorry!
00:40:49It was an accident!
00:40:50And I can't believe it even happened!
00:40:53But you're incredible!
00:40:55I mean...
00:40:56You're beautiful!
00:40:58I mean...
00:41:01Are you smiling right now?!
00:41:04No! No, no!
00:41:05No, of course not!
00:41:06I just...
00:41:07I...
00:41:09Just like...
00:41:10Wow!
00:41:11Wow!
00:41:13Wow!
00:41:13Wow!
00:41:14I apologize!
00:41:16You're my wife!
00:41:16You're not experimenting!
00:41:18I should hope so!
00:41:20Jesus!
00:41:21Oh my god!
00:41:22This is your job?!
00:41:24This how you're gonna solve world hunger?!
00:41:26You're gonna make everybody tiny so...
00:41:29So they don't what?
00:41:30Eat more?
00:41:30I don't...
00:41:31Uh...
00:41:31Do you...
00:41:31Do you want me to answer that?
00:41:33Or...
00:41:35Explain it to me!
00:41:36Well, um...
00:41:38It's called...
00:41:39Cellular reduction.
00:41:40And, um...
00:41:41It's the process of miniaturization and restoration of organic fruit and vegetables.
00:41:46And that's how I plan to solve world hunger.
00:41:50Explain how you're gonna make me big again!
00:41:52Jesus!
00:41:53I don't give a shit how it works!
00:41:55Oh, right.
00:41:55Well, I just reversed the process.
00:41:56That's the restoration part.
00:41:59Great!
00:42:01Restore me!
00:42:03Now, please!
00:42:04I can do that!
00:42:06Um...
00:42:06Uh...
00:42:06But first, uh...
00:42:07A surprise!
00:42:09Meet me in the dining room.
00:42:14Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:42:16Les, do I look merry or hungry?
00:42:19Well, it's kinda hard to tell from this distance.
00:42:22Um...
00:42:22I'm not!
00:42:23Make me big again, now!
00:42:25Heard that?
00:42:26Loud and clear?
00:42:28Um...
00:42:28The thing is...
00:42:29Tell me!
00:42:30You can make me big again, Les!
00:42:32I can.
00:42:32And I will.
00:42:33Um...
00:42:34The thing is...
00:42:35That it's just...
00:42:35I think it's just gonna take a day...
00:42:37Uh...
00:42:38Or two.
00:42:38Tops.
00:42:39But...
00:42:40You'll be fine.
00:42:41Everything's gonna be okay.
00:42:42You're healthy.
00:42:42I checked your vitals.
00:42:44Wait!
00:42:44I could die?!
00:42:45Tiny?!
00:42:46No!
00:42:47You...
00:42:47You're not gonna die, Tiny.
00:42:50You'll be safe in the dollhouse.
00:42:52Because it's almost exactly the same as our househouse.
00:42:56Um...
00:42:57The stove works.
00:42:58The refrigerator works.
00:43:00There's food.
00:43:01The water runs.
00:43:02And...
00:43:02I shrunk a few of your favorite things to really make you feel at home home.
00:43:06Your clothes.
00:43:08From your closet.
00:43:11Um...
00:43:11And...
00:43:12Uh...
00:43:13This...
00:43:13Curling thing.
00:43:17Uh...
00:43:17And...
00:43:17Your hairbrush.
00:43:19Uh...
00:43:20Cold cream.
00:43:21Looked important.
00:43:22Oh!
00:43:23And I remembered your coffee.
00:43:24And the coffee maker.
00:43:25Worked perfectly, right?
00:43:27Oh!
00:43:27One crucial thing.
00:43:28Um...
00:43:28The toilet.
00:43:29Uh...
00:43:30It works.
00:43:30I figured it out.
00:43:31Just don't ever look in the hall closet.
00:43:33Downstairs.
00:43:34Ever.
00:43:34You will be restored to regular size.
00:43:37I...
00:43:37I...
00:43:37I promise it.
00:43:38This is just temporary, Lindy.
00:43:39I am so close.
00:43:41Truly.
00:43:42Now it's so close?!
00:43:45Not a day or two tops?!
00:43:48Less?!
00:43:49You motherfucker!
00:43:52Hey.
00:43:54Calm...
00:43:54Calm down.
00:43:57Calm fucking down!
00:44:08Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
00:44:09Ahhhhhhhhhh!
00:44:11Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
00:44:12Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
00:44:14Aahhhhhhhhhh!
00:44:15Why do you want me to get up?
00:44:18Hey, Lindy.
00:44:21I'm gonna need a minute!
00:44:25I don't want to feel it all.
00:44:30It's been a way.
00:44:43You can refilm the ladies' cup, too.
00:44:47She's on her way, Barb.
00:44:49She's gone back to her husband.
00:44:50No.
00:44:51They always do.
00:44:52Not this time.
00:44:53Because we've got plans.
00:44:55Yep.
00:44:56We've got concrete plans.
00:45:01How about a ten-day getaway to Vermont for two?
00:45:07Uber romantic.
00:45:15There are multiple reasons she could be late.
00:45:17No, I know Lindy's coming.
00:45:19Why, you may ask?
00:45:21Because our love story is woven into the fabric of time.
00:45:26Destined to be written.
00:45:28Immortalized for generations to come.
00:45:32Quiet, everybody, please.
00:45:34Quiet, please!
00:45:36Sorry.
00:45:37Oh, it's work.
00:45:39It's work.
00:45:41Hey, Martin.
00:45:44Well, I was gonna head out of town, so...
00:45:48No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:45:49Of course, of course.
00:45:50I'll just head into the lab.
00:45:55No, I've not heard from us.
00:45:58Wait, what do you mean you can't get a hold of them?
00:46:02Yeah, okay, bye.
00:46:03Bye.
00:46:03Does this mean your romantic getaway is canceled?
00:46:07Bart, can I be honest?
00:46:08I love your service, but I don't love the negative energy.
00:46:15He's suffering?
00:46:21Take those off!
00:46:22I feel like a specimen!
00:46:24And come closer!
00:46:25I don't wanna keep yelling!
00:46:30Jesus, the 96?
00:46:32If there was ever a time.
00:46:34I know why you didn't tell me about your work.
00:46:37Well, I couldn't.
00:46:38It was top secret.
00:46:39I signed an ironclad NDA.
00:46:41That's bullshit.
00:46:43You didn't trust me.
00:46:45Which makes me so...
00:46:47sad.
00:46:49Makes me so sad.
00:46:50And...
00:46:52Fuck you.
00:46:54But...
00:46:55Yeah.
00:47:00Well, I didn't exactly hide it from you either.
00:47:03What?
00:47:04Happy birthday, Lindy!
00:47:08They are so cute!
00:47:11Wait...
00:47:12And legible?
00:47:14Happy birthday, Lindy!
00:47:17They're so cute.
00:47:19Oh, and functional.
00:47:21Happy birthday, Lindy!
00:47:24How cute.
00:47:26And accurate.
00:47:28The dent from when I sideswiped the mailbox.
00:47:33Never put it together.
00:47:35You also said you didn't wanna know.
00:47:39Well, you're not leaving me.
00:47:41Well, I have to go so I can fix you.
00:47:43No, no, no!
00:47:44Less!
00:47:45Take me with you!
00:47:46I'm portable!
00:47:47You will be safer here in the dollhouse.
00:47:48I feel very not safe.
00:47:50I feel very...
00:47:50small.
00:47:52And like, something bad could happen.
00:47:54I won't let something happen.
00:47:55Something did!
00:47:56Something else.
00:47:57Beyond the accident.
00:47:59But I have to go to the lab so I can fix you.
00:48:01Please, Les, I do not wanna be alone.
00:48:03Please, I'm scared.
00:48:04Well, what if I can show you that, um...
00:48:07Being small isn't scary.
00:48:09Oh, God.
00:48:10I've always wondered what the world would look like if I were six inches tall.
00:48:13Not me.
00:48:15I could show you.
00:48:16No, I...
00:48:17I don't.
00:48:18Aren't you just a little bit curious?
00:48:20I will be restored to regular size soon.
00:48:24I promise.
00:48:25Trust me.
00:48:29Okay.
00:48:30This is crazy.
00:48:33Oh, my...
00:48:41This is crazy.
00:48:44Oh, my...
00:48:44Oh, my...
00:48:59Oh, my...
00:48:59Oh, my...
00:49:01Oh, my...
00:49:07Oh, my...
00:49:09Oh, my...
00:49:10Ah...
00:49:11I mean, everything's really big.
00:49:13Huh.
00:49:15Really...
00:49:28Wow. I can only imagine how different everything looks, right?
00:49:33You see this Gus ball?
00:49:37Do you think I could choke on this?
00:49:40Oh, yeah, put that down.
00:49:44Hello, Dolores.
00:49:45Look who it is.
00:49:47See? She's not that scary.
00:49:49Why is she looking at me like that?
00:49:51Oh, oh, it's puffing up. Do you see what it's doing?
00:49:55No, no, no. It's trying to eat me.
00:49:57No, this is not interesting to me.
00:49:59Can you put me down, please? Put me down.
00:50:14It's fun, right? We all love a train ride.
00:50:17Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:21Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:28Merry Christmas.
00:50:32Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:35Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:36Woo!
00:50:38Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:46Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:49Maybe too many times around?
00:50:51I want to get home.
00:50:53I don't like it.
00:50:55Oh, I'm going to be sick.
00:50:59Oh, God.
00:51:02Oh.
00:51:03Oh, my God.
00:51:05Hey.
00:51:07It's going to be okay.
00:51:09I'm so sorry this happened.
00:51:12I'm so incredibly sorry.
00:51:24Water truck ran out of shrinking gas.
00:51:26I'm going to go to the lab to refuel.
00:51:28What am I supposed to do with this?
00:51:30I thought I could crush it up and you could maybe snort it, but I don't know.
00:51:34Um, Scarface?
00:51:35I'll just gnaw on it or something.
00:51:41Who are you feeling?
00:51:43Really?
00:51:44I mean...
00:51:45I know what you mean.
00:51:47Better.
00:51:50I did always love this couch.
00:52:06When you're ready.
00:52:07Uh, whore away.
00:52:13Don't be shy.
00:52:16So, this is my, uh...
00:52:20Tiny little life now?
00:52:21Temporary tiny life.
00:52:23How long again?
00:52:24A day.
00:52:25Two at the most.
00:52:26I'm so close.
00:52:27So close.
00:52:28Yeah.
00:52:29Yeah.
00:52:34Did you microwave this off the floor?
00:52:36Floor is clean.
00:52:37You're the first person to ever walk on it.
00:52:40Six inch tall Neil fucking Armstrong?
00:52:42Kind of.
00:52:51Last, you put Parmesan in the potatoes.
00:52:54Potatoes a la Diane.
00:52:57With a twist.
00:52:59Who?
00:53:00Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde.
00:53:02She's gonna play me in the movie.
00:53:04She's gonna play the sister character.
00:53:05I still don't know who that is.
00:53:07Walt?
00:53:08She's blonde, wears pink, goes to Harvard.
00:53:11That's a stretch.
00:53:12What?
00:53:13I am blonde.
00:53:14Les said that we could be twins.
00:53:16I'm sure he's just being kind.
00:53:18No, no.
00:53:18I think with the bright hair and makeup, you know Hollywood?
00:53:20I mean...
00:53:21It's beyond me why they're even adapting a book into a film.
00:53:23Because it sold a million copies?
00:53:26Because it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:28Hollywood must be out of ideas.
00:53:31You're not excited?
00:53:32Laura Dern is playing the mother.
00:53:34I adore Laura Dern, but I question her judgment.
00:53:38The book wasn't well received.
00:53:39I repeat, it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:41The Guardian dubbed it literary popcorn and added,
00:53:44that does not a Pulitzer make.
00:53:45Their words.
00:53:46But she memorized and repeat constantly.
00:53:49I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesday
00:53:52without Carol turning her nose up at me
00:53:55as if I were the devil incarnate.
00:53:57Walt?
00:53:57Your mother needs your Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:54:00That's not a stretch.
00:54:01Mom, it's fiction.
00:54:03Carol didn't see a character.
00:54:06Carol saw me, and the me in your book is a monster.
00:54:09It's a comedy.
00:54:10It's a dark comedy.
00:54:11A coming-of-age story about a woman
00:54:14who felt abandoned and silenced
00:54:17by a monster-of-a-mother character.
00:54:20You try being a single mother of two young girls
00:54:24whose husband walked out one day without a word.
00:54:28Walked out or was driven away?
00:54:29Jim abandoned me.
00:54:31No, he stopped being married to you.
00:54:33He abandoned me.
00:54:36Me too.
00:54:37And he's still the hero.
00:54:39I tried my best.
00:54:42Walt, if I may.
00:54:43Walt, Diane, have you tried the potatoes?
00:54:46I call them potatoes a la Diane, with a twist.
00:54:50Is the twist a turn of the knife?
00:54:52It's Parmesan cheese.
00:54:53Try it.
00:55:00It's too rich, but absolutely divine.
00:55:03Just like you.
00:55:09Walt.
00:55:10Sorry.
00:55:11I think we should visit the Arch tomorrow.
00:55:13I hear it's dreadful.
00:55:16Yes.
00:55:17Yes.
00:55:17No, I don't get the Arch.
00:55:19It's like an Arch for what?
00:55:21It's the gateway to the West.
00:55:24I think it's great.
00:55:25I can barely show my face on Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:55:30Hollywood has run out of ideas.
00:55:32I think Laura Dern is a very generous cast that I have to say.
00:55:35Hello.
00:55:35Hello.
00:55:40What's going on?
00:55:41Do you want to have sex?
00:55:42Oh, yes.
00:55:43Yes, we're here.
00:55:45We'll be quiet.
00:55:46We'll be fine.
00:55:46Oh, all right.
00:55:47You're set to high volume.
00:55:50Watch.
00:55:51Watch, watch, watch.
00:55:51Watch, watch.
00:55:54Okay.
00:55:55Okay.
00:55:55Good.
00:55:56Bye.
00:55:57Bye.
00:55:58Bye.
00:55:59Bye.
00:56:00Bye.
00:56:03Bye.
00:56:12Bye.
00:56:25Jesus!
00:56:26Whoa!
00:56:27Can I help you?
00:56:29Obviously, this isn't the washroom.
00:56:31It's down the hall with the light on.
00:56:32The one with the toilet!
00:56:34I can see the light.
00:56:36I can see the toilet.
00:56:41He's trying to escape.
00:56:45It's a yard.
00:56:48Oh, my God.
00:56:50Oh, fuck.
00:56:51Okay, okay.
00:56:53Maybe I can't be quiet.
00:56:55I don't think you can.
00:56:58Hey.
00:57:03I'm not really like her, though, right?
00:57:05My mother, I'm not like Diane, am I?
00:57:09Does that make me Walt?
00:57:12Seriously, no.
00:57:13Seriously?
00:57:14Seriously?
00:57:15Seriously?
00:57:16No.
00:57:17Fuck no.
00:57:18Because she's...
00:57:19No, she's unbelievable.
00:57:20And not in a good way.
00:57:24It's going to be okay.
00:57:26It's only a few days.
00:57:31Only a few days.
00:57:37It's only a few days.
00:58:01It's only a few days.
00:58:08It's only a few days.
00:58:10What?
00:58:11What?
00:58:12What?
00:58:14It can't be right.
00:58:17Okay, I'm coming in.
00:58:19For now.
00:58:20Oh.
00:58:21Nowish.
00:58:32Magoo
00:58:50Magoo
00:59:00Magoo
00:59:04Agh
00:59:06Ow
00:59:06Fuck
00:59:06You
00:59:07Fuzzy
00:59:07Fucker
00:59:19Stop
00:59:20Stop
00:59:22Stop it, you're fine.
00:59:24You're bad enough already.
00:59:29I mean, she's safe, right?
00:59:42Hey!
00:59:47Yes, Richard? What is it?
00:59:49Oh, you seem upset.
00:59:51No, Richard, I'm fine, I'm fine.
00:59:53You know, I sometimes come in my car to cry too
00:59:56when I need a release, so I get where you're at.
01:00:00Okay, right, is that all?
01:00:01Now you've got me worried.
01:00:03Is everything all right at home?
01:00:04You know, with your wife, Lindy.
01:00:06Lindy's her name, right?
01:00:07Yes, Richard, she's fine.
01:00:08Good, good.
01:00:09Yeah.
01:00:10She's just keeping busy over the holidays.
01:00:13Yes, Richard, she's at home writing.
01:00:15She's keeping busy.
01:00:16She's writing, writing.
01:00:18That's wonderful, that's wonderful.
01:00:19Richard!
01:00:21Get your butt inside!
01:00:22I'm sorry you used profanity.
01:00:24I'm upset.
01:00:27I'll see you later.
01:00:39Luz.
01:00:41Luz?!
01:00:46Luz?!
01:00:47Oh!
01:00:47Oh!
01:00:47Oh!
01:00:47Oh!
01:00:47That is the toy.
01:00:51Oh!
01:00:53Oh!
01:00:54Oh!
01:00:54me? Right. I have to trust him. I cannot spiral. Oh, yeah. Why not? Okay, that's it. That's
01:01:14good space colon? Colon? Colonial. Colonel. Space colonel. Next stop, Uranus. Fuck, I'm already
01:01:26spiraling. You made me believe you were so close, so I believed you. Yes, and you should
01:01:32believe me. That's our deal. There is mathematical truth in stating I am so close. So what does
01:01:37so close mean to you in this context today? I can't put an actual number on it. I don't
01:01:45know. What? What have you done? What have I done? Martin, I didn't want to say you have
01:01:52one job. Contract is for 30 days. That's insane. Well, you said that you were close. 30 days?
01:02:02Well, it will work. I mean, the math says it will, and math is never wrong. So,
01:02:07now you have 30 days. No, no, no. We have 30 days. Oh, now it's we. What does it say
01:02:12exactly? What does the small print say? Exactly. It says that we have 30 days to prove that the
01:02:17restoration formula works, or the patent on our tech. On my tech, thank you. Reverge to
01:02:24Hilton, and Hilton sues you. Sues us. For fraud, and you go to jail. To jail? Well, can he
01:02:33do that? He can. And after 30 days, it goes. The tech, the lab, the bobs, gone. But, but,
01:02:42okay, so how do I make, uh, how do I, how do I make things big again? Because I, I
01:02:50have to make
01:02:50things big again. Well, after 30 days, you can't. I mean, can he actually do this? Yes, he can.
01:03:02It says it right here. Oh, less. How bad is this? Okay. I'm not even going to ask about the
01:03:18cat.
01:03:36Um, I, I, I, I got you something for Christmas. Oh, I, I, I didn't get you anything. Oh,
01:03:43it's, it's okay. It's okay. Like what Shakespeare used to write with. You know I like Shakespeare?
01:03:52Oh, everybody knows you like Shakespeare. Barsgard. Well, you talk about it a lot. Um,
01:04:00you, you seem a little bit down. No, I'm, um, just tired. Yeah. I was waiting up last night for
01:04:07someone, someone special. You know, and it's just, you know. Oh, Merry, Merry Christmas,
01:04:16Richard. Oh, thank you, Janet. This is a very thoughtful gift. So, thank you.
01:04:25Thy returneth to thine grind.
01:04:35Okay. Buddy.
01:04:39Now you're from over here. Right. Okay. That's good. Okay.
01:04:58All right. Okay. All right.
01:05:02Oh, come on.
01:05:07Okay.
01:05:09Oh, my God.
01:05:14Oh, there we go.
01:05:17Guide.
01:05:22Oh, a classic.
01:05:25Come on!
01:05:29Volume.
01:05:32We're never turning this off.
01:05:35Okay, Sax.
01:05:38So...
01:05:40We've got popcorn.
01:05:42But no candy.
01:05:47Oh, less.
01:05:49That's just for me.
01:05:59Richard, I need everyone at the top of their game today.
01:06:01It's a big day.
01:06:02Could be the day.
01:06:03Needs to be the day.
01:06:04Or two.
01:06:06At the most.
01:06:11Here are my thoughts.
01:06:15Adjust the last line on the Maxwell stress tensor to B sub J.
01:06:19Minus one half times the quantity of epsilon naught.
01:06:23Times E squared plus B squared over mu naught.
01:06:27Thoughts complete.
01:06:29Carl, implement his thoughts.
01:06:36B sub J minus one half times the quantity of epsilon naught times E squared plus B squared
01:06:43over mu naught.
01:06:45Complete.
01:06:47Carl, implement his thoughts.
01:06:48The last game this happens.
01:06:49Is that what the boys are going to do?
01:06:50Yes.
01:07:07I'm just going to get out of this.
01:07:07I've just got my hands here.
01:07:08I've got my hands here.
01:07:08We've got my hands here.
01:07:12I've got them.
01:07:14They're all who's out there.
01:07:17I've got my hands here.
01:07:18I've got my hands here.
01:07:29Let's make history.
01:08:17Let's make history.
01:08:19Richard, Bob the Explainer.
01:08:23Nominal success. Subject expanded to regular size for 2.1 seconds, same as previous attempt.
01:08:31Molecular disequilibrium.
01:08:33Razor Bob, see medic. Bring in Fred. Clean up an aisle everywhere.
01:08:38Richard?
01:08:39We're waiting on analysis to proceed. We'll adjust based on your thoughts. We'll go again.
01:08:44No, you won't. If this is your definition of close, we have a big problem. You working in a bubble
01:08:51with your staff and your secrets ends today. Moving forward, everything that happens in this lab will be authorized by
01:08:59me.
01:08:59No. No, no, no, no. Um, this is not how we work here. We are making history, okay? That corn
01:09:08was regular size. It's incredible. As a scientist, how can you not see that?
01:09:13Reports, equipment, results, any spending whatsoever, everything you use must be logged up to and including packets of instant oatmeal
01:09:20in the break room.
01:09:21Can I explain my fiber deficiencies?
01:09:24Okay, everybody, everybody. This is Virginia.
01:09:26Vivian.
01:09:27Vivian. I don't know her last name, but she's new here, and she doesn't know how things work. And, Bob,
01:09:31you don't need to worry about your oatmeal, okay?
01:09:33Can we just talk about this?
01:09:36Martin, you know exactly how much money this science circus is hemorrhaging.
01:09:40I don't care about the money.
01:09:41Of course you don't. You spent seven years and several hundred thousand dollars designing your logo.
01:09:48I had to open the books.
01:09:49Well, it had to be perfect. What?
01:09:51Irresponsible. And deeply sad.
01:09:54Dr. Littlejohn, it's no longer your money. It's Hilton Smith's money. This is his lab now, and I run Hilton's
01:10:00lab. Ergo, I run this lab.
01:10:02This is unacceptable! And it's ridiculous! And do, do something!
01:10:08Okay, no we, no we, just me. I want to talk to Hilton right now!
01:10:13Well, good luck reaching him. He's spending the holidays piloting an experimental submersible off the coast of Guam.
01:10:19Guam.
01:10:21Guam.
01:10:22Guam?
01:10:22What?
01:10:23Shut it down. We'll try again tomorrow, together. These ladders are an OSHA violation.
01:10:30You're an OSHA violation!
01:10:33Dear hairy Jesus!
01:10:35And I hope Hilton gets crushed into ketchup by 400 atmospheres of pressure!
01:10:4029 days.
01:10:41Not helpful.
01:10:42Not!
01:10:43The point!
01:10:44What?
01:10:51What have I done?
01:11:22It's my phone.
01:11:25My phone!
01:11:26Oh!
01:11:27Oh!
01:11:30Coming!
01:11:31Coming!
01:11:32What?
01:11:44No!
01:11:46No!
01:11:47No!
01:11:49No!
01:11:51No!
01:11:51No!
01:11:51No!
01:11:54No!
01:12:04Fuck, did you just say something?
01:12:12Am I losing my mind?
01:12:19I can see me in you.
01:12:25Do you know?
01:12:27What?
01:12:28Ah!
01:12:29What is that?
01:12:30Help!
01:12:31Help!
01:12:32Oh, fuck!
01:12:38I gotta get out of here!
01:12:45Oh!
01:12:46Fuck!
01:12:47Oh!
01:12:48Oh!
01:12:49Oh!
01:12:51Oh!
01:12:51Fuck!
01:12:52Ah!
01:12:53Ah!
01:12:54Fuck!
01:12:55Goddammit!
01:12:55Let!
01:12:58For fuck's sake!
01:13:00Ah!
01:13:02Ah!
01:13:03God!
01:13:04Dang it!
01:13:05Honey!
01:13:08Goddamn!
01:13:11Just a building with my mind!
01:13:12Marsh Franklin!
01:13:12Ah!
01:13:18Ah!
01:13:20Oh!
01:13:21Oh!
01:13:22Ah!
01:13:24Oh!
01:13:28Oh!
01:13:28Ah!
01:13:29Ah!
01:13:48Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:05Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:17What the?
01:14:19Oh, oh, oh.
01:14:22Oh God, oh God.
01:14:24Oh, oh.
01:14:35I'll save you!
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