- 5 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:19Don't even think about it, don't even.
00:57Don't even think about it.
01:02Ow!
01:04No!
01:05No!
01:06No!
01:07No, leave it!
01:11Greetings, young Port-Wenians.
01:13Hello!
01:14It is our honor, nay, our duty to help you learn about our town's history through our
01:20eyes.
01:22Let's travel back to the year 1757.
01:27I'm Roderick, the bog harvester.
01:31Each day, I cut peat into bricks for the townspeople to cook their food.
01:36Peat also makes an excellent camouflage.
01:39But the bog is not just for food and fuel.
01:42It's also for love.
01:47Our town leader, Archibald no-knows-when, proposed to Annabelle Ross while gathering peat.
01:54Yes, it is I, Archibald no-knows-when.
01:58Many moons ago, I declared my undying love to the woman of my dreams, right here in this
02:04very bog.
02:06Yeah.
02:07My beloved and I lived happily married for 37 years, growing a family with a bunch of
02:16nice little kids, and being the very heart and soul of Port-
02:22frantic mackerel.
02:23No, sorry.
02:24Sorry.
02:29Oh!
02:30Woooah!
02:32Aaaaah!
02:35Woooah!
02:38Wèah!
02:39Woooooh!
02:39Wooooah!
02:41Woooooah!
02:51Wooooah!
03:02What brings you back in?
03:03My pickleball tourneys this weekend, and my elbow's still killing me.
03:07Have you been doing the physical therapy exercises I gave you?
03:10No, they were so boring.
03:11And so are patients who don't listen to me yet. I keep at it every day.
03:15How's the urinary flow?
03:16It's still just a dribble.
03:18I hear the young guys in the urinals next to me peeing like racehorses.
03:21Well, have you been doing the kegel exercises we discussed?
03:24It's very simple.
03:25You just imagine your penis is a straw, and you just...
03:28Kegels? For me?
03:30Mm-hmm.
03:31Well, that's just too much. It's too much.
03:33My wife gives me food. Now you want me to do kegels?
03:36Let me guess. You still have lice.
03:38Why else would I be here?
03:40And no, you can't make me shave my head.
03:43This hair is my signature look.
03:45I never suggested you shave your head.
03:47I told you to use permethrin shampoo.
03:50Oh, okay.
03:51Wait, what?
03:53A group?
03:54Show of hands.
03:56How many people are here to complain about something I've already seen them for?
04:01And how many of you have actually done the thing I asked you to do?
04:03Oh, Doc, I'm a busy message.
04:06Great.
04:07Now who's next to waste my time? Elaine?
04:09Oh, hi, Doc. Elaine, uh, senior.
04:12Unless that sentence ends with saving a life, stop talking.
04:16Best here.
04:18A what?
04:20Drop me a pin.
04:22I know, it's so exciting, but I'm just going to go out to your hands.
04:25Louisa!
04:26Oh, uh, here, get on the bus.
04:28Martin, hi.
04:30Are you all right?
04:30Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're okay.
04:32I mean, you know, except for the dead guy that Mark found in the bog.
04:35I heard.
04:36Why was Mark in a bog?
04:37Martin, shame you're visiting our bog under such grim circumstances.
04:41You went in, too? Are you aware that bogs are a natural incubator for gangrene?
04:45That's fine. You do this every year. Besides, no one's lost a toe yet.
04:48That's right.
04:50Doc, you made it.
04:51Big day for Port Winner. Very first mystery corpse. It's kind of a big milestone if you really think about
04:57it.
04:57Yeah, and I'm still trying to figure out why you needed me here. No one's hurt.
05:00Right. Things are going fast and furious. The medical examiner's on our honeymoon, so she deputized you to run point
05:07on the forensic investigation.
05:08Well, absolutely not. No, I'm not a coroner, and I have a full afternoon of patients.
05:11Oh, well, if you want to move my bloodletting to tomorrow.
05:13I'm not clearing my schedule for an autopsy, okay? My job is to take care of living bodies, not dead
05:18ones.
05:19Right, but today the law says that it is. The medical examiner needs us to ID the body, collect DNA,
05:26and figure out cause of death.
05:28She also said something else, too, that was very important.
05:31Okay.
05:34How about tomorrow, first thing?
05:36Oh, yeah. That'll be fun. I mean, fine. It'll be fine. Yeah, that's totally fine. I'll get to see you
05:43later.
05:46Hey, Doc, where do you want me to drop off the dead guy?
05:50Oh, right. That was the important thing. Okay, so we have to store the body for a few days.
05:54I figure we just use the old doc's office, blast the A.C.
05:58Unless he has an appointment, he's not coming in, and it's not nearly cold enough.
06:02Okay, so what are we looking for, then?
06:03Somewhere refrigerated, big enough to conduct an autopsy.
06:06Whatever you say, Doc.
06:07Whatever you say, Doc.
06:15I got it. I got it. Okay, here we go. Yep, we got it. Okay.
06:18Appreciate you lending us the walk-in.
06:20Yeah, it's the least we could do.
06:21Oh, I hope the feet don't break off.
06:23No, if I just...
06:23Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it.
06:24We almost get shut down by the health department over our sweet little brisket,
06:28and now we're emptying out our walk-in for a dead body.
06:33Greg, don't be heartless.
06:35This man deserves a proper port when welcome, dead or not.
06:39Besides, Martin's not going to snitch.
06:41Again!
06:46Looks like a haunted potato.
06:48Be sure to add that to the autopsy report.
06:52A puncture wound about the size of a bullet.
06:56Just like the guy I saw outside Dan Ceteria in 82.
06:59Oh, I love your wild days. Is that when Madonna stole your cab?
07:02Please.
07:02When didn't Madonna steal my cab?
07:05No one comes in this room without me or Sheriff Milo, understood?
07:08Why, Doc?
07:08Doc's right.
07:09We gotta lock it down.
07:11Not here.
07:12Hey, hey, guys, what's happening?
07:14This man may have been murdered.
07:23Tell us, has there been murder in Port Wendt?
07:26Is there a killer on the loop?
07:27Are we in a safe?
07:28Are we in danger?
07:29Should we be walking in here?
07:30Who got shot?
07:31Everyone, please stay calm.
07:37Everyone, please stay calm.
07:39As sheriff, it's my duty to protect Port Wendt and to keep it real.
07:46We found a bullet hole in the dead dude.
07:48Yes, it might be murder.
07:50What?
07:51It's scary, but don't worry.
07:53I've organized Port Wendt's first-ever neighborhood watch, and I've nominated Sarah to lead it.
08:03And, of course, our very own Dr. Martin Best is going to lead the forensic investigation.
08:08So if you have any questions or leads, please feel free to come to either one of us, okay?
08:13Questions?
08:14Yeah, buddy.
08:15Who's the prime suspect?
08:17Got any leads?
08:18It's still early days.
08:21Figures.
08:22Incompetence everywhere.
08:23What should we do?
08:25I put a lot of thought into that.
08:27Doc?
08:35You all want to stay alive?
08:37Oh, yeah.
08:39Then do your physical therapy.
08:41Ronnie, take your insulin.
08:44You're going to end up like that guy in the fridge.
08:45Come on, Ronnie.
08:47Every single one of you.
08:50More dietary fiber.
08:52What?
09:00Wait a minute.
09:01Who is the dead guy?
09:02Elaine, slow down.
09:03I'm going out to do the autopsy.
09:05I move Louisa to the morning, reschedule the rest of my patients.
09:07Can you handle that?
09:08Yes, yes, yeah, totally.
09:10But, Doc, a murder in Port Wendt?
09:13It's like we're living in our own crime show.
09:19Hey, don't tell anyone, but I'm very excited.
09:23I've always wanted a real crime to solve so I can be taken seriously.
09:28You know, not just the guy who comes and gets the owl out of your attic.
09:31Okay.
09:33You need to seal up that bag.
09:35And what's left?
09:36Tissue sample.
09:38Right.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Yeah.
09:47Mm-hmm.
09:48Mm-hmm.
09:53Hmm.
09:54Thought there'd be some blood.
09:56Blood coagulates after death.
09:58So why is it so squishy?
09:59Because of the bog water.
10:01Cold, acidic, low oxygen, preserves tissue, but not blood flow.
10:07Oh, so it's like working on a live body, but without any of the blood.
10:10Exactly.
10:12So when do you think he died?
10:14That is a good question, my friend.
10:17He could have died weeks ago, months ago, or even years ago.
10:21Well, that really opens up the pool of potential victims.
10:24Mm-hmm.
10:25And suspects.
10:28Oh.
10:29Okay.
10:31Time and bog, TBD.
10:34Uh, male.
10:36Height, 5'10".
10:38No tattoos.
10:39Red.
10:41Hit.
10:43Nah.
10:44Well, maybe.
10:46Okay.
10:47Hang tight, Doc.
10:48I gotta go.
10:49I gotta go detective something real quick.
10:52Sure.
10:54I'll just be done in a second.
11:08Move aside and let the man go through.
11:11Let the man go through.
11:13Move aside and let the man go through.
11:16Let the man go through.
11:17Move aside and let the man...
11:21Greg, get it together, Greg.
11:24I'm sorry.
11:25Shh.
11:26Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
11:29Is that Josephine Alcott's car in Ronnie Winslow's driveway?
11:35Wow.
11:36Wow.
11:37The dust hasn't even settled on his poor wife's grave.
11:40I don't think the casseroles are the only thing she's been cooking up.
11:44Casserolling the hay?
11:46This is all right.
11:47This is all right.
11:50A dead body was found in the bog.
11:53Come on, people.
11:54Think.
11:55Who's our John Doe?
11:57Who do we like for this?
11:59Portland isn't just the best place for lobster rolls.
12:01It's a town full of secrets.
12:04Stay tuned.
12:06I'm Detective Elaine Denton.
12:08And this is Claw and Order.
12:11B.O.G.
12:12Dun dun!
12:13Yeah.
12:14Yeah!
12:15Elaine, you're pretty good at this.
12:17Really.
12:18And that jacket is really hot.
12:21Oh, yeah?
12:22Yeah, I really like it.
12:26Oh.
12:27Hi.
12:27Hi, Doc.
12:28We were just...
12:31Carry on.
12:32Wait a minute.
12:33What's the scoop?
12:34Who's the dead guy?
12:34And how did he die?
12:36Not sure yet.
12:36Still working on it.
12:38You two have a good night.
12:39What?
12:40Wait.
12:40What...
12:41What is that?
12:43Were you actually in a good mood?
12:45Why wouldn't I be?
12:46I finally have a patient who doesn't talk back.
12:49You did this?
12:51Uh...
12:52Yeah.
12:53Yeah, it's pretty neat, right?
12:55Hmm.
12:55If only you were this good at your real job.
12:57Hmm.
12:58Hey.
13:05It's scarier when he's nice.
13:14I know that it's not the best time.
13:17Hello.
13:20What's wrong with Geneva?
13:23We don't know for sure, but we think the body that we found might be Bruce.
13:30Same height, red hair, and he may have been shot.
13:34Oh, my goodness.
13:36My Brucie?
13:37I know this is a lot to take in.
13:40When was the last time you saw him?
13:43Thanksgiving.
13:44A few years ago.
13:46You know that.
13:47Everyone knows that.
13:48Sure, but you never told us where he went or why he left.
13:52Yeah, I didn't want to talk about it then, and I sure don't want to talk about it now.
13:58I know.
13:58What's going on here?
14:00Official police business.
14:01Well, I'm the neighborhood watch and she's my best friend.
14:04What's going on?
14:05I don't want you to faint when I tell you this.
14:07Just spit it out, Mark.
14:10We might have found Bruce's body.
14:12In the bog?
14:13Mm-hmm.
14:14Geneva, do you think that might be possible?
14:17Yes.
14:19I did it.
14:20I killed Brucie.
14:22What?
14:23Yup.
14:24I shot my husband and I chucked him in the bog.
14:30Okay.
14:31Okay.
14:31I think I'm going to need a minute.
14:33Wait, wait.
14:34Come on.
14:34Do your job.
14:35Lock me up.
14:36What?
14:47I'm busy, Elaine.
14:49Oh, it's, uh, it's Louisa.
14:52Hi.
14:54Louisa.
14:55Right.
14:56Yeah.
14:56Your appointment.
14:57Uh-huh.
14:58How are you?
14:59Um, I'm a little nervous.
15:02Me too.
15:02You are?
15:03Oh, no.
15:04I'm sorry.
15:04I don't know why I said that.
15:06Oh, okay.
15:07Of course not.
15:08Bloodletting is an easy procedure.
15:10Oh, good.
15:12Elaine didn't come in with you.
15:14She's late.
15:15Uh, she, um, she stopped at the Salty Breeze that she needed her, uh, Danish fix.
15:20Oh, good.
15:20Good.
15:21I'd hate for work to get in the way of her breakfast treats.
15:25How long should this take, you think?
15:28It's just, I should probably get to school soon.
15:31Right.
15:32I'll just find a needle.
15:34Finding a needle.
15:42So, how's, uh, how's school?
15:45Busy.
15:46I'm, I'm helping Principal Holloway with budget cuts.
15:49You know, I'm rationing out glue sticks and pricing out pencils, and...
15:58Let's do this.
16:01Right.
16:02Yeah.
16:03Okay.
16:03Just...
16:04Oh, yeah.
16:17Just make a fist.
16:19Alright.
16:22Is, is something wrong?
16:24Yes, you, well, are...
16:28Very thin.
16:30Oh.
16:31Your veins are very thin.
16:32I'm, I'm, I'm gonna need you to come back when you're more hydrated.
16:36Oh!
16:36Oh, oh my gosh!
16:38Dr. Reese always loved my veins, so...
16:40Yeah, well then, Dr. Reese will have to come back from the dead and draw your blood.
16:43No, no, no, that's not what I mean.
16:44I just, I just don't think I can keep rescheduling.
16:46Hello?
16:48What?
16:50Are you kidding?
16:52I'll be right there.
16:53What, what's going on now?
16:54It, Mark.
16:56He arrested Geneva.
16:58Have, have a lane reschedule.
17:04Alright, you weirdos.
17:06Five bucks, five minutes.
17:09And keep it down.
17:11And don't touch it!
17:12Oh my God, look at his feet.
17:16Want to get a pic?
17:17Uh, uh, photos are five bucks extra.
17:19Extra?
17:20Per person.
17:22Okay, Boomer.
17:22Thanks.
17:23Tell all your friends.
17:24Ready?
17:27Geneva, walk us through it.
17:29How'd you do it?
17:30What gun?
17:31Mark, if I keep answering your questions, I'll never finish this role.
17:35And I told you already.
17:37At home, with Bruce's hunting rifle and then I tossed him in the bog.
17:42You really tossed a 200 pound man into a bog on your own?
17:45I used my core.
17:46Geneva, how am I supposed to tell my mom this?
17:49This is gonna kill her.
17:51What else have you been lying about?
17:53Your goldfish didn't run away.
17:57Wait.
17:58He didn't join a rock band?
18:01Mark, better not to know.
18:02You and my mom told me that he was in a band called Cutie and the Goldfish.
18:07This is just like so much for me to take in right now.
18:11I'm...
18:12I just...
18:13I never could understand how he got into law enforcement.
18:17Yeah, me either.
18:19Geneva, I need to know more about Bruce's medical history in order to confirm his identity.
18:23Did he have any tattoos, identifying marks, surgeries perhaps?
18:28Well, he didn't have a spleen or a gallbladder or an appendix.
18:33You know, one of those organs you don't really need.
18:36That's a start.
18:38I still can't believe it.
18:40Geneva, it's not possible.
18:42She was always cagey about why Bruce left.
18:45Never gave a straight answer.
18:47Just one day he was gone.
18:48Yes, you can sleep next to someone for 20 years and not have a clue what they're capable of.
18:52I saw Cher without you once.
18:54Once.
18:55It was the farewell tour.
18:56Exactly.
18:57It was the farewell tour.
18:58I have to film a new episode.
19:00This is big news.
19:01This is big news.
19:04Also, these might be your best yet.
19:06What kind of cheese did you use?
19:07If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
19:10He'd have to kill you.
19:11Yeah, we can't say that anymore and more.
19:13Not so cute as a different note.
19:15The truth has clawed its way to the surface.
19:17The portwind killer has been caught.
19:19And it's always the ones you least expect.
19:22Until next time, Detective Denton, Claw and Order B.O.G.
19:27Dun-dun!
19:29So good.
19:30What? Why'd she do it?
19:33It doesn't matter. Case closed.
19:34Your detective work sucks.
19:36Hey, do not sass my girlfriend, okay?
19:39And show some respect for law enforcement.
19:41Girlfriend?
19:42Yeah, I...
19:43Well, I thought...
19:44Al, we've been over this.
19:46We're frisky friends. That's it.
19:48Finally. It's getting interesting.
19:51You know what?
19:52Fine.
19:53Get yourself a new cameraman and another frisky friend.
19:57Hey!
19:58What's a frisky friend?
20:02Five bucks, five minutes a pop.
20:03Quick and quiet, okay?
20:05Bert! Really?
20:07Are you charging to see the dead body?
20:09This is a tragedy. Not a carnival sideshow.
20:12I'm just trying to make an honest dollar.
20:14Have you no shame?
20:15The world today? Hell in a hand basket.
20:18I'm disappointed in all of you.
20:21I take care of George. You cut me in?
20:23Deal.
20:24Sheriff Mark, cheese it.
20:27Hello.
20:29I'm scared.
20:31It's like...
20:31It's like first Bruce and then it's my goldfish.
20:35What else is Geneva hiding from me, you know?
20:37Just to be clear, you actually thought a goldfish could sing?
20:40Well, I had a dog who could read my mind, so...
20:43Anyway, we don't even know if this is Bruce or just Geneva having some sort of geriatric delusion.
20:47Did you bring your flashlight?
20:49Of course, Doc. I never leave home without it. Where are we going?
20:53Just shine it right above the abdomen.
20:58So I checked with Dr. Reese's files and Bruce had a colostectomy.
21:08So if this body doesn't have a gallbladder, it's likely Bruce.
21:15How'd you do this for a living, Doc?
21:18Best job in the world.
21:21You seem different, man. I don't know. You seem like more cheerful.
21:25You're starting to make me a little uncomfortable.
21:27I'm just enjoying the work. It's not a crime.
21:31Thank goodness, because it would have killed me to have to arrest you too, Doc.
21:36I knew it. This isn't Bruce.
21:38Huh?
21:39We always wondered what happened between the two of you.
21:43You were so secretive after he left town.
21:47But we didn't think you'd killed him.
21:49Oh, this darn cable stitch.
21:51And now the whole town knows that you're not just a cake-baking sweetheart,
21:56you're a cold-blooded husband-killer who's gonna spend the rest of her life in prison.
22:01And I'm gonna have to redo this whole row.
22:04Geneva Larson, you've never botched a cable stitch in your life.
22:09All right.
22:12I didn't kill Brucey.
22:15Then why did you turn yourself in?
22:17Because I'd rather rot in here than have everyone know the truth.
22:20What's worse than a murder charge?
22:23On Thanksgiving, when Bruce left, he left with my sister.
22:33Bonnie?
22:34Well, it's always the ones you don't expect.
22:37I haven't spoken to either of them since.
22:40Two people I love most in the world, they chose each other and left me with cold turkey and a
22:49broken heart.
22:50But the truth I really don't want to admit is that I am old, alone, and unloved.
23:01Oh, Geneva, don't be crazy.
23:03We all love you and we're not going anywhere.
23:08Okay?
23:09And you know, everybody has a secret or two.
23:14You know what I just saw?
23:17Josephine and Ronnie going after each other like dogs in heat.
23:20Really?
23:23She sure is baking a lot of casseroles.
23:26Now we know why.
23:33What do you mean it's not Bruce?
23:35Bruce doesn't have a gallbladder. This body does.
23:41Wait.
23:43Give me a second.
23:45Shine your light more over here.
23:48Yeah.
23:54What was a marble doing in there?
23:57I think this body was in the bog a lot longer than we thought.
24:02Good eye, Martin. It's a musket ball, 18th century.
24:07This might be an early Port Wenian, like Jeremiah or Roderick or nay, Archibald no knows when.
24:14This cadaver was centuries old. We discovered a bog man on this side of the Atlantic.
24:19I mean, that's the headline.
24:21This is incredible.
24:23Wow, this case just took a turn. We have a lot of work to do.
24:25What for? The investigation's over. This is now a scientific discovery.
24:28Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast. This is still a homicide. 400 year old murder. It's my first cold case.
24:35Mark is right. I would like to know who killed this early Port Wenian too.
24:38Yeah.
24:39It's part of our what? History.
24:41History, Doc.
24:42Fine. As long as you leave me out of it, knock yourselves out. I have to make a call.
24:45Don't worry about nothing, Doc. You know I got this.
24:47Thanks, partner.
24:48Geneva didn't do it!
24:49Sorry, Jessica Fletcher. That's old news.
24:51What?
24:52Hi, Norman. It's Dr. Martin Best.
24:54Look at this.
24:55Yes, yes, it's been a while. Listen, I need a favor.
24:58I was wondering...
24:59What's all the hubba?
25:01Geneva didn't kill Bruce.
25:03The dead body might be an early Port Wenian and I'm so excited.
25:05Wait, there's no murder?
25:06No mystery.
25:07It's a cold case straight out of the freezer, right onto the grill.
25:11How are we gonna load these shirts?
25:13Honey, murder is still a murder.
25:15Hey, what are you two whispering about?
25:17Repairs? Come on, Bert. Let's go tighten the loose hinge.
25:23Yeah, the hinge.
25:23Great. All right, thanks, Norman.
25:25Yeah, I'll send those Pete samples over to the lab right away.
25:27Okay, got it.
25:29I'll ask. Bye.
25:33Can I have everyone's attention?
25:35Hello?
25:37Excuse me?
25:38Who wants to make a thousand dollars?
25:41Hmm. Well, at least you're predictable.
25:44I just got off the phone with a colleague, a forensic anthropologist from Harvard.
25:48Yeah, get on with it. We know you went to Harvard.
25:51Go Crimson.
25:52We just discovered a rare bog man who could be hundreds of years old.
25:56It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to study typhonomy and...
25:59Jump to the part where we get paid.
26:01Right.
26:02Researchers want to do DNA testing to identify any living relatives,
26:07and they'll pay a thousand dollars per confirmed match.
26:10So what do we do? Just pile in a van, go down to Boston?
26:13Nope. I'll open my office for anyone who wants to do genetic testing.
26:16Who's interested?
26:18Great.
26:19Elaine will coordinate DNA collection.
26:21Absolutely.
26:24Detective Elaine Denton here.
26:26Mystery is not over yet.
26:28Who's the old dead dude? Was he still murdered?
26:30And most importantly, who here in Port Wynn has found their bog daddy?
26:34Their bog grampy.
26:36Bog father, that's it.
26:38Only time and some DNA samples will tell.
26:42Need a new frisky friend for your show?
26:44I'm good with mysteries.
26:46Ew, definitely no. Don't say that.
26:48But I do need a new cameraman.
26:50Let's talk.
26:53See? That's how they get you.
26:54One day, they take your DNA.
26:56The next day, you're in a police lineup for car theft in Kalamazoo.
27:00Come on, Dad.
27:01You love a chance to make some quick cash.
27:03The money's not that important.
27:06Meet you out back for a peek at the bog, man.
27:10See?
27:11Come on.
27:12I know you too well.
27:13We should do it.
27:14Your DNA leads to my DNA.
27:17And I can't risk it.
27:18Just don't do it.
27:23Glad you came in voluntarily, Gilbert.
27:26I'd hate to have to subpoena you.
27:27I don't know what you're talking about.
27:29But you're making me very nervous.
27:32In a small town, everybody's hiding something.
27:35I'm Detective Elaine Denton.
27:38Stay tuned for the next episode of Claw and Order.
27:40The bog father.
27:43Kinda stiff on that take.
27:45Yeah, I got a better one in me.
27:46New cameraman? Already?
27:48That's fast.
27:49That's show business.
27:50If my dad asked if I came in, don't tell him, okay?
27:53He's been really weird about that stuff.
27:55Not a problem.
27:56It's like you're not even here.
27:57It's like you're not even here.
28:00I'm gonna shoot this.
28:01Lots of unspoken tension.
28:04Can it, Cronk.
28:05Yeah, Cronk.
28:10I promise I have been pounding water all day today like it's my job.
28:13We'll see if your veins agree.
28:17We'll be removing a pint to lower your ferritin levels.
28:21Should take about a half hour.
28:27Make a fist.
28:28I'm glad we got this in today.
28:29This morning you seemed very, uh...
28:31Pasadena?
28:37Wait, what?
28:38Oh, this is just how we do it.
28:40It's perfectly normal.
28:43It's textbook normal.
28:51Did I do something wrong?
28:53Offend you somehow?
28:54What?
28:56I don't know.
28:56It just feels like you can't stand being in the same room with me anymore.
29:01You know what?
29:02I don't have the time to deal with the emotional insecurities of every patient.
29:06I have to collect peat samples.
29:09Excuse me?
29:09What?
29:10What?
29:11I have important research to do and I'm running late.
29:15You know, it's funny.
29:16This is the most engaged I have ever seen you and it's over a corpse.
29:20Yes, and you want to know why?
29:22Because, unlike humans, corpses don't talk back.
29:25They don't tease.
29:26They don't gossip.
29:27Their tender little feelings don't get hurt.
29:29They aren't a constant tsunami of needs and opinions.
29:32And, at least with a corpse, I won't be surprised when it doesn't listen to me.
29:37I knew it.
29:38I never thought you were a right fit for Port Winning.
29:41You're proving me right!
29:47What did you just do?
29:48I have to go.
29:49Where?
29:50Somewhere I can be alone.
29:52What does that mean?
29:54What does that mean?
29:55It's gonna be right!
29:57It's not going to be right!
29:58It's gonna be right!
29:59It's not even possible.
30:02Once it has it, it's not going to be.
30:11It's almost done.
30:14It's gonna be right now.
30:16It's not gonna be right.
30:16What is it actually, it's not going to happen.
30:17After all the other people, I'm at the rest of this estadouncing!
30:44To be continued...
30:48Oh, God.
31:38Two, it was good, right?
31:40Oh, so creepy.
31:41Oh, my God, is it here?
31:42The bog man.
31:44Tell your friends.
31:45Hey, right through here, ladies.
31:46Right in there.
31:47Honey, I'm looking for the man.
31:51Greg Harrison, you are not doing what I think you're doing.
31:55Do not judge me until you see the electric bill.
31:57That is dirty money.
31:59Costs are up.
31:59Margins are down.
32:00So every dirty dollar helps.
32:02I'd show you the spreadsheet.
32:03No, no, no, no, no.
32:04I'm just going to get a raging headache.
32:05I try to protect you, my love.
32:08I know.
32:09You hate to see me bogged down by details.
32:12Oh, okay.
32:15Hey, you make enough to fix the oven light?
32:17Yes, and perhaps enough to splurge on name brand mayo.
32:23Greg, you're such a tease.
32:26Two more.
32:28Hey, Miss Dana.
32:28It was good, right?
32:30Tell your friends.
32:30Tell your friends.
32:32Any word from Harvard?
32:33Not yet.
32:34Oh, the DNA lab sent a couple flags from the genetic screenings.
32:41Can you have Al come in?
32:43Al?
32:45Do I have to?
32:46What do you think, detective?
32:50Hey, thanks, Greg.
32:51Thanks, my love.
32:52How's it going, guys?
32:53A lot of dead ends.
32:54No pun intended.
32:55Wait, wait, wait.
32:56Check this.
32:56Battle of Machias.
32:58Fought in Maine during the Revolutionary War.
33:00Musket balls.
33:0118th century.
33:02It lines up.
33:03Strong working theory, George.
33:05Adding it to the list.
33:06Glad you're having fun, but we opened in five.
33:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:10Going ahead without me.
33:13Last time I let him near the History Channel.
33:17So, the DNA testing shows you have genetic markers for Marfan syndrome.
33:22What? Am I okay?
33:24Absolutely.
33:24You're going to be fine.
33:25No, it's a connective tissue disorder.
33:28Now, while it can be serious, your signs are the manageable ones.
33:32Just tall, thin, flexible joints, nearsightedness.
33:35You wear corrective lenses, right?
33:36Yeah.
33:37Listen, it's a good thing you took the DNA test.
33:39Now we know, so we can keep an eye on it.
33:41But again, there's absolutely nothing to worry about here.
33:43Okay?
33:44See you at your annual physical.
33:47Wait, doc.
33:48Um, you said it's genetic?
33:51Correct.
33:52And is that from my mom's side or my dad's?
33:58In this case, from your father's side.
34:01Okay, well, he's built like a truck and he's got perfect vision.
34:06Yes.
34:10So does that mean my dad is not my dad?
34:26You guys, the Bogman results are here.
34:29This is going to be so exciting.
34:31We'll read it out at the Salty Breeze.
34:32It'll be so fun.
34:32And really good content for my show.
34:34So, Al, maybe we should just...
34:36What?
34:37Happened.
34:39Is he okay?
34:40You'll have to ask him.
34:42Al?
34:43Al?
34:43Wait.
34:44What are you...
34:45Come on, Al.
34:46Just leave it, Al.
34:48Just leave it, Alain.
34:54It's just a great photograph.
34:55Oh, this is so exciting.
35:02Martin.
35:03Alisa.
35:05What was that about?
35:07Dr. Patient Confidentiality.
35:09You just can't help being a jackass, can you?
35:13Dear Portwenians, we gather to honor history and the miracle of DNA testing.
35:23May I have ye olde envelope.
35:28Oh, can I get a drum roll, please?
35:37And the results are...
35:46Harvard has confirmed there is one living descendant of the Portwen Bogman.
35:53And that person is...
35:55Oh, snap.
35:56Martin Best.
35:57What?
36:00You're kidding.
36:00It's Martin?
36:03What about Aunt Sarah?
36:04It just says your name.
36:06It must be on your mother's side.
36:08But I didn't submit DNA.
36:11I may have borrowed some hairs from your hairbrush.
36:14Alain, that's a complete violation of privacy, not to mention illegal on several levels.
36:18Oh, Martin, come on.
36:19Face it.
36:20This town's in your blood.
36:25It's a good thing we didn't send in our DNA, huh?
36:29You all right, kiddo?
36:31Yeah, Dan.
36:33Glad we didn't.
36:33Based on historical records, Harvard believes that the Bogman is a man who might be named James Brewster.
36:42Wait, I know that name.
36:43Yeah?
36:44You just said James Brewster.
36:45I know that name.
36:45I know that name.
36:46Hold on.
36:47Okay.
36:48Wait, yeah, okay.
36:48Right here.
36:49In Nono's Wen's journal, he wrote,
36:51The 17th of June, 1759, this day ended in trouble with a fray betwixt James Brewster and our good townsman,
36:59a notorious recluse.
37:01Brewster mainly keeps to himself in a dreary shack by the bog, yet always finds cause to quarrel whenever he
37:09can.
37:10Yeah, he sounds like he's related to Martin.
37:12Yeah.
37:13This sounds like Doc.
37:17He kind of does.
37:19Martin.
37:20Wait, wait, okay, wait.
37:21There's more.
37:22Apparently, a lot of people wanted him dead, so much so that Archibald, no-knows-when, challenged Brewster to a
37:29duel and killed him.
37:32Whoa.
37:33Wow, I think I just found the bog man's killer.
37:36I think we just solved the case.
37:37I think we just solved the case.
37:40You know, right?
37:43Yeah!
37:45Yeah!
37:51Hey.
37:54What is going on with you?
37:57Are you gonna die?
37:58Because if you're gonna die, that's gonna make me want to die.
38:01And I'm really too young and too cute to die.
38:04No.
38:05I'm not gonna die.
38:06I'm sorry if I, if I scared you.
38:09Okay, so then what did Martin tell you?
38:15Um, he said I'm, uh, double-jointed.
38:21That's it?
38:23Look, I, I'm sorry that I called you my frisky friend.
38:31I didn't mean that.
38:32I mean, I did mean that.
38:34But when I thought that you were gonna die, it just, it made me realize that you are more than
38:43just a frisky friend.
38:45So, are you my girlfriend?
38:49Or, or no?
38:53Yes.
38:54Yeah?
38:55Fine.
38:57Okay.
38:57I'm your girlfriend.
38:59I'm your girlfriend.
39:32Good evening.
39:33Bog man.
39:34Good night, Dr. Bog man.
39:40Watch out, it's the vlog man.
39:43Stop.
39:44It's like so sad.
39:46We always knew he was the saddest man alive,
39:48and now it's like fact.
39:50Shut up.
39:52I'm just fucking kidding.
40:30Martin, Martin, are you okay?
40:36I'm here to apologize.
40:38Oh.
40:39The way I spoke to you at my office, it was wrong.
40:43Have a good night.
40:47Wait, that's it?
40:49That's your apology?
40:50I'm not sure what else to say.
40:52Why can't you just talk to me?
40:54I mean, tell me, what's going on with you?
41:02I have a hard time with blood, a phobia.
41:18Oh.
41:19About blood, a blood phobia, if you will.
41:24Okay.
41:25Um, wow.
41:27Um, this entire time?
41:31Huh.
41:32But you're a doctor.
41:37A surgeon who can't stand the sight of blood.
41:39I came here hoping that I could still practice medicine.
41:46It's proven harder to do than I thought.
41:48That's why Elaine assists me.
41:52And why act like a lunatic every time I try to take your blood.
41:55I see.
42:02So, why tell me now?
42:09I...
42:12I don't want to be the bog man.
42:25Well...
42:26Your dog seems to love you.
42:36He's not my dog.
42:37He sure seems like your dog.
42:44He's not my dog.
42:48But I'll leave you as a woman.
42:49I see.
42:52Yeah.
43:09You're just walking.
43:09You're a little guy.
43:11Then, you're walking.
43:12The two people had to be a man.
43:13I see.
43:13And a child.
43:13I don't know where he was.
43:13Oh, that's what he said.
Comments