- 5 hours ago
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00:11Oh
00:18Are you insane
00:36Elaine I've been attacked that gang of lunatics were shooting blueberries at me
00:42Elaine Denton reporting live from port when inside the offices of doc martin
00:49Victim whatever that is we don't have time for it, okay?
00:52We have a packed schedule and I need you to secure the perimeter unaware that his first patient was already
00:58in the exam room
00:59Doc martin was apparently also unaware of the fact that this weekend is the annual blueberry festival
01:07A tragic turn of events for a tragic man named doc martin who was a doctor
01:20I just love the blueberry festival the street fair the tarts the pies stop talking and open your mouth
01:28I'm gonna be getting in the vat and stomping blueberries to make wine not with this foot fungus. You're not
01:34I'm deathly allergic to blueberries, but I want to eat like a lot of pie
01:38So can you give me a pill that makes it okay?
01:40Yes, of course really
01:42No
01:43That way
01:45All right elaine we only have five minutes for lunch. Why don't you go out and get where is everyone?
01:51Faced with an empty waiting room doc martin finally had room
01:55To feel empty will you stop with that voice have to get this reporter thing right?
02:00I'm covering the blueberry festival on my live stream. I want it to look professional and dressing up as newscaster
02:05smurf screams professional
02:07We have eight patients this afternoon and my aunt's supposed to be next. Where is she?
02:12Yeah, everybody cancelled
02:14No one is going to the doctor on a friday afternoon during the blueberry festival
02:19Actually shouldn't you be getting ready to ready for what you're gonna be a judge in the big blueberry pie
02:23contest tomorrow
02:24Oh, no, I'm not. Okay, but you are because dr. Reese was always a judge. Yeah, but I'm not dr.
02:29Reese
02:29I am here with a local old old man who is disoriented and confused
02:36He thinks that he can ignore one of our most beloved traditions beloved traditions
02:40Please you people would throw a parade at a new stoplight. I'm not a pie judge. I'm a physician. Where
02:46are you going?
02:47I'm going to see my next scheduled patient more on this developing story as it develops reporting alive from over
02:54here by my desk
02:55I am elaine denton for eyewitness blues
03:00That was it that was it
03:03Okay, all the festival booths. Yep, they're going right there and uh, oh, yeah
03:11All right now doc all right now
03:18Hey, good morning got some for you see you at the pie contest judge martin
03:32Okay, okay in the dunk tank. It's going right over there. Yeah, oh, please sorry. Give me a second
03:41This
03:50Stop following me just go away put that down. It's not mine
03:55shoo
04:02Well
04:03Good morning to you
04:04Good morning perfect weather for the festival wouldn't you say hmm?
04:10Well, you seem to be taking it very seriously
04:13My favorite time of year when doesn't all that bother your skin or your eyelids all that face paint face
04:18paint
04:20What face paint
04:26Oh
04:26I
04:26I
04:26I
05:02Well, Martin, what a nice surprise.
05:06And you're just in time for lunch.
05:08Not here for lunch.
05:09Oh, you're just dropping by.
05:10Well, good.
05:12I've just been thinking that we should spend more time together.
05:14And look, now here you are.
05:16I've come here to give you your physical.
05:19What?
05:19Your file says you haven't had a checkup in three years.
05:22Why don't you hop up on the counter and we'll take a look at you.
05:24Oh, you've got to be joking.
05:26There's nothing funny about a 73-year-old woman avoiding her annual urinalysis.
05:30Now, up you go.
05:30If you think I'm going to let you examine me in my own kitchen,
05:34then I'm going to have to fillet you with my boning knife.
05:37And so I need you to take this seriously.
05:39You may be my doctor, but you're also my nephew and right now we're having lunch.
05:44So wash your hands.
05:47Honestly.
05:50You know, they've asked me to be a judge at the pie contest with you.
05:56And I said yes.
05:57I thought that that would be fun.
06:00I hear that Elizabeth Evans is making some kind of blueberry meringue or something like that.
06:09Are you really taking all these medications?
06:11Well, two of them are for my high blood pressure and the rest are, I don't know.
06:14Osteoporosis, acid reflux, high cholesterol.
06:18Good God, woman.
06:19You're a ticking time bomb.
06:21And this fried fish for lunch isn't helping the situation either.
06:26Have you thought about getting some exercise, maybe some leafy greens in your diet?
06:28Dr. Reese told me to avoid the leafy greens because they might interact badly with my blood thinner
06:33and I might pass out or something.
06:36And kale tastes like crap.
06:38There's a new medication on the market that won't have those complications.
06:40I'll write you a prescription.
06:42In the meantime, we're going to have a chat about skipping medical appointments at your advanced age.
06:47If you're going to continue to play doctor, I don't want to eat lunch with you.
06:49So get out.
06:50Just go.
06:51See you at the pie contest.
06:53I'm not judging the pie contest.
06:54Fine, then I won't see you at all.
07:01Fried fish is delicious.
07:19Oh, Judge Martin, what do you prefer?
07:22Blakey pie crust or puffy?
07:24You lost me at Judge.
07:25Judge Martin, do you enjoy a latticework topping?
07:29I don't trust myself to do a leaf pattern.
07:32I'm not judging the pie contest.
07:33Oh, Martin, hello.
07:35Where are you headed?
07:36Well, I'm on my way for some lunch, but it seems like blueberry mania swallowed this town whole.
07:41Right, well, that time of year.
07:42Which reminds me, I've been wondering, um, if you happen to like cinnamon?
07:46I'm scared to ask, but why are we talking about spices?
07:48Or maybe vanilla or caramel, little ribbons of caramel wrapping gently around your taste buds.
07:53Oh, no, Louisa, not you, too.
07:55I'm sorry, I'm not going to be judging the pie contest.
07:57I guess I'm just another desperate pie baker looking for an edge.
08:00You've all lost your minds.
08:01Maybe, but this is a big deal in a small town.
08:03I mean, it's nice, it's tradition, it's competitive.
08:06Yeah, it's also high in fat and sugar.
08:08Yeah, but first place is a little blue crown.
08:10But Barry Hammers always wins it, always.
08:12He always takes first, always.
08:13No, the real competition in Port Wynn is for second.
08:15Oh, wait, what about ginger, you know?
08:18I mean, that's an interesting combination, right?
08:21With the blueberries?
08:22No, Louisa, Louisa, Louisa, I am not going to be judging them.
08:25Judge Martin, do these berries are fresh to you?
08:26Am I ready to see if I had meant to my pie?
08:27No, no, no, listen up, everyone.
08:29I am the town doctor, and my only concern is your health.
08:32So you can skip your appointments and ignore your well-being,
08:35but I will not be deciding the winner of your ridiculous contest,
08:39because I don't care.
08:49Consider the ginger.
08:51Talk about it later.
08:58I'm delighted to have you in for lunch, doctor.
09:00It was either this or be force-fed blueberries in the parking lot.
09:03I want to take the garden salad with chicken, please.
09:06Unfortunately, we don't have the garden salad today.
09:09I am so sorry.
09:10All right.
09:11Steamfish.
09:11No, not that either.
09:12Shepherd's pie, then.
09:14Mmm, wouldn't that be lovely?
09:15We're out of that one, too.
09:17What do you have in the kitchen?
09:24Today, in the kitchen, we have Greg.
09:29It's this pie contest madness.
09:31Oh, no.
09:31Oh, no.
09:32Every year, he decides that he's the chef, that he can cook.
09:35And yet...
09:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
09:38I chilled this dough!
09:39I swear I did!
09:41It's not fair!
09:43I'm not allowed in there.
09:45I'm a pie contest judge.
09:47Conflict of interest.
09:48And yes, I heard that you stepped down from your post.
09:50God knows who they're going to get to replace you.
09:53It's going to be a long weekend.
09:56But we still might have one last tuna salad in the back fridge.
10:00Oh, I hate mayonnaise.
10:01Oh, beggars can't be choosers.
10:03I'll go check.
10:07Tuna salad is delicious.
10:09Lots of mayonnaise.
10:19I'm sorry.
10:20I...
10:20You...
10:22I have to ask.
10:24You're blue.
10:27All of you.
10:28And no makeup.
10:29You're just...
10:30blue.
10:32It's because of all the blueberries I eat.
10:34Are you joking?
10:39You're not.
10:40Oh, no, you can't be serious.
10:42Blueberries wouldn't...
10:47Y'all, that's on me, y'all.
10:49I'm so sorry.
10:50Totally...
10:51Totally my fault.
10:51I just couldn't see it because of my eyes.
10:54Let's have a look.
10:55Doc.
10:55Touch your head back.
10:56Okay.
10:56I think everything's fine.
10:57It's just allergies happens every year.
10:59Yeah.
10:59How about you let me make the diagnosis and you stick to being an idiot?
11:02Seems fair.
11:03All right.
11:03You need to come to my office.
11:04I can't, Doc.
11:05I got to go set up the dunk tank.
11:06Yes, I suppose a dunk tank is more important than you going blind.
11:09Come on, this way.
11:10Okay.
11:13No, this way.
11:14The other way, Mark.
11:16This way.
11:19Ha!
11:20Ha-ha.
11:22Yes.
11:26It's ready.
11:27Okay, that's good.
11:28So just, like, keep my face in frame all the time.
11:31Yes.
11:31Like, I'll stay, but...
11:32Is it like a day?
11:34Go, go, shoo.
11:35Ooh, you know they replaced you on the judging panel with Bert.
11:39Ooh, big mistake.
11:39You do not want to give my dad that much power.
11:42Power?
11:42It's a pie contest.
11:44Oh, come on, Doc.
11:46You know how everything here is just so nice and people are so sweet?
11:49We just need one day a year to be, like, really competitive and vicious.
11:53Like the purge, but with blueberries.
11:56All right, well, the eye drops and the warm compress should help your eyes some,
12:00but I strongly suspect you have writer's syndrome.
12:02Really?
12:03Mm-hmm.
12:03I haven't written anything all week.
12:05Maybe a parking ticket and in my dream journal.
12:08R-E...
12:09Writer's syndrome.
12:10Is it painful to urinate, Mark?
12:13Typically, people suffering from writers can't see, can't pee, and can't climb a tree due to untreated chlamydia.
12:19Chlamydia.
12:20Chlamydia.
12:21The STD chlamydia?
12:23Yes.
12:24How many sexual partners have you had since your breakup with Louisa?
12:28I don't know.
12:29I don't know.
12:30Like, four, five, eight, I think nine.
12:36My friend Gretchen?
12:38Ten.
12:38Debbie?
12:39Eleven.
12:42Doc!
12:43Come on, Doc.
12:44You know what it's like.
12:45Big man, small pond, all the fish jumping into my net.
12:50You get it?
12:51Yeah, I'd rather not.
12:52So you need to notify each of your sexual partners of their exposure.
12:56Wait, Doc.
12:57Notify them?
12:58Like, tell them that I might have given them that they might have chlamydia?
13:02Exactly.
13:03And this will clear up the infection.
13:05Prescription for doxycycline.
13:06Wait, no.
13:07Wait, Doc.
13:07Doc, wait.
13:08So, like, a prescription that I need to, like, go get filled?
13:13Yes.
13:13I assume you know how these things work.
13:15Elaine, I'm going out to get some food, and nothing is going to stop me.
13:21Okay.
13:21I guess I have to.
13:22Somebody's got to pick up meds from their mommy.
13:25Shut up, Al.
13:45Yes, sir.
13:47That's Barry Hammers.
13:50That's our Blueberry.
13:51Get it?
13:52Blueberry?
13:53Yes, sir.
13:53Coffee, Judge Large.
13:54No charge, of course.
13:57And he's the one who wins first place in the pie contest every year?
14:00Him?
14:00Yeah.
14:01He's basically the Blueberry Festival mascot.
14:04A master baker.
14:05And he's blue.
14:06That's because year in, year out, all he eats is...
14:08No, that's ridiculous.
14:09You could eat every blueberry on the planet.
14:11It wouldn't turn you blue.
14:11You know, I turned orange when I was on that carrot diet.
14:14It's not the same thing, Bert.
14:15Tell that to blueberry.
14:16Judge Large.
14:17Almost done with your complimentary oil change.
14:20Ah, thanks, Billy.
14:21And, hey, tell the missus I'd love to get my backyard weeded.
14:24No, there must be something wrong with him.
14:27Some condition.
14:28And he's using a...
14:29Leave him alone, Doc.
14:30Poor old Blueberry.
14:32He looks a hell of a lot better now than when we were in high school.
14:36Scaryberry.
14:37He was a real fright back then.
14:39Scaryberry?
14:39Why did they call him that?
14:41Well, hey, Bert, your car's all done.
14:44Excuse me.
14:45Bye business.
14:48Hey, Billy, how's the bacon coming?
14:51You know, is the bottom still soggy?
14:56Oh, Martin, hi.
14:58I've been looking for you.
14:59I just wanted to apologize for being so forward about the pie contest earlier.
15:02I just think that maybe my ambition got the best of me.
15:05Why is this contest so important to you?
15:07Oh, well, um, I've always loved to bake.
15:11And in the past, I couldn't really try my best because I couldn't outshine Sally, my future mother-in-law.
15:17Former future mother-in-law.
15:18I always had to wallow in third place and let her take second year after year.
15:23But now, the gloves are off.
15:25You know, I'm not with Mark anymore and I've got a brand new baking trick up my sleeve.
15:30And I don't know, I just feel like maybe if I could just bust out of third place, that maybe
15:34I could get everyone to see me in a new light.
15:36You know how small towns can put you in a box, give you a label.
15:39You're the spinster.
15:40You're the idiot.
15:41You're the grump.
15:42Hi, Judge.
15:43Exactly.
15:47And you?
15:50You're the...
15:51Heartbreaker.
15:57Well, it does seem like a colossal waste of time, energy, and food, but I suppose these little contests do
16:05help to distract people from the dreary realities of living in a dead-end town.
16:11Well, thank you for that, um, but this contest actually really means something to me.
16:17You know, especially this year when, uh, when I'm trying to prove to myself, actually, that I can-can be
16:22more than I thought I could.
16:32Now listen, Johnny.
16:34I let you off the hook last week twice because you were filling mailboxes with fish heads.
16:38All right?
16:38No.
16:39So you're gonna do this for me, okay?
16:41Here.
16:41Dude.
16:42This is crazy.
16:44Your name's on the prescription.
16:46The pharmacist is your mom.
16:47Okay, but she's really busy and she may not notice, okay?
16:50Here, come on.
16:51Give you my handcuffs.
16:52I'm just gonna do it.
16:56Your eyes look super grody.
16:57Shut up, Johnny.
16:59Uh-uh.
17:01Yeah.
17:02Your little baby bike.
17:05Sally.
17:06What's supposed to go right here?
17:09Oh, what's for my next trophy, of course.
17:12Oh, but you're a judge this year.
17:13We should not be talking about the pie contest.
17:15Okay, here.
17:16Let me ring you up.
17:19With a new prescription that is $127.90.
17:23What?
17:25$127 a month?
17:26What the hell?
17:28Well, it's this new blood thinner that Dr. Best puts you on.
17:30It's very pricey.
17:32No, no, no.
17:33I'll just stick to the old one.
17:34I'm not paying that.
17:35Well, you do have one refill left.
17:37Should I call Dr. Best and make sure it's okay?
17:39No, no.
17:40I'm keeping him out of my personal health issues from now on.
17:44He comes to lunch and brings a stethoscope.
17:46Ooh.
17:47Is it cold on your skin?
17:48I bet Dr. Best has very warm hands.
17:51Sally.
17:52He's my nephew.
17:54All right.
17:56$21.45 then.
17:58Okay.
17:59Oh, hi, honey.
18:00What brings you in?
18:02Oh, hey.
18:02Hey, ma.
18:04I can't really talk right now.
18:05I have this developing crime situation down on Lincoln.
18:07I just need to fill this prescript real fast.
18:10No biggie.
18:11No diggity.
18:15Did Louisa do this to you?
18:17No, mom.
18:17Stop.
18:18What is it?
18:18No.
18:19Gonorrhea?
18:20Syphilis?
18:20The big H?
18:21The little H?
18:22No, no.
18:23It has nothing like that.
18:25And Louisa has nothing to do with it.
18:28It's, it's, it's chlamydia.
18:35Chlamydia?
18:36Well, that's not so bad.
18:38Everybody's had chlamydia, sweetheart.
18:40At least it's not the crabs.
18:42Crabs are so much worse.
18:44Looking down and seeing those little monsters snapping at you.
18:47Who gave this to you?
18:48Was it that Gretchen?
18:50Elaine's friend?
18:50The one with the face?
18:51They don't have faces.
18:53Oh, yeah.
18:53Sounds right.
18:54She's awful.
18:55No.
18:56I don't know.
18:57I don't know.
18:58Honey, relax.
19:00You're a single man now.
19:01Something like this was bound to happen.
19:04I'm actually proud of you.
19:06Sewing your wild oats.
19:08And until this antibiotic kicks in, a good place to dip your doinker for a few minutes every night
19:13is a nice cold glass of 7-Up.
19:16Mom, stop!
19:18Really?
19:19Yeah, honey.
19:22Something about the bubbles.
19:49It's better.
19:50This is Nia.
19:52It's okay.
19:52Ah!
19:53You're not supposed to be here.
19:54I'm still getting ready for tomorrow.
19:56I'm so sorry.
19:57Should I come back at a better time?
19:58Yeah, actually.
19:59This is a mess.
20:01Al can't be my cameraman anymore.
20:02He has to run the dunk tank tomorrow at the street fair.
20:05What are you doing here?
20:07I'm looking to see if Dr. Reese ever treated Barry Hammers.
20:11I need to understand why that man is blue.
20:14Something could actually be wrong with him.
20:15A whole half day off and you can't stop doctoring.
20:18I'm not going to find any files on there for Barry Hammers.
20:20I'm not?
20:21Blueberry?
20:22He was never a patient here.
20:23Like, ever.
20:24Someone actually told me.
20:26Was it Irma?
20:27I think it was Irma.
20:28Was it Irma?
20:29I don't know if it was Irma specifically.
20:31Irregard-
20:31Told you what?
20:32Irma says that Blueberry had some kind of horrible medical condition when he was in
20:38high school.
20:39He had to be seen by some specialist in Bar Harbor.
20:41A specialist?
20:41Yeah.
20:41Okay, listen, listen.
20:43You're going to be my cameraman tomorrow at the festival.
20:46Oh.
20:47I most certainly will not be doing that.
20:49Al is out.
20:50You're the only option that I have left.
20:52And I'm covering the festival from 9 a.m. to midnight tomorrow, so please wear some
20:55comfortable shoes, not these.
20:57For the last time, I will not be attending or participating in this godforsaken festival.
21:07What?
21:08What?
21:09What is this look?
21:11No, I just...
21:14I would just like to remind you that there are certain things that I'm doing.
21:20Certain blood things that I am doing for you.
21:25Things that I may not want to do, but that I do anyway.
21:29So, maybe you could do something for me that you don't want to do.
21:36This is blackmail.
21:38You are blackmailing me.
21:41And remember, this is the good side of my face.
21:49Doc Martin and Elaine's office.
21:51How can I help you today?
21:54Oh, yes.
21:55Okay.
21:56Yes.
21:58The doctor is needed at the salty breeze.
22:00Somebody has burned their hand.
22:04And I will see you tomorrow at the blueberry festival at 9 a.m.
22:09live from Port Nguyen.
22:11Have a safe evening.
22:14And good night.
22:16He's been baking around the clock.
22:18Not sleeping.
22:19Not being careful.
22:20It'll be fine.
22:22But what isn't fine is people getting injured because of a pie contest.
22:27No, you can't wrap it up too much.
22:28I need my hand all day tomorrow.
22:30I have to bake.
22:31Do you hear what you're saying?
22:32I have to bake.
22:33You're having a nervous breakdown over a pie contest.
22:35I have to bake.
22:36Greg, honey, this pie contest is giving you an anxiety attack.
22:40But won't it be worth it if I win?
22:42No.
22:43All year long, all I hear about is George's lobster rolls and George's chowder.
22:48People just see me as the money guy.
22:50Some silent partner.
22:52George's less creative other half.
22:55But I'm more than that.
22:56Can't you just give him a sedative?
22:58Everyone in this town needs a sedative.
23:00I can't win the pie contest.
23:04Barry will win.
23:05Barry always wins.
23:08But for once, I'd like to just place second, third, honorable mention, tardist filling.
23:14It would prove that I can make things too.
23:17That I'm good with my hands.
23:18Just not this hand.
23:20I know.
23:21I should be happy for all of Barry's success.
23:25Irma told me what a troubled youth he had.
23:27Wait, what do you mean by that?
23:28Just how he rose above all his medical issues to become this local legend.
23:33I was a troubled teen, too.
23:35In high school, the football team locked me in the janitor's closet after I highlighted my hair.
23:42Where's my prize?
23:43So you're saying Barry was sick as a kid?
23:45Terrible illness?
23:46It's just acne.
23:47Horrible acne.
23:48Apparently awful.
23:50Disfiguring.
23:50Irma went to the prom with scary Barry.
23:53So he had bad skin.
23:55And my mother disowned me.
23:56Maybe I should write that in Barry's across the top of my pie.
24:00Greg?
24:01Honey?
24:01Hey, look at me.
24:03Look at me.
24:03Look that way.
24:04I love you.
24:06So much.
24:07But this is not worth it.
24:09Year after year, you whip yourself up into a lather over a blueberry.
24:13Boom!
24:16Yes.
24:44Can you get this, though?
24:46Are you seeing that?
24:47Ah!
24:48Okay.
24:50Reporting live from Port Wendt's annual blueberry festival, I am Elaine Denton.
24:56Let us take this moment to get the reactions from the man and woman on the street, shall we?
25:04This should be fascinating.
25:05Just, seriously.
25:07So it's men and women on the street?
25:09It's everyone on the street.
25:10You want to get a reaction from the pig?
25:12Why don't you ask the pig a question?
25:13Hello.
25:14Good sir.
25:15How are you finding the festival this year?
25:18It's okay.
25:20Okay.
25:21So that's all you're feeling?
25:23Uh, okay.
25:25Oh, no, I'm sorry.
25:26I'm asking.
25:27It's just okay?
25:28Oh, okay.
25:32Okay.
25:32Have you ever actually hit someone with your rolling pin?
25:38Cobbler, crumble, or crisp, can anything really compete with pie?
25:47Hello, ma'am.
25:48Have you traveled a great distance to sample Maine's finest blueberries here in Port Wendt?
25:54Elaine, it's me, Irma.
25:57How many people are watching my live feed now?
25:59What should I know?
26:00The number's at the top of the screen.
26:03What are you, like, a hundred?
26:04Two.
26:05What's...
26:05Al and someone named Port Wendy.
26:08That's it?
26:10Nobody else in the whole town is watching my coverage?
26:13It's not the moon landing, and everyone is here.
26:15Oh, it's a disaster.
26:17How am I ever going to get any kind of a national following?
26:19I can't even get my friends and neighbors to watch me.
26:22Wait.
26:22We have another live viewer.
26:25It's your mother.
26:26She's just tuning in now.
26:28No, babe, she's commenting.
26:29Is that my...
26:31laser?
26:35Oh, this is something.
26:36This is something.
26:37This is something.
26:38Doc!
26:41All right now, everybody!
26:44One dollar per throw.
26:46All proceeds benefit the Jailhouse Black Mold Removal Fund.
26:52Oh, Kimberly, um, how are you?
26:54I got your message.
26:55Oh, right, about the, um, the notification.
26:58Right.
26:59Just want to keep you aware.
27:01So I just have to go to because it's just I have a dunk tank thing that I'm kind of
27:04doing right now.
27:05My mother heard the voicemail you left me.
27:07She did.
27:08I'm going to kill you.
27:09Okay.
27:10Okay.
27:10You know, we don't need to, like, hurl.
27:12Just, you know, we can...
27:14Okay, so if we just...
27:17Marilyn, Yvonne, Gretchen.
27:19Gretchen.
27:20Oh, you guys just got my call.
27:21That's good because...
27:23That's good because I sometimes went to voicemail.
27:25I wasn't sure.
27:26Okay, ladies, let's just remember that this is a game, huh?
27:29It's all for fun.
27:30A larger than normal turnout at the dunk tank this year.
27:32All of the players seem very motivated.
27:35Your faces are just so angry.
27:38Okay.
27:39Okay.
27:40That was a real slammer there, Karen.
27:42That was...
27:43My name is Carol.
27:45Carol.
27:45I meant...
27:46I knew that.
27:47She feels very strongly about eradicating that jailhouse molt.
27:52Just like, you gotta put some high heat on that one.
27:54Woo!
27:54Okay.
27:55That was...
27:56Wah!
27:58Okay.
27:59I felt it.
28:00Everything got, like, whooped.
28:06Okay.
28:07Okay.
28:11Okay, okay, okay.
28:12Enough, enough.
28:13Take care.
28:14Lady, come on.
28:15Come on.
28:15Enough, enough.
28:16Okay, enough.
28:22Is this embarrassing for me?
28:25Yes.
28:27Attention!
28:29Attention, everybody.
28:30It's almost time.
28:31The judges have finished their final tasting round,
28:33and soon we'll begin the award ceremony
28:35for the annual Port Wendt blueberry pie contest.
28:38Now, somewhere in the crowd.
28:40Could be this year's winner.
28:42Who will it be?
28:43Come on in, and the Legion will grab a seat.
28:45Huh?
28:45Oh, wait.
28:46Oh, wait.
28:46We're at capacity.
28:48Sorry.
28:49Well, that's remarkable.
28:50Oh, come on.
28:51You guys should have known.
28:53No, no.
28:54You know better than that.
29:04Yeah.
29:05Yeah.
29:13I think I get surprised at any time.
29:16Yeah.
29:18Oh, I'm sorry.
29:23Perfect.
29:24Tucked snugly into a crowded fire hazard.
29:29Completely shut out every year.
29:31Left behind every year.
29:32I'm trying to watch this.
29:33Of course.
29:34Of course.
29:34I'm sorry.
29:35Okay, how many people are watching now?
29:37On the live feed, I mean.
29:39One.
29:39Joss, my mom?
29:41Okay.
29:42I'll need it inside then.
29:44Okay.
29:44All right.
29:44All right.
29:45This is so stressful.
29:48Get a hold of yourself.
29:52Louisa, you're cutting off the circulation in your fingers.
29:56Just another simple person trying to distract herself
29:59from the dreary reality, I suppose.
30:01I didn't mean to imply that you were simple.
30:03I was only...
30:05It's just a pie contest.
30:07No, it's more than that.
30:08But you wouldn't understand because you don't want to understand.
30:10And you don't want to understand because you actually don't give a crap.
30:14I'm number two.
30:15I'm number two.
30:17Good evening.
30:19Good afternoon.
30:20Mom.
30:20I'm Elaine Denton recording, reporting live inside Legion Hall
30:26where judging has just commenced, demenced, has ended.
30:32Ended.
30:32Basically, they've eaten all the pies and soon we'll know the winner.
30:36Live.
30:37With me.
30:38Your daughter.
30:40For blue witness eyes.
30:42Eyewitness blues.
30:46Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon.
30:49We, the judges, have come up with our final decisions.
30:52Now, as you know, this is a blind taste test.
30:55And it is my job, privilege, honor,
30:58to announce in third place, Pi 21.
31:11Wow, big upset Greg Garrison has taken third place.
31:18Also, mom, can I keep the blazer?
31:21I think it looks good on me.
31:24It's a bit good on my blaze.
31:26I need you to do that.
31:29But I, I, I always went third, always.
31:31Wait, what does this mean?
31:39And in second place, we chose Pi number seven.
31:45C'est moi.
31:46Well, mom, you were right.
31:48Sally Milo has taken second place again this year.
31:52Wait, wait.
31:54What does this mean?
31:55I'm good at you.
31:57Dad, have I, have I taken first?
32:04And thank you.
32:06In first place, excuse me.
32:11In first place is Pi 13.
32:16What?
32:17Oh, again?
32:23And as always, Barry Hammers takes first place in the annual Port Wendt pie bowling contest.
32:30I didn't even, I didn't even place.
32:43Oh, thanks, Sarah.
32:51I'm fine.
32:54No, your heartbeat is weak and irregular.
32:56How long until the ambulance gets here?
32:57Ten minutes.
32:58They're all out of the hospital.
32:59Oh, we can take her in my car?
33:00No, we need the oxygen.
33:01We can do ten minutes.
33:02I'm okay.
33:04No, you just need to hold still and be quiet, okay?
33:13Oh, um, clear the street outside of Legion Hall.
33:16An ambulance is coming for Sarah.
33:18And everybody think good thoughts.
33:19She's gonna be okay.
33:21Okay.
33:21We're waiting for the ambulance.
33:23She's okay.
33:23Just waiting for the ambulance.
33:25I don't understand.
33:26She was fine all day, right up until the last round of judging.
33:29When did she start feeling ill?
33:30We ate so much.
33:31I think it started just when we were tasting the last few pies.
33:35Those pies.
33:37Well, she is on a wide assortment of medications.
33:40Possible some ingredient in one of the pies is interacting badly with...
33:45Which of those pies does she eat last?
33:46Um, um, that one.
33:47Number seven.
33:48Oh, that's my pie.
33:49Okay.
33:50I need you to tell me exactly what's in your pie right now.
33:53Every ingredient.
33:54Oh, it's, uh, nothing unusual.
33:56Um, lard.
33:57Lard in the, um, organic wheat crust.
34:00And, uh, sugar, cornstarch, lemon.
34:04Blueberries, of course.
34:05Oh, do I have to say it?
34:07Yes!
34:08Just a sprinkle of powdered MSG.
34:14My mother always said it made the blueberries pop.
34:17And anyways, nothing.
34:19I was like, barely nothing there.
34:21Monosodium glutamate would only cause a slight increase in heart rate.
34:24That's not what's happening here.
34:26It's not the MSG.
34:26But that MSG is a violation of contest rules.
34:29All organic, all homegrown ingredients.
34:32You cheated.
34:33Sally Milo, I'm afraid we have to eliminate you from the competition.
34:37No.
34:37No, George.
34:38No.
34:39Well, who made that pie?
34:41Number 14, over there.
34:43That would have been in fourth place, right?
34:44That's mine.
34:45That's...
34:46That's my pie.
34:49Oh, um, hello, everyone.
34:52A very surprising turn of events here at the pie contest.
34:56All right, everyone, everyone.
34:59What pie did Sarah eat before Sally's?
35:00Oh, that one.
35:01Pie 13.
35:02Yeah, yeah, that's Blueberry's blueberry pie.
35:04I can guarantee you that the ingredients in my pie are, as always, 100% organic and homegrown.
35:10Did you grow your ingredients yourself?
35:12Yes.
35:13And do you use any fertilizers or pesticides?
35:15How dare you even ask me that?
35:18Do you even know what organic means?
35:20Are we going to really let this outsider come into our town and question me, Blueberry, the Blueberry Festival mascot?
35:28Excuse me.
35:29I was merely asking if...
35:31And I am merely telling you that I was guaranteed my pie's ingredients were 100% certified organic.
35:41Wait.
35:42You were guaranteed by whom?
35:44By me.
35:46I guarantee me.
35:48You bought that pie, didn't you?
35:50No, of course not.
35:52I don't care if that pie came from your kitchen or the dumpster behind the salty breeze.
35:56I only care about my aunt's life.
35:57Now, do you or do you not know what's in that pie?
36:01I don't know.
36:02I bought it.
36:05Online.
36:06But there was nothing unusual in it.
36:07I swear to you.
36:08I swear.
36:10I wish I could describe the feeling in the room right now.
36:14It is electric.
36:15You're Blueberry because of all the blueberries you eat.
36:20Because year in and year out, around the clock, you're baking blueberry pies.
36:25I don't even know how to cook.
36:27Oh, my gosh.
36:29And it's not from blueberries, Bert.
36:31He's been using colloidal silver for, what, 40 years?
36:34You saw that dermatologist when you were a teenager and he prescribed it for your chronic acne, right?
36:40But he was only supposed to use the lotion for two months, not decades.
36:43And he turned himself blue, which is a long-term side effect of overuse.
36:47You have to stop using it.
36:49I liked being blue.
36:51It became my identity.
36:54Gave me a place in this town.
36:57I wasn't the freak anymore.
36:59I was a mascot.
37:03At least I made my pie.
37:06If I melt, so see.
37:09Oh, my God.
37:10It is moments like these that remind us why we are alive and why we bake pies.
37:16And what about you, Louisa?
37:17What's in yours?
37:18Oh, nothing.
37:19I mean, nothing that could hurt her.
37:21But didn't you say you had a new baking trick up your sleeve?
37:22What was it?
37:23I soaked the blueberries in spinach water for 24 hours before baking.
37:26No.
37:27I read about it in an old French cookbook.
37:29It's supposed to keep the berries sweet.
37:30But I promise I grew the spinach myself and I didn't break any rules.
37:32I never break any rules.
37:33Well, fresh blueberries in cold water would absorb a massive amount of calcium and oxalate from fresh spinach.
37:37And her old blood thinners would have reacted negatively.
37:40But I switched her to a new medication so that...
37:42She didn't take the new medication because it was too expensive.
37:45She's still on the old blood thinner.
37:47I knew we should have called you.
37:48The ambulance is almost here.
37:50It's the spinach.
37:51Oh, no.
37:51She needs a shot of heparin.
37:53She's going to be okay.
37:54Let's just sit her up.
37:54I'm glad she's going to be okay, but I can't.
37:57Over here.
37:57Just right this way.
37:58Just over here.
37:59I just can't believe that I won the...
38:04I actually won.
38:07Well, I guess you'll be making my favorites all month.
38:10Fried chicken and mac and cheese and that...
38:12Al, stop talking.
38:13What?
38:14Gregory Denise Garrison.
38:15Did you just tell Bert that we would...
38:17Well, I would make his favorite meals if you won the pie contest?
38:20Oh, wait, wait.
38:21It's not over yet, folks.
38:22No, of course not.
38:23I would never.
38:24I mean, I may have mentioned as a joke...
38:28That we would cater to his tastes for a bit.
38:31And if I were to place in the contest, I may have pointed out which pie was mine.
38:36I don't know.
38:37This contest makes me crazy.
38:39Well, Sarah is on her way to the hospital.
38:42Doc Martin says she's going to be fine.
38:44But if I'm not mistaken, there is one last twist in the pie judging.
38:48And yes, here it comes.
38:49Gregory Garrison, you were summarily disqualified from the competition for unscrupulous behavior.
38:55We will talk tonight.
38:56He is out.
38:57Greg is gone.
38:58And like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
39:01Which means the official and final winner of this year's annual Porkwind Blueberry Pie Making Contest is...
39:08Can you believe what we are seeing here today?
39:10Louisa Gavin.
39:22We have to get Sarah to the hospital.
39:24No, no.
39:24You stay.
39:25She'll be fine.
39:26You did it.
39:28You deserve this.
39:29You won.
39:35Oh, I...
39:37I...
39:58Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.
40:13Did I scare you?
40:18Yes.
40:23I don't like the idea of being in this stupid town without you.
40:29And if you couldn't afford the new medication, you should have told me.
40:33I'm sorry, Martin.
40:34And I just, I was so annoyed because I thought you were coming for lunch, but you didn't.
40:49And I just, I'm just trying to make up for lost time.
40:55I just want to.
40:56You want to spend more time with me?
40:59Yeah.
41:05Well, I may have rejected the role of pie, Judge, but I will accept the role of your nephew.
41:13And you can be my weekly lunch date, guaranteed.
41:18Twice a week.
41:21Provided you follow lunch with a brisk walk of at least 10,000 steps.
41:2510,000 steps?
41:27And no more fried cod.
41:31Hello.
41:32Would anyone care for tonight's dessert?
41:33Ice cream.
41:40No.
41:44Hmm.
41:57System.
41:59Oh.
42:01It's crazy.
42:05Okay.
42:08Oh.
42:09Oh.
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