- 18 hours ago
The Valley S03E02 (2026)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:15Previously on The Valley.
00:17Cheers to the beautiful babies.
00:18Yes.
00:19You don't know what you want.
00:20We don't know either.
00:21I say $404.
00:22How about one more?
00:24Oh.
00:25You're gorgeous.
00:27I don't know.
00:27I just feel like it could work.
00:29Cheers.
00:31Honey.
00:32Brandon is like very emotionally stable.
00:34You have no idea how sexy that is.
00:39This summer, Brittany had a pool party.
00:42Kristen's, Brittany, why is she here?
00:44She doesn't deserve to be here.
00:46She's on too many of my friends.
00:48Yeah.
00:49I left in tears.
00:51I haven't felt like that since seventh grade.
00:53How are things between Michelle and Lacey?
00:56I don't know where that's going to go, to be honest with you.
00:58Listen, I don't want to fight with anyone.
00:59All I need is a divorce and I'm done.
01:03I'm all right.
01:06I'm all right.
01:09Everything is all right.
01:12Everything is all right.
01:15I'm all right.
01:27Ready for the pool with Daddy?
01:30Time to go.
01:33Daddy, I'm doing your funny thing.
01:35Oh.
01:45I'm glad you came back.
01:48But Bert, I'm going to tell you, eventually I'm going to meet somebody.
01:50I'm going to ask her to move in.
01:52Yeah.
01:52If I'm lucky, make some babies.
01:54Mm-hmm.
01:56Baby.
01:56Thought I was dreaming when I woke up.
01:58Don't forgive me if I don't take it serious.
02:01Thought I heard you call my name like you knew me.
02:04Don't make me laugh and treat you like a groupie.
02:08How do you feel?
02:10About what?
02:11About what?
02:12I don't know either.
02:14Life.
02:15The Simpensy was actually really fun.
02:17I'll be honest.
02:18I didn't see Schwartz and Michelle getting flirty on my bingo card.
02:22So were they flirty?
02:24Yeah.
02:25They, like, agreed to have a night out in WeHo.
02:29What does Jesse think?
02:31Does he care?
02:33There would be a fly on that wall.
02:35This group is so weird.
02:37It is.
02:38I can't believe we have to go to another party tomorrow.
02:41Law was talking to Nia and I, obviously, about Janet coming.
02:46And I was just like, why is this even a conversation?
02:49We're having Sosa's birthday party.
02:51Janet will be there tomorrow.
02:53I have no interest in conversing with Janet.
02:56We're going to a one-year-old's birthday party.
02:59Wrong place, wrong day, wrong time.
03:02There you go.
03:07You know, I'm really patient.
03:08I don't want to push it, but I just feel that we've been neglecting ourselves and our relationship
03:16since we haven't, like, had time to us without her around.
03:24Um, would you rather, like, us have a night in and have her, like, at Brittany's house or have a
03:31babysitter here and we go out?
03:36Like, my fourth trimester literally ended two days ago.
03:41I'm not just, like, date night, give her to a babysitter.
03:44Life is back to normal.
03:47You know, like, we haven't had, like, intimacy has been an issue for us.
03:55And I'd like to, like, start moving the direction of getting back to, you know, our old sex life.
04:04You want me to be honest?
04:06Yes, of course.
04:08But I hate that idea.
04:11Okay.
04:13Yeah, I just feel, like, really attached to her.
04:17I absolutely understand Luke's needs and my therapist said, like, what is 15 minutes out of your day, Kristen?
04:25But the actual thought of sex, I just pushed a baby out of my vagina.
04:33My head's just not there.
04:35Like, try to get back into the motion because happy parents make happy babies.
04:38It would feel more like I just my daughter off to a friend's house so we could, like, that's how
04:43it would feel.
04:58Hola.
04:59Hey.
05:01Where's my little babysitter?
05:02I'm in the sensory room.
05:03Come look.
05:04What is that?
05:05They have this at his occupational therapy.
05:07Oh, that's so cool.
05:08So, like, he gets inside of it and it's a swing.
05:10That's so cool.
05:11I recently changed Cruz's playroom into a sensory room.
05:15So it has all the things to help him regulate whenever he's feeling overwhelmed or anything like that.
05:19Like, basically everything that they would have at OT I have in here as well.
05:23And, of course, the trampoline.
05:24Oh, I love this thing, too.
05:25Drunk Zach would love that.
05:27Once he's, like, jumping on a trampoline or doing all these different things that makes him feel good,
05:31he's more inclined to listen and learn, such as working on speech and different things like that.
05:38And he loves it.
05:39Look, Uncle Zach's here.
05:41Look.
05:41Hey, buddy.
05:42Oh, no.
05:45Go get it.
05:45Ready?
05:46He's been jumping all day at the park, so he can have iPad time.
05:50Come here, look.
05:52There's Zach!
05:54Yeah.
05:55It sounded like you said Zach.
05:56Oh, my God.
05:56That was...
05:56Did you say Zach?
05:58Did you say Zach?
05:59No.
06:02It almost sounded like you said I did.
06:04Oh, my God.
06:04Did you say Zach?
06:05Yeah.
06:06Cruz is so happy.
06:08He is more social.
06:10He's going up to everybody, wanting them to pick him up.
06:13No.
06:14Buddy.
06:15And a lot of it is because Jax's negative energy is not around.
06:21So, Benji just got back into town.
06:23Mm-hmm.
06:24How is it going?
06:26Benji's, of course, like, happy to be back.
06:28Yeah.
06:28And we need to just apply for a different type of visa.
06:33Benji is the perfect complement because I allow him to be his self, and he allows me to be myself.
06:40It truly made me think, wow, I want to be with this guy forever.
06:48Did you guys talk about kids or anything like that?
06:50That's, like, a non-negotiable for Benji because he wants kids so bad.
06:54And he's already started to call agencies, but surrogacy is, like, $200,000 or something.
07:00And here's the thing.
07:01It's not that I don't want kids.
07:03It's that I never saw myself having kids.
07:06Yeah.
07:06You need to think about it.
07:07I need to get mentally there.
07:08Yeah.
07:08I mean, it is a lifelong commitment.
07:10Yeah.
07:11Do you like babies?
07:15Some of them are, like, kind of cute.
07:18Well, let's change topics because I also, speaking of that, I am a little worried.
07:23Like, I know I haven't met Brandon yet.
07:26Mm-hmm.
07:26And I know you guys just got back from Cabo.
07:30Yeah.
07:30And I'd love to see you smiling happy.
07:32And if we're being honest, sexually satisfied, okay?
07:37Like, that's, like, that is very important.
07:39I want those.
07:39But, like, it is moving far too fast.
07:42No, I feel like it definitely seems like it's moving faster because I've known him for so long.
07:47And it's almost like we picked up from years ago.
07:50But I am really still focusing on me.
07:54I like him.
07:54He makes me feel good.
07:55And he's a good person.
07:57And we have fun together.
07:58He has two baby mamas, though.
08:00Right.
08:01But the good thing about Brandon is that he told me everything.
08:04Like, he did not lie about anything.
08:08Do you not see some of the similarities with Jax?
08:15No, not at all.
08:17He is, like, not confrontational at all.
08:20Oh, my God.
08:22Brittany, why?
08:22Why can't you see this for what it is?
08:24He has three kids by two different women.
08:27Drama with both.
08:28He doesn't even live here.
08:30I'm sorry.
08:31This is a recipe for disaster.
08:32I'm talking about, like, that personality that's able to manipulate you, captivate you, pull you in, get what he wants,
08:41and then move on.
08:44He asked me, like, to be his girlfriend.
08:48I was like, I'm not ready for that just yet.
08:50No, ever since we've known each other.
08:52It's, you're in the relationship, you're in the next relationship, you're in the next relationship.
08:56But I've been single for almost two years now.
08:59No, absolutely not.
09:00There was people that you were, you're still rebounding.
09:05No.
09:05You're just missing that shot a lot.
09:08No.
09:09Zach means well.
09:10He's just coming at me a little aggressive.
09:12The denial that you have is insane.
09:16I literally just came out of a very controlling relationship, and I do not want any man to try to
09:22fill that space.
09:22Just, like, back off.
09:24Like, let me live.
09:29Hey.
09:30Coming up.
09:31Do you want me to hold her, and you go up to the guy?
09:34Wait, what's the one?
09:35The lifeguard.
09:36I'll catch you later at nap time.
09:42Oh, I feel so young and free.
09:45No worries in the world.
09:47I'm living like I wanted.
09:49Oh, I feel so young and free.
09:51Hi.
09:52I want to see your party.
09:54Oh, my gosh.
09:55It looks so.
09:55How amazing does this look?
09:57Looks amazing.
09:58Look how adorable this is.
10:01I want to see what she's like in the ball pit.
10:03Do it.
10:03Do it.
10:05You're so big in there.
10:06She loves it.
10:08Lifeguard is hot.
10:11Hi.
10:11What's your name?
10:12Elijah.
10:13Elijah and Wawa.
10:14Nice to meet you, Lala.
10:15Thank you for coming today.
10:16Yes.
10:17How old are you?
10:18I'm 34.
10:19Very nice.
10:20You're very handsome.
10:21You're welcome.
10:22This is a huge milestone.
10:25When I gave birth to Sosa, and she was, like, in human form, and I could, like, put a face
10:30to this thought that I've had for so many years.
10:33And she just completed the family.
10:35It just felt so right.
10:36He is shocked.
10:37I'm about to move him into the house, Lise.
10:40I will just trot off to Palm Springs and adios.
10:47Hi, Schwartzy.
10:48I brought delicious mocktails for us.
10:50Let's get a little drunky and maybe have a little bumpy.
10:54That's my game plan.
10:56Oh, my God, Lala.
10:58Schwartzy, you're going to die.
11:00Is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen, that tiny little face?
11:05Pants were a bad idea today.
11:07It's not as hot as it has been.
11:09It's only 90.
11:10This looks amazing.
11:11Absolutely amazing.
11:13Hi, welcome.
11:15Hi, beautiful.
11:16Happy birthday.
11:17How are you feeling?
11:18Good.
11:19You're not nervous?
11:20A little, but...
11:21A little?
11:21I think if...
11:22It feels really good energy in here.
11:24It's always good energy at this house.
11:26You know this.
11:27Going into Sosa's birthday, I am very nervous to see everybody that I haven't been on the best terms with.
11:33It's making it so much bigger.
11:34Yes, you told me you're accountable.
11:36Hi.
11:36I've heard you can't stand.
11:38How are you?
11:40I'm solid.
11:40Good.
11:41Flirting with the taco stand.
11:42Oh, I thought you were going to say flirting with Lala.
11:43No.
11:44Oh, my God.
11:44We'll do that later.
11:46Are you excited?
11:48This is nice.
11:49Have you been here before?
11:49No, but this is right down the street from that house we looked at.
11:52I know.
11:53How beautiful, girl.
11:55This is beautiful.
11:57Oh, my gosh.
11:58She's, like, pretty.
12:00Like, she has, like, a pretty face.
12:01How are you?
12:02So good to see you.
12:03Congratulations to you, guys.
12:04So good to see you, too.
12:05So good to see you, too.
12:06This is the newest one, Adelaide.
12:08Yeah, look at that smile.
12:11Look at that smile.
12:14It's a hot one.
12:15I'm sorry.
12:16So bright.
12:17Hey.
12:20Hi.
12:21Hello.
12:23I'm going to say hi.
12:24Make your big appearance.
12:26How's everything big?
12:27Fine.
12:28I saw there was a sip on the food.
12:29Yeah.
12:30Not for me.
12:31I sipped.
12:32I saw none.
12:34Last summer was tough, and it felt like our whole friend group kind of got torn apart.
12:38All the big ones here.
12:40We should have a photo of all of them just, like, next to each other.
12:44We're all so awkward to be in the same room together, and I don't want to feel like that
12:48anymore.
12:49Turn around.
12:50Hey, bud.
12:52How can we fix this so, at the very least, we can have some peace in the group?
12:56All right.
12:56Where's Dad?
12:57I just want to stay away from this as much drama as I can today for as long as I
13:00can.
13:01Hi, babies.
13:03If there's tension in the room, I don't notice it.
13:05All right.
13:06We got the shot.
13:07Maybe it'll be a big thing on her end.
13:08Oh, it's awkward.
13:09Not for me.
13:10Don't notice.
13:11Not on my radar.
13:12Don't think about her.
13:14Hi, everybody.
13:16Hi, baby.
13:16Trussie's here.
13:17So cool.
13:18So handsome.
13:20Oh, you're so big.
13:22I know.
13:22Like, I'm so fast.
13:25Hey, how are you?
13:26So adorable.
13:26Oh, thanks.
13:28Hey, Luke.
13:29Hey, hey.
13:29How are you?
13:30Good.
13:31Do you want me to hold her and you go up to the guy?
13:34I like the big...
13:35Wait, what guy?
13:35The lifeguard.
13:36Do you know him?
13:37I don't know him.
13:38I'm about to know him, though.
13:42I'm kind of nervous.
13:45Hi.
13:46I know we're at my daughter's first birthday, but is it weird if I have you take my numbers
13:49out?
13:50If it weren't my daughter's first birthday party, I would probably go have a quickie.
13:55I'll catch you later at nap time.
13:58Can I sit here?
13:59Yeah, please.
13:59Is this your purse?
14:00Yeah.
14:01Is it?
14:01With a loop of a loop?
14:02No, no.
14:02It's new.
14:04I asked Michelle on a date yesterday.
14:06That's how rumors are started.
14:08Please.
14:08Yeah, what?
14:09Just kidding.
14:09What do you think the love of her life is?
14:11I see you with somebody in their late 20s.
14:13That's just like free spirit and easy going.
14:16Someone who wants to live, laugh, love like we're going to do.
14:18I think I underestimated Michelle.
14:20I thought she was kind of like this meager, kind of quiet, soft-spoken person, but she's
14:26kind of a baddie.
14:27By the way, I got a little buzz.
14:30She's kind of a milf.
14:31Ooh.
14:32You know what I mean.
14:33I don't.
14:34What's the ?
14:36Can I just get a little plate of whatever meat is the least spicy and a little rice,
14:41please?
14:42Okay.
14:42Well, dog, two days in a row.
14:44I feel spoiled like a big, big, big.
14:47Looks so good.
14:48Yeah, I do find myself living vicariously through you guys at events like this.
14:52I get a little, a little sad.
14:54Yeah.
14:55Wait, how did you guys meet?
14:56Church.
14:57You did?
14:57My heart deep down is, you know, a man of faith and I love to serve and I do that
15:04type
15:04of things.
15:04Like, that's what I got to start doing and find someone who has the same heart.
15:08And then you met Nia.
15:08And is gorgeous and a freak in the sheets.
15:12And God was like, done.
15:13He blessed you.
15:15Nia Sanchez on a flat.
15:17I got it.
15:17Ouch.
15:18Yeah.
15:19Jack came over last night.
15:21How was it?
15:22He was talking about Brandon and, you know, he's just worried that I'm moving too fast.
15:26I don't know.
15:27I kind of felt like attacked a little bit the way he was coming at me.
15:29I talked to Brandon about it.
15:30I was like, people are like worried because you do have a lot of baggage.
15:33No one goes without baggage, really.
15:35Nobody's baggage compares to Jax Taylor.
15:37No.
15:38Like, let's be real.
15:39We're on the same level.
15:40Come on now.
15:42Thank you so much.
15:44Watch this.
15:44We can do this all day.
15:45It never gets old.
15:47You're playing fetch with him.
15:48I'm just as entertained.
15:51Good boy, Tom.
15:54Hi, hi.
15:55Hey.
15:55I don't want to bug you while you're eating, but.
15:57No, you're good.
15:57You have a sec.
15:59You're good, you're good.
16:00Feel free to keep eating.
16:03Um, I just wanted to talk because I feel like things haven't been 100% or like great with us.
16:10I want you to know that you mean a lot to me.
16:13And I wanted to apologize again for really just speaking on stuff that I wasn't involved in.
16:20Yes.
16:21I don't know if this is the time to do it here, but like, I think that there's like a
16:24bigger, larger conversation that we need to have to get to the real group.
16:28Yeah.
16:28Like what happened between us.
16:29You have brought things up.
16:30Mind blowing right now.
16:31And use Jasmine's name.
16:33Jasmine heard that you take your ring off sometimes at bars.
16:35Never.
16:36Our friendship hasn't been the same.
16:38Like we don't talk at all.
16:39I didn't even realize at the time, like, why am I so like mad?
16:43And like, I just started therapy.
16:45Like, thank God.
16:46And this was like one of the things that I was like, I feel really unresolved and bothered by this
16:50situation.
16:50Like, Jasmine's always been awesome.
16:54Hold up.
16:55Hold up.
16:57Therapy has been a big help.
17:23Therapy has been a big help.
17:28The one thing that I will say, like, I would hope we could have some resolution on is like, our
17:32conversation at the beach last year was really tough.
17:35Jenna, you have been a ass friend.
17:37You are vibe killer.
17:39You're exhausting.
17:40You give parent energy.
17:41And I'm done with it.
17:42Do you have any sort of, though, like, understanding that, like, an apology would be nice for, like, all the
17:47shit you called me that day?
17:50I was heated because literally I have you two coming at me.
17:53And I guess I was heated when I blocked and everything I've done.
17:56Okay, that's fine.
17:57You know, same thing.
17:59So maybe some space is good.
18:02It's like Janet's just Janet-ing.
18:04Enough is enough.
18:05I guess therapy's really working for you.
18:09I'll let you enjoy your tacos.
18:11Yes, I'm actually done.
18:13All right.
18:14It's like a test flies all over.
18:17Yeah.
18:27Did you do that?
18:28I did that right here.
18:28Really?
18:29Oh, yeah, girl.
18:30Isabella, you are the star.
18:32Do you know that?
18:33She keeps coming up to me giving 11.
18:35Wait, how do you feel being here?
18:37I feel okay.
18:37Be with everybody.
18:38Jasmine and I talked a little bit.
18:39It was okay.
18:40Oh, you talked to Jasmine?
18:41I told her kind of I would follow her lead.
18:44I just wish everybody could just get along.
18:47Me too.
18:48And be in Wonderland.
18:49These are nice.
18:51The funny part, she's like, don't take a bonus.
18:53I hate it.
18:54If she wants to waste her money on expensive stuff for your kid, why not?
18:56Oh, wait, Jansi bought them?
18:57Yeah.
18:58Oh, I thought Jansi bought them the whole time.
19:01Isabella, careful.
19:06Hello, hello.
19:06Welcome aboard.
19:08Do I have to buckle up or no?
19:12Hello, hello.
19:12Welcome to the Aviator.
19:14How are you?
19:14Good.
19:15How are you?
19:15Good.
19:16We're sitting on the aisle seats, just like a butterfly.
19:19Yeah, you said you have to buckle up, though.
19:20Yeah, no, that's not happening.
19:22Okay.
19:23What are we thinking?
19:24I'm going to have Grey Goose barely dirty.
19:28Barely dirty?
19:29Barely dirty.
19:29Got you.
19:30I would like my martini dirty.
19:32Dirty martini?
19:32Yes.
19:33Like him.
19:33We're going to try.
19:35And the Brussels sprouts, yeah.
19:36You got it, boys.
19:37I'll be right back.
19:38Yeah, thank you.
19:38You're welcome.
19:40What happened to Jasmine?
19:41I thought it was like a...
19:42So last night, Jasmine calls me, and she's like, Lala invited me to the party today.
19:48I would love for you to come to Sosa's birthday tomorrow.
19:51Appreciate that.
19:52So we have now become not good enough, and Lala's good enough.
19:57Right.
19:58Okay.
19:58The sip and see in general was just like, I felt like we had all entered another dimension,
20:03and like things were happening, and I was like, what is going on?
20:06I was actually kind of nervous arriving with Lacey.
20:09I had like sweaty mustache, and I'm like, what's going to happen right now?
20:13We have a long backstory, Lacey and I.
20:15We were...
20:16You were 21.
20:17She was like 23.
20:19She was like 23 or 24, yeah.
20:20And I was like 30, and we were like texting all day, every day for years until I met Michelle.
20:27And we didn't reconnect for 10 years.
20:29We both have kids, so we're just like the most in-the-moment relationship I've ever been.
20:35The thing about Lacey and I is I feel like we're equals, and when it comes to like conversation,
20:42intellect, with Michelle, I always felt like she wasn't participating.
20:47She was just like kind of there for the ride.
20:50Lace did say that she was very nice.
20:54If I had pearls, I would have grabbed them.
20:56I was floored that they were talking.
20:59And neither one of them swung.
21:03Lacey's trying to make the steps to create that modern family because, you know,
21:08I know how important it is for Isabella when she sees the two of us together.
21:12I thought everything was like the Twilight Zone, but then I saw Michelle and Tom talking,
21:16and I was like, like, Tom, you don't, like, why are you doing that?
21:22I forget who it was that said something to me.
21:25They were like, oh, Schwartz and Michelle should get together.
21:30And then you, Schwartz, Lacey, and Michelle can start hanging out together.
21:35But I went to Schwartz and Michelle individually, and I was like, you guys should get together.
21:40No!
21:41That's like the blind leading the blind.
21:43I don't like it.
21:47Can we put this knife over there for a sec?
21:52Dude, Tom, I gotta tell you something.
21:53Tom is super warm when we left.
21:55Yeah.
21:55Kristen and I hooked up for the first time.
21:57That's a super seat?
21:58No, we're okay here.
21:59Oh.
22:00I don't know I'm not a woman, but from what I hear, not comfortable in your own skin after
22:04you have a kid, post-mortem, all this stuff.
22:05So that's a beautiful thing.
22:07Post-mortem?
22:08No, sorry.
22:10You okay?
22:11You getting warm?
22:14So, what's been cooking with you and Michelle?
22:16Dude, nothing.
22:18What do you mean nothing?
22:20Nothing.
22:21Hi, Brett.
22:21You're going to...
22:22Sorry, Cruz is running around.
22:23Cruz, see!
22:24Look, there's Uncle Tom.
22:25He wants to swim, for sure.
22:28He can swim really good, actually.
22:31Baby sleeping?
22:32Yes?
22:33Let me see the little nugget.
22:34And I love when that happens, when they don't even fight it.
22:37That's great.
22:38I feel so, like, weird even talking to you about this.
22:40But I do want to find, like, level ground for you and Janet.
22:44Huh.
22:45I love Janet.
22:47She is a wonderful person.
22:48There are things she does where I'm like, you went too far.
22:51But guess what else?
22:52I've gone too far at times.
22:53And I would hope that people would forgive me.
22:55So I'm really hoping that they can slowly, like, make amends.
22:59It's just a lot of damage that has been done.
23:01And it's like, do you really have a change of mind?
23:03Or is it just performative to, like, get along in a group space?
23:06I don't know.
23:07I'm advocating for the devil with a Christian woman.
23:10I mean, I don't like Janet.
23:12Do you think we can just hang out and talk at a table and everything will be great?
23:15Like, I don't really know.
23:27I don't know.
23:47I come bearing a Janet.
23:48Ever heard of one?
23:50Hi.
23:51How are you?
23:52Congratulations on the baby.
23:54Baby's good.
23:55How are you doing?
23:56Good.
23:57Good.
23:58Yeah.
23:59Yeah.
23:59Yeah.
24:00Good.
24:01I know today's been awkward.
24:05Yeah.
24:06If there's anything you want to say or, like, get off your chest, I'm happy to listen.
24:13Yeah.
24:19Well, congratulations again.
24:23Talk to you soon.
24:24Okay.
24:27Normally, Janet's MO is to walk away from a conversation when it gets tough.
24:31But nothing was happening.
24:33I don't know why she just left the conversation.
24:35What happened?
24:36She just said, congratulations, and then walked away.
24:39That's what?
24:42Can I see you for a second?
24:43Yeah.
24:44It is what it is.
24:47Lala pulled me to talk to Nia, and I said, okay, well, this is awkward, but congratulations
24:53on the home and the baby.
24:55Gonna do some milky time.
24:57If you have anything you want to say to me, and she's just staring at me, nodding her
25:00head.
25:00If we go below the surface, she doesn't want to talk about what has happened.
25:04Yeah?
25:05Hi.
25:06Oh, shoot.
25:07Wrong spot.
25:07Sorry.
25:08Trying to feed the baby.
25:08Come in.
25:09Well, that was awkward.
25:12I feel like with Danny and Nia, I'm not really ever going to be able to win.
25:15Please come in here.
25:17I just went into the other room, and Janet was in there.
25:19Nia, I think I do need to apologize to for using words to cause her pain.
25:25She is innocent in some ways, but also defending the behavior is kind of a tough one.
25:31It was the shortest conversation I've ever had with anybody in my entire life.
25:34You guys talked for like two seconds, and then she just walked away.
25:37Yeah.
25:38There's no conversation unless they apologize.
25:41There is nothing for me to do or say to Janet.
25:44We're just done.
25:46That ship has sailed.
25:47Never in my life have I felt this type of way towards anybody.
25:53I don't want to be friends with her.
26:00They got me like, whoa.
26:02I was feeling grimy, now I'm shining like gold.
26:05Sweating for a second, now I'm chilling like the snow.
26:07Boys are ready, baby.
26:10It's only right.
26:11How are you?
26:12That you come with me to get my balls checked.
26:16So it's Botox for your scrotox?
26:18I am not getting scrotox.
26:20Three, two, one.
26:21That one hurt.
26:22We're going to be ball brothers.
26:24Damn it.
26:25I was going to say that.
26:27Ornea, she's having a day.
26:29Why?
26:30Probably just hormones.
26:31Sad.
26:32Yeah.
26:33So when it comes to who wanted to, like, kind of push this ball snipping forward, was
26:39it more you or was it more Nia?
26:44How about one more?
26:45No, babe, I got you an appointment to get a vasectomy.
26:48Listen, hold on.
26:52It was more Nia.
26:54It's never even crossed my mind.
26:55What, you just want to use a condom the rest of your life?
26:57No, it's called pull and pray method.
27:02Here's the thing.
27:03It kills me to think that Asher wouldn't have a brother to grow up with.
27:09And a lot of people are saying it is a pretty ballsy procedure.
27:16All right, here we go.
27:20Hi, Danny.
27:21Hi, Dr. Turek.
27:22Nice to meet you.
27:23Did you bring your wingman?
27:24I brought my support.
27:26Support system.
27:27Yes.
27:27For sure.
27:28Nice to meet you.
27:28Good to meet you.
27:29Good to meet you.
27:30Let's talk about vasectomy.
27:32So it's 200 years old.
27:33Ready for this?
27:35Oh, boy.
27:36You're like a child.
27:37You're like, that's a penis.
27:39Where do you think the vasectomy happens?
27:41So we used to do incisions, and we used instruments that weren't made for the procedure.
27:45The Chinese allowed us to do it through punctures, so we do it through punctures.
27:48This is really quiet and fast.
27:50Five seconds.
27:51Does it take away any, like, testosterone, like when you neuter a dog and they become, like, calm?
27:56So when you neuter a dog, you take his testicles out?
27:59That is correct.
28:01We're not taking your testicles out.
28:03Got you.
28:04I would not exercise for about four or five days, sex five or six.
28:08You're going to be fertile for three months or 35 ejaculation.
28:11And who will take care of my wife will be in a wheelchair after 35.
28:16I'm so dumb.
28:17I'm going to have to work that out.
28:20I don't find Danny that funny.
28:24But Danny sure finds himself hilarious.
28:27This is quick.
28:29We dropping trout here?
28:30Trouble face me.
28:34How are your balls?
28:35Doing good.
28:36Can you find them?
28:37I found them.
28:38They're really big.
28:40Oh, don't egg him on.
28:48You want to sit here?
28:50Yeah.
28:54This is going to be for you?
28:57This is for you?
28:58Thank you so much.
28:59So I only wore a hat because you told me you were wearing a hat.
29:03I know.
29:03I lied.
29:04Okay, now can I tell you about what just happened to me?
29:07I was just stopped and accosted by this psychic named Lola, and she said she has something
29:12sinister to tell me, and it's immediate.
29:14How would you describe Lacey?
29:17She may be one of the strongest women I've ever met.
29:21But she's also very classy and a little bougie.
29:26I don't want to be bougie.
29:27I'm always trying to, like, reverse bougie uno card.
29:30Like, when we're out, I'm trying to be, like, more relatable.
29:34I'm never trying to be bougie.
29:36I have bleach blonde hair extensions, and I have fat looks, so...
29:40But you do wear Zara jeans.
29:41I do only wear jeans from Zara's.
29:45I live in Newport Coast.
29:47I was born in San Clemente.
29:49My house is nice.
29:50It's around 4,000 square feet, and it has five bedrooms and five bathrooms.
29:55You guys can Google it like Janet.
29:59She said, I see you're unhappy with your home.
30:03I mean, the bathroom remodel is taking a long time, so she's not off, like...
30:08Yeah, but I'm stoked.
30:09I love my house.
30:10It's my dream house, too.
30:12In my dream neighborhood.
30:15As long as I'm an adolescent child, I will never live with another man.
30:20You're a hoarder.
30:21I am not a hoarder.
30:22I am a saver of memories.
30:25It's cute, though.
30:25I got married in my 20s.
30:27I have a little girl.
30:29Got divorced shortly after, and landed on Jessie Lally.
30:32And you did well in your divorce, I take it.
30:35Yeah, I did well in my divorce, as every woman should.
30:38I do know the house next to yours is on the market for rent right now, so...
30:43Out of your price range.
30:45Would you move to LA?
30:47Not for the mornings.
30:48Why?
30:49She's in the best school.
30:51She's got her family.
30:53Would I ever uproot her life from my own selfish well-being?
30:57Isabella and Coco get along great.
30:58They like their own language.
31:00I don't really know what's going on.
31:01It's like them against us.
31:03Like, I agree that it works exactly how we've always planned it from the beginning.
31:08But I think you're a little more clingy than I am.
31:10I'm super clingy.
31:12Regardless of where we live, I am extremely happy with you, especially when you smile at
31:19your teeth like this.
31:21Come on, do it.
31:22I did do it.
31:23I will try to take down my complaining, defensiveness, stupidity, like, um...
31:30I don't call you stupid.
31:32It's a lack of self-awareness.
31:34Lacey is perfectly hard on me to make sure I keep growing as a person.
31:40You like it.
31:41Am I...
31:42Is it making you like a masochist?
31:44Anyway, this month, we're gonna do the egg freezing.
31:48Okay.
31:49So we have to start the shots this week.
31:52So I'll be meaner.
31:55How many eggs are we gonna freeze?
31:57Well, we are not gonna freeze any eggs.
31:59They're my eggs.
32:01I'm not trying to have a child right now.
32:03I just want to have the option one day.
32:05Do you think we would have a blonde child or a dark-haired child?
32:09Let me look at your eyes.
32:11We kind of have the same color eyes.
32:13No, you have, like, black eyes.
32:16I have a black part.
32:18I would say that if either is something.
32:20I love you very much.
32:24I'm trying to be nice, though.
32:26It's just not in your DNA.
32:27I swear, I'm really nice and loving.
32:30You want me to kiss me?
32:33You've got pepper in your tooth.
32:35I love you.
32:40Always with the thank yous.
32:41Check, please.
32:56Hey, guys.
32:57Hey, how are you?
32:59This is very cool.
33:00I love stuff like this.
33:01You do?
33:03Hi.
33:03Oh, hey.
33:04I'm so excited.
33:06Oh, my God.
33:07Follow me.
33:08We can go over here.
33:13I need this.
33:14You're in our...
33:16Oh, interesting.
33:17Is that a gong?
33:19So, welcome, guys.
33:21You are in our large cake.
33:23Sarah is our sound bath healer.
33:27I hope you enjoy yourselves and have a meaningful experience.
33:32So, I just would like to ask a little bit about why you're here today.
33:36Well, it's our first date, and I thought this...
33:38Definitely not our first date.
33:40Just kidding.
33:41For me, I went through a very nasty divorce.
33:45Yeah.
33:45My mother also passed away not so long ago, so I just have a lot of healing.
33:52I'm at the tail end of a very climactic, dramatic few years.
33:57Okay.
33:57But I've been pretty dang peaceful lately.
34:00Oh, great.
34:00So, you need to sort of transition into, like, a more grounded space where you're going to
34:04be opening up.
34:05Is that fair?
34:06Totally.
34:07All right.
34:08So, let's begin.
34:10Deeply inhale through your nose.
34:12And a long exhale through your mouth.
34:15Trying to make it, like, twice as long as that inhale was.
34:20Good.
34:21These are crystal alchemy bowls, and this ball has salt in it, which is really good for anything
34:26to do with the mother.
34:28And it's at your heart.
34:31Listen, this isn't my first sound bath.
34:33Definitely not my last.
34:34I'm a fan.
34:36Maybe they're manifestations.
34:37I don't know what they are.
34:39Hallucinations.
34:39Some sort of vision.
34:41And I see, like, a screaming emerald eagle.
34:47It feels almost biblical.
34:51The sound bath is incredible.
34:54The sounds are so healing, and they're bouncing off the walls.
34:58And you can just feel the energy through the sound.
35:02People are going to think I'm insane.
35:07Just going to gently come back into the body.
35:11Sarah, that was unreal.
35:12I'm a new person.
35:14I truly...
35:15I was reborn.
35:18All right.
35:19You're so welcome.
35:20You're welcome.
35:21My parents, like, this is all they ever did.
35:24Like, I grew up so spiritual and religious.
35:27You did?
35:28Yes.
35:28I went to church, like, five days a week.
35:30My family is in complete disarray.
35:33My dad's living by himself, and he started deteriorating again slowly over the past few years.
35:38He fell, had another brain bleed, I think.
35:40Make sure you talk to your dad as much as you can.
35:43I wish I could go back and talk to her more.
35:46Oh, man.
35:47Yeah, I don't talk about it often.
35:49I had to physically watch my mom die in front of my eyes, and that was very hard.
35:55I was, like, barely surviving.
35:57Wow.
35:59I'm still not okay, and I still randomly cry often when I'm driving or at home before I go to
36:07sleep.
36:09I feel like we could use, like, a little, I don't know, like, a little getaway, like, a little, like,
36:15energy reset or something.
36:16You know, I'd love to go to San Diego.
36:18It's so beautiful, so clean, so family-oriented.
36:22It's the best.
36:23Yeah.
36:24And low-key, this is controversial, but I think their Mexican food is better than L.A.'s.
36:28Of course it is.
36:29The border's right there.
36:31Which, by the way, my high school was right next to the border, so I could see the Mexican flag.
36:36Did you guys ever go to Tijuana?
36:37Always.
36:38I was going to TJ my junior year of high school, coming home at 4 a.m., going to the
36:43club.
36:44Wait, I want to hear Tijuana stories.
36:45Ugh, I have so many.
36:47Wait.
36:48Wait.
36:49Okay.
36:50Can I ask you a personal question?
36:52Yeah.
36:53How's, like, your mojo?
36:56Mojo?
36:56Should my sex drive be higher?
36:58Like, sex is the last thing on my mind.
37:00I love sex.
37:01I feel like, I don't know if this is right, but guys get older and they're less sexual, and women
37:06get older and they get more sexual.
37:08Yeah.
37:08I mean, it gets boring after a while, but we'll figure it out.
37:13Nothing longer than 15 minutes.
37:15I don't want to just go out with somebody just to go out.
37:17Oh, I thought you meant, like, time-wise.
37:20Oh, God.
37:21That's not what I was talking about.
37:22Not that I can't go the distance, but, like, after, you know, 15, you're like, come on, let's go out.
37:27Oh, that's hilarious.
37:28Eat a bowl of Cheerios.
37:30What are you looking for?
37:31I am sad that I don't have a family right now, but I think I'll find it.
37:40I'm ready to probably put myself back out there.
37:44Well, anything I can do to help.
37:49Michelle's a catch.
37:51She's funny, successful.
37:53She already has a kid.
37:56All of a sudden, I'm co-parenting with Jessie.
37:58I miss more the, like, affection and hugs and kisses.
38:03I love that stuff.
38:04I'm so excited on, like, the next time I get to kiss somebody.
38:07I don't know who that's going to be.
38:15Coming up.
38:16There's just a lot on my shoulders.
38:19Oh, my gosh, babe.
38:21Focus on what's most important.
38:23All the lovemaking on the calendar that I started putting together.
38:35Hey, cutie, it's bedtime.
38:38Woo, woo, woo, woo.
38:39Ah, baby gorilla.
38:41Woo, woo, woo.
38:43I'm not on here.
38:44Hold on tight, baby gorilla.
38:46Daddy, help him up.
38:47Woo, woo, woo, woo.
38:47Help him up.
38:48Be strong, gorilla.
38:51Silly goose.
38:52All right, Asher.
38:53Heavy.
38:56I love you, buddy.
38:57I love you, buddy.
38:59We do probably have to change her to an arms out swaddle suit.
39:03How was your appointment?
39:04How was everything?
39:05Distracted me from all my emotions and hormones.
39:08I really like the doctor.
39:10He's done this over 3,000 times.
39:13For the procedure, you have to ejaculate 35 times before all the swimmer's out.
39:20Great.
39:21It is great.
39:22For you.
39:23For you.
39:25And then he said, I have to be bedridden for 10 days.
39:29Oh, my God.
39:29I can't pick up any of the kids.
39:31I can't help her on the house.
39:33I would not exercise for about four or five days.
39:35Six, five or six.
39:38You sit with some ice on your balls for like a few hours and you're fine.
39:41A few days.
39:42Liar.
39:42If a woman can have a C-section cutting through seven layers of her body and walk around the
39:48same day, you'll be just fine with your balls.
39:52Women are stronger than men, okay?
39:52Yes, we are.
39:53I know.
39:54Absolutely.
39:54Yes.
39:56Man, I'm nervous.
39:57I haven't been making enough milk because I feel like she's not latching.
40:02I don't know.
40:03Yeah, today was a day, huh?
40:06Oh, it just makes me want to cry thinking about it.
40:07It took me over two hours to get home because I stopped for 15 minutes.
40:11She wouldn't nurse.
40:12She's crying.
40:13I'm crying.
40:14We're both crying.
40:15I'm sorry.
40:16Moving to Santa Clarita, while I love our home, I still feel a bit isolated and removed
40:23from my friends.
40:25For example, Kristen, I would love to be closer to her, especially as we are both experiencing
40:29this postpartum season.
40:31So it can be hard at times.
40:33I've been stressed plenty in my life, but it feels like a whole other level right now.
40:38Yeah.
40:39With the three toddlers who I want to give my all to, I have the newborn.
40:44I have to be present with her.
40:45And it's completely new to me that my child is not taking a bottle.
40:50Yeah.
40:51My kids are like my world.
40:53Like, I know I signed up for it and I love it and I'm grateful.
40:56And then all these boxes.
40:59And then I'll be able to breathe.
41:01It's just life with four kids.
41:03My house is a mess.
41:04So now I'm exhausted.
41:05My nervous system is just donezo.
41:07And then I have to, like, clean up before bed.
41:09It's just, it's a lot.
41:13And the girls have work and then I have work.
41:15That's really stressful.
41:16Yeah, yeah.
41:17I'm thinking about it.
41:18Like, I couldn't even say just close the door for four hours and leave me alone.
41:20Like, it's not possible.
41:23There's just a lot on my shoulders.
41:27My gosh, babe.
41:28Focus on what's most important.
41:31All the lovemaking on the calendar that I started putting together.
41:35Like, yeah.
41:43I got to do this as long as my arm that I'm never going to get to.
41:48It's just, it is what it is.
41:50But I think I'm just, like, on the verge of burnout.
41:55Daniel and I aren't really, like, attuned as much as I'd like us to be.
41:59I'm overwhelmed.
42:00I need help.
42:01And I'm kind of feeling like a failure.
42:06We're in honeymoon phase for our life.
42:22Next time on The Valley.
42:24Here's to Kristen having you back tonight.
42:28I don't think me and Lala would be friends are hanging out.
42:30I take offense to that.
42:32Zachary, this is Brandon.
42:34I'm going to let you guys talk because I'm going to go get a drink.
42:36Oh, man, we don't have to talk right now.
42:38You called Danny a clown and a douche.
42:40If he had done to you what he did to me, he would not be my friend.
42:44She used to talk to you.
42:45I don't think she talked about you at all.
42:47The show is so dumb.
42:48What are we talking about?
42:49You?
42:50Me?
42:50Me?
Comments