- 1 day ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:18You
00:00:43I've got a little treat for you tonight.
00:00:44My first guest is a young man, and when I say young man, I mean a young man.
00:00:47He's landed the lead role in an NBC pilot, and he won that audition with a song and dance routine,
00:00:52and we thought he did it so well that you might like to meet him tonight.
00:00:54Would you welcome Rafe Hawk.
00:01:30Give my regards to old Broadway and tell them I'll be there alone.
00:02:10Give my regards to old Broadway and tell them I'll be there.
00:02:16Get up and tell them I'll be there alone.
00:02:22And tell them I'll be there alone.
00:02:52You've had five years off to reflect.
00:02:55Is that what you're going to say, reflect?
00:02:58I mean, how are you going to frame the five years thing?
00:03:00Also, I should literally be a famous-ass interviewer.
00:03:04Even when I'm fake interviewing, I'm, like, incredible at it.
00:03:07Incredible.
00:03:08So, what are you going to say about the five years thing?
00:03:11Well, I was thinking I was going to say I've been working since I was six and needed a break,
00:03:18and that I needed to find out who I was away from all this.
00:03:23I love that.
00:03:24That works, totally.
00:03:25I won't say that I was hiding a heroin addiction from the public,
00:03:31and that my best friends from high school and my insane lawyer helped me cover it up for years.
00:03:37So, no one ever found out.
00:03:39That is a really smart amish.
00:03:40Strong amish.
00:03:41No ad-mish.
00:03:42You're going to be amazing, babe.
00:03:43You got this.
00:03:44Yeah, I'm very lucky to have you, too.
00:03:47And thank you both for being here, and thank you for helping me.
00:03:51Yeah, babe.
00:03:52Now get out there and tap dance for mommy.
00:03:54Yeah, there's jazz hands.
00:03:56That's it.
00:03:58Two minutes.
00:03:58All right, look, before we get started, I just got to say,
00:04:00this is a career highlight for me.
00:04:03You, Tom Cruise, Denzel, you're my favorite actors of all time.
00:04:08Thanks.
00:04:08So, look, first we're going to start off with the box office records, and, uh, what?
00:04:13Do you mind?
00:04:14I don't know if anyone talked to you, but, um...
00:04:17Oh, my God.
00:04:19Oh, my God.
00:04:19Oh, no.
00:04:20He's asking about the Oscar thing.
00:04:22I know, I can tell.
00:04:23When you introduce me, would you mind not forgetting to say two-time Oscar winner before you say Reeve Hawk?
00:04:31Look, of course.
00:04:31I was planning on doing that anyway.
00:04:32I mean, I thought it was something serious.
00:04:34Of course, man.
00:04:34Yeah, I mean, I would never even say it.
00:04:37It's just that sometimes people forget.
00:04:41Who forgets?
00:04:42You are the most beloved movie star in the world.
00:04:47Yeah.
00:04:47I'm just honored to have you on the show.
00:04:48This is going to be a cakewalk for you.
00:04:49Oh, thanks, man.
00:04:51Hi.
00:04:52Who are you?
00:04:54We're Reeve's best friends from high school, but, like, we have our own lives, too.
00:04:58We're just here supporting you.
00:05:00Listen, you are so fucking charming.
00:05:03Yeah.
00:05:04Enough of that.
00:05:04I don't want to fan out too much.
00:05:06Uh, you ready?
00:05:07Yeah, let's go for it.
00:05:08All right, let's go for it.
00:05:08All right. Let's try one.
00:05:09We'll get one going. All right, here we go.
00:05:10Three, two, one.
00:05:13Tonight, I'm interviewing somebody I never thought I would interview.
00:05:17I'm talking about a legend, an icon.
00:05:20What is there even to say?
00:05:21Reeve Hawk is in the house?
00:05:24Welcome.
00:05:25Oh, wait.
00:05:26Sorry, I messed up.
00:05:27I left out the Oscar part.
00:05:28I'm sorry.
00:05:29Guys, you gotta do it again.
00:05:30Sorry about that.
00:05:31No, we're leaving this in.
00:05:32No, no, no.
00:05:33I messed it up.
00:05:33No, we are not starting over.
00:05:35People at home need to see this.
00:05:37Let me tell you right now, if I'm ever the kind of out-of-touch jerk
00:05:41who needs to restart an intro because you didn't mention an award,
00:05:47brother, we got way bigger problems.
00:05:51My man, my man.
00:05:52That's why the world loves you, man.
00:05:54The real Reeve Hawk.
00:05:55That's amazing.
00:05:56Reeve Hawk.
00:05:57Okay, you ready?
00:05:58We're already starting.
00:06:00Yes, we are.
00:06:04Babe, babe, I know you love mopping with the crew,
00:06:07but we're gonna hit crazy traffic if we don't get out of here.
00:06:09What's mopping?
00:06:10MOP.
00:06:11Man of the people-ing.
00:06:14It's actually pretty fucking funny.
00:06:16Thanks.
00:06:16Yeah, we should get going.
00:06:18Can I talk to you guys for a second?
00:06:20Hey, guys.
00:06:20Thanks so much.
00:06:22Bye.
00:06:23Did anyone else see the silver fox eye fucking me?
00:06:26I do.
00:06:27I am so serious.
00:06:28It was so blatant and out in the open.
00:06:29I almost want to, like, write an op-ed, but I like that.
00:06:32Reeve.
00:06:32Reeve, Reeve, Reeve.
00:06:34What are you doing?
00:06:35Whoa.
00:06:37We don't know those guys.
00:06:38They could literally go online and say that I was, like, being fake or mopping
00:06:42or whatever insult you just said, and then people will think that I'm like that.
00:06:47Okay.
00:06:48So?
00:06:49So?
00:06:50That would be like a fucking disaster.
00:06:53Reeve, chill out.
00:06:54Yeah.
00:06:55Dude, dude, take a deep breath, okay?
00:06:59It's just...
00:07:01It's just that you're...
00:07:06It's just that you're always being watched these days.
00:07:09And observed.
00:07:10Yeah.
00:07:10Everywhere.
00:07:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:13It's really weird.
00:07:14It's really weird.
00:07:15Okay, Ruffey.
00:07:18It's okay.
00:07:19Yeah.
00:07:20Lookit, this was like a really stressful situation for you.
00:07:23Yeah.
00:07:23So just take a deep breath.
00:07:25It's all good.
00:07:26I'm sorry, okay?
00:07:27I was just being dumb and trying to be funny and...
00:07:29No, I'm sorry.
00:07:31No, please.
00:07:31A lot of anxiety today.
00:07:33Of course.
00:07:33I just...
00:07:34My bad.
00:07:35You don't have the chance.
00:07:36Oh, come on.
00:07:36Come on, come on.
00:07:38You love us.
00:07:39I love you guys.
00:07:41I love you.
00:07:42By the way, you were amazing.
00:07:44Oh, my gosh.
00:07:44You got everything in the hand.
00:07:45He is a fan.
00:07:45Yeah?
00:07:47Oh.
00:07:54Shit.
00:08:00Hello?
00:08:01Buffy, it's Ira.
00:08:02We got a big fucking problem.
00:08:03It's fucked up.
00:08:04It's really fucked up.
00:08:04It's a total fucking nightmare.
00:08:06I'll be over at 10.30 a.m. tomorrow.
00:08:08I'll have my assistant text to your assistant.
00:08:09My breakfast order.
00:08:10Beg her not to fuck it up for me.
00:08:17Do I have shit on my face?
00:08:19Yes.
00:08:20I do?
00:08:20Yes.
00:08:21Oh, my God.
00:08:22That's fucking embarrassing.
00:08:23Jesus.
00:08:23Ira, tell me what the fuck is going on?
00:08:26Here's a video.
00:08:27Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
00:08:29What's on it?
00:08:29I have no idea.
00:08:30I thought you buried everything that needed to be buried
00:08:32without it getting out to the public.
00:08:35When I got sober five years ago, I changed my life.
00:08:38And thank God you did.
00:08:39Since you've been out of the game, everything's changed.
00:08:42But for the record, you are the GOAT.
00:08:43The true GOAT, Bubby.
00:08:44You are the best to ever do it.
00:08:46I swear to God, I hate to say it, but it's nice to be back on the fucking court with
00:08:50you.
00:08:51We used to be out here in these streets smashing fucking concrete, getting our hands dirty.
00:08:55Hollywood was our goddamn glory hole.
00:08:57These kids today, they don't know how we used to do it.
00:08:59You, me, Rourke, little Chuckie Sheen, Stephen Hawking, you know, the original Pussy Posse.
00:09:04You boys kept me busy, didn't you?
00:09:05Can't you just make this go away like you always used to?
00:09:09I can't, Bubby.
00:09:10The internet changed everything.
00:09:11I know I panicked, and we used to get this shit wrapped up with a briefcase of cash in a
00:09:15day or two.
00:09:15It ain't like that anymore.
00:09:18You can text me or call me 24 hours a day, just like the old days, except for Tuesdays from
00:09:243pm until about 10pm.
00:09:26What's on Tuesdays?
00:09:27Personal shit, don't worry about it.
00:09:29Oh.
00:09:30What?
00:09:31Huh.
00:09:33Are you okay?
00:09:36Do I have to be in here?
00:09:37Can't I just wait till you're done?
00:09:39Bubby, I'm on a massive time crunch.
00:09:41By the way, I love this gay wallpaper.
00:09:44Thanks, Sandra bought all the art in the house.
00:09:46Very colorful, very gay and classy.
00:09:49Look, Bubby, there are some steps we can take in the meantime while we're waiting this out.
00:09:53But I need you to be completely honest with me.
00:09:55There are no more secrets between us.
00:09:57Look into my eyes.
00:09:58Do not break eye contact with me, Bubby.
00:10:00Have you ever killed someone?
00:10:02No, Ira, I've never killed someone.
00:10:04I can't wipe my ass with this.
00:10:06This is performative.
00:10:07I'm a good person, environmental toilet paper.
00:10:09What's your assistant's name?
00:10:11Sammy.
00:10:11Sammy?
00:10:12Yeah?
00:10:12Oh.
00:10:13Come in here.
00:10:13Can you go into the master and bring the toilet paper here?
00:10:17The good toilet paper.
00:10:18The good toilet paper.
00:10:19Yeah.
00:10:20And, Bubby, just real quick, it's primary, not master.
00:10:22What thread count is it?
00:10:23Sorry.
00:10:24I don't know, Ira.
00:10:25It's Scott from the store.
00:10:27Toss it, let me see.
00:10:29Jesus Christ.
00:10:30Smells like, um, like earring backs in here.
00:10:34Yes, that means you're healthy.
00:10:37Ugh!
00:10:39What the fuck?
00:10:40Cover your mouth.
00:10:40It's disgusting.
00:10:41You get germs.
00:10:42Besides the health stuff, it's so rude.
00:10:45I'm sorry.
00:10:45Aside from me getting sick, it's rude.
00:10:48Because those particles fly into my nose and mouth.
00:10:51Do you consent me?
00:10:52Actually, is this fucked up to say I kind of like this?
00:10:54Turn around, Bubby.
00:10:55Eye contact.
00:10:55Come closer.
00:10:57Have you ever killed someone?
00:10:59No, Ira.
00:11:00Okay.
00:11:01Bubby, I'm not a judgy person.
00:11:03I'm more of a you-do-you, I'm a go-ahead-and-do-me girl.
00:11:07Ira!
00:11:09I have never killed someone!
00:11:13For real!
00:11:17You're making me uncomfortable with your anger.
00:11:21And I think that's something we should look at.
00:11:25You can have at the scraps.
00:11:28I'm sorry, what?
00:11:29You can have at the scraps.
00:11:31That's really nice of you, Ira. Thank you.
00:11:33You know, she's actually great.
00:11:35Yeah.
00:11:35I like her.
00:11:36Next, have you ever watched anyone be killed?
00:11:38No, Ira.
00:11:38Have you ever paid someone to kill someone?
00:11:39No.
00:11:40Have you ever fucked a dead person?
00:11:41No.
00:11:41Has a dead person ever fucked you?
00:11:42No!
00:11:44How does that even work?
00:11:45Let's just say it starts with Mel Gibson and a whole lot of paupers
00:11:48and ends two decks over with a 10 a.m. Nate and Mel's breakfast.
00:11:50You do the math, gorgeous.
00:11:51Just to be clear, you're saying how a corpse fucks a human being
00:11:55is that Mel Gibson takes paupers.
00:11:58You're saying that.
00:11:59You're saying that.
00:12:00I would never betray a client like that, and I'm offended you would even suggest it.
00:12:03I would lose my license to practice law in the state of California if I did.
00:12:07But just between us, it was pretty fucked up, actually.
00:12:10They partied with the guy like he was alive all weekend.
00:12:12They actually made a cute little picture about it.
00:12:14Weekend at Bernie's?
00:12:15Yes, Weekend at Bernie's, Bubby.
00:12:17You're hysterical.
00:12:20You've gotten funnier.
00:12:22I need to know everyone who hates you.
00:12:25Uh, who hates me?
00:12:27Fuck.
00:12:30My first manager from when I was a kid, probably.
00:12:33Good, right, the guy who represents kid actors and works out of the bowling alley.
00:12:37Who else?
00:12:39My old on-and-off ex-girlfriend, Savannah.
00:12:43Okay, and who else?
00:12:47That's it.
00:12:51Who hates him?
00:12:53Uh, what?
00:12:54Who hates him?
00:12:56Well, off the top of my head, your old manager, your old trainer, your new trainer, your old pool guy,
00:13:03your old old pool guys, your mom.
00:13:05Oh, me too.
00:13:06Uh, those three shelter dogs that you got when you were lonely and then returned when you realized, like, they
00:13:11don't wipe their own asses, and I sure as fuck wasn't gonna do it.
00:13:13Um, your old boxing coach, your old tennis instructor, your ex, and I have, like, a separate list for, like,
00:13:18directors, actors, costume designers, hair and makeup people, craft service, whatever, da-da-da-da-da-da, like, executives that
00:13:22you've worked with if you want me to start on that.
00:13:24Jesus Christ.
00:13:25Sorry.
00:13:27Can I just say something?
00:13:28My old trainer doesn't hate me, because he passed away.
00:13:34Okay.
00:13:35I'm just saying.
00:13:36Mm-hmm.
00:13:37Hey.
00:13:38I believe you, pal.
00:13:39I really do.
00:13:40That's, that's awesome.
00:13:42You need to go see these people and apologize to them.
00:13:45Make it right with them.
00:13:46And without them realizing it, feel that if they're the ones behind the video.
00:13:50I don't know if I can do that, Ira.
00:13:52That's way too intense.
00:13:54Bubby, you don't have to mean it.
00:13:55You just have to go through the motions of apologizing to save your ass.
00:13:59All right, Bubby, I gotta get going.
00:14:01Tom Hanks body slammed his housekeeper.
00:14:02It's not as bad as it sounds.
00:14:04They were just roughhousing, but she is in her 70s.
00:14:06Shouldn't be horsing around like that.
00:14:08So I should get over to Cedars and make sure shit's kosher.
00:14:10By the way, incredible crushed ice at Cedars.
00:14:12I'll let you know if I hear anything.
00:14:17I'm sorry.
00:14:44My assistant said all of these people don't like me.
00:14:46Was I an asshole?
00:14:54Do you want to take longer to answer that?
00:14:58Just the people you interacted with, not like fans and stuff.
00:15:01No, I think there maybe was a time where your success did go to your head,
00:15:05and maybe you weren't, like, super considerate about how you spoke to people.
00:15:09And now you're very aware, but up until, like, a few years ago,
00:15:13you could kind of get away with being a secret dick.
00:15:15We've known each other for 40 years.
00:15:17We've been there and supported one another.
00:15:19We have always known the person that was in there.
00:15:22Yeah, and go easy on yourself.
00:15:24You were literally on drugs.
00:15:26It's way easier to support you now that you're sober.
00:15:29At least we don't have to come grab you out of that creepy doll store
00:15:32you used to buy heroin at downtown.
00:15:35You know how many empty, naked baby dolls I had to explain to the housekeeper?
00:15:38Yeah, I had to look up in Spanish.
00:15:40Don't worry, Maria.
00:15:41It's no for sexual.
00:15:42It's for drug.
00:15:44By the way, zero parking at the heroin doll store downtown.
00:15:50Yeah.
00:15:54It got bad.
00:15:56It got really scary.
00:15:59I don't ever want to see that look in your eye again.
00:16:04You never will.
00:16:06So let's do what Ira says.
00:16:08Make the apologies and find out who's extorting you.
00:16:11He always gets you out of this stuff.
00:16:13It's gonna be so fun.
00:16:14I'm already putting together a playlist for the Apologies slash Who's Extorting Reef Tour.
00:16:18Hey Siri, whip me up a playlist for a middle-aged man in extreme state of crisis.
00:16:23But keep it fun and slutty.
00:16:25Come on.
00:16:26And skinny.
00:16:27Come on.
00:16:29Yeah.
00:16:31Come on.
00:16:34Yeah.
00:16:36Come on.
00:16:36Come on.
00:16:37Come on.
00:16:38Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:16:41Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:16:42Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:16:44If the party's where you're actin'.
00:16:46Shut up, don't you trip when you see this in the club.
00:16:49I will say I kinda hate extortion,
00:16:52but the upside is that we all get to drive around together
00:16:54like the dumb sluts we used to be in high school,
00:16:56and I am obsessed with that part of extortion.
00:16:59Beyond.
00:17:00What I really enjoy about it is that we get to be here with you,
00:17:03and guess what else I brought with me?
00:17:06Oh, M.G.
00:17:08Are we going to smoke?
00:17:09We're not going to smoke.
00:17:10We're 120, okay?
00:17:13We're going to fake smoke.
00:17:15I cannot believe kids vape these days.
00:17:17They are so gay.
00:17:18They're so lame.
00:17:20If I saw a kid vaping,
00:17:21I'd literally run over to him, push him over,
00:17:23and be like, nice look, virgin.
00:17:29They're literally an oral fedora.
00:17:31Fuck.
00:17:32I haven't seen this guy in, like, 30 years,
00:17:33and now I'm going to be late to apologize,
00:17:35and I'm going to look like even more of an asshole.
00:17:38I've always said it's not an amends unless you power top it.
00:17:42Just get in there and just dumb it out, babe.
00:17:45I love outlandish humor with my friends.
00:17:50You know, kid, I found this guy Reef over at Oakwood's,
00:17:53same as you,
00:17:54and I signed him
00:17:57at this booth,
00:17:58same as you.
00:17:59Right here at this booth.
00:18:01Reef,
00:18:02I can't wait to work with you.
00:18:03I know our schedules will wind up one of these days.
00:18:06Can you imagine them letting us two silverbacks pound our chest in the same cage?
00:18:11I'd sit down and order a salad.
00:18:13I've got a 4.30 callback for that Valtrex commercial.
00:18:15Valtrex?
00:18:16Yeah, I'm reading for the grandson of the woman who has gentle to herpes.
00:18:18It's actually quite a complex character.
00:18:20I love that.
00:18:21Is Ellen casting it?
00:18:22Yep.
00:18:22Ellen's such a sweet girl.
00:18:24I know she is.
00:18:25And we love her.
00:18:26Oh, fuck me.
00:18:27I'm late.
00:18:28Beautiful day, guys.
00:18:29Okay, hey, knock them dead, will you?
00:18:31Always will, and will do.
00:18:34Wow.
00:18:40Quit cigs.
00:18:4116 days now.
00:18:43Sorry.
00:18:44That's awesome, Red.
00:18:45Yes.
00:18:46Red Rodriguez.
00:18:48Manager to the stars.
00:18:50Always bet on Red, baby.
00:18:52Yeah.
00:18:54Still out here hustling.
00:19:01Red.
00:19:04I came here to apologize to you.
00:19:10Can I ask you something, Reeve?
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:15What are you sorry for?
00:19:18I'm really sorry I fired you.
00:19:27You know, I remember when I met you by the pool, and you had no front teeth, you know?
00:19:33It was so fucking adorable.
00:19:37You were really there for me at that time.
00:19:40I was.
00:19:41I was.
00:19:43But you had this fucking light in you.
00:19:46You'd light up my days.
00:19:48And I'm just talking about the work.
00:19:49The work was always bringing.
00:19:51But you.
00:19:53Now you start getting jobs.
00:19:57And there he is.
00:20:00There he is.
00:20:02Huh?
00:20:02And I was fucking proud.
00:20:04I gotta tell you.
00:20:04Not just because I'm a manager, but, you know, it was almost as if it was me.
00:20:10In a way.
00:20:11I was so proud.
00:20:13Then you start running around in Hollywood, and you're getting some big parts in movies.
00:20:17You're hitting the clubs.
00:20:18You're getting some pussy.
00:20:19I'm getting nervous.
00:20:21Not just because I don't want you to get in trouble for your career.
00:20:24But I'm worried about you getting in trouble for you.
00:20:29And I hear things.
00:20:31I mean, weed and all that, I know, okay.
00:20:33But I hear the hardest stuff.
00:20:36The hardest stuff.
00:20:37And, um, I didn't know how to handle it.
00:20:40You know?
00:20:41I did the best I could at that time.
00:20:45I wanted to smack the shit out of you.
00:20:48But I still worked for you.
00:20:49Really, honestly, I didn't know what my role was.
00:20:53You know?
00:20:53In that whole thing.
00:20:55I just didn't know.
00:20:58Maybe I handled it right.
00:21:00Maybe I did the right thing.
00:21:04Maybe I didn't.
00:21:07I really don't know.
00:21:08I don't know what's right or wrong in this situation.
00:21:12Anyway.
00:21:13Look, I didn't expect you to stay.
00:21:14I didn't expect that.
00:21:15I know.
00:21:16I know I'm a joke to you guys now.
00:21:18The bowling alley.
00:21:19The roulette wheel.
00:21:21I know who the fuck I am.
00:21:23I know what the fuck I am.
00:21:25Which is...
00:21:27I'm the guy you leave if I do my job right.
00:21:30Okay?
00:21:31I know that.
00:21:32It's all right.
00:21:37I loved all you crazy little cocksuckers.
00:21:39I really did.
00:21:40But you were different.
00:21:41You see, you were different.
00:21:42You were like...
00:21:44You were like family to me.
00:21:47Yeah.
00:21:52Yeah.
00:21:55And you know, what gets me is that not one of you guys ever picked up the phone.
00:22:01Not one.
00:22:03Every time with you guys, the last time we spoke was the last time we spoke.
00:22:09I mean, all I ever wanted was to pick up the phone and hear...
00:22:13Hey, Red.
00:22:21Could have called me.
00:22:27I don't have your number.
00:22:50I just want to see.
00:22:52I'm a big fan.
00:22:53Oh, thank you.
00:22:54I appreciate that.
00:22:56Mate, you're a fucking hawk.
00:22:58Fuck!
00:22:58Are you fucking serious?
00:22:59There was a period where I did not speak to myself for three years.
00:23:03Eleven years ago in Sydney.
00:23:05You and Sean Penn.
00:23:06I chucked it in the dumper because she was on the blog.
00:23:08Aside from my feelings on the film, technically, it's astonishing.
00:23:12Honestly, Red.
00:23:12I feel like you chucked it in my dumper.
00:23:14Oh, actually, it's your phone number.
00:23:22Hey, pal.
00:23:23Excuse me.
00:23:24Yo.
00:23:25Hey.
00:23:25I don't want to interrupt you.
00:23:26I never do this.
00:23:27I'm a big fan.
00:23:28I'm not here to blow you up or bug you.
00:23:30I just want to tell you, I'm running this for a while.
00:23:33Wanted to introduce myself.
00:23:35Brief.
00:23:36Yeah, I know, I know.
00:23:38I'm Buddy.
00:23:39I'm everybody's Buddy.
00:23:42Hey, we're having some people over today.
00:23:44If we make noise, some rap music or something, just tell me.
00:23:46We got tons of food, gonna have some slubs.
00:23:49Cool.
00:23:49Awesome.
00:23:50Hon, the McLaren's taking up both spots and UD's pulling up from Nobu.
00:23:54I'll take care of it.
00:23:55Honey, get off your feet.
00:23:56You gotta lay down.
00:23:57How many cigarettes did Dr. Crane say I could smoke while pregnant again?
00:24:00Oh, he said zero.
00:24:02Oh, hey, I know you.
00:24:03You dated my grandma.
00:24:06That's Reef.
00:24:07Nice to meet you, Queef.
00:24:09Oh.
00:24:12Fucking shit, dude.
00:24:14Having my first kid.
00:24:16Well, congrats.
00:24:17I'm like a kid having a kid.
00:24:19But I'm under 60.
00:24:21That's what they call a Malibu teen dad.
00:24:24Huh.
00:24:25You got kids?
00:24:26Uh, no.
00:24:28Oh, yeah, I read that.
00:24:30Fuck, you're lucky, dude.
00:24:32Just get to party 24-7.
00:24:34I gotta deal with this shit.
00:24:37Anyway, all love, homie.
00:24:39Have a good one.
00:24:40And I always do.
00:24:42And I will do.
00:24:46Man's search for meaning.
00:24:48It's like the most lit Holocaust book.
00:24:50My therapist gave me this one after my parents' divorce.
00:24:53And like, in a way, the divorce was my family's personal Holocaust.
00:24:57You know?
00:24:58Like, the mistress was Hitler.
00:25:01My mom was like Jesse Jackson, that black guy that won that medal because he ran really fast.
00:25:06Jesse Owens.
00:25:07Jesse Owens.
00:25:08And I was like Anne Frank.
00:25:10You know, because I was like hiding from my shame.
00:25:13This book taught me like not to hide anymore.
00:25:15And I don't think you should either.
00:25:17So, I'm giving this to you.
00:25:18It would be good for you.
00:25:20Excuse me.
00:25:21Oh, yeah.
00:25:22I'm gonna give you some privacy.
00:25:24Ira, what's happening?
00:25:25Fuck, Bubby.
00:25:26I'm so glad I caught you.
00:25:27Holy shit.
00:25:27What is it?
00:25:28Did you see a pair of sunglasses after I left your house?
00:25:29I'm like fucked up looking for them.
00:25:31They're Chanel.
00:25:32Ira, are you fucking kidding me?
00:25:33No, no, I know.
00:25:34I never splurge like that.
00:25:35Ira, you scared the shit out of me.
00:25:37I thought something had leaked or something fucked had happened with the video.
00:25:40Oh, shit.
00:25:40Did something happen?
00:25:41I'm asking you.
00:25:42Are you fucking serious?
00:25:44I'm fucking with you.
00:25:45But for real though, shit is not going well.
00:25:47I got nothing on my side.
00:25:49You got to keep apologizing to people, all right?
00:25:51Oh, hey, Bubby.
00:25:52Sorry if I sound distracted.
00:25:53I'm getting an IV drip right now.
00:25:55I'm also doing couples therapy and playing chess.
00:25:57I'll call you back when I hear something.
00:26:01So, do you like want me to pretend that I don't know what's going on to like make things easier
00:26:08for you or what?
00:26:11Let me think on it.
00:26:12I may just want to pretend things are not insane with one person in my life.
00:26:17Sure.
00:26:18Hey, what extortion?
00:26:22Thanks, Sammy.
00:26:25It's been so long, Mom.
00:26:29It has.
00:26:32I have a lot to apologize to you for.
00:26:40For starters, I was often very rude about you participating in this kind of entertainment.
00:26:50I'm sorry for that.
00:26:56Fuck.
00:26:57Sorry.
00:26:58Can we try that one more time, hon?
00:27:00The label wasn't cheated towards camera.
00:27:02And that was such a great fucking emotional moment.
00:27:04I'm so fucking touched.
00:27:05Genuinely.
00:27:06I just have to be sure it's usable because my content partners need it.
00:27:10Sometimes you've got to tickle their balls so Mommy can get her beak wet.
00:27:14My son may be a star, but I'm a whole damn planet.
00:27:21This is so triggering and fucked up for so many reasons I can't even begin to tell you.
00:27:27Didn't you come here to apologize to me?
00:27:29Yeah.
00:27:30And you'd only receive the apology if we did it on the show, which makes my skin crawl that you're
00:27:35even on in the first place.
00:27:37Okay, we'll get to that in one second, you pretentious little fuck.
00:27:40But for starters, you showed up, didn't you?
00:27:44You're a little truffle-sniffing fame piggy, just like Mommy.
00:27:47I wanted to please you.
00:27:49I became famous to please you.
00:27:52I supported your career, day in and day out, for nine years of my life.
00:27:57I wanted a parent, not a business collaborator.
00:28:00When you were a little kid, you begged me every day to be on TV.
00:28:04Begged me.
00:28:05I'm talking tantrums.
00:28:07Days-long tantrums.
00:28:09Fits.
00:28:09Making scenes.
00:28:10Screaming.
00:28:11Carrying on.
00:28:12I didn't know what to do.
00:28:14I was 25 and you were 6.
00:28:17So I moved us across the country.
00:28:19Away from your father, my husband.
00:28:22Away from my parents, my support system.
00:28:26Into a shitty little month-to-month in the valley
00:28:29so I could take you to auditions every day.
00:28:33You were my focus.
00:28:35Your father left us.
00:28:37Not just you.
00:28:38He left me, too.
00:28:39I sacrificed my marriage.
00:28:43Who were you sacrificing anything for when you were 25, Reef?
00:28:48But then something amazing happened.
00:28:51Your fucking dreams came true.
00:28:54And I went from being a little nobody in the middle of nowhere
00:28:58to suddenly my son singing and dancing on The Tonight Show.
00:29:03You became a big famous actor.
00:29:06You got everything you ever wanted.
00:29:10Mom.
00:29:13I was a kid.
00:29:16Kids don't know what they want.
00:29:20Kids want to be astronauts.
00:29:22Yeah, and some of them actually do become astronauts.
00:29:26The ones whose dreams are supported by their mothers.
00:29:29Mom, I felt used and exploited.
00:29:31You stopped seeing me when I got on this show.
00:29:37You stopped talking to me.
00:29:40Your fucking mother.
00:29:52You're right.
00:29:57I'm sorry.
00:30:01That's not okay.
00:30:08Can we take that from after you're right?
00:30:10But before, sorry, that's not okay?
00:30:12I want to get a different reaction on my side.
00:30:15Jesus fucking Christ!
00:30:18You see?
00:30:19What?
00:30:20You even take a moment like that and make it for the show.
00:30:23You make it for show!
00:30:26I was actually feeling in that moment.
00:30:29I didn't say anything about your take.
00:30:31I bought it.
00:30:33Your delivery was very strong.
00:30:35I just wanted one where I cry and one where I don't on my side.
00:30:39So the editor will have options.
00:30:42What even is an apology, Reef?
00:30:44Is it for you?
00:30:45Is it for me?
00:30:48Isn't an apology just a show also?
00:30:51This was such a fucked idea.
00:30:54You are such a scorched unit.
00:30:56Not everything is one thing, Reef.
00:31:00Yes, I want to be great on this show,
00:31:02but I mean everything that was in this conversation.
00:31:04Just because the cameras are rolling doesn't mean it's not real.
00:31:08Just because it's performative doesn't mean that it's not the truth.
00:31:12Why can't it be both?
00:31:14Oh, you and I see things so fucking differently, Reef.
00:31:19I've accepted that.
00:31:21I hope you can too one day.
00:31:24I'm not trying to change you.
00:31:27So don't try and change me.
00:31:36Kyle, your abstinence dog is out here.
00:31:39Do you want me to let him in or do you a favor and put it down so someone will
00:31:43date you?
00:31:44Just put it under the window over there, guys.
00:31:46Thanks.
00:31:47I should not be looking at this couch right now.
00:31:50I have been so nauseous today.
00:31:52Oh, babe, maybe you're pregnant.
00:31:55Is that unhoused gentleman outside of general nutrition
00:31:57that you've been romantically intertwined with not been using contraception?
00:32:03Babe?
00:32:04Yeah?
00:32:05I'm as at risk of getting pregnant as you are.
00:32:07Hmm.
00:32:08Because you're old?
00:32:09Yeah.
00:32:09That's the meaning of that bit.
00:32:10Mm-hmm.
00:32:11Okay, just making sure you understood the math a bit.
00:32:12Oh, you know, I got it.
00:32:14Thanks.
00:32:14And Reeve?
00:32:16Like, I know you can't handle any of the housewife stuff,
00:32:18but, like, your mom is so fucking major and iconic.
00:32:21Like, what was she wearing?
00:32:22I need details.
00:32:24Babe, lay off the mom's stuff, okay?
00:32:26Even though we're all dying to know what she was wearing.
00:32:28No, it's okay.
00:32:29But it's not her.
00:32:32It's not her.
00:32:37Okay.
00:32:37It's not her, it's not her, it's not her.
00:33:07We're gathered here today because I have assembled the greatest group ever to protect our boy,
00:33:11Reeve Hawk, and bathe him in the waters of our combined genius.
00:33:16Nothing?
00:33:18Prince?
00:33:20Whatever.
00:33:21Reeve, I would now like to introduce you to your new crisis team,
00:33:24or as I call them, the ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-reef unit.
00:33:30Didn't land.
00:33:31Okay.
00:33:32Tough room.
00:33:33I will start with one of the greatest to ever do it.
00:33:35One of the world's most renowned lawyers,
00:33:39The most legendary advocate for women whose rights have been violated,
00:33:44Illegal reaches wide and long,
00:33:47And my man, you know, she doesn't mind, not.
00:33:50I run.
00:33:51Ladies and gentlemen, Virginia Allen, I've been green.
00:33:58Reeve, it's nice to meet you.
00:34:00Don't you represent women who are victims of terrible men?
00:34:04Not if I hire her first.
00:34:05I'm not.
00:34:06I didn't like...
00:34:07Oh, I know.
00:34:08Oh, we know.
00:34:09Bobby, we know.
00:34:10I wouldn't have accepted this if I thought this was a me too type of thing.
00:34:15What if it is?
00:34:17It's not.
00:34:17We know.
00:34:18I know.
00:34:19I know.
00:34:19She knows.
00:34:20We know.
00:34:21We know.
00:34:21We know.
00:34:23I, of course, know.
00:34:24What if it is?
00:34:25You're going to want Virginia here, Bobby.
00:34:28Speaking of, I would now like to introduce you
00:34:30To the third in our three tenors of naughtiness.
00:34:34Ladies and gentlemen,
00:34:35The sultan of social justice,
00:34:39The rabbi of race relations!
00:34:44He's bringing sexy back
00:34:47To the civil rights movement.
00:34:49Ira.
00:34:50He's been preaching since age three
00:34:51And boys is so tired.
00:34:54The reverend Leandrus Carter!
00:34:59Shut the fuck up, Ira.
00:35:00Oh, you still swear about last time we worked together?
00:35:02Yeah, because you completely ruined the entire thing
00:35:04And embarrassed the shit out of me and my client.
00:35:06Here we go again.
00:35:07Did you follow the Jesse Smollett thing?
00:35:09Uh, the two racist guys who beat up the black actor
00:35:12And ended up being set up by him.
00:35:14Leon and I came up with that at lunch one day.
00:35:15It was a killer idea.
00:35:17We pitched it around town
00:35:18And Jesse was the most passionate about the project.
00:35:20Sometimes these things are reverse engineered
00:35:21Where the idea comes before the talent.
00:35:23You know, like when a movie studio has a franchise
00:35:25But they don't have a star attached.
00:35:26Then tell them what happened to Ira.
00:35:27You're such a fucking hypocrite, Leon.
00:35:29You're one of my best friends.
00:35:30I love you more than life itself.
00:35:31But you're a hypocrite.
00:35:32You're always on me about hiring more black people.
00:35:35So, I hired two black guys to beat up Jesse.
00:35:37This is me growing with elegance.
00:35:39And all of a sudden, I'm the asshole!
00:35:41You hired two black guys to play white supremacists
00:35:43To commit a hate crime against a black guy!
00:35:45You stupid motherfucker!
00:35:46It's impossible to keep up!
00:35:47Hire black guys!
00:35:48Don't hire black guys!
00:35:49Make up your mind!
00:35:50I shouldn't have to explain this one.
00:35:52You're acting like I didn't even post a black square
00:35:54A couple years ago!
00:35:55You saw that!
00:35:56I storied it!
00:35:57It wasn't on my permanent grid
00:35:58But I storied the black square!
00:36:01I obviously know who you are
00:36:03And I'm a fan, whoever
00:36:04But why is he on our team?
00:36:08Oh, I pray to God
00:36:09You didn't say the word on that video
00:36:12What?
00:36:13No!
00:36:13I would never
00:36:14Oh, I know
00:36:15We know!
00:36:16We know!
00:36:16We know!
00:36:17I know!
00:36:18He knows!
00:36:19We know!
00:36:19Of course we know!
00:36:20We know, brother
00:36:21But if you did
00:36:23I will smack the livid shit out of you
00:36:26And then
00:36:28We're gonna hold hands
00:36:30And walk through the fire together
00:36:31My brother
00:36:32I'm not a racist
00:36:34Reef
00:36:35While we totally believe you aren't racist
00:36:38We do know for a fact you have done racist things
00:36:41Which is very common
00:36:43Except in your position is incredibly dangerous
00:36:46I'm Eunice Kim
00:36:47I'm a lawyer and activist
00:36:49I'm here because I famously started the hashtag
00:36:51Stop Imitating Asian People
00:36:53I did, by the way
00:36:55We noticed
00:36:55Thank you for doing that
00:36:56No, thank you
00:36:57Reef
00:36:57Do you recall a scene from a
00:37:00Jesus, I hate to call it a film
00:37:02A thing you were in called
00:37:04Titty School Six
00:37:05Let's get tit-tarded in here
00:37:08An 80s low-budget teen comedy
00:37:10Ira buried when you got famous
00:37:12We think someone may have found it
00:37:14Do you recall a scene from this film
00:37:16In which your character
00:37:17Israel Boner Schartstein
00:37:19Is tasked with breaking into the girl's sorority
00:37:21To steal their bras and panties
00:37:23And in order to pull off this caper
00:37:25You, as your character
00:37:26Dress up as a geisha
00:37:28To sneak into the sorority
00:37:29We think someone may be framing this scene
00:37:31In a modern context
00:37:32To use it to cancel you
00:37:34For being racist against Asian people
00:37:36It was a scene in a stupid movie
00:37:38It wasn't me
00:37:39It was a character in a movie
00:37:41Doesn't matter
00:37:42Hey, wait
00:37:42Where's Moshe from the anti-semitism committee?
00:37:44We ran the numbers
00:37:45It turns out that hating Jews
00:37:47Doesn't negatively affect a person's career
00:37:49In fact, it could even help
00:37:53That sounds like a freak-o-acid trick
00:37:55That's where you go through
00:37:56Every hypothetical fucked-up thing
00:37:58You may have ever done
00:37:58In your entire life
00:37:59Yeah
00:38:00If we broke down my text
00:38:01In my dry cleaner on Tuesday
00:38:02I'd never work again
00:38:03I mean, it felt like fire against my skin
00:38:06The whole entire time
00:38:07I hate that you're being put through this
00:38:09I just hate it when you're sad
00:38:11You know, I was thinking about
00:38:13When you got clean
00:38:14How you never did AA
00:38:16Or any other program like that
00:38:18Because you were just like
00:38:19So worried that people were going to
00:38:21Recognize you
00:38:21And out that you had a problem
00:38:22And how that would, you know
00:38:24Affect your image, of course
00:38:27But a big part of all that
00:38:28Is doing the steps, right?
00:38:30Apologizing to the people you hurt
00:38:32Maybe this whole thing
00:38:34Is like the universe's way
00:38:35Of making sure that you apologize
00:38:37To the people that were hurt
00:38:39By your addiction, you know?
00:38:43I'm sure there's a lot of people
00:38:44That would appreciate an apology from you
00:38:49Right, Sander?
00:38:52Yeah
00:38:55Sure
00:39:02You're right
00:39:07Fuck, this is hard
00:39:13I need to apologize
00:39:20To Savannah
00:39:27Yeah
00:39:29I'm going to try and get back before dinner
00:39:31But thank you
00:39:32Thanks
00:39:37What the actual fuck
00:39:39Dude, I don't even know what I said
00:39:41It was like
00:39:43Why did I
00:39:46So stupid
00:39:47No, it's stupid
00:39:49No, it's stupid
00:39:49No, it's stupid
00:39:54No
00:39:54No
00:39:55No
00:39:55No
00:40:06No
00:40:06No
00:40:10No
00:40:11No
00:40:11No
00:40:12No
00:40:12No
00:40:25No
00:40:25No
00:40:25No
00:40:25No
00:40:57Rave.
00:41:00Savannah.
00:41:03Here we are.
00:41:04Dude, you are so annoying.
00:41:07I can hate you or want to kill you or even forget about you,
00:41:11but then you sit here in front of me and you are still the goofy kid
00:41:15lighting fireworks off at the vents behind the mall.
00:41:19Almost going deaf.
00:41:20Jesus, I haven't thought about that in so long.
00:41:23Such a little twerp.
00:41:26Always showing off for everybody, center of attention.
00:41:30But I always liked you in moments like this.
00:41:35When it was just us talking.
00:41:38Nobody to show off for.
00:41:47I pulled it off, photo finish.
00:41:50Don't worry, they're not yours.
00:41:52That's not funny.
00:41:55Oh, Gary.
00:41:56Do they have your sense of humor?
00:41:59They're smarter than me.
00:42:01Let's hope they make better choices.
00:42:12I'm really sorry I let you down.
00:42:24Uh, how do I put this the right way?
00:42:27I want to use the correct verbiage here and not mince words.
00:42:36You're not a good person.
00:42:45I wasted years of my life on you.
00:42:48With you.
00:42:50And about you.
00:42:52Because it's always about you, Reef.
00:42:57Let me guess.
00:42:58Xander and Kyle haven't been this honest with you.
00:43:03About your behavior in these conversations.
00:43:06They never had a problem lying to you.
00:43:08Or for you.
00:43:11Yeah, you don't stick around long with this kind of realness.
00:43:14Do you, Reef?
00:43:20But I'm not around anymore.
00:43:24Thank God.
00:43:28Because after the last thing.
00:43:34The last thing that happened.
00:43:40It took finally allowing.
00:43:42A good and devoted man to love me.
00:43:45To realize that.
00:43:47I'm not just a distraction to run to.
00:43:50And toy with when you're.
00:43:56When you're depressed or.
00:43:59Lonely or between movies or.
00:44:04Literally bored.
00:44:06Only to discard when something amazing would happen.
00:44:11No, you're not.
00:44:13Correct.
00:44:25I used to think that telling you all this would make me happy.
00:44:32It doesn't.
00:44:36My family makes me happy.
00:44:40My.
00:44:41My children make me happy.
00:45:03Ira.
00:45:03Bubby, I need you to come straight back to my office.
00:45:06I got us a call with the guy.
00:45:07He's ready to negotiate.
00:45:08Same seats.
00:45:09Shit.
00:45:10I gotta run.
00:45:10Adam Driver bought a pet champ and it ripped some lady's face off at the mall.
00:45:13They're cute when you buy them, but then it's like.
00:45:15Wait, Ira.
00:45:30Ira.
00:45:30We have him on the line.
00:45:32Alright, this is it.
00:45:32At your stations.
00:45:33Okay?
00:45:34Put him through.
00:45:35Hey Ira.
00:45:36Yo, how's things?
00:45:37All good over here.
00:45:39Just in the office solo.
00:45:40Doing a million things.
00:45:41Oh yeah.
00:45:42By the sound of that speaker phone and the cavernous echo in the conference room I can tell it's
00:45:45just you in there.
00:45:47Fuck you.
00:45:47What do you got?
00:45:48I'm assuming Virginia and Leandrus and the crew are all in there with you.
00:45:52Hello all.
00:45:53Nope.
00:45:53Wrong again.
00:45:54Okay, Ira.
00:45:56Hey, by the way I want to say Reef, if you're there too, which I'm pretty positive that you
00:46:01are, I should legally disclose that I'm your neighbor who's been renting a house next to
00:46:05you for the past few months.
00:46:07What the fuck?
00:46:11Legally disclose.
00:46:12Since when you're a stickler for the law?
00:46:14Alright, well, you know, not legally, but like homie to homie.
00:46:17I thought I should tell you that it felt fucked up not to.
00:46:20Alright, so what do we got here?
00:46:22Okay, as you know I can't reveal much, but I have procured a video from a person who wishes
00:46:27to sell it to the highest bidding media outlet.
00:46:30I would like to offer Reef the opportunity to buy it first.
00:46:33How fucking generous of you.
00:46:36All I can tell you about the video is this.
00:46:47He comes.
00:46:54The price is 15 million.
00:46:56The deadline is Tuesday at 10 a.m.
00:46:59Peace.
00:47:03He comes.
00:47:08He comes.
00:47:09He comes.
00:47:13He comes.
00:47:13He comes.
00:47:22This is the actual worst moment of my life.
00:47:27He comes.
00:47:31I accept that.
00:47:33I do.
00:47:34I accept it.
00:47:38But who says cumming is bad, right?
00:47:42I'm in sex positive.
00:47:44Cum makes babies.
00:47:46Babies grow up to be doctors.
00:47:48Doctors heal us when we're ailing.
00:47:49Technically he's right.
00:47:50You know who's made out of cum?
00:47:52She is.
00:47:53I'm not made out of cum.
00:47:55Absolutely are.
00:47:56Even Reef Hawk.
00:47:57Dramatic pause.
00:47:59Matinee idol.
00:48:00Handprints in the groundman Chinese sidewalk.
00:48:04100% completely cum based.
00:48:06I believe in the profundity of this argument.
00:48:11This young lady here.
00:48:13Cum.
00:48:15That felt wrong even as I was saying it.
00:48:17But I urge you to hear me when I say this.
00:48:21None of us in this room would be here without cum.
00:48:26Am I wrong?
00:48:29Applause.
00:48:31If you want.
00:48:33If you want.
00:48:34If you want.
00:48:37If you want.
00:48:38No!
00:48:40Whoa, Bubby.
00:48:40You don't understand, Ira.
00:48:42You don't understand.
00:48:43I've been so fucking careful.
00:48:45Hey, you're okay.
00:48:46I've never filmed myself.
00:48:47I've never been filmed with anyone.
00:48:49I've been so fucking careful.
00:48:52Why is this happening to me?
00:49:06I've never filmed myself.
00:49:08And I've never been filmed with anyone.
00:49:13I've been so fucking careful.
00:49:15Before that.
00:49:17I've never filmed myself.
00:49:19And I've never been filmed with anyone.
00:49:28what
00:49:32what is it you were filmed without your consent
00:49:40it was non-consensual virginia you want to explain this i'd love to reef have you ever
00:49:47heard of victim capitalism no when you were growing up you wanted to be an actor you wanted
00:49:54to be a gifted artist and that in turn would bring you riches and fame you were part of the
00:49:59recognition for talent generation but people got tired of having to work hard and actually be good
00:50:05at something i do all that work it's exhausting and the odds are so terribly low of succeeding
00:50:10so here come the kardashians the big bang happened the tension culture and it is huge
00:50:20now you don't have to do anything special to be famous you just have to be you just have to
00:50:24make
00:50:25enough noise to garner the attention any kind of noise any kind of attention and this brings us to
00:50:31the birth of social media now anyone with the phone can have it at the push of a button that
00:50:36sweet
00:50:36sweet nectar of attention and then it was ignited the spark victimhood the only way you can become
00:50:48rich and famous in this culture is to be a victim victim capitalism the best thing you can be in
00:50:55our
00:50:55modern society is a victim and you reef hawk or a white middle-aged rich famous straight movie star
00:51:04who is indeed a victim you're a fucking unicorn this is going to be the biggest year of your
00:51:10whole career i mean you're going to be a bigger star than ever you know what we have to do
00:51:14right
00:51:14we got one move live interview that's right a live interview cuts him off at the knees talking
00:51:21about the video before they have a chance to leak it makes you the victim and gives us all the
00:51:25leverage
00:51:28god where are they we're gonna be fucking late everything okay yeah yeah i'm just running a little
00:51:38late and it's one day a week i gotta be out by a certain time
00:51:48hey i know that was a lot
00:51:51sit with it tonight digest it
00:52:02ira you have a really weird job
00:52:08it's like you just wait for a call that i got in trouble
00:52:23bubby you ever think about
00:52:27why you thought it was okay to get in the kind of trouble you got in for as long as
00:52:32you did
00:52:35everybody's a psycho when they're young but hit myself at number one
00:52:42but for everybody else in the world all these people they can't act like that forever
00:52:51i had real life hit me like a fucking train
00:52:57but when my phone rings and it's you i pick up i always pick up
00:53:07there he is
00:53:09hey hey sorry ira we hit crazy traffic no worries elic baby so bad traffic come on are you crazy
00:53:17buddy there he is my boy my dad what are you too old to kiss your dad oh come on
00:53:23when you were a baby
00:53:23i used to kiss your face ah i still see you as this little fat little chunky little guy dad
00:53:30i hate
00:53:30being late for the dodgers yeah no i hate being late i'm sorry buddy but we got to listen to
00:53:35britney spears
00:53:35audiobook and let me just say she lived a very wild life she's the best she's saying
00:53:43your mom and i's wedding mm-hmm hey you know who this guy is reef hawk that's right
00:53:48og client of your dads i always wanted you guys to meet each other but uh reef is always very
00:53:54busy
00:53:55so ree do you have a girlfriend this guy with the girlfriend always with the fucking girlfriend
00:54:00not right now well same here we're on the same boat that's why i tell him he's got to keep
00:54:05his
00:54:05options open yeah dad said gotta keep my options open because i'm a handsome guy cool and handsome
00:54:11guy mm-hmm just like reef hey you guys should be wingmen for each other just try and leave some
00:54:16pussy for the rest of us shut oh dad what do i always say keep your options open yes never
00:54:23sign anything
00:54:24check the saudi money check the saudi money right okay hey i'll check in tomorrow enjoy the game
00:54:34see you later reef nice to meet you don't do alcohol and say not a crack reef
00:54:39hey i told you not to tell anybody about that you're not supposed to repeat that
00:54:43get in the car guys let's go
00:55:15reef hawk hey i think i read a couple years ago your dad hung himself right
00:55:24it's so funny i'm reading the new jennifer egan and the main character is a rock star whose mom is
00:55:29on a reality show and the dad hangs himself i mean it's it's a rock star it's not a movie
00:55:35star but
00:55:36it's crazy close right anyway check it out if you have a flight or something you'll breeze right through it
00:55:57can i just say what we're all thinking a live tell-all interview while pretending to be a victim
00:56:04seems like the actual complete opposite of what you should do what's the alternative give everything
00:56:11up i've worked for my entire life i have what everyone dreams of i can't just throw it away
00:56:23let's just like sell everything and move to hawaii open the smoothie stand or something
00:56:30yeah there we go i'll open a smoothie stand what a brilliant idea you just seem a little off
00:56:39lately so look i just want to make sure that you're make sure i'm what
00:56:45are you implying that there's something important i'm hiding from you reef dude she's just asking you i
00:56:51know what she's asking i don't know why it's such a big deal it's a big deal because questioning that
00:56:58is questioning the very core of everything i am the last five years everything i've fought and clawed and
00:57:06promised to not be so you're questioning that isn't just a chill little question
00:57:13it's calling me a fraud so what the are you asking
00:57:21don't fucking curse at me ever don't ever talk to me like that ever you are under immense pressure
00:57:34and anxiety so i am asking you as somebody who loves you are you strong in your sobriety because
00:57:41you have that look in your eyes you promised i wasn't going to see again how fucking dare you
00:57:49how dare i how dare i i ask you because i am someone who loves you at times more than
00:57:56you are
00:57:56capable of loving yourself i ask because i would rather you throw some little bitchy diva movie star
00:58:04tantrum and not be my friend for a month than to walk in on you overdosed again thinking that you
00:58:11were
00:58:11fucking dead which you don't even remember but was like the worst moment of my life
00:58:22dude you're a 56 year old man who might be back on hard drugs
00:58:28so when i ask you it's not because it's fun for me
00:58:34my sobriety is stronger than fucking steel
00:58:43and as far as moving to hawaii and opening a smoothie stand
00:58:50that might be in the realm of possibility for you
00:58:54but honestly kyle yeah i don't have the patience or the fucking energy to fake being able to relate
00:59:01to your shitty little life today i live in an existence you literally have no way of understanding
00:59:11oh fuck you're right i have no idea i hope that you do that giant interview
00:59:21and i hope you get more famous and more rich more attention
00:59:27as it seems to historically serve you super well and you know what i love my life my shitty little
00:59:34life
00:59:34you know why i get to be whoever i want to be all the time i wish you cared about
00:59:43what we thought of you reef
00:59:45more than a bunch of people on the internet
00:59:50and the next time you do a performative apology tour
00:59:53throw your two best friends on the list you sad fucking junkie
01:00:13why are you still here
01:00:17i ordered food and i already paid for it on the app
01:00:27why did you stay my friend sander
01:00:38i hate emotions so much um
01:00:48when we were in high school
01:00:50every other word out of everyone's mouth was faggot including mine and
01:00:55one time you slept over in 10th grade and you asked me point blank if i was gay
01:00:59and i denied it for hours and we got into this big screaming fight and
01:01:06you said to me
01:01:09you said you would not be my friend if i was gay
01:01:13you would only not be my friend if i was not myself
01:01:18because that would be too hard to watch
01:01:27when you act gross like this when you act gross like this i choose to remember that person
01:01:40for a while and i was add to you if i was it she would never have the one to
01:01:40miss you
01:01:40but i wanted to do things i wanted to do things i wanted to do with you
01:01:48to choose you
01:01:48for a while but i wanted to do things for you
01:01:52like this and it's a while
01:02:01i wanted to be my friend i wanted to be so....
01:03:43Great to see you, Tura.
01:03:46It's great to see you too.
01:03:48Thank you for doing this, by the way.
01:03:51I mean, I've been thinking about you a lot lately and how much our lives have paralleled
01:04:00and the things we've been through.
01:04:02It's a very, very unique experience.
01:04:07Like when we were kids, like why did we do this and who did we do it for?
01:04:18One minute to live air.
01:04:20You know, it's funny.
01:04:25I didn't like you.
01:04:27Is that funny?
01:04:29You were always so smug, you know, but then when Virginia called me and told me what really
01:04:36is going on and what you are surviving as a victim.
01:04:43I mean, and the fact that you were willing to talk about it and share everything and share
01:04:48it with the world.
01:04:50I mean, you're a hero.
01:04:52And I want to interview that hero.
01:05:05It's going to be great.
01:05:15I'm going to leave.
01:05:17What?
01:05:19I'm going to leave now.
01:05:2130 seconds to live air.
01:05:22Wait, no, no, no.
01:05:22You can't, you can't, you can't.
01:05:23No, no, no.
01:05:24We can talk about other things.
01:05:26I mean, we need to talk about the thing.
01:05:28I just don't want to do this.
01:05:30But you're here.
01:05:31Why would you do that?
01:05:32I'm really sorry.
01:05:33Did I say something?
01:05:34No.
01:05:34But you cannot do this.
01:05:37We're about to go to live TV in how many seconds?
01:05:4010 seconds live air.
01:05:41What the fuck are you doing, Reeve?
01:05:44God fucking damn it!
01:05:45You fucked me!
01:05:46I will fuck you so hard!
01:05:49I'll fucking go outland on all you motherfuckers!
01:05:52Bubby, hey, it fucking worked.
01:05:54Ira, I'm leaving.
01:05:56No, you don't understand.
01:05:58It worked.
01:05:59What worked?
01:06:00I didn't do the interview.
01:06:01Yeah, no shit.
01:06:02You didn't have to.
01:06:03And I knew that even threatening a live interview would force in a hand and it fucking did.
01:06:07It's just some random nobody who found the video on his ex-girlfriend's computer.
01:06:11They caved.
01:06:11I got him from 15 mil down to 35k.
01:06:1635k.
01:06:17And this is all behind you for the rest of your life.
01:06:26Hello?
01:06:32I don't know.
01:06:35What the fuck do you mean I don't know?
01:06:38I just wanted all this to go away.
01:06:44And now that it's right here in front of me...
01:06:52It's just so fucking wrong!
01:07:09Bobby, it's 35k.
01:07:11It's a fucking Forerunner.
01:07:17You'd pay it.
01:07:21It's the cosmic tax.
01:07:46The Ocean is the cosmic tax.
01:07:47But, the A.
01:07:52It is the cosmic tax.
01:07:52The cosmic tax.
01:07:53The cosmic tax.
01:07:54The cosmic tax.
01:08:27Hey.
01:08:28Is this so crazy?
01:08:30Yeah, I guess.
01:08:31I mean, you're Reef Hawk.
01:08:34And you're talking to me like, what?
01:08:36Yeah, I don't know.
01:08:38You're a huge movie star, dude.
01:08:40Like, shouldn't you be at a big party or something?
01:08:43Um, I mean, I've been shooting in Albuquerque for like six months, living in this hotel room.
01:08:50Um, I guess I'm a little lonely or something.
01:08:57That's no good.
01:09:01Don't you have like a wife or kids or a family or something?
01:09:09No.
01:09:12No, I don't.
01:09:13Um, why not?
01:09:20Uh, why not?
01:09:25Uh, I guess, uh, I guess when it came time to do that, I, uh, I always chose something else
01:09:42I thought was bigger or more important.
01:09:47Um, that's really sad.
01:10:05Do you want to see my tits?
01:10:09Sure.
01:10:25Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
01:10:39uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
01:10:39uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
01:10:39uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
01:10:40uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
01:10:40uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
01:10:43You have kind eyes.
01:10:50I just need you for two minutes outside?
01:10:51Yeah.
01:10:52Okay, great.
01:11:07You know, I've thought and fantasize about what I would do or say to you if I ever had the
01:11:14chance.
01:11:25Do you hate me?
01:11:32No, no, I don't, I don't hate you.
01:11:38I love you, man.
01:11:45I'm just broke.
01:12:14I'm just broke.
01:12:19I'm just broke.
01:12:27There aren't words for what you mean to me and the shame I feel for what I put you through.
01:12:50You're my whole life.
01:12:58But it's not about me.
01:13:11I'm sorry.
01:13:16I forgive you.
01:13:19I forgive you, too.
01:13:28I'm sorry.
01:13:32Do you need a hug?
01:13:34Yes.
01:13:36I love you, too.
01:13:37I love you, guys.
01:13:39Thank you, Reeve.
01:13:49The day I walk down the street I used to wonder, yeah, I scratched my head and lit my cigarette.
01:13:59Well, there was all these things that I don't think I remember, eh, how lucky can one man get.
01:14:11I did.
01:14:12Hello.
01:14:13Hey.
01:14:14Hi.
01:14:16Who is this?
01:14:17It's Reeve.
01:14:19Reeve?
01:14:21Reeve?
01:14:22What can I do for you, Reeve?
01:14:46Reeve?
01:14:49I'm just calling to see how your day is.
01:14:52like how you are, like how you're doing.
01:14:58Oh.
01:15:00Oh.
01:15:02Well, thanks.
01:15:04And all I'm doing, I'm just hanging out.
01:15:07That's all I'm doing.
01:15:09Nice.
01:15:11That's awesome.
01:15:13Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, nothing crazy.
01:15:15Same old.
01:15:16Yeah, yeah, same.
01:15:20Not a whole lot here today either.
01:15:25Well, that's nice.
01:15:26That's nice.
01:15:27The day I walked down the street I used to wonder, yeah, I shook my hand and made myself a
01:15:37bed.
01:15:38There was all these things that I don't think I remember, eh, how lucky.
01:15:46I can't one man give, eh, how lucky can one man give, eh, how lucky can one man give.
01:16:37Oh my God.
01:16:39Who are you?
01:16:40The second most interesting bitch in this room, trust.
01:16:42And three, two, one.
01:16:45Good evening and welcome to the primetime special edition of the Drew Barrymore Show.
01:16:52We begin tonight with a gentleman I do not know.
01:16:56Hi, Xander Alexander, huge fan and you soon will be of mine as well.
01:17:01Well, so much of your show is about your guests coming on here and unloading on your tits and
01:17:06I just want you to know that today I'm here to take that load for you.
01:17:10Well, let's get the tissues out and do this right now.
01:17:15Yes.
01:17:16First of all, I don't know if you know anything about my past, but, you know, E.T. changed
01:17:21my life.
01:17:22I actually always thought it was E.T., you know, like French, never seen it before, saw
01:17:27the poster, know how relevant it is, know how important it is.
01:17:30From what I understand, it's about you and a bunch of other little kids finding a little
01:17:33old Jewish guy and taking him for a ride on a bicycle.
01:17:36A little bald guy, you just put a blanket on him and take him for a ride on a bicycle.
01:17:40Again, I haven't seen E.T.
01:17:41I've only seen Call Me By Your Name in the notebook.
01:17:48Don't know how I did that now, wonder where it's gone, must have spent the way I went, waiting
01:18:00for the dawn, shoot the moon right between the eyes I'm screaming, take me back to summer.
01:18:11sunny countryside, shoot the moon right between the eyes I'm screaming, take me back to sunny
01:18:25countryside.
01:18:29Clocks and spoons, empty rooms, it's raining out tonight.
01:19:07Oh boy, what's up today?
01:19:11I love that mountain instructions coming back.
01:23:35I'm Reeve Hawk and I got staff in the sauna.
Comments