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00:28You
00:50You
01:08You
01:30You
02:07You
02:39You
02:40You
02:45You
02:46You
02:51You
02:57You
02:58You
02:59You
02:59You
02:59You
03:09I can't even taste my own tears
03:18Before I do, I need the sound of my first time
03:28Yeah, I'm a TV on the road
03:36Yeah, I'm getting up to leave
03:46You don't know what it means to me that you've all welcomed me into your family
03:51And I just want to say thank you
03:55And, um, nothing
03:58I just, I hope you can forgive me
04:04I don't really play with toys like this anymore
04:07I want a video camera
04:09A nice one
04:10Oh, well, I don't
04:12It was just more of a gesture
04:16Write an intercard instead
04:19This is actually a good idea
04:22This crate's stuck in the gym drawer
04:31Thanks
04:32I don't know
04:33I can't get there
04:36I can't turn around
04:41I can't stop this
04:42I've always thought what you'd love
04:47I can't
04:49Wait
04:50I can't
04:50Wait
04:50I can't
04:51Wait
04:52I can't
04:55Wait
04:56Wait
04:56I can't
04:57Wait
04:57I can't
05:02Wait
05:12I'm sorry, ma'am.
05:15Holy fuck.
05:26Hi.
05:28Who are you talking to?
05:29I'm just on hold with neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins.
05:32I talked to this guy at UCSF.
05:34He was like a total dick,
05:35but there's this world-renowned surgeon in Paris
05:37I'm going to try next.
05:37He's done a lot of promising new research.
05:39Why?
05:41To help my mom.
05:42Honey, I don't think that she's looking for help.
05:44You know what I realized?
05:45It's a brain tumor.
05:46You know, I think the tumor,
05:47it's like messing with her head.
05:51It's like clouding her judgment.
05:53You know, it just makes total sense.
05:55You know, she's doing fine.
05:57She seems like herself,
05:59except for this one insane decision she's made.
06:02And I just...
06:06She doesn't need to die.
06:09She needs the best neurosurgeon in the world.
06:12And I don't know why Jules isn't calling everyone he knows.
06:15Actually, wait.
06:15He might know someone who knows this doctor.
06:17Nikki, why don't you take a shower and get dressed?
06:18I'm in the middle of something right now.
06:20This is important.
06:21This is the most important thing to me.
06:25What's supposed to be on the wedding?
06:30Are you serious?
06:31No, so you can focus on the most important thing to you.
06:34I didn't mean it like that.
06:37I don't mean it like that either.
06:38I mean that your mom dropped a huge bomb on you.
06:41And yeah, it is more important than the wedding.
06:44And I don't know.
06:46Maybe we don't want to get married under these circumstances.
06:49Maybe we don't want to get married under these circumstances.
06:56Come here.
07:09Well, who's that?
07:11Hmm?
07:12Who's that little guy?
07:13Oh, this is my dumb apology for, like, tactlessly unearthing your family secret.
07:25And we can have the wedding as planned this week.
07:28This doesn't change anything for us.
07:31Yeah.
07:33But it does, like...
07:37It does change a lot.
07:41I'm not going to let it get in the way of our wedding.
07:47I'm with you.
07:50Really?
07:53Forever?
07:54Forever.
07:58Oh, Portia.
07:59Where's the dress?
07:59It needs to be altered.
08:00I have, like, 500 things I have to do.
08:02Nikki, stop touching her.
08:03And the table man delivered eight tables.
08:05And Nikki, stop.
08:06Ew, I'm helping.
08:06The caterer needs the menu to be final.
08:08Okay, let me help you.
08:10What?
08:11Let me help you.
08:13The dress isn't there.
08:15Nikki's suit isn't there.
08:16What else do you need?
08:19By the way, I haven't gotten to say thank you, Portia, for everything that...
08:23Oh, and I met your card.
08:26You know, it's weird.
08:26I actually have to ask you something.
08:29You thought we were going to kill you?
08:31No offense, but that's kind of an insane conclusion to draw.
08:34Did someone try to kill you once or something?
08:36No, no.
08:37Then why did you think that?
08:39It's just how my brain works.
08:44Like, right now, I feel like there's someone standing behind this door.
09:01I googled you, you know.
09:04It's like you don't even exist.
09:08No social media, no LinkedIn, not even, like, high school sports stats.
09:12Either you didn't play sports or you weren't very good.
09:14I was homeschooled, actually, so I played the sport of, like, trying not to be a total freak.
09:19But I don't think that it worked.
09:22Yeah, I'm like the opposite.
09:24I never thought anyone was trying to kill me.
09:32Whoa, when did all this happen?
09:35Hey, hey.
09:36What is this?
09:37It's supposed to be live-edged cedar?
09:40These are like sticks.
09:41This is a tasteful wedding, not the Blair Witch Project.
09:44This is what you ordered.
09:45Rustic Beachwood.
09:46Rustic Beachwood?
09:47No, look around you, man.
09:49I don't see a fucking beach.
09:50The wedding theme is Forest of Love.
09:52Did I talk to Dominic?
09:54He does a new consults after his work's been approved.
09:56You approved.
09:56Well, no, I didn't approve this.
09:58This is not my vision.
09:59Hey, Portia, come here.
10:00Look.
10:01I think that this is actually going to look really nice.
10:05Yeah, it is.
10:06It is.
10:06They're going to do that thing here.
10:08And I think, I mean, they have a plan.
10:10You guys have a plan.
10:10Of course we have a plan.
10:12The stick goes there.
10:13That stick goes there.
10:14You're not tipping him.
10:14It makes an arch.
10:16Portia, I think the flowers look really nice.
10:19I think that's going to look nice, too.
10:20These aren't flowers, Rachel.
10:24What?
10:26Well, they're fake.
10:27They're fake.
10:28The real ones come day up.
10:30Portia, that's crazy.
10:32These are perfectly arranged.
10:34They're ready to go.
10:34Why don't we just use these?
10:37We obviously need real flowers, Rachel.
10:40Do you want your wedding to look like a hospital waiting room?
10:43God, I did this arrangement in advance so I could actually see it.
10:46I've always envisioned a winter wedding at Summer House.
10:49Went back and forth about the color scheme.
10:51Rust, sage, evergreen, and white.
10:52But there is just too much rust and not enough sage.
10:54Here, take these.
10:57I think it's...
10:59They look pretty perfect to me.
11:01Oh, well, you can't be trusted with flowers.
11:03You brought white lilies, funeral flowers.
11:08And, of course, you didn't know.
11:10Because, apparently, you grew up homeschooling some ditch or something.
11:20No, I don't understand you at all.
11:22Who's going to be your maid of honor?
11:23What's your walk song going to be?
11:24Do you even have anyone to walk you down the aisle?
11:26It's okay, Portia.
11:26You really, you...
11:27No, Rachel.
11:28You don't have to worry about this stuff.
11:29I do have to worry about it.
11:31Because you're not worried about it.
11:32And someone has to fucking worry about it.
11:33Okay.
11:39Okay.
11:40I will walk myself down the aisle.
11:44I don't know.
11:45I don't know what song yet.
11:47But I promise you, I will pick one.
11:52Okay?
11:54Will you be my maid of honor?
11:58Would you do that for me?
12:02The caterer called, and they don't have everyone's final meal choice, so...
12:06Okay.
12:07Great, then I will ask everyone here what they want.
12:10What are the options?
12:11Chicken or fish.
12:12Okay.
12:12And veggie options?
12:13I will light you on fire.
12:22Come in.
12:24You can help me.
12:30Which do you think best captures this spirit?
12:39It's so cute.
12:43Look at this one.
12:45Oh, I don't have one of you.
12:48Oh, no, don't worry.
12:49That's totally fine.
12:50Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:51Please, please, I don't want to deserve you.
12:53I just wanted to ask you if you wanted chicken or fish for the wedding.
13:00I want to be buried with my whole family.
13:14Do you want it?
13:16I'm getting rid of my attachment to all things.
13:19Thanks.
13:20Mm-hmm.
13:24Do you know where Dr. Cunningham is?
13:27He's probably in his dungeon working on the dog.
13:31Now that he's finished the grave, he needs something else to fixate on.
13:36Oh, and that's all right.
13:38That's how he wants to spend his last days with me.
13:42Okay.
13:43Okay.
13:48Can I ask you something?
13:51Do you think that everyone is dealing okay?
13:56I mean, with your death?
14:02Well, how could they be, huh?
14:06Well, you know, they could be talking to each other about it.
14:08They could be leaning on each other.
14:11They could be processing it all with you.
14:16I mean, there are doulas for these types of situations, someone who can help you.
14:19Have you dealt with it?
14:23With what?
14:24With your death?
14:25With yours.
14:26Your mother's, I mean.
14:29My mother died before I knew her.
14:31There was nothing left to deal with.
14:38Well, I know that you grew up without a mother, but it would be naive to think that just because
14:46you didn't know your mother, you don't have to deal with all this.
14:48I mean, it doesn't go away if you close your eyes real tight.
14:51You didn't just suddenly exist.
14:54You came from somewhere, and when you die, you will leave somewhere behind.
15:03There was nothing left.
15:07You are what's left.
15:15I'll have both.
15:17Chicken and fish, why not?
15:38Chicken and fish, why not?
15:47You didn't missin' you
15:50When I ought to be kissin' you
15:55Tell me our love has just begun
16:03You're my only one
16:09Oh
16:10You shouldn't sleep in the bathtub.
16:15I wasn't sleeping.
16:17I had to give a girl CPR once.
16:19In college, I had to give her chest compressions and everything.
16:21Yeah, that is what CPR is.
16:23The girl drowned, Jules.
16:26Guess how?
16:27She fell asleep in the bathtub.
16:29I know you've told me that before.
16:31I already know everything that's ever happened to you.
16:35Do you want to know why Rachel thought we were going to kill her?
16:38I don't know.
16:39She's got something fucky going on with her.
16:42I bet you like that, don't you?
16:47You're sorry, man.
16:52Now, what about me soaking quietly in a bathtub, made you go?
16:57Let me come in here and stab Jules over and over again with a toothpick till he bleeds to death.
17:04That's what it's like with you.
17:06Portia's the one who told about the sorry man.
17:09Portia always has to be the center of attention.
17:11Portia's the one who fucked everything up.
17:13No one ever blames Portia for anything.
17:18Whatever.
17:20Whatever.
17:22Whatever.
17:23And it's not my fault Nicky gets off on damaged, self-absorbed girls.
17:29He's a simp for girls who walk all over.
17:31He thinks he's fixing them.
17:35I'm just trying to be at peace.
17:39Why are you disturbing my peace?
17:44It's bath time.
18:09You used to be nicer.
18:12Oh, baby, you want nicer?
18:14You should have married the other one.
18:17But that's the thing, Nellie.
18:19You don't want nice.
18:21Because I hate to break it to you.
18:23You're not actually nice either.
18:26And you couldn't stand to watch Nikki take the punches.
18:29You want someone who punches back.
18:32It's true.
18:32Sometimes nice is nice.
18:34Well, I'm sometimes nice.
18:41What?
18:43Say it.
18:45Didn't we say that in our vows?
18:47That we'd always be honest no matter what.
18:50We've really stuck to our vows, haven't we?
18:53Say it.
19:01Say it.
19:04Say it.
19:13Say it.
19:16Or drown me.
19:22Try me.
19:38Oh, sorry.
19:39Oh, my God.
19:39Oh, my God.
19:40Sorry.
19:40Sorry.
19:40No.
19:41Don't go.
19:42One moment.
19:45One moment.
19:50Oh, my God.
19:51Oh, my God.
19:57Okay.
19:58You want me to say it.
20:00Your mother will be gone in a month, and you haven't dealt with it.
20:05You've never really dealt with anything, have you?
20:08Not your last failed marriage, not this jealous brother bullshit,
20:12and not your maybe fictitious, maybe real serial killer who's been haunting you since you were Jude's age.
20:18Which is exactly how old you are when you stop growing up.
20:20You need to deal with your shit, yeah?
20:24Because things will start slipping away all around you.
20:30Are you who you want your son to be, Julian?
20:35Yes! What do you want?
20:37Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, I just...
20:39It's really stupid, I didn't really see this in the towel.
20:42That was really nice, what you did with the cake.
20:44Really nice, Nellie likes him nice.
20:46Ignore him, it's the key to a healthy marriage.
20:48It's actually stupid, the caterer just needs to know if you guys want chicken or fish for the wedding.
20:53Chicken?
20:53Michelle, have you written your vows?
20:58No, not yet.
20:59I think you're a healthy marriage.
21:03In our vows, Nellie and I promised to always be honest.
21:07So, I mean it when I say, baby, sometimes I fantasize about hiring someone to kill you.
21:13Babe.
21:17So even in your fantasies, you don't do anything yourself?
21:27What's the fish and how's the chicken prepared?
21:30I don't know.
21:31You don't know? I can't answer it until I have all the information.
21:34Don't be a dick, he'll have the fish.
21:40You should really write your vows.
21:46Sorry.
21:46I'm sorry.
21:52What's in here?
21:54Dude, I got you something.
21:56I think there's someone in here.
21:58Huh?
21:58I think there's someone in there.
22:01Hey, come on, it's okay.
22:03I know the feeling, but there's no one back there.
22:07Why would it be locked?
22:12See?
22:15I don't know, but sometimes it's better not to open a locked door because there might be something in there
22:20that's not meant for you.
22:21Hey, look.
22:24Hey.
22:27Yeah?
22:28I mean, it's not me or nice, but...
22:31I was once considered you a nice, so...
22:34Let's go, buddy.
22:35That's something.
22:48She's not thinking clearly because of the brain tumor.
22:51You're just giving up, that's it.
22:52Throw in the towel, on...
22:54Sorry.
22:54On a 40-year marriage, on a human life, on mom's life, on your family, you're just...
23:00You're done.
23:01I'm not...
23:01You give up.
23:02I am not giving up, Mickey.
23:06In my marriage, we make decisions together.
23:09I'm not a witness to your mother's decision.
23:11I am a part of it.
23:12I'm standing by my wife.
23:16I'm embracing my last moments with her, continuing the tradition that was established by her father.
23:21Sorry, by skinning a dog?
23:23Rachel.
23:23Rachel.
23:30You got engaged.
23:34You called us.
23:36You didn't want to have a big wedding.
23:38You just wanted to do something here, with the family.
23:41What?
23:41Your mother was happy.
23:43She didn't want to ruin your wedding, so she planned this for after your wedding.
23:48It is so difficult to get family together, and this is to be her final celebration.
23:52It is her dying wish.
23:55And you two are not going to ruin it for her.
23:58Understood?
23:58This involves all of us.
24:00It's not just her decision.
24:01Understood!
24:01Okay.
24:02How do I call a family meeting?
24:05A what?
24:06A family meeting.
24:06How do I call one?
24:08Can I do that?
24:10Again, I'm so sorry for my misunderstanding, and maybe I am totally out of line by doing
24:15this, but I imagine that close families like you can talk to each other about your feelings.
24:22I know that I'm new to the family dynamic, but I've realized that it was your plan to use
24:28our wedding as a surrogate living funeral.
24:33But because most of you haven't done much processing, the wedding has now become a highly
24:38pressurized distraction from what is really going on.
24:42And I think that maybe we should do something about it, or else we shouldn't have a wedding
24:51at all.
24:53She can't do that.
24:54What are you talking about?
24:57It doesn't make sense to carry on like it's no big deal.
25:00Couching your death inside of our wedding without talking about it, it's not going to
25:04be what you want.
25:07What do you think?
25:08Can we do something to process all of this?
25:10Can we...
25:11Can we try it?
25:13Yeah.
25:15Yeah, let's try it, guys.
25:17I'm sorry, I don't understand what she's getting at.
25:19Are you suggesting you cancel the wedding because of our dying mother?
25:23Because that seems a little unfair.
25:25Okay, good.
25:28No, I'm not saying that.
25:30I'm saying that I think that we need a forum for you to say what you feel ahead of the
25:34wedding
25:34so it's not a horrible disaster and you can all actually have some peace around it.
25:38And I think that was a good start.
25:41You're welcome.
25:41You want us to do family therapy led by you.
25:46No offense, but a stranger basically.
25:49Well, isn't that what a therapist is?
25:50A stranger?
25:52Are you a therapist?
25:53She's getting her doctorate.
25:54Oh, in what?
25:55Behavioral psychology.
25:56You're a therapist?
25:57No, I'm a behavioral psychologist.
25:59Almost.
26:00Have you studied your own behavior?
26:02Tools.
26:04Be respectful.
26:05I am being respectful.
26:08Well, what are we going to do, Rachel?
26:10Sit in a circle and hold hands and cry?
26:13Well, that would be better than nothing.
26:16Yeah.
26:16Where are you getting your doctorate?
26:19U of I.
26:21Oh, I went to Northwestern.
26:23Cool.
26:23Yeah.
26:24So, is there something that you want to say to your mother before you no longer have the opportunity to?
26:32Um, um...
26:36Go ahead.
26:45Uh...
26:49No.
26:53No.
26:55No.
27:00Okay.
27:07So, is there anything anyone wants to say to Mrs. Cunningham before she's no longer with us?
27:23No.
27:30Why don't we, why don't we do this?
27:32Why don't we all take some time alone?
27:37Really, really alone, sit with yourself.
27:39Think about what you want to say, or write it down, or just be prepared to say it, do what
27:44you need to do,
27:44and then we can...
27:46we can all come back together.
27:48Yeah.
27:52that was good
27:53now can you come with me
27:57yeah
28:17that was more impressive than you realize
28:19oh no it's not it's just very obvious that they're failing to cope
28:23no no i meant stealing the spotlight from queen bee
28:26oh no i didn't yes you've only been here what like two days and everyone's doing everything you ask
28:32she's like
28:35sort of a narcissist isn't she sort of didn't she just turn your wedding into her funeral
28:40right
28:43yeah
28:47what
28:50you don't take compliments well sorry what part of that was a compliment
28:54when i said you were impressive oh my god that's
28:58who does take compliments well i take compliments well
29:04go ahead
29:10i don't know it's like kind of a
29:13bad omen to get married during a death ceremony so
29:16it's a good thing you're not superstitious then isn't it
29:18yeah it's a good thing good thing
29:21good thing i haven't also had this awful feeling ever since i got here that something bad is gonna
29:24happen
29:25yeah but this is a bad thing isn't it victoria's death
29:28no it's it's something else
29:31the feeling hasn't
29:33gone away
29:35i'll keep an eye out for other bad things
29:49what i was worried that you'd be like an evil bitch who hated me for marrying your ex but
29:54you're not
29:55okay you don't give compliments well either
29:58you're welcome
30:01so what the fuck are we gonna do with this
30:06sometimes it's easier to speak truthfully
30:10if you don't have to look someone in the eye
30:13so
30:13can i be quiet they're having a meeting
30:14so you will talk to them
30:18you'll each go around
30:20and tell it how you feel
30:23and it will absorb
30:25your
30:26pain
30:29and grief
30:30and
30:32then we will release it
30:37okay
30:38who wants to go first
30:41i can go
30:49victoria
30:52you're an incredible woman
30:54you are the cunningham family
30:56and you will leave a hole in this family
30:59that shouldn't be filled
31:00not only because it would be impossible
31:03but because this is the end of an era
31:06and it should be honored as one
31:09your presence strength and unwavering courage has shaped us in ways we will carry forever
31:19i've always revered you and dad
31:25and
31:26your life together
31:28and
31:29your marriage
31:30and
31:31the way you
31:33devote yourselves
31:35to each other
31:36and i always wanted to follow in your footsteps
31:39and i hope i'm doing that
31:41because i see the way that you protect each other
31:44and
31:45you've
31:46taught me the value
31:47and
31:48understanding someone so well
31:49you know how to shield them from pain
31:53i know we haven't always seen eye to eye
31:56i hope you love me for my flaws and missteps
32:00i
32:00i've found a way
32:02to love you for yours
32:05i love you mom
32:06and
32:07i'll miss you
32:08the time we
32:09missed two days in santorini
32:12because
32:12of my failure to admit that i've been wrong
32:20and missing your 32nd birthday
32:22for an inconsequential business trip
32:25i am
32:27terribly terribly sorry
32:31i will make sure that my future children know you
32:35i will make sure to keep family traditions alive
32:39i will take care of summer house
32:41i will make sure you live on forever in our hearts
32:45and in the hearts of those who knew you
32:49i know that we only just met and
32:53i'm very sorry to lose you
32:57you've been such a great mother to nikki
32:59and
33:00you know i think it's
33:01it's true what
33:02you said about
33:05children absorbing their mothers and vice versa
33:24this is the cake rachel bought to say sorry for thinking we're a family of murderers
33:31nikki is so loving because of you
33:35and he's so lucky that he had you and dr cunningham to show him where he came from
33:40and how to love
33:42and how to be loved
33:45why why is this door open
33:48why is this door open
33:49why is this door open
34:17i'm so glad that nikki absorbed that from you
34:20and that he got to grow up with this unconditional love
34:26i can't imagine what that's like
34:31this is where pop honors the dead animals
34:35he says the dogs can see
34:37see how to be loved
34:38i decided not to
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