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Short filmTranscript
00:03Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:32Welcome!
00:34Welcome to a brand-new series of Castmasters!
00:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:42Five fresh comedians have been prepared in our laughter kitchen
00:45and are about to be thrown into the buffet of fun
00:48to see if any of them have what it takes
00:50to be a main course at the Giggle Feast.
00:52I hope so.
00:53I am Henry VIII of Chuckles,
00:56and my big belly is in need of laughs.
00:58Yum-yum!
01:01So, let's meet our new cast of competitors
01:03and marvel at their reputations and stature
01:07while they're still intact.
01:09Please welcome...
01:10Amy Glenhill!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Armando Iannucci!
01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:17Joanna Payne!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:20Joel Donets!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:23And Kamail Nanjani!
01:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27And next to me, a man who admitted to me when he was tipsy
01:30that if he'd been alive in the war,
01:32he probably would have defected to Mussolini's Italy,
01:35because he loves pasta and he doesn't believe in freedom.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42LAUGHTER
01:42HE LAUGHS
01:44HE LAUGHS
01:45HE LAUGHS
01:46HE LAUGHS
01:47HE LAUGHS
01:48Right.
01:49You're half right.
01:50Hello!
01:51Hello!
01:52What's the first prize pass for the series, please, with Alex Horne?
01:56Well, Greg, you told them your problem,
01:58and they're here to help because the category is
02:01the thing most likely to deter people from your premises.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06Yes.
02:06And this guy's got property coming out of his backside.
02:09Greg will give five points to the thing he thinks is most likely
02:12to deter people from their premises,
02:14and all five deterrents will head home with the episode winner.
02:17But for now, Greg, it's back to you and your backside big time.
02:20Here we go.
02:21Thank you so much.
02:22Amy, welcome to the show.
02:23Hello.
02:24What have you bought to deter people from my property?
02:27Very simple.
02:28Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:29This is Mrs Clatterbottom, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:37Full size.
02:39Yeah.
02:39She's good.
02:40She's good!
02:41Where did you get Clatterbottom?
02:42So, my friend hand-painted this mask, Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:50And what's your plan to deter people from property?
02:53Are you going to put it in the window?
02:54Yeah.
02:55Like, Home Alone style-y.
02:56You know when a light goes on, when you go into a garden
03:00or something?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I think the light will actually go on in the living room.
03:03And you'll walk down the path and then the light will come on
03:06and Clatterbottom will be there.
03:07Clatterbottom's there?
03:08Yeah.
03:09I'm never going to break into that house.
03:11That's a good start.
03:11It's one of the strongest starts we've ever had.
03:13Well done.
03:14It doesn't mean it won't come last.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:18Armando, can you beat Clatterbottom?
03:20Well, look, I've gone, like, just no-nonsense.
03:23But I've just put...
03:23I'll sign up my gate, which is...
03:26This sign here is from our living room.
03:27This sign here, and...
03:28Yeah.
03:29LAUGHTER
03:29I've just got an extra layer of security.
03:33LAUGHTER
03:34Yeah.
03:35Which, as we all know, don't really exist.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:38So, are you presuming that people trying to break into your house
03:41are going to be like,
03:42Oh, no, I'll have to pay £15 to go rob stuff from?
03:45Yeah.
03:45I mean, if someone's going to steal from me,
03:47I might as well make some money from it.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51I mean, sometimes you're going to have to suspend disbelief on this show.
03:54LAUGHTER
03:56These have been good, Joanna.
03:58Now, someone's going to mess up.
03:59Right.
04:00What have you brought me?
04:01I have brought in a mould of my own head, which I've dressed up,
04:05and a sign inviting people to come and join me in my hot tub.
04:09LAUGHTER
04:11Oh, my God.
04:14Ah!
04:16This is a mould...
04:17I did a film years ago, and I had to have a lobotomy in it.
04:21And so they did, like, a mould thing of my head,
04:24where they put, like, this green, alginate sort of stuff on it.
04:27And so, they gave me this head at the end of filming,
04:30and I was like, well, I've got nothing to do with it,
04:32so I put it in my parents' wardrobe.
04:33And then my son, who's ten, a while ago, found it.
04:37I've never had so much information in my life.
04:38LAUGHTER
04:40I own this sign, but I do think if someone has a sign...
04:44I don't have a hot tub, but I do have this sign.
04:47And if somebody, I think, asks you to go and sit in a hot tub with them,
04:50to relax and sing and laugh, I wouldn't go anywhere near that house.
04:54OK, I'm going to have to develop some rules for you.
04:58LAUGHTER
05:03Normally, someone's been absolutely rubbish by now,
05:06and I've had to shout at them.
05:07Hello, Joel.
05:08Hello.
05:10Hello.
05:10It is a glittery frame, and inside that glittery frame
05:16is my son's umbilical core.
05:18Oh, it's good.
05:23I love my son, but that bit of congealed blood and skin,
05:27I don't want to be framed.
05:29Whose idea was it?
05:30Because it's like a nice thing when it gets, you know...
05:33But it's not a nice thing, is it?
05:34We've agreed.
05:35Absolutely.
05:35Yeah, but I didn't know that's what it looks like when it dries.
05:38Ah.
05:39You know what I mean?
05:39So it was, like, appealing when it was wet?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:45Imagine if that was, like, hung on my door.
05:47OK.
05:48You know, you'd be like, whoa, whoa, this...
05:50I've got to go now.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53The thieves around Britain are going to be ready for you.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57It's incredible.
05:59Kamel, hello.
06:00What have you brought me?
06:01I think this sign speaks for itself.
06:03Yes, Kamel has brought this in.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:08LAUGHTER
06:10Nobody's going in there.
06:11Is this a real Department of Homeland Security sign?
06:14No, it's not a real one, Greg.
06:16I'm trying to stay away from where the real signs are.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21It's strong. OK.
06:23Here come my points.
06:24I'm giving Joel's horrible umbilical cord one point.
06:27Not because it's not fascinating,
06:28but because it wouldn't stop me from robbing him.
06:31Now, Department of Homeland Securities
06:33are going to put me off over here.
06:35Oh, it's over here, right.
06:37They don't have jurisdiction.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43Two points to Kamel.
06:45OK.
06:45I very much found it amusing, Armando,
06:48but if I was a really committed villain,
06:50I don't think I'd get £15 out three points.
06:53Right.
06:53And then we're up to the two creepy women.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I'll just do it on gut instinct.
06:58I found Clatterbottom slightly more creepy than Lobotomy Girl.
07:01Four points to you.
07:02Five points to you.
07:03Well done.
07:03Well done.
07:04APPLAUSE
07:07Right.
07:08What is the first task proper of the series, please, Alex?
07:12Well, it's actually something a little...
07:16HEAT!
07:17Oh, God.
07:18Wait.
07:20LAUGHTER
07:21Oh.
07:22LAUGHTER
07:23What's going on?
07:25Oh, God.
07:27I've got an egg.
07:29You've got a what?
07:30There's no-one else got an egg.
07:31Can we see your egg?
07:32LAUGHTER
07:35Oh, no.
07:37Yeah, I see what's happened here, Greg.
07:38There's a chance I might have forgotten to give this one to everyone.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:43Oh, no.
07:45Oh, no.
07:46Oh, no.
07:46I'm so sorry.
07:47Let's have a look.
07:48Oh, my God.
07:50LAUGHTER
08:01Oh, close than I expected.
08:05So there's something in your pigeonhole, Joel.
08:09LAUGHTER
08:10Can I?
08:11Mm-hm.
08:13Protect this egg.
08:14It's in your pigeonhole.
08:16That's my egg?
08:18You must have this egg with you, unseen, for every task and every episode in the studio.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:27Wow.
08:28You must hand Alex your wholly intact egg within 30 seconds every time the egg timer goes off.
08:38If you mention damage or lose your egg, you are disqualified. Your time starts now.
08:43LAUGHTER
08:46Oh, there's the egg.
08:47And I can't damage it.
08:49No, you've got about six months.
08:50Six months.
08:51Do you want a little practice?
08:54BELL!
08:57That was well-willing time.
08:58OK, you can go now.
09:00Bye-bye.
09:02APPLAUSE
09:04So sorry.
09:05Yeah.
09:07This is so mad.
09:09I'm so sorry.
09:10I don't know what happened.
09:11Good.
09:11That was...
09:11The whole time that we were backstage, I was like,
09:14oh, where is everyone else's egg?
09:17LAUGHTER
09:19No, I'm so sorry, Joel.
09:20I'm so sorry.
09:21And also, you'll notice, it didn't say, if you do it, you'll get any points.
09:24So it's, um...
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28I guess it's up to you, Greg, if we get to episode ten
09:30and he's still got the egg and he still reveals it on the horn.
09:33Oh, no, there'll be no points.
09:36LAUGHTER
09:40OK.
09:40Well, that's going to be a lot of fun for everyone.
09:44And now, as if things couldn't get any better,
09:46I've got worms.
09:48Oh.
09:49LAUGHTER
10:02Caravan?
10:03Yeah.
10:03Yeah.
10:04Why not?
10:04You a caravan guy?
10:05No, I hate them.
10:09I like this.
10:10Yeah.
10:11I like that cat, and I'd have that in my house.
10:14And there's a lot of things I'd have here in my house.
10:17Right, well, we'll keep an eye on you, then.
10:20LAUGHTER
10:21Why aren't you inside?
10:22Sometimes I go outside.
10:25Doesn't look like it.
10:28Find a worm.
10:29Find a worm.
10:31Find a worm.
10:32Fastest wins.
10:32Your time starts now.
10:33Let's go.
10:34OK, find a worm.
10:35Find a worm.
10:36Find a little worm.
10:38Find a worm.
10:39Find a worm.
10:40What does that mean?
10:42Ah, do you not have worms in America?
10:45LAUGHTER
10:47We have worms.
10:48Well, find one, then.
10:51APPLAUSE
10:57I think let's just crack on with it, really.
11:00OK, and we're going to initiate, invertebrate, investigate
11:02with Amy Gledhill and Joanna Page.
11:05WHISTLE BLOWS
11:05My automatic thought is to go into the garden and dig it up,
11:09but that would be cruel,
11:11and there probably isn't going to be a worm in the garden.
11:14There's going to be a worm here somewhere.
11:17Find a worm, find a worm.
11:19Find a worm.
11:20Yeah, any worm.
11:21Any worm.
11:22Find a worm.
11:22But then what about an earworm?
11:24Like, what's it called when there's a worm in your ear?
11:27I think you said it.
11:29An earworm.
11:29An earworm.
11:29An earworm.
11:30Like an actual worm.
11:32Find a worm.
11:34Find a worm.
11:36Find a worm.
11:36A worm.
11:37Find a worm.
11:38Find a worm.
11:39Find a worm.
11:39Where would a worm be?
11:40Where would a worm be?
11:41Find a worm.
11:42A worm.
11:43A worm.
11:43A worm.
11:44A worm.
11:46It can't be that I'm digging for worms, can it?
11:50Find a worm.
11:55What are these?
11:56Maggots?
11:57Ah!
11:59Right.
12:00They're maggots.
12:01They're not worms, are they?
12:02Is that a worm?
12:04Might be.
12:06It's not a worm, because I know it's not a worm.
12:10Right.
12:10That's a worm.
12:12Oh, you've got a mealworm.
12:13That's a mealworm.
12:14Yeah, lovely.
12:15Lovely.
12:16We're going to dig up the garden.
12:18It's like when it's been raining, that's when they come up.
12:21Yeah.
12:22It's going to be hundreds in a minute.
12:28Oh, my God, I found a worm.
12:30I found a worm.
12:32I found a worm.
12:32I don't want to touch it, because I don't like touching them.
12:35I found a worm.
12:37You found a worm.
12:38I found a worm.
12:40I found a worm.
12:40I've got to talk about it.
12:41APPLAUSE
12:46Well, I think we know who the BBC are coming to, and Attenborough
12:49finally retires.
12:52There was quite a long period of that VT that you were just both
12:56walking around saying, find a worm.
12:58LAUGHTER
12:58And I sort of imagined if one of your family members that have been there
13:02that have turned to me and gone, she does this.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:06Where do we stand on mealworms being worms or not?
13:10Well, I'll tell you now, I'm making a judgement.
13:11The mealworms are worms, so if that was presented, it's a worm.
13:14OK.
13:15Well, Joanna, 14 minutes 30 till she charmed the worm out of the ground.
13:19Unharmed.
13:19But Amy, you won't believe it, 3 minutes 35 to find a worm.
13:23A worm.
13:24Wow.
13:25I would have said if she was saying find a worm for one hour.
13:29OK.
13:30That's the end of part one, and time for our first break of the series.
13:34But first, let's see how their nerves are holding up, because...
13:37BUZZER
13:37Oh, stop it.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:40Yay!
13:42QUICK! QUICK! QUICK! QUICK!
13:46QUICK!
13:46We'll see you soon!
13:59Well, welcome back to Taskmaster, where it's very early in the series
14:04and we've already lowered the bar with a worm-finding task.
14:09Yes, Greg, you're absolutely right.
14:11Amy and Joanna went first and succeeded,
14:13which proves that the early birds do catch the worms.
14:15I think that's fine to say.
14:16And we're now going to give two Hollywood superstars a reality check
14:21by making them look for worms just like the rest of us have to.
14:24It's Armando Iannucci and Kumail Nanjiani.
14:28OK, where would a worm be?
14:31Early birds?
14:32Early birds get worms?
14:34You want me to find you an early bird?
14:35Would it have a worm in its mouth?
14:37Not at this time of day.
14:39LAUGHTER
14:41You're looking for a worm?
14:42That's not it.
14:44What do you mean, find a worm?
14:46It's a little wiggly, guys.
14:50Oh, my God!
14:54Have you ever looked for a worm before?
14:55I don't think I have.
14:57I get that impression.
14:58I don't... I've never been into worms.
15:00Are those worms?
15:01I don't know, really.
15:03They are.
15:04Well, up to you, really.
15:05They're called mealworms.
15:06Can you search, is a mealworm a worm?
15:10OK.
15:11No, a mealworm is not a true worm.
15:13It's the larval stage of a darkling beetle.
15:17I should not have had you search for that.
15:20Books in books were a bookworm.
15:22I love books, so I'm a bookworm.
15:25I am a bookworm.
15:28And this is a reminder of the other sort of worm.
15:32And, you know, that's it.
15:33Would you like me to stop the clock?
15:34I think so.
15:36I mean, in my head, it stopped a long time ago.
15:42What am I doing?
15:44If I sit here...
16:01Oh, my God.
16:02That's a worm.
16:03I just got a flashback to when I...
16:05When my cat had something like this.
16:07I saw one coming out of my cat's...
16:09Wormhole?
16:11Out of my cat's wormhole.
16:15APPLAUSE
16:22There's this trend, Armando, on this show where...
16:25And I speak of a man of a certain vintage.
16:28Thank you very much.
16:29Where I find myself pointing out how grumpy and or disinterested
16:33people of a certain vintage can sometimes appear on this show.
16:37You're the first to do both.
16:38Yeah.
16:39But in the final analysis, pretty good, I thought.
16:43Well, I'm buying bookworms straight away.
16:45Oh, fantastic.
16:45There we go.
16:45Yeah, you like that?
16:46Right.
16:46So, of the three we've done, two of them have not found worms.
16:51LAUGHTER
17:01I've already given the points, then.
17:03Yeah, stop.
17:03No, you haven't.
17:04I have.
17:06I love you, Amy.
17:07And I do think, OK, you know what, you're right.
17:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:12LAUGHTER
17:13She should certainly have a point.
17:15Well, just one sweet little boy left to go.
17:17It's Joel Domit.
17:20I know exactly where to look.
17:23I'm going in the kitchen right now.
17:25How did you do that now?
17:37Who did you do that now?
17:38That's what happened.
17:38I'll stop the clock.
17:40APPLAUSE
17:43Why are we doing?
17:46I wrote, your enthusiasm was infectious, you were so pleased that you'd remembered the worm, but I was a teacher
17:52for many years and if you'd invaded my space, I'd have to say it.
17:55like you did with Alex it would have resulted in retribution long since not
18:02been acceptable in the schools
18:07excited boy isn't he yes but who wouldn't be you'd be excited if you found a worm in 21.8
18:12seconds
18:16and that boy gets the full five points joel 21.8 seconds yeah but then it gets interesting we have
18:24amy in second place joanna third place armando the bookworm 16 minutes and one point to kamel it took half
18:32an hour to find his worm well done kamel
18:40right let's see the first scoreboard of the series please assistant okay well unfortunately that means kamel you're in last
18:46place with three amy's in the lead with nine points
18:52well done amy
18:56okay i'd like another task and i'd like to see how they work together in teams
19:00oh it's a great call from a great guy with great thighs yes it's the first
19:06team task of the series and i for one am buzzing
19:22amando
19:24alex good morning good morning are these all fake
19:27what do you mean
19:31that's what a pineapple sounds like
19:33nope
19:35hello
19:36come in
19:39hi
19:41hi
19:41oh my god
19:42hi
19:43hi i'm amy
19:44hi i'm kamel nice to meet you
19:46how are you doing
19:47i'm great nice to meet you
19:49any particular favourite amongst them
19:51a lime
19:54a lime
19:55a lime
19:56one particular lime
19:56right
19:57oh hello hello
19:58hello
19:59hi hi
20:00hi
20:00nice to see you
20:01how long have you been here
20:03literally just walked in
20:04right
20:05yes
20:05well off the street
20:06yes
20:07yes
20:09there's your buzzer amy
20:11so now i'll have someone to meltdown with
20:21yes
20:21hi
20:22hi
20:22hi
20:22hi i'm kamel
20:22yes
20:22nice to meet you
20:24yes so famous
20:25you look very cool
20:27like a leather cap
20:29look how cool
20:29thanks man
20:30thank you
20:31i wonder what that is
20:32would you like one as well china
20:33yes please
20:35thank you
20:36joe
20:37joe
20:37like me
20:38if you google you
20:39the second picture is you without a shirt
20:42i'm frustrated it's not the first
20:44wow
20:46oh my gosh
20:47yes come on then
20:48okay then we go
20:49right go
20:51right
20:51er
20:52give greg
20:53five foods correctly
20:54when the buzzer buzzes
20:56give greg one food
20:57if you give greg the wrong food
20:59you must start again
21:00if your buzzer does not buzz you must stay in this room
21:03first team to give greg five correct foods wins
21:07do you have a maximum of 35 minutes and your time starts immediately
21:11who's greg
21:12have you seen the show
21:14oh greg
21:19we are
21:27and we are
21:27yeah
21:28you sure
21:29you are
21:29you sure
21:32not everyone knows
21:33i was in the moment and because you weren't in the room at that time
21:37i was like oh my god what's going on what have i got a look at
21:40who's greg
21:41LAUGHTER
21:43Hey, let's see the teams in action, can we?
21:46Yes. And we're going to begin by seeing if the team of three
21:48figured it out. It's Joel, Amy and Kumail. Here we go.
21:56Oh, it's buzzing! We have to give him a correct food.
21:59I'm going to go orange, potentially, next three, potentially...
22:03Let's try it.
22:06All right, yes.
22:09He said all right, yes.
22:10OK. It's me, it's me.
22:13Shall we go for another fruit?
22:15A pineapple?
22:17Oh, yes.
22:19Yes! He liked the pineapple!
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:21He liked the pineapple, OK.
22:23All right.
22:24Onion.
22:25Onion.
22:26Onion.
22:28This is a face.
22:35Ooh. Ooh, no.
22:38Ugh.
22:39Bad news, guys.
22:41Oh, shit. OK, OK.
22:43OK.
22:44OK, so these are the ones we know he likes.
22:46Yeah.
22:48OK, yes.
22:49Yes.
22:52No, I wouldn't have thought so, no.
22:54Oh, God. OK.
22:55No.
22:56Doesn't like the pea.
22:57Doesn't like the pea.
22:58OK.
22:58The carrot goes there, we like it.
23:00The pea goes over here.
23:02Yes.
23:02Yes.
23:03Yes.
23:03Guys, we just need one more.
23:05That was good.
23:05He likes it.
23:06Oh, my God.
23:07We just need one more.
23:09Yes, please.
23:12Love the cucumber.
23:13OK.
23:13Oh, so we've got it all.
23:14We just have to wait until they buzz and then we can go.
23:17OK.
23:18OK.
23:18Oh, this is fun now.
23:19OK.
23:20Now we can just enjoy us.
23:21Wow, we really, really nailed that one.
23:25No.
23:26No.
23:26No?
23:27What?
23:28He said no.
23:30He said no to carrot.
23:31He suggested carrot before.
23:32So there's an order.
23:34OK.
23:34So he liked this, then this.
23:38The mood has really changed.
23:44Yes.
23:45Yes.
23:45What do you want, Greg?
23:51Was that always there, the drink price?
23:53Because there are five things there.
23:55This one over here as well.
24:00It says instead of time starts now, it says time starts immediately.
24:04And your time starts immediately.
24:07Why is it immediately instead of now?
24:09Is it syllables like, and your time starts immediately?
24:15Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
24:18Oh.
24:19Each one has more letters than the last.
24:23Each one has more.
24:26Can we go up from orange?
24:29Carrot.
24:33Yes.
24:37Yes.
24:38How much time do we have left?
24:39You've got about 40 seconds.
24:41Oh!
24:43Oh, this is great, guys.
24:44This feels real.
24:45Wait, we don't have much time left!
24:46Give us a bow!
24:47Give us a bow!
24:49No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
24:51It's like that final scene in The Eternals.
24:54You've never seen it.
24:55I've seen it, bro.
24:56Damn it's a good one.
24:58Yes, please.
24:59Yes!
24:59One more, one more, one more!
25:0015 seconds.
25:02Oh!
25:04Everybody come here!
25:05Whoever it is will run.
25:08Buzz make a buzz
25:29Well, it was it was a shaky start when I witnessed two grown adults turn into like take that fun
25:41I
25:49Although actually pretty cohesive team. I thought they were good team. They were working. Well, hey
25:54What was all that syllable bullshit towards the end? No
25:58Primary school you go who is Greg Alex two syllables. Yeah, how does it apply to this task? Sorry
26:08But the words were getting bigger
26:12What's Amy that worked out that the words? Yeah, that there were more syllables. Yeah, ah, I apologize for calling
26:19your system bullshit
26:29Okay, advert time have a break have some tea leave your man come back to me
26:39I
26:47Show and it's a team task in play Alex. What's the deal? Oh, hey mate? Yeah, they're trying to give
26:54your statue
26:55Correct foods the team of three managed to work out that it's all about delivering the food in order of
27:01the number of letters in each
27:02Item's name and they deliver the goods just in time, but it's fastest wins. So how will the other team
27:07get on?
27:08Representing Scotland and Italy and Wales. It's Armando and Armando and Joanna
27:13Right, there's a pineapple here. Is it stuff that's in here? Yeah
27:18What's here with you?
27:22All right. Yes. Yes. Why do we have such a long time? It's because we've got to discover things food
27:30That was a meat fruit protein vegetables, so meat
27:36It's you again
27:42I'm afraid it's a no
27:46It's really nice to make sense
27:49He's a lot slower than me. It sort of highlights my manicness
27:54That was a rejection
28:05How are you finding be on a team with join us? It's uh, it's certainly
28:10Walking me up
28:11I think she's got high expectations of you on them
28:19What
28:23Maybe we should go for meat
28:27I think yes on this occasion
28:30Yes
28:30Oh my god, we need a fruit now
28:33We've got you a pineapple
28:36Oh, yes
28:36Oh, yes, brilliant
28:39We've got to find some protein
28:41What about that?
28:43Because that or will you just go that is just basically a cow
28:48Nice
28:50Oh
28:51I've broken the egg
28:52I've broken the egg
28:56Bad news I'm afraid
28:57Oh, you are kidding me
28:59I've broken the egg
29:01Right, we're going with our trusty egg
29:04Yeah
29:05Cool
29:06Yes
29:07We're trying an orange this time
29:09Yes, please
29:10I'm just wondering if it's spelling out
29:12E-b-o
29:14E-b-o
29:22Sorry breast chicken
29:24Do you like it?
29:25All right then
29:25Yes
29:26Cool
29:27Five foods correct
29:29Should we just go for it?
29:31Let's see around
29:31Okay
29:32Cauliflower greg
29:33But we don't know why
29:34Oh, yeah
29:36Oh my god
29:37He said yes
29:37Yes
29:38He said yes
29:39Yes
29:39Yes
29:40I have to talk the clock
29:41Excellent
29:42Do you know why you've succeeded?
29:44No
29:44No
29:46Yeah
29:50Yeah
29:51Thank you
29:51Brilliant
29:52You're doing it tonight
29:53Brilliant
29:53You're doing it tonight
29:54Brilliant
29:54Brilliant
29:54You're doing it tonight
29:54Brilliant
29:55It's fascinating dynamic this
29:57I can't wait to see this team play out
30:01Instinctively
30:01We were just gelled
30:02Yeah, we didn't need to know what they did
30:04No, we didn't
30:05We just felt that
30:05Well, because you thought we were trying to get you to spell out ebola
30:11E-bola
30:14That does make more sense
30:15Yeah
30:18Shall I tell you some timings, greg?
30:20Yes, please
30:20Well, we know the team of three found it just in the nick of time
30:23Nearly 35 minutes
30:24The team of two, 21 minutes
30:26Yes
30:27Wow
30:28So they get a five point
30:29That's just what we said
30:31So how many points should the team of three get?
30:33They did succeed
30:33They did succeed
30:34Three points
30:35Five and three
30:36Five and three
30:37Three points for the team of three
30:38Yeah, I think it is
30:39Very sharp and bad
30:41Great
30:41Another task, please
30:42And can it be big fun on a big scale?
30:48Yes and yes
30:49Because you deserve it, greg
30:50Also, just so you know
30:51I'm in great shape
31:09Let's hold off to see that
31:14Where is he?
31:23why are you laughing you look incredible well it's a hot day hello Alex you've been working
31:32out I need to go to the gym you look really good do you mind yeah go yeah it's so
31:39warm I might join
31:39you this is really exciting put the most t-shirts on Alex Alex would only wear t-shirts launched from
31:50the t-shirt launcher and onto a target according to the t-shirt launcher rules there if a t-shirt
31:59lands in a blue circle Alex must wear that t-shirt white circle Alex must wear every t-shirt that
32:06has
32:07been fired so the white circle is the best one if a t-shirt lands on the central target that
32:12t-shirt
32:12must be dunked in the bucket then put on Alex then that is the end of the task oh god
32:18if a t-shirt
32:19lands in a red circle Alex must take off every t-shirt that he's wearing you must always launch
32:24upwards and each t-shirt can only be launched once if you catch the golden t-shirt your t-shirt
32:33total
32:33will be doubled you're 20 minutes or until you run out of t-shirts your time starts on the whistle
32:39have you used a t-shirt launcher before no I've never used a t-shirt launcher before Alex what do
32:46you think my life is I've used one before I worked at the basketball uh-huh the basketball for the
32:51Lakers
32:52who's your favorite player on the Lakers Cube Cube Cube is good fuck he's good
33:05right well Greg Kamel is up first with Armando and George but before we begin I do have to give
33:10one
33:10of these uh health and safety warnings about the video that's coming up just look at the size of
33:15his arms they're massive okay okay just a test oh oh oh oh very satisfying I might just do this
33:42all day I'm trying something else okay new strategy it's never happened to me before it's not usually a
33:52problem I have that has happened to you before yeah it just happened to me now twice in a row
34:05oh no take it off well I'm not wearing a t-shirt luckily okay this is so fun man oh
34:14that one I'm flapped oh
34:15oh oh oh oh a lovely launch yes that's on the white it's touching the white I don't think it
34:33is stay there okay
34:38is that on the white that's not on the white either it's golden t-shirt all the t-shirts are
34:45ah right
34:46okay I catch this I'm not yeah being careful being careful yeah yeah this is nerve-racking best of luck
34:53don't need it mate are you good at catching yeah I've been catching t-shirts my whole life
35:05oh okay bit of extra juice
35:14come on come on come on I can't even remember what it does
35:28oh
35:29what does it do oh
35:32oh
35:33yeah it smells so bad
35:36yeah it smells so bad
35:37pleasure thank you thanks for having me
35:41yeah I've never dressed someone in a wet t-shirt before honestly 15 t-shirts left
35:50Oh
35:50Interesting
35:56No, no, no, no, no, oh
35:59It's so wet
36:00Arms up and two was quite cold. Yep
36:05Doesn't say I have to be behind the line. There is no line
36:13All right, I've got two minutes on as many features as possible you have two minutes. No, then you should
36:18open and put them on here
36:22One and a half minutes, okay, hurry up
36:26This your first day putting on t-shirts. Come on, man. No
36:29Why are you so bad
36:31That's the end of the talk the times up to think you've built this for two t-shirts all coming
36:38down now
36:44Well, goodness me, have we ever had a contrast between men
36:49Like we have here the opening reaction to the t-shirt launch was like, whoa
36:56And then we cut over here, and it's like a very satisfying
37:01Come out you a real action hero for about 30 seconds. I went this man's gonna be
37:07Deadly accurate, and then was just a total collapse
37:11Yeah, the t-shirt dribbled out of there a couple times once you stop trusting yourself. There's nowhere to go
37:21Right advert time in the final part of the show
37:24Someone will feel the high of victory and then a couple of hours later
37:28Find themselves sitting at home between mrs. Clatterbottom and a randy mannequin and then and only then will the haunting
37:35introspection begin
38:06I'll see you in a minute
38:06T-shirt and this iPad does actually play the videos and you are definitely still six foot eight
38:11There are only two people left to go. It is Amy and Joanna
38:16I think it's fun. Okay
38:19Okay
38:21Oh!
38:22Oh!
38:23Oh!
38:24Oh!
38:25Oh my good god!
38:28Oh!
38:31Oh my god!
38:33Wow!
38:33Wow!
38:37Right.
38:39Well that goes far doesn't it?
38:41Can I take some of these t-shirts down there?
38:43Yeah, I can bring the thing down for you if you want.
38:45Oh my god, come on, let's go down.
38:47Okay, I'm strong remember
38:52What am I doing with the gold one now you're trying to catch it if you catch it your total
39:03at the end will be doubled
39:05Are you good at catching?
39:07Yep, okay
39:22I
39:25Think I brought it back with that
39:33All I gotta do is get something on the white and then you've got to put the loads on
39:47What do you put on t-shirts?
39:48Oh, you're like a big baby
39:54I've never had a man in front of me put his clothes on this fast before ever
40:02Yes!
40:03Put it on me and that's the end of the top
40:06Oh, yes
40:10There we go
40:11It's like putting a condom on a sausage
40:15Oh my gosh, this is brilliant
40:17That's amazing
40:18You've run out?
40:19Yeah
40:20Just go
40:20Brilliant
40:21High five
40:22Thank you
40:26Well, I guess the obvious first question is have you put her condom on a sausage?
40:36Have you?
40:38Maybe once
40:39Okay
40:42They both managed to get a lot of t-shirts on me, they were running out at the time
40:45You dunked one at the end because you wanted to put a wet one on me
40:48Excuse me
40:49Time was running out
40:50So both women got 24 t-shirts
40:55Wow, 24
40:57Wow
40:58Wow
40:59Well, do I have to be doubled the number of shirts you put on me
41:02What does that do to the score?
41:03Well, it means Armando gets one point for his one t-shirt
41:05Joel got six, so he gets two points
41:07Kumail, 12, three points
41:10Amy, twice as many
41:1124, four points
41:12Joanna, twice as many
41:13Again, 48 t-shirts
41:14And five points to join
41:15CHEERING
41:17Oh God
41:20Do you see a scoreboard then?
41:22Sure, yes
41:22And it does mean the women are on top
41:24Joanna's at the top of the leaderboard with 17
41:26Then Amy on 16 points
41:27CHEERING
41:31All right, everyone, will you please make your way to the stage for the first final task of the show?
41:38CHEERING
41:46Hello, my handsome prince
41:48I'm a little worm
41:49Hello, Greg
41:49Hello
41:50Who will be reading the task for us?
41:52I think Joanna Page
41:53Ah, Joanna Page
41:55You ready?
41:56No
41:57Find four oranges
41:59If you find an apple, you miss your next go
42:03If you find a lemon, the order reverses
42:07If you find a duck, you must greet the duck by name
42:11If you find an orange, you can look under another can
42:17Fastest to find four oranges in one turn wins
42:20Who's starting, Alex?
42:23Amy's going to start
42:23I've also got to say, only one person gets points here
42:26Only the orange finder gets five points
42:28LAUGHTER
42:30Ready?
42:31Amy
42:32Find the orange
42:34CHEERING
42:35Apple, that means
42:37I miss my next go
42:38You miss your next go
42:38Amanda, you're up
42:41Apple, you miss your next go
42:45Lemon
42:45Lemon
42:45That means the order reverses
42:46You miss a go
42:46You miss a go
42:47So it's Camel's turn
42:48LAUGHTER
42:55Hello, Dave
43:00Hello, Dr. Cooper
43:06Hello, Dave
43:08Dave
43:09Ah
43:10Please
43:13Come on
43:17Ah
43:19Fuck you, Debbie
43:22Yes
43:25Yes
43:26Yes
43:27Yes
43:29Yes
43:29Yes
43:29My daughter
43:31Oh
43:32Yes
43:33Oh
43:34Yes
43:34Dave
43:35Ah
43:36Oh
43:37Denise, you bitch
43:40There we go
43:41Good feeling
43:42Good vibes
43:43Oh
43:48Debbie, where are the fucking oranges?
43:51LAUGHTER
43:53CHEERING
43:55CHEERING
44:09Hiya, Dave
44:10Donna!
44:12Donna!
44:13Donna!
44:16He twiddles the moustache
44:18That's
44:25LAUGHTER
44:25No!
44:27No!
44:29No!
44:31No!
44:31No!
44:32No!
44:35No!
44:37No!
44:43Come on, no!
44:45Right, that is
44:56Oh
45:07Yes, oh my god, I feel very confident
45:12Don't listen to them
45:15Come on Joanna
45:20Yes, I've always thought you'd be the one Joanna. I always thought Joanna
45:26Yeah, feels good, isn't it? Yeah feels right
45:32Joanna this could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history
45:56You did it!
45:57Come down here and we'll let that to the final score!
46:14Well, only one person was able to snuffle out the four oranges and that was of course Joanna page who
46:19gets the full five points
46:27Truly snuffled for Wales there Joanna
46:30She did which means the final league table we have Armando and Joel joint third on 11 points
46:36And I say that because Joanna's got twice as many points. She's won the episode with 22 points
46:42Joanna Page wins!
46:44Please pop up and claim your property to keep folk of your property!
46:53So what have we learnt today?
46:55Well, we've learnt that Taskmaster is the great leveller
46:58If you take part, there is no hierarchy, there is no ego
47:01It's just five humans being together
47:06But also, oh my god, he's so famous
47:16We have begun! We'll see you soon for episode two but for now, here is your winner for the night
47:21Joanna Page!
47:31Oijds!
47:33Oijds!
47:35Oijds!
47:35Oijds!
47:45Oijds!
47:47Oh, my God, my God, my God!
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