- 1 day ago
The Burbs S01E01 [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:58Transcription by CastingWords
01:28Transcription by CastingWords
01:30Oh God, I don't want to go back to work.
01:32You and Mars aren't going to have too much fun without me, are you?
01:34My maternity leave is going to be spent watching a window like Bravo,
01:38learning the choreography.
01:44I don't like that one bit.
01:50Stroll's over.
01:56Are you sure that house is empty?
01:58Yeah, right.
03:37I forgot.
03:39Nice to see you back on Asheville Place.
03:45Why you don't, you don't remember me?
03:50Sorry, never been good at remembering faces.
03:53That's all right.
03:54Yeah, I always like this street.
03:56You hear the thing about cul-de-sacs?
03:59There's only one way out!
04:03Have a great day, Robert.
04:08Bye now.
04:23You okay?
04:25Things I do for you.
04:30Like moving here.
04:43Do you want me to stay?
04:44I can call Nina, tell her I need another week.
04:48What are we watching?
04:49How long has that house been empty?
04:5120 years.
04:52Give or take.
04:54You don't think that's weird?
04:56Not really.
04:57I'm sure they've got a good reason for hanging on to it.
04:58So there's a they.
04:59Who's the they?
05:00You know, whoever owns it.
05:02Okay, shrug night.
05:04So you never thought about it?
05:06No, not really.
05:07Whatever.
05:08I know you gotta get to work.
05:09Naveen and I are catching the same train.
05:11The train pooling, he's calling it.
05:12But say the word, Noste.
05:13No, no, no.
05:14Gotta rip the band-aid off some way, somehow.
05:16It'll be me, myself, and I.
05:18And Miles.
05:19Together, alone, for the first time.
05:20I mean, no friends or family nearby, but that's why it's good.
05:24Yeah, because I'm not worried at all.
05:27You're giving me some very mixed signals here.
05:29I know.
05:31Get on the train.
05:32I love you so much.
05:33Mm-hmm.
05:33I love you too.
05:34I love you too, little man.
05:35And you can call me anytime, okay?
05:37I'm the guy who saved in your phone as White Bob with the black thumbs-up emoji.
05:41And it'll never change.
05:44Try to get out of the house today.
05:54Can I help you?
05:59I'm sorry?
06:03Should he be listening to this?
06:05Well, he can't understand the words.
06:09Babies absorb these things.
06:12Okay.
06:13Oh!
06:15Oh, you must be Rob Fisher's wife.
06:19Oh, I heard you were back here to live.
06:26Well, this is fabulous.
06:28I was wondering when I would get to meet you.
06:31I don't get out much.
06:33I'm Lynn Gardner.
06:34I'm Samira, and that's Miles.
06:37Aw.
06:38He looks just like his mama.
06:41Samira.
06:42Such a pretty name.
06:43Is it African?
06:46Yes.
06:47Fascinating.
06:48I just live catty-corner if you ever need anything.
06:52And you must come to Wine Night.
06:54It's just a bunch of friendly neighbors dabbing and guzzling on my porch,
06:59and they are dying to meet you.
07:01I'm breastfeeding, unfortunately.
07:03Oh, pump and dump, my darling.
07:07Welcome to Ashfield Place.
07:18Hey.
07:19Hey.
07:20I got a very important question for my big sis.
07:23Mariah, Whitney, Janet, or Beyonce?
07:28When you gotta go?
07:29I'm not about to fight with you today.
07:31Well, that's not a fight.
07:31I miss you.
07:33How's my apartment?
07:34Well, if you're referring to the artist currently known as my new apartment, it's divine.
07:40Look, girl, your taste is impeccable, okay?
07:41And these views?
07:43Exquisite.
07:43How's my nephew?
07:44Cute as hell.
07:45Oh, yes, he is.
07:48Because we're twins.
07:50And see, that's why you go off FaceTime.
07:53And how is Hinky Mountain?
07:55Hinkley Hills is Caucasian.
07:58That's the burbs, babes.
07:59Am I a bad mom for bringing my melanated son out here?
08:03I don't know.
08:04Are you a bad mother for accepting a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood
08:07where there's practically no crime, really nice schools?
08:10I mean, make it make sense.
08:11This feels so isolated.
08:13I mean, every day is the same thing.
08:16I don't know what I'm doing.
08:17And I don't have anybody to teach me how.
08:19Well, you know she's looking after you.
08:21That's what daddy say, but you can't teach somebody how to swallow a baby from heaven.
08:25Amen to that.
08:26How am I going to get through maternity leave?
08:29I mean, I thrive in collaborative environments.
08:32I need structure and tangible goals.
08:35Bitch, I don't speak resume.
08:37I speak housewife.
08:39This is what you do.
08:40Pick up a little day drinking habit.
08:41Maybe a little pill habit or something.
08:43Something cute.
08:43Yeah.
08:44Hard to do when you got a tit gremlin.
08:46Yeah, you could have kept that one.
08:48Well, baby, you just need some friends.
08:50I have friends.
08:51I mean, in a 10-mile radius.
08:52None of your neighbors ain't no potential there?
08:55Uh, no.
08:56It's a who's who of who's not it.
08:58These people are crazy.
09:00Well, I'm just spitballing, though.
09:01I know.
09:02I know, and I appreciate you.
09:03And I love you.
09:04And I'm going to come and visit you soon.
09:06Okay?
09:07And I know you would have chapped Mariah.
09:09I don't know her.
09:11Love you.
09:12Bye.
09:15Naveen?
09:19Look at us.
09:21Train buddies.
09:23Commute comrades.
09:25Megan filed for divorce.
09:26What?
09:27She was waiting for me when I got home yesterday.
09:30Suitcases at the bottom of the stairs.
09:31Like, out of a bad movie.
09:34Shit.
09:35Said she's been unhappy for a long time and wants to start over while she still has her youth.
09:39Said she can't stand another day of my moodiness.
09:41I'm not even...
09:45I'm not even that moody, Rob.
09:49She's fucking her dentist.
09:52Dr. James.
09:53The only one who takes my insurance.
09:54So that's fucking great.
09:56I should have known she was getting way too much dental work done for someone who has perfect teeth.
10:01She does have great teeth.
10:03Right?
10:03Two cleanings in a week.
10:04She said she needed to get a filling.
10:06Oh.
10:07Fuck.
10:09Remember what you said at my bachelor party?
10:11No.
10:12I was drunken on three different classes of drugs.
10:14We were in Miami.
10:15My jaw was in Texas.
10:16You grabbed my face and you said,
10:19Never trust a Megan.
10:22Nostradamus, motherfucker.
10:23I should have listened.
10:24I'm sorry, mate.
10:26Anyway, let's talk about you.
10:28Enough about me.
10:29How's the little man?
10:30Oh, God.
10:31He's the best.
10:32Perfect.
10:33I mean, he doesn't sleep.
10:34And he shits like a trucker.
10:36But wouldn't change it for the world.
10:38Nice.
10:39And Samira?
10:41She keeps asking questions about the house across the street.
10:47Really?
10:48Yeah.
10:53What'd you tell her?
10:55What is there to tell?
11:15What is there to tell?
11:32you know what you are absolutely right
11:42i attempted to leave the house today during daylight hours yes and i met lynn and she's
11:49exactly as you might have described nosy an extremely abstract sense of personal space
11:54yeah that's it and um she invited me for drinks with the neighbors she did you should go little
12:02man i can get some qt i think i might i want to see who i'll compete at
12:1020 years huh so you you must have known them who the grants ah what so you did know them
12:16you're doing that thing thing that thing you do when you get a little obsessed
12:22it's the lawyer in you you lock in remember your ramen conspiracy i know it wasn't ideal to get
12:27banned from the local bodega but i still stand by my theory that they were running drugs with the
12:31instant noodle cups it was right there i mean you were 100 onto something i mean they didn't even
12:36have a bodega cat what kind of bodega doesn't have a bodega cat babe i'm not being obsessed okay just
12:41humor me so tell me what you know about the creepy house family they lived across the street from
12:48us does anyone ever really know their neighbors yes i knew my neighbors first and last name we
12:53was all up in each other's business you did okay oh by the way speaking of being all up in
12:58each other's
12:58business megan left naveen so i guess i owe you 10 bucks you always call it also even worse
13:05chugging the dentist what yes oh my gosh never trust megan that's what i said do that's right
13:13allegedly babe please never leave me where am i gonna go oh yeah you're trapped now
13:23love you honey love you too and if a cheetah won't be the dentist thanks babe that means a lot
13:29somebody we don't know wow
13:39the next time that beast uses my law as its personal porta potty i am gonna get out my glue
13:46gun
13:46well break out the crayons and color me thrilled it's samara so close come come come sit sit sit uh
13:56oh this is rob fisher's way oh from across the street dana richards is the name it's very nice to
14:02finally make your acquaintance likewise samira samira oh i'm so bad with names we haven't seen you around
14:10before we were starting to think that rob made you up no no i'm real just a new reclusive
14:16mom with leaking nipples now dana is a retired marine oh very distinguished lots of metals wow
14:27also i'm a real handy andy i have noticed not to be nosy but uh you have some spots on
14:32your fence
14:33that are pretty effed up and i can fix those for you i'm here for it because the only screwdriver
14:38i'm familiar with contains vodka and here's todd hi hi todd is a man of few syllables i don't think
14:48i've seen you around here before you've been keeping tabs on us through the window jimmy stewart
14:55which one of us is the murderer
15:00your face i'm sorry it's okay we all know that suburbia is a spectator sport you you have not seen
15:09me my home shares no sight lines with yours and i keep out ours what do you do this and
15:16that
15:19what do you and rob do i'm a civil litigation attorney hello sheeo i don't know what that is
15:25but good for you yeah rob is a book editor oh how'd you meet him a kate renata concert actually
15:32kate
15:32renata i'm going to look her up let me know what you find rob seems like he's romantic he is
15:39so how long
15:41have you guys lived here well for me just a couple years i wanted something with nature but my wife's
15:46idea of outdoorsyness is like a restaurant with a patio so this was our compromise and then she got
15:54deployed she's in the military too cannot confirm or deny honestly despite what two decades of daytime
16:03television tell you there are a lot of people that don't care for middle-aged lesbians
16:07yes but i felt welcome for the most part i've been here eight months and ten days that's precise
16:16she's been here for freaking ever not as long as some marty and i moved here 15 years ago marty
16:21i can't wait to meet him um unfortunately he passed oh lynn i'm so sorry i thank you heart attack
16:30it's been almost half a year but i still feel his presence every day
16:39here anyway these wine nights really help it's it's a bit like family that's right when you have
16:46neighbors you're never alone even when you want to be how'd you city kids end up here oh well rob's
16:52parents i'm sure you guys know they uh retired to one of those timeshare cruise ships last month
16:57that's a choice not mine but a choice well they had been asking us to come out here we didn't
17:02want to
17:02leave the city but our building got broken into we just felt like maybe we should we should try it
17:08out at least temporarily well thank goodness you're safe and sound here with us so what's the deal with
17:17that victorian house chainsaw massacre satanic cult jilted bride who severed the head of her lost
17:25unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful
17:32unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful
17:34unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unfaithful unf
17:44The Grants.
17:45Yes.
17:46And they had a daughter who...
17:48Died.
17:49In the house.
17:51There have been whispers of mysterious circumstances surrounding her passing.
17:57Maybe even...
17:59Murder.
18:00And then the parents moved away and never sold the house.
18:06So it just sits there, rotting, pissing off the HOA.
18:11God, I would give my left tent to go over there and do a little ghost hunt.
18:16Hi, everyone.
18:17It's cookie time.
18:19It's like she just knows when my sugar drops.
18:21Rory likes to prey on vulnerable shard sippers.
18:25Well, business is much more lucrative in this neighborhood than in mine.
18:27The usual.
18:28And keep the change, honey.
18:30Hey, I saw a stroller at your door.
18:32I am a great mother's helper, if that's something that might interest you.
18:35How old are you?
18:3613 next month.
18:37I have my CPR certification and badges in child development, early literacy, and swaddling.
18:42Swaddling?
18:43Mm-hmm.
18:44Okay, sunflower scouts.
18:45My business card.
18:46Feel free to reach out anytime.
18:48You're a notary public?
18:49Mm-hmm.
19:05Mm-hmm.
19:08It's like they hurt us.
19:10After all of this time?
19:12I'd love a plot twist.
19:27You'd really like this podcast.
19:29It's two guys talking about medieval construction techniques.
19:32You are so boring.
19:33You're so hot when you cook.
19:34Thanks, babe.
19:35How are the neighbors?
19:37Uh, good.
19:38A bit weird.
19:39Yeah, well, this is a cul-de-sac.
19:40What's wrong with cul-de-sacs?
19:42People are weird.
19:42I don't think the people are weird in cul-de-sacs.
19:44Wait, is it cul-de-sac?
19:46Like attorneys general?
19:47This is giving get out.
19:49Yeah, I hear you.
19:52Look, when my family first moved here, some people didn't know how to feel about us.
19:56But it's a nice area.
19:58And people like to think of themselves as nice.
20:01So, they try to act nice.
20:03Until they're actually nice.
20:05That's nice.
20:06Mm.
20:06Don't get me wrong.
20:07I was still a sad little kid until I found my people.
20:09By his people, he means an awkward, gangly tween with a funny accent that had just been dragged across the
20:14pond for his dad's new job.
20:16Funny accent?
20:17What are you talking about, dude?
20:18Your accent pulled.
20:19Still pulls, if we're being honest.
20:21You know, the girls called him Prince Rob.
20:23I don't think that's true.
20:24It's so true.
20:25Did you know the Victorian's for sale?
20:30Really?
20:31I'm assuming that's what the for sale sign means.
20:33Yeah, that would indicate that.
20:35So, why didn't you tell me somebody was murdered there?
20:40What are you talking about?
20:41The Grant girl.
20:44Yeah, right.
20:45Alison wasn't murdered.
20:46That's just small town gossip.
20:48Alison?
20:50So, what happened to Alison?
20:54I, honestly, like, it was so long ago that I don't remember a lot from that.
20:58But you did know her.
21:01Uh, yeah, but in the same way that anybody knows a neighbor.
21:05Why wouldn't you tell me that?
21:07Because I didn't think it was relevant, babe.
21:09It was, like, 20 years ago.
21:11There's a reason they call Hinkley Hills the safest town in America.
21:14Mm-hmm.
21:15Okay.
21:16Well, is there anything else you want to tell me about this place?
21:20Oh.
21:30Completed in 1902, Hinkley House was built by Hinkley Hills founder, H. Horace Hinkley.
21:36The mining magnet and philanthropist purchased 25,000 acres of hillside forest in 1898
21:43and developed it into the thriving suburb that bears his name.
21:48Today, Hinkley Hills is more than just an idyllic bedroom community.
21:53It is a shining example of fellowship and family values.
21:56Hinkley Hills, the safest town in America.
22:29Hinkley Hills, the
22:36hello how may i help you do you have a periodical section collections of old newspapers microfiche
22:42maybe i'm doing okay thank you for asking oh i'm sorry i am a new mom and i'm practically feral
22:50i understand oh what a cute little mocha munchkin
22:56to answer your question yes we have bound copies of all the hinkley hills heralds dating back to 1946.
23:05is there a particular date you're interested in march 15 2005. one moment please
23:30i'm afraid that march volume has been checked out really it's due back in a week you can come back
23:35for it then it's a date judy
23:58bill you missed a spot dear
24:19it's not even her house what's she feeding that dog
24:27she's gonna be mad when she gets cussed out spokesman
24:37you are not gonna believe this
24:42oh my gosh i know so are we gonna go in do white ladies love salads hell yeah we're going
24:49in brb i'm
24:50gonna go get lynn rob honey if you were awake i would have asked what you thought but oh oh
24:55well
25:03i just got a chill
25:06anybody else got a chill
25:12i'll do it
25:13i'll do it i was gonna offer but it seems like you already offered oh it's stuck oh well
25:43i can't be less cool right now
25:48everybody be cool
25:51like a museum or a mausoleum. That's why the lights are on at your stage in the house.
26:00Hiya, homebuyers. How can I help you? We are looking for an enormous house for our niece.
26:07Um, we would love a tour. Follow me. The owners have instructed that interior photography is not
26:16permitted. This is the library. Very tasteful. We enjoy literacy. All of the flooring is original
26:26to the house, which is built in the Queen Anne style. As you can imagine, a little love and a
26:31professional sander will go a long way. Oh, feel free to show yourselves around. Excuse me. Hello
26:38there. Welcome. They discriminate against older female buyers. This always happens. Oh, please.
26:44Our niece, you're a really bad liar. Well, I had to get him to take the bait or he might
26:49have
26:49thrown us out. Well, it's an open house, so by definition... I'm going to peek around.
27:23I'm going to peek around. This is the ugliest kitchen I've ever seen.
27:38This is the ugliest kitchen I've ever seen.
27:39This is the ugliest kitchen. This is the ugliest kitchen. This is the ugliest kitchen.
27:52When did you get here? Ok.
27:57I don't know.
28:49I don't know.
29:17I don't know.
29:27Just he.
29:28Go on.
29:29A doctor.
29:30How'd you find that out?
29:32I have my ways.
29:33He installed a security system which, in my expert opinion, is overkill for a private residence.
29:39You would only need a security system that robust if you are in danger or you have something to hide.
29:46Or both.
29:47I've never heard you say so many words at once.
29:49Well, I wish him luck with the Munster mansion, and I hope he has a good contractor and a good
29:56exorcist.
30:09I'm ready to help.
30:13You didn't hear this?
30:15What?
30:27What time is it?
30:292am.
30:31Something's not right out there.
30:34Okay, that is so weird.
30:40Who's that?
30:42No.
30:56Yeah.
30:57Uh-uh. That was about the new neighbor.
30:59But I'm sad and starving.
31:01Too bad. I'm being nice.
31:02Isn't this the kind of place where the neighbors act nice until they are nice?
31:06I did say that.
31:07Yes, you did.
31:08Your mother's up to something.
31:09What?
31:10I just want to know what his deal is, don't you?
31:12Maybe he doesn't have a deal.
31:14A guy moves into a dilapidated haunted house at 2am?
31:17Come on.
31:18He definitely has a deal.
31:20That is weird, weird.
31:22When did you pick that up?
31:23Ninja.
31:24Let's go.
31:25I'm going to go.
31:42I'm ready, sir.
32:23I got him. Five minutes on the left boob and he was out like a light.
32:27That's great, babe.
32:28Great. It's a miracle.
32:30Okay, if he can go to sleep when it's dark outside in a stationary position, that is a game changer.
32:34A life-affirming moment.
32:37What are you looking at?
32:39Your brownies are still there.
32:42Wait, really?
32:44Why won't he eat the goddamn brownies?
32:47Maybe he doesn't fuck with gluten?
32:49Then throw him out and give us the plate back. That's a good plate.
32:51It doesn't make sense. Everyone likes brownies. They're the Beyonce of dessert.
32:56And if they don't, they're just being contrary.
32:59Jinx? Maybe you just didn't see a put in there.
33:01The camera was on, on.
33:04Sorry. I just love it when you get all lawyery.
33:06Order in the court.
33:07Oh, counsel, please approach the bench.
33:09I object.
33:10Is there anything else you've noticed?
33:12Curtains opening and closing?
33:14Could he be watching us?
33:15Definitely could be.
33:17I think we better.
33:23He always knows.
33:24No.
33:25I got too cocky.
33:26I flew too close to the sun, and now he's punishing me like a tiny, vengeful guard.
33:31It's all right.
33:32I'm going to go drive him around.
33:37I'm coming. I'm coming.
33:45I'll be back in a second.
33:47Love you.
33:48Love you.
33:49Get some rest.
34:01Fuck it.
34:06Reclaiming my plate.
34:09What's he think he is?
34:11Not eating my brownies.
34:12I love my brownies.
34:13I eat it my damn self.
34:42He can keep the damn place.
34:44I'm going to take it.
34:56I'll be back in a second.
34:56I'm going to go.
34:57I need to go.
34:59Ah, shit.
35:31Is everything all right?
35:32That's where I can see him.
35:34What's happening?
35:35We got a call about a trespasser at the old Grand House.
35:37I guess it matches the description.
35:40Hey!
35:42What the hell is going on?
35:43New owners said they saw a black person skulking around the property.
35:47This is a big misunderstanding.
35:49Is it?
35:50Because apparently it happened twice.
35:51I was just dropping off brownies.
35:52This is my wife.
35:54In our house, where we live with our son.
35:57Fuck off.
36:00Robert Fisher.
36:02Danny Daniels.
36:03From high school.
36:05I heard you moved back.
36:09Baby, it's okay.
36:10Mommy's...
36:10Sorry, man.
36:12You know we gotta take the call.
36:13This is nuts.
36:15Ah, consider this drop, my good man.
36:19Aw.
36:21Yeah, don't worry about it.
36:22They all kind of look like that at that age.
36:25Robert Fisher.
36:28As I live and breathe,
36:30you folks have a great evening.
36:36Did you just thank the cops?
36:39Oh, shit.
36:41But...
36:42What's wrong with me?
36:44Sorry, babe.
36:45I...
36:47We can't live across the street from someone like that.
36:50I mean, what would have happened if I hadn't gotten there when I did?
37:00What's up, man?
37:00This is some bullshit.
37:02That freak, Narc, will rue the day he stepped foot in Hinkley Hills.
37:05Huh, yeah.
37:06Just used rue the day in a sentence.
37:08You're welcome.
37:08You're welcome.
37:11Hey.
37:12Hey.
37:12Todd told me what happened.
37:14I heard it on the police scanner.
37:17What the hell?
37:18What do you need, babe?
37:20You need some wine?
37:21How about some ice cream?
37:22You want a hit, man?
37:23I know people.
37:24I'm people.
37:25Say the word.
37:26Okay, we can hold on the latter, but I could use some wine.
37:30Yeah, it's the cure-all for all.
37:32Even racial profiling?
37:33We share your rage.
37:35He will not last long here.
37:38Spoken like a true hater.
37:39I love this energy, my dude.
37:40Oh, there's the sommelier now.
37:42Oh, Rob.
37:44This is lunacy of outrageous proportions.
37:47We won't stand for it.
37:49Should I get some glasses?
37:50Yes.
37:51I got it.
37:51Please, make it...
37:52Yeah.
37:54Shove over.
37:55I think we should all sleep here tonight.
37:58Safety in numbers.
37:59Hunker down.
38:00Someone should always be on watch, right?
38:01Like in the Marines?
38:02Yes, I will be out front the entire time.
38:05Okay, good.
38:05I've had a lot of coffee, so I'll stay up all night.
38:09Sleep out there like a dog.
38:10Todd, we gotta, like, stick together right now and form an alliance.
38:15Right?
38:16I'm a lone wolf.
38:16I'm set a united front.
38:17I've got some big-ass flashlights.
38:19I'm gonna bring over about ten of them.
38:20Do you have stuff that you brought home from the Marines?
38:22I have a lot of stuff in the garage.
38:23I just have to remember the password for that case.
38:27Oh, wow.
38:41Are those fireflies?
38:45Yeah.
38:48I always wanted to see fireflies growing up, but you can't see them in the city.
38:52It's like spotting a fairy in the wild.
38:59It's not fair.
39:01I was just starting to feel at home here.
39:05There's space and the community.
39:12I damn sure don't want to drag no stroll up four flights of stairs.
39:24I think we should stay.
39:27I want Miles to have fireflies.
39:30And our family's not gonna be run out by some racist, brownie-hating prick.
39:39I'm doing this.
39:41I'm doing this.
39:42Hell yeah, we doing this.
39:54Coming in?
39:56In a minute.
39:59I want to smell this sweet suburban here.
40:32Oh, shit.
41:11Oh, shit.
41:34Oh, shit.
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