How I Got Into College 1989 | A Bad Student’s Crazy Plan to Get Into College - video Dailymotion

Classcmovi

an average student who struggles academically is determined to follow the girl he loves to the college of her dreams — even if his grades say otherwise.  Using creativity, persistence, and a bit of luck, he navigates the unpredictable and often absurd college admissions process.  Directed by Savage Steve Holland, and starring Corey Parker, Lara Flynn Boyle, and Anthony Edwards, this lighthearted comedy captures the hopes and anxieties of young people chasing their future.  Fun, quirky, and relatable, How I Got into College is a classic late-80s teen comedy about ambition, love, and finding your own path.

Transcript

00:00:30In the final moments of a marathon, two runners, A and B, pass a point that is 100 meters from

00:00:35the finish line at the same time, and then run the final 100 meters of the race at different constant

00:00:41speeds.

00:00:42After the runners pass the point, A runs 80 meters in the time B runs 60 meters.

00:00:49How many meters will B have left in the race when A reaches the finish line?

00:00:53Let's see.

00:00:55Well, A is winning, right? By 60... No, 80 meters.

00:00:59But at different constant speeds? So B could catch up.

00:01:03I mean, if B's constant speed should somehow...

00:01:07No, but this could be one of those trick questions.

00:01:09So A has to win, right?

00:01:10Yeah, A must win by...

00:01:12Oh, God, who knows?

00:01:16I don't know the answer.

00:01:18Hey, what the hell's going on here?

00:01:22Well, I'm no good on the math part.

00:01:24You're a moron. It's easy.

00:01:26You guys should have been in the verbal section. I have to think this over again.

00:01:30Over again? Forget it. I'm exhausted.

00:01:32I'll run it again. You know, no problem.

00:01:34You would.

00:01:35Give him a break. Just some junior sweating out his SAPs.

00:01:39Hey, who gives a shit?

00:01:42You got a problem? Afraid I'll win? Is that what's happening?

00:01:45You can't win. You're B. You're never going to win.

00:01:47Oh, really?

00:01:48You are a disgrace to the entire alphabet.

00:01:53Oh, really? Alphabetize this.

00:01:58Ladies and gentlemen, this is a shocking situation unfolding at the finish line.

00:02:03And yet, wasn't the outcome entirely predictable with our athletes counting on Marlon Brown?

00:02:11Gosh, I'm sorry.

00:02:12You guys should have been in Jessica Kalo's SATs.

00:02:15You'd be drinking Gatorade by now.

00:02:18Are you copying?

00:02:20No. Fine. Thanks.

00:02:51Fine. Thanks.

00:02:52Fine.

00:02:59Okay, guys.

00:03:00Fine.

00:03:01Fine.

00:03:06Fine.

00:03:18See?

00:03:35Here you go, Mrs. Weiler.

00:03:37How do you think you did, Marlon?

00:03:38I don't know. It's kind of hard to tell from a bunch of dots.

00:03:41Yeah, well, I'm sure you did fine. I'm sure you did fine.

00:03:44Oh!

00:03:46It's nothing, really.

00:03:48Uh, have a good semester.

00:03:50Oh, dear.

00:04:12Never meant a girl could make me feel the way that you do

00:04:17You're all right

00:04:20Whenever I'm asked what makes my dreams real

00:04:23I tell them you do

00:04:24Are you gonna take the SATs again next month?

00:04:27I have to.

00:04:28With the scores I have now, I can only get into the schools I'd never go to.

00:04:31Kel, it's one overrated test.

00:04:33Yeah, well, you can say that, Jessica, because you have really great scores.

00:04:36Look, you guys, we gotta ease up.

00:04:38For this crazy now, what's it gonna be like in April?

00:04:40I'm not gonna make it to April. I know it.

00:04:42You know, I heard about this one girl who lost it so bad, she went into a mental institution.

00:04:47You mean the one that really cracked and took off all her clothes in the interview?

00:04:51Oh, yeah. Did you hear what happened?

00:04:53No.

00:04:56It was terrible, because when she went in for her interview, she was completely, totally prepared to discuss the nuclear

00:05:03freeze, drug abuse, violence in movies, all the important issues.

00:05:09But you know what the interviewer did instead?

00:05:11He hit her with a stress question.

00:05:14Bastard.

00:05:15Just to watch her squirm, he asked if you could be any major household appliance, which one would it be,

00:05:20and why?

00:05:21Oh.

00:05:22She blurted out vacuum cleaner, but couldn't back it up.

00:05:25It was all downhill after that.

00:05:27No matter what she said, he wasn't interested.

00:05:29Finally, he turns to her and says,

00:05:32Looks like your time's up, miss.

00:05:35Unless you have anything else interesting you'd like to reveal about yourself.

00:05:39And that's when she...

00:05:42Someone told me she's still in the hospital.

00:05:44No, she's dead.

00:05:46Slid her wrist with the application form.

00:05:48That's how she did it?

00:05:53Duh.

00:05:54Come on, you guys.

00:05:55This is joking.

00:05:56Look, every year people pass around these stories about the kid who cracked.

00:06:00Someone just made it up to scare us.

00:06:02Yeah, well, it worked for me.

00:06:03I'm scared.

00:06:05I'm terrified.

00:06:06I think getting into college is just like any other campaign.

00:06:09And we just need a little bit of strategy.

00:06:11Yeah, that's why I asked my parents to move to Montana,

00:06:13to help me get into some of the East Coast schools.

00:06:17Well, I don't think it's that crazy.

00:06:20I'm sure going to miss my dog, though.

00:06:24Who's staring at me again, Marlon?

00:06:28Don't do this, Oliver.

00:06:30I'm weak from unrequited love.

00:06:32Talk to her about it and this twisted childhood obsession with Jessica Calo.

00:06:36This is true love, Oliver.

00:06:38I mean, how many people do you know who really end up with their high school sweethearts?

00:06:41What are you going to do, wait until you get to college to talk to her?

00:06:43I have seen a myriad of men come and go through Jessica Calo's life since the sixth grade.

00:06:48I am not going to make those same mistakes.

00:06:50I'm committed.

00:06:51You should be committed.

00:06:53I know.

00:06:54I know you have bigger plans.

00:06:55Of course I do.

00:06:57What's it going to take to convince you of that?

00:06:59Forget about this go-to-college crap.

00:07:02What's wrong with experiencing the real world?

00:07:05Look, we get out of high school, we stick out our thumbs, and pow, we got a four-year jump

00:07:10on everybody.

00:07:11We may even run amok with rebel game show hostesses traveling the world with unclaimed vacation prizes.

00:07:17I'm sorry, Oliver.

00:07:19I just, I don't buy into the theory that on day one of real life, we stick out our thumbs,

00:07:23and pow, Vanna White picks us up and drives us off into a bright and exciting tomorrow.

00:07:28Well, I don't buy into the theory that getting a college education has got to revolve entirely around the possibility

00:07:34of Jessica Calo finally giving you the time of day.

00:07:41It's 1230.

00:07:44Sure.

00:07:52Here we go.

00:07:56Hi, Mrs. Ellsworth Marcado Hazelbaum.

00:07:59I'm here to see Mrs. Wyler.

00:08:03I'll be with you in a minute, Jessica.

00:08:04Okay, thank you, Mrs. Wyler.

00:08:08Hi, Martin.

00:08:10Marlin.

00:08:11Brown.

00:08:13You're going to vote for me?

00:08:14Oh, vote for you.

00:08:15In the election.

00:08:17For class president.

00:08:18Of course you don't have to.

00:08:20I would love to.

00:08:20Why don't you give me a button, and then I'll do publicity for you.

00:08:23Buttons are a dollar.

00:08:24Mm-hmm.

00:08:25Oh, all right.

00:08:27No, it's a joke.

00:08:29It's a joke.

00:08:32You're just kidding me.

00:08:36There you go.

00:08:37It looks great.

00:08:39Hey, why don't you give me some extra ones, and then I'll pass them out for you.

00:08:43Okay.

00:08:43I appreciate this.

00:08:45Okay, Jessica.

00:08:49When elected, Marlin, I won't let you down.

00:08:52Bye.

00:08:55Hi.

00:08:56So how was Italy, Jessica?

00:08:58Oh, it was great.

00:08:59It changed my life.

00:09:01Oh, well, being an exchange student looks super on your record.

00:09:03You'd be surprised how important it is, the way you spend your summers.

00:09:06It's getting insane.

00:09:08Okay, let's see.

00:09:10Last spring, your first choice was Michigan.

00:09:13My parents are alums.

00:09:15That's where they met.

00:09:16Well, Michigan's an excellent school.

00:09:17So what's the problem?

00:09:19I want to go to Ramsey College.

00:09:21Ooh, goody Ramsey.

00:09:25I met a group of kids from Italy who go to Ramsey.

00:09:27They were on this junior year abroad program in Venice to save the Italian frescoes from pollution.

00:09:31And while I was there, I realized it's exactly the sort of thing I want to do.

00:09:35I mean, instead of being a sorority girl, which is basically the direction I've been headed in ever since birth.

00:09:43Those kids are so cool.

00:09:45I mean, when they order spaghetti, they call it pasta.

00:09:47Look, I think you have a wonderful chance to get into Ramsey.

00:09:50So apply there and apply to Michigan.

00:09:55Here you go.

00:09:56Oh, thank you.

00:09:57Good luck.

00:09:58Thanks.

00:09:59Bye.

00:10:05Do you have an appointment, Marla?

00:10:07Or did you just drop in?

00:10:08Here, go ahead.

00:10:10Bye-bye.

00:10:18So, Marla, any specific college plan?

00:10:23Well, you know Jessica Calo.

00:10:25This Jessica Calo?

00:10:27This Jessica Calo.

00:10:29The same one that just left?

00:10:30Mm-hmm.

00:10:31Well, my college plan specifically is to go wherever she might be going.

00:10:36That's your college plan?

00:10:37Mm-hmm.

00:10:39That's about the size of it.

00:10:42Our projections indicate that we can expect over 8,000 applications for the 470 places in next year's class.

00:10:50Wow.

00:10:50In other words, that's almost 20 candidates for each available spot.

00:10:54Thanks, Sally.

00:10:54In other words, it's a seller's market.

00:10:57You're here.

00:10:58Now, as usual, we are top-heavy with students from both coasts.

00:11:02So for those of you recruiting out west, eyes out for that mythical kid from Montana.

00:11:09Yes, Miss Saji?

00:11:10Something funny?

00:11:11No, no, sir.

00:11:12I'm sorry.

00:11:13Oh, yes.

00:11:13And yesterday, I received this message from the music department.

00:11:17Jesus, Bob.

00:11:18No more oboes.

00:11:19No more oboes.

00:11:20Oh, lock up their pencils.

00:11:22That's one funny bunch.

00:11:23By the way, did everyone see the poster Kip designed?

00:11:26Oh, yeah.

00:11:27Damn it.

00:11:28Floor is yours.

00:11:29Okay.

00:11:29Well, you know, it's just our regular brochure.

00:11:32But, unfolded, it's an art-quality poster.

00:11:36Sally, come on.

00:11:38See, at Ramsey, we're looking beyond the numbers.

00:11:44But what does it mean, exactly?

00:11:46What it means, Flutter, is that, sure, grades and SATs are important to us, but people impress us more.

00:11:52We're sending a message.

00:11:54You want to know the message this poster is sending, Kip?

00:11:57No.

00:11:59Bob, it sounds to me like Ramsey has an inferiority complex.

00:12:03Come on, what's the problem?

00:12:04Ramsey always gets great kids.

00:12:06I went here.

00:12:08Exactly.

00:12:09I mean, I think our message should be that we're scrutinizing the numbers.

00:12:13So do I.

00:12:14We should be competitive with all the top schools.

00:12:17Chancellor Holbrook, come in, please.

00:12:20Sit down, everyone.

00:12:23Is that a new suit?

00:12:25It's your color, Mrs. Holbrook.

00:12:27Thank you, dear.

00:12:28As I think all of you know, I'll be moving on to another school next year.

00:12:32Chancellor Holbrook will be naming my replacement, so I thought I would ask her to come in and say a

00:12:36few words.

00:12:37And those few words are, I am looking to promote from within.

00:12:41I also want to thank Bob for the fine work he's done the last 17 years.

00:12:45The quality of our applicant pool just gets better and better.

00:12:49Leo says this year's kids should be off the charts.

00:12:53Thank you, Chancellor.

00:12:55Joanna.

00:12:56This year, we are going to get killer kids.

00:13:01The kind of student that can make it in the real world.

00:13:04The kind that can land those high-paying jobs and drive those big cars.

00:13:09Like that BMW you lease, right, Leo?

00:13:12I think my car sends a very strong message.

00:13:14And if I had designed this poster, it might read,

00:13:17Sally, come to Ramsey, and one day you, too, will own a BMW.

00:13:23Thank you, Sally.

00:13:25Now, that's a sentiment that won't be lost on today's career-minded students.

00:13:30What about kids that, you know, aren't sentimental about cars?

00:13:33We just reject all of them?

00:13:35Life's full of rejection, Hammett.

00:13:37I think we're doing the low-caliber applicant a favor by letting them know that right at the starting line.

00:13:44It's very painful to be rejected by a college, Marlon,

00:13:47and you just don't have the numbers to get into Ramsey.

00:13:50But I can take my SATs over again, right?

00:13:52And you should also start trying to find some safeties,

00:13:56like maybe a state school up in the Upper Peninsula.

00:14:00Jessica Kayla's applying there?

00:14:04Get out of here, Marlon.

00:14:05Go, leave, be gone, get out.

00:14:07Thank you, Miss Marlon.

00:14:09At Ramsey, we're looking beyond the numbers.

00:14:11I'm beginning to like the sound of that, Kip.

00:14:14Yeah, it'll help us root out the pigs, Flutter.

00:14:17Yeah, or any other barnyard animals we're trying to apply.

00:14:19If you'd read that folder, you'd have fallen for a two-year-old.

00:14:23Come on, Flutter.

00:14:24I mean, the transcript read, I am a pig.

00:14:27Irvin, Michael, Anthony, pig, spelled P-I with a double G.

00:14:31It's a brilliant prank.

00:14:33Would have fooled anyone.

00:14:34It only fooled you, Flutter.

00:14:36Wait a minute.

00:14:38Wait a minute.

00:14:40Okay, what is this?

00:14:43All right, a year ago I was tricked into admitting a pig,

00:14:46and I was made a fool of.

00:14:47But can't you let me forget it, Leo?

00:14:49Come on, I mean, always hiding these pigs in my office.

00:14:54Please.

00:14:59It takes a special breed of admissions officer to admit an animal.

00:15:03Yeah, even one with all the numbers.

00:15:05The numbers are great.

00:15:06I've got them in my office.

00:15:08Hey, guys, Coach Evans is looking for you.

00:15:10Coach Evans.

00:15:11Break!

00:15:12Hold it right there, you people.

00:15:14It makes me nervous when you boys disappear behind closed doors.

00:15:18I end up with athletic chemists and well-rounded political science majors

00:15:22instead of somebody who can run with a football.

00:15:25And, uh, you, Kip.

00:15:26I'll get a lunch with the chancellor.

00:15:28Oh.

00:15:29Nice move.

00:15:31But you and I, we're going to talk about it now, goddammit!

00:15:34Goddammit!

00:15:35Nina, Coach, come on, I give.

00:15:36Uncle, uncle.

00:15:38Now, just in case you've forgotten what they look like,

00:15:40this is an athlete.

00:15:41Ronnie Surehands Bolson?

00:15:43Surehands, he's already the center of an all-out bidding war.

00:15:46Now, maybe we could just mention a car this year, a small car.

00:15:49I mean, some schools are offering stock portfolios, goddammit.

00:15:52You'd better coordinate with Nina.

00:15:54She's our man in charge of minority recruitment.

00:15:56This is not minority recruitment.

00:15:58This is athletics.

00:15:59Look, this kid can get in anywhere.

00:16:01I want someone who needs Ramsey.

00:16:03Well, me too.

00:16:04And if he can catch a goddamn football.

00:16:09See it, Coach.

00:16:14Why don't you just come with us to the college fair

00:16:16and at least talk to the Ramsey people?

00:16:18Oh, I should talk to the Ramsey people?

00:16:20Yeah.

00:16:20There are just about eight zillion kids

00:16:22dying to get into Michigan.

00:16:24Look, the sisters went to Michigan.

00:16:26They love Michigan.

00:16:27They survived.

00:16:29Yeah, they all survived ham pineapple surprise, too, Dad.

00:16:32What's wrong with ham pineapple surprise?

00:16:34Your sisters all asked for the recipe.

00:16:38Dad, you know I'm not like my sisters.

00:16:41And I'm ready to start making my own decisions

00:16:43with what I want to do with my life, right?

00:16:46She wants to save Italian frescoes.

00:16:49Oh, LaSonda Jessica, how sweet.

00:16:52Did you ever think there might be something else

00:16:54around here that needed saving?

00:16:55Did you ever go to downtown Detroit?

00:16:57The whole place has to be scraped and sprayed.

00:16:59It's polluted.

00:16:59Come on, Dad.

00:17:00Be serious.

00:17:01Oh, I am serious, honey.

00:17:03I mean, why should we pay $10,000

00:17:05for you to go to Ramsey

00:17:06when you can go to Michigan for two?

00:17:08I mean, come on.

00:17:09Is the football team five times cuter?

00:17:10You get an education that's five times better?

00:17:13I'll get a job.

00:17:14I'm already looking into student loans.

00:17:16I really wish you'd decide to come with.

00:17:21There's been a big change with student loans, you know.

00:17:23They want to get paid back.

00:17:26Oh.

00:17:29Mom.

00:17:30Mom.

00:17:31Is Dad really my father?

00:17:33Honey.

00:17:34All right, Ramsey.

00:17:37Okay, let's meet those Ramsey people.

00:17:39Come on.

00:17:39Dad, are you really going to wear that hat?

00:17:42No, your mother's going to wear the hat.

00:17:43Oh, George, we're so glad you're keeping an open mind.

00:17:46Open wallet's more like it.

00:17:50College fair, college fair.

00:17:51You know, Jack Kerouac never went to a college fair, Marlon.

00:17:54Oh, yeah?

00:17:55Well, he would have if he knew Jessica K. Lowe was going to be there.

00:17:58A great afternoon wasting.

00:17:59Boring, uneventful, and predictable formality.

00:18:10Marlon, don't forget, safety first.

00:18:13Get plenty of safeties.

00:18:18Lone Star State, y'all come in and check us out.

00:18:28Hi, Marlon, what are your names?

00:18:30Oliver, excuse me?

00:18:31Marliver.

00:18:32What'd you say?

00:18:33Marliver.

00:18:33I can't hear you, boy!

00:18:35Marliver!

00:18:36So you girls want to go to college?

00:18:38No.

00:18:38College is for pussies!

00:18:40Hey, hold it.

00:18:41Stop right there, students.

00:18:43Do you believe in robotics and artificial intelligence?

00:18:46See ya!

00:18:47Then come along and follow me!

00:18:49Regards, Marlon, the nerd factor.

00:18:53Followed by the Asian factor.

00:18:55I mean, come on, all of us expected to play our allotted roles

00:18:57according to future needs of a planned economy.

00:18:59Hey, at least we have a future.

00:19:00From what I hear, Marlon could end up whipping hamburgers.

00:19:04How did he know?

00:19:05What are my grades posted on a bulletin board somewhere?

00:19:08Ah!

00:19:16I'm glad you're interested in this, Jessica,

00:19:18because Ramsey's a campus full of real individuals.

00:19:21That's great.

00:19:22Those are the people you want to spend four years of your life with?

00:19:26Maybe I should just go over there alone.

00:19:28Let me give you my card.

00:19:29Good luck.

00:19:35Now, please, give us a call, any of you, if you have any questions.

00:19:38Oh, thank you.

00:19:39Uh-oh, I have a question, young man.

00:19:42Is the pizza at Ramsey five times better than the pizza at Michigan?

00:19:45Daddy.

00:19:46I hope you answer that by coming to our open house, Mr. Calum.

00:19:49Some of us will be there.

00:19:50You'll be there, definitely.

00:19:52Uh-huh.

00:19:52Oh, yeah.

00:19:53Count on us.

00:19:54Thanks.

00:19:56Hi.

00:19:56Could I answer any questions about Ramsey?

00:19:59Uh, no.

00:20:00No.

00:20:00This is the school I wanted right here.

00:20:06Welcome to the Arcadia Bible Academy.

00:20:09Last night, Jesus Christ appeared to me in a vision on a flaming pie,

00:20:14and he spoke on to me and said,

00:20:17I want...

00:20:18What's your name?

00:20:20Marlon.

00:20:20Marlon!

00:20:21I want Marlon to attend the Arcadia Bible Academy,

00:20:26paying full tuition, of course.

00:20:28Son, Jesus loves you.

00:20:31He might not if he saw my SAT scores.

00:20:33They're low.

00:20:37All right.

00:20:39Continue.

00:20:40Yeah.

00:20:42Jesus.

00:20:57Well, I've been working on Anthony about a year,

00:20:59and I really do enjoy it, but I...

00:21:00Excuse me.

00:21:00Is it too late to ask questions?

00:21:02No, no, no.

00:21:03It's never too late.

00:21:04Choosing a college is a major decision.

00:21:07Giving some thought to your educational goals?

00:21:08Well, personally speaking, say, uh, I were in love with a girl.

00:21:13But obviously she wouldn't be interested in me

00:21:15until I had something more to offer her and the world in general.

00:21:19And I know that Ramsey would be a good place for me to go and do that.

00:21:22You want to go to college to broaden your mind.

00:21:24Right.

00:21:25Because you want to win this girl.

00:21:28Jessica Calo.

00:21:29I'd like to Jessica Calo.

00:21:31So have I.

00:21:32Once.

00:21:33Once.

00:21:34You're following a girl to college you've talked to once.

00:21:37Look, um, Marlon.

00:21:39Marlon.

00:21:40Marlon, do you think this is the best way to plan your future?

00:21:44Maybe not the best way, but people choose colleges

00:21:46for all kinds of idiotic reasons,

00:21:48like fraternities and Slavic language departments.

00:21:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:51But, uh, I gotta tell you,

00:21:53trailing after a girl is risky.

00:21:56Someone like Jessica Calo, I'm sure she has plans.

00:22:01On the other hand, you're right.

00:22:02I mean, people have given me much worse reasons

00:22:05for wanting to get into Ramsey.

00:22:07No kidding.

00:22:08I bet.

00:22:09Marlon, why don't you just take my card?

00:22:11You and your parents come to our open house.

00:22:13All right.

00:22:14Well, actually, it's my dad and my stepmother,

00:22:17and they're kind of busy.

00:22:18Well, that's okay.

00:22:19You come, then.

00:22:20Really?

00:22:21Yeah.

00:22:23Wow.

00:22:24I really appreciate this, Mr. Hammett.

00:22:26You'll definitely be hearing from me.

00:22:34Help.

00:22:36Okay, Willie.

00:22:38Find the tetrahedron.

00:22:41No, that's a hexagon, sweetie.

00:22:44See?

00:22:45Count.

00:22:46One, two, three, four, five, six.

00:22:53Willie!

00:22:54Marlon!

00:22:56They're playing, they're playing.

00:22:57They're playing, they're playing.

00:22:58They're playing, they're playing.

00:23:01All right.

00:23:02Give me your legs.

00:23:04Give me your legs.

00:23:05Give me your legs.

00:23:06I hate when he does that.

00:23:08So, Marlon, any progress in the old college front?

00:23:11Yep.

00:23:11I talked to a guy about a school today.

00:23:14Which one?

00:23:14Harvard?

00:23:16No, Sharon.

00:23:18Mom.

00:23:19Call Sharon Mom.

00:23:20Marlon.

00:23:21Come on.

00:23:22Give it a try.

00:23:23Come on.

00:23:24No, Mom.

00:23:24It wasn't old Harvard or Stanford or even MIT.

00:23:28It's Ramsey.

00:23:30Ramsey.

00:23:30Where else did you look?

00:23:32Nowhere else.

00:23:33Oh, for God's sakes, Marlon.

00:23:34I thought the idea was to make a list.

00:23:36Of course it was a long, practical list.

00:23:39How many hundreds of colleges were at that fair?

00:23:41How many thousands exist in this country,

00:23:43and you come up with a list of one?

00:23:44And I don't think he'll get into there.

00:23:46Well, of course he won't.

00:23:47The thing about Ramsey, Dad,

00:23:49is that they actually consider people like me.

00:23:51What does that mean?

00:23:52They're searching for someone

00:23:53with a definitive collection

00:23:54of Silver Surfer comic books?

00:23:56This is not helpful.

00:23:57Come on.

00:23:57Get out.

00:23:57Come on.

00:24:01I got this for you.

00:24:07Bauer and Benedict College Preparation Service?

00:24:09Well, someone in Sharon's, your mom's aerobics class

00:24:13sent their kid there.

00:24:14I don't know.

00:24:15Maybe they can do something for you.

00:24:17Now, I want you to go, Marlon.

00:24:18It's time you got your head out of the clouds.

00:24:20Well, you're right, Dad.

00:24:22And it is.

00:24:22It's out.

00:24:23I made a valuable contact today,

00:24:25and I really think that you should trust me on this one.

00:24:31What does that mean, Bill?

00:24:33He'll still be living at home next year?

00:24:38He'll still be living at home next year?

00:24:50In the middle of a shark-infested harbor,

00:24:52two men, A and B, strike a submerged boulder.

00:24:55Do something, you idiot!

00:24:57Their crippled boat begins taking on water

00:24:59at the rate of five gallons per minute.

00:25:01If man A can dump two gallons per minute,

00:25:04how much water must man B bail

00:25:06to keep the 60-cubic-foot boat from sinking?

00:25:10Oh, Jesus!

00:25:12What? What's going on?

00:25:13It's that moron!

00:25:15Him?

00:25:16Oh, Christ!

00:25:18Oh, things are different now that we're in that same boat, huh?

00:25:22We're gonna die!

00:25:24Would you guys stop worrying?

00:25:26This is a practice test.

00:25:27I'm in a class.

00:25:29Fail, punk, fail!

00:25:33Ann, does everyone agree it's questions like this one

00:25:35that forced you in here?

00:25:37Yeah.

00:25:38Welcome to the Bauer-Benedict workshop.

00:25:40It's hard.

00:25:41And let's face it,

00:25:42if you had a snowball's chance in hell

00:25:44of solving this problem,

00:25:45you wouldn't have to be here

00:25:46on a beautiful Saturday morning

00:25:47preparing to take your SATs over again.

00:25:49Am I right?

00:25:50Yeah.

00:25:51Okay.

00:25:53But does that mean

00:25:54you should leave the question blank?

00:25:56Yes.

00:25:57Never.

00:25:57Right, Francine.

00:25:58A blank answer gets you zero points.

00:26:02Now, knowing that

00:26:03and applying the law of averages

00:26:05tells you that if you can eliminate

00:26:06two choices out of a five-answer question

00:26:08or just one choice from a question

00:26:10that has only four,

00:26:11then you're much better off guessing

00:26:13than leaving the question blank,

00:26:15which gives you zero points.

00:26:16Are you with me so far?

00:26:17No.

00:26:18Well, that's the beauty

00:26:19of the Bauer-Benedict system.

00:26:21You see, you don't have to understand us.

00:26:26Just trust us.

00:26:32Guessing cannot hurt you.

00:26:34You have the B&B guarantee on that.

00:26:37Just close your eyes and point.

00:26:42Keep failing.

00:26:44We're going to be all right.

00:26:45Oh, really?

00:26:46The moron's back.

00:26:48Look, you guys,

00:26:49it's okay to guess.

00:26:50Skip it!

00:26:51So, uh, let's say the answer is, um,

00:26:54let's just make it D.

00:26:55D?

00:26:55What are you thinking about?

00:26:57D?

00:26:57No, uh, B.

00:26:58B, B.

00:26:59You're going to kill us!

00:27:00Leave it blank!

00:27:01Leave it blank!

00:27:02Go back to it!

00:27:03Go back to it!

00:27:03B.

00:27:04Go by!

00:27:05Next question!

00:27:06It's A.

00:27:06E.

00:27:08David!

00:27:08A.

00:27:22Well, Marlon, how did it go?

00:27:24Okay.

00:27:25I'm not too sure about the guessing part, though.

00:27:27You're like every kid who walks in here, Marlon.

00:27:29Gullible.

00:27:31The process has you intimidated.

00:27:33You think that getting into the college of your choice

00:27:35has something to do with how smart you are

00:27:37when you know what it actually is?

00:27:39It's imaging!

00:27:40It's PR and strategy,

00:27:42selling yourself and marketing,

00:27:44positioning and packaging.

00:27:46Wow, it sounds like I could skip college

00:27:48and go straight to product endorsement.

00:27:52Look, can you guys help me get into Ramsey College?

00:27:55How about sports?

00:27:56If you're good, it's always going to help you.

00:27:57Football, baseball, soccer, swimming.

00:28:01Lacrosse, wrestling, polo.

00:28:03Discus, tennis, volleyball, javelin, something.

00:28:05One year, I won the Neighborhood Association Ping-Pong Championship.

00:28:10Ping-Pong?

00:28:11Do you have your check, Marlon?

00:28:13Yeah.

00:28:17Thanks.

00:28:29See, Ron is just a tremendous athlete.

00:28:32And he's talking to them big schools,

00:28:35and what they're saying to him is money,

00:28:39apartments, cars.

00:28:40You know, some schools have even offered

00:28:41to bring me up on holidays,

00:28:43off-season,

00:28:44maybe even bring my Ronnie home on weekends.

00:28:48See, he's overwhelmed.

00:28:49He wants to make the right decisions,

00:28:50but he's only human.

00:28:52And you and I both know

00:28:53he will generate a shitload...

00:28:55Excuse my French.

00:28:57Uh, uh, uh...

00:28:58He'll generate a shitload of money

00:29:00for whatever school he goes to.

00:29:02Ronnie, do you want to go to a college...

00:29:03Some schools have even mentioned

00:29:05stock portfolios.

00:29:07Yeah, I've heard of those schools

00:29:09who offer things to athletes.

00:29:10Not to just athletes,

00:29:12Miss Saatchi.

00:29:15I think I know what you mean.

00:29:19Well, congratulations on your all-state, Ronnie.

00:29:21Oh, thank you.

00:29:23Uh, now we might as well say goodbye,

00:29:25because other than a scholarship,

00:29:27I can't really offer you anything.

00:29:29Or your coach.

00:29:32The truth is,

00:29:33our team isn't really that great anyway.

00:29:36So, I'm sure you have other people

00:29:37for Ronnie to meet

00:29:38and talk about your retirement plan.

00:29:40If you want to talk education, Ronnie,

00:29:42give me a call.

00:29:42Um, can we at least get your phone number?

00:29:44Let me get some paper.

00:29:46I've got a card right here.

00:29:48We have the people in the future.

00:29:52What's your number?

00:29:53I know that. It didn't just happen.

00:29:56Excuse me.

00:29:57Actually, there were words

00:29:59on that piece of paper

00:30:00that I was reading.

00:30:01You old fool.

00:30:05I'll, uh, give you a call.

00:30:11You know, I've been watching

00:30:13surehands be recruited.

00:30:15But I have never seen technique

00:30:17like that before.

00:30:20Morris!

00:30:21Would you chill out with the noise, please?

00:30:24I'm the missing last rapper in the world.

00:30:29That girl's studying.

00:30:30What grade is she in?

00:30:31Oh, Vera Cook?

00:30:32She's a senior.

00:30:34Hmm.

00:30:35What kind of college plans

00:30:37would she have, do you think?

00:30:38Community college, maybe.

00:30:40I don't know.

00:30:41Why don't you ask her?

00:30:42Good idea.

00:30:48Excuse me, Vera.

00:30:50Yes.

00:30:51Um, uh, my name is Nina Satchi.

00:30:54Do you have a minute?

00:30:55Sure.

00:30:56I'm a recruiter from Ramsey College.

00:30:58Now, I don't know

00:30:58if you've heard of it.

00:31:00I've heard of it enough

00:31:01to know you're not giving away cars.

00:31:03You know, I'm really sorry

00:31:04if we disturbed you,

00:31:05but did you happen to hear

00:31:06anything else that made an impression?

00:31:08Well, the part about

00:31:09a serious education sounded nice

00:31:11and being off an oasis.

00:31:13But I'm sure that stuff

00:31:14only applies for people

00:31:15like Ronnie Paulson.

00:31:17No, no, that's not necessarily true.

00:31:19In fact, I'd love to tell you

00:31:20more about it if you're interested.

00:31:22Oh, well, sounds great.

00:31:23But the problem is

00:31:24I'm getting ready to go to work.

00:31:25Oh, well, could we talk

00:31:26about it at work?

00:31:27Sure, if you want to.

00:31:29So, what do you do?

00:31:31Well, I'm somewhat

00:31:32of a spud technician.

00:31:38And that is why

00:31:39I was so excited

00:31:40about finding Vera

00:31:40in the library today.

00:31:41I can tell

00:31:43that she's passionate.

00:31:44I'm just a little enthusiastic.

00:31:46You are.

00:31:47I never want to tell my kids

00:31:49they can't do something.

00:31:51Lindy, don't write

00:31:52that thing like that.

00:31:54Because that's not good.

00:31:56It just deflates

00:31:57their aspirations.

00:31:59But Vera...

00:32:00Watch out, Mom.

00:32:01You're just about

00:32:02to deflate my aspirations.

00:32:03I'm sorry, Vera,

00:32:05but I can't sit here

00:32:06and listen to somebody

00:32:07tempt you with offers

00:32:08she can't deliver.

00:32:09I can promise a fair shake

00:32:12from the admissions committee.

00:32:13I'm looking for more

00:32:14than a fair shake for Vera.

00:32:15I'm looking for her

00:32:16to have a real career.

00:32:18Mom, first get the job.

00:32:20Then go to college at night

00:32:21if you want to.

00:32:22That's the way to do it.

00:32:28My mother is a bit stubborn,

00:32:30but I'll keep talking to her.

00:32:31Again, I'll call her

00:32:32and talk to her some more.

00:32:33Meanwhile, I want you

00:32:34to see, Ramsey.

00:32:35You've got to come

00:32:35to our open house.

00:32:37How about if I tell

00:32:37I'm attending

00:32:38a McDLT training seminar?

00:32:41See you later.

00:32:42See you later.

00:32:43Can I help you, please?

00:32:53Oh, I love this part.

00:32:57So, how was your day?

00:32:59The best.

00:33:00I found someone

00:33:00unbelievable

00:33:01just sitting in the library

00:33:02thinking that swing-shift-keypunch

00:33:04was the best life has to offer.

00:33:05Yeah, this doesn't sound

00:33:06like Ronnie Sherhands Paulson.

00:33:09She is somebody nobody wants.

00:33:12Oh, great.

00:33:12How are her numbers?

00:33:15Ouch.

00:33:16I can't believe you asked that.

00:33:24They don't sound so good.

00:33:30She's bright, articulate, feisty.

00:33:32And she needs a full scholarship.

00:33:36Maybe she does.

00:33:42Two men, A and B,

00:33:44jump from a plane

00:33:45at 20,000 feet,

00:33:46two seconds apart,

00:33:48and fall at constant speeds.

00:33:50At what height

00:33:50must B open his parachute

00:33:52in order to land

00:33:53at the same time as A.

00:33:54Uh, I think it's B.

00:33:57C.

00:33:58You're killing me!

00:33:59A.

00:34:01A, A.

00:34:02Answer the question!

00:34:03E.

00:34:04Answer the question, Marlon!

00:34:06I don't know!

00:34:08I don't know!

00:34:09I don't know!

00:34:15I'm still not convinced

00:34:17about the guessing part.

00:34:18Yeah, well,

00:34:18that was my last chance

00:34:19for that stupid task.

00:34:20If that Bauer-Benedict stuff

00:34:22doesn't work,

00:34:22I might end up

00:34:22at the East Michigan

00:34:23School of Beauty.

00:34:24Hi, guys!

00:34:25Hi!

00:34:26Hey, did you know

00:34:26that Marlon's applying

00:34:27to Ramsey, too?

00:34:28Oh!

00:34:29Well, it's on my list

00:34:30of schools,

00:34:30but I'm considering

00:34:31a very long list.

00:34:32Not me.

00:34:33My mom's driving me

00:34:33up to Ramsey's open house

00:34:34next week for my interview.

00:34:36Oh, yeah,

00:34:36we just went to the

00:34:37Bauer-Benedict school

00:34:38on interviewing,

00:34:38and it better work.

00:34:39I know.

00:34:40They said you're supposed

00:34:41to be confident,

00:34:41but not arrogant.

00:34:42Yeah, Frank,

00:34:43but don't lie.

00:34:44Spontaneous,

00:34:44but never combust.

00:34:46So are you going

00:34:46for an interview, then?

00:34:48Oh, sure.

00:34:48In fact,

00:34:48the interview's gonna

00:34:49be key for me,

00:34:50since I'm the type

00:34:51who comes across

00:34:51much better in person

00:34:52than on paper.

00:34:53Oh, you do?

00:34:54Well, maybe I'll

00:34:55see you there.

00:34:56Right.

00:34:57I'll look for you.

00:34:58Okay.

00:35:00All right, girls,

00:35:01reality check here.

00:35:02Does Marlon Brown

00:35:02really stand a chance

00:35:03at Ramsey?

00:35:04Are you kidding?

00:35:05Marlon Brown?

00:35:06Oh, well,

00:35:07that's what I thought.

00:35:08I don't know, though.

00:35:09It's kind of cute

00:35:10in a weird way, huh?

00:35:11You know,

00:35:11I think you think that

00:35:12because he's your competition.

00:35:13You know,

00:35:14since he's really

00:35:14no competition,

00:35:15I think you're feeling

00:35:16grateful but confused.

00:35:18You know,

00:35:19by an exaggerated

00:35:19sense of euphoria.

00:35:21You know, Kelly,

00:35:22you're right.

00:35:22Thanks.

00:35:24God,

00:35:24this getting into

00:35:24college business

00:35:25can really play

00:35:26with your mind.

00:35:26Yeah.

00:35:32I can't believe this.

00:35:33I feel like

00:35:34such a hypocrite.

00:35:35I'm actually

00:35:35driving you to college

00:35:37so you can become

00:35:37another industrial

00:35:38bureaucrat

00:35:39polluting our environment.

00:35:41Oh, yeah.

00:35:42Yeah.

00:35:42I could really take

00:35:43a few lessons

00:35:44from you in that

00:35:44department, huh, Oliver?

00:35:46What are you being,

00:35:47sarcastic?

00:35:50Mom,

00:35:50isn't this place

00:35:51beautiful?

00:35:52I know.

00:35:52I mean,

00:35:53and everybody

00:35:53looks so smart.

00:35:54I know.

00:35:55Great.

00:35:55It is.

00:35:56It's beautiful.

00:35:57I love this place.

00:35:58This is the only school

00:35:59I ever want to go to.

00:36:01It's very impressive.

00:36:02Oh, look,

00:36:03it's Mr. Hammett.

00:36:03Come on,

00:36:03let's go talk.

00:36:04Oh, yeah.

00:36:06Hi, Mr. Hammett.

00:36:07Oh, hi, Julie.

00:36:08Jessica.

00:36:09Jessica, right.

00:36:10Jessica Calo.

00:36:11You remembered my name.

00:36:12I see you brought

00:36:13your sister along.

00:36:14Oh.

00:36:16Hi, Kip.

00:36:17Hi.

00:36:17We were just gonna

00:36:18go on a tour of the campus.

00:36:19Great.

00:36:19I hope you like the college

00:36:20and I'll see you

00:36:21at the party tonight.

00:36:22Okay, great.

00:36:22Bye-bye.

00:36:23Bye.

00:36:24Such a nice young man.

00:36:25Mother of favor.

00:36:26Please don't ask

00:36:27any questions.

00:36:27I want everything

00:36:28under control, okay?

00:36:30Oh, Jessica, come on.

00:36:32Jessica is really

00:36:33starting to like me.

00:36:34It's still subtle,

00:36:36but she's starting

00:36:37to think of me

00:36:37as a college guy,

00:36:38you know,

00:36:38and that intrigues her.

00:36:40Things are really

00:36:41gonna gel

00:36:41when she sees me

00:36:42on that campus.

00:36:44You think I'm crazy?

00:36:46I think you're

00:36:47a lunatic.

00:36:48But that's why

00:36:49we're friends.

00:36:50Now make love to me,

00:36:52you hot,

00:36:52college monkey.

00:37:00It is really

00:37:01going to be difficult

00:37:02making decisions

00:37:02this year.

00:37:03You're looking

00:37:04beyond the numbers

00:37:05campaign is really

00:37:06pulling them in.

00:37:07You know,

00:37:08I still say

00:37:08they should tattoo

00:37:09their SAT scores

00:37:10across their forehead.

00:37:11At least that way

00:37:11I could make

00:37:12my decisions easier.

00:37:15My dear God.

00:37:19Hi, I'm...

00:37:20Leo Whitman.

00:37:22We met at the

00:37:23Carlsboro Academy

00:37:23Alumni Tea,

00:37:25Dr....

00:37:25Dr. Philip Jelinek.

00:37:26Jelinek, that's right.

00:37:28Philip Jelinek Jr.

00:37:28Yes, you are,

00:37:29and welcome to Ramsey.

00:37:31It's incredible.

00:37:32Now the girl's dorm

00:37:33is this way,

00:37:34and over that way

00:37:34we see...

00:37:35And you still think

00:37:36it'll be the same

00:37:37around here with Leo,

00:37:38the dean of admissions?

00:37:39I don't want to be

00:37:40dean of admissions.

00:37:42All right,

00:37:43but what's it going

00:37:44to be like working

00:37:44for him?

00:37:47Oh, wow, wow,

00:37:48look who's here.

00:37:49We got Ronnie

00:37:50sure hands pausing

00:37:51here, goddammit.

00:37:53Hi, Ronnie.

00:37:53Hello, Miss Saatchi.

00:37:54I'll bet you're

00:37:55surprised to see us here.

00:37:56I'll admit, a little.

00:37:58Dean, Dean,

00:37:58this is Ronnie Paulson.

00:38:00And this is Ronnie's

00:38:01lawyer, Dan Bassman.

00:38:02We were supposed

00:38:03to bring a lawyer?

00:38:05Shit.

00:38:06Hey!

00:38:09Uh-huh.

00:38:11What about you?

00:38:14Your home is...

00:38:15So how have you

00:38:16found Ramsey so far?

00:38:17I took the bus,

00:38:18remember?

00:38:20No, really, Miss Saatchi,

00:38:21I'm fine.

00:38:22I appreciate

00:38:22your time and concern.

00:38:24Well, you should be

00:38:25out enjoying yourself.

00:38:26It's not exactly me.

00:38:28You should be

00:38:29babysitting.

00:38:32Oh, you're right.

00:38:33I have to go

00:38:33babysit the love

00:38:34of my life.

00:38:35Excuse me.

00:38:35I'm sure I'll be

00:38:36just fine.

00:38:39Rime!

00:38:41I was wrong.

00:38:42What is this atrocity?

00:38:45Welcome, Ramsey

00:38:46Hopefuls.

00:38:49We're the Jelineks.

00:38:50Oh, yes,

00:38:51you certainly are.

00:38:53So, you just

00:38:54dropping off

00:38:54young Jelinek?

00:38:55Why would I do that?

00:38:57See, sir,

00:38:57it's kind of

00:38:58a kid's get-to-go.

00:38:59See, but

00:39:00they can kind of

00:39:01unwind without

00:39:02the parents around.

00:39:03You get a feel

00:39:03for the social life

00:39:04here at Ramsey.

00:39:05Social life?

00:39:06Yeah.

00:39:06Social disease

00:39:07is more like it.

00:39:08Okay, why don't

00:39:09you look around,

00:39:10have some food,

00:39:10and spread your warmth.

00:39:13Making new friends

00:39:14here?

00:39:15See the world, Vera.

00:39:17Smash out of this

00:39:17coffin they call

00:39:18a college experience

00:39:19before they shut

00:39:20the lid.

00:39:20How very uplifting,

00:39:22Oliver.

00:39:22You ever thought

00:39:23about entertaining

00:39:23sick kids in hospitals?

00:39:25Oliver takes his

00:39:25college-free future

00:39:26very seriously.

00:39:28He's looking to

00:39:28travel the world

00:39:29with renegade

00:39:29game show hostesses.

00:39:31Sounds like

00:39:31your run-of-the-mill

00:39:32American dream.

00:39:33What are you

00:39:34looking for, Marlon?

00:39:42It just walked

00:39:43in.

00:39:52Hey, Marlon

00:39:53Brown, you made

00:39:54it.

00:39:54Barely.

00:39:55We took Oliver's

00:39:56car.

00:39:57Ramsey's wonderful.

00:39:58I just have this

00:39:59feeling that I'm

00:40:00going to ace

00:40:00my interview

00:40:01tomorrow.

00:40:01It's the only

00:40:02school I want

00:40:02to go to.

00:40:03Funny thing.

00:40:04I suddenly think

00:40:05Ramsey might be

00:40:06me and my stars

00:40:06also.

00:40:08Marlon, it's

00:40:09the real world

00:40:09now.

00:40:12Marlon, you're

00:40:13different.

00:40:14You mean like

00:40:15different different

00:40:15or like Elephant

00:40:16Man different?

00:40:17No, I mean good

00:40:18different.

00:40:18You're not geeky.

00:40:19I mean you're not

00:40:20the way I thought

00:40:21you were in school.

00:40:22Yeah, well, you

00:40:23know, this is a

00:40:24preview of the

00:40:24college me.

00:40:25There's four more

00:40:25years of this to

00:40:26come if you're

00:40:27interested.

00:40:30Just make a

00:40:31decision, Jess.

00:40:32I mean they're not

00:40:32going to accept you

00:40:33or not accept you

00:40:34based on your shoes.

00:40:35You need to

00:40:36stand out, Mom.

00:40:36Every detail

00:40:37counts.

00:40:37So which do you

00:40:38think I should

00:40:38wear, my Reeboks

00:40:39or my loafers?

00:40:41Your Reeboks.

00:40:43Okay, but that

00:40:43could make me look

00:40:44too frivolous and

00:40:44not intellectual

00:40:45enough.

00:40:46Why don't you

00:40:46wear your Reeboks

00:40:47and show them

00:40:48your loafers?

00:40:49Mom.

00:40:50Oh, honey, wear

00:40:51your Reeboks.

00:40:52Go for it.

00:40:53What the hell?

00:40:54Good luck.

00:40:55We're very proud

00:40:56of you.

00:41:07I'm sorry.

00:41:07I have no idea.

00:41:08I'll find out why

00:41:09this happened.

00:41:10I promise you, sir,

00:41:11heads will roll.

00:41:12Trust me.

00:41:13I just can't believe

00:41:14someone would be so

00:41:14insensitive as to make

00:41:15this to me.

00:41:15Sally, there's been a

00:41:17grievous mistake.

00:41:18This is Mr. Jelinek.

00:41:19Dr. Jelinek.

00:41:21I'm Philip Jelinek,

00:41:22Jr.

00:41:23Sally, for some

00:41:24ungodly reason,

00:41:26Philip here has been

00:41:27scheduled to interview

00:41:28with Flutter.

00:41:29Yeah, so what?

00:41:30It really doesn't matter

00:41:31who conducts the

00:41:32interviews.

00:41:33If it doesn't matter,

00:41:34we'll see Dean Patterson.

00:41:35No, his schedule is

00:41:37already overloaded.

00:41:38Overloaded?

00:41:40Oh, Sally.

00:41:41Can I have a word

00:41:42with you?

00:41:44Well, if there's

00:41:45anything I can help

00:41:46you with, uh,

00:41:47questions about the

00:41:47courses, accommodations,

00:41:50anything at all.

00:41:51Sally, they met

00:41:53with the dean at

00:41:54Princeton and Yale,

00:41:55not some 4-H club

00:41:56reject like Flutter.

00:41:58Flutter is the guy

00:41:59who only sees the

00:42:00people who are like

00:42:02bleeding-heart fresco

00:42:04savers.

00:42:05You know, socially

00:42:05correct cheerleaders

00:42:07that are elected

00:42:07class president

00:42:08in spite of the fact

00:42:09that they can't even

00:42:10decide which pair of

00:42:11shoes to wear when

00:42:11they leave the house

00:42:12without talking to

00:42:13Mommy.

00:42:13The Jelineks are a

00:42:15Ramsey legacy, for

00:42:16God's sakes, and you've

00:42:17got them scheduled

00:42:17with Flutter.

00:42:18Leo, calm down.

00:42:20I will see what I can

00:42:20do.

00:42:21Good.

00:42:23All set, sir.

00:42:24Nothing to worry

00:42:24about.

00:42:25Good.

00:42:25I will see the dean.

00:42:26I didn't travel

00:42:27400 miles to see

00:42:28underlings.

00:42:30Let the rest of

00:42:31these people be

00:42:32seen by underlings,

00:42:33like that girl

00:42:33in the Reeboks

00:42:34there.

00:42:35Her?

00:42:36Girls like her

00:42:37are a dime a dozen.

00:42:40She's state college

00:42:41material at best.

00:42:44Let's go inside.

00:42:48A dime a dozen?

00:43:08I bet she has a 3.5

00:43:12grade average.

00:43:13Yeah?

00:43:14How do you know?

00:43:14Oh, almost everybody

00:43:15here does.

00:43:16We've found a combined

00:43:1713.50 on their SATs.

00:43:19Oh, me too.

00:43:21So, are there many

00:43:22people here on the

00:43:23yearbook staff?

00:43:24Oh, billions.

00:43:25I'm editor of mine.

00:43:26Oh, I'm just the

00:43:28activity reporter of

00:43:29mine because I don't

00:43:29want it to interfere with

00:43:30my cheerleading schedule.

00:43:31Well, my cheerleading

00:43:32practice comes before

00:43:33school.

00:43:36Oh, well, you see,

00:43:36that wouldn't work for

00:43:37me because I have class

00:43:38meetings first thing in

00:43:39the morning and I'm

00:43:39class president, although

00:43:40you're probably class

00:43:41president also.

00:43:42No, vice president.

00:43:43Oh, well, that's an

00:43:44important job.

00:43:44I mean, in case the

00:43:45president dies.

00:43:46My sister is president.

00:43:49Laurie, Terry, we

00:43:50better go practice.

00:43:51We have a special

00:43:52audition with the music

00:43:53department.

00:43:55Great.

00:43:56What instrument do you

00:43:57play?

00:43:57The violin.

00:43:58Well, she plays

00:43:59the violin.

00:44:01Anyway, we better get

00:44:02going.

00:44:02Good luck.

00:44:04Bye.

00:44:05Bye.

00:44:24Jessica Kalo.

00:44:25Jessica Kalo.

00:44:47Jessica Kalo's coming

00:44:48in, Mr. Flutter.

00:44:50Oh, send her in, Sally.

00:44:57Uh, come in.

00:45:00Come in.

00:45:01Oh, excuse me.

00:45:06I'm Jessica Kalo, Mr.

00:45:07Flutter.

00:45:08Oh, Jessica, how are

00:45:09you?

00:45:10I'm fine, thanks.

00:45:11And you?

00:45:12Well, I've hurt my hand,

00:45:14but I'm fine.

00:45:15Would you like to sit

00:45:16down, Julie?

00:45:17Jessica.

00:45:17Jessica?

00:45:18Yeah, fine.

00:45:24Would you like a cup of

00:45:25coffee?

00:45:25Yes, thank you.

00:45:26Oh.

00:45:29Oh!

00:45:30I'm sorry.

00:45:32Um, gotta go.

00:45:34See you.

00:45:34Mm-hmm.

00:45:37Marlon Brown, 10 o'clock

00:45:38interview.

00:45:39Terrific.

00:45:40Have a seat.

00:45:44I was an exchange student

00:45:45last summer, so I learned

00:45:46quite a bit of Italian.

00:45:50Uh, y-yes, and where were

00:45:52you?

00:45:52Where was I?

00:45:53Yes, where did you study

00:45:54Italian?

00:45:56In Italy.

00:45:58Oh, yes.

00:46:00Ha.

00:46:01Uh, in Italy, I-I met a lot

00:46:03of interesting people

00:46:04while I was studying there.

00:46:06Some of them were involved

00:46:07in saving the Italian

00:46:08frescoes.

00:46:09Those are paintings.

00:46:10Oh.

00:46:11Yes, of course.

00:46:13Huh.

00:46:13He's bored.

00:46:14I'm losing him.

00:46:15Go on.

00:46:16Go on.

00:46:17I think one of the most-

00:46:18he's totally not interested.

00:46:20He's-he's ignoring me.

00:46:22He's cleaning his closets

00:46:23while I'm dying a thousand

00:46:24deaths.

00:46:24I'm completely blowing this.

00:46:27All the old hand-carved

00:46:29animals, uh, horses, tigers,

00:46:32ostriches, pigs.

00:46:34Pigs?

00:46:35Why did you say that?

00:46:37I don't know why.

00:46:38Oh.

00:46:40Well, you know, pigs are very

00:46:42interesting animals.

00:46:44One very famous literary figure

00:46:45kept pigs as pets.

00:46:47Do you know who that was?

00:46:48Stress question.

00:46:49Stress question.

00:46:50Stress question.

00:46:50No.

00:46:51He was Gertrude Stein.

00:46:53Oh.

00:47:01Uh, I was also involved in a lot

00:47:04of other activities at school.

00:47:06Yearbook staff, uh, World Affairs

00:47:09Council, um, Honor Society.

00:47:13What's this?

00:47:15Oh.

00:47:16Uh, that's my watch.

00:47:18Well, I see our time is just

00:47:21about up, Julie.

00:47:23Jessica.

00:47:23Hey, Jessica.

00:47:24Yeah.

00:47:25Okay, great.

00:47:27So that's it.

00:47:28My interview's over with.

00:47:29Unless there's something else

00:47:30you would like to reveal

00:47:31about yourself.

00:47:32Unless I have anything else

00:47:33I'd like to reveal about

00:47:34myself?

00:47:35Yes, and unless you have

00:47:36anything else you'd like

00:47:37to reveal about yourself.

00:47:39Reveal about myself.

00:47:41Reveal about myself.

00:47:42Reveal myself.

00:47:43Reveal myself.

00:47:46Is there anything else

00:47:47I'd like to reveal

00:47:48about myself?

00:47:49Is there anything else

00:47:50I'd like to reveal

00:47:51about myself?

00:47:58Shit! Whoa. I'll never get accepted here.

00:48:07Jessica?

00:48:10Marlon, your appointment. There's no rescheduling, pup.

00:48:14B-b-b-b-b-b-pee.

00:48:17Jessica, how you doing?

00:48:20Look, Marlon, if you don't mind, I really don't feel like talking right now.

00:48:22Oh, sure. No problem. You know, we can always talk later in school or something.

00:48:26Or maybe next year here at Ramsey.

00:48:27Except I won't be here next year. I'm not right for this school.

00:48:30Come on, you. You're perfect for Ramsey.

00:48:34Everyone here is perfect. Haven't you noticed?

00:48:36I blew it. I had a terrible interview.

00:48:39Jesus, interviews don't matter.

00:48:40I just blew mine completely coming out here. How about that?

00:48:43I thought you said the interview was going to be the key for you.

00:48:45Well, sure, they matter a little, you know, but it's not like high school is what I mean,

00:48:48where if you make a mistake, you get branded as a moron for life.

00:48:51It's no big deal at a place like Ramsey.

00:48:53Yeah, how do you know?

00:48:55Trying things out is what happens at college.

00:48:58You get a great chance to start all over again, just when most people need to.

00:49:01It's like a federal protection and relocation program for teenagers.

00:49:05You don't know how bad it was.

00:49:08Nothing could be that bad.

00:49:10It was awful. Trust me.

00:49:12But awful enough to ruin your chances, you would have to do something really idiotic,

00:49:16like expose yourself or something.

00:49:20Marlon, leave me alone, all right?

00:49:27Something happened with your interview, and now she has locked herself in her hotel room,

00:49:30and she won't talk to anyone.

00:49:32I think something really terrible has happened.

00:49:33Look, I'm sorry, but there's no way I could show you her files.

00:49:37They're strictly confidential.

00:49:39I know, but now she's considering not even applying to Ramsey.

00:49:44You know, this choosing a college because of a girl, maybe we should discuss that idea.

00:49:47We did once before.

00:49:49Yeah, what'd I say?

00:49:50You said you'd heard a lot of worse reasons.

00:49:52Are you in love with Jessica?

00:49:54Then screw it.

00:49:56Love is a fucking noble emotion.

00:49:58But Ramsey is not going to admit you based on your feelings for a girl.

00:50:02You've got to forget her.

00:50:04Forget her?

00:50:04Let me worry about Jessica Kahlo.

00:50:07You concentrate on your own application, okay?

00:50:11Okay.

00:50:12This is terrific, Mr. Hammett.

00:50:14Just great.

00:50:16Thanks so much.

00:50:17Sure.

00:50:17I really appreciate this.

00:50:19Oh, God, this is just great.

00:50:21My vote can't be bought there, Marlon.

00:50:23Thanks.

00:50:24Okay.

00:50:25Thanks, again.

00:50:26Ooh, ouch.

00:50:28Yeah.

00:50:34Come in.

00:50:42I heard you wanted to talk to me, Mr. Hammett.

00:50:44Oh, yeah.

00:50:45Hi, Jessica.

00:50:45Come on in.

00:50:46I wanted to talk to you before you left.

00:50:49All right, sit down.

00:50:50How are you?

00:50:51Hi.

00:50:52Look, I heard you were kind of upset after your interview with Mr. Flutter yesterday.

00:50:57Mr. Hammett, I'd rather not talk about that right now.

00:51:01Look, I know you feel vulnerable.

00:51:03I mean, you just open yourself up to a perfect stranger.

00:51:08I mean, probably for the first time.

00:51:09But look, it's just an interview, and you were not being judged on what you have or what you don't

00:51:14have.

00:51:15I know you think the littlest things are a big deal, but believe me, really, they're not.

00:51:20Okay?

00:51:21We've seen it all before.

00:51:23And Mr. Flutter, he felt that you were an extremely well-rounded young lady.

00:51:28Oh, God!

00:51:40Uh-huh.

00:51:41Pomona, can you hold?

00:51:42I have Duke on the other line.

00:51:43Duke, can you hold, please?

00:51:44I have Georgetown on the other line.

00:51:46I know you're disappointed, Chancellor Smith.

00:51:47His application was fabulous, but we're counselors, not his parents.

00:51:50What can we do if he didn't choose your school?

00:51:52Oxford, please hold.

00:51:54I have seven sisters' colleges on the other line.

00:51:56Girls, I'll have to call you back shortly.

00:51:57I have a very important client in my office.

00:51:59Bye-bye.

00:51:59Okay, bye-bye.

00:52:01So, Marlon, welcome back.

00:52:02How'd you do on your SATs?

00:52:04Oh, well, my score did not go up the 20% you promised.

00:52:08Let's see.

00:52:11Well, you gained 10 in math and 10 in verbal.

00:52:13That's 20.

00:52:13What's the problem?

00:52:15No, all kidding aside, Marlon, you do need our help.

00:52:18Do you have a check?

00:52:20But I need some real help.

00:52:21I have a chance of getting into Ramsey.

00:52:24Marlon, academics don't necessarily have to be your strong point.

00:52:27What you need is a hook, something for the committee to remember you by.

00:52:31Stand out.

00:52:31It's best to stick to the basics.

00:52:33Inner-city tutoring.

00:52:34Helping old people.

00:52:35Environmental cleanup task force.

00:52:37Nuclear research.

00:52:38Well, I'm not currently involved in anything quite as interesting as that.

00:52:40For a thousand bucks, we can make anyone's life sound interesting.

00:52:44For instance, what do you do on a typical Saturday morning?

00:52:47Nothing, really.

00:52:48I babysit my stepbrother.

00:52:50Ah, you say nothing.

00:52:51But babysitting your stepbrother is exactly the kind of mundane activity

00:52:56that you can enhance into a business opportunity.

00:52:59Something that can really make you stand out in the applicant pool.

00:53:28Okay, Marlon, you've got work experience taken care of.

00:53:30Now you want to juxtapose an unusual activity.

00:53:32Something that would wake up a tired admissions officer at 3 a.m.,

00:53:34like the kid who rafted down the Amazon.

00:53:36Last year, a girl took up professional wrestling, and she got into Yale.

00:53:39No, Harvard.

00:53:40Thank you very much.

00:53:41Goodbye.

00:53:55Hi, guys.

00:53:56I'm here for the wrestling lessons.

00:54:13So, you want to take wrestling as an extracurricular activity, huh?

00:54:19No, actually, I've been thinking it over, and actually...

00:54:21What?

00:54:22Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.

00:54:33All of the time we're searching for

00:54:37Something to be that's so much more

00:54:42Than what they tell us we can be

00:54:46We all know much better

00:54:49That there's time enough for a dream

00:54:53If we all go on and believe

00:54:58We could try just a little

00:55:01Love just a little

00:55:04Open our hearts

00:55:06Open our minds

00:55:09If we can remember

00:55:12We are young

00:55:14And all the things we can't become

00:55:19We can share this moment

00:55:22Girl, aren't you ever gonna go home?

00:55:26I will.

00:55:27I've just gotta finish up this application.

00:55:29Well, don't forget to lock up.

00:55:32Bye, Mary.

00:55:33Good night, Henry.

00:55:34Say I should be gone

00:55:37Then we can stay forever young

00:55:46Reaching for something

00:55:50Higher and higher

00:55:55Finding and loving

00:56:00Something inside of you

00:56:02You've got to do it

00:56:09If we can remember

00:56:11We are young

00:56:13I've gotta go.

00:56:15Do you have anything for me?

00:56:16I think this is one of yours.

00:56:18Oh, great.

00:56:19Marlon Brown.

00:56:20Good.

00:56:22That's great.

00:56:23Thanks a lot, Leo.

00:56:24All right, Nina.

00:56:25Anytime.

00:56:25Anywhere.

00:56:28Ooh, uh...

00:56:30Oh, no.

00:56:34So, Leo give good meeting in there?

00:56:37We had lunch

00:56:38And a very serious discussion

00:56:39About Vera Cook, if you must know.

00:56:41In fact, we've penciled in

00:56:42Another meeting

00:56:42To discuss the matter further.

00:56:44But that's not all

00:56:44He'd like to pencil in.

00:56:47I've got work to do, Kip.

00:56:49But keep in mind

00:56:50You have as many opportunities

00:56:51As Leo to become dean.

00:56:52The only difference is

00:56:53You refuse to grow up.

00:57:03Well, we've got Marlon Brown.

00:57:05Yes.

00:57:08So, whatever happened

00:57:09To Jessica Calo?

00:57:12I didn't apply.

00:57:14You didn't apply to Ramsey?

00:57:16The deadline is tonight.

00:57:18What are you, a recruiter?

00:57:20Didn't a certain Mr. Hammett

00:57:22Talk to you

00:57:22About being perfect Ramsey material?

00:57:25I don't want to talk

00:57:26About that, Marlon.

00:57:27Mr. Hammett has a

00:57:28Has a warped sense of humor.

00:57:30What are you talking about?

00:57:30He's a great guy.

00:57:31It's a great school.

00:57:32And you still have time

00:57:33To get your application in.

00:57:34You have until 6 p.m.

00:57:36Marlon,

00:57:38Ramsey's not the right school

00:57:39For me, okay?

00:57:40So, where are you going then?

00:57:42Michigan.

00:57:43Your dad's school?

00:57:45You like Michigan

00:57:46Better than Ramsey?

00:57:47Look, Marlon,

00:57:48You couldn't possibly

00:57:49Understand the decisions

00:57:50I've had to make.

00:57:52Maybe I couldn't,

00:57:53But I've made some decisions too.

00:57:54I've made some

00:57:54Very passionate decisions.

00:57:56Like what?

00:57:57How about

00:57:59Suiciding, for instance?

00:58:00I didn't apply

00:58:00Anywhere but Ramsey

00:58:01And I don't stand a chance there.

00:58:03Well, that's great, Marlon.

00:58:04It's just crazy.

00:58:05You're the suicide

00:58:05And I'm the one that cracked.

00:58:06What is that supposed to make

00:58:07Us some sort of

00:58:07Weird friends or something?

00:58:13I'm sorry, Marlon.

00:58:17You know what I found out

00:58:18When I went to Ramsey?

00:58:21I discovered

00:58:22That I'm boring and predictable.

00:58:24That I'm totally average

00:58:25So I freaked.

00:58:26I freaked, Marlon.

00:58:30Then you're not average.

00:58:32You know, people who are average, Jessica,

00:58:33They don't mind being average.

00:58:34They don't freak.

00:58:36Come on, Jessica, don't cry.

00:58:39Please don't cry.

00:58:41See, this is why

00:58:41I don't come over

00:58:42And talk to you a lot

00:58:43Because I have this

00:58:43Lousy effect on you.

00:58:50It's not you.

00:58:53It's not?

00:58:58Okay, look.

00:58:59I think I have an idea.

00:59:03A car traveling with two future Ramsey students must travel from hometown A to college town B by 6 p

00:59:10.m.

00:59:10If the distance to travel is 450 miles and they observe the 55 mile per hour speed limit, how much

00:59:16time can they allow to stop for gas and snacks?

00:59:20None.

00:59:22Because 6 times 55 is 330.

00:59:24Because 6 times 55 is 330.

00:59:24We won't get to Ramsey even if we don't stop.

00:59:26Then how far should we go?

00:59:28Well, let's make it easy.

00:59:306 times 60 is 360.

00:59:3230 minutes to spare should be enough time.

00:59:33So we, uh...

00:59:37We go 60, Marlon.

00:59:38Go 60.

00:59:39Got it.

00:59:53So how long did it take you to write your essay?

00:59:56I didn't write one.

00:59:56I sent in a video instead.

00:59:58Sounds so creative.

00:59:59Well, I had to do something, you know.

01:00:01I spent all this time and money going to these consultants.

01:00:04The only helpful thing I really got from them was that you have to get the attention of the admissions

01:00:07officer.

01:00:08You know, they want to know who you are.

01:00:09So I made this video.

01:00:11That's great, Marlon.

01:00:29Okay.

01:00:29Whoa!

01:00:30A turtle.

01:00:31Gopher.

01:00:31Gopher or a turtle?

01:00:32Yes.

01:00:33That's what it was.

01:00:34It was a rare gopher turtle.

01:00:36Oh, okay.

01:00:38All right.

01:00:39Here's my opening, all right?

01:00:40Yeah.

01:00:42Okay.

01:00:43I want to go to Ramsey and be rude.

01:00:45Not because I don't like people and not all the time.

01:00:47But if I'm walking across campus one day contemplating Aristotle, I won't worry if people think I'm a snob.

01:00:52If I don't smile and say hi to them.

01:00:54I did enough of that in high school.

01:00:56I think it's great.

01:00:58Yeah?

01:00:58It's excellent.

01:00:59You want to hear the title?

01:01:01Secret confessions of a high school prom queen.

01:01:04Yeah?

01:01:05You like it at work?

01:01:06It's definitely going to brighten the lives of any admissions officer and his children.

01:01:12All right.

01:01:12I'm in paragraph two.

01:01:20Look, you think you can make it?

01:01:21Yeah, I'm almost ready to print out.

01:01:23What is with these trucks?

01:01:24I thought these guys were all supposed to be on amphetamines.

01:01:26Just what we need.

01:01:28Oh, it's a cop.

01:01:29Shit.

01:01:30He's doing the speed limit.

01:01:32Marlon, we can't go 55.

01:01:33It'll blow the whole equation.

01:01:38Great.

01:01:39Wonderful.

01:01:40All right.

01:01:40According to the map, a road intersects this one in 22 miles.

01:01:44The cop takes that road, leaving us with 32 miles left to travel.

01:01:47How fast will we have to go?

01:01:49Wait.

01:01:49Do we want to know the time or distance in this problem?

01:01:51Don't panic.

01:01:52Uh, let's just be logical about this.

01:01:56Let's go slower.

01:01:58Slower?

01:01:58Marlon, this is logical on what planet?

01:02:02Come on.

01:02:03Come on.

01:02:04Come on.

01:02:05Go for it!

01:02:19I always knew that SAT stuff wouldn't help much in real life.

01:02:33You asshole.

01:02:34You asshole.

01:03:00Now, why, why is it locked?

01:03:02Is it six or anything?

01:03:03No, it's five to six.

01:03:04It's not fair.

01:03:07Okay, Jessica.

01:03:08Are you the kind of girl whose dad gave her a credit card?

01:03:10Yeah, but it's expired.

01:03:12It doesn't matter.

01:03:13Because membership has its advantages.

01:03:19Wait, someone's coming.

01:03:39I think he's gone.

01:03:48I can't believe we're breaking and entering the college we want to get into.

01:03:54For good luck.

01:04:16Well, we made it.

01:04:18All we can do now is wait.

01:04:20Yeah.

01:04:22Yeah.

01:04:23Yeah.

01:04:27Marlon?

01:04:28Yes, Jessica?

01:04:31I don't know.

01:04:32I just wanted to say thanks for everything.

01:04:34I really hope we both get into Ramsey.

01:04:36I mean, I couldn't think of a nicer guy to spend the next four years of my life with.

01:04:52Well, that's not rule out graduate school.

01:04:59Good night, Marlon.

01:05:02Good night.

01:05:17That's right, boys and girls.

01:05:19Get your college paraphernalia while it's hot.

01:05:22It's okay, Mom.

01:05:23Well, just describe the envelope to me.

01:05:25Well, is it fat or what?

01:05:26Well, just tell me, Mom.

01:05:28Is it fat or skinny?

01:05:29Mom, just tell me, is it below big or small?

01:05:31Mom, God, just go.

01:05:33I got accepted into Michigan, so big deal, right?

01:05:35I wouldn't care at all except for Kelly.

01:05:37She was rejected by six schools already.

01:05:41Ah, schools!

01:05:44That's why I recommend suiciding.

01:05:46You can only get rejected one.

01:05:48Marlon, this waiting around here from Ramsey is killing me.

01:05:50I mean, I wish I could have Amy's cool.

01:05:52Mom, you just talked to me, but you got jealous of me.

01:05:54It's fat or what?

01:05:55Fat or skinny?

01:05:57Ah, God, no!

01:05:59Here's an interesting case.

01:06:02Vera Cook.

01:06:04Now, she is, as far as I know, the most underprivileged youngster that we have this year.

01:06:09She's got, uh, well, thanks, ma'am.

01:06:11She's got decent grades.

01:06:12Her father is out of the picture.

01:06:14No, her father's dead.

01:06:15She wrote about him in her essay.

01:06:17Oh, oh, yes.

01:06:18Oh, and it says here, her energy and struggle to obtain her dreams has produced an individual

01:06:23both tough and sweet.

01:06:25She's a woman and a girl to reckon with and to love.

01:06:29Jeez.

01:06:30Who writes this crap?

01:06:32Lionel Richie?

01:06:33I wrote it.

01:06:34You know, I met him once.

01:06:36He's a lovely man if you meet him in person.

01:06:38This is Vera Cook.

01:06:39We discussed her, remember?

01:06:40Oh, yeah.

01:06:43I recruited Vera, and I strongly recommend her to this committee.

01:06:46How are her college boards?

01:06:47Well, she's 410 verbal, 470 math, but the point is, that's not the kind of question we

01:06:51need to be asking about a person like Vera.

01:06:53What is the right question?

01:06:54Well, whether we, as a group, are willing to take a chance.

01:06:57This is a case in which Ramsey can make a difference, one that could actually change

01:07:01someone's life.

01:07:02Now, we all agree with Nina, right?

01:07:04During the break, I talked to Leo, and he brought up an interesting point.

01:07:08Whose interests are we serving here?

01:07:10Ramsey is a very competitive environment.

01:07:14We need minority students, but at the expense of this girl?

01:07:17I don't see that we're really that desperate to fill our quota.

01:07:20Forget the quota.

01:07:22Forget she's black.

01:07:23Well, good, because my vote can't be won on the basis of color anyway.

01:07:26So what does that leave us with as far as Vera Cook is concerned, aside from the dismal

01:07:30numbers?

01:07:31Everything that's not a number?

01:07:33What's the commitment to deserving students in this room?

01:07:36Oh, please.

01:07:37I mean, we've got top-notch minority applicants from Andover, uh, Phillips Exeter, other...

01:07:41Well, this is completely outrageous, Leo.

01:07:43You know exactly how I feel about giving this girl a chance.

01:07:45I think we all want a reasonable solution.

01:07:48Leo?

01:07:50Well, I have no objections to the wait list.

01:07:52Sally, how do you feel about that?

01:07:53The wait list?

01:07:54That's like falling in a bureaucratic limbo.

01:07:56Nobody ever gets in here on the wait list.

01:07:58Can we, uh, move on, please?

01:08:18Oh, my God.

01:08:22It's from Ramsey.

01:08:26Oh, it is.

01:08:29Somebody's got to open it.

01:08:34I'll do it.

01:08:52I'm so happy for you.

01:09:00You did it.

01:09:01You got it again.

01:09:03You did it.

01:09:04What about Marlon Brown?

01:09:1160, 70, 80, 90.

01:09:13You look like a guy who's obviously going to make it.

01:09:16I'd better.

01:09:17I paid a thousand bucks to Bauer-Benedick.

01:09:19He said stuff like this would look great on my application.

01:09:23Did you hear anything yet?

01:09:24Hey, cheer up.

01:09:26I have a bumper sticker on me.

01:09:33Come on, Ramsey.

01:09:35What's going on?

01:09:40Now, I know this kid seems hopeless on paper,

01:09:42but you got to see this tape.

01:09:44Now, I met him, and I think he's really got something.

01:09:47Oh, yeah?

01:09:49Better be a union card.

01:09:51I don't know, Bob.

01:09:53Do we really have time for this kind of tomfoolery?

01:09:55Well, we are running late.

01:09:57Tomorrow is the last day of admissions,

01:09:59and there are just so many openings left.

01:10:01I just don't think this boy's folder warrants the time.

01:10:03We used to have time for all types of kids.

01:10:07I'd like to see the tape.

01:10:08You could give Flutter the tape,

01:10:10because I'm not going to look at it.

01:10:11Besides, we gave you the K-Lo girl the other day.

01:10:13Remember?

01:10:14No, Leo, you didn't give me anything.

01:10:16Okay, I mean, we're supposed to find interesting students.

01:10:19Now, I think Marlon Brown is one of them.

01:10:21Take another look at Mr. Video's numbers.

01:10:24I don't know, Bob.

01:10:25I've got to give this kid two thumbs down on the Ramsey scale.

01:10:28Now, Dean, I think it's a tragedy

01:10:29if what we're saying here

01:10:31is that the era of the still-searching

01:10:32doesn't know exactly what to do with his life, kid,

01:10:36is over here at Ramsey.

01:10:37Yeah, well, it's canceled, all right?

01:10:39Due to poor ratings.

01:10:40Do you understand, Hammett?

01:10:41Yeah, I get it, Leo.

01:10:42You got a new program.

01:10:44Leo, Dean of Admissions.

01:10:46You know, I think I'd watch that show.

01:10:48Well, I'm not going to watch it,

01:10:49because with Leo, Dean of Admissions,

01:10:51calling the shots around here,

01:10:52my job description sucks.

01:10:54I don't want to stay around here

01:10:56and watch you ruin a place I love.

01:11:02So, Nina,

01:11:03looks like your lunch schedule's opening wide up.

01:11:06Screw you, Leo.

01:11:07Excuse me.

01:11:20Will you show me Marlon's tape?

01:11:23Yeah, sure.

01:11:25Come on in.

01:11:27Hi, I'm Marlon Brown,

01:11:29and you wouldn't believe

01:11:30all the stuff I did

01:11:32trying to get into college.

01:11:34Looking back,

01:11:34the juggling seems really pathetic.

01:11:36I know it was a creative activity

01:11:38to put on my application and all,

01:11:40but I can't believe

01:11:41tossing flaming sticks in the air

01:11:43is going to qualify me

01:11:44as an interesting guy

01:11:45to have on campus.

01:11:47I felt I had to do something unusual.

01:11:51But intramural professional wrestling

01:11:52was never a workable idea.

01:12:00You win!

01:12:01All night!

01:12:02You win!

01:12:03All night!

01:12:04All night!

01:12:05All night!

01:12:07Come on, man.

01:12:08I was desperate.

01:12:09Everywhere I went,

01:12:10people told me how competitive it is

01:12:12to get into college these days.

01:12:14Here's some advice, Marlon.

01:12:16Hope for a miracle.

01:12:18That'll be $100.

01:12:20I came face to face with the truth

01:12:22after my business failed.

01:12:23I got it!

01:12:24You guys, come on!

01:12:24Let's go!

01:12:28Grow up, Marlon!

01:12:32Grow up!

01:12:33That really got to me.

01:12:35It's something people tell me a lot.

01:12:37And what am I supposed to answer?

01:12:39I'm growing as fast as I can,

01:12:41which brings me to the point of my story.

01:12:44Time to mature is what I need.

01:12:46Right, Willie?

01:12:47Right!

01:12:49Marlon's a great kid, really.

01:12:50He just, he needs a little time to develop,

01:12:52like a fine wine.

01:12:54If you give me a chance,

01:12:55I will be the most enthusiastic,

01:12:58open-minded student

01:12:58you have ever seen at Ramsey.

01:13:00We could really use the room.

01:13:02Come on, Marlon.

01:13:04Time for your next lesson.

01:13:08Well, gotta go.

01:13:10Please, consider me for Ramsey.

01:13:12I won't let you down.

01:13:15Leo's a pig.

01:13:17Leo is six pigs.

01:13:20Oh, God.

01:13:21I think I just got an idea.

01:13:40You.

01:13:41You're the mailman.

01:13:42Yeah.

01:13:46Who's it for?

01:13:51Are you Marlon Brown?

01:13:53Yes.

01:13:53It's for you.

01:13:54Where's it from?

01:13:59Pennsylvania.

01:14:00Pennsylvania.

01:14:01Ramsey, Pennsylvania.

01:14:03Would you do me a favor and open it?

01:14:04I can't look.

01:14:05I'm too nervous.

01:14:06I'd love to.

01:14:18Marlon Brown?

01:14:19Yes.

01:14:21Congratulations.

01:14:22I did it.

01:14:23I got into Ramsey.

01:14:24It's from Ramsey?

01:14:25No, it's from Ed McMahon.

01:14:27You may have already won

01:14:28ten million dollars.

01:14:35See, I get the feeling

01:14:36we could double our endowment

01:14:37if we could just get a stronger student.

01:14:39Leo.

01:14:40I believe this folder

01:14:41escaped your attention.

01:14:43Thank you, Sally.

01:14:47Well, look who just walked in.

01:14:50Mr. Grumpy decided to finish his tenure.

01:14:52Good to have you back, Kip.

01:14:54Last chance to admit the reject du jour, Kip.

01:14:57No, no, that's your department, Leo.

01:14:59Au contraire, Kipster.

01:15:00It's the likes of Leonard Edward Funt

01:15:03that catch my eye.

01:15:04Listen to these numbers.

01:15:06800 verbal, 760 math, 4.0 GPA,

01:15:10second ranked in his class.

01:15:12I wonder which sophomoric admissions officer

01:15:15kept this kid a secret, Kip.

01:15:17Leo, let me see that.

01:15:19I don't remember hearing about this folder.

01:15:21Who were the readers?

01:15:22I was.

01:15:23That figures.

01:15:24Oh, and you too, Leo.

01:15:26Me and Flutter?

01:15:27Mm-hmm.

01:15:28Let me see that folder.

01:15:31Excuse me, Leo.

01:15:33Good Lord, Leo, your comments are right here.

01:15:35Leonard Edward Funt is a first-rate specimen.

01:15:38Don't let him slip away.

01:15:39And I meant it.

01:15:40I mean, just looking at those numbers

01:15:42makes my mouth water.

01:15:44I say we send a limo unless Kip has an argument.

01:15:47What the hell?

01:15:48Thank you, Kip.

01:16:02Now, as the new dean,

01:16:03I'm going to be making just a few changes.

01:16:06First of all, of course,

01:16:07I'll be getting a new paint job for the old Beamer,

01:16:09so I'm going to need two parking spaces.

01:16:11I might have to bump you down

01:16:12to the custodial parking lot.

01:16:13Do you mind?

01:16:14OK, Leo, anything you say.

01:16:16I'm beginning to like you, Flutter.

01:16:18Maybe I won't move your office down to the basement.

01:16:21Leo?

01:16:23Mr. Funt has arrived,

01:16:25and Kip thought you might want to say hello.

01:16:28Leonard Edward Funt, the new pride of Ramsey.

01:16:32Now we're going to see the kind of student

01:16:34we should be admitting to Ramsey.

01:16:37Now, Dean, I'm sure you'll enjoy meeting

01:16:40the kind of students we should be admitting here at Ramsey.

01:16:43Now, students which I, as your successor,

01:16:45would be very proud to be pride for these hallowed halls.

01:16:48Now, Leonard E. Funt is one of my personal prides.

01:16:52Leonard, what is this thing?

01:16:54It's not a thing, Leo.

01:16:56It's a pachyderm.

01:16:57L.E. Funt, the new pride of Ramsey.

01:17:01Leonard Edward L.E. Funt.

01:17:05Bob, please, you've got to agree with me

01:17:07that this prank is not going to look good on Hammett's record.

01:17:10What are you talking about?

01:17:11I quit, remember, after fighting a losing battle

01:17:14to admit a few good human beings.

01:17:17What's this?

01:17:19This is a filthy beast and a stupid prank

01:17:21compliments of Kip Hammett.

01:17:23Oh, and me.

01:17:24Don't tell me this is Leonard Edward Funt.

01:17:27Yes, it is, Chancellor.

01:17:29Joanna.

01:17:30He's got the perfect numbers.

01:17:32Now, see, if these standards had been used when I applied,

01:17:35you never would have admitted me.

01:17:36And I think Ramsey and I were a perfect match.

01:17:39So do I.

01:17:40That's all we wanted to say, so good luck.

01:17:44See you later.

01:17:46Wait.

01:17:47Maybe we've gone overboard, Leo.

01:17:50Yes.

01:17:50I think they're right.

01:17:52What do you suggest we do about this, Kip?

01:17:54Well, uh, we do have a couple of suggestions.

01:18:00What about Leonard?

01:18:01Is he going to Ramsey?

01:18:03Flutter?

01:18:04With Leonard's numbers, he's got his heart set on Harvard.

01:18:16Here, Leo.

01:18:17Have a happy future.

01:18:26So, Leonard.

01:18:29Harvard, huh?

01:18:40Have a nice day.

01:18:41Come again.

01:18:45It's from Ramsey.

01:18:48I'm too scared, Ma.

01:18:49You're...

01:18:54I was only 17 when she looked at me that way.

01:19:01Seems like it's...

01:19:02You did it, baby.

01:19:06I was only fooling around, but she stole my heart.

01:19:11I got it to Cowan!

01:19:13I got it!

01:19:21It's from Ramsey.

01:19:30I got accepted.

01:19:32I got rejected.

01:19:34Bummer.

01:19:36What's yours say?

01:19:37It says,

01:19:38Dear Lori,

01:19:40congratulations on your acceptance at Ramsey College,

01:19:43and we look forward to your violin playing.

01:19:47You play the oboe.

01:19:48I play the violin.

01:19:50I play the violin playing.

01:19:51Shit.

01:19:57Hello, Tom.

01:19:59It's from Ramsey.

01:20:03Another wait list.

01:20:05Shall we file it with the rest?

01:20:09Your mother and I are making a fire.

01:20:29What happened?

01:20:35I got into Ramsey.

01:20:37Congratulations.

01:20:41You're going through with it, huh?

01:20:42You're leaving?

01:20:43I'll send you postcards, Brown.

01:20:45Hey, I got a lot of miles to cover,

01:20:47and it all starts with the first step.

01:20:49Don't forget me.

01:20:50Not in a million years.

01:20:51You've given me the hope.

01:20:54Love changes, changes everything.

01:20:58Love makes you got it.

01:21:00And break your way.

01:21:05So, which direction are you headed?

01:21:07We're traveling the world with unclaimed game show prizes.

01:21:10Oh, Bob, can we take them with us?

01:21:12Please, Bob?

01:21:13Please!

01:21:14Please, Bob, take me with you.

01:21:15Oh, what the heck?

01:21:16Hop in, kid.

01:21:19Love changes, love changes, love changes, everything.

01:21:29Here he comes now.

01:21:30All right, Ronnie, Ronnie.

01:21:31I would just like to say we are so proud to be signing here at Ramsey College.

01:21:36I mean, we're just thrilled.

01:21:37Yo, chill, baby.

01:21:41Football is a great game, but it's only a game.

01:21:46I think it was Plato who said it best when he said,

01:21:49the unexamined life is not worth living.

01:21:51I'm grateful to the Ramsey football staff for its support,

01:21:55but I've decided to dedicate my time here to more intellectual pursuits.

01:22:11It's a nice office.

01:22:14Is it always this big?

01:22:16Does it always have this many windows?

01:22:19I'm so impressed with the talkings of power.

01:22:22I'm so impressed with powerful men.

01:22:27Does it always have a leather couch?

01:22:51I'm so impressed with the

01:22:52two men, A and B, are trapped inside my mailbox,

01:22:55chained to 200,000 pounds of explosives.

01:22:58This isn't funny, Marlon!

01:22:59Come on, man, what chest is this?

01:23:02Cut it out, Marlon!

01:23:03If the chains are three inches thick and they have 30 seconds to escape,

01:23:06sawing at one inch per second,

01:23:08what are their chances of survival?

01:23:10Go on to the next question, Marlon! Go on! Skip it!

01:23:13Come on, man! Get us out of here! Answer the question!

01:23:17Who cares? I already got in the college.

01:23:21Hey, who do you think you're kidding?

01:23:26We're not gonna die! Marlon wouldn't kill us!

01:23:28What are you talking about? We're in a mailbox!

01:23:30Come on, Marlon! Let us out!

01:23:32Come on, Marlon!

01:23:33You made it!

01:23:37Great! You made it!

01:23:43There's always graduate school!

01:23:55All of the time we're searching for

01:24:00Something to be that's so much more

01:24:04Than what they tell us we can be

01:24:09We all know much better

01:24:11That there's time and love for a dream

01:24:16If we all go on believing

01:24:20If we all go on believing

01:24:22We could try just a little

01:24:24Love just a little

01:24:26Open our hearts

01:24:29Open our minds

01:24:31If we can remember we are young

01:24:36And all the things we can become

01:24:41We can share this moment

01:24:45All our lives

01:24:47Over and over again

01:24:50If we can remember we are young

01:24:55And that our lives have just begun

01:24:59Then we can stay forever

01:25:03Then we can stay forever

01:25:08You've got to believe in what we know

01:25:13You follow our hearts and trust the soul

01:25:18Fighting for something that you feel

01:25:22You've got to feel

01:25:24You've got to stay with it

01:25:25Cause there's time enough for a dream

01:25:29If we all go on believing

01:25:34We could try just a little

01:25:37Love just a little

01:25:39Open our hearts

01:25:42Open our minds

01:25:45If we can remember we are young

01:25:49And all the things we can become

01:25:54We can share this moment

01:25:58All our lives

01:26:00Over and over again

01:26:03If we can remember we are young

01:26:08And that our lives have just begun

01:26:12Then we can stay forever young

01:26:22Reaching for something

01:26:25Reaching for something

01:26:27Higher and higher

01:26:28Higher and higher

01:26:31Finding and loving

01:26:35Something inside you

01:26:38You've got to believe

01:26:44If we can continue

01:26:46If we can remember we are young

01:26:49If we can remember we are young

01:26:49fascinatingnasium

How I Got Into College 1989 | A Bad Student’s Crazy Plan to Get Into College

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