- 12 hours ago
The Worst Film Festival Ever [Full Movie] [Vertical Drama]Full EP - Full
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00:00:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:40CastingWords
00:01:28CastingWords
00:01:46CastingWords
00:01:47What a shit. Solid gold shit.
00:01:52Tug Speedman, I'm just not the biggest fan.
00:01:56A father with money and an idiot with an expensive habit,
00:01:59the transition from drugs to movie-making has been glorious for us.
00:02:04The problem with Tug Speedman movies are his endings.
00:02:06Well, it's not just the endings. We even got shortchanged on the nudity.
00:02:11Esme Presley used a body double.
00:02:15I just had a thought.
00:02:17What do you think if I asked you to present the awards?
00:02:19Oh, Gabriel, let me stop you there. I'm not presenting these awards.
00:02:23Well, that would be a mistake.
00:02:25A missed opportunity for you, Will the Farmer.
00:02:29With some brand.
00:02:31Gabriel, your little festival, it's a low-rent nightmare.
00:02:34Whatever bullshit you've done to get this accredited by the Academy,
00:02:37it's a win here. Honestly, I don't want to be part of it when it all goes tits up.
00:02:41It's all showbiz, Will. And you are one of the greats.
00:02:45This is an opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands.
00:02:47Gabriel, please, please don't bullshit me.
00:02:50Put on a show, Will. Razzle dazzle them.
00:02:55It will be you that they'll remember.
00:02:57I don't want to present an award to a shit Tarantino wannabe Tug Speedman.
00:03:01Truth is stranger than fiction, Will. Look, why don't you stay,
00:03:05listen to the key speaker talk and then see how you feel.
00:03:10Do you know what?
00:03:11I don't feel well, Gabriel.
00:03:14That was funny, isn't it?
00:03:15If you've got a tractor, you're a farmer.
00:03:17If you don't, you're just a gardener.
00:03:19Do you know what? I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:25Gabriel? Are you alright?
00:03:28Uh-huh.
00:04:02Hello.
00:04:10Hello, giggles.
00:04:11Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh, shit. Sorry, no. I've been avoiding my dad all day, so...
00:04:21Phone.
00:04:23I'm breaking up with you.
00:04:26Okay.
00:04:27It's not you.
00:04:28It's your dad.
00:04:31Yeah?
00:04:32Not in that way.
00:04:34Just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad.
00:04:47Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:52Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with giggles.
00:04:58Caroline.
00:05:01I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:07You know, you know what? I think I'm just gonna...
00:05:25Oh, God. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:05:42Let's see.
00:05:56Dad, where have you been? He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer and a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad.
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's going to be okay. Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16Um, how sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20Oh, shit. No, the film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital. Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:32No, Dad, Dad, cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan.
00:06:34Alan. I am not willing to donate a kidney, but I am willing to watch you die slowly if you're
00:06:41looking for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:45Um...
00:06:46Any idea what you're going to do?
00:06:47Uh, no. No, Will, I don't.
00:06:49Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:50Um, Will the farmer to present best picture?
00:06:55Oh.
00:07:13Somebody I'm not.
00:07:15I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:19Standing in my shoes, I'm someone I'm not.
00:07:24I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:30Standing in my shoes, I got this feeling that I'm always gonna lose.
00:07:37I guess I know someday I'm gonna have to choose.
00:07:41Cause I don't want to hide away, yeah, yeah.
00:07:47Somebody I'm not.
00:07:50I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:54Standing in my shoes, I'm someone I'm not.
00:07:58Cause I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:04Standing in the light.
00:08:06I'm never knowing when it's gonna be my time.
00:08:11I got some markings that I really want to shine.
00:08:15Cause I don't want to hide away, yeah, yeah.
00:08:21Somebody I'm not.
00:08:24I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:28Standing in my shoes, I'm someone I'm not.
00:08:32Cause I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:38So it goes, seems like I'm running blind.
00:08:48But oh, you know, it's like I'm stuck in time.
00:09:17Somebody I'm not.
00:09:19I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:09:23I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:09:24Standing in my shoes, I'm somebody I'm not.
00:09:29You know, I think I'm going to faint if we don't eat soon.
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station.
00:09:36I can get those anywhere.
00:09:38I need authentic Edinburghan food.
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word, but it is now anyway.
00:09:48There's a greasy spoon three blocks from here.
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe, it says.
00:09:54Perfect word.
00:09:56I'm going to use it in a sentence.
00:09:58I just did.
00:10:05Where are all these Scottish fruits have been sold about?
00:10:10You're going to cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters.
00:10:15At her butt.
00:10:17Oh my god.
00:10:25Are you sure?
00:10:28Of course.
00:10:29She's got no reason to lie, I sure.
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out.
00:10:35That can't be good.
00:10:42Come on.
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues, but then again it's an old laptop so it probably needs replacing.
00:10:59She means your dad, Alan.
00:11:02Oh god, um, yeah, better, I think.
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning that he signed off with, and don't mess this up.
00:11:12So, safe to say he's better the farm on this festival.
00:11:16That'll be fine.
00:11:19See, he's working.
00:11:21And gone again.
00:11:27He's fucked.
00:11:33Will!
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend, that's good.
00:11:37Will, I still need a key speaker.
00:11:39Please check out time for me.
00:11:40No, Will, please, I'll give you anything, okay?
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have, it's barely been used.
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists, don't play dead.
00:12:06Er, is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi.
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:13Oh, I'm sorry.
00:12:14I'll just bung it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip.
00:12:22Seriously.
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge.
00:12:35So bad then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good.
00:12:37One of my key speakers has pulled out, he's got the flu.
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an Academy Award is you must provide at least two key speakers to
00:12:46tell you movies are good.
00:12:49All right, okay, it's fine, just breathe.
00:12:54That's it.
00:12:55Not the first guy to have a panic attack on us.
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me, Tug Speedman will.
00:13:00God's was a good movie.
00:13:02The ending wasn't much, though.
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival.
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault.
00:13:11Right, first things last, what's a key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know. It's got to be an actor or a celebrity.
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience making movies with the other filmmakers.
00:13:27Rachel.
00:13:28Oh, shit, yeah, Rachel Warren.
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess.
00:13:38It's in the festival.
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her well.
00:13:42I'm sure she'd love to come and be your celebrity.
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going.
00:13:52Yes, I do.
00:13:59It's this way. Come on.
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century.
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters.
00:14:12This country makes no sense.
00:14:20You can't live in this day.
00:14:23You don't know what to do.
00:14:26I hate you!
00:14:47Hey, remember what we spoke about?
00:14:51Yeah, yeah, Dad. No day joking.
00:14:55Hi, we're Ashraf and...
00:14:58Millie.
00:15:00I thought we was going home with Millicent.
00:15:02We made Milicious Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win?
00:15:12Fuck yeah.
00:15:13Right, babe?
00:15:14Well, forget winning.
00:15:16I mean, I'm just here for the fit guys
00:15:18with their sexy Scottish brogue.
00:15:21I mean, I haven't met any just yet,
00:15:23but I did spot this guy.
00:15:24He looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane.
00:15:26You know, the guy from Thor.
00:15:28I mean, given the chance, I didn't.
00:15:29I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals, don't you?
00:15:35You know I can't just unhear this stuff.
00:15:38I will.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry.
00:15:44Nominations for Best Actress are...
00:15:47Fran Whittaker for Hey, Mr. DJ.
00:16:00I can explain.
00:16:01I want you to leave.
00:16:04Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding?
00:16:15It's pork of beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried.
00:16:18Are we in the same country?
00:16:21No.
00:16:21We're in Scotland.
00:16:24Esme Presley, poor gods of Shoreditch.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice, sir.
00:16:28The seal calls to you, but it is lying.
00:16:33That may be so.
00:16:35The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:38It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:42How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh yeah, it's in the back.
00:16:58Hi guys.
00:17:00We're the Kidnap Gang and we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner Darren.
00:17:05Hello, hello.
00:17:07Now, obviously we've entered two films into the festivals, which doubles our chances of winning
00:17:12something.
00:17:14But look, I've got to warn you, when we're a bat, there's always some fuckery afoot.
00:17:19Idiots.
00:17:20Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival, he invited us along.
00:17:25He thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:42Joking, we got her.
00:17:43You didn't.
00:17:44She said she'll do it.
00:17:45Thanks a little, madam.
00:17:46Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
00:17:49Sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she'd like working with me and the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill.
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now.
00:18:00You have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Doug, you're here.
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:09That's good, that's good things, dude.
00:18:10No, seriously.
00:18:11Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:20Hmm.
00:18:22Well, your film sounds interesting and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor, writer, filmmaker.
00:18:35Triple thread.
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet?
00:18:38It's actually just this way.
00:18:39I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49Listen, man.
00:18:51I didn't want to say anything in there.
00:18:53I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:57Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what?
00:19:01Technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together, man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is.
00:19:07To have me and my movie playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:19That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:22No, this...
00:19:24This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge for my movie.
00:19:32And for your festival.
00:19:36Yes, I'll get it together.
00:19:44We're in room 175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55Don't mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:05He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small C.
00:20:11No, he's definitely something with a small C.
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh, like a twin room?
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Tud likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36You can put that down.
00:20:38Oh, God.
00:20:39Yeah, sorry.
00:20:41Is there a turndown service or do I tip?
00:20:45Oh, no, no.
00:20:45I'm just helping.
00:20:48Just a thanks, then.
00:20:51Instant coffee.
00:20:52I liked your movie.
00:20:55Well, no, I liked your role in it.
00:21:00It's okay.
00:21:01You can say it's crap.
00:21:02It is.
00:21:02No, no, it's not crap.
00:21:03It's just, uh, it's unusual.
00:21:06It's time-traveling gangsters, so.
00:21:09But it's up for best picture, and it's probably going to get the Oscar qualifying spot, so what do I
00:21:13know?
00:21:14Alan.
00:21:15That's your name, right?
00:21:16The festival director's son.
00:21:19Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:20And worse, a hack with a father with money.
00:21:23The writer's inspiration for Gods of Shoreditch was a story with strong female characters who brought about the end of
00:21:29the world of men.
00:21:31Instead, Tug turned a brilliant script into a wannabe gangster action movie.
00:21:36With so much nudity, it could have been set in ancient Rome.
00:21:40Oh, I mean, I thought that it was...
00:21:42Sorry, darling.
00:21:42Body doubles for those scenes.
00:21:44Oh, no, no, I wasn't being weird.
00:21:46I was just...
00:21:46Alan, it's fine.
00:21:47I limit who sees me naked, including Tug.
00:21:52Oh, you thought...
00:21:54Alan, no.
00:21:55Hasn't been like that for a very long time.
00:21:58Tug, I imagine, is currently down in the bar, flirting with any tart, unlucky enough to be with an earshot.
00:22:10I know his father paid for the movie to win, and I'm fine with it.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:16Alan.
00:22:17Um, yes.
00:22:20Do you want a coffee?
00:22:26That's my dad.
00:22:27Um, I should.
00:22:28I didn't see him, Lance.
00:22:29Is that something okay?
00:22:32Complicated, but...
00:22:34Yeah.
00:23:01Hello, my dad.
00:23:03You all right?
00:23:04Um, yeah, all good.
00:23:06Um, the abduce kit is here.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:14Yes, we made a movie called Sex.
00:23:27At first, there was nothing.
00:23:31Then, there was woman.
00:23:45So, with the role of the woman is the sole provider, the one giving the pain is the only one
00:23:50that can take it away.
00:23:50My role is to assistive clients, but I'm also an actress.
00:23:55Oh, not again with that stupid werewolf movie with Rachel.
00:24:00Rachel was amazing to work with.
00:24:03And you two.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05And you two.
00:24:05But both equally.
00:24:07Yeah, of course.
00:24:08Do you know what?
00:24:09Whatever, I don't care.
00:24:10Anyway.
00:24:10Can somebody take this off, please?
00:24:24You have 12 finalists in your festival this year?
00:24:28Uh, yes.
00:24:29They are the final 12.
00:24:31The opening ceremony is tonight, and there will be a party.
00:24:36Not quite a party person.
00:24:39Hmm.
00:24:41Each film has been individually assessed and announced within the required time period?
00:24:46Yes.
00:24:47Uh, no formal queries from the other candidates.
00:24:50Uh, and my father has done all of the, uh, assessments.
00:24:54Your father?
00:24:56Yes.
00:24:57Spoke to him many times.
00:24:59On the phone.
00:25:01Never met.
00:25:02Where is he?
00:25:05Currently sorting out, um, something or other.
00:25:08You know what these crazy filmmakers are like.
00:25:13No!
00:25:21I'm absolutely mortified.
00:25:23I didn't mind, really.
00:25:25It was kind of fun.
00:25:26A bunch of kids, them too, honestly.
00:25:35Very amusing.
00:25:38My preference is to sit near the back and on the aisle for each showing.
00:25:45Yes, we can accommodate that.
00:25:47Your father is the signatory for the festival.
00:25:51Have him speak to me at his earliest convenience.
00:25:54Of course.
00:25:55No, no problem.
00:25:57Would you excuse me?
00:25:58I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:02I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:27I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:37Mmm.
00:26:38Good morning to you.
00:26:42Beaten actress.
00:26:44Yes, I am.
00:26:46Well...
00:26:47No, no, no, no, no.
00:26:48you have certainly got the look as if he's like some old guy
00:26:54you play your cards right i might just let you audition for me sometime so obviously networking
00:27:01is the best part of these events before tug realizes i'm a tease this next movie will already
00:27:07be out starring me i thought you might be hungry thank you but the breakfasts are meant to be for
00:27:17film contestants but yeah they're not gonna miss it are they they're adjudicated by your story
00:27:26jade ah how is your father doing still in the hospital and i think i think thug speedman might
00:27:33just kill me when he finds out so have you i always wanted to be an actress then come on
00:27:38move along
00:27:39romeo there's a cure here i'll talk to you later you seem to be doing okay so far just a
00:27:49few more
00:27:50days tug will be happy once he gets his coveted academy place do you like working with him you
00:27:56don't work with tug you experience the carnage he leaves in his wake you get used to the crazy after
00:28:01a few years yeah i was gonna pitch my film to him the god particle yeah i optioned the third
00:28:07book but
00:28:07i tell you what an award-nominated actress would look great on the cast list this is a
00:28:13shit business alan you can do your best performance and some hack director fumbles the ball in the edit
00:28:19hey no your character joe marsh and gods of shortage was amazing
00:28:22tets and ass don't make a movie at least my body double had a good bum
00:28:30god particle is a black ops super soldier who seeks vengeance after they have been betrayed on a
00:28:38mission gone terribly wrong good pitch yeah but without esme presley in it it's just another silly spy
00:28:48adventure
00:28:48actually can you just give me a full second please
00:28:53alan my man how are we right we all set for my screening yes of course um
00:28:59emmets yes yes no it's only because i heard there was some like technical issues who told you that
00:29:04no never mind uh no everything's fine we're good to go perfect so yeah we made a horror movie yes
00:29:10i play a maid don't you play a maid in jade's movie too typecasting is a good thing
00:29:16do you actually watch the movies have you seen mine it's got rachel on it uh no my dad watches
00:29:20the films it's more his thing oh hi hey um the breakfasts are actually just for the film candidates
00:29:28so uh i appreciate it yeah yeah no so that that that means sorry but what if i was a
00:29:35phone contestant
00:29:39okay okay look if you want to go like just wait in the lobby and wait till they're all gone
00:29:44i'll
00:29:44come give you a shout and how'd they print the application form from the library that was a
00:29:48nightmare while i think so like sorry i ain't taking a blame for that hang on you've made a movie
00:29:55sure just like all the cats up in this geth it's a personal story a flick about loving on the
00:30:00streets
00:30:01mike in your face that's that that's actually really impressive i'm not sure how you do
00:30:08check it shot on the phone edited at a library the equipment was 90s but it's all good
00:30:15uh well that that is all good but um the applications closed uh two months ago now so
00:30:22understands completely but listen here i ain't interested in what you're selling for me this is
00:30:28a golden opportunity of honest food and a bed for the night please i i really don't know how else
00:30:35to
00:30:35say this but all of the final films have been announced we can't add this that's how it is
00:30:44sorry what's your name mike iron mike wow intimidating name it's cause we're embedding down i have like
00:30:51three iron baths tied together so iron mike makes perfect sense listen alan's gonna take your application
00:30:59because he's good at problem solving and he very much wants to impress me
00:31:04i was thinking what was that simple you did a very kind thing for a homeless man and it did
00:31:10impress me
00:31:10okay yeah that is very nice but all the films have already been announced esme
00:31:14i don't think he cares morning oh i mean morning your father down for breakfast uh you know he was
00:31:25but
00:31:25he's an early riser so you know how it is we're just going to meet him now the signatory is
00:31:30a very
00:31:31important part of the process of course i played lord harrington of mortar
00:31:47beast must die
00:31:52whatever you think's best
00:31:58i'm now unarmed
00:32:02to prevent you from doing your duty
00:32:06maybe she should kill us both
00:32:10you've been bitten mistress
00:32:15the wolf
00:32:20courses through my veins
00:32:23run
00:32:27so yeah it's a movie with a werewolf in it
00:32:31his sister hates that we're together
00:32:34in the movie
00:32:36look i spent a lot of time and energy into this ending and trust me once people see what we've
00:32:43done here
00:32:45it's best film winners might
00:32:47ours
00:32:49and everyone that was in the movie
00:32:53i
00:32:54and
00:32:57because
00:32:59and
00:33:21because
00:33:23they're being
00:33:30I'm sorry for frightening you, Lady Harrington.
00:33:38Callum, go back to the house.
00:33:41Elizabeth.
00:33:45Now.
00:34:09No, no, not now.
00:34:12Everyone, look into the...
00:34:19God damn it!
00:34:21No one saw the ending.
00:34:33I'm here.
00:34:38It was just an outer shit show.
00:34:41I was pretty awesome as the maid.
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:35:05Are you fucking kidding me?!
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water.
00:35:12Fuck water!
00:35:14I want some fucking cocaine!
00:35:17Oh fuck.
00:35:19Just call my fucking sponsor.
00:35:23You.
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not?
00:35:28Tell me.
00:35:28Uh, I don't know but I'm obviously hoping.
00:35:31It's not his fault.
00:35:36Of course you knew.
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug!
00:35:41It wasn't like that.
00:35:43Look, as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out, we're fine.
00:35:46We're fine.
00:35:47We're fine.
00:35:49We're fine.
00:35:50Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:51Until he visits your poor little feeble dad on his fucking deathbed!
00:35:56Tug, his father's still alive.
00:35:58Take that back.
00:35:59I'll tell you one thing, boyo.
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him.
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up!
00:36:11You.
00:36:11I don't know.
00:36:13I'm going to the bar.
00:36:15Fuck my sponsor.
00:36:36Really?
00:36:38I thought you had to call your sponsor.
00:36:42You didn't drink it.
00:36:44Right, you thought about it.
00:36:46And you promised.
00:36:49Go away, Esme.
00:36:51I'm not cleaning up after you again.
00:36:55Well, do you know what, Mum?
00:36:57Do you know what I'm gonna get you for Christmas?
00:37:00A nice big wooden cross.
00:37:02So next time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices,
00:37:07you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it.
00:37:26I love you.
00:37:27I love you.
00:37:29I love you.
00:37:34Yes, the movie did well.
00:37:36We are very proud.
00:37:39I love you.
00:37:40I love you.
00:37:42I love you.
00:37:44I love you.
00:37:46I love you.
00:37:46The adjudicator, of course.
00:37:48He picks the winner.
00:37:50You are good, right?
00:37:52You are good.
00:37:53That is not correct.
00:37:55He's just an official.
00:37:56Gabriel chose the winner.
00:37:58I know Alan, and I hope we have made a big impression on him and his father Gabriel.
00:38:04We do rap movie next.
00:38:08I'm ablock in the moment.
00:38:10I love you.
00:38:11And I love you.
00:38:13I love you.
00:38:13Let's do that again.
00:38:16Here's your best idea.
00:38:16Oh my god.
00:38:24Here's my favorite song.
00:38:25Here's my favorite song.
00:38:32in our story of Gods of Shoreditch but some were more comfortable than others I think sometimes
00:38:41nudity is considered controversial in some cultures because it challenges the standards
00:38:47of modesty yes exactly nudity it's a state of mind I'll happily wander around the house
00:38:55all day with no clothes on just let it all hang out feel that breeze it's it's quite
00:39:01liberating would I be shallow if I said size doesn't matter it's perfectly adequate
00:39:18is it true that it's all a force I don't really know well you seem very close with Ellen
00:39:25he must have told you something this is starting to feel like an intervention or
00:39:30maybe an interrogation it's because everyone is hiding something Esme we're just curious
00:39:38this festival is really important to us we have vested interest
00:39:45look I don't want to speak out of turn and I understand that you guys are anxious
00:39:50but really you have to speak to Alan about this oh we will don't you worry about that
00:39:58the mountain has arrived you know we all know that you're here can you help with this please
00:40:05they know Alan you might as well just tell me the truth the truth will set you free okay I've
00:40:11spoken
00:40:12to my dad in the hospital he is getting better it is a question of whether he can do the
00:40:16sign off though
00:40:17no he can't not while he's in hospital what's the sign off the uh festival director has to sign off
00:40:24on the
00:40:25adjudicator's paperwork can't Alan do that are you the festival director Alan no I'm yeah not the festival
00:40:33director then what's that smell listen monkey boy I swear to god and the sunny Jesus if you don't find
00:40:43a
00:40:44solution I'm gonna drop kick your head and I've done seven days intensive stage combat you you watch yourself
00:41:03forget the gold particle this is producing oh yeah just without the money or the credit
00:41:09you'll cut out for greater things yeah well you clearly haven't met my dad he's gonna kill my movie
00:41:16still living in his shadow just like tug he'd own own self be true yeah well that's really easy for
00:41:21you to say you're an award-winning actress with a string of movie titles behind you and I'm just
00:41:25and you're currently a festival director ah yeah I see trying to sway influence with the festival
00:41:32director to try and win an award it's not gonna work oh my what's a girl got to do
00:41:39mate order your shaver yeah sure whatever you need keep that towel on and I'll cut your hair
00:41:47how's our cleaning service for sure Mike can we grab a look at your movie sure it's your funeral
00:42:04well this is it this is where Iron Mike is staying tonight because uh I did have three iron bath
00:42:13tubs
00:42:13they were all tied together and it was really really really good always gonna be checking the
00:42:19buttons because you just don't know what's on these buttons Mike this is good
00:42:26and phone boxes always keep your eye out for them a lot of people muscle it's really good
00:42:33so
00:42:36and
00:42:51and
00:42:52and
00:42:52and
00:42:52and
00:42:54and
00:43:12You, uh, you calm down, yeah?
00:43:17Can I sit?
00:43:18Help yourself, you usually do.
00:43:21I wake up this morning and you're gone.
00:43:23I didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring.
00:43:28I'm at a loss here, Esme.
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:33Don't you remember the little talk me and you had?
00:43:35I support you, you support me.
00:43:39That's all I ever do, is support you.
00:43:42Yeah, well, you've been missing in action all weekend.
00:43:46I've been here all this time.
00:43:48The question is, where have you been?
00:43:51Clever.
00:43:53How's that working out for you?
00:43:56That's the thing about relationships.
00:43:59They give you reason to live.
00:44:02Revenge.
00:44:04Hey, hey, do you remember this?
00:44:07I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:44:10No.
00:44:10That David played, it pleased the Lord.
00:44:14But you don't really care for movies, do ya?
00:44:19It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
00:44:23Sit down.
00:44:24The major falls, the minor lifts.
00:44:28The baffled king composing, hallelujah.
00:44:34No?
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't going to work on me anymore.
00:44:39I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you.
00:44:41How are you going to face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:45The question is, babe, do you feel paid for?
00:45:01Esme!
00:45:06That's bad, Gigi, mate.
00:45:07You need to let her take a moment.
00:45:08But she's upset.
00:45:11Having your bridges burned is never going to be easy.
00:45:13But she's strong.
00:45:27I think he's better from an older person.
00:45:31But this is your fault, Jess.
00:45:33You were in a fucking movie!
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress.
00:45:37Okay, can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Rachel can't do it.
00:45:45We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so bitchy she's probably playing the werewolf.
00:45:51Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role!
00:46:00Wow, what a transformation.
00:46:04Hey, got meself some new threads.
00:46:09It's gonna be a long night.
00:46:24I mean, this is getting ridiculous.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Caroline! Hi!
00:46:32Um...
00:46:33Hey, Alan.
00:46:35Could I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:39Uh...
00:46:39Caroline, wow.
00:46:41What are you doing here?
00:46:42I mean, I'm glad that you are, but...
00:46:45Why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage.
00:46:50Except you, of course.
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake.
00:46:56I'll still do your announcements.
00:46:57If you want me.
00:46:59Really?
00:47:00Oh, Caroline, absolutely!
00:47:01That'd be amazing!
00:47:02Yes, yes!
00:47:03Thank you!
00:47:03Thank you so much!
00:47:05Wow, slaying it, Mike.
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a sud.
00:47:10Ah, she's just getting a bit excited.
00:47:12Our film's showing today.
00:47:14Malicious intent.
00:47:15Gangster comedy.
00:47:16Has malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than Tug's film, but...
00:47:21Hopefully we spent the money where it really mattered.
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient.
00:47:27Me?
00:47:28I'm the secret ingredient.
00:47:30Well, look, when Millie was ten, we'd done a short film together called Daddy's Girl.
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent.
00:47:41It's like the story picks up from that point.
00:47:45She was much cuter then.
00:47:47Not such a pain in the arse.
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who's going to grow up to be famous,
00:47:57so just make yourself available.
00:47:59Oh, don't be a tart.
00:48:00Well, I wish it was Beyonce.
00:48:06I've been looking for you.
00:48:08I found me.
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
00:48:11Good choice.
00:48:12We could just kill all the girls prettier than me.
00:48:15Or maybe just Tug.
00:48:16Sorry.
00:48:20Where are all the good guys, Dad?
00:48:22In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something, you don't do it.
00:48:30So maybe when it tells you not to, that's when you should.
00:48:35Oh.
00:48:37Read the room, Alan.
00:48:39This is the consensual kissing part.
00:48:43Uh...
00:48:44Caroline's back.
00:48:48Um...
00:48:49Your ex that caught with your best friend, Caroline?
00:48:52Yeah.
00:48:54She wants to present the awards.
00:48:57That's good, I guess.
00:48:58Great for you.
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake.
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so, but I guess she's realised it too, so...
00:49:05Yeah, no.
00:49:06Great.
00:49:06So pleased to be here.
00:49:09Are you okay?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy.
00:49:12Learning lessons all the time.
00:49:15Right.
00:49:15Um...
00:49:16Sorry, just one second.
00:49:17Oh my God.
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen, I would be happy to present our next film, Malicious Intent.
00:49:36No, no, no, no.
00:49:38Wait, wait, wait!
00:49:44Um...
00:49:47My...
00:49:47Apologies.
00:49:49There will now be a short interval as I need a word with the festival director.
00:49:55Young man.
00:49:58This is totally irregular.
00:50:01My paperwork should have been signed and she mailed off this morning.
00:50:07So, I understand that he's just busy.
00:50:10You've fobbed me off with that before.
00:50:12Where is your father?
00:50:14He is festival director.
00:50:15Fully understand.
00:50:16Uh...
00:50:17End of the next movie, he'll be here.
00:50:18Yeah, listen, young man.
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you, but it's also my job.
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers that I can't manage a simple task such as getting a...
00:50:31Signature!
00:50:33Stand on me.
00:50:34I will sort it.
00:50:37It's our big day.
00:50:40Uh...
00:50:41Yeah.
00:50:42It is.
00:51:03I curse them to hell, as her both fought the swell.
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth in the firelight.
00:51:12Wild horses rode high as the devil passed by.
00:51:17Taking souls into Hades by twilight.
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea, we were now forty-three.
00:51:28We buried our comrades each morning.
00:51:31In our own slime, we were lost in the time.
00:51:36Endless night we were dawning.
00:51:43Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry.
00:51:49Oh, I wish I was...
00:51:54So essentially it's like a black ops agent.
00:51:57Oh, oh!
00:51:58Caroline, you have to meet our president movie star, Esme Presley.
00:52:02Today everyone's a star.
00:52:04They're all billed as starring or also starring without earning that recognition.
00:52:08Caroline, you're back.
00:52:10From outer space.
00:52:12I notice you cry a lot in your films.
00:52:15Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder.
00:52:18Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20All these Best Actress nominees and I'm just thinking, shut up and get a salad.
00:52:25Uh, so, um, Caroline thinks that we should just come clean with your adjudicator.
00:52:30Not the best idea.
00:52:32Is that your own thought or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:37Caroline, we should be friends.
00:52:41Yes, I agree. Best friends.
00:52:46I think that ending needs work.
00:52:47How about less silly questions and a bit more shut the hell up?
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film?
00:52:54Was that computer stuff?
00:52:56This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.
00:53:00I ain't saying anything.
00:53:01So then, your, er...
00:53:03Your style's clearly more...
00:53:05Gangster than it is...
00:53:07Horror?
00:53:07Hey, that character played Dudley in your movie?
00:53:10He was awesome.
00:53:15Joy.
00:53:16All right, ladies and gentlemen, our next film is...
00:53:22Sex.
00:53:24Have fun.
00:53:25Ground.
00:53:44Did you get to relieve the relief, and...
00:53:58Time don't wait for no one
00:54:02There's no escape from what I must do
00:54:06Turn around and bend over
00:54:09I can't wait forever
00:54:13I think it's time to leave
00:54:16I'm young, I'm all dressed up
00:54:19I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening
00:54:22And there's two hundred and ninety years separating it from the films of Kevin Smith
00:54:26But that doesn't mean it's true
00:54:32If time don't wait for no one
00:54:37How can I wait for you
00:54:42Tough love
00:54:43Tough love
00:54:48It's complete love
00:54:50It's complete love
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast
00:55:07Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug
00:55:10It might blindside him
00:55:12We can hope so
00:55:14But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here
00:55:17So I win
00:55:20Secrets and lies
00:55:23Come with me
00:55:28This is bang out of order
00:55:29Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day off today?
00:55:33This ain't my day job, you know
00:55:35It's not Alan's fault
00:55:37Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film
00:55:44Can we screen it again, maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you
00:55:50No problem is too big
00:55:52We can't fix it if we work together
00:55:55Esme, you're beautiful on the inside
00:55:57But it's important you understand your limitations
00:56:00Alan, what I'm saying is
00:56:03If anyone actually saw the ending of the film
00:56:05Then people would know that my character disguises himself as older
00:56:08I will play your dad
00:56:10And I will sign off this whole festival
00:56:16What?
00:56:18Got range
00:56:21Him
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel
00:56:25That accent's incredibly tricky
00:56:27If you don't do it, then all of this is over for everyone
00:56:32Hello, son
00:56:33How are you?
00:56:35Oh, God, this has disaster written all over it
00:56:39Something is missing
00:56:40Could be range
00:56:43The meanness
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an arsehole
00:56:47Oi, I'm not happy
00:56:49And I don't like it
00:56:50Oh, my God
00:56:53There's me
00:56:54Is my foot scrub in there?
00:56:58Yes, it's got to be brilliant
00:57:02And bring my razor as well, will you?
00:57:05Yeah
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold me all day
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that
00:57:31This is a big day for us
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug
00:57:35Hardly meritable
00:57:37I read a book about this once
00:57:38You sure it was a book?
00:57:40You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business
00:57:43Not care business
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend
00:57:49And you don't want to meet a producer
00:57:52And just for that
00:57:54When the movie comes out
00:57:55I'm going to get Matt Damon to play you
00:57:56Oh
00:57:58Well, maybe I'll get Jade to play you then
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah
00:58:03Your new producing partner
00:58:06A little girl-on-girl action
00:58:10I'm joking
00:58:12Unless
00:58:13Unless you'd be up for it
00:58:22Jeez, I was only joking
00:58:23It's not a joke
00:58:25I'm feeling lost
00:58:27Hey
00:58:28I've heard there was a secret code
00:58:30Stop
00:58:31That Michael played it
00:58:32Please the Lord
00:58:33Stop
00:58:36If I explained it
00:58:37I think I'd only confuse you
00:58:41Janela
00:58:43I think it's times like this
00:58:44If I wasn't a multi-award winning
00:58:47Talented filmmaker
00:58:48And you were just an ordinary girl
00:58:50Then we wouldn't have these problems
00:58:53On Gods of Shoreditch
00:58:55I was supposed to be an associate producer
00:58:57But in reality
00:58:58I was more of a dog's body
00:59:00Seriously, this again
00:59:02I told you
00:59:03It's whatever it takes to get the shot
00:59:09Look
00:59:10You can produce the next one in full
00:59:13Yeah, my dad's already on board
00:59:15Take that back
00:59:17And I'll kill you
00:59:19You're the producer
00:59:22Game face on
00:59:24Hooray for Hollywood
00:59:37Don't you hold the bloody lift
00:59:39Oh, didn't I
00:59:43Come on
00:59:47Oh, God
01:00:09Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this
01:00:18Listen, son
01:00:18I've got this whole routine worked out
01:00:20No, routine, okay
01:00:22This isn't an audition
01:00:23Just say hello
01:00:24And then sign the pissing document
01:00:25Where's your wife?
01:00:28I think we should just come clean
01:00:29Hello
01:00:31You must be the adjudicator
01:00:33My son Alan's been telling me all about you
01:00:38Sorry for being a bit busy
01:00:39This film festival malarkey
01:00:41Kept me on me toes
01:00:42Yes
01:00:43Seems to have ramped up a notch
01:00:46With the screening of Gods of Shoreditch
01:00:48One of my personal favourites
01:00:50Um, now that you're here
01:00:54My paperwork needs a signature
01:00:58Absolutely
01:00:59Happy to
01:01:01Thank you, you
01:01:06Oh, sorry
01:01:07Forgot who it was there for a second
01:01:12Is that a what?
01:01:14I'll need a final signing off
01:01:17When the winners are announced
01:01:20Your accent seems off
01:01:24Oh, it's...
01:01:27It's posh voice
01:01:30A posh telephone voice
01:01:32Yeah, I should use it all the time, really
01:01:35Right
01:01:36Your honour
01:01:37May I show you to the next screening?
01:01:43Oh
01:01:46You know, my movies
01:01:47Are inherently amazing
01:01:50It's all about the big screen
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there
01:02:04Now that you're here
01:02:06Yes, uh, absolutely
01:02:09He is such a star
01:02:11When it comes to the things
01:02:17Uh, ladies and gentlemen
01:02:18I'd like to
01:02:19Introduce to you
01:02:21Gods of Shoreditch
01:02:25And it stars
01:02:26Big round of applause
01:02:27For it stars
01:02:28Esme Presley
01:02:30And
01:02:31Tugs Bigman
01:02:46Good entrance
01:02:48You want to see the one
01:02:49I'm going to make
01:02:50When I, uh, win my award
01:02:54What?
01:02:55No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:57Come on
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers
01:02:59Trying to draw attention
01:03:01To their film
01:03:02I thought they were quite fun
01:03:08You know, they do say
01:03:09I'm the new Robert Rodriguez
01:03:10Except I star in my own movies as well
01:03:13Maybe Robert was smarter
01:03:21You fought well
01:03:22Despite the twisted ankle
01:03:25You will live to fight another day
01:03:27And I assure you
01:03:29It is not serious
01:03:30I took the liberty
01:03:31Of feeling the bone
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound
01:03:36Oh, sir
01:03:37How will I ever thank you?
01:03:40Please
01:03:40Do not think of it
01:03:41It is my honour
01:03:43To serve you
01:03:44Will you not be seated?
01:03:47Pray
01:03:47Excuse me
01:03:49I do not wish to leave a watermark
01:03:51I do not wish to leave a watermark
01:03:54Permit me to call tomorrow afternoon
01:03:57So that I may inquire after you
01:04:04Fight hard
01:04:06Fight for me
01:04:14Alan's pitching me some shitty book movie
01:04:18The God Particle is the third book in a series
01:04:22That guy
01:04:23The Irish Connection
01:04:25Masaka and fucking chips
01:04:27Shit
01:04:29That director is the worst
01:04:32He couldn't even direct traffic
01:04:34You know, they should have came to
01:04:35Me
01:04:36Tug Speedman
01:04:39You know I'm right, babe
01:04:54Fun and happiness in short supply
01:04:57Out of the frying pan and into the fire
01:04:59It's always difficult when one person moves on
01:05:02Hmm
01:05:04I spoke to Dad this morning
01:05:06He's recovering
01:05:07But no mention of my movie, so
01:05:10Nice guys to open us last
01:05:16You're planning something that's going to get me in trouble, aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most definitely
01:05:42You best move out of the way and let me be
01:05:44This is not how it works
01:05:47Nice time, stunt boy
01:05:48running
01:05:49Oh no
01:05:49Oh no
01:05:51Fall on the train
01:05:52Whoa
01:05:56No
01:05:56Oh no
01:05:56Oh no
01:05:56Ah
01:05:58Ah
01:06:00Ah
01:06:01Ah
01:06:01Uh
01:06:02Oh
01:06:03Uh
01:06:03Uh
01:06:03Uh
01:06:03Uh
01:06:03Uh
01:06:18Alan?
01:06:22Thank you everyone for the kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided by yours truly.
01:06:29Fill your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know they have a meal before their wards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that.
01:06:56What happened to the group?
01:06:58Oh, this is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this?
01:07:08Naughty movies?
01:07:09Or my ransom demands?
01:07:14We have a late entry to the film festival.
01:07:17And I wanted you to experience it in my full company.
01:07:27Late entries are highly irregular.
01:07:36But this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it.
01:07:42This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight.
01:07:47Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
01:07:50They were all tied together.
01:07:51And it was really, really, really good.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say.
01:07:58Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best.
01:08:01I have no patience with fairness.
01:08:04Life is not fair.
01:08:05Love is not fair.
01:08:08And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society,
01:08:13business will never be fair.
01:08:18Sacrifice, Alan.
01:08:20Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:23Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:26Hemorrhoids cause discomfort.
01:08:28This is open heart surgery.
01:08:36Fuck the phone, Alan.
01:08:38You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the fuck out right here, right now.
01:08:44We did the right thing.
01:08:47Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad.
01:08:58But Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:00And I suppose the bro's code is over now, you fucking tug's wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:10We're bloody ruins.
01:09:22Ah, Alan!
01:09:24You know what I'm going to say.
01:09:25Yes, I know, you're ending.
01:09:26But I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival.
01:09:29Eyes front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this.
01:09:35Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too.
01:09:39If she shows up.
01:09:41Hmm?
01:09:41Hmm?
01:09:42Hmm.
01:09:42I do love surprises.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:15To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:20For the first category, best actress in a feature film.
01:10:27Millie Ward in a feature film.
01:10:29Millie Ward in a malicious attack.
01:10:33Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:39And Fran Walsh in The Hey Mr. DJ.
01:10:45And the winner is...
01:10:47This is just a start.
01:10:48Esme Presley.
01:10:55So very well done.
01:10:56I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mr. DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to thank me, the man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:25Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What'd you throw up there?
01:11:36Just, er, just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:41Right, get yourself freshened up.
01:11:42Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oh, Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey, you're single now, remember? Half an hour off.
01:11:51And the next category is Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lin Chang for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02And Jess Bronski in Mysterious.
01:12:07And the winner is Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:17Oh my God, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards, then meet me at 7th.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, doesn't you?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous and I got one.
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's going to save me a tonne of barries.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:13:04And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:09We have Emmett Bronski in Mysterious.
01:13:13Target Speedman for Gods of Shoreditch.
01:13:17George Chang for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:23Well, this is a vindication considering no one saw the ending.
01:13:28And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch.
01:13:32A story about time travelling gangsters.
01:13:36By night one way, by day another.
01:13:39This shall be the norm.
01:13:41Until you take true love's first kiss.
01:13:44And love takes its true form.
01:13:50These are no one else!
01:13:54On a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees.
01:13:58We have George Chang in Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:14:05Al Shrath Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:10Todd Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:15And the winner is...
01:14:18Todd Speedman.
01:14:20Gutted, mate. Proper gutted.
01:14:24I honestly thought I was in with a shout.
01:14:28Me too. I was the best actor.
01:14:31And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:33I didn't know nothing about no, fourth nomination.
01:14:37...is a work of modern day art versus immense need.
01:14:41Now, let's have a look at...
01:14:43To Homelessness and the Man by Mike Creed.
01:14:46So there's certain things that you would do...
01:14:48Well, certain things you look for.
01:14:49Like shopping centre.
01:14:51Pounds on the trolleys.
01:14:52That's a pound, like...
01:14:54Pounds, like...
01:14:57200 pound.
01:14:58And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:02Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:07Hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Creed.
01:15:25Well, it looks like you might just run best film in town.
01:15:28You're fucking...
01:15:30Thanks and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable.
01:15:38This isn't right!
01:15:40This fucking film wasn't even in the program!
01:15:43What the hell even is this fucking shit film?
01:15:46My daddy paid for all of this!
01:15:48What are you talking about?
01:15:50This was all paid for!
01:15:52No, not him!
01:15:54That's just a shit actor!
01:15:56This is outrageous.
01:15:57I knew something was wrong.
01:16:01Okay!
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing.
01:16:05You've falsified records.
01:16:07There may well be charges.
01:16:09What charges?
01:16:11No, no, no, please.
01:16:11Alright, look, I'm sorry.
01:16:12This whole thing was my fault.
01:16:14Don't punish or charge anyone else.
01:16:16My dad, Gabriel, guy from the phone,
01:16:19had a massive heart attack.
01:16:21And he had so much money invested in this festival.
01:16:24And is Tug Speedman telling the truth?
01:16:27Technically, yes.
01:16:29Most of it was his money.
01:16:30His father's money.
01:16:31Yes, but we went with our hearts.
01:16:33And that's why Mike won Best Film.
01:16:36I don't judge the films.
01:16:38Merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly.
01:16:41From what you're telling me,
01:16:43this has been an absolute farce.
01:16:53Mr. Audjudicator, excuse me for interrupting.
01:16:56I have known Esme a long time.
01:16:59And, well, if my word has any bearing,
01:17:04Esme, she always speaks from her heart.
01:17:07Ms. Warren.
01:17:11Ms. Warren.
01:17:13Ms. Warren.
01:17:17I am a huge fan of your movies.
01:17:22And your words do carry significant weight.
01:17:27But this is an official matter.
01:17:30Mm.
01:17:31I fully understand that.
01:17:35But if Esme says that Homeless Man is the best film,
01:17:42I would not disagree.
01:17:45Thank you, Rachel.
01:17:47You're welcome.
01:18:14Thanks, Rachel.
01:18:18Awesome.
01:18:21Sometimes he's got to take the chances.
01:18:23Do you regret taking a chance on me?
01:18:26Who am I to argue with the producer?
01:18:32Do you miss Tuck?
01:18:35Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, let's just hope he's not missing us.
01:18:51Total submission, bitches.
01:18:54Is this gonna hurt?
01:18:56True love is pain.
01:19:18Not the last one.
01:19:19Oh my God.
01:19:46The guy is taking his thứ.
01:19:55Turnover, and action.
01:20:02I'm not playing a streetwalker.
01:20:05It's a tarp with a heart.
01:20:07What, a second rate streetwalker wearing an outfit like this?
01:20:09I'm first class, one best new come on.
01:20:11Just do it at Harry's Britain, please, babe.
01:20:16Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals.
01:20:24Loves me really.
01:20:26You're not my dear.
01:20:27You're not my dear.
01:20:55You're not my dear.
01:21:01In yaw, yaw, ha-a-tiaw, me-a-mi-ju.
01:21:44Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.
01:21:50I never did thank you, did I?
01:21:56Emmet!
01:22:01I've got something for you.
01:22:02Oh God, please do not kidnap me now.
01:22:05You'll like this.
01:22:10Oh please, he did it to himself when we went back on his word.
01:22:15You're welcome.
01:22:18Why did you just not leave us alone?
01:22:21We told you time and time again, but you still don't listen, do you sister?
01:22:30Ooh, okay.
01:22:31Bye.
01:22:32Bye.
01:22:33Bye.
01:22:34Bye.
01:22:35Bye.
01:22:36Bye.
01:22:39Bye.
01:22:47Bye.
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