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  • 2 days ago
Amandaland S01E100 Christmas Special
Transcript
00:01Where the hell's our cab?
00:03Why can't we just hang here?
00:05Because the only things that hang on Christmas Day are mistletoe, holly,
00:08and then somehow there's tinsel.
00:10Hello?
00:11Yes, hi.
00:12There's still no sign of our cab, and I really need to get to my aunt's for lunch.
00:15Do you want home?
00:16Yes.
00:17Georgie, you're tipping the pavlova!
00:19Huh?
00:20The pavlova.
00:21You need to keep it upright or the compote will breach the meringue.
00:23Why did you make this?
00:24Well, Aunt Joan has got this hilarious photo of me with a pavlova
00:28when I was about Manus's age,
00:30and I thought it'd be super cute to recreate it with you two.
00:33We'll have the perfect family Christmas at Aunt Joan's.
00:36She has the biggest tree.
00:38Hello?
00:39Yes?
00:40The drive's cancelled, I'm afraid, madam.
00:41What?
00:42Yeah, he's...
00:43No, no.
00:44No, you can't cancel.
00:45It's Christmas Day.
00:47Where else am I going to get a cab on Christmas Day?
00:51Merry Christmas, neighbour.
00:53Cute PJs.
00:55Come on, Mal.
00:58Shut up.
00:59Daughter, you're tipping the pavlova over.
01:04Okay.
01:05What's the address?
01:06Oh, if you just put in Sirencester.
01:08Sirencester?
01:09Amanda, there's practically whales.
01:10You said a quick lift.
01:12You said you had no plans today?
01:13No.
01:14I said I planned on doing nothing.
01:15Different thing.
01:16Ned's with his mum.
01:17I was going to crack open the Baileys, order a curry and watch me some Die Hard.
01:21Oh, Mal, how depressing.
01:23At least you have company now.
01:25I don't want company.
01:27Oh, can I just do a small detour?
01:32You having a good creme bar, Felicity?
01:34Not really.
01:35I was supposed to be in South Africa.
01:37But Amanda guilt-tripped me into visiting my sister.
01:40What's wrong with your sister?
01:41She's a nightmare.
01:42It's just all laughter and games and then just bloody cheese boards.
01:48She's completely over the top.
01:50She asks us every year, Mummy, and we never go.
01:52It's getting rude.
01:53And I would love the kiddos to have a traditional Cotswoldian Noel while they're still in charge
01:59by the magic of Christmas.
02:00But does she have a PS5?
02:02No, she doesn't have a PS5, Manus.
02:04I don't even think she has the internet.
02:06Oh.
02:07No way.
02:08No way.
02:09Right, Sam.
02:10I should take it.
02:12Little Christmas present for that.
02:14Anne.
02:15Amanda, it's a disaster.
02:17I've been at the airport now for about 14 hours and they finally just cancelled our flight
02:21to Dublin.
02:22Oh, Anne, no.
02:24What a shame.
02:25Well, look, thanks for keeping me posted.
02:27Chris and the kids want to head to Cork.
02:29I was supposed to join yesterday but because of the storm I'm completely stranded.
02:33And everybody who I know and love is hundreds of miles away.
02:36Chris.
02:37Darius.
02:38Pat.
02:39Roisin.
02:40Pat.
02:41Her husband Pat.
02:42Their kids, young Pat.
02:43And Patricia.
02:44Yes.
02:45And Edgar.
02:46And Barry and Pat.
02:47You know, he froze on our way, actually.
02:49No.
02:50No.
02:51Absolutely not.
02:52No, no, no, no.
02:53No.
02:54God.
02:55No.
02:56Oh my God, I miss you all so much.
02:58We're here.
02:59Christmas has officially started.
03:12Kids, off your bones now, please.
03:14Eat your heart out downtown, have they?
03:16Well, hardly.
03:17It's only 11 acres and a ha-ha.
03:19Why is that funny?
03:20No, a ha-ha, it's like a giant ditch.
03:23You should know what a ha-ha is, you're a gardener.
03:25Oh, yeah.
03:26I've seen loads of ha-ha's in ha-ha's.
03:28Oh, look.
03:29She's put the reindeer out for the kids.
03:30Oh, mommy, do you remember when Bomber the Shetland tried to mount one?
03:35God, that was funny.
03:36This is why I don't go to therapy.
03:38Some memories are best repressed.
03:40Look at the bags.
03:41Here we go.
03:42Look at the reindeer.
03:43Okay, come on.
03:44Let's have a bit of festive cheer.
03:45Guys, off the phones now, please.
03:46Guys.
03:47Guys.
03:48Right, you need those.
03:49That just gave us the...
03:50What?
03:51That's from dad.
03:52If you learn nothing from adolescence.
03:53And, Anne, this is my Christmas happy place, so please don't be a Debbie Downer.
03:55Okay, everyone.
03:56Here we go.
03:57Ding dong, Meralee!
03:58Oh, hi!
03:59Oh, hi!
04:00Oh, hi!
04:01Oh, hi!
04:02Oh, hi!
04:03Oh, hi!
04:04Oh, hi!
04:05Oh, hi!
04:06Oh, hi!
04:07Oh, hi!
04:08Oh, hi!
04:09Oh, hi!
04:10Oh, hi!
04:11Oh, hi!
04:12Oh, hi!
04:13Oh, hi!
04:14Oh, hi!
04:15I'm so sorry.
04:16I'm so sorry.
04:17I've got all the glass.
04:18You've caught me mid-giblet.
04:20Oh, goodness.
04:21No, not the coach.
04:22Merry Christmas, darling.
04:23Oh, I'm so sorry to spring this on you.
04:24It's been a bit of a disaster.
04:25Is it cool if my mum friend Anne joins us?
04:28So?
04:29Yes.
04:30Oh, Anne.
04:31Of course!
04:32You look like you need a stiff drink.
04:33Thank you, but no.
04:35If I can't be with my family, then what's the point?
04:37Oh, dear girl, come in.
04:38Come in.
04:39Come in.
04:40It's a divorce, isn't it?
04:41Storm Geraldine.
04:42Storm Geraldine.
04:43Merry Christmas.
04:44Oh!
04:45For me?
04:46Wow!
04:47No!
04:48No, no, no, no!
04:49I don't believe it.
04:51No, I won't touch you.
04:52No, don't.
04:53Don't touch them.
04:54We'll hug in a moment.
04:55Come in.
04:56Don't touch them.
04:57They're gorgeous.
04:58They're gorgeous.
04:59Thank you, Mal.
05:00This is the last of the bags.
05:01That's great.
05:02Thanks so much.
05:03Jan, you didn't tell me you're bringing a lover.
05:04Oh, no.
05:05Amanda's my neighbour.
05:06I just drove it here.
05:07It's all right.
05:08Wink, wink.
05:09You're all the merrier.
05:10No, no, no.
05:11He's fine.
05:12He has plans.
05:13Have you got plans?
05:14Yeah.
05:15I was just going to use your loo if I may before I nip off.
05:16I've got a date with John McLean.
05:17John McLean?
05:18No, fantastic.
05:19You're a homosexual.
05:20It's a die-hard reference.
05:21I was going to watch it with a curry.
05:23Oh, God.
05:24How ghastly.
05:25You will stay for a pre-prandial.
05:26Come on.
05:27Tell me.
05:28What's pre-prandial?
05:29It's a posh word for a drink.
05:30Yeah.
05:33Yeah, okay, Pat.
05:34Can you put Chris back on?
05:35Yeah, so I have an alert set up on my phone for when the flights reopen and if you could
05:40just have everyone there checking the internet.
05:42Why should I put my coat down again?
05:44Oh, keep it on.
05:45This house is bloody freezing.
05:47Isn't it magical?
05:49It's giving hardcore Narnia vibes, right?
05:53I mean, wow.
05:56That's what I call a tree.
06:02Is it plastic?
06:03Oh, my God.
06:04She's still got that.
06:05Daddy bought that in the 70s.
06:07Probably the newest thing in this place.
06:09How odd.
06:10I distinctly remember the scent of pine needles.
06:13No, this house smells the way it's always smelled.
06:16Damp.
06:17Dogs.
06:18Desperation.
06:22Now, I've been absolutely dying for you to arrive.
06:26We've got everything here.
06:27We've got some olives over there.
06:29There's this trout pate.
06:30We've got mini quiches, prawn volvois, and these really fun things from Marks and Spencer's.
06:36Mini burgers.
06:37Have you seen these?
06:38Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
06:42We'll have to clean that one up, won't we?
06:44Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:46Joanie?
06:47Mm.
06:48Where should I put the pavlova?
06:49Is that Granny Gus's recipe?
06:50Yes, it is.
06:51Minus the powdered egg.
06:52I thought it might be fun to recreate that famous pudding photo from that amazing Christmas.
06:58Yes.
06:59Yeah.
07:00I've got it in the oven.
07:01Let me look for the oven.
07:02Dig it out.
07:03Everybody dig in.
07:04Flick.
07:05Deviled egg.
07:06Have a deviled egg.
07:07Flick.
07:08Deviled egg.
07:09Egg.
07:10Flick.
07:11Deviled egg.
07:12Fine.
07:13I'll have a deviled egg.
07:14I think it's under here somewhere.
07:16Now, where's that famous photo?
07:18Yes.
07:19Now, look at that.
07:20Look at that.
07:21Look at that.
07:22Look at that.
07:23It is.
07:24Look at Gan Gan.
07:25What a hottie.
07:26Is that ye mum?
07:27Yeah.
07:28That was me pre-blossom.
07:29Just on the cusp of discovering clearacillin wonderbras.
07:31Oh, my goodness.
07:32Look at that.
07:33I'm wearing the same jumper.
07:34Oh, Jo, no, stop.
07:35That's perfect.
07:36I thought it'd be really fun to restage the photo with Manus and George.
07:37So the Hemsworth brothers did one sitting on their mum's lap and it pretty much broke
07:50the internet.
07:51I remember the Hemsworth brothers.
07:52Hmm?
07:53Hemsworth brothers.
07:54Yes, you stepped out with one.
07:56They had the tractor dealership in Ampney St. Peter.
07:58It was the Hemswood brothers.
08:00Hemswood.
08:01Yeah, I slept with all three of them.
08:03Oh, well done you.
08:04And the father.
08:05Mummy.
08:06Oh, I'm Charlie good.
08:07Now, drinky poos.
08:08Oh, damn.
08:09What's that?
08:10Oh, I didn't know.
08:11What's in those ones?
08:12Oh, is that you, Flick?
08:13No one must see those.
08:14Yep, yep, yep, yep.
08:15What the f...
08:16This house is literally freezing.
08:19My family, my family, my family, my family, my family, my family, my family.
08:34My family will be back from mass about now.
08:36Do you think Jesus will punish me for missing his birthday?
08:39You know what you need, eh?
08:41Slow gin.
08:42Very good for melancholia.
08:43The night my father died, I drank two bottles as right as rain in the morning.
08:47Yes.
08:48I suppose I could have a small glass just to steady the nerves because I don't think I've
08:53ever done a Christmas without my family.
08:55No, no, no, no.
08:56None of that now.
08:57Come on.
08:58Get that down your gullet.
09:00Gah!
09:01Yes, got a kick to it.
09:03Gah!
09:04That's the 1978 vintage, the year you were born.
09:06Oh, true.
09:07Now, what do the children want?
09:08What can we get for them?
09:09Do you have any prime?
09:10No, no, no.
09:11Prime?
09:12No, don't worry.
09:13He'll have a Coca-Cola.
09:14I've got a cola.
09:15I've got a can of cola here.
09:16There we go.
09:17Oh, there we go.
09:18Lovely.
09:22Come on.
09:23Oh.
09:24I think that's seen better days.
09:26Ludo can have that.
09:27Ludo?
09:28Ludo, Ludo, look.
09:29What's here?
09:30Look what's here.
09:31Joan.
09:32Oh, no.
09:33Your Christmas present.
09:34Yes, it's just the children.
09:35Oh, that's marvellous.
09:36I don't believe it.
09:37That's tremendous of you.
09:39Stop it.
09:40Look at that.
09:41Wow.
09:42Wee!
09:44Oh.
09:45Oh.
09:46Oh, my goodness.
09:47No, Joan.
09:48It's the bath.
09:49The bath.
09:50Joan.
09:51And I've swallowed it.
09:52I'll have a bath later, darling.
09:54I'll have a bath later.
09:55Didn't I just gift you that?
09:57Yes.
09:58I loved it so much that I went out and bought exactly the same one for Aunt Joan.
10:04I need ice in my whisky.
10:06You'll find plenty in the toilet.
10:08Now, will you come in here and sit down, please?
10:10Oh, thank you.
10:11I was actually going to hit the road.
10:13Oh, no, no.
10:14We're not having you spending a day alone.
10:15You and Anne are our Christmas guests of honour, so sit.
10:18I've got a goose to go and get out of the oven.
10:21I've never been anyone's Christmas guest of honour before.
10:24It says the same one.
10:26I love this.
10:27It says to Amanda look from Anne.
10:29I went out and bought exactly the same one for Joan, but how did this get in it?
10:32I don't know.
10:33Luncheon is served!
10:34Ooh.
10:35Lovely.
10:36Come on.
10:37Oh, those are the photos Ganggan doesn't want anyone seeing.
10:40Come on, boys!
10:42I'm hungry.
10:43No, tell them.
10:44Yes, it's a larger box, but it's actually the same value gift, because I'm went by money
10:49spent.
10:50Not by value.
10:51OK.
10:52No devices, please.
10:53I have to go.
10:54OK.
10:55Oh, well, don't sit there.
10:56Sorry, because of the photos.
10:57We need to match the old Pavlova pigs, so, yeah.
10:58Mummy needs to sit there.
10:59Joan's here.
11:00Mummy, you're here.
11:01No, I need a clear line to an exit.
11:02Well, OK.
11:03Well, yeah.
11:04We can all move around for pudding.
11:05Here it goes!
11:06Oh, see, go, see, go!
11:07Wait, Joan, stop, stop, stop, stop.
11:08Can you go back in and come back out?
11:09I want to film it.
11:10For the memories.
11:11Just tuck in.
11:12Tuck in.
11:13Tuck in.
11:14Tuck in.
11:15Tuck in.
11:16Tuck in.
11:17Tuck in.
11:18Tuck in.
11:19Tuck in.
11:20Tuck in.
11:21Tuck in.
11:22Tuck in.
11:23Tuck in.
11:24Tuck in.
11:25It's going to be so good.
11:26Anne, could you just lean out because of the tear stains?
11:28I just miss my family.
11:29You know, Anne.
11:30Anne.
11:31Yes?
11:32Goosey, Goosey, Anne.
11:33Oh, look at that.
11:35Well, let's dig in.
11:36We've got a side of beef, Yorkshires, a ham, and some little piggies and blankets.
11:40Mum.
11:41Just eat it.
11:42It's Christmas.
11:43Hm?
11:44What?
11:45I'm vegan.
11:46Oh, shit.
11:47Are you?
11:48It's fine.
11:49I'll just eat the veg.
11:50She will not just eat the veg.
11:52Not on my watch.
11:53She won't.
11:54I'll rustle up a souffle.
11:57Oh, God, Joan.
11:59Do you see what I mean?
12:01It's just too much.
12:03She's just trying to make us all happy, Mummy.
12:05Anne, did you notice the stuffed stoat in the...
12:09the hallway?
12:10No.
12:11No?
12:12Oh, let me show you quickly.
12:13I'm not that into stoats.
12:15Yes, but, um, honestly, I think you'll find this one very interesting.
12:23Yeah, I don't know who told you that I was into stoats, but actually this one is quite unusual.
12:28Okay, listen, forget the stoat.
12:29I just saw some pictures of Felicity I wasn't supposed to see, and now I can't unsee what I saw.
12:34God, they weren't nudies, were they?
12:36No, they're not nudies.
12:37Is anyone wearing a Nazi uniform?
12:39No, there's no Nazis. Just look.
12:42Ooh, blimey O'Reilly. Is that... is that Felicity and Sir Mick Jagger?
12:49Yes, looks like they're on holiday together.
12:51Jesus, he was such a ride back then.
12:53Yeah, looks like it was riding Felicity.
12:55OMG, is... is she pregnant?
12:58Yes, and look, she's holding her stomach.
13:01And?
13:02Summer of 77.
13:04Joan just said that Amanda was born in 78.
13:08Uh-huh.
13:09You don't think Sir Mick Jagger is...
13:11Mmm...
13:13No.
13:14No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous.
13:16I've seen enough episodes of Ally McBeal to know this is all purely circumstantial evidence.
13:20Just because it goes clip-clap doesn't mean it's a zebra.
13:23Guys, come on.
13:25We're about to eat.
13:30I want to eat! I want to eat!
13:32Here we are.
13:33Lovely.
13:34Let me get this on first.
13:35Yes, yes.
13:36I'll need my glasses on.
13:37Here we go. Joke.
13:38Why didn't Santa pay for his sleigh?
13:42Mmm.
13:43Why didn't Santa have to pay for his sleigh?
13:45Because it was on the house.
13:47Oh, I get it.
13:49Oh, that's so bad. It's actually quite good.
13:51Oh, I know another joke.
13:53How do you titillate an ocelot?
13:54I've no idea, Joan. How do you titillate an ocelot?
13:57You oscillate its tits a lot.
14:00That's great!
14:02Not like she bloody wrote it.
14:04Go on, Flick. Your turn.
14:05Oh, grandma.
14:06Here we go.
14:07Woo!
14:08Mummy!
14:09Mummy, put the hat on. You'll need it for the pavlova photo.
14:11No, I don't do paper hats.
14:12Flick, do the joke. Where's the joke?
14:14I don't do jokes.
14:15Come on, Mummy, it's Christmas.
14:16Come on, Flick!
14:17Flick! Flick! Flick! Flick! Flick! Flick! Flick!
14:19Flick! Flick! Flick! Flick!
14:22Do the joke! Do the joke! Do the joke!
14:24Do the joke!
14:25Whee!
14:26Come on!
14:27What is the coldest country in the world?
14:29I don't know.
14:31What is the coldest country in the world?
14:34Russia.
14:38Oh, I think you're reading the trivia there, Felicity.
14:44Oh, Mummy.
14:45Where are you going, Mummy? We haven't done the photo.
14:48I'm going to watch the King's Speech.
14:49Oh, is it that time?
14:51Oh, I love the King's Speech. Brilliant.
14:54Everyone fill a glass. Let's go and sit soft.
14:56We can do the Pavley we're after.
14:58Flick, flick.
14:59That is waiting for us. Wait for us.
15:01Where's Sue?
15:02Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
15:06And turn him victorious
15:11Happy and glorious
15:16Long to reign over us
15:21God save the King
15:26I have to say, this is the most delicious cab I've ever drank.
15:35Darling, it's not coffee, it's champagne.
15:38Real champagne?
15:39Yes.
15:40From France?
15:40Yes.
15:42I've never had French champagne from France.
15:44Stop fussing. I can't see the television.
15:46Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.
15:48I think Joan is lovely.
15:51Classic Stockholm Syndrome.
15:54Are you a big fan of the royal family, Felicity?
15:57Oh, I've met a few of them.
15:58Miller's a laugh.
16:00I've probably met a few members of the rock royal family in your time.
16:04Well, I once lived next door but one to Christoburg.
16:08Oh, right, Pavlova time!
16:10Oh, finally!
16:11Get the camera.
16:11I don't want Pavlova.
16:13Mummy, you can't always get what you want.
16:18Actually, I can't think of food for a bit, Amanda.
16:20I overdid it on the parsnips.
16:21You don't have to eat it.
16:22It's just a photo.
16:23Oh, I know what we'll do.
16:25We'll have a parlour game while we all digest.
16:27Who'd like a round of Are You There, Moriarty?
16:29I don't know what that is.
16:30Well, what about Ho-ha-hee?
16:33Do you know that one?
16:33Or The Minister's Cat.
16:34Do you know that one?
16:35Oh, no, I don't know that one.
16:36Pass the slipper.
16:37No.
16:37Fan the candle.
16:38You must know hot cockles.
16:39Hot cockles!
16:40I don't know what else have we got.
16:42Oh, for God's sake, why don't we just play hide-and-seek?
16:46Oh, that's a terrific idea.
16:47It is so much fun.
16:48Well done, that girl.
16:50I'll count 50.
16:51Off you go.
16:52Off you go.
16:53And then after this, we'll do the Pavlova.
16:54Right, I'll start now.
16:55Come on.
16:56One.
16:56Two.
16:57I've started.
16:58Two.
16:59I've started.
16:59Three.
17:01Four.
17:02Anything to get away from her.
17:03We have a hurry.
17:05Five.
17:07Six.
17:08Seven.
17:10Eight.
17:10There.
17:11Nine.
17:13Ten.
17:13I know Chris, but I don't know what you expect me to do about it.
17:16I can't make her put on a shoe.
17:18I'm 300 miles away.
17:20Look, I really have to go.
17:24Bloody hell.
17:26Other people's Christmases are mental.
17:29When are we going to tell her?
17:30What?
17:31Absolutely never.
17:32It's not our family secret, so we're going to forget we ever saw those photos.
17:35But we did see those photos, Mal.
17:37And I really think Amanda deserves to know.
17:39What do I deserve to know?
17:42What the hell are you hiding?
17:44Yeah.
17:44We're playing hide and seek.
17:46What do I deserve to know?
17:49Ask Mal.
17:49Oh, thanks, Anne.
17:50Will someone tell me what's going on?
17:52Sure, the photos.
17:52Are these pictures of my mum on holiday?
18:04What's the big deal?
18:05Look who she's with.
18:06Is that Mick Jagger?
18:08Mm-hmm.
18:09Mummy, you?
18:10Minx.
18:11Sitting on Mick's lap.
18:12I sat on Prince Harry's lap when I was in Mahiki once.
18:15Did I get a mention in the book?
18:17Oh, my God.
18:19She's pregnant.
18:21That's hardly a secret.
18:22Keep looking.
18:26She's smoking.
18:27No.
18:27No.
18:28No.
18:28No.
18:29Look at the date on the back of the folder.
18:30Okay.
18:31And look who's holding the bump.
18:33No.
18:34No way.
18:35No way.
18:38Is my father...
18:4249, 50.
18:45No, you're not going to die.
18:45Quick, hide it.
18:46Do you know?
18:46Oh, no.
18:47Shh, shh, shh, shh.
18:48Oh, shh, shh.
18:49What's up?
18:50I know.
18:50Yeah.
18:51Is that an end government?
18:53Okay.
18:53I'll...
18:53I'll...
18:54I'll be quite close.
18:58I'll be quite close.
19:03Oh, God.
19:04It's a snifter.
19:05It's so weird, isn't it?
19:28Mm-hmm.
19:28When you look at us together...
19:30Mal, look.
19:30Mal, look.
19:32Mal.
19:33Can you open that door, please?
19:35I need some air.
19:35It's insane.
19:37I mean, it's a shock, but it's also not a shock, you know, because it explains a lot.
19:42I mean, I wonder if the man I thought was my father ever knew the truth.
19:47Poor Daddy.
19:47Well, this must be why my parents divorced.
19:51Shh.
19:51Maybe Joan told him that must be why we never see Joan.
19:56That sounds about right.
19:59Can you just pull my sleeve, please?
20:01I can't get some layers off.
20:04Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
20:06Come in.
20:06Hey.
20:07Oh.
20:10Where are you?
20:13Oh, no, it's locked.
20:15Can't get under there.
20:17Ha ha.
20:25Hoist by your own petard there, Anne, I think.
20:28Oh, my goodness.
20:29My system's not used to champagne.
20:31No.
20:32Come on, more to find.
20:37I'll get a present now.
20:39Yeah.
20:40Another little slifter.
20:41oh gotcha please don't tell mom i won't if you won't
20:53oh i'm on my way
21:02oh i fainted oh ding dong christmas comes once a year do you know i knew you two were
21:12loved we not he just drove us here i had to take some clothes off
21:18cat's out the bag joanie i've seen the photos oh yeah spill the tea right uh well i suppose it's
21:27only a matter of time but listen you're going to have speak to your mother about those where is she
21:32i'm buggered if i know because i've searched the whole house oh darling you stay with your
21:36paramour are you finished finish stop joan can i have some water please
21:47right okay let's split up i'll take the lawn joan you do the meadow and um and you and the kids
21:54check the drive okay felicity
22:02would you look at this huh christmas night
22:07i'd still be doing the washing up at home if i was there right now yeah not standing here
22:13look at the stars sorry hang on sorry oh god oh grace what there's a flight out of heathrow tonight
22:24well that's good news isn't it yeah great oh great yes um all i have to do now is just um
22:35click this link to confirm oh no would you look at that my phone's after running out of battery oh no
22:41what a shame um just guess it wasn't meant to be huh what a bummer just got to end up staying here
22:52yeah hey do you know what i'm gonna go for a walk yeah
23:01yeah this is just it's better than cover
23:04felicity according to wikipedia i have eight brothers and sisters
23:09jay jagger came in once when i was at quo vadis i wonder did she know felicity
23:19it's mad i think i could be spending next christmas with them in turks and kakos
23:25whoa amanda oh i just fell in the ha-ha
23:30are you all right yes i am all right mal why are you laughing you fell in a ha-ha
23:39who falls in a ha-ha stop it's not funny you fell in a ha-ha come on get up
23:44oh amanda i'm so sorry oh you know what thank you so much for today
23:51really it beats lying on a couch with a curry in halston
23:58is that jane's dog mummy mummy felicity
24:10you're happy now
24:21oh
24:23Aha, very away in a manger
24:34I knew it was too good to last
24:37Well, you're the last one to be found, so
24:38That makes you the winner
24:39Yes, bravo that girl
24:41I tell you what, I could do you a big scoop of the Stilton
24:44And I'll crack open a bottle of port
24:46Stop
24:46You don't have to have port
24:47Just stop talking, please
24:49It's too much
24:50It's Christmas, it's supposed to be too much
24:52No, you're too much
24:53All this is about a fever and endless glee and everything
24:56It's just, it's just, just stop, please
24:59Okay
25:01Stop
25:05Please don't cry
25:13I'm crying
25:14Come on, Joanie
25:16This is what happens when you stop
25:18The old black dog creeps in
25:20Oh, come on, put yourself together, put yourself together, Joanie
25:23Why are you being like this?
25:26Well, because of you, Flick
25:27What nonsense
25:29Do you remember what they used to call us on that ghastly own debutante circuit?
25:34Hmm?
25:34Great hair
25:36And spare
25:38Actually, that's all the good
25:40Yeah, it's all about the beautiful Felicity Wyndham
25:43And I was just the podgy little sister
25:46So I decided to be the life and soul of the party
25:49Hostess with the mostess
25:51The last one standing at the barn dance
25:53And I can tell you something
25:56After 60 bloody years
25:58It's exhausting
26:00Why didn't you ever see anything before?
26:04Oh
26:04Well, it took Amanda to twist your arm to get you down here
26:08Mummy?
26:09Oh, it's her
26:10Oh, yeah
26:11Yes, we're here!
26:12We're here!
26:13Hello
26:14There she is
26:19You know, I've spent the whole day trying to recreate the perfect family Christmas
26:24But it turns out my whole life has been a lie
26:29For God's sake, Amanda, stop being so melodramatic
26:32Look, let's go inside and do your moment with the pavlovas
26:35Yes
26:35No, Mummy
26:36I know your secret
26:38And I know Joan knows
26:40And that's why you didn't want to come here
26:42Because you were worried she'd spill the beans
26:45What is she talking about?
26:50Mummy
26:51I've seen the photos
26:54I have in my hand the proof
26:57I'm Sir Mick Jagger's love child
27:01What?
27:09Give this to me!
27:10Give this to me!
27:11No!
27:12No!
27:13No!
27:15That's not Mick Jagger!
27:17That's our cousin Rosamund!
27:19Oh, God, she was rather Jagger-esque, don't you think?
27:21Look, with the slim hips and everything
27:23Oh, my God, did you get her round robin this year?
27:25They had to put down Pinky
27:27OK, so if Mick Jagger isn't holding your pregnant belly
27:29Then what is the big deal?
27:31Why didn't you want anyone to see them?
27:33Look, the thing is, I wasn't pregnant in this photograph
27:35I was fat
27:37What?
27:39It was the 70s, I'd just discovered Black Forest Gatto
27:43And that's our big family secret, that you were once fat for a summer
27:49Yes
27:51Though your father rather liked it
27:53And you were conceived on that holiday
27:55Oh, God
27:57Oh, God
28:01I just sent Georgia Maychag or a DM
28:07Can we, er...
28:09Feet go freezing
28:11What was she thinking?
28:13Oh, sorry Joanie
28:15Oh, it's all right, it's all right, honestly
28:17Merry Christmas
28:19If there's any consolation
28:21I always felt that Ma and Pa
28:23Loved you more than they loved me
28:25Oh, well
28:26I'd have swapped that any day for a go on a Hemswood brother
28:29Ooh
28:34Is that singing?
28:36Yes, it's Anne
28:38Comfort and joy
28:40Comfort and joy
28:41Oh, tiny glass of
28:44Ow
28:45She's falling in the ha-ha
28:47She'll be fine
28:49Come on
28:51And then John McClane ties this hose pipe around his waist
28:55Because he thinks the guy in the helicopter is going to shoot him
28:57As soon as he's got no way out
28:59So he ties himself in nice and tight
29:01Is he topless?
29:02No, no, no
29:03But by this point he's down to his vest
29:05How is this a Christmas film?
29:07What?
29:08You all right?
29:09Of course it's a Christmas film
29:11Anyway, just a helicopter
29:13I'm sorry Mick Jagger wasn't your father
29:15I just thought that
29:19That I was special
29:23You are special
29:25I have bored above him
29:26Everyone is watching
29:27From the paper and down below
29:28And they're like
29:29Yo
29:30Of what it's worth
29:31I'm sorry you didn't get to sleep with a rolling stone
29:33Well I did sleep with Mick once or twice
29:35Back in the day
29:36But not in a way that you would get pregnant
29:38Right, everyone
29:39We're going to do Amanda's photo
29:41Oh, Mummy
29:42What?
29:43Really?
29:44Shall I get the pavlova?
29:45You're all right
29:46I mean I could take the photo for you
29:47No, guys
29:48You're all in it
29:49Come on
29:50Everyone ready?
29:51Yeah
29:52I'll just do the timer
29:53Hang on
29:54Oh, no, no
29:55Quickly, quickly
29:56Hang on
29:57Hang on
29:58Hang on
29:59Everybody
30:00Say cheese
30:01Cheese
30:02Cheese
30:05Oh
30:06Ah
30:07There's a girl that likes a pudding
30:08отри
30:09If you do
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