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00:00This is weird because we haven't met, but I'm just going to say out loud, I'm obsessed by you.
00:06Everybody, this is Chris. Say hello.
00:09Hi.
00:10Chris does this extraordinary thing on social where he talks to birds.
00:16Who was the naughtiest bird this week?
00:18Spud, the little owl.
00:20Spud, the little owl?
00:23Where does Spud sleep?
00:25In her aviary.
00:26OK, that's a shame.
00:30I'm so nervous, I don't need to touch people.
00:32Is that right?
00:33Hello.
00:34Hello.
00:34I'm nice to see you.
00:36You look divine.
00:36Hello.
00:37Oh, I'm going to do this with everybody.
00:39Get ready.
00:51Hey, thank you.
00:58Thank you.
00:58You're so kind.
01:04A huge thank you for joining us.
01:06We are incredibly grateful.
01:08We hope you like the colourway and approve of the carpet.
01:11To be honest, it is too late if you loathe.
01:13We have an amazing audience and it's now time to welcome our brilliant guest.
01:18He is a triple threat comedian, presenter, author.
01:22He's got a new book called Common Decency.
01:24It's Tom Allen.
01:32She's the star of Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives, has been nominated for 11 Grammys and she's currently in the
01:41West End production of The Devil Wears Prada.
01:52She is the writer and star of absolutely fabulous and national treasure and she's here to talk about her new
01:59film, The Magic Faraway Tree.
02:00It's Jennifer Saunders.
02:10And we have got Hollywood royalty.
02:13who starred in everything from Jurassic Park to the Grand Budapest Hotel.
02:17He's also a musician and has a new album out.
02:21It's the wonderful Wizard of Oz himself, Jeff Goldblum!
02:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:29You're amazing.
02:34You're amazing.
02:35Look, Jeff.
02:39Thank you so much.
02:41Have a seat.
02:42This is, I can't believe it, thank you for coming on the first and possibly last show.
02:48No, it won't be.
02:49We're going to enjoy ourselves.
02:50We'll end with the conga.
02:52Imagine you said, you said it's the last show.
02:55I'll be cut to, in a blink of an eye, 30 years from now.
02:59The longest running show ever.
03:01LAUGHTER
03:02No, no more words.
03:05We were on the first show.
03:08I'm going to start with this.
03:10How do you feel about the set?
03:13I think it's stunning.
03:14I'm loving, I'm like, I like the height.
03:17Yeah, go ahead.
03:17Yes.
03:18Because, and I like the back being here, being close to the actual back.
03:22Yes.
03:22They don't have backs.
03:24Oh, I'm so sorry.
03:25Oh, you went along.
03:26Don't leave back.
03:27Don't leave back.
03:28Don't leave back.
03:29I'm basically on a buffet, actually.
03:32My parents used to have a buffet and then when I came out, they suddenly changed it to the footstool.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:42That's brilliant.
03:44Yeah.
03:45This is its maiden voyage, right?
03:47It's all new.
03:48I would call this a hunter green, possibly.
03:51Yes.
03:52Correct.
03:53Very manly kind of, uh, British, British.
03:56This green.
03:57Yes.
03:57Hunter, would you call it hunter?
03:59Emerald green?
04:00I would call it a dark teal.
04:01Would you?
04:02Dark what?
04:03Teal.
04:03Would you like to meet the woman who chose the colour of the sofa?
04:08Here's the scene.
04:09We go to a basement.
04:11A sort of sofa workshop, if you will.
04:13Oh, yeah.
04:14We all go as a gang.
04:16We meet a woman called Trudy.
04:17We couldn't decide between two colours.
04:19Trudy is here.
04:20Trudy.
04:21This is Trudy.
04:23This is Trudy.
04:29Trudy, you chose this colour, did you not?
04:32It was between...
04:34We chose the colour amongst 70 other options.
04:38Mm-hm.
04:3970.
04:39And we designed and made the sofa that it goes on.
04:43Wow.
04:43Well done.
04:44Trudy, what would you call this colour, please?
04:47I would call it a very dark teal.
04:50You would?
04:51Thank you.
04:52I said that!
04:54Wow!
04:54I said that!
04:55Yes, you did!
04:56I do think as well you guys who work in furniture shops are great.
05:00It's not a furniture shop.
05:01Oh, I beg your pardon.
05:05It's a boutique.
05:07It's a boutique.
05:07I'm so sorry.
05:07Trudy, I'm sorry.
05:08It's a boutique.
05:08I'm so sorry.
05:09I'm sorry.
05:10I'm sorry.
05:10I shouldn't have spoke.
05:11You don't get this with what you've got.
05:15Oh, okay.
05:16Trudy, I'm sorry.
05:17I wish I was dead.
05:20I mean, this is what I live for as a gay man being insulted by an upholsterer.
05:29The last time I bought any furniture though, I went in to buy a mattress and I walked into the
05:33shop and the woman said,
05:34Hi, I'm Faye.
05:35And I went, oh my God, so am I.
05:39Good mattress, a deep one, I hope.
05:41You know what?
05:42Buying a mattress is complicated.
05:43Have you ever bought one?
05:45I bet you've not bought one.
05:46You're a Hollywood star.
05:47You don't buy furniture.
05:48Buy mattresses.
05:49You have to buy a mattress for a lifetime.
05:51Yeah.
05:52That's what they say.
05:52Always invest in a good bed or good shoes.
05:54Yeah.
05:55Because if you're not in one, you're in the other.
05:58Love that.
05:59You're going to have that.
06:00And we went in and she was like, and she said, you've got to lie on it, lie on the
06:04bed, lie on it.
06:05And they put down that plastic sheet as though it's going to be so comfortable I'm going to immediately piss
06:09myself.
06:11So I'm sliding all over the place.
06:13And then she gets on the bed next to me.
06:16What?
06:16I know.
06:17And then she said.
06:18For a cuddle?
06:18Basically.
06:19And then she said, how do you sleep?
06:21Which sounds sort of accusatory.
06:23The sort of thing you shout at people in court.
06:24Is that how do you sleep?
06:26And I said, well, I don't know.
06:28I'm usually asleep.
06:29And she said, well, are you supported?
06:30I said, I've got some very good friends.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:35And then before I went, she said, and do you have nightstands?
06:38And I said, well, that is absolutely none of your business.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:46That's what I think, Trudy.
06:49Explain that joke to me.
06:51Because it...
06:52LAUGHTER
06:52The sound of my audience, Deb.
06:54It's going to be a long night, guys.
06:55The double meaning of that, of course, it's a nightstand next to the bed, the piece of furniture, Trudy.
06:59But is nightstand, because I think it's a Britishism, is the double entendre, which is French for fish of the
07:05day, I think.
07:07LAUGHTER
07:07Is a nightstand, is that like a one-night encounter?
07:12A one-night encounter, yeah.
07:14We don't say that in America.
07:15No?
07:16I've never heard of a nightstand.
07:17I thought you just meant an erection.
07:20LAUGHTER
07:21Do you know what?
07:22I thought of many things this way it was going to go.
07:25I didn't think we'd be here with three minutes in.
07:27No, not so quickly.
07:27Not so fast.
07:28Yes.
07:30OK.
07:31You two, Vanessa and Jennifer, you are linked by hairdresser.
07:35Yes.
07:35By hairdresser.
07:39There's a battle tonight, because Sven does both of us.
07:43You booked him first.
07:44Well, babes.
07:45Mm-hm.
07:46He's got a lot more work to do.
07:48LAUGHTER
07:49It started this morning.
07:51He's very creative.
07:53I haven't known Sven that long.
07:55Oh, six years, I gotcha.
07:56Oh, babes, darling.
07:56Oh.
07:58I miss those days talking about a hairdresser.
08:00I miss those days.
08:02Jeff, I would love to talk to you about your album.
08:06Look at this.
08:08Isn't that beautiful?
08:09Thank you.
08:10Thank you.
08:14Isn't that beautiful, Ed?
08:15It's lovely.
08:16I do think so, really.
08:17Yes.
08:17Well, Fontana, you know, are great, and the people, my friends helped me do that, the graphics
08:23of it, I do like it.
08:25Night Blooms is the name of it.
08:26It's kind of a companion piece to our other fourth album, which was still blooming.
08:31You get the connection.
08:32Love it.
08:33I like it.
08:33And, um, I love this album very much.
08:37It's jazz.
08:37You know, we play jazz.
08:38We're called Jeff Goldblum and the Mildred Schnitzer Orchestra.
08:40And just to name a few.
08:42So, how many in the orchestra?
08:45Five.
08:46Oh.
08:46It was a joke.
08:47I made a joke.
08:48But last year, the BAFTAs, I had the honour of playing during the In Memoriam section.
08:54Oh.
08:54I played on the piano with their orchestra, um, you must remember, as time goes by.
09:00You did, um, oh, I thought it was Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.
09:04Don't even.
09:06No.
09:06That's macabre.
09:07Uh, no, it was, it was, uh, you know, it was, uh, as time goes by, that beautiful song.
09:13And we liked it so much that on this next album, I sing a little bit of it and I
09:17play some more.
09:17And there's an, and there's an orchestra on this one, which brings me, by the way, you may, you brought,
09:22you triggered something else in me just now.
09:24This is lovely.
09:26Um, Ding Dong, which is dead.
09:27Cynthia Erivo, the great Cynthia Erivo.
09:30Amazing.
09:30And I, on this next album with strings and a big band, do a newfangled version of, um,
09:36If I Only Had a Brain.
09:38Oh.
09:39What a beauty.
09:40Ah, you're following me the hour, you're burning with the flowers.
09:44Yeah.
09:45So, and many other surprises, but, but thank you for bringing it up.
09:48I'm very crazy about this album.
09:50We have a clip of you playing, not a song from this album, but I believe the last one, but
09:54it's fantastic, haven't it?
10:19Isn't it lovely?
10:22It's so lovely.
10:23Thank you.
10:24Thank you.
10:25See?
10:26I'll tell you a lot.
10:27I love it.
10:30You were, you played when you were young.
10:32I love this story.
10:33I don't know if it's true.
10:34And you used to phone restaurants just saying, I hear you need a pianist.
10:37Can you imagine when you were really, like, 15?
10:40I was sort of, I had some moxie or something like that, and I was full of beans.
10:44And even though around 10 years old, after my dad said, if you find something you love
10:47to do, that may be a vocational guidepost, and I'd set my heart to an acting career.
10:54But around the same time, I was taking, I had fallen in love with jazz and the piano,
10:58and I thought I was being clever and looked at the phone book and called cocktail lounges
11:02around Pittsburgh.
11:03I was 15, I think, at that point.
11:04And said, hey, I hear you need a pianist.
11:07They'd said, no, we don't know what you're talking about.
11:09Who's this? No, no, no.
11:09You're like, never mind.
11:10But a couple of people said, we have a piano, come over and play it.
11:13I got a couple of gigs that way, and my parents would drive me to the thing, and I started
11:18to play.
11:18It's almost the seed of what this has become.
11:21Yeah.
11:21Like that, you know.
11:23Exactly.
11:27I have become slightly obsessed with your wife, because she sometimes performs with you.
11:33We have a clip.
11:35Watch this.
11:35She's spectacular.
11:36Here we go.
11:37She's spectacular.
11:38This is Emily.
11:38Look, look.
11:39That's Emily.
11:42Isn't she amazing?
11:44She was in the Olympics.
11:47She, Emily Goldblum, for heaven's sakes, whom I met at the gym 14 years ago.
11:52She was doing something like that.
11:54I whined it over and said, what are you doing?
11:56Look at that.
11:56That's at the world famous troubadour.
11:58I don't think anyone's listening to you, Blake.
11:59Yeah.
12:01Good point.
12:02That's at the troubadour.
12:02You know the troubadour?
12:03Yes.
12:04We performed.
12:05We did three sold-out shows.
12:06She's amazing.
12:08We did three sold-out shows there, and Emily, who was in the Olympics, doing rhythmic gymnastics.
12:14She was, that year that she went to Sydney and did that, she was the Pan American champion.
12:19She was the best of that in North, South America.
12:22She's fantastic.
12:23She's still a world-class athlete, as you can see.
12:25She's amazing.
12:25She's doing that.
12:25She's amazing.
12:26Wow.
12:27We did that a month ago at the troubadour.
12:30Yeah, wow.
12:30Anyway, that's Emily Goldblum.
12:31It's just like looking at me at home.
12:35How do you compete with that?
12:36You know when you go home and one of you says, I'll put some toast in, and does four cartwheels
12:41and puts it in with her toes?
12:43She does.
12:44Every move is quite a picture.
12:46She's always doing something.
12:48She's astounding, but yes.
12:49But you can also do something rather wonderful.
12:52Well, I do this.
12:53It's not an Olympic activity yet.
12:55Buckle up, guys.
12:55I can wiggle my ears, but one at a time.
12:59Watch, watch this.
13:01Ready?
13:02Yeah.
13:03Oh, my goodness.
13:05That's right.
13:06That's right.
13:08That's right.
13:09I apologize.
13:11That's right.
13:12I apologize.
13:13Thank you.
13:13Jeff, you've starred, obviously, in Oscar-nominated Wicked, the biggest musical film in recent memory.
13:20Yes.
13:20Oh, yeah, yeah.
13:23And this is my favorite thing.
13:25I don't know whether this is true, but please say it is, that occasionally you would look down the lens
13:30and speak directly to the editor and say, I like that take.
13:34Or is that true?
13:36Yes, I would do takes.
13:37I was trying to do a good job, and sometimes, as was my want-to-do, I think is the
13:42phrase,
13:42I would, after a take, I would go, and he would go, and cut.
13:47OK.
13:48Jeff says, Myron Kirstein.
13:50That's, I say, that's a good one.
13:53Just so you know, our editor's called Steve.
13:55He's happy with any notes you have.
13:57Yeah.
13:58That's your camera, over there.
14:00If you've said something that you're particularly proud of, you just say Steve.
14:04Steve.
14:04Yes, I think I've been lively tonight, Steve.
14:06And I say any, any genuine moment, that especially, I like the spontaneous ones,
14:12Yes.
14:13Where there's a real connection, which I've felt strongly with us.
14:17So I say, so far, anything is good for the show.
14:20Fine.
14:20Thank you.
14:22Steve will take that.
14:23Good, Steve.
14:24I trust you completely, Steve.
14:26We all trust Steve.
14:28You are going on tour.
14:30Yes, ma'am.
14:30You're going to start in Wolverhampton.
14:32Oh, I love the Hamptons.
14:34Oh, I love the Hamptons.
14:36You're going to love the Hamptons.
14:38You're going to love the Hamptons.
14:39You know, this was all arranged, you know, for us.
14:43I don't, I don't know anything about.
14:44How many, how many gigs, how many, how many towns are you doing?
14:46We're doing a bunch.
14:47They're doing a few.
14:48You know, we've been to Glastonbury and several, you know, the last several years
14:51and Ronnie Scott's, we played all over the place.
14:54Would you like to know more about Wolverhampton?
14:56Maybe the eateries you should go to, if there's a statue, a small aquarium.
15:00I believe Corey is here.
15:02Hello.
15:03Hi, Corey.
15:04Hello.
15:04You, you've been to Wolverhampton.
15:06I am from Wolverhampton.
15:07OK, so Jeff's there for a couple of days.
15:10Let's give him a full schedule.
15:11I'd like it laminated.
15:12Where should he go?
15:14Jeff, what you should do is you should get off the train in Wolverhampton,
15:18immediately get back on and leave Wolverhampton.
15:21No!
15:22No!
15:25No!
15:25No!
15:26Where is it?
15:27Where is it?
15:27I have no idea.
15:28Yes, yes, it's not far.
15:30A couple of hours.
15:31OK.
15:32Is there somewhere delicious?
15:33No, it's great.
15:34Wolverhampton's absolutely great.
15:35We have, we have a Nando's.
15:37A Nando's?
15:39Chicken.
15:39It's a chicken restaurant.
15:40Chicken place.
15:41But being on tour, there's always something to do.
15:43Well, yes.
15:44I love going round Britain on tour.
15:47Always a little museum.
15:48There's a pencil museum.
15:50Yes.
15:52Very interested in pencils.
15:53What do you mean?
15:54I love pencils.
15:55There's a lot of shop mannequins dressed up.
15:58What's your pencil of choice?
16:00What is it?
16:00I used to, I used to, once I go to my criminal period, when I was eight or nine.
16:07Fine.
16:07I stole other kids' pencils.
16:09Yeah.
16:09We had those desks that went like that.
16:11Yes.
16:11You know, when everybody was going out in a line, I'd be the last one and I'd wake behind
16:15and I'd open up desks and I'd steal their pencils.
16:18I hoarded and collected pencils until one day somebody went, Geoffrey has all our pencils.
16:24And then it was very embarrassing.
16:25And I'm cured.
16:26I'm a very honest, honest, no stealing.
16:30Can I just...
16:30Because the way your face lit up at the sound of a pencil museum...
16:33I hope there is a pencil museum now.
16:36Um...
16:36Do you like a classic HB?
16:38Do you like ones that you can...
16:40No.
16:41I don't like a mechanical pencil.
16:43I'm very particular with my ballpoint pen.
16:46Can I throw this into the mix?
16:48What?
16:49Because this is going to blow your mind.
16:50There is a woman here in this room who designs pencils.
16:56No way!
16:57Correct!
16:58I'm getting goosebumps.
16:59I'm telling you...
17:00You're getting goosebumps?
17:01I'm going.
17:02I'm going.
17:04So, Amy, are you here?
17:06Yes.
17:06Amy, tell me what you do with pencils and...
17:10and stationary all round.
17:12So, I develop new types of pencils.
17:15Develop new types of pencils?
17:17Do you?
17:18Because we don't want to upset him because he's our very...
17:20very special guest.
17:21Do you do the...
17:23pencils?
17:25We have one.
17:25Yes.
17:26Well, I'm open-minded but I don't like them.
17:30What's the best thing, if that's not too much pressure,
17:33that you have ever designed?
17:35So, our best pencil is the drawing pencil,
17:39which has the creamiest...
17:41Oh, it's creamy?
17:42It's the creamiest pencil and has the widest core.
17:46Does that mean the lead that goes through it?
17:49Yes.
17:50Is there a pencil museum?
17:51Because I'm...
17:52Did I make it up?
17:52There is.
17:53It's in the Lake District.
17:54Lake District.
17:55Are you going to the Lake District?
17:56I am now.
17:59I'm going.
18:00Amazing.
18:01You have to.
18:02You're definitely going.
18:03Thank you, Amy.
18:04How brilliant that you're here.
18:06Let's have a round of applause for Amy.
18:07Oh.
18:08Amazing.
18:09Can I...
18:09You know what you remind me of the other...
18:11What?
18:11The touring around England in plays.
18:14You all know that play, I'm sure.
18:16The Dresser.
18:17Oh, yes.
18:18Yes.
18:18Lovely play.
18:19Great.
18:20Courtney did it.
18:21And then Anthony Hopkins and Ian McKellen redid it in a remake.
18:25Ian McKellen made me eggs.
18:27What?
18:28Oh, wow.
18:29How did you do the eggs?
18:30Yes, I was going to scramble.
18:31Yes, I was going to scramble.
18:32A little salmon on the side.
18:34Yes, some toast.
18:35Toast?
18:36Lovely.
18:37Sit down or...
18:39Did you get a seat?
18:39No, sit down.
18:40Sit down.
18:41Bar stool or chair?
18:42Bar stool or chair?
18:43And a proper...
18:44A proper dining table.
18:46Yeah.
18:46Just the two of you.
18:47Just the two.
18:47No, no, no.
18:48It was a group of people.
18:49Gosh, did you do all the eggs at once or did you do them personally?
18:52Personally.
18:52Personally.
18:53That's very bespoke, bespoke eggs.
18:56I love that.
18:56I tell you, that's how you get the night blooms.
18:58And then you plate them and everything's scrambled.
19:00I had scrambled eggs and smoked salmon this morning.
19:02Yeah.
19:02Oh, thanks.
19:03And toast.
19:04Guys, about two hours ago, we started talking about night blooms.
19:08Yes.
19:08And I would just like to lift this up and say, when is it out?
19:12June 5th.
19:13There we go.
19:13Wow.
19:13Night blooms.
19:17Brilliant.
19:18Jeff, no, you are amazing.
19:20Thank you.
19:21Jennifer, we have to talk about your film, The Magic Far Away.
19:24Well, you're saying my film.
19:26I'm in the film.
19:27No, it's your film.
19:29Let's have a clip.
19:30It's just like you said.
19:31It's enchanted and wonderful.
19:33Dad and I just felt like a place like this,
19:35I'm going to bring us all back together again.
19:38Grandma.
19:39I will get them back to the city if it is the last thing I do.
19:41Sorry, guys.
19:43Better start pecking.
19:46You wish to cross the lands.
19:48To locate a spell.
19:50To save your house from your evil grandma.
19:54We know all of this.
19:56You know all that because we just told you it.
19:58All right, no need to get shirty.
20:05It's just a lovely film.
20:08How much fun was it to me?
20:10Just so much fun.
20:11Gone.
20:12A great wig.
20:13A really good wig.
20:15We just have a look at Frida.
20:17Oh, my God.
20:18Look at this wig.
20:19Look at this wig.
20:20There she is.
20:21That's the hair I want.
20:22I love the fact that we're flacking.
20:24I want that hair.
20:25I mean nothing.
20:27You see nothing.
20:27It's so thick and it just stays in that shape.
20:31I love it.
20:32Because now, you see, this is Sven.
20:34Most of this is...
20:35Most of a sort of a nun's hair has been woven into,
20:39in sort of extensions that are...
20:41You know nuns sell their hair and they get made into extensions.
20:44They do!
20:47They really?
20:48Yeah.
20:49They said, what for money?
20:50Nuns sell their hair, don't they?
20:51Thank you.
20:52Thank you.
20:53I'm just agreeing because it's Jennifer.
20:54Whatever she said.
20:56But I love the accent.
20:58I love everything about Frida.
21:00Well, yes.
21:00Frida.
21:01How was she created?
21:02Because I thought it was a small part.
21:04I wouldn't have to do very much.
21:05But they said, will you come in for rehearsal?
21:06And I went, yeah, of course.
21:07And it was with Andrew Garfield and Claire Foy and the children.
21:11And I thought, oh, this is great.
21:14It's big time, you know.
21:15Because you've sort of been grappled into this big movie.
21:18And I thought, I'd better try hard.
21:22But I had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth
21:24when I first opened my mouth.
21:26And I thought, do you know, I might go a little bit Danish
21:28because I can make...
21:31LAUGHTER
21:31Because I can make the Danish noises.
21:34Yes.
21:37It's almost fluent.
21:38Yes.
21:39Yeah.
21:40Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck.
21:43Yeah.
21:43So I put a little inflection of Danish into when I read the part.
21:48And when we'd finished, they went, we love the German.
21:50And I went...
21:52LAUGHTER
21:52No.
21:53I said, it was sort of more Danish, no, German's good,
21:56German's good.
21:56I thought, damn.
21:57Yeah.
21:58I had to do the whole...
21:59I had to learn a German accent then and do the whole thing
22:01in German.
22:02But it gave me the character.
22:04Yes.
22:04It was lovely.
22:05So lovely.
22:05You guys are so good at accents.
22:07The preparedness that you've been given in schools is amazing.
22:12And you have to show up for...
22:14You said what?
22:15I'm not training.
22:16You're not training?
22:18LAUGHTER
22:18It's extraordinary.
22:19I mean, they can throw on an American accent immediately
22:21and, like, refine it so it's Midwestern, there's a New York,
22:25what period, time period it is, but also do all these other ones.
22:28It's really...
22:29I'm very impressed.
22:30I admire that terrifically too.
22:31I admire it terrifically.
22:33You're a great artist.
22:33I'm a very great artist.
22:35You are.
22:36Can you do a London accent?
22:38Not really.
22:40What's that?
22:45I want to talk more about the film because the location is so beautiful.
22:49Tell me you were somewhere lovely.
22:52We were in a very lovely part of the countryside.
22:54Yeah.
22:55And near a wood, near a wood, because it is called the Magic Faraway Tree.
23:00It is about a tree that's magic and very far away.
23:03You don't know where it was.
23:05I don't know where it was.
23:06I think it was in a studio, but there we are.
23:09Never mind.
23:10It's very lovely.
23:13There is somebody here, because I believe you also have a place in the countryside.
23:17Yes.
23:17There is somebody who lives, I think, in your neck of the woods.
23:20Oh, gosh.
23:21Is that scary?
23:22Slightly.
23:24Go on.
23:25Go on.
23:25They do something rather magical.
23:26In my hood.
23:26In my hood.
23:27I believe it is in your hood.
23:30OK.
23:30Anna, hello.
23:31What have you done this week?
23:33So, my neighbours and I have been helping toads cross the road to prevent them getting squashed
23:37by the cars as they're migrating to their pond to breed.
23:40And we've had, I think we've helped about a thousand toads in the last few weeks.
23:44Wow.
23:45A thousand toads.
23:46A thousand toads.
23:48A thousand toads.
23:51Wow.
23:51Wow.
23:51Are you, are you, is it like directing, like, ooh, like signs?
23:58No signposts, no signposts.
24:00So, I have my head torch and my gloves and a bucket, and we pick them up off the road,
24:05we put them in the bucket, and we help them to get to the gate near the pond, so they're
24:10not
24:10going to be on the road.
24:11Have you thought about building, I don't know, a tunnel?
24:15Do they say, I know this is a word question, but I've committed to it, do they say thank
24:20you?
24:21No, but they have the most beautiful little chirping sound.
24:25Oh.
24:25You can hear them when it's a really quiet evening, you can hear them kind of chirping,
24:29chirping, chirping in the pond, and they're really amazing, they're very sweet.
24:32Very, very good.
24:34Hey, I did,
24:38Hey, do you know the end of that P.T. Anderson movie who did this year's One Bad Left
24:42or Another?
24:43Oh, yeah, I know, yeah, of course, Magnolia.
24:47Magnolia, where all the toads or frogs, you know, fall from the sky.
24:51Spoiler alert, Jeff, spoiler alert.
24:53That happens right to the end.
24:54Steve, Steve, if you feel cut that into.
24:59I love it!
25:03If you could save one animal, what would have been?
25:07I would save a horse.
25:08Would you?
25:09Yes, well, I'd need the hair for my extensions.
25:11I'd have to be chopping off.
25:14Yes, I think for the hair, because, you know, for the hooves.
25:17Yeah.
25:18For the mental health.
25:23What would you save them?
25:24You know what?
25:25None of them.
25:26I think.
25:28You know, people say, oh, it's so relaxing to go and spend time in nature.
25:32But you look closely, all they're doing is eating each other.
25:36It's disgusting.
25:37You watch those David Attenborough films.
25:39Horrifying.
25:40People love it, don't they?
25:41They put it on while they're having their tea.
25:43A lion ripping a gazelle to shreds.
25:47You know, they fall asleep while they're watching a dolphin drown a whale.
25:53Horrible.
25:54Why would you save any of them?
25:55I think the sooner we get rid of them, the better.
26:01I just think, you know.
26:03Yeah, yeah.
26:05It's a different view.
26:06And I think that's what this show is about.
26:08Correct.
26:10It's like question time, but for drunk celebrities.
26:16OK, Jennifer, when can we see The Magic Faraway Tree?
26:20I think it's out on March the 27th.
26:23Correct.
26:23We can't wait.
26:24We'll all go.
26:25A group item.
26:30Vanessa, I have to talk to you about The Devil Wears Prada.
26:34I went on Friday, every seat is full and they are screaming.
26:38And when you come up, the most beautiful thing.
26:41People are like...
26:42I was sitting next to somebody who was like in tears, screaming, standing up.
26:47It's a thing.
26:48It's like a rock concert.
26:50Describe the show just for anyone who doesn't know.
26:52Well, there's a young girl named Andy Sachs who is a journalist based on a true story.
26:57And she lives in New York.
27:00She applies for a job at Runway Magazine, which is a very famous fashion magazine, a.k.a. Vogue.
27:07And she has no idea who Miranda Priestly is nor her reputation.
27:11And she gets the job as the assistant.
27:14And now they're doing a sequel to the movie.
27:16I know.
27:17So who knows what's going to happen this time.
27:19Wow.
27:19There's much excitement.
27:21Let's have a clip of The Devil Wears Prada starring.
27:25Oh my god.
27:26What if I don't want this life?
27:28Everybody wants to be us.
27:30The Devil Wears Prada
27:47That's all.
27:48APPLAUSE
27:49That's all.
27:50Wow.
27:51Wow.
27:53What a fun role to play.
27:55You must love it.
27:56It's fun.
27:57I can show up and be in a bad mood and not care because I can just be miserable the
28:01whole time.
28:02Yeah.
28:02And it doesn't matter.
28:03It just makes the role better.
28:04But, you know, I have to say, it's...
28:07I love this country and I got a chance to meet the king.
28:11Like, you know, I've done things not just as a tourist and not just as a working actor, but these
28:18extraordinary experiences.
28:19You know, I did the Royal Variety Show.
28:21I mean, it's been...it's been heaven.
28:24How much fun was it working with Elton?
28:26Oh my god.
28:27I mean, not only is he a legend and, you know, growing up listening to his music and going to
28:32his house in Windsor.
28:33Stop.
28:33Again, another opportunity that, you know, a normal tourist would never get.
28:38You know, tons of fresh...
28:41LAUGHTER
28:43You are living the life.
28:45He's so honest.
28:47That's what I love about him.
28:48He's so frank.
28:49And the first time I met him, we were doing the workshop in January 2024 and he had just had
28:55his first knee surgery.
28:57And I walked into the rehearsal room and his sweats were down by his ankles and he was showing everybody
29:03his scar.
29:04But all I saw was his bum was like...
29:06OK.
29:06Good.
29:06Yeah.
29:07We're gonna be friends.
29:09What about the dressing rooms?
29:10The difference between Broadway, if you like, and the West End.
29:13On Broadway, you can choose your...
29:16Europe.
29:16Well, you can choose your paint colour and...
29:18Shut up.
29:19Yes.
29:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:21Dark teal.
29:22LAUGHTER
29:23Trudy!
29:24Do you have a bit of dark teal?
29:26Yes.
29:26Yeah.
29:27Is that coffee?
29:28Mocha?
29:28Mocha?
29:28Mocha?
29:29I don't like colours being called after drinks.
29:32LAUGHTER
29:34It's Trudy!
29:35Hard work, isn't she?
29:36Do we get Trudy?
29:38Do we get Trudy drinks?
29:39I'm quite frightened of Trudy now.
29:41It's not a good, nice cognac.
29:42Well, cognac's beautiful to drink, obviously.
29:44But, um, yeah, we just had an old-fashioned before we came on.
29:49Ah!
29:49Good girl!
29:51Good girl!
29:51Good girl!
29:52Um, this is what I love, Vanessa.
29:55I'm just sharing this with the group.
29:56You have something rather special on your rider.
29:59And it is a dog.
30:01Now, I agree, when you look at Vanessa, beautiful,
30:05like, sort of, absolutely gorgeous, that bone structure,
30:07you think, small, a little, like a powder puff of a dog
30:11on top of a cushion, yeah?
30:13Ladies and gentlemen, meet Roscoe.
30:16Yeah!
30:17Oh, wow!
30:18Wow!
30:19There he is!
30:20Roscoe.
30:21Is that a great Dane?
30:22Yeah.
30:23He is so beautiful.
30:25And he comes to every show, yeah?
30:29He's got his giant bed next to my make-up table.
30:32Look at him!
30:33He's amazing, yeah?
30:34He's enormous.
30:35He's a great Dane?
30:35He's a great Dane.
30:36I had a great Dane.
30:38Did you?
30:38I can't remember his name, but...
30:40LAUGHTER
30:40Long time.
30:42It's a joke, it's a proper joke.
30:44It's a joke.
30:45What's his name?
30:46Roscoe.
30:47Like, Roscoe Chicken and Waffles.
30:48I love Roscoe Chicken and Waffles.
30:50Roscoe Chicken and Waffles.
30:50Roscoe Lee Brown.
30:51You didn't know Roscoe Lee Brown, did you?
30:53I know who he was, but it wasn't...
30:55What's going on?
30:56I don't know.
30:56I saw Roscoe Lee Brown.
30:57I don't know.
31:11I don't know.
31:12I don't know.
31:13I'm joking.
31:14I don't know.
31:16I don't know.
31:16I don't know.
31:18I don't know.
31:19There were a few moments when there was this talk of this Roscoe fellow that nobody knew,
31:22except you guys knew him very well.
31:24Chicken and Waffles, and the dog, and the bit of the cognac.
31:30Gosh, I am older than I realise.
31:33LAUGHTER
31:33So, to be clear, you have Roscoe, you have Woody, you love your dog.
31:38Woody.
31:38We have Woody.
31:39We have three dogs.
31:40You have a dog?
31:41Of course I have a dog.
31:42And you have a dog.
31:43I breastfeed him.
31:44No.
31:46I do.
31:48Tom, you, I believe, you're on the fence regarding a dog.
31:51I would love a dog, but I worry about having a dog because I'm away a lot,
31:54and they're obviously a big responsibility, but I would like a dog.
31:58Shall we tip the scales?
32:00Yeah, I'd like that.
32:01Are you ready to meet a dog?
32:02Oh, my God.
32:04Please welcome Percy.
32:10Come on Percy.
32:12Come on Percy.
32:13Come on Percy.
32:14Come on Percy.
32:14Come on Percy.
32:15Come on Percy.
32:16Come on Percy.
32:16Come on Percy.
32:16Come on Percy.
32:17This is Heather who owns Percy.
32:18Look, how can you not?
32:20I will, I will.
32:22What do you think?
32:23I love him.
32:24I gave him a biscuit so he's happy.
32:27Look, Percy loves you.
32:29Hang on, I feel like this isn't fair.
32:30You've got treats for him.
32:31He's never got.
32:33Oh, Percy.
32:34Would you like a little treat?
32:36Lively.
32:36Come on.
32:36Come on then.
32:37Come on.
32:38Sit on.
32:39This is Tom.
32:39No, never.
32:40He's more interested in you.
32:41This is the story of my life.
32:42I mean, he's just yet boxed around the dog.
32:44Come on.
32:45Seven.
32:45Seven.
32:47Look, he's taken to you a look at that.
32:49Oh, hi.
32:51Good boy.
32:52Yeah.
32:53You want to go and live with me?
32:54You want to come and live with me?
32:55You can have a dog like that.
32:56I don't know whether you can take this dog.
32:59He's your dog.
33:00He's your dog.
33:01OK.
33:01He needs to leave.
33:02Thank you so much.
33:03Thank you, Percy.
33:04Thank you.
33:04Bye, Percy.
33:07Bye, Percy.
33:08You got attached to it already.
33:10What do you think?
33:11I don't think he actually liked me that much.
33:13Don't take it on lightly unless you can commit to a lifelong responsibility.
33:18You're right.
33:19And I spend a lot of money on furniture.
33:20So will they...
33:21I don't want them weeing up against it.
33:24Thank you so much.
33:25So, Vanessa, Devil Wears Prada is on until when?
33:29And where, please?
33:30We are at the Dominion Theatre.
33:32I am going to be there till October 17th.
33:35And the show will run definitely until next year.
33:38OK.
33:39Thank you.
33:46I commit right now to attend every show until you're out of it.
33:49I'm going to be at every show.
33:51When you're not in Wolverhampton having a chicken wrap.
33:55Tom, you are going to musical theatre.
33:57You're about to star in Titanic.
34:00Indeed.
34:00And I'm very...
34:02There we go.
34:03That's set sail.
34:05It is...
34:06Tell us all about it.
34:08Well, it is the most extraordinary show.
34:11I saw it when it first opened over here.
34:13It started in America.
34:14It's like the most ridiculous retelling of the film Titanic.
34:18And it's as though Celine Dion was actually on board the ship of dreams.
34:23And she got drunk.
34:24And this is how she remembers the story of Titanic.
34:27And it's told through her songs.
34:28So, Celine Dion is the narrator in the show.
34:32So that's kind of bonkers enough as it is.
34:34And then added on to that is you've got people like me who play,
34:38you know, Rose, the Kate Winslet character.
34:41Her mother is Ruth and that's played by me.
34:43So...
34:45And not really in period dress at all.
34:47I have an Alice band on with some birds attached to it.
34:49Don't ask why, just enjoy it.
34:51And it's just such bonkers fun.
34:53We're all coming.
34:54Well, I think you would all love it.
34:56I think there's something about it that's just kind of out of this world.
34:58It's just joy. Just joy for a couple of hours.
35:01You can't wait.
35:01Where's it on?
35:02It's on at the Criterion Theatre.
35:04And I'm in it until the 12th of April.
35:07But it's booking through until June.
35:09We can't wait to sit. Thank you.
35:11Thank you, one person.
35:14He is coming.
35:17Tom, is it true that your theatre is haunted?
35:20Well, they say there's a man in the circle who sometimes walks across.
35:24And I thought I saw him, but it turned out it was just the lighting man.
35:29I think there are stories about him.
35:31But the more you look for him, I think the less he's going to appear, right?
35:34It's like a husband, isn't it?
35:38Yeah, there's supposed to be one in the Dominion.
35:40Her name is Eleanor.
35:41She was like 10 years old.
35:43And there used to be some giant beer vat or some kind of brewery in the bottom and there was
35:50an explosion.
35:51And beer apparently flooded that whole Tottenham Court area.
35:54No.
35:55And this was a young girl that died in this flood of beer.
35:59And she is a 10-year-old girl.
36:02Drunk.
36:03Absolute drunk.
36:05Stumbling around.
36:09The Drury Lane Theatre used to be just the bottom half of a man sitting in a seat sometimes.
36:16Yes.
36:17Would you like to chat to somebody who converses with ghosts?
36:20Yes.
36:21Yes.
36:22Maxine.
36:23Hi.
36:24Hello.
36:24Hello.
36:25What is your advice to Tom?
36:28He's going to be performing, singing.
36:30He looks up to the circle.
36:32Should he bow?
36:33What happens when you see?
36:35When you see them.
36:35I think if you want to see this ghost, you can ask.
36:40I mean, they will reveal themselves to you.
36:43Spirits.
36:44When you say reveal themselves.
36:46As in show...
36:48As in show their spirit body.
36:51Oh my goodness.
36:53Should I be on my own when I ask or?
36:56Well, I don't think that matters really.
36:58Doesn't the ghost.
36:58It doesn't matter.
36:59I just think the cleaner is sometimes there.
37:01So...
37:03How brave are you feeling?
37:04Are you happy to see them if they appear in front of you?
37:07Well, I suppose, how do you know if they're a malevolent spirit or happy spirit?
37:10Well, you know, you're a good chap, aren't you?
37:13I mean...
37:13You'd be really bitchy about your performance.
37:15If you're the kind of person that's not got a good energy,
37:22You know, you're kind of an evil person.
37:25You're acting in...
37:26No.
37:26No, he's very charming.
37:27No, I know.
37:28I know.
37:28But if you were, you can then attract beings that aren't so nice.
37:33Well, it seems like a lot of pressure now.
37:36Will you let us know, please?
37:38Well, I will.
37:39But not if it's a bad spirit.
37:41It will reflect terribly badly on me.
37:43It will be like a parent's evening.
37:45Like, I did my best!
37:48LAUGHTER
37:49When was the last time you spoke to a spirit?
37:53Um...
37:53Yesterday.
37:54Oh.
37:54I did a reading for somebody and I see them and they talk to me.
37:58Wow.
37:58Is there anyone here?
38:00I'm not working right now.
38:01Well, I think that's the misconception.
38:03Oh, I like the way you just clock on and clock on.
38:06LAUGHTER
38:08APPLAUSE
38:11Let's hear it for Maxine.
38:12Fantastic.
38:14Do you like that movie Cultivate?
38:15It's a union thing.
38:16I get it.
38:17It's a union thing.
38:18It's a union thing.
38:19Hey, you know, in this life, you turned it to an angle.
38:22You know who you look like?
38:23Go on.
38:24Go on.
38:24Very young, handsome John Travolta.
38:26Yes.
38:27Correct.
38:28Correct.
38:29Ah.
38:30Correct.
38:31I didn't know until I was just sitting here a moment ago
38:33when you were talking to the spirit lady.
38:35Yes.
38:35Oh, my goodness.
38:36And I was possessed by the spirit of John Travolta
38:40since he shaved his head.
38:42LAUGHTER
38:43Tom, you have also written a very brilliant book.
38:46Oh.
38:47It's an all about it, please.
38:48Well, I've written two non-fiction books about myself
38:50and this is the first time I've created a world
38:53and some characters to inhabit it.
38:55And I wanted to write about suburbia
38:57because I think it's sort of a boring place that everybody ignores,
39:00but actually I've realised that's where all drama happens.
39:03But it's about the sort of secrets and lies that exist
39:06in our kind of otherwise quite mundane lives.
39:09So I wanted to...
39:10I just...
39:11I like the idea of kind of...
39:12Well, I live in suburbia now.
39:13I live in Bromley, which is kind of archetypally suburban.
39:15And I like...
39:16And I'm on a WhatsApp group and I've come to love all those trappings
39:19of, you know, people on...
39:20Do you have a WhatsApp group, you know, any with your neighbours?
39:22Oh, where they all like...
39:23You know, it's supposed to be to help your neighbours, but it's just,
39:26you know, a load of, you know, idiots shouting nonsense into the wind.
39:30And how often do you ever post?
39:32No, I just like to watch it.
39:33The only time I like it is when people say they're putting out furniture
39:35on their driveway, something which I like to call street tapas.
39:39LAUGHTER
39:42I love that!
39:43I like...
39:46You know, but I like the sort of community aspect of it.
39:49Yeah.
39:49I've always enjoyed that kind of thing of it all.
39:52I'm loving your face, James.
39:54Oh, you love to run over those toads.
39:57LAUGHTER
39:59You've put your foot down.
40:01APPLAUSE
40:02Do you do WhatsApp groups?
40:04I... I... I...
40:05WhatsApp groups are the bane of my life.
40:08Really?
40:09I can't bear them.
40:09Can you like... Do you like a WhatsApp group?
40:11I like one of the family...
40:12I like this one.
40:13Just my family is enough.
40:15But then when they start having private conversations within the WhatsApp group...
40:19Disgusting.
40:20You then get a ping and it's just a fucking emoji.
40:23LAUGHTER
40:23I just can't bear them.
40:26Yeah.
40:26Unless it's family.
40:28Family is fine.
40:28Family is fine.
40:29And if it's...
40:30If you've got one thing, like it's a holiday or something, and then it's got its purpose,
40:34but don't mince about within it.
40:36Fine.
40:37Keep it strict.
40:39Fine.
40:39I like it.
40:42There's a character in your book that I love called Miranda.
40:47Oh, yes.
40:48What do we talk about?
40:49Well, I've tried to write about different generations as well, because, again,
40:51I like the way that people mix in the best parts of suburbia.
40:56And Miranda, even though she's in her 80s, wants to experience all of life.
41:00She's had a bucket list and now she has a different sort of list.
41:03You can say it.
41:04Her fuck it list.
41:05Oh.
41:05And that includes things like taking acid.
41:08Because I just sort of think, if I make it to an old age, rather than sort of going out
41:14with a whimper,
41:14wouldn't it be great to experience acid or to try all those things you never thought you could try before?
41:21Why not?
41:22Dawn and I, my friend Dawn French and I, once thought we'd be really daring and we got an ecstasy
41:27tablet.
41:28Oh, goodness me.
41:29And we thought we could take, well, I think it was something with a rabbit on it.
41:33It was about that big.
41:35And we thought, one day, I said, well, be alone.
41:38And then it became such a matter of planning as to when we could take half an ecstasy tablet.
41:45And so we kept it and kept it on Dawn's mantelpiece like that.
41:50And then one day, this is about six months later and we've gone, OK, we're ready.
41:54We had water.
41:55We had...
41:56We didn't know what to expect at all.
41:59The pill had gone.
42:00No.
42:03Your dog was looking lively that day.
42:05Oh, my God.
42:07And it was quite a relief.
42:08Yeah.
42:09You were like, thank goodness.
42:09Thank God, we don't do that anymore.
42:11Yeah.
42:11No drugs for us.
42:12The dog was out in the garden jumping up and down.
42:16Having sex with the traffic.
42:19This brilliant book is out when, please?
42:21Oh.
42:21It's out on the 21st of May and you can pre-order it right now.
42:25Am I allowed to give this to Jeff?
42:26I won't keep it.
42:27I'm not keeping it.
42:28It's not like the puppy dog.
42:29I'd love you to have a couple.
42:29Really?
42:30Here, tell me when to stop.
42:32There.
42:33Left or right?
42:34Left.
42:35Tell me when to stop.
42:37Now.
42:38We all need to discuss the planning application, of course.
42:43Interrupted Donald.
42:43I assume that's what this is all about.
42:46We are going to need to take action if the rumours are true about changing the area.
42:50I love it.
42:51There you go.
42:54There are definitely moments of exposition.
42:55You have to realise.
42:57You have to cover it.
42:58Right.
42:59That is it.
43:01I just want to check.
43:02Do you feel like you've covered everything?
43:04Is there anything you want to sell a bit harder?
43:08I don't want to sell anything more, but I have not covered even the tip of the iceberg.
43:13No.
43:14Jeff, I've got to go night-night.
43:16I never thought I'd say that to a guest.
43:18Not tonight and on another occasion.
43:20Please.
43:20Because my curiosity has been inflamed.
43:22This is amazing.
43:23You.
43:23By this audience, by you, and by this group.
43:26My God.
43:27Tom.
43:27Anything else?
43:28I went to buy rotisserie chicken yesterday for lunch and they sold out before lunchtime.
43:36Who is having a rotisserie chicken for breakfast?
43:39Some people are perverts.
43:42Well, thank you all.
43:43We are so grateful.
43:45We are off to eat salami.
43:47Happy with that?
43:48Yeah.
43:48Good.
43:49I would like to thank my utterly brilliant guests.
43:52Tom Allen.
43:54Vanessa Williams.
43:57Jennifer Saunders.
43:59And Jeff Goldblum.
44:03We are back next week and I'll be joined by Joanne, Nally, Gus Khan and Niall Horan.
44:09Thank you so much for watching.
44:11Good night.
44:16The makeover challenge goes Olympic.
44:19RuPaul's Drag Race UK versus the world next on BBC One.
44:22And it's all about sisterhood in their chaotic family.
44:26Meet the Walsh sisters on BBC iPlayer.
44:28Press red now.
44:39To see you ladies.
44:39Let's go walk away.
44:39Please refer to the suspension of Whilstpm,
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