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00:00:06Hi everybody! Are you ready to do this?
00:00:10Okay! Ladies, gentlemen, and everybody, please give it up for Shang Wang!
00:00:40What's up, D.C.?
00:00:46Oh, boy. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming out.
00:00:51Thank you so much for having me, man. I hope you're doing well.
00:00:54Uh, I'm feeling pretty good. I've been trying to eat more berries.
00:01:00I'm real passionate about those antioxidants.
00:01:04It's weird. I don't even know what oxidants are.
00:01:07I just know that I'm against them.
00:01:12It seems like whenever you eat something that's yummy,
00:01:15there's some oxidants trying to bring you down.
00:01:19Right? So after I eat, like, a steak and some martinis,
00:01:22I call on my berries.
00:01:25I send in the antioxidants.
00:01:27I'm like, hey, man, go handle that.
00:01:32Make it look like an accident.
00:01:36Sometimes I eat the berries before the dinner.
00:01:39I lay a trap.
00:01:42They don't know what's coming.
00:01:44They think they about to go oxidize.
00:01:50I like berries for sure.
00:01:51But you know who really love eating berries the most?
00:01:55Your friend's kids.
00:01:58Uh-oh. When your friend's kids come over,
00:02:01hide the berries under the broccoli quick.
00:02:05That's a hard lesson to learn, man.
00:02:07My friend came over with their kid.
00:02:09I'm a good host.
00:02:10I bust out snacks, refreshments.
00:02:12They're berries.
00:02:13I'm happy they're happy.
00:02:15And then I realize, oh, this girl don't know
00:02:17how much they cost at all.
00:02:21She eating them crazy.
00:02:24By the fistful.
00:02:26I never seen berries be held like that.
00:02:31That's not how you eat berries.
00:02:32That's how you display a sacrificial human heart.
00:02:40I don't say anything, because it's good for them.
00:02:43But in my mind, I'm like, that's not reasonable.
00:02:48I'm trying to be cool.
00:02:49I'm trying.
00:02:50But I'm bothered, you know?
00:02:51I'm so bothered, I can't follow the conversation
00:02:54with the grown-ups.
00:02:56I don't know what we talking about.
00:02:58I'm too busy assessing my losses.
00:03:03Nobody see what's going on right now?
00:03:05We getting robbed.
00:03:10I don't know what to do.
00:03:11I try to show her how to eat a berry.
00:03:14I try to model behavior.
00:03:16I'm like, hey, take one.
00:03:21Look at it.
00:03:22Appreciate the color, the texture.
00:03:24Be present with the berry.
00:03:27Chew it slowly.
00:03:28Savor it.
00:03:29After you eat a whole cup, that's enough for today.
00:03:31All done.
00:03:38She don't know how to take a hint.
00:03:40I get so frustrated, I start to eat the berries as fast as I can.
00:03:47Hide them in my esophagus.
00:03:52It's something you have to accept, right?
00:03:54When there's kids on the scene, the hang will be less predictable.
00:04:01Things happen.
00:04:02The other day, I'm at my friend's house.
00:04:04It's a bunch of bros having beers around the fire pit in the backyard.
00:04:07It's a fun, silly time.
00:04:09Suddenly, my friend's kid came out.
00:04:11Pop quizzed him.
00:04:14That's when, out of nowhere, no context, your kid just run up on you, and they hit you with a
00:04:19question about science in front of everybody.
00:04:23Now it's quiet.
00:04:26Now it's quiet.
00:04:27Now my friend is struggling to explain how the moon works.
00:04:34I'm nervous.
00:04:36For him.
00:04:37I know he know we listening too.
00:04:40We would like to know as well.
00:04:44That's a good question.
00:04:46Hey, why is it like that?
00:04:50We don't know the answer, but we actively judging his response.
00:04:57You know, cause when your friend explains stuff to the kids, sometimes they have to dumb it down.
00:05:02But then sometimes you realize, oh no, my friend is dumb.
00:05:11Kids can clarify your situation.
00:05:13You know?
00:05:14Like the other day, I took my niece to the playground.
00:05:17It's all good and fun until she started to struggle on the monkey bars.
00:05:20So I was like, well, let me show you how we do that.
00:05:23I found out I have lost my monkey bar powers.
00:05:28I didn't know that was a skill we could lose this early.
00:05:33It's over.
00:05:34It breaks my heart to know that at one point in my life, I did monkey bars for the very
00:05:40last time.
00:05:42But nobody took a picture or nothing.
00:05:47I thought I had it.
00:05:49I was confident.
00:05:50Cause I could do a few pull-ups, you know?
00:05:52But monkey bars is all your body weight on one hand.
00:05:56And you swinging.
00:05:58So you pulling Gs.
00:06:03I forgot about the G-force.
00:06:05I'm on the first bar.
00:06:07I initiated forward motion.
00:06:09And as the Gs started to increase, I felt the pain right here.
00:06:15My rotator cuff was like, you better let go, boy.
00:06:22Ooh, I'm about to rip off your torso.
00:06:29I was hurt emotionally, too.
00:06:31You know?
00:06:32Cause I wanted to show her a joyful skill that she could develop with practice and experience.
00:06:37Instead, I showed her how quickly the body can decay and betray you.
00:06:44It was also upsetting cause I've seen videos of terrorists training on monkey bars.
00:06:50I always thought that was so silly, but now I'm like, dang, they're pretty athletic.
00:06:56They might be a problem.
00:07:04I feel very grateful I get to perform in beautiful theaters like this.
00:07:09It's so nice.
00:07:10This is so nice.
00:07:14It's not always like this.
00:07:17One of the last shows I did in L.A. was inside an adult novelty store.
00:07:23I like doing that show cause they have free parking.
00:07:27Yeah, that's my kink.
00:07:32Afterwards, I did a little browsing and I came across an edible bra made out of hard candy.
00:07:38I was intrigued, but I was like, that's for young folks.
00:07:41I don't eat candy like that anymore.
00:07:45I'm down to have fun.
00:07:46We could play.
00:07:47I'll take a nibble, but let's save the rest for later.
00:07:51Come on.
00:07:52Don't expect me to eat a whole bra.
00:07:56I'm not gonna eat all that candy, girl.
00:07:59I'm gonna get a headache.
00:08:02Better have some underwear made out of Tylenol.
00:08:07You got something more suitable for a grown-up palette?
00:08:12I mean, how about instead of a whole brawl of candy, how about we just go with a couple of
00:08:16dark chocolate pasties?
00:08:20Bittersweet.
00:08:20At least 75% cacao.
00:08:25We could take it up to 85%.
00:08:27I'm not scared.
00:08:31I picked up the box for the bra.
00:08:34I flipped it over to read the nutritional data.
00:08:38How much protein does brawl got?
00:08:45I was surprised.
00:08:47It said eight grams of sugar.
00:08:49That's not too bad.
00:08:51If you're gonna give yourself a sweet treat, eight grams is quite reasonable.
00:08:56And then I looked further.
00:08:58It said 26 servings.
00:09:02Dang.
00:09:03One brawl, 26.
00:09:06Usually it's just two of us in the room.
00:09:11Hey, this recipe is designed for a group setting.
00:09:16That's a great brawl to wear to a potluck.
00:09:20Let me know when y'all ready for dessert.
00:09:23She got them warmed up.
00:09:27I can't do 26 servings by myself, though.
00:09:30No way.
00:09:31No way.
00:09:32My A1C is elevated.
00:09:35Yeah, I'm already pre-diabetic.
00:09:37I can't lose a foot to see a titty.
00:09:42My mom would be mad.
00:09:46She made that foot.
00:09:53I actually got to see my family recently in Houston.
00:09:56I got to revisit the house that I grew up in.
00:10:01It's interesting to go back at this age.
00:10:04Because you notice things you could not quite see as a child.
00:10:08Right?
00:10:08Like, I realize now the house that I grew up in has depressing lighting.
00:10:15It's so obvious now.
00:10:18But as a kid, I could never figure out what was wrong.
00:10:22As a kid, I was always like, but why is this sad?
00:10:29I was close to having a good childhood.
00:10:32We just needed some lamps.
00:10:37That's an easy fix.
00:10:38But first-generation immigrants don't really prioritize vibes.
00:10:46They think ambiance is Jay-Z's wife.
00:10:54Most of the rooms have one light.
00:10:56Just one light.
00:10:56Overhead.
00:10:57In the middle.
00:10:59Perfect for an interrogation.
00:11:03Very dramatic shadows.
00:11:05You walk in there, suddenly your eye bags are plump.
00:11:10My parents weren't unhappy.
00:11:12They just always looked like they about to tell you a ghost story.
00:11:21My cousin had it pretty bad because my uncle installed too many fluorescent lights in their place.
00:11:28That might be more energy efficient, but it's not a loving thing to do.
00:11:35It's not cozy.
00:11:37It's eerie.
00:11:37Fluorescent light is mostly sound.
00:11:42You hear it coming before you even get there.
00:11:45You already know, but I don't want to stay long tonight.
00:11:51It's got the buzz of a green-headed fly.
00:11:55Paired with the warmth of an autopsy table.
00:11:59Set the mood for a panic attack.
00:12:06I was raised in a house that had a no-shoe policy.
00:12:09Which means that when you get home, you stop at the entryway, you remove your shoes, and then you could
00:12:15proceed.
00:12:16But I have friends that didn't live like that.
00:12:19And when I got to visit their place, I was excited to try something so exotic.
00:12:26I remember one summer, all the neighborhood kids are gathering at Mark's place.
00:12:31Because he just got Street Fighter 2 on Super Nintendo.
00:12:35Yeah, it was a big deal at the time.
00:12:38But I was really looking forward to going from outside to inside, no stopping.
00:12:44Oh, I'm going straight through.
00:12:47I'm not going to just hover around the foyer.
00:12:49I'm going to go deep into that house.
00:12:52I'm going to go all the way to the living room.
00:12:55I'm going to see what carpet feels like with shoes on.
00:12:59Dang, I never walked through a home with so much grip.
00:13:05And you got the thermostat on the AC set below 80.
00:13:08Feel like y'all living in a hotel.
00:13:16The pinnacle is sometimes when you go to the bathroom.
00:13:19Because sometimes the bathroom is set up in such a way where you're like,
00:13:22Oh my gosh, am I expected to step on the bath mat with my shoes on?
00:13:28Ooh, that feels sacrilegious to me.
00:13:31It's the first thing your body touches after you step out of the shower.
00:13:35I could never do that at home.
00:13:37Now I kind of want to try it.
00:13:40But if I'm a good friend, I won't.
00:13:42If I care about you like myself, I'll straddle the bath mat.
00:13:46I'll go in there like this.
00:13:51That's love.
00:13:54You don't always see what I do for you.
00:13:58Love is not boastful.
00:14:06I try to maintain a no-shoe policy in my place, but it's not a hundred percent.
00:14:12Sometimes you have to bend.
00:14:13Every now and then you'll be in a rush.
00:14:15You got your shoes on.
00:14:16You already stepped outside.
00:14:17Then you realize you forgot your wallet.
00:14:20But you don't have time to do the whole thing again.
00:14:24So, it's about to be a special occasion.
00:14:28You're going in with your shoes on today.
00:14:31But you don't walk regularly.
00:14:35You go back in your place like the floor is lava.
00:14:38You're like...
00:14:49It looked crazy.
00:14:51But it's all backed by science.
00:14:55You know what you're doing.
00:14:57You take wide steps to minimize the points of contamination.
00:15:02You stay on the balls of your feet to minimize the surface area.
00:15:08And you're moving quickly because three-second rule.
00:15:13These are the games you play when you're an anxious person pretending you have control in your life.
00:15:25So many things in the world that are out of our control, you know?
00:15:29Like, every now and then when I'm on tour, I'll be at a hotel.
00:15:32I'll catch a mattress at the tail end of their lifespan.
00:15:36It happens.
00:15:38Usually, it's a little droopy.
00:15:40The other day, I had an old mattress that was memory foam.
00:15:44And it looked fine.
00:15:45You couldn't see anything wrong.
00:15:46But when you lay down, you felt something.
00:15:50It was the memory of somebody else.
00:15:54It was a vivid recollection.
00:15:59There was a unique emptiness created by a body that's not present, but clearly defined by the boundaries of their
00:16:08absence.
00:16:10And I'm all up in the contours of a larger man.
00:16:16We had different shapes.
00:16:18I'm not the key to that lock.
00:16:22I had edges where he had curves.
00:16:26It felt like I was laying on a tiny skate park.
00:16:36I don't know if y'all could tell by my aura, but I've been cooking with shallots.
00:16:44You see it.
00:16:48There's a glow.
00:16:50They're nice.
00:16:51Shallots are nice, man.
00:16:52I only recently discovered them.
00:16:54I was like, what's up, Onion?
00:16:55You didn't tell me you had a fine-ass cousin.
00:16:59Dang, where's she from?
00:17:01She smell different.
00:17:03They're similar.
00:17:05But you don't treat them the same.
00:17:08Onions you take for granted.
00:17:09You buy them by the sack, then you throw them in the dark for later.
00:17:14But when you bring home one shallot, oh, you got plans made.
00:17:20You about to follow a recipe tonight.
00:17:24You're going all out.
00:17:25You're going to bust out the mandolin slicing.
00:17:28Slip on that one Michael Jackson glove so you don't shave off your fingerprints.
00:17:37I've been exploring all kinds of aromatics, man.
00:17:40I just went through a big leak phase.
00:17:43Love leaks, but I'm regretful because I avoided them for a long time.
00:17:48Because when you see your first leak, it's intimidating.
00:17:52I was like, dang, that's a buff-ass green onion.
00:17:58What's that about?
00:18:00I'm trying to eat organic.
00:18:02That thing can't pass no drug test.
00:18:05It's too thick.
00:18:08Why'd they let it get like that?
00:18:11They forgot about it.
00:18:12They should have harvested like three years ago.
00:18:16At this point, leave it alone.
00:18:18It's about to be a tree.
00:18:26I love cooking.
00:18:27I love cooking.
00:18:28I love the whole process.
00:18:29I love the power of herbs and spices.
00:18:32It's truly magical to me, you know?
00:18:34One of my go-to spices is cumin.
00:18:38It's a good one.
00:18:39It's a good one.
00:18:40So many different cultures use the same spice all around the world.
00:18:44It's got this deep, savory profile.
00:18:47A little bit of funk.
00:18:48Just a hint of B.O.
00:18:52It's a festive spice.
00:18:53Very festive.
00:18:54Every time I smell that cumin, I'm like,
00:18:56ooh, it smells like somebody else in this kitchen right now.
00:19:01Hello?
00:19:05Smell like someone just finished some light yard work.
00:19:10Let me get you some water.
00:19:13Come on in here with that sexy musk.
00:19:22Sometimes after like a long streak of eating out,
00:19:26I try to redeem myself by making a healthy smoothie at home.
00:19:31But I always overdo it because I try to cram in everything I wish I would have ate earlier that
00:19:37week.
00:19:38It'd be like so many salads.
00:19:41All types of fruit.
00:19:42Walnuts, mushroom powder, flax seeds, turmeric, black pepper.
00:19:46My smoothie come out dark gray.
00:19:51It's viscous.
00:19:54It looked like wet concrete.
00:19:58It sucks.
00:20:00But it will not move through a straw.
00:20:04You gotta drink my smoothie with a knife and fork.
00:20:10It's too thick.
00:20:11You're supposed to add liquid to get the right consistency.
00:20:14Well, great.
00:20:15Now I got two gallons of smoothie.
00:20:19I gotta get my girl involved.
00:20:21I'm like, babe, I made you a snack too.
00:20:23I'm sorry.
00:20:28I have no formal culinary training.
00:20:32A lot of just learning on the job, improvising in the moment.
00:20:35I never make the same meal twice because I don't know how it happened that first time.
00:20:41If my girl likes the food, I'm like, enjoy it because that's never coming back.
00:20:47We got blessed tonight.
00:20:52I do most of the cooking, but every now and then my girl, she'll buy a special kitchen tool that
00:20:58we don't really use.
00:20:59But it will take up some storage space.
00:21:04She came home with a real chunky garlic press.
00:21:08Created a lot of traffic jams in the kitchen drawer.
00:21:10You know how when you go to open the drawer, your other hand gotta go in and calm everybody down?
00:21:16Like, hey.
00:21:22Relax.
00:21:24Hey, chill, chill.
00:21:26Lay down.
00:21:26It's just me.
00:21:27Lay down.
00:21:29Why you so rowdy?
00:21:32You got everybody all worked up in there.
00:21:34You got the tongs and the tizzy.
00:21:38And your knuckle get all scraped up because they don't paint the wood on that side.
00:21:49One time my girl came home with a spiralizer to make zucchini noodles that nobody's excited about.
00:21:58It's sad, you know?
00:22:00Because when you first see it work, you're excited.
00:22:04You're like, ooh, that dude look like a noodle.
00:22:08It do.
00:22:10And in your heart, you want to believe.
00:22:12You're like, maybe.
00:22:15Maybe it is a noodle.
00:22:18But when you sit down to eat, you know that's a vegetable string.
00:22:23Wake up, fool.
00:22:26I can't watch a sci-fi thriller and eat zoodles.
00:22:31Because I can only suspend so much disbelief.
00:22:37I can believe the evil robots from the future time travel here to destroy us, or I could pretend that's
00:22:44spaghetti.
00:22:50One time my girl came home with this interesting Japanese onion slicer.
00:22:54It's got this one handle on top of which there's like eight blades.
00:22:58One stroke, eight cuts.
00:22:59I never used it.
00:23:01About a year ago, I'm cleaning it out.
00:23:03I pulled it up.
00:23:04I forgot what it was.
00:23:05There was a cap on top.
00:23:07I misplaced my hand.
00:23:08When I opened it, I ran my finger over all eight blades.
00:23:13And then, I threw it away.
00:23:19That's the only time we ever used it.
00:23:23It sat brand new in the drawer for years, just waiting to strike.
00:23:29And it got me good.
00:23:31I was impressed.
00:23:31It was the most evenly spaced injury I have ever suffered.
00:23:36The doctor said my cuts were restaurant quality.
00:23:45Currently, I'm back on the market for a new toaster oven.
00:23:49Is that time again?
00:23:51We got a basic brand.
00:23:53It's not bad.
00:23:54We've had it for 10 years.
00:23:55It still works, but now it also works when nobody's home.
00:24:00It's getting too good.
00:24:03So, we're looking at some options.
00:24:05And I'm not for sure, but I'm at a point in my life where, like, I might be able to
00:24:10afford a Breville toaster.
00:24:13Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.
00:24:15I got to run the numbers again.
00:24:19It's so expensive, but it's very pretty.
00:24:22And my friends really like theirs.
00:24:23So, I'm excited.
00:24:24But then it did occur to me, like, if it really is that great, I guess there's a chance this
00:24:30could be my last toaster.
00:24:34Dang, that's heavy.
00:24:36I'm not ready for all that.
00:24:38I'm just trying to make my dino nuggets crispy.
00:24:42Now you got me contemplating my mortality.
00:24:47Now I'm wondering, to whom shall I bequeath this heirloom?
00:24:53Which niece or nephew got the charisma to tell my story on the Antique Road Show?
00:25:08To this day, to this day, I still have some frugal habits from my childhood that I can't quite shake.
00:25:15Like, it's still hard for me to use a whole paper towel.
00:25:21You know what I mean?
00:25:22I want to rip it in two.
00:25:23I give the other half to my boo.
00:25:26Or I leave it on the roll, and then I wind it back to make it look nice.
00:25:33If I'm at a restaurant, they hand out a wet towelette, usually I don't use it right away.
00:25:38I'm like, hey, let me put that in my pocket.
00:25:42I want to save it for later.
00:25:44It's too special for now.
00:25:46It's wet.
00:25:47It's individually wrapped.
00:25:49So it feels like a commitment.
00:25:50When you choose to deploy it, you got one shot.
00:25:54Make it count.
00:25:56So you just keep it on you.
00:25:58You're ready.
00:25:59And you move through life.
00:26:01And every now and then a situation will come up, and you'll be like,
00:26:05Is it time?
00:26:09Nah, not yet.
00:26:11Not yet. This ain't that bad.
00:26:13I got some napkins.
00:26:14I got condensation on my ice water.
00:26:16I just go like that.
00:26:19I'm good. I'm good.
00:26:20I can't waste a whole towelette on this.
00:26:24So you wait.
00:26:26You continue to wait.
00:26:27And finally one day you find a moment that's worthy.
00:26:29You excited to get your satisfaction.
00:26:32You open the wrapper to find all the liquid is gone.
00:26:36Now you're trying to clean your barbecue fingers with what's basically a used dryer sheet.
00:26:50Technically, I'm a full-blown adult, but I feel like I got a little ways to go to become a
00:26:56real grown-up.
00:26:57I'm trying to push myself, you know, in small steps.
00:27:01Like sometimes after I watch a scary movie, I'll walk into a dark room in my apartment, but I won't
00:27:08even turn on the lights.
00:27:09I just try to be brave.
00:27:14That means you keep your natural pace.
00:27:16When you get in there, don't start moving faster.
00:27:20That's your house.
00:27:23Act like it then.
00:27:26When you start to scurry, you let the ghosts know they got you shook.
00:27:33Don't give them the satisfaction.
00:27:37Be cool.
00:27:38I go in there.
00:27:39I'm cool.
00:27:39I try to handle my business.
00:27:41I do what I got to do.
00:27:42I turn around.
00:27:43I start to leave.
00:27:46Real cool.
00:27:47Oh, I'm getting close.
00:27:49I see the hallway light.
00:27:51The last three steps, I run.
00:27:55Right up to the door frame, and then I leap into the light.
00:27:59But when you're airborne, don't overextend that back leg.
00:28:03That's how you get grabbed and dragged to your demise.
00:28:07You know better.
00:28:09You got to run.
00:28:10Leap.
00:28:11Tuck.
00:28:13And then you make a cowardly sound like...
00:28:22If you don't know, that's Taiwanese for yikes.
00:28:36Sometimes I try to be brave when I take a shower.
00:28:39Like, I don't wait for the water to get warm.
00:28:41I don't even test it.
00:28:43I just walk right up in there like a warrior.
00:28:49Whoo, it's hard.
00:28:51It's hard.
00:28:52If you want to be real crazy, don't even turn on the water.
00:28:56Try this tonight.
00:28:58Go home.
00:28:59Take your clothes off.
00:29:00Get naked.
00:29:01Step inside a quiet, dry shower.
00:29:06Feel that tension.
00:29:09It's different.
00:29:10It's not neutral.
00:29:13Look at all the nozzles on your shower head.
00:29:16And then with your own hand, blast yourself.
00:29:24Don't flinch.
00:29:26Don't block.
00:29:30Just be brave.
00:29:31When the ghosts see you do that,
00:29:35they get scared.
00:29:37The haunter becomes the haunted.
00:29:43They're like, this dude crazy.
00:29:45I can't stay here.
00:29:48And they leave.
00:29:50And when you feel that spirit start to dissipate,
00:29:53you go, boo.
00:30:03Trying to celebrate the small wins in my life, man.
00:30:07I recently hit a new milestone.
00:30:09I just started buying my toothbrushes in bulk.
00:30:14That's new to me, man.
00:30:15Most of my life, I live toothbrush to toothbrush.
00:30:19No backup.
00:30:20I'm out there just buying loosies.
00:30:25I had one.
00:30:26And I would use that one
00:30:28until no two bristles were parallel.
00:30:32And then I would continue to use that one
00:30:35because I would convince myself
00:30:37it's probably more effective now
00:30:39that I made it all wooly like that.
00:30:43They're getting stronger.
00:30:45Soon I'll promote it to kitchen duty.
00:30:52It's a sense of security.
00:30:54It feels good to know that when I go home tonight,
00:30:58if I want a fresh one, I got it.
00:31:01I got it.
00:31:01If you come over, I got you.
00:31:03No problem.
00:31:04You could bring up to four friends.
00:31:08And the best part about the multi-pack,
00:31:11you get to pick a color.
00:31:14That's the opportunity.
00:31:15Take your time.
00:31:16Be intentional.
00:31:17Check in with yourself.
00:31:18What color brings the energy that you need right now?
00:31:22The blue one.
00:31:23Oh, that's soothing.
00:31:24That's an ocean of serenity.
00:31:27The red one.
00:31:28Oh, yeah, that's fun.
00:31:29But it's a little bit spicy.
00:31:32The purple one is powerful.
00:31:35I only pick the purple one
00:31:37when I want to change the narrative.
00:31:42Sometimes you're not living your best life.
00:31:44You might have made a series of self-destructive decisions.
00:31:47Now you need to adjust your behavior
00:31:49according to your core values.
00:31:52Well, come on then, purple toothbrush.
00:31:56Let's ride.
00:31:58We got plaque and demons to vanquish.
00:32:06I want to be a better person, obviously.
00:32:09You know, I'm trying.
00:32:10I have the desire to learn.
00:32:12I just don't always have the follow-through.
00:32:16That's why I got so many tabs open on my computer.
00:32:21There's so many resources on the internet
00:32:24I feel like I could benefit from.
00:32:26Yeah.
00:32:27Yeah, but like, not today.
00:32:32Later.
00:32:35Hey, but send me that link, though.
00:32:41I want that link.
00:32:42I open up a tab.
00:32:43I got a system.
00:32:45The more tabs you collect, the smaller they get.
00:32:50It starts out like that, then it becomes,
00:32:53uh-oh, no more information.
00:32:57You don't know what this represents,
00:32:58but there's a whole bunch of them.
00:33:02And there's shame there, right?
00:33:03Because if you have a work meeting,
00:33:05you got to share your screen.
00:33:06You don't share that screen.
00:33:09Uh-uh, you open up a new window,
00:33:11you act like, everything's okay, boss.
00:33:15I'm good.
00:33:15I'm here for the shareholders.
00:33:21Every few months, your browser wants to update.
00:33:24You're like, hold up.
00:33:25What about my collection?
00:33:29Your browser's like, don't trip.
00:33:30We got you.
00:33:31We're gonna reopen all the tabs.
00:33:35It's a lot, though.
00:33:36You should be using bookmarks.
00:33:40Every few years, your computer will crash completely.
00:33:44All the tabs disappear forever.
00:33:47The sense of loss devastates you.
00:33:51But then you're like, finally, I'm free.
00:33:56Thank you for doing what I could not do for myself.
00:34:05Yeah, I just don't know about all this technology.
00:34:08I'm not sure it's really making our lives better.
00:34:11I know it's making some parts of life weird.
00:34:15You know?
00:34:15Like, I recently lost my headphones.
00:34:18I left them somewhere outside of Atlantic City.
00:34:20I'm not gonna get them back.
00:34:22But with the power of tech, I can still check in on them.
00:34:28If I want to, I can see where they are right now.
00:34:33That's not healthy.
00:34:36I know where they live.
00:34:38I know where they work.
00:34:39I know they be getting charged on the regular.
00:34:43They moved on.
00:34:45They doing their thing.
00:34:47I'm messed up.
00:34:47There's an option to forget this device.
00:34:50But...
00:34:51I don't wanna forget.
00:34:54I don't wanna let go.
00:34:56I already lost you once, girl.
00:34:59I can't believe you're just gonna pair up with anybody.
00:35:08I try not to get caught up with things, with consumerism, material stuff.
00:35:12But I also try to take care of what I do have.
00:35:15Like, I bought these glasses.
00:35:16So, you know, I put on contacts if I have to do something physical, like when I go to play
00:35:21basketball or if I go to a strip club.
00:35:26You know, cause if you wear glasses to a strip club and if you sit near the stage, there's a
00:35:31pretty good chance the dancer's gonna take your glasses off your face.
00:35:35It's happened to me more than twice.
00:35:40And if you wanna play the sexy librarian, go for it. I will support you. But bring your own props.
00:35:50This is not a toy. This is a medical device.
00:35:55Normally, I only let the opticians handle them. But since you're not wearing clothes, I'm gonna let it slide tonight.
00:36:05They take your glasses, they put them on, they wear it low on the nose, and they shoot you these
00:36:10sultry looks.
00:36:12It's supposed to be a sexy moment, but it's not, cause I'm squinting back at her.
00:36:23I think she got four nipples.
00:36:30And then she changes tactics. She takes the glasses off and she gives the glasses a close-up tour of
00:36:36her body.
00:36:38I'm like, wow, that looks like a lot of fun for the glasses.
00:36:44But I can't see what the glasses see.
00:36:47It's not Bluetooth connected to my occipital lobe.
00:36:57Finally, I get them back. I get my glasses back. And of course, my lenses are all smudged up.
00:37:02I got booby prints on my lenses.
00:37:05It's a personal touch, but I don't get turned on from forensics.
00:37:11I didn't bring my lens cloth. Now I gotta watch the whole show in low res.
00:37:23I had to take a break from touring. I had to go back home to LA to do a little
00:37:29jury duty.
00:37:31Yeah, I wasn't trying to get selective. I got drafted in the first round number one pick, baby.
00:37:38I was all proud of myself. And then I was worried. I was like, if I'm the first pick, this
00:37:42team's not gonna make the playoff.
00:37:46We did the whole selection process. It was a done deal.
00:37:50Last minute, jury number three raised his hand. He's trying to get out.
00:37:53He said, Your Honor, I've been applying for jobs. I might have an interview next week.
00:37:58The judge, she took one look at him, and then she decided he was gonna remain on the jury.
00:38:04Cause the judge gonna judge.
00:38:07And based on what she saw, she was like, You're not gonna get no job.
00:38:12She deemed him unemployable.
00:38:15And then she made him my coworker.
00:38:20So it made me question the system, you know?
00:38:22Cause on paper, jury duty is a noble idea. But in reality, it feels so casual.
00:38:28Right? The government's just like, Well...
00:38:31Are you free?
00:38:34Come downtown. We have a situation and a field in which you have no background experience.
00:38:41You have no insight or interest.
00:38:44But we're gonna have two very biased parties present completely opposite arguments
00:38:48to prove that they are right.
00:38:51And then you tell us the truth for real.
00:38:56You got this.
00:39:03It's a...
00:39:05It's a lot of pressure.
00:39:07You know? Court is kinda sacred.
00:39:09Potentially where you can right the wrongs of the past.
00:39:13And people are dressed for that.
00:39:14The judge is wearing a robe.
00:39:15The lawyers are wearing tailored suits.
00:39:18It's a pretty formal affair.
00:39:20Except for the jury.
00:39:22The jury.
00:39:24We look like we have nothing invested in the outcome.
00:39:28We're dressed like we've been inconvenienced
00:39:31and we would like the court to know this was not an ideal time.
00:39:40We did not do a good job.
00:39:44It was three weeks of trial.
00:39:46And yet nobody took notes.
00:39:50No notes.
00:39:51Everybody was like, I'll probably remember that.
00:39:56By the time it came to deliberation, we had nothing.
00:39:59We just going off energy.
00:40:03We're like, I don't know.
00:40:05Uh...
00:40:07Guilty?
00:40:11It sounds terrible, but relax.
00:40:13No one's life was on the line.
00:40:15It was a civil case.
00:40:16It was a U.S. corporation suing a Canadian corporation.
00:40:20So we just went with home team.
00:40:24Just give the fans what they want.
00:40:26Let's go.
00:40:28It was a very short discussion.
00:40:30We got together at 9 a.m.
00:40:32By 9-10, we were done.
00:40:36The thing is, during the trial, you on your own for lunch.
00:40:40But we found out during deliberation,
00:40:42if you work till noon, lunch is on the court.
00:40:46So as a jury, we all agreed unanimously.
00:40:49We're like, hey, don't turn in the answer yet.
00:40:54Chill, chill.
00:40:55We'll deliver justice when they deliver turkey sandwiches.
00:41:00Quid pro sando.
00:41:03We withheld the verdict for three extra hours.
00:41:07For some free food.
00:41:10And the sandwiches were mediocre.
00:41:15Ew.
00:41:16Not worth the weight.
00:41:17Not even worth the calories.
00:41:20As a jury, we demonstrated poor judgment till the very end.
00:41:27We got what we deserved.
00:41:29The system works, y'all.
00:41:38As I get older, I find myself pivoting to nature, man.
00:41:43That's kind of where I go to get my peace and my joy these days.
00:41:46Even the partying that I'm doing is getting very outdoorsy.
00:41:50You know, I went to two bachelor parties like this.
00:41:53The first party was for my friend Louie.
00:41:56We went to Costa Rica.
00:41:57It's very tropical.
00:42:00Lot of water activities.
00:42:02We were wet often.
00:42:0515 dudes in their 40s
00:42:08wearing ill-fitting board shorts.
00:42:14I saw all my homies butt cracks.
00:42:19That's not my choice.
00:42:23You know, when you suspect there's butt crack in your periphery,
00:42:28it's almost impossible to just move forward with your life.
00:42:33You're compelled to confirm.
00:42:35You're like, hold up one second.
00:42:41I didn't want to do that.
00:42:45Because butt crack is magnetic.
00:42:49Butt crack acts like a pseudo-cleavage.
00:42:53It calls for attention through the power of mimicry.
00:42:59Your eyes are naturally drawn to that burgeoning shadow.
00:43:04What's this mystery that my mind would like to solve?
00:43:08That's not your choice.
00:43:10That's instincts.
00:43:11That's dopamine or something.
00:43:14It's very powerful.
00:43:16It's the same principle they use.
00:43:18When they design a botanical garden,
00:43:21they always make the path windy
00:43:24to keep you curious.
00:43:26But what's beyond that curve?
00:43:30Oh, I kind of want to know.
00:43:33Sometimes you follow the bend,
00:43:35and it leads you down through a beautiful patch of begonias.
00:43:39Other times, it's your boy's booty.
00:43:44Oh, I'm not supposed to be in that garden.
00:43:48That's a staff-only area.
00:43:57The other bachelor party I went to was actually a backpacking trip.
00:44:02Not like hostels, but into the wild.
00:44:05Anybody ever done some backpacking like that?
00:44:08A small handful.
00:44:10Yeah, that's the right amount.
00:44:13That is the correct amount,
00:44:15because we don't have to live like that anymore.
00:44:21It's a crazy choice.
00:44:24You know, it's intense.
00:44:26It's not the same as camping.
00:44:27I've done a lot of camping, and that's chill.
00:44:29Camping, you just drive to the campsite.
00:44:33You camp.
00:44:35Backpacking, you drive to what is not the campsite.
00:44:40You pull over on a highway.
00:44:42You unload everything.
00:44:43You put it on your back.
00:44:44You say, thank you, car.
00:44:46I'ma take it from here.
00:44:49For the next 26 miles, I'ma pretend I'm a car.
00:44:55I'm off-road.
00:44:57I'ma Subaru.
00:45:04I've never even worn one of those packs.
00:45:08You know?
00:45:08I've never owned one.
00:45:09I've never worn one.
00:45:10They're so big.
00:45:12Even as a kid, I never liked how they look.
00:45:14I always felt like the ratio was off.
00:45:16It's too much bag to human.
00:45:19Like, I'm a basic Jansport kind of kid.
00:45:21You know?
00:45:21Like, for me, a backpack should go from here to here.
00:45:25I don't like how those packs get so big,
00:45:28they start to come up over your head.
00:45:32I'm like, hey!
00:45:35Hey, what you doing?
00:45:36You a backpack, right?
00:45:39Well, get back.
00:45:47My friend planned this trip for a bachelor party.
00:45:50That's not traditional.
00:45:52And, you know, I knew he was a spiritual guy,
00:45:54so when he told me he wanted to do something different,
00:45:56I was like, okay, cool.
00:45:57So, no heavy drinking, no strippers?
00:45:59He's like, yeah, but also, no shelter, no electricity.
00:46:05That's like saying, hey, let's party,
00:46:07but let's also abstain from fun and comfort.
00:46:14Nobody else came.
00:46:16The bachelor party was me and him.
00:46:21Two dudes alone in the wild for four days,
00:46:25giving each other nightly full-body tick checks.
00:46:30Uh-oh, it got romantic by accident.
00:46:36But the question is, would more boys make the party less gay?
00:46:44I don't know.
00:46:45I don't think we have the math to solve that equation.
00:46:55We did this trail off the coast of Northern California,
00:47:00and it was beautiful.
00:47:02You know, multiple times on the journey,
00:47:04I found myself on a bluff overlooking the ocean.
00:47:09Overwhelmed by the beauty, I would say to my friend,
00:47:11thank you for planning everything.
00:47:14This feels like a once-in-a-lifetime thing,
00:47:17because I'll probably never do it again.
00:47:21And then he'd be like, grateful you could be here,
00:47:23otherwise I'd be by myself.
00:47:25And the two of us would just stand there quietly,
00:47:28trying to take in all the majesty.
00:47:32And then I would think to myself,
00:47:34I could kill this guy right now.
00:47:38I don't want to, but if I did, this is the best time.
00:47:47I don't want to hurt anybody, but I love opportunity.
00:47:55Something about being in nature, it makes you feel so calm,
00:47:58so connected with the universe.
00:48:00It makes you ponder these profound questions like,
00:48:03am I a murderer?
00:48:13Four days in the wild was enough to really shift my perspective,
00:48:18really change my outlook.
00:48:19When I came back to regular life,
00:48:21I could not believe how good we have it.
00:48:26The basics.
00:48:28A trash can.
00:48:30Go four days, no trash can.
00:48:33Then you realize that's a magical receptacle.
00:48:36You put whatever you want in there,
00:48:38whatever you want.
00:48:40That's no longer your responsibility.
00:48:43Nah, that's society's problem.
00:48:47You ain't got to worry about that.
00:48:48Your granddaughter will figure it out.
00:48:54I felt like a toddler.
00:48:56I could not wait to go poo-poo in the toilet.
00:49:00What a treat, the toilet.
00:49:03We were out there for four days just digging holes.
00:49:08Real quick pro tip.
00:49:10If you ever go backpacking,
00:49:12dig your hole the night before.
00:49:18Have a little foresight.
00:49:20Do it after dinner,
00:49:22after y'all already put one in the chamber.
00:49:27You don't want to dig a hole in the moment.
00:49:33You don't want to dig a hole under duress.
00:49:40It ain't gonna be nice.
00:49:43I woke up on day two.
00:49:45Bit of an emergency.
00:49:47I had to go.
00:49:48I grabbed a shovel.
00:49:49I ran out there.
00:49:50I couldn't think straight.
00:49:51I made some wrong turns.
00:49:52I ended up on a big patch of hard baked earth.
00:49:57I couldn't break ground.
00:50:00I was getting desperate.
00:50:02I was like, I might have to just take care of business
00:50:04and then bury the body later.
00:50:07Kinda makes sense.
00:50:09Now you know how big that body is.
00:50:13When you dig in ahead of time, you gotta guesstimate.
00:50:16You gotta ask yourself,
00:50:17are your eyes bigger than your butt?
00:50:24What?
00:50:25My first hole?
00:50:28Not enough hole.
00:50:32I tried to bury it at the end.
00:50:34It became a little hill.
00:50:38They say leave no trace.
00:50:39I altered the topography.
00:50:43Now they gotta update that squiggly map.
00:50:53It was a very memorable trip.
00:50:56We saw a lot of beautiful wildlife.
00:50:58One of the most spectacular things we witnessed
00:50:59was a full grown black bear.
00:51:03When we came up on it,
00:51:05it was bounding straight up.
00:51:07A real steep incline.
00:51:08When I saw that power combined with that speed,
00:51:12it crushed me.
00:51:14Because I had a plan.
00:51:15I told myself,
00:51:16if I had to outrun a bear,
00:51:19I'ma fake left,
00:51:20then I'ma go right.
00:51:23Then I saw the bear go uphill hella fast.
00:51:25I said, that's not realistic though.
00:51:29I'ma fake left,
00:51:30and then I'ma be dead for real.
00:51:34If I got attacked by a bear,
00:51:36I'ma have to just be present.
00:51:40Right?
00:51:40You gotta learn to accept the things you cannot change.
00:51:44Breathe in,
00:51:45breathe out.
00:51:46What's happening right now?
00:51:47Man, I'm delicious.
00:51:50I'm getting mauled up.
00:51:52I'm too yummy to be in the forest.
00:51:56Oh, I see you struggling with the thymine.
00:51:58Yeah, my quads are tight from the height, bear.
00:52:03Sorry.
00:52:03You should've caught me last week at the crib.
00:52:05I was tender then.
00:52:11On day one, we hiked eight miles.
00:52:15We're pretty deep into bear country.
00:52:18There's no more cell reception.
00:52:20By nightfall, it's so dark,
00:52:21you can't see your own hand.
00:52:23And I remember we crawled into the tent.
00:52:26And I zipped it up.
00:52:28I said, zip.
00:52:33I guess that means we're safe now.
00:52:40It's okay if we both just go unconscious for eight hours.
00:52:47Because we're inside.
00:52:50This is inside.
00:52:51By now, I went like that all the way to the top.
00:52:55Basically transformed the windbreaker into a forest field.
00:53:00If we can't see them, how they gonna know we in here?
00:53:06All right now, bears.
00:53:07Go to bed.
00:53:08You heard the zipper.
00:53:09It's bedtime.
00:53:10Good night.
00:53:15I felt more in danger
00:53:16because my sleeping bag was right by the door.
00:53:20But then I was like,
00:53:21the bear's probably not gonna use the proper entryway.
00:53:26It's gonna bust in here like the Kool-Aid man.
00:53:31It would be more unnerving if the bear did use the zipper.
00:53:50That part's so scary.
00:53:52Every time I do that, I give myself goosebumps.
00:53:58We, uh...
00:54:02We have a little bit of show left,
00:54:04but I wanna take a quick moment to say thank you for being here.
00:54:08Thank you for coming out.
00:54:17Um...
00:54:21I, uh...
00:54:21Yeah, man.
00:54:22Thank you guys for being here.
00:54:23I take none of this for granted.
00:54:25Like, I've been doing stand-up comedy for 23 years,
00:54:27and this is my first major tour,
00:54:29and we doing sold-out theaters.
00:54:34That's crazy.
00:54:37It's a real dream, you know?
00:54:39But to be honest, you know,
00:54:40my goal from the very beginning,
00:54:42I just wanted to work on the craft.
00:54:43I wanted to get better and get better,
00:54:46and maybe eventually find my people.
00:54:48But I never really considered what that meant.
00:54:50Because I realize now,
00:54:51every comedian brings a different demographic of fans to these shows.
00:54:55And I'm learning about who y'all are.
00:54:58Because whenever I get a chance to talk to people
00:55:00who work at these shows, like the Ushers,
00:55:02they always tell me they like my audience.
00:55:05Because y'all generally like to have a good time,
00:55:07but you don't overdo it.
00:55:11Very few people get kicked out of my shows.
00:55:13Even in Philadelphia, it was quite peaceful.
00:55:18It was chill.
00:55:21Because you guys are kind, you respect yourselves,
00:55:24you respect others,
00:55:25and you just wanna go to bed early.
00:55:30I see you.
00:55:31I mean, in a way, I'm proud of you.
00:55:35I know you gotta wind down routine
00:55:37that you cannot wait to initiate.
00:55:41There's so much to do.
00:55:42You gotta brew a chamomile tea,
00:55:44you gotta take a hot shower,
00:55:46you gotta do your skin care routine,
00:55:47you got your lymphatic drainage massage,
00:55:50you gotta meditate,
00:55:51you gotta read that book you've been trying to finish
00:55:53for 13 months.
00:55:54It's a lot.
00:55:58So I'm grateful that y'all are the fans,
00:56:01because it's always such a kind, loving, wholesome vibe.
00:56:04I wanna reciprocate your support and your goodwill
00:56:07with a little bit of transparency.
00:56:11I believe I owe this to you.
00:56:12I just wanna come clean.
00:56:14I got a fake tooth.
00:56:19It's here in the middle, in the front,
00:56:21so you have been deceived for 56 minutes now.
00:56:27This is a crown.
00:56:28Everything else is real,
00:56:29except for this crown right here.
00:56:30If you're a dentist, it's number eight.
00:56:34I broke that tooth a number of years ago.
00:56:37It was a different time in my life.
00:56:38I was living in New York,
00:56:39not making the best choices.
00:56:41Obviously, before I activated my purple toothbrush.
00:56:48It's traumatic.
00:56:49Your first set of teeth, that's for fun.
00:56:51Your second set, that's for real.
00:56:54It's not coming back.
00:56:56I was so ashamed.
00:56:58I was so desperate.
00:56:59I went to my dentist.
00:57:00I said, please, I need you to control Z
00:57:02what I did to myself.
00:57:05She was very reassuring.
00:57:07She said, no problem.
00:57:08We're gonna put a crown on that.
00:57:09I didn't know what that meant.
00:57:11I said, do what you gotta do.
00:57:12Let's go.
00:57:13When they put a crown on a broken tooth,
00:57:16they first whittled down what's left of the tooth
00:57:20into a tiny, bloody stump.
00:57:26Most dentists don't want you to see, think,
00:57:28or know about that thing.
00:57:31My dentist decided she wanted to show me her work.
00:57:36At one point during the process,
00:57:38she swung a mirror down to my face.
00:57:41I didn't know what was going on.
00:57:43I thought we were done.
00:57:46I thought it's like when the barber shows you
00:57:48the back of your head.
00:57:50I'm about to get your tip ready.
00:57:56I took a quick glance.
00:58:00Horror.
00:58:04I did not react because I didn't want to give it power.
00:58:09I went dead in the face.
00:58:12I looked away.
00:58:14I said, don't ever do that again.
00:58:17I said, I don't know why I gotta tell you this right now,
00:58:21but I came here for more tooth.
00:58:25I wanted increased tooth.
00:58:30You've been going the wrong way the whole time.
00:58:37What I saw continues to haunt me.
00:58:42In the mirror, I see this, but in my mind, I know the truth.
00:58:48So I am motivated to protect that crown.
00:58:52I don't use that thing.
00:58:54That's not for biting or tearing.
00:58:56It's purely decorative.
00:58:59Because I know if that crown ever fell out,
00:59:01there is a petite goblin inside.
00:59:05Lurking.
00:59:08It's with me always.
00:59:14And if you look closely, you could tell this crown,
00:59:18it's slightly bigger and wider than the counterparts.
00:59:22Because when you go through that process,
00:59:24they let you pick a color.
00:59:25You choose a hue.
00:59:28Somewhere between off-white and off-fur-white.
00:59:32And you can go lighter or darker,
00:59:34depending on where you feel like your life is headed.
00:59:39You still got ambition,
00:59:41or you're ready to just coast it out now.
00:59:46You decide.
00:59:47But if you're gonna go for it,
00:59:48you gotta be honest with yourself.
00:59:50How white are the other teeth ever gonna get?
00:59:55And how many years are you down to have one bright-ass tooth?
01:00:01I'm Shane Wayne.
01:00:02Thank you, DC.
01:00:07Take care of yourselves.
01:00:10Love each other. Support each other.
01:00:13I'll see you next time.
01:00:20Bye.
01:00:21Bye.
01:00:52Bye.
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