- 25 minutes ago
Have I Got News for You - Season 71 Episode 1 -
Roy Wood Jr, Armando Iannucci, Anushka Asthana
Roy Wood Jr, Armando Iannucci, Anushka Asthana
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00:35Good evening.
00:38Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:40I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:41I'm from the United States, and I'm sorry.
00:45In the news this week, in Kent, Reform's local council makes good on its promise to provide
00:50brand new leisure facilities.
00:57As the battle continues between man and machine, there's worrying evidence that humans should
01:04not get complacent.
01:14And while doing a bit of spring gardening, Prince William can't help but think about
01:19his Uncle Andrew's testicles.
01:29On Ian's team tonight, a journalist for Channel 4 News who recently wrote a book about Keir
01:34Starmer.
01:34Now, Starmer hasn't had time to read the book yet, but after the elections in May, he may
01:39have all the time in the world.
01:40Please welcome Anoushka Astara.
01:47On Paul's team tonight is a writer and satirist whose father came to Scotland in the late
01:5340s and ran a pizza factory in Glasgow, or as the locals call it, a health food store.
01:59Please welcome Armando Anucci.
02:06As always, we begin with the bigger stories of the week.
02:09Ian and Anoushka, what is the story?
02:12That's an address to the nation.
02:15Right, that's a 10-gallon hat.
02:16No-one can afford that anymore.
02:19That's the secretary for war.
02:21Secretary for pumping iron.
02:23Keir Starmer on TikTok.
02:24Yes, I've seen that.
02:27This is the war in Iran.
02:29What did President Trump not foresee when he decided to take on Iran?
02:35Now, bear in mind, we only have half an hour.
02:38He didn't actually foresee anything.
02:40No.
02:41He didn't even foresee the end of the sentence that he was making.
02:45He literally thought that the way to stop wars is to start them.
02:49And historically, that hasn't proved to be true.
02:52No.
02:53Now, before we go any further, I think it's important to note right now that Donald Trump
02:57is currently suing the BBC for $5 billion, so our official opinion about the war is that
03:04it's going tickety-boo.
03:05Everything is great.
03:07Everything is great.
03:08That man is a genius.
03:09And he's also a malignant narcissist, isn't he?
03:12Yeah.
03:13I love your idea that this program has a view.
03:18I don't know about y'all's view.
03:20I'm telling you my view.
03:21Because you know my American version of this show is named in that BBC lawsuit,
03:24so that's why I'm actually over here, to straighten that shit out.
03:28Trying to get my name out the paperwork, baby.
03:30I'm like, my president is doing a good job with the war.
03:38He literally has claimed in this state of the nation that all of America's war aims
03:43have been fulfilled, which is impossible, because they didn't have any.
03:47Yeah.
03:48And he said he didn't start it, they started it, and what he did was pre-start it
03:51because he knew they were going to start it.
03:55So he wants to get in early.
03:56And he is having negotiations with people who aren't imaginary.
04:00No.
04:00That's true.
04:02I'd like to make that clear, just in case the libel suit continues.
04:05He's not a fantasist who imagines that the voices in his head
04:09are the opposition negotiating.
04:11That's not his modus operandi.
04:13No, because he's a malignant narcissist.
04:17When you said he's negotiating with himself...
04:20Yes.
04:21And even if he's negotiating...
04:22He's the only person I know who negotiates with himself
04:24and comes out with a worse deal.
04:27LAUGHTER
04:29Anushka, you are the Washington correspondent for Channel 4.
04:33Correct.
04:33Which means you carry a special burden of having to make sense of...
04:38LAUGHTER
04:39I'm a Trump watcher.
04:40I spend hours every day watching him.
04:43What is that like?
04:44Well, it costs a lot in therapy.
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48According to CNN, the Pentagon significantly underestimated Iran's willingness
04:53to close the Strait of Hormuz, which is a vital shipping route
04:57for Gulf countries and global trade.
04:59And here's a bloke called Chris Walker posting on X,
05:03saying,
05:03I'm just some guy on his couch in Canada.
05:06LAUGHTER
05:07I feel good for the rest of the world is this.
05:09Yeah.
05:11APPLAUSE
05:13But let's hear from the president himself
05:16about how effective the war has been going.
05:18I can say tonight that we are on track
05:21to complete all of America's military objectives shortly,
05:25very shortly.
05:26We're going to hit them extremely hard
05:29over the next two to three weeks.
05:31We're going to bring them back
05:33to the Stone Ages where they belong.
05:41It's as though he's welking them home to the American Stone Age.
05:46What goal is Donald Trump claiming to have achieved?
05:50Well, a victory.
05:51A regime change.
05:52Because it's new people.
05:53You've got someone completely different
05:55who's called Ayatollah Khomeini.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:57Who's the son of the man you killed.
06:00It's a good tactic to replace someone
06:02who you've murdered with their children,
06:04because, on the whole, they like you for that.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:06They tend to be more sort of soft and reformist.
06:10Bit live them, this iron dollar.
06:13According to Donald Trump, there's been a regime change
06:16because the person at the head of the regime has changed.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:22I wonder what that's like.
06:25That must be nice, though, just to have a regime change there.
06:28Mm-hm.
06:29That'd be nicer in America, wouldn't you?
06:31Mm-hm.
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32We've had several of those and they don't work.
06:35LAUGHTER
06:36Don Trump Jr., would that be a regime change?
06:39Oh.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41Let's move on.
06:42Yeah.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:44Here's Jeremy Vine covering reaction to the news of the death
06:48of the Supreme Leader.
06:50We've got to show you some footage here, by the way,
06:52from Iran of people dancing like Trump.
06:57So...
06:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:01This is the...
07:03I believe this is... Is this in Iran?
07:06No.
07:06It's in Iran.
07:09LAUGHTER
07:10LAUGHTER
07:14So that...
07:15I gather that's in Iran and they're doing the Trump dance,
07:17which is just basically a very slight move of the hips,
07:19and...
07:20Oh, where is it?
07:21Where is it?
07:22It's not Iran.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24Ah, it's crucially not Iran.
07:27LAUGHTER
07:27And that's very hard, because it's in Iran,
07:29they might all be killed.
07:31LAUGHTER
07:32I always love whenever somebody describes the Trump dance,
07:34they just talk about the hips,
07:35nobody talks about the double-jackin' that's going on.
07:38LAUGHTER
07:38That's an American phrase.
07:40Can you explain that?
07:40Well, what do y'all call it here?
07:43The fiddler and the diddler?
07:44I don't know...
07:45LAUGHTER
07:46We generally call it the reform party.
07:49LAUGHTER
07:51As a whole.
07:54Now, how has Keir Starmer handled this situation?
07:59He seems to have done something which the vast majority
08:02of the population of Britain agree with.
08:04Which is a first for Starmer?
08:06LAUGHTER
08:08The newspapers all gave him terrific flack in this country to start with.
08:11They just said, why isn't Starmer invading Iran himself?
08:14And then they realised that this was actually quite a bad idea,
08:17so they did this massive U-turn.
08:18Does he get bonus points for standing up to Trump?
08:21Oh, I think so.
08:22It's not our war.
08:23And also, saying, you know, Britain's aircraft carriers,
08:26they're rubbish.
08:26Where's the big American aircraft carrier?
08:29Oh, it's in Dock.
08:30Cos they had a fire in the laundry room.
08:33LAUGHTER
08:34I expect the Iranian Navy is quaking!
08:38Quaking!
08:38How do you start a fire in a laundry room,
08:40given that there's a lot of wet clothing around?
08:42LAUGHTER
08:44Trump actually said that the Iranian Navy was floating
08:47at the bottom of the sea, which...
08:49LAUGHTER
08:49Indicates how much he knows about ships, really.
08:53Lastly, even if Trump does try and run for a third term,
08:57he's confirmed it.
08:58We have confirmation that he won't be voting for himself.
09:01I don't want a stupid person being president.
09:05LAUGHTER
09:12It's a solid reason.
09:13So, this is the U.S.-Israel war in Iran.
09:16Every country in the world is now hoping the war in Iran ends soon.
09:20Well, apart from a green one.
09:23LAUGHTER
09:25Keep it up.
09:27According to The Independent,
09:29the Strait of Hormuz is 21 miles across at its narrowest point,
09:33and now that Iran's Revolutionary Guard
09:36has successfully stopped all vessels from navigating it,
09:39they've been invited by Shabana Mahmood to patrol the channel.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:44The rising price of oil is beginning to hurt motorists
09:47at the petrol pump, so on the plus side,
09:49now's not that bad of a time for Tiger Woods to lose his license.
09:54LAUGHTER
09:56Paul and Armando, give the clip.
09:59OK, Keir Starmer, pride in Britain in Wolverhampton.
10:02LAUGHTER
10:04Stop talking to me, I'm busy.
10:07That's very, I think, urinating into it.
10:10LAUGHTER
10:11And that's the lead with the Green Party?
10:14Dancing.
10:15Dancing, yeah.
10:15This week all the major parties launched their local election campaigns,
10:19and so did Labour.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:23What are Labour Party chiefs expecting from these elections?
10:28Regime change.
10:30LAUGHTER
10:33They are expecting sweeping losses,
10:36and that is the best-case scenario.
10:39What might a heavy defeat mean for Starmer?
10:42Yeah, the leadership challenge from Eva Angela Rayner.
10:46Or West Streeting.
10:47Or West Streeting.
10:48Or Ed Miliband.
10:50Or Andy Burnham.
10:51I might give it a go, actually.
10:53LAUGHTER
10:53Whose mobile phone has been hard to trace?
10:57Oh, this is McSweeney.
10:58Welcome McSweeney's.
10:59He was robbed of his phone last year and reported it to police.
11:04Yeah.
11:04But they need the phone because it has all, you know, texts about
11:08Peter Mandelson.
11:08And there was a lot of disbelief about this, wasn't there?
11:11Yeah.
11:1275% of people I saw a poll today think that he faked it.
11:16I didn't believe it because there was an account of the police
11:18taking this seriously, and I thought...
11:20LAUGHTER
11:22But it would be nice to have the messages between
11:25Morgan McSweeney, who was a friend of Mandelson's...
11:28..and strongly advocated that he became ambassador to the US.
11:32And it would be nice to know that.
11:35Just in the light of Keir Starmer's judgement...
11:38..on paedophiles and their friends.
11:40Who else is said to have been in the running
11:42for the US ambassador's job when Mandelson was selected?
11:47Uh, Gary Glitter.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:52It was also George Osborne.
11:55Oh, yeah.
11:56Oh, yeah.
11:57And TV adventurer Bear Grylls.
12:00Bear Grylls?
12:01What expertise would he have brought to that job?
12:04All the banquets would just be roadkill.
12:07LAUGHTER
12:09Yeah, George Osborne and Bear Grylls were in the running,
12:12but ultimately the job went to Bear Legs.
12:15Yes.
12:17Copyright Epstein Files 2026.
12:20I can't even feel they've blocked out the wrong part there.
12:23LAUGHTER
12:24I can't believe that was the shortlist.
12:27George Osborne, Bear Grylls and Peter Mandelson...
12:30..for the top job in diplomacy in Britain.
12:34Worst ever edition of Blind Date.
12:36LAUGHTER
12:39In February, Mandelson was arrested.
12:42There is no charge as yet.
12:44One possible charge is misconduct in public office.
12:46Not that I don't think people should be held accountable for
12:49misconduct in public office, but there are over 1,200 Epstein
12:5215 survivors and not one person is facing justice for actually
12:55abusing women.
12:56It's a disgrace.
12:57Sure.
12:58APPLAUSE
13:01Let's talk about Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor.
13:03No, let's not.
13:05Oh, OK, off you go.
13:06Andrew was arrested in February.
13:08Following his arrest, a prankster put the famous photograph
13:11of him emerging from police custody on display in the Louvre.
13:16Here it is.
13:18LAUGHTER
13:21With the picture titled,
13:23He's Sweating Now.
13:27Now, as the local elections are coming up,
13:30the BBC needs to observe strict impartiality,
13:33very fair, journalistically.
13:34So it is important that we take a look
13:36at how shit all the other parties are.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:46And we have to talk about, like, the smaller parties,
13:48like the Conservatives.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:51Posters are projecting that the Tories could lose
13:53three-quarters of the seats they're defending.
13:56Meanwhile, who's riding high after the Gorton and Denton
14:00by-election?
14:01Green Party.
14:02Yes, the Greens, who won their seat with their new MP,
14:05Hannah Spencer.
14:06Because I was in America, five hours behind,
14:08I could watch John Craig on Sky News Live.
14:11Yep.
14:11In the middle of the night.
14:12And I thought her speech was very, very impressive
14:15and apparently what every party's trying to copy.
14:17Yeah, and she's a plumber and she said she wants to change the system.
14:21LAUGHTER
14:23But what major cause has united Kimmy Baton,
14:27Nigel Farage and Ed Davey?
14:31Think about pounds.
14:32New design for the pound coin?
14:34There we go, yes.
14:35Ah, yes.
14:36Yes.
14:37The threat to replace historical figures,
14:39including Winston Churchill on banknotes with pictures
14:43of British wildlife.
14:45Mm.
14:45Ed Davey in particular saw the historical significance of this.
14:49Winston Churchill helped save our country and the whole of Europe
14:53from fascism.
14:55He deserves better than being replaced by a badger.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:03Is he that right?
15:04Is he that right?
15:05Should you not be putting...
15:06He's not, I have to take an issue,
15:07he's not being replaced...
15:09Winston Churchill's not being taken out of the history book.
15:11No.
15:12And replaced with pictures.
15:12You will not go to Trafalgar Square or outside Westminster
15:15and the statue of Churchill...
15:17LAUGHTER
15:17..and a massive badger.
15:20That's right.
15:20Right?
15:21He's just on the money which none of us use anymore.
15:25LAUGHTER
15:25That picture of Mandelson and his pants...
15:28Yeah.
15:29..could go on the £5 note and it wouldn't make a difference.
15:32LAUGHTER
15:32I mean...
15:34APPLAUSE
15:38Now, at last, we come to the big story of the week.
15:42What's that?
15:42Bin collections.
15:44Bin collections?
15:45Wow.
15:45Yes.
15:45A new bin regulation has just come into force.
15:48Councils now have to empty food recycling bins weekly.
15:52It's the biggest shake-up in recycling policy
15:54since Swindon allowed yoghurt pots.
15:57LAUGHTER
15:59You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?
16:02LAUGHTER
16:02But many councils are simply not ready for this brand-new world,
16:07so let's have a quick game of ready or not ready.
16:10Are you ready?
16:11Yeah, ready or not ready.
16:11OK.
16:12I'm going to call out a council, you tell me whether or not they're ready
16:14or not ready to deal with the new bin policy.
16:17LAUGHTER
16:17OK.
16:18North...
16:19North Hampshire council, ready or not ready?
16:21Ready.
16:21Not ready.
16:22Not ready.
16:22Yeah.
16:31They're definitely ready.
16:33They're definitely ready.
16:35Ready.
16:35Yes.
16:36They're ready.
16:36They're ready.
16:37I've found my specialist subject of marketing.
16:39LAUGHTER
16:41Finally, Westmoreland and Furnace.
16:43Not ready.
16:44Ready.
16:44Not ready, but trick question.
16:46Yeah.
16:46Oh.
16:46They've got a transitional agreement which means the government won't put them down.
16:50LAUGHTER
16:52Oh, there we are.
16:54This is the precarious position of the government ahead of the local elections in May.
16:59The newest MP in the Commons is the Green Party's Hannah Spencer, who used to be a plumber.
17:04She'll now earn 98,000 pounds a year, but she'll do it for 90 cash.
17:11LAUGHTER
17:14The mysterious saga of Morgan McSweeney's missing phone continues.
17:19Apparently, when he reported it stolen to police, he didn't tell them he was Keir Starmer's chief of staff.
17:25Well, would you?
17:27LAUGHTER
17:28This photo of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was mysteriously framed and hung in a gallery at the Louvre.
17:35Although, as expected with anything related to Jeffrey Epstein, the CCTV camera cut out moments before the hanging occurred.
17:43LAUGHTER
17:44So we arrive at round two.
17:46It's time for Where in the World.
17:51Now, to see where the hell we're going next, I'm going to use the same method as the President of
17:56the United States.
17:57LAUGHTER
17:59I will just throw a dart at a map.
18:02LAUGHTER
18:05America's not invading the moon, is it?
18:08LAUGHTER
18:08That they fed up with the regime there?
18:11LAUGHTER
18:12This is the news that man is going back to the moon.
18:16One of the astronauts, Reid Wiseman, said,
18:18we're going for all humanity, but I think all humanity wants to go with you.
18:21LAUGHTER
18:22We want to go there.
18:23Was it a rocket launch or a deportation? I wasn't...
18:26LAUGHTER
18:26LAUGHTER
18:28On Wednesday, Artemis II blasted off from Florida's Kennedy Space Center.
18:33Here's the BBC science editor, uh, talking us through the launch.
18:37Seven. Ooh!
18:39LAUGHTER
18:42Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness!
18:46Oh!
18:52Wow!
18:54Oh.
18:55My.
18:56Goodness!
18:57That is spectacular!
18:58Was that what she said on her honeymoon night?
19:01LAUGHTER
19:07They're making history, aren't they?
19:08Because it's the first black astronaut to go to the moon,
19:11the first Canadian to go to the moon, the first woman to go to the moon.
19:13It's all the same person.
19:15But...
19:15LAUGHTER
19:17Let's take a closer look at the Artemis II rocket first.
19:21What I'd like to know is, seriously, what's taking that picture?
19:25LAUGHTER
19:27What is the aim of this mission? What is the aim of the Artemis II?
19:30They want to prove to Trump that it's not flat.
19:33LAUGHTER
19:35They are ultimately trying to have a proper base on the moon,
19:40and they are testing that people can survive.
19:42And I think, on the dark side, they're looking for a place to dump
19:45all the rest of the Epstein files.
19:47LAUGHTER
19:54What confession did Artemis II commander Reid Wiseman make
19:59before liftoff?
20:01Afraid of heights?
20:02LAUGHTER
20:03Yes!
20:04Oh, no!
20:06Afraid for you!
20:09Yes!
20:12Don't look out the window!
20:13LAUGHTER
20:14What's new and unique about the Artemis II rocket?
20:17Oh, is this the toilet?
20:19LAUGHTER
20:20Yeah, this seemed to be the big news in Britain.
20:23LAUGHTER
20:23Is that the toilet didn't work.
20:26Yeah, it's the first outing for a state-of-the-art new space loo,
20:30which the astronauts have had special training for.
20:33According to the BBC, the new space loo has a special seat
20:36with strong suction...
20:38..as well as handrails to keep the astronauts in place.
20:42How strong is this section?
20:45LAUGHTER
20:45If that was me, I'd never leave the spaceship.
20:48LAUGHTER
20:49But there were a few problems with the toilet,
20:52because, yes, it was malfunctioning just before take-off.
20:54According to the BBC, it would have meant that the astronauts
20:57would have had to delay the final push.
21:01LAUGHTER
21:05The BBC report was worse than that.
21:07It said they couldn't go to the toilet for six hours,
21:10but then they finally mended it, which was a great relief.
21:14LAUGHTER
21:15Did they do a captain's log, Chad?
21:18LAUGHTER
21:18There we go.
21:19How did they go to the toilet?
21:20There we go.
21:21In 1969, how did they go to the toilet?
21:23They just did it in a bag.
21:25Yeah.
21:25See, now I've got to visualise that.
21:29And it was zero gravity as well.
21:30A sort of rudimentary game of table tennis was played on Apollo 12.
21:35The long-distance flights to, like, Mars, the safety measure
21:39against radiation, because it's a lot...
21:40You're out there for, like, eight months and there's...
21:42Mm.
21:42..is, um, human waste.
21:45The ship is lined with human waste,
21:47which is a very good, uh, cushion and buffer for radioactivity.
21:51Oh, wow!
21:51Um, so you don't want to leak, that's all.
21:54LAUGHTER
21:55What is your internet search history like?
21:58LAUGHTER
21:58LAUGHTER
22:04OK, fingers on buzzers, teams.
22:06Here's your next story.
22:13BUZZER
22:14It's Japan.
22:15Yes.
22:17LAUGHTER
22:18Japan has just built a 100-mile sign,
22:20which is floating off the coast of Japan.
22:23It's not the chair thing, is it?
22:25Points!
22:26Goodness gracious!
22:26Yes.
22:27Do you know why I know this?
22:28How do you know this?
22:29Because I presented Channel 4 News on the weekend
22:30and we did it as a story.
22:32LAUGHTER
22:33And it's amazing.
22:34It's an office chair race.
22:36Yes.
22:37And you push yourself along on your chair.
22:39There's nothing else happening in the world for Channel 4 News.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:44Who it is in action?
22:49LAUGHTER
22:50LAUGHTER
22:57What makes that particularly funny is the seriousness of their faces.
23:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:00They do this ludicrous activity.
23:02What is the prize for the winner?
23:05You get to work from home.
23:07LAUGHTER
23:08LAUGHTER
23:09I know!
23:10I know the answer!
23:11It's a...
23:13It's a 90-kilogram bag of rice.
23:15Is that like two ounces of rice?
23:16What's the...?
23:17LAUGHTER
23:17That's 35 hectares.
23:19OK.
23:20Understood.
23:20Understood.
23:21Now, let's go to Germany.
23:22What pastime are the Germans obsessed with?
23:26Hmm...
23:26Is this historically?
23:28LAUGHTER
23:29It's called hobby-dogging.
23:32Oh, dear.
23:33LAUGHTER
23:33We'll have none of that.
23:36Yeah.
23:36Now, what is hobby-dogging?
23:39Why are you looking at Ian?
23:42Do you not have dogging in America?
23:44Maybe not.
23:45Not like this.
23:47LAUGHTER
23:47Or like that.
23:50Uh, hobby-dogging is when dog lovers train with imaginary pets
23:55on the ends of leashes and harnesses.
23:58Oh, is that what they told you?
24:00LAUGHTER
24:00Here they are.
24:01Here they are.
24:02HOP!
24:03HOP!
24:05HOP!
24:06HOP!
24:06HOP!
24:07HOP!
24:07HOP!
24:08HOP!
24:08HOP!
24:09HOP!
24:11HOP!
24:19Why do you even bother with the leash?
24:22LAUGHTER
24:23How are the judges judging it?
24:25What are they...
24:26What are they looking at?
24:27Best of breed.
24:28Best of breed.
24:29LAUGHTER
24:30This is the Japanese sport of office chair racing.
24:34No, tell me about the dogs.
24:35We want to know about this one.
24:36We don't care about the Japanese running around on chairs.
24:38What about this lot?
24:39They are happy.
24:40So what?
24:42LAUGHTER
24:42Let them be happy.
24:44No, I don't think they will.
24:45I like happy Germans.
24:46Don't you like happy German sports?
24:51APPLAUSE
24:52You want them mad?
24:52LAUGHTER
24:54This is the Japanese sport of office chair racing.
24:57Racers can attain speeds of up to 20 miles an hour.
25:00It's the fastest anyone's moved on an office chair
25:03since Scott Mills was pushed out of the BBC.
25:06LAUGHTER
25:07LAUGHTER
25:08OK, time now for the missing words round.
25:11And in light of the exciting news about England's new Ben regulations,
25:14this week's guest publication is...
25:17Ben's Fantastic.
25:18LAUGHTER
25:19Let me start with...
25:21Man sets himself challenge of what in his supermarket car park?
25:27Eating a hatchback.
25:28LAUGHTER
25:29Recreating the Battle of Jutland.
25:31LAUGHTER
25:32Parking in every space.
25:33Man sets himself challenge of parking in every space
25:38in his supermarket car park.
25:40APPLAUSE
25:42This is... This is a...
25:44This was, um, a Channel 4 documentary.
25:46LAUGHTER
25:48This is a wheelchair man, Gareth Wilde,
25:50who spent a year and seven months parking in every space
25:53at his local Sainsbury's to give each space a rating.
25:58LAUGHTER
25:59Gareth said, quote,
26:01It's a bit sad now that I've finished it.
26:04LAUGHTER
26:05It was a bit sad before you started.
26:07LAUGHTER
26:08Next.
26:09Frog spotted in Rotherham.
26:12What?
26:13Apparently.
26:14LAUGHTER
26:17Spotted in Rotherham bin.
26:18Frog spotted in Rotherham is, of course, a bin.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:24Here's the frog bin.
26:26LAUGHTER
26:28This is from Ben's Fantastic.
26:30The publication is the idea of a man described by his local paper
26:34as rubbish-obsessed.
26:36So, he's bound to be watching.
26:39Good evening.
26:40Finally.
26:42What spotted in River Thames?
26:44Water!
26:45Mmm.
26:46LAUGHTER
26:47Some clean water.
26:49Yeah.
26:49Small amount turd-free.
26:52LAUGHTER
26:52Performance artists wearing 24 nappies spotted in River Thames.
26:57LAUGHTER
26:58Yes.
26:59Here's performance artist Zach Manel.
27:02LAUGHTER
27:02Yes.
27:03He is covered from head to toe in nappies when he emerged from the River Thames,
27:08although he wasn't wearing them when he dived in.
27:11LAUGHTER
27:13LAUGHTER
27:14APPLAUSE
27:15So, the final scores are Ian and Anoushka have five.
27:19Paul and Armando have six.
27:21CHEERING
27:22Oh, God.
27:22LAUGHTER
27:23APPLAUSE
27:25But before we go, there is just time for the caption competition.
27:30Oh, fuck me, he's good.
27:35APPLAUSE
27:38On which note, we say thank you to our panelists Ian Hislop and Anoushka Astana,
27:44Paul Merton and Armando Annucci.
27:46And I leave you with news that at Crufts, there's an unusual entry
27:50when one dog owner turns out to be a magician.
27:55LAUGHTER
27:56LAUGHTER
27:59It's been revealed that so-called porch pirates who steal other people's Amazon deliveries
28:04are becoming more and more audacious.
28:08LAUGHTER
28:10And in Windsor, the king finally gets to see that photograph of Andrew
28:15in the back of the car.
28:17LAUGHTER
28:20Good night.
28:22APPLAUSE
28:23MUSIC
28:27MUSIC
28:28MUSIC
28:29MUSIC
28:31MUSIC
28:31MUSIC
28:35MUSIC
28:37MUSIC
28:38MUSIC
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