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Short filmTranscript
00:00You
00:08Conrad my quarterback Prince. I've been fantasizing for years right after the game. I'm telling him how I feel
00:35I
00:38Who's this new guy?
00:45I bet every goal is time to screw set the devil. He's mine. His dad is the biggest stakeholder in
00:51the school. So he's my future boyfriend
01:03Yeah
01:07Ready, okay
01:13Nice defense boys set faster is our new team captain
01:30Hey
01:32Ready another playboy
01:38Okay
01:39Is that a love letter for me?
01:45Conrad should be the only one left in the locker room
01:48You got this Fifi
02:02I'm
02:03Conrad
02:04I'm
02:06Phoebe
02:07I've had a crush on you for years
02:10Will you be my homecoming date?
02:31I
02:32Dream about you every night when your strong arms pull me in close. I cannot help but tingle
02:38I want to give Conrad my virginity
02:42The way I've always imagined it
02:46Wild sex
02:47Don't you hear me?
02:49Sweet
02:49Sweet
02:50Yeah
02:56Seth Aster? Hell no. I just gave my porn to my crush's rival
03:05What? Is that loser Phoebe making a move on my Seth?
03:10Seth Aster? He's not reading my love letter. He's reading my fantasy
03:15And the next line is
03:16You thrust into my core until I can feel your warmth
03:20Yes
03:20Conrad, I call out your name
03:22You're afraid
03:23I'd rather die than let this playboy read my fantasy out loud
03:28You dumb nerd dreaming about Seth every night
03:32That's so sad
03:33He's way out of your league
03:35I bet she's a pathetic virgin
03:39No, you've got it all wrong
03:41Let me see that dummy stupid love letter
03:47Excuse me, do I know you?
03:51I don't think I do
03:52Why don't you get out of here?
03:54Only
04:02The worst day ever
04:09You okay?
04:11Hey, did you forget how to say thank you?
04:13You know, I did just save you
04:14And I feel like I should get something in return
04:17What do you think?
04:18Asshole
04:19You know, I feel like your vocabulary is better than that
04:23Hey!
04:23Hey!
04:25Oh!
04:36She likes
04:37Like a little cheeky
04:42Seth Aster is an absolute devil
04:47oh my god your underwear is showing oh my god that's been showing the whole time
04:52seth saw it sweetie we are moving in with your stepfather today he is the most powerful man
04:59in the state you have to behave okay okay mom
05:14holy crap this place looks like a royal palace
05:18go on phoebe knock on the door say hi to your stepfather
05:45hey step sis you've got to be kidding me the devil is my stepbrother
05:57what's with that help think i say hi to your new stepbrother separate flight
06:15i see
06:20stay away from me
06:21yeah i know i'm a lot bigger than conrad but you don't have to be afraid of anything
06:24cock jerk you don't come close to conrad okay he's got the manners of a prince and you
06:30you're just some cocky devil now give me my letter back
06:35if i'm the devil then why would i give anything back kitty cat
06:41you've got some nerve
06:47fine i'll get it myself
06:53here's a piece of advice
06:54got it
06:55got it
06:56don't you ever touch my stuff
06:59or what
07:01what hey
07:03what hey
07:04oh my god
07:09i can't do
07:13i can't
07:14i can't
07:17No, I can't do it!
07:18Try it off, help me!
07:24Hey!
07:27Alright, get off me.
07:28No, I can't do it!
07:30I can't, I can't do it!
07:31Oh, no!
07:32Hey!
07:34You know, you did it to yourself.
07:36No, just give me, give me, or I would have...
07:38Yeah, or what?
07:40Are you gonna bite me again?
07:45Stop biting me, kitty cat.
07:47You asked for it.
07:49What?
07:58I can't swim!
08:00Fifi, what are you doing?
08:03Help me!
08:03Shut up, help me!
08:05What's going on?
08:07Mom!
08:08Mr. Astor?
08:13Uh, Fifi can't swim.
08:16She fell in and I was, uh, saving her.
08:18But now we're just playing, right?
08:19Yeah, look at it, see?
08:23Yeah, he's right!
08:25Just look at them.
08:26Just like brother and sister.
08:28I haven't seen Seth smile like that in a long time.
08:32Thank God.
08:34I knew they'd get along.
08:36Just like us.
08:37Maybe we should get in with them as well.
08:43Maybe we should go join them.
08:44Aw.
08:45Mom hasn't smiled like that since Dad passed away.
08:49She looks so happy with Mr. Astor.
08:52I can't let my drama with that devil Seth ruin her new life.
09:01Well, let's raise our glasses and welcome Fifi and Sophia to our family.
09:12Thank you, Mr. Astor.
09:14Aw, just call me Jacob now.
09:16We're family.
09:20Seth, today's your first day at Loyola High.
09:24If you need any help, ask Fifi.
09:26She wins scholarships every year.
09:30Wow.
09:30She's also very popular amongst the football team.
09:36How's that?
09:38Actually, I have something to show you guys.
09:47No, that's my fantasy.
09:49He's not gonna show it to them.
09:51Stop it!
09:53Fifi!
09:54Seth is showing us his winner's card.
09:57Why are you acting so rude?
09:59I'm sorry.
10:00I didn't.
10:14Sorry, my stepsister has something on her lips and, uh...
10:17Thank you, stepbrother.
10:19I can do it myself.
10:21This annoying devil.
10:24I have to get my letter back tonight.
10:50I guess the big devil has a big thing.
11:00Jesus, where did he hide my letter?
11:12Ew!
11:14That's gross!
11:22What a waste.
11:24A devil with the face of an angel.
11:26Maybe he's under his pillow?
11:31Uh...
11:31Maybe it's...
11:33Behind him?
11:40Uh...
11:41This is awkward.
11:43Oh!
11:45You...
11:46You...
11:46You weren't asleep?
11:48No, some kitty cat snuck away into my room and, uh...
11:51Woke me up.
11:52Don't be paranoid.
11:54Just give me back my letter.
11:55Oh, you're letting me, uh...
11:58You're a...
11:58You're a smut.
11:59You're a porn.
12:00No.
12:01Shut up.
12:02I hid you later in my underwear.
12:05What?
12:09Wanna check?
12:10Not really.
12:12Is there?
12:13I'm sorry.
12:22No, pervert.
12:25You're...
12:25So what you're telling me that you're sneaking around the room until 12 o'clock at night?
12:28Just for the letter?
12:30You're speaking to believe that, you know, I think that there's, uh, something else.
12:34No.
12:34There's not...
12:35I'm not interested.
12:36Just give me back my letter.
12:40Oh.
12:41Why don't you, uh, start writing this, uh, smut or pornography, you know?
12:44Shut up.
12:45It's none of your business.
12:46Give it to me.
12:46Give it to me.
12:48Shh.
12:48Shh.
12:50You wanna wake up mommy and daddy, do you?
12:52You know, I read this.
12:54Very interesting stuff.
12:55You have very big imagination, but there's something that's just a little, uh, inexperienced
12:59about the whole thing.
13:01Tell me, Phoebe.
13:03Are you a virgin?
13:10Yeah.
13:12Just a nerdy virgin, okay?
13:13I have no experience.
13:15You happy now?
13:17I'm not like you.
13:18I'm not some hot flirt who owns the game every time I walk on the field.
13:31I've been trying for so long to tell Conrad how I feel.
13:36And I messed it up.
13:37I didn't give him my love letter.
13:39I gave you my dumb horn.
13:42You must think the biggest joke ever.
13:50You want your letter back?
13:52Yes.
13:52Alright, well then you and I are gonna have to come up with some kind of arrangement.
13:55Let me guess.
13:57You want me to be your servant for some kind?
14:07But I do want you to be my assistant.
14:09That means I need your help with my homework, football, and you have to do basically everything
14:13that I say.
14:14Once I feel satisfied, you can have your letter back.
14:17Fine.
14:19But I need it in writing.
14:21Signed.
14:23You know, I had a feeling you were gonna say something like that.
14:25So I had something written up.
14:32Personal assistant agreement.
14:33Phoebe agrees to be Seth's personal assistant.
14:35In exchange, Seth agrees to return Phoebe's personal letter once the arrangement is complete.
14:39Sign here.
14:40You said it first.
14:43Done.
14:44The unique guest.
14:46Wasn't complimenting you.
14:51Alright.
14:52It's official.
14:53Starting tomorrow, you are mine.
14:55You're my assistant.
14:56Congratulations.
14:58It's a pleasure doing business with me.
15:02See you for your first day tomorrow.
15:15Get out of the way, devil.
15:17Where are you going?
15:19School.
15:20Where else would I be going?
15:22I bet you were getting that, uh, you're supposed to be my assistant now.
15:24Look, I don't want to go to school with you.
15:26Or let people know that we're step-siblings.
15:29You're trouble reincarnated.
15:30Everywhere you go, eyes follow.
15:32And I just want to be invisible, okay?
15:34Okay.
15:37Okay.
15:38No, wait, wait!
15:38No, no, no!
15:41You're gonna love this.
15:43I'm gonna love it, I'm gonna love it, I'm gonna love it.
15:44You will.
15:45As your step-brother, it's my job to get you to school every day.
15:48It's just us out here.
15:49You can drop the whole fake brother act.
15:52Why don't you keep your voice down?
15:54I don't think you want mommy and daddy coming out here and seeing this yelling.
15:59See what I mean?
15:59Have fun, kids.
16:00Be careful now.
16:05Alright.
16:08You ready?
16:09No.
16:13Seth Astor, slow down!
16:19Relax, you're safe with me.
16:24I'm gonna do it like that.
16:25I'm gonna do it like that.
16:26It's hot.
16:28Stupid.
16:29Idiot.
16:30Stupid.
16:30Is that dork, CB, getting off of Seth's motorcycle?
16:34That dumb nerd dares to cling to Seth.
16:37She wants attention?
16:38Fine.
16:39I got it.
16:40Let's make sure she gets it.
16:41I got it.
16:52I got it.
17:01I got it.
17:07I'm gonna do it.
17:07I'm gonna do it like that.
17:07I don't like it.
17:07I'm gonna do it.
17:07I'm gonna do it.
17:09Something is fun for me!
17:12Well, well, brave little Fifi professed her love, huh?
17:18No, I can't let Conrad think something is going on between me and Seth.
17:22I have to explain everything to him.
17:26Hey.
17:29Hey.
17:31Hold on, assistant.
17:32You know, I'm kind of thirsty.
17:34I have your letter.
17:36Don't forget.
17:45Open it.
17:52My eyes are burning.
17:53You got my eyes.
17:54Hey, this is a step.
17:55You got my eyes.
17:57Hey.
17:58Be gentle, dude.
17:59Give me a bite.
18:00Come on, give me a bite.
18:04That slut.
18:05Wasn't Phoebe, like, obsessed with you?
18:07She used to bring you water and towels every day.
18:10Now she's all over Seth.
18:12Is the linebacker hotter than the quarterback now?
18:15Nah, she's just a fangirl.
18:17Be nice to her once.
18:18She claims to you.
18:19I guess so.
18:24Hey, Conrad.
18:25You want a water?
18:27Thanks, Phoebe.
18:28Um, Conrad, about last night,
18:32I just wanted to...
18:38Oh, you want to get her that ball?
18:44Seth Astor, I agreed to be your personal assistant,
18:47not your servant.
18:50Get the ball from me.
18:54You know, my assistant only has one job,
18:56keeping her eyes on me.
18:59You are such a control freak.
19:01I wish I could be as annoyingly cocky
19:03as you are for a day.
19:07Hey, you know what?
19:08Why don't I take you home and tie you up
19:10and teach you some fucking manners?
19:11Any time, any word.
19:12The dirty mouth like yours,
19:13anyone who kisses you would probably puke.
19:15Yeah, why don't you give me a try?
19:16Nope.
19:18Watch out!
19:27Oh, my God.
19:28That devil stole my first kiss.
19:47Sorry.
19:47You jerk, you stole my first kiss.
19:49Lax, it wasn't a real kiss.
19:51Easy for you to say, you thief.
19:53Hey, you know, I think I just raised your status.
19:55You know, if people see you with me,
19:56they're going to think of you as something more
19:57than just a weird little virgin girl.
19:59Who knows, maybe Conrad will ask you out now.
20:14Asshole!
20:14He stole my first kiss I was saving for Conrad.
20:22Bitch, this is what you get first.
20:24It's sad.
20:26Oh, my God.
20:29Oh, my God.
20:30Oh, my God.
20:35Where?
20:36Where do my clothes go?
20:37Get ready, everyone.
20:38We're about to see our nerdy virgin Phoebe Jean.
20:41Completely naked.
20:44What do I do?
20:46What do I do?
20:52Where the hell did she go?
20:54Oh, my God.
21:14That slut ran into the boys' locker rooms.
21:18Let's move.
21:25Hey, Seth.
21:27Did I just hear a girl's voice?
21:30What the hell?
21:31Conrad's next door?
21:34Hello?
21:36Seth, are you seeing someone?
21:37Uh, yeah.
21:38Why don't you mind your own business?
21:40Why am I telling the truth?
21:42Yeah, let's talk about the worst truth.
21:44Conrad can't find out I'm in here.
21:45Absolutely not.
21:46Baby Jean, our naked nerd.
21:50Come on out.
21:51Don't be shy.
21:53Baby Jean.
21:55Help me.
21:56What?
21:57Just help me.
21:59All right, then you know what?
22:00You owe me one favor and you don't have to do anything I say.
22:03A big one.
22:03All right.
22:05Seth, don't tell me Phoebe Jean's actually in your stall.
22:09All right, all right, all right, all right.
22:10Give me one.
22:11Yes, anything, anything.
22:13Come on out, Phoebe.
22:14We heard you scream.
22:22What?
22:24You know, that scream you guys heard was this.
22:28Just watch me a little, uh, gameplay.
22:30You know what I mean?
22:38Seth, I didn't mean to interrupt you.
22:40I don't know what I mean to interrupt you.
22:52Don't you ever let me catch you guys in the men's locker room filming again.
22:55Or else it's not gonna be your fault when I break.
22:57Get out of here.
22:57I'm sorry.
22:58I'm sorry.
22:59It was a misunderstanding.
22:59Okay, I'm leaving.
23:01Leaving.
23:02Leaving.
23:06I'm leaving.
23:07Seth, I hope this little scandal of yours doesn't distract you from practice.
23:20Clothes is clear.
23:29Thanks.
23:31Yeah, no problem.
23:33Don't forget that you, uh, you owe me now.
23:36Why don't you put your clothes on, sister?
23:38Just because you saved me once doesn't make you my boss.
23:40You're a boss, devil.
23:54I feel a little thirsty.
23:57I should go give me some more strength.
24:00Right, Mr. Astor.
24:09Where the hell did that kitty cat run off to?
24:11Phoebe!
24:13Hey, Phoebe!
24:16You saved me, so fine.
24:18I got him a key, drinks his snacks, and now what are you?
24:20Hey!
24:32What the hell is wrong with you?
24:35You threw yourself at Seth, kissing him with that dirty mouth just to get noticed.
24:42Pathetic.
24:43Trash like you belongs back, dumpster.
24:45Troll with flies and bugs.
24:54Are you insane?
24:56You have no idea what actually happened between Seth and I.
24:59I don't need to.
25:02Apologize for insulting Seth.
25:04Kneel.
25:05Stop.
25:08Please, somebody, help me!
25:13No one's coming to save you.
25:15This place is locked down.
25:20Oh, M.G.
25:25What are you, free?
25:28Even I feel bad for you, childish virgin loser.
25:32I bet you secretly dream about being fucked by Seth.
25:36Stop!
25:37Please, I don't want anything!
25:39I'm not trying to mess with you guys!
25:41Hey, Phoebe!
25:42Hey, Phoebe!
25:43Open up!
25:53Get the fuck away!
25:55I'm not!
26:02Seth!
26:03What are you doing?
26:09You must disgust me.
26:12I think you're trapped.
26:13I think you're trapped.
26:14Fuck!
26:15Get the fuck off!
26:20Fuck!
26:23Give me your phone.
26:30Are you okay?
26:32They wouldn't have bullied me.
26:34They aren't for you.
26:35No, they're not.
26:35Yes, they aren't.
26:36This is your fault.
26:37Just leave me alone.
26:40No, Phoebe.
26:42Phoebe!
26:49If you mess with Phoebe, you mess with me.
26:51Do not fuck with me, okay?
26:57Get the fuck out of my sight.
27:00Now!
27:01Get out!
27:02What?
27:02Right post your naked butt all over the internet.
27:13Hey, Phoebe.
27:18Phoebe?
27:20Hey!
27:25Hey!
27:27What the?
27:28Whoa!
27:33Oh, my God.
27:34Phoebe!
27:36Oh, you're burning up.
27:37Oh, my God.
27:39Oh, my God.
27:42Oh, my God.
27:44Oh, my God.
27:50Oh, my God.
28:01I don't need you, baby.
28:03you get rich and popular
28:05you'll never actually care about me
28:08all I wanted
28:09was to be noticed
28:10to shine like Conrad
28:12but all I got was your humiliation
28:17take these
28:22like this
28:32I promise you I won't ever let anybody bully you ever again
28:36and I'm sorry that I showed up late
28:39how the devil himself is actually apologizing
28:43the devil doesn't apologize
28:46I do
28:53if only I could find the strength to just let go
29:01I could take a chance
29:04I dream that one day I can shine
29:06I dream one day I can shine on the homecoming stage
29:18then I can be confident and happy
29:21like other girls
29:31you've been working so hard
29:34get better feet
29:35and I'll help make your dreams come true
29:43shut up
29:45wait
29:46how's he in my bed?
29:47T.C.
29:48time to get up we're going to be late
29:55Fifi
29:56time to get up or you'll be late
30:01Fifi
30:06Fifi
30:09Fifi
30:09you hear me?
30:23I had a fever last night
30:26and my head hurts
30:28oh poor thing
30:29get some rest okay?
30:31I'm heading to school now
30:33bye
30:37okay
30:37okay
30:37let me go
30:38let me go
30:40you ticklish?
30:41what?
30:42stop it
30:46thanks for taking care of me last night
30:50sleeping in the same bed
30:51we're not that close
30:53alright then get out
30:54this is my room
30:55whatever
30:56I'll go to school first
31:08look at him
31:10he's crazy
31:10bro he's totally into that Fifi girl
31:16get out of my sight
31:17or else it's going to be your bare asses posted all over the internet
31:23okay
31:24maybe he's not that bad
31:29hey Fifi
31:30hey Fifi
31:32open up
31:46let me help you
31:47let me help you
31:50want to know all of a sudden you can't make your double step remember
31:53oh yeah
31:53let's go
31:54what do you call
31:55let me help you
31:57let me help you
31:58let me help you
32:00let me help you
32:02let me help you
32:05let me help you
32:06let me help you
32:06let me help you
32:06let me help you
32:07let me help you
32:08let me help you
32:08let me help you
32:08let me help you
32:09let me help you
32:09let me help you
32:14let me help you
32:15let me help you
32:18let me help you
32:20let me help you
32:28Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
32:57Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
33:08Look, you don't always have to be the hero. You're a linebacker. Your team needs you
33:15You know, there are things I care about more than football
33:18I find that hard to believe
33:31Hey, stop going out
33:37Take me to school
33:39I want you to drive me to school again
33:44Yeah, I guess so
33:51Hey, take a seat
33:53Right here
33:55I want you to take it easy today
33:58No assistant work for you
33:59Oh, how generous of you
34:07You hurt?
34:09Seth lost it yesterday
34:12For her
34:14No way
34:14Something's going on between them?
34:17Wasn't Phoebe Oliver Conrad before?
34:21All right, time to go kick some of this
34:34Phoebe
34:36You okay?
34:37Conrad
34:38Hey
34:39Thank you
34:46Hey, Phoebe
34:50Don't drink that
34:51Don't drink this
34:53It's much better
34:55Don't drink that
34:57That's for Phoebe
34:58Not you
35:00Don't drink that
35:01Don't drink that
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