#video #The King of Queens S03E14 Ctrl Episode 14 Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:04a paintball party you say it like you've never heard those two words together all right so let
00:09me get this straight we drive a hundred miles up into the Catskills in order to run around in the
00:14muck and shoot balls of paint at each other yes it's Deacon's birthday you don't think maybe the
00:23guy should get to choose what he wants to do on his own birthday honey you really want to do
00:27this
00:28I don't care yes he does fine can't afford to paint the house but we can cram it into guns
00:33and shoot it at each other what are you running from okay can we order now I'm starving I come
00:42knowing what I want
01:08burger looks good
01:29how's that that's good
01:31my eyes are getting weary my back is getting tight
01:37I'm sitting here in traffic on the Queensborough bridge tonight
01:41but I don't care cause all I want to do
01:47is cash my check and drive right home to you
01:53cause maybe all my life I will be driving home to you
02:13if you like what the girls do during the day wait till you see them at night stay tuned for
02:18more college girls crazy and real
02:20all right 200 channels nothing on it's okay Doug you can watch your college sluts in Rio
02:30not my college sluts and just so you know next time we're out and you see a girl you think
02:36is hot you can look I can yes just don't be a jerk when you do it like that thing
02:41you do with your eyes it's so creepy doesn't that hurt a little but I push through
02:46come on you know what I'm saying I mean just because we're married doesn't mean we're not going to be
02:50attracted to other people once in a while
02:53you know it's okay I mean I would be worried if you weren't like Jamie my Neil girl you think
02:59she's hot right no Doug yes you see it's okay you could just tell me you don't have to lurk
03:06outside the salon window when you come to pick me up
03:11she's purdy yes she is so come on anybody else you could tell me
03:18all right well I guess it's Maggie at the dry cleaners oh and this toll taker on the white stone
03:24bridge I mean from the waist up she's mwah
03:27the rest of her that's anybody's guess
03:30that's why you didn't get easy pass so who revs old carry-up huh all right um well I ain't
03:40hating that kid Pedro at the car wash whoa what the young buff and illegal good choice good choice
03:47so who else come on I want to want to know what kind of nympho I'm dealing with here okay
03:52um well the sparklets guy
03:55Eric at the office deacon oh and that guy who power walks his greyhound in the morning
04:04I'm pretty sure he's gay though you don't have to worry about it I mean those little shorts right
04:09right so deacon huh yeah deacon among others but among others deacon yeah some ladies got a thing for
04:20deacon want some deacon and eggs I don't have a thing for him and it's no more of a big
04:27deal than
04:27the ones you said not a big deal just a fun fact you know look at your fruit fly lives
04:32for a day and my
04:34wife's hot for my best friend would have thunk it I don't know
04:42and we are back New York down to
04:48what nothing I just just noticed that your ear is a little small for your head a little bit just
04:55a little bit
04:57I'll tell you Doug this is great hanging like this yeah glad you could make it guy I mean before
05:02my
05:02pizza place went out of business I wouldn't have time for this stuff too busy making a living
05:08everything works out for a reason oh I'll tell you I am really looking forward to this paintball party
05:13I could use a little relaxation
05:20you spot me right up there what happened to your car ah I sold it to buy a karaoke machine
05:25a pump up
05:25business little late on that fad I can take eight in my minivan who's going oh see you got us
05:36uh plus
05:37Carrie Kelly uh my sister Stephanie yeah right with us Danny hey guys hey man I was just uh driving
05:46by couldn't help noticing all the cars of my friends come on man this wasn't planned it just sort of
05:53happened and I suppose hot wings just happened stop hey you remember my cousin Danny right hey man
06:01good to see you again hello come on now sit down hang out watch a game I would but my
06:11seat is
06:13occupado sit here okay I'm going back to the house anybody want anything some more hot wings
06:18uh no thanks man trying to drop a few pounds good great you're on top of that man I didn't
06:26know
06:26Doug's sister was coming on this paintball thing I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't go why not
06:31like 10 years ago we all went on this big ski trip shared this big condo yeah so yeah so
06:37we had a
06:38couple drinks and let's just say I threw one her way huh that's very sweet of you told her that
06:45I
06:45really liked her I promised that I'd call as soon as we got back to the city here's the kicker
06:50I never
06:52did get out so Deke the big three three hey we've got to do something special for your birthday oh
07:03we
07:03are yeah that's normally a paintball party upstate what I told you like a month ago you remember you
07:09you called it a barbaric throwback to the worst in human nature I just say things to hear myself talk
07:15you know that well the thing is I mean the teams they got to be even and I uh I
07:22already invited Danny
07:25oh I see um hey I'm late for a thing uh goodbye hold on Spence you can come no no
07:35I wouldn't want
07:35to uneven your precious teams Spence it's okay forget it I don't want to get in the way of all
07:41this time
07:42you've been spending with your little cousin and by the way I know about the jet ski I only took
07:49Danny
07:49because she's going through a hard time right now now you're coming to paintball you got it no you're
07:52coming even if I got a tacky and strap you to the hood of my car what are you yelling
07:56at Spence for
07:57because my wife thinks you're hot honey come on we got about a million people to pick up coming
08:08I am one handsome black man what are you doing staring at yourself in the mirror how do you keep
08:16your hands off me what is with you today nothing oh some little honey on your route thought you were
08:24fine nope at least not anyone on my route so who then oh better not tell you don't want to
08:31get you
08:32jealous and get those claws out oh please honey I think I can handle it
08:47and just smile just take it some clean fresh and warm
09:08All right, people, listen up.
09:10Okay, now, the object is to capture your enemy's flag.
09:12Okay, now, remember, we're out here to have fun,
09:15but also to kill.
09:17Any questions?
09:23Okay, then.
09:27Hey, hon, let me help you with that.
09:28I got it.
09:29But maybe you ought to go help your girlfriend.
09:36Need some help with that?
09:37No, I think I got it.
09:41Been a long time, huh?
09:43Has it?
09:44You look real good.
09:47You mean I'm not the fat cow I used to be?
09:50Yeah, right.
09:52Okay, well, let's get this show on the road.
09:54Dude, where the hell is Carrie?
09:58Okay, that was unpleasant.
10:00Would you hurry up?
10:01We're choosing a peen's.
10:02Oh, I'm sorry.
10:03It was so lovely in there.
10:04I lingered.
10:06Could you make a little effort to enjoy this?
10:08If not for me, at least for Deacon?
10:11Hey, would you stop with that already?
10:14You're the one who can't stop loving him.
10:17Yeah, that's right, Doug.
10:18I got it bad for Deacon.
10:19Guess what?
10:20We're planning to kill you and run away with your millions.
10:24Hey, come on, man.
10:24Let's choose sides to get this paperwork started.
10:26You can have first pick.
10:28Let me see.
10:30Who would I like to have by my side?
10:34I will take Kelly.
10:36Get over here, Miss Foxy Brown.
10:38Come on, Colonel.
10:39Okay, you got my wife.
10:41I'll take yours.
10:42Carrie, come on, sugar.
10:44Yes, this just feels right.
10:47Yeah?
10:48Well, we could just stop picking right now
10:50and we'd have a winning team.
10:51Oh, yeah?
10:51Well, so can we.
10:54I guess we better keep picking, though.
10:57I take Lewis.
11:01You know, why doesn't someone just give me a wedgie now
11:04and complete my humiliation?
11:07Well, I told you it'd be extra.
11:08Well, what are we going to do?
11:09Excuse me.
11:14Do you need any additional personnel?
11:19Yeah, great.
11:19We'll get you some equipment.
11:21No need.
11:22I have all the necessary equipment in my vehicle.
11:37Okay, how long are we going to sit here?
11:38Because I've got to be honest,
11:40I really thought there was going to be a lot more running and shooting.
11:42This is a lot of lurking.
11:44Shh.
11:45It's just that we only rented the field until 2.30.
11:47After that, we've got to pay extra.
11:48Okay, you don't have to shush me.
11:50Okay?
11:51I'm a person.
11:53I'm going to sit here for 45 minutes, okay?
11:54I want to start shooting people.
11:55Doug, yelling at me will not keep your wife from lusting after your best friend.
12:01How did you know that?
12:02I believe the question is, how did you not know?
12:08They're not having an affair or anything, you know?
12:10She just thinks he's kind of attractive.
12:14But it doesn't really matter.
12:15And it's eating you alive.
12:17Yes, it is.
12:33Time for a second coat.
12:36Ow!
12:37It's just a game, you psycho!
12:39Let's go, Doug.
12:41I'm sorry.
12:41Are you all right, man?
12:42Doug!
12:43I'm out of here.
12:57Try and take my place.
12:59Think again, pizza boy.
13:10Quack!
13:18Hey.
13:19Oh.
13:21Hi, Kel.
13:22Kill anybody yet?
13:24Nope.
13:27God, this paintball thing is so stupid.
13:29I know!
13:35Oh!
13:36Oh, it's all on now!
13:44Go!
13:45Oh, my God.
13:46You okay?
13:46What's going on?
13:47Your wife's gone in for me.
13:49She's got crazy eyes.
13:51Oh.
13:51She's taking this worse than I thought.
13:53Taking what worse?
13:55Yeah.
13:58Oh, my God.
13:59Did Doug tell you?
14:01Uh-huh.
14:02Hi.
14:03God.
14:04Okay.
14:05Chunky dies today.
14:07Okay.
14:12Okay.
14:13Chunky dies today.
14:20Hey, that went right by my ear.
14:23Yeah, because I missed.
14:25All right.
14:26Now I got to shoot you.
14:27Fine.
14:28Just don't say you're going to call me after you shoot me.
14:31Hey, look.
14:32I'm sorry about not calling you, okay?
14:34It's just that my phone was broke.
14:38And I blew my nose on the napkin that had your number on it, and I couldn't tell if it
14:42was 667.
14:43Will you shut up?
14:44You know, I really liked you, Richie.
14:46I'm sorry.
14:48But you know what?
14:51And the guy, when I saw you today, I thought, wow, she looks good now.
14:58Really?
15:01That's sweet.
15:04Oh.
15:07Jeez, my aim is better than I thought.
15:11Look, Richie, I'm sorry.
15:14I'm sorry, Richie.
15:15You're going to be okay.
15:17I...
15:21I'm out of ammo.
15:24I'm out, too.
15:26So what do we do now?
15:29First, we calm down.
15:33I think my ground came loose.
15:36Our only chance is to head for those woods over there.
15:39Got more ammunition.
15:40And I head on back.
15:42Okay, okay.
15:46I don't know if you believe in God.
15:48This might be a fine time to say a little prayer.
15:51Okay, okay.
15:56Well...
15:57Oh, uh...
15:59Bless us, Father, for the pain we are about to shoot.
16:07I'm really more of an amen guy.
16:11Doug, let's go.
16:12On three.
16:13One, two...
16:17Give me a straight.
16:23Come on.
16:30Give me a three.
16:31Give me a three.
16:46Hold it.
16:49Oh, God.
16:53Why are you stalking me?
16:55I'm not.
16:56What did I ever do to you?
16:57None of your B.I.B. is whack.
17:04What's it?
17:24I left my inhaler in the van.
17:57This is fun.
17:59Yeah.
18:12Okay, you never told me what this means.
18:14I don't even know.
18:16Where are they, all right?
18:18Maybe you were wrong.
18:18Maybe they're not here.
18:46I can't do this.
18:49I'm not good at war.
18:52You really don't have an ounce of self-respect.
18:54I just want lunch.
18:57For God's sakes, man, tuck in your underwear.
19:06Hey, I gotta get back.
19:12Hey, Stephanie.
19:15So you gonna call me?
19:17Yeah, sure.
19:18I'll call you.
19:25All right.
19:27What do we have here?
19:32Oh, extra crispy.
19:35Winner.
19:37Don't move.
19:41You were right, Carrie.
19:42Yeah, he likes his chicken.
19:44Yeah, well, now he's finger-licking dead.
19:48Good one.
19:49So long, my man.
19:52Hold it.
19:55Go ahead, man, pull the trigger.
19:56But if you shoot me, Kelly shoots you.
19:58Yeah, well, Kelly shoots me, Carrie shoots Kelly.
20:00Then I shoot Carrie.
20:01No, you shoot me, and you're never getting sex again.
20:03You can't do that!
20:05Oh, it's done.
20:08All right, we're getting crazy here.
20:09Look, man, we all came up here to celebrate my best friend's birthday, and we're acting like idiots.
20:15Come on, let's all just calm down, okay?
20:20All right, come on.
20:21This is cool.
20:22I'm tired.
20:23That's really crazy.
20:24Oh, man.
20:25What was that?
20:25Nothing.
20:26You were gonna shoot me, but you're gun jammed.
20:28I think you're wrong.
20:30You motherfuckers.
20:30Oh, man, you are unbelievable.
20:32Leave him alone.
20:33This is your fault, Deacon.
20:34Hey, I can't help being fine.
20:38And I can't believe you told Deacon what I said.
20:42Well, I couldn't have told him if you didn't tell me.
20:44You asked.
20:45I didn't want to hear Deacon.
20:47I wanted Pedro at the car wash.
20:50All right, you're right.
20:52I started this whole thing.
20:56Go ahead.
20:57Take a free shot at me.
21:00I'm not gonna shoot you.
21:01No, come on.
21:02No, come on.
21:03You'll feel better.
21:03Here, have a piece of chicken and shoot me.
21:06You'll be a new man.
21:08Hold it.
21:09Say good night, little lady.
21:25Say good night.
21:32I thought he was going for the chicken.
21:49Honey, I'm home.
21:52Where the hell have you been?
21:54Oh, are you at that stupid paintball place again?
21:58I went, I went.
21:59Oh, wait, oh, wait, oh, wait.
22:00You know the Hendersons are coming for Bridge.
22:02I mean, look at you.
22:03Would you take that stupid rag off your head?
22:05I got, I got, I got the ice cream you wanted.
22:10This is frozen yogurt.
22:12My God, you're an idiot.
22:15I, well, I, I'll go back.
22:20Hmm?
22:21Hmm?
22:44I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
22:47I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
22:47I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
22:47I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
22:47I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
22:47I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I
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