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Short filmTranscript
00:01Get out of here.
00:03Previously on Best Medicine.
00:04Are you Martin's parents?
00:06I'm his best friend.
00:08Why are you here?
00:09I've decided to sell a house.
00:11My house?
00:12My house.
00:13It was left of me.
00:14I'm the eldest son.
00:16It's going viral.
00:17Is this what you're going to do with your life?
00:19What?
00:20Be a garbage person?
00:21It really makes you think, doesn't it, Doc?
00:23What am I dedicating my life to?
00:25I've loved Louisa since I was 12 years old.
00:28She's perfect.
00:28Nobody's perfect.
00:30The only main thing that she's ever done is break up with...
00:33Maybe we could...
00:34Get together.
00:35For a real date.
00:37Martin.
00:37Inhale.
00:38Exhale.
00:40Hey, Martin, buddy.
00:41Not sure if you're here yet, but if...
00:47Um, I'm gonna call you back, buddy.
00:50We were both riding the adrenaline of the moment,
00:52but I'm happy to pretend it never happened.
00:56Good night.
01:04You don't think he looks depressed?
01:07I think he looks like a dog.
01:09Whatever he's feeling can be solved by sleeping, eating, pooping, or destroying a pair of my shoes.
01:23What's got them so interested?
01:25I have no idea.
01:31You have the flu.
01:33So.
01:34You and Louisa, huh?
01:35I beg your pardon?
01:36I mean, I get why you'd like her.
01:38She's a ray of sunshine.
01:40But you?
01:41Here you go, babe.
01:41So you and Doc Martin, huh?
01:43I did not see that coming.
01:45Like at all.
01:46Uh, excuse me?
01:48So to manage your flu symptoms, you need to hydrate and take pain relievers as needed.
01:51You know who needs pain relievers right now?
01:53Sheriff Mark!
01:55Woo-hoo!
01:56Come on!
01:57Up high, baby!
01:58Up high!
01:58Yes!
02:00I think it's great.
02:02Love can come at any age, you know?
02:04What?
02:04It's the flu, Mr. Collins.
02:07Any questions?
02:08Who initiated the kiss?
02:10How passionate are we talking?
02:12How did he kiss?
02:14I picture a turtle eating a piece of lotus.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:20Oh, my God.
02:21Oh, my God.
02:23Absolutely not.
02:31What's this?
02:32Take it.
02:33Your car's parked in the red.
02:35I've parked exactly where I always have since I got here.
02:37I've turned a blind eye before, but those days are over.
02:41Mark, it's for $50.
02:42Let me just go out and move it.
02:43Sorry.
02:44Some mistakes can't be just moved back.
02:47What?
02:48What?
02:49Mark, since when do you go out giving tickets like this?
02:52Since when do you care nothing about rules and decency?
02:54Okay, I have no idea what's going on right now.
02:57Yeah, me neither.
02:57Not after what I saw in the parking lot of the hospital.
03:01Wait, what?
03:03You saw that?
03:04Yeah.
03:06It might not be a crime, but it doesn't make it right.
03:14You want me to close the door?
03:16You don't have to.
03:44What are you doing here?
03:46You don't have to flu like everyone else, do you?
03:49Nope.
03:51But word around town, though, is that you and a certain adorable...
03:56Not you two.
03:57This is a nightmare.
03:59Is there privacy anywhere?
04:01In Port Wynn?
04:02Not really.
04:03So, what happened?
04:06Nothing.
04:09All right, fine.
04:11After a very long day...
04:13tending to Peter Kronk together,
04:16the natural bond people feel in a crisis boiled over.
04:20And you and Louisa kissed.
04:23Mm-hmm.
04:24Well, good for you.
04:25You've been carrying a torch for her since you laid eyes on her.
04:33What did you do wrong?
04:34Nothing.
04:35Why do you assume that I...
04:35Come on, what?
04:37Nothing.
04:38Tell me.
04:38No.
04:40Martin.
04:40I may have suggested that we pretend it never happened.
04:45Oh, my God.
04:46Why?
04:48Spare us both the trouble.
04:49I...
04:51Martin.
04:52Is that how you really feel about love?
04:54Or were you just trying to blow the whole thing up to protect yourself so you wouldn't get hurt?
04:59Well, either way, very insensitive.
05:02You're going to have to apologize for that ASAP.
05:07Oh, I have to go see George and Greg.
05:11Apologize, Martin.
05:16Miss Michelle.
05:17You can call me Savannah.
05:19You have fever, aches, and fatigue.
05:23Sounds like the flu.
05:24Are you sure we shouldn't be talking about that little patient?
05:27He's running on a very low frequency.
05:29No idea what that means.
05:30Well, your dog is depressed, obviously.
05:33Well, for starters, he's not my dog.
05:37I'm with a patient.
05:38Please go now.
05:41Elaine!
05:42Open.
05:44What?
05:45Get him out of here.
05:48Buddy, come on.
05:49Come on.
05:51Okay.
05:51You have a low fever.
05:55Lymph nodes are inflamed.
05:57Okay, just FYI, understanding animals is literally my job.
06:00Oh, yeah?
06:01And what job is that?
06:02I own a traveling petting zoo.
06:03And in my expert opinion...
06:05Oh, expert?
06:06Really?
06:06Is there a petting zoo college somewhere?
06:08It's called Nature.
06:10I'm sorry.
06:11Do you seriously not see how sad your dog is?
06:13Thank you, random zookeeper person.
06:15But I...
06:15What's coming out of your bag?
06:18Oh, my God.
06:20You're crawling on my leg.
06:21I'm so gross.
06:23What the hell is going on?
06:24So wild.
06:27Got it.
06:29Fleas.
06:29Just as I suspected.
06:31Fleas!
06:32That's it.
06:33I'm out of here.
06:34Sorry.
06:34Fleas are a public health hazard.
06:36And as much as I hate to say this, which is a lot, until we can prove we're not carrying
06:40them out, no one can leave.
06:41Oh, my God.
06:41I am torching this place on Yelp.
06:46The gossip about Mark and I had finally died down, and now everybody is talking about me again.
06:52People are awful.
06:53So nosy.
06:54No boundaries at all.
06:55What did happen?
06:56Was it really just a kiss?
06:58I bet Dr. Fussy Pants has a real tiger in a dead dad suit.
07:07Well, I hope you're me.
07:16This feels excessive.
07:18No, of course you saw the shower with dishwashing soap was excessive.
07:21Again, dishwashing soap kills fleas, as does putting your clothes in the dryer.
07:25It'll be done soon.
07:26How soon?
07:27Today's the deadline to turn in my audition for Juilliard.
07:30Al is recording it later.
07:31So I really need to move this along.
07:32Audition, huh?
07:33What monologue are you doing?
07:35Oh, I'm a thespian myself.
07:37That's right.
07:37Yeah, you were so great as the mad scientist in the blood factory.
07:41Oh, stop, stop.
07:42Um, I'm still working on my monologue, so.
07:45Well, break a leg, as we actors say.
07:48I put the clothes in the dryer 37 minutes ago.
07:50Feel free to check if they're done.
07:52Answer the phones.
07:53Show up on time.
07:54Now I have to vacuum and do laundry.
07:57When did I become act one Cinderella?
07:58If I wrote a letter to Juilliard, do you think you could start tomorrow?
08:01All right.
08:07I can't even have a personal moment with someone without the whole town blabbing about it.
08:11I know.
08:11I'm so sorry about Greg.
08:13He really should have known better.
08:14So I'm just gonna stay in here and avoid people like that.
08:16Oh my gosh, his little planes are like crazy.
08:18Would you lack a spoon?
08:19No, thanks.
08:20I just don't know how everybody knows already.
08:23That is my question.
08:24Well, maybe Martin told someone.
08:26Doesn't seem like the bragging type.
08:28It definitely wasn't something to brag about.
08:30Really?
08:30Why?
08:32Never mind.
08:33I don't know why I would be interested.
08:35I just don't know how Elf everyone knows so fast.
08:38You know?
08:41I guess I should call him.
08:43Can I have a...
08:45Oh, oh, yeah.
08:45Yeah, yeah.
08:46Of course.
08:46Of course.
08:47Yeah, yeah.
08:47And you sure you don't want me to get you a spoon?
08:50Okay.
08:52Hello?
08:53Did you tell someone about what happened between us?
08:55Because everybody at the Salty Breeze knows.
08:57Of course not.
08:58I would never.
08:59It was Mark.
09:00Apparently he saw us.
09:02Mark saw us?
09:04Mm-hmm.
09:05Oh, God.
09:06Oh, God.
09:06Uh, this is a disaster.
09:08Mark saw us and everybody's talking?
09:12So much for pretending it never happened, huh?
09:15Yes.
09:17So, about that.
09:20God, shh.
09:21What are you doing here?
09:22I'm sorry, where are you right now?
09:25Hiding in the walk-in.
09:26So, you know, I'm super happy about how this is working out.
09:29Well, uh, a hippie infested my office with fleas.
09:34Okay.
09:36Stay warm in there.
09:37Yeah, um, good luck with the fleas.
09:42Mark.
09:49All right, everyone, please get on your clothes
09:51and then leave as soon as humanly possible.
09:53I'm having a strange feeling.
09:54I've had this conversation before.
09:57Oh, are you like a psychic?
09:58Déjà vu can be a sign of...
10:00Oh, my God.
10:01Oh, my God.
10:01Oh, my God.
10:02Oh, my God.
10:02Oh, my God.
10:02Let's see you.
10:03Oh, my God.
10:04Oh, my God.
10:04Oh, my God.
10:05Oh, my God.
10:08Everybody stay put.
10:16Is he texting?
10:18Is he texting?
10:19I thought he was a dog.
10:19No one can leave.
10:21Why?
10:22What's the problem this time?
10:23Don't panic.
10:24But this woman has lesions that look like buboes.
10:26It's a boo-boo, boomer.
10:28What the hell's a bubo?
10:30Doc, she has the plague?
10:31Oh, my God.
10:32Oh, my God.
10:37As soon as possible.
10:39If I could have everyone's attention...
10:41I can't breathe.
10:42The plague is closing my throat.
10:43It's definitely not.
10:45The health authorities are sending a biohazard team for Savannah,
10:49but they're coming from Boston, so it's going to be a while.
10:51The plague would probably kill all the old people first, right?
10:54Ghoulish question, but brings me to my next point.
10:57This type of plague doesn't spread easily from person to person,
11:00but from fleas and infected animals.
11:02And if antibiotics are taken within the first 24 hours,
11:06outcome's very good.
11:07Kind of sounds like if that bio-whatever team
11:09doesn't get here in 24 hours, we're all screwed.
11:11Yeah, screwed isn't dead.
11:12Wait, so you're the only doctor?
11:15There isn't anybody better who, like,
11:17knows how to deal with diseases?
11:18Well, I went to medical school,
11:20so I, like, know about diseases.
11:22But, yes, I'm it.
11:23But we're fine.
11:25No need to panic.
11:28Panicking.
11:35Doc, what are you doing?
11:36Looking for clues as to where Savannah
11:38and her flea-ridden purse have been.
11:45Damn it.
11:46What?
11:47She was at the salty breeze,
11:49which means people over there have been exposed,
11:51and I need to get in touch with them.
11:52We don't have to change back into the little gowns, do we?
11:54Because if I'm going to die of the plague...
11:56You're not.
11:56I'm dying with my pants on.
11:58And I've always said that.
12:01Hey, guys.
12:02What do you want to talk to me about?
12:04Well...
12:05Wait a minute.
12:06What's going on back here?
12:08Doug claims he found a baby fox
12:10and is nursing it back to health.
12:11I wish you'd take it somewhere else.
12:13It's making Brisket very anxious.
12:15I get that.
12:17It's kind of a rabbit-eared devil chihuahua.
12:20Makes me a little nervous, too.
12:24Listen, Sarah,
12:26we have a small confession to make.
12:28You cheat at poker night.
12:29You think I don't know.
12:31Oh.
12:31But not that.
12:32We're the ones showing your house.
12:34What?
12:34Your brother saw that Greg is a realtor in the area
12:38and asked us to convince you to accept his offer
12:41since we're friends.
12:43Oh, some friends you are.
12:45Did he tell you what the terms of his offer is?
12:48Sell a house out from under me and I get 20%.
12:51Thank you so much, your lordship.
12:53We thought at least if it was us,
12:55we'd look after your best interest.
12:56Yes.
12:57By kicking me out of my own house.
12:59But listen.
13:00I hate to bring it up,
13:01but your brother says you don't have much
13:03by way of retirement savings.
13:05Yeah.
13:06Well, you know how it is.
13:08Lobstering.
13:08You have a good year and then a bad one.
13:11So maybe you should let us show the house.
13:13There's a couple who wants to see it today.
13:15Fine.
13:16Fine.
13:18Fine.
13:18So,
13:20any intel on what happened
13:22between Louisa and your nephew?
13:24She's hiding in the walk-in right now.
13:27Very upset.
13:28You are not getting the hot goss.
13:30You two are off the hot goss list.
13:33Why me?
13:34You can't do that.
13:35Now she'll be able to stay on.
13:38Hello?
13:39And Sarah, listen.
13:40There could be a crisis at the Salty Breeze.
13:42Oh, you bet there is.
13:44Louisa is hiding in the walk-in refrigerator.
13:47When are you going to apologize to her?
13:49Never mind that.
13:50A patient here,
13:51a woman named Savannah,
13:53she was recently at the Salty Breeze
13:54and she's exhibiting plague-like symptoms.
13:56The plague?
13:57Like,
13:57bring out your dead?
13:59That plague?
14:00I'm all the way down.
14:01It's fine.
14:02Bubonic.
14:02Yes,
14:03the very one.
14:04Wait,
14:05what's that behind you?
14:07Oh,
14:09Doug's got a baby fox.
14:11Don't ask.
14:12Hold the phone closer to it?
14:13Sure.
14:14Greg,
14:14stay here,
14:15please.
14:19Look at those ears.
14:21That's a North African fennec fox.
14:23Doug,
14:24where did you get one of those?
14:25Funny story.
14:29Whoa!
14:30Whoa!
14:31Huh?
14:31Whoa!
14:32Wow,
14:32what's wrong with him?
14:33For starters,
14:34his face is in a bowl of oatmeal.
14:35Now pull him out
14:36and make sure he's breathing.
14:37All right.
14:38Okay?
14:39Whoa!
14:41Hold the phone closer.
14:42Let me see his neck.
14:44Oh,
14:44good Lord.
14:45What are those?
14:46Do you promise to remain calm?
14:49Wait.
14:51Is this the plague?
14:52Yeah.
14:54I didn't even want to be here today.
14:56Oh,
14:56excuse me.
14:57Everyone listen up.
14:58What do we do?
14:59A biohazard team is coming.
15:01Until you have all been tested
15:02and the plague has been ruled out,
15:03no one should leave the salty breeze.
15:04Understood?
15:05But we can still take walk-ins,
15:07right?
15:09Ugh!
15:15You get a sandwich!
15:17You get a sandwich!
15:19Mark,
15:20what are you doing here?
15:21Bringing people something to eat
15:22because I knew you wouldn't think about that
15:24because you don't think about people
15:25or their feelings.
15:28Mark left.
15:29Mark,
15:29we haven't had a chance to fumigate
15:31since you left,
15:31just some vacuuming.
15:33So congratulations,
15:34you've now potentially exposed yourself
15:35to plague-carrying fleas.
15:38It's probably fine.
15:39Well,
15:39now you can't leave
15:40until you've been cleared
15:40by the health authorities.
15:41Good.
15:45Mark,
15:46would you like to talk?
15:47No.
15:51Yes.
15:52I would like to talk.
15:57Is there anything
15:58you'd like to say to me
15:58that actually makes sense?
16:00Nope.
16:01I got nothing to say to you, man.
16:02Okay, fine.
16:03Then you can go back out.
16:11Okay,
16:12I actually do have
16:12a couple questions.
16:15Well,
16:15this should be fun.
16:17How long has it been going on
16:19between you and Louisa?
16:20Have you been dating
16:21all this time
16:22and just laughing at me
16:23behind my back?
16:24Are you two gonna get married
16:25and have little doctor
16:27and school teacher babies?
16:28Are you hoping that I die
16:30so you guys can just
16:30dance on my grave?
16:32Mark,
16:32Mark,
16:32I assure you,
16:33Louisa and I were not
16:35and are not together.
16:36So if we're done here,
16:37I have a plague outbreak
16:38to deal with.
16:39Yeah,
16:39but you didn't say
16:39that you won't be together,
16:40okay?
16:41Because I can just see
16:42through that little game
16:42of yours.
16:43You are not gonna seek
16:44the future past
16:45Sheriff Mark Mila!
16:50The plague?
16:51I go into the walk-in
16:53for an hour
16:53and come out
16:53to the literal plague?
16:55Yeah,
16:55makes you think,
16:56doesn't it,
16:57about our mortality.
16:59Makes me think
17:00about getting our affairs
17:01in order,
17:01updating our wills,
17:03double-checking the DNR.
17:04Boring.
17:05Right.
17:06Who wants a shot
17:07on the house?
17:08Oh, I know,
17:08we're talking.
17:09Oh, sure,
17:10first sign of a crisis
17:11and everyone drinks
17:12for free.
17:13Well,
17:13if we're gonna die,
17:14let's die at a party.
17:16This is my kind of plague.
17:18Free booze
17:19with my special lady.
17:21Oh,
17:21that's what I'm talking about.
17:23Let's toast
17:23to living life
17:24to the fullest.
17:25To no regrets?
17:26To do not resuscitate.
17:28Oh, stop.
17:29The plague?
17:30Are you serious?
17:31It's a possibility,
17:32but we caught it early
17:33and we're treating it
17:34with antibiotics,
17:35so you should be okay.
17:35Wow.
17:36You know,
17:37I had my cards read recently
17:38and the reader said
17:39that something bad
17:39or not so bad
17:40could or could not happen.
17:42And now look at this.
17:43It's crazy, right?
17:44Hey,
17:44you better not be
17:44interrogating someone
17:45because I'm the one
17:46who does the interrogating.
17:47Who are you?
17:48We'll ask the questions here.
17:50Go ahead.
17:51Ask your questions.
17:53Doug over at the Salty Breeze
17:55has been exhibiting
17:55similar symptoms.
17:56Have you had any
17:57recent interactions with him?
17:58Doug?
17:59Doug.
18:01Dougie, Dougie,
18:02Doug, Doug, Doug.
18:03No, that name
18:04does not ring a bell.
18:05I don't believe you.
18:07I don't believe anyone anymore.
18:08You know,
18:09stop trusting
18:09and you start rusting.
18:11Think about it.
18:11Have you been abroad lately?
18:13You know what?
18:13Actually,
18:14I did go to Morocco recently
18:15for a yoga retreat.
18:17Namaste.
18:17Mm-hmm.
18:17And that's where
18:18you got the fennec fox?
18:19What's a fennec fox?
18:22Anyway,
18:23it's probably just like
18:23a regular fox,
18:24but with bigger ears.
18:25You just said
18:25you didn't know
18:26what a fennec fox was,
18:27so how would you know
18:28that fennec foxes
18:29have big ears
18:29if you don't know
18:30what a fennec fox is.
18:32Don't you lie to me,
18:33Savannah!
18:33Okay.
18:34Thank you for your help, Mark.
18:36I'll take it from here.
18:37Okay.
18:37Hey,
18:38I think I rattled her cage
18:39pretty good.
18:40She's gonna crack soon,
18:41all right?
18:41Hey!
18:43But I'm still mad at him.
18:44Okay, thank you.
18:45I'm still mad at him.
18:46Okay, I got it.
18:46Thanks, Mark.
18:47I got it.
18:48Wow!
18:50There's a roiling tension
18:51between you two.
18:52What's going on there?
18:53Just admit
18:54you smuggled
18:54the fennec fox
18:55and sold it to Doug
18:56so I don't have to bring back
18:57the emotionally unstable sheriff.
18:59Okay?
19:00Fine!
19:01But if you think
19:01you can make a living
19:02charging five-year-olds
19:03to ride ponies,
19:04think again.
19:05I don't think that.
19:06I don't know why
19:06anyone would think that,
19:07but the fox you trafficked...
19:10I call it
19:10exotic animal re-homing.
19:12Whatever!
19:12It likely has
19:13plague-carrying fleas
19:14that multiplied
19:15and migrated
19:16to the other animals
19:17in your zoo
19:17and then spread to you
19:18and not a Doug.
19:19Look, I'm not a monster, okay?
19:21I'm just trying to find
19:22loving homes
19:22for these animals.
19:24They carry stress
19:25in their bodies
19:25just like we do.
19:26You really feel like
19:27you're holding on
19:28to a lot of stress too,
19:29my dude.
19:30And the only way
19:30to let go of stress
19:32is to open up.
19:33Well, I wouldn't open up
19:34too much
19:35unless you have
19:35a lawyer present.
19:36Now, if you'll excuse me,
19:38I need to let the town
19:39know about the mess
19:39you've made.
19:41Elaine,
19:41we need to make a PSA.
19:42A what?
19:43A public cert.
19:45A video
19:46telling the community
19:47what's going on.
19:48Okay?
19:48We'll post it
19:48to your social media.
19:50Oh, now you like
19:51my social media.
19:52Elaine,
19:53please.
19:58I regret never
19:59making time
20:00to visit my sister
20:01in Florida.
20:02Uh, you called
20:03your sister
20:04and I quote
20:05a joyless iguana
20:07with a Chardonnay problem.
20:09I also regret
20:11trusting George
20:11to keep our
20:12conversations private.
20:14What about you,
20:15Louisa?
20:16Is there anything
20:18or anyone
20:19you'd be sad
20:20to miss out on?
20:24Really?
20:25Really?
20:26With everything
20:27that's going on,
20:28this is what
20:29you're focused on?
20:31our school
20:32is closing,
20:33which is a
20:34a huge blow
20:35to Portwyn,
20:36not to mention
20:36my career.
20:37I mean,
20:37I have no idea
20:38what's happening
20:38in my life next.
20:39Oh, oh,
20:40and we might
20:40all have a disease
20:41that killed
20:42half of medieval Europe,
20:44so, you know,
20:44sure,
20:45we can just
20:46discuss
20:46my weird kiss
20:47with the town doctor.
20:50When you say
20:52weird,
20:53yeah,
20:53I was thinking
20:58Portwyn is a fishbowl
20:59and I'm tired
21:00of being a goldfish.
21:01Are we recording?
21:02Yes.
21:03Why are you looking
21:04at the...
21:04Okay, ready?
21:05A, go.
21:08Hello.
21:10Dr. Martin Best
21:12here in Portwyn,
21:13where we appear
21:14to be having
21:15an outbreak
21:17of bubonic plague.
21:19Now,
21:19there's no cause
21:20for panic,
21:21but if you're
21:21experiencing
21:22flu-like symptoms,
21:23along with
21:24painful swelling
21:25in your neck,
21:26armpits,
21:27or groin area,
21:28or unusual
21:29lesions or sores,
21:30please come see me
21:31or another
21:31healthcare provider
21:32immediately.
21:33Just because I'm
21:33stuck at the doctor's
21:34office don't get
21:34any ideas
21:35about committing
21:36any crimes.
21:38Please share
21:39this post widely,
21:40Eleniacs,
21:40who could save a life.
21:42Is she saying
21:43give me a follow
21:43as if she isn't
21:44talking to, like,
21:4512 people?
21:45Eleniacs?
21:46She's worse
21:46than the plague.
21:47Let those three die.
21:48Yeah, question.
21:50Shouldn't we consider
21:51other disease vectors
21:52like dirt?
21:54I hate the internet.
21:56Elaine!
21:58Hey!
21:58No, don't.
21:59Stay there.
22:00The plague?
22:01Hey.
22:01Are you okay?
22:02Yeah.
22:03I don't know.
22:03This is weird,
22:04but I'm fine.
22:05I, um,
22:06I brought you lunch.
22:08Uh-huh.
22:09Mark brought
22:09sandwiches, too.
22:10I'll take it.
22:11His were very dry.
22:12Hey, listen.
22:13So I speed-read
22:14this acting book,
22:15and it said,
22:16track the emotional
22:17beats of a monologue.
22:18So I got your monologue,
22:18and I started tracking
22:19the emotional beats of it.
22:20Actually, um, I, uh,
22:21I don't think
22:22I'm gonna get to it.
22:23What?
22:23You have to.
22:24I looked at it,
22:25and there's no extension.
22:26Well, you have to do it today.
22:27Al, look around.
22:29I'm in a crisis.
22:30I can't.
22:30I was thinking
22:30we could shoot
22:31through the window.
22:31Al, seriously?
22:32Just let it go, okay?
22:33No!
22:34Look, this is all
22:35you talk about,
22:36wanting to go to school
22:36in New York City, okay?
22:38Let me help.
22:39I don't want your help, okay?
22:40If you like the idea
22:41of school in New York so much,
22:42you can go.
22:43I don't want your help.
22:47Fine.
22:48Bye.
22:48Bye.
22:49Leave the lunch!
22:53Are you guys fighting?
22:59Cheers.
23:01For a woman in a plague house,
23:02you're looking awfully
23:03pleased with yourself.
23:04Well, I'm feeling
23:05very at peace with my life.
23:07Plus, you're stuck here with me,
23:08so you can't show my house.
23:11No such luck.
23:12We have someone
23:13showing it for us.
23:14Aw.
23:15Who?
23:16Old man Collins.
23:17Damn it all.
23:19Doug!
23:21You good?
23:22Whoa.
23:23I was really out of it.
23:25Doug, I've got something
23:27really important to tell you,
23:28and it might be scary.
23:30I'm not gonna be a dad, am I?
23:32What?
23:33Oh, I don't know.
23:34You might have the plague.
23:35The bubonic plague?
23:36Mm-hmm.
23:37How did I get that?
23:38Doc said it must be
23:39some animals owned
23:39by some woman named Savannah.
23:41Oh, no.
23:42Savannah's got the plague.
23:44Where is she?
23:45Doc Martin's office.
23:46Why?
23:47She needs me.
23:49Doug.
23:50Stop.
23:50We're not supposed to leave.
23:52Hi, Jeb.
23:53Hello?
23:54Jeb, it's Sarah.
23:56I can't talk now.
23:57I'm showing a house for Ken.
24:00You mean Greg?
24:00Yeah, Greg.
24:01Listen, could you do me a favor?
24:04Where is she?
24:06Where's Savannah?
24:07Whoa, whoa, whoa.
24:07Slow your roll, Jeb.
24:08Doug, what are you doing?
24:09You shouldn't be running around town
24:10with a plague-infested creature.
24:12Don't you call my Savannah that.
24:14I'm talking about...
24:15Wait.
24:16You're Savannah?
24:18Have you and Savannah been intimate?
24:20That's a clinical way to put it.
24:22That's Doc.
24:23Clinical.
24:23No harm.
24:24Clock it, Marky.
24:25Period.
24:26Go on.
24:27I met her on a website
24:28for enthusiasts of unusual pets,
24:31but it only took a few encrypted texts
24:33for me to realize that she's my soulmate.
24:35That's what you said about my wife!
24:37Oh, hey, Gil.
24:38Good to see you, man.
24:39So the answer is yes.
24:41You two have been intimate.
24:42Come with me.
24:48Savannah, my love.
24:49Let's not go crazy.
24:51Are most of your painful lesions
24:52in your groin area?
24:53Oh, yeah.
24:54Do you want to say...
24:54Worth it.
24:55No, no, no, nope.
24:56I take your word for it.
24:57Okay.
24:58Now, you might actually have
25:00a sexually transmitted infection
25:02called LGV,
25:03which has similar symptoms to the plague.
25:05Must have been that guy from Bonnaroo.
25:07Luckily, it too can be treated
25:08with a course of antibiotics.
25:10Sorry, Doug.
25:11Come on.
25:16Doug, your last girlfriend gave you breasts.
25:18This one gave you a disease
25:19similar to the plague.
25:20As your physician,
25:21I feel compelled to say,
25:23make better dating choices.
25:25I gotta say,
25:26the vibe at the salty breeze
25:27was way better.
25:28Elaine, we need to make another post.
25:29On it.
25:32Hello, everyone.
25:33This is Port Wynn,
25:35public safety officer Elaine.
25:36That's not your title.
25:37With an important update.
25:39Hi, everyone.
25:40Dr. Best here.
25:42So the situation is evolving,
25:44and we're still waiting
25:45for the biohazard team
25:46to arrive to confirm,
25:48but at the moment,
25:48my assessment is we are not
25:50having a plague outbreak
25:51in Port Wynn.
25:52But still don't commit any crimes.
25:56Doc, have you ever thought
25:57about being a hair model?
25:58Because the camera
25:59actually loves your hair.
26:00What?
26:01Loves it.
26:02Really?
26:02Hey, if it's not the plague,
26:03what do you think it is?
26:04I can't say.
26:07Confidentiality.
26:07There can't be that many diseases
26:09that have plague-like symptoms.
26:12Yikes.
26:12That looks uncomfortable.
26:25So, good news.
26:27Martin just posted another video
26:28saying that it looks like
26:29there's no plague outbreak after all,
26:30so all we have to do
26:32is just hang out here
26:32for a little bit longer,
26:33get tested just to be sure.
26:35That's great.
26:36You seem less than thrilled.
26:39I...
26:41I just feel disappointed.
26:42about where my life is right now, so...
26:45Well, this may be controversial
26:48given the day that we've had,
26:49but when I'm feeling low,
26:52do you know what makes me feel better?
26:55Besides umbrellas and drinks.
26:56Okay, then I give up.
26:58Watching animal videos.
27:00Huh?
27:01Mm-hmm.
27:01Not what I was expecting.
27:03Hey, hey, hey.
27:03Otters holding paws
27:05while they float on their backs.
27:07Pudgy marmots doing goofy marmots
27:08things in the Alpine Meadows.
27:09My favorite is this wolf den in Acadia.
27:12I defy you
27:13not to be
27:15transported.
27:16This is a twist.
27:17Should we watch one?
27:18After that, how could we not?
27:19You know I got it queued up already.
27:21I'm serious.
27:22Okay, here we go.
27:34Okay, that is Wolf Blitzer.
27:37We love him.
27:37And this one...
27:38Oh.
27:41No, was this a bad choice?
27:43No, no, no.
27:43It's perfect.
27:45Okay.
27:45All right, well.
27:47Let's watch this the right way.
27:48Okay.
27:50Okay, so that's it.
27:51That's Wolf Blitzer.
27:52Wolf Blitzer?
27:53And we don't like that.
27:54Okay.
27:54But we love Wolf Blitzer.
27:55We love Wolf Blitzer.
28:07Sorry to intrude, but I'm sensing some inner tension.
28:10Whoa, you really are psychic.
28:11People do say that.
28:13But really, we're all just animals who think we're better at hiding our own stress than we
28:16actually are.
28:19I've barely worked on my audition.
28:21I don't know.
28:22I'm, like, too scared, I guess.
28:25Fear of failure.
28:25I get that.
28:27I hated taking tests in school.
28:29Why do you think I turned to a life of crime?
28:31Yes, crazy animal lady.
28:34So hot.
28:35Actually, I'm more afraid of success.
28:37I mean, what if I crush this audition and Juilliard is like, holy crap, we have literally
28:41never seen anyone act so good.
28:43Then you move to New York City and you follow your dreams?
28:46Oh, barf.
28:46So basic.
28:47Do you mind?
28:49Then I would have to leave Al behind.
28:52Is Al your boyfriend?
28:54You know, we have this idea that life has to be either or.
28:58That we can only have one good thing.
29:00But what if the universe is like, no, you can have all the good things?
29:05So I could have Al and Juilliard?
29:07Yeah.
29:07Or in my case, beat this crazy STD in the federal wildlife animal charges that I'm facing.
29:11Yeah, no fingers crossed for the both of us.
29:16I saw your video.
29:17Hey, no offense, buddy, but you're not looking too good right now.
29:20Um, Doc?
29:23Lennon, you shouldn't be here.
29:25Oh, I'm growing nipples on my neck.
29:28Okay, maybe you should.
29:29Have you had intimate contact with this woman, Doug, or both?
29:33Are you suggesting I had some kind of woo-woo three-way with those weirdos?
29:37Hell no.
29:38Rules out the STD.
29:40I got it.
29:42Well, have you visited the petting zoo, maybe?
29:44I mean, uh, I don't think so.
29:47This isn't a hard question.
29:49I might have taken my son.
29:50Isn't Glendon Jr. like 17?
29:52Fine.
29:53I went alone.
29:53Okay.
29:55I like petting the goats.
29:57Soothing.
29:58Exposure.
29:59Bubos.
30:01We might be looking at a plague outbreak after all.
30:04Yeah.
30:04I concur.
30:05Um, hey, Doc.
30:06Bad news.
30:07Biohazard team got in a fender bender and said they're going to be delayed by a couple of hours.
30:10What?
30:10Okay, didn't you say the longer it takes those guys to get there, the more dangerous it gets?
30:13Great.
30:14Now I have to text my mom back and tell her I am going to die.
30:16Thanks a lot.
30:16Nobody is going to die.
30:18Hey, we just need to stay calm and in control of the situation.
30:22Is that clear?
30:23Um, has anyone seen the fox?
30:26What?
30:27My mom was right.
30:28I lack the emotional maturity to own a pet.
30:30You need to find that fox.
30:32You're going to be fine.
30:33But if you need to pet a baby goat...
30:35Oh, shut up.
30:36Doc, we got more incoming.
30:38I'm not feeling so hot.
30:40I'm like, is this the plague?
30:41My daughter's like, go find out, dummy.
30:44Yeah, I just feel like ass.
30:47You know, like a general all-over assiness.
30:51Mark, text your mom at the pharmacy.
30:53Tell her we need more antibiotics, rapid flu tests, and any IV bags she may have on hand.
30:56Have her leave them out front and then go run down and get them.
30:58Got it?
30:58All right, no problem.
31:00Elaine, we need to update the public.
31:03Excuse me, Dr. Best here.
31:06Small update on the previous update, but not you.
31:10Yes.
31:11To reiterate, please disregard my previous post.
31:14We are having an outbreak of plague here in Portland.
31:18Also, Al, if you're watching, I am sorry that I was so crabby.
31:22That was not about you.
31:23I do want to go for it, and I really need your help.
31:25Okay, bye.
31:26First we're going to die, then we're not going to die.
31:28Now we're back to dying.
31:30Make up your mind already, will you, Doc?
31:32Boo!
31:33That guy sucks.
31:34We're all symptom-free for now, so I think we should just...
31:38What?
31:39Stay calm.
31:40I'm calm.
31:41I'm calm.
31:44What is...
31:45It's Greg's real estate phone.
31:47Hi, Greg Garrison Realty.
31:49This is Greg speaking.
31:50How may I help you find the home of your dreams?
31:54I see.
31:55Well, that is...
31:58Okay.
31:59Well, thank you very much.
32:01Who was that?
32:02The buyer is looking at Sarah's house.
32:04Jeb Collins told him the house was full of fleas with plague.
32:07I wonder why he would do that.
32:12Beats me.
32:15Oh, fine.
32:17I paid him off to badmouth it.
32:19Excuse me.
32:20If I'm going to die of the plague, I want to do it in my own house.
32:23Nobody's pushing me out.
32:24Well, except possibly death.
32:26But point taken.
32:28You know what I think we could all use right now?
32:31Wolfed in video.
32:32Oh.
32:33Yes.
32:34Fire it up.
32:34Yes.
32:35Okay.
32:37Did you get the antibiotics?
32:38Yeah, I got you.
32:38Sorry, y'all.
32:40All right.
32:43Okay, everybody, listen up.
32:45We're having a lot of people come in right now not feeling well.
32:48Now, most of you probably just have the flu, but some of you might have the plague.
32:52So here's what we're going to do.
32:54Who here's having fever, aches, and fatigue?
32:57Okay.
32:57Now, you're going to take rapid flu tests out here in the waiting room.
33:00Now, who has swollen lymph nodes under your chin, possibly in your armpit or groin?
33:04Okay.
33:05If you have any of those, you're going to come into the exam room.
33:07We're going to give you antibiotics right away.
33:09Now, you are not contagious, and we will take care of you.
33:11I'm just here for nighttime gas.
33:13Noted.
33:14Let's go.
33:19Al, what are you doing here?
33:20Do you have plague symptoms?
33:22I don't care about the plague.
33:23Famous last words.
33:24I came back.
33:25I'm so sorry.
33:26Honestly, I was just afraid of my own awesomeness.
33:29I forgive you, but we have to move fast.
33:31We only have a couple hours until the deadline.
33:32All right?
33:33Did you memorize your speech?
33:34Yeah, I'm off book.
33:35Sick.
33:35I have no idea what that means.
33:37Okay.
33:38Who wants to be in a movie or a very low-budget audition video?
33:43I might be available.
33:45You're not thinking of doing this in here, are you?
33:51Why not?
33:53I'll go deal with the plague while you put on your little show.
33:59Hi, I'm Elaine Denton, and I will be performing Olga's monologue from Anton Chekhov's Three
34:05Sisters, which is a play that I have read.
34:17It almost seems as if a minute more, and we'll know why we live and why we suffer.
34:28If only we knew.
34:30If only we knew.
34:33What difference does it make?
34:36What difference does it make?
34:40If only we knew.
34:44And cut.
34:48Elaine, you're so good.
34:51Should I take my line again?
34:52No.
34:54I think we got it.
34:58Oh, my God.
35:00What's he got?
35:03Like kittens.
35:07Look at that one.
35:10Aw.
35:11The mother-child bond, it's so primal, so deep.
35:15I mean, why would a lady wolf ever not want to have that experience?
35:18Guy wolfs come and go, but the bond to your wolf baby, that's forever.
35:23I mean, not having a wolf cub.
35:25I mean, she'd probably regret that for the rest of her wolf life.
35:32What?
35:34Are you wanting a wolf cub?
35:36What?
35:37No, I, why would you, I mean, maybe, okay, I don't know.
35:43I'm going to say something to you, and if I'm overstepping, tell me to buzz off.
35:47Okay.
35:47If you ever decide to have a baby on your own, I will be there for you.
35:54Cooking, babysitting, whatever you need.
35:56We'll all be there for you.
35:59Of course, all of us.
36:01Oh, yes, honey, even when we're nosy and annoying, we're your friends.
36:08You guys.
36:16That took you a while.
36:18Everyone in this room needs to be tested along with a few people down the street.
36:21Understood.
36:22We've already got team members over there.
36:24We'll get a testing station set up ASAP.
36:26Coming back.
36:27First, I want you to check on my patients with lesions.
36:29Some of the ones out here might have the plague.
36:32Some of them might just have the flu.
36:34But everyone out here needs rapid tests for plague.
36:40Okay, folks, I'm headed home as soon as they clear me.
36:44Oh, I gotta go sleep it up.
36:46Sam, my nerves are shot.
36:47You can settle them by helping me prep for tomorrow.
36:49Sweetie, after the day I've had, I'm in bath and a nap there.
36:53Am I crazy to say today was fun?
36:57Yes.
36:58Fun.
36:59First we're dying, then we're not dying, then we're dying, now we're not dying.
37:08Another drink, anybody?
37:10Drinks on the house.
37:11Let me call animal control real quick.
37:13Oh, hey, thanks, Doc.
37:15You know, despite being trapped in the paradigm of Western medicine,
37:18I would have been in real trouble if I hadn't come to you.
37:21I think you are in real trouble.
37:22Your fox did give six of our townspeople the plague.
37:24Yeah, well, if I may, I think your dog is sad because he doesn't know where he stands with you.
37:31He's like, am I his dog or am I not?
37:35He's not.
37:38I don't believe you.
37:39And neither does your dog.
37:42You know, you should admit that you actually care about whoever it is that you care about.
37:47At least to yourself.
37:50Uh-huh.
37:51Well, you should pursue a therapy degree while you're in jail.
37:55Maybe I will.
37:58Anyway.
38:00Thanks, Doc.
38:02Hey, do you know any lawyers?
38:07Bye, Sheriff.
38:09Bye, Sylvain.
38:20So it's like that, huh?
38:21You're not even going to apologize.
38:23Look, Mark, I understand you're upset, but I don't know what I actually did to...
38:26Am I your friend?
38:27Excuse me?
38:28Do you consider me your friend?
38:35Yes.
38:38Okay.
38:40Well, when you're friends with someone and you start having feelings for their ex, you gotta give them a heads
38:46up, Doc.
38:47It's just something that happened.
38:48I know, I know.
38:49Like a one-time heat of the moment type thing, huh?
38:52It meant nothing.
38:55Ha-ha.
38:57Ha-ha.
38:59What?
39:00You kissed Louisa and you think it meant nothing?
39:05You're not just lying to me, buddy.
39:07You're lying to yourself.
39:12I'll see you later, okay?
39:29Thanks for meeting me.
39:30Sure.
39:31I mean, what a day.
39:32Ha-ha.
39:34In fact, it gave me a lot to think about.
39:37About what?
39:40Um, just...
39:45Oh.
39:50Um, what are the odds of an exotic animal, not even from the continent, showing up in a small town
39:57and causing an outbreak of plague?
39:59Wait, wait, what?
40:00Low.
40:01Oh.
40:01Very low.
40:03Vanishingly low.
40:06And there are lots of things about life that I might not understand as well as I thought.
40:14I-I don't know why I sometimes say obnoxious things.
40:18Martin, you don't.
40:20Please, I...
40:22You know, another surprising thing about life is that sometimes other things with incredibly low odds can also happen.
40:35Nice things.
40:37Things between two people.
40:41Martin, please.
40:43I...
40:43I've been thinking, too.
40:45Mm-hmm.
40:47And...
40:49I think this town is too small for us to date.
40:54Even if it were a good idea, which I don't think that it is.
41:00Oh.
41:01You're a great guy.
41:02Oh, no.
41:02You don't need to explain anything to me.
41:04No, I just...
41:05And we have this crazy push and pull, which is exciting and also frustrating.
41:08And, uh, I just don't think I have a bunch of time for a lot of drama right now because
41:15I want to have a baby.
41:21Oh, God, not with you.
41:22Oh.
41:23Not with...
41:23I...
41:24Not what I was saying.
41:25Just, uh...
41:27Just, uh...
41:28A baby.
41:29Mm-hmm.
41:30Mm-hmm.
41:31Mm-hmm.
41:32Mm-hmm.
41:32Mm-hmm.
41:32Mm-hmm.
41:32Mm-hmm.
41:33Mm-hmm.
41:35Mm-hmm.
41:35Mm-hmm.
41:37Mm-hmm.
41:40I wish you luck with that.
41:42I do.
41:46Okay.
41:47Have a good night.
41:48Okay.
41:48Well, nobody knows the kind of fool I was before.
41:59Stepping out on my own, bringing nothing along.
42:06Just turn off the lights before I go.
42:30Okay, Copernicus.
42:32Let's go for a walk.
42:33The way that I always let you down
42:41Cause nobody knows
42:43I know I've been a liar to hold
42:55I learned that lesson long ago
42:58One door opens and others gotta close
43:05I'll go as far as I can see
43:09To make some better memories
43:12To get to where you go
43:15You gotta leave
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