- 13 minutes ago
Ghosts (US) - Season 5 Episode 14 -
The Water Heater
The Water Heater
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:06I think the voting for class president has concluded and don't keep me waiting
00:11man what were the results well you won I won I shall write to father immediately
00:18as a what a day to be Isaac oh oh no yes that is my mistake I was saying you
00:26colon one the number one o-n-e what you received one vote Ebenezer Hubbard received the rest so you
00:34won Ebenezer Hubbard all the rest why would you say it like that is surely miscounted I must have
00:42received two votes one cast by myself and the other by you my roommate it's just that Ebenezer
00:49Hubbard was offering more pudding in the dining hall oh you and your single issue pudding voting
00:54you know that's a treat for children you have a problem sir I'm sorry I'm just upset
01:02you know it makes me feel better when I'm upset
01:12oh is it smaller than a bread box yeah is it a Dane's head again
01:17most excellent guesser guys this was so much fun I can't believe we've never done a double date
01:24before girl we've done this many times before oh right on what is this you guys been going on double
01:31dates apparently well till next time
01:39why haven't you guys invited me and Bela to these group dates we're another couple in the house
01:44well kind of you can only see her when you visit her in her dreams yeah no disrespect but you
01:51guys are
01:52sort of a night couple and we'd love that for you look I know my thing with Bela is unconventional
01:58I mean our last date took place in a hot air balloon floating over Mars but our relationship
02:03is just as real as anyone else's okay sass would uh you and Bela like to go on a double
02:11date with me
02:11and Pete later say after we smell lunch we'd love to oh and let us know if we can bring
02:17anything
02:17because my girlfriend can carry stuff sounds great we're excited how's this gonna work I have no idea
02:27yes I'm sorry Mrs. Stevens but we are aware and we're working on the hot water issue right now
02:32you know a lot of high-end spas offer a cold plunge that guests actually pay extra for
02:38and she hung up on me as a former penny stock slinger I appreciate the attempt to polish that
02:43turd well done you know it's great that we're getting more guests since we got on that boutique
02:48hotels list but I'm a little worried about the strain it's putting on the old water heater
02:52fool not understand why anyone need hot bath or bath oh one of my greatest pleasures in life
02:59was indulging in a hot bath the steam the solitude the pain grunts of my servants as they
03:04lugged the boiling water up three flights of stairs didn't you have some big epiphany last week
03:09something about a newfound respect for the working man did I that does sound familiar
03:13hello all happy election day oh that's right today's the day those cretins downstairs choose
03:19their nominee for ghost representative yes if I win this and then later I best flower in the general
03:24election the office is mine Samantha what's going on you're not wearing your button well I was wearing
03:31it but then guests kept asking what Isaac for ghost representative meant and I didn't really have
03:35a good answer what does ghost representative even do again there's ghosts who speak with Sam on behalf
03:40of other ghosts dates back to early days when Sam gained ability to see ghosts but now more of a
03:47figurehead position exactly I've always wanted to be a figurehead oh I'm so nervous I stand on the
03:53precipice of my first ever election victory I don't understand how this thing is even close isn't your
03:59opponent literally named the creepy dirk down there creepiness isn't a liability it's just
04:03something that makes you relatable hey babe mark and I were just working on the water heater
04:08well mark was working Jay just held the flashlight and screamed ah cobweb it's bad news you're gonna
04:15need a new unit yeah we're gonna need a new unit babe a new water heater Samantha that's not going
04:21to
04:21go over well in the basement they love that water heater are you sure we can't just repair the current
04:26unit unfortunately no but the good news is I can get you a new one pretty quick yeah yeah we
04:31can get
04:32it expedited please stop doing that okay Jay this isn't good the basement goes to really attach to that
04:40old water heater why it's basically their god why why did the ancients revere Zeus why did I have my
04:48foreskin removed while people gave speeches and ate locks the point is they love that water heater and who are
04:54we to question it Isaac maybe just don't mention this to the basement ghosts they are gonna figure
05:00it out when mark shows up with a new water heater I know but until then I don't need them
05:04complaining
05:05and trying to talk me out of it I don't know Samantha I don't feel right withholding information from
05:09those ghouls I mean my people what if I agree to wear the button deal
05:17hey what are you still doing here oh I since they're so busy Sam asked me to stick around and
05:23help out with ghost stuff for a few days Thor wanted ram's testicles so I'm making Swedish meatballs and
05:29hoping he can't smell the difference who are you talking to sass is here oh hey babe loved our balloon
05:36ride last night we gave those Martians quite a show great okay this is perfect would you mind asking
05:43Bela if she's free to join me on a double date with Pete in Alberta today this isn't something
05:47that can wait until Bela takes a nap oh just ask when to meet up I had lasagna for lunch
05:51oh heavy
05:52so I could see myself falling asleep within the hour cool um he's actually asking if you want a
05:59double date with Alberta and Pete today like in a dream oh no no no like an actual double date
06:05while
06:05we're awake it's not like we're just a night couple he's saying an actual date here while you're awake
06:10okay fine but how would that work well Kyle this is where you come in oh no no no no
06:20I will not be
06:21acting as translator on a ghost double date oh come on Kyle please sass and I have never been on
06:27a real
06:27date before okay that is not true we've gone on plenty of real dates they're just please Kyle it would
06:34mean a lot to us okay fine fine I will join as the fifth wheel on an interdimensional ghost date
06:40all because I was knocked out by a goose on a roller coaster that's a spirit now do these look
06:46like
06:46rams balls to you oh yeah awesome love my life I'll see you later hi Isaac Akin to running for
06:56ghost
06:56representative seriously it's me Catherine we've been standing next to each other for months oh oh
07:04it's just that you look so different is that a new sack it really brings out the jaundice in your
07:11cheeks not surprised he doesn't recognize you since he spends all his time upstairs talking to his high
07:18altitude friends oh sick burn no no no no I am a basement ghost I'm creepy I smell bad people
07:28don't
07:28want to be around me I'm one of you look Isaac I wanted to give you the benefit of the
07:34doubt when
07:34you started this whole thing but a leopard doesn't change its spots you're upstairs every chance you get
07:41he was upstairs 15 minutes ago you reek of sunlight and circulated air okay it's true I do spend time
07:49up there but it's for you no no no for real for real in fact because I have ingratiated myself
07:57and
07:57earned their trust I have come across some Intel the likes of which dirt could never glean that's
08:03creepy dirt to you show some respect wait what are you talking about what Intel Sam and Jay intend to
08:10replace the water heater yes but if elected your ghost representative I won't let that happen
08:16I Isaac Higgintoot will save the water heater
08:35greetings all oh you're in a good mood have you ever had your name chanted at you
08:40it's intoxicating they chant in my name it scores once they have to if you order the boo bluge
08:46Isaac what did you do to receive such adulation well that's what I'm here to talk about Samantha
08:52there's been a change of plans in terms of the water heater you actually now cannot buy a new one
08:57what are you talking about as it turns out my campaign was barreling towards defeat apparently
09:03I'm viewed as somewhat of an elite upstairs intellectual so in a shrewd political maneuver
09:08I promised my subterranean constituents that their beloved water heater shall not be replaced this is
09:14unbelievable Isaac promised the basement ghosts that we wouldn't get a new water heater well what
09:19if I said that I don't care what one invisible person promises another group of invisible people
09:23please Samantha I need this election it means everything and we need a working water heater
09:29we have guests and the current one can't keep up with the demand or we could simply pour one bath
09:35and allow your guests to take turns that is how we bathed our hounds not the show hounds obviously but
09:41the pigeon hounds okay it seems that we're at an impasse hmm I need to sew up this nomination
09:47you need this new water heater or we just go with Hetty's hound plan which is still on the table
09:52what if hmm we just delay the water heater by a day that way I can tell the basement ghost
09:58that I
09:59convinced you not to touch the old one and then after I win the election we can bring in the
10:03new
10:03water heater but won't they just be mad later well then I'll deal with that then the important thing
10:07is to win the election first or you could just be a real leader and tell your constituents the hard
10:12truth now oh like you're a profile in courage when you tell Jay that your moisturizer costs only eight
10:17dollars uh Jay now I'm thinking maybe we should delay the water heater installation by a day
10:23well why babe ghost stuff
10:28uh circle uh moon uh planet man they're good Bailey having fun Kyle please relay uh so are you having
10:37fun sass is asking totally I mean I'm looking at an empty room but when it's our term I think
10:43it's
10:43gonna be pretty exciting uh hey planet of the apes ding ding ding ding point beauty and the Pete
10:51okay sass and Bela you're up Bela it's your turn to guess so sass here is your clue lime what
10:59the
10:59hell kind of clue is lime oh he can't say it out loud that's cheating she can't hear me Pete
11:02right
11:03uh what's wrong with my clue limes were my favorite garnish so quit whining and start miming
11:08oh babe that was good is the date still happening Kyle put 60 seconds on the clock
11:17okay uh fine go screwing in a light bulb why are you twisting your hand like that this is how
11:28you get it out of the tree now uh no verbal cues is it a squirrel who pulls a squirrel
11:33off a tree
11:34uh okay uh try this uh turning a doorknob no uh oh cleaning a glass wait why'd you stop doing
11:42it
11:43she's not getting it okay maybe uh charades wasn't the best idea it's fine we got it Pete
11:49oh what's happening now sass is kind of snapping at Pete well don't tell her that look this was a
11:54lot
11:54of fun but maybe we just call it a day I think we just need a different clue okay Kyle
12:00really wasn't
12:00getting that one I'm doing it exactly how you how is this not juicing a lime oh and now he
12:05said it
12:06out loud that's actually a point for us and time oh that was a disaster he said it was a
12:11disaster
12:11seriously oh my god man show some judgment
12:16all right you two any final words before we vote just remember who's responsible for saving our dear
12:23dear water heater and his precious gurgles some people are calling me the gurgle king yeah they
12:30are gurgle king gurgle king you're supposed to install this tomorrow yeah but me and tracy are doing
12:39this daytime date tomorrow a couple's therapist thinks it could be a game changer it's a new water
12:45heater is it though it could be a water softener or or one of those japanese toilets anyway i believe
12:51we
12:51are about to vote why would there be a new water heater if isaac got sam and jay to agree
12:57to keep
12:57the old one i think i know what happened you do yep clear as day sam freaking stabbed isaac in
13:08the back
13:09you had to deal with her and she decided to take a big old ten dollar dumperoo on it
13:16that witch how dare she let's go up there and give all her guests cholera what
13:24or or or we just let bygones be bygones
13:32i kid of course let's do the cholera thing
13:43oh yeah mom no things are good well we did have to splurge on a new water heater but hopefully
13:49that is the last surprise for a little while huh oh baila dating anyone um not that i've
13:56seen oh that's clever good one steve all right you three head up to the guest rooms and cholera
14:03anyone with a pulse the rest of us will fan out on the main floor what's going on well a
14:09funny story
14:09actually samantha betrayed us so we're sort of up here to take revenge by you know giving everyone
14:15cholera yeah wait because they're getting a new water heater it's not just that it's that she deceived
14:22us and broke her promise to isaac broke her promise to isaac that doesn't sound like something
14:28sam would do and yet here we are now let's get to collaring everyone and ruining sam and jay's
14:35business i just feel like with woodstone getting on that b and b list things are finally turning
14:40around for us now let's make them pay isaac do something sam and jay are your friends here we go
14:50ducks on the pond hope your toilets are working better than your water heater jay no no no stop
14:56this oh this is terrible wait i lied samantha's innocent what are you talking about well um she never
15:06promised she would keep the old water heater i just told you that she did but why because i wanted
15:12to win the election my plan was to secure your votes and then well deal with the fallout afterward
15:19so you just wanted to trick us it's been 250 years i needed a win i mean this is crazy
15:25that
15:25mouth breather john adams got to become president and i can't even become a nominee to compete in the
15:31general election for ghost representative we almost hurt a bunch of innocent people because of your
15:39lies i just thank god nobody got hurt okay that one's not on us
15:54hey guys i just wanted to come and apologize about the date earlier oh hey that's okay and i'll
16:01say what we're all thinking kyle he biffed it like just copy me it's so easy right like come on
16:08so stupid kyle sucks right yeah no no it was it was all kyle's fault next time i say we
16:15get sam sam
16:16knows how to juice a lime unlike kyle next time there ain't gonna be a next time alberta no uh
16:22-uh he
16:23needs some tough love baby this wasn't kyle's fault your girlfriend cannot see you y'all are a night
16:29couple and if you think it's gonna be anything more than that you're gonna be sorely disappointed
16:33yeah i don't know if i would have shouted it quite so bluntly but um i do agree i mean
16:39bayla's a living
16:40woman and you died 500 years ago so what are you guys saying we're saying bayla's great and so are
16:48you but maybe you both deserve something more but kyle's lime work oh yeah it definitely left something
16:57to be desired where are you taking us you'll see whoa what's all this it's a funeral for the water
17:08heater it doesn't make up for what i did to you and i'm not trying to win your vote i
17:12know that ship's
17:13already sailed but you all lost something that's important to you and that's worth taking a moment to
17:18acknowledge wow none of us even had funerals for ourselves and we're people arguable uh i'm cold
17:26sam i'm so cold he'll be better in a few hours technically he walked through me hurt me for a
17:34minute i forgive him if for me though have speech prepared he was up all night working on this
17:50my condolences
17:57oh i think that's it that was beautiful thor
18:01i don't know if this is the right time but my sincerest apologies for my grandparents dumping you
18:07all in a mass grave it was very thoughtful so you got the living butler to throw a funeral for
18:13an
18:13appliance i suppose i did that's more than dirk's done in four years oh my fault it's hard to ask
18:21for
18:21favors when the good smelling lady refuses to talk to me because she doesn't like being smelled
18:27isaac seems to be really in with her i mean like she'll do anything for him oh well i don't
18:33think it's
18:33true she bends to my whim he got her to write a book about him
18:39ah screw it isaac made a mistake but he owned up to it and who cares if he's a pompous
18:44windbag he gets
18:46results wait what's happening all in favor of isaac being the basement nominee i i oh my god i did
18:57it
18:58i won w-o-n that's not my vote tally that's what happened please stop
19:16well we finally made it to paris i watched amelie and moulin bruce before going to bed to make sure
19:22work this time i've been thinking oh uh you first okay uh look i really like you but but this
19:37is
19:37insane yeah you're amazing and you deserve to be with someone that you can interact with during waking
19:45hours well that's a low bar but thank you sass you're amazing too i think we both have had a
19:53tough time of it dating wise lately yeah maybe it felt good just to get away from reality but i've
20:00been sleeping way too much i haven't been sleeping at all i'm exhausted i think i'm abusing melatonin
20:08okay so uh this is good yeah and whoever you end up with he's a lucky guy you know who's
20:17still single
20:17my eric sorry that's my ex's mom i must be feeling guilty because she keeps popping up in my dreams
20:26after i broke up with him he'll treat you like a queen do you want to go check out the
20:30eiffel tower
20:31as friends i'd love that have you seen his 401k he contributes regularly what happens when a ghost
20:41gets a job hr wants to see me in person quote send nudes it's actually impressive how prolifically
20:48problematic you managed to be ghosts is all new cbs next thursday and streaming on paramount plus
20:55matlock's new you in oh you know it cbs next
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