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Short filmTranscript
00:19Welcome to Seven Days, the Easter edition.
00:23I am Jeremy Jackknife Corbett, and tonight we're joining the biggest eggs in the land
00:27to hunt for chocolatey news, rip open its shiny foil and laugh at what's underneath.
00:32Let's meet the team, shall we?
00:34And leading team one, well, if he's here, then who's telling off the youth of Devonport
00:37and telling them to stop skateboarding on the sidewalk?
00:40Get off his lawn, kids!
00:41It's Paul Ego!
00:45Thank you, Jeremy.
00:46Yes.
00:46Thank you, Aotearoa.
00:48Well, I tell you what, looks like two of us got the memo about coming as middle-aged bald
00:53men with glasses.
00:55Never mind, on my team tonight, it's rule-breaker Bridget Davies and the albino Jason Mamaw,
01:00Tony Laugh!
01:03You can hear the leader of Team Two during breakfast on ZM, during dinner on TV, and throughout
01:08the night in crowded bars at the Firedark yelling, you don't know me!
01:11It's Amy Sproul!
01:15We know you!
01:17Very excited to be the captain of Team Two.
01:20She's on the list of the must-see shows at this year's Comedy Festival.
01:23It's Liv McKenzie!
01:26And he's also on a list, but it's more of a register.
01:29It's Josh Johnson!
01:35Our first game for the night is Newsmakers, where I show the comedian something from the
01:38news.
01:38They have to tell me how it made headlines.
01:40Team One, I'm sort of doing an answer version of this.
01:42I've got an answer for you.
01:44You need to give me the question and basically tell me the news story.
01:47Your answer is?
01:48Big savings.
01:49You call it theft, but I call it what?
01:54What do Paul and I get comparatively to Bridget at the hairdresser?
02:00What will the Briscoes lady's last words be on her deathbed?
02:06It'll either be that, or it'll be, saucepins!
02:10Why didn't Corby insulate his rental property?
02:15That's so funny!
02:16Like, you'd think there's just one!
02:21While there were obviously a lot of downsides, what was the main benefit of slavery?
02:29Hey, just for next time.
02:31Guys who look like us can't do so.
02:35Can I have a legitimate guess, Jeremy?
02:37Yes, you can have a guess for big savings.
02:38It's not to do with the F word, is it?
02:41Uh-huh.
02:41Fuel.
02:43The thing that's the bane of our life at the moment.
02:46But the real question there is, what are Kiwis who carpool to work making big savings?
02:50Carpooling, where co-workers commute together and split travel costs, is growing in popularity
02:54thanks to that pesky fuel being too damn expensive.
02:57In fact, it's got so dire, parents are trying to avoid doing school pickups
03:00by telling their kids to get into cars with strangers.
03:04I've been doing this for a little while.
03:06I've been driving in with friends.
03:08Well, they call themselves Uber drivers.
03:11But we have such nice chats, you know, like, how's your day going?
03:15What time do you start? What time do you finish?
03:17Yeah.
03:19I know you were very confused when you first heard the story
03:22because carpool to you is basically putting a jacuzzi in the boot of your Mercedes.
03:27What do you mean putting it in?
03:28It's right there, am I?
03:29I actually know after the show that we all get into your boot koozie.
03:34It's like a nice way to wind down it.
03:35It sounds like a disease. I've got a bit of boot koozie.
03:39Is that what's on your neck?
03:40Yeah.
03:42Actually, yeah, good. You remind me.
03:44You may have seen this little thing here.
03:46Any ideas, team? What's going on?
03:47Well, you've got a bad case of the boot koozie.
03:49Boot koozies?
03:50I mean, did somebody rub their koozie on you?
03:54Bro, have you got a hickey?
03:56Oh, man.
03:57Hickey? My boy!
04:00My boy's got a hickey!
04:02How do you think I got on the show?
04:06Oh, yeah. Give me a hickey. Talk to me about slavery.
04:11If you go flat, is that where we blow you to inflate you?
04:20What's gross about blowing Jeremy?
04:23How do you think I got on the show?
04:25No!
04:28Did you have something cut out?
04:30Yeah, I did. A BCC for those who know.
04:32A little bit of skin cancer.
04:33Get it out before it gets bad.
04:34Oh, now we look like dicks.
04:36No, you don't.
04:38You can barely notice the beige coloured duvet on the side of your head.
04:43Good.
04:43You look great, mate.
04:44That's why I thought we should address it.
04:45So there you go.
04:46If nothing.
04:46Put on sunblock there if you don't want one of these.
04:49I just had a little etiquette tip for...
04:51Tony, you sound like you're breaking all the rules.
04:53But I'm worried about my etiquette tip for carpooling
04:56because it might sound a little sexist.
04:58Oh, boy.
04:58Do you know why sexist are you looking at women going...
05:00Sexist.
05:02So it might be offensive to some people on the panel.
05:05But I do find that women, like, plenty of warning before they give you a lift.
05:10Like, you can't just tell them halfway through the trip that you're in the back of the car.
05:17Especially if you don't know them, that's a big no-no.
05:20My biggest thing with this is it's a bit ick.
05:23I find something so ick about seeing a man in the middle seat buckling up
05:27and then I'm going to get to work and try to take him seriously.
05:30Yeah.
05:31He's in the middle being like, ugh, corners.
05:35That's my CEO.
05:36You do, because people in cars kind of reveal their true personality.
05:39Yes.
05:39And that can be disturbing.
05:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:41It's going to change relationships at work when you've heard your boss call a cyclist the r-word.
05:45Yeah.
05:47You know, in some ways I think ram raiding is kind of like...
05:51That's like the very first carpooling, isn't it?
05:53That's just carpooling with a really brutal arrival.
05:57Yeah.
05:58All right, team two, I also have an answer for you.
06:01What is the question for this one from the last seven days of news?
06:04Six decades.
06:05Um, how long is my wife's quick shower?
06:10How long are some of Josh Thompson's jokes?
06:15There are more sketches, eh, Tom?
06:17Do one, do one.
06:18Um, oh, okay.
06:23Well, well, well, you know what, you know what?
06:25Maybe, maybe, maybe I'll go home and think of something funny later.
06:28And then you'll all be real sorry.
06:31When I put it in the group chat.
06:33And, and, you know, won't have the same sort of presence as if I was in it.
06:35How long were you waiting for Tom to come up with something funny?
06:39Wow, you're on team member.
06:41I don't know what I'm doing.
06:42I don't know what I'm doing.
06:44I'm trying to think about what's been in the news.
06:46It's an election year.
06:47Are they changing the, um, the, the term?
06:50That's a good guess because it's a pretty hard clue.
06:52Term almost fits in there.
06:54The question is, how long have we operated single-sex state schools in New Zealand?
06:59Oh.
06:59Six decades.
07:00And there are no plans to build any more.
07:01That's the news.
07:02Despite research showing some students, especially girls, do better without those pesky boys hanging
07:06around.
07:06Uh, however, scientists do warn that if we do stop having all boys schools, we may never
07:11be able to create another David Seymour.
07:14Oh.
07:16Bear that in mind.
07:17Holy future.
07:19I went to an all girls school.
07:20Yes.
07:20And it was great.
07:21It was, like, you're not distracted by the boys and you don't have to worry when you're
07:24just after sports, you go into the showers and you'll take off your clothes and soap
07:27each other up and you kiss at her.
07:28And then what happens?
07:31And I have to agree as well because I went to an all boys school and there's like nothing
07:34wrong with me apart from I constantly have to make jokes to hide any sort of emotions
07:38that I might have in case I show any vulnerability that the other boys can use as ammunition to
07:41destroy me on a fundamental level.
07:43But other than that, I'm fine.
07:44Yeah.
07:45Yeah.
07:45I think it's good to have co-ed schools because I think it's important for girls to know
07:49from a young age that men will let them down.
07:52Yeah.
07:53Yeah.
07:54Oh, this front row is not having a bar.
07:57Like, oh, we're except really nice and we treat our women with respect and we pay for
08:01their tickets to the Warriors, so.
08:02Oh.
08:05I think my concern is that, like, people think boys won't be able to concentrate if
08:09there's girls around, which is ridiculous.
08:11Am I right, ladies?
08:12Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
08:21You all right?
08:22I'm better now.
08:25I bet it is.
08:26all boys? I was, I went to
08:28Temeru Boys High School, but I found
08:30a loophole where you could go to Temeru Girls High School
08:32if you took art history. Oh.
08:34Which was great for me, because obviously like every other
08:36red-blooded teenage boy, I was very interested in
08:38how Giotto got his intense colours
08:40in his Scroveni Chapel frescoes.
08:42Yeah.
08:44But I was also quite interested
08:47in...
08:49Alright, we'll wrap it up there.
08:51Points now.
08:52Team One, you can have four. That's the number
08:54of goals for the All Whites versus Chile on Monday night
08:56first time we've beaten any South American football team
08:58great stuff. Team Two, $68 million
09:00that's the price Kiwi company
09:02Allbirds sold for this week
09:04was once valued at about $7 billion
09:07it's crashed quite a bit
09:08but still, that's not a bad payoff
09:10means the star for Newsmakers goes to Team Two
09:17And stars aren't just
09:18the annoying blinky things in the sky each night
09:20they are currency on this show. The team with the most stars
09:22at the end of the episode wins a truly topical
09:24prize. I'm going to show it to you now
09:26there it is.
09:28I found this guy
09:30snooping around my garden trying to give chocolate to my kids
09:32so I grabbed whatever I had on hand
09:34tied him up, threw him in the back of the ute and brought him here
09:36he's now our winning team's problem
09:38so that is your prize, that's what you'll be
09:40taking home. So that's what gave you the hickey?
09:44Alright, time to give you your ears
09:45a festive Easter treat with a round of Slice
09:47to Seven. Today we're joined by Auckland pop
09:49rock band, Where's Jai?
09:54Alright, Where's Jai? I'm going to play you a song, Team One
09:57it's a song about the news, you need to decipher
09:59what story they're singing about. Are you ready?
10:01I guess. Then go.
10:22I'm going to play you a song, Team One
10:32I'm going to play you a song, Team One
10:33I'm going to play you a song, Team One
10:33and I can't catch on being a Europe
10:36находится, Lady High
10:38next time, take a twirl
10:41now my church embraces bleed
10:43when she nailed all the grocery rides
10:48they must
10:50and roupa long-pour
10:52I know they'll be in jail sooner
10:56I hope they
10:59Yes, I am peaceless.
11:09Wow.
11:11OK. That was great.
11:12That was great. Thank you, Wes, Jo. That's awesome.
11:14There he is. He's there. It's fantastic.
11:16Well, the last word I heard was diabetes.
11:19And there was a truck full of choc?
11:21There was a truck full of choc and all I could think about was Josh.
11:25That was my stripper name for one day.
11:28And to be fair, you did like to back that thing up.
11:34Yeah, what is there? A choc full of choc?
11:37Some sort of get diabetes?
11:39Yes.
11:40Mugging an Oompa Loompa?
11:41Yeah, there was a heist. Wasn't there something to do with Kit Kats?
11:44Like, kids of Kit Kats were stolen?
11:46Yeah, like an absurd amount of Kit Kats were stolen in, like, Italy.
11:50I think it was Italy.
11:51Close enough. Scandal on the streets of Europe.
11:53A truck containing 12 tonnes of Kit Kat chocolate bars
11:56was stolen while travelling from its production facility in Italy
11:59to a distribution plant in Poland.
12:01Classic criminals. Up to their old twix.
12:06Yeah, I have heard, you know, stealing a Kit Kat and it can be pretty hard.
12:11Like, it's no picnic.
12:15They really made out with a huge bounty.
12:20Crunchies are nice.
12:24So they took tonnes of Kit Kats.
12:26There was actually one tonne of Turkish Delights in there as well, though,
12:29but they just left those.
12:30Oh!
12:31Yeah.
12:32You've got to steal a lot of Kit Kats to make money
12:34because I think the street value of this hall was about $1.2 million.
12:38Oh, okay.
12:392.5 if you sell them in a petrol station.
12:43Tommy, what were you saying about the Kit Kat heist?
12:45Oh, well, I mean, you know, like...
12:49He's so distracted having two women on the team, I tell you.
12:51Doesn't he?
12:53Well, it's funny you say that
12:54because apparently the offenders were women
12:56because their pronouns were her, she.
13:02Yeah, that's good. That's good.
13:05Alright, team two, your turn now.
13:07What is Where's Jai singing about here?
13:09Take it away.
13:44Selfie face.
13:47Scan my phone, no need to swipe right.
13:51Found real love for my pink, a pair of tie, yeah.
13:58Thank you to the algorithm.
14:02My soulmate, based upon my house, go scan my place to find my little Romeo.
14:13Hope it's naughty, carry-o.
14:24Um, Tinder was mentioned a lot.
14:27Yeah.
14:27I know this.
14:28Do you know what I did recently as I extended the age range on my Tinder?
14:32Quite fast.
14:34I hope you went older, not younger, by the way.
14:37Yep.
14:41No, no, no, um, I know this.
14:46Tinder is, they're adding this awful feature where they're going to access your camera roll,
14:52go through it and find out kind of what you're into, and then match people that way.
14:58So for me, it'll be like hair thinning people who love jibboard.
15:02Yeah, that's right.
15:03Yeah, bang on, Hayley, Datingham, Tinder have released a new feature that will scan your camera roll
15:07to get a better sense of your personality, all in order to help you find your next partner.
15:12I mean, if I did this, I'd get paired up with someone who likes comedy and golf, and that's you,
15:15Paul.
15:17It must be awful, you know, for the younger people out there, this age of Tinder, Tinder, whatever,
15:22like, because you go out and there's, well, it's all just sort of available people looking
15:26to hook up now for casual sex as much as you want.
15:30No thanks.
15:31Yuck.
15:31No thanks.
15:33And you can filter it down, I hear, to whatever sort of niche interests you're into, you don't
15:38have to build up a relationship last years and years before you finally say, wrap me
15:40up in tinfoil and lie me on a bed of vegetables, whatever, whatever you're into.
15:44Do you know what a bear can chicken is, if anyone...
15:48It is looking at more than that, it's also looking at your music library, and I listen
15:52to a lot of show tunes, so that is not finding me a husband.
15:56All right, you can and should check out Where's Jai's debut album, Fresh Out of Air, on your
16:02favourite audio streaming platform, or ASP, find them on the socials, there's even a, yeah
16:07I know, I've killed it, there's even a new single, turn it up, out later this month, give
16:11it up one more time for Where's Jai.
16:21T1, you can have 82, that's the number of PGA golfing victories Tiger Woods has had,
16:25just in case you now mistake him for a guy who constantly rolls cars, he has had some
16:30wins.
16:30Team 2, $29.90, that is the new living wage as of yesterday.
16:34The minimum wage though, which employers are legally required to pay, only $23.95, that
16:39means Team 1 gets the star.
16:40Well done Team 1.
16:43All right, the ads are anon, but first it's the Burger Fuel Brain Grill for Team 1.
16:48We are heading back to 1981 to test your knowledge before you were born, apart from Paul.
16:53All right, have a look at this one Team 1, there's a clip, tell me what's going on.
16:57Let me just tell you what I think about it, I think it was a disgraceful performance and
17:01I think it should never be permitted to happen again.
17:04I think it was a very poor performance, one of the worst things I have ever seen.
17:10Well I think he's just talking about his hairdresser.
17:15Maybe, 1980, well is it, it's got to be, well cricket, what is it?
17:19Well it's, I mean, you know, it's the underarm bowl.
17:24Oh, it's the underarm bowl for sure.
17:26That's right, I love how you think I know about the ball.
17:29Oh, you know what it is, obviously.
17:30Richie Beno, it's 200.
17:32Even I knew that one.
17:33Oh, did you?
17:34You date one guy who likes cricket and suddenly your head's full of shit.
17:38You're dead right.
17:41Yeah, you're dead right Tony, well done.
17:46That was Richie Beno, one of the most impersonated cricket commentators and newsreaders, giving
17:50a very accurate reckon on the disgusting underarm cricket bowl where evil Australian Trevor
17:54Chappell cowardly bowled underarm to heroic Kiwi Brian McKechnie preventing him from hitting
17:59the six runs needed to tie the game.
18:01After that, Australia learned their lesson and never cheated at sport again.
18:06It's time for us to have a break, don't disappear because when we come back we're heading
18:09to the warm waters of Club Topakana.
18:22Like Jesus on Easter Sunday, we are back.
18:25Unlike Jesus, we're not going to walk on the water, we're going to swim in it.
18:27Head on down to Club Topakana, play the steel drums.
18:41Lovely conga slash centipede.
18:45Club Topakana is brought to you by the pinnacle providers of pineapples, Dole.
18:48Pineapple, the vegan's hand grenade.
18:50Inside this taste explosion, some stories from the week that got my attention I want to hear
18:55a little more about.
18:56Let's crack into it with our first one.
18:58Here we go.
18:59Alright, bit of pineapple on that.
19:01Tova O'Brien had her first day on Breakfast TV this week.
19:04I normally sleep in long after morning TV is over, so what's it like?
19:07Show me some unlikely scenes from Breakfast TV please.
19:13Hello and welcome to the Breakfast News where we update you with everything you saw on your
19:17phone before you went to bed last night.
19:24Oh, what are we rustling up in the kitchen today, Sarah?
19:27What are you cooking?
19:28Ooh, meth.
19:36Oh, rise and shine, motherfuckers.
19:38Can't pay the f***ing DM.
19:39Let's get into the f***ing news.
19:41I'm John Campbell.
19:48And this morning on the weather, honestly it's just too dark to tell.
19:57Oh.
19:57Oh.
19:58It's not going to be worth it.
19:59It's not going to be worth it.
20:00Okay, okay, okay.
20:04Oh, oh, we just came back a bit sooner than I thought.
20:07Thank you to Springbrook School for that wonderful recital.
20:10I'll be back at the couch right after I flush.
20:26So this morning we will be interviewing Christopher Luxon.
20:29And while we interview him, he will be sitting on a dunk tank.
20:33Now, if he refers to himself as a CEO instead of the Prime Minister, he will be going in
20:38the water.
20:43Yeah, hi, we're the stand-ins for Chris Luxon.
20:51I actually can't swim, so can you not dunk me?
20:55Oh, I know you guys, you used to run a hairline.
21:04All right, and time for the morning aerobics.
21:07Oh, no, no, no.
21:08I won't be joining in.
21:09I'll just watch.
21:29I'm finished.
21:34Kia ora, good morning, welcome to Breakfast TV.
21:36They said they'd never have two female hosts.
21:38They said we'd bicker and fight.
21:40Yeah.
21:40Which we wouldn't, it's so crazy.
21:43Which is absolutely crazy.
21:44Yeah, that's why.
21:47I'm just here to watch.
21:52All right, back to the pineapple for our next story.
21:56Great work, teams.
21:58This week, the Otago Golf Club's Women's Championship was won by a 10-year-old.
22:02Congratulations to you.
22:04But how young can these sports stars get?
22:06Let's find out.
22:07Show me some examples of toddlers playing professional sport, please.
22:14Well, that was a great game out there today, Jonesy.
22:17What did you think of the team?
22:23Um, could you not, could you not lick the microphone, please?
22:29I'm hungry.
22:39I'm not telling you to wear a bib because I think you're a baby.
22:42I know you're not a baby.
22:43I'm saying wear the bib because it's part of the netball uniform.
22:47You're a wing attack.
22:54Schumacher, leading the field, has pulled into the pit stop for a quick change.
22:59Oh no, he wants to do up his own buckles.
23:09All right team, huddle up, huddle up, huddle up, huddle up, huddle up.
23:12Great game, great game.
23:13We're going to keep on playing with all this hustle.
23:14I'm loving it, I'm loving it.
23:15Let's rehydrate.
23:21Good stuff.
23:23Good.
23:25She's done.
23:25Here we go.
23:26Good stuff.
23:27Get out there.
23:29Right, back to our pineapple we go for our next story.
23:32Aww.
23:34Aww.
23:34Well no, you would stay on that one then.
23:36Toddlers playing professional sports.
23:37This better be f***ing good.
23:42It's really not.
23:46And America's Tommy Tippi Cup is now New Zealand's Tommy Tippi Cup.
23:56Worth it.
24:01So glad I didn't go to the pineapple.
24:03Here we go.
24:04New research suggests having your pet dog sleep in your bed overnight can be good, but why
24:09just dogs?
24:09Why can't we live with all creatures great and small?
24:12Give me some examples of animal flatmates please.
24:15Hey man, I'm home.
24:16Oh my god, you're not going to believe who I saw at the shops.
24:20Who?
24:28Jim, there's someone at the flap for you.
24:38G'day Mittens.
24:39Good day.
24:39I made us a coffee.
24:40You want a coffee?
24:41Cheers mate.
24:42Yeah.
24:48Yep, flat dinner's almost ready.
24:50I'm worried it's going to be a little bit spicy.
24:52Would you mind being the guinea pig?
25:02Who pooped in the lounge?
25:05Because it smells amazing.
25:11Someone's had a busy day.
25:14Alright, some April Fool's prankster has put a fake shark fin in the water.
25:17It's time to wrap it up.
25:18Play the steel drums.
25:20Sit down.
25:20Bow.
25:22That wasn't even a sentence.
25:31Points for Club Topicana.
25:33You can have three.
25:34The number of cheeses in the new burger for your Parmageddon burger.
25:37Came out yesterday.
25:38You got your cheddar, mascarpone and Parmesan cheese.
25:40Team two you can have the price a bottle of wine sold for on the weekend.
25:43New world record $1.4 million in New Zealand money.
25:471945 Domaine de la Royenne Conti.
25:50Go nicely with the Parmageddon burger I think.
25:52Good news team two, you get another star.
25:54Well done.
25:59Staying with you team two.
26:00Need your focus.
26:01Your time for the burger fuel brain grill.
26:03I've got a picture for you from 1981.
26:04What is happening here?
26:06It's quite hard to tell that she killed me because that photo's quite crowded.
26:11It's really good.
26:12It's just, um, Mr Corbett your replacement wives have arrived.
26:19A lady die lookalike competition is from 1981.
26:21The year of the royal wedding between Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer.
26:25It was quite a wedding wasn't it?
26:26It was.
26:26Diana becoming a household name and something of a style icon to people throughout the world.
26:30A fairytale wedding both Charles and Diana lived happily ever after.
26:33Okay.
26:35Let's head backstage for a break.
26:37Don't disappear though because shortly we're jumping back into the DeLorean for a game of history here on Seven Days.
26:52Hooray Hooray.
26:54Welcome back to Seven Days, Huey.
26:55Thanks for sticking with us.
26:57April the 1st yesterday so we thought we'd try and fool our panelists with a round of history.
27:01Teams, point your faces at your screens and let's peer back through the mists of time.
27:07A faked volcanic eruption in Auckland's inactive Rangitoto Island has sparked a debate about the
27:11impact and appropriateness of guerrilla-style
27:14marketing or publicity stunts.
27:15This is how you get on TV.
27:20Stage a fake eruption
27:21to hijack the media, spreading the word
27:23about your new internet venture.
27:25But the Department of Conservation isn't laughing.
27:28Rangatoto just erupted.
27:32And all of a sudden,
27:34Rangatoto Island started to
27:36erupt.
27:45Oh, we're glad people
27:47can have a bit of a bloody smile about it and a laugh,
27:49you know.
27:54That was an April Fool's
27:56slash marketing stunt back in
27:582007. A group of larrikins pranked
28:00Auckland into thinking Rangatoto was erupting.
28:02You saw ex or black Mark Ellis
28:04in there in the clip. The group also included
28:06former sports cafe human cannonball
28:08Ben Hickey. Ben
28:10joins us tonight. Teams, your job
28:12is to guess which of these fine gentlemen before you
28:14is Ben. Also in the line-up
28:16are a small business owner,
28:18an art director and a drummer.
28:20Team two, you're going to begin this
28:22evening. Larrikins. Larrikins?
28:25Larrikins and Rangatoto.
28:26Can I do things to them?
28:31Sorry guys.
28:32No, no, no. Stop me. You know that.
28:34Well, I
28:35used to be a drummer and you develop
28:38quite a strong left calf muscle
28:40riding the hi-hat. So it's okay if I
28:42just do a quick inspection of the
28:44calf. Is that alright?
28:45Okay.
28:45Ah, he talked!
28:47That's okay. There we go.
28:48What if he's right-footed?
28:50That would be on the kick.
28:52Oh.
28:53Cool.
28:55What'd you figure out over there, Tomo?
28:57Please don't go
29:01Did that tell you anything?
29:03About what?
29:09Okay.
29:09I also used to play drums.
29:12I would just like to go down the line
29:14and get them to hold a beat.
29:15Okay.
29:15Sure, yes, nice.
29:16Number one, just give us a simple clap
29:19and hold the beat.
29:20Way you go.
29:22Not the drummer.
29:23Not the drummer.
29:24Okay.
29:25He's a salsa dancer.
29:26I didn't ask for a flamingo, bro.
29:29Number two, just give us a nice steady beat.
29:33Oh.
29:34Oh.
29:36Oh, Mickey, you're so fun.
29:37You're so fun, you're blumber.
29:38Mickey.
29:40Potential drummer.
29:41Yeah, yeah.
29:42Syncopation there.
29:42Number three.
29:44Ah.
29:45Oh.
29:47That's our drummer.
29:48Number four, just for fun.
29:49No.
29:52Not quite my tempo, my friend.
29:55Number three's definitely our drummer.
29:57Okay.
29:57He was very impressive.
29:58Number one's quite arty farty with the floral shirt.
30:00Mm-hmm.
30:01Number four feels like,
30:03I feel like I recognise his face the most from that.
30:06I think he's Mark Ellis.
30:08So I, no.
30:10We're not identifying Mark Ellis.
30:12Mark Ellis looks like Mark Ellis,
30:13but he was the other larrikin.
30:14Oh, okay.
30:14My guess would be?
30:15Art director, small business owner in number two.
30:18I haven't really asked him many questions,
30:19but he's wearing a tapered jean.
30:21Mm-hmm.
30:22Number three's our drummer with the impressive syncopation.
30:24Number four's our larrikin.
30:25Do you agree?
30:26Love that.
30:27Okay, locked in.
30:28Team two thinks it's number four.
30:29Thinks Ben Hickey's number four.
30:30Team one, your turn.
30:31As I was watching the video,
30:33I was like, okay, we've got men in their 30s,
30:35so now we'll be looking for sort of a middle-aged man.
30:38Mm.
30:38Shit.
30:42So one of them is a small business owner,
30:43so which one looks like he has heaps of time on his hands?
30:48To be fair, one's an art director,
30:50so they've all got a lot of time on their hands.
30:53And one's the drummer, so he's got timing on his hands.
30:58One of them was also the human cannonball on Sports Cafe,
31:02they said,
31:03so could you want us put your hands in the air
31:04as if you are being a cannonball?
31:06Oh.
31:09Great cannonball.
31:09Oh, that's like the YMCA.
31:13Okay, no, that was good.
31:14No, that was good, though.
31:15I think number two had, like,
31:17he actually was bracing, like, his heart...
31:19These guys went for the dive,
31:20which if you've ever been in a human cannonball,
31:21that's absolutely ridiculous.
31:22I think number two could be the cannonball
31:24based on the hands alone.
31:26Okay, yeah.
31:27But, I mean, that's, you know, that's just expert to expert.
31:29Sure, sure, sure.
31:31Okay, so,
31:31which one do you think is the...
31:33I think number two's the cannonball
31:35who lit the mountain on fire.
31:37Fancy shirt, art director, drummer...
31:39Could be, yeah.
31:39Small business owner.
31:40Okay, all right.
31:41I'm going to defer to Tony
31:42because he's just whining on about it.
31:44Yeah.
31:46All right.
31:47So, team one, you think Ben is number two.
31:49Team two, you think Ben is number four.
31:51Can I ask Ben Hickey,
31:52who in 2007, along with Mark Ellis,
31:54tricked everyone into thinking Runga Toto
31:56was erupting to step forward, please?
31:59No!
32:00Oh!
32:08Thanks for joining us, Ben.
32:10The big question, of course,
32:11is Tony right?
32:12Is that the correct arms for a cannonball?
32:14Absolutely, Tony.
32:15See?
32:16That's one professional to another.
32:19If you're going to fly into the sky...
32:21Yeah.
32:22Aerodynamics and landing, you are there.
32:25Oh!
32:25I'd like to get on to the sports cafe cannonball situation,
32:28but first, the footage that we just saw there,
32:31talk me through it.
32:32How did it come about?
32:34Well, I was trying to launch a new venture.
32:37Right.
32:37Went to Mark Ellis and said,
32:39mate, I need some money.
32:41Can you help?
32:42Kind of heard a bit more about it.
32:43His eyes lit up a bit and he went,
32:45I'm in.
32:46One condition.
32:47I said, what's that, mate?
32:48He goes,
32:49we're going to blow up Runga Toto for the launch.
32:51And I said, mate,
32:53100%.
32:55So how did you do it?
32:56Was it under the cover of darkness?
32:58And what chemicals were involved?
32:59And were you scared?
33:01It was a military operation.
33:02So we hired a barge.
33:04Yep.
33:04We'd done our H2 Hasbro explosives licence.
33:09Hasbro.
33:10Gives us authority to drag three tonnes of explosives each.
33:14So we dragged three,
33:15nine tonnes of explosives to the top of Runga Toto.
33:17What explosives were they?
33:19Phosphorus.
33:19Phosphorus, because of the smoke.
33:21Carbon neutral event.
33:23Right.
33:23Wow.
33:24Which fed the burjling Pahutakawa forester on Runga Toto.
33:28Right.
33:28I don't know.
33:29I don't know.
33:31Whatever.
33:32Yeah.
33:32It's being set on fire.
33:34Very environmentally.
33:35And what was the moment where you got the biggest buzz?
33:37Like what, we saw the lighting up and all the rest of it?
33:39Because that would have been early morning, I guess.
33:41Yeah, it took all night.
33:43Yeah.
33:43So we went over eight o'clock in the middle of darkness.
33:46Head torches.
33:46We had a little four-wheel drive,
33:47which got us to the top of the mountain.
33:49It was a very organised affair.
33:51We had about 10 pods of 10 44-gallon drubs.
33:54Detonated the first one.
33:56And then it was about, you know, the intensity was way bigger than we thought.
34:04That's a phrase it's been said.
34:06What they hadn't told us.
34:07They didn't cover that in the licence?
34:09No, no, what they hadn't told us was they can self-combust.
34:13Oh.
34:14So for safety reasons, on the other 80 44-gallon drums,
34:17we had the lids on.
34:19And when they started self-combusting,
34:21these lids were flying around like killer frisbees.
34:24Oh.
34:24So when we're diving for our lives,
34:26it was like, I don't know if this is such a good idea.
34:29But you did get a lot of grief, didn't you, the feedback?
34:32Did that surprise you?
34:33No, that's what we're after.
34:34More people were afraid for your life.
34:35We were hoping to get arrested.
34:37That was the...
34:37Oh, really?
34:38We wanted more press we could get out of it.
34:41Yeah, Mark managed to get arrested for another thing, but anyway.
34:46Because a lot of adrenaline, right?
34:48You just blow up this volcano and we get back to the mainland
34:51expecting the police to be there.
34:52And there's no police.
34:52It's like, oh, what do we have to do?
34:55Yeah.
34:56So you robbed a liquor store.
34:59Anyway, after a few days' dock,
35:01they were very disappointed.
35:02Mm.
35:04And in lieu of pressing charges,
35:06they made us plant Mototapu out for three weekends in a row.
35:11Right.
35:11And did financial reparations too, I think, Mark, chip then?
35:14No.
35:16All right, give it up for Ben Hickey.
35:18Blew up Ranga Tauru.
35:19Thank you, Ben.
35:22So, well done, Team C.
35:23Let's find out the rest.
35:24Can our small business owner step forward, please?
35:26Yeah.
35:26Well done.
35:27On the floor, our art director.
35:30Where are you at the end?
35:31And our drummer.
35:33Yes.
35:33None of us.
35:36Well done, Team 1.
35:37Four for four.
35:38The star is yours.
35:39Yes.
35:40Good work.
35:42All right, time for a break, but stick around.
35:43We'll have the best Easter treat for all after the break.
35:46A brand new round of Jeremy's special game.
35:48I can't wait.
35:49See you soon.
36:00You are back with seven days.
36:03Good on you.
36:03Just in time for my favourite round, which people in the biz are calling Jeremy's special game.
36:08Because that's its name.
36:09This week we're playing Easter week, the news, where the teams have to answer questions based
36:12on a compilation of clips.
36:14I'm testing their memory and attention to detail.
36:17Now, in order to answer questions that I'll ask afterwards, you need to make a noise with
36:21your chosen...
36:22You can have...
36:22That is a vibra-slap.
36:24No, you hold it like this.
36:26You hit that thing.
36:27There you go.
36:27No, hold this bit.
36:29Hold the nozzle.
36:29Oh.
36:30The handle.
36:30Dingle.
36:32Didn't have enough vibra-slap, so someone gets the go-go block.
36:35Oh, I'll tell you.
36:35I think I'm better at the mark.
36:37Team 1, you're all triangles.
36:39We get scrap metal and they get triangles?
36:42It's a vibra-slap.
36:43I've already got one of those and this is not how you use it.
36:48That's how I do.
36:49I always whack it like that.
36:51I think I might have one of these.
36:55The front and the back.
36:57So, here we go.
36:58I need your eyes on the screens.
37:00I'm going to ask you questions about this rather complex compilation.
37:03Here we go.
37:04We actually had to ditch our interview on this this morning.
37:07There's probably some other drugs involved.
37:10What makes you trust them?
37:11I don't trust anybody.
37:13I don't trust you.
37:14No, we want to keep this simple and clear and we're conscious that that can make things
37:18very confusing.
37:19China's ambitions are sky high and says it will get humans to the moon by 2030.
37:25We're looking at a stupid idea that Stu had about five years ago.
37:29It's known as a tax haven and a millionaire's playground.
37:34The ribbon cut by two Canterbury lads.
37:37And then once you've got a good old mix, you would spoon it into a muffin tin.
37:40Just hold our muffin tin up.
37:41Arnold Schwarzenegger's son, Joseph Bainer, took home top honours at his first competition.
37:48There we go.
37:49All right.
37:49I'm going to ask questions about that clip.
37:51Buzz in using your instrument if you know the answer.
37:53You get a point if you get it right, get it wrong, the other team gets a chance.
37:56All right.
37:57Most points at the end of the game gets the star.
37:58Here we go.
37:59In clip two, Tiger Woods is seen after his car crash next to a fire hydrant.
38:03What colour was it?
38:04Hayley.
38:05It was red.
38:06Correct.
38:06You get a point.
38:07Team two.
38:07Yes.
38:08That's how it works.
38:11In clip six, a car enthusiast is seen wearing a high-vis vest saying his friend had a stupid idea.
38:16What was his friend's name?
38:17Tinkle.
38:18Tony.
38:18Well, it wasn't me, but I'm going to say Darren.
38:21No, it wasn't Darren.
38:21That means you get a free go, team two.
38:25No, it was Stu.
38:26All right.
38:27In clip four, Nicola Willis is addressing the media.
38:29How many other people are on stage with her?
38:31Yes.
38:32I'll go, go, block.
38:33Two others.
38:33A sign interpreter and another person.
38:36No one likes a smartass, but yes, you're right.
38:39In clip one, Ryan Bridges seen ad-libbing during an interview.
38:42What letter is behind his head?
38:43Yes, Tony.
38:43That would be the letter H.
38:46Correct.
38:46The Herald, in clip nine, Prime Minister Chris Luxon has seen cutting the ribbon to
38:50Christchurch's new stadium.
38:51What colour is the grass?
38:53A go-go again.
38:54Green.
38:54Yes, it is.
38:55That's a good...
38:57In clip eight, Dan Carter has seen kicking a ball.
39:00Did he look handsome?
39:02Team one.
39:02Hell yeah.
39:05Incorrect.
39:06He was wearing a shirt.
39:08Look at him.
39:09Okay.
39:10In clip three, President Donald Trump has seen berating the media.
39:13Which president is in the portrait behind him?
39:15Josh.
39:16No, President, you photoshopped your stupid face over the top of it.
39:19Let's go to the clip and have a look.
39:20Oh.
39:26I didn't see that.
39:28Wow.
39:29Very good.
39:30We go to clip five now.
39:31China wants to get people to the moon by when?
39:34Yes, Tony.
39:35Again, it wasn't me.
39:37Why do you hit your triangle?
39:38Oh, I fake it because I didn't know.
39:40But Bridget hit.
39:412030.
39:41Let's have a look.
39:42Let's go to the clip.
39:43Cut humans to the moon by 2030.
39:46Correct.
39:46That is absolutely right.
39:47In clip ten, their hosts are seen spooning ingredients into what?
39:51Oh, I think we had a triangle just there.
39:53Yes, was that you, Bridget?
39:54Muffin tin.
39:55Let's have a look.
39:56Was it a muffin tin?
39:57Spoon it into a muffin tin.
39:58Just hold our mouth.
39:59Oh, nice.
40:01In clip seven, Pope Leo is seen riding in his Popemobile while being watched by a lot of people wearing
40:05hats.
40:05What make of car is the Popemobile?
40:07Yes, a go-go block.
40:09A Volkswagen.
40:09Volkswagen.
40:10Let's have a look.
40:11It's known as a tax hike.
40:13Mercedes.
40:14Mercedes.
40:15Mercedes.
40:15Mercedes.
40:15Mercedes, correct.
40:16You do get a chance.
40:17Team one.
40:18What?
40:19Get it wrong, it goes to the other team to answer.
40:21You did it right after you watched the clip again.
40:22Yes.
40:22I watched the f***ing clip.
40:24Yes.
40:24But that's because I screwed up.
40:27Yeah, you watched it.
40:27All right.
40:28In clip 11, Arnold Schwarzenegger's son is seen winning a bodybuilding competition.
40:32What state's it being held in?
40:34Bridget, you dinged.
40:35Can we say Colorado?
40:37You're going to go with Colorado?
40:38Let's go to Colorado.
40:39See, you have to have a look to find out if they're right or not.
40:41This game is screwed up.
40:43All right.
40:44There you go.
40:45Colorado, you're correct.
40:47That is good stuff.
40:48That's another point for team one.
40:49That means it's 6-4.
40:51Team one gets the star.
40:54Nearly time for a break, but not before we give you at home the chance to play the Burger Fuel
40:57Brain Grill.
40:58Take a look at this.
41:00Then head to the Seven Days Instagram or Facebook pages.
41:03Let us know your caption.
41:04You're going to be pocketing $100 a burger for yum, yum, yum.
41:07Okay.
41:08Just time to squeeze one more break in.
41:09Before we wrap this episode up, be back in a tick with captions.
41:20Oh, you did it.
41:24You came back.
41:25I love it.
41:26Let's wrap this party up with a game of caption.
41:28That I give the comedians a pretty picture for the week's news.
41:30All they have to do is come up with the appropriate caption.
41:32Team one, you're up first.
41:33Here's your pick.
41:34So, it's Jurassic Park, Te Awamuru.
41:38It's men resorting to other creatures rather than a fish in their Tinder profile.
41:44I think this is where Brian Tarmakey gets the skin for his plastic surgery.
41:50Judith Collins shaves off her pubes.
41:55Is this two men off to drain their lizards?
41:58Yeah.
42:00Is it blind rat catchers decimate local lizard population?
42:06Corbett's servants prepare their master's breakfast?
42:10Bring me the iguanas!
42:13How did the lizards not see these guys coming with those vests on?
42:18It says, I guana no, I love you.
42:23That is trappers unloading cold, stunned iguanas from the back of a pickup truck in Hollywood, Florida.
42:29Doesn't explain why, but there you go.
42:31Team one, back to you.
42:32Caption this.
42:33Oh, maybe I shouldn't have been stockpiling petrol in my garage.
42:39Is this a ginger person walking outside on a 20 degree day?
42:44Is it, um, ooh, these indigestion adverts are getting out of control.
42:50This is what happens when you forget to put a glass of water in the microwave when you heat up
42:54a sack of beans.
42:58What are they called?
42:59Why did you say it like that?
43:00A bean bag.
43:00A wheat bag, yes.
43:01Oh, I've got a sore back.
43:03Bring me my sack of beans.
43:04Honestly, is it Jeremy Corbett has medium butter chicken?
43:13You won't be surprised to hear that is a firefighter walking amidst flames as he fights a 12-hour blaze
43:18at a cardboard recycling plant in Mexico.
43:20Team two, you have a go.
43:22What's the caption for this picture?
43:23Oh, this is, llama mia.
43:27Here I go again.
43:29Why, why?
43:32Woman checks if it's a real threat or a false alarma.
43:37Woman starting to think labradoodle may not be purebred.
43:42Um, is this the new Bond girl?
43:45I'll pack a lot of you in.
43:56That is a handler.
43:57The handler's on the right waiting with their alpaca in the British Alpaca Society National Show in Stafford in England.
44:03Great round of words and pictures.
44:06Thank you, teams.
44:06All that's left to do is announce the winner of the evening.
44:09Let's look at the star chart.
44:11And boy, oh boy, they've done it.
44:13Congratulations.
44:14Team one!
44:20Here is your prize.
44:23Take this guy.
44:24Take good care of the Easter bunny.
44:25Got a big gig on Saturday night.
44:27Don't party too hard on Friday.
44:28Thank you all at home for watching.
44:30And you and our live studio audience, be safe out there this Easter.
44:32Please help me to thank Paul, Bridget, Tony, Hayley, Liv and Josh.
44:36We'll see you on Saturdays on Saturdays.
44:38Smart Day One.
44:45Thanks, New Zealand On Air.
44:46I look forward to working with you in the future.
44:48Hoi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi!
44:50LAUGHTER
44:51Wee!
44:52Woo-hoo!
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