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00:00mom called me a liar from the day i was born not because i actually lied but because of this
00:04thing
00:05around my neck the verity choker mom was luna of silver moon pack and she believed one thing
00:10above all lying was the mark of a weak wolf we were her daughters future alpha heirs weakness
00:16was not an option so when my twin sister emma and i were born mom clasped these chokers around
00:21our throats which had witch magic to detect lies green light means truth red light means you were
00:27lying emma's choker always green she could shred mom's ceremonial cloak and blame the cat and gem
00:33would glow a steady green not me green light believed me mom i'm hungry and flash red light
00:43the choker choked tight i shifted on instinct a small white wolf pawing desperately at the gem around my
00:49neck claws scraping against it unable to get it off i'm not lying not lying please but mom's eyes had
00:57already gone cold instant punishment mom's punishment wasn't gentle no food locked in my room
01:03no contact with anyone in the pack the truth necklace doesn't lie stella starve now study later
01:09i'm doing this for your own good after 10 years of this i started believing it too maybe i really
01:15was
01:16born wrong new year's eve everything changed mom was getting ready to take emma to the pack's bonfire
01:22celebration and that's when the pain hit like a knife twisting in my gut i collapsed on the floor
01:27my skeletal frame curling into itself mom please the choker flashed red and choked tight she looked down
01:36at me disgusted in her eyes in your dream stella faking an illness to ruin our night she grabbed emma's
01:44hand and headed for the door i wanted to howl but my wolf was too weak to answer i shifted
01:49anyway
01:50forced it a small white wolf trembling on the floor ribs heaving maybe in this form the pain would hurt
01:56less it didn't i couldn't even hold the shift i slipped back into myself without meaning to
02:02sorry mom i won't lie anymore but the pain got worse way worse the door handle turned for one second
02:10i
02:10thought mom's coming back she came back for me hurry up the bonfire is starting emma's waiting mom i
02:18reached out with a shaking hand please something's really wrong i feel like i'm dying she glanced at
02:24my neck the gem was flashing red over and over she crouched down grabbed my chin stella how long are
02:31you gonna keep this up can't you just be honest and stay here and think about what you've done dad
02:37appeared in the doorway honey should we at least leave her some food food she has a stash of snacks
02:45she bought with stolen money she won't starve lock the door when that gem turns green we'll talk
02:52but but what it's because you spoil her that she turned out this way look at emma her gem has
03:01always
03:01been green stella is a liar an alpha heiress who can't tell the truth she needs discipline but my
03:08cabinet was empty emma stole that money emma ate those snacks emma just stood there with her glowing
03:15green gem saying not me and mom believed her i tried to defend myself it wasn't me red light the
03:24choker
03:24choked tight i tried to shift nothing happened deep inside my wolf barely stirred mom locked me up for
03:32three days with nothing but water and stale bread mom turned to leave emma peeked through the door
03:39made a face at me bye sis we're gonna see the bonfire her gem glowed a steady green so pretty
03:46the door
03:47locked the house went silent i called my wolf nothing came back not even a whisper just me alone
03:55the pain was unbearable but i kept thinking mom's right the gem doesn't lie it's red so i must be
04:05lying
04:05i'm not in pain i'm not in pain i'm not in pain i'm not in pain i kept repeating it
04:13like a prayer
04:14eventually i almost believed it the pain dulled or maybe i was just going numb i crawled to my desk
04:22i had to write that was the rule if the gem glowed red i had to pen a thousand word
04:29apology
04:29or mom would never let me out i am a liar write it down and maybe mom would forgive me
04:37maybe she'd even let me out i opened my journal pages and pages of apologies i'd written
04:44over the years sorry i lied i won't do it again but this time i wanted to write the truth
04:50my vision blurred my hand shook as i wrote mom i really love you it really hurts why won't you
05:00believe me please believe me just once the moment i finished the last word the pain vanished just
05:08gone i felt light weightless i looked down i was floating and there slumped over the desk
05:17was my body motionless the gem still flashing red around a dead girl's neck oh i'm dead and then
05:25she came out my wolf stepping out of my body like she'd been waiting all along small skinny barely
05:34holding together she looked up at me and once soft and low in the pack's old stories they say when
05:42a
05:42wolf dies young her spirit doesn't cross over alone her wolf walks beside her until they find the door
05:49together i knelt down she pressed her nose into my ghostly palm finally we were together now but i never
05:57learned how to be honest sorry mom i heard laughter mom dad emma coming through the front door tonight's
06:06bonfire was beautiful the best one yet just like our emma perfect in every way i'd never heard her
06:15sound like that when she talked about me i floated toward them my wolf patting silently at my side
06:21moving on instinct i wanted to help them take off their cloaks that's what i always did mom my arms
06:28passed right through her body like wind why is it so cold here is the hearty out i stood there
06:35staring
06:35at my transparent hands my wolf pressed against my leg and looked up at me with sad eyes right dead
06:42wolves couldn't hug the living shall we go and see stella she hasn't eaten yet still the good cop i
06:49looked at
06:49mom hopefully if she found me dead would she be sad would she regret it she won't starve she is
06:58a
06:58werewolf not a human pup this whole fake sick for attention thing is out of control i laughed bitterly
07:06mom wasn't wrong werewolves heal but i hadn't been able to in a long time last winter the choker left
07:13bruises that stayed for days that hadn't happened before i reached for my wolf she was still there
07:19but the warmth never came she was too hungry just like me mom never noticed she only ever looked at
07:28my neck for one thing the gem and whether it was red or green mom pushed open my door didn't
07:35even
07:35turn on the light just for a second her eyes flashed gold her wolf might have known mom didn't listen
07:41in the dim glow from the hallway she saw me slumped over my desk i looked like a skeleton hadn't
07:48moved
07:49still putting on an act you're 10 years old not five grow up mom i'm not playing i'm dead look
07:58at me
07:59touch me i'm freezing she couldn't hear me she only believed what she wanted to see emma squeezed past
08:06her held up her choker with that smug little grin look my gem is green stella's is still red
08:13she's lying even in her sleep that's my good girl ignore the liar let her stay there maybe she'll learn
08:20how to be honest should we at least put her in bed it's freezing put her in bed look at
08:28that red gem
08:28still lying come on leave her we have to visit grandma tomorrow the door locked again i floated
08:36next to my corpse my wolf curled silently at my feet staring at that single point of red light
08:42in the darkness mom if you just stepped closer if you just touched my hand you'd know i was ice
08:48cold
08:49but you didn't you believed the choker not the daughter you carried for nine months
08:55that night a rat crawled out of my empty cabinet i used to scream whenever i saw rats but now
09:01i just
09:01floated by the ceiling watching it scurry across my dead body the rat bit into my toe i didn't feel
09:08anything my wolf charged at it anyway and passed right through landing on the other side she turned
09:14back to look at me confused lost i pulled her close and buried my face in the fur of her
09:21back it's okay
09:22you can't feel it anymore it'll be over soon she let out one low growl then went still against me
09:29finally no more pain for either of us the next morning sunlight streamed through the window no
09:37warmth reached my body in the kitchen i could hear mom making breakfast the smell of roasted meat crept
09:43under my door my favorite but mom always said liars don't deserve meat so i only ever got steamed
09:50vegetables she was clanging the pots extra loud on purpose trying to tempt me out trying to make me
09:56give in and apologize for things i never did in the old days i might have caved i might have
10:02confessed to
10:03anything for one bite of roasted meat but i don't need food anymore stella still hasn't come out yet dad
10:10asked reading the pack notices she is so stubborn she can eat or not i don't care emma walked to
10:19my
10:19door and made a big show of sniffing the air then she screamed dramatically mom stella's room smells
10:27like poop did she poop in there i floated by the door watching my sister with a bitter smile
10:34my wolf sat beside me ears flat eyes low the hearth was burning hot after just one night
10:42my body started to rot mom stormed over pounding on the door stella who does that the toilet is right
10:50there did you sit on the floor to spite me i remembered being six i had food poisoning couldn't
10:58make it to the toilet in time mom didn't help me clean up she made me stand outside pointed at
11:04me and
11:04told the neighbors look at this she's such a mess she can't even use the toilet herself now she thought
11:11i was dirty again leave her let her sit in her own stink but dad stood up frowning that smells
11:18really
11:19bad i should check could it be a dead rat or something my heart if i still had one leapt
11:26dad
11:27please open the door i'm right here just turn the handle and you'll see i'm not moving i waved my
11:34transparent arms frantically my wolf ran straight to my bedroom door willing dad to open it
11:41dad's hand touched the door handle his hand froze someone was pounding at the front door a pack elder
11:48urgent business dad's face went pale he grabbed his cloak the border there's an emergency he was
11:54already out the door i froze so close one second away if that knock had come one second later i
12:01would
12:01have been found maybe then i wouldn't have rotted alone that afternoon mom took emma to the pack market
12:07the house was empty except for my corpse when they came back that evening loaded down with food and
12:12gifts from the market the smell had gotten worse mom gagged the second she walked in stella are you
12:18trying to turn this place into a den of inequity she didn't even open my door just grabbed cloth strips
12:24and sealed the gap at the bottom if you want to stay in there and make disgusting stew zoos
12:28don't stink up my house she patted her hands together satisfied then went to prepare dinner
12:33i stared at that sealed door my wolf pressed her nose against it and whimpered once so that's it
12:38i'm worth less than a venison dinner by day three even the cloth strips couldn't contain the smell
12:43mom was arranging fresh wildflowers trying to cover it up but the stench of death is unmistakable sweet
12:50rotten oily she cut a rose stem too hard a thorn pierced her hand she snapped in her mind i
12:57was doing
12:58this on purpose not bathing poop on the floor hiding dead rats in my room all to piss her off
13:04all to defy
13:04her authority as luna stella she grabbed a rolling pin from the kitchen storm toward my room i'm done with
13:12you you disgusting little brat time you learned what real pain feels like i floated in front of
13:18her waving my arms desperately don't come in mom please please even though she never loved me i didn't
13:27want her to see me like that but she walked right through me ripped the cloth strips off jammed the
13:32spare
13:32key into the lock the door flew open the smell hit her like a wall she stumbled back retching stella
13:39what are you doing she saw me still slumped over the desk back turned not moving to her this was
13:46the
13:46ultimate rebellion i'm talking to you she marched over raised the rolling pin but stopped she wanted
13:54to see my face first wanted to see my get up she grabbed the back of my shirt grabbed my
14:00skin the moment
14:01she touched me she froze through the thin fabric her hand didn't feel warm flesh she felt cold hard dead
14:08meat
14:08the kind of cold that seeps into your bones what but momentum carried her forward she yanked crash my
14:15body stiff as a board toppled backward taking the chair with it and there was my face blue black eyes
14:21bulging features twisted in agony dried foam and blood crusted around my mouth around my blackened neck
14:28the verity choker hung lifeless the gem dark no red no green just silence my journal slid off the desk
14:36fell open at mom's feet the last page stared up at her mom my stomach really hurts the choker is
14:43wrong
14:43i'm not lying please don't punish me mom screamed not a wolf's howl a raw guttural shriek that tore through
14:52her throat she stumbled backward slammed into the bookshelf a clay pot shattered but she didn't seem to
14:59feel the pain she just stared at me eyes wide unblinking no no no no this is not real
15:08stella get up stella get up get up i'm not mad anymore stop scaring me
15:15her hand reached out trembling to touch my arm the second her skin made contact with my corpse
15:21she recoiled like she'd been burned that cold was too real lisa from next door heard the screaming and went
15:28straight to the pack healer when she saw what was in my room she collapsed in the gate within the
15:34hour
15:34heavy boots on the floorboards the pack healer and a handful of pack warriors crowding the entrance
15:41mom sat on the floor a warrior's hand on her shoulder she's speaking it she's always lying
15:48it doesn't lie i'm just teaching her no one responded they all looked at her like she was a monster
15:55the pack healer crouched next to my body he muttered under his breath severe malnutrition organ failure
16:03this puppy has been starved for at least a month he carefully tried to remove the verity choker
16:08but it had fused years of tightening had pressed the leather deep into the skin of my neck
16:14damn it he had to use tools to pry it off even dead my soul flinched my wolf lifted her
16:21head and
16:23long raw desperate the kind of howl that should have shaken the walls no one heard it no one flinched
16:31we were already dead a warrior picked up my journal started reading his face went from neutral to
16:39horrified mom's eyes locked on to that book that's her confession she admits she lied look she wrote it
16:47herself the warrior pushed her back wrapped the journal in cloth and took it we'll report it to
16:55the council that's when dad got home he saw the pack healer and the pack warriors crowding the doorway
17:01saw the body wrap being carried out saw the long cord that sealed away my entire life his legs gave
17:10out he collapsed on the doorstep emma stood nearby sobbing in confusion she pointed at the discolored
17:17verity choker on the table why does stella have a black collar and i have a green one see she
17:24held up her
17:24neck the gem blinked its steady green it was grotesque the council elders arrived before dawn
17:32mom straightened when she saw them even now even with my body three days cold and rotting her luna
17:39instincts kicked in she lifted her chin squared her shoulders it didn't work today they started
17:46questioning mom in the living room mom grabbed the verity choker off the table like it was a lifeline
17:51test it that choker proved she was lying red gem means lie i never abused her the choker told me
18:02i was just educating her the council elders looked at her like she'd lost her mind
18:09the pup shows signs of extreme malnutrition months of starvation aphelion multiple old injuries
18:17consistent with prolonged that's just discipline that's teaching her to be honest then she did
18:24something insane you don't believe me fine i'll wear it watch it'll be green the leather pressed against
18:36her skin cold sticky that was my blood she took a deep breath tried to calm herself she needed to
18:44prove she was innocent needed to prove her way of raising an alpha heir was right she held up the
18:50gem eyes
18:51wild listen i'm rachel i'm stella's mother this is the truth the absolute truth the gem flashed red mom's
19:01confident expression shattered i said truth i am rachel i never abused her i did it for her own good
19:14i love her and suddenly she remembered me 10 years old gasping as the choker tightened around my throat
19:23biting my lip so i wouldn't make a sound is this what it felt like why is it red i
19:30am telling the
19:31truth turn green you're broken you're setting me up but the gem kept flashing like it was mocking her
19:38you're a liar you're a liar you're a liar enough this is just a bloodstone i've seen it before it
19:49changes
19:49color with body heat fear pain anything that makes your heart race temperature rises it burns red that's
19:58all it does no witch magic never was think about your daughter ruptured appendix organ failure the pain
20:08must have been unbearable she was terrified and what did you see a red gem so you punished her more
20:16which made her more scared which made her temperature rise which made the stone turn redder
20:26you are luna you are supposed to protect every wolf in this pack you couldn't even protect your own
20:33daughter you ignored her cries for help you starved your daughter to death mom's world collapsed she sat
20:42there staring at the flashing gem on her own net and finally understood for 10 years every red light
20:49wasn't because i was lying it was because i was scared scared of her anger scared of being misunderstood
20:57scared of eating food that made me sick i was in pain pain that made my heart race and cold
21:04sweat pour
21:04down my face i was desperate desperate for a hug for her to hold me the way she held emma
21:11every signal
21:12from my frightened heart she had interpreted as proof of my lies no get it off
21:25she tried to shift fur rippling across her skin bones cracking but the leather cinched harder
21:31around her throat the moment her neck began to change she snapped back into human form gasping
21:38i can't get it off stella take it back i'm sorry it's all my fault this little bit of choking
21:47and she
21:47was already breaking mom i suffered for 10 years the council elders needed evidence for judgment so they
21:57opened my journal in front of my parents february 14th sunny mom put celery on my plate i'm allergic
22:05my throat swells i can't breathe i said i can't eat it but because i was scared of making her
22:11angry
22:11my body ran hot the gem flashed red the choker tightened mom said i was picky lying made me eat
22:21the whole plate that night i threw up blood my throat felt like it was on fire i shifted to
22:28ease
22:28my pain mom saw it and said i'd snuck berry juice that i was faking the choker tightened for 10
22:36more
22:36minutes mom's hand flew to her mouth she was shaking violently she remembered that she really did think it
22:45was berry juice she didn't even look closely just turned away to read emma a bedtime story
22:51that was blood from a swollen torn throat june 1st pup's day emma shredded mom's ceremonial cloak
23:00emma's heart is always calm her gem stays green i tried to explain but i was scared of being hit
23:07my body ran hot red gem choker tightened for 10 minutes it hurt so bad but i didn't cry because
23:17crying
23:17makes your body run hotter and mom thinks that means you're not sorry so i held my breath pretended
23:24it didn't hurt mom said see she doesn't even blink she's definitely faking it dad couldn't take it
23:33anymore this man who had always put the pack before his own family chose duty over his daughter for 10
23:39years
23:40you monster what did you do that was your daughter you treated her like a stray blood at the corner
23:49of
23:50her mouth not my fault not my fault it's her it's emma emma's gem was always green emma was the
23:58good one
23:58if it wasn't for that green light making me trust her i wouldn't have believed the red light so much
24:04this is this is emma's box that little princess everyone had protected one of the council elders
24:09walked over gently removed the green verity choker from her neck took out a blade pried the gem loose
24:16right there it rolled onto the table still glowing green steady unchanged the elder picked up the stone
24:25a glowstone that is all your younger daughter's choker was always going to shine green no matter what
24:33she said did or lied about it would never change your so-called verity choker was a fraud that was
24:43her
24:43truth for 10 years that was the evidence she used to convict me a common glowstone that put me in
24:49hell
24:50while emma lived in paradise so i wasn't a liar i i laughed laughed until i cried turns out ghosts
24:59could cry too the elder turned to the last page of the journal his voice broke the handwriting was a
25:05mess
25:05clearly written while dying mom if i die will the choker stop glowing red or if it turns green
25:12will you hug me then i'm not lying i couldn't heal myself anymore my stomach hurts so much like knives
25:21next life please don't make me wear the choker please i just want to be a normal pup i want
25:27to eat
25:27mom's roasted meat mom stared at the broken glowstone on the table that truth magic she trusted without
25:33question a worthless stone because of that stone she spoiled emma for 10 years because of that cursed red
25:41light she tortured me for 10 years
25:48mom started laughing her voice cracking
25:50mom started laughing every sound worse than crying fake all fake i killed my most honest pup
26:01and i worshipped a liar she'd lost her mind for real this time my death became the talk of the
26:09entire pack
26:10lisa the neighbor who had sent for the pack healer told everyone what she'd seen
26:15every wolf knew by morning luna had starved her own daughter to death monster murderer she doesn't
26:24deserve to be luna stones flew at our door the word killer carved into the wall the council convened
26:32her mother who had lost her mother who had lost her daughter to death in the house and the wolf
26:34would
26:38follow him now my grandfather the former alpha read out the judgment himself he didn't look at his
26:44son once dad walked out of the council hall and never looked back he took emma and left the pack
26:51that same
26:51night emma was a bad seed sure but she was still his blood before they left emma tried to take
26:58her green
26:58choker dad stomped on it why the hell would you want that piece of trash emma cried as he dragged
27:05her away
27:07mom got out of the dungeon the healer said she had lost her mind the council locked her in the
27:12home
27:13instead the one that still smelled like death her mental state deteriorated fast she refused to take
27:19off the red choker she would tighten it herself whenever the guilt got too heavy she said choking
27:25was the only thing that eased it it was her self-imposed punishment i floated in the darkness
27:30my wolf curled beside me watching her unravel day after day she'd talk to the empty corner where i used
27:37to
27:37stand stella i brought you some food no celery today it's all roast just how you like it but there
27:45was no food there was nothing just her hands cupped around air she'd pretend to set a plate down her
27:52hands shook the gem flashed red she was anxious guilty falling apart she smiled but her eyes were empty
28:00the gem is red mom is lying liars don't deserve food she pulled the choker tight with her own hands
28:08let it choke her her body convulsed against the cold floor it hurts so much is this how stella felt
28:17i'm sorry mom started reenacting my diary entries i couldn't eat celery because of my allergy so she
28:26forced herself to eat spoiled food until she vomited blood then swallowed it back down i was
28:32locked in isolation so she locked herself in my old room lights off and bowed to my portrait until her
28:39forehead bled over and over blood on the floor late at night she'd see the red glow of the bloodstone
28:47reflected on the wall to her it looked like my bloody eyes were watching she kept punishing herself
28:54the wounds healed slower and slower her wolf exhausted by months of self-torture slowly fell into a deep
29:02sleep mom didn't care she scrawled on the back of my journal i'm sorry i was wrong red means pain
29:10red means love please come back and say it hurts hurts one more time i'll save you i promise too
29:18bad i'm
29:18dead dead wolves can't cry for help eventually the new alpha intervened mom's self-harm had gone too far
29:26she'd nearly choked herself to death with her own hands he ordered her to move to a small hut at
29:32the
29:32far edge of the village locked from the outside someone posted to watch her day and night she was
29:38the strangest woman they'd ever seen nobody knew where she'd found it a frayed red cord tied around her own
29:45neck her homemade choker if anyone tried to remove it she'd snap at them teeth bared snarling wild-eyed
29:54don't touch me stella's watching she'll be angry if you take it every time the guard called her name
30:02and brought her food mom would grab the red cord and pull it tight against her own throat convulsing
30:08screaming red light red light don't punish punish me i'll eat i'll eat even if the food was scalding
30:18hot she'd gulp it down burning her throat wouldn't spit it out she was reenacting my final moments
30:25living my hell on repeat years later emma grew up without guidance and with a trail of shame behind her
30:33she drifted from pack to pack stealing to survive no one would take her in when she ran out of
30:39options
30:40she remembered mom was still alive she slipped back into the silverman pack under the cover of night
30:46not for love for money hey crazy lady dad's dead give me whatever you've been hiding emma stood there
30:56face hard eyes full of contempt she looked at mom's hollow broken form and spat on the floor
31:03it's disgusting give me what i want or i'll send you to meet your daughter for a moment mom's cloudy
31:11eyes cleared she looked at emma and suddenly remembered that choker that always green glowstone
31:19that decade of deception it's you you lie you're the green light that wasn't there
31:26you killed stella give her back to me give her back to me the last shred of maternal love twisted
31:34into something feral mom lunged grabbed emma by the throat should have died not her you
31:45emma thrashed but couldn't break free from a mad woman's grip the guards rushed in pulled her off
31:51emma stumbled out of the hut terrified they're all insane she bolted into the forest she didn't get
31:58far rogues the kind that haunted the borderlands preying on anyone foolish enough to run through the
32:05trees alone at night emma never saw them coming by the time she did it was too late she survived
32:13barely both legs shattered beyond repair she'd never walk again meanwhile mom was strapped to her cot
32:20staring at the ceiling tears streaming in her dreams she finally saw me i was 10 again no choker white
32:29dress smiling mom she reached for me crying with joy stella but the moment her hands touched me
32:37i burst into ash no she woke up screaming if she'd been wearing that choker it would have been blood
32:45red eternal torment i stood in the void watching it all mom strapped to her bed emma in a wheelchair
32:54begging on the market dad drunk and dead in some gutter i felt nothing no satisfaction just a flat dead
33:02calm my wolf padded over quietly she didn't howl didn't nudge just pressed her head against my hand
33:10and held it there in the distance a door of light appeared soft steady waiting i looked at my wolf
33:17she
33:18looked at me yeah time to leave this life was too bitter nothing worth holding on to
33:24i floated to mom's hut one final time she looked ancient hair completely white frail as paper she
33:31sent something her cloudy eyes focused on a point in the air right where i stood stella is that you
33:37her trembling hand reached into the emptiness mom destroyed the choker i don't believe in it anymore
33:43come back please i'll cook for you no salary i'll buy you new dresses not emma tears rolled down her
33:50face i looked at the red marks on her neck from the frayed cord i i reached out my cold
33:56ghostly
33:56finger touched her forehead this was my final mercy sleep mom in sleep there's no pain her eyes fluttered
34:04shut she slumped into a deep dreamless rest a breeze blew through the hut the old journal on her
34:10cot flipped open the last page my dying words stared up at the ceiling but below it in shaky
34:16handwriting were new lines written by mom during a lucid moment next life let me wear the choker
34:22let me be the liar punish me however you want just don't leave me i stared at those words felt
34:28nothing
34:28too late repentance means nothing to the dead mom i don't hate you anymore but i don't love you either
34:36let's not meet again i turned away my wolf was waiting in the distance the door of light still
34:41glowed soft steady patient i looked at my neck the phantom verity choker still there even in spirit form
34:49the nightmare that had changed me for a lifetime i grabbed it it shattered into nothing i felt weightless
34:55free no red light no hunger no lies just freedom my wolf pressed against my side together we walked
35:02toward the light i didn't look back morning came a guard pushed open the door rachel time to eat
35:09no response she walked closer mom's hand clutched the torn journal a single tear crystallized at the
35:15corner of her eye she crouched beside her held two fingers beneath her nose nothing she was gone
35:21passing through the door wasn't violent no spinning no chaos just warmth like sinking into a spring stream
35:28i looked to my side my wolf was gone i didn't panic i pressed my hand to my chest and
35:34there she was
35:35steady warm then i heard her voice not a whimper not a whine clear and bright and full of life
35:41like the
35:42first time we met run i shifted four paws hit the ground and i ran through forests that smelled of
35:48pine
35:48and rain through cold shallow streams that splashed silver around my legs through meadows i had never seen
35:55but somehow knew my white fur caught the light my paws were sure my lungs were full my body was
36:02strong
36:02no choker around my throat no red light no hunger the lingering ache in my soul the phantom pain of
36:0910
36:10years started to fade with every step i ran toward brightness behind me old life dissolved like a worn
36:17photograph left out in the rain mom's final tear the red glow of the choker blood on the journal pages
36:23gone i didn't look back that 10 year nightmare was finally truly over when i opened my eyes again
36:32i was tiny wrapped in soft blankets someone was humming a woman's voice gentle off-key but full of love
36:42her fingers brushed my cheek the scent of wildflowers not the cold clinical distance of my old mother
36:50not the silence of someone who only touched me to punish i blinked up at her she had kind eyes
36:56a soft
36:57smile she cradled me like i was made of glass grace is awake honey come quick our daughter just opened
37:05her
37:05eyes a man appeared tall a little awkward but his face lit up when he saw me he touched my
37:12tiny hand
37:13with one finger his voice was deep warm hey grace i'm your dad grace not stella no weight no chains
37:25no red
37:26light just grace a name that meant something light something cherished this house was small but warm
37:34full of light cartoon painting on the walls flowers by the window sunlight pouring through the windows warm
37:41on the floor i realized fast this family was nothing like the last one they never forced me to do
37:48anything there were no chokers no red lights no punishments for things i hadn't done i grew learned
37:56to crawl to talk and when i was three mom made a stew with celery the green stalks in the
38:03bowl triggered me
38:04i flashed back to choking throat swelling vomiting blood i stumbled backwards shaking tears came without
38:12permission mom immediately put down her spoon crouched pulled me into a hug grace what's wrong you don't
38:20like celery i couldn't speak just shook my head sobbing dad knelt too rubbed my back
38:26hey it's okay you don't have to eat it can you tell us why their eyes were patient gentle finally
38:34i
38:34choked out it hurts my throat makes me bleed they didn't say the verity choker doesn't lie they didn't
38:43accuse me of faking they took me to the pack healer immediately turns out i really do have a celery
38:49allergy after that celery never appeared in the house again mom added it to her market list grace's
38:57allergies celery she checked every time she shopped i lay in her arms that night smelling wild flowers
39:04and realized this is what it feels like to be believed love isn't measured by a stone it's listening
39:12even when the story sounds impossible when i was four dad took me to the pacular for my first health
39:18check
39:18there was a blood draw i saw the needle and lost it flashes of the choker tightening around my throat
39:24flashes of starvation i screamed clung to dad's leg the healer sighed i couldn't stop shaking
39:32don't punish me i'm not lying dad immediately scooped me up sorry she's not ready we'll come back another
39:40time on the walk home dad didn't scold me for being weak he just asked gently grace did someone hurt
39:48you
39:48before i buried my face in his shoulder tears soaking his shirt mom joker red light i couldn't
39:56explain it clearly but he listened nodded it's okay dad's here now no one's ever hurting you again
40:05from then on they took me to the pack healer regularly not for blood draws just to talk she has
40:12been hurt
40:13be patient with her my parents never complained never made me feel like a burden they bought me a
40:19colorful necklace but never forced me to wear it this is just a pretty thing grace wear it if you
40:24want
40:25take it off if you don't we'll love you either way slowly i started to heal i could say i
40:31don't like
40:32this without fear i could say i'm scared i could say i want that i didn't have to worry about
40:39my heart
40:40racing being proof of a lie i started sharing my stories with them i cried when i didn't get a
40:46toy
40:46i laughed when i got praise i was finally just a pup a normal loved pup
40:56when i turned seven i started at the pack school there was a girl in my class annie sullivan she
41:02looked
41:02exactly like emma same eyes but her hair was shorter and she was timid scared the first time i saw
41:11her
41:12my heart clenched flashbacks emma's smug grin the green light mocking me i stepped back instinctively
41:20annie noticed she looked down voice barely a whisper i'm annie do you want to be friends her tone was
41:29so
41:30careful so desperate to please just like i used to be i glanced at her neck she wore a simple
41:37choker
41:37with green gem my stomach turned later i found out annie's mom was straight to his family demanded
41:44honesty locked her in her room without food when she made mistakes one day annie accidentally knocked
41:51over the teacher's ink pot she was trembling too scared to admit it i saw her face red rimmed eyes
41:58barely holding back tears i remembered myself at that desk writing i am a liar over and over i walked
42:07over took her hand annie it's okay accidents happen let's tell the teacher together she won't be mad
42:16annie looked at me shocked but mom says liars are bad wolves being honest isn't about never making mistakes
42:23it's about owning up when you do and even if you tell the truth you shouldn't be punished for it
42:29if the teacher gets angry i'll stand with you if your mom gets angry come to my house my parents
42:35will
42:35help i gave her the courage i never had she confessed the teacher forgave her told her to be more
42:41careful
42:42next time from that day on we have been best friends i brought annie home to meet my parents she
42:48saw how
42:49warm they were how they didn't yell didn't punish little things i told her you don't have to make
42:55everyone happy you're allowed to feel things say things one day annie's mom came to pick her up from
43:04school she saw us together and her face twisted she grabbed annie's hand did you mess up again
43:11is grace covering for you annie immediately looked down silent i stepped in front of her
43:17looked at the mom in the eye ma'am annie didn't do anything wrong she's a good pup you shouldn't
43:24always assume the worst she's scared of you the mom froze looked at me then at annie's tear-filled eyes
43:34her expression softened that night she called my mom thanked her said i'd opened her eyes over time
43:42annie's mom got gentler started listening instead of yelling and annie she blossomed confident happy
43:50i watched her laugh freely one day and felt this warmth in my chest i didn't get saved in my
43:56last
43:56life i suffered alone in the dark but this time i could save someone else i could stop another stella
44:03from happening maybe that's the gift my past life gave me the ability to see pain and to heal it
44:10when i was 10 my parents took me to visit grandma there was an old oak tree in her yard
44:15its branches
44:16spread wide casting shade over the whole garden i sat beneath it watching sunlight filter through the
44:21leaves my wolf dozed inside me warm and content then i saw her an old woman white hair hunched over
44:29a walking stick wearing a faded blue dress the second i saw her face i froze she looked exactly like
44:36rachel my old mother grandma noticed me too walked over slowly her eyes were hazy but there was
44:43something familiar in them something heavy what's your name child grace she repeated it softly grace
44:49that's a beautiful name she reached out like she wanted to touch my hair then hesitated pulled back
44:54like she was afraid of disturbing something sacred my mom came over studied her mom this is our daughter
45:01grace so she was my grandma in this life too over the next few days grandma watched me constantly
45:07her expression was unreadable one morning she brought me a bowl of roasted meat grace eat up
45:12this used to be your favorite i stared at the bowl in my last life i wrote in my dying
45:17breath
45:17i want to eat mom's roasted meat and here was grandma saying those exact words tears blurred my vision
45:24this wasn't some distant wish anymore it was real right in front of me i picked up a piece bit
45:30into
45:31it tender sweet perfect grandma smiled a tired guilty smile that night lying in bed with my wolf curled
45:39warm inside my chest i thought about rachel's last words next life let me wear the choker let me be
45:45the
45:45liar punish me however you want just don't leave me i thought about her final tear the torn journal i
45:52didn't
45:52hate her anymore hating someone is like locking yourself in the past chewing on pain forever this
45:58life's warmth had already washed away the bitterness i just felt sad sad that she only understood too late
46:05real love was never about stones or punishment we stayed for a month then went back home before i left
46:12she held my hand grace live well be happy her voice was soft but heavy with meaning i nodded you
46:18too
46:18grandma i watched her walk away and i felt nothing no anger no grief the grudges of my past life
46:25were
46:25like fallen leaves blown away by the wind i wasn't stella anymore the girl locked in the dark choking on
46:31a lie i was grace sterling surrounded by love free at 13 i graduated from pack school got into the
46:39best
46:39academy in the region my parents took me to the lake for a picnic to celebrate i stood at the
46:44edge of the
46:45water wind in my hair the scent of pine and cold water on my skin i stretched out my arms
46:51feeling
46:52the freedom for a moment i saw her my ghost self floating desperate to hug someone but passing right
46:58through grace what are you thinking dad handed me a drink i smiled just i'm grateful to be alive
47:05to be with you both mom pulled me into a hug silly girl we're the lucky ones no one said
47:11anything
47:12we all just shifted at the same time like we'd done it a hundred times before we ran together
47:18through the trees through the shallow edge of the lake water spraying silver around our paws
47:23eventually i slowed down turned and threw myself at them we tumbled into the grass together mom nuzzled
47:30her head against mine dad licked the top of my head with lazy affection i pressed into them both
47:36and stayed there breathing hard warm all the way through i looked up at the sky through the canopy
47:42of trees i didn't need to prove i wasn't a liar anymore i didn't need to fear a red light
47:47i could
47:47laugh cry speak freely i had parents who loved me a best friend a healthy body a bright future this
47:55was the
47:56life i died wishing for that night i wrote in my journal not the blood-stained confessions of my old
48:02life this one was full of happiness growth love i wrote today we ran by the lake mom and dad
48:10shifted
48:10with me without saying a word we tumbled in the grass like pups i thought about my past self that
48:16little girl locked in a room choking in the dark desperate to be loved she'd never believed that i
48:22could be this happy mom and dad loved me they taught me that honesty isn't something you punish out of
48:28someone it's something you grow with patience and warmth annie is my best friend now she laughs freely
48:35she speaks without flinching grandma is getting older but her eyes are warm when she looks at me
48:41my wolf grows stronger every day with her beside me i feel at ease i don't hate anyone anymore i
48:47don't
48:48cling to the past those painful memories are like paw prints in the mud washed away by rain but they
48:54taught me to cherish every step forward i know my old mom sister and dad got what they deserved and
49:01i
49:01finally broke free i found real freedom i don't want to see them again i don't want to relive that
49:07life
49:07i just want to be gray simple happy loved the lake was beautiful life was beautiful i closed my journal
49:16looked out the window moonlight shimmered on the water through the trees my wolf stirred softly inside my chest
49:22warm steady i smiled this life i finally became who i wanted to be no red light no starvation no
49:30lies
49:30just love freedom happiness and those scars from my past they became part of me proof that i had survived
49:37proof that darkness no matter how long it lasts cannot swallow you whole not if you keep moving toward
49:43the light the road ahead is long but i will walk it with courage with joy towards something even brighter
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