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00:28Satsang with Mooji
00:45Satsang with Mooji
01:02Satsang with Mooji
01:03This is the biggest show I've done in New York
01:07Satsang with Mooji
01:08It's the biggest one I've done since I left the cast of Shen Yun
01:14Some of the best days of my life
01:16I must say
01:19No, it's good to be out here in New York
01:22It's good
01:23I know you guys haven't seen a lot of this
01:25like this. You don't have this combo. Guys that look like this and sound like this. I'm
01:33Chinese-Australian. My dad, he moved from China to Australia to give us a better life.
01:39I moved to America to make it worse again. I love America. It's going in a great direction.
01:49There are Chinese people in Australia. We've got Chinese guys. There's a lot of them. I
01:55went to a school that was 90% Chinese and Indian kids, which you can't officially legislate.
02:04You're not allowed to just pick them, but you can make the test really hard.
02:13I was doing the exam. I'm like, these questions are difficult in a way that's racist.
02:17You know? I was very offended doing the test. I've been traveling around America. I've
02:26been all around. I've been to the South, your enemy. I like the South. I do. I like it.
02:33It gets a better. I like the South. It's one of my favorite directions. I like it so much
02:39when people say things are going South, I say good. You know? Let's go further. Let's
02:45go to Mexico. You know? I've been all around. I've been to San Francisco. Oh yeah. Every
02:52time I go back, these commies are up to something new. These commies. They got driverless cars
02:59cars now. You seen this? Waymo. Waymo. I like it. I hope we eliminate all humans. You know?
03:10One day I'd love to perform to just Waymo. That'd be good. Those commies. It's good to be out here.
03:20What a place. You know? It took me a long time to fly out here. From Australia to America,
03:2622 hours in the air. That's unbelievable. They got meals on the plane now. They always
03:33had that, but it's still going, you know? They only have two options, chicken or fish.
03:40That's all they ever had. And that's not enough information, you know? Like what's the chicken?
03:46What's the fish? They don't tell you in the carts. They go quick. So you're not allowed
03:50to ask them questions. I panic, you know? I say fish. But it turns out that chicken is
03:56a pasta, which is my absolute favourite. Chicken Alfredo. Oh my gosh. Fish was a milkshake.
04:09Horrible stuff. But you guys got good airlines here. Beautiful airlines. Very nice. I flew
04:20on Southwest Airlines. You heard about this? They have a thing called open seating. You can
04:27pick whichever seat you want when you're on the plane. It's unbelievable. I didn't know
04:31that. They didn't tell me that. There was nothing, there was no email. I found out when
04:37I was on the plane, that's Squid Games. You know, I was having a panic attack in the aisle.
04:44People were stepping over my body. I got the worst seat on the plane, you know? I just had
04:49to sit there, think about my life. It's horrible. At one point in the flight, a woman got up to
04:54go to the toilet. I took her seat. She comes back, she's like, what's going on? I'm like,
05:02it's open seating, lady. You know, I'm using her iPad. I'm looking after her child. Very
05:11good kid. Very good. No more chips until you finish your fish smoothie. We gotta... I came
05:22to New York two years ago. I flew in. I landed via JFK Airport. What a beautiful airport. This is...
05:29It's really good. Really nice. They got great Wi-Fi. Unbelievable Wi-Fi. You gotta log into the Wi-Fi.
05:37They don't just let you on, you log on, right? And they got a log on page. At the bottom
05:41of the log
05:42on page, there's a box you can click and it says, would you like to receive JFK airport news?
05:49I'm like, who's that for? You know? Who wants JFK airport news? But I accidentally clicked it on the
05:56way to logging in. So now I'm getting JFK airport news. But I don't even read the regular news.
06:05So my main source of news is JFK airport news. That's not helpful, you know? New York's a high-level
06:16city. You know about this? This is a low-level crowd. This is a lot of low-level guys in
06:25here.
06:25They're low-level. No, I'm serious. I was at a dinner party the other night, not to brag.
06:33And I sat next to one of these guys, right? High-level guy. And I was doing pretty good.
06:39You know, I was keeping up. If you saw me, you'd be like, this guy's keeping up.
06:45And I was, right? But at one point he turns to me and he's like,
06:50what do you think about the conflict in Ukraine? And I was like,
06:57how about the renovations at Hudson News?
07:02What do you think about that, you know? Because if you want to talk, we can talk.
07:09But it does have to be about JFK, you know? Let's be reasonable.
07:15I don't know. There are conflicts. I do know about them. They've got more than technology now.
07:20I've seen it. They've got tanks. Oh my goodness. How did they come up with that?
07:26Some believe it. What are the inventions? A guy, he must have saw a gun. He'd be like,
07:32yeah, I'd like to drive that.
07:38Well, it's good to be here in America, USA. What a pleasure. Whoa.
07:44She loves it. It's great. It's great to be here. It's hard to come here, you know?
07:50It takes a lot to come here. You've got to get a visa. Anyone here got a visa?
07:56What are you on? E3 visa. This is a rare visa. This is an Australian's only visa.
08:06It was a gift from America to Australia because we helped out in the Iraq war.
08:12So for us, it was not a pointless war.
08:18We got a visa out of it, you know? Get them, boys. And we did get them. We got them.
08:27Visa secured. I'm not on that visa. I didn't support the war. She loves it. She really likes it.
08:38I'm on a visa. It's called the O1 visa. That's Alien of Extraordinary Ability.
08:45This is it.
08:49What I'm doing right now, no American could do. This is Australian excellence.
08:57It's a hard process to get the visa. It's very difficult, you know?
09:01It took me one year. It cost me $10,000. Australian dollars, so 20 USD. It was a lot for
09:10me.
09:11And at the end of it, they make you do a 100-part questionnaire, and it's psycho.
09:17It's a psycho questionnaire. Question one, it lures you in. Question one, what's your name?
09:24At that point, I'm pretty confident. I think I got this.
09:29Questions 90 to 100, they go crazy. Question 90, have you ever been involved in a terrorist
09:34organisation? Question 95, have you been a government official in charge during a genocide?
09:43And then question 100, the last question they ask you before you enter America is,
09:48have you ever employed a child soldier? Now, I'm reading these questions, and I'm like,
09:56I guess everyone has to fill out forms. You know? Like, there's some guy out there answering yes to these.
10:04Who is that? It's just like a warlord. He's sitting with his child soldier. He's like,
10:12I'm sorry, kid. I don't think we're going to Broadway. I don't know if you'll get to see Nicole
10:20Schlesinger in Cats. I don't know if she's in Cats. It's good to be here in New York. What a
10:32place.
10:33I went to the Natural History Museum. Yeah, I took my friend who's a vegan, and they had an exhibition.
10:41It was on carnivorous plants. I'm like, these guys are the opposite. Who's going to get who?
10:52Things are on a different scale in America, you know? You guys do things on a big scale.
10:58Because like, for example, your most famous statue is called the Statue of Liberty.
11:04It represents all your, like, freedom, all in one statue. You got the Washington Monument.
11:12That represents something also.
11:17In Australia, our most famous statue, it's called the Big Banana.
11:22It represents a regular banana, but we wanted to see how big we can get it.
11:29It turns out pretty bloody big. But it's good to be out here. What a place, huh?
11:38You do have to be brave to live in New York. Only some of the bravest guys live here.
11:44There's a lot of bravery. I saw a guy jumping over the turnstiles at the subway.
11:49What? That's unbelievable. I could never do that. I crawl under.
11:58You've got to be brave to live here, you know? Because you can get tricked.
12:02I'm getting tricked. I'm getting tricked. I'm serious. They're tricking me a lot.
12:07You know these guys, they sell the charities at you? They got the vests on? They got the clipboard?
12:13They're good. They're unbelievable, you know? They're always tricking me.
12:18They got little riddles, you know? They got traps and stuff.
12:21If you get any of them wrong, you have to solve world hunger.
12:26The first trap they have is they say, I love your shirt.
12:30It took me two or three times to realize they did not love my shirt.
12:35This is not a coincidence, you know? What I learned is you're meant to say thank you so much,
12:40and you keep walking, right? You've got to ignore these guys. But then they've got a second riddle.
12:46And they say, do you know the only state that ends with the letter K?
12:51That's very hard not to stop for. That's very intriguing. I'm like, I don't know, Kentucky?
13:01And they say, no. It's New York. Isn't that charming? Isn't that nice? That's where we are right now.
13:12The answer was beneath our feet. This is unbelievable. But you get it wrong,
13:19and I have to give them all my credit cards. But I've adapted, you know? You've got to adapt to
13:25the
13:25city. I'm adapting. I know what you're supposed to do. The other day, they tried to get me. They
13:29work in twos, you know? I'm walking on the street. One of them comes up to me. He's like, I
13:34like your
13:34shirt. I say, thank you. And I keep going. And the other guy, he goes, well, do you know the
13:39only
13:39state? And I say, New York. He perishes. He's dead. Keep going, you know?
13:49You've got to be brave. People are brave here. People are obsessed with crimes in New York. They love it.
13:55They love... I know they're obsessed because you guys got an app called Citizen.
14:01Yeah. Get it, girl.
14:06It's unbelievable, you know? This app, if you don't know what it is, it shows you a map of New
14:12York City,
14:12and it shows you every single crime going on at that exact moment. There's a second map on there. It
14:19shows you every registered sex offender that lives near you. It's unbelievable. People are obsessed with
14:23this app. There's a premium function. You can pay money to it, you know? I think you'll match with
14:29them. I don't know. I don't know. Sorry. It's good to be out. It's a busy, busy city. Can we
14:39all admit
14:39that? Very busy, this city. Very busy. Some people, they even call it, they call it the city that
14:47is very busy. It's busy. Some people are so busy, they're eating overnight oats. Have you heard about
14:55this? They don't have time in the morning to make oatmeal. They got to make it the night before.
15:02That's too busy. Oatmeal is not traditionally a 24-hour dish, you know? We never had to plan for
15:11oatmeal before. For hundreds of years, we've been making oatmeal when we feel like it.
15:17It's too busy. Since moving here, I've become too busy for overnight oats. When I go to sleep,
15:24I put the oats in my mouth, you know? I wake up and I swallow it. Let's go.
15:34But you have to eat oats, you do. That's what they say. It's a super food. You know about this?
15:43The food system's all messed up, I swear. They got our microplastics now. You heard about this?
15:51One of my friends, he was telling me, allegedly, the average person eats one credit card a week.
15:59That's too much. I take one bite, I'm like, that's enough, you know?
16:08But you got to eat healthy, you know? You do have to eat healthy. I've been having smoothies.
16:15You guys don't do smoothies? I'm doing smoothies. You got to do smoothies now. I don't know what to
16:21put in the smoothies. I don't know who to trust. I got like, I just got everything in there.
16:26Anyone, anything anyone says you got to put in a smoothie, I'll put it in there, you know?
16:32I don't know who to trust, left wing, right wing. They all have great ideas on smoothies.
16:39I've got elk meat and AstraZeneca, you know? I'm having diarrhea and autism.
16:51No, it's crazy to be out here.
16:56It's a beautiful place, America. Because you guys have the diversity here.
17:02Not in this room, but generally there is diversity, you know?
17:08And it's beautiful. We got diversity in Australia, but we got different guys to you.
17:15You guys got different guys here. And I think that's nice.
17:19I think that's good. It's good to see new guys.
17:23I've been seeing new, I saw a Korean man yelling at a Hasidic Jew in Spanish.
17:32Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that what we've been working towards? That's gorgeous. That's nice.
17:39It's because you have Latin culture. Latin culture is infused into American society. It's beautiful,
17:45you know? We don't really have Latin culture in Australia. We got a couple of guys.
17:52They're called Guzman and Gomez. They're kind of entrepreneurs. It's a part of American society.
18:01And I love it. I've been embracing it a lot. I went to a Mexican restaurant. It's called Chipotle.
18:09And very beautiful culture. Very beautiful. Now, I went to a Mexican restaurant one time in Los
18:15Angeles. And it was a beautiful restaurant. Very long line. I was lining up. I was lining up behind
18:20this middle-aged man. And he was with his mother. And they were speaking Spanish to each other.
18:26That's traditional. At one point, he leaves a line to go get his mother a menu. But he also got
18:34me a
18:34menu. Isn't that gorgeous? That's really nice. That's really... So I look him in the eyes and I say,
18:46Gracias. He looks at me. He says, I speak English. You don't need to practice your Spanish on me.
18:53And that's a learning moment for me, you know? I'm humbled. I'm not from around here.
18:57All I can do, I bow my head and I say, Lo siento.
19:21But my life's not going well. I, um, I'm serious. I realized my life wasn't going well because, uh,
19:29Spotify recommended me a playlist called Sad Girl Vibes.
19:36That's not good, man. The world's gone nasty.
19:39The internet's gone nasty. Don't you think? Internet's very nasty now. I was on, um, gmail.com.
19:47Very nasty stuff they got going on. They got a new notification. It says,
19:52You sent this email four days ago. They haven't replied. It's like, you don't need to tell me that.
19:59I've been thinking about that for four days, you know?
20:04It's nasty, you know? They have a thing now. It's called AI. I heard they're introducing it at JFK
20:18Airporters. I heard it's going to affect the future of jobs. That's what it's saying.
20:22It's saying the job, uh, the article I was reading, it was saying the jobs that are most secure,
20:27they're the ones you can define just by reading the job title. Like, just by reading the job title,
20:32you need to know what the job's about. Job's like a soccer player. That's really good, you know?
20:39Nurse. That's a doing word. Not to brag, but stand-up comedy, that's very secure.
20:51Comedy, make people laugh. It even tells you what position to do it in, you know? Like, upright.
20:59But I get worried, because I have a family friend, and he's a management consultant.
21:04I can't even begin to know what that is, you know? But I don't even know what management is.
21:09I guess you manage, but so does everyone, you know?
21:14Even people who are struggling. You say, do you need help? They say, I'll manage, you know?
21:21I'm worried about him on multiple levels, because even, um, even family friends.
21:29That's someone who's neither family nor a friend, you know? That's a guy you have to hang out with,
21:34because of your dad. But my life's not going well. I, um, I'm serious. I clogged my drain the other
21:45day.
21:47I did. I clogged it right up. I had to, I had to get a bottle of Drano. This, this
21:51guy, he shows me
21:52around the store for like 10 minutes. At the end of it, he's like, this is unbelievable. I have no
21:57idea
21:58where they're putting it. I was like, I thought you were them, you know? Like, but I go home, I
22:05take the
22:05Drano home. I, this drain is clogged up. It's really bad. I had to pour the whole bottle of Drano
22:11down there to get it unclogged. I thought that's what you're supposed to do. I told my friend this.
22:16He said, that's disgusting. It's like, do you know how bad that is for the dolphins?
22:22And to be honest, like, I didn't even consider the dolphins, you know?
22:26I didn't know that it got to them. That's so far away. I'm on the seventh floor.
22:34But when he told me that, I felt horrible, you know? Like, I was disgusted with myself. I had to
22:39make a peace offering. I poured a can of tuna down there.
22:45Please have that, you know, please. It wouldn't really go down, so I had to put a little bit of
22:50Drano to ease it through, you know? We've got to get it to the dolphins.
23:00Other stuff's going well. I got a dishwasher. Yeah, thank you.
23:09I got a dishwasher. It's been going pretty good. I used to rinse the dishes before I put them in.
23:18But I heard that you're not supposed to do that, you know? I heard that if you rinse them before
23:23you put them in, it's actually really bad for the dishwasher's self-confidence. Like,
23:28it needs to be built on trust, you know? I don't risk it anymore. I've been, I go dining now.
23:35I'm eating out. You guys dine? Hell yeah.
23:42You guys dine? Wow. Table for two? Pretty good.
23:49Pretty good. I've been doing table for one. Nothing wrong with that. It's not illegal yet.
23:56They're probably going to try to make it, but table for one, it's good. You can book online.
24:02Resi.com? What is this, an open table crowd?
24:18I'm booking online. I am table for one. They always ask you if it's an occasion.
24:24I always put something, you know? Because it's funny. On the page, it looks funny. Table for one,
24:31there's an occasion. Are you kidding me? That's unbelievable. You get there, it's not funny.
24:43They're very sad for you, you know?
24:48Happy anniversary, you know?
24:56But I mean, yeah, I've been dining out too much, probably. I've been dining out a lot.
25:00All right, my body is falling apart. It's falling apart. I had a tooth that was decaying so bad.
25:06I went to the dentist and she's like, yeah, we're going to have to put a crown on it. I
25:11was like,
25:11why are you putting a crown on that one? That's the worst tooth. You've got to put it on the
25:17canines.
25:18I love those dogs. But she's like, no, it's urgent. We're going to have to do it now. And she
25:25did the
25:26root canal, put the crown on. And she's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to hold
25:31off from flossing that area for about two weeks. And I was like, I've been holding off for a lot
25:37longer than that. You know, on your word, doc. My body's falling apart. I got a fungal infection
25:46on my toe, you know? Sorry to have to tell you that. But that is what's going on in my
25:51life.
25:52And I went to the doctors and he said, you know, in the past, traditionally, like how people would
25:57prevent infection, they used to urinate on the feet. I was like, I'm going to need a second
26:03opinion on that before you do it. But I need to get into shape. I do. I'm a family man
26:13now. I got a
26:14sister. I got a sister. I'm trying to get into shape. I'm getting inspired. I watched my
26:21friend do the triathlon. That's running, swimming and cycling. I don't think I've done those activities
26:28in the same calendar year, you know? It's very inspiring. I've got to get inspired to work out.
26:35I've been watching sports. Have you seen this? They're fit, these guys. I've been watching soccer.
26:43I watched the game just today, you know? At halftime, they got the commentators to come on,
26:49talk about the first half of the match. And one of them, he was talking about a player. He said,
26:53this is the most creative player we've ever seen. He's like a book with hundreds of pages,
26:59and every page is different. I'm like, that's every book.
27:06If your book has the same pages, I'd say your book is broken, you know?
27:11Like, you need to get a new book. But I'm doing it now. I'm working out. I go and I
27:17work out. I go
27:18to a gym. I go to one of these gyms. Everyone's looking gorgeous, you know? You know, these,
27:23some gyms, people don't look good. The gym I'm at, everyone's gorgeous. But they work out with an
27:30intensity in their eyes that suggests that they don't believe they look good. That's a real tragedy.
27:37It breaks my heart, you know? I have to remind people, you know? I announce it in the change room.
27:45I'm like, fellas, you're looking good. You're looking nice. The lady's got to know too. I don't go,
27:51I yell it into the change room. There's no laws against that. Not yet.
28:05I don't know. It's good to be out here, you know? I'm married now. Thank you. Yeah.
28:14What a beautiful institution. I went to Thailand for the honeymoon.
28:21Yep. We love Thailand. I told my dad this. I texted him. I said, we're going to Thailand for
28:29the honeymoon. He doesn't text back. He calls back immediately. He's like, don't go to Thailand.
28:34They're harvesting the organs of Taiwanese nationals. And immediately, I know what's going on,
28:41right? Because my dad, he's on an app called WeChat. And what this is, it's a Chinese messaging app,
28:48where all my family have a group chat with one another. And they share conspiracy theories,
28:54often in the form of a JPEG. And the one of that day was about harvesting Taiwanese organs.
29:02I pushed back. I'm like, dad, I'm not Taiwanese. He knows that, you know?
29:08We've known each other quite some time. But he's adamant. He keeps pushing, right? And I want to
29:14convince him once and for all that these are conspiracy theories like anyone can do them.
29:18And I'm pretty good at Photoshop. So what I did was I got a picture of the Australian Prime Minister.
29:25And I put a caption on it. I said that they're beheading Chinese people in Hornsby.
29:31That's where he lives. And I post that in the group chat. Ten minutes later, the group chat's
29:37going crazy. My uncle calls me. He's like, we're locking down, you know?
29:44I defied my father's orders. I went to Thailand anyway. Beautiful country. It's one of the great
29:50massage cultures. You got Thailand, Sweden, and there's others.
30:02But they have these massage places that are run entirely by female ex-prisoners. It's beautiful,
30:11because a lot of society, they write these women off, right? Some of them have petty crime charges.
30:16Some of them even have assault charges. But these places, they see these women and they said,
30:21what you did, could you focus that on the neck and the shoulders?
30:31My dad's a great guy. He's a good guy. He helped me invent my signature, you know?
30:35He sat me down. I was eight years old. He's like, you're a man now. And I remember it's such
30:40a tender
30:41moment. He helped me do every, like, jag and every curve with the signature, beautiful.
30:46Immediately after, he helped me commit my first tax fraud. He, like, sign here where it says,
30:52you work for me. And I didn't work for him. So I was reluctant, you know? But he had to
30:58take me to his
30:58accountant to try to strong arm me. And she's a Chinese woman. And she was really flexing on me.
31:06And how you do this in Chinese culture is you bring up a lot of stories from history,
31:11show off your knowledge. Like, you've got to know a lot of idioms, stuff like that.
31:15And she sits me down and she's like, do you know Michelangelo? And I was like, yeah. I thought it
31:22was a turtle.
31:27But she says, when he finished building the statue of David, and I was like, there's another one.
31:36But when he finished, someone came up to him and they said, was it hard? And he said, no, it
31:42was easy.
31:43I just took away from the marble everything that wasn't David. And I was like, what's that got to do
31:50with my tax return? And she said, well, the block of marble, that's your income. David,
31:57that's your tax return. And I didn't know what that meant. But I thought we were both going to jail
32:04for sure. But it's good being married. Beautiful thing to be married. My wife, she moved from Australia
32:14to America with me. She quit her corporate job in Australia. And now she's at culinary school.
32:22After that, we'll send her to cleaning school.
32:32Sorry for saying that.
32:36But a lot of you did like it. So I wanted to cut that out of the special, but you
32:44liked it too much.
32:47She goes to a culinary school in Manhattan. It's called the Institute of Culinary Education.
32:53That's ICE. It's an unbelievable time to be going to a school called ICE. They like the name. They
33:01think it's good. It's on big letters on her backpack, ICE. She catches a subway like that. I'm like,
33:09I'm going to get a different one. If you want to go to culinary school in New York,
33:16the two options that you have is ICE or the Culinary Institute of America. CIA.
33:24This is unbelievable. She's going to have to do a postgrad abroad. She's going to Al-Qaeda. It's a
33:32beautiful school. But it's good to be married. We're having a couple of arguments. That's healthy.
33:40That's beautiful. Our main source of argument at the moment is how we sort the laundry,
33:46how we organize the clothes. Because I'm quite the simple guy, simpleton, that kind of thing.
33:52You know, our very simple system of organizing my laundry, it follows the human form. It goes top
33:59shelf tops, bottom shelf bottoms, middle shelf, obviously belts. But she has a much more complex
34:08system. You know, she's very intelligent. She tries to trick me. And she doesn't just have three
34:14categories. She's got subcategories. And some of the categories are subjective. She's got a category
34:20called cute little tops. I'm like, how am I supposed to do that? You know, we're having big fights. I'm
34:27like, honey, I don't think that top's that cute. But it's, it's taking me a long time to sort the
34:36laundry,
34:37you know. So I've been reading the tags. There's, there's stuff in, there's content, you know. I don't
34:43know, there was content. Everywhere you look, you can find content. That's really good. There's
34:48content on the tag. I was reading one of the shirts. And one of the tags, it said, I'm made
34:53of 100%
34:55recycled plastic bottles. I was shocked. I took the shirt up to her. I said, we're doing pretty well.
35:01I can get you something better, you know, made of anything you want, even new bottles. Like we can,
35:09you can do that. But that's not to say that I don't have crazy clothes of my own. I got
35:15a set
35:15of pyjamas. That's tops and bottoms. Where's that going? You know, I can't go with the belts.
35:24But the pyjama, the top, it's a button down top, right? And that's more formal than I wear day to
35:30day.
35:31I imagine an outside observer looking in, they'd see me take off my t-shirt
35:36and putting on a button down. They'd be like, this guy is serious about sleep.
35:42You know, I'm like, let's hit those KPIs. But since we moved in together, we have new stuff.
35:49There's new stuff in the house. It's unbelievable. I didn't, the bathroom has more things.
35:56Before I got married, I had three liquids. You had the hand wash, toothpaste, and then three in one.
36:05And that would cover all realms of the body. But now we got a lot of liquids. There's new sources.
36:14We got a skincare regime now. And it is a regime, very oppressive.
36:22It's daily. There's new liquids that I never heard of before.
36:27The other day, she said to me, can you pass the toner?
36:31And I was like, we don't have a printer.
36:42It's good. You've got to put the effort in.
36:49That's really my advice. You do. I've been putting the effort in.
36:52I did the love language test. It's so important. It's one of the most important things you can do.
37:00And I did it. I did the love language test. It turns out my love language is not gift giving.
37:06And it was my wife's birthday the other week.
37:10And so what I did was I put my hand on her shoulder.
37:13And I said, good on you.
37:17That's words of affirmation and touch, you know.
37:20Kind of got her two things.
37:24Really spoiled her.
37:26But quality time to two hours straight, we did it.
37:30It's good on you. Good on you, you know.
37:33She does like quality time. She loves it. She loves going to cultural events.
37:38Isn't that good?
37:41We went to the opera together. We went, I struggled, I must admit.
37:48She's like, why are you closing your eyes? I'm like, I'm really into it.
37:55But I think you were snoring. I was like, I was singing along.
38:01I love that bit.
38:06But you learn a lot from being married. You do. I've been learning a lot.
38:10Before I got married, I had the same pillow for 10 years.
38:15I didn't know you weren't allowed.
38:19I thought that was good, like cost per use, that kind of thing, you know.
38:22By the time I was finished with it, it was wafer thin.
38:26It was a memory foam pillow, you know.
38:29Ran out of storage space for you.
38:33Well, I got married.
38:34I found out that you're not allowed to have one pillow for 10 years.
38:37It's disgusting.
38:39It's against God.
38:41You have to have four pillows all the time.
38:44Two of the pillows you use and two of the pillows you put on the floor straight away.
38:51Every single night.
38:53You never use them, right?
38:55Your neck couldn't sustain that angle for the duration of the night.
38:59These are decorative pillows.
39:01What are they decorating?
39:03The other pillows.
39:06It's unbelievable.
39:07They're high-quality pillows, too.
39:09In my household, these pillows, they're the same as the main pillows.
39:14That's a lot of potential going wasted on the floor every night.
39:18They're like, put me on, coach.
39:21I could change this.
39:22They're waiting for the main pillows to get drooled out.
39:25And I am drooling.
39:27I hate to admit it, but I have to wear a mouth guard to go to sleep.
39:31Anyone do that?
39:34It's humiliating.
39:36It's horrible to admit.
39:40It's because back in the day, mouth guards, they were reserved for professional boxers and NFL players.
39:49But nowadays, my life's gotten so stressful that the act of going to sleep is the same as blunt force
39:56head trauma.
39:57Well, it's humiliating wearing this thing.
40:01And so many oats get stuck in it.
40:09But it's good.
40:11We've been traveling.
40:12We travel.
40:13We went to Mexico.
40:17What a beautiful place.
40:19Mexico City.
40:24There's a few attempted claps tonight.
40:30We went to Mexico City.
40:32We went to watch the Lucha Libre.
40:34You know about this.
40:35You don't have to start.
40:39We saw the Lucha Libre.
40:40These guys, the luchas, they wear the masks.
40:43You know, these guys, they wear the masks.
40:46If you don't know the lucha, the most famous lucha is called Jack Black.
40:53And we went to watch the Lucha Libre.
40:55The first match we watched, it was between a lucha, the guy wearing the mask, and he was fighting a
41:00caveman.
41:02And everyone was booing the caveman.
41:05I didn't know what was going on.
41:06So I had to ask someone, I was like, what's happening?
41:07And he said that they like the lucha more, because the lucha's more traditional.
41:13But I would have thought that the caveman's more traditional.
41:16You know, that's one of the original guys.
41:19But if you thought that I was confused, my wife didn't know that wrestling was fake.
41:25So she thought that this was a real fight.
41:28And they were still choosing to backflip.
41:30You know, like, they thought that was a good use of their time.
41:34Um, her mind was, she took like 100 Instagram stories on the night, all with the captions like,
41:40wow, like, OMG.
41:42Like, it was the best night of both of our lives.
41:45It was unbelievable.
41:46At one point in the fight, a little person came into the ring.
41:50And he threw the referee out of the ring.
41:53And at that point, I thought, the jig is up.
41:58The jig was not up.
42:00She turns to me, she's like, is that allowed?
42:05I'm like, I don't know.
42:06It's a real perversion of justice, you know?
42:10We were walking home from the night, from the event, and we were both feeling very good.
42:15We were on cloud nine.
42:17But as we were walking, the pieces start to fall into place.
42:20And she started to get messages from back home from her friends.
42:23They're like, you do know that wrestling isn't real.
42:27And she was furious at me.
42:29She was like, why didn't you tell me that wrestling was fake?
42:32And I was like, I wouldn't know where to begin.
42:36Like, do you know that cavemen aren't around?
42:38Like, we...
42:42We don't have that anymore.
42:46Dude, this is a beautiful crowd.
42:48What a beautiful crowd.
42:49This is amazing.
42:50What a nice, huh?
42:52Any of you come to this show because you know me from Fisk?
42:57A few Fisk heads.
42:59If you don't know what Fisk is, it's kind of a legal comedy.
43:02It's created by the Australian government.
43:05And I think it's a psy-op.
43:10No, it changed my life.
43:13Because before I did Fisk, I was just doing stand-up comedy, you know?
43:17And I always looked like this.
43:20This is all I had to offer.
43:22And I would go on YouTube and Instagram to see the demographics.
43:26Like, who was watching the stuff.
43:28And it was always 90% male, 25 to 34.
43:33Anyone fit that demographic?
43:37This is not a good demographic.
43:39A lot of incels.
43:44These guys, they don't come out to the show.
43:46They're busy planning something.
43:49I don't know what I am.
43:52But it was a very dark path I was going down.
43:54It couldn't continue that way.
43:56But then God intervened.
43:59He sent the prophet, Kitty Flanagan.
44:02And she cast me in this show, Fisk.
44:04Overnight, the demographic changed.
44:07Women, 45 to 54.
44:12What a beautiful sound.
44:13This is...
44:15Overnight, these angels descended into my shows.
44:19These beautiful white angels.
44:24They love coming to the shows.
44:27But that's why I had to leave Australia.
44:29I had to get away from all these mamas.
44:32All right, that's my time.
44:33Thank you very much, Neil.
44:36Thank you all.
45:24Hello.
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