Nobody Knows Anything [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full - video Dailymotion

UK Movie Club

Nobody Knows Anything [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full

Transcript

00:00:30How to explain them things that nobody knows

00:00:35People these days they play and act like you know

00:00:38But nobody, not even you, woman

00:00:40Nobody knows, nobody knows

00:00:43Who are you to tell me what's true and what's not?

00:00:45What's happening now, what you got?

00:00:48This here, real life, I'm a jukebox

00:00:50Dinner on the block and got the blocks unlocked

00:00:51Stop, don't wanna hear another word

00:00:54Show me the money or your gifts to burn

00:00:56The second is when I promise you the world

00:00:58I'll make you a star more like Magma Earl

00:01:00Holler back when the contract's right

00:01:02You better best believe I'm looking out for mine

00:01:04I'm feeding on steak and wine

00:01:07Struggles of a naughty face often times

00:01:09Cause nobody knows what the future holds

00:01:11Nobody knows anything till it goes

00:01:13It takes off to the next level of the game

00:01:15Until then you don't know a damn thing

00:01:17Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows

00:01:22I need to grab them in the first minute

00:01:28Behind these walls lay the broken dreams of men

00:01:31Who are now confined

00:01:32Nah, too depressing

00:01:35Fade in, on a tree-lined street

00:01:38Two good-looking, attractive guys

00:01:40Are good-looking, attractive?

00:01:43That's the same thing

00:01:44Why not tall, unshort guys?

00:01:49Nah

00:01:52Give them something they've never seen before

00:01:55Edgy

00:01:56Ow

00:01:57Different

00:01:59Ow

00:02:02It's the action-packed true story of how

00:02:07The search for the American dream goes dangerously awry

00:02:12I have one dream on rye with a pickle to go

00:02:14Hmm

00:02:15Not bad

00:02:17Gotta grab them in the first minute

00:02:20Hmm

00:02:20Maybe a little sex

00:02:24Meh

00:02:25Too obvious

00:02:31Cosmo says red is the power color for women

00:02:34But it makes me look like a fire truck

00:02:37Hollywood

00:02:40That's me

00:02:40Sarah Wilder

00:02:42I just graduated from film school

00:02:44And now I'm in the real world

00:02:45Well, LA

00:02:47Which may be real or unreal

00:02:49Depending on who you are

00:02:50Fortunately, I know a real person

00:02:53My Uncle Lou

00:02:54Who was once a big-time Hollywood writer

00:02:59Yeah, it's open

00:03:00Yeah

00:03:00So, uh, how did I, how did I do yesterday?

00:03:03Oh, good, good

00:03:04Oh, Phil, I'll talk to you later

00:03:06Bye

00:03:09So?

00:03:13Sarah Wilder

00:03:14Your niece

00:03:15I know that

00:03:15Sit down

00:03:19For me

00:03:21Oh, how nice

00:03:24So, uh, what made you want to get into the movie business?

00:03:27Why'd you pick a profession with dignity?

00:03:29Like begging

00:03:30Oh, okay, Uncle Lou

00:03:31You're just like Mom

00:03:32You think the movie business is populated with terrible people?

00:03:34No, no, no, no, no, no

00:03:35Believe me, believe me

00:03:36I'm not like your mother

00:03:37But, uh, in this instance, she's right

00:03:39The world is full of terrible people

00:03:40Why not the movie business?

00:03:42So, uh, speaking of which, how is your mother?

00:03:47And that lummox she married?

00:03:49She and Dad are great

00:03:50They're doing the Florida thing, you know

00:03:51Get a condo on the beach

00:03:52And play golf

00:03:53And tennis

00:03:54So what's this movie about that you want to make?

00:03:56Jimmy

00:03:57Cousin Jimmy

00:03:58On your father's side?

00:04:00The same

00:04:00But why?

00:04:02He's a bum

00:04:03I know him

00:04:04And like my film teacher always said

00:04:05Film what you know

00:04:08Uh-huh

00:04:09So this story is all about Jimmy's problems, huh?

00:04:13What audience is gonna sit down and watch a movie about a schmuck like that?

00:04:18I don't know

00:04:20He's a sweet guy

00:04:21And I think I want to explore the why of it all

00:04:26The why of it all?

00:04:28Uh-huh

00:04:30You know, I don't understand the movies they're making today

00:04:33Did you, uh, did you see something about Mary?

00:04:35Laugh my ass off

00:04:36Could I make a movie like that?

00:04:37Never

00:04:38Never in a million years

00:04:40I want to tell you something

00:04:42I still know a lot of people in this town

00:04:46I called in a lot of favors

00:04:50I don't know why I'm doing this

00:04:53But I, uh, set up some pitch meetings for you

00:04:56All right?

00:04:56Now stay focused

00:04:57And remember

00:04:58Nobody knows anything

00:05:02Today I have my first pitch meeting at a big studio

00:05:07Hello

00:05:08Oh, I can't talk right now

00:05:10No, I'm meeting Connor Fulton at 9.30

00:05:12I'll talk to you later

00:05:16Hello

00:05:24Wait, wait, wait, all right

00:05:25Hold on, Connor is talking now, okay?

00:05:27All right, now listen

00:05:28You are five million dollars over budget

00:05:30Hold on one second

00:05:31Miss Winston

00:05:32Wilder

00:05:33That's right, hold on, okay

00:05:34Listen, you're five million dollars over budget

00:05:36So either we're gonna stop paying you

00:05:37Or we stop beating the cast and the crew

00:05:39It's your decision

00:05:42So

00:05:43You're new in town

00:05:45And you got a story to do

00:05:46Tell

00:05:48Well, nobody ever said that Connor Fulton didn't give new talent a break

00:05:52Ain't that right?

00:05:55See?

00:05:57Everyone knows

00:05:58That's George, he's my assistant

00:05:59He's my eyes and my ears

00:06:01You can see the big picture

00:06:03Hi

00:06:07So shoot

00:06:07I got a ten o'clock's coming in early

00:06:09You got five minutes

00:06:10Any good story can be told in five minutes

00:06:11Ain't that right?

00:06:14See?

00:06:16Give me your best shot

00:06:18It's the action-packed true story of how the search for the American dream goes ominously awry

00:06:24Kind of like a modern James Dean

00:06:33But during his quest for the American dream

00:06:36Jimmy committed armed robbery

00:06:37A felony

00:06:38But he's my cousin

00:06:40I mean, I sat next to him at the kids table at every holiday dinner

00:06:43But what made him do it?

00:06:47Here's the twist

00:06:49You see, I shot interviews of every family member and eyewitnesses to the actual crime

00:06:55For a historic docudrama

00:06:58Kind of like Reds but without the communists

00:07:00And we'll cut back to them ever so often for background and to help uncover Jimmy's motivations

00:07:07The diet pills are working

00:07:08Oh, thank you!

00:07:09Are those canned?

00:07:10Oh, of course they're canned

00:07:11Are you nervous, Beatrice?

00:07:12No, I'm very relaxed

00:07:14You're gonna be wonderful, Uncle Sid

00:07:15You're gonna be brilliant

00:07:16I like that apathetic thing you got going on

00:07:18And it's all about glamour over here, isn't it?

00:07:20Oh, how do I look?

00:07:21Wonderful

00:07:21Good, I looked right in there?

00:07:23Absolutely, you looked really good

00:07:24It's all about cleverness

00:07:26Roll sound

00:07:28Should I wait for like action?

00:07:31Wait until I say dysfunction

00:07:33Dysfunction

00:07:34Okay, okay, good

00:07:35What do you want me to talk about?

00:07:37Tell me about my cousin Jimmy and Uncle Sid

00:07:39You look marvelous

00:07:42Oh

00:07:44Jimmy is our son

00:07:46We love him

00:07:47He's a very good boy

00:07:50A very good boy

00:07:51You know what rotten is?

00:07:53He's rotten, rotten of the car

00:07:54Oh, but he's a very good boy, you know

00:07:58Thank God he's got my genes

00:08:00You know he takes after my side of the family

00:08:03Your side of the family

00:08:04Your side of the family's crazy

00:08:07You know, all this bad stuff with Jimmy

00:08:10It's your fault

00:08:12My fault?

00:08:14I oughta sue you

00:08:15I oughta sue you and your family, you know that?

00:08:17For what?

00:08:18Because when I married you they passed you off as sane

00:08:22You're fucking crazy

00:08:24This is good

00:08:26This is good

00:08:30You used fucking properly

00:08:33I have a mother and a father too

00:08:35Most people do

00:08:35That's very identifiable

00:08:37Mmm

00:08:41I'm a basket case until my second day

00:08:43You wanna know what he does at the grocery store?

00:08:47Jesus Christ, he's gonna bring up the candy bin thing again

00:08:50He steals little pieces of candy from the candy bin at the grocery store

00:08:55Jimmy must have seen him do it

00:08:58Like father, like son

00:09:00You know, Jimmy used to be a very sweet boy

00:09:03My husband here corrupted him

00:09:06Okay, so maybe Jimmy didn't grow up in the best environment

00:09:10But it's not like he was so different than any other kid

00:09:13I can't do homework because they told me to do homework

00:09:15I can't work under these conditions

00:09:19Right, but there was always a constant in Jimmy's life

00:09:21His love, no, no, his obsession for Miranda

00:09:25Even when they were kids

00:09:26Miranda, I love you

00:09:30Best thing that ever happened to Jimmy was Miranda

00:09:33But even when they were kids, it wasn't always roses

00:09:35I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here!

00:09:38I'm serious!

00:09:40By the time they got married, she'd been kicking him out for years

00:09:42Just leave!

00:09:45See, things haven't changed much

00:09:47But unfortunately, every time Jimmy and Miranda fought

00:09:50He'd always go to his best friend for solace

00:09:52For understanding

00:09:54Unfortunately, his best friend is Virus

00:09:56His partner in crime, so to speak

00:09:58A rocket scientist, Virus isn't

00:10:00But Jimmy still considered him a friend

00:10:02Don't even ask me why

00:10:05Conor, darling, the love of my life, the vein of my existence

00:10:08Great baby!

00:10:10George, see any good movies lately?

00:10:13So good to see

00:10:14How are you doing?

00:10:15What brings you to the salt mines?

00:10:17It's about Bruce Conor, dear, who else?

00:10:19Listen, I just saw those dailies, marvelous

00:10:21Huh?

00:10:22That fight inside, what is that? Is that a volcano?

00:10:25Of course

00:10:25That's incredible, that's incredible, that's incredible

00:10:27Did I say that was incredible?

00:10:29I said that, I said that

00:10:31I'm so happy you're happy

00:10:32I'm happy, happy

00:10:34I'm ecstatic here, alright

00:10:35I'm delirious, I'm about to lose control of my bladder

00:10:39What?

00:10:40I have something else you can piss on, then

00:10:42Hope you don't mind looking at the List of requests, Bruce had

00:10:48Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Hasana, in his trailer

00:10:51Wet not dry

00:10:53Not dry, not dry George

00:10:54Remind me

00:10:56What's this new stand-in? At $4,000

00:10:58Don't you think Bruce's brother would be perfect

00:10:59Okay, where's his driver at $3,000?

00:11:02His nephew.

00:11:03Personal trainer, $2,000.

00:11:04His cousin.

00:11:05Coincidentally.

00:11:07You're killing me here.

00:11:08This is $14,000 a week.

00:11:10Why don't we just rent this whole family?

00:11:11You are, Connery, darling.

00:11:13You're renting the whole goddamn family.

00:11:15He's honest.

00:11:17It's an $80 million movie.

00:11:18They'll need lots of asses in those seats to seek profits.

00:11:21Bruce can put them there.

00:11:23Ciao, George.

00:11:25Love what you're wearing.

00:11:29Thank you, Craig.

00:11:31Hey, listen.

00:11:31You take care, all right?

00:11:32Tell Bruce I'll see him at the fight.

00:11:33I will.

00:11:34Bye-bye, Bobby.

00:11:36Is this the fucking business or what?

00:11:41Would they run General Electric like this?

00:11:43No.

00:11:43No, you're damn right they would.

00:11:44Give me Jack Brown.

00:11:45I'm sorry about this.

00:11:47They said he went to an early lunch.

00:11:50Christ.

00:11:50It's 10.45 in the morning.

00:11:54Give me the other producer on his film.

00:11:55Bruce's film.

00:11:56Whatever his name is.

00:11:57I don't know.

00:11:57Call him.

00:12:00It is a crazy business.

00:12:02It is crazy.

00:12:03I tell you that.

00:12:04Stars that make $14 million a picture,

00:12:07and then they nickel and dime you for every perk they can think of.

00:12:11Producers go to a 10.45 lunch.

00:12:13Shit!

00:12:14I mean, most producers don't even come in till 11 o'clock, huh?

00:12:17Am I right?

00:12:18What?

00:12:18Rich Schwartz on two.

00:12:24Connor Fulton here.

00:12:26Hi.

00:12:26I want you to measure Bruce's trailer for a sauna,

00:12:29and then I want you to tell him every day that it is being specially made.

00:12:33I want you to tell him we're having trouble getting a green card for his French chef.

00:12:37I want you to bullshit him about his stand-in.

00:12:39I want you to bullshit him about his driver.

00:12:41I want you to bullshit him about his trainer.

00:12:42Tell him...

00:12:45Teamsters.

00:12:45Tell him...

00:12:46Tell him we're having a problem with the Teamsters.

00:12:47They want their men in place,

00:12:48and if he has a problem with that,

00:12:50then his family's gonna be sleeping with the fishes, okay?

00:12:52And then you tell him to go to hell!

00:13:03Where were we?

00:13:07What Jimmy and Virus needed was a direction.

00:13:09A goal.

00:13:11Get a job! Get a job!

00:13:12Why don't you get a job?

00:13:13I'd like to get a job.

00:13:13Why don't you get a job?

00:13:15I can't!

00:13:16See?

00:13:17Because she told me to,

00:13:18and then if I get a job,

00:13:18it's because she told me to,

00:13:20and I can't work under those conditions.

00:13:21Remember, when Jimmy was a kid,

00:13:23he didn't like taking orders.

00:13:25He's no different now.

00:13:26Hey, fellas, let's go, huh?

00:13:28We got a house to paint!

00:13:30Rapido, rapido!

00:13:32For the daylight!

00:13:33You like some guy clapping at you?

00:13:35Come on, have some self-respect.

00:13:37You gotta be your own boss.

00:13:38I am my own boss,

00:13:39and I've got self-respect.

00:13:40No, what you got...

00:13:41some guy telling you what to do.

00:13:43Nobody tells me what to do.

00:13:46Look, I'm gonna take off.

00:13:47Think about what I said.

00:13:49I thought you were coming over to help me paint.

00:13:50No.

00:13:50I thought it was coming over while you paint.

00:13:53I don't paint.

00:13:54I'm not a painter.

00:13:56Anyway, I gotta go pick up my check.

00:13:58Disability.

00:14:00Think about what I said.

00:14:01When I said they needed a goal,

00:14:03I really meant they needed money

00:14:05because all they were capable of doing

00:14:07was painting houses.

00:14:09All the fixtures you see are original.

00:14:12They were installed when the house was first built in 1946.

00:14:16Now, nine years ago, the owner of the house,

00:14:20Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones,

00:14:21had all of the fixtures removed,

00:14:23sent back to Germany,

00:14:24where they were originally manufactured in 1928.

00:14:29The Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones?

00:14:31A harmonica player?

00:14:32Yes.

00:14:34Wow.

00:14:37Nice house, Blue Smoke.

00:14:40How do you know Blue Smoke?

00:14:41How do you know Blue Smoke?

00:14:41I don't.

00:14:42I don't bother him.

00:14:43Not done yet!

00:14:44All of the fixtures were cleaned, restored, updated

00:14:47by the grandson of the original manufacturer,

00:14:51Mincer van der Klieger.

00:14:53Now, if that name rings a bell, it should,

00:14:56because we still use Klieg lights today.

00:14:58This way.

00:15:02Does he know we're here to paint?

00:15:04As you can see...

00:15:07As you can see, the kitchen has been updated as well.

00:15:09The technology of tomorrow,

00:15:11with the hardwood floors of yesterday.

00:15:14I think that's pretty cool.

00:15:16Speaking of cool...

00:15:17Nicely done.

00:15:18This refrigerator has the shell of its mother model,

00:15:22the Freeze Captain 627,

00:15:24with the entrails of the Captain Frost Master Whiz fridge.

00:15:31A lovely piece of machinery.

00:15:35I believe this is yours.

00:15:38Take a look at this.

00:15:39Is this beautiful?

00:15:40Look at this, with the trees and the sun.

00:15:43Look at this view.

00:15:44If this view were a lady,

00:15:47I would lay her down right here, right now,

00:15:50and give her the love.

00:15:52Oh, my God!

00:15:54Oh, my God!

00:15:57Oh, God!

00:15:59I am so goddamn tired of showing houses all day long.

00:16:04You couldn't give this piece of shit away.

00:16:06This shit, it's been on the market for six years now.

00:16:11Oh, God.

00:16:13Oh, God.

00:16:14Did you ever lie in bed at night,

00:16:16and you look up at the ceiling,

00:16:17and you realize,

00:16:18you know,

00:16:18I came to the fork in the road.

00:16:20I veered left.

00:16:20You know you should veer right.

00:16:22You know it.

00:16:22But...

00:16:23But it's too late.

00:16:24It's too late.

00:16:25I shit where I sleep.

00:16:27Oh, God.

00:16:28I wish I had a bad porch.

00:16:33It's too late.

00:16:36You guys, you seem like nice guys, really.

00:16:40And you're young.

00:16:41You should get away.

00:16:42Run away now.

00:16:43Because I feel one coming on.

00:16:45Okay?

00:16:47I really need to be alone.

00:16:50Oh, God.

00:16:58Oh, God.

00:17:00Wow.

00:17:01Can you believe that?

00:17:02Oh.

00:17:03Blue Smoke's house has been on the market for six years.

00:17:05It's beautiful.

00:17:06Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:17:10Two guys, strike that,

00:17:11two morons who can't paint,

00:17:14and they're talking about some musician?

00:17:17I'm...

00:17:17George, I...

00:17:18I thought this was about an armed robbery.

00:17:21It is.

00:17:22So?

00:17:23Where is it?

00:17:24I mean, how far are we into the picture now?

00:17:27Ten...

00:17:27minutes?

00:17:28Maybe?

00:17:29Oh, God.

00:17:30Ten minutes?

00:17:31Ten minutes is a lifetime.

00:17:32See?

00:17:33George knows.

00:17:34In Indiana Jones, he has already been chased by a boulder by now, okay?

00:17:38In Jaws, we've seen a girl get naked,

00:17:40make out with some guy,

00:17:41hop in the water and get eaten by a shark.

00:17:43That's the goal.

00:17:44That's what the audience is waiting for.

00:17:45Why are you making them wait?

00:17:48I wanted to build up the motivation to their committing the robbery.

00:17:53Wrong answer.

00:17:56My dear, you must be visual.

00:17:57You have to show this.

00:17:58You gotta show some guns, some violence, a little blood.

00:18:02I don't know.

00:18:02Wait.

00:18:03Um...

00:18:04They...

00:18:04Let's say they...

00:18:05They...

00:18:07They witness a robbery.

00:18:10They witness a robbery and that inspires them.

00:18:12That's good, isn't it?

00:18:13That's good.

00:18:14That's good.

00:18:15Try that.

00:18:16You want me to change what I have?

00:18:18Change what actually happened.

00:18:19Change the truth.

00:18:23What do you think this is?

00:18:26Church?

00:18:26The...

00:18:26Yes.

00:18:27Yes.

00:18:28Change the truth.

00:18:29Add the bit about the robbery and then, uh...

00:18:32Continue.

00:18:34Okay.

00:18:36Um...

00:18:36Let's see.

00:18:37Uh...

00:18:38As Uncle Lou said, nobody knows anything,

00:18:40so I might as well give it a try.

00:18:42Why can't Miranda just be nice to me?

00:18:44You guys need a dialogue, man.

00:18:46Is that it, fellas?

00:18:47Yeah.

00:18:47Alright.

00:18:49Uh...

00:18:49Let's see.

00:18:50Pepsi.

00:18:51Fruit pie.

00:18:52Fruit pie.

00:18:53265.

00:18:54We got two.

00:18:55We got...

00:18:5750.

00:18:5861.

00:18:5962.

00:19:0063.

00:19:0264.

00:19:032.

00:19:0464.

00:19:072.

00:19:0864.

00:19:14Alright.

00:19:15Fine.

00:19:19Miranda's just complicated.

00:19:20You know?

00:19:20You guys...

00:19:21You need to talk more, because she's like...

00:19:22Let's stay calm.

00:19:23We just want the cash.

00:19:24Let's go.

00:19:24Move it.

00:19:25Alright, you two spread out.

00:19:26Spread out.

00:19:26See some money out of you two.

00:19:27Come on.

00:19:28Come on.

00:19:28I'm not fooling around here.

00:19:29Let's open the pot.

00:19:30See some cash.

00:19:31Man, I got nothing.

00:19:34Holy crap.

00:19:35Give me the change.

00:19:38Keep the hands up.

00:19:39Clean.

00:19:39That's it.

00:19:39Let's go.

00:19:48How hairy was that?

00:19:51How about shit?

00:19:52Did you about shit?

00:19:52How about shit?

00:19:54Did you see me?

00:19:55I froze.

00:19:56I was just...

00:19:57Hey, man.

00:19:59You're really cool.

00:20:00Yeah, it's because I don't give a shit.

00:20:01It happens every other week.

00:20:03I'm not gonna get my ass shot up for, you know, 200 bucks.

00:20:05It's not even mine.

00:20:07You were really cool.

00:20:08I should've put a cap in their ass.

00:20:10That's what I should've did.

00:20:11But I don't have a, uh, gun.

00:20:17Hey.

00:20:18Yeah, yeah.

00:20:19Go ahead.

00:20:19You sure?

00:20:22Thanks a lot.

00:20:23Sure.

00:20:25Jimmy needed to feel worthy in Miranda's eyes.

00:20:28To prove himself to her on his own terms.

00:20:32But he didn't know how.

00:20:34Witnessing the robbery was both shocking and exciting to them.

00:20:37A total adrenaline rush.

00:20:39To Jimmy and Virus, this was all the inspiration they needed.

00:20:42If you had to give a description of the cops right now,

00:20:44what would you tell them?

00:20:45I'd say there were two of them.

00:20:46Uh-huh.

00:20:48And that they were bigger than us and white.

00:20:51Hey, you don't catch guys like that.

00:20:53You know?

00:20:54They knew exactly what they were doing.

00:20:56They were professionals.

00:20:56You heard the cashier.

00:20:57That shit happens all the time.

00:20:58I like this much better now.

00:21:00I like it.

00:21:00This is good.

00:21:04Go on.

00:21:05Jimmy moved in with Virus.

00:21:06The wheels were now in motion that would lead them to their eventual destiny.

00:21:10Come on.

00:21:10Get the door open.

00:21:13The phone's ringing.

00:21:14Hello?

00:21:15Oh, no.

00:21:16Hey, Miranda.

00:21:16How are you?

00:21:17No, actually, we just walked in.

00:21:19It's Miranda.

00:21:20Really?

00:21:21No, that's...

00:21:21Yeah.

00:21:23No, I will.

00:21:24Yeah, that's sweet.

00:21:25I will.

00:21:26Absolutely, I will.

00:21:27Uh-huh.

00:21:30You look like Joe Perry from Aerosmith right now in that light.

00:21:32It's weird.

00:21:33Your nose is...

00:21:34Huh?

00:21:35What are you saying?

00:21:36No, that...

00:21:36Okay, cool.

00:21:38Absolutely.

00:21:39I will.

00:21:40Yeah, he's right here.

00:21:41Hold on one second.

00:21:42She wants to talk to you.

00:21:43Now, to Jimmy, his life may have been crap.

00:21:46But the one thing he did have was Miranda.

00:21:50Actually, he didn't, but that's Jimmy.

00:21:52Hello.

00:21:53Yeah.

00:21:54No.

00:21:54Just me and Virus.

00:21:56Hey, how'd you know I was here, anyway?

00:21:59No?

00:22:00Just...

00:22:00No.

00:22:01No.

00:22:03Now, see, I think you do want to fight about it.

00:22:05As a matter of fact, I think you want nothing more than to fight about it.

00:22:08Hang on a second there, Puddin.

00:22:09You're the one who asked me to...

00:22:12Puds?

00:22:12I even asked a psychiatrist why Miranda would call.

00:22:15It's called separation anxiety.

00:22:17You see, Jimmy was obsessed with Miranda, yet she was rejecting him.

00:22:22Quite often, when people are away, this sort of thing happens.

00:22:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:25That's exactly what happened to me when I was on a stakeout for two months.

00:22:29Day in and day out, my wife and I, well, we were separated for some time.

00:22:33And, well, we had arguments.

00:22:35And, you know, separation is very painful and stressful.

00:22:39It's terrible.

00:22:41He was not on a stakeout.

00:22:42He's disturbed.

00:22:44He thinks he's Joe Mannix from the television show.

00:22:46You were not on a stakeout.

00:22:47Yeah, I tried to call her from every discreet telephone I could find.

00:22:51But I...

00:22:51There just wasn't any telephones around her.

00:22:53I was desperate.

00:22:54Desperate to talk to her.

00:22:55I even had my secretary, Peggy.

00:22:57You remember Peggy.

00:22:58Peggy, I said, you gotta get in touch with her.

00:23:00But nothing.

00:23:01Nothing.

00:23:02You're not a private eye, Mr. Ohanion.

00:23:04You're...

00:23:04Wait, wait a minute.

00:23:05What do you mean, Shrinko?

00:23:06Of course I'm a private eye.

00:23:08Joe Mannix, what are you talking about?

00:23:10Look, I went undercover with my contacts at the police force, Lieutenant Tobias.

00:23:13Remember Lieutenant Tobias?

00:23:15Yes.

00:23:15Yeah, well, I was out of pocket for six months with that.

00:23:18You did not go undercover.

00:23:19Your name is not Joe Mannix, Mr. Ohanion.

00:23:21It's Cricor Ohanion.

00:23:22You live in Fresno and you make cheap white wine.

00:23:24Wait, wait, wait.

00:23:26You said it was gonna be like Reds.

00:23:29What part does Warren Beatty play?

00:23:33No, he's not in it.

00:23:36But I'm using eyewitnesses like in the movie Reds.

00:23:42You get me Warren Beatty as an eyewitness.

00:23:44We got a movie.

00:23:50You have any other casting in place?

00:23:51You talk to George.

00:23:52He's my eyes and my ears.

00:23:56Is he coming back?

00:24:05How did you put a blind guy in the movie business?

00:24:07It's an advantage.

00:24:08First of all, nobody reads scripts anymore.

00:24:10They get these kids from UCLA to do that.

00:24:13Secondly, if he can't see, there's little chance to take his boss's job.

00:24:19Though, uh, on the other hand, if he was also deaf, his chances could improve.

00:24:25Does everyone have a yes man?

00:24:29Some have no men.

00:24:31Most have and we'll get back to you, man.

00:24:33Here.

00:24:34Let me give you this guy's number.

00:24:36I used to know him.

00:24:38He's okay.

00:24:38I gave him his first shot.

00:24:39You just call him, all right?

00:24:42Lou Bracken.

00:24:44Is he still alive?

00:24:46He called you, didn't he?

00:24:49Hmm.

00:24:51Comes from Cuba.

00:24:52Cuba.

00:24:53I can make my whole movie for the price of five of those.

00:24:56Is that legal?

00:24:58Cuba Gooding.

00:25:00Troll me the money, baby.

00:25:05So, uh, where were we?

00:25:08Let's see.

00:25:09Your cousin Jimmy.

00:25:10Jimmy was spending his days watching TV and bemoaning Miranda.

00:25:14You're right.

00:25:15Should be separate, you know?

00:25:17I'm better off out of that house than still living with that emotional carnival freak.

00:25:21She's a sideshow.

00:25:22It's a really nice house, though.

00:25:27I'm an idiot.

00:25:28I still dig it.

00:25:30Check it out.

00:25:31Turn it up.

00:25:32I'm trying.

00:25:32After being convicted of the grisly murder of his 69-year-old grandmother, Sally Gagg.

00:25:51Once they saw the commercial, they decided to target McClintock's.

00:25:55Okay, this is Karen, all right?

00:25:57She's a friend of mine.

00:25:58Karen used to work at McClintock's.

00:26:00Why she quit, that's not important either.

00:26:01Okay.

00:26:02All right.

00:26:03Here's the candy.

00:26:04Karen says they deposit the money to the bank every Monday afternoon.

00:26:07No.

00:26:08Yeah.

00:26:08So I figure we go in there on a Monday morning.

00:26:10That's a week's worth of business in that register.

00:26:12How hard can this be?

00:26:13Register full of cash, no security.

00:26:15I figure we walk in, grab the money, walk out, just like those guys did.

00:26:18Coffee Karen figures almost $50,000.

00:26:20Even as Jimmy and Virus plotted the robbery, it seemed that their feelings against McClintock's

00:26:25had found some public support.

00:26:26How dare the McClintock's invoke God to sell their peaches.

00:26:31They are the most self-righteous, pretentious con artists this town has ever seen.

00:26:35I could spit on them.

00:26:37McClintock's peaches smakują jak moje mamy, zupełnie tak samo.

00:26:42These eyewitnesses, you shot them already, right?

00:26:46Oh, yeah.

00:26:47In the can.

00:26:47And there's a lot more than what you've heard.

00:26:50Mm-hmm.

00:26:52So, uh, who do you see as the peach expert?

00:26:58Oh.

00:26:59The real peach expert himself.

00:27:01The real one I already shot in the film.

00:27:04Okay, let's get this straight.

00:27:06Everyone.

00:27:06I don't care who they are, wants to get their hands on some of these peaches.

00:27:10Especially if they've ever tasted McClintock's peach.

00:27:13I mean everyone.

00:27:14Okay?

00:27:15Oh.

00:27:17Merci beaucoup.

00:27:20Euro trash.

00:27:22Sunscreen?

00:27:24I think, I think perhaps you should think younger.

00:27:30Maybe Ben Stiller as the peach expert.

00:27:38Well, whatever happened to authenticity?

00:27:42Authenticity is for CNN.

00:27:44Ben Stiller is for movies.

00:27:47Cheers.

00:27:48Maybe you're right.

00:27:57Well, think about it.

00:27:59Okay?

00:28:00Think about Ben.

00:28:02Okay, get this straight.

00:28:03Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of these peaches.

00:28:07If they've ever tasted McClintock peach.

00:28:09Okay?

00:28:11Ben Stiller.

00:28:14Okay, get this straight.

00:28:16Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of those peaches.

00:28:20If they've ever tasted McClintock peach.

00:28:22Okay?

00:28:24Ben Stiller.

00:28:25Okay, get this straight.

00:28:26Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of those peaches.

00:28:30If they've ever tasted McClintock peach.

00:28:32Okay?

00:28:33Ben Stiller.

00:28:34Okay, get this straight.

00:28:34Ben Stiller.

00:28:36Okay, get this straight.

00:28:37The seat for Robbie McClintock's was planted, but Jimmy was torn, confused.

00:28:44Just between his unrequited love for Miranda and the adrenaline rush from the robbery,

00:28:51Jimmy was an emotional, vulnerable, incredibly hurt boy.

00:28:58He was riding a manic-depressive roller coaster, yet very deep, deep.

00:29:08Lows, and manic, sexy highs, very manic highs.

00:29:15Excuse me, I'm just going to put this over here.

00:29:20Virus wasn't any help.

00:29:21He was always testing Jimmy with ridiculous hypothetical questions.

00:29:25You were their camp counselor.

00:29:26I certainly was.

00:29:28And I'm here to say that these boys were not evil or vicious.

00:29:31Oh, they weren't geniuses, to be sure.

00:29:33But they had convictions, they had values.

00:29:36Hey, I got one for you.

00:29:38If you had to blow some guy, who would it be?

00:29:40Excuse me?

00:29:41Say you had to blow some guy, who would you pick?

00:29:43I don't have to blow some guy.

00:29:45Yeah, I know you don't have to, but if you did, who would it be?

00:29:47I try not to entertain that thought, and I don't think it's healthy when you do it.

00:29:51Come on, entertain me for a second.

00:29:53They got a gun to your head.

00:29:57Well, if they got a gun to my head, odds are I'll be blowing one of them.

00:30:00You're missing my point.

00:30:02Your point?

00:30:02I didn't realize there was a point.

00:30:04Forget about it, all right?

00:30:05All right, who are they?

00:30:06Friends of yours?

00:30:07No.

00:30:08This doesn't make any sense.

00:30:09I don't know.

00:30:10Look, they're just guys, all right?

00:30:11They're like bored frat guys.

00:30:13They're out on a drinking bin, looking for something to do, and somebody gave them a gun.

00:30:17I give up.

00:30:18Who do I want to blow?

00:30:19I don't know.

00:30:20See?

00:30:20Neither do I.

00:30:22You see, that was an essential part of their relationship, the conflict between fantasy

00:30:27and reality.

00:30:28Yeah, well, blowjobs are great, but not between two guys.

00:30:33This isn't about sex.

00:30:34That's not the point.

00:30:35Wrong.

00:30:36That is the point.

00:30:39Sex.

00:30:41You gotta have sex.

00:30:43Real sex.

00:30:46Sexy sex.

00:30:48What sex between a guy and a gal?

00:30:52Real sex?

00:30:54Yeah, like Baywatch.

00:30:59Baywatch.

00:31:00That's it.

00:31:02Make it all happen at the beach.

00:31:04The whole picture?

00:31:06You reshoot all the witnesses at the beach.

00:31:10You change the robbery to the beach.

00:31:13Then you make Miranda a sexy, sexy lifeguard.

00:31:18And you send it to me, sealed with a kiss, and I'll get back to you.

00:31:24All you wanted was sex.

00:31:26Sex.

00:31:28Really?

00:31:29Ooh.

00:31:29That's three sexes.

00:31:31I always knew he was ambitious.

00:31:33This is very discouraging.

00:31:34Well, come on.

00:31:35You ready to give up already?

00:31:36Huh?

00:31:37I thought you were a toughie.

00:31:38I thought you had crust like me.

00:31:40That's what I always liked about you.

00:31:41Well, it's just not exactly what I expected.

00:31:43What did you expect?

00:31:44Somebody, the first time you meet them, they're going to give you money to make a focaccia

00:31:47little movie?

00:31:48Huh?

00:31:50Come here.

00:31:51Come here.

00:31:53Come here.

00:31:53Come on.

00:31:54Look, this is a tough town.

00:31:58Sweetheart, sit down.

00:32:05It just seems like everyone wants to make a different movie than the one that I want

00:32:09to make.

00:32:10Hey.

00:32:11So what?

00:32:12That's the town.

00:32:13Everybody is a critic.

00:32:15They go to screens, and they say, why wasn't so-and-so in that part?

00:32:19Why can't the ending be different?

00:32:21Come here.

00:32:23I'm going to set you up with Gus Schnuck, the king of schlock.

00:32:26He's not quite right for your picture, but he's not a critic.

00:32:29He wouldn't even pretend to know good from bad.

00:32:32Come on in.

00:32:33What do you mean you never heard of a topless toga?

00:32:36What difference does it make?

00:32:37That woman's knockers are so big you couldn't cover them anyway.

00:32:41Hiya, Judge.

00:32:42Look, Harry.

00:32:43I'm sorry.

00:32:44We're going to have to talk about this later.

00:32:45I've got a meeting now.

00:32:47Yeah.

00:32:47Okay.

00:32:47Bye.

00:32:48Have a seat.

00:32:49Please.

00:32:50Sit down.

00:32:51Meet my assistant.

00:32:52He started one of my worst pictures.

00:32:54Fuck you.

00:32:56You watch your mouth, you little shit.

00:32:58The picture was terrible, but it made a fortune.

00:33:01He thinks he should get all the money.

00:33:02I'm a star.

00:33:04I'm a star.

00:33:05Shut up.

00:33:06That's a beautiful bird.

00:33:09So, pick up where you left off.

00:33:10You're making this movie now about an armed robbery, the American Dream, your cousin Jimmy.

00:33:15Around that time, almost everyone was talking about McClintock's peach.

00:33:19Peaches are good for you.

00:33:20They're healthy.

00:33:21Go to any health food store, they'll tell you.

00:33:23Peaches are number one.

00:33:24And these, kissed by God.

00:33:26I hate peaches.

00:33:28Not just McClintock's peaches, but all peaches.

00:33:31After all, if there weren't any peaches, Dwayne Allman would be alive today.

00:33:35The whole town had a fruit syndrome that infected everyone, particularly Jimmy and Virus.

00:33:43You could say that Virus caught a Virus.

00:33:50Excuse me, young lady, is the owner in?

00:33:53Oh, good lord broke the mold with you two.

00:33:59Well, I'll just put in a French loaf and a couple muffins for you.

00:34:12Miranda was in earlier.

00:34:14Huh.

00:34:15Why don't you just quit your fussing and marry that girl?

00:34:19I did.

00:34:21Oh.

00:34:23And you, you ought to get yourself a steady.

00:34:27Because you're gonna catch something that won't wash off.

00:34:31You don't want to grow old alone.

00:34:34No, ma'am.

00:34:36335.

00:34:46When I lost Walter, my life went into a tailspin.

00:34:51I really do miss that man.

00:34:53You know, we did such good business here before McClintock's opened.

00:34:58Can't compete with that God-kissed peach.

00:35:02Hi.

00:35:03McClintocks.

00:35:04Well, McClintocks is really the lifeblood of this town.

00:35:08You know, in large part, that's because of these peaches.

00:35:12These are some of the best peaches in the world.

00:35:14They're really kind of God-kissed.

00:35:17You know?

00:35:17Listen.

00:35:18They pumped the revenue right into this city.

00:35:21Did you get that?

00:35:21You see, the thing is, every city, every major city has that one special attraction.

00:35:27You know, New York has the Statue of Liberty and San Antonio has the, you know, the Alamo.

00:35:32We have peaches.

00:35:34Now, this peach.

00:35:37Did you get that?

00:35:38Are we in front?

00:35:38This peach?

00:35:40It's eaten by President Ronald Reagan.

00:35:44He came to this city just for the peaches.

00:35:49Actually, well, I mean, I think actually he was lost.

00:35:52But the point is that he took one bite of that peach and, well, he had to leave.

00:35:59But I was fortunate because I grabbed that peach before he left.

00:36:03And it's a little rotted now.

00:36:06You can probably see.

00:36:07But those are his actual teeth marks.

00:36:11I'm pretty sure they were his real teeth.

00:36:13Uh, excuse me, Sarah.

00:36:15Who do you see as a peach expert?

00:36:17Ben Stiller.

00:36:18What are you, a casting director?

00:36:20That's exactly who I saw.

00:36:22Really?

00:36:23Go on.

00:36:24Ben Stiller.

00:36:25Ben Stiller.

00:36:27Not you, you dummy.

00:36:28Her.

00:36:29Please.

00:36:30Fuck you.

00:36:31I'm a star.

00:36:32Ben Stiller.

00:36:33I'm warning you.

00:36:33You're right on the edge.

00:36:35You're gonna get it.

00:36:36I'm sorry.

00:36:37Please, go ahead.

00:36:39As I was saying, by now, Jimmy and Byrus had zeroed in on McClintocks, but they were

00:36:44still afraid of getting caught.

00:36:45I feel really good about the plan.

00:36:48I really, you know, feel good about the whole thing.

00:36:50But I also feel like we're gonna get caught.

00:36:52No.

00:36:52Do not do that.

00:36:54Do not do that.

00:36:55Look, I feel like...

00:36:56I'm serious.

00:36:57Don't think that way.

00:36:58Look, I'm just saying...

00:36:59Uh-uh.

00:37:01No.

00:37:01I know.

00:37:02You really don't get it, do you?

00:37:03Listen up, Skeeter.

00:37:04I'm gonna tell you once.

00:37:06If you think it, it will happen.

00:37:08Well, now, this Jimmy, could he go psycho like De Niro did at the end of Taxi Driver?

00:37:12You know, I mean, that's something I could sell.

00:37:14Uh, no.

00:37:15But he could.

00:37:16But he didn't.

00:37:16But you're writing it, so he could.

00:37:18But it's a true story, so he didn't.

00:37:19Didn't.

00:37:20Watch it.

00:37:21Watch it.

00:37:22Fuck you.

00:37:23Fuck me.

00:37:23Fuck you.

00:37:25Teach him one bad word and he goes nuts.

00:37:27Now, what about music?

00:37:28This virus.

00:37:29He could be a musician, you know?

00:37:30Kids love music.

00:37:31I mean, soundtracks can put a movie in the black even if it's a turkey, you know?

00:37:35Turkey!

00:37:36I got the music in me.

00:37:39I can feel it.

00:37:40I just gotta find it.

00:37:42We all do.

00:37:44No, we all don't.

00:37:46What you're feeling, you see, there's a euphoria that comes along with believing your own bullshit.

00:37:50That's what you're feeling, not the music in you.

00:37:52Well, we mock what we don't understand.

00:37:58You see, because the music, she's my lady.

00:38:02She's my muse.

00:38:05But she's got a whole lot of mean up under that skirt of hers.

00:38:10She taunts me, sits at the end of the bar, and just before we lock, she's gone.

00:38:16She's like a cold cup of coffee.

00:38:19Sweet, sweet music.

00:38:22Jimmy and Virus had meticulously planned the robbery with detail and precision, asking all the tough questions.

00:38:28What does a professional robber need for a robbery?

00:38:31You need a car and you need guns, that's about it.

00:38:33Mayonnaise?

00:38:33Mustings?

00:38:33I can get a car, but what about guns?

00:38:35Pepsi?

00:38:36Please.

00:38:37I get guns.

00:38:37You can get guns.

00:38:39I get guns.

00:38:40You can get a car?

00:38:41I'll get guns.

00:38:43You can get a car.

00:38:44I can get guns.

00:38:45And we got a car and we got guns.

00:38:47Sandwich?

00:38:50Car.

00:38:51Guns.

00:38:53Masks.

00:38:54Masks.

00:38:55Masks.

00:38:56And she's like, oh, I had trouble parking.

00:38:58It's like, there's hella parking outside.

00:39:01This is your idea for getting a car?

00:39:04What's your problem?

00:39:04I can rent a car and get guns, alright?

00:39:07Can you get guns, Nikki?

00:39:07It's not cruel.

00:39:09Yeah.

00:39:10Don't talk about guns.

00:39:12No.

00:39:13You got a gun.

00:39:13Sorry.

00:39:15You got a gun.

00:39:17Don't talk about guns.

00:39:18You know, it's like hard.

00:39:19I mean, I would've been to you sometimes.

00:39:22You see, cause she's a liar.

00:39:23Cause some people lie.

00:39:24And she said, first, you remember when she was gone?

00:39:27She said she had dirty dirty.

00:39:29Bitch was in Hawaii.

00:39:30I know she was, because she came back with his pants.

00:39:33And she was not taking cigarettes breaks.

00:39:35She was smoking weed.

00:39:36Cause I know what weed smells like.

00:39:38Weed.

00:39:39No, that's not the point.

00:39:40Weed smells like.

00:39:42No, weed, it's kinda like, kinda like sour apple.

00:39:45And it's also kinda like butter.

00:39:48Kinda like butter and pine.

00:39:50You know like pine?

00:39:51No, not pine.

00:39:52Pine.

00:39:53The point is, you don't smoke weed at work.

00:39:56You could smoke weed anywhere.

00:39:57You don't smoke weed on your time.

00:39:59You don't smoke weed on my time.

00:40:00You don't smoke weed.

00:40:01Oh, I'm sorry.

00:40:03I'm sorry.

00:40:04I'm sorry.

00:40:04I'll call you back.

00:40:07Can I help you?

00:40:08Uh, yes.

00:40:09Uh, good afternoon.

00:40:10Uh, we were quite taken with the Cap'n Amonti we saw outside.

00:40:14Is that considered a midsize?

00:40:25I know how it failed.

00:40:27Of course you do.

00:40:33Which car?

00:40:34Driver's license.

00:40:36Yes.

00:40:36Not on me.

00:40:38You're gonna rent a car.

00:40:40It's so funny.

00:40:41It's so funny to me.

00:40:42How's that funny?

00:40:44We can't rent.

00:40:45We don't have money to rent.

00:40:46You don't need money to rent.

00:40:48You pay when you return.

00:40:49What if we don't get money?

00:40:51Then we don't return.

00:40:52That's what they got insurance for.

00:40:54Insurance is bullshit.

00:40:56Good hands, hand job.

00:40:57Reach around, bullshit.

00:41:00I still don't see how renting is funny.

00:41:02Well, it's not funny.

00:41:03It's cheating.

00:41:04Funny and cheating are synonyms.

00:41:07Whatever.

00:41:08Whatever.

00:41:08Good response.

00:41:09I guess you win.

00:41:11I'll just get Miranda's car.

00:41:13She's pissed at you.

00:41:14We need a car.

00:41:16Why don't they steal a car?

00:41:17I mean, all they do is talk.

00:41:19Not enough action.

00:41:20Too much talk.

00:41:21Talk or talk?

00:41:22I warned you.

00:41:23You shut up now.

00:41:25Look, where's the action?

00:41:26The car chasers.

00:41:27The broads.

00:41:28The IRS.

00:41:29I told you never, never to mention that.

00:41:33The IRS.

00:41:35All right.

00:41:35That's it.

00:41:36Now I'm gonna get you.

00:41:41Miss me.

00:41:42Miss me.

00:41:42Parrot's got his number.

00:41:45The parrot picture made him big money.

00:41:48So he's afraid the parrot's gonna ride him out to the IRS.

00:41:51But he can't kill him because he needs him for the sequel.

00:41:54Is everybody in this town nuts?

00:41:55Ninety percent.

00:41:57Mm.

00:41:59I got a new strategy for us.

00:42:02This lady gave me my last job, right?

00:42:04She's now a big executive in networks.

00:42:07I don't know.

00:42:09Maybe this could work as a movie of the week docudrama.

00:42:13Hmm?

00:42:14Darling, I can't make it a moment before nine.

00:42:17Okay.

00:42:19Go on.

00:42:20With Jimmy and Virus only days away from the robbery,

00:42:22it was clear there was only one thing they could do to stop them.

00:42:26Themselves.

00:42:26Stop right there.

00:42:29Do you have any stars attached?

00:42:32No.

00:42:34Then you're going to need a strong female lead.

00:42:37This woman.

00:42:38Is she more than just a run-of-the-mill wife, girlfriend, mistress, hooker with a heart of gold?

00:42:42You want a chick flick?

00:42:43I'll give you a chick flick.

00:42:45Oh, she's strong all right.

00:42:47And there's a lot more where that came from.

00:42:48I told you, Jimmy.

00:42:50Get the fuck out of here!

00:42:51I'm serious!

00:42:53Get out!

00:42:55So she's strong.

00:42:57What about love?

00:42:59Is she in love?

00:43:00Oh, there's love.

00:43:02I got robbed the other day.

00:43:04Good!

00:43:04You deserve it!

00:43:05Now just get out!

00:43:06No, you're right.

00:43:07I promise.

00:43:07I'm going to change Puddin'.

00:43:08I promise.

00:43:09Wait, what did you just call me?

00:43:10Puddin'.

00:43:11Puddin'?

00:43:12No, no, no.

00:43:13You don't have the right to call me Puddin'.

00:43:14No more Puddin'.

00:43:16Okay?

00:43:16It used to be cute.

00:43:17It's not cute anymore, Jimmy.

00:43:19What's not cute about Puddin'?

00:43:21Puddin'.

00:43:21That's cute.

00:43:22Puddin'.

00:43:23Shut up!

00:43:25Alright, look.

00:43:26Jimmy, I can't take this anymore, okay?

00:43:28It's been like a year, right?

00:43:30You watch videos all night, you sleep all day,

00:43:32then you hang out with virus.

00:43:33I need more, you know that?

00:43:35So just leave me be, okay?

00:43:37Okay.

00:43:37Do us both a favor.

00:43:38Just get out of my life.

00:43:43I need to borrow the car.

00:43:46What?

00:43:47I need to borrow the car.

00:43:49Well, no.

00:43:50You can't.

00:43:51You can't borrow my car.

00:43:52Your car?

00:43:53Yeah, my car.

00:43:55The car.

00:43:57You're so fucking gangly.

00:43:59Oh.

00:44:00You are so beautiful.

00:44:02Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:44:04What are you doing?

00:44:05Get away.

00:44:06I've missed you so much.

00:44:07I don't give a fuck.

00:44:08I have somebody over here.

00:44:10You can't come in.

00:44:11Don't touch me.

00:44:12It makes me want to puke when you touch me.

00:44:15Get the fuck off me!

00:44:25They're star-crossed lovers.

00:44:27And they're sex.

00:44:33Damn.

00:44:46So, can I get those guns now?

00:44:55I hope Jennifer told you I don't deal in any of that Saturday night special nonsense.

00:45:00I've got clean, out of state, barely been used product.

00:45:06High resale value.

00:45:10Now.

00:45:11Yeah.

00:45:12They might seem a little big, but they're not.

00:45:16If you show me some patients, I get you a Smith & Wesson 38.

00:45:20Basically, snub-nosed service revolvers get the job done.

00:45:2338s are not as big as these.

00:45:28Yeah.

00:45:30Hello, ladies.

00:45:39You laughing at me, huh?

00:45:41Huh?

00:45:41You laughing at me?

00:45:41What am I, clown?

00:45:42Do I amuse you?

00:45:43I'm funny now, huh?

00:45:44You must be laughing at me.

00:45:45I don't see anybody else around here.

00:45:46You're mixing your movies, dipshit.

00:45:49What?

00:45:49You're mixing your movies.

00:45:52Oh no.

00:45:53How the fuck do I amuse you, huh?

00:45:55That's Joe Pesci.

00:45:57Joe Pesci wouldn't impact your driver.

00:45:59That's what I'm saying. You're mixing your movies.

00:46:01No, I'm not.

00:46:03Whatever.

00:46:04Whatever. Good response. I guess you went.

00:46:07You know, uh...

00:46:09Jennifer said you'd have 32 revolvers or something.

00:46:13What?

00:46:14Jennifer told me earlier that you have 32 revolvers.

00:46:17Jennifer told me earlier you'd have 32 revolvers.

00:46:19Jennifer told me earlier you'd have 32 revolvers.

00:46:21But guess what, ass-faced?

00:46:23I'm doing you a favor.

00:46:24I could get rid of these guns for at least $300 apiece tonight.

00:46:30You know what? I'll take those.

00:46:32Yeah, yeah, you will.

00:46:33600 bucks, first of the month.

00:46:34Don't mind me coming looking for you.

00:46:35Kiss.

00:46:37Great.

00:46:38I'm keeping the jacket.

00:46:39You're gonna keep the jacket, great.

00:46:42Go on, get out of here.

00:46:43I got work to do.

00:46:46So.

00:46:47We have sex.

00:46:49Love.

00:46:50A felony.

00:46:52And guns.

00:46:55I love guns.

00:46:58But I'm not sure I buy the bit about getting the guns from the girlfriend.

00:47:03Oh, well, I interviewed a gun expert.

00:47:07Oh.

00:47:09I'm all ears.

00:47:11Tell me more.

00:47:11You should buy from a licensed dealer like me.

00:47:16But you can get guns anyway.

00:47:18You want to feel one?

00:47:21Well, you don't have cold steel relaxing against the fleshy part of your finger.

00:47:28And you just ain't lying.

00:47:30It's hard.

00:47:31It's shiny.

00:47:32And it has beautiful girls.

00:47:34And it won't yell at you when you're bad.

00:47:37And it won't spank you for talking back.

00:47:39No.

00:47:40And it's your friend.

00:47:43Your best friend.

00:47:45You want to hold one?

00:47:49You know, guns are what made this country great.

00:47:53Don't you agree?

00:47:56Oh.

00:47:57Fever.

00:47:58Well, I'd rather not.

00:47:59I don't believe in guns.

00:48:02Well, you know, you don't know what it's like until you touch the love shaft of Mr. Smith and Mr.

00:48:09West.

00:48:10Actually, being a girl, it's all right for me not to be into guns.

00:48:14What do you mean, being a girl?

00:48:16That's all the more reason you need one.

00:48:18All these crazies in the streets.

00:48:20You want to be raped?

00:48:21No.

00:48:22You carry a gun.

00:48:24And you hold it in your arms.

00:48:26And you suck on the barrel like it's your mama's titties.

00:48:30Actually, I really don't want to do this.

00:48:32Watch out!

00:48:34Oh.

00:48:38That must have been heaven.

00:48:41What?

00:48:43Feeling the gun and actually having it go off in your hand.

00:48:50Well, actually, it scared me to death.

00:48:55You mean you don't like guns?

00:49:04Does that mean you don't want me to continue?

00:49:10Eight.

00:49:11Did I mention I saw Ben Stiller as the peach expert?

00:49:14Love you too, darling.

00:49:16Bye.

00:49:22Maybe we should go the indie route.

00:49:24You can't get a studio picture made these days without big stars.

00:49:27Yet, that has nothing to do with whether the film makes money or loses money.

00:49:30It's all about keeping your job.

00:49:31What do you mean?

00:49:32Well, let's say you've got a terrific screen, right?

00:49:35But you put two morons, Jimmy and Virus, in it, right?

00:49:38No studio's going to go for that.

00:49:39Why?

00:49:40Because the film loses money.

00:49:42Then, the executive who gave it to Green Light is going to lose his job.

00:49:45On the other hand, you get Tom Hanks or whoever else is the flavor to money.

00:49:49Then, the film tanks.

00:49:50It's Tom Hanks' fault.

00:49:51Or, even better yet, the director.

00:49:53I've got Ben Stiller.

00:49:55Oh.

00:49:57Very nice.

00:49:57That's good.

00:49:58That's a start.

00:49:59So, what do I do?

00:50:00Hold on, please.

00:50:03Yeah.

00:50:05Oh, Phil, yeah, look, I got my, I, no, no, no, I know we got busy.

00:50:10Uh, Phil, hold on for a second, okay?

00:50:13Listen, this is a long shot.

00:50:15Yeah, I'll call you right back.

00:50:16Just stay where you are, don't move, okay?

00:50:18Bye.

00:50:22I don't know why I didn't think about this before.

00:50:25That's my bookie.

00:50:26He's got a network.

00:50:27He puts money in a lot of independent movies.

00:50:29Your bookie?

00:50:30Uh-huh.

00:50:30Well, he books for all the writers.

00:50:32A good friend of mine couldn't pay him, right?

00:50:35So, he gave him his script.

00:50:36The picture became a huge hit.

00:50:37The guy is now hooked on movies.

00:50:41Hi.

00:50:42I'm Sarah Wilder.

00:50:43I'm here to see Phil Phillips.

00:50:46Hey, Phil!

00:50:47I'm Miss Sarah Wilder here to see you.

00:50:50Time to run!

00:50:51Go ahead.

00:51:00Sarah Wilder.

00:51:01Any friend of Lou's is a friend of mine.

00:51:03Actually, I'm his niece.

00:51:03I know that.

00:51:04So, Lou told me a little bit about this picture.

00:51:07Are there any cars in it?

00:51:08Yes.

00:51:11Yeah, you did.

00:51:16You know, Blue Smoke played with the Greengrass Boys.

00:51:18Really?

00:51:19I mean, he could have.

00:51:21I think I made it.

00:51:23Somebody's got the music in him.

00:51:27Not anymore.

00:51:28Let's see him.

00:51:30Just drive.

00:51:32I'm doing stuff over here you couldn't even comprehend.

00:51:35Beretta 9mm?

00:51:37This makes it official.

00:51:38Oh, yeah.

00:51:39We're crooks.

00:51:40That's cool.

00:51:4445, lucky.

00:51:45That's an expensive gun.

00:51:47Only two things nicer than an expensive gun.

00:51:49That'd be your Swiss watch and your pretty girl.

00:51:51What's that pretty girl's name?

00:51:52Is it pretty?

00:51:53Is it pretty?

00:51:54Yeah, Jolly.

00:51:55Yeah, Jolly.

00:51:56Down the ditch, Jolly.

00:51:57Jolly, Jolly.

00:51:57Down the ditch.

00:51:57Now, Jolly.

00:51:58I want...

00:52:01That never happens again.

00:52:04Never.

00:52:08We live and die by the risk of the heist.

00:52:10What?

00:52:11We live and die by the risk of the heist.

00:52:12What does that mean?

00:52:14Right now, nothing.

00:52:18How'd they get this car?

00:52:20It was Miranda's car.

00:52:21Jimmy's wife.

00:52:23They didn't steal it or jack it?

00:52:25No.

00:52:26Let me get this straight.

00:52:28They're planning a robbery,

00:52:29and they're gonna use a car that belongs to his wife?

00:52:32What, are they idiots?

00:52:33They aren't the two brightest skies in the world.

00:52:37Hero.

00:52:37Okay.

00:52:38Good one.

00:52:39Uh, we'll get in there,

00:52:40and there's a dumb guy who wants to be a hero.

00:52:42Okay, how done we talking?

00:52:43All right.

00:52:43Everything's going as planned, right?

00:52:45All right.

00:52:46Smoothie's still.

00:52:46Just like clockwork.

00:52:47All of a sudden,

00:52:48some guy hops up off the floor

00:52:49and figures,

00:52:50hey, this is a good time to get in the newspapers.

00:52:51I'll foil this robbery.

00:52:53Yeah, I'm a hero.

00:52:54I'm a hero.

00:52:54React.

00:52:55Oh, yeah.

00:52:56Oh, yeah.

00:52:57Yeah.

00:52:57All right, you better just dial it down, all right?

00:52:59Just dial it down,

00:53:00numb nuts,

00:53:01before Mr. Thundermaker starts shitting some bullets.

00:53:11Don't worry.

00:53:12Pick another one.

00:53:13Okay.

00:53:14This is going great.

00:53:15You're doing well.

00:53:17Pregnant woman's water poops.

00:53:19Pops.

00:53:19Pregnant pop.

00:53:20Great.

00:53:20Pregnant woman's water poops.

00:53:24Oh, my God.

00:53:26I'm having my baby.

00:53:28I'm having my baby.

00:53:30Blanket of napalm.

00:53:41Morons.

00:53:42This picture's about two morons.

00:53:44Jimmy and Virus had practiced

00:53:46and rehearsed the robbery for days.

00:53:48It was the hardest work they'd done since,

00:53:50well, ever.

00:53:51And there was no turning back.

00:53:53This was it.

00:53:54Their moment of truth.

00:53:55We just parked the car.

00:53:56We walked the block, the location.

00:53:57We walked slow.

00:53:58We're just two guys walking.

00:53:59What if we see cops?

00:54:00It doesn't matter.

00:54:00We're just two guys walking.

00:54:01We're just two guys that happen to be walking.

00:54:03We determine the area's secure.

00:54:04Then we move forward.

00:54:05We're at the entrance.

00:54:06We pull out the guns.

00:54:06We run in.

00:54:07We grab the money.

00:54:07We run out.

00:54:08How long are we going to be there?

00:54:09Two minutes.

00:54:09Two minutes tops.

00:54:10Not two and a half, not three.

00:54:11Two minutes.

00:54:13Let's try one.

00:54:30You ready?

00:54:31Candy from a baby.

00:54:32Candy mark.

00:54:33Get set.

00:54:35Go.

00:54:40What's the name of this store, please?

00:54:44McClintock's Grocery.

00:54:48We're here.

00:54:49They've just done some remodeling.

00:54:50That's nice.

00:54:51Ow!

00:54:52It's not necessary.

00:54:53All right, listen up, people.

00:54:55This is a robbery.

00:54:57We don't want any trouble.

00:54:59So if you want to be stupid, let's do it now and get it over with.

00:55:05Look, nobody plays tough guy but me, all right?

00:55:08We have a gun and we got a car, OK?

00:55:12So we live and die by the risk of the heist.

00:55:13Hey, fellas, there's no need for all the shouting.

00:55:17If you're here for the peaches, I'm sure we can work something out.

00:55:22I think I'm speaking for the group when I say nobody here wants to take a bullet.

00:55:27I know I don't.

00:55:28Hey, you need to do some shopping?

00:55:31Great time.

00:55:34Look, he's cool.

00:55:35Let's go, huh?

00:55:35Just like we planned.

00:55:36Look, wipe that curly-jole smile off your stupid melon and just open the register.

00:55:40Now, you don't have to take that, Lawrence.

00:55:42Shut up.

00:55:43You apron-wearing fake-toothed pie-baping.

00:55:46Wait, hey, hey, no.

00:55:47Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, come on.

00:55:48You don't have to be mean.

00:55:49They'll do what we say.

00:55:50We got guns.

00:55:51Back off, you beanpole-ichabod-cream motherfucker.

00:55:55I don't remember rehearsing this part.

00:55:57This whole thing was your idea, so if I don't meet your expectations of what a professional grocery store robber

00:56:01should be,

00:56:01I'd like to take this time to apologize in front of all the fine folks here at McClintock's.

00:56:05Hey, everybody!

00:56:07Peach is on me!

00:56:12Hey.

00:56:14Uh, well, we're a little behind, but we're still professionals.

00:56:18We deserve better than this.

00:56:20No, you don't.

00:56:21But you know what does?

00:56:23This cow!

00:56:24This cow deserves better than this!

00:56:27You and your big McClintock's market!

00:56:29I got raw meat!

00:56:31I am crazy, so let's make with that cash and coin, Colonel Tom.

00:56:34I'd do it!

00:56:35He ain't right!

00:56:36Come on, all of it!

00:56:36Safe to it!

00:56:37You want to pitch in and help out with that?

00:56:39All right, now, see, this is why I wanted you to go to the bankers.

00:56:42There's no time for that, dear, now.

00:56:44These fellas seem to be in a hurry.

00:56:45No, you had to watch the dog here.

00:56:46Let's all pitch in.

00:56:47Come on!

00:56:48Jeez, come on!

00:56:49There's a few more dollars we're going to save to give to the church,

00:56:52but you might as well take the whole thing.

00:56:55Thank you, ma'am.

00:56:59Take us home!

00:57:00Clean!

00:57:01That's it!

00:57:02Let's go!

00:57:07Thanks a lot.

00:57:07Appreciate it.

00:57:09Morons.

00:57:10These are the two dumbest guys I ever heard of.

00:57:12It appeared that Jimmy and Virus had actually pulled off a successful robbery without getting caught.

00:57:17Anything to do with McClintock's was a big story in town.

00:57:21So, tell us, were you at the robbery or not?

00:57:25Yeah.

00:57:27Yeah, I was there, okay?

00:57:29Is that what you want to hear?

00:57:30I was there in the store when the three guys burst in wearing ski masks, pointing guns, and shouting, okay?

00:57:35We were there, and, uh, I didn't see a lot.

00:57:39Do you see a lot?

00:57:40No, I didn't really see a lot.

00:57:42No.

00:57:43Well, I thought they were after the missus at first.

00:57:45I didn't know what was going on.

00:57:46My first thought, of course, was the peaches.

00:57:49And then I thought, the missus, because you never know what two men like this, desperate, are going to do

00:57:54with a beautiful young woman like this.

00:57:55You didn't get a good, uh, see them, you know, a good, uh, eyeball of them, if you will, you

00:58:00know, on account of, uh...

00:58:03Circumstances.

00:58:04Yeah.

00:58:05You might get in the eye, you know.

00:58:07Let's talk turkey.

00:58:08I'm a freak.

00:58:09Well, I remember them.

00:58:10I remember that day.

00:58:11It was really a bad day for me, because I was here by myself, because somebody else wasn't here with

00:58:19me.

00:58:19So it was all different.

00:58:21So I remember that day was really distinctly...

00:58:23I'd stick the peaches up my ass if it would do something, sir.

00:58:27Yeah.

00:58:28That's for that.

00:58:28I'd have a whole crate up my rectal vault if I meant that I didn't have this frickin' eye!

00:58:35Okay, I stole five peaches.

00:58:37Is that it?

00:58:38Is that what you want to hear?

00:58:39I stole five peaches, all right?

00:58:41What did you want me to do?

00:58:42They were rolling around the floor like a bunch of alleys.

00:58:44What was I supposed to do?

00:58:45Everybody was taking them.

00:58:48The Samoan took three.

00:58:51Yeah, there was a Samoan.

00:58:53Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

00:58:55Or a really big Filipino.

00:58:57Phil, football, one, two!

00:58:59Excuse me.

00:59:01Mm-hmm.

00:59:02Jack!

00:59:03Yeah?

00:59:04Mm-hmm.

00:59:05Mm-hmm.

00:59:06Mm-hmm.

00:59:07Big Sky Jim in the fourth.

00:59:09Mm-hmm.

00:59:10Something fishy.

00:59:12Okay.

00:59:13No more action in the fourth!

00:59:17Excuse me.

00:59:17Anyway, the initial 48 hours after the robbery were crucial.

00:59:21How Jimmy and Virus would act would either mean a successful getaway or prison.

00:59:27Do what?

00:59:27Yeah.

00:59:29Yeah.

00:59:29Bean pulled, Ichabod, Crane, motherfucker.

00:59:35Yeah, I wanted to, uh, talk to you about that, because we should definitely discuss that.

00:59:40Yeah.

00:59:41Because I got really swept up in the moment, and I'm not proud of it.

00:59:47But the guy in that store, standing on that counter and just shouting, berating you, and the guy sitting on

00:59:56this counter, um, talking to you, um, are two different guys.

01:00:04Where's the feller done all the hollering, love to have a little chin-wag with him?

01:00:11Well, he asked me to tell you that he's sorry.

01:00:14And that he won't be coming around here anymore.

01:00:15I know that much.

01:00:18That you can, he, and he also asked me, to give you this.

01:00:28A little bit of that.

01:00:30That's what he was.

01:00:37You'll be sure to tell him thank you.

01:00:40I definitely will.

01:00:42And I would also like to take you out to dinner or something like that, you know?

01:00:48I can't even believe we're having this conversation.

01:00:51Look me in the eye and tell me.

01:00:54I've never, ever slept with Miranda.

01:00:58I don't believe you.

01:01:01I give up.

01:01:02You give up because you know I'm right.

01:01:04Do you honestly think that if I'd ever had sex with her, even before we met, I wouldn't have brought

01:01:08it up?

01:01:14That sucks.

01:01:15Let's talk about something else.

01:01:17No.

01:01:17Don't.

01:01:18No, Matt.

01:01:19Just stop it.

01:01:20Just put it out of your mind.

01:01:22And think about Kennedy taking a bullet to the back of the head.

01:01:25It's science.

01:01:26Valid science.

01:01:27It's been proven.

01:01:28You're a dick.

01:01:28I'm a dick.

01:01:29You're a dick.

01:01:30Then you're my balls.

01:01:31Sunshine.

01:01:33We can ask trade.

01:01:37Sean Connery.

01:01:38Why Sean Connery?

01:01:40It's the only answer.

01:01:41How do you figure?

01:01:43Okay.

01:01:47You're out at some abandoned warehouse, right?

01:01:49These guys got a gun to your head because you've got to blow one of them.

01:01:53Bring me Sean Connery.

01:01:55Then, before you begin the actual blow, you look up at Sean like, okay, Sean, I'm going to give you

01:02:01the signal.

01:02:02We drop these guys and get the hell out of here.

01:02:05It's foolproof.

01:02:09What if Sean's not with you?

01:02:14At least you're blowing one of the grapes, huh?

01:02:16This is a fucked up conversation.

01:02:18Hey, Phil.

01:02:19Somebody here to see you.

01:02:21Who?

01:02:22Frankie C.

01:02:23Frankie C.

01:02:24Jesus Christ, send him back.

01:02:26Frankie, you son of a bitch.

01:02:28Where are you doing?

01:02:29That was a great...

01:02:32Say hello to Sarah.

01:02:34I was just leaving.

01:02:34No, no.

01:02:35You stay.

01:02:38She's telling me about this movie.

01:02:39She's got this movie idea.

01:02:40You know, she's Lou's niece.

01:02:42You remember Lou?

01:02:42Nice guy.

01:02:43Nice guy.

01:02:44She's telling me this story about her idiot cousin.

01:02:46Go ahead.

01:02:47Tell him.

01:02:48They just knocked off a peach store.

01:02:51Actually, it's a grocery store that specialized in peaches.

01:02:54Whatever.

01:02:55Go ahead.

01:03:01You can't tell me you don't think about getting caught.

01:03:05What are you doing?

01:03:06I asked you not to do that.

01:03:08You can't tell me you don't think about it.

01:03:10That's great.

01:03:10Thanks a lot.

01:03:11You jinxed us.

01:03:12That's...

01:03:13Man.

01:03:14Sorry.

01:03:14Shut that off.

01:03:15I'm...

01:03:15Don't...

01:03:15Don't touch me.

01:03:24Where are you going?

01:03:25I'm leaving.

01:03:26You tainted the roof.

01:03:27Now I can never come up here again.

01:03:29And I paid my rent.

01:03:31We're not jinxed.

01:03:34Turn to the right.

01:03:40When I first heard Jimmy was involved, I didn't want to believe it.

01:03:46I don't even know what you guys are doing here because Jimmy and I are completely done.

01:03:50We were totally separated, so I don't really have anything to tell you.

01:03:59Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:04:01So you're going to send those pictures to the cops?

01:04:05Jimmy's going to love this.

01:04:06What, are you kidding me?

01:04:07The cops are looking all over for me, right?

01:04:09So by sending them pictures, it shows I'm not scared.

01:04:12It's the risk of the hunt, baby.

01:04:14Do not baby me.

01:04:15Are you insane?

01:04:16They see the photos with me and you, and they're going to put two and two together.

01:04:20It's me, the actor.

01:04:22That's right.

01:04:22I don't even know you.

01:04:23That's right you don't know me.

01:04:25Why are you advertising our affiliation?

01:04:29Patty, Patty, sweet.

01:04:30Innocent Patty.

01:04:32Look, I want you to know that no matter what happens to me, I'm not going to forget about you.

01:04:37Where are you from?

01:04:39What are you not understanding?

01:04:41They see the photos with me on your lap.

01:04:43God, I know this is tough for you.

01:04:45Oh, God.

01:04:46You know, but I need you to stand tall and be strong and know that no matter what happens,

01:04:51all right, when a tear runs down your face, it's not a tear.

01:04:53Okay, it's me just saying I love you.

01:04:55Do you understand what I'm saying?

01:04:56Okay.

01:04:57Yeah, I think I get it now.

01:04:58Great.

01:04:59Okay, well, I got to run.

01:05:02Pretty face.

01:05:18Hello?

01:05:19Yes, who am I speaking with, please?

01:05:21Well, hello, Officer Sturgis.

01:05:23This is Dick Tangling.

01:05:24I need you to do me a favor if you could.

01:05:26Come and find me, you fat, donut-eating wife-beaten, sad excuse for a cop.

01:05:3010-4, 10-4, 10-4.

01:05:34Take off the glasses.

01:05:43Uh, excuse me, uh, but this guy, uh, Cyrus.

01:05:48Virus.

01:05:48His name's Virus.

01:05:49Yeah, Virus Cyrus.

01:05:51Yeah, yeah.

01:05:51You say he went to the cops?

01:05:52Morons, I told you.

01:05:54Well, not exactly.

01:05:55Everyone had their own opinion on that.

01:05:57Feats of courage combined with nobility of purpose.

01:06:01That's what these boys are about.

01:06:03You, you, they, they, they don't sit there in judgment, judging other people's idiosyncrasies.

01:06:09They're confident.

01:06:10You, what do you do?

01:06:11You ask questions.

01:06:13They don't ask questions.

01:06:14They give answers.

01:06:15They do something.

01:06:16You would do well to be more like them.

01:06:19That boy just wasn't right in the head.

01:06:21He used to come in here all the time and just be, you know, handling the breads.

01:06:28Of course, when he was little, he sure did fall down a lot when his daddy was home.

01:06:33Virus.

01:06:35I don't know him.

01:06:36So what do you think motivated him to rob McClintock's?

01:06:40I said, I know him.

01:06:41I'm not his mama.

01:06:43You know, Virus and I have this really special connection that, um, that Jimmy just, he can't

01:06:49understand it.

01:06:50You know what I mean?

01:06:50He's so lost.

01:06:54You know, this place wouldn't be so depressing if you guys just chose a different color scheme.

01:07:00Maybe get away from your pastels because a dark color in a dark place, that equals, equals dark.

01:07:07You guys need to get brighter.

01:07:12Your yellows, burst of orange, your blues.

01:07:16Make a man's day go quicker.

01:07:17You know, Truman, I'd be willing to sit down with your commanding officer and discuss it

01:07:20with him if you think it would help move things along a bit.

01:07:22Whatever.

01:07:23Whatever.

01:07:24Good response.

01:07:24I guess you win, right?

01:07:43Got your letter.

01:07:46See him at Truman.

01:07:48Oh, asshole, you got us caught.

01:07:50You got us caught.

01:07:51You jinxed us.

01:07:52As your attorney, I should tell you that this is my first case and I'm at a loss for words.

01:07:58I have no idea what to do and that worries me.

01:08:03Is everybody in this picture an idiot?

01:08:05I was just trying to tell the story like how it happened.

01:08:07Nobody could be that stupid.

01:08:09Well, you had to know him, especially Jimmy.

01:08:11That's his nature.

01:08:12You see, they're very good people.

01:08:14They just got in trouble for the wrong reasons.

01:08:16And that's the point I want to make in the film.

01:08:19If this goes to trial, we'll need to create some doubt.

01:08:22We need people to speak on your behalf and no one's willing to do that.

01:08:26Oh, there's going to be somebody.

01:08:28They're wonder, they're menschers.

01:08:30You know what a mensch is?

01:08:31That's what those boys are.

01:08:32You would do well to be more like them.

01:08:35You're boring.

01:08:36You, they're on the roof.

01:08:37What?

01:08:38What are you saying?

01:08:39You on the roof.

01:08:40We need you to come down now.

01:08:43What?

01:08:44Are you my three o'clock?

01:08:45I'm sorry.

01:08:45I think it's my three o'clock.

01:08:46Are you the Goodmans?

01:08:48Yes, we're the Goodmans.

01:08:49I'm Sarah.

01:08:50This is my husband, Lester.

01:08:51Now, please, come down off the roof.

01:08:55I'm sorry.

01:08:56That's my three o'clock.

01:08:57Okay.

01:08:58I'll be there in a jiffy, okay?

01:09:00See, either you got it or you don't got it.

01:09:04And this kid virus, he sure don't got it.

01:09:07You know, Jimmy pretty much did the whole thing to impress me.

01:09:10I mean, he's just sort of driven by his love for me.

01:09:14And he's so gangly, you know?

01:09:16It's like a little thin, I don't know, anyway.

01:09:20McClintocks are well-respected in the community,

01:09:23and you two have pissed off that community.

01:09:26Those God-kissed peaches put this city on the map.

01:09:30They said, let's have everything in the safe.

01:09:32Well, I handed it to them.

01:09:34They were out the door, and I wanted to say,

01:09:36I let you down.

01:09:37I didn't give you everything I had in the safe.

01:09:40And I was going to run after them,

01:09:41and the missus said, no, they made their bed,

01:09:43let them lie in it.

01:09:45No, we added that to the insurance.

01:09:50Gentlemen, I've gone over your case almost three times.

01:09:54And I'm sorry to say, but I don't see any loopholes.

01:09:57There's no way around this evidence.

01:09:59You're going to be in here for a while.

01:10:01Either you were born with the gift or you're not.

01:10:03I hate to break it to you.

01:10:05You were born without the gift.

01:10:08Oh, sinner man, can't you hear me say?

01:10:16Oh, God.

01:10:18Oh.

01:10:19So you're jealous?

01:10:21Yeah.

01:10:21You're jealous because I unleashed the music in me.

01:10:25Kill me.

01:10:27Somebody, anybody.

01:10:28Please kill me.

01:10:31All right, lights out.

01:10:34Me too.

01:10:36Oh, and whose bright idea was it

01:10:40to send those photographs to the police?

01:10:46They knew you were mocking them.

01:10:50Yes, I know virus.

01:10:52Yes, we slept together.

01:10:54I got it lit.

01:10:55Great.

01:10:56And yes, that may be me in the picture with him.

01:10:59But the money I was counting is my money.

01:11:01Money I busted my ass.

01:11:02Quit it!

01:11:03The money I busted my ass to get.

01:11:06I'm not going to bullshit you.

01:11:07Quit it!

01:11:08I'm sorry.

01:11:09You're not sorry.

01:11:10You always fucking keep at me and at me.

01:11:12You're picking at me.

01:11:13I wanted to touch you.

01:11:15Just shut up, you fucking retard.

01:11:17I'm not retarded.

01:11:18Look, I'm not.

01:11:19You are retarded.

01:11:20No, I'm not.

01:11:21You are retarded.

01:11:22I've got some schooling.

01:11:25I've got some schooling.

01:11:27Don't lose hope, fellas.

01:11:28Because listen, from what I've heard,

01:11:31there's a judge in the Fifth Circuit Court

01:11:33who can maybe get you a lighter sentence.

01:11:34Maybe as little as eight years.

01:11:39Jimmy and Byrus tried to make the best

01:11:41of their incarceration.

01:11:42They started a congenial con policy

01:11:45and tried to meet at least one new felon a day.

01:11:47With this new approach, they met arsonists,

01:11:49armed robbers, and even some interesting murderers.

01:11:53Are you Harold Jag?

01:11:55Who wants to know?

01:11:57My name's Jimmy.

01:11:59Oh, you and your buddy Rob McClintock's.

01:12:02Yeah.

01:12:04That took balls.

01:12:06Yeah.

01:12:08Say, Harold,

01:12:11I wonder if I ask you a question.

01:12:13No.

01:12:14I didn't kill my grandma.

01:12:17I talked a lot about it.

01:12:18I even write about it in my journal,

01:12:20but that's because that's what I am.

01:12:22A writer, not a killer.

01:12:25Now that I'm in here,

01:12:26I can write all I want.

01:12:29Past the time,

01:12:29I do a bit of reading, too.

01:12:31I read.

01:12:33I'm a reader.

01:12:38You look like Joe Perry from Aerosmith.

01:12:45Uh, what kind of stuff you read?

01:12:47You know, I like to read a lot of books about, you know, leadership and free thinking.

01:12:52They taught me to realize it's what I am, you know?

01:12:55Yeah, I do know.

01:12:56Yeah?

01:12:57I mean, it's your life.

01:12:57You want to live it on your terms, right?

01:12:59Yeah, I think of myself as a sure thinker, you know?

01:13:02A leader, you know?

01:13:04My grandma, though, man,

01:13:06she was always telling me what to do, you know?

01:13:07I hated that.

01:13:08I don't like people telling me what to do.

01:13:10I'm the same way.

01:13:11Finally, I meet somebody who gets it.

01:13:13Yeah, because I'm a leader, not a follower.

01:13:15I don't follow.

01:13:16I lead.

01:13:18I'm the same way.

01:13:19Did I kill my grandma?

01:13:22No.

01:13:23No, I didn't kill her, man.

01:13:25Oh, man, but sometimes she just wouldn't let up, you know?

01:13:29She'd follow me around the house like a parrot on my shoulder, you know?

01:13:32Into my ear every five minutes, you know?

01:13:34Don't forget to dot your I's.

01:13:36Don't forget to cross your T's, you know?

01:13:38She'd jump on a vein and suck it dry, you know what I'm saying?

01:13:41Over and over.

01:13:44Tomato dumplings, man.

01:13:47Why would it...

01:13:48Why would any woman get up in the morning

01:13:50and decide that I like tomato dumplings?

01:13:53What's up with that?

01:13:54I never even knew what one was until it showed up on my plate, huh?

01:13:57What kind of sick game is she playing, huh?

01:14:00Oh, I didn't kill her.

01:14:01You know what?

01:14:02Whoever did kill her, man, they were right on, man.

01:14:05See this journal?

01:14:07This journal's my escape.

01:14:08This journal's my way out, huh?

01:14:10The only way to keep my head clear

01:14:12is to write short stories about corking up her mouth hole, huh?

01:14:24What are you working on now?

01:14:26Oh, it's a short story about my brother's wife.

01:14:28It's called You and Your Goddamn Pies.

01:14:31Okay, I'm gonna step off for a minute.

01:14:34What?

01:14:35I gotta keep going.

01:14:36Uh, Harold, I want you to have a very nice day.

01:14:38It's supposed to rain.

01:14:39Yeah.

01:14:40Hey, you know, Hitler was a leader.

01:14:46Okay.

01:14:47Are we rolling?

01:14:49Okay, uh, hey, Jimmy!

01:14:51Jimmy!

01:14:53Pay attention!

01:14:54Okay, I want to ask you a question.

01:14:56What?

01:14:57What were you thinking?

01:15:00What are you...

01:15:01Look, you know,

01:15:03we weren't waiting around for any handouts,

01:15:05if that's what you mean.

01:15:06You know, we saw what we wanted,

01:15:07and we went out and took it.

01:15:08That's what makes America, America.

01:15:11You see something you want,

01:15:12and you figure out how to get it.

01:15:14And I did what I did.

01:15:16I didn't like people telling me what to do.

01:15:19Hey, Jimmy!

01:15:20Break's over!

01:15:21You got a prison to paint.

01:15:22Let's go!

01:15:24Well, you know,

01:15:26looking back on it now,

01:15:27I suppose...

01:15:28I suppose I do some things differently.

01:15:32You know, I don't even know if I'd do it again.

01:15:54What do you want?

01:15:57Well, I wanted to see you.

01:15:59And I figured you'd want to see me, too.

01:16:01Why would I want to see you?

01:16:04Because, uh, you know,

01:16:05he told me to get my shit together,

01:16:06and I have.

01:16:07You've been here five months.

01:16:09You're in jail.

01:16:09I don't call that getting your shit together.

01:16:14I'm a professional.

01:16:16And I wrote you a phone.

01:16:20Oh, no, don't.

01:16:20You're not going to read it, are you?

01:16:21Jimmy, Jimmy.

01:16:22You have sunk to new depths, Jimmy.

01:16:25Jimmy, do you read that?

01:16:26We are both going to be so embarrassed, okay?

01:16:30No, we won't.

01:16:31Yes, I will.

01:16:32So, if you want to give me something,

01:16:33just make me a license plate or something.

01:16:37My Miranda.

01:16:39By Jimmy Cookie.

01:16:43Poor sweet thing.

01:16:45I've put you through so much.

01:16:47I want nothing more than just to feel your touch.

01:16:50Okay, please don't do this, Jimmy.

01:16:52Jimmy, please.

01:16:52When I'm thinking of you and my heart is breaking,

01:16:56they tell me to shut up and get back to raking.

01:17:00Oh, God.

01:17:03So, for the state, in my filth, I've wallowed.

01:17:06And for you, my love, my pride, I've swallowed.

01:17:12Okay, that's just darling.

01:17:14I think this can't be true.

01:17:16I shouldn't be here.

01:17:17I should be at home.

01:17:20Protecting you.

01:17:23But I'm not.

01:17:26Oh, my God.

01:17:27I've got to get out of here.

01:17:28Card.

01:17:29Thanks for listening and making the long drive.

01:17:31I really appreciate it.

01:17:33Careful on the drive home.

01:17:34People are nuts out there.

01:17:39I don't know if you're here.

01:17:43Okay.

01:17:45I love you.

01:17:47This summer, Virus comes over,

01:17:48and he's, like, helping me paint the kitchen, right?

01:17:50And Jimmy gets in his head that I want to sleep with Virus,

01:17:55which would fucking kill Virus, right?

01:17:57I mean, he's just so pathetic.

01:18:04Hey, Virus?

01:18:06Virus?

01:18:07Virus?

01:18:08Can you help me out here?

01:18:09There's, uh, something I'm not clear on.

01:18:11Let's hear it.

01:18:12Was that me that was always thinking about us getting caught?

01:18:15Or was I the one who said,

01:18:17if you think it, it'll happen?

01:18:19Because, uh, I remember hearing it,

01:18:21I just don't remember if that was me saying it to you

01:18:24or you saying it to me.

01:18:26Oh, right.

01:18:27Right.

01:18:27Now I remember.

01:18:28Right.

01:18:29I was the one who said,

01:18:30nothing exists, thinking makes it so.

01:18:32Well, you were the one who kept willing us to get caught.

01:18:36That's right.

01:18:38Now I got it.

01:18:39Right.

01:18:39And did we get caught?

01:18:41I forget.

01:18:44Sure.

01:18:45Sure we did.

01:18:46Right.

01:18:46We're raking because we have to,

01:18:49not because we enjoy it.

01:18:51Right.

01:18:52We're in prison right now.

01:18:54That's right.

01:18:55So, I was right,

01:18:56and you got us caught.

01:18:59Right?

01:19:00That's right.

01:19:01Okay.

01:19:02Right.

01:19:04Hey, Virus,

01:19:05do me a favor, would you?

01:19:06Do not think about us dying a slow,

01:19:09painful death in prison, okay?

01:19:11And above all,

01:19:12don't think about what's in your heart of hearts.

01:19:15Your heart of hearts!

01:19:16Because that's where us getting caught lives.

01:19:19Admit it, Rockstar,

01:19:20you got us caught.

01:19:24Yeah, I guess so.

01:19:27Oh, what's that, son?

01:19:28I can't hear you.

01:19:30What are you, deaf, son?

01:19:32No, I'm not deaf.

01:19:33I was just thinking.

01:19:35About fucking Miranda.

01:19:37You asshole!

01:19:39I'm kidding!

01:19:40I'm kidding!

01:19:41I'm kidding!

01:19:45That's right.

01:19:46That's right.

01:19:47The only thing that kept Jimmy going

01:19:48was blaming Virus for jinxing them

01:19:50and to get out by any means possible,

01:19:53escape if necessary.

01:19:54Just a couple of cons.

01:19:56Let's sweep them.

01:19:57Don't want no trouble here, boss,

01:19:58because I'm just a sweeper.

01:20:00Look at all the trash.

01:20:02You ready?

01:20:04I'm ready.

01:20:05On the mark.

01:20:09Get set.

01:20:12Go!

01:20:13Go!

01:20:14Ready to go!

01:20:16Yeah!

01:20:17Yeah!

01:20:18Yeah!

01:20:21Yeah!

01:20:23Yeah!

01:20:24Yeah!

01:20:27Yeah!

01:20:31You said it wasn't electrified.

01:20:38I was kidding.

01:20:40I was kidding.

01:20:50I'm not going to bullshit you.

01:20:52I don't have the time,

01:20:53and if you fucking touch me...

01:20:55Don't worry.

01:20:56...and you don't have the film,

01:20:57but if you need some,

01:20:59I can hook you up.

01:21:01Not good film, though.

01:21:03It's a really cheap film.

01:21:04Yeah.

01:21:05Take it from a retard.

01:21:06Cheap.

01:21:06He knows about film quality.

01:21:07I do.

01:21:09I'm a savant.

01:21:11You ain't got a lash.

01:21:13There you go.

01:21:14Make a wish.

01:21:18Nah, I still got the fucking eye.

01:21:20Yeah, I was there.

01:21:21I'm really glad those guys Rob McClintock's.

01:21:24As far as I'm concerned,

01:21:25those boys did a service to the community.

01:21:27Those boys are heroes.

01:21:29Jimmy and Virus' big day finally arrived.

01:21:32Their first meeting in front of the parole board.

01:21:35Well, I hope you've learned a few things

01:21:37while you're in here in the last six months.

01:21:40Absolutely.

01:21:41Sure do.

01:21:42All right.

01:21:43I'll take that as a yes.

01:21:45Yes.

01:21:45Okay.

01:21:48And since neither of you actually use any live ammo,

01:21:52I suppose we have no choice

01:21:54but to reluctantly return you to society.

01:22:01We never intended to harm anyone.

01:22:03We respect that and appreciate your honesty.

01:22:07Now, once you go through that door to the outside,

01:22:09I don't want to see you back in here again.

01:22:13Not while I'm here.

01:22:15And I'm going to be here.

01:22:17All right, that's all.

01:22:19Get up.

01:22:22Goodbye.

01:22:31What if they can't find Sean Connery?

01:22:33Then it's considered a forfeit.

01:22:35Come on, that doesn't make any sense.

01:22:37And I'd pick Churchill, you know?

01:22:40Everybody picks some guy they know they can't get.

01:22:42That's cheating.

01:22:44You're making up these rules as you go along, I think.

01:22:47That's your opinion.

01:22:48Come on, you're making up the rules.

01:22:50Opinion?

01:22:52Got you a little something-something.

01:22:53What?

01:22:55Thanks.

01:22:56Wow!

01:22:57A Mississippi Blue Smoker Lodica.

01:23:00Yeah.

01:23:01But these are commemoratives.

01:23:02They only made a million of these.

01:23:04I was able to track one down.

01:23:06Wow.

01:23:07I'm going to head in, let her know I'm home, show her this.

01:23:12Oh, she's going to love that.

01:23:14I got a feeling she is.

01:23:16I'll get that.

01:23:17All right, take care.

01:23:35This is the right thing?

01:23:36You be strong.

01:23:38See you, man.

01:23:39Yeah, seriously, it's been fun.

01:23:40Had a blast.

01:23:42Right back at you.

01:23:44Take it easy.

01:23:46Me too.

01:23:46You know, we'll do it again.

01:23:55Good luck.

01:24:23I told you, Jimmy.

01:24:24Get the fuck out of here!

01:24:26I'm serious!

01:24:28Get out!

01:24:44Oh, I'm just going to look over here.

01:24:52I like it.

01:24:57So, that's how it got me.

01:24:58It might not be the best film in the world, but it's my first film and I got it made.

01:25:03I love Frankie and Phil for giving me a chance and, of course, my Uncle Lou.

01:25:08So, if you're someone like me who wants to make a movie, find an Uncle Lou.

01:25:12Or better yet, find a bookie who has an auto repair shop who loves the movie.

01:25:18Uncle Lou!

01:25:19Oh, we did it!

01:25:22We did it!

01:25:23We did it!

01:25:24We did it!

01:25:24What the fuck?

01:25:25I don't know!

01:25:26Remember, nobody knows.

01:25:33You're killing me here, Phil.

01:25:35You're like a bank.

01:25:36You always pay off.

01:25:37Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

01:25:38You're killing me.

01:25:39You know that?

01:25:40You're busting my balls.

01:25:41Get a good count.

01:25:42I got the big wish covered.

01:25:43Don't worry about it.

01:25:44Oh, it's alright.

01:25:45I love you anyway.

01:25:46You.

01:25:46Don't touch.

01:25:49It's all day.

01:25:50Wait.

01:25:52Wait.

01:25:53Wait.

01:25:56Wait.

01:26:05Wait.

01:26:16Wait.

01:26:17Wait.

01:26:17Wait.ней

01:26:27Nobody knows.

01:26:29People these days, they play and act like you know.

01:26:32But nobody, not even you, woman.

01:26:35Nobody knows.

01:26:57People these days, they play and act like you know.

01:27:13But it's all for sure.

01:27:16And the show don't go.

01:27:18Too much weight on your nose.

01:27:20Then they act like you know.

01:27:22But it's all for sure.

01:27:24And the show don't go.

01:27:27Nobody knows.

01:27:29Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows.

01:27:33How to explain the things that nobody knows.

01:27:38People these days, they play and act like you know.

01:27:42But nobody, not even you, woman.

01:27:44Nobody knows.

01:27:46Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows.

01:27:51How to explain the things that nobody knows.

01:27:55People these days, they play and act like you know.

01:27:59But nobody, not even you, woman.

01:28:02Things in life there's

01:28:07You

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