- 6 hours ago
Nobody Knows Anything [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:28You
00:00:30How to explain them things that nobody knows
00:00:35People these days they play and act like you know
00:00:38But nobody, not even you, woman
00:00:40Nobody knows, nobody knows
00:00:43Who are you to tell me what's true and what's not?
00:00:45What's happening now, what you got?
00:00:48This here, real life, I'm a jukebox
00:00:50Dinner on the block and got the blocks unlocked
00:00:51Stop, don't wanna hear another word
00:00:54Show me the money or your gifts to burn
00:00:56The second is when I promise you the world
00:00:58I'll make you a star more like Magma Earl
00:01:00Holler back when the contract's right
00:01:02You better best believe I'm looking out for mine
00:01:04I'm feeding on steak and wine
00:01:07Struggles of a naughty face often times
00:01:09Cause nobody knows what the future holds
00:01:11Nobody knows anything till it goes
00:01:13It takes off to the next level of the game
00:01:15Until then you don't know a damn thing
00:01:17Sometimes in life there's questions nobody knows
00:01:22I need to grab them in the first minute
00:01:28Behind these walls lay the broken dreams of men
00:01:31Who are now confined
00:01:32Nah, too depressing
00:01:35Fade in, on a tree-lined street
00:01:38Two good-looking, attractive guys
00:01:40Are good-looking, attractive?
00:01:43That's the same thing
00:01:44Why not tall, unshort guys?
00:01:49Nah
00:01:52Give them something they've never seen before
00:01:55Edgy
00:01:56Ow
00:01:57Different
00:01:59Ow
00:02:02It's the action-packed true story of how
00:02:07The search for the American dream goes dangerously awry
00:02:12I have one dream on rye with a pickle to go
00:02:14Hmm
00:02:15Not bad
00:02:17Gotta grab them in the first minute
00:02:20Hmm
00:02:20Maybe a little sex
00:02:24Meh
00:02:25Too obvious
00:02:31Cosmo says red is the power color for women
00:02:34But it makes me look like a fire truck
00:02:37Hollywood
00:02:40That's me
00:02:40Sarah Wilder
00:02:42I just graduated from film school
00:02:44And now I'm in the real world
00:02:45Well, LA
00:02:47Which may be real or unreal
00:02:49Depending on who you are
00:02:50Fortunately, I know a real person
00:02:53My Uncle Lou
00:02:54Who was once a big-time Hollywood writer
00:02:59Yeah, it's open
00:03:00Yeah
00:03:00So, uh, how did I, how did I do yesterday?
00:03:03Oh, good, good
00:03:04Oh, Phil, I'll talk to you later
00:03:06Bye
00:03:09So?
00:03:13Sarah Wilder
00:03:14Your niece
00:03:15I know that
00:03:15Sit down
00:03:19For me
00:03:21Oh, how nice
00:03:24So, uh, what made you want to get into the movie business?
00:03:27Why'd you pick a profession with dignity?
00:03:29Like begging
00:03:30Oh, okay, Uncle Lou
00:03:31You're just like Mom
00:03:32You think the movie business is populated with terrible people?
00:03:34No, no, no, no, no, no
00:03:35Believe me, believe me
00:03:36I'm not like your mother
00:03:37But, uh, in this instance, she's right
00:03:39The world is full of terrible people
00:03:40Why not the movie business?
00:03:42So, uh, speaking of which, how is your mother?
00:03:47And that lummox she married?
00:03:49She and Dad are great
00:03:50They're doing the Florida thing, you know
00:03:51Get a condo on the beach
00:03:52And play golf
00:03:53And tennis
00:03:54So what's this movie about that you want to make?
00:03:56Jimmy
00:03:57Cousin Jimmy
00:03:58On your father's side?
00:04:00The same
00:04:00But why?
00:04:02He's a bum
00:04:03I know him
00:04:04And like my film teacher always said
00:04:05Film what you know
00:04:08Uh-huh
00:04:09So this story is all about Jimmy's problems, huh?
00:04:13What audience is gonna sit down and watch a movie about a schmuck like that?
00:04:18I don't know
00:04:20He's a sweet guy
00:04:21And I think I want to explore the why of it all
00:04:26The why of it all?
00:04:28Uh-huh
00:04:30You know, I don't understand the movies they're making today
00:04:33Did you, uh, did you see something about Mary?
00:04:35Laugh my ass off
00:04:36Could I make a movie like that?
00:04:37Never
00:04:38Never in a million years
00:04:40I want to tell you something
00:04:42I still know a lot of people in this town
00:04:46I called in a lot of favors
00:04:50I don't know why I'm doing this
00:04:53But I, uh, set up some pitch meetings for you
00:04:56All right?
00:04:56Now stay focused
00:04:57And remember
00:04:58Nobody knows anything
00:05:02Today I have my first pitch meeting at a big studio
00:05:07Hello
00:05:08Oh, I can't talk right now
00:05:10No, I'm meeting Connor Fulton at 9.30
00:05:12I'll talk to you later
00:05:16Hello
00:05:24Wait, wait, wait, all right
00:05:25Hold on, Connor is talking now, okay?
00:05:27All right, now listen
00:05:28You are five million dollars over budget
00:05:30Hold on one second
00:05:31Miss Winston
00:05:32Wilder
00:05:33That's right, hold on, okay
00:05:34Listen, you're five million dollars over budget
00:05:36So either we're gonna stop paying you
00:05:37Or we stop beating the cast and the crew
00:05:39It's your decision
00:05:42So
00:05:43You're new in town
00:05:45And you got a story to do
00:05:46Tell
00:05:48Well, nobody ever said that Connor Fulton didn't give new talent a break
00:05:52Ain't that right?
00:05:55See?
00:05:57Everyone knows
00:05:58That's George, he's my assistant
00:05:59He's my eyes and my ears
00:06:01You can see the big picture
00:06:03Hi
00:06:07So shoot
00:06:07I got a ten o'clock's coming in early
00:06:09You got five minutes
00:06:10Any good story can be told in five minutes
00:06:11Ain't that right?
00:06:14See?
00:06:16Give me your best shot
00:06:18It's the action-packed true story of how the search for the American dream goes ominously awry
00:06:24Kind of like a modern James Dean
00:06:33But during his quest for the American dream
00:06:36Jimmy committed armed robbery
00:06:37A felony
00:06:38But he's my cousin
00:06:40I mean, I sat next to him at the kids table at every holiday dinner
00:06:43But what made him do it?
00:06:47Here's the twist
00:06:49You see, I shot interviews of every family member and eyewitnesses to the actual crime
00:06:55For a historic docudrama
00:06:58Kind of like Reds but without the communists
00:07:00And we'll cut back to them ever so often for background and to help uncover Jimmy's motivations
00:07:07The diet pills are working
00:07:08Oh, thank you!
00:07:09Are those canned?
00:07:10Oh, of course they're canned
00:07:11Are you nervous, Beatrice?
00:07:12No, I'm very relaxed
00:07:14You're gonna be wonderful, Uncle Sid
00:07:15You're gonna be brilliant
00:07:16I like that apathetic thing you got going on
00:07:18And it's all about glamour over here, isn't it?
00:07:20Oh, how do I look?
00:07:21Wonderful
00:07:21Good, I looked right in there?
00:07:23Absolutely, you looked really good
00:07:24It's all about cleverness
00:07:26Roll sound
00:07:28Should I wait for like action?
00:07:31Wait until I say dysfunction
00:07:33Dysfunction
00:07:34Okay, okay, good
00:07:35What do you want me to talk about?
00:07:37Tell me about my cousin Jimmy and Uncle Sid
00:07:39You look marvelous
00:07:42Oh
00:07:44Jimmy is our son
00:07:46We love him
00:07:47He's a very good boy
00:07:50A very good boy
00:07:51You know what rotten is?
00:07:53He's rotten, rotten of the car
00:07:54Oh, but he's a very good boy, you know
00:07:58Thank God he's got my genes
00:08:00You know he takes after my side of the family
00:08:03Your side of the family
00:08:04Your side of the family's crazy
00:08:07You know, all this bad stuff with Jimmy
00:08:10It's your fault
00:08:12My fault?
00:08:14I oughta sue you
00:08:15I oughta sue you and your family, you know that?
00:08:17For what?
00:08:18Because when I married you they passed you off as sane
00:08:22You're fucking crazy
00:08:24This is good
00:08:26This is good
00:08:30You used fucking properly
00:08:33I have a mother and a father too
00:08:35Most people do
00:08:35That's very identifiable
00:08:37Mmm
00:08:41I'm a basket case until my second day
00:08:43You wanna know what he does at the grocery store?
00:08:47Jesus Christ, he's gonna bring up the candy bin thing again
00:08:50He steals little pieces of candy from the candy bin at the grocery store
00:08:55Jimmy must have seen him do it
00:08:58Like father, like son
00:09:00You know, Jimmy used to be a very sweet boy
00:09:03My husband here corrupted him
00:09:06Okay, so maybe Jimmy didn't grow up in the best environment
00:09:10But it's not like he was so different than any other kid
00:09:13I can't do homework because they told me to do homework
00:09:15I can't work under these conditions
00:09:19Right, but there was always a constant in Jimmy's life
00:09:21His love, no, no, his obsession for Miranda
00:09:25Even when they were kids
00:09:26Miranda, I love you
00:09:30Best thing that ever happened to Jimmy was Miranda
00:09:33But even when they were kids, it wasn't always roses
00:09:35I told you, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here!
00:09:38I'm serious!
00:09:40By the time they got married, she'd been kicking him out for years
00:09:42Just leave!
00:09:45See, things haven't changed much
00:09:47But unfortunately, every time Jimmy and Miranda fought
00:09:50He'd always go to his best friend for solace
00:09:52For understanding
00:09:54Unfortunately, his best friend is Virus
00:09:56His partner in crime, so to speak
00:09:58A rocket scientist, Virus isn't
00:10:00But Jimmy still considered him a friend
00:10:02Don't even ask me why
00:10:05Conor, darling, the love of my life, the vein of my existence
00:10:08Great baby!
00:10:10George, see any good movies lately?
00:10:13So good to see
00:10:14How are you doing?
00:10:15What brings you to the salt mines?
00:10:17It's about Bruce Conor, dear, who else?
00:10:19Listen, I just saw those dailies, marvelous
00:10:21Huh?
00:10:22That fight inside, what is that? Is that a volcano?
00:10:25Of course
00:10:25That's incredible, that's incredible, that's incredible
00:10:27Did I say that was incredible?
00:10:29I said that, I said that
00:10:31I'm so happy you're happy
00:10:32Happy, happy
00:10:34I am ecstatic, dear, alright
00:10:35I'm delirious, I'm about to lose control of my bladder
00:10:39What? I have something else you can piss on then
00:10:42Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
00:10:44If you don't mind looking at the uh..
00:10:48Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah
00:10:50Asana in his trailer
00:10:51Wet, not dry
00:10:53Wet, not dry, not dry George, remind me
00:10:56What's his new stand-in at $4,000 a week?
00:10:58Don't you think Bruce's brother would be perfect?
00:11:00Okay, what's his driver at $3,000?
00:11:02His nephew.
00:11:03Personal trainer, $2,000. His cousin.
00:11:05Coincidentally.
00:11:07You're killing me here. This is $14,000 a week.
00:11:10Why don't we just rent his whole family?
00:11:11You are, Conny, darling.
00:11:13You're renting the whole goddamn family.
00:11:15He's honest. He's honest.
00:11:17It's an $80 million movie.
00:11:18They'll need lots of asses in those seas to seek profits.
00:11:21Bruce can put them there.
00:11:23Ciao, George.
00:11:24I love what you're wearing.
00:11:29Thank you, Craig. Thank you.
00:11:31Hey, listen, you take care, all right?
00:11:32Tell Bruce I'll see him at the fight.
00:11:33I will.
00:11:34Bye-bye, Bobby.
00:11:36Is this the fucking business or what?
00:11:41Would they run General Electric like this?
00:11:43No. No, you're damn right they would.
00:11:44Give me Jack Brown.
00:11:45I'm sorry about this.
00:11:47They said he went to an early lunch.
00:11:50Christ. It's 10.45 in the morning.
00:11:54Give me the other producer on his film.
00:11:56Bruce's film, whatever his name is.
00:11:57I don't know.
00:11:57Call him.
00:12:00It is a crazy business.
00:12:02It is crazy.
00:12:03I tell you that.
00:12:04Stars that make $14 million a picture,
00:12:07and then they nickel and dime you for every perk they can think of.
00:12:11Producers go to a 10.45 lunch.
00:12:13Shit!
00:12:14I mean, most producers don't even come in till 11 o'clock, huh?
00:12:17Am I right?
00:12:18What?
00:12:19Rich Schwartz on two.
00:12:24Connor Fulton here.
00:12:26Hi. I want you to measure Bruce's trailer for a sauna,
00:12:29and then I want you to tell him every day that it is being specially made.
00:12:33I want you to tell him we're having trouble getting a green card for his French chef.
00:12:37I want you to bullshit him about his stand-in.
00:12:39I want you to bullshit him about his driver.
00:12:41I want you to bullshit him about his trainer.
00:12:42Tell him...
00:12:42Tell him...
00:12:45Teamsters.
00:12:45Tell him...
00:12:46Tell him we're having a problem with the Teamsters.
00:12:47They want their men in place,
00:12:48and if he has a problem with that,
00:12:50then his family's gonna be sleeping with the fishes, okay?
00:12:52And then you tell him to go to hell!
00:13:03Where were we?
00:13:07What Jimmy and Virus needed was a direction.
00:13:09A goal.
00:13:11Get a job! Get a job!
00:13:12Why don't you get a job?
00:13:13I'd like to get a job.
00:13:13Why don't you get a job?
00:13:15I can't!
00:13:16See?
00:13:17Because she told me to, and then if I get a job,
00:13:18it's because she told me to, and I can't work under those conditions.
00:13:21Remember, when Jimmy was a kid,
00:13:23he didn't like taking orders.
00:13:25He's no different now.
00:13:26Hey, fellas, let's go, huh?
00:13:28We got a house to paint!
00:13:30Rapido, rapido!
00:13:32For the daylight!
00:13:33You like some guy clapping at you?
00:13:35Come on, have some self-respect.
00:13:37You gotta be your own boss.
00:13:38I am my own boss, and I've got self-respect.
00:13:40No, what you got?
00:13:41Some guy telling you what to do.
00:13:43Nobody tells me what to do.
00:13:46Look, I'm gonna take off.
00:13:47Think about what I said.
00:13:49I thought you were coming over to help me paint.
00:13:50No.
00:13:51I thought it was coming over while you paint.
00:13:53I don't paint.
00:13:54I'm not a painter.
00:13:56Anyway, I gotta go pick up my check.
00:13:58Disability.
00:14:00Think about what I said.
00:14:01When I said they needed a goal,
00:14:03I really meant they needed money,
00:14:05because all they were capable of doing was painting houses.
00:14:09All the fixtures you see are original.
00:14:12They were installed when the house was first built in 1946.
00:14:16Now, nine years ago, the owner of the house, Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones,
00:14:21had all of the fixtures removed, sent back to Germany,
00:14:24where they were originally manufactured in 1928.
00:14:29The Mississippi Blue Smoke Jones, a harmonica play?
00:14:32Yes.
00:14:34Wow.
00:14:37Nice house, Blue Smoke.
00:14:40How do you know Blue Smoke?
00:14:41I don't. I know Bob Kim.
00:14:43Not done yet!
00:14:44All of the fixtures were cleaned, restored, updated,
00:14:48by the grandson of the original manufacturer,
00:14:51Mincher van der Klieger.
00:14:53Now, if that name rings a bell, it should,
00:14:56because we still use Klieg lights today.
00:14:59This way.
00:15:02Does he know we're here to paint?
00:15:04As you can see...
00:15:07As you can see, the kitchen has been updated as well.
00:15:09The technology of tomorrow, with the hardwood floors of yesterday.
00:15:14I think that's pretty cool.
00:15:16Speaking of cool...
00:15:17Nicely done.
00:15:18This refrigerator has the shell of its mother model,
00:15:22the Freeze Captain 627,
00:15:23with the entrails of the Captain Frost Master Whistbridge.
00:15:31What a lovely piece of machinery.
00:15:33Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:15:34Ah.
00:15:35I believe this is yours.
00:15:38Ah, take a look at this.
00:15:39Is this beautiful?
00:15:40Look at this, with the trees and the sun.
00:15:43Look at this view.
00:15:45If this view were a lady,
00:15:47I would lay her down right here, right now,
00:15:50and give her the love.
00:15:52Oh, my God!
00:15:54Oh, my God!
00:15:58Oh, God!
00:15:59I am so goddamn tired of showing houses all day long.
00:16:04You couldn't give this piece of shit away.
00:16:06This shit, it's been on the market for six years now.
00:16:11Oh, God.
00:16:13Oh, God, did you ever lie in bed at night,
00:16:16and you look up at the ceiling, and you realize,
00:16:18you know, I came to the fork in the road, I veered left.
00:16:20You know you should be right, you know it.
00:16:22But, but it's too late.
00:16:25It's too late.
00:16:25I shit where I sleep.
00:16:27Oh, God.
00:16:28I wish I had a bad porch.
00:16:33It's too late.
00:16:36You guys, you seem like nice guys, really.
00:16:40And you're young.
00:16:41You should get away.
00:16:42Run away now.
00:16:43Because I feel one coming on.
00:16:45Okay?
00:16:47I really need to be alone.
00:16:50Oh, God.
00:16:55Oh.
00:16:58Oh, God.
00:17:00Wow.
00:17:01Can you believe that?
00:17:02Oh.
00:17:02Blue Smoke's house has been on the market for six years.
00:17:05It's beautiful.
00:17:07Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:17:10Two guys, strike that, two morons who can't paint,
00:17:14and they're talking about some musician.
00:17:17I'm...
00:17:18I thought this was about an armed robbery.
00:17:21It is.
00:17:22So?
00:17:23Where is it?
00:17:24I mean, how far are we into the picture now?
00:17:27Ten...
00:17:28minutes?
00:17:28Maybe?
00:17:29Oh, God.
00:17:30Ten minutes?
00:17:31Ten minutes is a lifetime.
00:17:32See?
00:17:33George knows.
00:17:34In Indiana Jones, he has already been chased by a boulder by now.
00:17:38Okay?
00:17:38In Jaws, we've seen a girl get naked, make out with some guy,
00:17:41hop in the water, and get eaten by a shark.
00:17:43That's the goal.
00:17:44That's what the audience is waiting for.
00:17:45Why are you making them wait?
00:17:48I wanted to build up the motivation to their committing the robbery.
00:17:53Wrong answer.
00:17:56My dear, you must be visual.
00:17:57You have to show this.
00:17:58You gotta show some guns, some violence, a little blood.
00:18:02I don't know.
00:18:02Wait.
00:18:03Um, they, they, let's say they, they, they witness a robbery.
00:18:10They witness a robbery and that inspires them.
00:18:12That's good, isn't it?
00:18:13That's good.
00:18:14That's good.
00:18:15Try that.
00:18:16You want me to change what I have.
00:18:18Change what actually happened.
00:18:19Change the truth.
00:18:23The, you think this is, church?
00:18:26The, yes.
00:18:27Yes.
00:18:28Change the truth.
00:18:29Add the bit about the robbery and then, uh, continue.
00:18:34Okay.
00:18:35Um, let's see.
00:18:37Uh, as Uncle Lou said, nobody knows anything.
00:18:40So I might as well give it a try.
00:18:42Why can't Miranda just be nice to me?
00:18:44You guys need a dialogue, man.
00:18:45Yeah.
00:18:46Is that it, fellas?
00:18:47Yeah.
00:18:48All right.
00:18:49Uh, let's see.
00:18:50Pepsi, Pepsi, fruit pie, fruit pie.
00:18:53265.
00:18:54We got two.
00:18:55We got 50, 61, 62, 63, 64.
00:19:03Two, 64.
00:19:06Two, 64.
00:19:10Two, 64.
00:19:14Two, 64.
00:19:23Let's go.
00:19:24Let's go.
00:19:24Let's go.
00:19:24Move it.
00:19:25Uh, you two spread out.
00:19:26Spread out.
00:19:26See some money out of you two.
00:19:27Come on.
00:19:28Come on.
00:19:28I'm not fooling around here.
00:19:29Let's open the pot.
00:19:30See some cash.
00:19:31Man, I got nothing.
00:19:32I haven't read that dish.
00:19:34Holy cow.
00:19:35Give me the change.
00:19:38Get the hands up.
00:19:39Bam!
00:19:39That's it.
00:19:39Let's go.
00:19:48How hairy was that?
00:19:51How about shit?
00:19:52Did you about shit?
00:19:52How about shit?
00:19:54Did you see me?
00:19:55I froze.
00:19:56I was just kidding.
00:19:57Hey, man.
00:19:59You're really cool.
00:20:00Yeah, it's because I don't give a shit.
00:20:01It happens every other week.
00:20:03I'm not going to get my ass shot up for, you know, 200 bucks.
00:20:05It's not even mine.
00:20:07You were really cool.
00:20:08I should have put a cap in their ass.
00:20:10That's what I was going to do.
00:20:10I should have did.
00:20:11But I don't have a gun.
00:20:17Hey.
00:20:18Yeah, yeah.
00:20:19Go ahead.
00:20:19You sure?
00:20:19You sure?
00:20:22Thanks a lot.
00:20:23Sure.
00:20:25Jimmy needed to feel worthy in Miranda's eyes.
00:20:28To prove himself to her on his own terms.
00:20:32But he didn't know how.
00:20:34Witnessing the robbery was both shocking and exciting to them.
00:20:37A total adrenaline rush.
00:20:39To Jimmy and Virus, this was all the inspiration they needed.
00:20:42If you had to give a description of the cops right now, what would you tell them?
00:20:45I'd say there were two of them.
00:20:46Uh-huh.
00:20:48And that they were bigger than us and white.
00:20:51Hey, you don't catch guys like that.
00:20:53You know?
00:20:54They knew exactly what they were doing.
00:20:56They were professionals.
00:20:56You heard the cashier.
00:20:57That shit happens all the time.
00:20:58I like this much better now.
00:21:00I like it.
00:21:00This is good.
00:21:04Go on.
00:21:05Jimmy moved in with Virus.
00:21:06The wheels were now in motion that would lead them to their eventual destiny.
00:21:10Come on.
00:21:10Get the door open.
00:21:12Oh, boy.
00:21:13Phone's ringing.
00:21:14Hello?
00:21:15Oh, no.
00:21:16Hey, Miranda.
00:21:16How are you?
00:21:17No, actually, we just walked in.
00:21:19It's Miranda.
00:21:20Really?
00:21:21No, that's...
00:21:21Yeah.
00:21:22No, I will.
00:21:24Yeah, that's sweet.
00:21:25I will.
00:21:26Absolutely, I will.
00:21:30You look like Joe Perry from Aerosmith right now in that light.
00:21:32It's weird.
00:21:33Your nose is...
00:21:34Huh?
00:21:35What are you saying?
00:21:36No, that...
00:21:36Oh, okay, cool.
00:21:38Absolutely.
00:21:39I will.
00:21:40Yeah, he's right here.
00:21:41Hold on one second.
00:21:42She wants to talk to you.
00:21:43Now, to Jimmy, his life may have been crap.
00:21:46But the one thing he did have was Miranda.
00:21:50Actually, he didn't, but that's Jimmy.
00:21:52Hello.
00:21:53Yeah, no.
00:21:54Just me and Virus.
00:21:56Hey, how'd you know I was here, anyway?
00:21:59No?
00:22:00Just...
00:22:00No.
00:22:01No.
00:22:03Now, see, I think you do want to fight about it.
00:22:05As a matter of fact, I think you want nothing more than to fight about it.
00:22:08Hang on a second there, Puddin.
00:22:09You're the one who asked me to...
00:22:12Puds?
00:22:12I even asked a psychiatrist why Miranda would call.
00:22:16It's called separation anxiety.
00:22:18You see, Jimmy was obsessed with Miranda, yet she was rejecting him.
00:22:22Quite often, when people are awake, this sort of thing happens.
00:22:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:25That's exactly what happened to me when I was on a stakeout for two months.
00:22:29Day in and day out, my wife and I, well, we were separated for some time.
00:22:33And, well, we had arguments.
00:22:35And, you know, separation is very painful and stressful.
00:22:39It's terrible.
00:22:41He was not on a stakeout.
00:22:42He's disturbed.
00:22:44He thinks he's Joe Mannix from the television show.
00:22:46You were not on a stakeout.
00:22:48Yeah, I tried to call her from every discreet telephone I could find.
00:22:51But I...
00:22:51There just wasn't any telephones around her.
00:22:53I was desperate.
00:22:54Desperate to talk to her.
00:22:55I even had my secretary, Peggy.
00:22:57You remember Peggy.
00:22:58Peggy, I said, you gotta get in touch with her.
00:23:00But nothing.
00:23:01Nothing.
00:23:02You're not a private eye, Mr. O'Hanion.
00:23:04You're...
00:23:04Wait, wait a minute.
00:23:05What do you mean, Shrinko?
00:23:06Of course I'm a private eye.
00:23:08Joe Mannix, what are you talking about?
00:23:10I went undercover with my contacts at the police force, Lieutenant Tobias.
00:23:13Remember Lieutenant Tobias?
00:23:15Yes.
00:23:15Yeah, well, I was out of pocket for six months with that.
00:23:18You did not go undercover.
00:23:19Your name is not Joe Mannix, Mr. O'Hanion.
00:23:21It's Cricor O'Hanion.
00:23:22You live in Fresno and you make cheap white wine.
00:23:24Wait, wait, wait.
00:23:26You said it was gonna be like Reds.
00:23:29What part does Warren Beatty play?
00:23:33No, he's not in it.
00:23:36But I'm using eyewitnesses like in the movie Reds.
00:23:42You get me Warren Beatty as an eyewitness.
00:23:44We got a movie.
00:23:50You have any other casting in place?
00:23:51You talk to George.
00:23:52He's my eyes and my ears.
00:23:56Is he coming back?
00:24:05How did you put a blind guy in the movie business?
00:24:07It's an advantage.
00:24:08First of all, nobody reads scripts anymore.
00:24:10They get these kids from UCLA to do that.
00:24:13Secondly, if he can't see, there's a little chance to take his boss's job.
00:24:19Though, uh, on the other hand, if he was also deaf, his chances could improve.
00:24:25Does everyone have a yes man?
00:24:29Some have no men.
00:24:31Most have and we'll get back to you, man.
00:24:33Here.
00:24:34Let me give you this guy's number.
00:24:36I used to know him.
00:24:38He's okay.
00:24:38I gave him his first shot.
00:24:40You just call him, alright?
00:24:43Lou Bracken.
00:24:44Is he still alive?
00:24:46He called you, didn't he?
00:24:49Hmm.
00:24:51Comes from Cuba.
00:24:53I can make my whole movie for the price of five of those.
00:24:56Is that legal?
00:24:58Cuba Gooding.
00:25:01So need of money, baby.
00:25:05So, uh, where were we?
00:25:08Let's see.
00:25:09Your cousin Jimmy.
00:25:10Jimmy was spending his days watching TV and bemoaning Miranda.
00:25:14You're right.
00:25:15Should be separate, you know?
00:25:16I'm better off out of that house than still living with that emotional carnival freak.
00:25:21She's a sideshow.
00:25:22It's a really nice house, though.
00:25:27I'm an idiot.
00:25:28I still think.
00:25:30Check it out.
00:25:31Turn it out.
00:25:32Try it.
00:25:33...after being convicted of the grisly murder of his 69-year-old grandmother, Sally Gag.
00:25:40Look who talks peach.
00:25:42They can't be beat.
00:25:43You'll say that meat.
00:25:45The best darn peach I could ever eat.
00:25:47So we jump in the fridge, but we do encourage you to try one.
00:25:50Look who talks peach.
00:25:51Once they saw the commercial, they decided to target McClintock's.
00:25:55Okay, this is Karen.
00:25:56Uh-huh.
00:25:57She's a friend of mine.
00:25:58Karen used to work at McClintock's.
00:26:00Why she quit, that's not important either.
00:26:02Okay.
00:26:02Alright.
00:26:03Here's the candy.
00:26:04Karen says they deposit the money to the bank every Monday afternoon.
00:26:07No.
00:26:08Yeah.
00:26:08So I figure we go in there on a Monday morning.
00:26:10That's a week's worth of business in that register.
00:26:12How hard can this be?
00:26:13Register full of cash, no security.
00:26:15I figure we walk in, grab the money, walk out, just like those guys did.
00:26:18Coffee Karen figures almost $50,000.
00:26:20No, no, no.
00:26:20Even as Jimmy and Virus plotted the robbery, it seemed that their feelings against McClintock's
00:26:25had found some public support.
00:26:26How dare the McClintock's invoke God to sell their peaches.
00:26:31They are the most self-righteous, pretentious con artists this town has ever seen.
00:26:35I could spit on them.
00:26:37McClintock's peaches smakują jak moje mamy, zupełnie tak samo.
00:26:42These eyewitnesses, you shot them already, right?
00:26:46Oh, yeah.
00:26:47In the can.
00:26:47And there's a lot more than what you've heard.
00:26:50Mm-hmm.
00:26:52So, uh, who do you see as the peach expert?
00:26:58Oh.
00:26:59The real peach expert himself.
00:27:01The real one I already shot in the film.
00:27:04Okay, let's get this straight.
00:27:06Everyone, I don't care who they are, wants to get their hands on some of these peaches,
00:27:10especially if they've ever tasted McClintock's peach.
00:27:13I mean everyone.
00:27:14Okay?
00:27:15Oh.
00:27:17Merci beaucoup.
00:27:20Euro trash.
00:27:22Oh.
00:27:22Sunscreen?
00:27:25I think, I think perhaps you should think younger.
00:27:30Maybe Ben Stiller as the peach expert.
00:27:38Wh-whatever happened to authenticity?
00:27:42Authenticity is for CNN.
00:27:44Ben Stiller is for movies.
00:27:47Cheers.
00:27:48Maybe you're right.
00:27:57Well, think about it.
00:27:59Okay?
00:28:00Think about Ben.
00:28:02Okay, get this straight.
00:28:03Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of those peaches,
00:28:07if they've ever tasted McClintock peach, okay?
00:28:11Ben Stiller.
00:28:24Ben Stiller.
00:28:25Okay, get this straight.
00:28:26Everybody, I don't care who it is, wants to get their hands on some of those peaches,
00:28:32okay?
00:28:34Ben Stiller.
00:28:35Ben Stiller.
00:28:36Ben Stiller.
00:28:46Ben Stiller.
00:28:53Ben Stiller.
00:28:54Ben Stiller.
00:29:16Ben Stiller.
00:29:18Ben Stiller.
00:29:22Ben Stiller.
00:29:26Ben Stiller.
00:29:28Ben Stiller.
00:29:38Ben Stiller.
00:29:40Ben Stiller.
00:29:45Ben Stiller.
00:29:51Ben Stiller.
00:29:52Ben Stiller.
00:29:53Ben Stiller.
00:30:00Ben Stiller.
00:30:05Ben Stiller.
00:30:07Ben Stiller.
00:30:13Ben Stiller.
00:30:15Ben Stiller.
00:30:20Ben Stiller.
00:30:21Ben Stiller.
00:30:22Ben Stiller.
00:30:24Ben Stiller.
00:30:34Ben Stiller.
00:30:36Ben Stiller.
00:30:48Ben Stiller.
00:30:50Ben Stiller.
00:30:52Ben Stiller.
00:30:53Ben Stiller.
00:30:54Ben Stiller.
00:30:54Ben Stiller.
00:30:54Ben Stiller.
00:30:55Ben Stiller.
00:30:55Ben Stiller.
00:30:58Ben Stiller.
00:31:02Ben Stiller.
00:31:04Ben Stiller.
00:31:06Ben Stiller.
00:31:10Ben Stiller.
00:31:11Ben Stiller.
00:31:13Ben Stiller.
00:31:14Ben Stiller.
00:31:14Ben Stiller.
00:31:15Ben Stiller.
00:31:17Ben Stiller.
00:31:17Ben Stiller.
00:31:18Ben Stiller.
00:31:19Ben Stiller.
00:31:21kiss and i'll get back to you all you wanted was sex sex sex really that's three sexes
00:31:31i always knew he was ambitious this is very discouraging why come on you ready to give up
00:31:35already huh i thought you were a toughie i thought you had crust like me that's what i always liked
00:31:40about you it's just not exactly what i expected what did you expect somebody the first time you
00:31:46meet them they're going to give you money to make a little movie huh come here come here
00:31:54look this is a tough town
00:32:05it just seems like everyone wants to make a different movie than the one that i want to make
00:32:10hey so what that's the town everybody is a critic they go to screens and they say
00:32:18why wasn't so and so in that part why can't the ending be different come here i'm going to set
00:32:24you
00:32:24up with gush snook the king of schlock he's not quite right for your picture but he's not a critic
00:32:29he wouldn't even pretend to know good from bad come on in come on in what do you mean you
00:32:34never heard
00:32:34of a topless toga what difference does it make that woman's knockers are so big you couldn't cover
00:32:39them anyway hiya church look harry i'm sorry i i we're gonna have to talk about this later i got
00:32:45a
00:32:46meeting now yeah okay bye have a seat please sit down meet my assistant okay he started one of my
00:32:54worst pictures you watch your mouth you little the picture was terrible but it made a fortune he thinks
00:33:01he should get all the money i'm a star i'm a star shut up that's a beautiful bird thank you
00:33:08so pick up where you left off uh you're making this movie now about an armed robbery the american
00:33:13dream your cousin jimmy around that time almost everyone was talking about mclintock's peach
00:33:19peaches are good for you they're healthy go to any health food store they'll tell you
00:33:22peaches are number one and these kissed by god i i hate peaches not just mclintock's peaches
00:33:29but all peaches after all if there weren't any peaches duane almond would be alive today
00:33:36the whole town had a fruit syndrome that infected everyone particularly jimmy and virus you could
00:33:44say that virus caught a virus
00:33:50excuse me young lady is the owner in oh good lord broke the mold with you too
00:33:59well i'll just put in a french blow and a couple muffins for you
00:34:14well i don't want to get yourself a steady because you're gonna catch something that won't wash off
00:34:32you don't want to grow old alone no ma'am 3 35
00:34:46when i lost walter my life went into a tailspin
00:34:51i really do miss that man you know we did such good business here before mclintock's opened can't
00:34:58compete with that god kissed peach hi mclintex well mclintex is really the lifeblood of this town
00:35:08you know in large part that's because of of these peaches these are some of the best peaches in the
00:35:14world they're really kind of god kiss you know listen they pumped the revenue right into this city
00:35:20did you get that you see the thing is every city every major city has that that one special
00:35:27attraction you know new york has the statue of liberty and san antonio has the um the you know
00:35:32the alamo we have peaches now this peach did you get that are we in front this peach
00:35:40it's eaten by president ronald reagan he came to this city just for the peaches
00:35:49actually well i mean i think actually he was lost but the point is that he he took one bite
00:35:55of that
00:35:56peach and well he had to leave but i was fortunate because i grabbed that peach before he left and
00:36:04it's a little rotted now you can probably see but those are his actual teeth marks
00:36:11i'm pretty sure that they were his real teeth uh excuse me sarah who do you see as a peach
00:36:16expert
00:36:17ben stiller what are you a casting director that's exactly who i saw really go on ben stiller
00:36:26ben stiller not you you dummy her please fuck you i'm a star ben stiller i'm warning you you're
00:36:34right on the edge you're gonna get it i'm sorry please go ahead as i was saying by now jimmy
00:36:41and
00:36:41virus had zeroed in on the clintox but they were still afraid of getting caught i feel really good
00:36:46about the plan i really you know feeling about the whole thing but i also feel like we're gonna get
00:36:52caught no do not do that do not do that look i feel like i'm serious don't think that way
00:36:58look
00:36:58i'm just saying no i know you really don't get it do you listen up skeeter i'm gonna tell you
00:37:05once
00:37:06if you think it it will happen well now this jimmy could he go psycho like de niro did at
00:37:10the end of
00:37:11taxi driver you know i mean that's something i could sell uh no but he could but he didn't but
00:37:16you're
00:37:17writing it so he could but it's a true story so he didn't get in watch it watch it watch
00:37:22it
00:37:22fuck you fuck me fuck you teach him one bad word and he goes nuts now what about music this
00:37:28virus he
00:37:29could be a musician you know kids love music i mean soundtracks can put a movie in the black even
00:37:34if
00:37:34it's a turkey you know turkey i got the music in me i can feel it i just gotta find
00:37:41it we all do
00:37:44no we all don't what you're feeling you see there's a euphoria that comes along with believing
00:37:49your own bullshit that's what you're feeling not the music in you well we mock what we don't understand
00:37:58you see because the music she's my lady she's my muse
00:38:05but she's got a whole lot of mean up under that skirt of hers she taunts me sits at the
00:38:13end of the
00:38:13bar and just before we lock guys she's gone she's like a cold cup of coffee sweet sweet music jimmy
00:38:23and virus had meticulously planned the robbery with detail and precision asking all the tough questions
00:38:28what does a professional robber need for a robbery you need a car and you need guns that's about it
00:38:32mayonnaise i can get a car but what about guns pepsi please i get guns you can get guns i
00:38:39get guns you
00:38:40can get a car i'll get guns you can get a car i can get guns then we got a
00:38:46car we got guns sandwich
00:38:50car guns masks masks and she's like oh i had trouble parking it's like there's hella parking outside
00:39:01this is your idea for getting a car what's your problem i can rent a car and get guns all
00:39:06right
00:39:06can you get guns naked don't talk about guns sorry
00:39:17don't talk about guns you know it's like hard i mean i would like you to sometimes
00:39:22see because she's a liar because some people lie and she said first you remember when she was gone
00:39:27she said she had dirty weed she bitch was in hawaii i know she was because she came back with
00:39:32hands and she was not taking cigarette breaks she was smoking weed because i know what weed smells like
00:39:38weed no that's not the point weed smells like no weed it's kind of like
00:39:44kind of like sour apple and it's also kind of like butter it's kind of like butter and pie
00:39:50you know like pie no not pie pie the point is you don't smoke weed at work you could smoke
00:39:56weed
00:39:56anywhere you don't smoke you smoke it on your time you don't smoke weed on my time you don't smoke
00:40:01weed
00:40:01oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'll call you back i'm sorry can i help you uh yes uh
00:40:09good afternoon
00:40:10uh we were quite taken with the cap and amonti we saw outside is that considered a mid-size
00:40:25i know how it failed of course you do
00:40:33which car driver's license yes not on me you're gonna rent a car it's so funny to me
00:40:42how's that funny we can't rent we don't have money to rent you don't need money to rent you pay
00:40:48when
00:40:48you return what if we don't get money then we don't return that's what they got insurance for
00:40:54insurance is bullshit good hands hand job reach around it's bullshit i still don't see how renting
00:41:01is funny well it's not funny it's cheating funny and cheating are synonyms whatever whatever good
00:41:09response i guess you win just get miranda's car she's pissed at you we need a car why don't they
00:41:16steal a car i mean all they do is talk not enough action too much talk talk i warned you
00:41:23you shut up
00:41:24now look where's the action the car chases the broads the the irs i told you never never to mention
00:41:32that
00:41:32the irs the irs all right that's it now i'm gonna get you
00:41:42the parrot's got his number the parrot picture made him big money
00:41:48so he's afraid the parrot's gonna ride him out to the irs but he can't kill him
00:41:52because he needs him for the sequel is everybody in this town nuts 90 percent
00:41:58i got a new strategy for us this lady gave me my last job right she's now a big executive
00:42:06networks
00:42:07i don't know maybe this could work as a movie of the week docudrama darling i can't make it a
00:42:15moment
00:42:15before nine okay go on jimmy and virus only days away from the robbery it was clear there was only
00:42:23one thing they could do to stop them themselves stop right there do you have any stars attached
00:42:33no then you're going to need a strong female lead this woman is she more than just a run-of
00:42:39-the-mill
00:42:39wife girlfriend mistress hooker with a heart of gold you want a chick flick i'll give you a chick flick
00:42:44oh she's strong all right and there's a lot more where that came from i told you jimmy get the
00:42:50out of here i'm serious get out so she's strong what about love is she in love oh there's love
00:43:02i got robbed the other day good you deserve it now just get out no you're right i promise i'm
00:43:07going to change put it's a promise wait what did you just call me puddin puddin no no no you
00:43:13don't
00:43:13have the right to call me pudding no more pudding okay it used to be cute it's not cute anymore
00:43:18jimmy
00:43:18what's not cute about pudding pudding that's cute pudding shut up all right look jimmy i can't take
00:43:27this anymore okay it's been like a year right you watch videos all night you sleep all day then you
00:43:33hang out with virus i need more you know that so just leave me be okay do us both a
00:43:38favor just get out
00:43:38of my life i need to borrow the car what i need to borrow the car well no you can't
00:43:51you can't borrow
00:43:52my car your car yeah my car the car you're so gangly oh you are so beautiful oh jesus christ
00:44:03what are you
00:44:04doing get away i've missed you so much i don't give a fuck there's i have somebody over here you
00:44:10can't
00:44:10come in don't don't don't touch me it makes me want puke when you touch me get the off me
00:44:25they're star-crossed lovers and they're sex
00:44:47so can i get those guns now
00:44:55i hope jennifer told you i don't deal in any of that saturday night special nonsense
00:45:00i've got clean out of state barely been used product high resale value
00:45:10now yeah they might seem a little big but they're not you show me some patience i get you a
00:45:18smith and
00:45:18weston 38 basically snub no service revolvers get the job done 38s are not as big as these
00:45:30yeah hello ladies
00:45:39you laughing at me huh huh you laughing at what am i clown do i amuse you i'm what i'm
00:45:43funny now huh
00:45:44you must be laughing at me i don't see anybody else around here you're mixing your movies dipshit
00:45:49what you're mixing your movies no i'm not how the do i amuse you huh that's joe pesci
00:45:56joe pesci wouldn't impact your driver that's what i'm saying you're mixing your movies
00:46:01no i'm not whatever whatever good response i guess you went you know uh
00:46:09jennifer said you'd have 32 revolvers what jennifer told me earlier that you have
00:46:1632 revolvers jennifer told me you'd have 32 revolvers jennifer told me earlier you have
00:46:2032 revolvers but guess what assface i'm doing you a favor i could get rid of these guns for at
00:46:26least
00:46:26300 a piece tonight you know what i'll take those yeah yeah you will 600 bucks first of the month
00:46:34don't mind me come looking for you kiss great i'm keeping the jacket you're going to keep the
00:46:40jacket great go on get out of here i got work to do so we have sex love a felony
00:46:51and guns
00:46:56i love guns but i'm not sure i buy the bit about getting the guns from the girlfriend
00:47:03oh well i interviewed a gun expert oh i'm all ears tell me more you should buy from a licensed
00:47:14dealer
00:47:15like me but you can get guns anyway you want to feel one well you don't have cold steel relaxing
00:47:24against
00:47:25the fleshy part of your finger and you just ain't lying it's hard and shiny and has beautiful girls
00:47:34and it won't yell at you when you're bad and it won't spank you for talking back no
00:47:41and it's your friend your best friend you want a horn
00:47:49you know guns are what made this country great don't you agree
00:47:58well i'd rather not i don't believe in guns
00:48:02well you know you don't know what it's like until you you touch the love shaft of mr smith and
00:48:08mr west
00:48:10actually being a girl it's all right for me not to be into guns what do you mean being a
00:48:15girl that's
00:48:16all the more reason you need one all these crazies in the streets you want to be raped no you
00:48:23carry a
00:48:23gun and you hold it in your arms and you suck on the barrel like it's your mama's titties i
00:48:30really don't
00:48:31want to do this watch out oh that must have been heaven
00:48:42what feeling the gun and actually having it go off in your hand well actually it scared me to death
00:48:55you mean you don't like guns
00:49:04you don't want me to continue
00:49:10eight did i mention i saw ben stiller as the peach expert love you too darling bye
00:49:22maybe we should go the indie route you can't get a studio picture made these days without big stars yet
00:49:27that has nothing to do with whether the film makes money or loses money it's all about keeping your
00:49:31job what do you mean well let's say ah you got a terrific screen right but you put two morons
00:49:37jimmy
00:49:37and virus in it right no studio is going to go for that why because the film loses money then
00:49:42the
00:49:42executive who gave the green light is going to lose his job on the other hand you get tom hanks
00:49:47or
00:49:47whoever else is the flavor to money then the film tanks it's tom hanks float or even better yet the
00:49:52director i've got ben stiller oh very nice that's good that's a start so what do i do
00:50:04yeah oh phil yeah look i got my no no no i know we got this uh phil hold on
00:50:12for a second okay listen
00:50:13this is a long shot yeah i'll call you right back just stay where you are don't move okay bye
00:50:22i don't know why i didn't think about this before that's my bookie he's got a network he puts money
00:50:27in a lot of independent movies your bookie well he books for all the writers a good friend of mine
00:50:33couldn't pay him right so he gave him a script picture became a huge hit the guy is now hooked
00:50:39on
00:50:39movies hi i'm sarah wilder i'm here to see phil phillips hey phil i'm miss sarah wilder here to
00:50:49see you go ahead
00:51:00sarah wilder any friend of lou's is a friend of mine actually i'm his niece i know that so
00:51:05lou told me a little bit about this picture are there any cars in it yes yeah you did
00:51:16you know blue smoke played with group grass boys really i mean he could have
00:51:23somebody's got the music in him
00:51:27not anymore let's see him just drive i'm doing stuff over here you couldn't even comprehend
00:51:35brenta nine millimeter this makes it official oh yeah we're crooks that's cool
00:51:4445 lucky that's an expensive gun
00:51:47only two things nicer than an expensive gun that'd be your swiss watch and your pretty girl
00:51:51what's that pretty girl's name is it pretty is it pretty yeah jolly yeah jolly down the ditch jolly
00:51:56down the beach now jolly that never happens again never
00:52:08we live and die by the risk of the heist what we live and die by the risk of the
00:52:12heist what does
00:52:13that mean right now nothing how'd they get this car it was miranda's car jimmy's white
00:52:23they didn't steal it or jack it no let me get this straight they're planning a robbery and they're
00:52:30going to use a car that belongs to his wife what are they idiots they aren't the two brightest guys
00:52:35in
00:52:35the world hero okay good one uh we'll get in there and there's a dumb guy wants to be a
00:52:41hero
00:52:41okay how done we talking all right everything's going as planned right right smoothies still just
00:52:46like clockwork all of a sudden some guy hops up off the floor and figures hey this is a good
00:52:50time to
00:52:50get in the newspapers i'll foil this robbery i'm a hero i'm a hero react oh yeah oh yeah yeah
00:52:57all right
00:52:57you better just dial it down all right just dial it down numbnuts before mr thundermaker starts shitting
00:53:03some bullets
00:53:11don't worry pick it pick another one okay this is going great thank you you're doing well thank you
00:53:17pregnant woman's water poops pops pops
00:53:24oh my god i'm having my baby i'm having my baby blanket of napalm
00:53:40yes morons this picture's about two morons jimmy and virus had practiced and rehearsed the robbery for
00:53:48days it was the hardest work they'd done since well ever there was no turning back this was it
00:53:54their moment of truth we just parked the car we walked the block the location we walk slow we're
00:53:58just two guys walking we see cops it doesn't matter we're just two guys walking we're just two guys
00:54:02that happen to be walking we determine the area secure then we move forward we're at the entrance
00:54:05we pull out the guns we run in we grab the money we run out how long are we going
00:54:08to be there
00:54:09two minutes two minutes tops not two and a half not three two minutes
00:54:18we're calia we're calia we're calia we're calia we're calia we're calia we're calia my styles are wild like we
00:54:22four nights on a saturday night i keep them in twilight positions riding out at the night
00:54:26got left between and i'm like a featherweight fight
00:54:29hey you're ready candy from a baby
00:54:32honey mark get set go
00:54:40what's the name of this store please mcclintock's grocery thank you
00:54:48or here they've just done some remodels nice
00:54:53all right listen up people this is a robbery we don't want any trouble so if you want to be
00:54:59stupid
00:55:00let's do it now and get it over with look nobody plays tough guy but me all right we have
00:55:09a gun
00:55:09and we got a car okay so we live and die by the risk of the height hey fellas no
00:55:15need for all the
00:55:16shouting if you're here for the peaches i'm sure we can work something out i think i'm speaking for
00:55:24the group when i say nobody here wants to take a bullet i know i don't hey you need to
00:55:29do some
00:55:30shopping great time look he's cool let's go huh just like we planned look wipe that curly joe smile
00:55:38off your stupid melon and just open the register now you don't have to take that lawrence shut up
00:55:43you apron wearing fake tooth pie bacon whoa come on you don't have to be mean they'll do what we
00:55:49say
00:55:49we got guns back off you beanpole ichabod cream motherfucker i don't remember rehearsing this part
00:55:57this whole thing was your idea so if i don't meet your expectations of what a professional
00:56:00grocery store robber should be i'd like to take this time to apologize in front of all the fine
00:56:04folks here at mclintox hey everybody beaches on me
00:56:12hey uh well we're a little behind but we're still professionals we deserve better than this
00:56:20no you don't but you know what does this cow this cow deserves better than this
00:56:27you and your big mclintox market i got raw meat i am crazy so let's make with that cash and
00:56:33coin
00:56:34colonel tom i do it he ain't right come on all of it safe too you want to pitch in
00:56:38and help all right
00:56:39now see this is why i wanted you to go to the bank there's no time for that dear now
00:56:43these
00:56:44fellas seem to be in a hurry let's all pitch in come on geez come on there's a few more
00:56:50dollars
00:56:50we're gonna save to give to the church but you might as well take the whole thing
00:56:59take us home clean that's it let's go
00:57:06thanks a lot appreciate it morons these are the two dumbest guys i ever heard of
00:57:12it appeared that jimmy and virus had actually pulled off a successful robbery without getting
00:57:17caught anything to do with mclintox was a big story in town so tell us were you at the robbery
00:57:23or not
00:57:27yeah yeah i was there okay is that what you want to hear i was there in the store when
00:57:32the three guys
00:57:32burst in wearing ski masks pointing guns and shouting okay we were there and uh i didn't see a lot
00:57:39do you see a lot no i didn't really see a lot no no well i thought they were after
00:57:44the missus at
00:57:45first i didn't know what was going on my first thought of course was was the peaches and then
00:57:50i thought the misses because you never know what two men like this desperate are going to do with
00:57:54a beautiful young woman like this you didn't get a good uh see him you know a good eyeball if
00:57:59you
00:58:00will you know on account of uh circumstances circumstances who might get in the eye you know
00:58:06let's talk turkey i'm a freak well i remember them i remember that day was really a bad day for
00:58:12me
00:58:12because i was here by myself because somebody else wasn't here with me so it was all different so i
00:58:21remember that day was really distinctly i'd stick the peaches up my ass it would do something sir
00:58:28i'd have a whole crate up my rectal vault if i meant that i didn't have this freaking eye
00:58:35okay i stole five peaches is that it is that what you want to hear i stole five
00:58:40peaches all right what did you want me to do they were rolling around the floor like a bunch of
00:58:44valleys what was i supposed to do everybody was taking them the samoan took three yeah there was a
00:58:52samoan yeah i'm pretty sure we're a really big filipino excuse me mm-hmm jack yeah mm-hmm big sky
00:59:08gym in the
00:59:08fourth mm-hmm something fishy okay no more action in the fourth excuse me anyway the initial 48 hours
00:59:19after the robbery were crucial how jimmy and virus would act would either mean a successful getaway
00:59:25or prison do what yeah being pulled ichabod crane motherfucker yeah i wanted to uh talk to you about
00:59:38that because we should definitely discuss that yeah because i got really swept up in the moment and i'm not
00:59:46proud of it but the guy in that store standing on that counter and just shouting berating you
00:59:55and the guy sitting on this counter um talking to you um are two different guys
01:00:04where's the fella done all the hollering love to have a little chinwag with him
01:00:11well he asked me to tell you that he's sorry
01:00:13and he won't be coming around here anymore i know that much
01:00:18that you can he and he also asked me
01:00:25to give you this
01:00:28a little bit that that's what he was
01:00:37be sure and tell him thank you i definitely will and i would also like to take you out
01:00:45to dinner or something like that you know i can't even believe we're having this conversation look me in
01:00:51the eye and tell me
01:00:54i've never ever slept with miranda i don't believe you
01:01:01i give up you give up because you know i'm right
01:01:04do you honestly think if i'd ever had sex with her even before we met i wouldn't have brought it
01:01:09up
01:01:14that sucks let's talk about something else no don't not just stop it just put it out of your mind
01:01:22and think about kennedy taking a bullet to the back of the head it's science valid science it's been
01:01:27proven you're a dick i'm a dick you're a dick then you're my balls sunshine we can ask tree
01:01:37sean connery why sean connery it's the only answer how do you figure
01:01:43okay
01:01:47you're out at some abandoned warehouse right
01:01:49these guys got a gun to your head because you got to blow one of them
01:01:53bring me sean connery then before you begin the actual blow you look up at sean like okay sean
01:02:00i'm gonna give you the signal we drop these guys and get the hell out of here it's foolproof
01:02:07yeah uh what if sean's not with you
01:02:14at least you're blowing one of the grapes huh this is a up conversation
01:02:18hey phil somebody here to see you oh frankie c frankie c jesus christ send him back
01:02:26frankie you son of a
01:02:28bitch where are you doing that was a great
01:02:32say hello to sarah
01:02:34no no you stay
01:02:37she's telling me about this movie she's got this movie idea you know she's lou's niece you remember lou nice
01:02:43guy anyway she's telling me this story about her idiot cousin
01:02:46uh-huh go ahead tell them they just knocked off a peach store
01:02:51actually it's a grocery store that specialized in peaches whatever whatever go ahead
01:03:01you can't tell me you don't think about getting caught
01:03:05what are you doing i asked you not to do that you can't tell me you don't think about it
01:03:10oh that's
01:03:10great thanks a lot you jinxed us that's
01:03:14sorry don't don't touch me
01:03:24where are you going i'm leaving you tainted the roof now i can never come up here again
01:03:29and i paid my rent we're not jinxed turn to the right
01:03:40when i first heard jimmy was involved i didn't want to believe it
01:03:46i don't even know what you guys are doing here because uh jimmy and i are completely done
01:03:50we were totally separated so i don't really have anything to tell you
01:03:59okay wait wait wait wait wait so you're gonna send those pictures to the cops yeah jimmy's gonna
01:04:05love this what are you kidding me the cops are looking all over for me right so by sending them
01:04:10pictures it shows i'm not scared it's the risk of the hunt baby do not baby are you insane they
01:04:17see
01:04:17the photos with me and you and they're gonna put two and two together it's me the actor that's right
01:04:22i don't even know you that's right you don't know me why are you advertising our affiliation
01:04:29patty patty sweet innocent patty look i want you to know no matter what happens to me
01:04:35i'm not gonna forget about you where are you from what are you not understanding they see the photos
01:04:41with me on your lap god i know this is tough for you oh god you know but i need
01:04:47you to stand tall
01:04:48and be strong and know that no matter what happens all right when a tear runs down your face it's
01:04:52not
01:04:53a tear okay it's me just saying i love you do you understand what i'm saying okay yeah i think
01:04:58i get
01:04:58it now great okay well i gotta run pretty face
01:05:18hello yes who am i speaking with please well hello officer sturgis this is dick tangle and i need you
01:05:24to
01:05:24do me a favor if you could come and find me you fat donut-eating wife beating sad excuse for
01:05:29a cop
01:05:3010-4 10-4 10-4 take off the glasses
01:05:43uh excuse me uh but this guy uh cyrus virus his name's virus yeah virus cyrus yeah yeah you say
01:05:51he went to the cops morons i told you well not exactly everyone had their own opinion on that
01:05:57feats of courage combined with nobility of purpose that's what these boys are about you you they they
01:06:05don't sit there in judgment judging other people's idiosyncrasies they're confident you what do you do
01:06:11you ask questions they don't ask questions they give answers they do something you would do well
01:06:17to be more like them that boy just wasn't right in the head he used to come in here all
01:06:23the time and
01:06:24just be you know handling the breads of course when he was little he sure did fall down a lot
01:06:31when his
01:06:32daddy was home virus i don't know him so what do you think motivated him to rob mcclintox
01:06:40i said i know him i'm not his mama you know virus and i have this really special connection that
01:06:46um
01:06:47that jimmy just he can't understand it you know what i mean he's so lost
01:06:54you know this place wouldn't be so depressing if you guys just chose a different color scheme
01:06:59maybe get away from your pastels because a dark color in a dark place that equals equals dark
01:07:07you guys need to get brighter
01:07:12your yellows burst of orange your blues make a man stay go quicker you know truman i'd be willing to
01:07:19sit down with your commanding officer and discuss it with him if you think it would help move things
01:07:22along a bit whatever whatever good response i guess you win right
01:07:43got your letter see him at truman
01:07:48oh asshole you got us caught you got us caught you jinxed us
01:07:52as your attorney i should tell you that this is my first case and i'm lost for words i have
01:07:59no
01:07:59idea what to do and that worries me is everybody in this picture an idiot i was just trying to
01:08:06tell
01:08:06the story like how it happened nobody could be that stupid well you had to know him especially jimmy
01:08:11that's his nature you see they're very good people they just got in trouble for the wrong reasons
01:08:16and that's the point i want to make in the film if this goes to trial we'll need to create
01:08:21some doubt
01:08:22we need people to speak on your behalf and no one's willing to do that oh there's gonna be somebody
01:08:28they're wonder they're mentioned you know what a mensch is that's what those boys are
01:08:32you would do well to be more like them you're boring yeah they're on the roof what what are you
01:08:38saying
01:08:39you on the roof we need you to come down now what are you my three i'm sorry i think
01:08:46it's my three
01:08:46o'clock are you the goodmans yes we're the goodman i'm sarah this is my husband lester now please
01:08:52come down off the roof i'm sorry that's my three o'clock okay i'll be there in a jiffy okay
01:09:00see either you got it or you don't got it and this kid virus he sure don't got it you
01:09:07know jimmy
01:09:08pretty much did the whole thing to impress me i mean he's just sort of driven by his love for
01:09:14me
01:09:14and he's so gangly you know it's like a little thin i don't know anyway mcclintocks are well respected in
01:09:22the community and you two have pissed off that community those god-kissed peaches put this city
01:09:29on the map they said let's have everything in the in the safe well i i handed to them they
01:09:34were out the
01:09:34door and i want to say i let you down i didn't give you everything i had in the safe
01:09:39and i was going to
01:09:40run after them and the missus said no uh they made their bed let them lie in it no we
01:09:45added that to the
01:09:46insurance gentlemen i've gone over your case almost three times and i'm sorry to say but i
01:09:56don't see any loopholes there's no way around this evidence you're going to be in here for a while
01:10:01either you're born with the gift or you're not i hate to break it to you you were born without
01:10:06the gift
01:10:08oh sinner man can't you hear me say oh god oh so you're jealous yeah you're jealous because
01:10:22i unleashed the music in me kill me somebody anybody please kill me all right lights out
01:10:35me too oh and uh whose bright idea was it to send those photographs to the police
01:10:46they knew you were mocking them yes i know virus yes we slept together i got it lit great and
01:10:56yes
01:10:56that may be me in the picture with him but the money i was counting is my money money i
01:11:01busted my
01:11:03ass to get i'm not gonna bullshit you quit i'm sorry you're not sorry you always keep at me and
01:11:12amy picking at me i wanted to touch you just shut up you fucking retard i'm not retarded look i'm
01:11:19not
01:11:19you are retarded you are retarded i've got some some schooling i've got some schooling don't lose hope
01:11:28fellas because listen from what i've heard there's a judge in the fifth circuit court who can maybe
01:11:33get you a lighter sentence maybe as little as eight years jimmy and virus tried to make the best of
01:11:41their
01:11:41incarceration they started a congenial con policy and tried to meet at least one new felon a day
01:11:47with this new approach they met arsonists armed robbers and even some interesting murderers
01:11:53are you harold jagged who wants to know my name is jimmy oh yeah you and your buddy rob mclintox
01:12:02yeah that took balls yeah say harold uh what if i ask you a question no i didn't kill my
01:12:15grandma
01:12:17i know i talked a lot about it i even write about it in my journal but that's because that's
01:12:22what i
01:12:22am a writer not a killer now that i'm in here i can write all i want past the time
01:12:29i do a bit of
01:12:30reading too i read i'm a reader you look like joe perry from aerosmith
01:12:45uh what kind of stuff you read you know i like to read a lot of books about you know
01:12:49leadership and
01:12:51free thinking they taught me to realize it's what i am you know yeah i do know yeah i mean
01:12:57it's your
01:12:57life you want to live it on your terms right yeah i think of myself as a sure thinker you
01:13:02know a
01:13:02leader you know my grandma though man she was always telling me what to do you know i hated that
01:13:08i don't like people telling me what to do i'm the same way finally i meet somebody who gets it
01:13:13yeah because i'm a leader not a follower i don't follow i don't follow i lead i'm the same way
01:13:19did i kill my grandma no no i didn't kill her man oh man but sometimes she just wouldn't let
01:13:27up you know follow me around the house like a parrot on my shoulder you know into my ear every
01:13:33five minutes you know don't forget to dot your i's don't forget to cross your t's you know she'd
01:13:38jump on a vein and suck it dry you know what i'm saying over and over tomato dumplings
01:13:45huh why why would it why would any woman get up in the morning and decide that i like tomato
01:13:52dumplings what's up with that i never even knew what one was until it showed up on my plate huh
01:13:57what kind of sick game is she playing huh i didn't kill her you know what whoever did kill her
01:14:03man
01:14:03they were right on man this journal this journal's my escape this journal's my way out huh the only way
01:14:11to keep my head clear is to write short stories about corking up her mouth hole huh
01:14:24what are you working on now oh it's a short story about my brother's wife it's called you and your
01:14:29goddamn pies okay i'm gonna step off for a minute i gotta keep going uh harold i want you to
01:14:37have a very
01:14:38nice day it's supposed to rain yeah hey you know hitler was a leader
01:14:47okay are we rolling okay uh hey jimmy jimmy pay attention okay i want to ask you a question
01:14:56what what were you thinking what are you look you know we're we weren't waiting around for any handouts
01:15:05if that's what you mean you know we saw what we wanted and we went out and took it that's
01:15:09what makes
01:15:09america america you see something you want and you figure out how to get it and i did what i
01:15:15did
01:15:16i didn't like people telling me what to do hey jimmy break's over you got a prison to paint let's
01:15:22go
01:15:24well you know looking back on it now i suppose i suppose i do some things differently
01:15:33you know i don't even know if i'd do it again
01:15:54what do you want
01:15:57well i wanted to see you and i figured you'd want to see me too
01:16:00why would i want to see you because uh you know he told me to get my
01:16:06together and i have you've been here five months you're in jail i don't call that getting your
01:16:11together
01:16:14i'm a professional and i wrote you a poem
01:16:20oh no don't you're not gonna read it are you jimmy jimmy you have sunk to new depths jimmy jimmy
01:16:25if you read that we are both gonna be so embarrassed okay no we won't yes i will
01:16:32so if you want to give me something just just make me a license plate or something
01:16:37my miranda by jimmy cookie
01:16:43poor sweet thing i've put you through so much i want nothing more than just to feel your touch okay
01:16:50please don't do this jimmy jimmy please when i'm thinking of you and my heart is breaking
01:16:56they tell me to shut up get back to raking
01:17:03so for the state in my filth i've wallowed and for you my love my pride i've swallowed
01:17:12okay that's that's just darling i think this can't be true i shouldn't be here i should be at home
01:17:20protecting you
01:17:23but i'm not
01:17:26oh my god i gotta get out of here card thanks for listening and making the long drive i really
01:17:32appreciate it careful on the drive home people are nuts out there
01:17:44okay i love you this summer virus comes over and he's like helping me paint the kitchen right and um
01:17:51jimmy gets in his head that uh i want to sleep with virus which would kill virus right i mean
01:17:57he he's just so pathetic hey virus virus you help me out here there's uh something i'm not clear on
01:18:11let's hear it was that me that was always thinking about us getting caught or was i the one who
01:18:17said
01:18:17if you think it it'll happen because uh i remember hearing it i just don't remember if that was me
01:18:23saying it to you are you saying it to me oh right right now i remember right right i was
01:18:29the one who
01:18:30said nothing exists thinking makes it so you were the one who kept willing us to get caught that's right
01:18:37now i got it right and did we get caught i forget sure sure we did right we're we're raking
01:18:47because we
01:18:48have to not because we enjoy it right we're in prison right now that's right so i was right
01:18:57and you got us caught right that's right okay okay right hey virus do me a favor would you do
01:19:07not
01:19:07think about us dying a slow painful death in prison okay and above all don't think about what's in your
01:19:13heart heart heart your heart cause that's where us getting caught lives admit it rockstar you got us
01:19:20caught
01:19:24yeah i guess so
01:19:27oh what's that son i i i can't hear you what are you deaf son no i'm not deaf i
01:19:33was just thinking
01:19:35about fucking miranda you ass
01:19:46the only thing that kept jimmy going was blaming virus for jinxing them and to get out by any means
01:19:52possible escape if necessary just a couple of cons i'm sweeping don't want no trouble here boss because
01:19:58i'm just a sweeper look at all the trash you ready ready i'm ready get set go
01:20:32you you said it wasn't electrified i was kidding i was kidding
01:20:49i'm not gonna bullshit you i don't have the time and if you touch me
01:20:55don't worry and you don't have the film but if you need some i can hook you up
01:21:01not good film though it's a really cheap film yeah take it from a retard
01:21:05cheap he knows about film quality i do i'm a savant
01:21:13there you make a wish
01:21:18now i still got the fucking eye yeah i was there i'm really glad those guys rob mclintox
01:21:24as far as i'm concerned those boys did a service to the community those boys are heroes
01:21:30jimmy and virus big day finally arrived their first meeting in front of the parole board
01:21:35well i hope you've learned a few things while you're in here in the last six months
01:21:40absolutely sure do all right i'll take that as a yes yes okay
01:21:47and since neither of you actually use any live ammo i suppose we have no choice but to reluctantly
01:21:57return you to society we uh never intended to harm anyone we respect that and appreciate your honesty
01:22:06now once you go through that door to the outside i don't want to see you back in here again
01:22:13not while i'm here and i'm going to be here all right that's all
01:22:30what if they can't find sean connery then it's considered a forfeit
01:22:35but come on that doesn't make any sense and i'd pick churchill you know everybody picks some guy
01:22:41they know they can't get that's cheating you're making up these rules as you go along i think
01:22:46that's your opinion come on you're making up the rules opinion i got you a little some something
01:22:53what thanks wow a mississippi blue smoker ludica yeah but these are commemoratives they only made a
01:23:03million of these i was able to track one down wow i'm gonna head in uh let her know i'm
01:23:09home show
01:23:10her this oh she's gonna love that i get a feeling she is yeah i'll get that all right take
01:23:17care
01:23:35this is the right thing you be strong see you man yeah seriously it's been fun had a blast
01:23:42right back at you take it easy me too you know we'll do it again good luck thank you
01:24:23i told you jimmy get the fuck out of here serious get out
01:24:48oh i'm just gonna look over here i like it
01:24:57so that's how it got me it might not be the best film in the world but it's my first
01:25:01film and i got it
01:25:02made i love frankie and phil for giving me a chance and of course my uncle lou so if you're
01:25:08someone like me who wants to make a movie find an uncle lou
01:25:11or better yet find a bookie who has an auto repair shop who loves the moon
01:25:18uncle lou we did it
01:25:33you're killing me you're like a bank you always pay off ha ha ha you're killing me you know that
01:25:40you're
01:25:40busting my balls get a good count get a good count yeah i got the big wish cover don't worry
01:25:43but i'll take it
01:25:44oh it's all right i love you anyway you don't touch
01:25:48i think it's all day
01:25:50it's all day
01:25:51it's all day
01:26:16it's all day
01:26:34it's all day
01:26:37it's all day
01:27:14it's all day
01:27:15it's all day
01:27:15it's all day
01:27:15And the show don't go
01:27:18Too much weight on your dough
01:27:19Then they act like you know
01:27:21But it's awful show
01:27:24And the show don't go
01:27:27Nobody knows
01:27:29Sometimes in life there's questions
01:27:31Nobody knows
01:27:33How to explain the things
01:27:35That nobody knows
01:27:38People these days
01:27:39They play and act like you know
01:27:41But nobody
01:27:43Not even you woman
01:27:44Nobody knows
01:27:46Sometimes in life there's questions
01:27:49Nobody knows
01:27:51How to explain the things
01:27:53That nobody knows
01:27:55People these days
01:27:56They play and act like you know
01:27:59But nobody
01:28:00Not even you woman
01:28:01Nobody knows
01:28:02Nobody knows
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